Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Thursday, May 8, 2025

A Titanic Victory- Parshat Acharey Mos- Kedoshim 2025 5785

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 8th 2025 -Volume 14 Issue 26 10th of Iyar 5785

 

Parshat Acharey Mos- Kedoshim


A Titanic Victory

 

I'm a hisbodedus kind of guy. I don't mean someone who goes out to the forest and screams "Tatteh!!", like some breslaver meditator. I'm more of the find a beautiful quiet serene place to be one with nature for a few hours. I know it's strange probably for those of you that know me and certainly that have toured with me to appreciate. After-all I am a very big people person, as well. I like to talk. I love to speak, to learn about people and from them and just hang out with the chevra; "the boys". One might even consider me the opposite of anti-social, maybe even extra-social if that's even a word, or gregarious and extraverted according to my quick ChatGPT search.But maybe and perhaps even because of all of that social interaction, I'm someone, as well, who really really appreciates and even needs quiet peaceful alone me and Hashem time.

 

Just sitting on my porch early in the morning before sunrise sipping my coffee, better yet, lying on the beach at night and gazing up at the stars, or sunset or rise at the ocean. The best of course was when I did that Africa trip and was out in the jungle in the early morning watching and listening to the world and animals wake up. It's heavenly. It's serene. It's me finding and connecting with my truest self, my essence. There's nothing like it and I could really just sit there for a good hour or two relishing in it.

 

Last week, for the first time I had that experience in an entirely new environment. One that took it to a whole new level. As those who read my E-Mail last week or follow my statuses know, I was out on a yacht for five days with my son Tully sailing and doing some Greek Island hopping. I will assume that many of you have never seen the Titanic movie, or at least won't admit it. But you know that famous scene on the deck.

 

Jack: "Take my hand. Step up on bow…Now, close your eyes and stretch out your hands. Now open them…"

Rose: "I'm flying…I'm flying…Jack… I'm flying…"

 

Near… Far…Whereverrr youuuu arrrr. Dadda dim daa daa dumm dumm.. heart will go on…. Plays in the backround… You're humming it right now… I know you are…

 

Yeah, it's that scene when she opens up her eyes and you literally feel like a bird as you're not on solid ground, but on a ship, on water, and the world is floating past you… Especially at sunset that feeling is mamash like you are just a neshoma, an angel floating, as the world floats below. It's unreal. It's cool. And to be honest its an essential part of being Jewish; of being human.

 

Now the truth is Jews far holier and spiritual than me have that experience, and we all are supposed to ideally, every time that we daven. Three times a day for men and usually at least once for women. Unless, of course, you’re a seminary girl who is really nervous about the shidduch crisis and about them making any more takanos that you now can't date until the Sukkos after the Shavuos after you come back. Then you have to daven three times a day and shukel very hard and throw in some tehillim at Amuka for good measure as well. But really, each time we close our eyes and take those three steps forward in the Shemona Esrei zone, we're meant to feel like Rose, getting up there on the front of that ship and closing and opening her eyes and floating with Hashem. For me, to be honest though, most of my Shemona Esrei's, half of the time I'm trying to work to prevent thoughts of my upcoming tours, schedule, E-Mail I have to write or drasha that I have to give from jumping into my brain. But not on the yam…, not at the sea, on the ocean. Not with the serenity of the waves coming to shore on the beach, or the quiet beauty of the mountains of the Galile under the stars at night. There, I'm in the zone. There's nothing else there. I'm finally in touch with myself. I feel at one with the world and Hashem.

 

It's these thoughts and memories and self-reflection that sit with me as I reviewed the double parshiyot this week of Acharey Mos and Kedoshim. The parshiyot, which start with the aftermath of the death of the children of Aharon when they entered into the Kodesh with ketores and a "foreign fire" on the day of the inauguration of the Mishkan. It jumps from there to the service of the High Priest on Yom Kippur and the two goats, of which one was strangely and fantastically chucked off the side of a mountain, as the Azazael. From there it jumps to the prohibition to eat blood, the prohibition of slaughtering sacrificial animals outside of the Mishkan or Temple, or even thinking about doing it, or while being impure. The end of Acharey Mos (and much of Kedoshim as well) is the illicit and forbidden incestual relationships and idolatrous practices that the land of Canaan and Egypt are full of and that we need to know if we engage in over there the land will "vomit" us up. We then have a whole host of all of the mitzvos of what it means to be a Jew. How to become holy. 

