from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
January 23rd 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 14 5th of Shvat 5786
Dogs in Beketches
Chase is my wife's dog. My cousins were sick of her. I wasn't home a lot. We have an empty nest now. All the kids are out. There was a war going on. Maybe it's still going on. She barks less than I do, so it's kind of like having me at home. So we took her. When I was a kid my father used to have a dog. It lasted until my mother was pregnant with Rivky. He was then given an ultimatum Brandy or the baby. My mother was a New Yorker. They don't do dogs. And thus Brandy was history. I was dogless. I was fine with that. We had kids. Who needs a dog? Until now. Now we have Chase. And to be honest, I kind of like her.
See, when I come home these days from my touring weeks in Yerushalayim, Chase is there. She's excited. She barks. She jumps on me. She's excited. I don't think I've gotten a kabalas panim reception like that since my wedding day when I walked into the hall. My kids just sat on the couch and didn't even look up from whatever they were doing. My wife asked me to take out the garbage. But Chase? I was like Mashiach ben Dovid walking through the door. I feel the love.
Now I know that's too yeshivish. In fact it might even be considered anti-or the opposite of yeshivish to have a dog. Although I have heard that the Netziv had a poodle, I don't know if that's true or not. Chat GPT says it isn't, if you were about to check… But that was a sign of aristocracy or something and Slobodka, gadlus ha'adam, who knows? It sounds good…
But certainly we find in Chazal that Kayin was given a dog, the first pet ever, by Hashem as his sign and to protect him from anyone that would try to get him. Not that Chase who's a big scaredy… ummm…dog… and who hides when there's thunder and freaks out when there were missile sirens would do much to protect him or me. Although she does hate cats and barks at them to get them off our porch. As well we find the midrash tells us that Yaakov Avinu had a lot of dogs, maybe hundreds to help him watch all of the sheep and goats he got from Lavan. Imaginably Dovid did and probably Moshe did as well. It's shepherd thing. And I always felt like a shepherd of sorts. But the truth is Moshe, Dovid and Yaakov probably wouldn't have been accepted into most yeshivish yeshivas today anyways.
There's a great joke I heard the other week, about this kid from a frum home who went "off the derech". He comes home and his mother sees him and asks him where his yarmulka is. He tells her that he doesn't do that anymore. She then sees him eating a sandwich from a non-kosher restaurant. What is this, she ask him. Once again, he tells her, that he doesn't keep kosher anymore. It's not for him. On Shabbos he's on the phone texting and his mother is in shock.
"What's with you Yankeleh? It's Shabbos today! Why are you on the phone?"
He finally gives his mother one last sigh and tells her that he doesn't believe in that stuff any more and she should really give up. But she's not ready she turns to him and asks him one last question.
"Let me ask you Yankeleh… when you see a dog do you still say 'u'lchol bnai Yisrael lo yechratz kelev l'shono!!'"
OK… so you haven't totally lost it yet…
Yeah… That's pretty much the matziv today…
No for those of you non-yeshivish readers of mine. That above quoted verse is in this week's Torah portion. It is the verse that tells us that on the night when the Egyptian's first-born die by the last plague, no dog will be bark or wag it's tongue to any of the Children of Israel. This of course became a segula for anyone that sees a dog or has dog-a-phobia, meaning the average frum person, to silence any dogs and protect them from them eternally. I don't know if it works, but it became one of those frum things you just do, like shukkling while davening, eating gefilte fish, spitting three times to ward off ayin hara or knocking on wood, or wearing a red string. It's just stuff we do.
Yet, as I reviewed the parsha this week and came upon this verse it bothered me for the first time. What's with the dog barking thing when we leave Egypt. Who cares? I know that the commentaries all discuss that dogs bark at the sign or angel of death and this was a sign there would be no death by the Jews. But really? That's the issue. What's even more fascinating is that this seems to be a miraculous thing. They should've barked. In fact the Torah tells us specifically that this is the last sign we will be redeemed
"in order to differentiate between the Children of Israel and the Egyptians"
I don't understand. Was drinking water while the Egyptians had blood out of the same glass not enough of a clue that we were different? No frogs in our bathtubs and ovens, no lice, no wild animals in their houses, none of their cattle die. Why do we need the no-dog-barking-thing? And if we still weren't sure that we're different than the Egyptians, then what makes Hashem think that the silent dog thing would help and convince us? Good question, right? How come you never asked it before?
