from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
September 25th 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 47 14th of Tishrei 5787!
Sukkot
Go Fish
Click here below for print edition
(Weekly Newsletter - Sukkos 2026 )
I always say that Hashem has really nothing better to do with His time than to play with me. I understand that. I'm a fun guy. People spend a lot of money to hang and tour with me. I'm a fun guy to prank. I get really annoyed and stressed easily and have little patience for when things don't work out. So He gets a kick out of messing with me and then showing me that He's got it all handled. It's hilarious.
Every time he pulls one of those stunts on me, I just picture the entire heavenly court all sitting up there and cracking up with Hashem pointing down and me laughing.
"Hey look at Schwartz… wanna see something funny. Let's throw him a traffic jam and watch him freak out about making it there on time. Let's mess with his phone and make it not work, right when he needs reception. Let's put him online with some unhelpful Israeli customer service guy- the biggest oxymoron in this country- emphasis on the moron part. Let's throw his phone into the Jordan River. Let's give him a flat. Let him freak out about getting a minyan. About how he'll pay his bills. Oh here's a cool idea. Let's bring Corona to the world so he doesn't have tours. Even better let's make a war in Israel… won't that be funny to see him run to a shelter… Ha ha haaaa. Look at him go nuts… Ok now let's go save him."
See, it’s all about me, in case you didn't chap. I'm sorry if you and the rest of the world got caught into our little game we have going on here. But there's really not much you can do about. You know how hard it is to separate a man from his toys. While I'm Hashem's toy. And to be honest, I'm not complaining. He's earned the right. He pays me lots as well, and the least of it is the money. It's the health, the kids, the wife, the shul, the best job in the world, in the best land of the world. So if He wants to play around and have some fun. I'll be His Tickle-me-Schwartzy.
Now the truth is I'm not the only toy in His box. I share that toy chest with another big fish. That wasn't a metaphor, by the way. There really is another big fish in that box. In fact it's the biggest fish that was ever created. Moby Dick is Nemo in contrast to the Leviathan fish that Hashem got me cooped up with. There's a fascinating verse in Tehilim
Tehillim (104:26) You created the Leviathan to play with it.
The Talmud in Bava Basra tells as fascinating story about this toy of Hashem, that at the beginning of Creation Hashem created a male and female Leviathan whales. They're the taninim ha'gedolim mentioned in the creation story. The problem He immediately realized was that if the two of them were left to hang around they would destroy the whole world. Which would be a shame because Hashem really had put a lot of effort into this world thing. He had like a whole plan for creation. In fact it took Him a while until He finally got it straight as the midrash tells us he built and destroyed a bunch of them first. So what did He do with this fish problem He had on His hands?
Bava Basra (74: ) "He castrated the male and then he slaughtered and salted the female saving her for the future banquet for the righteous in the world to come"
The Gemara asks why Hashem didn't do the opposite. Why kill the female? Why not eat the male? It answers because female fish meat tastes better and alternatively it's not nice to say Hashem kept the female alive to be His plaything. Women are never fun to play with. Certainly not to prank. They can't handle Hashem's jokes as well as us guys.
OK, are you getting all this pretty fascinating stuff. There's one more little piece here about this fish thing that's going on and then we can try to filet it a bit. And that is that ultimately although in the future we will be having that delicious leviathan carpaccio on our menu, the male is not left out of the party either. It seems Hashem likes themes as well in the big banquet. The Gemara tells us that the hall we will be eating is a big Sukka and it will be made out of the skin of the male Leviathan. Fish skin motif, nice. I don't think even in Lakewood or Tom's River despite the water connotations of the names of those cities and yam/ sea of Torah comparisons they ever thought of that party planning idea.
It's even more than that. Each year when we go into our Sukka and in our prayers we ask Hashem that just as we merited to sit in our Sukka we should eventually merit to sit in the Fish skin Sukka of the Leviathan. Don't you think it's about time we understood what this whole thing is about? Why Fish skin sukka? Why female fish meal? Why does Hashem like playing with the Leviathan? Why create and kill them? And what's this all have to do with Sukkos?
Now the truth is I'm more of a meat and potatoes steak and chulent guy rather than fish. And the Talmud assures us that the meal in the future will have this huge mystical ox that we will be eating some prime rib from in that destined meal. But as all Jews know, you gotta have fish as an appetizer. It can be sushi. It can be gefilte. It can be morrocan fish. It can even be bagels and lox. And what's a good kiddush without some Shmaltz or Mathias herring. But a good Jewish meal has fish first. There's something special and holy about fish. Something that differentiates them from all other creatures.
