Karmiel

Karmiel
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Showing posts with label golden calf. Show all posts
Showing posts with label golden calf. Show all posts

Friday, May 15, 2026

Sharing the Born-den- Parshat Bamidbar 2026 5786

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 15th 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 29 28th of Iyar 5786

 

Parshat Bamidbar

(Amazing newest and latest Edition for you guys… After years of making me crazy… I'm delighted to share with you each week a PRINTABLE LINK!  For the Dvar Torah or whatever you wanna call this portion of the Weekly E-Mail for your Shabbos table…

Thank you Amit Landau for putting this together for me…

CLICK HERE BELOW FOR PRINT EDITION

Weekly Newsletter - Parshat Bamidbar )

 Sharing the Born-den

 

Let's put aside all of the politics for a second. I know in Israel, that's a very hard ask. Politics here is like air and water. It's everything. I love those people, like my wife, who "turn it all off" and claim to have no clue about anything that's going on. But it doesn't work. At the end of the day, it's all over the place. The signs on the street, the talk in shul, the bais midrash, the Mikva and the makolet. Who's running for office? Who are you voting for? None of them are worth anything. This guy's not good. That one's a phony. This party sold us out. They're just interested in their money, their limo, their chauffer, their cigars. It's all about power. Looks like we're heading back to that balagan again soon. So get ready. Here comes the new catchy jingles for each party. I'm not looking forward to this. Where are my earplugs?

 

But before we start this whole cycle again, let's put it all aside for a moment, because I want to talk about something first. It's a burning hot issue. It's, I believe the core of everything. It's something I learned at my Sheva Brachos, by a great speech given by a friend of inlaws. He told me that the most important thing to know to have a happy successful marriage comes down to two words. If you learn them, you're good to go. If you don't, then you're going to have a very hard time. What are the two words? "You're right". She's always right. Even if she's wrong, remember… She's still right. It's a good wife, he told me, that let's her husband think he's right every once in a while. But tachlis, if you want to be happy, just remember, she's always right. It will make things a lot easier, if you can swallow that.

 

On that note, I want to use that concept when it comes to politics here. To all the different opinions and ideas. It's a way of preparing ourselves for what's to come. It's good for us to see things from the other side. So I want to talk specifically about one issue. The issue of the army. The issue of the draft. The idea that we all have to serve. Not just sit in the Bais Midrash and claim to be learning to protect our soldiers. But really take a gun, put on the uniform and kill these guys. That-here comes the hard part to swallow, that unless we do that, we're not really "sharing the burden".

 

That's really the point, I want us to focus on. To swallow. To hear. To absorb and internalize. No matter how much tehillim we say, how much Torah we learn, how many tefillos we recite, at the end of the day, it's not our son on the front line. It's not my child that's facing an army of terrorists, where soldiers are getting targeted and injured each day. It's not my husband, my father, my brother who may chas ve'shalom never come back home again. Whose empty bed or seat by the Shabbos table is a stark reminder of the danger that he's in. Of the fear and sleeplessness that I will never see them there and they will never fill them again. We're not sharing that burden, that the ones that are serving are experiencing and sacrificing for. In the same way, that all of us that didn't have a child being held hostage in Gaza, could possibly ever share that burden those family members were suffering through, because ultimately it wasn't really our own flesh and blood skin in the game, that they had.

 

Now there's no need to respond. To defend. To answer. To justify. And certainly not to attack. It doesn't work in marriage. You know that. It won't work here either. That's not to say there aren't legitimate responses or even alternate perspectives. There are in marriage and there certainly are here in politics and on this hot button issue. But, as I said, I want to put all of that aside. Let's just focus on what they're right about. What we're wrong about. What they're going through, that we're not. That at the end of the day, we're not really sharing that overwhelming, incomprehensible burden. We're not alleviating it any real or meaningful way. It's heavy. It's hard. It's scary and it's painful. They're right. We need to truly feel that and internalize that lacking of ours. Only after we do that, do I believe that conversation and the politics should begin. But it all has to start with that foundation. They're right.

 

Why do I say this, on this particular week? Because, that's really what the parshat Ha'Shavuah this week-the parsha that we are meant to read each year before Shavuos, the one that opens up the book of our journey to Israel, that describes our process of coming home and the struggles we need to overcome is all about. Welcome to Sefer Bamidbar; the book of the wilderness.  

 

To be honest, what I'm going to share with you is an idea that I've never really seen before or even thought about. It jumped out at me this year. It called me. It's the essence of the parsha that I believe most of us kind of gloss over. To be honest, it's quite boring. Yet, to a large degree it's the essence of everything. It's the key to understanding what everything is all about.

 

The center of this introduction that carries over three aliyos in this parsha that opens up the book, is the story of the redemption of the first-borns and the exchange that is done in their counting, with money being handed over to the Kohanim for the redemption. There are 22,000 plus that are redeemed and exchanged for the Levi'im who will fill their places, and the additional 273 who had to be redeemed for money. 5 shek a head, which equals 20 geira of silver. Are you falling asleep yet? Boring, right? Except that what I just told you right now in those two sentences are in fact the greatest and perhaps most tragic social engineering calamity that we've ever faced. It's what galus is all about. It's how Hashem wants us to understand what our purpose is. And perhaps if we truly grasp this it's how we might even be able to avoid elections and actually ourselves be redeemed. Are you ready? Hold on to your hats…

 

Why were the Bechorim, the first-born, being redeemed? What's this strange mitzva that introduces our book all about. So, as we all know, and Rashi tells us, it's because they were the ones that were primarily responsible for the sin of the Golden Calf. Which non-incidentally happened right after the upcoming holiday of Shavuos. We're reading this now and each year, to learn from our mistakes and have a meaningful Shavuos this year, that lasts eternally. It's about fixing the sin of the Golden Calf, and not making that same mistake again.

