Fancy Threads- Parshat Pikudey Adar Sheni 2022 / 5782

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

March 4^th 2022 -Volume 11 Issue 22 Rosh Chodes Adar Beis 5782

 

Parshat Pikudey

Fancy Threads

 

Probably one of the most annoying shmoozim, sermons or drashos that people hear and that are usually the most pointless ones really, are the ones that talk about extravagance, spending too much and showing off our wealth. You’ve heard the Rabbis talk about the traditional Jewish competition between the Cohenses over who can have a fancier car, house, outfit, wedding, vacation, Shabbos meal or you fill in the __________ .  Been there, slept through that already and they never effected or impacted any of us.

 

Yet, Rabbis don’t seem to get it. I guess they like to talk about things that are easy to pick on and that don’t get them into too much trouble. Pretty much everyone is on board with the idea that showing off our wealth is a bad thing for the Jews. It’s a safe topic. An easy target.

 

The problem and the reason why though these are really the least impactful speeches is because the crowd generally views themselves as being divided into two groups; the ones that have and the ones that don’t. The latter being in the majority. The “haves” pretty much roll their eyes at one another, increase their donations to charities and needy people and causes and accept that there will always be malcontents that will eye whatever they do as being too ostentatious and hope and pray for the day that those less fortunate will be in the same position as they are. Then let’s see how they do with all their money…

 

The “have-nots” on the other hand are really happy that this speech or sermon is not about them. After all they’re very modest and can’t afford more anyways. They’re kind of sick of feeling like they’re not worthy or good enough in the shlocky car, suit, house or wedding they make for their kids. Let’s beat up on the gvir. As I said in the beginning it’s a pointless drasha, a waste of good hot air. Nobody’s really listening.

 

Rabbi Schwartz don’t roll that way though. Since my weight loss I really don’t roll too much at all…  When I write or speak Mussar, I do it for myself. You guys are just the audience. I’m not really the cheshbon ha’nefesh self-examination and reflection Mussar type. Whatever free or quiet time I might have in my life, which really is not much lately Baruch Hashem with the return of the tourist to the Holy Land, I prefer to utilize to make up songs, to catch up on some learning, write a book or just sleep and veg and not talk to anyone. But I know that I should do a bit of introspection regularly so I write this weekly E-Mail and when I see an idea that talks to me, I know that’s what I should be thinking about. And then I share it with you.

 

So, this week upon reviewing the parsha, which is a review for the umpteenth time of the construction of the Mishkan, I came across a strange detailed verse and Rashi that I never really noticed before. Probably because the topic really doesn’t’ interest me that much. The pasuk tells us about the making of the threads that would be used to sew on the apron and breastplates. Threads and clothing in general are not my thing. I let my wife handle that. Threads particularly, are used for sewing, a skill that this misogynistic male never mastered. Therefore sewing kits like a a baking mixer, vacuum cleaner and washing machine are pretty much muktza to me. But here the Torah and Rashi really gives pretty specific instructions on how to make what seems to be a pretty insignificant detail. The threads that sew on the garments with, really??!

 

Shemos (39:1-5) And out of the blue, purple, and crimson wool they made the meshwork garments to serve in the Holy, and they made Aaron's holy garments, as the Hashem had commanded Moshe. And he made the ephod of gold, blue, purple, and crimson wool, and twisted fine linen. They hammered out the sheets of gold and cut threads [from them] to work [the gold] into the blue wool, into the purple wool, into the crimson wool, and into the fine linen, the work of a master weaver. They made connecting shoulder straps for it at both its ends, it was entirely connected. And its decorative band, which is above it, [emanated] from it, of the same work: gold, blue, purple, and crimson wool, and twisted fine linen as Hashem had commanded Moshe.

 

Admit it.  You skipped that paragraph, just like I did. It’s boring. It’s sewing and you might even be a woman reading this. But who wants to read details of sewing things? Rashi though takes it up a notch and tells us the process. They would take four gold threads and each thread would be wrapped in 6 threads of each of the other simpler threads. 6 of purple, 6 of blue,  6 of crimson, and 6 of linen. Then all 28 would be twisted together to make one big thread; 4 of gold and 24 of the other colors. That’s pretty detailed don’t ya think? A little bit TMI.

 

Even stranger though, is that it seems a pretty big waste of gold threads. I mean this wasn’t dyed gold or anything like that. It was thread that was actually made from real gold. Even more than that, the Ramban notes that this was a brand-new technology to make thread out of gold and it was a very elaborate process. The gold needed to be hammered down into very thin plates and then thin little threads were cut from it. Yet with all this effort seemed to go unappreciated as nobody really even sees the thread. It was covered on all 6 sides with plain old wool and linen dyed threads of all colors. That seems really like a lot of effort and expense for something that nobody would ever know about; a waste of good gold.

 

Rav Margalit the Rav of Karmiel in his amazing sefer Mapik Margaliyot, points out as well that this process and design is really quite the opposite that we were told about in the construction of the Aron, Ark of the tablets. There, the wood was hidden in a middle box while the inside and outside were gold. I can understand that construction because the gold is visible and there are all types of messages and lessons our Rabbis draw from that. The strings that tie on the breastplate and the apron of the Kohen though? Not so much…

 

The answer perhaps is really understanding what the function of gold, money and the materialistic things in this world are here in this world for. The point of it all, is for us to utilize them and uplift the world and reveal Hashem’s magnificence with them. It’s not about us. When it comes to the Aron, to the Mishkan, to building a palace where Hashem’s presence would reside, we are meant and charged to go all out. Make it as beautiful as possible. Polish it up. There should be a sense of awe when we walk into the building. That’s the idea of a castle and of a King. Whatever will give me more inspiration to Hashem, make it nicer, fancier and shinier.

