Conversion Tag-tics- Parshat Emor-Behar 2019 / 5779

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land
from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 17^th 2019 -Volume 9 Issue 32-12^th of Iyar 5779

Parshat Emor/ Behar

Conversion Tag-tics

He had waited a long time for his meeting with the Beit Din for them to finally discuss the fulfillment of his dream of the past few years… to become a Jew. He knew they wouldn’t be friendly or encouraging. I had told him that from the get-go when he had approached me over two years ago. But he was determined and firmly committed. We had been studying, he was a regular in our shul, maybe even more so than some of those that were raised frum. He had even finished a tractate or two of Talmud and certainly was pretty fluent in halacha. I had been pushing for this meeting for Martin already for about a half a year and the day had finally come. He sat before them and waited respectfully and nervously for the interview that would forever change his life.

They started off asking him to recite the Shema. That was pretty strange, and even somewhat humiliating. He had been after-all davening with a minyan 3 times a day for 2 years and of course reciting the Shema. He said it with a brisker havara, like the best yeshiva guy. I beamed. Then they asked him if was violating the Shabbat each week. After-all a non-Jew is not allowed to fully observe the Shabbat, even when going through the process of the conversion. Did he light a match each Shabbat in order to observe, his non-observance -as bizarre as that sounds, while of course observing the rest of the Shabbos traditionally? He told them that lighting a match in order to violate Shabbos for no purpose would be a melacha she’ein tzarich l’gufa- an act on Shabbos not for the specific purpose of the act that it was meant to be done for. So that would make it only a rabbinic violation of Shabbos. Being that he wanted to violate it biblically he would turn on a light switch which could be either the act of lighting a fire or building (creating a circuit) depending on the Chazon Ish or Reb Shlomo Zalman. Don’t mess with Rabbi Schwartzes boys, thank you very much, I smiled to myself.
Then came the personal questions. They were suspicious and skeptical. Why would anyone want to become a Jew? Life is easier as goy. Anti-semitism is on the rise. Ever hear of the Holocaust? You don’t have to be Jewish to go to heaven. There are plenty of gentiles up there and plenty of Jews down below.  Why be Jewish?

So Martin responded that being Jewish connected him with Hashem. From the moment he awakens with Modeh Ani, praying three times a day, mitzvos, blessings, Torah… it all keeps him connected. It all reminds him and elevates him to a higher spiritual existence that he yearns for. I thought that it was a great inspiring answer. The rabbis’ though have probably heard it before. It’s like those medical school interviews- Why-do-you-want-to-become-a-doctor? To-help-people answers. One of them turned to Martin and cynically said,

“Well if you like praying so much, you can become Muslim and do it 5 times a day.”

As I said, Not friendly. Not encouraging. Now Martin didn’t respond. Which was a sign he wasn’t Jewish yet. We Jews can’t not respond. But that acquiescence and humble acceptance is probably what got him his conversion. I on the other hand, being a born and bred tribe-nik had no problem telling them that Muslim prayer consists of exactly one sentence. Allah akbar and Muhammed is his prophet- then bow down on a carpet a few times. In most shuls the abridged Mincha with a heiche-half kedusha is longer. Yeah, nobody does prayer like us.

We are getting closer and closer to the anniversary of our national “conversion” day. The day that we became a Jewish nation, of Shavuot. The parshiyot that we read during this sefirat ha’omer period as we get closer to that day are meant to be our personal conversion classes. In Israel we are a week ahead of those in Diaspora. You know, Israeli conversions always have to be a step ahead of those over there. But the theme that we have been seeing in the past few weeks parshas, as we have noted, all revolve around kedusha- holiness. We started with the mitzvos of Kedoshim; the acts that sanctify the Jewish soul This week in chutz la’artez they read Emor which discusses the sanctity of the Kohanim and kedushas ha’zman- sanctifying the appointed days on the calendar. In Israel we have arrived at the final stage in that triumvirate of the world Olam Shana Nefesh- Space, Time and Soul continuum, the land of Israel. Where time and souls can be perfectly sanctified.

The centrepiece in last weeks’ Torah portion is the prohibition of chilul hashem. To desecrate God’s name, which seemingly is the opposite of Kiddush Hashem sanctifying It.

Vayikra (22:32) Lo Tichalilu et shem Kodshi v’nikdashti b’toch bnai Yisrael- and you shall not desecrate My Name and I shall be sanctified amongst Israel.

I believe that there is a common misconception about this mitzva. I think when most people talk about making a chilul hashem, they think it refers to desecrating or defaming God or Hashem. Now that obviously can’t be. We can’t desecrate God, just like you can’t make water not wet and fire not hot. It is that way by definition, as Hashem is always holy. Being michalel Hashem literally means not desecrating Hashem- as in God, but rather ha-shem as in His name. Kiddush Hashem is the same. We are not making Hashem holy, rather we are sanctifying His name in this world. That is our primary mitzva. That is what we are here to do.

