Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend
in Karmiel"
July 10th 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 39 1st
Av 5781
Parshat Matos-Maasei
Army Prayers
There
are some controversies that I just don't get. Some fights that despite my best
efforts I have a hard time grasping what the motivating factor behind one of
the sides is. What is driving them? Why would they engage in something so
destructive? Something that is so against their interests. I'm usually pretty
good at identifying the issue at hand. Sometimes it is for the sake of heaven…
Not often though, although most people think that they are acting that way. But
for the most part people act out of self-interest. Sometimes it's for money or
power, other times it's for revenge or for a warped sense of morality and
goodness but usually it's for plain old desire and pleasure. I get all of those
emotions and can relate to them. Hey, to be honest I've engaged in them all in
some way or another. Not that I'm proud of it. That's not what I'm talking
about.
My
perplexity is when someone acts or behaves in a way that doesn't serve any of
the above emotions or self-interests. In fact, it's counter to all of them
including the l'sheim Shamayim-nikkers- those that believe that they are
acting for the sake of heaven. Perhaps they act, argue, fight merely out of
ignorance. They don't know better. But still it would seem that there has to be
some type of rationale. Maybe one of you out there can help me understand. Or
maybe it's just the atzas ha'satan- the devious plot of the Satan to
infect us. Regardless let me explain a bit what I'm talking about. We are
after-all in the second paragraph and nobody wants a 10-page E-mail.
See,
I went to America two weeks ago which means that I wasn't in my shul for two
weeks. Each time I go I hope that I still have a job when I come back and
that's despite the fact that I pay for the whole shul and don't get a salary.
But without my wife's chulent Kiddush two weeks in a row, who knows who might
still be there? Baruch Hashem they all were there though and were excited to
see me and hear about my adventures in the Diaspora. Either that or it was the
returned aroma of Aliza's chulent wafting out from the kitchen.
Kriyas
Ha'Torah time came in the shul and my faithful gabbai informed me that over the
past two weeks a small change was instituted in the shul. He could tell I was
already not happy. He said that since in my absence a new government of Israel
was established, one with which they all felt was a terrible and that had even
partnered with Arabs and anti-religious (read chareidi) parties, the
congregants decided that we should refrain from reciting the prayer for the
State of Israel that we usually do. Although he reassured me that the prayer
for the soldiers was still being said. Yes… I was not a happy camper.
To
explain and to be clear for those not up in these prayers. There are two
prayers that were added to the davening upon the establishment of the State,
the first one written by the first chief Rabbi of the Israel Reb Yitzchak
Halevi Herzog (grandfather of the newly appointed 11th President of
Israel Isaac 'Bujzi' Herzog who carries his name), was written in fulfillment
of the Mishna in Avot and ancient Jewish tradition that we should say a prayer
for the "Peace of the Government" for if not for it people would
"swallow one another's lives up whole". If you want to know what
that looks like, take a look at the BLM riots or the mishegas that went
on with the Arabs here a few months ago. Maybe we're not saying the prayer with
enough kavana.
But
the truth is that it's not the Mishna in Avot that taught this law. It really
comes from Yirmiyahu Ha'Navi in his first letter that he sent to the Jews
exiled in Babylon after the destruction of the Bais HaMikdas,h which we are
currently mourning during these three weeks. He details the way they should
live in Exile until it's 70 years would be up and they would return home
Yirmiyahu (29:5) Build houses and live in
them, plant gardens and eat their fruit. Take wives and beget sons and
daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands,
that they may bear sons and daughters. Multiply there, do not decrease.
Make
Kosher Pizza shops and supermarkets, build big shuls and schools, go to great
camps with large swimming pools…. Or not.
And
then finally he writes.
And
seek the welfare of the city to which I have exiled you and pray to the LORD in
its behalf; for in its peace you shall have peace.