All other aspects of creation, our sages tell us have a place where we have to uplift them in the Temple to Hashem. The building itself is made out of stone. The altar in on the earth. We bring our crops to Hashem, we pour wine on every sacrifice and we have offerings from the animal kingdom and even from the birds. The one creation that seems to be left out of the Temple it seems are fish. It seems Hashem, much like my wife isn't so in to it. Maybe He likes playing with it. Which seemingly He doesn't like doing with anything else besides me. I wonder if it's my smell…
Yet the Lubavitcher Rebbe and others explain that fish have another unique aspect to them over other creatures from the animal kingdom which is that they don't require slaughtering. Yank it out of the sea and then just make a bracha and fress. Eat it raw. Eat it salted. Roast it. Use it's head and eyeballs for Rosh Hashana to gross out your kids and have a happy new year at the same time. It doesn't make a difference. Birds need to be shechted. Animals as well and even need to have fats and stuff removed and salted to get out their blood. Not fish though. They're perfect the way they are. It's for that reason, our sages teach us, that they aren't used in the Temple. Because they don't need to be uplifted in any way. They're already swimming with Hashem. See, the function of the Bais Ha'Mikdash is for us human beings formed out of flesh and earth with a soul of Hashem within us to uplift the entire earthly existence and bring it close to Hashem. To bring this world up to Him. To build Him his Home out of the stone and inanimate. To shecht birds which were formed out of the element of wind closer to Him. To take the animal kingdom formed out of earth and that require even more uplifting through slaughtering and removing their blood and sprinkling it on the altar. All that brings our flesh and blood experience into His world. Into His sukkah. We're making it a Home for Him. For us.
Fish though are created from the element of water. They don't have earthly flesh. They exist entirely in the world of Hashem. They're eyes never close because they're always looking at Him. They see Him in every breath of His water they drink. They don't taste the air even of this world. It would kill them. At the beginning of creation when there was just Hashem, there was a world full of water that was separated and the earth and the hiddenness- the Olam was formed. The fish though still exist and frolic in that pre-creation water filled world. Thus, they're ready to eat as is. They're already in the Sukkah.
The Leviathan is the king of that world. It is Hashem's plaything. It's what occupies Him until He has us all back in that world. There is a male and a female. The male- the zachar- is the force of knowledge, of remembrance. It is the giver. He is the one that provides the seed to reproduce in this world. Hashem plays with Him. He teases Himself and the world and brings us closer and closer to the return to that world when we will be together with Hashem. When the whole world will know Him. When we will once again be close with Hashem without any of the illusions of separate existence where we can close our eyes to Hashem and imagine we have control or power of the world ourselves.
Hashem couldn't allow the Leviathan to hook up with his female spouse because then they would reproduce and the entire world would see Hashem. They would destroy the hiddenness of Hashem. The Olam of the world. And thus, we wouldn't have a job left to bring Hashem closer. We wouldn't have the opportunity to partner with Hashem in creation and create that world for Him. So He killed the female. He salted her. He saved her for that feast when we finally bring the world to its fulfillment. In that time, to a large degree we have become like the female Leviathan. We have built and brought the world to a recognition of Hashem. We are sitting in that skin of the Male Leviathan that Hashem will skin for us. Because we have become one with Him. We are all His new plaything and the world has been returned to it's essence.
Sukkos is the time of year when we get a taste of that. At least you in America and in the Exile countries get that only on Sukkos. Here in Eretz Yisrael it is one big Sukkah. When we eat shwarma or sushi here, we get a mitzva just like we're eating in a Sukkah. When we go ATV'ing we get a mitzva. When we raft down the Jordan. When we play Monopoly with our kids. We're getting a mitzva of living in His Land and swimming in His sea. We feel it here, all year round. Just like you feel it in your Sukkah. Sukkos is a taste of being in that ocean of Hashem 7-8 days a year. Living in Eretz Yisrael is that taste 365 days a year. Because we're part of the sea. We sea-excuse the pun- Hashem all the time. We feel Him playing with us more. And it's an awesome amazing feeling and experience.
