Missing Mom- Parshat Chayei Sarah- 5781 /2020

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

November 13^th 2020 -Volume 11 Issue 5 26^th Cheshvan 5781

 Parshat Chayei Sarah

Missing Mom

I miss my mother, and it's not just her cooking. Aliza, pretty much has me covered on that front. I made sure of that before I married her and she hasn't let me down. I don't think I have ever gone this long in my 49 years of life without seeing my parents. It's been almost two years since Rivky's wedding when we all got together. Even when we moved to Israel, either I have been back or they have visited at least once a year. But since this Corona thing came along, neither of us are traveling anywhere, and it really stinks.

Don't get me wrong, I was never a homesick kind of kid. Hey, I went to sleepaway camp for a month when I was 6 years old and that's only because they wouldn't accept me when I was 5. Neither was I was ever a Momma's boy, my mother made sure of that, and that's despite the fact that I'm her favorite child (it's a good thing my sisters don't read my E-Mails), although Gedalia is good competition. It's also not like we don't talk at least once a week either, we even facetime sometimes-although I'm not a fan. But it's not the same. Truth is I don't even know why it's not the same. She generally will scold me the same, will get emotional and even choked with tears when she tells me she loves me and gives me those important reminders to brush my teeth, take care of my health and remember to say shema at night before I go to sleep. It's not even the hugs and kisses. I'm not such a family hugger… They're generally too emotional. There's just something about being in her presence. In both of my parent's presence-despite all of our usual fights and arguments, that is missing and the longing to see them again just grows stronger and stronger each day and each month…

OK now that I made my mother cry in the first two paragraphs, let's move on to the parsha which really gives us the essence of Jewish motherhood and the relationship between boys and their mothers. After-all it is the parsha titled after the first Jewish mother ever; Chayei Sarah- the life of Sarah. It seems the perfect book to buy and read to find out all we need to know about Jewish motherhood; the life and times of Sarah. Yet, quite the opposite. The second verse in already tells us that she died. That was quick. Short book. I want a refund. But Hashem doesn't give refunds. Now although the divisions and certainly the titles of the parshiyot were not given by Hashem, all Jewish traditions and certainly those that have to do with the study of Torah that for millennia have utilized these titles exist because of Divine inspiration. For generations the titles of each sedra were understood to define the entire theme of the parsha. If that is the case maybe we should flip a few more pages of the book that seems to us should've more aptly been "The life without Sarah" and find out what we are missing.

The first part of the story is all about her burial, and the elongated story of Avraham's negotiations to purchase the Cave of Machpela for her burial. True, the Torah tells us that Avraham eulogized Sarah and the Midrash Tanchuma even tells us that his eulogy was based on the Eishet Chayil that we sing every Friday Night-how each verse applies to everything in her life. But the Torah itself doesn't really tell us much about Sarah.

The next part and bulk of the parsha is all about Avraham swearing his servant Eliezer to find a wife for Yitzchak, (who seemingly missed his Mom's funeral) and who has kind of disappeared since the Akeida. We have the elongated and repetitive story of Eliezer testing and finding Rivka, the negotiations with Lavan and Besuel and them blessing her as she leaves (*Don't miss the great song I composed in honor of my sister Rivky's wedding with that blessing down below) They meet Yitzchak and brings her back to his Mother's tent. This is the majority of the parsha and it seems it should more appropriately be called the "Chayei Rivka" then of Sarah.

The last piece of the Parsha as well doesn't seem to have any Sarah action in it either. We are told of Avraham's remarriage to Ketura-who Chazal tells us is Hagar. The children he has with her and his sending them away as well. Finally, we have Avraham's death and burial by Yitzchak and Yishmael and then all the descendants of Yishmael. There's more Chayei Hagar and Chayei Yishmael there than Chayei Sarah and frankly to most of us it doesn’t really seem to interesting. We bought this book to find out about our mother, not our cousin's family. I would've gone to a book store in Ramalla for that.

There is a game I like to play with my tourists when I talk to them about Jerusalem. I tell them that our sages tell us that there is heavenly city of Jerusalem that directly corresponds to the one that is down here, and that I can prove it to them. I ask them how to say hand in Hebrew- they say "yad". How do you say two hands? "Yadayim!" they say very excitedly, surprisingly proud of themselves that they know something most kindergarteners know. How do you say foot, I continue? "Regel!" Two feet? "Raglayim!" Eye? "Ayin!". Two eyes? " Einayim!" Ear? "Ozen…" they reply getting sick of this game already. OK…two ears? Oznayim- now they are really getting bored. So I switch it up and ask how they say Jerusalem in Hebrew? And they say of course Yerushalayim. And I tell them they are wrong…"What?!" They check my Kippa to make sure it really is black velvet (the only kosher kind). So I show them how in the Torah it says it is called Yeru-shalem. What does Yerushal-AYIM mean? Well now they know it means two. The "ayim" suffix makes something plural. This is to teach us that there are two a Jerusalem down here and a Jerusalem up above. Walla! As we say in Hebrew…

There is another word that is really just as reflective and insightful once you have this priniciple down pat. How do we say life in Hebrew. Again seemingly easy but wrong. I imagine most of you would say chayim. Like when we drink we say ""l'chaim" to life. Except that the word life has the "ayim" suffix" to it as well. chayim means lives. Two of them. The one in this world and the one in the afterworld. In fact, there is no word for a singular life in Hebrew. Chai- means alive it doesn't mean life. Whenever we talk about a life we talk about it in the plural. It's always a doubled life. It's the life we have while we are here and the life that continues on after we leave this physical world that we put in place and are still connected to even after we're gone. Our sages tell us that the righteous even after they pass are called living. Our parsha is called Chayei Sarah because it is the lives of Sarah, for it is the story of the life of Sarah that live on even when she wasn't close enough to hug anymore.