Throughout
the ages Jews have recited a prayer for the government. Anyone that watched
Fiddler on the Roof (is there anyone that hasn't?) knows that we said a prayer
for the Czar- just a little different than the one Tevye recited about keeping
him far far away from us. But did you know that prayers were recited for
Ferdinand and Isabella? For Stalin? For Muslim Caliphs, for Napoleon for many
Roman Caesars and even for Popes all who have plenty of real Jewish blood on
their hands. How can we pray for these evil people?
The
answer is quite simple; our prayer is that they shouldn't be evil. As the
prayer quotes
"Hashem
put into their hearts and into the hearts of all their councilors compassion
to do good with us and with all Israel, our brethren."
You'd
have to be an idiot not to daven to Hashem for that under Stalin, or any other
lunatic despot that ruled over us. Either an idiot or someone who doesn't
really believe in the power of their prayer. In fact, it is said that when Reb
Yisrael Salanter was once in a synagogue in Russia under the Czar that did not
say it, he turned himself away to the bookshelf and recited it himself. He did
this because he knew that it was something we are meant to pray for. He did
this because he saw his prayers as communications to Hashem about what our
needs are to fulfill our mandate in this world. He didn't see his prayers as
political statements about what party he voted for or what stream of Judaism he
identifies with. Sadly too many today do.
Now
the prayer for the State of Israel is certainly a lot more than a prayer that
the government should do good for us. Unlike in Goyishe America, the elected
officials, Presidents, Prime Ministers and their advisers of the State of
Israel are our brothers. They're Jews. Tragically they are for the most part not Torah observant.
They don't have the light of Hashem guiding their decisions. They're
politicians. Yet, as Torah observant Jews who hope and pray and understand that
we are responsible for every Jew, our greatest hope should be to have a Torah
guided government. We daven numerous times a day for nothing less than the shechina
to be returned to Eretz Yisrael. Thus the prayer for the State of Israel asks
Hashem that he should make the establishment of the State the beginning of the
flourishing of our redemption. Everyone should want that. Who wants it to fall
and to fail and to have to continue in our Exile?
As well we daven for the leaders all to be
"enveloped
in Your peace, and bestow Your light and truth upon its leaders, ministers, and
advisors, and grace them with Your good counsel…. draw our hearts
together to revere and venerate Your name and to observe all the precepts of
Your Torah "
Do
you not want Hashem's light and truth to be what guides them? We continue and
even more clearly state that the State of Israel is not the final plan. It is
not a replacement for the Redemption or for Mashiach and we're awaiting him.
Send
us quickly the Mashiach ben David, agent of Your vindication, to redeem those
who await Your deliverance.
And
finally to make all of this very clear what the ultimate prayer is for we
conclude
And
may everyone endowed with a soul affirm that the Hashem, God of Yisrael,
is King and His dominion is absolute. Amen Sela
Now
can someone please explain to me why the most religious of Jews who believe in
the power of prayer, that hope for Torah light to guide our leaders, that want
Mashiach and the ultimate redemption. Why wouldn't they say this? This prayer
is even more relevant if one feels the government of Israel is not where it
should be religiously or spiritually. I told those in my shul that if you were
comfortable saying it for a right wing government then there is even more of a
reason to recite it for a left wing one? I just don't get it…And of course I
thus led my largely (Israeli) chariedi congregation in the recited the Tefilla
l'Shlom Ha'medina with a lot of Kavana.
Perhaps
even more perplexing and troubling to me than those that do not recite the
prayer for the State is those that do not recite the prayer for the soldiers of
Israel. I certainly can understand- although whether I agree or not is a
different subject- with those that have objections, perhaps even strong
objections to serving in the Army, to the idea of a forced draft, to even
fighting in wars that they may or may not feel are guided by Torah ideology or
that are being fought for security reasons rather than for politics.