 

Now, the truth is what's really the aftermath of that story. If one wanted to look on the bright side, as many of our commentaries do, one can say it really wasn't such a bad thing. We got Yom Kippur out of the deal. We got the second giving of the Torah, on that Yom Kippur. The second Torah we received although it was different than the first, as it wasn't hand-written by Hashem and wasn't as fancy, but it shared with us the ability to redeem ourselves. To partner with Hashem. To have all of Torah She'baal peh- the oral tradition that we are meant to study, learn, and reveal. That's awesome. That's cool. That's really what has held us for thousands of years. So in the end, it really wasn't such a bad thing.

 

Sure, there's the idea that Hashem always brings a bit of that sin of the golden calf along with every punishment he gives us throughout the generation. But really, let's be honest. We don't even know what that means? What, it's like a little extra salt that He's pouring on our wounds? That even in itself doesn't sound so so bad. It's like He's slicing us up for surgery we need anyways, so He snips another few things along the way, just as payback for that old sin of the calf? What is that really all about? Either forgive us, or punish us. Shouldn't He stop holding a 3000-year-old passive aggressive grudge?

 

See, if that's the way we're looking at it, which in truth is the way I always did, then we're missing the boat. We haven't really grasped what this parsha is telling us, that happened. And to be honest, it's very likely the reason, we still haven't really reached the point of being redeemed ourselves. It's why we're still wandering in the Midbar.

 

What we really lost with sin of the Eigel, was in fact the first-born doing the avoda and service in the Temple. We don't really appreciate, how huuuge of a difference this really is. We're kind of happy with Kohanim doing the service for us. With Levi'im serving them. With perhaps ourselves not even serving in the army today. We come a few times a year and bring them our gifts. We make barbeques for them. We look at the money we pay them to redeem ourselves from this service, almost like paying off the guy at the draft authority, so that we don't have to serve in the army. We're patur. We're redeemed. He's doing the dirty… I mean holy work… and I can live my life regular. I can live in Chutz La'aretz and send duffle bags during war, without having to actually live in that intense crazy war torn country with a bunch of rude Israelis without any meat boards.

 

That my friends, is the tragedy of the sin of the Golden Calf that we're still suffering from. What was the sin? The sin really started on Shavuos when Hashem revealed and gave us the Torah. After the first two commandments we told Moshe, it's too much. It's too intense. We need a break. We need an intermediary. You be our man. We'll take it from you. The first-borns then sat down to eat and drink. According to the Talmud and the commentaries, it was either them or Nadav and Avihu and the Zekeinim, that Hashem at the time didn't send His hand against that Shavuos morning. They experienced a revelation that no one else did. They saw Hashem face to face. They became prophets. They were charged with revealing that to the rest of Israel. They took that role and ate and drank it in to themselves. It became them.

 

That sin, ultimately led to the sin of the calf. We wanted to experience Hashem, but not up close. Not face to face. Not in my home. Not in my garden. Just when I want to come and visit Him. When I'm in the mood to hang out together with Him. This could work, if I had Moshe around. Once we thought we don't have Moshe and that he's not coming back from the top of the Mountain, then we needed a replacement. The First-borns needed one. They started the golden calf campaign. Their response wasn't that we will fill that role. We will lift you all up and connect you to Hashem. We will be the First-borns He redeemed when we left Egypt and connect you to our Father. Instead, they came up with the Golden Calf. A fake intermediary. One that tells and reinforces the concept, that we cannot have a personal connection with Hashem.

 

The First- Borns lost it at that moment. Nadav and Avihu, our sages tell us as well we're killed for that same sin. Even the sages that didn't fill that role, we're later killed in parshat Ba'ha'aloscha by Tav'eira. A fire came down and swallowed them up in the mysterious story of the Mis'oninim- the complainers. The Meshech Chochma tells us that the story of their complaining then was specifically about this redemption of the first-borns that took place. About the social engineering that I mentioned that transformed the face of Klal Yisrael until today. That to a large degree the most significant and ultimate "punishment", tikkun and reminder that we are left with from the sin of the golden calf. It's what Hashem reminds us of in every punishment that is meted out against us throughout all generations. That our problems all started from here. That we don't have a first-born. That our Father is not living with us in the house.

 

What's the difference if I have a first-born doing the service and it being redeemed into the hands of the Kohanim and Levi'im? The difference is having your son in the Mikdash and having a representative there from outside of your family doing it for you. It's the difference between your son serving in the army and someone else's random soldier fighting the fight and putting his life on the line for you. When each family had someone there in the Mikdash, can you imagine what that house looked like. Each of us felt, we had the most personal connection with Hashem. He didn't just count us as the beginning of the book tells us, but rather he took someone from my house that will be in His presence all day every day. That means, I'm there. I'm in front of Hashem. My family is there. That's as real as it gets. That's really the way it's supposed to be. That's what the role of the first-born is meant to be for each of us.

 

When we lost that, because they weren't ready for that role, then we lost our personal connection. From now on since then, we just have someone else there for us. We're not really sharing the not just the burden, but the real personal knowledge and connection with Hashem that we're meant to. We're in chutz la'aretz, in America, in Lakewood while their living in Israel. We're camped surrounding the Mishkan with our pretty little flags, as our parsha tells us right before this narrative, but the Levi'im are sitting right there in the middle up front and center around the Temple.

 

What makes this even more amazing, in terms of understanding the narrative of the Torah of the parsha, the Meshech Chochma again notes, that it's why the parsha begins telling us of the generations of Moshe and Aharon and then just tells us about the children of Aharon, and not Moshes. As well it tells us that Nadav and Avihu die, which seemingly we should know already as we mentioned this quite a few times before in the last book. However with this understanding of what the function of this story is, it really is amazing.

 

For if we understand the reason, the first-born and all of a klal Yisrael were given for why we lost this role and privilege, is because of the Golden Calf, then there seems to be a problem. Why does Aharon get it!? He was the man that built that calf. Why his kids? Thus the Torah tells us that Aharon paid the price. His two sons were killed. He lives each day with that loss. With that mistake that they made. With that mistake they tried to fix by going in on their own to see Hashem. They didn't understand that the only way to see Hashem now was through the Torah that Moshe taught them. It's only through him that we can get the nevuah. It's from taking his kedusha and light and drawing from there. Aharon and his mourning family are charged with the new job of the first-borns because they live with that loss and memory every day.  

