Galus Grapes- Parshat Vayikra 2025 5785

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 4^th 2025 -Volume 14 Issue 23 6^th of Nissan 5785

Parshat Vayikra

 Galus Grapes

(Don’t miss special Pesach book offer below…)

 

I’ve never really been a fruit person. I like meat, potatoes, pizza, pasta, BBQ’s and of course chulent. But those grapes really looked good. I haven’t seen grapes here in Israel for a while. This is a country of seasonal fruit generally. There’s watermelon season, citrus season and grape season. So on that nice hot day visiting my parents in Boca last week, or what my father likes to call the “other Jerusalem”, when I saw that bowl of grapes I dived right in and had quite a few clusters- about all my little stomach could handle. They were good. They were sweet. I enjoyed. And as whenever I eat a really good, tasty, thing, my natural reaction is to want to bentch and thank Hashem for giving me this delicious gift. And that’s when it changed… When I realized that they really weren’t that good. When I made the strangest bracha I’ve ever made before after eating.

 See, the after-blessing for grapes is not the usual short Borei Nefashos three-second “thanks-for-the grub or quick-snack” blessing we usually make on all non-grain products and on all other fruits and veggies. For any of the seven species of Eretz Yisrael (can you name them?) of which of course grapes are one of them, we make the “Al Ha’eitz” after-blessing. This is an abridged version of the regular bentching that we make after eating bread that is almost the same as we make after we eat cakes, cookies and other grain based-non bread products. Except that instead of Al Ha’Michiya we say Al Ha’Eitz. As well, as it doesn’t have a fun tune to sing it to.

 Yet unlike Al Ha’michiya the bracha changes on the types of grapes that you eat. See, when the grapes are from Florida, Argentina, France or pretty much any other place in the world that is tamey, that is unholy, that isn’t directly planted and grown with the blessing of Hashem, then a generic “thank you Hashem for the fruits” is said as well as thanking Hashem of course for Eretz Yisrael. But when you merit to actually eat, taste and be satisfied from the holy grapes and seven species of Israel that Hashem Himself pretty much takes care of and waters, then the blessing changes. We say Al ha’eitz vi’al peiroseha- on the land and on its fruits. We thank Hashem for the holiest and greatest grapes on the entire planet earth. Grapes that come from a land that Hashem watches day and night. From a place that is our homestead promised thousands of years ago to our Patriarchs, to our ancestors. It’s a whole different blessing. It’s a whole different grape.

 I made the blessing, as I usually make most blessings, on cruise control, without really thinking much about it. I kind of just push a button on my belly button and it just blurts out of my mouth. I bet you never knew that was the function of the belly button. Yet that morning, in Boca, as I made the blessing, I caught myself, as I at first just said the standard blessing for Israeli fruits that I’m used to making. It then hit me, hey, these are not Israeli grapes. They’re American. The blessing is just al pri ha’eitz. It’s not peiroseha- It’s not the fruits of Hashem. They’re not holy fruits. I just ate galus grapes that my ancestors of 2000 years of exile ate while they dreamed of tasting the sweet nectar of Eretz Yisrael’s holy fruits. While they prayed and davened to one day merit to be able to say V’al peiroseha…

If I ever needed a better segue to prepare for Pesach and for a topic to write about that would connect me to this parsha and for what god-willing be the last year that Jews around the world eat sour galus grapes, I can’t think of anything better than actually getting on a plane on Rosh Chodesh Nissan and leaving America and coming home. See, parshas Vayikra, the beginning of the new book of the Torah, picks up after last week’s cliffhanger conclusion. I don’t know if you noticed it or not. But before we get to that, let’s just recap our timeline. A little prep before Pesach is a Shabbos Ha’Gadol custom.

 We were in Mitzrayim for about 210 years. The last year there we have Moshe, the plagues and redemption.  Our coming out of slavery is pretty much over. After plague number nine of darkness, Pharoah is ready to cut a deal. He’ll let out all the hostages. The entire million or so of us. We don’t even have to give him any terrorists in exchange. He’ll even let us take the animals we need for sacrifices. He just wants to hold on to the rest of the animals. He doesn’t want to give us reparations. We have to leave with only our belongings. What say you? Should we take the deal and get our hostage nation or not?

Well 4/5^th of Klal Yisrael seemed to think that Moshe had lost his mind and they weren’t ready to follow him out and they died there. That stinks for them. Most of the remaining Jews- like I’m sure you faithful readers of mine, would’ve told Pharoah that he should go to Azazel, like Moshe did. We’re not cutting any deals. We’re taking everything you have and more. We don’t make deals with terrorists. Hashem already shut off their electricity. He destroyed their food supply and blew up their banks. We knew we could count on Him to finish the job. We had the power, because He has the power and He’s on our team. So the plague of first-borns came and all their top guys were beepered at midnight by Hashem Himself. Cool!

 Meantime we brought our Pesach offering there in Egypt and celebrated being redeemed. This is even though fascinatingly enough, we really weren’t. We were still there. Pharaoh still had a big army of Chamas guys and Iranian nuclear weapons he could use on us. And a whole world of antisemites that would take his side and condemn us and probably join him in a fight against us. As Amalek did shortly afterwards. The next day we left. We took everything. We had some more miracles by the Sea. And the gameplan now was that within 101 days we were meant to be in Israel at the Bais Hamikdash. When they sang L’shana ha’ba’ah bi’yerushalayim at the end of that Pesach Seder in Egypt, we really were probably closer than we ever were to that actually happening. We had 49 days until Har Sinai. We got the Torah. Moshe was supposed to go up for another 40 days and bring it down to us and from there it was an 11day journey to the Holy Land. The month of Av would’ve celebrated our coming home and being finally redeemed. And by the next Pesach we would’ve been eating roasted lamb on the Temple Mount.

But it didn’t happen. We messed up with the Golden Calf and things got delayed. Our schedule and arrival time was pushed off for a few months. But hey, at least Hashem forgave us. On Sukkos He even returned the Clouds of Glory to us. We had to build a Mishkan and thus the next Rosh Chodesh Nissan when it was dedicated, found us in the wilderness still. Again, only 11 days away from Israel, but we had to once again bring that Pesach offering in galus still. This time though when we sang L’shana ha’ba’ah at the end of the Seder we were sure that it was going to happen. I mean how couldn’t it?