Incidentally there are many on both the far right and far left that feel the
same about that debate. There are those on the left that feel that we are
responsible for the Arabs hatred of us and we need to capitulate to them and
give them as much land as they want and we should not be going to war or even
having a draft. And there are those on the right that feel we are accomplishing
nothing with our "wars" besides endangering our young men in the army
for nothing more than politics and we should just stop the draft and just blow
them all to Kingdom Come where they await their 70 brides. Any "collateral
damage" and the blood of innocents that might be lost is not on us, but
rather on them anyways. Why should we have to risk lives to save them. As I said I hear both sides and I understand
both sides although obviously I can't and don't agree with both at the same
time. But there is at least a logic of some sort.
What
I don't understand is how anyone cannot recite a prayer asking Hashem to watch
over our boys that are serving in the army. That are in war. That are in
danger. That are putting their lives on the line to protect and defend us. How
can any religious person not daven for that? Now for those that live in America
perhaps you are too disconnected from Israel and you just don't realize it.
That is in itself a problem. But for those here in Eretz Yisrael, all of the
politics aside how can you not daven to Hashem that our forces are not successful
in wiping out our enemies. In truth I can even understand the Neturei Karta
that don't say this special prayer easier than I can the other 99.9999999 % of religious
Jews that don't say it. The Neturei Karta believes that the state of Israel
should be destroyed. They feel Mashiach will only come if it is wiped off the
face of the earth and the Arabs take over the country. Therefore, they want the
army and its soldiers to fail. It makes sense why they wouldn't say such a
prayer.
But
for most of us that realize that these guys are crackpots and we want to have a
country where Jews could live, where at least you can send your children to for
seminary and yeshiva and perhaps a few years in Kollel before they go back to
the "real world" in your countries. That want to come tour with me
once again. Why would you not say this prayer for them? Do you view your
prayers as conversations with Hashem for your most important needs, or is it
just politics? If you believe in your Tefilos why wouldn't you want to say this
teffila? It doesn't make sense and frankly this week's Torah portion tells us
that it is in fact the only real way that we can ever win a war. With our
prayers. It's why it's so critical and why our sages made sure that we read the
longest narrative of any war in the entire Torah- in fact its longer than all
of the other wars put together- in this week's parsha; our final battle before
entering the land the war against Midian. It's the information we need to
understand if we ever want to hold the land.
The
Torah tells us that in this war there was a draft of 1000 men from each tribe.
Yet the way the Torah writes is strangely with a doubled number and perhaps
even a tripled number. Take a look it says
Bamidbar
(31:5-6) A thousand for each tribe, a thousand for each tribe, from all the
tribes of Israel you shall send into the army. The thousands of Israel- one
thousand was given over for each tribe, twelve thousand armed for battle.
The
Ball Ha'Turim notes the doubled 1000 for each tribe and thus suggests that
there were in fact 24,000 that went out to the battle field. He brilliantly points
out that this directly corresponds to the 24,000 that were killed in the plague
that was caused by the sin of the daughters of Midian for which this battle was
being fought. Yet, this seems problematic because the verse as well tells us
that there were only 12,000 that went out
armed for battle.
The
Midrash resolves this question and adds another 1000 to the count. For the pasuk
tells us another 'thousand was given over for each tribe'. The Midrash derives
from this that there were in fact only 1000 that went out to fight. Another
2000 though went out though to the battlefield with them. 1000 to watch over
the vessels, kitchen staff, stable boys; the 'job-nikkim', And another
1000 of those that would come to the battle field that would daven for the
soldiers fighting. They would be saying the prayer for the holy soldiers of
Israel.
It's
an amazing concept if you think about it. Each war, each soldier, each army
base would have its own Kollel of its "prayer and Torah" soldiers.
While their brothers were out in the battlefield, these holy spiritual army of
soldiers would be lifting up their hearts in prayer and be davening for their
own personal corresponding soldier. The wars of Israel have never been won by
physical might, rather they are won by the strength of Hashem; by the miracles
he performs for us. This holy Torah/Prayer regiment and army unit would be the
strength and artillery to invoke Hashem's salvation in our wars. Wouldn't it be
a different world if we instituted this today?
