from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
January 9th 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 12 20th of Tevet 5786
Signs Language
"I talk and I talk and I tell you again and again and it's like I'm talking to a wall!" my mother would tell me. "It's like it goes in one ear and comes right out the other".
I would of course correct her and explain that she was wrong. It never even went into the first ear. In general all of her important exhortations repeatedly to me, to buckle down, to do my work, to brush my teeth, to clean my room, to take out the garbage, to say Shema before I went to sleep, to listen in class, to do my homework, to be nice to my sister, to not engage in unhealthy activities, to look both ways before I cross… etc etc etc… And that's just what she told me yesterday 😊. They never even made it into the first ear. It's like I have this soundproof cone of silence thing (for those that remember "Get Smart" show) that would drop down over my ears and just make all that Mussar into a nice calming sound canceling Yoga like meditation hummmm ooooommmmm… that just never registered. What can I say? I just seem to have developed this Mussar Acceptance Deficiency syndrome. Maybe it was a side effect of some vaccine I had when I was a kid. Note to Trump – Thank you for your attention of seeing to this matter.
Now the truth is she has the final laugh, as most Jewish mothers do. Because her traditional Jewish mother's favorite curse that my children should give me as much "nachas" as I gave her was certainly fulfilled. Yup, what goes around comes around. As we plant so shall we sow. Yet, it seems this problem is not just a Schwartz family issue. It's generational that began way back when from the beginning of our nation. It starts back in Egypt. It starts in our parsha. It's the beginning of our exile and the secret to our redemption.
The book of Shemos begins with us coming down to Egypt. The truth is we really didn't even necessarily have to be there in the first place. We left off in Parshat Vayechi with all of the Jews pretty much heading back to Israel to bury Yaakov. We were there already. Why did they come back? Sure, Hashem had promised Avraham back by the Bris Bein Ha'Besarim that covenant He made with us that we would be persecuted in a foreign land for 400 years and then we would be redeemed. But as we know we were only there for 210 years. Hashem started the count way back from the birth of Yitzchak. Which would mean that we could've fulfilled that "foreign land" promise even in Israel, as did Yitzchak and Yaakov and the tribes even before coming down. Because, as the commentaries explain, Eretz Yisrael was still not ours. Kind of like we have it galus in Israel today still.
Now you might then ask well what does it make a difference if we are in galus in Egypt or in Israel? I've had some tell me that as the reason why they feel more comfortable staying in America then making aliya. But here it's being under house arrest, over there your locked away in a jail somewhere. House arrest could understandably be worse, after all you're locked up with your kids and spouse all day long in close quarters and if you don't get along with them, then you're in trouble. But hey, that's a lot better than gas chambers and concentration camps or being in a prison yard with Bubba. Obviously Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov never felt any need to "self-exile" out of Israel to fulfill this covenant. Neither did the tribes, until they sold Yosef. If Hashem wants us to be there, then He's fully capable of making that happen. But if we have and had an opportunity and the ability to go back, shouldn't we have done so?
Now the truth is one might argue that they couldn't go back to Israel. Pharaoh wouldn't let them. Well first of all just a few minutes before Yehuda said he would wipe out the whole Egypt to save Binyamin. Shimon and Levi took down the whole city of Shechem. When we want to do something, we do it. Hey look how this little fledgling army of Hagana fighters in 1948 of 50,000 wiped out a half a million Arabs from five countries in the War of Independence.
Now yes, Pharoah did kind of hold their babies behind as a collateral, when we went to bury Yaakov and actually did leave Egypt and return to Israel. Their cattle as well, it seems. As he didn't think just holding our babies would be enough. We might just leave the kids and make new ones, I guess. Hey, we were popping 'em out a half a dozen at a time. But our sheep, our cattle, our nursing homes and our meatboards, our Teslas and Dubai chocolate, that we couldn't take with us. He knew that we would never leave all that behind. And he kept them to make sure. But surely there must have been plenty that didn't have kids. That weren't married. That were retirees. Why didn't any of them stay in Israel? Why come back on those trains that were heading straight to the Egyptian slave pits. To the gas chambers of Mitzrayim.
I saw a fantastic Chasam Sofer last week, that says that is in fact the reason why right when they came back they were worried that Yosef was going to take revenge against them. It's why Yosef never explicitly said he forgave them. He just told them that it's all from Hashem. He says because Yosef was upset that they even came back. The famine was over. There was nothing holding them there. Why head back to Egypt. Why not go home? He thought maybe it's because they would think that they would it have it better there with their brother in the White House. They had protektzia. So what did he do. He turned them a cold shoulder. He stopped inviting them over. He wanted them to understand the tide had turned. They should head out. They should go back to Israel. Finish off the galus there.
