Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Friday, May 3, 2024

Redemption Year- Parshat Acharey Mos 5784 2024

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 3rd 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 29 25th of Nisan 5784

Parshat Acharey Mos

Redemption Year

The year was 5408 from Creation. 1648 on the secular calendar. It was the year that Mashiach was supposed to come. In Ukraine there was a war. A revolt. It was the peasants against the corrupt rich landowners. It shouldn’t have had anything to do with the Jews. We weren’t even allowed to own land. We were learning Torah like never before. The previous decades saw massacres and attacks on communities here and there in 1637 and 1638 and the years before. But they were over. We survived. The redemption was coming. The great Reb Shabsi Kohen, known as the Shach, in his historical testimony of that period and the kinnos lamentations called Megilat Eifa, writes that he saw in the words of this week's parsha that it would finally be the year of Mashiach. As the Torah tells us of the High Priest Kohen Gadol coming into the Holy of Holies with the words

 B’Zot yavo el Ha’Kodesh- with this he shall come into the Holy.

 Zot” being the gematria of 408. Interestingly enough and strikingly to me this year “zot” is also in mispar katan (a form of gematria which takes out the zeros) 7+1+8 and 4(00) which is 84 our year being 57-84 from creation. But the Shach was wrong. It wasn’t the year of Mashiach. And it hasn’t been this past Pesach for us either… or maybe it has.

 The Ukraine, White Russia and Poland those years saw the eradication of close to 100,000 Jews by Chiemlinitzky’s revolution according to the Shach’s testimony. According to other historians the numbers were much lower at about 20-40 thousand. Some things never change when it comes to downplaying Jewish deaths. One thing that all agree upon though was that every village or city that the Cossacks got they murdered 90% of the Jews.

 Murder though is the polite politically word though for what they did- just as it is today. In the brutal descriptions of what took place men women and children were chopped up, stripped, burned alive, raped, their bodies defiled desecrated. The cruelty, the inhumanity, the pure hatred and unspeakable atrocities that took place in such a mass way was unprecedented in those times. The world had thought they had moved beyond that. And it probably had… until it came to the Jews. Until it came to us… It always does.

 How does one move on after all of that? How does one count towards sefirat ha’omer with Shavuot and then the summer ahead of us when our plans were to be redeemed in Jerusalem by now? How do we keep moving, keep fighting, keep praying after the crushing disappointment of the empty Eliyahu Ha’Navi-less doorway Seder night, or havdala we made after the Seuda that Mashiach didn’t join us for on the 7th day of Pesach? How do go forward Acharey Mos- After the death- the aptly named parsha that Hashem arranged for us to read this week.

 Despite my desire to write a second E-Mail over the holidays before the last days of Pesach, it didn’t work out. But Hashem, as He always does, sent the cure before the sickness. He gives us the tools and the hope, inspiration and answers, before He moves us to the stage when we will most need it. Before the Pesach Seder this year He sent me one of the most incredible insights from the Hagadda of the Lubavitcher Rebbi that truly gave me a whole new perspective about what Pesach was all about and what we are going through now. It’s a life-changer as much of his Torah is and it felt like it was being written to me and all of us today.

 The Rebbi asks, among many questions on the Seder, that at the beginning of our Magid we recite a strange paragraph that we’re all familiar with of Ha Lachma Anya-

 This is the poor man’s bread that our forefather’s ate in Egypt. All that are hungry should come and join us, all that need a Pesach offering should join us. Now we are servants, next year we will be free. Now we are here next year we will be in Jerusalem.”

 It’s a strange paragraph on many levels. The first question he asks is what it is doing here? It’s obviously not an invitation for people to join us, as we are already sitting down to the meal and it’s after Kiddush already. As well certainly for the Pesach sacrifice everyone has to be signed up beforehand. As well this doesn’t seem to be about telling the story of Pesach in short kind of abridged version for those that can’t wait until the end- despite mentioning the matza that we ate in Egypt. Because as we know Magid, the story has to be done in the form of questions and answers that will follow with Ma Nishtana. So what’s it all about?

 As well the paragraph itself doesn’t really seem to be that accurate. First of all our forefathers didn’t necessarily eat matza in Mitzrayim. Despite the fact that some commentaries seem to suggest that was the case, there doesn’t seem to be any basis for that in Chazal. Even more perplexing is that later on in the Seder we actually say that the matza that we are eating is because Hashem couldn’t wait to take us out and we had to leave very quickly with no time for it to rise- thus traumatizing Jews for all times and is the reason why we don’t go anywhere even for a one day hike in the hills without enough food to feed an army. So what’s this about the matza being what our forefathers ate in Egypt?

 Next question is that it’s kind of strange I’m sure for those of us that are in Jerusalem already to say next year in Jerusalem. Of course we mean with the Beit Ha’Mikdash and the temple mount, but still it definitely doesn’t seem to be accurate or relevant. And finally are we really slaves and not free men today? The law of the Pesach Seder is as we will say in the Hagadda, is that we have an obligation to feel as if we are leaving Egypt ourselves. That Hashem is saving us literally. We dress up, we eat the food of Egypt, the maror, the matza, we recline like redeemed people on a pillow. It’s all good and fun and so the children will ask,but besides the dress up and choking on maror and saltwater tears are we really leaving Egypt? Are we still slaves? How do we get that feeling?

 Those questions, the Rebbi suggest as well as others that will crop up are the purpose of the Ha Lachma Anya. It’s what we need to read, say and understand before we even begin this process. It’s the introduction of it all. It answers the big question that is on the table. The elephant in the middle of the room. Are we redeemed or are we free? If Hashem saved us and we’re celebrating our redemption and reclining then why are there still poor people who don’t have what to eat? Didn’t we leave b’rechush gadol- with great wealth? Where is it? Why are there still wicked sons sitting at the seder? Weren’t they all killed out? Why are we not in Jerusalem? Why is there no Beit HaMikdash? Why in each generation do they come up against us to destroy us and Hashem Saves us from their hands? Why is October 7th still happening?

On the other hand as well, how is it that we became slaves in the first place? A Jew is never a slave. We all have a spark of holiness that can never be enslaved. That is burning bright. They may enslave our bodies but our soul and spirit is just waiting for redemption. It took a special promise to Avraham that we would even be enslaved in the first place and there was 400-year expiration date on that decree. According to all accounts that would be up by now. Once it was up we revert to our natural state of free men, so why we would still be enslaved. Our children, our grandchildren, our great grandchildren? Why are we?  If it is and was Hashem Himself who redeemed us, then why didn’t He do the full job?