 It is on that note that the book of Shemos ends off. The Mishkan is built. The clouds of glory descend. Yet there’s one catch that leaves us at a cliffhanger. Moshe can’t enter. The doors are closed. The book which ends off from there talking about all our future travels sounds almost like ominous background music in a bad horror movie as if we wouldn’t be entering. As if we would be stuck wandering, traveling with pillars of fire and clouds… Chazak Chazak Vi’Nischazek End book of Shemos. Book of Redemption…Or not? I guess we’ll have to wait for the Part III of the trilogy to find out…

 And it’s at that point that I was sitting myself in Boca. In Galus. In Lakewood. In Passaic and Cleveland. And wondering the same thing. I saw lots of clouds of glory in those cities. Shuls. Batei Midrash. I saw the glory of Hashem and the Torah that was being studied there. But I knew that I could never bring a Korban Pesach there. I couldn’t even make the right blessing on the grapes that I ate. The one that my soul longed to make.

 But I flew back and it’s Parshat Va’Yikra. Hashem called to Moshe. Come in. Come home. Bring Me sacrifices. You can enter. I’ll bring you in. The Redemption is really really going to happen. Let the final 11-day journey home begin and learn and teach all of these sacrifice laws really quick because you really are almost there. The truth is if we would’ve left right away on that Rosh Chodesh Nissan right after the Mishkan being built we could’ve even technically been in Eretz Yisrael by Pesach time that second year. So why, takeh, didn’t Hashem bring us in then? Why did He want us to celebrate that first Pesach in the Midbar? (And to be yeshivish, you can’t say it was because He didn’t want to rush us in there to make it and there wouldn’t be enough time, because in the end we actually came in on the 10^th of Nissan 39 years later and had to put the whole thing together in 5 days, and we managed just fine…).  But regardless certainly we felt that by Shavuos we would for sure be home. Except once again it didn’t happen…

 Tisha B’av the spies came back, and the game was over. It wasn’t just the game though. It was everyone that was there would never see the day. Would never experience the redemption. Would never make an al peiroseha on the fruits they scorned and cried about. They would never bring a korban Pesach in Jerusalem. This was worse than the Golden Calf. According to the Maharal of Prague, this is why we still aren’t redeemed until today.

 It’s interesting if you think about it. For 39 years in the wilderness the Jewish people didn’t bring a Korban Pesach. The Talmud notes that they didn’t bring it because they weren’t circumcised as it was too dangerous, and they never knew when and where they would have to pick up and leave. Rashi though fascinatingly enough explains that the reason why they didn’t bring it is because the mitzva of korban Pesach is dependent upon them coming to the land.

 Shemos (12:25) And it will be when you will come to the land that Hashem has given you, as He has spoken, and you shall observe this service.

 Rashi notes that the korban Pesach is dependent upon them coming to the land and that’s why they didn’t bring it all those years.  It’s strange if you think about this. What does Pesach have to do with coming to Israel. Isn’t it just about leaving Egypt? Taking us out of slavery. Frogs, and sea splits and matzah, marror and macaroons? We sit in a Sukka outside of Israel, we light Chanukah candles, we shake a lulav. And the first two Pesach offerings we brought weren’t in Israel either. Yet, Rashi teaches us that Korban Pesach is different. For the true Pesach to be realized we need to have been brought to Israel.

 I’m gonna throw one more question in here, as it’s Pesach time and I know you’re looking for good ones. Here’s one I bet you never thought of. Then I’ll get back to that Maharal that I name-dropped a minute ago. Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about it.  Here’s the question.  We know that we drink four cups of wine by our Pesach Seder that correspond to the 4 terminologies of redemption that Hashem told us; the four lashonos of geula. Yet as we as well know, it wasn’t just “v’hotzeisi”, “vi’hitzalti”, “v’go’alti”, “vi’lakachti”- that Hashem will take us out, save us, redeem us and take us as His nation, but there is a fifth term as well. Vi’Heiveisi- And He will bring us to our land. That cup we don’t have. We don’t drink.

  It’s strange. One can argue perhaps that the reason is maybe because we’re still in galus. We’re not in the land and don’t have the Bais Ha’Mikdash yet. Yet if that’s the case then to be honest we haven’t been redeemed today either. That perhaps in times when we are getting killed, like the Holocaust and are not being “saved” by Hashem maybe we shouldn’t drink the other cups as well. But we do. So why not that one as well. On the flip side we can also ask what about the nation that came after 39 years into Israel. That Hashem brought them in. Did they drink five cups? During the entire first Temple were there five cups by the Seder? How about the second Temple? How about us today that merit to live in Eretz Yisrael? And if there wasn’t then and now, and I don’t believe there was or seems to be any source for it, then why not? Good question…no?

 So here’s where the Maharal comes into play. The Ma’Haral explains that our being brought out of Mitzrayim was meant to be one act directly connected to the being brought into coming to the land of Israel. We were meant to experience an exodus from Egypt and then directly an entrance to the land of Israel. It was supposed to be five cups. One act. It’s what we sang at the splitting of the sea that ends with the coming to Eretz Yisrael and building of the Bais Ha’Mikdash. If that’s what would’ve happened then our coming to Eretz Yisrael would have been an eternal coming that we never would’ve lost or been exiled from. Just as our exodus from Egypt was and is. Each Seder, we leave Egypt. Each generation every Jew can leave his own Egypt. Can break free of all restraints. In a similar vein, our coming to Eretz Yisrael would’ve been just as eternal. It would’ve been unbreakable. It was meant to be one act.

 Yet we messed up. We cried. We broke the chain. Tisha B’av always falls out on the same day of the week as the Seder night. It’s why some have a custom to eat an egg of mourning after Magid, before we eat our meal. Because the two are intricately connected. If not for that first Tisha B’Av we would’ve been in Israel forever. In the words of the Maharal (Netzach Yisrael chapter 8)

 “The generation that Hashem took out of Egypt would’ve been the same that He brought to Israel and it would’ve been an eternal experience without any breaks”.

My Rebbe explained this with an understanding from the laws of Shabbos; the first one mentioned in the Talmud in that tractate. The rule is that for one to complete one action of “carrying”, there needs to be an akira and a hanacha- one has to pick something up from one reshus/domain and place it down in another. If there is one without the other, it’s not a complete act. Mitzrayim is a reshus ha’yachid. It’s a domain where Hashem is not present. It’s meitzarim. It’s constrained. Eretz Yisrael is reshus ha’rabim-. It’s a land without boundaries. Its light shines out to the world. We were meant to be the generation that left those constraints and were brought to a world that would be eternal. It was meant to be one act. It was supposed to be eternal.