The eternal life of Sarah starts at Mea'arat Hamachpela- the doubled cave. But it's not just the cave that is "machpela- doubled". It is in the field of Machpela that is in the area referred to as Machpela. Machpela means double. It will be the beit hachayim- the house of life, of two lives; the one where the physical ends and the eternal one begins. There is no more appropriate place to start our book about Sarah than at the purchase of Machpela for that will be the symbol that she lives on even in her departing from this physical world.

The parsha continues with Sarah's life in the finding of the spouse for her son Yitzchak. This entire story is finding someone that will fill the tent of Sarah with her light once again. Avraham realizes that he needs someone as close as Sarah as he can get to light that light of Sarah so he makes Eliezer swear and travel in order for him to find that "mother".

When Yitzchak finds Rivkah the verse tells us his reaction in such incredible terms.

Bereshit (24:67) And Yitzchak brought her to the tent of Sarah his mother, and he took Rebecca, and she became his wife, and he loved her. And Yitzchak was comforted for [the loss of] his mother.

Sarah lives in Rivkah. Her tent lives. This is after all parshat Chayei Sarah. If you aren't sure take a look at Rashi

He brought her into the tent and she became exactly like his mother Sarah — that is to say, the words signify as much as, [And he brought her into the tent] and, behold, she was Sarah, his mother).

Do you know how they say that you marry someone like your mother? Yitzchak certainly did. The three miracles that Sarah had in her tent of a light from Shabbos to Shabbos, that there was a blessing that could be tasted in her bread and that there was a heavenly cloud always present for protection are the symbols and correspond to the specific mitzvos of a woman, of a mother. Sarah had passed away for three years yet Yitzchak had not been consoled. Rashi again tells us this is the way it's meant to be, which seems strange as we know that someone who dies the mourning ends after a year. But Rashi says a fascinating eternal insight.

It is Derech Eretz the natural (and proper way) that while a man’s mother is living he is karuch- wrapped up in her, but when she dies he finds comfort in his wife.

I saw a beautiful insight in the sefer Hamisulaim Mipaz- that writes that although when a man gets married the Torah tells us that he leaves his father and mother and is davak-cleaves to his wife, that does not negate that he is still wrapped up karuch-like the word korech by our Pesach sandwich- with his mother. His wife is the person that he becomes one with. They will build a unit and a family together. That bond of being one with his mother who fed him, cared for him, worried about him and strengthened him will be replaced with his wife. But his mother will still be wrapped into everything he does. She is the one he turns to for that wisdom of his youth, for the insight that only she can provide him with as no one knows him better. No one cares as much in his heart. She is not one with him, she is not davak, but she is that external force that is wrapped around all he does. She lives in him, even though she is not with him.

It's fascinating when you think about it. None of our Matriarchs had shviggers (mother-in-laws). They missed out on that wonderful aspect of married life for a new young bride. The reason perhaps is precisely as explained above. Each one of them were a continuation of the light of the previous generation. Each one's husband was fully theirs and there was no mother wrapped up in their relationship. They inherited the light and filled the tent with that same wisdom and light that the ones before them did.

But as our book on the life of Sarah concludes it reveals that Sarah is not just the mother of Yitzchak. Sarah has other "children". Her prize student Hagar- for she wouldn't give Avraham any less and Hagar's son Yishmael, whose entire existence because Sara was his mother's shadchan. She raised the two of them to such a high level that they both even saw and communicated with angels. She's also the "mother" of Hagar who she sent away and is now brought back to Avraham. They both return to the fold after being sent away for their own good. It certainly pained Sarah as much as it did Avraham. But she knew what they needed-as Jewish mothers always do. And the conclusion of the parsha of the life of Sarah that these children as well return. Hagar, now Ketura remarries Avraham. She is called Ketura because like incense she was lit with the flame and the holy spirit of Sarah now emanates from her. And Yishmael returns to bury his father Avraham with Yitzchak allowing Yitzchak to go first, for he had done teshuva. The teshuva of Yishmael is so great that we find there are great sages in the Mishna that are named for him. Again the life of Sarah lives on. She is the first of our Imahos and she is the light that is shines eternally in every Jewish mother since.

There is perhaps no stereotype out there like the Jewish Mother. They truly are all the same. They are the same because they all carry the light of Sarah that they shine into their children. It's in their DNA. They worry about that light more than any other mother, and that light shines even if they're not close enough to hug us. We have our own spouses, children, family and friends to cleave to and give us the hugs and make us the food and build our tents with us. But I relate to Yitzchak who missed his mother. Baruch Hashem mine is well and healthy, as she always is, thank god until 120. It's not mother's day this week. We never did that in my family as every day is mother's day. But it is Thanksgiving in some countries-although we were never too strict about that either, and so I'll use this week's E-mail to just say thank you Mom… I miss you…and hope to see you soon oif simchas…

Have a marvelous Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Di varemsteh bet is di mamehs."- The warmest bed is mother’s…"

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

3)A stream that flows into the Mediterranean Sea:

A) Betzet

B) Tirza

C) Amud

D) Dishon

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/rivkah  – My sister Rivky thinks this is my nicest composition. It was her chuppa song so that makes sense. Yitzy Berry did an awesome job and I dare you to listen and not get moved by this special Bracha that Lavan gave Rivka in this week's parsha… and we do so by every Chasuna..

 

https://youtu.be/w6WQK1lYucw – You know me.. I can't resist a Carlebach medley. This one by the Jerusalem Choir is great.