It's not the ultimate though. The ultimate as the prophet tells us will be when the entire world will be filled with the knowledge of Hashem like the sea covers the world from sea to sea. Then our eyes will be open the entire year. There will be nothing to distract us. Every breath we take is a gulp of Him. Every step we take we are walking with Him in Gan Eden. But it starts in our Sukkah. It starts from us leaving those fake brick and mortar walls and fancy extensions that we build for ourselves. It starts from us spending as much time not running away from Him to try to do things, build things, make money, take care of… away from Him. It's about bringing all the species into our Sukka and waving it around and saying there's nothing but Him. Let's play. Go Fish. We know there's only You and that's the only reality there is. Everything else is just a prank, a game, it's stuff we thought we were in control of. But now we know, it's been You the whole time. It's time we ended the game. Playtime is over. Let's go to the banquet. I'm in the mood for some Leviathan Lox.
Three years ago, the final game began. Three years ago, on Shabbos of Sukkos when we didn't shake our Lulav and Esrog we had no idea how the end of that holiday would prove to turnout. We couldn't fathom the nightmare that took place. But it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't Hamas. It wasn't Hezbollah. It was Hashem taking us for a deep dive. It was Hashem showing us we know nothing about this world. Corona was the start. These past three years we've gotten to the bottom of the ocean. We're in His Sukka. The whole world is standing on the shore waiting for us to invite them in for a swim with us. To bring them into the skin of the Leviathan. To include them into the game and feed them from our banquet. May this year, we finally sit down at the table and have that delicious meal that's been salting for 5787 years.
Have Chag Kosher V’samayach- a Happy Sukkos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
“Geshmak iz der fish oif yenems tish..”- Tasty is the fish from someone else’s table.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
17. The direction of prayer in early Islam was toward the city of ________
What does the PEF inscription near Einot Tzukim on the Dead Sea Highway (Road 90) indicate?
A. The Dead Sea water level at the beginning of the 20th century
B. The first trail marking in Israel
C. The excavation camp for Qumran in the mid-20th century
D. The Dead Sea water level during the Second Temple period
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/ushpizin – In honor of Sukkos one of my most beautiful Sukkos songs.. and you know theres a need for a good hartzig one “Ushpizin”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvUmtRLe5N4&list=RDyvUmtRLe5N4&start_radio=1 –Elka's favorite new song- Thai Sukkas Dovid!!!
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lmaan-yeydu-vsamachta – And of course the only song you get a mitzva d’oraysa for singing in your sukka- dance away- v’samachta my composition
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epIvcgFtzHw&list=RDepIvcgFtzHw&start_radio=1 - Baruch Levine and Eli Marcus Collab Galei!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGrjVc2DOa4&list=RDBGrjVc2DOa4&start_radio=1 – Sruli Green's latest V'Samachta Bichagechu
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VgOkrC_L-Q&list=PL8CN8XjdSyu2NwKR9MhodvHg64DEEH_CX&index=1 – Shlomo Carlebach on Sukkos… Awesome..
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
The Covenant of V'Charos - 333 BC – Every morning by Shacharis we recite a prayer in Pesukei Dizmra before Az Yashir. It starts off and you Hashem are alone made the heavens and earth… Atah Hashem Levadchah Asisa… and then concluding in the next paragraph of V'Charos Imo Ha'bris remembering the covenant of Avraham Avinu. It's a strange seemingly segue prayer that follows the Halleluahs to the redemption of Sinai. Yet where does it come from and why do we say it… Get ready guys. It's a Sukkos prayer.
It's not just A Sukkos prayer it's in fact the prayer and covenant that we all made the first Sukkot of the establishment of the 2nd Temple. It's straight out of Nechemia. It's all the Jews gathering that first Sukkos after 70 years since the Holocaust of Israel and the exile to Bavel. It was over a decade since we started this return and rebuilding. And now we were finally back. We came that Sukkos in ash and sackcloth. We did Tashlich not only of our sins, but we threw out our intermarried wives. All the goyish culture We were ready to start new. Start fresh. And we said this prayer that remembered our original covenant of Avraham and the miracles and the clouds of glory. We were home with Hashem and we wanted a new beginning.
Each morning we read this prayer as we get ready to remember this redemption. We remember that return that failed in the second temple and we ask Hashem to redeem us again. May this Sukkos we see that finally happen.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE FISH JOKES OF THE WEEK
Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.
A German, a Gazan and an Israeli go fishing. They fish quite happily for a while until the German catches a huge golden fish, but as he pulls it off the hook it says "Please don't kill me! Spare my life and I'll grant you all a wish!"