As I pondered that question, I began to look at the verses that preceded it and that led to this sign. Hashem tells Moshe to please ask the Jewish people to do Him a favor. He wants us to go to the Egyptians and "borrow" from them their fancy vessels, their nice clothes, their gold, their silver, their Teslas, their bugaboos, their Rolexes and trinkets baubles and cool gadgets. Take it all. Clean 'em out. Why? Because Hashem had promised Avraham that we would leave rich. We'd leave with great bounty. We'd be flying First Class not Economy. So He knows that we want to just leave and get out already, we've been there about 210 years long enough already. But if we don't mind just doing this for Him, so He could keep His word to Avraham, He would really appreciate it.
We, of course, oblige Hashem. What we wouldn't do for our God, I tell you… We go door to door and pile it all up. It's happy days in Egypt. Merry Pesach Ho Ho Ho…. It's a Jewish Lives Matter Parade without the broken windows or need to riot. It's Socialism. It's Bernie Sanders dream. What's yours is mine, thank you. What is this all about? What is the need to do this? If Hashem just wanted us to leave rich, why couldn't he just have us win the lotto. Just poof us some new Bitcoin out of the air. The truth is, our sages tell us all of the booty that we walked out of Egypt wasn't even really the prize. We got ten times more at least by the splitting of the Sea. And we didn't even have to shlep it there with us. Hashem arranged that the Egyptians should shlep it there for us. So what's with this last minute pre-boarding on the Exodus flight Captain's request? And why is this connected to the immediately followed by miracle/sign that we are different than the Egyptians dog barking-less sign?
See, now the problem with this question asking thing is that it gets deeper and deeper. Hafoch bah v'ahfoch bah. I noticed something fascinating as well about what they actually "borrowed" or asked from the Egyptians. See, if one looks at the verse (12:35) at the end of the parsha it tells us they asked for gold and silver vessels and their clothing. However back in the command right over here (11:2) before the dog thing, Hashem only tells Moshe to tell them ask for the gold and silver. He doesn't mention the clothing. It seems He doesn't need their beketches…😊 Yet, even more fascinating, at the beginning of this entire story back in Shemos, (3:22) by the burning bush, Hashem tells Moshe that the Jewish people will ask and get their gold and silver vessels and their clothing! So does He want their beketches? Doesn't He? If He does why doesn't He command it? It's strange, isn't it?
As well, what makes this even more perplexing is that the famous Chazal tell us that we left mitzryaim because we didn't adopt their language, their names and their clothing! So why are we taking it now, even though we weren't even officially seemingly commanded to take them?
The answer I believe really goes back to what all of this whole story is all about. It's the most basic of questions. It's the question then and of course it's the question now of how we get to the redemption. The question is what is this whole story about? If Hashem wanted us to be taken out, he could've just taken us out. If he wanted to punish the Egyptians, He could've just done that very easily. Stick em in a tunnel for a year or two and starve them. Is it about showing the world that He runs it and controls it? Then just get up and reveal Yourself to them. What's this whole year process all about?
The answer is though is that this process is about creating a Jewish nation that are the First-born of Hashem. That we are leaders. Not followers. That we're the masters. Not the dog, not Chase, just looking back and seeing where the world thinks we should go and do. It's about silencing that "inner dog". Shutting up it's tongue that constantly wags in our heads and scares us from taking the mantel and leading the world to it's ultimate glory and bringing down the Shechina to the world.
The way that happens is by slowly extricating, like that rotting molar I had removed last night, from our mouth and our ears and our hearts that voice and bark that says we can't do it. That we're slaves of Pharaoh still. That we have to do what he says. That we can only leave when he tells us to leave. That we can't upset the natives or the United Nations. They're in charge. Not Hashem. We're not really his representatives. Sure He helps us and saves us and we have good yichus and protetkzia, but we're not really the First Borns of the King. We're like Moshe, just an adopted Hebrew that somehow made his way into the palace of Pharaoh. Cause we married his daughter Ivanka. Because Batya adopted us, I mean. But at the end of the day. We're slaves.
So Hashem sent us to school. To a Chareidi yeshiva without dogs. He bit by bit shows how we're better than the Egyptians. How bad stuff happens to them, but not to us. How we own the land and they don't. They're bit by bit, and lice bite and lions tiger bear bite and frog bite, bit by bit realizing that the country really isn't theirs. It's ours. We're the baal ha'bos. Because Hashem owns the entire world and He's given them over to our hands. This is perhaps one of the most essential things that Klal Yisrael needs. Because once we realize that, then we can understand that we have the power to go to Eretz Yisrael and do our job. Egypt has nothing left to offer us. We emptied it out. It's Gaza. We're the new Board of Peace controlling it. Controlling the world. Revealing the light of Hashem unabashedly and calling out His name with out fear or concern what they say. Rather we understand that we're wearing their clothes. Their beketches and signs of nobility belong to us. Thank You Donald for your big red tie, I'll take that, thank you…This is not something that Hashem could command us to do. It's something that we needed to discover and reveal ourselves.