 

The word "vomit" is really the word that spoke the most to me. A week of being sea-sick on the ocean can do that to you. It's also how all these seemingly unrelated stories, narratives and laws seemed to find a common theme. Let me explain. Recently on the ship after one of my quiet morning meditations, I had an interesting discussion with someone (back on the land) who was pouring out his heart to me about a certain struggle that they were having. They find themselves constantly caving in and "falling off the wagon" in a particular spiritual struggle. They're at a loss. They feel helpless. They feel like a loser. They wanted tips from me, the expert, of course on all spiritual solutions, to help them with their problem.

 

What I shared with him was a concept and principle that I believe came from 20 years of yeshiva Mussar shmoozim. Mostly utilizing the experience and lessons all of the ones that never worked on me, and thus leaving me with the one or two really powerful ones that sunk in, resonated and have always been my guiding light. What I told him was that the yetzer harah, the satan, the samech- mem, the evil inclination, whatever you want to call him really doesn't care if you sin or not. Whether or not he gets you to do aveira he's setting you up for. His game isn't about getting you to see something not tznius, not about getting you to speak lashon hara, not having you lose your temper, shoplift, battel during seder, talk during davening, surf something on the internet, have a smart phone, or vote for the wrong Torah party, or the WZO. That’s small stuff. He's not interested in that at all, and really doesn't care if he gets you or not. Truth is, and this might sound even a bit heretical here… but bear with me… I don't think Hashem does either…Although He certainly would be happy if you didn't…possibly.

 

The main game, the big picture, what it's really all about, is not the sin itself, but what that sin does to you. It's not the cigarette. It's the cancer. It's how it makes you view yourself. How it is metamei- makes you closed, makes you sealed, makes you impure. How it disconnects us from Hashem. From ourselves.

 

The satan's real interest is in making you into a person that identifies themselves as a sinner. I'm a muschis, I'm a gambler, I'm an alcoholic, A pervert. I'm a davening schmoozer, I'm someone that can't learn, that will never be great, that really isn't holy, that isn't connected to Hashem. I'm a terrible father, mother, spouse, child. In fact, Hashem, who knows all of my thoughts and actions, pretty much hates me. He doesn't want anything to really do with me. I'm beyond hope. I'm leading two different lives. I hope that I have enough good things, I do so that I won't burn a lot in gehennom when I die. But I can't even regret those things that I did. That's how bad I am. I certainly don't see myself not ever doing those things anymore. It's just who I am. It's what I am. I'm a done deal. That, my friends, is the big game. That's what life and we are all about.

 

The Talmud and commentaries discuss the sin of Nadav and Avihu. Some say they were drunk, others that they weren't married, others that they looked at envy at Moshe and Aharon and asked when they would finally become like them, and then of course it's the eish zarah- the unauthorized strange fire they brought in. The common denominator in all of these is that they were not themselves. They weren't one with themselves. The felt incomplete. The true deep holy fire within them didn't come out. It was tainted. You drink to escape. You blame yourself and feel incomplete without being married. You're looking at others greater than you and feel lesser. You can't come into the Mikdash that way. You can't approach Hashem if you don't feel that you can be completed.

 

The Mikdash is a place where you are entirely connected with yourself and Hashem. You can't be tamei there. Your mind can't be anywhere else. You have to feel entirely one with Hashem and feel His love for you. If you sacrifice while outside, then you feel you can't come in and are not holy enough, then the yetzer hara has won. You have inherently cut yourself off. If even when you're inside, you're still looking and thinking that you're out, then again he has won. When we remove the blood from the animals we eat, we're saying that we're not animals. We're a holy nation whose job is to uplift creation with our eating. It's not the food that I hunted, or slaughtered and can just fress. It's the steak that Hashem has sent me. I leave the blood behind and elevate the flesh and thus myself. I don't have animal blood or ingest any. For my dam- my blood is my nefesh. It's my soul. It's holy. It's from Hashem. My neshoma is being nurtured as well as my body when I recognize that my blood is a much higher creation then the instinctual animals that I uplift when I eat them.

 

All of the forbidden relationships take that concept even up a notch. Animals don't have prohibitions from "marrying" their relatives. The reason is because they are not a neshoma. They are a species. Each human being though has a holy special soul. They have a father, a mother, a family and an extended family. There are relationships that are meaningful, respectful and familial and those are separate from kedusha, holiness, matrimony and procreation. Eretz Yisrael is a land where each person has a portion, a role, an identity where his neshoma will take root and shine out the light from Hashem from there to the world. In order to do that, one has to be connected with who and what they are. How special the holiness of their neshoma is and purpose is. When they're not doing that, the land will spit them up. We become food-poisoned rotten meat in the sensitive earth of our holy land that just wants us to flourish there.

