from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
September 18th 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 46 7th of Tishrei 5787!!
Parshat Haazinu-Shuva-Yom Kippur
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(Weekly Newsletter - Haazinu Shuva Yom Kippur 2026 )
There are things that only happen here. The rest of the world is normal. There's a rhyme and reason and nature to it. There's a system in place. It runs on cruise control. Not so the Land that Hashem doesn't take His eyes off of for a second. Here, He's micromanaging everything. It's His home. It's His children's home. It's not just a vacation suite tzimmer that He just hangs out in and visits that He doesn't care so much about. Like all of those shuls, yeshivas and "holy places" that He was holed up in for thousands of years. In Bavel, in Spain, in Europe and in Lakewood. Those are disposable tents, He hangs out in. He's not so particular. But here is Home. Here everything has meaning. It's where He lives.
Thus, when you come to this country, we see miracles. But they're not really miracles. They're just Someone sitting at the steering wheel maneuvering through all the potholes and driving faster slower, steadily or what even might look erratically, based on the conditions on the road. The temperature is constantly adjusted. Sometimes we have rain, sometimes we don't. Sure we have seasons, but those are just outlines of what it should be like. Hashem switches it all the time. Like this morning when it bizarrely rained for a few minutes. There are earthquakes here, there are volcanoes. There are hot springs. Those are not just natural phenomena like they are in other places. Here, they are messages and realignment to the Jewish people His nation about what He expects of us. What He's thinking about us. He could be rewarding us. He could be challenging us. He could be correcting our curving off the road. That stuff only happens here. It doesn't happen anywhere else. The land of Israel is Hashem's smartphone and WhatsApp to His nation. It's His status posts that He wants us to be pay attention to.
If you think I'm making this up, if it sounds strange to you. You obviously haven't said the Shema He commanded us to recite daily, certainly not the second paragraph, where He says quite explicitly to us that the way that He will convey His pleasure or not is through the weather, the crops, the enemies that will attack us, throw missiles on us, will try to destroy us. You as well probably haven’t spent a lot of time reading the song that He wrote. That is this week's parsha which is always read this time of year. Listen Heavens and I will speak and the earth will hear the words of My lips. That land is this one. The phenomena He describes the crops, the cows, the persecution, that's all Him. He wants us to sing this song all the time. It's what was sung daily in the Bais HaMikdash. It's the whole world and all of history according to the Ramban. It's point? Take a look at the world in Eretz Yisrael and Hear me talking to you through it. Get the message. The land itself is talking to us.
So for example, I've had tourists ask me why the lowest place in the planet earth is in Eretz Yisrael? I mean there must be a spiritual message from Hashem about that. That's what the job of a tour guide is here in Israel, in my usually never humble expert opinion. To translate those messages. To point them out to tourists. To Am Yisrael. To provide them the reception that only can be picked up by the air of this special land. We're the network providers. Th answer of course to tourists when they ask why is this the lowest place is because the entire purpose of Creation is for Hashem to have a Dira in the lower worlds. In the tachtonim. It's what He wants. He desires. It's why He created the world. He was sick of all the harp music upstairs and the angels. He wanted to be lifted up from the lowest places. And thus Eretz Yisrael which is where His dira is has to have the lowest place.
Let's continue on this path. It's the song we're supposed to be singing. The Beatles aren't the only ones that have hidden meanings in their songs. My tourists notice that there are so many mountains in Eretz Yisrael. It's where the Syrian African rift was formed when two continents collided by the Creation of the world. It was from that continent crash that Eretz Yisrael was formed. What's that all about. The answer is for us to see this and realize that all things float and move and are drawn to here. When the nations and the world push against us, we will rise up like mountains. We go higher and higher. It's programmed into our system. We surge to heavens and we're constantly under pressure.
The land of Israel as well has so many hills and valleys. Our sages tell us that it is called the land of the deer/ the tzvi. Why is that? They say because the land will stretch like a deer skin as her children return to encompass and make room for them. It will grow with it's inhabitants. When one drives along the Highway of Israel, we see something amazing going on. The mountains are being shaved down and houses and roads and settlements are being built. Just like a deer skin that is all wrinkled up and when it gets stretched all the wrinkles and folds straighten out and become flat, the land of Israel is doing the same thing. Cities are literally growing out of the ground. Construction is through the roof. The land is calling to us. We're witnessing prophecies being fulfilled. Our Whatsapp status messages are dinging overtime.
