Counting to the Siren-ity Prayer- Parshat Shemini 2025 5785

 nsights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 25^th 2025 -Volume 14 Issue 24 27^th of Nissan 5785

 

Parshat Shemini

 Counting to The Siren-ity Prayer

 

“So how was your Yom Tov? Really? Mitzi knew all of the four questions? She stayed up the entire Seder! What did she get for Afikoman? You went where Chol Hamoed? Cool… So anyways as I was telling you it was really nice over here in Netanya. Yeah… my tourists came up here to tour with me. Well one day I took them to

 

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!! WHOOOO!!!

 

My heart fell through my stomach. Yonah, who was on the phone with me, sounded like his did as well. Sorry. Gotta run. It’s a siren. Woah. He’s also having a siren in Beit Shemesh. What’s going on? Is this it? Is Mashiach here? Did Iran finally shoot some really cool huge missiles at us. Why didn’t my alert on my phone go off?  I hope Aliza’s alright. Where are Elka and Tully? I hope Shani makes it down to the shelter with the twins. It’s been months since we’ve had a siren. What’s going on? Is this the stinkin Houtim again? I thought Trump was taking care of them. I thought this was over already. That the only ones left to get their due justice are the ones in the Israeli government, intelligence (a real oxymoron) and army echelons that let all this happen in the first place. Poor hostages. Why is this siren still going? How come I’m the only one running out to my shelter?

 

Those were my wild thoughts yesterday morning at 10:00 AM as I ran frantically to our shelter. It was only when I sent Tully back in the house to get our cleaning lady and call her in to join us, after-all we will need here to clean up after this is all over. It took Aliza a long time to find good help in this country. It was only then that I chapped that it wasn’t a missile siren. It was Yom Ha’Shoah. It was a call for a moment of silence for the martyrs of the Holocaust. A moment of silence heralded in by a sky piercing terrifying siren. A siren that for the past two years has meant death, destruction, terror and trauma, as well as miracles and salvations. As I shamefully crawled out of my shul. I tried to look cool and pretended that I was just there to get some stuff out of our freezer. Of course, I knew it was Yom Ha’Shoah. How could I forget? I wasn’t nervous at all. I waved at my neighbor who also seemed to be carrying a frozen chicken in his hand for no reason. We smiled and nodded. We were both very cool and not nervous. Just two chilled neighbors getting chicken from our freezers…

 

I don’t know how many other chicken freezer guys there were out there yesterday. I also don’t know how many people ended up in the hospital with trauma from those Yom Ha’Shoah sirens that brought them back to those terrifying days of sirens, missiles and bomb shelters. How many tripped over their feet and fell downstairs running there. I believe that they say that more people have been injured getting to shelters than from actual missiles falling in this crazy war. But I can certainly tell you that everyone as the sirens went off thought the same thought. When is this going to be over already. Why are we remembering the Holocaust when we still seem to be in middle of one? When there are so many families that have had their loved ones killed, murdered and butchered. When our brothers and sisters, fathers and children are still being in tunnels by animals worse than the Nazis. When is Mashiach coming already? When will the great “day after” finally be here?

 

This week’s parsha of Shemini, is the parsha of the day after. But it’s not. The parsha, named after that great Eli Marcus singer group “The Eighth Day”, is really as well the first day. After-all it’s the first day of Nissan. It’s the first day after the 7 days of the dedication of the Mishkan. It’s the first day the Shechina came down to the Mikdash. Rashi brings ten different things that it is the first day for. According to one opinion in the Talmud, it’s even the first day of Creation (unlike the more commonly accepted opinion that its Rosh Hashana). Yet the parsha is called the 8^th day. It’s the day after the 7^th… October 7^th? Shemini Atzeret? Yup… It’s that day…is what everyone is thinking and has been living for the past year and a half. It’s the Shabbos after we left Mitzryaim, this past Pesach, and Mashiach is still not here. The Holocaust siren is still ringing.

 

Now one would think on this great 8^th or 1^st day, it would be a happy one. A joyous one. We’ve finally arrived. The Tabernacle/ Mishkan has been built and erected. Our sin of the golden calf has been forgiven. We’re on our way to the HolyLand; the land promised to our ancestors so long ago. We’re just a few days journey away. The month of redemption is here and ready to come to its conclusion. Yet the parsha begins with what our sages tell us is a bad ominous word.

Va’yehi- and it was on the 8^th day.

 

It’s like that tense chilling background music and tempo in a bad horror movie. We just think that we’re about to get out of the house with the axe murderer in it, but badda dumm badda dumm badda dumm… Vayehi… something scary is coming. It’s a lashon of tzar- of troubles yet to come on this Shemini day…

 

Sure enough, the music doesn’t disappoint. It never does. On this day and pinnacle of joy the two sons of Aharon are killed. A fire comes out on Shemini and burns them up. Moshe tells Aharon that he knew something like this was going to happen. He heard the background music. The great day only comes after a Holocaust. The Shechina descends when there are burnt houses. When there are dead children. The 8^th day comes when we think we’re already there, and it’s time, and we’ve done all we can, and we’re ready, and then Hashem shows us that…surprise…it’s not yet… there’s still one more thing that you haven’t done yet. I need to be sanctified with martyrs. I need one last tragedy. One great huge unexpected devastating blow. One more siren. B’krovai eh’kodeish- I will be sanctified with those close to Me.