What is a chalal? In modern heberw it means outer space, or the hollow part of your house that you are waiting for them to construct which is not permitted for you to live in, but is there for you to use illegally and “one-day build in”. A chalil is a flute. Something hollow and empty. Kind of like the world before Creation. Tohu vavohu- empty and bare. Hashem then formed the universe and filled it with creations that are there to reveal His presence in that world. L’maleh es kol ha’olam kvodo- to fill the world up with His honour. To put his name ha-shem on everything here.

When we do mitzvos we are being mikadesh that shem- we are dedicating and putting a plaque with God’s name on it all over it. When we don’t fulfill the commandments, when we sin, we are being michallel et hashem- we are making a chalal- a hole and removing His name from the world. Just like I used to remove those silly little name-tags my mother used to sew onto my shirts so I wouldn’t lose them. She got smarter later on and started writing them with non-erasable marker. The actions I do, whether it is how I treat my parents, my workers, my animals, the needy, the food I eat and the way I do business all can either be about “my” world or Hashem’s world. Am I putting my name tag on it or His?

Right after the mitzva of Kiddush Hashem the Torah tells us about the day and term that Hashem dedicated to this concept is Shabbos.

Ibid (23:3) Six days you shall do your work and the seventh day Shabbat Shabbaton should be called holy-no work shall be done it is Shabbos for Hashem in all your dwelling places.

Stopping work, putting all my needs aside, turning off everything I have to do, every electronic gadget and e-mail I need to respond to, is making a statement. It is Shabbos for Hashem. I am putting His name on this world. It’s not my world. It’s Hashems. That is mikra kodesh. Calling it holy.
That is really the essence of all of the holidays that follow from there in the Torah’s description, taking different points of times different seasons, different crops and putting Hashem’s name tag on it. It’s why as well the Torah portion concludes with the story of the man that blasphemed who received the death penalty. Our lives here are for one purpose to fill the world with the name of Hashem (Not na nach nachman me’uman despite some people with lots of spray-paints misguided belief and efforts- sorry that just came out of my keyboard). We can do it with out lives or god-forbid we can do it with our deaths. The choice is ours.

And finally finally we have the mitzvos of the ultimate Shabbos la’hashem- the ultimate writing of Hashem’s name and that is in the land of Israel.

Ibid (25:1) v’shavsa ha’aretz Shabbos la’Hashem- And the land shall rest a Shabbos for hashem.

Check out Rashi.

Shabbos La’Hashem- L’shem Hashem- for the name of Hashem, k’shem -like (the Name?) is says by Shabbos of Creation..

Is there any greater way of placing Hashems name on our land then the entire country just shutting down any work on their field? Letting anyone who wants come into their pastures and take what they want. Now imagine if our whole holy nation did this. The entire world would know that the Jewish peoples land is not theirs. It is God’s country. It has the name of Hashem all over it. It would be as Rashi, described, like Shabbos of Creation, when Adam stood in that garden of Eden on that first morning and realized the entire amazing world had a Creator. Has a Divine name-tag.
When Martin went to the Mikva and accepted the mitzvos in front of the Beish din a few weeks later he got a new name. He was now Moshe. He was part of our people and the name of Hashem was with in him. Like a new child, there was a world of potential in front of him. There was a Creator and Father in heaven that he would always be connected to. When we approach Shavuot we as well have that ability to become born anew. To once again say na’aseh v’nishma as Martin/ Moshe did. It is time to bring Shabbos to the world. Shabbos for Hashem, just like the world was at Creation. Shabbos that will bring the whole world together. Shabbos that will bring that shofar of redemption to ring throughout the land.
Have a Divine Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Emess iz nor bei Got un bei mir a bissel...”- Truth is found only with God, and with me only a little.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

Q.   It is possible to watch eagles in Israel primarily in:

a. The Hula Agamon

b. The Carmel hai bar

c. The bird sanctuary in Eilat

d. Wadi Kelt

RABBI SCHWARTZES COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/mlg0iZkmPwM  – ZAnvil Weinbereger Pirkey Avos Choir pretty neat…

https://youtu.be/iy5JpzoEtO8    – Avraham Fried Acapella TRibuite from Soul Choir some great oldies

https://youtu.be/4WkzErL8kP0     –I don’t know why this bizzarely fascinates me… Simcha Leiner Crockpot interview.

https://youtu.be/rQnTodvonmk  – Lag Ba’Omer in Meron 1935 rare footage cool!

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S “LOMDUS” CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Parshat Behar– Lomdus is a little like making a puzzle. You have to get all the pieces together and then you examine which fits where and what order they go in and then slowly as you work the picture comes out and everything fits together. Now there are two ways to do a puzzle. You can keep trying piece by piece, which of course is very long and tedious. Or you can organize them by themes and the colors you identify eg; the hair and head pieces on the top, the feet and toes on the bottom etc etc.. and then once you’ve done that then you can easier narrow it down more and more until you know exactly what goes where. That’s the way the lamdan does it. Examine it all and then put it together.

