Insights
and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
May 11th 2018 -Volume
8 Issue 2th Iyar 5778
Parshat
Bechokotai
{Behar
and Bechukotai - for Diaspora}
Dear
Uncle Mendy…
Dear Uncle Mendy,
As I write these final words to you, I’m
picturing myself standing in front of your aron-your coffin. What are you doing
there? How can you be there? You always told me that “Ephraim I’ll always be
there for you”? So where are you now when we need you so much? How do you just
leave us like that?
It was just two months ago when you sent me an
E-Mail “Call Me”. When I did, you told me how we don’t spend enough time
together. How you want to see the children. How you come in all the time and we
never get a chance to spend the time like we used to. To see my children- your
brother Olav hashalom- O”BM - my father’s grandchildren. Can we come for
Shabbos? Can we spend it with you? I told you how incredible that would be and
that I would make it happen.
After I hung up the phone I told my wife about
the call. It was strange. We always had a love relationship. I always knew that
I could call you and that you would take time and listen to me. But a whole
Shabbos together? By your request? Where you sick? Where you dying? I was
nervous.
We had
the Shabbos of our life with you that weekend. You told us stories of Babby and
Zaydy, of my father. You played and talked to the kids. Yelled at me a bit
about my shlumpy shirt. It was the greatest Shabbos, we could have had. My
children could’ve had with their famous Uncle Mendy. He wasn’t Klal Yisrael’s
Uncle Mendy that Shabbos. He was ours. He was the Uncle Mendy of my childhood.
The one that I remember would visit us in Detroit. That we went to Cleveland to
play with. That wouldn’t’ stop singing up my bar mitzva drasha until my Savta
held a seltzer shpritz bottle to his head.
After Shabbos we went for a walk and you told me
how much that Shabbos meant to you. How wonderful it was. How we had to do it
again. I told you, that I really didn’t want to mention it but the truth is I
was nervous the whole Shabbos that you had some bad news to tell me. Who knows
some terminal illness or something god forbid. You smiled and told me that it
is was a shame that we don’t’ do this often enough. And we will…
I told you then that you were my link to myMesora-my
heritage and tradition. You were the person I looked up to convey all that my
father never had the ability to, that Babbi and Zaydie never could or did tell
us. So where are you now? Why are you in this Aron?
You used to tell me that you loved Eretz
Yisrael. It was the most special place in the world to you. You would move here
tomorrow even, you told me. There’s one problem however, you said. There are
Israelis that live there….
So now
you are here with all the Israelis. Here on Har Menuchos. The last place I
think any of us ever thought that you would be so soon.
You would sit on your porch in Rechavia and you
would plan out your “golden years”. You didn’t have big plans for those years.
You just wanted to sit on that porch and look out at Hashem’s beautiful land, His
country, His city and His people… You wanted to bask in the glow of an oilam
misukan b’malchus shadai- a world that had been made complete with the Kingdom
of Hashem. But that world wasn’t complete yet. There was still too much pain,
too much suffering, too much poverty, not enough Torah. You couldn’t sit on
that porch of yours because you understood that Hashem had made you his gabbai
on this world to fix it. And if you’re the gabbai of Hakodosh Baruch Hu, then
you can’t just sit on the porch and enjoy your small little piece of heaven.
Hashem didn’t bless you with what he gave you so you could make yourself a nice
little home. He gave it to you because He wanted to make Him that home.
You would tell me that in the early years of
your life, of your business, you worked for your family. Once you didn’t have
to do that anymore, then unlike most people that would just sit back and enjoy,
you understood that now you were working for Klal Yisrael. To pay the bills
that they couldn’t pay, to provide the services that they couldn’t afford to
provide, to heal the people that no one else even would admit needed to be
healed.
Now unlike most people that are working for
someone else’s good; someone that is employed in the non-profit world that
would put in their hours and then come home to sleep. You felt an even bigger
acharayus-responsibility in being the Parnas Hador then you did when you were
working for your own good and family’s needs.