Yet, they didn't get the message. They stayed and populated Egypt. They became the largest zip code in the entire country. If you didn't see the reference there… the 08701 zip code officially became the largest, fastest growing one in the entire United States of America yesterday- mamash this week's parsha va'yifru va'yirbu va'ya'atzmu bi'meod me'od- they became fruitful and multiplied and became very very great there. And thus Yosef only at the end of his life resignedly turns to them and tells them pakod yifkod- Hashem will have to take you out of here. It looks like you guys are here for the long hall. You ain't never leaving until the God Almighty Himself will shlep you out. So please take my bones with you when you do. And thus the Egyptian exile begins. All because we didn't listen. It went over our heads. In one ear and out the other. Yup it's an ancient problem that repeated itself and does so today, every single generation that thinks "this place will be different".
But how does it all change? How do we change? How do we start unclogging our ears and eyes? How does the redemption come? It's not my question. It's not my mother's either. It was Moshe's question. There they are for about a week or so by this burning bush back and forth arguing about saving the Jews and heading down to Egypt. Moshe wants to know what Hashem's name is. How he could do if he's got all types of speaking disabilities and stutters. Why would Pharoah listen to him. And Hashem answers him back with all types of deep and mystical answers and promises of miracles. And then comes the big question and excuse.
"But they won't listen to me. They won't believe me. They'll say Hashem never appeared to me".
Moshe knows our people. He doesn't wear a black hat. He doesn't have a shtreimel. He doesn't daven their nusach. He's a Baal Teshuva. He never learned in Brisk. His parents were divorced. He couldn't get his kids into a mesivta in Lakewood, probably not even into a camp in the Catskills, let alone make it to the Moetzes Gedolei Ha'Torah, Fuggedabout convincing the Jews to make Aliyah. Reb Aharon never moved to Israel, Reb Yaakov didn't. The Lubavitcher Rebbe didn't. Reb Moshe didn't. So what makes this guy called Moses who was raised in Egyptian palace and married a Midianite priests daughter and who has a jail record and outstanding warrant for his arrest for "Divine Name-icular homicide" think he's going to get through to this people.
And so Hashem gives him the answer. He asks him a simple question.
"What's that in your hand, Moshe?"
Now Moshe is obviously holding his staff and He knows that Hashem knows that as well. So he assumes probably that what Hashem is pretty much telling him is that the answer to how to get the Jewish people to listen to him is via the staff. Don't spare the rod. Smack 'em on the head. Give them some petch. Beat them. I've had rebbeim like that back in the day. Snap that belt. That should work. Except he's wrong.
Hashem's got a better plan. The beating people over the head thing never really does the trick. We've got thick skulls. We just dig in deeper. Rather Hashem tells him to throw it on the ground. Chuck the stick. Been there tried that. Time for a new plan. Rather what happens next is amazing. The staff turns into a snake and Moshe sees it and is frightened and runs away. Woahhh. Since when did a little snake scare Moshe. As we will see later in the Torah when Hashem brings a plague and tells them to put up a copper snake and it will heal them. It's not the snake that heals or kills. It's sin. So why is he scared? The answer is because, as Hashem tells Moshe, he sinned. He spoke Lashon Harah against the Jewish people. You said that they won't listen. That they won't believe you. That's Lashon Harah. That's looking at them with a bad eye. That's snake stuff. That's why Moshe runs away. He feels that now he's for sure done. He can't redeem the Jewish people anymore.
But then Hashem calls him back and tells him something even more amazing.
"Pick up the snake by the tail, Moshe"
Own your aveira. Don't run away from your sin. Grab it. Hold it by the tail. Turn it around. Make that your strength. And boom that turns into your new staff. That can become your tool do get them to listen to you. That will be the first sign that will start to convince them that I appeared to you. That they should start to listen to you. Staffs don't work, but you know what does? Speaking down to people with a stick, with a threat, with fear tactics, none of that stuff really works in the long term. Do you know what does? When you come to them and tell them. I sinned. I spoke Lashon Harah about you. I made the same mistake you did. I have the same flaw that when I left Mitzrayim, I thought that you had as well. Rashi tells us that after Moshe kills them Mitzri and he's confronted by Dasan and Aviram, Moshe says Achen noda ha'davar- Now I understand why they're in exile. They deserve it. They snitch. They speak lashon ha'rah. They look down on one another. And now Moshe himself falls prey to that same sin. He found the snake in himself. Now he can come back to them and tell them. I'm also guilty. I'm not holier than thou, or any better. I'm in the same Nile as you. Let's take our snake by its tail and own it as well. Now let's get out together.