This week the Torah at the end of the parsha throws a few mitzvas together.

Ibid (26:1-2) And you shall not have a shaved flooring stone in your land to prostrate yourself upon it. Because I am Hashem. You shall observe my Shabbasos and you shall revere my sanctuary I am Hashem.

The Talmud derives that the prohibition to prostrate oneself is only in your land it does not include the Temple where prostrating would be permitted. Incidentally this where the custom comes from that when we prostrate ourselves on the floor on Yom Kippur we cover the floor- although I don’t know why those who have carpeted synagogues would do so. (anyone?) Now the Chatam Sofer wonders why is this prohibition not in the Temple as well? If Hashem doesn’t like prostrating to Him outside of the Temple then why not in the Temple as well? A Puzzle.

He then looks at the other pieces the Torah has divided for us which are the following mitzvos. Observe Shabbos and revere the temple. What does this have to do with the commandment not to prostrate yourself? He therefore suggests that it is a puzzle that fits together. See in the Temple it is impossible to not have stone floors, or even to cover the floor. There was blood and dirt from the offerings all over and it had to be cleaned. As well if it wouldn’t be paved and smoothed stone then it would be forbidden to clean it on Shabbos- as sweeping on a non-smoothed floor is forbidden as you are smoothing it out. And there the Torah puts the puzzle together for us.

Don’t prostrate on shaved smooth floors in your own lands- But not in the Temple.

Why?

Observe the Shabbat and Revere the Temple- the Temple needs to be cleaned on Shabbat- because we are obligated to revere the Temple and it can’t be dirty- and on Shabbos it is forbidden to clean a non smoothed floor. Therefore it has to be permitted to prostrate yourself there.

Puzzle complete!

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Division of the Land –Tribe of Binyamin 1265 BC – Now the first 5 tribes, have been given the land that had already been conquered. Reuven, Gad on the eastern side of the Jordan River, half of Menashe with them and the other half in the center of the country with his brother Ephraim, the double portion of Yosef. And the land of Yehuda, that we mentioned. The other 7 tribes though needed some extra encouragement as their land had not all been conquered so Yehoshuah urges them to divide it and the drew lots in Shilo again.

The next tribe and perhaps the one with the holiest real estate was the tribe of Binyamin. In Moshe’s blessing to Binyamin he said that Binyamin was the yedid Hashem- the beloved of Hashem and Hashem would dwell securely amongst him and “between his shoulders”. Practically speaking. From the time we entered the land until the time the temple was destroyed, Binyamin always had a piece of the Divine “action”. The Mishkan/ tabernacle was always in his portion. It was in the cities of Shiloh, Nov and Giveon until it was moved to Yerushalayim.

Now hold on a second! Didn’t I write last week that Jerusalem was in the portion of Yehudah? I’m glad you were paying attention J.

The answer of course is Geroge Washington. You see what state is Washington DC in? It’s not in any state. Why not? Because good ol George knew his bible. And he realized that Jerusalem the capital of Israel should was as well not entirely in the portion of one tribe. It was slit-in fact right through the Beir Hamikdash between Yehudah and Binyamin. Yehudah, being the representative of  the children of Leah, and Binyamin being the rep of the children of Rachel. No one tribe or Matriarch should have it in their possession and feel they are more important. Just as no state should have Washington DC.

So what are the borders of Binyamin. Well it goes up to the Jordan river on the east from Jerusalem right above Yericho, It includes familiar cities of Maalei Adumim, Beit El, the Modi’in neighbourhood and Highway 443, Beit Horon and Atarot. It also includes, Mitzpeh and the Nebi Samuel area. In Yerushalayim, the valley of Hinnom, Ein Rogel and even Emek Refaim in the fancy Rechavia neighbourhood is part of their portion. Now of course much of their portion particularly the Yerushalyim Temple Mount took them a few hundred years until it was conquered by King David. But good things are certainly worth waiting for.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S CONVERSION JOKES  OF THE WEEK

A woman on a train walked up to a man across the table. “Excuse me,” she said, “but are you Jewish?”
“No,” replied the man.
A few minutes later the woman returned. “Excuse me,” she said again, “are you sure you’re not Jewish?”
“I’m sure,” said the man.
But the woman was not convinced, and a few minutes later she approached him a third time. “Are you absolutely sure you’re not Jewish?” she asked.
“All right, all right,” the man said. “You win. I’m Jewish.”
“That’s funny,” said the woman.” You don’t look Jewish.”

Three Jews who had recently converted to Christianity were having a drink together in a posh restaurant. They started talking about the reasons for their conversions.
“I converted out of love,” said the first. “Not for Christianity, but for a Christian girl. As you both know, my wife insisted that I convert.”
“And I,” said the second, “I converted in order to rise in the legal system. You probably know that my recent appointment as a federal judge may have had something to do with my new religion.”
The third man spoke up: “I converted because I think that the teachings of Christianity are superior to those of Judaism.”
“Are you kidding?” said the first man, spitting out his drink.
“What do you take us for, a couple of goyim?”