I
remember by Dina’s and Shmullys wedding the next morning, after a night of
dancing all night, you came down to shacharis and I said to you. “Nuuu.. gut
Gshloffen-did you sleep good?” You responded in words that I thought were just
a joke “Oib ich shluf- Iz shoin gut-if I sleep, it’s already good”. Little did
I know or perhaps even you knew, how true those words were and would be even
more so in the future. Normally when I called America I have to wait for
American hours. Morning time here in Israel which is 2,3, 4 ,5 AM in the States
is not a time when I could talk to anyone. Except you… You were there in the
evening hours as well… You were always there. Except of course when you were
flying all over, which was also quite often. But even then. It was “Ephraim I’m
getting on a place call me in an hour or two hours when I land.” You never
slept, you had too much to do.
So how is it that you are sleeping now? I know
you would say that after 120 you’ll be able to sleep. You still owe us 55
years. Hashem’s world still needs to be fixed. I still need you. Doda Ita needs
you, your most loved possessions in the whole world Edna -Emir, Shmully-Dina,
Yoni-Sho and Nati and Channy need you. You’re grandchildren who you loved more
than anything and your great grandchild that will never know his Zaydi Zaydi
all need you.
Your brother, my father, Yonah olav hashalom
made you promise that you would take care of Me and Gitty. That you would
always be there for us. And you were. You walked down my Chupa, you were by my
simchas, by my Yonah’s Bris in New York and his Bar Mitzva in Israel. You
walked down my Shanis chupa and danced all night long with me there. You even
flew in a month ago for my first grandchild’s bris where you handed the baby to
my father who was the Sandek. My father who you always called your brother, as
my mother was always your shvester your sister.
You were there for Gitty’s Simchas as well, her
chasuna, her bar mitzvas, just a week and a half ago you called her and told
her how much nachas you got when Aron Shlomo and Noson- Chanies husband.- I’m
just saying that because you probably forgot his name. You were never great
with names. You always had Doda Ita to remind you. - But you told her how much
nachas you had and how much it meant to you that they came to kever of Babby
and Zaiydi for the yartzeit.
Yes you were there for us always. But your job
was not done. Your promise has not been fulfilled. We still need you. We have
more simchas I”YH that we need you to be by. More chupas more brisim. More
uncomfortable speeches that we need you to make and break down crying for in
middle. As you would get all choked up knowing that you were the representative
of my father, of Babby and Zaydie. That you were the person that was charged
with being there for all of us. So how can you not be here? How can you be in
this aron? How could Hashem have taken you so soon, so young, when there was so
much you still had to do…
Shlomo Hamelech in Mishlei tells us “tzedaka
tatzil mimaves-charity saves one from death”. Was there a greater Baal Tzedaka?
I have read many obituaries and they all start off Reb Mendy Klein “askan-community
activist”. They didn’t know you. They didn’t know that you were not really an
askan. That you were a guy that liked to sit in the back of the shteeble with
the “boys”. That you were never the macher or the person that even sought to be
“Oisek b’tzarchei tzibur-deal with the communal needs”. There are other people
like that. They seek the limelight, they seek the hock, the tumult, the
negotiations, the politics. That wasn’t you. You would’ve been more than happy
to sit on your porch, to learn with your grandchildren, to just be together with
the love of your life.
No you weren’t an askan. You were a ranchman-one
who was filled with compassion. You were someone that couldn’t bear to see
people in pain, people in need, people that were suffering. You used to tell me
that your objective was to put Tzvi Gluck-the founder of the organization that
meant so much to you that helped children that had been abused, out of
business. To even put the poverty crisis in Eretz Yisrael out of business-
which would mean most tzedaka organizations- by providing people the tools and
skills that they needed with Temech and other organizations. You wanted to put
tuition crisis’s that are eating up American families out of business by
getting legislation passed, and other means. This was not askanus. This was
rachmanus. This was someone who couldn’t bear to see others in tzar-in pain. So
where is the tzedaka that is tatzil mimaves? Is it perhaps that maves doesn’t
mean physical death? That there are many people with so much money and no joy
in life because they hoard it and they are to a large degree “Walking Dead” Reshaim
afilu bachayehem nikraim meisim- the wicked even when they are alive are
considered dead. And that you recognized that tzedaka is what gives you life in
this world. It is what you are living for. It saves you from the ‘living death’
of one who does not use what he is given to bring more life into the world. To
bring more of the shechina-the Divine presence into world.