 

Do you know why you get so sick at sea? Because you don't have solid ground beneath you. You're floating and you're in a place where your body is not used to being. The things that you assumed you were standing on, and who and what you presumed your existence to be, are no longer there, and thus your lunch comes up. That's what happens in Israel when we land there and think we're Egyptians, Canaanites, Palestinians, Swedish, or a nation like any other that's just democratic and multi-cultural with bagels and lox, shwarma, falafel and yom ha'atzamaut. It will spit us up, just as it spit all of the other nations that didn't belong here. Because we're giving our children to Molech. We're sacrificing them on altar of the world's false gods, rather than revealing our own neshoma and holiness.

 

Do you know how you win the yetzer hara in this spiritual battle he wages against us daily? How you win the war against Hamas. How you don't fall into the sin of Nadav and Avihu. How you become the person that Hashem wants us to be. It's very simple. Go on a boat, stand on the deck close and open your eyes and feel the oneness of Hashem within you. And float. Fly….

 

In the times of the Bais Hamikdash, our parsha tells us right after the sons of Aharon die, we learn the antidote to their sin. We become the Kohen Gadol. He takes all of those sins, our sins, and he sends them away. They're not me. I'm holy. Hashem loves me. I am going in the Holy of Holies. I'm pure. I've washed away all the evil and sins. The things I've watched that I shouldn't of (probably like Titanic movies), the lashon hara I spoke, the time I wasted, the negative way I've treated others, my family, my friends, the opportunities I missed, the mistakes I've made. None of that's really me. I can chuck it all off a cliff. I can go with the Kohen Gadol in the Holy of Holies. And in fact we do, because we are one with him. He represents us all. And we can be alone with Hashem. That's the one day that every Jew reveals his holiness. You don't even have to teshuva according to an opinion in the Talmud. It just happens. Because you're standing on the deck of the Titanic and you're home. You're with Hashem. The light is shining. And you've returned. Just as we will when Mashiach comes.

 

When someone has this attitude, then the yetzer hara can never win them. Sure he can make me sin thousand times, but do you know what I tell him each time? That's not me. Yeah, I slipped, but I'm still holy. I'm still loved by Hashem. I'm still an amazing Jew. I'm a great Rabbi, father mother, brother, sister, soldier, davener and learner. "You can't touch this"- spark of kedusha within me. Because even in our tumah, Hashem tells us in this week's parsha, He's still there with us. We can still pick up. We can turn back the page. Acharey Mos- even after we die, we fail and we fall. Kedoshim. We are still holy. Because Ani Hashem. We have a father,we have a mother and we have that Third Partner who as well will never abandon us or never stop loving us and never stop thinking that we are the greatest and most special unique gift that He has.

 

If we had that appreciation for what Eretz Yisrael is meant to be for us. For what we are supposed to be doing here, then the land would stop spitting us up. It would vomit them instead. It would get rid of the garbage and we would flourish. The shechina would shine. That's what it's trying to get us to do. Hashem been shaking us off of our false "solid" assumptions and contzeptiot earth that we thought we were standing firmly on and taking us out to the deck and opening our eyes as we float in the sea of a new reality. A reality where remarkably and inspirationally so many are finding their way, their god, their neshomas. Hashem is doing that to us here in Israel, and He's been shaking that tree for all of those in exile in the diaspora more and more as well. He's chucking the Azazels off the cliff. He's calling us into the Holy of Holies with Him. To stand up on the deck, stretch out our arms and open our eyes for the first time and discover who we really are and reveal that to ourselves.

 

We're past the halfway point on our count from Egypt to Sinai in the Omer. We're getting closer and closer to the mountain. Each day is another step to revealing the inner me. Each day brings us closer to that moment when we reexperience Hashem talking to each of us individually. To a time when our two ears heard His voice. To when we saw the sounds and heard the lights. When our neshomos left our body, and we knew that is really what our essence is. May the count this year, bring that shechina once again back to His nation. To a day when my heart will go on and on and on…

 

Have a transcendent Shabbos!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 " Shtil vasser grobt tif.” - Still waters run deep.


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

17. The Jerusalem Talmud was sealed in the city of ______


What are the Seven Laws of Noah?