 

Non-incidentally the haftorah that is chosen for this week’s parsha as well is along the same theme. Fast forward a few hundred years from that 8^th day of the Mishkan in the 2^nd year when we left Mitzrayim to Dovid Ha’Melech’s greatest day and moment when he is finally bringing the Ark of Hashem to the Tent in Yerushalayim where the Beit Ha’Mikdash will be built. Dancing, singing, shofars, parades, all the way from Kiryat Ye’arim (Telshe Stone) to Yerushalyim. 30,0000 buchrim join him for this amazing event and day. This is the moment. The “Yom Ha’Shemini” has finally arrived. It’s Simchas Torah (at least conceptually). And then the music comes on in the background. Uh Oh… siren…

 

The Aron starts to fall of the wagon. Uzza reaches out to grab and catch it and BOOM! He dies. According to one interpretation in fact a fire came out and burnt him up. (It’s derived by the wording that here also it says that the dancing was “lifnei Hashem”, just as it does by Nadav and Avihu). Dovid is devastated. The party is called off. The Aron is placed in the house of Oved Edom Ha’Gitti and it sits there for three months until Dovid sees the blessing that takes place and brings it home to Yerushalayim. Yet, this second time that Dovid brings it the simcha gets taken to a whole new level of crazy. Dovid gets up and starts dancing and shaking and singing like a crazy drunken breslaver lunatic. He can’t be stopped. He’s going wild. He looks like that guy at the wedding in the middle that has no clue how to dance and is just jumping up and down and shaking and twisting… Obviously his wife Michal is a bit embarrassed by all of this and tells him to grow up already. He is the King of Israel and its time he started acting his age. But Dovid persists. He tells her this is why Hashem chose him, over her father. Ouch! It’s the tikkun we need. It’s the only way the Shechina comes down.  He learned his lesson and we need to learn it and ours as well.

 

There’s a fascinating alternate translation of Unkelos that seems to be brought in old volumes. The Rambam brings this interpretation as well as the Torahs Shlomo and other Midrashim. We are all familiar with Rashi and most commentary’s translation of Aharon’s response to his children’s death as being on of silent acceptance- va’yidom Aharon. He was like a domeim- like an inanimate rock that doesn’t speak or respond. Yet those other translations translate the word va’yidom has praise. “V’shibeich Aharon”. And Aharon sang songs of praise to Hashem. He thanked Hashem. It wasn’t sad holding back emotions and silent acceptance. It was much greater and higher than that. It was a recognition that Hashem has done something extraordinary here just now, that is beyond my comprehension. That is beyond and rationalization in this world. That when the Shechina comes down to this planet, it’s going to be a process of me throwing out of my existence anything that I thought I could comprehend about His ways. Only then can the 8^th day come. Only then can we be redeemed.

 

The sin of Uzza, the Abarbanel writes is that he lacked faith that the Aron wouldn’t fall. That Hashem still needs us to catch it for Him. That we still have some control and part to play in the redemption. In the Shechina coming down. That the 8^th day is the natural conclusion of the 7 previous days. That mind-set is why the 8^th day is described as a lashon tza’ar of tzoris- trouble, pain and tribulation. Va’yehi- “and it was”. is built on the past. The word V’haya though “and it will be” though is the terminology of  the future. It’s transcendent. The letters of V’haya are actually the same as the name the of Hashem yud-hei-vav and hei. Past present and future all come together. Moving beyond this world. Understanding that Hashem doesn’t need us to descend. We just need to remove ourselves entirely and allow His Shechina to come down. And the only thing stopping it from happening, is perhaps our reaching out and grabbing the Aron. By thinking we still have some control. By thinking that it’s our efforts that make it happen. By seeing the day that the Shechina will come down and the redemption will come as being just day number 8 rather then the first of a brand, new existence. The first, as the day of Creation was, when Hashem didn’t need our help to make it happen. When He made a world and just wanted to be with us basking in it together.

 

Dovid learns that lesson after Uzza’s mistake. He dances and sings and jumps and parties, because he understands that there is no “zich”. There’s no ego. V’naklosi od mi’zos. I could get even smaller and smaller and lighter and lighter. There’s only Hashem. The Shechina is coming down. The smaller I get, the more I dance, the more I’m not thinking about what other people will think of me, the more I realize that what Hashem is doing for us is beyond any comprehension. The greater the revelation will be. The better the song will be.

 

Hafacta mispeidi l’mchol li- You have turned my mourning into a dance; into a circle

Pitachta saki va’ta’azreini simcha- you’ve opened my sackcloth and girded me with joy

L’maan yizamercha kavod- in order that I will sing in Your honor.