 But the Golden Calf delayed it and thus we needed to have a second Pesach offering in the wilderness so we can again have an experience of leaving and them being brought in immediately. It’s why we didn’t go into Eretz Yisrael right after the Mishkan was built on Rosh Chodesh, but rather waited until after the Pesach Sheni was brought, so every Jew could have that akira from galus experience before being brought into the land.

 But then the spies happened, and it was over. We cried. We didn’t have faith. We lacked the strength of conviction that Hashem who took us out will bring us in. And thus we failed. We only have four cups that are eternal. The fifth cup v’heiveisi- of coming to the land, even when realized was not the same generation that left. It will never be five cups, even when we ultimately came. It was four for the first generation that are eternal and one, the fifth cup, for a generation that never had the first four. Therefore the fifth was not eternal. Our nation that left Egypt had an “akira” without a “hanacha”. We eternally have the ability to always pick ourselves up and leave our constraints. Hashem will never abandon us in every generation. We can experience and we do relive that and can always find Hashem and see His redemptive arm in the darkest of times and tunnels. But we have never been able to come home eternally. We have never had that hanacha.

 At the other end of that as well, we have generations like today that have experienced a “hanacha”. They’ve returned and settled in the land. But that hanacha never had an akira. They didn’t experience the miracles. They don’t see the hand of Hashem that took us out. It’s not one act. And therefore, they’ll cut deals. They worry about what the world will say. About the Pharaohs. It’s a generation that thinks we need other nations help and support. A nation that came into Israel and couldn’t finish the job of wiping out the 7 nations that Hashem told us we needed to. Because that generation didn’t witness the miracles first-hand of yetzias Mitzrayim. They were in Israel, but they were still eating the sour grapes of galus. They had built their Mishkans in the wilderness and saw the clouds of glory, but they didn’t hear the Vayikra- the call of Hashem to Moshe to come in and bring sacrifices in Yerushalayim.

 We have a week until Pesach. Could you imagine what would happen in heaven if every Jew in the world decided that they wanted spend this Pesach in Israel. If there was a “Kol Koreh” that came out from the Moetzet Gedolei Ha’Torah and great Rabbis from around the world, that it’s enough with voting or not voting for Zionist or anti-Zionist organizations from the Diaspora to try to influence funds here in Israel, while still eating galus grapes. That’s silly galus stuff. Rather it’s time to vote with our feet and on planes by actually coming here. That there was no more “Adopt- a- Kollel- in-Israel” organization, but rather that all Kollels picked up and moved to Israel. That understood that the power of the Torah learning for the sake of our country is a thousand-fold if that Torah is studied in the land that Hashem wants us to live in and where His light can be revealed from.

 Remember that Shabbat-across-the-world program that got everyone to keep one Shabbos? Religious, non-religious, old, young, Jews across the entire world all keeping a Shabbos. Shouldn’t the next big thing be a Pesach in Israel from around the world program? That all of Klal Yisrael decides that this Yom Tov we’re all going to be together in our country. In Yerushalayim. Can you imagine it? Would you join it? Or are you still in the book of Shemos with the Mishkan built and the four cups of Pesach, but can’t go in, because you didn’t hear the Vayikra yet? The call of Hashem screaming for His Korban Pesach of v’heiveisi.

 It’s not hard to get on a plane and come here. I did it last week. There’s no place like home. My first stop was to the makolet to buy grapes. My luck, it’s not yet grape season and they were imported from South Africa of all places. I guess I’ve still got to eat galus grapes as well. The season begins after Pesach- the eis bikurei ha’anavim is when the spies went out. They didn’t appreciate the grapes of Eretz Yisrael then, hopefully 3000 years of galus has finally brought us to the day when all of us can correct that sin, that mistake, that hesitation and break in our redemption. And then the song we will sing will be ba’shana ha’zeh anu kvar bi’yerushalayim!

Have an amazingly redemptive Shabbos!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

" Fun fartrikenteh baimer kumen kain paires nit arois..”- Fruit doesn’t grow from withered trees

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

14. The mountain-back road in Judea and Samaria is also called ______

What is the name of the route separating the Carmel from Ramot Menashe?

A. Stella Maris

B. Wadi Milek Route

C. Wadi Ara Route

D. Northern Highway

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAmTMT0c4v0    – Six 13- the first Pesach Acapella of the season… PSVR… I don’t get it…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-u6CBPzvBGI  - Moshe Tishler’s latest song Nes…

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vehi-shemada  -  I had this beautiful amazing composition arranged last year by Dovid Lowy… learn it for your Pesach Seder, it’s truly glorious… My Vehi She’amda

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_MUGHZ-w7I   – V’vheiveisi by Yitz Waldner.. this can be a Pesach hit maybe… or not..

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XD4X0LSH6II – My choice of the week is this great video of the classic Adir Hu! Avi Ganz rocks this one…

  

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Tzidkiyah- who?- 598 BC – With the exile of Yehoyachin, we have finally arrived at the final king of Israel before the destruction of the Bais HaMikdash; Tzidkiyahu Ha’Melech. Now although we know him as Tzidkiyahu, it seems that name was given to him by none other than Nevuchadnezzar who appointed him to be king after taking Yehoyachin into exile and locking him up in jail for his rebellion.

 

Who was Tzidkiyahu in fact? Well it’s not clear from the verses and there might even be contradictions. The simple pshat accepted by Rashi and most is that he certainly was the uncle of Yehoyachin’s and brother of his father Yehoyachaz’s son of  Yoshiyahu. Which brother though seems not be clear. The Gemara brings opinion that he was an older brother named as Shalum. Other suggest based on the verse that Shalum was younger brother. To make it even more confusing there are others that suggest that Shalum was really Yehoyachaz- the father of Yehoyachin, and Tzedkayahu was another brother named as Matanya. Maybe that’s why they called him Tzidkiya-who??? (sorry couldn’t resist…) Are you confused yet? I am… But welcome to the times before the end of the first Temple. They were confusing…

 

Now what makes this time even more confusing is that Yehoyachin was still alive and in Bavel and Tzikiyahu who was appointed king by Nevuchadnezzar was really never appointed by the people, many of who supported Yehoyachin. Tzidkiyahu was only 21 upon becoming King and thus there were those that felt that he was merely being a puppet king of Bavel. Can you imagine the accusations that went of Bavel-Gate and undo influences of foreign governments in the leadership of Israel. The truth is those accusations were correct, though. Nevuchadnezzar made Tzidkiyahu swear on a sefer Torah by Hashem that he would never rebel against him. Nevuchadnezzar recognized that any other oath would be meaningless.