Reb
Chatzkel Levinshtien notes that the function of this spiritual army unit going
to the actual battlefield, rather than just staying in their Kollel in
Yerushalayim or in Bnai Brak and learning and davening there, was not merely
that they should be even more inspired to pray. We find that concept in
regards to the mitzva of Bikkur Cholim, where we visit the sick in order to see
their situation with our own eyes, their pain, their flailing health and then
daven for them. A holy army of Kollel Rabbis, he writes would obviously
understand without going out to the
front lines danger our people were in and the significance of their jobs and
roles to daven and learn for them. They would do this regardless of where they
are for their brothers on the frontlines. (Halevai-says the cynical Rabbi
sitting in Karmiel 50 years after Reb Chatzkel wrote this)
Rather
the reason they had to go out to the battlefield was to inspire the soldiers
themselves. So that the soldiers would know that they were there davening for
them. That the soldiers would be reminded and inspired that it was not their
own might or strength or Uzi's or tanks that were winning the wars rather it
was the spirit of Hashem. They'll know that despite their own personal spiritual
failings they had "special units" of their brothers that were
davening for each one of them. Each one had their own special 'spiritual'
forces'. That's how our wars were won. That was the sense of brotherhood and
responsibility and care we had for one another that would bring down the
greatest help from heaven That's he longest narrative of any other war that the
Torah relates to us. It's how in that battle not even one soldier came back
with a scratch and it's the way that we would conquer our country.
This
Shabbos is Rosh Chodesh Av. It is the month where all of the worst calamities
happened to our nation. Our sages tell us Mi'shenichnas Av mi'maatim
b'simcha- when Av enters we minimize our joy. It's ironic because we are
told that the temple and our exile is only because we didn't serve Hashem with
joy- with simcha. Yet perhaps the reason why we do this is because we
need to rethink the simcha that we have all year around. Perhaps we are too
happy. Perhaps we are too comfortable. Perhaps we feel that we have finally
reached a point of relative peace and yet we forget there are wars that still
need to fought. We need to fight for Hashem's light to shine forth from Eretz
Yisrael. From the halls of Knesset, the halls of its Supreme Court and its
military war rooms. Our fight as the children of Yaakov is b'charbi u'kashti-
with our heartfelt prayers. Prayer for the light of Torah and Hashem to shine brightly
in the hearts of our leaders and soldiers. We are here as soldiers in that war
some of us are in the fighting units. Some of us are not combat soldiers but
are spiritual soldiers. But we each need each other. We each need that the
prayers that our army of all of its citizens in whatever capacity should
succeed in achieving the Divine objective we are here for. And then we will see
the conclusion of that prayer that even those in Chutz La'aretz say for their
government
May
Yehudah be saved and may Israel dwell securely, and may the Redeemer come to
Zion. So may it be his will, V'nomar: Amen.
Have
a redemptive Shabbos and a blessed Rosh Chodesh
Rabbi
Ephraim Schwartz
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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
" Emess iz in sidder."
Truth one finds only in the prayerbook.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
36)
The discoverer of Herod’s Tomb was:
a)
Yigael Yadin
b)
Yigal Shilon
c)
Ehud Netzer
d)
Yizhar Hirschfeld
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://youtu.be/2w_DaILfKRo –
Haunting
Al Eileh by Rabbi "K' sung by Pinny Shacter
https://youtu.be/WtUTsKafYJM
– Tena Bni Libcha- Motty
Shteimetz latest Vocal contribution
https://youtu.be/9ojzSn2v5rA - I don't know who this chevra is but their
mi sheberach for chayalim is amazing.
https://youtu.be/K1HWXfc0pTs - Avremy Roth, Helfgot and others in this magnificent rendition of the classic
Sol Zim prayer for Israel.
https://youtu.be/6iF5PAymijQ
- Benny Freedman singing Rechnitz's latest Im Eshkocheich Acapella…
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE
WEEK
Only Ours – Parshat Matos-Maasei- The Torah
is not a politically correct book. In fact is quite inpolitically correct. I think we all know this. Which
means-and I want you to absorb this concept- if one is a "Torah Jew"
that means that your world view is not politically correct by definition. Even
more significantly it means if one is politically correct in your outlook it
means you are not a Torah- Jew. Ouch! Let that percolate inside of you. The two
world views are incompatible.