 And thus we introduce the seder with this fundamental idea that the matza before us is the reason why. It’s the poor man’s bread our forefathers ate when we were in Egypt because when we were leaving Egypt we didn’t want to really leave. We didn’t really want to become free men. We just wanted to continue living a little better with what had become our reality of the centuries and the millennia since. The night of the seder when we ate our korban pesach we were really free. That spark inside of us shined. It may have looked like we were in Egypt still, but we weren’t. We were free men ready to serve Hashem. Ready to come to Israel. We were there.

 But we didn’t get that. We felt we were still in Egypt. We were still poor. So Hashem had to take us out. He had to redeem us. The gates were open, but we just weren’t walking through them. We weren’t getting on the planes and making a aliya. We weren’t building a Beit Hamikdash and removing all of the idolatry and golden pimples that desecrate His mountain.  We still feel that we’re not in Jerusalem. Hashta hacha- we’re here…but not really in Yerushalayim of Hashem that He told us we’re at and brought us to. We still felt enslaved. We still are enslaved. Even though in reality we are really entirely free. We just don’t get it yet.

 As a result of that slave “contzeptzia” that still hasn’t entirely been broken, we can understand that we really are still leaving Egypt. Today. Now. We're still on the road. The journey to Yerushalayim hasn’t ended yet. To the Beis Ha’Bechira. It’s not our forefathers. It’s not our history. It’s us today still leaving that Egypt. It’s us today on the 7th day of Pesach standing by the Yam and being overwhelmed and looking for solutions on how to confront the Egyptian army that we thought had been wiped out. Murta’aim- deterred. They no longer posed any threat. We can live normally again. The Crusades are over, the Inquisition too, There are no more Babylonians, Romans Cossacks, Nazis, Hamas or Columbia and UCLA college students. But there are. There always are in each generation. Because we still don’t get that we’ve left Egypt. That we were redeemed already eternally. That the four cups have been drunk and that all we need to do is drink the fifth. Vi’Heyveisi- to come to the land.

 Hashem told us as we stood by that sea on that first 7th of Pesach, by that first of Seuda of Mashiach to stop trying to figure it out. It’s not the group that said to go back to Egypt, it’s not the ones that said we should commit suicide and jump in the sea. It’s not the ones that said we should pick up our swords and fight and not even the ones that said we should daven and do teshuva. “Quiet” Hashem said. Just march. You’re out. You’re free. I know it looks like a sea in front of you. I know it looks like there’s a fierce army behind you on the other side of the fence. In the halls of international courts. In congress. In Europe. In the elite campuses around the world. It looks like a sea that will overwhelm you. But they’re not real. They will split, as long as you can march forward. As long as you can keep coming undeterred to the House I have chosen since Creation to reside with you in and shine out to the rest of the world from.

 That is our seder. That is where we are today. Acharey Mos Shnei Bnai Aharon- after the death of all of the contzepziot of the two children of Aharon. B’korvasam La’Hashem vayamusu- They felt they had to do something more to get close to Hashem. They needed to reinvent the wheel. They didn’t understand that the shechina was already there. That they just needed to serve as they had been told. Once that contzeptzia has been broken. Acharey Mos- once it's dead. Then B’Zos Yavo Aharon el Ha’Kodesh- with this Aharon will finally be able to come in. Just walk right in. We’ve already been redeemed. We just need to come.

 The Zohar HaKodesh brings us another hint for the year of the redemption. We will read the portion of the Yovel in a few weeks before Shavuot and the verse tells us

 B’Shnas Ha’yovel ha’zot tashuvu ish el achuzoso- in the year of yovel each man will return to his portion.

 The Zohar notes that this is a prophecy that in the year of "ha’zot" will be the ultimate return and resurrection of the dead. Ha’zot, the Rabbis in 1648 thought, was referring to their year of 5408 the gematria of ha’zos. Yet if one takes the next two letters of tashuvu- they will return that follow ha’zot we have “taf-(400)” and “shin (300)” which of course added together is 700 with the number 7+1 =8 and 4, making it the year 5784, our year.

 I don’t think Klal Yisrael has had a Pesach like we’ve gone through this past year in my lifetime and probably even in my parents as well. I don’t believe we have ever been as close as we are today to finally taking those last steps. Eliyahu wasn’t at our doorpost with his donkey because we are already here. It may not seem that way with the campuses and raging armies at your doors, at our doors, but the sea split for us, because they weren’t real. Because we were no longer slaves since Pesach Seder night already. If you’re hungry enough just come eat- the food is here at the table. If you need a korban Pesach. It’s here. Can’t you see it? I know it doesn’t seem that way. But turn off the Yeshiva World News and turn on your inner free redeemed sea-splitting news.

 This year it may seem like we are still here. Here in the same place we’re we’ve been for 3000 years locked in that slavery of our minds only. But L’Shana Ha’ba’ah – next year we will realize that in truth we’ve been in Yerushalayim the entire time. If we have that redeemed mindset then from Acharey Mos we will next week god willing already read the parsha of Keshoshim tihiyu- that we will be holy because we will have recognized that ki kadosh ani- that the holiness of Hashem is already within us.

  Have a great Shabbas Ha’Gadol and a liberating Pesach of Geulah!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

************************

CHIZUK/TZEDAKA OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK


Smiles for the Kids- I’ve heard about this organization for a while already and this Pesach I was privileged to finally work with Aron Schoenfeld and American Oleh’s chesed organization since the beginning of the war. Aron is an incredible marketing and event coordinator developer who moved here not many years ago. And since the begging of the war he formed this incredible volunteer organization to bring joy and happinesss to the thousands of children suffering from the traumas that this war has taken on them.

Smiles For The Kids supports Israelis struggling with the emotional and physical aftermath of the recent terrorist attack in the south, and the ongoing military operations occurring across Israel. Their team is delivering food, shopping for groceries, and providing critical necessities like clothing and household goods to displaced families, single parent households whose loved ones are serving on the front lines, and teens or young adults living together while their parents work long shifts at hospitals caring for the wounded, or far from home on army bases defending the borders of the Jewish state. Smiles For The Kids is doing whatever we can, for whomever we can, to support one another as Israel recovers from the atrocities of the Simchat Torah attack.

 The events that they host and sponsor of over hundred of them include carnivals at hotels and fun days, Holiday and Rosh Chodesh parties, events for soldiers families, creating chessed opportunities for individuals, families and organizations both in Israel and abroad. They also partner with local businesses, including caterers, party planners, candy stores, and home cooks, who are facing financial hardship and use their services to create smiles for the kids and their families. It’s a win- win for everyone!

 You can see some of their videos here

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y16Sk8bGlQU

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zusZxR7tchk

 And here’s the link to donate                

DONATE TO THE CAMPAIGN

givebutter.com/SmilesForTheKids2023

  DONATE VIA VENMO

venmo.com/ThePFAPFoundation -*Reference ‘Smiles For The Kids’ in ‘What this for?’