We have two lakes in Israel one is called the Kinneret or the Sea of Galile and the other is the Dead Sea. Secret, shhh… It's not really a sea. It's a lake. We just call it that, because Israelis try to make things bigger than they are. For us it's a sea. Now the Kinneret is fresh sweet delicious water that much of the country drinks from. Except for American tourists that only drink out of a bottle that they paid for. The Dead Sea, on the other hand, not so much. Why is it that way? Why does Israel have two seas the opposite of each other where one flows down into the other. What's the message in that?
Once again, I heard a great Rabbi once suggest a brilliant idea. The Kinneret both receives and gives water out of it. It flows into the Yarden. Thus it is sweet and a source of life. The Salty Dead Sea though doesn't have any outlet. It just receives. It doesn't give anything out or back. Someone that only takes and never gives is Dead. It's the Dead Sea. It's a message Hashem wants us to think about when we go swimming or boating or rafting in His luscious land. It's a mitzva, by the way. Eretz Yisrael is like a Sukka in that way the Gaon of Vilna says. Whatever you do inside of it is a mitzva. One just needs to listen to the music and the song and the message in the background of everything that is happening here.
There's one last amazing phenomenon that I only understood though this past week. It was while I was learning my Nach Yomi of Yirmiyahu. It's a message that the land and Hashem has been sending us for thousands of years. It always happens this time of year and Pesach time of year. I never had a good answer for my tourists as to why. That's because I never learned Yirmiyahu. It's there where the lesson became clear.
See, Eretz Yisrael happens to have the second largest bird migration rest point in the world. Every year over a half a BILLION birds fly from Europe and Asia down to Africa in the fall time right around this time of year and they return again in the spring Pesach time. Yet along the way they make a pit stop here. It's magnificent. Birdwatchers from all over the world come to see the migration with their funny feather hats and binoculars. It's cool and amazing to see. Yet, it's not just a natural phenomenon-which is what it is in the largest place which is Panama. Here it's a Whatsapp message from Hashem. There's a reason for it. Hashem is telling us something. But what?
In Yirmiyahu 8:7 it says
"Even the Chasida- stork knows it's appointed times, the turtledove the swall and the crane observe the time of their coming. But my people do not know the judgement of Hashem"
Isn't that amazing. These birds wander tens of thousands of miles from their home. From their nests. From their roots. Yet each year at this time of year they do teshuva. They come home. They know the path, better than any plane or pilot. They're programmed with a homing signal. There's something inside of them calling and directing them to come home. And Yirmiyahu seems to be astounded and disappointed that Klal Yisrael doesn't realize that we have that same power and even a greater one.
The Malbim actually points out something interesting in the above message. He notes that the Chasida is the righteous bird. He knows the appointed times. The other birds just know the time of their coming. What is the difference between the two? He explains that the other birds just have a schedule that they follow. They know spring and fall. They have tickets to fly and flights to make. They wait for their time and then they take flight. The Chasida though has a mo'ed. He has appointed times. He can adjust his flight plans. He can come early if the weather and time calls for it, or he can delay if it's too cold. He's flexible. He works with the times and conditions. He knows when He's supposed to be there and is always in flux with his teshuva.
Klal Yisrael is the same thing. We have that power. Hashem sends millions of birds flying through the air in this time of year for us to realize that we can return home no matter how far we've traveled. How distant we are from Him. We don't have to wait for b'ita- for the season of and the final day deadline of b'ito. We can be like the Chasida and come on the mo'ed. We can come early. That's the message Hashem sends to us each year Yom Kippur and Sukkos time. That's the message He again sends to us Pesach as well, the holiday of redemption. The holiday of coming home to our nest.
This song of Ha'azinu also mentions a bird. But with this understanding it gives us new depth.
Like a nesher (vulture/mistranslated as eagle) that wakes up it's young birds and spreads its wings and carries them on its pinions."
Normally we read this as Hashem carries us like a bird and slowly and calmly wakes up it's pigeons. Yet, perhaps this can be read that as we watch and look at the Nesher that can awaken us up. We can hear that rustling. We can look up to the sky and realize Hashem is carrying us. He spreads His wings out to us. We want to be embraced. The geula will come and we are told about us returning on the wings of nesharim. Frankly that always freaked me out. It doesn't sound like a fun flight. I barely like El Al forget about Birds wings. Yet, what the wings of these birds is saying that it will be a natural redemption like these birds return. We will hear the call. We will see the miracles. We will get the messages. And we will return.
Teshuva, doesn't mean repentance. That's a Christian word. It means return. Return like these birds. Do what's natural to us. Look up to the sky and see how they come back and see all of the miracles of the land. If we do that, then we can finally return. We will finally be home. There will be two checks after that message. It will have been received. May this year, we finally return back to our mother bird. I don't think it's any coincidence that us Daf Yomi people are learning the mitzva of sending away the mother bird. It's the awakening of that mercy and love. It's her, it's Hashem calling us home.
