Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
February 11th 2022 -Volume
11 Issue 19 11th Adar Alef 5782
Parshat Tetzaveh
There are many ironies in my life. My
father was a pretty ardent Zionist who had pictures of Menachem Begin and other
Israeli leaders all over his office and our house. Yom Ha’atzamaut was a
religious holiday for him and when we were children we would even go to the
Israeli parades and wave flags. All of that of course made me an anti-zionist.
My black hat yeshiva rebbeim reenforced that view giving me all the propaganda
I needed to argue and fight with him about it all the time. It was all about
Torah, Torah, Torah and the secular Israeli government was evil. Fast forward,
I’m here living in Israel I’m running around selling the Holy Land all day and
trying to get everyone to make Aliya while he sold the apartment he had bought
here and moved to the “other Jerusalem” in Boca. Although he still gets teary-eyed
when he hears Hatikva. Lots of Jews in Boca do…
Another irony, of my life is that when I
was a kid my parents sent me to sleep-away Chabad camp, when I was 5; Gan Izzy
in Kalkaska, Michigan. The only reason
why they sent me at that age was because they wouldn’t accept me when I was 4.
I of course hated the camp. They were trying to “indoctrinate” us that the
Rebbi was watching us through the picture on the wall. We had to get up each
morning and scream Yechi Adoneinu- Long live the Rebbi forever, and they
would force us to listen to his speeches in Yiddish at 12:00 AM while we were
half asleep. I of course therefore became a rabid anti-chabad guy. That was as
well of course reenforced by my Rebbeim
and the many politics and controversies over their radical ways. Lighting
menoras publicly, their teachings, their Messianic bent. Fast forward again and
over the past few years I’ve become a huge fan of the Rebbi’s teachings, and I
actually really appreciate all the good that Chabad does. In fact, I’ve got two
shelves in my office full of their sefarim that I even read in Yiddish!
But it’s not just theological ironies.
My wife always laughs at me that she knows the two things I always hated most
in life is taking pictures and shopping. Well, guess what this tour guide who’s
back in business spends many, if not most, of his days doing with his happy
tourists? That’s right snapping photos of them and showing them where they can
get the best souvenirs in Israel. The
nicest art, the best chatchkes for their children back home, jewelry. You
name it I’m showing it to them. On the other hand my wife or kids wants me to
go shopping with her or them, I feign a cold. Maybe if they paid me a tour
guide fee I would consider it or if I could get a commission here and there I
might join them. But even so…probably not. It’s just not my thing.
More than I hate shopping for stuff
though, the worst of all is clothing shopping. In the past I would wear my
clothing until it disintegrates on my body before I would go to a store and buy
new ones. Maybe, it was the fear of seeing how nothing fits. Maybe they all
look the same. It’s the pain of trying on and off and on and off. I just was
never into clothes much at all. They were a necessary evil that constrained my
eating, my playing, my movement. I didn’t even like doing laundry because then
I had to clean them, fold them, put them away. They’re just clothes. They’re a
pain. I shouldn’t need to focus or spend anytime on them. And frankly I really
never understood any of my friends that were into them or saw them as some type
of status symbol. For me it wasn’t even the icing on the delicious cupcake that
I saw myself as. They were the wrapper on my Reese’s peanut butter cup.
Well, I guess that’s where the greatest
irony of my life has been. See, My wife as you know sells clothing. We suffer
from Makkas Begadim- the plague of clothing in my house. You open up the
fridge and clothing jump out at you. Reach under the bed and you’ll find boxes
and boxes of shoes, pants, and shirts. I’m constantly shlepping huge duffle
bags back and forth to Jerusalem to all of the clients of her personal shopping
empire. I’m always being called up to our roof to move boxes up and down.
Winter, summer, fall, spring. Why can’t people wear the same thing all seasons?
Can someone explain this to me. It’s
like the frogs in Egypt. I can’t get away from them.