But it's even more than that. Because Hashem gives him a second sign. Because there's still a problem. OK, Moshe, they might tell him. We believe you're one of us. But who says we can get out of this? We do have a problem. We do look down. We do judge. We don't accept others. Not in our schools. Not in our camps. Not in our shuls. How will we be redeemed? So Hashem gives him sign number 2.
"Now take your hand and put it in your chest.". That hand that you just picked up that snake with. That hand that is now holding that sin. That hand with which you looked down upon when your brothers raised it against one another. Take that hand and put it on your chest and on your own heart. Klop al cheit with it. Take that lashon harah hand and see the tzora’as on it. And say al cheit. Say you're sorry. Say you learned your lesson. Say you want to do teshuva. And then klop and put it back again and poof. It's back again normal. You've been restored. That's all it takes. One klop. One teshuva and Hashem forgives you. It's not hard. It doesn't take a lot. Our essence is really pure. We can jump and skip out of the 49th level of tumah with one skip. With one sacrifice. With one statement that we want to be redeemed. Hashem wants us to come out. He saved me from death. He cleaned my impurity, my sin. He can do the same for you. He can bring us home. We can leave.
Those two signs are the way to get through to the people. It's the way that we can have our faith restored. It's how we can begin to come together. Exile, galus is when we are fighting. When the shechina can't shine and have one Bais Ha'Mikdash to come down to and shine it's light out of to the world. If we are divided then Hashem can't be one amongst us until we find that oneness amongst ourselves. Until we realize we are all on the same boat. Until we have that humility and that owning of our own sins then we can't speak to other people about theirs.
Yet, Hashem gives Moshe one more sign. He tells him that if there are still Jews that the first two signs are not enough for, there's one more sign that we all can agree with. There's one last thing that all Jews unite and can appreciate that will bring us to the redemption. He tells Moshe to take the water from the river and pour it on the ground and see it turn to blood. Do you know what that blood is? It's not the blood of the plagues. Because if it was, why would that convince them more than any other plague. Reb Zalman Sorotzkin suggests that perhaps it is the blood of their children that were drowned in the Nile. That blood-stained water of the Nile will unite us. All of us lost children to Egypt. We all suffer equally. Our neighbors, our enemies, our cousins, our "host" nations don't care what type of hat or Kippa we wear. They don't care if I'm a Kollel Rabbi or a left wing chiloni kibbutznik from Be'eri or even a Palestinian flag waving Harvard student or Neturei Karta-nik. We've all lost children in the Nile. Their blood is calling to us from the ground. We're all bereaved parents. We really are all in the same boat and know that we have to be redeemed. That Hashem won't let this go on any longer.
The book of Shemot that we have begun reading is the Book of Redemption. The Geula is around the corner. We have seen all of the signs. It's just time to open our hearts and our eyes to one another. To truly believe in Moshe. Our Father is talking to us. It's time to start listening.
Have a spectacular Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
" Der vos farshtait zein narishkeit iz a kluger."- He who is aware of his folly is wise
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
15. Synagogues in Israel in which there are no chairs and benches and instead worshippers use
prayer rugs, belong to the __________ stream of Judaism.
Which two sites in Nazareth are connected by the "Pilgrims' route" which serves tourist
and pilgrim groups in the city?