 

https://youtu.be/dCpLWj6Uvq0  – New 8^th Day song- Gift of Life.. enjoy

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPAXBuo8_rI   – Avrahm Fried hot off the press New song Shvurei Lev… I have never heard him so emotional before..

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 Parshat Chayei Sarah– One of the ideas behind this column is to allow my readers to fall more and more in love with Eretz Yisrael and to ultimately give up shmutz la'aretz and to come home to the country, we have davened and longed for so long. Well this week we'll talk about the other way to come here…

 There is a cartoon I once saw of this young boy who learns about Eretz Yisrael and tells his mother he wants to live there. The mother reassures him that one day he may be able to, but right now is not the right time. Maybe when he gets older. The next frame is he's a yeshiva bachur who tells his mother again he would like to move to Israel. She again tells him that he can do what he wants after he gets married, but he needs to come back to the States from his yeshiva in Israel and get married first. The next frame is under the chupa him telling his wife he wants to move to Israel. She agrees but wants to start off marriage near her parents.  The next one is at their Shabbos table and again he broaches the subject and his wife tells him the kids are the wrong ages, maybe after they get married. The next one is walking down the last child to the chupah, but then Mom wants to be near the grandchildren. The last frame is at the airport where the widow is sitting by her husband's coffin saying "your father always wanted to go to Israel…" Ouch!

 Burial in Israel goes back along way… We have gravestones from the times of the Mishna of people from all over the world that would be brought to Eretz Yisrael to be buried. There is a special merit to be buried in Israel as we it says v'cheepair admaso amo- the land atones for it's nation. In fact even those that get buried outside of Israel the custom is to place earth from Israel in their coffins for precisely that reason. Yet, our Rabbis were not too happy with the idea. We find Rabbis in the Talmud that accused people that would do so of being marbeh tuma'ah ba'aretz- increasing the impurity in the land. We need your live bodies here not your dead ones.

 With this in mind it is perhaps fascinating to think that the first land that was purchased and owned by Avraham-the first Jew, was in fact a burial site- the Mea'arat Ha'Machpela. The question begs itself. Why isn't the first thing he buys a Beit Midrash, a home to live in, a Shul, a Mikva. Why is the first purchase a grave? It seems pretty morbid.

 The answer I have seen is pretty revealing. The function of a grave is to testify that the body will come to life once again. In fact, Rav Charlap describes the "circle of life" as one where the soul comes from heaven and is placed in a body made of earth. It is a burial in a way for that soul. Yet the two of them live together and they preform Mitzvos and achieve reward. After death the soul returns to heaven to receive its reward, and the body is buried waiting for the soul to return with its reward in the period of the Resurrection of the Dead-Techiyas Ha'Meisim.

 Avraham is on this world to teach people that there is an afterlife. There is a Creator and our actions will have eternal consequence. That message can only be brought out by teaching them of the laws of burial in a doubled cave. The cave of Machpela incidentally we are told is the entrance to Gan Eden. This is where the souls pass through to get there and where the bodies will return and emerge from. The essence of life in Eretz Yisrael is because this is the land where we can achieve that ultimate unity between body and soul in the land closest to Gan Eden where we will rise up once again from. Those of us fortunate enough to live her can achieve that perfect harmony where the earth and soul can find holiness together and then be restored in the holiest of lands. In the Diaspora the life is not one that will ever have that fullest connection between body and soul, and thus in death as well it needs to ultimately come to Eretz Yisrael to be resurrected.

 This is some spooky stuff, yet there is nothing more central to Judaism as the idea of dying like a Jew. Having Kaddish recited is something even Jews far away from our faith and observance recognize. We all have a knowledge that there is a life after death. That pivotal idea that transformed the world comes from Avraham and the 400 shekel he spent on the burial site of Israel. We all know and live our lives so that we can die as good Jews. And even in the Diaspora we will bring you some earth to sprinkle on your grave. But wouldn't you love so much more to have that holy sand sift through your feet every day of your life?

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Shaul and the Witch- 877 BC-  We are getting closer to the final act of the Book of Shmuel Aleph. David is camped out with the Achish and the Philistines in Gat. He has them fooled that he has been ostracized by the Jewish people and Shaul and is on their team. Achish sees then as the opportunity, with Israel's main warrior on his side to wage war and attack the Jews. He invites Dovid to join him and the camp in the Jezree'el valley beneath the mountain of Gilboa by the village of Shunam. The ancient city of Shunam was actually populated for over 1000 years by Jews in the times of the 1^st and 2^nd Temple and through the 6^th century. Today it is identified as the arab village of Sulam, and in fact Tel Shunam that lies on the outskirts of this village has been excavated a few times over the last 10 years.

 

Now the Jews led by Shaul are overwhelmed by the sheer force and numbers of the Philistine army that has gathered. Shaul and his men camped high up in the safety of the mountain of Gilboa look down, as I do with my tourists from the incredible lookout points, and realize that they are vastly outnumbered and armed. Achish had come all out this time and the Jewish fledgling army was not going to be enough to cut it. It is at this point that Shaul realized he needed Divine guidance. It was the only way we stood a chance. The problem was how to get that guidance. Shmuel had passed away a month before hand. The newer prophets were not giving Shaul any prophecies, Even the Urim V'Tumim from the breastplate of the Kohen Gadol seemed to be silent. Shaul was at a loss. The survival of the Jewish people rested on his large shoulders and he had nowhere to turn. Or did he?