This is a good
thing. We believe that our outlook on life comes from Hashem, not from the
spirit or "modern" values of the time or era we live in. It's what makes
them eternal. It's what makes us eternal. This is perhaps the most politically
incorrect value and outlook that we have. We are right. We possess truth. The
Torah and the traditions and knowledge and its values, it's perspective on
right and wrong and good and evil are the only true and real ones. Every view
that is different than that is wrong, is false and frankly should be wiped out
from the face of the earth. For their falsehoods perpetuate darkness that
prevent the true light of Hashem from shining out into the world. To be
clear-I'm not saying that everyone who disagrees with us or has different views
than us should be killed. As well Judaism doesn't believe that everyone should
or needs to be Jewish. But I and certainly the Torah is saying that every other
ideology needs to be destroyed and eliminated and the perpetrators and
promulgaters of those ideologies are culpable and will go down the tubes with
the evil of their false faiths and politically correct views.
There is though
one place where the Torah tells us that there is zero tolerance for a nation
that doesn't have the Torah views and that is Eretz Yisrael. See, in other
places certainly false views are wrong and should be eradicated, or will be
eradicated in Mashiach's times. But the Jews were never commanded to wipe out
those false gods and to enforce religious coercion to "Truth
coercion" is a better more accurate word in other places in the world. Yet
in Eretz Yisrael Hashem tells us in no uncertain terms in this week's parsha
and throughout the Torah.
Bamidbar
(33:51-54) Speak to the Bnai Yisrael and say to them: When you cross the Yarden
into the land of Canaan you shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land
from before you, destroy all their temples, destroy their molten idols, and
demolish their high places. You shall clear out the Land and settle in it, for
I have given you the Land to occupy it.
Zero tolerance.
All 7 nations need to be driven out of the country. There is no room here for
anyone that doesn't believe in our faith. This is where the light must shine
out from and we can't have cloudy windows. This is not just a mitzva, or an
objective that we need to strive for or achieve. This is in fact the
pre-condition and mindset that is demanded of us mamash right before entering
the land. Rashi makes it crystal clear quoting the Talmud he says
When you cross
the Jordan…you shall drive out…: Were not they previously forewarned about this a number
of times? However, Moses said to them,“When you cross over the Jordan on dry
land, you shall cross on this condition, for if not, water will come and
inundate you.” And so we find that Joshua said the same to them while they were
still in the Jordan. — [Sotah 34a]
This is not
only the mind-set that we have to have when we cross the Yarden, but in fact
Hashem terrifyingly tells us that if we don't do this then there will be a
price to pay.
(Ibid 55) But
if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the Land from before you, then those
whom you leave over will be as spikes in your eyes and thorns in your sides,
and they will harass you in the land in which you settle.
A prophecy that
unfortunately we see has been fulfilled until our very day. It's not just that
the nations will terrorize us. Hashem, tells us that this is coming from Him.
(Ibid 56) And it will be that what I had intended to do
to them, I will do to you.
This law and
idea is followed by the laws of the borders of Eretz Yisrael and it includes
the repeated mitzva of the division of the land by lottery to each tribe. The
Shemen Hatov explains the connection here as one that gives us insight into the
function of Eretz Yisrael in the Divine plan. Eretz Yisrael is meant to be the
place and country where the Divine Shechina shines out to the world from. It's
from where everyone will know, see and understand that there is one God, His
ways are just, He is our Creator, our King and that His purpose in Creating us
is that we may draw close to Him and achieve the ultimate good and enjoyment of
basking and being connected to His glory.