V’lo yidom- I will not be silent. I will praise You. I will be nothing. And You will be all.

 

Fascinatingly enough, our sages tell us that the house that the Aron sat in of Oved Ha’Gitti. He himself was a descendant of someone special. He was from the descendants of the children of Korach. He was from the Levi singers in the Temple. Gat is in fact in Gaza. It’s a Pelishti city. The children of Korach were saved and swallowed up in the ground. There in that tunnel hanging over a high place in Gehenom they call out Moshe is true and His Torah is true. There they realize that there is nothing besides Hashem. Tunnels in Gaza do that to the biggest atheists. Holocausts, October 7^ths, Sirens, wars and tragedies at the times of our greatest simcha are there to bring us to the point where we recognize that the day ahead of us, around the corner is not an 8^th day, but the first of a new world. That Yom Ha’atzmaut is coming after Yom Ha’Zikaron. Atzma’ut not as in Independence Day, but rather as a day that we reveal our essence. That it is all Hashem.

 

We are in the days of Sefirat Ha’Omer. Each day is a count. It’s a build-up. We bless the month of Iyar which at first glance seems to be a month without any holidays in it (Lag Ba’Omer doesn’t count), but it’s in fact the month where every single day has a biblical mitzva to count. It’s a month with Yom Ha’Atzamaut and Yom Ha’Zikaron. A month of sirens and revealing our essence by remembering. zikaron la’yom rishon. Remembering that first day of Creation that we are climbing to. Remembering that the tzoris are beyond our comprehension and are all from Hashem. They’re good. They’re there to minimize us.

 

We count 49 days, but then the Torah tells us that we have counted 50 days. The 50^th day is Hashem’s day. It’s the day we don’t count. It’s the day that He tells us He never needed our counting. It’s the day that he comes down because we have gotten smaller and smaller and revealed more and more of Him. When that happens, there won’t be sirens anymore. There will be the sound of the shofar. Va’yehi will be vi’haya ba’yom ha’hu- it will be that day when we hear that great Shofar. When the only shelter we need will be the shade and shadow of Hashem.

Have an blaringly amazing Shabbos and a Chodesh Iyar Tov!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

 ************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

"Fun leydike feser iz der lyarem greser” - Empty barrels make the most noise.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

15. Israel’s memorial to victims of the "Twin Towers” disaster is located near the entrance to the city

of ______

What is the “N Settlement”?

A. The early 20th century Zionist plan for settling empty Negev regions, thus the use of the letter

N

B. The physical deployment pattern of Zionist settlement in the Land of Israel from the end of

the 19th century and into the20th century, which is shaped like the letter N on the ground

C. The response by Zionist institutions to the 1939 White Paper which included constructing a

series of settlements in the Jezreel Valley shaped like the letter N on the ground

D. Post-1967 Jewish settlement on the back of the mountain in Judea and Samaria which forms

the letter N on the ground

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/achainu  -   My acapella Acheinu… Wow!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXQsMtzKWLg&list=OLAK5uy_melh80nXaghaaiEhQpcWWC7fHkexPBXxs&index=6 – - Naftali Kempeh’s latest Acapella I spend a lot of time at Shilo and this is Chana’s song..

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/rVcWJF-Xl14  - Bardak Learning Makkos in honor of this great Makkos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rMZd_Gi3hc  – Yonatan Stern Akiva medley Acapella

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Tzidkiyah- who?- 598 BC – With the exile of Yehoyachin, we have finally arrived at the final king of Israel before the destruction of the Bais HaMikdash; Tzidkiyahu Ha’Melech. Now although we know him as Tzidkiyahu, it seems that name was given to him by none other than Nevuchadnezzar who appointed him to be king after taking Yehoyachin into exile and locking him up in jail for his rebellion.

 

Who was Tzidkiyahu in fact? Well it’s not clear from the verses and there might even be contradictions. The simple pshat accepted by Rashi and most is that he certainly was the uncle of Yehoyachin’s and brother of his father Yehoyachaz’s son of  Yoshiyahu. Which brother though seems not be clear. The Gemara brings opinion that he was an older brother named as Shalum. Other suggest based on the verse that Shalum was younger brother. To make it even more confusing there are others that suggest that Shalum was really Yehoyachaz- the father of Yehoyachin, and Tzedkayahu was another brother named as Matanya. Maybe that’s why they called him Tzidkiya-who??? (sorry couldn’t resist…) Are you confused yet? I am… But welcome to the times before the end of the first Temple. They were confusing…

 

Now what makes this time even more confusing is that Yehoyachin was still alive and in Bavel and Tzikiyahu who was appointed king by Nevuchadnezzar was really never appointed by the people, many of who supported Yehoyachin. Tzidkiyahu was only 21 upon becoming King and thus there were those that felt that he was merely being a puppet king of Bavel. Can you imagine the accusations that went of Bavel-Gate and undo influences of foreign governments in the leadership of Israel. The truth is those accusations were correct, though. Nevuchadnezzar made Tzidkiyahu swear on a sefer Torah by Hashem that he would never rebel against him. Nevuchadnezzar recognized that any other oath would be meaningless.