 There was one angle that still remained; he could raise and ask the dead. Well, that's not exactly precise, let's backtrack a bit and understand how things work. A fundamental Jewish belief is that there is a supernatural spiritual world that exists and that can even be manipulated. In biblical times when Hashem preformed open miracles and spoke through prophets this was understood and obvious. Yet as in all things spiritual there has to be a balance to maintain free-choice and there is therefore going to be negative spiritual impure forces and powers that can be manipulated as well. We find this with Pharaoh's magicians in Egypt, Bila'am and his sorcerers and other biblical stories. The Torah recognizes these forces as being real and prohibits us from utilizing or consulting them. While Shmuel was alive these sorcerers and witches didn't have much business. Why go to the "dark side" when you had the 'real deal' in Shmuel to consult? After Shmuel's death though Shaul fearing that these people would fill the void and ordered anyone practicing sorcery or necromancy to be killed. And they were. Except for one.

 It is not often that I get to use my encyclopedic knowledge of 70's TV shows and movies in my tour guiding in Israel. So when I can I get really excited. See this witch, who incidentally Chazal tell us was the mother of Shaul's general Avner and even the wife of the prophet Tzefania, lived in the village of Ein Dor. Now all you Star Wars fans should be familiar with that name. Its where those cute little Ewoks were from. But for those a little older that remember Bewitched the mother-in-laws name was "Endora". Well now you know where that name comes from and today kibbutz Ein Dor founded in 1947 was given the same name.

 Now although it was prohibited to utilize the services of such people and Shaul himself had even had them killed, he felt that this was a life-threatening situation of pikuach nefesh where he needed guidance from the deceased prophet Shmuel as to how to proceed. So he disguised himself and went to visit her with his two generals Avner and Amasa. The woman not recognizing Shaul, was still concerned that this was a ruse to get her was hesitant but Shaul promised her that no harm would come up. She agreed and moments later the spirit of Shmuel entered the room and frankly he was not a happy camper. He was upset that the was being raised from the dead and he basically told Shaul that Hashem was already pretty much finished with him. That he and Yonasan would be joining Shmuel pretty soon and the battle would be lost by the Jewish people. This was a result of the sins of Shaul of the city of Nov and for not having completed his mission in wiping out Amalek and establishing the kingdom. Ouch!

 Shaul is heartbroken by the news, but the good witch makes him some food and he sits down and tells his men some fake news. Shmuel said he will win and the Jews will be victorious. He knows this is the will of Hashem for him to fall in this battle and it has already been pre-ordained. The only thing he could offer his people is false hope and thus he does. I'm not making any modern day equivalents here… but it's definitely food for thought. Stay tuned next week as we follow the story to its tragic end.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S JEWISH MOTHER JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 Shaindy and Moishy decided to take their little Berel from the heat of the city to his first visit to the beach. Dressed in his little sailor suit and hat and pail and shovel in hand, Berel happily played at the water's edge as his mother and father spread their picnic blanket. Then suddenly, to his parents' horror, a huge wave crashed down on the boy and then dragged him far out to sea. As neither of his parents could swim, his mother began to wail and cry, "Hashem, be merciful. Return our son to us!" 

Suddenly another huge wave cast the boy back up on the sand at his parents' feet. Shaindy inspected her son and then quickly looked back towards the heavens and said, "He had a hat!"   

 During a regular early morning shul service, Rabbi Levy couldn't help noticing 21 year old Benny sitting at the back of the shul looking very sad. He had his head in his hands. So at a convenient moment, Rabbi Levy goes over to him and asks, "What's wrong, Benny? Tell me. Maybe I can help."

"Oh rabbi," replies Benny, "I just don't know what to do. Every time I bring a girl home to introduce her to my parents, no matter how wonderful the girl is, my mother always tells me that she does not like her at all."

"I've heard this story many times before," says Rabbi Levy, "but you'll be pleased to hear that I have a tried and tested solution for you. Next time you choose a girl, make sure she not only looks just like your mother, but also talks like your mother, laughs like your mother, cooks like your mother, and dresses like your mother. Believe me, Benny, if you find such a girl, your mother will absolutely love her."

Many weeks go by before Benny finds someone just like his mother. And not only that, but the girl very quickly falls madly in love with him. So Benny invites her to meet his parents and this time is feeling very optimistic that all will go well.

At the next shul service, Rabbi Levy notices that Benny is once again sitting at the back of the shul looking unbelievably unhappy. So once again, during a break in the service, Rabbi Levy goes over to Benny. "What's wrong Benny?" asks Rabbi Levy. "Couldn't you find someone like your mother?"

"Rabbi," replies Benny, "miraculously, I found a girl just like my Mom. Not only did she look just like Mom, but she also talked like Mom, laughed like Mom, cooked like Mom, and dressed like Mom."

"So everything should have worked out okay for you," says Rabbi Levy.

"No, rabbi, it didn't," replies Benny. "My father didn't like her."

 

As a fundraiser the local Hebrew School decided to hold a talent show for the community. The night of the show finally arrived and the auditorium was packed with community people. Judy Goldberg looked on her as her pride and joy Chezky was playing piano and singing his beautiful composed Ani Maamin. During her performance she noticed a man in the audience clearly moved and crying.  
After the show she walks over to him and says "isn't it touching that the younger generation is carrying on our tradition?" 

The man says "I don't know I'm not Jewish".

"So why were you crying?" she asks him. 

"Oh that's because I am a musician"

 

 A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, the surgeon. The son reassures his nevous father that there is nothing to worry about. It's a simple procedure that he has done many times before.  

The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything  happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."

.

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." 
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says,

"Okay, Mom. Guess which one I'm going to marry." 
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." 
"That's amazing, Mom. You're right. How did you know?" 
"I don't like her."