A. Noah's commandment to his sons after they had survived the flood

B. A core set of commandments to which all humanity is committed, according to Judaism

C. Seven Commandments, also called "Commandments for which it is better to die than disobey" due to their severity

 D. Commandments adopted by Christianity out of Judaism’s 613 commandments


RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://youtu.be/JG12V8lPE9k  -  Rabbi Schwartz and Tully Karmielim Greek Island Cruise!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQHvjfUu568  – Shuki Solomon Shir Ha'Nitzachon and Pini Einhorn Acapella


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ppn3KukVhfg   - Acapella 2025 Playlist!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM3-kbhrP7M   – Heartwrenching Min Hameitzar for fallen soldiers from Yeshiva Yerucham by their class mates… Apropriate for Sefira when we remember fallen students of Rabbi Akiva


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK


594 BC -Broken Pots and Yokes Prophecies of Doom- It's been a few weeks but we're back here… We left off with the King Yehoyachin being exiled to Bavel by Nebuchadnezzar. Tzidkiyahu, his brother, the last king of Israel was put in his place and made to swear on a Sefer Torah to be loyal to Bavel, and being a righteous, although perhaps naïve King he assumed that somehow there is a chance that the prophesized destruction would be avoided in his merit. Yet that wasn't the way it played out.


The prophet who had been foretelling of this destruction for all of these years is none other than Yirmiyahu. Already for 11 years during the kingship of Yehoyachin he had foretold of the destruction and wrath of Hashem that would come down upon the nation if they didn't repent. Yehoyachin actually made Yirmiyahu walk around with 5 wooden yokes like an ox bears upon plowing with straps around his body. The point was to save it for the 5th of year of Tzidikiyahu and then send those yokes to the nations conquered by him, of Edom, Moav, Ammon, Tzur and Tzidon. In modern day times and terms, its basically Bavel being Iran, while Jordan and Syria and Lebanon and our enemies in the South all become part of the Axis of Evil of Iran. Yet Hashem is setting this thing up. He tells them that they should all fall under Bavel's rule and they will be saved. He tells the same thing to the Jewish people. Yet, they don't listen. They listen to the oppozitzia instead.


See at that time there were false prophets as well. Chanania Ben Azor was one of them. He said that Hashem is breaking the yoke of Bavel. We will be free. And not only that He will return the exiled king Yehoyachin to Israel. He then breaks the wooden yoke as a demonstration of this prophecy. Yet, Yirmiyahu counters and places a iron yoke instead upon his shoulder. Our fate is sealed. The nations will join Bavel. The game is over.


He then as well takes is commanded by Hashem to take pottery to the Gei Hinnom valley right outside of the Old city Walls today between the Tayelet and Mt. Olives. There Bnai Yisrael worshipped the Baal. There they sacrificed their children to Molech. Which the Torah warns us about in this week's parsha. There Yirmiyahu breaks the pottery before the people and tells us that our fate will be horrible. Mothers will eat their children. Jewish blood will flow. The Temple will be destroyed. But the people don't want to hear it. Pashchur the Kohen takes Yirmiyahu and throws him in a jail. See, that's always been the way of getting rid of the opposition who tells you the truth you don't want to hear. Call in the corrupt court, fabricate charges, and throw him in jail… Somethings never change…


We're at the end game here…let's see how it plays out… and maybe learn from it..


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE MEDITATION JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Why do green beans meditate? To find inner peas!

I recently took up meditation….. It beats sitting around doing nothing.

 

A humble monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, and the river flows with the breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. Softly, the monk exhales "Ooooomm".

 He repeats this until a noise, very quietly, breaks his chant. "moo."

The monk stops for a moment, and without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.

Slightly longer this time, he's interrupted again, "moooo."

The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."

The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.

"Oooooommmm-"

Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."

"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."

The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"

"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.

The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"

The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"

 

Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life

Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.

"Ahh," he thought, "here is a life free from distraction!"

But walking into the study halls, he discovered monks staring into laptops. In the wings, he saw monks typing on iPads. Shaken by this intrusion of the outside world into monastic life, he sought out the abbot. The abbot looked up from his phone, greeted the man and asked if he had a question.

"Abbot, I came here expecting a place free from distraction, and yet I see distraction all around. Tell me, is it now acceptable for monks to spend their time answering emails?"

"Of course," said the abbot, "provided there are no attachments."