 

As well, that same price is paid by the zekeinim by Tave'ira. They complained. They wanted their role back. They didn't feel that the Jews can't have their personal connection. It wasn't fair. Why Aharon? Why his children? Why the Kohanim? And thus, a fire came out, just like it did by Korach who also had that same claim, and burnt them up. Fascinatingly enough, right after that story, just like by Har Sinai, the Jews eat and drink and complain about the quality of the food. It becomes Kivrot Ha'Taiva. It's almost a repeat of that Sinai experience. After that story Moshe himself, complains that he can't handle it all, and there Hashem tells him that He will take the spirit from Moshe and transfer it to the 70 sages. The word interestingly enough there is

 

va'yatzel min ha'ruach asher alov-  And He set aside from the spirit that was upon him.

 

It is that same word of "vi'el atzilei bnai Yisrael", that is used be the ones by Sinai that saw Hashem. There it is translated as the strong ones, or the nobles. Yet literally it means the "eitzel"s- the ones that are on the side. The ones that are meant to draw their kedusha and spiritual connection to Hashem. The Levi and Kohen are only there not for themselves. Not for their taiyva, not for the food, not even to see Hashem and for their own closeness. Their job is to bring the light that starts with Moshe and transfer it to Bnai Yisrael. To be their brothers. To remind them, that Hashem is close to them. That He wants to be with them. They are bridges. They are the family members of ours, that bless us every day, so we feel Hashem is with us. Because they are there for us.

 

So how do we fix this? What is the punishment or better yet, the tikkun of the pidyon bechor, his redemption that we need to do? It's incredible. Every family has to bring his first born to the Kohen and give him 5 shekel. Rashi tells us that the amount of 5 Shekel is 20 silver coins which the amount that we sold Yosef who was meant to be our firstborn of Rochel for. When we sold Yosef, we decided that he wasn't going to be our representative. He can't rule over us. We don't need a representative. We can all have our place without him. He's the shor, the ox. We can make our calf. So we sold him for 5 shekel/ 20 silver coins and gave up our bechor. Our birthright and with that we went down to galus to be redeemed and get that back again.

 

Since we left for all times whenever the first son is born in every family we have to remember this. We have to say we're giving up our money for our son. We're not just removing ourselves from this job, from this representative position that we lost and paying off someone to do that for us. Every Jewish family will from then on have someone in our family, that always sits at the table, who lives with the knowledge that he was supposed to be our man in the Mishkan. In the Temple. We each have our kohen here with us, who's not working. He's not fired. In fact, the halacha of a bechor is that if one switches it for another animal, they both remain holy. The switch doesn't really work! Each Jewish family, thus virtually has a "soldier" in their house, who is wounded… who can't physically join the army… but he's longing and reminding us each day. That he wants to be there. That one day, he will be back there again. Because we need to know, that a golden calf doesn't work, an outsider who's just doing the job for me isn't enough.

 

Ritzoneinu li'ros malkeinu- We want Hashem in our midst. We want to see our king. Our Father. We want him in our Home. We want to live there with Him.

 

Today is Yom Yerushalayim. It's when after 2000 years of exile, Hashem brought us to the place we've claimed to be longing for, that we've claimed to be dreaming of coming to. That we've davened three times a day to be worthy of being the generation that will see it in our hands. Except, that we didn't say those words then and there. Motta Gur, left the Har Ha'Bayis and came down to the Kotel and recited those words "Har Ha'Bayit Bi'yadeinu" there on the bottom. He decided, as we did until today, that it's too much for us. We're happy here on the bottom. We're not yet worthy. We have a wall instead.

 

We have our words of prayer which are meant to serve in place of sacrifices, but they're not really flayshigs. We have our Torah, our Bais Medrash, our beautiful shuls in America, in London, in Karmiel, in Bnai Brak and even in the new city of Yerushalayim. We have our surrogate bechor, kohanim blessing us instead. We have other people's children serving for us in the army. We're not sharing the burden. We don't want the burden. We don't want the ohl- the yoke, and what we're really saying is that we don't really want the al- the above. The ladder from Hashem to come down to our house. To be with us. Always.

 

Fifty nine years ago today, Hashem put those words in the mouth of Motta Gur. He wanted us to know that the Temple Mount is truly in our hands. We just need to stretch them out and grab them. It's hard to take something in your hands when their full of other things. When you've got meatboards, when you've got fancy houses in galus, when you even have Torah and Mitzvos and Kollels and chesed even here in Israel. When, like those first-borns at Har Sinai you're eating and drinking, when like Nadav and Avihu you've had a bit too much wine, when like the zekeinim by kivros ha'taiva you're worried about your next meal. If your hands are full, you can't grasp the Temple Mount. If we forget Yerushalayim, then what we're saying is we've forgotten what the purpose of our right hand is for. It's to grab the Bais Ha'Mikdash. It's to bring down Mashiach. It's put aside the politics. It's to finally come home.

 

 Have a Chodesh Tov, a blessed Shabbos and a miraculous Yom Yerushalayim!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

  

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

"A hun iz gut tsu esn zalbenand - ich un di hun "– A chicken dinner is best when shared by two - me and the chicken.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

32. What event, other than the Last Supper, took place according to Christian tradition at the same site___________?


Which of the following Christian denominations has a part in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre according to the Status Quo? 

A. Benedictines

B. Protestants

C. Syrians

D. Nestorians


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vatem   – Dreaming of the Geula? Here's my wings of Eagle composition with the promise Hashem gave us on Shavuot! Dovid Lowy on the arrangements and vocals!