 

The Gemara tells us that unlike Yehoyachin, Tzidkiyahu as his name insinuates was a righteous king; a tzadik. Yet his generation had fallen too far. This is the counter opposite of Yehoyachin’s generation before the exile of all of the sages and Torah scholars together with him, where the generation was righteous still but the king was wicked. Our sages derive from this that the power fo the Torah scholars can prevent the destruction despite their sinful leaders- and Yehoyachin as we discussed was really really bad. While at the same time, the righteousness of the leaders, like Tzidkiyahu does not have the power to protect it’s generation. This is one of the sources that is certainly utilized and become engrained in our nation’s psyche of the power of Torah to protect.

 

Yet despite Tzidkiyahu’s initial righteousness, as we will see his failure to heed the prophecies and warnings of Yirmiyahu and Yechezkel and listen to their political and spiritual guidance ultimately brought about his downfall…

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE FRUIT JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Tell me a fruit joke... Mangoes in to a bar

 

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"

 "I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

 When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

 "I don't know, sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."

 "Are you sure?" Al asked.

 "I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

 While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

 When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, we have no Chinese Jews but we have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever heard of Chinese Jews!"

 

In the grapevine school, a teacher asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

One grape said, “A raisin

Another shouted, “Juice!”

The shy grape in the back whispered, “I just want to be a little less ‘cluster-phobic.'”

 

Why did the grape stop going out? It was tired of being “picked” on!

Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of “juice”!

What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little “wine.”

Why did the grape refuse to fight? Because it didn’t want to get in a “jam.”

How does a grape enter a party? It “raisins” the roof!

 

So I’m standing here waiting for fruit juice when my buddy asks where we are.

I told him we’re in the punchline.

 

What kind of cancer does fruit get? Melon-oma

 

Have you read the nutritional information on a box of Fruit Loops? You're better off eating the toucan.

 

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit

and vegetables are grocer.

 

I firmly disagree with putting fruit in cake. There's just no good raisin for it

 

Why does fruit dislike being preserved? The process is jarring.

 

 Ana is no longer allowed to the fruit market. Banana.

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The answer to this week”s question is B- Got this one right as well! Highway 60 which runs all the way from Beer Sheva up the middle of the country through Chevron Jerusalem, Shilo up to Shechem ending by Nazareth in the Galil is known as the Derech Avot! Its right on the top of the middle mountain range of Eret Yisrael and it’s the path that our Patriarchs would travel going North and South. As well, living up in theNorth and traveling along Highway 70 which runs along Carmel up to the 85 near Karmiel I remember that it was called Wadi Milek- which I remember has nothing to do with the Milky way, but rather has to do with Melach as in Salt in Hebrew, as they would transport salt from the coastline along this road… So I got this one right and the new score is Rabbi Schwartz 9.5 Ministry of Tourism 4.5 on this exam so far. Oy….

 

Lepers, Lambs and Liberation- Parshat Metzora Shabbat Ha'Gadol PESACH EDITION

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 19^th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 28 11^th of Nisan 5784

Parshat Metzora -HaGadol

Lepers, Lambs and Liberation

Ten Plagues. Yup, ten of them. That’s what Egypt got as payback. Each one of the plagues, the various commentaries reveal, correspond to what they did to us. Our sages tell us it’s mida kneged mida- or quid pro quo. If you haven’t heard that before, you haven’t been by a real seder.

Frankly, by that point of the Seder, though, most people are just ready for the meal and are looking at the clock wondering if they’ll have enough time to eat that Afikoman before midnight or not. So perhaps one of the most important aspects of the Seder, discussing and figuring out how that all worked has pretty much just gotten down to dipping your finger in the cup of wine (licking it of course, because you’re really thirsty), and maybe having some fun throwing some toy animals around the table-if you’re creative and bought those “seder sets” that you just feel you have to use to keep your kids engaged and thought would be really cute and entertaining. Frankly though they just want to get to the afikoman present already. They said their Ma Nishtana, leave me alone. When do we eat?

 Recognizing this reality and in order that we don’t miss out on this important aspect of the Seder, we have a custom to prepare the Hagadda the Shabbos beforehand. That’s this week in case you forgot and were too busy dodging missiles to remember. Yet, as we say in the Vehi She’amda song, and throughout the entire Seder, it’s not just a recounting of the story of our Exodus. That’s for simple Jews, or as the Rambam fascinatingly says for children or the mentally challenged. The mitzva is to tell about the miracles. It’s about our Exodus in 2024. It’s today, not just then.

 Well this year, the year of our redemption, it’s time to do it really right. Let’s talk about the plagues that we suffered through this past year from our enemies. From Hamas. From Amalek. From those that stand up each generation and in this final generation to persecute and try to destroy us. We don’t need to tell Holocaust stories at the Seder this year. We have October 7^th. We have Simchas Torah 5784. Let’s talk about the ten plagues we suffered on that day and since then. And then let’s talk about how Hashem will pay them back for it and perhaps even what this entire process of redemption that is always preceded by these tzoris and the parsha we read of tzora’as is really all about.

So from the beginning. Blood. Yes, we had lots of it that was spilled on that day. Yes, they killed our babies. In their chant and on their pursuit of the river to the sea they echoed what our sages tell us Pharaoh’s mantra was. “Li ye’ori v’ani asiteev- The river is mine- I made it. Umm reality check Pharaoh… It’s not yours.  You weren’t even around when the world was created. Same for you Hamas. There was no such thing as a Palestinian when the State was founded. Hashem was here long before Pharaoh and the Jews were in Israel long before Hamas. But they didn’t care. They spilled our blood. And so Hashem needs to spill theirs.

 Tzfardeya- frogs. It’s interesting the word tzfardaya comes from the word tzfira- sirens. Noise. The plague of the frogs was primarily about the unbearable croaking and shrieking of the frogs that rang out wherever they went. Well, we had our sirens that morning with their missiles. Again and again, like there never was in the history of our country. Just as back then there was never so much noise. It was terrifying. People that were here and lived through it are still suffering trauma from those sirens and many still stay evacuated in places where there won’t be subject to those deafening alerts. They shudder whenever they hear one as it returns them to that unforgettable horrible morning when everything changed for them forever. It takes them back to “Egypt”.