 

Interesting fact about Mahatma Gandhi. If you've ever seen the film about Gandhi, you know that he was famous for walking everywhere. But what they don't show in the film is that he was able to do this because he'd built up enormous callouses on his feet. And even though his body was very frail, his Hindu faith and devotion to meditation kept him strong. Another thing they don't show in the film is that Gandhi had very bad breath, and no matter what he did, he was unable to find a cure.

In short, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

Lee decides that he wants to find his place in the intricacy of the universe, and leaves his family to become a Buddhist monk.He treks for days into the mountains, before finding a monastery, hundreds of miles from civilization. He enters the monastery, and bowing before the lama, requests to become a monk. The lama accepts, but on one condition; he must only speak two words every five years. Still determined as ever, Lee accepts, and begins his career as a Buddhist monk.

That night, Lee is shown to his bed, nothing more than a wooden plank built into the wall. It takes hours for him to get to sleep, and he wakes up in the morning feeling sore all over, and in no fit state to meditate. He hopes that he will get used to it, but over the next weeks, he still wakes up feeling sore every morning. Lee endures this pain for five years, before he bows before the lama, and says

"More blankets"

The lama nods, and that night, Lee returns to see a mattress and duvet on his bunk, and sleeps soundly from then on. With the problem of bedding out of the way, Lee realizes that he never has a proper meal, and always feels hungry, which is constantly on his mind during meditation. Again, he endures hunger for five long years, before he bows before the lama and says

"More food"

The lama accepts, and Lee has regular filling meals from then on. With all of his needs satisfied, Lee begins to feel like he is not really cut out to be a monk. He misses his family and friends more than anything, and longs to live an ordinary life again. But not wanting to dishonour his agreement, he waits five more years, before he bows before the lama, and says

"I quit"

The lama frowns for a second, the says

"Good. You've done nothing but complain since you got here"

 

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.

"The word is celebrate!" says the old monk.

 ***************************************

The answer to this week”s question is B-  As opposed to last week, this week's question was an easy one. There's even a great Artscroll video, a great tour guide in Israel did on the subject for the Siyum of the making of the Talmud Yerushalmi check it out right here… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DPoHlvPvEc&t=284s . The writing of this first Talmud was of course in the city of Tiverya- not Jerusalem for which it was named in order to remember Yerushalayim after the destruction. The 7 Noachide laws question you don't have to be a tour guide to know. You all got that right as well and thus the new score is Rabbi Schwartz 11 Ministry of Tourism 6 on this exam so far. Oy….

Friday, May 2, 2025

Gilligan Schwartz -Parshat Tazria Metzora

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 2nd 2025 -Volume 14 Issue 25 4th of Iyar 5785

 

Parshat Tazria- Metzora

 Gilligan Schwartz

 

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale a tale of a fateful trip. That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship. The mate was not a mighty sailin' man. He was a Tour guide Rabbi very unsure. He agreed somehow to sail that day with his son Tully and seven other Karmielim, for a five day tour… a five day tour…

 

Crash… Boom… Lightening…

The weather started getting rough.

The nauseous Rabbi’s lunch tossed.

 If not for the help of Hashem your weekly E-Mail writer would be lost…

The chulent provider of Karmiel would be lost…

 Your tour guide would be lost…

 

Yup… I’m back. I don’t know how much of this E-Mail I’ll get out this week. But hey, give me a break. It’s been an unreal crazy week Rabbi Gilligan Schwartz is back in Karmiel after a week out in the Greek Isles with Tully. (*check out video below in clips for the highlights.). It’s what we absentee tour guide fathers and Rabbis have to do for their children who they never see and spend quality time with because they’re working with other people’s children and tours all day… Usually one week together alone with their father gives them enough of a feeling that they’re not missing out on much… and lasts quite a while. Particularly the part about sleeping in the same small bed together for a week in our tiny little cabin. And hey I got a good deal, so how could I say no…?

Now,  I’m not a fan of leaving Israel, particularly the week of Yom Hazikaron and Yom Ha’Atzamaut. It seems Hashem knew that if I’m not around that there wouldn’t be a part here and so he just set the whole country on fire…

 

But don’t worry he didn’t let me off the hook too easily either. Despite the fact that we had an amazing trip, but that last two hours back to Athens Hashem made me pay. It was crazy winds. It was like being in a washing machine on tumble clean (Is that even a thing… I haven’t done a load of laundry since I get married. It was kind of the point, to be honest.) I guess Hashem wanted me to take this Eretz Yisrael is only acquired with tribulations thing seriously. Fascinatingly enough as I looked at the Luach historical calendar it told me that today is actually the date that the Rambam first arrived to Israel as well for his short visit here. Whadaya know? He had a storm and almost died as well coming here. He even established a family fast day for all of his descendants to commemorate that trouble he had coming here. I’m not a big extra fast day person. Neither is my wife and kids. But it’s nice to know that Hashem wanted me to have the full Rambam coming to Israel experience. Me and the Rambam… not bad…