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lecha-amar-my-versioon   -  Do you really want to see the face of Hashem… always…? Are you ready? Well this special compostion of mine will certainly elicit that longing. Es Panecha, composed right before this three year war started… Powerful!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ro2R8xVJHE4   - Did you Hallel this morning? If not here's the one and only Shlomo Katz's musical Hallel this morning…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU0H1t7oTOM – TYH's latest release.. sure to make you crazy. Hashem Echad Hashem is one!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNGH6E7-pFQ&list=RDGNGH6E7-pFQ&start_radio=1 – And of course in honor of  Yom Yerushalayim- the ultimate classic Miami Boys Yerushalayim…


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK


Signs of Redemption- 351 BC-  So last week, we discussed Chagai's prophecy to the Jewish people that the time was right with Darius's declaration to return finally to Israel and rebuild the Temple. The Jews as we noted, didn't take that well sitting back in their comfortable shtibels in Bavel. They ahd their houses, their meat-boards and more importantly their yeshivos, their Torah and even incredible peace with this new Post- Haman and Achashveirosh Jewish-ish King who was the son of Esther.

 

They thus claimed it wasn't time for redemption yet, because  there weren't miracles really. The nations of the world will complain. You see even the starting of the Mikdash was halted. Shomronim don't let. Why have another false-start and hope come crashing down? We're better of spiritually and materially here. When Hashem really wants us he'll send wings of eagles and men with white beards on donkeys to call us. Sound familiar?

 

Chaggai thus responds to them, then and to us now with the rebuke and answer of Hashem. He tells them, that first of the sign the geula is that when they plant a lot it will start to grow and produce a lot. The land has been desolate. And whadaya know… even though we've returned it's still not growing. This doesn't make sense. The answer is because we're not building the Mikdash. Even the things we're bringing in our homes is getting ruined. Why? No Mikdash. Our clothing are not keeping us warm at night. The money we're making is not bringing us blessing. Things are going to start going downhill. The reason for this is because you're too busy and focused on building your own houses and stockpiles and you've forgotten about Hashem. He's waiting for you to return to Him before He will bring miracles. To tell Him that you've come back to Him. That you want Him home. When you do that… prophecy will return. Miracles will happen. The Geula will be here. All of those signs and bad things that are not happening will transform into miracles of return. The ground will produce, you will become rich, you will be home. If not it will just get worse and worse.

 

Most Jews weren't moved or inspired. They couldn't leave. Even the ones that did leave, led by Zerubavel and Yehsohua Kohen Gadol, upon coming to Israel did not yet restart the project of rebuilding the Temple. They didn't get their permits still from Daruis. They were still too nervous. It took a second push from Chaggai to tell them to get started. Don't wait. Hashem will protect you. There won't be any danger. Har Ha'bayis Bi'yedchem- make it happen. Build the Temple.

 

And thus unlike 59 years ago when we didn't start and do what we were supposed on the 4th day of Elul they began the work of putting together the team to build the Temple.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE SHARING JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries, and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, ‘That poor old couple-all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine-they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said,

"No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked,

"What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered, "My turn for the teeth."

 

What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account? Prime mates.

 

Why are crabs so bad at sharing? Because they're all shellfish.

 

If I win tonight's Powerball, I'm sharing with everyone on my whatsapp status. I'm not sharing the money. I'll just let you know I won.

 

An Israeli, a Frenchman and a Palestinian are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze, when Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for consuming the booze they are all sentenced to death. However, after many months and with the help of good lawyers, they are able successfully to appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the benevolent sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh announced,

 "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

 

The Frenchman was first. He thought for a while, then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back."

 

This was done, but the pillow lasted only 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done, the Frenchman had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The Palestinian was next up. After watching the Frenchman's horror, he said smugly,

 

 "Please fix two pillows to my back."

 

But even two pillows could take only 15 lashes before the whip went through and the Palestinian was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

 

The Israeli was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the sheikh turned to him and said, "You are from a most beautiful and holiest part of the world and your culture is one of the finest that has done so much for humanity. For this, you may have two wishes!"

 

"Thank you, your most royal and merciful highness," the Israeli replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20 lashes but 100 lashes."

 

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish"?

"Tie the Palestinian to my back."

 

Be careful when sharing jokes. I read a joke a few weeks ago that went, "What do you do when an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Throw your laundry in."

I decided to repeat the joke at work the other day to some co-workers and when I finished, one guy got really offended and that I shouldn't tell jokes like that because his younger brother died in the bath as a child while having an epileptic fit.

I asked, "Did he drown?"

The guy was furious and said, "No, he choked on a sock!"

 

I deleted an audiobook my wife and I was sharing. Now I'll never hear the end of it

 

Moishe, Yanky and Chaim were walking around feeling quite hungry. They didn't have any money to buy anything. As they were discussing their problem they passed by a church announcing a big feast for the occasion of four nuns were celebrating that they were about to take their vows. Dressed in their white gowns, they came into the chapel with the Mother Superior and were about to undergo the ceremony to marry them to Jesus, making them Brides of Yoshka.

Just as the ceremony was about to begin,  and they took their seats in the front row, the Mother looked at these Hasidic Jews with yarmulkes, long sideburns and long beards came in and came over to them and said

“I am honored that you would want to share this experience with us, but do you mind if I ask you why you came?”

Moishie replied, “We're from the groom's family.”

 

Moshe and Avram went to a fish restaurant. They ordered one lunch and 2 plates to share it. The waiter brought 1 large fish and one small fish.

"Avram, you choose first", said Moshe

"No, please you choose."

"OK, I will take". Moshe took a big piece and put it on his plate

Avram, looked upset and said, "I figured You would take a big one"

"And which would you take?"

"The small one"

"Nu, so what is the problem?"

 

The old scholarly rabbi, a man of great wisdom and erudition, was dying. His son's gathered around his bed, trying to make his last journey comfortable. They gave him some warm milk to drink but he refused. One of his son's took the glass back to the kitchen. He had come from Colorado, where marijuana is legal. He opened a vial of cannabis oil, and mixed a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at the rabbis bed he held the cup to his father's lips. The rabbi drank a little, then a little more, and before they knew it he finished the whole glass.

"Father" said the eldest son, "please share some wisdom with us before you go. Give us some perspective and advice.”