 

Even the Kohen himself is meant to wear glorious garments l’kavod u’l’tifferes- for glory and splendor. He is our representative into Hashem. We should see him and be in awe as well. He should be dressed to the hilt. Diamonds, fancy stones and golden clothing and even a gold plate on his head that says the name of Hashem.

 

But the problem is what about us. Are we also Kohanim? Should we also be dressed and showy and flashy as after all we are the nation that are the priests of Hashem? Should our houses which are meant to be palaces of God where Hashem will reside amongst our midst also have ornate gold cabinets, Italian marble floors, stained glass windows (never understood that term- my windows always have stains on them…)? What about modesty? What about humility? What about all those speeches the Rabbis give?

 

The answer and lesson is that we have to know that we have our gold inside of us. There is a thin little thread that will shine and glory and we keep it hidden. When we go to the Mikdash then we join those humble threads together and we attach them to the breastplate of the Kohein and walla! We are now embodied in his shiny glorious clothing. On his breastplate with all of the tribes of Israel. We are in the holy of Holies with him. But when we don’t have that, when we are alone, when we are not in the Mikdash keep that gold buried under 6 threads of all of the other colors. Of the simpler lifestyle. But know that inside of each us there is a gold thread that is waiting to join together with everyone else.

 

We live in era of plenty. I remember listening to a shiur once from Rabbi Yisrael Reisman who pointed out that the poorest amongst us is living far better than perhaps even Baron Rothchild, who didn’t have air conditioning, that when he traveled had to sit on a wagon with all types of bumps along the road, who didn’t have hot showers or flush bathrooms. Certainly not the internet, phone service or amazing, wonderful weekly E-Mails. Kollel guys in Bnai Brak have it better than he did. Am Yisrael that are holy have built beautiful shuls, give incredible amounts of charity and use our money, our gold and our plenty to build houses for Hashem. Houses were the Shechina resides. But yet with that all we somehow seem to forget that we are meant to hide that gold as well. We need to pound it down and cut off a little sliver and wrap it in simplicity. It’s not because it’s not nice to show off. It’s to remind us that there is a thread of gold that we each have that is deep inside of us and should only be brought out when we are connected, all of us together, in the Bais Hamikdash. When we are all Kohanim Gedolim. When we have one breastplate where those threads have the most meaning.

 

The month of Adar is a month of Megillas Esther- the month where the hiddenness reveals itself. But there has to be something that we keep and have hidden that we are saving for that great revelation. Perhaps that’s an idea behind our Purim Costume custom. Cover up the outside. Mordechai puts on sackcloth as do the Jewish nation in teshuva. Before that we were feasting with the Goyim, we had the beautiful vessels of the Temple that we dined upon. We had all the wealth in the world. But we didn’t have anything hidden. There was no gold that we kept inside. When we put on the simpler garments, when we realize the sins of our ways. When the goyishe styles are not setting the tone for what we dress, what we eat, how we present ourselves. Then The King, who in the Megilla we know is always a reference to Hashem, sends for Mordechai and dresses him the clothing of the King. We are all one. Our hidden golden threads can be connected to the breastplate. We can be redeemed.

 

The month of Adar Sheni is the month when we can turn everything around. There are no haves and have nots in Klal Yisrael. Every “have-r” of us is incomplete without the gold thread that the have-nots possess that will connect him to the Mikdash. There are therefor no “have-nots” either. We each have a “chut shel Zahav”- a hidden golden thread, that the Torah goes out of its way to elaborately describe in the process of building the Mishkan and bringing the shechina back amongst our nation. 

 

We all just need to find that gold and then hide it a bit. Keep it private. Think of it as the purim costume we are putting on and that no one but Hashem and us know about. That gold thread can be in the car we drive that’s not the best out there, the little extra’s that we may not put into our home improvement, the little piece of extravagance that we tone down in the simchas that we make. It’s not just rich people. It’s all of us. We all need to hold back from at least one thing that we are not going “all out” on. It’s our private golden thread. If we do that Hashem will then see that we are “all in” and we will merit to the ultimate redemption that is awaiting us.

 

Have a  doubly joyful Shabbos and Chodesh Adar Sheni Tov,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

This week's Insights and Inspiration is sponsored by my fellow Detroiters Raffi and Sherri Zurrof in the zechus of his parents Alav Hashalom Avraham ben Shlomo and Zahava bas Mordechai two incredible pillars of the Detroit community who’s charity and benevolence and commitment to Torah values serve as inspiration to all those that know and remember them.

As well it should be a merit for all of our brothers and sister in Ukraine, that Hashem should watch over and protect them in these frightening perilous times. May Hashem send the redemption to them and all of Klal Yisrael and turn this month of darkness for them to one of light and simcha.