The German throws the fish back and says "I wish for a mug of beer that will never empty", and immediately a foaming mug of ice-cold German ale appears in his hand. He takes a long swig and when he puts it down, it's still miraculously full! The Frenchman and Englishman are, of course, amazed.
"I wish," said the Gazan, "For a wall to be built around Gaza, ten miles high and ten miles thick, so that nobody can get in and nobody can get out."
The fish screws up its eyes in concentration for a moment then says. "Done! And what do you want?"
"Is there a wall around Gaza?" asks the Israeli
"Yes." replies the fish.
"Is it ten miles high and ten miles thick?"
"Yes."
"And can nobody get in, and nobody get out?"
"Yes."
Well then," says the Israeli, "I want you to fill it with water."
I went to the Israeli fish restaurant yesterday and told the waiter my fish was dry. The waiter said they had to take it out of the water.
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing. when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Please help me!”
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, “I thought you didn’t believe in Me!”
“Come on God, give me a break!!” the man pleaded. “Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the LochNess monster either!”
I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin. Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
Yankel gets stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.
Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?
Yankel: no sir. These are all my pet fish
Warden: your pet fish? How’s that?
Yankel: well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about a half hour, and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night.
Warden: well that’s just a crock of lies!!
Yankel: here, I’ll show you... (releases the fish into the lake).
Warden: well this I gotta see!!
(5 minutes later...)
Warden: well??
Yankel: what?
Warden: the fish!! Where’s your pet fish??
Yankel: what fish??
Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean's bottom!
What do you call a fish stuck in a tree? A fish stick!.
"Hello, I need to make an insurance claim, a fish have damaged my car."
"... a fish? We'll have to inspect the vehicle first. Where is it parked?"
"In the lake."
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses.
"Tsk Tsk!" said the passer-by to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."
So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishin', sir."
"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"
The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.
His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!
Rivkah went to her doctor for a check up. Afterwards, the doctor said to her, "I must inform you that you have a fissure in your uterus, and if you ever have a baby it would be a miracle."
As soon as she got home, Rivkah said to her husband, "You vouldn't belief it. I vent to the doctah and he told me - 'You haf a fish in your uterus and if you haf a baby it vill be a mackerel'"
A rabbi, a Chasid and a minister are out fishing in the middle of a lake. The Rabbi tells his two colleagues, "I left my fishing rod in the car; I'll be right back." He gets out of the boat, walks across the water to the beach, goes to the car, walks back across the lake, and gets into the boat. The rabbi stares at this in amazement.
30minutes later, the Chasid says, "I need to go to the toilet." He, too, gets out of the boat, walks across the water, finds the nearest men's room, walks back across the water and gets into the boat. The Priest is absolutely dumbfounded!
The Priest keeps thinking, "My faith is as great as theirs!" So he speaks up and says, "I need to get something to drink; there's a refreshment stand on the beach."
He stands up, puts his feet on the water, and SPLASH, he goes straight down under the water. The Rabbi and Chasid help him back into the boat. He is embarrassed, not to mention wet, but he knows he can do it if the other two can. So, he stands up again, steps out onto the water, and again, SPLASH!! Again, he is dragged out and again he decides to try. As he is going down for the third time, the Rabbi turns to the Chasid and asks, "Do you think we should show him where the rocks are?"
What's the difference between a compulsive person and a fat person? One has OCD and the other has OBCD
I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day. I'm tired of being fat every day.
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The answer to this week's question is A – So actually this is an interesting question that we don't like to talk about much. I almost got it wrong, as I'm so used to saying what everyone always says which is that Jerusalem doesn't appear in the Koran. So I was ready to quickly answer of course Mecca. Until I read the question again and realized it said early Islam. Then I remembered that in my course we were taught that they did in fact original daven to Jeursalem until Muhamed switched when he moved to Mecca. Meaning they also tried to steal our original faith like the Christians did. They only switched it later when he moved there to make the connection from Avraham and Akeida to Muhamed and Yishmael. The second part though was easy.The PEF rock which I pass all the time when I pass by on my way down to the Dead Sea was made by the British Palestinian Fund under the Turks trying to map out Israel and they measured it show how far the water level was, which has since shrunk by about at least a mile in the last hundred plus years from there. Which is kind of crazy. So I got this one half right and thus the new score is Rabbi Schwartz having 13.5 points and the MOT having 3.5 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.
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