 

There is so much I want to share with you guys and hopefully will, about the lessons learnt at sea. The highlights and the adventures. I’ve got material for good few E-mails… Now I just have to fit them into the upcoming parshiyos. But I’m too wiped and time is short. And as well, I’d like to share with you an incredible insight not about the trip, but about the coming back to Eretz Yisrael. But not just my return, the return of all of us. Our return after 250 years of exile from our land in Egypt and 40 years in the wilderness, and our arrival and entrance to the land, that took place 3000 years ago. Our return to the land with the leadership of Yehoshua and what took place, this Shabbos and this past week.

 

Let’s first get the calendar straight. We arrived on the banks of the Jordan River after 40 years of wandering in the wilderness on the month of Shevat. Moshe there tells us that entire book of Devarim and dies on the 7th of Adar after which we mourn for him for a month. On the 7th of Nissan Yehoshua sends spies into the city of Yericho, they hang out by Rachav Ha’Zonah’s house and they come back and give him the all clear. The land is ready to be conquered. (Incidentally they also solve the personal shidduch crisis Yehoshua who was an older bachelor was having, by redding him to her and she becomes his bashert. Thus setting the precedent that the real solution to the Shidduch crisis is by moving to Israel, where you don’t have to wait until Shavuos to find your bride…).

 

On the tenth of Nissan they cross the Yarden and it splits just like Yam Suf did for Moshe. It seems that if you want to come into Israel, you need to go through a stormy sea. It’s an essential experience. Today the Israeli bureaucracy involved in making Aliyah tries to duplicate that experience by the mishigas they put you through before letting you move here. The day that we come here we head up to the Mt Gerizim and Eival, we have blessings and curses, we bury Yosef’s bones in Shechem and then we come back down right outside Yericho by Gilgal where we erect the Mishkan and start getting ready for Pesach. Our first Pesach in the Holy Land. The first time we’re bringing a Pesach offering and lamb in Eretz Yisrael as a redeemed nation. That year Erev Pesach, as it was this year for us, fell out on Shabbos. An occurrence that won’t happen for another 20 years and doesn’t happen to often. Meaning that our calendar year of the week this year is the exact one as it was when we first came into the land. On that note, let’s see what happens next.

 

From that Friday night Pesach Seder they had 7 days of Pesach and then the day afterwards Sunday, as it was for us), they head on over to the city of Yericho to conquer it. But the conquering of Yericho is not going to be a fair battle. Hashem promised us He’s going to do the work. Our job is to circle the walls of the city for 7 days with Shofars and on the 7th day, last Shabbos the 28th of Nissan, Shabbos Mivorchim of Iyar, the walls came tumblin’ down. The miracle was huge. It was great. We were flying high. Hashem gave Yehoshua a command though, on that day before the battle. Hands off of everything. This is not your war. It’s Hashems. It’s sacred. Not only that but Yehoshua decrees that the city of Yericho is never to be rebuilt. Despite the fact that there is a mitzva to settle all of the land. But he wants us to remember this miracle. He curses anyone who builds the city, he curses and warns anyone from taking any of the booty. This is all on that first Shabbos, last Shabbos, in Eretz Yisrael.

 

One can imagine the euphoria of the Jewish people after that battle. It’s like the 6 day war, but even better. Our first conquest went off without a hitch. And then came this week. The week after. The next on our hit list was the ciy of Ai. Ai Ai Ai Ai Tziyon… You know that song. I’m sure they sang it. There as well he sent spies to check it out this past week. The spies come back and say it’s easy. It’s no problem. There’s no point in waking up the Minister of Defense. Send 2-3 thousand people and that’s it the city is ours. The First Responders could handle it all. Why bother the rest of the army? Sounds familiar?

 

Yeah… that didn’t work out that well. The city of Ai came out and chased them away and killed 36 soldiers that day. Welkam to Eezrael. The people are devastated. Their hearts turn to water, the pasuk tells us. They feel like they’re drowning in a sea, after a first beautiful week on a cruise. Yehoshua, their skipper, is broken. And then the word comes down from heaven, why this happened. It seems that all of Israel has sinned. They have disgusted Hashem. This is not a good thing. What did we do wrong?