The Gemara in Avoda Zara tells us that the world
was created for 6000 years. The first 2000 is tohu-empty and barren. The second
2000 is era of torah and the third 2000 that we are now in is yemos hamashiach-the
days of the coming of Mashiach. The Gaon of Vilna in shir hashirim explains
that the world stands on three things torah avoda and gmilus chesed and after
we were thrown out of our land weno longer have torah as it says in Eicha Malka
vsarahea bagoyim ein torah- Her (Jerusalem’s)kings and princes are in the
nations- there is no Torah . We don’t
have the temple service anymore, as prayer is merely in place of avoda, All
that remains is gemilus chesed as chazal say when the Temple was destroyed the
rabbis were scared the world wouldn’t be able to stand and Reb Yochanan Ben Zakai
said we still have chesed. These last 2000 years, the force and power that will
bring Mashiach is the koach hachesed. It is the aovda of the generation, and
you were that paradigm. That’s what is holding the world up. That’s how you
were holding the world up.
But it wasn’t just the tzedaka you gave. It was how
you gave it. With humility, without the one thing that you hated more than
anything and that was kavod-honor. You ran from it. You would tell me that your
policy was that an organization that put your name on it when you wrote them a
check would be the last check they received from you. I, as many, were in shock
to see the recent ads honoring you from a major national organization. Many
people told me that they had never even heard of you until that ad came out. It
was the first time that I could remember that you had agreed to allow yourself
to be “honored. Although I know that you
didn’t feel it was and that it went against every grain in your body. I told
myself that the only reason you would even be willing to be moser nefesh-sacrifice
your soul for your precious ideal- and I truly feel that you felt that way, by
allowing yourself to be honored was because you felt that it would give the
largest platform to stand up and talk about an issue that you felt needed to be
talked about. Little did you or anyone know that it ultimately in fact become
mesirus nefesh mamash-literally be the sacrifice of your life.
How can it be that one of the greatest donors in
Klal Yisrael and most people outside of Cleveland and who aren’t in the fundraising business
don’t even know who you are? It’s because Hashem granted you that wish that you
should be able to maintan your matan b’seser-your hidden gifts. Your hatzne
lechet, your humility and modesty.
You passed away on Lag Ba’omer. It is the day
after the 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva died 2000 years ago. Those students
our sages tell us were niftar because they weren’t noheg kavod zeh bazeh-they
did not treat each other with honor. They worried too much about their own
kavod-honor and couldn’t see the kavod in the other. They were niftar in the
first 32 days of the Omer counting-32 in fact being the gematria of the word
Kavod. Lag Ba’omer is the day that it all ended. It is when the light of Rebbi
Shimon Bar Yochai shined through the world. Rebbi Shimon was the one who saw in
each Jew the ben melech-the prince. The most drunk bresalver dancing in the
street is a ben melech, the persecuted, the distant, the Russians so far from
yiddishkeit they are all benei melachim-princes. And he was repaired that flaw.
Rebbi Shimon didn’t seek kavod himself, because he was too busy finding it and
bringing it out in everyone else, and he continues to do that until today… That
is the day that Hashem took you from us. What more appropriate day for the man
who ran from kavod and brought out the ben melech in everyone he could find.