 

The Gemara tells us that unlike Yehoyachin, Tzidkiyahu as his name insinuates was a righteous king; a tzadik. Yet his generation had fallen too far. This is the counter opposite of Yehoyachin’s generation before the exile of all of the sages and Torah scholars together with him, where the generation was righteous still but the king was wicked. Our sages derive from this that the power fo the Torah scholars can prevent the destruction despite their sinful leaders- and Yehoyachin as we discussed was really really bad. While at the same time, the righteousness of the leaders, like Tzidkiyahu does not have the power to protect it’s generation. This is one of the sources that is certainly utilized and become engrained in our nation’s psyche of the power of Torah to protect.

 

Yet despite Tzidkiyahu’s initial righteousness, as we will see his failure to heed the prophecies and warnings of Yirmiyahu and Yechezkel and listen to their political and spiritual guidance ultimately brought about his downfall…

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE SIREN JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

In the city, you ignore sirens and listen for gunshots. In the country, you ignore gunshots and listen for sirens.

In Detroit, you ignore both.

 

What do you call a pig with lights and sirens on it’s back? A ham-bulance

 

The police car, its siren blaring, raced in front of a speeding car and forced it to stop. A heavily built policeman got out and walked over.

"You name, please?" asked the policeman, taking out his notebook and pen.

"Certainly, officer," replied the driver. "It's Chaim Yerachmiel Shmerel Antschel Zelig Baruch Goldenfarbenstein."

The policeman thought for a moment, then looked at his notebook, shook his head and said: "I'll just give you a warning this time don't break the speed limit again."

 

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome. Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway. The cops are quick though, and are just about to reach the entrance. There are three empty potato sacks lying against the wall.

"Quick! Hide!" The brunette says, and the three women each crawl into a bag.

A police man comes down the alleyway, looking around for any signs of the women. The potato sacks stick out to him-so he gives the one with the redhead a kick.

"Meow!" goes the redhead, doing her best imitation of a cat.

"Just an alley cat..." The police officer mumbles, moving onto the next bag and delivering a quick nudge with his foot.

"Woof!" Goes the brunette, imitating a dog.

"Just a stray..." The officer mumbles again, heading to the last bag, and giving it a light kick.

"POOOOE-TAYYY-TOOOEE" grunts the blonde.

 

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"

The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"

The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

 

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway... Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting...

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn,and yelled,"PULL OVER"

"No!"the blond yelled back, “its a scarf.”

 

So I got pulled over...I was driving home from the bar and of course Sirens were wailing and showing red and blue. I pulled over and the officer showed up to my window and shined a light in my eyes.

“Sir you have been swerving and your eyes are red have you been drinking”

“Well, your eyes are glazed have you been eating donuts?!”

We laughed and laughed!!! Yeah, I need bail money....

 

A blonde was driving down the highway. Soon she heard sirens and saw lights behind her, and was pulled over. A cop, also a blonde woman, approached her door.

"You were speeding, miss," she said. "May I see your license?"

The blonde driver rummaged through her purse for a minute before looking up in confusion. "Well, what's it look like?" she asked.

"It's a small square thing with your picture on it," said the cop.

The driver looked again and finally pulled out a small mirror and handed it to the cop. The blonde cop looked at it and handed it back.

"Okay, you can go," she said. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were a police officer."

***************************************

The answer to this week”s question is B-  So I’m back to 50/50 on this one. The first part was easy. The 9/11 memorial – the only in the world by the way that has all of the names of the murdered outside of the US is in the valley opposite Har Menuchos across the Highway, where no one really knows or gets to visit. The idea was that it’s memorial is a monument of a an unfruled flag made out of actual metal grids from the Twin Towers and when looking at it from the side it looks like a ner tamid memorial light that is up against our memorial mountain of Har Menuchos at entrance to Jerusalem.

The second part though I had no clue. I don’t even remember hearing about the “N” settlements. When I looked up the answer though, I understood why. See in my Hebrew course and they are more commonly known as the Choma and Migdal tower and wall settlements. But even then I don’t know why they wrote the 19^th century. As the Tower Stockade settlements were in the 1930’s and 40’s… So I dunno. I guessed C, but they said the correct answer is B… Not sure why.. Wo anyways… I’ll take the hit. Get half credit on this one and the new score is Rabbi Schwartz 10 Ministry of Tourism 5 on this exam so far. Oy….