But it gets worse. See, because now I
really have no choice these days. Nothing fits anymore. I’ve been trying to
tighten my belt more and more, but my pants keep slipping down. I’m literally
swimming in my suits and I can wrap my shirts around my body twice. It’s 90
plus pounds down and I’ve got pictures and videos I’ve got to take and make for
Mishpacha and other gigs and I’m getting too many comments that it’s time for
the wardrobe change. I can’t push it off much longer. But whereas in the past,
I dreaded going shopping for clothes for fear that nothing would fit. Now I’m
kind of nervous about becoming that guy that is checking himself out in the
mirror and making sure that everything fits just right and has the right look.
Life is weird. This is a new stage in my life. Forgive me if I am pontificating
a bit too much. I’m just swimming in new waters here and my old bathing suit
seems to be slipping off.
Now that you understand a bit about my
clothing ironies, I imagine you can thus figure out which parsha has always
been my least favorite in the Torah. You got it. It’s this week Parshat
Tetzave, the parsha of which 65% of it is all about clothes. The shirts, the
pants, the coats, the hats, the robes of the Kohen with all of their intricate
and specific details. It’s like one of those boring catalogs that they used to
have. I’d rather read the back of a cereal box. In most years though this is
really not such a big problem for me. See, Parshat Tetzave is usually the week
before Purim. I don’t have to deal with the clothing thing. I can make Purim
jokes, tie it into costumes, speak about Parshat Zachor and Amalek or even
about the missing Moshe in the parsha. That’s what we Rabbis who hate clothing
do on Parshat Tetzave. But this year is a leap year. We’ve got another month
until Purim. It’s like Hashem is telling me “Schwartz, it’s time to man up”
Get a new suit already. Learn about the secret of what clothing is really meant
to be.
Something else special about this leap
year when we read the Parsha of Tetzave and it’s not the week before Purim is
that we read the unique Haftora which at first glance seems to connect to the
second part of the parsha; the inauguration of Aharon and his two sons into the
service of the Mishkan. The prophecy of Yechezkel which we read is this vision
of the third Temple and the inauguration of its vessels in that ultimate
eternal home of Hashem. The question one has to ask is why this is mentioned in
our parsha now before the Tabernacle is even constructed? Rashi tells us that the Torah is not in
chronological order, but why go out of your way to make it that way. It seems
that there is a connection here with the clothing of Aharon and his children,
their inauguration and even with the eternal flame that begins this Parsha and the
incense altar that concludes it. The answer can be found in the concluding
verse of the Haftora that recalls
Vayicahlu es Ha’Yamim-
and the days were completed. And it will be from the eighth day and on the
Kohanim will bring their offerings on the altar and I will desire you Ne’um
Hashem.
Those words Vayachulu reminds me
of the words at the end of Creation that we recite each Friday night. Vayichulu Hashamayim Ve’aharetz- and Hashem
completed the heaven and earth.
The Tzror Ha’Meor notes that whereas the
book of Bereishis in the Book of the Creation and formation of the world and
our Nation, the Book of Shemos is the book of our redemption and Return. In the
beginning Hashem was with us in the garden. We had it all. He had it all. But
then we sinned. We lost it. We were chased out. The rest of the story is how to
get back. Or to put it in other terms how we can once again fill Hashem’s
presence in this world. How we can get back to 7 days of Miluim- making
the world full once again.
Shemos begins with us going through the
process of cleansing in that kur ha’barzel that purifying furnace of
Egypt. We come out whole and pure. We witness miracles. We accept the Torah.
Parshat Mishpatim has hints to all of the other sins that needed to be fixed.
From selling Yosef as a slave and the laws of slavery that begin the Parsha, to
damages of pits, murder, stealing. It’s all there. We then come to Teruma and
we are told how to rebuild Eden. To make cherubs that encompass the Ark our
tree of life that will welcome us back in. Tetzave, this weeks Parsha is the
conclusion of that. It starts with that eternal light that will never be
extinguished. It is the light in each of us that we bring into the Temple. That
we shine there.