A rosh yeshiva told me that he wanted to write a
thank you letter to Uncle Mendy after he received a generous donation and the
check stated that all correspondence should go to the person who handled the
checks. No letters of thanks were even permitted to go to him. He wasn’t the
one giving the donation, he was merely the shaliach-the messenger of Hashem. In
that way you were truly like Moshe Rabbeinu who has the same shoresh neshoma-“soul
spark” as Rebbi Shimon, an eved Hashem- a true dedicated servant, a shaliach
who saw himself merely being charged with handing out the blessing Hashem gave
him. You didn’t feel you even deserved thanks or appreciation. It wasn’t your
money it was the money Hashem gave you to disburse and fix the world with.
How can it be that someone who was so dedicated
to the mitzva of kibud av v’eim-Honoring ones parents, was not meritorious
enough to be maarich shanim-lengthy years as well as yamim-days on this world.
Babbi and Zaydi were your life. There wasn’t a thing you wouldn’t do for them. There
wasn’t an indignity you wouldn’t endure- you would even scoff and be baffled
that it would be considered anything less than the kavod Hashechina-the honor
of the Divine when you would serve them.
You understood intrinsically that kibud av veim is on the side of the luchos Ten
Commandments that is bein adam lamakom-between Man and God because you saw in
your parent the shechina mamash. The mesirus nefesh they had, the hell they
survived for you, their unwavering faith In Hashem that they transmitted to you
was the Shechina itself. And you served them like the Kohen gadol, the High Priest, in the Beis
Hamikdash. How little we are compared to you in the way you fulfilled that
mitzvah? How much you serve as role model that I don’t even think any of us can
even come close to attaining.
The love and dedication you had in fulfilling
that promise you made to Zaydi and Babbi that you would always take care of
your sister Agi. How you never left her, how you supported and continue to
support her. How you were her rock, her whole world. How her children, Ami,
Yael and Yoni, like Me, Gitty and Rivky and Gedalia were like your own
children. How you shepped so much nachas, gave so much of yourself and your
resources because you always said that family is the most important of all. How
can you leave us? We are orphaned, a second time. You were all that was left
for Doda Agi, You were supposed to be there always…
I never knew my father. You were that figure
that connected me to him, that I saw him in, that would connect me to Babbi and
Zaydi and all of the generations of our mesora. You were the Ish Hamesora. You
were the bridge that infused in everything you did an awe of gedolim our
religious leaders,, of rabbanim, of rebbes. You were the only living person
that I could turn to find out what our minhag-family custom was. What Zaydi
did, what he would say. Now you are part of that mesora that I have to pass on
and I don’t know it enough and never will…
The only answer to how you can be there in that
aron in front of me, Uncle Mendy, is perhaps in that other great monument that
was connected to your neshoma-your holy soul. Mama Rachel. Rachel was buried on
the side of the road in order to be mispalel, to pray, for her children. To
bring them out of our long and bitter
Exile,our galus, to bring the geula-our redemption. Rachel Immeinu touched you
more than anything because you also cried for Hashem’s children. You also felt
that immense agonizing never-ending pain of the downtrodden, the tzaar of a
galus too too long. Hashem is misaveh betifilasam shel tzadikim- He is desirous
of the prayers of the righteous and particularly Mama Rachel who unlike
everyone else refuses to stop crying, refuses to stop working, refuse to loz up
as long as there is still pain in this world. Perhaps, perhaps Hashem needed
you to continue your work right next to our Mama. To keep turning up the tears
to cry, to feel, to agonize, to implore and to never let anyone- even the
basheffer, our Creator, say that it can’t be done, the time is not right.
So Uncle Mendy, your 120 years are not up yet.
You can’t yet sleep, You can’t yet shluf, You are still on the job. Daven and
cry, daven with Zaydi, with Babbi, with my father OB”M.. Daven for your
children, for you einiklach, for me for Gitty, for Rivky and Gedalia. Daven for
my mother your shvester and for my father your brother.
Daven for doda Agi, her pain is so great you
have left her so lonely. For Ami, Yael for Yoni. Never stop davening and crying
for Doda Ita. She was your life, your queen your partner your truest eizer
knegdo. She needs you to comfort her, to console her, to be there with her
always.