See, by Makkas Chosech we're still sneaking around in the dark and checking out their cool stuff. We're shopping on Amazon or the Nile more accurately. We're watching them from our safe enclaves in our bathroom on Instagram or Youtube. We don't yet have the guts or appreciation of who we are and what we are capable of. But then we have light. They can't move and we're the only ones that can. They're in tunnels and we own the city. It's then Hashem tells Moshe that we're ready to graduate. We can now walk freely and tell them to give us everything that we want. And they're happy to do it. They now appreciate who we really are. And so we can take their clothing. Their symbols.
For 210 years if we would've taken their clothing, then we would just be trying to be like them. To try to fit in with them. To be classier and out Egypt them. Not anymore. There's no dogs barking in our heads that say that we need to be followers. We can put on their red ties, their beketches, and say we have emptied them all out of any Egyptian-keit. They're Hashem's clothing now. We'll use it to wrap our matzos in. We'll put them on our kids. Because they're ours. They're our dogs. And it's time to walk them and the whole world to Mashiach and redemption.
We're at an exciting point in the story of our redemption. Next week's parsha we leave Egypt. It's Parshat Beshalach. The parsha of how Pharaoh "Chase"d us out of Egypt. Yeah, like my dog. We don't call it Parshat Beshalach though. We call it Shabbos Shira. We don't name parshas after the biblical stories contained in it. Yisro isn't called Shabbos Torah and Teruma isn't called Shabbos Mishkan and Vayeira isn't called Shabbos Akeida. But Beshalach, Chase, gets a name change by klal Yisrael. Because we don't want to call the parsha "Chase". If the only reason we left Egypt is because Pharaoh chased us out, then we missed the boat. We're still answering to him. We only left with his permission. The song we would've sung would've been the "Star Spangled Egyptian Banner" and "God Bless Mitzrayim; the bBeautiful". We call the parsha and Shabbos Shira. We're singing to Hashem. May we this week, merit to finally sing that song with the whole world redeemed.
Have a glorius Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
" A hunt hot moyre far a shtekn un a ruech far tsitses - A dog is afraid of a stick, and a devil is afraid of tzitzit.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTThsH-DKYs&list=OLAK5uy_kGMqcsNI4f6fxRB5_i4oob-PD6ntXMhvI – Shwekey's latest Shabbos Drop -Shalosh Seudos- almost at the end of this cool release!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ze4R4qmUBNo - A Bani Brak tasting tour? This is pretty cool and funny. I was glued to this… Check it out!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkrxAzGRdMo&list=RDHkrxAzGRdMo&start_radio=1 – Flying carpet- Baba Sali song from Thank You Hashem.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyGMe4Hf9X4&list=RDyyGMe4Hf9X4&start_radio=1 – Yonatan Razel Live in Jerusalem singing Hatov Ki lo Chalu- gorgeous singing can't get out of my head…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oikMJk8Pivg&list=RDoikMJk8Pivg&start_radio=1 – Yeedle and Nemuel singing this beautiful Chupa song Bzeh Ha'Bayit
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
17. A public drinking facility built for Islamic charitable purposes is called
________
In which of the following options do the Islamic dynasties appear in the correct
chronological order?
A. Abbasid, Umayyad, Fatimid, Ayyubid.
B. Umayyad, Ayyubid, Abbasid, Fatimid.
C. Umayyad, Abbasid, Fatimid, Ayyubid.
D. Abbasid, Fatimid, Ayyubid, Umayyad.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
The Final Redemption- Not- 370 BC- OK this week's column is probably one of the most mysterious and complicated. It's the prophecy Daniel got after the Lion's den miracle. He thought this was the big moment. 70 years of exile are up. It's time to come home. The final redemption will be here. Yet, he has a prophecy that it ain't happening. He miscalculated. We always do. We can never really figure the whole thing out.
See, Daniel assumed that just like the nation's sins are up in 70 years, the Jews is as well. And angel though tells him that he's mistaken. When a Jew sins it's a lot worse. We're like the engine and transmission of the car. They're alot more to fix then the other minor parts that the others nations play in the master plan of the world. We need at least 490 years to atone. 70 times 70 and even then, if we don't truly repent then it won't be over for 2300 years. That's a long time. The question is when that starts and ends. And this is where the fun all starts. It's this chapter of Daniel that all the rabbis and commentaries suggest that we shouldn't attempt to figure out. Although they all do offer suggestions, fascinatingly enough very close to their own eras. The Ramban, Abarbanel and Ralbag as well later commentaries are all busy giving explanations of when this should happen.