 

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when Bernie slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet and bedraggled. 
As Bernie unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels to go, please?" 
The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?" 
"That's right," answered Bernie, "One for me and one for Bernice." 
"Bernice is your wife?" asked the baker. 
"What do you think," snapped Bernie, " would my mother would send me out on a night like this?"

 

A Jewish mother is walking down the street with her two young sons.

A passerby asks her how old the boys are.

"The doctor is three," the mother answers, "and the lawyer is two."

 

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you two are going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

LESSONS MY JEWISH MOTHER TAUGHT ME

My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that stain will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there 'till all your spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times – Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

 *********************************

Answer is A –  Another one right! I surprised myself on this one. There are tons of nachals in Israel and I certainly don't know the names and locations of all of them. Yet surprisingly I was at least familiar with all of them and have even hiked in most. Dishon in the Eastern Galile near the panhandle is where I usually take my tourists ATV'ing. Amud is near Meron and is a great hike that one can take circularly or to Tzfat and even all the way down to the Kinneret. Neither flow near the Mediteranean. Tirtza, I've never been at but I remembered it from another exam as the largest stream in the Shomron that flows down to the Jordan Valley. Which of course leaves Nachal Betzet in the Western Galile that flows down to the Mediteranean near Rosh Hanikra and that I pass (or used to pass…) regularly.

So keeping our streak going I'm three for three on this exam so far, with the score 3 for Rabbi Schwartz and 0 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.

 

Tent Women- Parshat Vayeira 2019 /5780

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

November 15^th 2019 -Volume 10 Issue 4 17^th Cheshvan 5780

Parshat Vayera

Tent Women

I'm not a feminist. According to google Feminism-is the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. Yeah… I don't buy that. Men and women aren't equal. My wife gave birth to my children. I was there. It's not something I could ever or would ever want to do. I don't think any normal man would. My son had a bris, my daughters didn't. They're not complaining. I don't even know what it means to be equal? One plus one equals two. I get that. They are numbers. Numbers can equal things. People aren't equal. The sexes aren't equal. Animals aren't equal. Tomatoes aren't equal neither or oranges and certainly not all chulents are created equal. The only real thing that is equal is broccoli, cauliflower and split peas. I won't touch any of them equally and I will not discriminate.

As well I'm not really sure I agree with this whole 'rights' thing. Judaism doesn't really believe in rights. We don't have the right to say whatever we want, we don't have the right to eat whatever we want, we don't have the right to look at or do whatever we want. We have obligations. We have commandments. We believe that those are our instructions on how to get the most out of life. Hey, Hashem created the world. He pretty much returns our neshomas to us each morning when we wake up. He knows what makes us tick and what will mess us up. The instructions are your iphone might tell you that you should not immerse it in water. Now you can do what you want with your phone. There might even be some Rabbis that might tell you that it wouldn't be a bad idea to drop it in the bathtub. Certainly my wife wants to do that every time I pull it out by dinner. Is that discriminatory against iphones that I can't use them in the bathtub? My rubber ducky can go in to water no problem. But iphones don't have rights they have instructions that the Steve Jobs put in them for how they should be used. You can do what you want with yours, but Judaism says it's probably smart to listen to our Creator.

So I'm not a feminist. At the same time, I do believe that men and women should both have equal opportunities to become the best that they can be. I think they should be paid them same for equal labor…which is usually more expensive than I want to pay anyways. I think they should both be allowed to vote, which in this country seems to be quite a pointless exercise every few months or so. But most importantly I think that we both are entitled to have a basic appreciation and education of what the Torah and Hashem tells us is the way that we are meant to achieve the fulfillment and purpose for what we were put here on this world for our limited lifetime to achieve.

Now I'm not just a talker, although some might argue that I certainly do a lot of talking I'm a doer, I'm a teacher. I'm a preacher. I'm a midnight toker (I don’t know where that came from…It wasn't Reb Shmuel Miller… maybe a different Miller band ... anyone getting this…?) So ss much as I hate reading about misogynist men or Rabbis writing about women and their place in the world. It's this week's parsha and it's what's on my mind. And maybe it will even give a different approach. Or you could just skip to the jokes on the bottom.

Now the starting point of course is our first patriarch and matriarch; Avraham and Sarah. Last week we were introduced to them and we are familiar that they had an incredible Kiruv/Outreach enterprise going. Avraham worked the men and Sarah the women. They were partners and they both worked together. According to the Medrash their Kiruv revolved around food. They would eat and drink and then Avraham would ask them to bless Hashem. Some things never change. But what were the dynamics of that relationship. Was Sarah merely "kitchen kiruv"? I know that when my wife and I did outreach around the States, I would say more people became connected to Judaism from my wife's chulent than from any of my classes. And as good as the chulent was it wasn't just the chulent. It was the connection they made and had with her. Her modesty, her humility her insight and her hospitality. Kitchen Kiruv, is definitely an approach that she excelled at. Classes though were never her thing.

Avraham, who certainly gave incredible classes, was no slack when it came to domestic activities as well. We find him in this week's Torah portion welcoming his guests. He's even "tabling" standing outside and trying to pull em in off the street. He himself is running and slaughtering and preparing food. He's a really wealthy man at this point in his life, he had no shortage of servants that could've been doing it for him, but that's no excuse. A man's place is just as much in the kitchen as the woman, if she lets him and he doesn't break too many things. If there's a mitzva to be done and he has the skills then why not?

But perhaps most interesting is that dialogue with the angels/ three guests that he has. They ask him where his wife Sarah is and he responds that 'She is in the tent'. What is the point of this discussion? Rashi notes that they asked Avraham to point out her modesty, to endear her to him. I saw one of the commentaries that note that being they're about 100 years old already you'd figure that they were beyond any need for Shalom Bayis compliments. But at the same time since they were going to be new parents they needed an extra boost to recapture that newlywed new parent's endearment. But yet why would telling strangers your wife is in the kitchen endear her to you.