**************

Miss my smiling mug and voice and want more subscribe to my weekly Whatsapp or Youtube video for my

FREE

My weekly 10 minute or less video short last week's Parsha

Here's last week's Video

 

FINDING THE YID

https://youtu.be/G_QCWEC90fo

  You can get the weekly Rabbi Schwartz video by subscribing to my Youtube page on the above link. Or alternatively by Facebook friending me

And I will add you to the Whatsapp group

***************************

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

Di zun shaynt glaych af orem un reich.- Money lost, nothing lost; courage lost, everything lost.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/layehudim   – It’s Adar! Time for Rabbi Schwartzes greatest hits for Purim!! This one with Dovid Lowy singing my geshmak Layehudim. Get on your dance shoes…

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/techelet-mordechai   – And here’s my amazing Techeles Mordechai with the one and only Yitz Berry singing this great Purim seuda composition of mine.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJjiu-GG5es   – Mishenichnas Adar in the Knesset.. Only in Israel…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkQDUOAgveg   – Yitz Berry and Eli Klein latest Moshe Klein song UMordechai Yatza

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

18)  The "city line" (ha kav ha 'Ironi) served as a boundary between these countries: __________

This line was determined on the basis of:

A)  The United Nations 1947 Resolution

B)  A distinct topographic route

C)  The historical Ridge Route (derech gav ha’har)

D)  The line of posts held by each party        

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

No Ands -Parshat Pikudey -  “These are the accountings of the Mishkan” – that is the way our Torah portion begins. Rav Yitzchak Shapiro the Blendover Rebbe notes that we have a rule that many are familiar with from back in Parshat Mishpatim that when the Torah begins a portion as it does most often and it begins with the word “And” then it is a continuation of the previous topic. However when there is no “and” in the beginning of the Parsha then it is a brand new idea and concept. A fresh start. Seemingly after three or four parshas that all deal with the Mishkan its collection, its construction and all of the minor details that went into it, then this Parsha which is the conclusion of all of that should certainly be introduced with the word “and these”. And yet it isn’t. It’s just a new start “these are the accountings”? Where’s the missing “and”?

 

He thus explains brilliantly that this final portion is really a whole new and brand new world for the Jewish people. The Mishkan was erected as an atonement for the sin of the Golden Calf, forty days after the Revelation of Hashem. Their altruistic and repentant giving and their teshuva had been accepted. The past was erased. It’s a fresh start and the horrible sin was gone. The shechina now resides amongst our nation, Hashem tells us. The clouds of glory have returned. We are one with Hashem and able to enter the land. All we have sinned has been forgiven.

 

Each Shabbos as well we are told that our sins can be forgiven. The Nesivos Sholom repeatedly quotes his father as saying in Yiddish “De voch vi de voch ubber chutch zennen duh a Shabbos” the week is as the week is- but at least there is a Shabbos to start new. It’s the day that we can put all of our worries, our mistakes, our failures away. Shabbos bo tashuv- Shabbos is the day like the return of the Mishkan when we can return. It is the shoresh- root of the word. To return.

 

We can imagine the joy Klal Yisrael had when they saw those clouds of glory come back. That is the joy we have each Shabbos when we can accomplish the same thing. The month of Adar Beis is a month of return and teshuva (watch my whatsapp video this week- if you haven’t subscribed and don’t receive shoot me an E-Mail and I will add you). May Hashem accept our teshuva this month and give us a new beginning that we have been waiting for.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Ido Ha’Navi - 797 BC-   Nor far from the Banyas waterfall with its ancient Greek and Roman Temples in the Jewish village of Shaar Yashuv by the border of the Golan Heights, pilgrims to Israel for hundreds of years would visit the tomb of a prophet whom the Druze arabs referred to as Nebi Huda. It seems that they had mistaken this tomb to be the grave of Yehuda Ben Yaakov, however it is in fact the tomb our tradition tells us of the prophet Ido about whom we spoke about last week. The prophet sent by Hashem to warn Yerava’am and admonish him for his arrogant sins of creating an alternate temple and changing around the holidays.

 

The Navi doesn’t call him by his name and refers to him as the “Man of God”. It is for that reason perhaps that some opinions disagree and suggest that Ido was a generation or two later being the child of the Shunamite woman who had a miraculous birth and resurrection story, which we’ll get to maybe in a few months. But the common consensus was that this man was in fact the prophet Ido, who later will be the great great zaidy of the prophet Zecharya whose book is one of the 12 books of Trei Asar.

 

So anyways, what happens to Ido? The Navi tells us that after he left Yerava’am’s temple in Beit El having miraculously collapsed the altar there and freezing Yerava’am’s arm that he stretched out against him, he was approached by someone who was a false prophet who convinced him to join him for a meal. Now, Ido had already been told by Hashem not to eat anything from this city, but the man told Ido that he had a prophecy that it was no problem and in fact Hashem had sent him to invite Ido over for a meal. Ido, trusted him and sat and ate and then boom! Hashem appeared to him and told him that he would be punished for violating His command to him. He would not make it to his grave in peace.

 

Sure enough, Ido leaves and is quickly attacked and killed by a lion. Miraculously though again the lion stood there watching his body next to the donkey that brought him there. Word went out to the city and the false prophet felt remorse that he had caused his death. He went there took his body and buried him in Beit El. By his eulogy he told his children that he wanted to be buried next to this Tzadik as he had caused his death. He wanted to show that he regretted his actions and the words that Ido had warned Yerava’am and the city about their sins were true.

 

Now from this story it seems quite clear that Ido was buried in Beit El which is quite far from the Banyas. How did Ido’s tomb make it up there? I have no idea. But when it comes to tombs and graves of tzadikim, in Yiddish we say “mir fregt nisht kein shaylos” – we don’t ask any questions. We don’t daven to dead people in our religion anyways. We come in the merit of the tzadikim who’s story we connect with. If the Banyas is where they connected to Ido and this story then so be it. Hashem certainly will hear our prayers.  