   DONATE IN ILS

https://my.israelgives.org/en/fundme/SmilesfortheKids

  For DAF, CHECK OR WIRE TRANSFER, contact

aron.schoenfeld@gmail.com

 YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Der emess shtarbt nit ober er lebt vi an oreman.” The truth doesn’t die but it lives like a poor man.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

4. The Sapir Site is part of the national infrastructure project known by the name

of ______.

 Why are there flash floods in the Judean Desert?

A. Because in the Judean Desert large amounts of rain fall at once.

B. Because the level of the Dead Sea is declining due to increased mineral

mining.

C. Because the desert covering is mostly made of chalk that can hardly be

permeated.

D. Because the desert covering is mostly made of granite that can hardly be

permeated.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/al-eileh-acapella   – For Yom Ha”Shoah this week as well as for all of those kedoshim we have lost in this sefira period… my only Acapella mournful song Al eileh.. Amazing Dovid Lowy vocals and arrangements!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4_R75lo9No    – It’s Acapella Sefira season again here’s a nice 55 minute acapella playlist for 2024 I found on Youtube with some amazing songs!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsKHgImNN4Q&list=OLAK5uy_lgM4-gpkhbkSpd7Kg51cqhn2bhhO08TXo   – The one and only Ari Goldwag’s incredible new war edition inspiring acapella album for sefira

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

 New Clothes- One of the things that we find numerous times in the Torah is that Hashem cares about our money. Throughout our sacrifices we have different price ranges for the rich and poor whether its cows, birds or flour offerings. By the tzora’as the Torah tells us how before making the metzorahs house tamei we tell him to take out all of his earthenware vessels, so they don’t become tamei and can’t be purified. Hashem worries about our money. So that being the case it seems kind of strange in this week’s portion when we are told about the service of the Kohen Gadol on Yom Kippur how after completing his service his clothing is put away in shaimos and not to be used again. There’s no such thing as hand me downs. Every Yom Kippur he needs new garments. He pretty much wears them this one day and then it’s over. What would you do if your kids tell you that the wore their Yom Tov outfits you bought them only once?

 Now these clothing are not cheap. They are made out of fine silk that’s very thin and custom made for him. The Talmud tells them there is a very delicate process in making them. So why not use them again? The answer I saw brought down in the sefer Otzar Ha’Chaim from someone who’s acronym is Ra’MaHaK (Reish mem hei” kaf- trying to figure out who that is…anyone?)  is to teach us that the the prayers that one has on one year can’t be done the same way the following year. You can’t just get into the same kittel that you did last year and open up the same old machzor and expect that this year is going to be different. You need to change it up. It needs to be fresh. It has to be relevant. It has to be now and new. The clothing are the symbol of that. We need to get dressed like we never were before and then we can have an entirely new thought process when we turn to Hashem.

 Rebbi Nachman of Breslav in one of his most famous statements would tell his students if my tomorrow isn’t better or different than today, then what do I need tomorrow for I have today. They say the story of the Viznitzer Rebbi who once saw a chaasid trying to emulate the prayers of his Rebbi, Reb Yisrael of Viznitz. The Rebbi turned to him and told him to not even bother. For his prayers of yesterday will be different tomorrow. We can’t daven the same way twice. We need to every day come up with at least one thing new. One new piece of “clothing” that we never wore before in our davening. One thing new we didn’t ask Hashem for yesterday. One thing new we need to thank Him for. One new reason and hope for why we need Him to redeem us for. One more yid we need to daven for. If we put on these new clothing in our prayer then it will be the best investment we’ve ever made into our prayers.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

708 BC-The Major Reform-  OK, we just went through the holiday of Pesach and experienced some miracles and yet the redemption is not here yet. Similarly in Tanach we will embark upon the great Pesach miracle of Chizkiya when they were besieged by the army of Sancheirev of Assyria. First a bit of location. The kingdom of Assyria in the 8th century spanned all of modern-day Syria and Lebanon, as well as Jordan, Iraq and even parts of modern-day Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Turkey and even parts of Iran which is Babylonia. Their capital Ninveh was in Iraq which today is Mosul. It was huge. They were warriors and a powerful army; the largest in the world at the time.

 In the 4th year of Chizkiya’s reign Sancheirev fought and sieged and ultimately exiled the ten tribes and the final king of the North Hoshea. At the time Chizkiya made peace and became subservient to Ashur. But ultimately by the 6th year of his reign and after his Teshuva movement took hold Chizkiya realized that you can’t make peace or buy off these animals. And thus he resisted him. Yet after witnessing the destruction of the northern kingdom Chizkiya realized that he would have to submit. Cities after cities were being destroyed and thus he submitted. Yet, as time went on Sancheirev wasn’t happy enough. They never are. Fast forward to the 14th year of his kingdom and Sancheirev is back again in full terrifying force. He’s wiping out all of the cities of Yehuda and it is after the fall of the city of Lachish that Chizkiya fearing for Yerushalayim once again succumbs and submits to Sancheirev’s draconian decrees for more money, sending a message to him Lachish.

Today one can visit the amazing site of Tel Lachish. There were incredible finds that go back to the times of Sancheirev’s siege there including the oldest and only rampart in the entire Middle East from the Ashurite/ Assyrian period, that was used to attack the cities walls with  battering rams. It’s estimated that it was about 200 feet wide and 40 feet high! As well in 2016 they uncovered the remains of a former “temple” and altar that seemingly was destroyed by the reform and Teshuva movement of Chizkiya. There’s a lot more finds at Lachish and we even have testimony that was written and uncovered in Sancheirev’s palace in Ninveh. Where it was written on the wall there of his conquest of Lachish by name. It’s always nice when Archeology uncovers scientific evidence to support our true Tanach stories.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE COLLEGE CAMPUS MEMES OF THE WEEK

Columbia University

School of Palestinian Victimhood

Motto: Ignorantia Veritas

 Sponsored by the Goebbels Institute, Tehran

No previous knowledge of Middle East required

Course Fee: 25,000 Dollars paid in any form of used notes at any branch of the Bank of Qatar. Reduction for Jewish Students

 Module One

Albanese theory

Length: 7 Minutes

Learn how to insert the words “Occupied Palestinian Territory” at least twice into every sentence.

 Module Two

Beating Israeli Hasbara

Length: 2 Minutes

Learn how to stick your fingers in your ears and sing la la la very loudly.

 

Module three

The Guiteres Method

Length : 8 Minutes

This will teach you how to tweet about how terrible the Gaza war is without doing anything about it.