 Lice. They came up from the ground. From tunnels. That’s what these maggots do. That’s where they took our hostages. Burrowed in the ground that we thought was oh so safe and secure. Yaakov didn’t want to be buried in Egypt because he saw, the midrash tells us that we would have to roll through tunnels to be resurrected by techiyat ha’meisim and those tunnels would be infested with lice. Do you think he saw perhaps these tunnels as well? These maggots. The tunnels we have to go through for techiyat hameisim?

 Arov- a wild multitude charged into our country. They terrorized our homes, our kibbutzim, our farms, our cities. They tore us apart. They raped, they pillaged, they wreaked havoc. It wasn’t even that they were hungry or about food. It was just to terrorize. It was just to impart fear and to murder. Yeah, that plague is not a far stretch.

 Dever- Pestilence. They woke up that morning and all their animals were dead in the field. Their horses, their donkeys, their cattle. The one image too many Zaaka members told me about that morning that they can’t get out of their heads, and perhaps one of the most powerful places that I have brought people to on my Chizuk missions is the so many burnt cars that lined the roads of highway 232- the highway of death. Our “horses” our “donkeys” were all dead in the fields. The smell of death, the bullet-ridden 1000 or more cars, cars that until that day were our means of going to family get togethers, to go to work in our fields, to celebrate the holiday. Those are all now symbols and monuments of the plague that they laid upon us.

Shechin- boils. The sky was filled with smoke and ash. The fires they set. They families they burnt alive. The boils and burns in our hearts and souls that will never go away. So much fire. So much smoke, so many burns, bullets, searing wounds we suffered from the whips they laid upon us in Egypt… and since October 7^th.

 Hail- Firey brimstone reigned down on our homes that morning. The sky was lit up that morning in the non-stop barrage. Fascinatingly enough this plague started beforehand when the Egyptians were warned it was coming and they were told that they need to bring their animals into their homes to protect them. Their homes became shelters. Bomb shelters from the barrage. They were holed up there just as we were on that morning, cramped in small rooms with whatever possessions they had while terror and fire hailed down outside destroying everything that they didn’t manage to bring in with them. Hashem made the Egyptians suffer that morning and learn to fear Hashem. And we suffered as well that morning learning that same lesson.

 Arbeh- the sky was black. It was swarming. The locusts looted and ate and stole anything that remained. They controlled the skies, the fields and they pillaged like a dark cloud. More and more and more. Arbeh. They just kept coming. Like a big dark black cloud that blocked out the heavens. That hid Hashem from us.

 Choshech- and then the darkness fell. We were immobilized. We were in shock. We couldn’t see our brothers. We didn’t know what happened to them. Where they were taken. Were they alive or dead? Were they in a tunnel somewhere in a cold deep dark dungeon? Are they still there?

 Nine plagues down. We’re almost there. We’re almost redeemed. The geula is coming. It is Rosh Chodesh Nisan and Hashem tells us that we need to get ready. There is one plague left. Then we will be born as a nation. The preparation that we need to do is the Korban Pesach. We need to take a lamb and tie it to our bed and then slaughter it. We need to roast it whole. We need to have blood on our doorposts for that fateful night of the Seder. For we will be exiting that bloody doorway- that mashkof- that we look at as we enter the new world. The world where Hashem smites our enemies Himself. The world where we are born as a nation as His “Firstborn”, His chosen ones.

 Now I want to share with you a fascinating idea that incredibly connects with this scene and this imagery. Something I never appreciated before, but because of the way that Hashem orchestrated our Torah reading this year where Shabbat Ha’Gadol falls out on Parshat Metzora hit me like a ton of bricks. See, this scene and the many of the words that connect with it are all found in this week’s Parsha that discusses what seems to be the strange and certainly unique process of the purification of the Metzora. Which of course non-coincidentally is the only other place until now since the ten plagues where the Torah utilizes the word nega- blemish or in Pharoh’s case before the last plague, Hashem tells us

Od nega echad avi al Pharaoh V’Mitzryaim- one more plague/blemish I will bring upon Pharaoh and Egypt.

 Now what is the process of this purification? Fascinatingly, Rabbi Dovid Fohrman points out, it contains almost all the elements of the Korban Pesach. In both cases we are told that a hyssop brush and wood are dipped in blood. In Egypt it is dipped there and put upon the wooden doorposts, while by the Metzora the blood it is sprinkled on the metzora himself. By the Metzora two birds are taken and one is slaughtered while the other is “sent free” in the field after being dipped in the slaughtered blood of the first bird. In Egypt our firstborns are saved, and we are born as a nation when we are “sent free” into the wilderness, while theirs are slaughtered.

 Even more fascinating is that we are told that the blood of the slaughtered bird is poured over a pail of water, from where the other bird is set free. Isn’t it amazing that as well our final redemption from Egypt also takes place by the bloody waters of the Yam Suf where we look back and see the dead Egyptians floating on the sea? That takes place on the 7^th day of Pesach, by the way- a seven-day process of us being born as a nation and becoming free. And wouldn’t you know it? The Metzora as well has a seven-day purification process until he is returned from his isolation to rejoin, or perhaps even more accurately be reborn again as part of the nation and the community.

Now lest you think this is a one-way street, if you look back with new eyes at the story of our Exodus from Egypt, you’ll be surprised to see that it all starts with a tzora’as story as well. Moshe is forced to run away from Egypt when he stands up and kills the Egyptian because as he says

achein noda ha’davar- Now I understand why the nation is in Exile. They speak lashon hara. They’re going to snitch on me to Pharaoh. There are dilutrin- people that speak gossip amongst them.

 When the time for the redemption comes though, Moshe himself is guilty of that same sin. Hashem tells him that it is time to go back and redeem the Nation and Moshe responds by saying that the nation will not believe him. They won’t believe that Hashem had sent him. Hashem’s response is to give rebuke him by way of giving him three signs. The first his staff turns into a snake. The snake being the symbol of Lashon Hara, as it is the original sin convincing Eve to eat from the tree. Next Hashem tells him to stick his hand in his cloak and it comes out with tzora’as- the first time in the Torah where we find this spiritual malady. Finally, Hashem tells him that if those don’t work then the water will turn to blood. So there you have it leper, blood, wood and do you know how long Moshe was by that bush in isolation? You got it! Seven days. Our original redemption is the birth and purification of the Metzora

 What is the connection between these two processes and what are they all about? Rabbi Fohrman notes that our sages repeatedly tell us that a metzora is halachically considered like a dead person. The impurity he exudes we find in many ways is on the similar level, where he is me’tamey anything that is even in his tent, unlike other forms of impurity. On the one hand, this poor metzora is alive and breathing still has a pulse. Yet, on the other hand he is considered as if he is dead. He is isolated from everyone else. He’s all alone. Arguably he might even worse than a dead person. Because he’s alive and aware of his situation. He’s not dead up in Shamayim with all his ancestors. He’s here in this world, with no one to talk or connect to. No one to love. No one to be there for him.

