Sleepless in Jerusalem- Parshat Metzora and Shabbat Ha'Gadol 5782 2022

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 8^th  2022 -Volume 11 Issue 27 7^th Nissan 5782

 

Parshat Metzora- HaGadol

(Last chance to order my special Pesach book offer below..!!!)

Sleepless in Jerusalem

 

I apologize in advance if I fall asleep in middle of this E-Mail. It’s been a long week. I’m jet lagged. I haven’t slept much and I’ve pretty much been touring since I got off the plane this past Monday after my whirlwind trip for the weekend to America. You know how when you get overtired you get more energy. It’s pretty much been an adrenalin filled week. But it’s almost Shabbos and I’m looking forward to hopefully catching up on some sleep and recovering before my next jam-packed week. So excuse me if I doze off in the middle of this thing.

 

Uh Oh… I just realized that it’s Shabbos Ha’Gadol. I have a sermon to prepare. An extra long one as expected from Rabbis this week. Some even say that’s the reason it’s called Shabbos Ha’Gadol because the Rabbi is meant to speak extra long about the laws of Pesach and ideas to share at the Seder Table. I wonder though if a Rabbi speaks long every week, as I do, then maybe On Shabbos Ha’Gadol I should give them a break. I remember once I told my shul that they can tell if I had a busy week touring or not based on the length of my sermon. If my sermon is long, than it means I had a busy week as I didn’t have time to crunch it down and refine it. I’m just shooting more from the hip. On the other hand when its not such a busy week I have time to shorten my speech and prepare it properly. Someone piped up from the back that they think I’m busy every week…. Yeah that’s the kind of boys we got in my shul… They are my Rebbeim’s revenge sending me congregants that can give it as good as I gave it to my Rebbeim.

 

Now about that long speech though. Hmmm… when am I going to get a chance to prepare it? What should I talk about. And really do people really need a long speech before Pesach. They’re probably just as tired as I am. It’s Erev Pesach everyone is busy like crazy cleaning and shopping. Maybe the speech is just to put them to sleep. They tell their wives they are going to shul to hear the Rabbi but instead it’s a nice comfortable place to lay their head to that soft monotone that’s a lot more quiet than the noise and screaming of the kids in the house. But what if the Rabbi, like me, shouts a lot in his speech. Then what will they do? Maybe I should just give them a break.

 

Yet it seems that long speeches before Pesach is part and parcel of the Pesach preparation as well. After all what is the seder night but a lot of talking. A lot of speeches. A lot notebooks from all of the children’s teachers. Most of them you have heard before. But you still have to pretend to be interested. The same way that your kids pretend to be interested in your weekly Dvar Torah’s or your reading of this weekly E-Mail- at least until you get to the jokes. So yes, it is a night of speaking, of talking and of making sure you don’t fall asleep. The word Pesach Rebbi Nachman teaches us is in fact an acronym of Peh Sach- the mouth talks. It’s a night of talking. Of speeches. And the prep is Shabbos Ha’Gadol which interestingly enough as well commemorates the beginning of the last sleepless nights we experienced when we were in Egypt. The nights that we spent counting sheep.

 

See, on the tenth of Nissan Hashem commanded us to take a sheep or goat as the Pesach sacrifice and to tie it to our bedpost in order to make sure it wouldn’t get any blemishes on it before we slaughtered it and ate it at our first Pesach Seder. This was considered miraculous, because the Egyptians worshipped the sheep. It was their astrological sign for this month and we were literally defacing it. Imagine in today’s world burning the American flag or Israeli flag. It doesn’t get more upsetting than that to some people. The ones’ that don’t upset by that would probably be upset if you burned a “pink” flag or some other liberal symbol, I dunno a picture of Obama or something. ( I don’t really think they care much about Biden). Yet the Egyptians swallowed it. It was a miracle and we remember it each year with a long speech on Shabbos. Hmmm…Is there a connection?