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE RICH PEOPLE JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Yankel bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday. After hearing about this extravagant gift, his friend Berel said to him, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”
“She did,” he replies. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”

What do rich people and poor people have in common? They both love to talk about money

It doesn't matter if you're tall, short, rich, poor, at the end of the day...It's night.

What do you call a rich Chinese man? Ching Ching

What do you call a rich Mexican? Jeff Pesos

Yentl a newly rich woman once bought an expensive fur coat, once bought and expensive fur coat which didn’t sit well with her 14 year old daughter. “Mom, do you realise that some poor, dumb beast had to suffer so you could get that?” she said. The woman, infuriated by her daughter’s comment said ‘how dare you speak about your father like that!’

What does a fat american and a rich english have in common? Lots of pounds.

When I was young, I thought rich people bought Bose products and the rest of us had to settle for Sony. Turns out — that was just a stereotype.

I have many jokes about rich kids. Sadly, none of them work.

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rick had cars. Today everyone own cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.

 

A kid finds a magical lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears and says, “What is your first wish?” The kid says, “I wish I were rich!”

The genie replies, “It is done! What is your second wish, Rich?”

How do you know if a fisherman is rich? Check his net income.

Why is it so hard to talk to rich criminals? Because they never finish their sentences.

"Man, if I had listened my father when I was 8, I could've been rich today"

 Friend: What did he say?

Me: I dunno, I didn't listen

 

.Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"

Full of anger, the blonde replies, "How on earth you could ask such a question!? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."

 

Rich Goyim have colon cleanses. Poor Jews have Prune Juice 

So Moishie the new greener was schmoozing with this wealthy friend Yankel and he asked how he got rich. Yankel told him that when he first came to this country he bought one unwashed apple in the market for a dollar, washed it and sold it for 2, then bought 2 unwashed apples, washed it and sold it for 4. So Moishie asked “And so gradually you got rich?

“No,” Yankel said “after 2 years, my grrat uncle Berel died and left me a legacy of 4 billion dollars, and I stopped doing nonsense “

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"

Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"

*******************************

Answer is D – This is a pretty important question and one that many don’t realize because it leads to one of the most common misconceptions about the “green line”. The line was meant to be a temporary ceasefire line between Jordan and Israel in 1948. Abdallah and Moshe Dayan got together and drew lines with Green and red wax pencils/ crayon where each ones positions were. The lines were thick, they crossed in middle of houses and neighborhoods. It wasn’t thought out and it was very crude. It was only meant to be temporary, just an outline of their positions and what would be no man’s land. It certainly wasn’t approved by Knesset, the UN or any official body. Yet that became the border at the end of the war and it lasted until 1967 when we liberated Jerusalem and the old city from the Jordanians. Those that talk about going back to the Green Line, think it’s an official thing. It’s not it’s a scrawl on a map with crayon. Why it should have any significance is ridiculous. But, hey, so are many other things in this country and the way the world distorts things about us.  So another one right for me and now the score is now Schwartz 15 and 3 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.  

Jewish Drunks- Parshat Tetzave /Zachor 2018 / 5778

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land
from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

February 16^th 2018 -Volume 8 Issue 19 1^st Adar 5778

Parshat Tetzave /Zachor

Jewish Drunks?

I don’t have the greatest memory. I certainly don’t remember most things that my Rabbis taught me when I was in school. Yet every once in a while there was something that for some reason that got stuck in my brain, a deep insight, a cool midrash or story or a great line and I have it still. It’s weird. One of those teachings was from one of my teachers who repeated to me a memory that his teacher had of the alteh heim-the old country. The teacher was Rav Pam and he told his student that there were two things that they never found by Jews in the alteh heim in the old country.  A Yid that was a shikker and a yid that was a ganiv; A Jew that was a drunk and a Jew that was a thief. At least I think the second one was a thief. Maybe it was rotzayach- a murderer. I’m not sure. As I said I don’t have the greatest memory. But the drunk thing I definitely remember. It struck a chord in me. Alcoholism was a goyishe thing. It was something the peasant gentiles did back then to get away from their miserable existences in their filthy shanties and hovels. It was something that even the Polish, Lithuanian or Ukrainian anti-Semites would do when they came home from the long day working in the fields, the mines and the shmutz. They would head over to the local tavern and drink their nights away. Cable TV had not yet been invented, neither had the internet, so what else was there for a Goy to do?

Not so Am Yisrael. The nation of Israel had Torah. We had shuls we would fill. We had children that we would learn with. Or we would just eat some chulent and that would pretty much knock us out and put us to sleep. Regardless of the reason. We weren’t ever looking to escape from life. And that wasn’t because it was necessarily a bed of roses. The Jews in Europe, despite what Poland- which seems to suffer from a bad memory as well might claim, were persecuted by the locals, were stolen from and killed regularly- see our neighbors were ganovim and rotzchim, and pogroms or beating up the local yid was the evening entertainment. As well we lived in extreme poverty. Our ancestors pretty much got excited when they got an apple as a treat, not a new smartphone. And yet we didn’t get drunk. There were no Jews in Cheers. We didn’t have to go to “a place where everyone knows your name”. We had that already it was called shul. Jews don’t escape from life through alcohol. It’s just not what we do.