We are still so far from the tikun Olam that you
wanted and needed. Klal Yisrael has so many tzrachim, so much tzar and pain
still. Your job is not over. You have left the greatest yorshim inheritors with
the greatest yerusha-inheritance, possible. They will have you in front of
their eyes every day in the same way that you had Zaydi in front of yours. They
will carry on your torch here in this world. And in that you have completed
that job.
So maybe you are here in this aron because this
is the only place that you can really bring the tikun to the whole world from.
And if that’s the case Uncle Mendy, then as painful as it is and as empty as I
feel… I can then say good bye,
I will love you always, and I ask your forgiveness,
although I know that anything that we ever argued and fought about it was only
because of the love we had for one another. But I ask you and beg you anyways.
Because I miss you so so much.
Your nephew Ephraim.
This week’s Torah portion, the one that reconnects
us to our brothers in the Diaspora contains the Torah portion that describes
the frightening portion of the admonition that we are given if we don’t follow
the mitzvos, if we don’t cherish the holiness of the land of Israel, if we
don’t consider our obligations to take the blessing of the land Hashem has
given us and share it with the needy. The warnings are graphic, they are scary.
We have seen the fulfillment of many of them. This is what we are told to read
before the holiday of Shavuot because, Shavuot is the time of Judgement for the
trees of the Land. We read this, as we do the other admonition in Devarim
before Rosh Hashana, so that “the year and its curse should end”. Shavuot shall
come and we will read the Book of Ruth, the book of kindness, charity and
compassion. In that book the spark of Mashiach is found. May Uncle Mendy’s
passing inspire each of us to bring out that spark in each other, and may we
finally bring that perfect world that he is now working upstairs as well to
achieve speedily in our days.
Have a inspired Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz
**************************************************************
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S
FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
“Der toit klapt min nit oiffen tir”- Death does not knock on the door”
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF
THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
Q: A stamen is:
A. The organ of the flower that
produces the pollen
B. The name of an insect that
helps pollination
C. The part that connects the
flower to the stem
D. The pollen
RABBI SCHWARTZ COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGLA79z_Brk
-
a
beautiful shabbis medley including Kah Echsoif…My Uncle Mendy would’ve loved
this
https://vimeo.com/268582166 - My Eulogy
https://youtu.be/M9mdDWCtXQ8 - Beautiful
eulogies from his grandchildren
https://vimeo.com/amudim - Links
to other friends and family members eulogies
https://youtu.be/wjm1yLVds5A
– My good friend the Rechnitz
twins against the LA Lakers! At least something up beat!
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S HAFTORA CONNECTION OF THE
WEEK
Bechukosai- As
the Parsha that we read has the power to speak to whatever we undergo, it is
like the heavenly newspaper to understand and focus on what is happening in our
day to day life. This haftora as well serves that same function. So as I read
the Haftora, this week, which certainly connects to the Parsha and its words of
rebuke, warning, and exhortation to have faith in rough and challenging times.
I see those same words screaming to me from the Haftorah that truly embody much
of my Uncle’s life.
Jeremiah 17:7-8.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the G‑d, to whom G‑d will be his trust. For
he shall be like a tree planted by the water, and which spreads its roots out
into a stream, so it will not be affected when heat comes, and its leaves shall
be green, and in the year of drought will not be anxious, neither shall it
cease from bearing fruit."
I
wonder about his place right now and I read the words of the prophet that tells
us
I, the Lord, search
the heart, test the kidneys, to give everyone according to his ways, according
to the fruit of his deeds.
Each
person receives what is coming to him. Hashem sees the inside, the kishkas, not
what is the outside. Only Hashem needs to know of the hidden kindness and will
reward him undoubtedly.
Yirmiyahu
then contrasts people that make their money unjustly, how the die at half their
age… Yes he did die very young, but the prophet then tells us their death is
one that is ignoble and dishonored in the end. Uncle Mendy’s departing with
1000’s of mourners around the world was anything but ignoble. In fact it was
perhaps more honor that he ever had in his entire life.