But it’s not really just us. It’s all of us
together. It’s all of us in one person. We become Adam again. Do you know who
looks like Adam. On Yom Kippur that holiest day we say that it is none other than
the Kohen Gadol. We become the Kohen
Gadol. He embodies all of us and bears our name on his breastplate. It’s not so
that the Kohen will remember us, Rashi tells us, rather it’s so Hashem sees the
names of His precious children before Him. He sees us in him.
The clothing are the final atonement on
all that we tainted. On our thoughts, on our failures in justice, our Lashon
Harah. The clothing we wear, the Kohen wears, remind Hashem of the clothing
that He dressed Adam in after his sin and sent him off from the garden. They
were clothing of or- which are skins, but Rebbi Meir says they were
clothing of ohr as in light. That’s how we return them in this week’s
Parsha. With the ner tamid, that eternal light. We then can come to the
7 days of Miluim. Making them whole again. Making the world whole again.
The Tzror Ha’Mor continues and says that
is why it is Aharon and his two sons are
dressed by Moshe. They are Adam and Kayin and Hevel who were all thrown out
together and given these clothes from Hashem. It’s amazing to think how
essential and symbolic our clothing is meant to be. They are the first gift
that we get when we are sent off and they are what will bring us back. Once we
fit into them. Once they work their magic by inspiring us to shine the light
out and remove all those impurities and thoughts that have held us back, that
have kept us out, we then come to the final mitzva and vessel. The altar of the
incense- the ketores. It is lit from the Ner Tamid. It is brought by the
Kohen with all of his garments who is dressed in those special clothes and it
is put on the holiest day between those cherubs and we have returned. The
redemption is here. The 7 days are complete.
I think back about the ironies of my
life and realize that in the month of Adar when everything turns around its all
about irony. It’s why we read this Parsha every year in this special month. The
irony of us returning to Eretz Yisrael after 2000 years in Exile. The irony of
Mashiach being on his way despite the craziness that the world seems to be in.
The irony of our clothing starting to fit more and more. In the story of Purim
there is also much ado about the changing of clothing. From poor Jewess orphan
Esther is wearing the finest clothing. From the Jews being treated royally by
Achashveirosh’s feast to wearing sackcloth and ultimately soldier gear to fight
off our enemies. From Mordechai in his shtreimel and beketcheh or black hat and
suit to the garments of the King. It’s the recognition that the clothing we
wear are really being put on us in life by Hashem who is bringing us back home
again. Who is turning the month of what seemed to be tragedy and the death of
Moshe to one where he is reborn in each of us and brings us home.
So yes, it’s time to go shopping people.
It’s time to start packing up those galus clothes and putting them away. Our
redemption clothing are getting their last stiches on them. Pick them up early.
My wife is having a special on them in case you’re interested, but get them
before you miss the season.
Have a well dressed Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH
PROVERB OF THE WEEK
“Der emes ken arumgain a naketer; dem lign darf men baklaidn -The truth can walk around naked; the lie
has to be clothed.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE
WEEK
https://youtu.be/XMjT-6EXOqE
– Leil Shishi based on Shuli
Rand song Okeir Harim by YOily Illowitz- neat!
https://youtu.be/jc_ny9aRYyA
– The Yeshiva World
and Aliya? Fascinating and though provoking short history…
https://dusiznies.blogspot.com/2022/02/in-israel-pizza-is-now-made-by-robots.html
– Robot Pizza Cool!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buOKTRzoblY
–
Cool Video on on Amazing lady in Shilo who researched the
Choshen stones…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buOKTRzoblY
- Loving this next new song on Eitan Katz’s newest album Teruma!!
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
15)
The "Broad Wall" (ha’choma ha’rechava) is related to which
period? _______
The construction of the wall is
related to:
A)
Preparations for the Assyrian siege
B)
Preparations for the Babylonian siege
C)
Fortifications of the "Second Wall"
D)
Fortifications of the "Third Wall"
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS
CONNECTION OF THE WEEK
Shabbos Clothing -Parshat Tetzave- Reb Nochom
M’Chernobyl was troubled. It was Shabbos and he felt the holiness as he usually
did permeate his entire home and body. Yet there was that feeling that
something was missing. His left foot somehow didn’t feel Shabbosdik. He wasn’t
feeling Shabbos down to his toes. What could be the problem. Sure enough that
night when he went to get ready to go to bed he discovered the problem. He had
mistakenly placed a weekday sock on his foot instead of his usual Shabbos sock.