 

The Lion, the Itch and the War Job- Ki Teitzei 2017 / 5777

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land
from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

September 1^st 2017 -Volume 7 Issue 43 10^th of Elul 5777

Parshat Ki Teitzei

The Lion, the Itch and the War Job

Mazel Tov! He was finally getting married. It was about time already. The jungle had been waiting a long time for this special moment. It was gonna be the wedding of the century. All the animals were invited. The elephants were all dieting to prepare for the great feast and to fit into their outfits, the monkeys had all their shtick planned, the beavers and foxes got their best shtreimels fixed up and those yeshivishe black and white zebras even decided to take a shower for the occasion. Even the little mice were invited. It was the King of the Jungle’s big day and no one wanted to miss the simcha of the year. Akuna MazalTov.

When the special day came everyone came over to Ahreleh the lion seated on his big throne and gave him their special blessings. As Mendele’h the little mouse walked over he gave the groom a big hug, well as big of a hug as mouse can give a lion that is and handed him an envelope with a nice check in it saying.

“Mazel Tov, my dear brother, here’s a small gift from your loving buddy, Mendy.”

The Lion’s face turned red or orange as lions do and he gave out a roar.

“Listen mouse” he said, “I don’t know who you think you are. I invited you to the wedding because I invited the entire jungle. But what makes you think that you are my brother, my buddy?!”

Mendeleh looked up at him with a knowing smile and sighed and said

“Ahhh… boychikl… Before I got married I was also a lion….”

Sigh….. It’s a joke that every married man laughs at wryfully…While most jewish women do gleefully. I always tell people if they ask me what my status in the house is that I am the Baal HaBoss- I’m the husband of the Boss. I just follow orders and find that I get into less trouble that way. It’s a good piece of advice and makes life so much smoother once we learn our roles properly. I don’t think this is true, by the way for only Jewish marriages. I think that in many cultures the women is really the one that is wearing the pants in the family. Except maybe Italians, they’re ‘Real Men”. Their wives know that the linguini better be on the table when Papa gets home or boom. As they say in a Italy

 “A prima donna matrimonio, la seconda compagnia, la terza un 'eresia.-  A first wife makes for a good marriage, a second wife is just a companion and the third is good for nothing.” 

 Arrivederci!

Marriage is certainly one of the oldest institutions in the world. It goes back to the Beginning in Eden when Hashem took a look at Adam wandering around the garden trying to find where he left his car keys and He realized that he had no one to blame it on but himself. So Hashem made the declaration

“Lo tov l’adam lihiyot livad- it is not good for man to alone, I will make him a helper opposite him.”

And man went to sleep for the last time without someone poking him in middle of the night and Eve was born. He very quickly blamed her for feeding him the wrong dinner and he has been paying the price since.

Jokes aside though there certainly is a common denominator between all marriages in all cultures and religions around the world. People are programmed to seek out their “soul-mate” There is something inside of us that understands that we are incomplete without someone else to share our lives with in the most intimate and the most pragmatic of ways.

Not everyone is good at marriage though. The world it seems has certainly changed in the “till death do us part”- commitment aspect of marriage that was once the glue that held families together in good times, in bad times, I’ll be on your side forever more… Sorry just spacing out a bit here…J. In fact the divorce rate has risen all over the world in the past thirty years where in America the rate is terrifyingly close to 50%. Even in Israel it has risen from 2% in 1973 to 14% in 2014. Sure there are people that will argue that in the past there were just as many unhappy marriages that just stayed together because of the stigma of divorce and thank god we have ‘progressed” to the point where that is no longer the case and people can “move on” without any fear of social backlash. The Talmud though definitely has a definite other take on this though.

“Tav l’meisav tan do, mlmeisav armalasa- it is better for two people to sit as a couple then as a widow.

The Talmud uses this logic to explain that it is better to stay in a marriage as a couple even with an undesirable person than to be alone. This of course does not include cases of abuse and other things of course. But in general marriage is always the preferred status. In fact we are told that when a couple gets divorced it is as if the altar itself sheds tears. Why particularly the Altar many of the commentaries ask?

The answer perhaps is that the function of the altar is to bring sacrifices. It is for a person to feel that there is something that has come between Hashem and himself that unless recognized, unless one takes account of that moment, that event than the gap will become even greater. I don’t only speak about sins and mistakes that we make in our lives for which a sacrifice is warranted, but for happy occasions as well, there are thanksgiving offerings, there are peace offerings, there are holiday, Shabbat, first borns, one’s entire years life cycles are made real when we come to the altar and bring the Kohen are offering and connect with the moment by giving something special of ourselves and including Hashem in that occasion. Without someone to share that with then really what is it all worth. That is the essence of marriage as well. One who tragically doesn’t have that special someone with which to grow in developing that trait of completing ones life’s growth, challenges and simchas is missing that special tool Hashem programmed us all with to be our “helper-opposite ‘Him- the partner to help us realize that we are always Shivisi Hashem Lnegdi Tamid- that we place Hashem opposite us always. It is for that reason that the altar is the vessel that sheds tears. For the mizabayach is the place where we become most connected with Hashem.