For that light
to shine out the entire country has to be that beacon. Each Jew, each portion
of Israel has a little light switch that can only be turned on by an individual
Jew, from a specific tribe whose soul has the unique code and program to shine that
light out from. As long as there is a piece of Israel, or a single Jew where
that light is not shining out from the entire program will not accomplish its
goal the way that it is meant to. That it needs to. There will be bugs and
viruses in the program that will prevent it from functioning properly. If we
don't understand that this is the reason why we are being brought to Israel, we
are missing the boat. We will not accomplish or mission. We will have failed to
bring the very purpose of Creation to its fulfillment.
Israel is not
meant to be a Jewish democratic country. It's not supposed to even be a place
where Jews and non-believers in the truth of Hashem's torah live side by side
together in peace. This is the electric fuse box for the entire world. When we
mourn the temple during these three weeks when we always read this parsha it
behooves us to remember and understand what the objective of Eretz Yisrael and
the Bais Ha'mikdash really were all about. What they're supposed to accomplish.
We are told that he who mourns for the Temple will merit to see it being
rebuilt. That mourning though isn't for a nice Jewish building on a mountain in
the center of Jerusalem, it's not for all of the suffering, the tragedies or
even the assimilation and immorality that has taken over the world. It's for us
to once again- all of us- be given the opportunity to clean out the entire
country of all its political correctness and to finally liberate the sparks of
holiness in the entire country so that they may shine out to the rest of the
world. If we do this then hopefully this year the month of Av will become the
greatest and happiest month on the Jewish calendar where we celebrate the
building of the Bais Hamikdash.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE
WEEK
Achitofel's
Evil Advice- 840
BC –
Back in
Yerushalayim, Avshalom has taken over shop and his next step is how to move
forward. For that he turns to Achitofel, Dovid's former adviser and
teacher who joined his team for advice. Fascinatingly enough our sages tell us
in the Midrash that Achitofel was in fact the grandfather of Batsheva,
making him Dovid's grandfather in law. It's always cool when Chazal put things
like that together for us. They tell us that Achitofel was the one who advised
Dovid of where to build the Bais Hamikdash. What misguided him was that he
thought he saw with Ruach Hakodesh- that he would eventually rule
Israel. His mistake was he confused his vision with his great-grandson Shlomo
the son of his granddaughter Batsheva.
In order to
achieve his goal, the plan of Achitofel was to have Avshalom get rid of Dovid
and then to get rid of Avshalom and he would then rule. His way of doing that
was that he advised Avshalom to show his kingship by taking the
concubines of Dovid that he had left behind and live with them. This would then
show the world that Dovid was never coming back and he was the real and only
show in town. To us this sounds unbelievable, particularly when we realize this
is coming from the Rebbi of Shlomo Ha'Melech, he was recognized as one of the
top Torah leaders of his time and one of Dovid's chief advisers whom all of
Klal Yisrael came to for counsel. Yet Chazal place him as one of the few who
have no portion in the world to come and who convinced himself in his spiritual
pursuit that Dovid had sinned and it was his turn to lead.
Achitofel then
made his next move, telling Avshalom that they just grab the opportunity to get
Dovid while he was on the run. He, Achitofel, would lead the charge and
take 12,000 men with him and catch Dovid unawares. He didn't want Avshalom to
lead the charge for he was nervous that he wouldn't be able to kill Dovid and
as well it wouldn't look good for Avshalom to kill his own father. Fortunately
for Dovid, Avshalom turned to Dovid's planted adviser, Chushai Ha'Archi,
he nixed Avshalom's idea, with all due to respect to Achitofel. He said that Dovid
was a great warrior, he would be prepared for any attacks and if Achitofel lost
this would strengthen Dovid. Rather they should give it some time gather a huge
army from the entire country and then wage a real war. Avshalom liked Chushai's
plan over Achitofel's and thus begins the beginning of their downfall.