 In fact, when Hashem tells Moshe to go back and liberate the nation, He tells him it’s because the coast is clear. The ones that wanted to kill him are dead. Now the truth is that Dasan and Aviram that snitched on Moshe were very much alive, but as our sages note, they had fallen off their high horse. They were like dead people. That had lost it all. Just as when a Metzora loses it all, he’s just a corpse with a pulse.

 Do you know what the process of purification for this malady is? For this sickness that one suffers from when he speaks about others, or when he thinks and acts with ga’ava- with haughtiness. When one thinks he’s better than everyone else? When you don’t want to help anyone out and are only focused on self. The Metzora’s problem is that he is all alone. That he isn’t connected to the rest of the nation. What he really is experiencing as a result of this disease of the spirit and his self-absorption is a form of death. To recover you need to be born again. He has to recognize how all of humanity is one and a reflection of Hashem.

 To do that we essentially send him back to the womb. He goes back to that small dark little tight, lonely place and reflects on how essential human connection is to who and what we are. How in pregnancy we experience being part of our mother’s body literally. That’s how we are born. We are part of her body, like one of her limbs. We are one and then although we separate, and we come out, and it’s bloody, and it’s painful, and it’s traumatic, but we always will feel that we are one with our mother. We are one with our siblings. We are a perhaps individual human beings, but we are born to be connected as one. It’s why Adam and Eve were created as one and separated. It’s why last week’s parsha of Tazria, of the women who gives birth, precedes the parsha of Metzora.

 On Pesach what took place was the birth of our nation. The plagues we suffered were our birth pangs. The plagues they suffered, separated us from them again and again and again defining us more and more. We were being formed and born as a unique nation just as Hashem told Moshe in the beginning of our story would happen. We are His first-borns. As those final birth contractions come, we are told to take the Korban Pesach. To take that lamb with its head bent over its knees as one whole. Take it to the bedroom and tie it your beds where life is born from.  Do you know what that animal’s position is when we roast him and bring that sacrifice? It’s in the fetal position. It’s a baby.

  We place it’s blood on our doorposts- that birth canal that we will come out of and enter the new world. We take the hyssop that lowliest and most humble of brushes and prepare for our birth. We are commanded that there is a new measure of time called Rosh Chodesh, because its our birthday. And just as the bird of the Metzora that flies free dripping the blood of the slaughtered bird of loneliness and constraint that it left behind and was extricated from soars into a whole new world, so too we march out of the meitzarim- the constraints of the tzirei leida- the birth pangs of Mitzrayim- Egypt and are born as a nation.

 The past few years have all been leading up to this Pesach. It’s been more than a few years actually. The birth pangs of the Shoah led to the mass return of Klal Yisrael to Eretz Yisrael and the cleaning us out of our galus in Europe where for thousands of years we were disconnected from our home. For the first time since the Maccabees a state of Jewish sovereignty was reestablished in Eretz Yisrael. The land became pregnant and bigger and fatter with her nation growing in her belly. The land returned and developed and the industry and construction of all her limbs grew. The Torah spiritually flourished within as it seems like the angel of Hashem was teaching and building yeshiva after yeshiva. And the entire world flocked to drink from her holy nectar and breathe its air that makes all wiser.

 There were kicks and complications along the way as the contractions got bigger and bigger. 1967, the Yom Kippur War, Lebanon, Gaza, Gaza, Gaza. There were fights. We were falling apart. We become Metzoras. So Hashem put us and the rest of the world into isolation. Corona. Alone. Bidud. Contemplate. It’s the final stage. And then the final contractions of our birth began on October 7^th. It started on Shemini Atzeret when we were alone with Hashem in the delivery room. Only the Father is allowed in that room. All the other nations can’t come in. For it is a painful delivery room. The delivery room of His First Born child. The First-Born son He has been waiting over 3300 years for since we left Egypt.

  The Kabbalists mystically tell us the difference between the birth of a son and a daughter. Whereas a female’s job is to receive and develop the baby, the man’s job is to give and provide and fill the world. Our Exodus from Egypt, and all our previous salvations are compared to the birth of a female. They are only temporary. It’s cyclical. We received it without any of our own merit. The ultimate redemption though is the birth of a boy. It’s the first-born son. It’s the child that will have the power to give to the world and not just receive the beneficence of Hashem. It will be eternal.

 There is an incredible prophetic Midrash that is flying around in the Jewish social media. It tells us of the end of days.

 Rabbi Yitzchak said: The year in which the King Messiah reveals himself, all the nations of the world will be fighting with each other (Russia? Ukraine? China?). The King of Paras [Persia/ Iran] will fight with the King of Arabia, and the King of Arabia will go to Edom [USA?] to seek counsel from them. The King of Paras will [attempt to] destroy the entire world, and all the nations of the world will be screaming and confused and falling on their faces, and they will experience pains like those of a woman giving birth. The Jewish people will also be screaming and confused, and will say, To where shall we come and go? To where shall we come and go? And Hashem will say to them, My children – don’t be afraid - for all that I have done, I only did for your sake. Why are you afraid the time for your redemption has come! Unlike previous redemptions though, this will be the last redemption.  For the previous redemptions were followed by more pain and persecution, but this last redemption will have no more pain and persecution after it.

 The Talmud in Sanhedrin (98a) Discusses the names of Mashiach. The final opinion though of the Rabbis is that he is called the “Metzora of the house of Rebbi”. Mashiach is considered like metzora. The Megale Amukos tells us that the day Mashiach comes will be that of the Taharat Metzora. He points out that’s why our parsha begins with the words cryptically

“Zot Tihiyeh Torah Ha’Metzorah- this will be, in the future, the Torah of the Metzora

Ba’yom taharato on that final day of his purity.

 The verse from Daniel that our sages tell us that he is a metzora as well speaks to our time.