Yet it seems all of those predictions have sadly not come to pass. Hashem wants us to long for it. To want it. To discuss it. It's that longing alone that leads to the return of Ezra coming up. The period of Darius one year reign, ends with this prophecy. Next week we begin the return of Ezra with Cyrus's Koresh's proclamation. May it herald in our geula as well.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE DOG JOKES OF THE WEEK
The Rosenberg family dog had been deaf and blind for years. When she started to suffer painful tumors, it was time to put her down. Mrs. Rosenberg gently tried to explain this to her seven-year-old son Moishie, who was taking this all pretty hard. Moishie asked if “Jazzy” would go to heaven.
“Well I’m not 100 percent sure that dogs go to heaven,” said Mrs. Rosenberg, “But if they do, then I’m sure she would be healthy again and able to do her favorite thing: chase cats.”
Moishie thought about that for a minute, then said, "So dog heaven must be the same as cat hell."
A dog named Moishe is so smart that his master, Chaim Yankel, decides to send him to college. Home for vacation, Chaim Yankel asks him how college is going.
"Well," says Moishe the dog, "I'm not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages."
"Really!" says Chaim Yankel. "Say something in a foreign language."
Moishe the dog says, "Meow!"?
Abe and Irv were neighbors in a Florida retirement community, and both proud pet owners.
“My dog is so smart,” Abe bragged, “that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He brings the kid his tip and then brings me the paper, along with my morning medicine.”
“I know,” said Irv.
“How could you know?” asked Abe.
“Because my dog told me.”
Bella wants to take her dog to Israel, so she goes to the travel agent to find out how. He says, "It's easy. You go to the airline, they give you a kennel, you put your dog in it, when you get off at Tel Aviv go to the luggage rack, and there's your dog.
So she does, gets off at Tel Aviv, goes to the luggage rack, no dog. She goes to the lost and found, says, "Where's my dog?" They look all over the airport for it, and find the dog in another terminal. Only the dog is dead.
"Oh, my gosh, they say, we killed this woman's dog. What are we going to do?"
Then one says, "Wait a minute, it's a cocker spaniel. They're common dogs. There's a pet shop across the street from the airport. We'll get the same size, shape, color, sex. She'll never know the difference."
They bring the woman the other dog but she says, "That's not my dog."
Laughingly and making light of it they say, "What do you mean that's not your dog?"
To which she responds, "My dog's dead. I was taking it to Israel to bury it."
A guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. He tells the bartender, “I got a Jewish dog named Moishe. He’s so smart he actually talks. Can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?''
''Dogs can't talk, pal,” replied the bartender, “but if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, well, let’s just say you don’t wanna find out.''
''Okay,'' says the guy. He turns to his dog. ''Okay, Moishe. Tell me – what is on top of a house?''
''Roof!'' The man turns and smiles at the bartender.
''THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!''
''Okay, Moishe. Tell me – how does sandpaper feel?''
''Ruff!"
''What the heck you tryin' to pull, mister?'' said the bartender.
''Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question. Okay, Moishe, tell me – who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?''
"Ruth."
The bartender had enough and picked up the guy and his dog and threw them onto the sidewalk outside of the bar.
Moishe stands up and looks at his owner. "Wow. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Little Moishie Epstein’s dog Benji was sick and the boy was afraid that his dad would come back from the bet with bad news.
As his dad stepped through the door with Benji in his carrier, Moishie rushed to find out what the vet had said.
"I'm afraid it's not good news, son," said his father. "The vet thinks Benji's only got another three weeks or so to live."
Hearing this, Moishie burst into tears.
"But Benji wouldn't want you to be sad," said the father, putting a comforting arm around Moishie's shoulder. "He'd want you to remember all the good times you had together."
Moishie rubbed his eyes. "Can we give Benji a funeral?"
"Sure we can," said his father.
"Can I invite all my friends?"
"Of course you can."
"And can we have cake and ice-cream?"
"Sure, you can have whatever you want."
"Dad," said Moishie, "can we kill Benji today?"
Yankel the Jewish dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of beef please'.
The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!'
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The answer to this week's question is C–When I took the course I reviewed all the Arabic Muslim stuff. But it's been about 15 years or so now, I deleted a lot of this information. I had no room for Sabil left in my mind. Although when I saw the correct answer I did remember it. The second part I also really don't remember well, but I did remember that Ayubbim were he last ones. So that knocked it down to two. And hen I remembered the Ummayads were before the Abbasid which were later. So I actually got that one right! So it's a 50/50 on that one and now I can delete it from my memory again, cause no one really cares. And the new score is Rabbi Schwartz having a 12 points and the MOT having 5 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.