A. Catholic Church of the Annunciation and Mary's Well
B. Mount Precipice and the Catholic Church of the Annunciation
C. Greek Orthodox Church of the Annunciation and Mary's Well
D. Mount Precipice and Synagogue Church
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqp0a6E2hOo&list=OLAK5uy_mjwSa44x4OcZXT4s680UUq97iftEFv2WQ – Shwekey's latest Shabbos Drop Shabbos Tefillos- what amazing songs!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsOH-VEWUKE&list=RDCsOH-VEWUKE&start_radio=1 - What an amazing long listen. A kumzitz for Yigal Calek first Yartzteit!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYuZL9ZIOPs&list=RDEYuZL9ZIOPs&start_radio=1 – Yitzchak benezra amazing Shabbos medley.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0GcF_HTAys&list=RDN0GcF_HTAys&start_radio=1 – A new Fried Shalom Aleichem ! nice… I like fast ones..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDzR-xHCcPQ&list=RDGDzR-xHCcPQ&start_radio=1 – MBD preforming Oy Rebbe in memory of the Ribnitzer Rebbe.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
When Jews get too comfortable and public… - 370 BC- So as we said last week, Darius/ Daryavish ruled over the entire Middle East and lots of Asia too. He divided the empire up into three regions with 120 vassal countries and they were run by achashdarpanim- ministers of which Daniel was the head of them all. He had a special place for this yiddeleh- as do many smart heads of State, particularly since he foretold and interpreted the dreams and visions of Belshatzar that told of Dairus's victory and ultimate ascension to power. Yet with Jewish popularity and influence begins the protocols of Elders of Zion. We're running the world behind the scenes and the goyim don't like it. They never do…
Now Daniel's enemies though were in a bit of a bind. How do they get the Jew that Darius the King loves and respects. The answer is simple. They use the Supreme Court. Always the enemy of the people and the tool of those that seek to destroy us. They convince Darius that it's worthwhile to pass a law in honor of his ascension that anyone that needs anything, that has a special request could only bring that request to the King who will then fulfil it. It's forbidden to pray and make requests of other kings or even gods. For Darius is like a god himself. He's the all powerful. He's Trump. You don't mess with him and he is the only one that can make things happen. Anyone that is caught praying or requesting anything from any other being- divine or human, will be considered a traitor and will be sentenced to death by being thrown into a Lion's den. Nice.
Now Daniel had this funny custom that seems like started by him which was called davening three times a day. See while the Temple was around, nobody really davened, besides basically just asking Hashem for what they wanted. We had sacrifices instead in the morning and evening and cleared away the ashes and burnt the remains in the evening. Our prayers are in place of those korbanos. But Daniel insitituted his own custom of davening and thanking Hashem and prostrating. He would do this by the window where all could see him. He wasn't really asking Hashem for requests so he technically wasn't even violating he decree, which is why he would've never endangered his life for this custom. Yet, it didn't help him. He was arrested while davening and set to trial. And here we have the first Dreyfuss trial in Jewish history post-temple, with Daniel vs State and the King couldn't even do anything to save him. What happens next…? Stay tuned.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE LISTENING JOKES OF THE WEEK
I wish I'd listened to what my parents told me when I was young...
What did they tell you?
Me: I don't know, I didn't listen
I told myself I should stop drinking...But I'm not going to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
What kind of paper likes listening to music? Rapping paper
My wife said to me "Are you even listening to me?!"
Strange way to start a conversation.
People these days think all kids in the 90s listened to boomboxes. That’s just a stereotype.
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
A woman is sitting at her husband's funeral listening to the eulogies being read...
A man in the pew behind her leans forward to ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?".
"No, not at all", she replies.
The man stands and clears his throat.
“Bargain", he says, and sits back down.
"Thank you", the woman responds, "it means a great deal."
After listening to me sing, my high school music teacher said that I should be tenor…
Ten or twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.
What was the drunk driver listening to? The Cars' Greatest Hits.
My wife let me listen to her audiobook, but I accidentally deleted it halfway through.
Now I’ll ….never hear the end of it.
What's the difference between a good listener and a kidnapper? A good listener takes people seriously.
A cowboy is riding across the plains when he comes across a Pawnee indian lying down with his ear placed against the ground & mumbling something.
Knowing what great trackers the Pawnee are the cowboy gets off his horse and puts his ear to the ground, but he can't figure out anything just from listening.
So he gets up close to the Indian to hear what he's saying:
4 horses.
Pulling covered wagon.
2 people riding in front of wagon.
1 man, one woman.
2 children in back of wagon.
1 boy, 1 girl.
Girl have cake on lap.
Writing on top of cake say, Happy Birthday Jenny!
The cowboy jumps up in amazement & says to the Indian, "That's fantastic! You can tell ALL that just by listening to the vibrations from the ground!!!!!"
The Indian replies: "No. Them run over me half hour ago!".
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The answer to this week's question is A– So I definitely would've skipped this one, although I ended up getting the Xtian part of the question right by process of elimination. I had no clue about the first one, and the truth is if I would tour Jerusalem a bit more maybe I would've got it right. But the Karite synagogues really are not at the forefront of my mind. So I really didn't have anything to answer. As far as Part B. as I said I don't really do the whole Christian thing But I did remember Mary's well there. I think it had to do something with a story they stole from us I think about Hagar and an angel revealing and saying she's gonna have a kid. They never come up with their own stuff. The reason I remember it is because I found it funny that this was probably just a water hole used as a sewer in Byzantine times and wasn't even around back then. Another Bubbeh mayseh… But I wasn't sure if it was Catholic or GO and I went with he Catholics and was right! So I got that one half right and the new score is Rabbi Schwartz having a 11 point and the MOT having 4 point on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.