 

Module Four

Learn Palestinian

Length 30 Minutes

 This will teach you the new definition of old words. How to use the words “Occupation” “Genocide” and “refugee” and more. No previous knowledge of English required.

 

Module Five

International Law

Length:12 Minutes

Learn how everything that Israel does is in breach of International Law. No previous knowledge of Law is required for this Module.

 

Module Six

Zionism as a threat to world Peace

Length: a Half hour including coffee

This module is voluntary and is for those students considering a career in the United Nations.

 

Field Trip

Sponsored By the UNWRA

A practical course in Tunnel building taught by a visiting Professor of Engineering from the University of Gaza. Bring your own hostage and packed lunch.

 

Module Seven

History of the Middle East

Length: 4 years

This is an optional module and not required to be offered a professorship at Columbia University

 

 It’s almost as if kids on Tik Tok forgot that they were bopping last year to a Miami Boys Choir song called Yerushalayim…

 Columbia Day Camp Song of the Year

Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda, Here I am at Camp Intifada.

 Camp is very instigating.

And they say the quad sprinkler will stop raining.

The tuition is so pricey.

To attend a poison “Ivy”

You remember Ilhan’s daughter

She’s no homeless for defending Jewish slaughter

 

All the comrades hate the Zios

Who hate pronouns in their bios

And we want to charm the Houthis

So we hold hands and chant “Death to the Yahudis”

 

I’ve made new friends

Who are less white

And my Hebrew

Is now left-right

And when Jew kids

Start to roll in

We demand that they all go back to Poland

 

Let me stay of Muddah Fadda

Globalize the intifada

Don’t bring me back to the suburb camp

Cancel my tuition for next year

 

Let me stay

I’ll proudly wear my Kefiyiyaa

And loudly shout

Death to America”

I know everything to say

I’ve been here one whole day…

 

Dearest Father,

Darling Mother,

I’ll stay one way

Or another

You paid thousands

To this college.

So our camp could make the Janitor a hostage.

 

Wait a minute

Cops are coming

We’re uprising

They are stunning

 Kindly send some food and water

Mother, Father

I’m expelled from your Alma Matta

 As you know most of the encampments at UCLA have been torn down and there are still some survivors. We desperately need Humanitarian Aid. We need water bottles, we need vegan free food, we need gluten free bagels and banana free bananas if you have them. We need first aid kits. We need. We need enriched Uranium if anyone has them, that would be super helpful. We need weapons grade Plutonium.  A free range rocket launcher. We need a rocket launcher. If anyone has those old SS uniforms from the forties we need those. We need wheelchair accessible paragliders for some of our disabled comrades. Oh..Guard Towers.. We need those. If anyone has been to Poland and can get us some of those that would be great…We’re still fighting the good fight here on the front lines. Not discouraged. Probably a few weeks away from freeing Palestine. Upp I gotta go now and get back to my ethics class…

 It’s fascinating that the protest of an occupation is done via occupation by those that don’t have an occupation…

 The correct pronouns for the students at Columbia are Herr and Himmler.

 The Gaza Health Ministry has confirmed that the NYPD has arrested 17,851 people at Coulmbia University. 22,000 of them are innocent women and children.

 Screaming “We are Hamas” as you take over a building at Columbia and then accusing the university of “starving” you for not catering to your hate fest is literally the most Hamas thing outside of Gaza.

 I told my three year old yesterday to stop acting like an Ivy League student.

 The weather at Columbia today is cloudy with a chance of 1938 Germany.

Columbia is doing an immercie experience so that students can relate to Anne Frank on a visceral level. Jewish students are taking classes remotely in their attics.

 A Keffiyeh on an American College is just a hipster swastika.

**********************************

 The answer to this week”s question is C– Fairly easy one… The Sapir site is on the North side of the Kinneret and is the first pumping station of the National Water Carrier or Movil Artzi of water all across Israel. As far as flash floods that’s also pretty easy as the reason despite the fact that there is not a lot of rainfall in the Desert, but the water that flows down doesn’t have any trees or shrub to stop it and the ground being of chalkstone becomes smooth like glass and it just flows very hard. So got this right and thus the score is   Rabbi Schwartz 3 and Ministry of Tourism 1 on this exam so far.

Friday, April 19, 2024

Lepers, Lambs and Liberation- Parshat Metzora Shabbat Ha'Gadol PESACH EDITION

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 19th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 28 11th of Nisan 5784

Parshat Metzora -HaGadol

Lepers, Lambs and Liberation


Ten Plagues. Yup, ten of them. That’s what Egypt got as payback. Each one of the plagues, the various commentaries reveal, correspond to what they did to us. Our sages tell us it’s mida kneged mida- or quid pro quo. If you haven’t heard that before, you haven’t been by a real seder.

Frankly, by that point of the Seder, though, most people are just ready for the meal and are looking at the clock wondering if they’ll have enough time to eat that Afikoman before midnight or not. So perhaps one of the most important aspects of the Seder, discussing and figuring out how that all worked has pretty much just gotten down to dipping your finger in the cup of wine (licking it of course, because you’re really thirsty), and maybe having some fun throwing some toy animals around the table-if you’re creative and bought those “seder sets” that you just feel you have to use to keep your kids engaged and thought would be really cute and entertaining. Frankly though they just want to get to the afikoman present already. They said their Ma Nishtana, leave me alone. When do we eat?

 Recognizing this reality and in order that we don’t miss out on this important aspect of the Seder, we have a custom to prepare the Hagadda the Shabbos beforehand. That’s this week in case you forgot and were too busy dodging missiles to remember. Yet, as we say in the Vehi She’amda song, and throughout the entire Seder, it’s not just a recounting of the story of our Exodus. That’s for simple Jews, or as the Rambam fascinatingly says for children or the mentally challenged. The mitzva is to tell about the miracles. It’s about our Exodus in 2024. It’s today, not just then.

 Well this year, the year of our redemption, it’s time to do it really right. Let’s talk about the plagues that we suffered through this past year from our enemies. From Hamas. From Amalek. From those that stand up each generation and in this final generation to persecute and try to destroy us. We don’t need to tell Holocaust stories at the Seder this year. We have October 7th. We have Simchas Torah 5784. Let’s talk about the ten plagues we suffered on that day and since then. And then let’s talk about how Hashem will pay them back for it and perhaps even what this entire process of redemption that is always preceded by these tzoris and the parsha we read of tzora’as is really all about.