{PS email if you got that reference above… just curious. See I don’t remember Torah… but TV themes songs ahhhh… that never leaves your brain J}

To a large degree I believe that is still true today. At least I think it is. I have heard differently though. Just the other day I was talking to someone that is very involved with “issues and crisis” in the Jewish community and he told me I was hiding my head in the sand. I should wake up and smell the coffee. Or perhaps more accurately the single malt. He described to me scenes of Yeshiva guys cleaning off bottles in their dorm rooms at night, decent and normal, fun baalei batim-working men going out to drink with the boys after a day at the office and getting “wasted”. He even told me about minors picking up the habit from some friends of theirs, even some nice Jewish girls in Seminary going out and drinking. (I guess I’m a bit of a naïve misogynist here where even if I can fathom yeshiva guys or some party working guys doing this but certainly not girls). I dunno…. Maybe I am burying my head in the sand. Maybe it really is just a few “bad apples” with problems. I’d like to think so.

Now that is all true until we get to Purim. Purim is the day of v’nahapoch hu- where we do the opposite. We get dressed up in costumes. We party, we feast and yes we drink. According to our sages on Purim we are meant to do that ad d’lo yada- until one doesn’t even know the difference between Haman and Mordechai; The hero and the villain. Between the Jew and the Goy. Between us and them. And drink we did. But unlike our gentile counterparts. Jewish drinking on Purim is different. It is funny. It is uplifting. It is song, it is dance. It is love and hugs and kisses. And most of all it is about Hashem. How much I love God and He loves me. It is about how Hashem is always with me even when I am throwing up on the floor and how He will never abandon His people.

 I remember when I was engaged to my wife, our wedding was about 2 weeks after Purim. I had agreed in my silly naïve love dovey wanna be with my bride all the time to spend the Purim feast with my fiancée, her siblings and Mother-in-law to be who were dining with friends. It was not fun. They were not yeshivishe. They weren’t used to my type of Purims which usually ended with me in a drunken stupor somewhere singing about Hashem. They were civilized. They were talking about the Mets. They then talked about the Stock Market and some exciting TV show. Somebody made a joke. Ha Ha polite laughter followed. It wasn’t funny. I was longingly eyeing the bottle. I needed to leave. My last “single” Purim was passing before my eyes.

 My loving bride saw my pain. She came to the rescue. She made an excuse that she wasn’t feeling well and asked if I could take her home. I of course “reluctantly” apologized leaving early from this incredible fun party. I think someone had suggested that maybe they play a fun board game at that point…sigh…. And I expressed my disappointment at not being able to participate. But “duty calls”. What can I do? So we left and she agreed to take her suffering husband to yeshiva. As we got closer to the great Lakewood Yeshiva, the largest in the world at the time, we began to see signs that were a bit concerning to her. People were kind of dancing in the street. Kind of I say, because some of them were dancing vertically, or rolling around, others were jumping up and down. Some had clown hats on, others shmeared make-up. There were a few that were crying in the bushes. At least that’s what I hoped those sounds were. The closer we got to yeshiva, the more condensed the circle got as we saw more and more of them. It was like the Happy “Walking Dead” Rabbis. I told her she could drop me off already then. There was no need to go further. I was home. I don’t remember much from that Purim. It was fun though. I’ll never forget coming into the house later that night. Singing love songs to my Eishet Chayil to be. My mother-in-law and my fiancée and my three sister in laws were hiding behind the couch politely telling me that they believed me when I insisted I was totally fine. That they knew that I was most certainly grateful to have been blessed with such a special family. That of course they loved me as much as I kept singing I loved them. And that the bathroom and showers were down the hall and that I should probably make use of them. I did. They were very uncomfortable to sleep in though. But I’m not sure if that was what they had intended me use it for.

This week we celebrate the holiday of Purim. The Torah portion that precedes Purim doesn’t really have anything to do with the holiday. It doesn’t really have anything to do with drinking either. But that’s only at first glance of course. The first part of the portion of Tetzave is about the clothing of the Kohen and the High Priest that would be worn in the Temple. The Parsha tells us not only how to make the clothes but it goes through the whole process of telling us how they and the Kohen would be sanctified by wearing them and inaugurating them, and even having some blood sprinkled on their ear lobes and toes while they are being shaken up and down along the way. Fun, right? Now if you are a creative inspirational Torah E-Mail writer then you can connect this to Purim costumes somehow. Yeah, been there done that. You can check out my blog Holylandinsights.blogspot.com for previous year’s E-Mails and insights.

{Once you’re there by the way feel free to donate and sponsor an E-Mail by clicking on the link and PayPal-ing us. I guarantee it will make you feel very very happy. Me too….. }

 Even getting shaken up and down and having wine-which looks like blood- shpritzed on you is a quite common part of the Purim feast and party ritual. The conclusion of the portion as well, which discusses the building of the one Tabernacle item that seemed to have been left out of the instruction manual which mentions all of the other vessels in Parshat Teruma last week’s portion, the incense altar, also has an obvious Purim connection. Incense is smell. And there’s lots of smell in the Purim story. Mordechai is mor dror- not to be confused with the guy from the Tolkien series- although Mordechai was ultimately the Lord of the Ring of Achashverosh

{Again just curious if I am the only geek that gets my funny connections or if you are there with me.}

No mor dror is the spices of incense. Esther is Haddasa which is also known for its smell as we take that myrtle branch on Sukkot.  So we’ve got Purim covered there as well. The one part that really isn’t covered though is the odd in-between portion about 8 verses long that seems to have gotten lost from Leviticus/Vayikra and made its way here; the portion of the daily sacrifice or Korban Hatamid.

Shemos (29:38-39) And this is what you shall do on the altar 2 lambs one year old, twice a day. One lamb should be brought in the morning and one lamd should be made in the evening.