As I do every year. I want to apologize to anyone that was offended by any of my writings or anything that I may have done to hurt or insult you. That was certainly never my intent. There is nothing that hurts me more than causing pain to another and I know that I'm insensitive and don't always realize what I say and do and the impact or reaction it might have on someone. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. You will be in my prayers. I certainly do not bear any ill will to any of you and have only love and affection and appreciation on taking your time each week to spend it here with me.
May Hashem bless and inscribe and seal all of us for a good, sweet, year in the Books of life, health, forgiveness, merits and redemption.
Have a Gmar Ksiva V'Chasima Tova- a blessed sweet year and Shabbos that returns us all to our Father,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
“Ven men fort arois vaist men, ven men kumt tsurik vaist men nit.."- We know when we start out; when we’ll return, we know not.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
16. The name of the founder of Monasticism in the Judean Desert during the Byzantine period is _________
What are the Gospels (Evangelions)?
A. The four books of the New Testament that describe the life, teachings, death, and resurrection of y
B. Letters written by Paul and others to different communities of believers
C. Prophecies regarding the end of days in the Book of Revelation
D. A term referring to each of the 27 writings/books included in the New Testament
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon – My amazingly beautiful Melech Rachaman composed for Pesach but certainly appropriate for Yom Kippur the day of our King.
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/haneshama-lach - For all the Selichos my glorious Haneshoma Lach arranged by Dovid Lowy and sung!
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/hashem-melech-r-ephraim-fina – This song could and should go for at least a half hour. Hashem is our King… My Hahsem Melech song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYyiqmoWKxA&list=RDKYyiqmoWKxA&start_radio=1 –Kemepehs latest K'hodaato wow!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWbTnK16YWI&list=RDxWbTnK16YWI&start_radio=1 – And here's a whole Two hours of Fried's Yomim Noraim… wow just put it on and listen
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
STAY TUNED AFTER SUKKOS AS WE START THE SECOND Temple Era!
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE BIRD JOKES OF THE WEEK
Leah walks into a pet shop and says to Hymie, the owner, "I want to buy a canary."
"We have many types," says Hymie, "is there any particular one you’re after?"
"Yes," replies Leah, "its got to be a very good singer. I'm prepared to pay good gelt (money) for a great singing bird."
"Lady, I’ve got the very one," says Hymie, "I’ve been in this business for a long time and this bird has the best singing voice I’ve ever heard. We don’t call it ‘Pavarotti’ for nothing. I’ll get it for you."
Hymie brings the cage, places it on the shop counter and says to Leah, "Just you listen."
With that, the bird begins singing one beautiful song after another. Pleasantly surprised, Leah murmurs, "What mazel (luck) - this canary really can sing."
But then, a few seconds later, Leah shouts out, "Oy Vay, this canary’s only got one leg. Are you trying to cheat me, or what?"
Hymie calmly looks at Leah and replies, "Lady, do you want a singer or a dancer?"
To tag birds migrating, the U.S. Department of the Interior used metal bands that bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: Wash. Biol. Surv.
Until the agency received the following letter from a camper:
Dear Sirs,
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible.
Moishe received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a swear word; those that weren't were very rude.
Moishie tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite things and playing soft music anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He tried yelling at the bird, but the bird got worse. When he shook the bird, it got madder and ruder.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Moishie put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.
Frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, Moishie quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."
Moishie was astounded at the bird's change in attitude. Before he could ask what changed him, the parrot said, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
What’s the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? – For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What bird doesn’t need a comb? bald eagles
Q: When does a teacher carry birdseed? A: When there is a parrot-teacher conference!
Q: What is a polygon? A: A dead parrot!
Q: What kind of bird works at a construction site? A: The crane!
Q: Why does a flamingo lift up one leg? A: Because if it lifted both legs it would fall over!
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk!
Q: What did the sick chicken say? A: Oh no! I have the people-pox!
Q: What do you call a funny chicken? A: A comedi-hen
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The answer to this week's question is A- Nothing like starting the New Year with Tashlich and throwing out all the ridiculous fake baloney tashlich of Xtianity and getting rid of it before Yom Kipur. Surprisingly I got this one right. I for some reason remember that loser priest that made a lot of monasteries in the Dessert, his name was Chariton. I remember because charah means poop in Hebrew. As far the fake Harry Potter stupid Christian Gospel books that pretty much steal all of his stories from the Torah and make up bubbeh maysehs about him. That's answer A. Interestingly enough Peter one of his main students is attributed with having done teshuva and even writing Nishmas that we say. So starting off the year with a good score Rabbi Schwartz having 12.5 points and the MOT having 3.5 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam
