from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
March 6th 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 20 17th of Adar 5786
Mommy Issues
It's not Mother's Day. We've got a ways to go until that goyish Hallmark holiday. Or as most frum yeshivish Kollel guys and cheap husbands who don't like to spend money on presents or flowers like to say, every day for us is Mother's Day. But give us a break, Hallmark, we have a hard enough time remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and yes for some of us even our kid's names forget about their birthdays, we really don't need more holidays to get us into trouble. Fuggedabout grandchildren's birthdays (and names ☹…). Happy Birthday Yoel!
See, I didn't remember that. My wife did. My daughter probably told her though. My Mother used to be the one that remembers all of those "important" dates for me. But she's not been great about that lately though. Hey, when there are bli ayin harah tens and tens of great grandchildren then you're entitled not to keep track anymore. What's fascinating to me though, is Aliza's Omi whose ken-aynin-hora close to 100 amu'sh and has probably close to a hundred descendants, but still seems to remember their names and birthdays far better than anyone. I guess when you hit that age then maybe it gets easier. Especially since each one is another spit in the eye of the Nazi's that wiped out her family and our nation. May she continue to have good health ad me'ah ve'esrim- till 120 descendants if not more…
So it's not Mother's day this week. Yet, my mother did remind me that it is our anniversary. She even sponsored the E-Mail this week in honor of the occasion. Which is a good thing, because you didn't. But don't worry, if you feel bad that you didn't sponsor and were one of the few that didn't donate to our annual Purim campaign then don't worry, we're still accepting donations. The gates of donation and sponsorship are always open to you. You can even order my book or books for Pesach of which the proceeds go to supporting my shul. See below. It's still Adar. You can still make me happy. I'm just sayin… no need to feel guilty. Feel generous.
But yes, it's our 32nd anniversary. Gematria- Lev. Our big emoji heart. Thanks for reminding me Mom. I think Aliza forgot. So that means I get extra credit for remembering. So for me this is the time of year to remember not just my wife, but more importantly the mother of my children, the grandmother of my grandchildren (two more just this past few months! TYH) and God willing the great-grandmother of what will be our future generations, that Hashem should bless us with good health to enjoy and lots of chocolate and sugar to give them and send them back to their parents to deal with. There's nothing like grandparenthood.
Now as you readers of this weekly E-Mail know. The Parshiyot and Torah reading that we read each week aren't just stories and narratives about the past, they're about us today. Most specifically, they're generally about me and my exciting life and what's going on in the Schwartz family. It's amazing that Hashem gave us this book about my life 3000 years ago and no one really understood it until they read my E-Mail each week and understood the prophecies it was meant to reveal and important messages as it relates to my life. So as I opened up the parsha to check out my anniversary E-Mail from Hashem I was a bit taken aback to find out that it was parshat Parah! That's not nice. There goes all my extra credit points…
But of course, Hashem isn't obviously talking about my beautiful tiny skinny wife's appearance in referencing this parsha on our anniversary. He loves me too much to do that. The fact that a fat shlub like me got anyone that gorgeous to marry them is perhaps the greatest miracle since the splitting of the sea. Forget about all of my other flaws. And of course, all of her other excellent attributes, although admittedly it was really the looks that sold me. I never really bought into the whole hevel ha'yofi thing. I've always been more of a hevel guy, as the past page and a half where I really didn't say anything meaningful or inspirational is quite reflective of. But hey, you're still reading so I guess we must be in the same boat.
But it is parshat Parah and the specific reading of this week, which is number 3 of the four supplementary readings we add from Shekalim and Zachor before Purim to Chodesh next week before the month of our redemption, Nissan. The custom or mitzva (biblical like Zachor according to some minority opinions) is to read about the mysterious purification process of the burning of a Red Heifer, a mommy cow, and the sprinkling of its ashes in order to remove the impurity or tumah of coming in contact with the dead, that would prevent one from coming to the Temple, from eating from the Korban Pesach. From becoming truly redeemed.
Now I said that this was a mysterious process because there's a lot of anomalies that I'm probably not going to talk about or write about this week. The fact that it's red- Esau, Trump? That it purifies the impure while making the Kohen that does the sprinkling and is involved in the process become impure. A message perhaps about the extents or consequences of Jewish outreach work. About changing our conceptions of who's pure and who's impure. Every one's got their own take. It's mysterious and thus flexible and thus it's fun for Rabbis. And convenient. But you've heard them all before. Rather I want to focus on the reason or the lack of reason given for this mitzva. It seems contradictory yet at the same time it seems to be essence of everything. It's how we finish this war. It starts in Corona, it's going on now and it's my anniversary. It's my heart. Let's finally get started here.
I believe that every one is familiar with the Midrash that Rashi quotes that the essence of the Red Heifer is that the Mother should come and atone and clean up the mess that her baby, the golden calf- also this week's parsha's story non-coincidentally enough, brought to the world. This is of course appropriate for my wife because she's always cleaning up after me and her children and even grandchildren. This is an important Rashi that every man who doesn't like to clean should share with their wives when they ask them to clean up after themselves. Or maybe not… She may just send you to your room without dinner, because you're acting like her child.
On the other hand, Rashi tells us that this is just a midrash. It's not the real reason. The law and mitzva is called a Chok, an inexplicable mitzva. A mitzva without a reason that we can or will fully understand. King Solomon didn't get it, Moshe didn't either. It's a secret. We do it because Hashem told us to. And as many suggest perhaps that's the ultimate purification process is the nullification of oneself to the will of Hashem, that one doesn't understand. Again you've heard that before, that's not what this is about, or where we're going.
Perhaps the biggest proof that some of the commentaries note, particularly the Chasam Sofer in numerous places, as well as some of the Rishonim, is that this mitzva we're told was given to them even before they received the Torah. It was one of the three commandments that we learned right when we left Egypt after the splitting of the Sea, when we arrived at Marah, along with Dinim and Shabbos. That was a few months before the giving of the Torah, and another few months until the sin of the Golden Calf. The Mommy cow came first. It precedes all of that. And thus unless you want to go with the refuah before the makka approach, the Hashem-sends-the-cure-before-the-sickness pathway- which some do use to explain why the mitzva of the Mishkan as well precedes the Eigel as well although not chronologically accurate, yet it still doesn't explain why specifically that mitzva is taught of all the commandments back then in Marah at that early stage. Why of all of the mitzvos is this the chok of the "chok u'mishpat" that's mentioned there that we learned together with Shabbos and Dinim that needed to be learned and internalized.
Yet, as one delves into it a bit more, I noticed that there's a lot of similarities between the mitzva of the parah and the golden calf and the story of the red heifer and that's when things started to get crazy. Do you know what happens when we leave Egypt after the splitting of the Sea. The Jewish people bizarrely ask a simple question. Ma Nishteh. What will we drink? The water is bitter. We're going to die in the desert. Hashem just split the sea for them. Where's their faith? What does Hashem tell Moshe to do? Throw a stick into the water. Make it sweet and give them to drink. And then teach them about the Red Heifer. Does any of that sound familiar to the golden calf story. They just received the Torah. They saw Hashem face to face. Yet 40 days later. They have questions of faith. Who will lead us? There's no Moshe. There's no one to make the water of Torah sweet. To give us to drink. To bring us to the Land. We will die in the desert. Sound familiar?
What's the end of that story? Moshe throws down the Luchos, the tablets. The only other time in the Torah where we find Moshe throwing something down. And then he gives them to drink from the ashes. What Chazal tell us is like the bitter waters of the Sota, the wayward wife. And it is there once again that our sages make a connection and tell us that the Red Heifer, mother cleaning up after her children should play a role. Should be taught. Should be read. But here it gets even more fascinating.
See all of this takes place with and through Moshe. Moshe himself is cast into the river. In fact, all of the Jewish babies are cast, just like the ashes of the red heifer, in the river back in Egypt. The river there is the Nile which is of course, a false god. We're immersed in it. We're swimming in idolatry. Yet, there rather then being thrown into the river, we have the daughter of Pharaoh, "tashleich es amasa" she throws out her hand and takes hit out of there. It's why he's called Moshe. Because he's taken out of the water. What's baby Moshe's first response when taken out of the water. He wants to nurse. He's thirsty. Ma Nishteh? It's interesting that the word Moshe is like a kind of conjunction of ma and nishteh. Sort of… Ok. But it's more accurately the word Mah- what with the shin in the middle. He's connected to the shoresh. To the source. He only wants to drink from the source. He won't nurse any of that idolatrous Egyptian milk. He only wants his real mother's milk. He only wants it from the source. From the mother cow. Everything else is bitter. It's pareve soy milk. Oyy milk…
I saw a fascinating thing on ChatGPT. Do you know that there is one word that almost all of the 1072 languages that were examined, from Chinese, to Indian, to Hungarian, Russian, Polish, Spanish and Arabic all have in common? That is the word for Mother. Mom, Mama, Ima, Oma. It's all the same. There are not too many other words like that which go from language to language. There was in fact a later study done by Roman Jakobson and George Peter Murdock of over 2000 languages and that they called the Mama/Papa universals. as the word for father also almost always has a B/P sound in it like Abba or Papa, explains this unique phenomenon as in an interesting way. They call it baby linguistics. The first sound a baby makes is usually when it nurses and is that mmmm humming sound and it suckles. The first sound that it makes it expresses itself is the smacking of its lips afterwards and is the P/B papa sound and name. But we don't need Linguists to teach us wisdom. Our Rabbis and Kabablists see in the word Ima- as being the root of the word faith. Emuna. Aleph is Hashem. Mem is the source. It is the prefix that means "from". A mother is a connection to the source. Father Av is Aleph Beis- It's building off of that source. The Mother brings one back to the source. It nurses and nurtures from the source. The Father takes it to the next level. It moves you forward or fatherwood.
When a baby is born, it's first reaction is to connect to that source. To nurse from its mother. It's the first sound out of its mouth. Mah Mah… It's the first thing baby Moshe does. He realizes that the Nile is not his source. Egypt isn't his place. The Egyptians felt that the Nile was their God that there was no source greater. That is the 49th level of Tumah. Do you know what Tumah/impurity is? It's the letter tet that is clogging up that first aleph of Ima. It's the ninth letter that prevents one from connecting with the yud. The yid. With Hashem. The difference between 1 and 9 aleph and tet is 8. The number 8 is above this world, but it is also the letter chet. It's sin. That's what stands between the source, the aleph, the ima, and the baby.
When we leave Egypt, when we see the splitting of the sea when we're born as a nation, it is thus no wonder why the first question we ask is ma nishteh. We're calling for Mother. We want to connect to the source. Why is it bitter? We don't want to drink from bitter waters. We don't want Egypt. We want the sweetness of Hashem. There Hashem tells Moshe the lesson. Cast down and throw in the eitz. The wood. The mayim Chayim of Torah and the waters will become sweet. We will connect to Hashem. And it is there He commands Moshe whose very name is to pull us out of the water and connect us to the source to teach us about the Red Heifer. The mother cow who will clean up the tuma of her child. Whose ashes, whose nullification of oneself, connects us to our source. The source from which become purified and born again from the purified waters.
The same story as well happens with the Golden Calf. Do you know what an eigel is? Its not only the word for calf. It's also a circle. A circle is self-sufficient. It revolves around itself. As do most babies. It doesn't think about anyone besides itself. It wakes us up in the middle of the night and doesn't mind pooping in its pants because it knows someone else will change it. It doesn't see anyone else. But it has a desperate need to drink from its source. The Jewish people without Moshe are dancing in front of golden calf. They desperately need to drink from holy waters. They desperately want to get to Eretz Yisrael. To be redeemed. They need a source of life to get them there. To be that intermediary. Because they don't have faith. They don't have an ima. There's no mother cow in sight. So they make their own cow. They take the gold of Egypt and they dance and bow down and sacrifice to that. They make their own circles. The word for these dance circles is mecholot. They forgive themselves. They don't need anything more. And thus, Moshe finds them when he comes back. It is those self-serving circles around themselves that don't connect to Hashem that nurse from tumah that upsets him more than anything else. In a word we had serious Mommy Issues.
What does he do? He casts the tablets down. The tablets of which the first five which begin with I Am Hashem who took you out of Egypt. Hashem who birthed you. Hashem who is your Mother and source. Those first five commandments conclude with honoring your father and mother. Seeing that the source where you will nurse that faith from is your parents. Your Av and Eim. They are what gives you long life. They are your connection to Egypt. To Sinai. To who you are. To where you need to drink from. Someone that doesn't have that relationship with their Mother, their father, that has Mommy or Daddy issues will never have a source to connect to the top. They remain an eigel. They see themelves as being self-sufficient. And all the have is bitter waters to drink as a result.
The second five tablets correspond to that same concept, but on understanding how that then plays out into our interaction with our fellow men. Our brothers and sisters. We're all from one Mother and Father. We all have one source. Those were the Dinim that we were taught in Marah. The first time we asked for a drink. When we first learned about that mother cow.
Moshe takes that golden calf and burns it up and makes us drink it. He shows us how a circle an eigel that only revolves around ourselves is bitter. It's a sota. It's not a real relationship. It's a betrayal. It's tumah. It's death. It's brother killing brother and father killing son. It's distance from Hashem. It's Him not being with us. It's sending an angel to lead us instead of Him. It's a surrogate parent. It's formula milk. Similac. Although in Israel fascinatingly enough its called Ma-terna… hmmm… So much closer to Ima. That's the result of the sin of the Golden Calf and it is that sin that our sages tells us lies at the heart of all that we've suffered and have gone through until the final redemption. It's the bitter waters that we still drink, until we have that red heifer once again to reconnect to the source and purify us in the Holy Living Waters of Hashem.
In Shilo today there are three red heifers waiting to be burnt up. I take my tourists there all the time to see them. Those cows were discovered and brought over here during Corona. It was actually because of Corona that they were born and discovered because since the government wasn’t' really functioning, the owners never had to tag them which would've invalidated them, as there was no real FDA in effect. It's also how they were able to get them into Israel. The period of Corona in retrospect was kind like being in a womb. We were locked down. Locked up. We could barely breathe with that farkakteh mask. We were badad- in isolation. Yet, I noted at the time that the word ba'dad also means that we were at the place from were we nurse and suckle. We were in arms of our beloved Mother. We had faith and realized that there was no other Power besides Hashem. And we drank from that faith for over a year. And it was then that the Red Heifers were born.
A few years later we find ourselves locked up again. This time though we keep going into bomb shelters. It's a larger womb. This one is more than just our immediate family. It's everyone on the block. There are sirens going on outside and missiles falling all over and we're not scared. We're in the arms of Hashem. We have faith. Our Mommy issues are almost over. We know there is no one else that we can count on. That we can drink from. Miracles are happening. The Geula is on its way. Purim has just ended. Amalek is being wiped out like never before and we see the prophecies unfolding before our very eyes in ways and scenarios that are biblical scale miraculous. We're coming close to our anniversary. To the holiday of Pesach from when we were born.
I noticed how interesting it is that the redemption of Purim came through Queen Esther. She is the child who has no mother and no father. She doesn't reveal where she is born from. That is the hiddenness. That is Esther. That becomes revealed at the end of the story. She is the Eim Ha'Malchus. She will be the mother of King Darius who will allow the Jews to return for the second commonwealth and rebuild the Bais Ha'Mikdash. Purim is over once again. We read the story. We lived the story this year. May we merit as well to burn up those Red Heifer of Shilo and sprinkle the living waters of Hashem and redemption and what the Haftorah tells us is the resurrection of the dead, as we see listen for that shofar blast telling us the day has finally arrived.
Have a moooiridikeh Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
" Vos a kind zol nit der’raiden, vet di muter im farshtain..- Whatever a child babbles, its mother will understand.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc--CmZpyno&list=RDoc--CmZpyno&start_radio=1 – Nissim Black is back with this PURIM song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1U98v5N5L6U&list=RD1U98v5N5L6U&start_radio=1 - A new Simcha Leiner Drop. Aneinu
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYAolaOvEaE&list=RDfYAolaOvEaE&start_radio=1 - A Shabbos in a Krectchmeh Medley… love it..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8RJfJtskjE&list=RDj8RJfJtskjE&start_radio=1 – Not Acapella Season but love this aprorpriate Kippa live Am Yisrael Chai medely in the Shuk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHBCPUVfJ7I&list=RDzHBCPUVfJ7I&start_radio=1 – Hashem Ish Milchama- Shloimie Gertner
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
23. The border between the Land of Israel and Transjordan was first established in modern
times during _______ rule.
Upon planning of the National Water Carrier of Israel, which considerations led to the
decision to pump the water from the Sea of Galilee - and not from the Jordan river?
A. Security considerations
B. Engineering considerations
C. Environmental/ecological considerations
D. Economic/budgetary considerations
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
The last Prophecy - 368 BC- Purim is over. The Temple started being built and some Jews, the Rabbis, Zerubavel many leaders and serious people returned. Most stayed. They figured they'd come in a bit when it quieted down and unfortunately as we said last week. Koresh's declaration ended. They were forbidden to come. The Iron curtain closed on them. They missed the chance. And then since they didn't all come back and at the behest of the Shomronim/Kutim that were in Israel the work on the Temple had been halted. The short-lived geula seemed to be drying up. The story of Purim would have to come for us to really understand that Hashem wanted from us.