It continues with all the accompanying flour, wine and oil libations that accompany it and then

Ibid (29:45-46) And I will dwell within the children of Israel and I will be for them a God. And they will know that I am Hashem their God who took them out of the land of Egypt to dwell with them I am Hashem.

Now what does this have to do with Purim. These verses have obviously been pulled out of the Book of Vayikra which talks about all of the sacrifices and even has these almost identical words, and thrown in here on the parsha read right before Purim to teach us something. The question is what. Perhaps what is even more fascinating is that there is an opinion of one of the Rabbis, that this verse is in fact the most important teaching and lesson in the entire Torah. What am I talking about? As the Gemara says Ta Shema- Come and hear.

Ben Nanas in the name of Rabbi Akiva says the priori axiom of the Torah is ‘And you shall love your neighbor like yourself.’

Ben Zoma says the verse is ‘Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad= Hear Israel Hashem is our God Hashem is one.’

Alternative versions bring Ben Azzai as saying the verse is ‘This is the account of man’s origin: On the day that Hashem created man, He made him in his likeness’

These opinions are easy choices. We might have even picked them out ourselves. Yet the third opinion is puzzling as

Shimon Ben Pazi says the verse is “You shall offer one sheep in the morning and a second sheep shall you offer in the afternoon”

The Midrash concludes that Rav Ploni stood up and stated that the law follows Rebbi Shimon. What is going on? And of course what does this have to do with Purim?

Rabbi Yochanan Zweig suggests that the function of the entire Torah and our existence is really to prefect ourselves and lift ourselves and the world up to Hashem. Rabbi Akiva notes that the most fundamental way to do that is by loving and helping one another. By focusing on acts of kindness to one another one is imitating the ways of Hashem and that path will ultimately uplift him. Incidentally we do this on Purim by giving charity and Mishloach Manot to one another. The Bens, on the other hand, Azzai and Zoma see the essence of us perfecting ourselves as seeing the Godliness in this world. The unity of Hashem or alternatively the image of Hashem in each and every human being. If we see Hashem all over the world, and reveal that, we then become one as well. We appreciate and shine His light into the entire creation. On Purim as well we read the Megillat Esther. We read the scroll that does not mention Hashem’s name in it but we reveal it. We see Him through the darkness. As we have mentioned in the past the word Megilla comes from the word megaleh to reveal, while the word Esther comes from the word nistar-hidden. That is the next aspect of Purim.

But then we have Reb Shimon Ben Pazi, he suggests perhaps the deepest thought of them all. Yes I can do good deeds and emulate Hashem, Yes I can even see Hashem in myself and in the entire wondrous world He has created. There are even some times when I can even see myself as a Kohen- a priest or even a Kohen Gadol- that man dedicated entirely to the service of Hashem in his holiest of clothing. But usually, that is not that case. Most of the time at the end of the day, I’m flesh and blood. I don’t always do what’s right. I eat steaks, I drink wine. I’m a physical, materialistic human that makes a lot of mistakes. We were a nation that sins, which got thrown out of our land, that is drawn to the feast of Achashverosh and can even eat from a feast that has the vessels of the Temple being desecrated. Now what do you say?

 Reb Shimon Ben Pazi says- each day bring a sheep, each day bring some wine. Do it twice a day. Hashem wants your offerings. Your physical desires can be uplifted to him as well. I am Hashem and I am even inside of all of those desires and physicality as well. I am there at the party of Achashverosh and I am at your Purim feast when you are drunk and rolling around. I’m not only there when you are emulating Me. I’m not only there when you are seeing My image in the world. I’m even there while you are in your clown costume, your smashed queen Esther crown and wig, or your Na Nach Yarmulka with one fake payot sidelock ripped off as you raise your glass and dance in silly circles. Bring Me your sheep, bring Me your burgers, bring Me your wine and your oil. That is Hashem telling us He even treasures our most physical of gifts.

Goyim drink to forget, to ignore the reality of their miserable existence. Jews don’t drink. Our existence is glorious. It is holy and divine. But once a year we get carried away. We dull our inhibitions, those physical and psychological restraints on our souls truly dancing and singing and soaring to the heavens the way that it wants to. The Purim feast is and always has been the highlight of all the mitzvas of the day. That knowledge that Hashem sits up above and is looking down as we toast Him. We toast each other and the miracles He performs for us and His presence within us even in Exile, even while we are engaged in the most human of pursuits. That is the essence of our day. L’Chaim!

Have a Shabbat Shalom and boisterously inebriated Purim,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

*********************************************************************

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Fun shikker and fun shenker shtinkt mil bronfen.”- The drunkard and the bartender both smell of whisky.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

Q  The term “the eyes of the State of Israel” refers to:

A. Mount Tabor

B. The Mitzpeh haYamim Mountain

C. The Hermon Mount

D. Mount Meron

RABBI SCHWARTZ COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/techelet-mordechai  - Cause not enough of you clicked on this last week- and you really need to!!!! It will make your Purim even more amazing guaranteed!