V’chayaleinu hu nasa- he has uplifted and carried our soldiers

Machoveinu savlam- he bears our intense pain

V’anachnu nechashavnu nagua- and we were considered blemished

Muka Elokim- Struck/plagued (makkos) by Hashem

U’mi’uneh- and persecuted

 The redemption is here. The prophecies one after another are being fulfilled. Our Avoda is to bring that Korban Pesach. To connect like we never connected before to one another. To understand that we are all one whole. To see that baby, that is us, as the First Born of Hashem. And then God willing Pesach Night just as 3336 years ago we will open up our doorways and walk out of our bloody doorposts and walk from River to the Sea. But this time eternally liberated in the final redemption of our nation.

 Have a great Shabbas Ha’Gadol and a liberating Pesach of Geulah!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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CHIZUK/TZEDAKA OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK

Merkaz HaChesed of Sderot- I’ve mentioned this place beforehand and I actually visited with Avichai this past week as they are undergoing a tremendous campaign for Pesach where over 650 families require food and basic Pesach assistance for this holiday. Each family will be getting packages with over 700 shekel of basic holdaiy needs as well as 300 shekel vouchers. Please help out Avicah and the people of Sderot by donating to this campaign!

 

Founded 24 years ago the by my friend Avichai Amusi who had moved to the city of Sderot by the Gaza Border with the aim of caring for the people of Sderot as well as the residents of the towns and villages in the region The Chesed Center is a not-for-profit organization that is based on the work of volunteers who bring their enthusiasm to these projects. With so many familied moving back now the demand is more than ever…

 The Chesed Center incorporates the following areas of assistance:

 1. Distribution of food baskets – Some 670 families in Sderot as well as those in the towns and villages in the Gaza Strip area receive food baskets every week. The baskets contain in-season fruit and vegetables as well as basic food commodities. About half the food baskets are handed out at a special distribution center while the rest is delivered to the homes of those needy individuals who are unable to come in person to the center. In addition to the weekly allocations, special efforts are made at holiday times (Rosh Hashanah – New Year – and the festivals celebrated in the fall, Purim, and Passover) to make a substantial distribution of food on a much wider scale and thereby they will have all they need to celebrate the festivals and experience the true holiday spirit.

  2. Soup Kitchen - The Sderot Hessed Center runs a restaurant to provide a nutritional response as required on a daily basis. The kitchen serves a hot and nutritious meal for about 80 diners, most of whom are senior citizens, especially those who have been left all alone in the world; Holocaust survivors; and the handicapped. The soup kitchen is designed to look like a regular restaurant. The atmosphere in this restaurant is welcoming and shows respect to its patrons just like family, and those same people who lack the means to eat warm and nutritious food during the week can now enjoy every day an hour or so of relaxation and contentment.

3. Clothing store – This is a second-hand clothing store, d offers for sale clothes, shoes, and other accessories. The clothes are donated by well-known companies or collected by the local residents, sorted and sold at a nominal price, a policy which shows respect for the customers who come there to buy their clothes.

4. A charity furniture store - This store offers second-hand furniture, which was donated to the Hessed Center, collected by the Center's volunteers and distributed to the needy and families on low incomes. In special cases, the Center succeeds in obtaining new furniture and these are allocated to needy families.

5. A charity store for tables and chairs – These chairs and tables are made available for festivities and celebrations as well as for mourners, heaven forbid.

 6. Yad Sarah

NOW THEY NEED YOUR HELP MORE THAN EVER WITH FAMILIES MOVING BACK TO SDEROT!!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCk04TvWeaY 

 And here’s the link to donate                

 https://thechesedfund.com/ameiricainfriendsofiyim/emergency-food-and-assitance-to-homeless-and-beraved-families-in-sderot 

 YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Got zol af im onshikn fun di tsen makes di beste..”- God should send upon them the best of the Ten Plagues

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

3. The name of the fortress that was built in Jerusalem during the Seleucid rule

over the Land of Israel is_____.

In which city are there remains of Herodian buildings?

A) Scythopolis

B) Beit Saida

C) Sebastia

D) Shivta

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vehi-shemada – My latest new release in honor of Pesach… You gotta hear this… It’s amazing, beautiful and Dovid Lowy knocked it out of the park…especially the shticky harmonies… You want to sing this by your Seder.

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon   – Composed this hartzig Pesach song two years ago… But you have to suffer through the first 17 seconds of me singing to earn the right to hear the whole song… but don’t worry it’s so beautiful you won’t even remember afterwards my singing…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZU6dgsylGYE  – Motty Shteimetz with this incredible rendition of Chasal Sidur Pesach an ancient Chasidic tune from the alteh heim..

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2vv9uXACk   – 613 Acapella a Funny Abba Pesach rendition Matza Mia…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1zqEOUCLGc – Benny Friedman Pesach in Der Heim a medley of all of the classics

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8c-iuwpkD0 – and here’s perhaps my favorite Pesach composition by Rebbi Nachman Seltzer of Chasal Siddur Pesach… My Seder is not complete without it…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

Seder Night- You know the old joke they say about how when one davens to Hashem from America it’s a long distance call, while from here in Israel it’s a local one. Well on Pesach Seder night we are told that it gets even better than that. Hashem Himself and the entire Heavenly hosts, the Zohar tells us, comes down and are sitting right next to us at the Seder. It’s not even a phonecall. He’s right there at the table. The Targum Yonasan tells us that this dates back even before we left Egypt to the times of when Yitzchak gave the blessings to Yaakov which was on Seder night. It’s why Yaakov brought him two goats. One for the Pesach and one for the Chagiga. It is on this night when the blessings are best to be given and when Yaakov got them from Esau. For as he says “All the gateways of heaven are opened on this night”. It’s where everything can turn around. It’s when all decrees can be nullified. Historically this has been the night of salvations throughout our generations.

 The Mishna tells us as well that on Pesach we are judged on the wheat and thus this is also an evening to pray for parnassa. There are some that suggest that it is perhaps one of the reasons why we wear a kittel. It’s like a day of judgement. It is a day of judgement. The best time to have in mind it’s brought down is when we eat the Maror fascinatingly enough as there is a hint in that the dove of Noach told Noach when he brought back the olive branch that “my mezonos- my food should be bitter like Maror”. Not that it should be bitter but rather that it is judged at the time we eat Maror and we turn to Hashem.