So from the beginning. Blood. Yes, we had lots of it that was spilled on that day. Yes, they killed our babies. In their chant and on their pursuit of the river to the sea they echoed what our sages tell us Pharaoh’s mantra was. “Li ye’ori v’ani asiteev- The river is mine- I made it. Umm reality check Pharaoh… It’s not yours.  You weren’t even around when the world was created. Same for you Hamas. There was no such thing as a Palestinian when the State was founded. Hashem was here long before Pharaoh and the Jews were in Israel long before Hamas. But they didn’t care. They spilled our blood. And so Hashem needs to spill theirs.

 Tzfardeya- frogs. It’s interesting the word tzfardaya comes from the word tzfira- sirens. Noise. The plague of the frogs was primarily about the unbearable croaking and shrieking of the frogs that rang out wherever they went. Well, we had our sirens that morning with their missiles. Again and again, like there never was in the history of our country. Just as back then there was never so much noise. It was terrifying. People that were here and lived through it are still suffering trauma from those sirens and many still stay evacuated in places where there won’t be subject to those deafening alerts. They shudder whenever they hear one as it returns them to that unforgettable horrible morning when everything changed for them forever. It takes them back to “Egypt”.

 Lice. They came up from the ground. From tunnels. That’s what these maggots do. That’s where they took our hostages. Burrowed in the ground that we thought was oh so safe and secure. Yaakov didn’t want to be buried in Egypt because he saw, the midrash tells us that we would have to roll through tunnels to be resurrected by techiyat ha’meisim and those tunnels would be infested with lice. Do you think he saw perhaps these tunnels as well? These maggots. The tunnels we have to go through for techiyat hameisim?

 Arov- a wild multitude charged into our country. They terrorized our homes, our kibbutzim, our farms, our cities. They tore us apart. They raped, they pillaged, they wreaked havoc. It wasn’t even that they were hungry or about food. It was just to terrorize. It was just to impart fear and to murder. Yeah, that plague is not a far stretch.

 Dever- Pestilence. They woke up that morning and all their animals were dead in the field. Their horses, their donkeys, their cattle. The one image too many Zaaka members told me about that morning that they can’t get out of their heads, and perhaps one of the most powerful places that I have brought people to on my Chizuk missions is the so many burnt cars that lined the roads of highway 232- the highway of death. Our “horses” our “donkeys” were all dead in the fields. The smell of death, the bullet-ridden 1000 or more cars, cars that until that day were our means of going to family get togethers, to go to work in our fields, to celebrate the holiday. Those are all now symbols and monuments of the plague that they laid upon us.

Shechin- boils. The sky was filled with smoke and ash. The fires they set. They families they burnt alive. The boils and burns in our hearts and souls that will never go away. So much fire. So much smoke, so many burns, bullets, searing wounds we suffered from the whips they laid upon us in Egypt… and since October 7th.

 Hail- Firey brimstone reigned down on our homes that morning. The sky was lit up that morning in the non-stop barrage. Fascinatingly enough this plague started beforehand when the Egyptians were warned it was coming and they were told that they need to bring their animals into their homes to protect them. Their homes became shelters. Bomb shelters from the barrage. They were holed up there just as we were on that morning, cramped in small rooms with whatever possessions they had while terror and fire hailed down outside destroying everything that they didn’t manage to bring in with them. Hashem made the Egyptians suffer that morning and learn to fear Hashem. And we suffered as well that morning learning that same lesson.

 Arbeh- the sky was black. It was swarming. The locusts looted and ate and stole anything that remained. They controlled the skies, the fields and they pillaged like a dark cloud. More and more and more. Arbeh. They just kept coming. Like a big dark black cloud that blocked out the heavens. That hid Hashem from us.

 Choshech- and then the darkness fell. We were immobilized. We were in shock. We couldn’t see our brothers. We didn’t know what happened to them. Where they were taken. Were they alive or dead? Were they in a tunnel somewhere in a cold deep dark dungeon? Are they still there?

 Nine plagues down. We’re almost there. We’re almost redeemed. The geula is coming. It is Rosh Chodesh Nisan and Hashem tells us that we need to get ready. There is one plague left. Then we will be born as a nation. The preparation that we need to do is the Korban Pesach. We need to take a lamb and tie it to our bed and then slaughter it. We need to roast it whole. We need to have blood on our doorposts for that fateful night of the Seder. For we will be exiting that bloody doorway- that mashkof- that we look at as we enter the new world. The world where Hashem smites our enemies Himself. The world where we are born as a nation as His “Firstborn”, His chosen ones.

 Now I want to share with you a fascinating idea that incredibly connects with this scene and this imagery. Something I never appreciated before, but because of the way that Hashem orchestrated our Torah reading this year where Shabbat Ha’Gadol falls out on Parshat Metzora hit me like a ton of bricks. See, this scene and the many of the words that connect with it are all found in this week’s Parsha that discusses what seems to be the strange and certainly unique process of the purification of the Metzora. Which of course non-coincidentally is the only other place until now since the ten plagues where the Torah utilizes the word nega- blemish or in Pharoh’s case before the last plague, Hashem tells us

Od nega echad avi al Pharaoh V’Mitzryaim- one more plague/blemish I will bring upon Pharaoh and Egypt.

 Now what is the process of this purification? Fascinatingly, Rabbi Dovid Fohrman points out, it contains almost all the elements of the Korban Pesach. In both cases we are told that a hyssop brush and wood are dipped in blood. In Egypt it is dipped there and put upon the wooden doorposts, while by the Metzora the blood it is sprinkled on the metzora himself. By the Metzora two birds are taken and one is slaughtered while the other is “sent free” in the field after being dipped in the slaughtered blood of the first bird. In Egypt our firstborns are saved, and we are born as a nation when we are “sent free” into the wilderness, while theirs are slaughtered.

 Even more fascinating is that we are told that the blood of the slaughtered bird is poured over a pail of water, from where the other bird is set free. Isn’t it amazing that as well our final redemption from Egypt also takes place by the bloody waters of the Yam Suf where we look back and see the dead Egyptians floating on the sea? That takes place on the 7th day of Pesach, by the way- a seven-day process of us being born as a nation and becoming free. And wouldn’t you know it? The Metzora as well has a seven-day purification process until he is returned from his isolation to rejoin, or perhaps even more accurately be reborn again as part of the nation and the community.

Now lest you think this is a one-way street, if you look back with new eyes at the story of our Exodus from Egypt, you’ll be surprised to see that it all starts with a tzora’as story as well. Moshe is forced to run away from Egypt when he stands up and kills the Egyptian because as he says

achein noda ha’davar- Now I understand why the nation is in Exile. They speak lashon hara. They’re going to snitch on me to Pharaoh. There are dilutrin- people that speak gossip amongst them.