Interestingly
enough the Kever of this Chushai H'Archi, the loyal friend of
Dovid, is not far from my house in the Druze city of Yarka. I've been to
Yarka a few times (they have a nice little children's amusement park
there that's packed with Chareidim and Arabs Chol Hamoed), but never to this
grave. I wonder if the name Yarka which is similar to Ha'archi has the
same source and perhaps that's where the tradition comes from.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S JEWISH SOLDIER JOKES OF
THE WEEK
Just
prior to the Russian revolution a young Jewish soldier deserted his regiment.
He was quickly captured and brought before his sergeant.
"You
are a filthy gutless coward and a traitor to your country!" snarled the
commander " Only a filthy deserter would run off as you did"
"Sir" said the young soldier "
I had no intention of betraying the fatherland. I ran away only because I hate
the enemy so much I can't stand the sight of them."
Yankel
the young yeshiva bachur was brought before the Draft board and was asked why
he felt he shouldn't be inducted in the army. He told them it was a result of the
severe medical condition he suffered from.
"And
what may that be?" asked the officer
"Half
of my insides are missing" responded Yankel
"What
parts of your insides are missing" the officer asked.
"My
guts" said Yankel.
Zelig Jokes (Zelig is my son's favorite joke book about a
Jewish Shlemiel)
Zelig
heard that there with the new government in place there was danger of them
raising the age of the Draft. He quickly called his friends Shmiel and Chatzkel
and told them that it was time for them to hide.
"What
are you so worried about. You're already too old for them and you're certainly
not in any fighting condition that the army might want you" Said
Chatzkel
"I
heard that they're looking for Generals!" responded Zelig.
So the three of
them ran away to their arab friend Mustafa who hid them in these big burlap
sacks. When the soldiers came looking for them, they saw the suspicious looking
sacks and the officer gave the first one a big kick
"Cock a
doodle dooo"-
screamed out Chatzkel from the first sack.
"OK leave
it alone, it's just a rooster" said the soldier. He then proceeded
over to the second sack and kicked it and Shmiel screamed out
"Meoww
Meoww…!"
"It's
just a cat" said the officer and then walked over to Zelig's bag and
kicked it. There was no response. Again and again the officer kicked and
punched the bag and it was all quiet. Finally after a good 10 minutes of
punching and kicking Zelig jumps out and screams
"What's
with you guys? Don't you know what a bag of rice sounds like!"
When the
general came to inspect the army base where Zelig was posted he had all of the
soldiers stand at attention and began to question them. He asked the first
soldier
"If your
superior officer ordered you to shoot me, would you do so, soldier?"
"Yes,
sir!" responded the
first soldier
"And you?
What would you do?" he asked the next soldier.
"I would
as well" answered the
next recruit.
"and
what about you Zelig, would you also shoot me if you were given an order by
your superior officer?"
"No I
would not" answered Zelig.
Surprised and
pleased by this not standard answer the General asked Zelig why not?
"Because
I don't know how to shoot… sir.."
*********************************
Answer is C- Another one right! So Yadin is the guy
who dug Masada which was built by Herod. Hershfeld- not that I knew him, but
after a google search- was the guy who dug Kumran- and interestingly enough
claims it was not the Essenes that lived there but rather a regular Jewish
farm. The other dude is just a TV actor, I don’t even know why they threw him
in. But I knew that the correct answer was Ehud Netzer. He was really the
expert on Herod and dedicated his life to finding his tomb in Herodian near
Tekoa or what I call the Masada of the Merkaz. He actually died in a terrible
accident walking on the bridge over Herod's tomb. Terrible story. So the score now is 27 for Rabbi Schwartz
and 8 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.