Every Wednesday morning four Jewish lawyers played golf, but one morning one player couldn't show up and they invited a gentile to play with them. Round after round the Jewish lawyers scored birdies and eagles while the gentile went way over par.

In despair, he asked what their secret was and the reply came back, "We worship at Beth Jacob every day, three times a day and thank God, we're scoring well."

Overwhelmed by his desire to become a championship golfer, the gentile takes a two year long conversion process and finally meets with the rabbinical court to make his conversion official.

Once again he found himself as the fourth man playing with the Jewish lawyers. While they scored birdies and eagles as usual, his score was no better than before. Upset, he told the lawyers that he had gone through a formal conversion and davens three times a day and his golf score was no better.

"So where do you daven," they asked?

"At Beth Am," he replied.

"That's your problem, Beth Am is the tennis shul."

A Jewish immigrant arrives by ship to New York City from Europe. The immigration inspector at Ellis Island asks him his first and last name, age, and national origin. Because of all the suffering he went through in his native land, when inspector asks him what religion he belongs to, the Jew is very uncomfortable and hesitates before answering.

Finally he lifts his head, on top of which is his peasant hat and he responds with questionable pride, "I am Christian!"

To that, the immigration inspector answers him with a question, "Christian Ashkenazi or Christian Sephardi?"

Christine and Daniel fall in love and decide to get married - but only on condition that Christine becomes Jewish. So she goes to see Rabbi Levy for some advice.
Rabbi Levy tells her, "You will have to learn how to keep a kosher home, light shabbes candles, keep two sets of crockery and a few other simple things."
"That sounds easy to me, rabbi," says Christine, "I can easily do that."
Then Rabbi Levy says, "The last thing is, you must go to a mikva."
"A mikva?" says Christine, "what's that?"
"It's a pool of water," answers Rabbi Levy, "and you must immerse yourself completely for a few seconds."
"I'm sorry, rabbi, but I have a phobia about putting my head underwater. I'll go into the water up to my chin but I won’t put my head under the water. Will that be OK?"
"I suppose it will do," replies Rabbi Levy, "you’ll be mostly Jewish but you will still have a 'Goyisha kop'."

************

Answer is D–  Buzzz got this one wrong! I had no clue what the answer was. Birds are really not a thing for me. I narrowed down the question from four to 2 answers because Eilat and Hula where you have the huge bird migration- a half a billion birds annually would be the same answer, if it was reffering to the bird migration. Which the question obviously was not. So I went with Mt. Carmel, which was wrong. There are in fact only a small family of golden eagles left in Israel and they are found in midbar Yehudah, which would make Wadi Kelt the right answer. So if you want a bird tour guide, I’m not your man. Got that?  So the score is Schwartz 21 and 6 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam so far.

Kaddish Zugger- Parshat Kedoshim / Emor /Yom Ha'atzmaut 2019/ 5779

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land
from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 10^th 2019 -Volume 9 Issue 31-5^th of Iyar 5779

Parshat Kedoshim/Emor

Kaddish Zugger

So here in Israel we are a parsha ahead of you guys in chutz la’aretz. See after the exodus from Egypt that we just celebrated on Pesach the holiday of our redemption, some of the Jews came to Israel. The others died in the wilderness. They didn’t want to come to Israel. They stayed a parsha behind.
Now I’m sure they figured that the ones that got a head start will sort things out for them with the nation that were living there first. Y’know set up some familiar midbar style pizza shop or burger places, signs that are actually spelled correctly in their familiar wilderness-lehngvitch, the familiar concepts of customer service, like how the waiter would bring them their manna exactly as they ordered it right outside their door each morning like clockwork, so they wouldn’t have to call five times to ask when it was coming  and to find out that they brought the wrong thing as they yelled at you for being impatient. They were hoping that they would set up a country with politicians that actually cared more about fixing and defending their country than serving their own self-interests and pacifying the rest of the world. So they stayed behind.
The ones that came here were certainly a step-closer to the ultimate redemption than those back in the wilderness. After-all they were living in God’s promised land. They were getting a mitzva for every breath and step they took here. Every mitzva they fulfilled here actually was more than, what Nachmanides described as, just being done to stay in practice until one gets to preform it in the land Hashem meant for them to realize their spiritual purpose. They were keeping Shabbos, putting on teffilin, sitting in their sukkos and learning Torah for real. As the Torah says they were meant to be kept. “In the land I have given you”. Or to quote the Gaon of Vilna

Aderes Eliyahu (Devarim 4:5, 8:1) “The primary fulfilment of the commandments is dependent on the land. Outside of the land one only fulfills them to know how to do them when he comes to live in Israel”