But perhaps even more interesting is that the Torah continues to focus on this tent thing. Avraham is sitting pesach ha'ohel- {at the} entrance of the tent. He's looking for guests. It tells us that as the angels give their good tidings the verse as well tells us

 V'Sarah shoma'at pesach ha'ohel- and Sarah listens {at the} entrance of the tent.

In both cases the verse doesn't say ba petach ha'ohel- at the entrance of the tent. Rather just 'entrance of tent'.

This tent theme seems to repeat itself after Sarah dies and Yitzchak brings his wife Rivka to the tent of Sarah his mother. As well Rachel and Leah we find repeatedly the notion that they are women of the tent.

Now there are many that would take from this that a woman's place and her modesty in the tent. Keep her out of the limelight. Perhaps even hide her behind a burka. But certainly we find many women that made their mark including our matriarchs out in the fields, whether it was the fact that they were shepherdesses, or Miriam who led the women in song and went out to see Moshe, Devora the judge and perhaps even one women who our sages say was even more blessed then the "women of the tent"; greater than our matriarchs. Now I know that might be hard to swallow.

But in the song of Devora, the Keinite woman Yael who seduced the vicious general Sisera and smashed in his brains with a tent peg is more blessed than the 'ladies of the tent'; Sarah Rivka Rachel and Leah according to Rashi and the other commentaries. In the words of the Midrash that Rashi quotes.

"For they gave birth and raised them but if not for Yael this wicked man would have killed them all"

So being a tent woman doesn't mean that a woman is necessarily supposed to remain barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. In fact, it doesn't mean that all. Someone pointed out to me that in the Eishet Chayil that we recite each Friday night by Shlomo Hamelech (who certainly had plenty of experience with wives…1000 of them according to Chazal) the majority of the verses can be read simply about the working woman.

Haysa ka'aniyos socher –mimerchak tavi lachma-She is like a merchant’s ships; from afar she brings her sustenance. (she wholesales!)

Zamima sadeh vatikachehu mipri kapeha not'a karem -She considers a field and buys it; from the fruit of her handiwork she plants a vineyard. (she dabbles in real estate and commercial investment portfolios!)

Ta'ama ki tov sachra- lo yichbeh ba'layla neira -She senses that her enterprise is good, so her lamp is not extinguished at night. (she’s an entrepreneur who’s works late nights on her computer)

Sadin osida va'timkor v'chagor  nosna la'canani -Garments she makes and sells, and she delivers a belt to the peddler. (she retails!)

Piha pascha b'chochma v'toras chesed al lishona -She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (she’s an educator!)

Tzofiyah halichos beysa v'lechem atzlus lo sochal- She anticipates the needs of her household, and the bread of idleness, she does not eat. (she can balance a budget, she’s an accountant, an economist, and a life coach!)

Now of course Chazal and our commentaries have all types of deeper understandings and metaphorical insights that Shlomo Hamelech intended as well in this perhaps most sung Jewish poem of all times. But there is the simple reading and idea as well. A woman that is praised is one that can be just as-if not even more successful, than a man in the outside-of-the-tent world.

Yet, the praise of Jewish women is that they are always connected to that tent. Whereas Avraham sees himself always pesach ha'ohel reaching out to conquer the world; in of course the most spiritual of ways. Sarah, as well, is pesach ha'ohel. She is always at the entrance of the tent. but her world, her view and focus is directed inwards to her family, to building the home. To creating that home. To filling it with light. When Yael and every Jewish woman may be fulfilling their mission and making ends meet outside of their tent but their eyes, thoughts and emphasis is always back towards the tent. Whereas the Matriarchs role was to birth and raise the children of Israel, the role of Yael was to "get out there" and save them.

The angels that are coming to Avraham are not there to tell him that he will have a son. He knows that already. Hashem told him the Bris Bein Ha'besarim. They are here to tell Sarah. Sarah is not merely eavesdropping behind a door. The Torah tells us she is shoma'at- she is always listening for that child. The Meshech Chochma notes brilliantly (and differently than all the other commentaries) that the verse continues and tells us

V'Sarah Shoma'at v'hu acharov- And Sarah listens and it is behind him

Rashi understands that the "it" behind him is a reference to the door that is behind the angel from which he is listening. The Targum Yonasan says that it is Yishmael who is behind the door listening. Other commentaries suggest that is it the angel that is behind the door. The Meshech Chochma however says that he believes that this is a reference and continuation of their prophecy. "A child will be born"- Yitzchak. And Sarah listens. She stands at the entrance of the tent. The angels note that and then they continue and direct their words to her "v'hu acharov" and he, the child Yitzchak will be the one that follows Avraham.

Avraham is focused, like most men are on the here and now. Sarah, our matriarchs, our righteous Jewish women throughout the generations are women that recognize that we are merely in tents. We are here for the big picture. For our generations. For the families that will continue and herald in the generation of Mashiach of the redemption. That is what their role is. Perhaps it comes with being the ones that actually give birth. They are the mother of all flesh. That is their inherent nature. To build a world for the future, to understand the sanctity and primacy of the tent that men don't necessarily or naturally appreciate.