Get ready for this guys… It seems one guy, Achan, a leader, couldn’t resist and he chapped a few things from the city of Yericho. Boom. The whole nation is in danger. The ship is sinking. Yehoshua uses the Urim V’Tumim to figure out who it is. He then tells Achan to confess. Which remarkably he does. He doesn’t ask to push off accountability until after the war and the settling of the land. He admits. He takes his punishment like a man. The Jewish people stone him to death. And remarkably our sages tell us that he goes straight to heaven. He has atoned. We have atoned. The storm is over. The real conquering of the land that we need to do- not miraculously with Hashem shofars and the Ark, but with our holy army and holy Chayalim. Our soldiers who understand and learned the lesson, that we are one nation, that we are responsible for one another in a very real visceral way. That the sin of one is the sin of all of us. That there’s no passing the buck. That if one person drills a hole in the bottom of the boat under his own seat, then we will all sink. We will all drown.

 

From there we go back to Ai. We take an army of thirty thousand this time around. We draw them out of the city. We ambush them. We burn it down while they’re gone. It’s cool. It’s like a blowing up beeper thing. We win the war. We settle the land. That’s what takes place this week. That’s our lesson when we come back home and return to the land.

 

The Gemara tells us that When Yehoshua surrounded the city of Yericho, each day they sang the Aleinu prayer as they shofared around the city. In fact that first letters of each sentence of Aleinu begins with a letter from Yehoshua’s name (backwards), or at least his original name Hoshe’a.

 

Aleinu Li’shabayach (Ayin)

Shelo Sam Chelkeinu- (Shin)

V’anachnu Korim- (Vav)

Hu Elokeinu Ein Od (Hei)

 

Even cooler than that is the second paragraph of Aleinu is Al Kein Nikaveh Lecha, begins with the letters of none other than Achan. The guy who taught us that most important lesson in his death. The one who admitted. The one who accepted his fate. The one who revealed the lesson to Bnai Yisrael how we are all responsible for one another. That the sin of one is the sin of us all. When we recite Aleinu each day, it is us saying that praise to Hashem. It is a prayer of us asking Hashem to reveal Himself to the world. To bring us to Eretz Yisrael. To build the Bais HaMikdash. To reveal the His Kingship to the whole world. To destroy evil.. Aleinu starts with the letter Ayin and ends with the Hashem yimloch l’olam va’ed- Hashem should rule for eternity. The last letter is Daled. The ayin and daled spell eid- a witness and testimony. That’s what we are saying. It’s what we are asking for. The other prayer that is similar to that which we say twice a day is Shema. The last letter of Shema is ayin and the last letter of Hashem Echad is daled. The Kingship of Hashem being revealed is dependent on His One-ness. And His One-ness can only be revealed when we are one as well.

 

There were two highlights for me on boat trip back to Israel. The first was each morning getting up and davening at sunrise in middle of the sea. It was glorious. I said Hallel two days, (and a third if I would’ve said it on Yom Ha’atzamaut 😊). I sang to Hashem about the splitting of the sea, the crossing of the Yarden, and of the glory of the sun rising over His creation. It was just me and Hashem on those mornings and we were so connected. It was awesome.

 

The second highlight was all of us lying out on a beach at night (or as Gilligan would say “an uncharted desert isle”) with the stars some Ouzo and a BBQ. We got to know one another. Who were the 7 of us? Well, we had Avremy, our skipper who was raised in a chareidi settler city in the heart of the West Bank and was a life coach, definitely not a millionaire. There was Yosef and his son. Yosef moved to Israel when he was 18 from the Ukraine, not even having learned that he was Jewish until he was 13. His father was a goy, and only his great grandmother on his mother’s side was Jewish. Yet being raised a few miles from Medzibuzh, where Yosef used to fish as a child from not far from the Ukrainian village he was raised in, seems to have had the light of the Baal Shem Tov penetrate his heart and his journey brought him to Israel, where he still fishes, but also learns every day and sends his children to cheder.