Daniel was at that time living in Shushan HaBira in Persia/ Iran. When he heard what happened with Koresh he made a journey to go talk to him to try to see if he could get him to back down. If this sounds familiar, think Bibi heading over to Trump. You can't make this stuff up. Hashem was serious when He tells us to learn our history. On the way by the Chidekel river which is the Tigris River that flows from Iraq he has a vision, his last vision from the angel Gavriel. There he tells him about the End of Days. This prophecy is a hidden one although much of it concerns the entire second Temple period. There he tells him about the downfall of Persia, of the rise of Alexander of Greece. Of the divided kingdom between Egypt and Syria and the ultimate rising of the Roman empire. The entire period of the second Temple is revealed to him. But he doesn't stop there.
The prophecy continues with all types of allusions to the rise of Christianity and Islam. It even describes the final battle between Yishmael and Edom that we are currently experiencing. He describes a battle on Jerusalem and ultimately even the wrath of Hashem falling on Edom and avenging His nation. This is followed by the coming of Mashiach and the resurrection of the dead. It's mind-blowing stuff. It's hidden. Daniel asks for dates and timelines. But that's beyond the Malach's payroll. He just assures him that we will all do teshuva. We will come home. The end of days will be here and the glory of Hashem will be revealed.
It's said that we have more prophecy today then ever before. For then it was only visions and metaphors and cryptic messages. Today we see them all fulfilled. We're living it. We're watching it unfold. The end is near. We just need to make sure we don't repeat the mistakes of the past.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE MOMMY JOKES OF THE WEEK
Son: “Mom, can I have $20?”
Mom: “Does it look like I am made of money?”
Son: “Well, isn’t that what M-O-M stands for?”
“It’s spicy” is a universal mom code for “I don’t want to share.
When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."
What three words solve Dad’s every problem? Ask your mother.
My nickname is Mom. But my full name is “Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.”
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
Kid: “What’s a man?”
Dad: “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”
Kid: “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
Before having kids, every mom thinks she’ll be a super-chill mom.
That’s because, at that point, we had no idea they’d break all our stuff, make ridiculous demands, and take roughly 10 years to get out of the car
What did baby corn ask mommy corn? Where is pop corn?
What did the lazy child say to his mom on Mother’s Day when she was about to do the dishes? “Relax Mom… you can just do them in the morning.”
The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"
"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."
Satisfied, the child goes away.Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"
"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a feather floated down and landed on your head."
The little girl smiles and goes on her way. A few moments later the youngest child runs into the room and says: "WARGLBARGLAAHRGLB?"
The mother says: "Be quiet, Refrigerator."
Here’s a joke my dad told me: What do you get when you cross mommy and daddy? A mistake
What did the daddy fire say to the mommy fire when their child graduated? "That's ar-son"
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
What did the mommy spider say to the Baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
I hate when I’m waiting for mom to cook dinner, and then I remember I am the mom, and I have to cook dinner.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious
There is a legend that if you take a shower and scream “Mom!!!” three times, a nice lady appears with the towel you forgot..
When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.
Son: “Mom, what’s a weekend?”
Mom: “I don’t know, sweetheart, I haven’t had one since you were born.”
Why do Mothers have to have two visits to the optometrist? Because they also have eyes in the back of their head.
You know you’re a mom when you say I’m going to donate these bags of clothes to Goodwill. But first, I’m going to drive around with them in my trunk for four months
You know you’re a mom when you understand why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold.
You know you’re a mom when picking up another human to smell their butt isn’t only normal, but necessary.
Mom’s recipe for iced coffee:
Have kids.
Make coffee.
Forget you made coffee.
Put it in the microwave.
Forget you put it in the microwave.
Drink it cold.
What do you call a mom who can’t draw? Tracy.
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
I would write a book about parenting, but it would just be filled with rants about doing everything myself. And cocktail recipes.
Mother to son: “I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me!”
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The answer to this week's question is A–Again not an easy one but I got it right. The first part was easy. The Two state solution was of course developed under the British mandate. If it were up to the Jews with our small heads it would've happened. Thank God the Arabs knew it's an all our nothing thing. It's supposed to be even more than the River to the Sea. We're meant to get the other side of the Jordan River as well. So it hasn't happened and will never happen until we delare ur rightful sovereignty over the entire biblical borders of Israel as Hashem promised us. The second part wasn't as easy. Yet the correct answer is security. See we needed the water carrier to come from Kinneret because it was total surrounded by Israel on all sides as opposed to the Jordan which had our enemy on the other side of the River. So continuing our streak here with a new score of Rabbi Schwartz having a 16.5 points and the MOT having 6.5 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.
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