We live in a world today, where there is much gender confusion. Where everyone is so focused on their rights as they believe that rights will give them the satisfaction they are seeking. But they are not finding it. We also live in a world that more and more of our women in the world are out of the house and tent more than they are in it. This is true in the religious world as much as it is in the secular world. In the religious world it is even a basic necessity to pay the incredibly high expenses of our lifestyle. Private school tuitions, Kosher, Seminary, Shabbos meals the bills are endless and our eishet chayils have jumped to the rescue, to the side of their husbands to partner with them in what is biblically the man's responsibility. I don't think it's relevant if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Or if there is a solution. {besides moving to Eretz Yisrael where tuitions are only a few hundred dollars a year and health insurance is as well. But that would be too radical.} Yet it's important for us, the children of Avraham and Sarah not to lose focus on where each of us will only find our sipuk from. Where only we can achieve the jobs that we were meant to and created for. We both sit on the entrance of our respective shared tents. We both have full time jobs. But ultimately the shechina will rest on our tent only if we can both appreciate the inward and outward primary focus that each one of us was meant to concentrate on our energy on. Because if we don't have that focus, and shine that tent light out to the rest of the world then nobody else will.

Have a peaceful  Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Ven di veib trogt di hoizen, vasht der man di spodnitsen..”– When the wife wears the pants, the husband washes the floor.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/nDGqWHjHBEM   – I'm loving this video way too much. It's one that has to be watched like a million times... Shevet Achim V'Achayot with all the Jewish singers..

https://youtu.be/cG2bItVnSao    –Donald Trump at an Orthodox Jewish fundraiser… I don't know what to say..

https://youtu.be/9kv1Y-YnYms?list=TLPQMTQxMTIwMTnnsVweLu0tiw-  Shlom Carlebach 25^th yartzeit concert Shifchi  

https://youtu.be/C79lR1wE3hk   - Shlomo Carlebach on Parshat Vayeira

https://youtu.be/x-C3TOvAqLc?list=TLPQMTQxMTIwMTnnsVweLu0tiw  – In honor of the "peace" Shlomo Carlebach  Yehi Shalom

https://youtu.be/9kv1Y-YnYms?list=TLPQMTQxMTIwMTnnsVweLu0tiw-  Shlom Carlebach 25^th yartzeit concert Shifchi  

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

1) Calcrete rock (nari) develops on one of the following rocks:

A.    Chalk (kirton)

2. Basalt
3. Calcareous sandstone (kurkar)
4. Dolomite

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Bikur Cholim- Visiting the Sick- The book of Bereishit is full of acts of kindness. Avraham our patriarch gifted us with that trait. The Talmud (Sota 14.)  tells us that when one emulates the ways of Hashem it is a fulfillment of the commandment of Acharey Hashe Elokeichem teileichu- one should follow the ways of Hashem. In our parsha we find that example when Hashem comes to visit Avraham after he has his circumcision. The Talmud even tell us how Rabbi Akiva visited a student and that visit literally brought him back to life. Rabbi Akiva was so inspired that he stated that anyone that doesn't visit the sick is like a murderer.  The Rambam learns this is part of the mitzva of loving your friend like yourself. It's a big mitzva.

We are told that there are two purposes in the mitzva. The first is to see the person first hand and therefore be inspired to pray on his behalf. Face-timing them is probably not enough for this. Seemingly if one just visits and doesn’t' pray for the person afterwards they also haven't really fulfilled their obligation. Interestingly enough to fulfill this mitzva, the sick person doesn't have to see you. They could be sleeping or behind a window, or even in a quarantined ward that no is allowed in. They can be in a situation where they do not want or are even allowed visitors. There is still an obligation to go to inspire your prayers on the sick person's behalf. So it's not an excuse. We are told as well that as well as being inspired to pray when one leaves the sick person, there is a special mitzva to pray in the room with them as we are told that the shechina-Divine presence is above their head.

On a more pragmatic level though the mitzva is to visit in order to see if there's anything one can do to help them. Clean, cook, call a nurse. The Shel"A Hakadosh suggests that's why it is called Bikur Cholim which can be translated as the examination of the sick. One should what he is lacking and try to assist them. There is nothing that should be one's honor to do. After-all Hashem came in all His glory to Avraham, we should be able to do that for the sick as well. A sick person's needs don't only include the physical. There is the reassuring of him mentally and emotionally that their family is taken care of, that they have a support system that is there for them. At the same time one has to be careful not exacerbate the choleh's situation. One should be smiley and happy and not grim and somber. Leave your own baggage outside. Don't stress them, don't grill them about "what the doctor's say" and their prognosis and don't stay too long that you become a burden.

There are not a lot of Mitzvos that we can emulate the ways of Hashem. The mitzva of visiting the sick is even greater than the learning Torah when there is no one else to do it or if you can add something that no one else can. It certainly is worthwhile taking off time to fulfill this mitzva and B'H it is one of the greatest Kiddush Hashem's I believe when we see these incredible organizations that are there for our sick, these singers that go preform for them and the Rabbis that come and visit them. But it's not just a mitzva for them. It's a mitzva for all of us.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Wicked Avimelech and his brother Yotam  1044 BC  So it seems the last years of Gideons life he was busy. Tanach tells us that he had 70 children from the many wives that he had. If that wasn't enough he also had one concubine out in Shechem where he had a really winner of a boychik called Avimelech from. This little kid eventually grew up to be one of the wonderful psychopaths that led at least a portion of the Jewish people. Tanach tells us that he rounded up the people of Shechem and in the ancient Israeli tradition convinced them with a little silver "bakshish" to back him as their ruler. He claimed to be one of them and he would enrich all of them. Why should they be subject to the whims and bureaucracy of the 70 sons of Gideon making the decisions. He would be the one man show they were looking for. And it worked!