 

The other castaways on our boat, were Ronen, a sabra child of Russian Olim that was raised in Karmiel, Yishai, a young Morocan sefardi scribe, whose grandfather a Kabbalist who was blind and worked in Israel upon moving here as an engineer of quality control, and finally Eliezer a child of South African and American Olim who was raised in Chareidi yeshivos, studied in Kollel for many years, until becoming a lawyer, representing religious causes in Israel. And then it was me and Tully. Tully who moved here when he was not even one, and me, which is just too much to describe, and you know it all already. If not come on my tours for the life and times…

 

It was incredible how diverse and how different we all were. Our backgrounds, our upbringings, our lives, our goals, our experiences. Yet we were all on the same boat. We each saw a spark in one another. There was light that was coming out of that bonfire on the beach that was under the stars that was much brighter than the few logs that we threw inside. It was a fire that was coming down from heaven. It was the light of Hashem that shining down when Jews come together and realize we are all on one Islands. We are called Ivri, because of that Island that is different and separate from the rest of the world. That Island is called Eretz Yisrael. It’s from there that we will reveal the shechina when we all cross the sea to get here. When we each make it through our personal stormy exiles, our Egypts. When we come home.

 

The parsha this week is Tazria Metzora. It’s about the Jew that can’t stop speaking bad about others. He’s the hole in our boat. He gets thrown out of the camp. He needs to go through a purification of water and blood to come back in. He needs to have his offering shook up and down like waves of a stormy sea before he rejoins the nation. Eliyahu Ha’Navi and Mashiach are busy healing Metzoras. They’re fixing those sins of negativity and fighting that remain between us. They’re removing those bandages. We count to Shavous. And we are getting closer and closer to the return to Israel. To the revelation of Hashem. The prophet tells us that the ultimate redemption will come

 

Ki’yemei tzescha mei’eretz Mitzrayim- areinu niflaos- Hashem will show us miracles like the same days when we left Egypt. This year it’s the same days. May we merit to see the the conclusion of that verse

U’malah ha’aretz dei-ah es Hashem- and the world will be filled with the knowledge of Hashem

Ka’mayim la’yam michasim- like water covers the land!

 

Have an blaringly amazing Shabbos and a Chodesh Iyar Tov!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

 

 

************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 " S'iz a shturem in a gloz vaser” - It's a storm in a glass of water


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

16. An outline of urban planning in which streets cross each other at right angles is called ______


In which 20th century decade, were most of the buildings in Israel constructed in the

“International” style built?

A. 1910-1920

B. 1930-1940

C. 1950-1960

D. 1970-1980


RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://youtu.be/JG12V8lPE9k   -   Rabbi Schwartz and Tully Karmielim Greek Island Cruise!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhIgMrxVFl4  – Ari Goldwag’s latest Acapella Today’s the day!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhIgMrxVFl4   - Now Jewish Nanny  (formerly Non) cool Podcast from Meaningful Minute…


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCMQch7Kea4   – In Reb Shayaleh’s hands…



RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK


(Next week this column will IYH pick back up… stay tuned as we enter the era of the destruction of the Temple and should be a zechus for the rebuilding…)


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE SAILOR JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Which sailors blow their nose the most often? Anchor chiefs.

What is a sailor’s favorite type of detergent? Tide.

How does the sea say hello to a sailor? Waves

An old sailor once said that you could hear the calm before the storm. He said it sounded like a C flat.

Why do sailors like to eat carrots? Because it allows them to sea better.

Why don’t sailors like to go shopping for new hats? Because they are worried about capsizing.

What is a sailor’s least favorite type of vegetable? Leeks.

What’s a sailor’s favorite type of candy? Lifesavers.

Why can’t sailors play cards? Because they’re always standing on the deck!

 

Yankel and Berel are out enjoying themselves one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.

Berel says to Yankel, "listen, Yankel, I have a problem, you know I don't swim well at all."

But luckily, Yankel remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class years ago when he was just a youngster and so he begins pulling Berel towards safety. After fifteen minutes of this, however, Yankel begins to grow quite tired – all his energy had left him. And finally, just 100 feet from land, Yankel asks Berel, "So Berel do you suppose you could float alone?"

Berel replies, " Yankel, this is a heck of a time to be asking about money!"

 

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river."

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, but only after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ... and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, but only after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

 

A man wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her, "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?"

Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side:

"For Sale.”

***************************************

The answer to this week”s question is B-  There is always one question at least on this exam that I will have no clue about. It’s why they only make you answer 30 out of 33 questions. This is the one that I would’ve skipped. I have no clue nor care about architecture Israeli style or history. I don’t think anyone really does. I didn’t even bother guessing this one. The answer to the first part is hypodemic, orthogenic or Grid and the answer to the second part is 1930-1940 (I guessed randomly 1970-1980) anyways this one was entirely wrong and thus the new score is Rabbi Schwartz 10 Ministry of Tourism 6 on this exam so far. Oy….