The rabbi raised himself up in bed. A sage look came over his face, And then he said, "DO NOT SELL THAT COW."

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The answer to this week's question is C– OK… So this is one of those where I technically got this right but they would probably mark me wrong. It's also a cool timely question. So I answered Dovid Hamelech was buried there. The truth is that's correct according to the way the question is worded. They believe he's there. That's even the reason why they say the whole story happened there. They like making Xtian Jewish connections, as it gives them a sense of credibility. But that's not what they were looking for. They wanted things that they made up in the New Testament. They wanted me to know about washing the feet of his students and other bubbeh meisehs. The other story that I didn't even remember or know about, was actually that they believe that on Shavuos after the Pesach when he was Baruch Hashem crucified Yemach Shemo. They believe that his students and Peter got ruach hakodesh and went out and proslytised to 3000 students that "converted". See… they want to hijack our Shavuos story as well. The real truth though is that Dovid Hamlech isn't buried there either. The Navi tells us he's in Ir Dovid. That's not by Zion Gate where the Last Supper is.

 

Now the second part, I really had no clue. I don't even know what Nestorians or whatever they call them are. I guessed Benedictine cause I knew it wasn't the Protestants who don't believe in that place. I was wrong the answer was Syrians. I really don't care. Do you? Well I got this one wrong entirely. So full point for them on this one and the new score is Rabbi Schwartz having 22 points and the MOT having 10 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.


Friday, March 6, 2026

Mommy Issues- Parshat Ki Tisa- Parah 2026 5786

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

March 6th 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 20 17th of Adar 5786

 

Parshat Ki Tisa/ Parah

Mommy Issues

 

It's not Mother's Day. We've got a ways to go until that goyish Hallmark holiday. Or as most frum yeshivish Kollel guys and cheap husbands who don't like to spend money on presents or flowers like to say, every day for us is Mother's Day. But give us a break, Hallmark, we have a hard enough time remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and yes for some of us even our kid's names forget about their birthdays, we really don't need more holidays to get us into trouble. Fuggedabout grandchildren's birthdays (and names ☹…). Happy Birthday Yoel!

 

See, I didn't remember that. My wife did. My daughter probably told her though. My Mother used to be the one that remembers all of those "important" dates for me. But she's not been great about that lately though. Hey, when there are bli ayin harah tens and tens of great grandchildren then you're entitled not to keep track anymore. What's fascinating to me though, is Aliza's Omi whose ken-aynin-hora close to 100 amu'sh and has probably close to a hundred descendants, but still seems to remember their names and birthdays far better than anyone. I guess when you hit that age then maybe it gets easier. Especially since each one is another spit in the eye of the Nazi's that wiped out her family and our nation. May she continue to have good health ad me'ah ve'esrim- till 120 descendants if not more…

 

So it's not Mother's day this week. Yet, my mother did remind me that it is our anniversary. She even sponsored the E-Mail this week in honor of the occasion. Which is a good thing, because you didn't. But don't worry, if you feel bad that you didn't sponsor and were one of the few that didn't donate to our annual Purim campaign then don't worry, we're still accepting donations. The gates of donation and sponsorship are always open to you. You can even order my book or books for Pesach of which the proceeds go to supporting my shul. See below. It's still Adar. You can still make me happy.  I'm just sayin… no need to feel guilty. Feel generous.

 

But yes, it's our 32nd anniversary. Gematria- Lev. Our big emoji heart. Thanks for reminding me Mom. I think Aliza forgot. So that means I get extra credit for remembering. So for me this is the time of year to remember not just my wife, but more importantly the mother of my children, the grandmother of my grandchildren (two more just this past few months! TYH) and God willing the great-grandmother of what will be our future generations, that Hashem should bless us with good health to enjoy and lots of chocolate and sugar to give them and send them back to their parents to deal with. There's nothing like grandparenthood.

 

Now as you readers of this weekly E-Mail know. The Parshiyot and Torah reading that we read each week aren't just stories and narratives about the past, they're about us today. Most specifically, they're generally about me and my exciting life and what's going on in the Schwartz family. It's amazing that Hashem gave us this book about my life 3000 years ago and no one really understood it until they read my E-Mail each week and understood the prophecies it was meant to reveal and important messages as it relates to my life. So as I opened up the parsha to check out my anniversary E-Mail from Hashem I was a bit taken aback to find out that it was parshat Parah! That's not nice. There goes all my extra credit points…

 

But of course, Hashem isn't obviously talking about my beautiful tiny skinny wife's appearance in referencing this parsha on our anniversary. He loves me too much to do that. The fact that a fat shlub like me got anyone that gorgeous to marry them is perhaps the greatest miracle since the splitting of the sea. Forget about all of my other flaws. And of course, all of her other excellent attributes, although admittedly it was really the looks that sold me. I never really bought into the whole hevel ha'yofi thing. I've always been more of a hevel guy, as the past page and a half where I really didn't say anything meaningful or inspirational is quite reflective of. But hey, you're still reading so I guess we must be in the same boat.

 

But it is parshat Parah and the specific reading of this week, which is number 3 of the four supplementary readings we add from Shekalim and Zachor before Purim to Chodesh  next week before the month of our redemption, Nissan. The custom or mitzva (biblical like Zachor according to some minority opinions) is to read about the mysterious purification process of the burning of a Red Heifer, a mommy cow, and the sprinkling of its ashes in order to remove the impurity or tumah of coming in contact with the dead, that would prevent one from coming to the Temple, from eating from the Korban Pesach. From becoming truly redeemed.

 

Now I said that this was a mysterious process because there's a lot of anomalies that I'm probably not going to talk about or write about this week. The fact that it's red- Esau, Trump? That it purifies the impure while making the Kohen that does the sprinkling and is involved in the process become impure. A message perhaps about the extents or consequences of Jewish outreach work. About changing our conceptions of who's pure and who's impure. Every one's got their own take. It's mysterious and thus flexible and thus it's fun for Rabbis. And convenient. But you've heard them all before. Rather I want to focus on the reason or the lack of reason given for this mitzva. It seems contradictory yet at the same time it seems to be essence of everything. It's how we finish this war. It starts in Corona, it's going on now and it's my anniversary. It's my heart. Let's finally get started here.