In fact, in parshat Kedoshim after the Torah’s exhortations about all of sins of forbidden relationships, the Torah concludes with the words “and the land will not vomit you out”. The Ra’avan quotes the Rashba suggesting that we see from here that even the prohibitions and sins only really have the severe negative spiritual connotations here in Israel as well. Mitzvos have meaning here, averios have meaning here, life has more meaning. There’s a reason it’s called Is-Real J.  So it’s no wonder that after Pesach, particularly this year, which most certainly should be the year of the final redemption, the ones that are living in Israel should be a step and parsha ahead. We are after-all a step closer to the redemption. Hey, it’s Yom Ha’atzamaut today, I’m allowed to get a bit spiritually patriotic.
Now being as my reading audience-at least those of you that didn’t get too offended or provoked and delete after the first few paragraphs, consist of people in both Israel and the Diaspora. I have made it my goal over the next few weeks/months until we get back together again to try to find and write about the common themes that both parshas share; yours and ours. That way we can all be on the same page. Of course that means I’ll have to find common jokes, and offend everyone equally, but there should be one common dvar torah in both parshas that we can tap into. If not, I’ll just make one up. I’m a tour guide, I’m good at doing that J.
This week there is a theme and verse that finds its way into both Torah portions. Last week in Israel we read Kedoshim, the mitzvos of being holy- for I am holy; Hashem you God. This week--(SPOILER ALERT for you chutznikim)- the Torah portion of Emor which primarily deals with the mitzvos of the Kohanim and the laws of holidays and their observances as well mentions the mitzva of being holy.

Vayikra (22:32) And you shall not desecrate My Holy name and I shall be sanctified amongst the children of Israel; I am Hashem who sanctifies you.

Two parshas that deal with becoming holy. Two parshas that mandate us to reveal the holiness of Hashem within us. Last week’s parsha though as opposed to this one tells us about becoming holy in a very simple sense. Don’t lie, honor your parents, love your friend, observe Shabbos, feed the poor, don’t oppress those that are less fortunate or pedigreed. Don’t marry any close relatives and be faithful to your marriage. Psshhhhhh. What a holy guy!
Emor on the other hand seems to be more of what we would describe as holy. Kohanim/ priests maintaining levels of sanctity. The people they are not allowed to marry, the impurities they have to avoid, the foods and purity they require to eat their special gifts and the physical blemishes that invalidate them for serving in the Beis Hamikdash. Holy heebejeebee stuff. A parsha about holiness, it seems, for the guys that are a parsha ahead of last week’s simple stuff. Yet those laws as well conclude with the concept of Hashem’s sanctification amongst all of Israel. In fact, the above quoted verse become the source that we are only permitted to read the Torah, say kaddish and kedusha when Hashem is “amongst Israel”; when there is a minyan in the house.
What is kedusha- holiness? This morning I received a whatsapp from my cousin Yoni. “Are you saying kaddish for Bubby today?” It hit me. I had become the family kaddish zugger. My Uncle Mendy OB”M had been the one until now to recite the kaddish for his and my father OB’M’s parents; Babbi today, Zayide next week. With his passing last year, the family mantle fell on my shoulders.  
It wasn’t my first time saying Kaddish. I recite it every year for my father, but as he died when I was very young I never really knew him. I recite kaddish as well for some of the members of my former shul in Seattle. The ones who never had any “kaddish zuggers” of their own. But this morning was different. I had become the family kaddish zugger. The legacy of passing on that message of Hashem’s name becoming great and revealed to the entire world that all of my ancestors had proclaimed had now officially fallen on my shoulders. 
Kaddish is a fascinating custom/mitzva. We mark and bring merit to the holy ones that left this world, by standing up amongst 10 fellow Jews and proclaiming that our mission here is to sanctify Hashem’s name. We possess holiness and in our holiest most personal communication with Hashem, our prayers, we need to pause repeatedly and respond in a unison that we have a national mission to sanctify that name in the world. For almost a year, the mourner that is consumed with his memories of the deceased, the sense of loss and the reality and the impurity of thoughts of our physical mortality, is called upon to stand before all and proclaim that we there is a name of Hashem that is eternal. Am Yisrael chai and Od Avinu Chai. Bchayeichon Uvichayei Dchol Bais Yisrael- in our lives and in the lives of the entire house of Israel. That is the job of the kaddish zugger.
But our job is not merely to be kaddish zuggers. The Viznitzer Rebbe ZT”L Reb Yisrael once visited a small town and found a minyan for Mincha. He was quite surprised though when after the prayer almost the entire congregation got up and began reciting the final mourner’s kaddish. (Ever been to a shul like that? I remember quite a few in the communities I have lived in.) He went over to the shamash of the shul and asked him.
“Is that gantzeh beis knesses yesomim- is the entire synagogue only orphans?”
The gabbai responded that sadly the shul has a hard time getting people to come to minyan. People work hard, they have other things to take care of, they just don’t feel inspired enough to come. The only ones that make it are the kaddish zuggers. The ones that have a chiyuv. The ones that are in mourning for their parents.
The Rebbe than told him that he understood a Talmud that he had difficult with until that point. The Talmud tells us that Rebbi Yochanan was quite shocked when he heard the Jews in Bavel, in the diaspora were living long lives. That there was a large elderly community. Doesn’t the Torah tell us that
“in order that you will lengthen your days upon the land that Hashem has sworn to your Forefathers.”
The blessing of long life is only in Israel. (Number 7 in today’s ranking in the world as opposed to the US which is number 43). So how is it possible that they are living long in Bavel? Reb Yochanan responded that he understood once he heard that the Jews in Bavel were meticulous about shul attendance. It made sense that they  would then merited long lives. See, the Rebbe explained, the reason why Hashem has people not live long. why he allows the angel of death free reign, is because it is the only way in some communities to get people to come to shul. You need the kaddish zuggers to make a minyan. Hashem “needs” them there because that is the only time and way that His name is being sanctified, that it is being proclaimed in the world.
Once Reb Yochanan heard that the people were committed regardless to coming to shul, that they would sanctify Hashem’s name even outside of their year of kaddish, but even in their daily interactions, in the lives that they lived, in the way that they treated their fellow man. He then understood why they merited to live long lives as well. They weren’t just kaddish zuggers they were Kaddish livers (not to be confused with the chopped kind they serve Shabbos lunch that’s Kiddush livers-sorry that just came out of my keyboard). They lived lives of kedoshim. They brought Hashem’s name through their lives to the world. They sanctified Him amongst Israel.
There are two parshas of holiness and we have two roles of holiness. We first need to create our nation as a holy one. That is Parshat Kedoshim. Those are the laws of how we become a nation that the entire world will emulate by showing His presence amongst our people. How we treat another, reveal the divine spark in  each human and create a just faithful society. Then there is Parshat Emor; the parsha that follows that one. It is the week ahead. It’s the one in Eretz Yisrael. It the laws of the Kohanim. It is the higher spirituality of the Kohanim; the bridge between the two worlds. It is purity of body, of thought, of preparation of a world that has a temple in it. That will have a house where Hashem will reside in it. We are meant to be that nation of Kohanim. We are meant to uplift Him from here.
 It’s been 71 years since the world recognized that Eretz Yisrael is the Jewish homeland where we were meant to fulfill our divine mandate. 72, actually, since the historic vote on November 29^th 1947. May this be the year that we achieve the culmination of the fulfilment of our mandate, when we can proclaim the holiness of Hashem that is within us to the entire world. When they will all respond Amein.
Have an amazing celebratory and holy Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Azoy lang der mentsh lebt iz im di gantse velt tsu kleyn; nokhn toyt iz im der keyver genug..”- As long as a man lives, the entire world is too small for him; after death, the grave is big enough.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