Why am I writing about this subject this week, you wish to know? Well first of all my wife is out of town and I can’t find my car keys…J. No but really, This week the Torah portion which is titled Ki Teitzei La’Milchama Al Oyvecha- which begins talking about the going out to battle and a man finding an inappropriate woman that he has an ‘itch’ for which he feels just must ‘scratch’.  Ultimately the Torah tells us this will lead to dire consequences bad children and other not fun stuff. But the entire portion in fact is chock full of mitzvos that relate to marriage. It talks about all types of violent and inappropriate physically driven seductions and worse, it talks about terrible husbands that spread bad rumors about their wives, cheating spouses, a man with two wives, women of ill repute, and even when it talks about the mitzva of marriage the source for the concept of betrothal before marriage

Devarim (22:13) Ki Yikach Ish Isha- When a man will take a woman

It is mentioned in the context of failed marriage and the mitzva to divorce. The one thing that is missing perhaps from this entire list of mitzvos, of which the Torah seems to pack into this week’s Torah portion is the mitzva to love one’s wife, to cherish, to hold dear. We are told to love the convert, our fellow neighbor, Hashem, what about our spouses?

Maimonides in the beginning of his laws of marriage does something unique. He describes the history of it all

“Before the Torah was given a man would meet a woman in the market (see where the term comes fromJ) if he wanted and she wanted to get married he would bring into her home and she would be his wife.

Once the Torah was given Israel was commanded that if a man wanted to marry a woman he would bring her before witnesses and betroth her and then after he would marry her… And this betrothal is called Kiddushin and it is a positive commandment from the Torah”

This is a puzzling Rambam and very not like his style. The Rambam doesn’t start off other laws with a history lesson. He doesn’t’ say anywhere that ‘before the Torah people could eat un-slaughtered animal and now we have to pay double and get them shechted and this is a mitzva’, or ‘before the Torah we could wear four cornered garments without Tzitzit’. So why by marriage does he feel it is necessary to introduce these laws with a trip down memory lane to the ‘good ole’ days’? I believe that what Maimonides is doing is explaining the essence of what a Jewish marriage is about. The Torah does not tell us that one should love honor and respect one’s wife because that’s natural. Everyone knows that. Even gentiles, even before the Torah was given had a concept of marriage. Judaism is about something more. It’s about Kiddushin. It’s about not just jumping into the ‘house’ from the market place and spending the rest of your life with someone you care about. It’s about bringing her to witnesses appreciating the sanctity of the moment. Making a declaration before Hashem K’daas Moshe V’Yisrael- Like the laws of Moses and Israel. The process of betrothal does two things it prohibits and dedicates the two of you together and forbids any external relation. You are not yet one. That will happen with marriage, but you have made a commitment that this will be home that will include Hashem and lift up the world together.

It is for this reason as well when the laws of marriage are mentioned in this week’s Torah portion all of the pitfalls of marriage are delineated. It’s not just about love and romance. Those things everyone has. It’s about appreciating that the two of you are on the most important ‘battlefield’ of the world. It’s the two of you that will be fighting against all the distractions, temptations and challenges to build that most important Jewish home. To create a place of Kedusha.

There is another reason why this topic comes to mind this week. My sister-in-law Yehudis will IYH be marrying her bashert Yoily (I love that name-by the way). We have all waited, davened, and anticipated this great moment. It’s finally here. May Hashem bless the two of you that you merit to build an incredible home, one that is full of the love and joy that every other marriage in the world builds its foundation upon. But as well may it be a home of kedusha and tahara, one that sees you through all the challenges that both of you have surmounted until now and become stronger as a result of. A house that completes the two of you and that brings the shechina into it and is a light unto Klal Yisrael. And Yoily, my brother, if it ever gets too rough, remember… I was once a lion too…J Mazel Tov!

Have a lovingly amazing Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Der “harey-at” iz a kurtser prolog tsu a lange drame”. The wedding vow is a short prologue to a long drama

RABBI SCHWARTZ COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/JB-RNaSz7KQ    – Chasidish Despacito?

https://youtu.be/ZtQhJ_Ui5Kw   – Maccabeats Despacito?

https://youtu.be/5zO6M_g0Ddo   – Israeli Violinist Despacito?

https://youtu.be/n6Y5zZlq1JQ - Breslav Despacito?

https://youtu.be/BabXYevQwmE - Laurel and Hardy Despacito? Had enough yet?

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

Q.  A hanging (suspended) tree sculpture designed by the sculptor Ran Morin is located in:
a. Sejera
b. Haifa
c. Nazareth
d. Jaffa

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ILLUMINATING RASHI OF THE WEEK

Ki Teitzei- One of the enlightening things to me in this column is not only the original ways we learn and study Rashi, but the little bios that follow this column of the individual who gave this insight as well. Oh, that’s what it says in the italicized paragraphs that follow this column, you’re thinking…It’s alright if you don’t read it, there’s way too much information in this E-Mail anyways and you gotta skip something, right? And it’s definitely not going to be the jokes. But anyways I just find it amazing that the greatest minds and Jewish leaders for almost 1000 years since Rashi wrote his commentary, have been pondering, learning, innovating and finding meaning and insight into his concise and seemingly easy commentary. It is even more inspiring to me when one of the greatest leaders of today’s generation does so as well.