 

Now the one thing that bothered me- and I’m sure you as well about this story, although you were always to embarrassed to ask. Our Rabbis unfortunately frown on us asking questions that aren’t typical. But that’s why you come here each week. It’s the safe place for simple questions and no one makes fun of you. So, admit it. You were also wondering why they had to tie it to their bed. What’s with the bed? Why can’t they just stick in a nice crib or playpen in the next room. A little dog run nor cage like they take on the plane. Do I really need a smelly sheep or goat next to my bed. Even more strange or troubling is that have you ever tried to sleep with a sheep tied up next to your pillow. Or a bleating goat. I wake up when I hear my kids screaming downstairs, Shabbos afternoon. My wife can hear the baby crying from downstairs- I have learned how to tune that out. But beeehhhing sheep can’t be fun. See, what I mean about sleepless nights before our Exodus. Shouldn’t we be resting up?

 

Reb Avraham Shorr suggests a fascinating idea about the reason behind this mitzva which is that generally the other nations all have places of worship. They have churches, they have temples, they have mosques and ashrams. Judaism is different though. The truth is even our synagouges are really a modern day invention. They only came around after the Bais Ha’Mikdash was destroyed. Until that time there was no such thing as organized prayer. Sure we came to the Temple to bring sacrifices every so often, sometimes our new crops, when we did a sin, had a child, or wanted to just say thanks to Hashem. But on a daily and weekly basis, there was no shul. There was no place of gathering to daven three times a day. We talked and communed with Hashem whenever and wherever we wanted. And to be honest, it’s really the way it’s supposed to be.

 

Our first mitzva which we read about last week was sanctifying the new month. Hashem is telling us that our job as His nation is to take over this world and the time and to elevate it. To renew each month. To establish the holidays. It’s us bringing His presence into the dimension of time. It’s us revealing Him each and every month. The next mitzva is to take those sheep and to tie them to our beds. To bring Hashem into that most personal and private of places. My wife doesn’t let anyone in our bedroom. She gets nervous when I want to show it off to some people and show them that you can have a nice house with a nice master bathroom even here in Israel- provided you move to Karmiel of course. Yet here we have Mitzva to take that idolatry of the Egyptians, that notion that God or in their case gods can only be served and realized in temples and slaughter that concept. We bring Hashem into our bedroom. We hear Him when we go to sleep. We dream about the sheep we will slaughter to Him. It’s our lullaby. Sure, it may keep us up a bit. But at the end we calm that sheep or goat and tell ourselves Hashem is here with me even in this most private place. He is everywhere and I am close to Him always.

 

In a few days we then slaughtered that sheep and put it’s blood on our doorpost. Hashem skips over our doors when He sees that blood on our Mezuzos which is the next mitzva we are commanded on. For our homes have become temples. We are commanded to put tefillin oun our body, we are obligated to circumcise ourselves because our bodies are bound with Hashem in an eternal covnenat. The shechina resides within us. We have brought it down and revealed Him in the world. And thus when we speak all Seder night and sing the songs of Hashem, it is the word of Hashem, that spirit that He blew into us that is coming out. So we speak and speak and speak. It is the Seder night when we stay up longer than ever and give and hear the longest speeches. Because we are above time. We are above this world and it’s constrained. We aren’t tired anymore, although we haven’t slept for days. We are more alive and more real than we have ever been. We are dressed in white like angels who never get tired either. Because they like us are just mediums for the Divine spirit to be blown back into existence.

 

So here we are approaching this special holiday. It’s a Shabbos to rest up and it’s a Shabbos to wake up. It’s a Shabbos when we become Gedolim. When we become Bar Mitzvahed as a nation. This year I have already made plans to be in Jerusalem for the holiday. I’ve been eyeing some nice goats and sheeps on my tours and there are plenty of them out there. I’m hoping and praying that I will put them to good use. I haven’t yet attached any ropes to my bed to tie them up with. But the truth is I don’t think they will keep me up. I’m ready to go. I’m ready to sacrifice. I could use a good lamb roast this year. Anyone want to join me for a Pesach BBQ roast in the Beit Ha’Mikdash. That will certainly be the “Most Enjoyable Pesach” we’ll ever have. Oh and on that subject, do I have a good book for you….

 

Have a huuuge Shabbos Ha’Gadol,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

************************

HEY GUYS!