Q.  A stamen is:

A. The organ of the flower that produces the pollen

B. The name of an insect that helps pollination

C. The part that connects the flower to the stem

D. The pollen

RABBI SCHWARTZES COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDG7UbPzXnI   – Meir Green Acapella Rivkahs’ favorite song of the week- Ki ani Yehudi

https://youtu.be/oxP1nTktXdQ   – Ari Goldwag’s latest video Acapella “SMILE”

https://youtu.be/syUSmEbGLs4      –Hatikva Recording from Bergen Belsen concentration camp by survivors April 20^th 1945upon liberation. Powerful!

https://youtu.be/FsoSN9UzuiQ   – Cool history of Hatikva- fascinating…

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S “LOMDUS” CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Parshat Emor– There’s nothing like a good halacha to flex your lomdushe muscles. If it has to do with the laws of the temple and you can tie it into to a modern day practical law then you really win the prize. Sefer Vayikra is the book of choice for briskers and lamdanim because it affords the ability to do precisely that.

In this week’s portion it tells us of the mitzva of the Kohanim that is in fact relevant today, even when there is no Beit Hamikdash. It is the mitzva for every Jew to sanctify the Kohen. Rashi explains that means we should call him up for every holy matter first. He has seniority in leading in bentching or being called to the Torah. Now this law is brought down in shulchan aruch and the RAM’A rules that if one comes in without any prior identification of his Kohen status and claims to be a Kohen we can permit him to read from the Torah first. There’s no problem assuming he is a Kohen because there is no fear that he will ever eat teruma and violate a biblical commandment, as we don’t give teruma/ tithes to any Kohen these days. So even if he is not a real Kohen there is no real sin that he would be committing by getting the Aliyah.

The Chatam Sofer asks though, what should be the difference. Seemingly the fact that he is being called up as a Kohen and taking that rightful position away from a “real” Kohen should be a problem. There is a mitzva to sanctify the Kohen and by this non-Kohen taking the aliya, he is not fulfilling that mitzva.

The Chasam Sofer, being a lamdan of course comes up with a brilliant answer. He suggests that the whole mitzva of vi’kidashto- to sanctify the Kohen is not a personal thing. It’s not a gift to the Kohen, like teruma is. Rather it is showing honor to the role of a Kohen. The holy lineage of Aharon.  If we give him the Aliyah, we are only doing so because we assume he is a Kohen. So even if it is revealed after the fact that he wasn’t a Kohen, ultimately the honor he was given was not to him. We honored the kehuna, as we assumed he was one. Eating teruma on the other hand would be a problem as this is something that only a Kohen can do.