 

I believe that every one is familiar with the Midrash that Rashi quotes that the essence of the Red Heifer is that the Mother should come and atone and clean up the mess that her baby, the golden calf- also this week's parsha's story non-coincidentally enough, brought to the world. This is of course appropriate for my wife because she's always cleaning up after me and her children and even grandchildren. This is an important Rashi that every man who doesn't like to clean should share with their wives when they ask them to clean up after themselves. Or maybe not… She may just send you to your room without dinner, because you're acting like her child.

 

On the other hand, Rashi tells us that this is just a midrash. It's not the real reason. The law and mitzva is called a Chok, an inexplicable mitzva. A mitzva without a reason that we can or will fully understand. King Solomon didn't get it, Moshe didn't either. It's a secret. We do it because Hashem told us to. And as many suggest perhaps that's the ultimate purification process is the nullification of oneself to the will of Hashem, that one doesn't understand. Again you've heard that before, that's not what this is about, or where we're going.

Perhaps the biggest proof that some of the commentaries note, particularly the Chasam Sofer in numerous places, as well as some of the Rishonim, is that this mitzva we're told was given to them even before they received the Torah. It was one of the three commandments that we learned right when we left Egypt after the splitting of the Sea, when we arrived at Marah, along with Dinim and Shabbos. That was a few months before the giving of the Torah, and another few months until the sin of the Golden Calf. The Mommy cow came first. It precedes all of that. And thus unless you want to go with the refuah before the makka approach, the Hashem-sends-the-cure-before-the-sickness pathway- which some do use to explain why the mitzva of the Mishkan as well precedes the Eigel as well although not chronologically accurate, yet it still doesn't explain why specifically that mitzva is taught of all the commandments back then in Marah at that early stage. Why of all of the mitzvos is this the chok of the "chok u'mishpat" that's mentioned there that we learned together with Shabbos and Dinim that needed to be learned and internalized.

 

Yet, as one delves into it a bit more, I noticed that there's a lot of similarities between the mitzva of the parah and the golden calf and the story of the red heifer and that's when things started to get crazy. Do you know what happens when we leave Egypt after the splitting of the Sea. The Jewish people bizarrely ask a simple question. Ma Nishteh. What will we drink? The water is bitter. We're going to die in the desert. Hashem just split the sea for them. Where's their faith? What does Hashem tell Moshe to do? Throw a stick into the water. Make it sweet and give them to drink. And then teach them about the Red Heifer. Does any of that sound familiar to the golden calf story. They just received the Torah. They saw Hashem face to face. Yet 40 days later. They have questions of faith. Who will lead us? There's no Moshe. There's no one to make the water of Torah sweet. To give us to drink. To bring us to the Land. We will die in the desert. Sound familiar?

 

What's the end of that story? Moshe throws down the Luchos, the tablets. The only other time in the Torah where we find Moshe throwing something down. And then he gives them to drink from the ashes. What Chazal tell us is like the bitter waters of the Sota, the wayward wife. And it is there once again that our sages make a connection and tell us that the Red Heifer, mother cleaning up after her children should play a role. Should be taught. Should be read. But here it gets even more fascinating.

 

See all of this takes place with and through Moshe. Moshe himself is cast into the river. In fact, all of the Jewish babies are cast, just like the ashes of the red heifer, in the river back in Egypt. The river there is the Nile which is of course, a false god. We're immersed in it. We're swimming in idolatry. Yet, there rather then being thrown into the river, we have the daughter of Pharaoh, "tashleich es amasa" she throws out her hand and takes hit out of there. It's why he's called Moshe. Because he's taken out of the water. What's baby Moshe's first response when taken out of the water. He wants to nurse. He's thirsty. Ma Nishteh? It's interesting that the word Moshe is like a kind of conjunction of ma and nishteh. Sort of… Ok. But it's more accurately the word Mah- what with the shin in the middle. He's connected to the shoresh. To the source. He only wants to drink from the source. He won't nurse any of that idolatrous Egyptian milk. He only wants his real mother's milk. He only wants it from the source. From the mother cow. Everything else is bitter. It's pareve soy milk. Oyy milk…

 

I saw a fascinating thing on ChatGPT. Do you know that there is one word that almost all of the 1072 languages that were examined, from Chinese, to Indian, to Hungarian, Russian, Polish, Spanish and Arabic all have in common? That is the word for Mother. Mom, Mama, Ima, Oma. It's all the same. There are not too many other words like that which go from language to language. There was in fact a later study done by Roman Jakobson and George Peter Murdock of over 2000 languages and that they called the Mama/Papa universals. as the word for father also almost always has a B/P sound in it like Abba or Papa, explains this unique phenomenon as in an interesting way. They call it baby linguistics. The first sound a baby makes is usually when it nurses and is that mmmm humming sound and it suckles. The first sound that it makes it expresses itself is the smacking of its lips afterwards and is the P/B papa sound and name. But we don't need Linguists to teach us wisdom. Our Rabbis and Kabablists see in the word Ima- as being the root of the word faith. Emuna. Aleph is Hashem. Mem is the source. It is the prefix that means "from".  A mother is a connection to the source. Father Av is Aleph Beis- It's building off of that source. The Mother brings one back to the source. It nurses and nurtures from the source. The Father takes it to the next level. It moves you forward or fatherwood.

 

When a baby is born, it's first reaction is to connect to that source. To nurse from its mother. It's the first sound out of its mouth. Mah Mah… It's the first thing baby Moshe does. He realizes that the Nile is not his source. Egypt isn't his place. The Egyptians felt that the Nile was their God that there was no source greater. That is the 49th level of Tumah. Do you know what Tumah/impurity is? It's the letter tet that is clogging up that first aleph of Ima. It's the ninth letter that prevents one from connecting with the yud. The yid. With Hashem. The difference between 1 and 9 aleph and tet is 8. The number 8 is above this world, but it is also the letter chet. It's sin. That's what stands between the source, the aleph, the ima, and the baby.