My latest fun composition Techelet Mordechai- the Next big Jewish Purim hit!!!

https://youtu.be/SuyprtLP70E  – Last Years Purim Seuda and the debut of Rabbi Schwartzes New song with a slightly inebriated Rabbi and Yonah and Tzvibel on the vocals!

https://youtu.be/jt-Z2St4rTk    – DR. Dreizich OORA Eat-A-thon hilarious but need a bit of Yiddish and yeshivish to get it entirely

https://youtu.be/_ehDCxSNcfU   - Awesome short clip Israeli soldier Benny Masas talking about the battle for Chermon and the “Eyes of the Nation”

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S HAFTORA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

This week’s Haftora might arguably be one of the most important haftoras. For if, as we have mentioned in the past, the establishment of the haftorah was done in a period of time when it was forbidden to read from the Torah, as many of the Jewish historians and commentaries suggest. Then this Haftorah took the place of the biblically obligated reading of this week’s Torah portion of Zachor, the second of the four supplementary portions that are added around the holiday of Purim and prior to Pessach. Meaning that this reading of the story of the battle of Amalek and King Saul and Shmuel Hanavi’s eradication of them was in place of the Torah reading of the command to remember Amalek and our mitzva to wipe them out. Since the Torah tells us to ‘remember this’ we are obligated to read the story each year. When they didn’t have the freedom to read from a Torah this was used in its place.

The story of course carries within it a special lesson, one that not only connects with the holiday of Purim in which the entire story of Haman a descendant of Agag the King of Amalek that Saul allowed to live temporarily, plotted to wipe out our people and nearly succeeded but for the grace of Hashem who answered our fasts and prayers, but even one that connects with our Parsha. For our Parsha really introduces the offerings, as mentioned above, as well as the details and nuances of the Kohen. Everything is mandated, every bell on his clothes, on his breastplate and the color of his coat and his robes and crown. Meaning you can’t just make it up. The one lesson Saul and his failing was that he ignored Hashem’s command to kill the livestock and to kill Agag. He decided that he would rather use them as offerings to Hashem. Why just kill them? This is a problem. You can’t make up your religion as you go along. You don’t know better than Hashem how he wants to be worshipped. It is why the kingdom is taken from him and given to David. It is his fatal, albeit well-intentioned mistake. Similarly the clothing of the priest teaches us that lesson.

There is perhaps no greater way to display ones individuality then by the way they dress. Police wear police uniforms. Doctors have their white coats and cable TV repairmen and gas attendants have theirs. As do Judges and prisoners. The uniform is the opposite of individuality or personal expression. Wearing a uniform says that I am not independent. I am part of a group and nullify my personal clothing preferences because my boss, my job, my community, my religion demands that I do. That is the rectification of the sin of Saul.

Interestingly enough on Purim we all throw off our usual uniforms that identify us. Our jobs, our Rabbi hats, and our suits and ties. We dress us and let our individuality show. For that is the mitzva of the day. Hashem is showing us that each individual can destroy Amalek as well. Each one of us has that spark. We are all one. The clothing will not define us, rather the will to listen to Hashem is all that we need. This is very deep. If you didn’t get it. Save it for Purim take a few drinks and read again. I think I have to as well….

Shmuel HaNavi (1070-970 BC) His name means "The Lord heard her". Samuel was the 16th and final of the Shoftim (Judges). Eli the Kohen Gadol (High Priest) raised him. His book covers 120 years.. His term of prophecy lasted about 100 years, from 1070 - 970 b.c.e. Samuel was strong and unwavering. Samuel was 50 years old at the time of this Haftarah. He was known as the reluctant kingmaker. Samuel was born in Ramat-Tsofim in the hill country of the tribe of Ephraim. With the help of his scribes Shmuel wrote his own book. He truly represents the next stage in leadership after the Torah as Dovid Hamelech equates him with Moshe and Aharon in the psalm we recite-or sing ech Friday night Mizmor L’Dovid.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Wells and Cisterns -Borot and Be’erot- A significant part of the Torah is dedicated to these two sources of water. The Torah is very busy with our forefathers digging wells all over the place and fighting over them with our enemies particularly Avraham and Yitzchak. As well we find that most of our Biblical marriages or at least “first dates” take place by the well. Such as Moshe and Tzippora and Yaakov and Rachel, even Rivka is tested by Eliezer by the well if she will draw water for the camels. On the other hand we have something called a bor - or a cistern that was also used for water. We find the brothers throw Yosef into this bor, that interestingly enough does not have water although the function is clearly to have water. Water these two things?-I mean What are- J excuse the pun.

A well taps into water that is flowing underground; an aquifer. A bor or cistern on the other hand is a pit that is made to gather rain water. There are a few differences in these methods of water collection. A well is very place contingent. It can only be made where there is an underground water source. You have to know where to dig. That is what all the fighting is about. Back then digging for water was like digging for oil. You can’t just do it anywhere. I generally show this concept to my tourists when we are in the wilderness of Yehuda or the Negev and we visit Bedouins, who are geniuses at finding these water sources and it is how they choose their sites to tent and camp. As well-oy this is getting out of hand- Be’erot Mayim would not need to be plastered inside as the water was just coming up from below. Borot Mayim or cisterns on the other hand could be dug anywhere. The smartest place to dig them though is at the bottom of many hills. For that way one can direct all the rainwater from the hills all around it to flow into the cistern. The Talmud tells us that a bor doesn’t get filled from its opening. What it means is that the cistern will not merely get filled up with the water that flows directly down into it. If you want to fill up your bor you have to bring water from all around and direct the flow in. Incidentally this is a lesson, our sages our telling us to be open-minded and to learn from all over the place rather than from just one person. Borot Mayim are far more common to see than wells in Israel. Every city from ancient times had them. Some have incredibly elaborate ones, Like the biblical city found in Tel Beer Sheva which has both wells and an incredible elaborate system. On Masada the water system dug out into the mountan fortress held enough water to last them for years. As well in Tzippori one can actually walk through the huge cisterns some of the largest found in Israel. Even the more modern city 17^th an 18^th century Tzfat one can see the borot mayim in almost every courtyard. There are perhaps not too many things like water that we take for granted in our modern world. At the same time it is important to remember and reflect that as this is the most essential source of life there was nothing more critical in times very and not too long ago than the answer to the question of where would we get it from.