Ahh… that’s the problem. Shabbos needs Shabbos clothing for the day to fully
tramsform you. A weekday sock can never feel the complete holiness of Shabbos.
It seems like a strange story but in fact the Nesivos
Sholom explains it is the essence of our parsha and it is even alluded to the
strange inclusion of the mitzvos of the clothing of the Kohen in the Mishkan.
Our parsha which primarily deals with the finest and minutest details of the
Kohens garb in the tabernacle and ultimately the Temple begins with the mitzva
of the lighting of the Menora and of maintaining and permanent light a ner
tamid in the Temple. He notes that the the gematria of the words ner tamid is
the same as Shabbos. The two are connected. For just as the Menora contains the
hidden holy light of Creation that had been hidden away, so to does the day of
Shabbos. The seven branches of the Menora that all face the central one
correspond to the 7 days of Creation that all surround and draw their light
from Shabbos. It is gives us the inner light that we need to realize our
spiritual potential.
The parsha after that is that of the clothing of the
Kohen. They are the Shabbos clothing after we light our candles that begin
surround us and radiate that Shabbos light that we have ignited. Each piece of
clothing is connected to another part of the body and it atones for the sins
and elevates our bodies to the highest level to enjoy and bask in the glow of
the holy day with our Creator. When we put on our Shabbos clothing we are
saying we are removing the weekday world and getting dressed anew. We are the
groom welcoming the Shabbos bride. We are uniting with our King and we need to
be dressed for the occasion.
The rest of the world wears clothing that will best bring
out the contours and aspects of the body. We, the children of Hashem to just
the opposite. Our clothing our there not to show off the body but rather to
influence and bring it under the mitzva and light of Hashem. It brings the
inner light by covering up the body to shine right through. That is how we
honor the Shabbos each week. That is how we become the vessels in the Temple of
Hashem.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN
ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Rechavam- 797 BC- With the death of
Shlomo the United Kingdom that he had built and developed would begin to rip
apart at the seams. His son Rechavam, was no Shlomo. It’s hard to live
up to the reputation of the man who had built the Temple and made Israel the
capital of the world in terms of economy, spirituality and even infrastructure
and unity. Those are big shoes to fill- I sometimes tell my children they will
have the same problem. Yet the end of Shlomo’s life was filled with wars to
maintain the peace. He had to put up with the rebellion of Yeravam ben Nevat
who had fled to Egypt. And even on a spiritual level, the many wives of Shlomo
who had converted were insincere and were introducing idolatry into the land.
Hashem had foretold the prophet Achiya that the kingdom would not last
and it was into that arena that Rechavam enters the picture.
There were already stirrings of rebellion and questions
if Rechavam would be accepted by
the people and in fact as opposed to the other kings that were inaugurated and
anointed in Jerusalem, Rechavam begins his rule with the first
concession to have his inauguration in Shechem. Shechem, has always been
a place of strife. It dates back to when Dina the daughter of Yaakov was
kidnapped there and her two brothers wiped out the city and it continues until
today to be a city of unrest and a hot bed of terrorism. It is located in the biblical
portion of the tribe of Ephraim, which was non-coincidentally the primary
objectors to Rechavam’s rule, because Yerava’m who had to flee
from Shlomo was from that tribe.
The people of Israel that met Rechavam there gave
him an ultimatum, he must lower the taxes that Shlomo had levied upon them and
ease their conditions and the military requirements upon them. If he wanted to
rule the people he would have to come to them. The first mistake our sages tell
us Rechavam made was to give them three days until he considered their
offer. It already reflects on the doubtfulness of his leadership. Worse than
that though was after consulting the sages that had advised Shlomo and
they told him to go to the people and grant their minimal requests at least
initially until he takes power, he went for a second opinion to his buddies.