I’ll leave you guys with a lomdushe question though. The Rem”a as well says that the questionable Kohen as well can perform the mitzva of blessing the Jewish people. Seemingly this is a mitzva that only a Kohen is permitted to do. Especially since he is making a bracha upon it that Hashem has commanded him to bless the Jewish people. How would this be permitted?  

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Division of the Land –Tribe of Yehudah 1265 BC – After the tribes of the children of Yosef, Ephraim and Menashe, who were of course entitled, as we mentioned, to a double portion, Yehuda had the largest and perhaps most important portion of the Israel; the center of the country. His really consists of three geographical regions. The har, the shefela and the midbar- the Judean hills, the lowlands or plains and the Judean Desert. In the south it goes all the way to the border of Edom which is in the Negev. On the East it is spans the entire Dead Sea. And in the West it went up to the Mediteranean (although they were not successful in wiping out the Philistines and taking Gaza). Some things, I guess never change.

It is fascinating and inspiring to me to read through the cities in Tanach and identify the ones that we still have today. The modern cities that were given the same names as the ancient ones in Tanach. It’s a nice tidbit to share with tourists when I guide, and it’s cool that the government of Israel appreciates the significance of utilizing Tanach to restore the names to the cities in the locations where they once were.

So for example in the south of Israel some of the more famous cities that are now there today that are mentioned are Dimona, and chatzor, Zif and Telem in the Negev. Be’er Sheva and Rimon (not to be confused with mitzpeh Rimon, which was outside of the those borders of Israel).

In the Shefela and coastline which is the Beit Shemesh area, the named cities that are around today are. Eshtoe’el, Tzora, Zanoach, Tapuach, Gedera, Adualam, and of course Ashdod and Gaza on the coastline. As well of course we have the remains of Tel Azeka, Socho Lachish and Sha’arayim.

In the Judean hills which span from south of Chevron up to the Shefela we have Yatir (good winery!), Cholon (which today is a city although not in the Judean hills), Gilo, Ma’on, Carmel (in the south), Zif, Yuta, Chalchul (not so friendly arab village) Kiryat Ye’arim (Telzstone!)

Finally in the Midbar you have the Yam Hamelach and of course Ein Gedi.

I don’t know how many of these cities you have heard, but I’m sure you’ve heard of quite a few. Isn’t it cool to know that they are mentioned in Tanach as being from the tribes of Israel?

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S KADDISH JOKES  OF THE WEEK

Jacob goes to the races for the first time. As soon as he arrives at Ascot, not knowing anything about horse racing, he goes straight to the paddock to take a closer look. To his surprise, Jacob sees a rabbi blessing one of the horses. Jacob thinks he must be onto a good thing so he writes down the number of the horse and places a £3 bet on it. The horse wins and Jacob wins £21.
Jacob immediately returns to the paddock and there, as before, he sees the rabbi blessing another horse. He writes down the number of this horse and bets his £21 winnings on it. It comes in first and Jacob now has over £100.
This process goes on race after race until Jacob has won £4,650.
It’s now time for the last race of the day and Jacob watches the rabbi bless the final horse. So confident is Jacob that, although the horse is a 20-1 outsider, he bets his entire £4,650 on it. But, Oy Veh, this time the horse struggles in last, a good 20 lengths behind the field.
Jacob is so upset with this outcome that he runs over to the rabbi and says angrily, "Why did every horse you bless win except the last one, rabbi? He came in last."
The rabbi replies, "That's the problem with you Reform Jews. You don't know the difference between a brocheh and a kaddish."

Young Bernie Gold was nearly 12 years old and although he had a lower than average IQ, he was a dutiful and caring son. One day, he was having a chat with his father.
"Dad, it’s Father's Day on Sunday and I want to buy you something. Mum said I should ask you what you wanted."
Mr Gold only needed to think for a moment. "What do I want? I only want one thing - you are 12 months away from your barmitzvah and I would be so very happy if you could learn at last to speak Hebrew."
Bernie groaned aloud, "You know how hard I’m finding it at school to learn new subjects, Dad. I’m such a slow learner. I just don’t think I would be able to learn Hebrew."
Mr Gold looked squarely at his son and said, "Bernie, you’re better than you think you are. I’ll even help you, just as my father helped me. If you could do this for me, it would please me so very much!"
"OK, I'll try Dad, just for you, but please don’t be angry with me if I fail."
So next Sunday, they went to see the Rabbi and soon after that, Bernie was enrolled in the shul’s Hebrew classes. Over the months that followed, Bernie kept his promise by attending regularly and trying as hard as he could.
One day, Mr Gold decided to visit the shul and check on Bernie’s progress. He entered the class in the middle of a lesson and when it came to Bernie’s turn to read, Mr Gold was soon dismayed to discover how little Hebrew Bernie could manage after all the months that had gone by. Bernie was very slow and made many mistakes in his reading.
But even worse, Mr Gold realized that what he was hearing from Bernie was the beginning of the Kaddish. He was shocked – the Kaddish is the prayer for the dead, the words that every son is expected to say after the father's death.
"Rabbi, what on earth are you teaching my son?" argued Mr Gold after the lesson was over. "I'm only in my 40s - I’m a young man still in good health. I go jogging and Israeli dancing every week. Do I really look so ill that you are teaching Bernie to say the Kaddish now?"
The Rabbi replied, "Mr Gold, please God you should live so long that Bernie is able to say the whole of the Kaddish over you!"