His
death the prophet tells us
As a Throne of Glory,
exalted from the beginning, so is the place of our Sanctuary.
It
is the honor of Hashem. That is all he lived for and that is the conclusion of
the hafotrah and the prayers he is saying for our people up in heaven
Heal me, Hashem, then
shall I be healed; help me, then I shall be helped, for You are my praise!
Yes
the haftorah is a way to be consoled and finding meaning and messages for our
personal lives.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S
AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
In honor of my Uncle I
include this oldie with a few new details
Rachel’s Tomb- PART II 1550BC- It was just a few years ago that I remember
going to Rachel’s Tomb on the side of the road in the streets of Beit Lechem.
The bus would drop us off in the front and we went in. The arabs outside didn’t
bother us. They tried to sell us stuff. After Bibi Netanyahu in the Wye
agreements of 1998 gave the city to the Palestian authority that he had created
and armed and pretty much forbade Jews from going there it was downhill from
there. The Arabs emboldened by this free gift which was perceived as Israeli weakness
made the place difficult to get to, unsafe and it was cordoned off ultimately.
One day
about 12 years ago it was visited by my Uncle Mendy. He saw the place was full
of garbage and when he inquired about its state he was told that there was a
strike. It was unexceptable that the “Mama” should be so desecrated and under
Israeli control to add insult to injury. He immediately got a private garbage
truck to collect it all. That first step led to a long 7 year journey of
rehabilitation of the building to its glorious structure that it is today. One
of his conditions of the construction was that no prayers should ever be
interrupted. The building and construction had to work around the worshippers.
The “Mama” was never to be closed for business. As well he funded the Kollel
that would study there all day. The Mama should always have the sound of Torah
near here.
A few
years back, he saw some Torah scrolls for sale at Soethebys auction. He was not
a collector of Judaica, but these ancient scrolls that date back 700-800 years
to the times of Maimonides, touched something in him. He was scared that they
would fall in the hands of non-Jews or others that might not treat with the
reverence and dignity that they deserve. So they were bought and brought to the
Mama’s house to watch over them.
Today
when you go to Kever Rachel and pray to our Mama, please have in mind the soul
of the man who restored the dignity to her and to the tens of thousands that
come to bring our prayers and tears to add to hers before Hashem. Reb Menachem
Moshe ben Naftali Hertzka, I promise to always tell your story when I am there.
PART I
(from a previous week)
Where is
the tomb of Rachel? Most people would seem to say that is quite obvious right
outside of modern day Beit Lechem where it says here tomb is. The truth is upon
looking at the sources it might seem not so simple. On the one hand the Torah
tells us that Rachel died on the way to Efrat which is Beit Lechem. In the
South of Jerusalem. On the other hand in the book of Shmuel it mentions that
the tomb of Rachel is on the border of the tribe of Binyamin which would put it
in the North of Jeursalem. As well the Midrash notes that Rachel was buried
there to cry for her children when they would be exiled from Jerusalem by
Nevuchadnezzar. If that were true then she would be in the North of Jerusalem
as that is the direction they were exiled- not South. So there are those that
place it near Har Choma in the North of Jerusalem. Earliest sources for our
location of Kever Rachel are Christian interestingly enough that mention the
tomb there. We have some of the Rishonim and early journeyers to Eretz Yisrael
that describe the building as having 12 stones according to the tribes of
Israel that were established there and how visitors would write their names on
the walls.
The
Ramban- Nachmanides is perhaps most interesting in where he originally felt it
was in the North of Jerusalem but upon coming to Israel and visiting the site,
he changed his mind. Maybe he felt her spirit. Regardless Kever Rachel today is
certainly one of the most holy places to pray in Israel. I always like to point
out to people that Rachel is buried there to pray for the redemption. That is
what she is crying for. It is therefore only appropriate that when we come
there to pray for whatever it is that we daven for, that we as well pray for
the Geula, the redemption, Mashiach and the return of our people to our home.