Bad move.
His friends told him to stick it to the people and show
that he’s the boss and raise the levies upon them and show that he wouldn’t
tolerate any insubordination. And of course Rechavam listened to them.
The people pretty much didn’t accept those terms and when Rechavam sent
his tax collector into them, they killed him. That was the end. Rechavam
fled back to Jerusalem. Yeravam returned from Egypt in victory and took hold of
the Northern Kingdom and the divide began. When Rechavam however
to his credit thinks about going to war, Hashem tells him that he should back
off. This was the prophecy. Tragically this is the way it was ordained to be.
The sins of Shlomo’s mistakes were going to be taking it’s toll. We were
heading down the slope which would ultimately end in the Exile and destruction
of the Temple.
Next week we will see the extent of the fall and the
follies of Yeravam in the North.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE CLOTHING JOKES OF THE WEEK
"Yes," replies Benjy.
"Could you please tell the court what you stole." asks the
judge.
"I stole a dress, your honour," replies Benjy.
"Just one dress? But you admitted to breaking in 3 times,"
says the judge.
"Yes I did, your honour," says Benjy, "but on two of
those occasions, I broke in to return the dress I took
before."
"Return the dress? Why? I don’t understand," says the
judge.
"Because my wife Bette didn't like the design, your honor."
What's a pregnant woman's favorite clothing
brand? Fruit of the womb!
What did the angel say when it went to heaven?
well halo there!
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of
you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are
documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
2. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3
in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her
assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn
resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing
the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the
bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the
clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the,
'Mission Impossible' theme.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled
'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a
fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks
passed out.
What is DNA’s favourite piece of clothing ? Jeans
As Abe had many friends in Israel, he surprised Moshe by getting him an
audience with none other than the Prime Minister.
On Moshe’s first day back at work after his trip, Abe asked him, "So,
Moshe, what kind of a man is the Prime Minister?"
Moshe replied, "I would say he's a 44 regular."
"Do you mean that repulsive bright orange-and-blue double-breasted
thing?" said Avrahom."
"That's the one!" said Moshe.
"Mazeltov," Avrahom shouted, "I really thought we'd never get
rid it - it had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had. But tell me, Moshe, why
is your hand bandaged?"
"Simple," Moshe replied, "as soon as I sold the suit to
the gentleman, his guide dog bit me."
Bernie Cohen retires from the New York office of
Merrill Lynch after being a broker for 30 years.
A friend asks him what he intends to do in
retirement. Bernie responds, "The
first thing I am going to do is join the New York Racquet Club!"
His friend says he can't join because they don't
accept Jews.
Bernie says, "Not to worry. I know how
to get in."
So the next week, outfitted like the perfect
WASP -blue blazer, white shirt, rep tie, khaki pants, deck shoes sans socks -
he goes to the Club and asks to join.
The Club Secretary asks him a few questions:
"What is your name?"
"Bernard Vanderhaven."
"Where do you live?
"Southampton, New York."
"What is your net worth?"
“Eight million dollars."
"What is your wife's name?"
"Melanie."
Any children?"
"Yes, two daughters, ages eight and six,
Buffy and Muffy."
"And what is your religion?"
"Goyim."
Answer
is A – Yeah this one is easy
and anyone that gets it wrong really shouldn’t be a tour guide. After-all,
touring in Jerusalem is certainly essential to tour guiding in Israel. And of
course in the old city there’s so much to talk about, but the wall a block away
from the Rova that dates from the period of Chizkiya Ha’Melech is just so an
incredible story, you really need to visit it. We want our tourists to talk
about their tours when they come back to Chutz La’aretz and what better time
then by the Pesach Seder for them to recall the great miracle that took place
here on the Seder night when Sancheirev the King of Assyria sent his army here
after destroying and exiling the northern 10 tribes and an angel wiped out his
entire army by plague. How cool is that? Of course I got it right as should you
have. So the score is now Schwartz
12 and 3 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.