One shabbes morning, Rabbi Landau is giving a sermon on ‘the mitzvah of forgiving your enemies’. He talks at length on the subject for nearly 15 minutes and then asks his congregation, “Please raise your hand if you are willing to forgive your enemies.“
About 50% raise their hand.
This upsets Rabbi Landau so he decides to lecture for another ten minutes. He then repeats his question. This time about 80% raise their hand. But the Rabbi is still not satisfied, lectures a bit longer and repeats his question.
This time everybody raises their hand, except an old lady at the back of the shul.
Rabbi Landau asks, “Mrs Levy, aren't you willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don't have any enemies,” she replies.
“That's very unusual Mrs Levy. How old are you?”
“I'm 98, Rabbi.”
“Please, Mrs Levy, come to the front and tell us how you have lived to 98 and don’t have an enemy in the world.”
Mrs Levy hobbles down the aisle, faces the congregation and says, with a smile, “I outlived the momzers, that’s how.”.

A Rebbe arrived in a small town to raise funds for his Yeshiva. He was scheduled to speak on Shabbos at the local shul the next day. 

He needed to mail a letter back home to his Yeshiva with the collections he received to help pay the bills. As he walked down the street he saw several children playing together. They were Jewish so he asked the little boy, "What's your name?"

 He responded, " Michael"

 Then the Rebbe asked, "Michael, where is the post office?"

 Michael said, "Three blocks down on your left side with the huge flagpole in the front."

 The Rebbe thought, What a smart child, as he thanked him adding, "Tomorrow I'll be speaking at the neighborhood shul. My Drosh will be about making Gan Eden your home. I hope to see you and your family."

Michael responded, "I don't think so, Rebbe, you don't even know your way to the post office."

A very old man had a dog, his only company for almost of 15 years. Regrettably one day, the dog died. He loved your dog like a son, for that reason he went to see his Rabbi and asked the Rabbi if he would say Kaddish (a prayer for the dead) for the dog.

The Rabbi told him:
- Mr. Bernbaum, you know that we are a very Orthodox Congregation, Kaddish is only for the humans, definitely not for animals. The Rabbi -suggested - that there was a new congregation of Reformist, two streets down. Go and request them to say Kaddish for your dog. You know... this new congregation is very liberal, they may say Kaddish for your dog.

The old man thanked the Rabbi, and in the farewell he added : - Sorry Rabbi, before going there, I make you an extra question, I don't know them and I don't want to offend them. You believe that they will accept my donation of $25,000 for their Congregation in memory of my small and dear Moshe??

- WHAAAATTTT!!!!... screamed the Rabbi ...You never mentioned that your dog Moshe was Jewish ! !

When Moishie was younger, he just hated going to family weddings. All of his uncles and aunts used to come up to him, poke him in the ribs, giggle, and say to him, "Mirtzeh shem ba deer-God willing,you're next, Moishie." 
But they stopped doing that after Moishie started doing the same thing to them at funerals.  

A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his social worker and his rabbi.

"I know," he says, "they say you can't take it with you. But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something. They each agree to carry out his wish.

Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin.

After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, "Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we haven't be able to get a new one. So, I took $20,000 of our friend's money for a new CAT SCAN and put the rest in the coffin as he asked."

At this the Social worker says, "I, too, have a confession to make. As you know, our organization is simply overwhelmed by the problem of the homeless. The needs keep increasing and we have nowhere to turn. So I took $50,000 from the envelope for our homeless fund and put the rest in the coffin as our friend requested."

Fixing the other two in his gaze, The Rabbi says, "I am astonished and deeply disappointed that you would treat so casually our solemn undertaking to our friend. I want you to know that I placed in his coffin my personal check for the full one hundred thousand dollars."

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Answer is A–  Got this one right. No thanks to my ministry of tourism course. The course I took was in Hebrew. Never heard the word stamen there. The word they used in Hebrew was avkan; avak being dust or pollen. The word avak, of course I knew from my yeshiva studies as it is mentioned in the torah. Stamen on the other hand, like many words that I never heard in the course that was given in Hebrew I would not have known from what we learned, which actually got me one question wrong on the exam that I took (who ever heard of a casemate wall- I knew what a chomat sogaryim was). But thanks to a good 4^th or 5^th grade science teacher I remembered that the stamen was the reproductive organ of the plant that produces the pollen. And I was right! Thank you Beth Yehuda education J  So the score is Schwartz 21 and 5 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam so far.