 As well the Ohev Yisrael notes that this is an evening to pray for ones children. For even the wicked son has a place at the Seder. It’s when everyone can be inspired by the miracles. There is a special light that comes down to our table. And thus the evening should be maximized to share that light and daven that it radiates in the hearts of all of Hashem’s children just as it did in Egypt when we were all on the 49^th level of Tumah

 Finally, Rav Milchovitz notes that this is obviously the best night to pray for the redemption. For it is this night that Hashem answered our cries and our prayers in Egypt. There are some that think we are different then previous generations because we don’t have Moshe Rabbeinu to rescue us. But as he notes, the Hagada doesn’t mention Moshe. It’s all Hashem. It’s all our prayers. And thus on this special night we should use all our power of prayer to   

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

722 BC-The Major Reform-  After that incredible Pesach of Chizkiya everything changed. A spiritual reform took over the nation that was truly Messianic. Everyone destroyed the idols amongst the nation. All of the altars that had never been taken down before throughout the entire country were removed. The nation flocked to the Temple. The Kohanim and the Levi’im swarmed there and shifts were set up for the renewed daily services and the to deal with the multitude of korbanos that the nation was finally bringing to the right address. Even more than the sacrifices though was the tithes and priestly gifts that hadn’t been given for so long. There were piles and piles, the navi tells us all around Jerusalem. From Shavuot until Sukkot of that year mounds formed all over Jerusalem of food for the Kohanim. Chizkiya then took the initiative to set up and divide it amongst the Kohanim and Levi’im all over Israel. For they had an important job as well to do.

 Chazal tell us that in the times of Chizkiya he instituted that it was no longer enough to just bring sacrifices, Torah study was going to be of essence to our nations survival and a mass Torah program started all over the country, led by the Levi’im and the scholars. He stuck a sword in the door of the study hall and said “he who does not study will suffer the fate of the sword”. What a powerful message that is for us today. It’s not our army that will save us, it’s the merit of the Torah study! 300 missiles that fell last week- or rather didn’t fall- were prevented miraculously, not because of the the US, Jordan, or even the Iron dome or Davids Slingshot and incredible Israel Air Force. It’s the merit of the Torah that our soldiers and entire nation studies that brings the divine protection from the sword. In the times of Chizkiya there was not a child from Dan to Beersheva that wasn’t familiar in even the most difficult areas of study.

 Which brings us to the next stage as well which is also amazing for our times. For what did Chizkiya do next with this strengthened nation? He attacked the Philistines in Gaza. There would be no more threats coming from there. He wiped them out like never before. And to make things even better, he then headed after our big enemy Assyria, Sancheirev and refused to bow down and be robbed and persecuted by them. They would no longer dictate what we can and can’t do. We are the nation of Hashem like never before. And thus everything is set for the fateful Pesach night miracle that will take place, that hopefully we will talk about next week…

 But C’mon isn’t this great? This column really gives us a feel and taste of how the entire country can flip around in one second, and the geula can be on it’s way…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE IRAN JOKES OF THE WEEK

Waiting for missiles from Iran makes me feel like I’m waiting for my Hot internet tech guy who will come some time between Friday and Sunday.

 

If you are Jewish anywhere around the world and have been assaulted, insulted or harassed please call 1-800-STOP-ISLAMOPHOBIA

 Poll: What scares you more?

a) No daycare or school and the kids will be home on vacation and I haven’t finished Pesach cleaning

b) Iran

 Estimated time of Arrival of Missiles in Israel

4:02 AM Magen Avraham

4:32 AM Gr”a

8:15 AM Rabbeinu Tam

1:30 PM Monday Morning- Amshinov

 Don’t be worried about the Iranian missiles. It’s like an Israeli bank transfer. It takes a few days until it shows up in your account.

 9 hours until the missiles fall in Israel is enough time to allow your dough to rise. Let’s get started so we don’t get stuck with Matzas for the next holiday established.

 If everyone is already awake all night tonight, let’s just make the seder already…

 Joe Biden- It’s critical that Israel starts sending humanitarian aid to Iran before the closure of Israeli airspace.

 There are reports that Iranian warheads are being loaded with cheerios and breadcrumbs

 The Gaza Ministry of Health has justa announced that Israel killed 20,675 Palestinian women and children in Iran

 They sent UAV’s from Iran but it will take a few hours… It’s like when contractions start and they in the meantime until the birth, try to sleep a little.

 The Iranian Army didn’t take into account that Israel’s entire airspace had been covered in not one, but two layers of heavy duty aluminum foil.

Cleaning for Pesach reminds me of the war in Gaza. We move everything to the south part of the house and clean the North and then when we come to clean the south the children return to the north with their chametz. We either have to stop the Humanitarian aid or control the entire house by Monday!

Iran: We’ve launched missiles at you

Israel: Hmm we can’t see any

Iran: Did you try to refesh your sky some times it takes a minute because of the connection.

Israel: Yeah..nothing

Iran: Check your spam…

I don’t mean to brag or anything, but this is like the tenth “end of the world” I’ve survived…

New Biden Speech notes : “You say DON”T” really loud…

 Update: The owner of the local Makolet said Israel will bomb Iran in the next day or two. I will update after I speak to my taxi driver.

 Breaking News: The final missile sent by Iran four days ago has nearly arrived in Israel. It has just completed its’ fourth bus transfer and will be staying in a motel overnight before taking to the skies again where it will be shot down by the Israeli Iron dome system.

 The UN is fuming because of Waze recalculating being messed up all of the humanitarian aid ened up in Bnai Brak as part of the Pesach Kimcha D’pischa distribution.

 I have two nephews who were called back to Gaza and they told me that a certain number of soldiers would be allowed to return home for the Seder Night and the soldiers could decide amongst themselves who it would be. It was unanimously agreed that whoever was invited to their mother-in-laws would be allowed to remain in Gaza.

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 The answer to this week”s question is C– I got this one half right as well. Surprisingly though I got the wrong half correct. I really knew it when I answered that I was going to get it wrong. Somehow I forgot the name of the Temple Mount fortress called Anotnia that I should’ve really remembered. I remembered it was an A name But for some reason I just said Apolliana instead. Oh well… close. Part Two though that I got correct was Sebastia. I wasn’t really sure, but it made the most sense as I narrowed out the other ones. I’ve never been to Sebastia as today it’s in Shechem. But actually I remember when I wrote about it in our Tanach column, as this was a capital city of Shomron in biblical days. That it later on was a Heordian city. S0 it’s a half right for me.  And the score is   Rabbi Schwartz 2 and Ministry of Tourism 1 on this exam so far.