 When the time for the redemption comes though, Moshe himself is guilty of that same sin. Hashem tells him that it is time to go back and redeem the Nation and Moshe responds by saying that the nation will not believe him. They won’t believe that Hashem had sent him. Hashem’s response is to give rebuke him by way of giving him three signs. The first his staff turns into a snake. The snake being the symbol of Lashon Hara, as it is the original sin convincing Eve to eat from the tree. Next Hashem tells him to stick his hand in his cloak and it comes out with tzora’as- the first time in the Torah where we find this spiritual malady. Finally, Hashem tells him that if those don’t work then the water will turn to blood. So there you have it leper, blood, wood and do you know how long Moshe was by that bush in isolation? You got it! Seven days. Our original redemption is the birth and purification of the Metzora

 What is the connection between these two processes and what are they all about? Rabbi Fohrman notes that our sages repeatedly tell us that a metzora is halachically considered like a dead person. The impurity he exudes we find in many ways is on the similar level, where he is me’tamey anything that is even in his tent, unlike other forms of impurity. On the one hand, this poor metzora is alive and breathing still has a pulse. Yet, on the other hand he is considered as if he is dead. He is isolated from everyone else. He’s all alone. Arguably he might even worse than a dead person. Because he’s alive and aware of his situation. He’s not dead up in Shamayim with all his ancestors. He’s here in this world, with no one to talk or connect to. No one to love. No one to be there for him.

 In fact, when Hashem tells Moshe to go back and liberate the nation, He tells him it’s because the coast is clear. The ones that wanted to kill him are dead. Now the truth is that Dasan and Aviram that snitched on Moshe were very much alive, but as our sages note, they had fallen off their high horse. They were like dead people. That had lost it all. Just as when a Metzora loses it all, he’s just a corpse with a pulse.

 Do you know what the process of purification for this malady is? For this sickness that one suffers from when he speaks about others, or when he thinks and acts with ga’ava- with haughtiness. When one thinks he’s better than everyone else? When you don’t want to help anyone out and are only focused on self. The Metzora’s problem is that he is all alone. That he isn’t connected to the rest of the nation. What he really is experiencing as a result of this disease of the spirit and his self-absorption is a form of death. To recover you need to be born again. He has to recognize how all of humanity is one and a reflection of Hashem.

 To do that we essentially send him back to the womb. He goes back to that small dark little tight, lonely place and reflects on how essential human connection is to who and what we are. How in pregnancy we experience being part of our mother’s body literally. That’s how we are born. We are part of her body, like one of her limbs. We are one and then although we separate, and we come out, and it’s bloody, and it’s painful, and it’s traumatic, but we always will feel that we are one with our mother. We are one with our siblings. We are a perhaps individual human beings, but we are born to be connected as one. It’s why Adam and Eve were created as one and separated. It’s why last week’s parsha of Tazria, of the women who gives birth, precedes the parsha of Metzora.

 On Pesach what took place was the birth of our nation. The plagues we suffered were our birth pangs. The plagues they suffered, separated us from them again and again and again defining us more and more. We were being formed and born as a unique nation just as Hashem told Moshe in the beginning of our story would happen. We are His first-borns. As those final birth contractions come, we are told to take the Korban Pesach. To take that lamb with its head bent over its knees as one whole. Take it to the bedroom and tie it your beds where life is born from.  Do you know what that animal’s position is when we roast him and bring that sacrifice? It’s in the fetal position. It’s a baby.

  We place it’s blood on our doorposts- that birth canal that we will come out of and enter the new world. We take the hyssop that lowliest and most humble of brushes and prepare for our birth. We are commanded that there is a new measure of time called Rosh Chodesh, because its our birthday. And just as the bird of the Metzora that flies free dripping the blood of the slaughtered bird of loneliness and constraint that it left behind and was extricated from soars into a whole new world, so too we march out of the meitzarim- the constraints of the tzirei leida- the birth pangs of Mitzrayim- Egypt and are born as a nation.

 The past few years have all been leading up to this Pesach. It’s been more than a few years actually. The birth pangs of the Shoah led to the mass return of Klal Yisrael to Eretz Yisrael and the cleaning us out of our galus in Europe where for thousands of years we were disconnected from our home. For the first time since the Maccabees a state of Jewish sovereignty was reestablished in Eretz Yisrael. The land became pregnant and bigger and fatter with her nation growing in her belly. The land returned and developed and the industry and construction of all her limbs grew. The Torah spiritually flourished within as it seems like the angel of Hashem was teaching and building yeshiva after yeshiva. And the entire world flocked to drink from her holy nectar and breathe its air that makes all wiser.

 There were kicks and complications along the way as the contractions got bigger and bigger. 1967, the Yom Kippur War, Lebanon, Gaza, Gaza, Gaza. There were fights. We were falling apart. We become Metzoras. So Hashem put us and the rest of the world into isolation. Corona. Alone. Bidud. Contemplate. It’s the final stage. And then the final contractions of our birth began on October 7th. It started on Shemini Atzeret when we were alone with Hashem in the delivery room. Only the Father is allowed in that room. All the other nations can’t come in. For it is a painful delivery room. The delivery room of His First Born child. The First-Born son He has been waiting over 3300 years for since we left Egypt.

  The Kabbalists mystically tell us the difference between the birth of a son and a daughter. Whereas a female’s job is to receive and develop the baby, the man’s job is to give and provide and fill the world. Our Exodus from Egypt, and all our previous salvations are compared to the birth of a female. They are only temporary. It’s cyclical. We received it without any of our own merit. The ultimate redemption though is the birth of a boy. It’s the first-born son. It’s the child that will have the power to give to the world and not just receive the beneficence of Hashem. It will be eternal.

 There is an incredible prophetic Midrash that is flying around in the Jewish social media. It tells us of the end of days.

 Rabbi Yitzchak said: The year in which the King Messiah reveals himself, all the nations of the world will be fighting with each other (Russia? Ukraine? China?). The King of Paras [Persia/ Iran] will fight with the King of Arabia, and the King of Arabia will go to Edom [USA?] to seek counsel from them. The King of Paras will [attempt to] destroy the entire world, and all the nations of the world will be screaming and confused and falling on their faces, and they will experience pains like those of a woman giving birth. The Jewish people will also be screaming and confused, and will say, To where shall we come and go? To where shall we come and go? And Hashem will say to them, My children – dont be afraid - for all that I have done, I only did for your sake. Why are you afraid the time for your redemption has come! Unlike previous redemptions though, this will be the last redemption.  For the previous redemptions were followed by more pain and persecution, but this last redemption will have no more pain and persecution after it.