 

When we leave Egypt, when we see the splitting of the sea when we're born as a nation, it is thus no wonder why the first question we ask is ma nishteh. We're calling for Mother. We want to connect to the source. Why is it bitter? We don't want to drink from bitter waters. We don't want Egypt. We want the sweetness of Hashem. There Hashem tells Moshe the lesson. Cast down and throw in the eitz. The wood. The mayim Chayim of Torah and the waters will become sweet. We will connect to Hashem. And it is there He commands Moshe whose very name is to pull us out of the water and connect us to the source to teach us about the Red Heifer. The mother cow who will clean up the tuma of her child. Whose ashes, whose nullification of oneself, connects us to our source. The source from which become purified and born again from the purified waters.

 

The same story as well happens with the Golden Calf. Do you know what an eigel is? Its not only the word for calf. It's also a circle. A circle is self-sufficient. It revolves around itself. As do most babies. It doesn't think about anyone besides itself. It wakes us up in the middle of the night and doesn't mind pooping in its pants because it knows someone else will change it. It doesn't see anyone else. But it has a desperate need to drink from its source. The Jewish people without Moshe are dancing in front of golden calf. They desperately need to drink from holy waters. They desperately want to get to Eretz Yisrael. To be redeemed. They need a source of life to get them there. To be that intermediary. Because they don't have faith. They don't have an ima. There's no mother cow in sight. So they make their own cow. They take the gold of Egypt and they dance and bow down and sacrifice to that. They make their own circles. The word for these dance circles is mecholot. They forgive themselves. They don't need anything more. And thus, Moshe finds them when he comes back. It is those self-serving circles around themselves that don't connect to Hashem that nurse from tumah that upsets him more than anything else. In a word we had serious Mommy Issues.

 

What does he do? He casts the tablets down. The tablets of which the first five which begin with I Am Hashem who took you out of Egypt. Hashem who birthed you. Hashem who is your Mother and source. Those first five commandments conclude with honoring your father and mother. Seeing that the source where you will nurse that faith from is your parents. Your Av and Eim. They are what gives you long life. They are your connection to Egypt. To Sinai. To who you are. To where you need to drink from. Someone that doesn't have that relationship with their Mother, their father, that has Mommy or Daddy issues will never have a source to connect to the top. They remain an eigel. They see themelves as being self-sufficient. And all the have is bitter waters to drink as a result.

 

The second five tablets correspond to that same concept, but on understanding how that then plays out into our interaction with our fellow men. Our brothers and sisters. We're all from one Mother and Father. We all have one source. Those were the Dinim that we were taught in Marah. The first time we asked for a drink. When we first learned about that mother cow.

 

Moshe takes that golden calf and burns it up and makes us drink it. He shows us how a circle an eigel that only revolves around ourselves is bitter. It's a sota. It's not a real relationship. It's a betrayal. It's tumah. It's death. It's brother killing brother and father killing son. It's distance from Hashem. It's Him not being with us. It's sending an angel to lead us instead of Him. It's a surrogate parent. It's formula milk. Similac. Although in Israel fascinatingly enough its called Ma-terna… hmmm… So much closer to Ima. That's the result of the sin of the Golden Calf and it is that sin that our sages tells us lies at the heart of all that we've suffered and have gone through until the final redemption. It's the bitter waters that we still drink, until we have that red heifer once again to reconnect to the source and purify us in the Holy Living Waters of Hashem.

 

In Shilo today there are three red heifers waiting to be burnt up. I take my tourists there all the time to see them. Those cows were discovered and brought over here during Corona.  It was actually because of Corona that they were born and discovered because since the government wasn’t' really functioning, the owners never had to tag them which would've invalidated them, as there was no real FDA in effect. It's also how they were able to get them into Israel. The period of Corona in retrospect was kind like being in a womb. We were locked down. Locked up. We could barely breathe with that farkakteh mask. We were badad- in isolation. Yet, I noted at the time that the word ba'dad also means that we were at the place from were we nurse and suckle. We were in arms of our beloved Mother. We had faith and realized that there was no other Power besides Hashem. And we drank from that faith for over a year. And it was then that the Red Heifers were born.

 

A few years later we find ourselves locked up again. This time though we keep going into bomb shelters. It's a larger womb. This one is more than just our immediate family. It's everyone on the block. There are sirens going on outside and missiles falling all over and we're not scared. We're in the arms of Hashem. We have faith. Our Mommy issues are almost over. We know there is no one else that we can count on. That we can drink from. Miracles are happening. The Geula is on its way. Purim has just ended. Amalek is being wiped out like never before and we see the prophecies unfolding before our very eyes in ways and scenarios that are biblical scale miraculous. We're coming close to our anniversary. To the holiday of Pesach from when we were born.

 

I noticed how interesting it is that the redemption of Purim came through Queen Esther. She is the child who has no mother and no father. She doesn't reveal where she is born from. That is the hiddenness. That is Esther. That becomes revealed at the end of the story. She is the Eim Ha'Malchus. She will be the mother of King Darius who will allow the Jews to return for the second commonwealth and rebuild the Bais Ha'Mikdash. Purim is over once again. We read the story. We lived the story this year. May we merit as well to burn up those Red Heifer of Shilo and sprinkle the living waters of Hashem and redemption and what the Haftorah tells us is the resurrection of the dead, as we see listen for that shofar blast telling us the day has finally arrived.   

 

Have a moooiridikeh Shabbos,

 

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 


************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

" Vos a kind zol nit der’raiden, vet di muter im farshtain..- Whatever a child babbles, its mother will understand.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc--CmZpyno&list=RDoc--CmZpyno&start_radio=1   – Nissim Black is back with this PURIM song


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1U98v5N5L6U&list=RD1U98v5N5L6U&start_radio=1  - A new Simcha Leiner Drop. Aneinu


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYAolaOvEaE&list=RDfYAolaOvEaE&start_radio=1     - A Shabbos in a Krectchmeh Medley… love it..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8RJfJtskjE&list=RDj8RJfJtskjE&start_radio=1  – Not Acapella Season but love this aprorpriate Kippa live Am Yisrael Chai medely in the Shuk


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHBCPUVfJ7I&list=RDzHBCPUVfJ7I&start_radio=1    – Hashem Ish Milchama- Shloimie Gertner


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

23. The border between the Land of Israel and Transjordan was first established in modern

times during _______ rule.