That is what the Mama is crying for, shouldn’t we….
RABBI
SCHWARTZ’S VERY MORBID DEATH JOKES OF THE WEEK
Berel went on vacation and asked Yankel to watch
over his house. About a week later, Berel calls home and asked "How's
my cat?"
Yankel hesitated and sadly told Berel his cat died.
"What?! You shouldn't have broken the news to me like that! You should have done it slowly. The first time I called, you should have told me she was on the roof. The second time I called, you should have said there was no way to get her down. The third time I called, you should have told me that you tried to get her off the roof, but she fell down and died," explained Berel
Bobby apologized and went about his day.
About a week later, Berel called again and asked "How's my Granny?"
There was a long silence and then Yankel replied. "Well, she's on the roof
Yankel hesitated and sadly told Berel his cat died.
"What?! You shouldn't have broken the news to me like that! You should have done it slowly. The first time I called, you should have told me she was on the roof. The second time I called, you should have said there was no way to get her down. The third time I called, you should have told me that you tried to get her off the roof, but she fell down and died," explained Berel
Bobby apologized and went about his day.
About a week later, Berel called again and asked "How's my Granny?"
There was a long silence and then Yankel replied. "Well, she's on the roof
Hillary Clinton goes to a psychic who
tells her: "Prepare yourself for widowhood ... Your husband is
about to die a violent death."
Mrs. Clinton takes a deep breath and replies: "Will I be acquitted?"
Mrs. Clinton takes a deep breath and replies: "Will I be acquitted?"
Zaydie Moishe is lying on his deathbed with his children,
grandchildren, and older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the
approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man is in a
terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over
within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and
croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven! I smell your
grandmother's strudel!"
"No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now."
"I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a piece?", the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.
One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed.
"Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man asks.
"I'm very sorry, Zayide, but she says it's for the Shiva."
"No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now."
"I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a piece?", the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.
One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed.
"Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man asks.
"I'm very sorry, Zayide, but she says it's for the Shiva."
The Kollel Rabbis were discussing the unforeseen possibility
of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, " We will all
die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a
better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event."
"Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment."
Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?"
A gentleman said, "I would go out into my community and do outreach work to those that do not yet know how special Hashem is."
"Very good!", said the Rabbi, and all the others agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
One Rabbi then spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my remaining time to giving charity and helping the poor and the needy."
"That"s wonderful!" the Rabbi again commented, and all the Rabbis agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
But one little tzadk in in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, "I would go to my shviggers (mother-in-laws) house for the 4 weeks."
Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, "Why your mother-in-law's home?"
"Because that will make it the longest 4 weeks of my life!"
"Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment."
Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?"
A gentleman said, "I would go out into my community and do outreach work to those that do not yet know how special Hashem is."
"Very good!", said the Rabbi, and all the others agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
One Rabbi then spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my remaining time to giving charity and helping the poor and the needy."
"That"s wonderful!" the Rabbi again commented, and all the Rabbis agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
But one little tzadk in in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, "I would go to my shviggers (mother-in-laws) house for the 4 weeks."
Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, "Why your mother-in-law's home?"
"Because that will make it the longest 4 weeks of my life!"
************
Answer is A – This one was also pretty easy. Not that I would know what the
part of the flower that produces pollen is called if you asked me on the
street. However for a multiple choice question it was easy. Now in my course we
learned botany, although I forgot most of it, except the avocadoes J… but the course was
in Hebrew, so I knew what avkan was-the thing that produced ivka-which
is pollen, like the word avak which is dust and a Talmudic word. But
when you use process of deduction it’s pretty easy. It’s not an insect. Never
heard of such an insect. It’s definitely not pollen. And it just didn’t seem
like the part that connected the flower to stem. Not that I know what that is…
but I couldn’t imagine that they would even bother teaching us that. Do you
know what the part that connects flower to stem is. Bowl of chulent to the one
who answers first.