 The Talmud in Sanhedrin (98a) Discusses the names of Mashiach. The final opinion though of the Rabbis is that he is called the “Metzora of the house of Rebbi”. Mashiach is considered like metzora. The Megale Amukos tells us that the day Mashiach comes will be that of the Taharat Metzora. He points out that’s why our parsha begins with the words cryptically

Zot Tihiyeh Torah Ha’Metzorah- this will be, in the future, the Torah of the Metzora

Ba’yom taharato on that final day of his purity.

 The verse from Daniel that our sages tell us that he is a metzora as well speaks to our time.

V’chayaleinu hu nasa- he has uplifted and carried our soldiers

Machoveinu savlam- he bears our intense pain

V’anachnu nechashavnu nagua- and we were considered blemished

Muka Elokim- Struck/plagued (makkos) by Hashem

U’mi’uneh- and persecuted

 The redemption is here. The prophecies one after another are being fulfilled. Our Avoda is to bring that Korban Pesach. To connect like we never connected before to one another. To understand that we are all one whole. To see that baby, that is us, as the First Born of Hashem. And then God willing Pesach Night just as 3336 years ago we will open up our doorways and walk out of our bloody doorposts and walk from River to the Sea. But this time eternally liberated in the final redemption of our nation.

 Have a great Shabbas Ha’Gadol and a liberating Pesach of Geulah!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz


************************

CHIZUK/TZEDAKA OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK

Merkaz HaChesed of Sderot- I’ve mentioned this place beforehand and I actually visited with Avichai this past week as they are undergoing a tremendous campaign for Pesach where over 650 families require food and basic Pesach assistance for this holiday. Each family will be getting packages with over 700 shekel of basic holdaiy needs as well as 300 shekel vouchers. Please help out Avicah and the people of Sderot by donating to this campaign!

 

Founded 24 years ago the by my friend Avichai Amusi who had moved to the city of Sderot by the Gaza Border with the aim of caring for the people of Sderot as well as the residents of the towns and villages in the region The Chesed Center is a not-for-profit organization that is based on the work of volunteers who bring their enthusiasm to these projects. With so many familied moving back now the demand is more than ever…

 The Chesed Center incorporates the following areas of assistance:

 1. Distribution of food baskets – Some 670 families in Sderot as well as those in the towns and villages in the Gaza Strip area receive food baskets every week. The baskets contain in-season fruit and vegetables as well as basic food commodities. About half the food baskets are handed out at a special distribution center while the rest is delivered to the homes of those needy individuals who are unable to come in person to the center. In addition to the weekly allocations, special efforts are made at holiday times (Rosh Hashanah – New Year – and the festivals celebrated in the fall, Purim, and Passover) to make a substantial distribution of food on a much wider scale and thereby they will have all they need to celebrate the festivals and experience the true holiday spirit.

  2. Soup Kitchen - The Sderot Hessed Center runs a restaurant to provide a nutritional response as required on a daily basis. The kitchen serves a hot and nutritious meal for about 80 diners, most of whom are senior citizens, especially those who have been left all alone in the world; Holocaust survivors; and the handicapped. The soup kitchen is designed to look like a regular restaurant. The atmosphere in this restaurant is welcoming and shows respect to its patrons just like family, and those same people who lack the means to eat warm and nutritious food during the week can now enjoy every day an hour or so of relaxation and contentment.

3. Clothing store – This is a second-hand clothing store, d offers for sale clothes, shoes, and other accessories. The clothes are donated by well-known companies or collected by the local residents, sorted and sold at a nominal price, a policy which shows respect for the customers who come there to buy their clothes.

4. A charity furniture store - This store offers second-hand furniture, which was donated to the Hessed Center, collected by the Center's volunteers and distributed to the needy and families on low incomes. In special cases, the Center succeeds in obtaining new furniture and these are allocated to needy families.

5. A charity store for tables and chairs – These chairs and tables are made available for festivities and celebrations as well as for mourners, heaven forbid.

 6. Yad Sarah

NOW THEY NEED YOUR HELP MORE THAN EVER WITH FAMILIES MOVING BACK TO SDEROT!!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCk04TvWeaY 

 And here’s the link to donate                

 https://thechesedfund.com/ameiricainfriendsofiyim/emergency-food-and-assitance-to-homeless-and-beraved-families-in-sderot 

 YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Got zol af im onshikn fun di tsen makes di beste..”- God should send upon them the best of the Ten Plagues

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

3. The name of the fortress that was built in Jerusalem during the Seleucid rule

over the Land of Israel is_____.

In which city are there remains of Herodian buildings?

A) Scythopolis

B) Beit Saida

C) Sebastia

D) Shivta

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vehi-shemada – My latest new release in honor of Pesach… You gotta hear this… It’s amazing, beautiful and Dovid Lowy knocked it out of the park…especially the shticky harmonies… You want to sing this by your Seder.

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon    Composed this hartzig Pesach song two years ago… But you have to suffer through the first 17 seconds of me singing to earn the right to hear the whole song… but don’t worry it’s so beautiful you won’t even remember afterwards my singing…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZU6dgsylGYE  Motty Shteimetz with this incredible rendition of Chasal Sidur Pesach an ancient Chasidic tune from the alteh heim..

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2vv9uXACk   – 613 Acapella a Funny Abba Pesach rendition Matza Mia…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1zqEOUCLGcBenny Friedman Pesach in Der Heim a medley of all of the classics

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8c-iuwpkD0and here’s perhaps my favorite Pesach composition by Rebbi Nachman Seltzer of Chasal Siddur Pesach… My Seder is not complete without it…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

Seder Night- You know the old joke they say about how when one davens to Hashem from America it’s a long distance call, while from here in Israel it’s a local one. Well on Pesach Seder night we are told that it gets even better than that. Hashem Himself and the entire Heavenly hosts, the Zohar tells us, comes down and are sitting right next to us at the Seder. It’s not even a phonecall. He’s right there at the table. The Targum Yonasan tells us that this dates back even before we left Egypt to the times of when Yitzchak gave the blessings to Yaakov which was on Seder night. It’s why Yaakov brought him two goats. One for the Pesach and one for the Chagiga. It is on this night when the blessings are best to be given and when Yaakov got them from Esau. For as he says “All the gateways of heaven are opened on this night”. It’s where everything can turn around. It’s when all decrees can be nullified. Historically this has been the night of salvations throughout our generations.

 The Mishna tells us as well that on Pesach we are judged on the wheat and thus this is also an evening to pray for parnassa. There are some that suggest that it is perhaps one of the reasons why we wear a kittel. It’s like a day of judgement. It is a day of judgement. The best time to have in mind it’s brought down is when we eat the Maror fascinatingly enough as there is a hint in that the dove of Noach told Noach when he brought back the olive branch that “my mezonos- my food should be bitter like Maror”. Not that it should be bitter but rather that it is judged at the time we eat Maror and we turn to Hashem.