After getting elected to office he gathered for himself a nice little gang of hooligans headed on up to Ofra where his brothers lived and killed 69 of them on a stone. Talk about nasty. The surviving brother named Yotam stood up upon Har Gerizim and gives his famous botanical parable and curse. He tells the story of how all the trees got up and decided they want a king. They first approached the olive tree which of course told them, in a very un-Israeli like fashion that he already has a full time job making oil, he has no time for these politics. Next they approach the fig tree, which also turns down the job. He claims his too sweet for the job. I guess sweetness is not a great quality for leadership. Next on the list of candidates is the grape vine which also turned down the job. It seems he was a bit of an alcoholic. He had to make more wine.  The last on the list, talking about 'scratching' the bottom of the barrel was the thorn bush the Atad. The thorn bush has no problem taking job. He however tells them quite ironically that if they want him they should come under his shade and if not a fire should come out from the bush and eat the cedar trees of Lebanon.  

This parable is a lot of fun for Israeli botanical archeologists and tour guides as well. There are plenty of the first three species to talk about their symbolism in Yotam's mashal. The Tanach commentaries see each one of them as representing a different kind of leader. The first choice is the olive tree which represents yichus- a pure lineage and respected family. Olive oil is used of course to anoint Kings and Priests which are generally passed down by lineage. The oil lasts for generations and can provide light. As well a respected pure family is something that is steadfast and has proven itself and is the best criterion for leadership. It's the first place that people turn to a familiar name. Kennedy, Bush or Clinton being modern examples of names that captured people's popularity.

The fig represents wealth. Although wealth isn't a sign of purity but it does give one stature and a righteous wealthy leader can provide his community. Figs produce in abundance throughout its season. It grows very soon after being planted and its fruits are delectable. Wealth has a tremendous power and it allows one not to be subject to financial constraints or bribes.. hopefully. It also helps pay for big political campaigns. Know any modern day wealthy world leaders?

Finally, the grape vine represents wisdom. It tastes better with age. It has experience it has nuances and it discerning flavors. A wise man despite having no wealth or family lineage can lead by the mere power of his or her wisdom. As well the grapevine is lowest of the three species growing close to the ground and thus it represents humility. The wise person is the humble one. Unfortunately, we don't have any of those running for office any time soon. Ahhh… for the good ole days of honest Abe Linclon.

The thorn bush as opposed to these tree has no fruit, has no sweetness and it doesn't even provide shade. That was part of irony of Yotam's curse. Try sitting under a thorn bush for shade and you will get pricked. Yotam is telling them if they are hanging out with Yotam it will come back to bite them. As well they are extremely flammable. Hang out with a thorn bush and when the fire comes you will get caught up in its flames. On a less cynical note in the thorn bush parable Yotam notes that all the trees came. This would include the fig, olive, and grape vine. The only power that the thorn bush could lead with is unity. If it can bring everyone to subject itself to it. If all the subjects agree to and unite even under a simple, no-family, poor leader it can work. But it will only happen if there is total subservience that is enforced by fear of thorns and fire, being tortured or killed.

Yotam gives this curse on Mt. Gerizim, right next to Shechem. Interesting enough in Israel this Mountain is called Har Bracha. This is the mountain that the tribes that were meant to deliver the blessings stood. But our Rabbis note that when they received those blessings they were looking at Mt. Eval opposite it. That would be the true Mt. of Blessing. On the other hand, Mt. Eval, where the curses were recited faced Mt. Gerizim which would be then the Mt. of Curse.  And that is why Yotam chose that mountain. I wouldn't tell that to the Samaritans that live there that I visit with my tourists though; they might get insulted.

Stay tuned next week to learn the fulfillment of the curse.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE MYSOGINIST JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 Google is definitely a woman. It makes suggestions before you even finish what you're trying to say."

"Then Bing is definitely a man, since it tries to convince everyone that it's superior while it does a horrible job of pleasing users."

What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.

Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women. Sure, maybe there wouldn't be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone. But instead, we'd have a bunch of jealous countries that aren't talking to each other.

For all the guys who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.

Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: "Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?"
Wife looks confused: "But that's your task, honey."
“What? Why?”
 "It’s all over the Bible, dearest."
 "The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to be brewing coffee!"
The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: "See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews."

A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”

Honey, do you think I gained weight? No, I think the living room got smaller.

A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?" The guide answered, "Land mines."

At a medical check-up: Do you do dangerous sports? Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

Q: Why did God create Adam first and Eve as second? A: Because he wasn’t interested in listening to anyone telling him how to make Adam.

A boy asked his father, "Dad, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father grimly replied, "I wouldn’t know son, I'm still not done paying for it."

85% of married life consists of yelling "what?" from the other side of the house.

One easy step to lose an argument with a wife: 1) Argue.

Men who ignore their wives’ raised eyebrows are losing valuable time in which to escape.

In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.

Yankel approached his Rosh Kollel and asked him if the 1000 year prohibition and ban of Rabbeinu Gershom for an Orthodox Man to take a second wife is already over. The Rebbe noted that is was still in effect but asked the young man why he was interested in taking another wife?

Yankel answered "It's hard to make it on one income these days…"

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Answer is A–  Well I'm off to a bad start on this latest exam. First question and I already got it wrong. The truth is back in the day when I took the exam I probably would've know this as I spent a lot fo time studying this because rocks and geology are really not my thing. But I haven't used this information in years. I wouldn't say I deleted it it just got buried and replaced with more important information, like where the good mehadrin restarunts are… Anyways I knew that Nari is a veering on the rocks that is hard and I knew there's a lot oof it in Beit Guvrin which is where they have all these burial caves and cisterns by which the nari was the upper layer. But I forgot what rock was there. I guessed it was Dolomite. But the right answer was kirton/ chalk stone. Ahhh well…So we start off this exam with a negative The score is Schwartz 0 and 1 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.