Upon planning of the National Water Carrier of Israel, which considerations led to the

decision to pump the water from the Sea of Galilee - and not from the Jordan river?

A. Security considerations

B. Engineering considerations

C. Environmental/ecological considerations

D. Economic/budgetary considerations


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK


The last Prophecy - 368 BC- Purim is over. The Temple started being built and some Jews, the Rabbis, Zerubavel many leaders and serious people returned. Most stayed. They figured they'd come in a bit when it quieted down and unfortunately as we said last week. Koresh's declaration ended. They were forbidden to come. The Iron curtain closed on them. They missed the chance. And then since they didn't all come back and at the behest of the Shomronim/Kutim that were in Israel the work on the Temple had been halted. The short-lived geula seemed to be drying up. The story of Purim would have to come for us to really understand that Hashem wanted from us.

 

Daniel was at that time living in Shushan HaBira in Persia/ Iran. When he heard what happened with Koresh he made a journey to go talk to him to try to see if he could get him to back down. If this sounds familiar, think Bibi heading over to Trump. You can't make this stuff up. Hashem was serious when He tells us to learn our history. On the way by the Chidekel river which is the Tigris River that flows from Iraq he has a vision, his last vision from the angel Gavriel. There he tells him about the End of Days. This prophecy is a hidden one although much of it concerns the entire second Temple period. There he tells him about the downfall of Persia, of the rise of Alexander of Greece. Of the divided kingdom between Egypt and Syria and the ultimate rising of the Roman empire. The entire period of the second Temple is revealed to him. But he doesn't stop there.

 

The prophecy continues with all types of allusions to the rise of Christianity and Islam. It even describes the final battle between Yishmael and Edom that we are currently experiencing. He describes a battle on Jerusalem and ultimately even the wrath of Hashem falling on Edom and avenging His nation. This is followed by the coming of Mashiach and the resurrection of the dead. It's mind-blowing stuff. It's hidden. Daniel asks for dates and timelines. But that's beyond the Malach's payroll. He just assures him that we will all do teshuva. We will come home. The end of days will be here and the glory of Hashem will be revealed.

 

It's said that we have more prophecy today then ever before. For then it was only visions and metaphors and cryptic messages. Today we see them all fulfilled. We're living it. We're watching it unfold. The end is near. We just need to make sure we don't repeat the mistakes of the past.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE MOMMY JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Son: “Mom, can I have $20?”

Mom: “Does it look like I am made of money?”

Son: “Well, isn’t that what M-O-M stands for?”

 

“It’s spicy” is a universal mom code for “I don’t want to share.

 

When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."

 

What three words solve Dad’s every problem? Ask your mother.

 

My nickname is Mom. But my full name is “Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.”

 

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

 

Kid: “What’s a man?”

Dad: “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”

Kid: “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”

 

Before having kids, every mom thinks she’ll be a super-chill mom.

That’s because, at that point, we had no idea they’d break all our stuff, make ridiculous demands, and take roughly 10 years to get out of the car

 

What did baby corn ask mommy corn? Where is pop corn?

 

What did the lazy child say to his mom on Mother’s Day when she was about to do the dishes? “Relax Mom… you can just do them in the morning.”

 

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."

Satisfied, the child goes away.Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a feather floated down and landed on your head."

The little girl smiles and goes on her way. A few moments later the youngest child runs into the room and says: "WARGLBARGLAAHRGLB?"

The mother says: "Be quiet, Refrigerator."

 

Here’s a joke my dad told me: What do you get when you cross mommy and daddy? A mistake

 

What did the daddy fire say to the mommy fire when their child graduated? "That's ar-son"

 

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.

 

What did the mommy spider say to the Baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

 

 I hate when I’m waiting for mom to cook dinner, and then I remember I am the mom, and I have to cook dinner.

 

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious

 

There is a legend that if you take a shower and scream “Mom!!!” three times, a nice lady appears with the towel you forgot..

 

When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.

 

Son: “Mom, what’s a weekend?”

Mom: “I don’t know, sweetheart, I haven’t had one since you were born.”

 

Why do Mothers have to have two visits to the optometrist? Because they also have eyes in the back of their head.

 

You know you’re a mom when you say I’m going to donate these bags of clothes to Goodwill. But first, I’m going to drive around with them in my trunk for four months

 

You know you’re a mom when you understand why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold.

 

You know you’re a mom when picking up another human to smell their butt isn’t only normal, but necessary.

 

Mom’s recipe for iced coffee:

Have kids.

Make coffee.

Forget you made coffee.

Put it in the microwave.

Forget you put it in the microwave.

Drink it cold.

 

What do you call a mom who can’t draw? Tracy.

 

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

 

I would write a book about parenting, but it would just be filled with rants about doing everything myself. And cocktail recipes.

 

Mother to son: “I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me!”

 

*******************************

The answer to this week's question is A–Again not an easy one but I got it right. The first part was easy. The Two state solution was of course developed under the British mandate. If it were up to the Jews with our small heads it would've happened. Thank God the Arabs knew it's an all our nothing thing. It's supposed to be even more than the River to the Sea. We're meant to get the other side of the Jordan River as well. So it hasn't happened and will never happen until we delare ur rightful sovereignty over the entire biblical borders of Israel as Hashem promised us. The second part wasn't as easy. Yet the correct answer is security. See we needed the water carrier to come from Kinneret because it was total surrounded by Israel on all sides as opposed to the Jordan which had our enemy on the other side of the River.  So continuing our streak here with a new score  of Rabbi Schwartz having a 16.5 points and the MOT having 6.5 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.