 As well the Ohev Yisrael notes that this is an evening to pray for ones children. For even the wicked son has a place at the Seder. It’s when everyone can be inspired by the miracles. There is a special light that comes down to our table. And thus the evening should be maximized to share that light and daven that it radiates in the hearts of all of Hashem’s children just as it did in Egypt when we were all on the 49th level of Tumah

 Finally, Rav Milchovitz notes that this is obviously the best night to pray for the redemption. For it is this night that Hashem answered our cries and our prayers in Egypt. There are some that think we are different then previous generations because we don’t have Moshe Rabbeinu to rescue us. But as he notes, the Hagada doesn’t mention Moshe. It’s all Hashem. It’s all our prayers. And thus on this special night we should use all our power of prayer to   

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK


722 BC-The Major Reform-  After that incredible Pesach of Chizkiya everything changed. A spiritual reform took over the nation that was truly Messianic. Everyone destroyed the idols amongst the nation. All of the altars that had never been taken down before throughout the entire country were removed. The nation flocked to the Temple. The Kohanim and the Levi’im swarmed there and shifts were set up for the renewed daily services and the to deal with the multitude of korbanos that the nation was finally bringing to the right address. Even more than the sacrifices though was the tithes and priestly gifts that hadn’t been given for so long. There were piles and piles, the navi tells us all around Jerusalem. From Shavuot until Sukkot of that year mounds formed all over Jerusalem of food for the Kohanim. Chizkiya then took the initiative to set up and divide it amongst the Kohanim and Levi’im all over Israel. For they had an important job as well to do.

 Chazal tell us that in the times of Chizkiya he instituted that it was no longer enough to just bring sacrifices, Torah study was going to be of essence to our nations survival and a mass Torah program started all over the country, led by the Levi’im and the scholars. He stuck a sword in the door of the study hall and said “he who does not study will suffer the fate of the sword”. What a powerful message that is for us today. It’s not our army that will save us, it’s the merit of the Torah study! 300 missiles that fell last week- or rather didn’t fall- were prevented miraculously, not because of the the US, Jordan, or even the Iron dome or Davids Slingshot and incredible Israel Air Force. It’s the merit of the Torah that our soldiers and entire nation studies that brings the divine protection from the sword. In the times of Chizkiya there was not a child from Dan to Beersheva that wasn’t familiar in even the most difficult areas of study.

 Which brings us to the next stage as well which is also amazing for our times. For what did Chizkiya do next with this strengthened nation? He attacked the Philistines in Gaza. There would be no more threats coming from there. He wiped them out like never before. And to make things even better, he then headed after our big enemy Assyria, Sancheirev and refused to bow down and be robbed and persecuted by them. They would no longer dictate what we can and can’t do. We are the nation of Hashem like never before. And thus everything is set for the fateful Pesach night miracle that will take place, that hopefully we will talk about next week…

 But C’mon isn’t this great? This column really gives us a feel and taste of how the entire country can flip around in one second, and the geula can be on it’s way…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE IRAN JOKES OF THE WEEK

Waiting for missiles from Iran makes me feel like I’m waiting for my Hot internet tech guy who will come some time between Friday and Sunday.

 

If you are Jewish anywhere around the world and have been assaulted, insulted or harassed please call 1-800-STOP-ISLAMOPHOBIA

 Poll: What scares you more?

a) No daycare or school and the kids will be home on vacation and I haven’t finished Pesach cleaning

b) Iran

 Estimated time of Arrival of Missiles in Israel

4:02 AM Magen Avraham

4:32 AM Gr”a

8:15 AM Rabbeinu Tam

1:30 PM Monday Morning- Amshinov

 Don’t be worried about the Iranian missiles. It’s like an Israeli bank transfer. It takes a few days until it shows up in your account.

 9 hours until the missiles fall in Israel is enough time to allow your dough to rise. Let’s get started so we don’t get stuck with Matzas for the next holiday established.

 If everyone is already awake all night tonight, let’s just make the seder already…

 Joe Biden- It’s critical that Israel starts sending humanitarian aid to Iran before the closure of Israeli airspace.

 There are reports that Iranian warheads are being loaded with cheerios and breadcrumbs

 The Gaza Ministry of Health has justa announced that Israel killed 20,675 Palestinian women and children in Iran

 They sent UAV’s from Iran but it will take a few hours… It’s like when contractions start and they in the meantime until the birth, try to sleep a little.

 The Iranian Army didn’t take into account that Israel’s entire airspace had been covered in not one, but two layers of heavy duty aluminum foil.

Cleaning for Pesach reminds me of the war in Gaza. We move everything to the south part of the house and clean the North and then when we come to clean the south the children return to the north with their chametz. We either have to stop the Humanitarian aid or control the entire house by Monday!

Iran: We’ve launched missiles at you

Israel: Hmm we can’t see any

Iran: Did you try to refesh your sky some times it takes a minute because of the connection.

Israel: Yeah..nothing

Iran: Check your spam…

I don’t mean to brag or anything, but this is like the tenth “end of the world” I’ve survived…

New Biden Speech notes : “You say DON”T” really loud…

 Update: The owner of the local Makolet said Israel will bomb Iran in the next day or two. I will update after I speak to my taxi driver.

 Breaking News: The final missile sent by Iran four days ago has nearly arrived in Israel. It has just completed its’ fourth bus transfer and will be staying in a motel overnight before taking to the skies again where it will be shot down by the Israeli Iron dome system.

 The UN is fuming because of Waze recalculating being messed up all of the humanitarian aid ened up in Bnai Brak as part of the Pesach Kimcha D’pischa distribution.

 I have two nephews who were called back to Gaza and they told me that a certain number of soldiers would be allowed to return home for the Seder Night and the soldiers could decide amongst themselves who it would be. It was unanimously agreed that whoever was invited to their mother-in-laws would be allowed to remain in Gaza.


**********************************

 The answer to this week”s question is C– I got this one half right as well. Surprisingly though I got the wrong half correct. I really knew it when I answered that I was going to get it wrong. Somehow I forgot the name of the Temple Mount fortress called Anotnia that I should’ve really remembered. I remembered it was an A name But for some reason I just said Apolliana instead. Oh well… close. Part Two though that I got correct was Sebastia. I wasn’t really sure, but it made the most sense as I narrowed out the other ones. I’ve never been to Sebastia as today it’s in Shechem. But actually I remember when I wrote about it in our Tanach column, as this was a capital city of Shomron in biblical days. That it later on was a Heordian city. S0 it’s a half right for me.  And the score is   Rabbi Schwartz 2 and Ministry of Tourism 1 on this exam so far.