RABBI SCHWARTZES TOP BAR JOKES OF THE WEEK

A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

 A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"

 A soccer ball walks into a bar. The bartender kicked him out.

 A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar.

A man walks into a bar. OUCH! You would have thought he would have seen it!

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"

An Irishman walks out of a bar. Hey, it COULD happen!

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE DRUNK JOKES OF THE WEEK

Q: What is a drunk man's idea of a balanced diet? A: A Budweiser in each hand!

Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? A: The Holy Spirit!

Q: What did the man with slab of pavement under his arm order? A: "A beer please, and one for the road

 Q: Why don't Jewish Mothers drink? A: It interferes with their suffering

If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic. If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?

I'm a recovering alcoholic. Or as my mate describes me, hungover

 The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk" The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."

A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns on his siren and pulls the guy over.
"Alright," says the cop, when the man gets out of the car. "Walk on the white line."
"I'd be happy to," says the drunk "just stop moving the line." 

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'It is three o'clock in the morning.'
He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asked his wife.
'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No. I did not. Its three o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!'
His wife said, 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'
The man does as he is told (of course!), gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, 'Hello! Are you still there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
'Yes! Please!' comes the reply from the darkness. 'Where are you?' asks the husband.
'Over here on the swing!!' replies the drunk

It’s Fay’s 80th birthday and she decides to celebrate it on her own at the Savoy Hotel because they make good drinks there. As soon as she arrives, Fay goes into the bar and orders a whiskey with 2 drops of water.
As the barman gives her the drink, Fay tells him, "I'm 80 years old today, you know."
The barman says, "As it's your birthday, this drink is on me."
"Thank you," says Fay, and she quickly finishes her drink.
Then a woman next to her says, "I’d like to buy you a drink, too."
"Why thanks," says Fay, "barman, a whiskey with 2 drops of water, please."
"Coming right up," says the barman. Fay again knocks back her drink.
Then a man next to her says, "Mazeltov, madam, may I too buy you a drink?"
"Why yes," says Fay, "barman, a whiskey with 2 drops of water please."
As he hands her the drink, the barman says, "Excuse me for asking but why the whiskey with only 2 drops of water? I'm dying to know."
Fay replies, "It’s simple - when you're my age, you know how to hold your liquor, but take it from me, water is something altogether different!"

Maurice and Isaac found themselves sitting next to each other in a New York bar. After a while, Maurice looks at Isaac and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Israel."
Isaac responds proudly, "I am!"
Maurice says, "So am I! And where might you be from?"
Isaac answers, "I'm from Jerusalem."
Maurice responds, "So am I! And where did you live?"
Isaac says, "A lovely little area two miles east of King David's Hotel. Not too far from the old city"
Maurice says, "Unbelievable! What school did you attend?"
Isaac answers, "Well, I attended Yeshiva University."
Maurice gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
Isaac answers, "I graduated in 1984."
Maurice exclaims, "Amazing! This is Berschert. Hashem wanted us to meet! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it! I graduated from Yeshiva University in 1984 also."
About this time, Moishe enters the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over to him shaking his head & mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight, the Goldberg twins are drunk again."

Aaron and Rivka move to the suburbs and join the new, very elite, Country Club. But just before their first meal at the club, Aaron is feeling somewhat anxious about Rivka’s lack of finesse and so decides to give her some advice.
"Rivka," he says, "ven ve go to dee club and dee vaiter asks you vaht you vahnt for ah drink, please don't say `ah glass Manishevitz vine.'  At a club like dis, you don't esk for Manishevitz vine."
"Well, Aaron," she replies, "if I can’t esk for Manishevitz, vot should I esk for?"
"You should esk for ah Martini," replies Aaron, "every lady drinks Martini. You'll like it."
That evening at the club, as the smartly dressed drinks waiter arrives at their table to take their order, Rivka is ready.  "Madam, may I bring you a cocktail?"
Rivka replies, "Yes, I'll have ah Martini."
"Dry?" asks the waiter.
"No," replies Rivka, "tzvei iz genug (two is enough)."

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S SHABBOS CARTOON OF THE WEEK

             

************

Answer is C – See one of the reasons I do this section is too not only show you guys what it takes to being a tour guide and what type of petty information we were responsible for on our exams, but as well to test myself and even learn new things that I missed. I did that this week. Although I believe I got this one wrong, I think it is certainly arguable. See I answered Meron, and that is what I tell all my tourists because it is what I remember being told in my course. The reason why those Yarmulke looking domes on top of Mt. Meron are there, is not because it is a religious mountain and they do not say Na Nach Nachman Meuman on them… Rather they are called the “Eyes of Nation” as they look from there into Lebanon and Syria and being the highest mountain in the Galile also serve as air traffic control. However upon googling it seems that title of the “E of M” rightfully goes to Mt. Hermon and the battle in the Yom Kippur War for that mountain. A soldier Benny Masas gave an interview and he described the courage they had to conquer it being that it was the eyes of the country and it became one of the most important catch phrases in Israel’s history. I didn’t really understand why, but check out the short clip I included above of Benny that made it famous and you will appreciate it. So the truth is I think it is arguable that Meron can also get that title, but the answer they probably were looking for is Hermon.