In this week’s portion of Ki Teitzei the parsha begins with the mitzva of yifat Toar a captured one who caught the eye of one of the soldiers and the process of converting her and marrying her. The Torah concludes this portion with the commandment that if he does not desire her than he should divorce her and she is sent home to her parents home.

Rashi on that mitzva notes

Devarim (21:14) And it shall be if he does not desire her and she shall send her to herself- The verse is foretelling you that he will ultimately hate her.

Reb Eliyahu Mizrachi asks where do our sages, whom Rashi is quoting, know and see from the verse that he will end up hating her and divorcing her. The Torah merely says that if he doesn’t desire her what the protocol is. Reb Chayim Kanievsky notes that the Torah uses the word v’haya- And it shall be. There are two words that mean and it shall be; vayehi and vihaya. Vahyehi is used when it is a bad thing that will happen and vhaya is when it is a good thing. Suggests Reb Chayim, that seemingly the usage of the word v’haya over here is telling me that there is something good about this failed marriage. It is that they will not bear children. For as Rashi tells us, the outcome of this marriage will ultimately be a Ben Sorer Umoreh a wayward child that will ultimately be sentenced to death in the following passage. Similarly we find this same terminology, he notes, in the next portion that talks about a man who takes two wives and he there is one he hates and one he lioves. v’haya ha’ben habechor lasenuah- And it shall be the first-born son is born to the hated wife- Again the Torah usuesd to teach us that the hated mother is happy because she has the first-born. It is ofr this reason Rashi points out that the verse is telling you- with the usage of the good-news term v’haya- that he will ultimately hate her and divorce her.

Isn’t it inspiring to know that Reb Chayim Kanievsky is learning the same Rashi we are?

Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky (1928-till Mashiach comes J) – I believe it is non-debatable that Reb Chaim is the unchallenged Gadol HaDor- leader of the Jewish people today. This is certainly true of the Yeshiva world, but even in Chasidic and modern orthodox world the name Reb Chaim requires no last name to identify him. It is hard to argue about a man who is literally a walking Torah scroll, who completes the entire Torah (Mishna, Talmud, Midrash and all other accompanying early works of the Oral tradition). Yet at the same time sits hours each day and greets and blesses and guides those that seek his leadership and guidance from all over the world in his tiny little apartment in Bnai Brak.

Born of an illustrious Torah home Reb Chaim Kanievsky was born in Pinskto Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky as the Steipler Gaon and Rebbitzen Miriam Karelitz, sister of Rabbi Avraham Yeshayahu Karelitz or the Chazon Ish. He married Batsheva Elyashiv, daughter of Rabbi Yosef Sholom Eliashiv (grandson of Rav Shlomo Elyashiv, also known as the Leshem) and granddaughter of Rav Aryeh Levin the "Tzaddik of Jerusalem. It doesn’t get more prestigious than that.

A fun fact that you may not have been aware of though was that during the 1948 Israeli War of Independence, Rav Kanievsky, then a student at the Lomza Yeshiva, was conscripted for temporary army service in the general mobilization. He was assigned to stand guard on a large hill near Jaffa.So one could say he was a soldier as well.

Perhaps one of the most incredible things that Rav Chaim has been pushing over the last few years, interestingly enough, I have heard from many that have visited him, is that Jews should move to Eretz Yisrael. He feels strongly that Mashiach is literally around the corner and has said as much, and feels it would be good for all of us to be here already for the time is now. May his words be readily fulfilled.

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RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TYPES OF JEWS IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Shofar Blowers –My kids tell me I’m getting desperate, It’s the end of the year and I’m scrambling for new types of Jews you meet in Israel. I don’t think so. Anyways this might be a stretch but you do see these guys all around. It seems to be a thing in this country, to randomly blow shofars at different places. Certainly in the old city of Jerusalem or Tzfat during  Bar Mitzva ceremonies or weddings.When walks around the Shuk in Jerusalem as well there inevitably might be someone blowing his shofar as well. But I’ve seen shofar blowers on Masada, in train stations, on the streets of Tel Aviv or other busy cities. Most Jewish rallies are also incomplete without your Shofar blower as well, be they political rallies and certainly by religious ones. Shofar blowers can be random guys with beards, Nachman’s and Chabad guys are certainly the most prevalent. Sfardim as well have a big thing for Shofar blowing by simchas. But then you have your random Chinese guys or Christian tourists that feel very biblical when they walk around with their big shofars and blow them as well. This month of Elul until Rosh Hashana when there is a Jewish custom to blow each morning to awaken everyone to repent. One certainly hears the Shofar blast more often than not. Each time I hear the Shofar, personally, my heart jumps. Is it Mashiach? Is he finally here? I’m still hoping. I imagine the Shofar blowers are as well.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S JEWISH JOKES OF THE WEEK

A Jewish father was very troubled by the way his son turned out and went to see his rabbi about it.

“Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week, he’s decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”

The rabbi strokes his beard and says, “Funny you should come to me. I too, brought up my son as a boy of faith, sent him to university and it cost me a fortune and then one day he comes to me and tells me he wants to be a Christian.”

“What did you do?” asked the man of the rabbi.

“I turned to God for the answer,” replied the rabbi.

“What did he say?” asked the man.

He said, “Funny you should come to me...”

A young Jewish guy develops a crush on a girl, but when he tells his Father about her, the old boy just wants to know her family name. When the young guy tells him that the girl's name is Ford, the old boy tells him that Ford is not a good Jewish name, and he must forget her, and go and find a nice Jewish girl. So time passes, and the young guy finds another girl, but her name is Austin, so his Father tells him the same thing, to find a nice Jewish girl with a nice Jewish name. So more time passes, and the young guy finds another girl, but this time he is sure that he has solved the problem because the girl's name is Goldberg. "Goldberg !" exclaims his Father, "This makes me very happy because it is a real good Jewish name, and from a good established family" Then he asks what her first name is. "Is it one of my favourite names, like Rachael, or Rebecca ?" "No Father" replied the young guy. "It's Whoopi"

Q - What do Jewish wives make for supper?
A - Reservations.

Lionel from London is taking his University gap year in America and he’s visiting as many places there as he can. But whilst spending some time in Oklahoma, he meets and falls deeply in love with a Cherokee girl. Not long after, they decide to get married and Lionel rings his mother to tell her the good news.
"Mum, I’ve found my future wife and we’re getting married over here. I’m going to send you the air tickets to join us."
"Mazeltov Lionel," his mother says. "I’m so pleased, but is she ……. Jewish?"
"No mum," Lionel replies, "she’s not. But she promises to act as a Jewish wife."
"Oy," his mother wails, "I’ve always wanted you to marry a lovely Jewish girl."
"You can’t have everything mum," Lionel says. "And another thing I must tell you. She lives on a reservation and that’s where we’ll be living after we marry."
"I can’t take any more of this," cries his mother, "I don’t want the tickets and I don’t want to speak to you again." And with that she slams down the phone.
Almost a year later, Lionel rings his mother and tells her that they are expecting a baby.  His mother doesn’t slam down the phone but says, very politely and unemotionally, "That’s nice, son, I’m happy for you both."
Eight months later, Lionel again rings his mother and says, "Mum, I just want to say that last night my wife gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. I also want you to know that we’ve agreed to give our son a Jewish name."
Upon hearing this unexpected news, his mother shouts out with happiness. "Oh Lionel, bubbeleh, this is wonderful news," she cries, "I've been waiting for this moment all my life. You’ve both made me more happy than you could ever know."
"That's fantastic, mum," replies Lionel. "I’m so glad that you and I are back together as mother and son."
"And what," asks his proud and happy mother, "is my lovely grandson’s name going to be?"
Lionel replies, proudly, "Smoked Whitefish."

Rabbi Levy, one of the wisest of rabbis, is dying. And because he is so loved by his colleagues, many rabbis have gathered around his hospital bedside trying to make his last moments as rewarding as possible.
Whilst the visiting rabbis are praying, one of the nurses comes into the room and offers rabbi Levy a glass of warm milk to drink. But with what little strength he has left, rabbi Levy refuses it.
Seeing this, rabbi Jacobs has an idea. He remembers that he has a bottle of whiskey in his car which he was planning to use for his next kiddush. So whilst his colleagues are watching rabbi Levy’s laboured breaths, he quickly picks up the glass of milk and creeps out to his car. Rabbi Jacobs then opens the bottle of whiskey and pours a generous portion of it into the warm milk. He then goes back to rabbi Levy’s bedside and holds the glass to rabbi Levy’s lips.
"Go on rabbi Levy," says rabbi Jacobs, "please drink some of this milk. It will make you feel a bit better. Really it will."
So rabbi Levy takes a small sip, stares at the glass, drinks a bit more, then smiles and finishes every drop of the milk-and-whiskey mixture.
The other rabbis are humbled when they see rabbi Levy apparently making some kind of recovery. "Rabbi Levy," they say, "please share some of your wisdom with us before you die!"
At this, rabbi Levy raises himself up in his bed and with a pious look on his face points out the window and says, "Don't sell that cow!"

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Answer is D– I  have no clue about this one. Not really that interested in Israeli tree sculptures. Barely even interested in trees, fuggedabout sculptures of trees. But actually after googling this it kind of rang a bell, in the old city of Jaffa on our tour there in the tour guiding course I remember seeing this down one of the alleyways there. It’s a tree hanging in the air from a pot. Can’t imagine too many people knew this answer though. It is definitely one I would have skipped on the exam as we had to answer 45 out of 50.