 PURIM IS OVER AND PESACH IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER? ARE YOU READY YET?

WELL IF YOU HAVEN”T ORDER RABBI SCHWARTZES

MOST ENJOYABLE BOOKS YOU”LL EVER READ ABOUT PESACH VOLUME I AND II

THAN I DON”T THINK SO….

Five years ago Rabbi Schwartz published his original work

aptly titled

 

"The Most Enjoyable Book You'll Ever Read About Pesach"

http://holylandinsights.blogspot.com/2016/04/rabbi-schwartzs-new-bookmost-enjoyable.html

 

that totally sold out and has been since reprinted

Last year during CORONA he came out with his second volume

“Your Most Enjoyable  You’ll Ever Read About Pesach Book 2.0.

https://holylandinsights.blogspot.com/2022/03/rabbi-schwartzs-next-most-enjoyable.html

From the slave pits in Egypt to the jungles of Africa, the streets of Jerusalem to the locked-down houses in Karmiel, Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz with his enthusiasm, inspiration and laughter, guides you through the holiday of Pesach as you've never experienced it before.

Whether you've joined him on tours, read his Mishpacha magazine columns, been inspired by his teachings, or whether you just like his picture on the cover of this book, you are sure to be enlightened, inspired and entertained. Forget about the lockdowns, forget about the masks, step into the light of freedom and appreciate Pesach in the most enjoyable way

GREAT CHAPTERS INCLUDE

IMAGINARY WORLDS

SCAR-PLACE

JUNGLE TIME

CORO-NACHAS

THE FIRST SEDER

ZAYDIE MAYSEHS

PLAGUE-DEMIC

HITTING THE JACKPOT

GALUS AMERICA

THE MORNING AFTER

and much much more

It's the perfect Pesach Prep book, an amazing Seder accompaniment and the perfect way to enjoy your holiday as never before

From the back cover

Quotes- That Were 'Never' Said

Our father is a very wise man and we love listening quietly at the Shabbos table to his Torah E-mails -My children

This book will cure Corona; if you read it you will not need a vaccine, you will not need to be locked down, and your children will go to school forever. Trust us we know what we are doing- The Ministry of Health.

This book contains no pictures of women and barely mentions any female names— besides the ones who make chulent- Most Jewish magazines

The best part of the lockdown is the quality family time we've enjoyed while developing new healthy eating habits. Please pass the Brussels sprouts - the Author.

THE BOOK IS ALREADY IN AMERICA

 (taking up place in my brother in laws house who is on standby to ship them all out…)

SO…please respond to this E-Mail to Rabbi Schwartz

The book is one  for $20 (65 NIS) donation to the Young Israel of Karmiel and Rabbi Schwartz'es weekly insights or both for $36

 (plus $5 shipping in States where necessary)

Please be in touch and support our local Shul and give your family some Pesach reading that they will all be fighting over!

TO RECEIVE THIS BOOK PLEASE SEND AN EMAIL TO

rabbischwartz@yahoo.com

with your mailing adress

Payment can be made

1) by Paypal at our blog http://holylandinsights.blogspot.co.il/

2) or by Quickpay or Zelle to rabbschwartz@yahoo.com

3) or by cash upon delivery

If you missed the VOLUME I original Book

"The Most Enjoyable Book You'll Ever Read About Pesach"

you can order both for the special price

$36 (120 NIS) !!

With the same instructions as above!

************************************************

 

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

Kurtzer geshlofen, lenger gelebt.- The shorter you sleep the longer you live!

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DPoHlvPvEc    – If you have not yet seen this yet. You don’t want to miss it… Rabbi Schwartz at the Artscroll Siyum Yerushalmi video touring Tiverya

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon   – Listen to my latest Pesach composition  Melech Rachaman- It’s truly my nicest song.

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon – Now listen to it again. It’s the great Dovid Lowy singing and arranging it. It’s beautiful right?

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon   – Ok one more time just to make sure you remember it 😊

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

22) Unique ritual baths (mikvaot) can be seen in the Judean Desert at: _________

A religious/historical figure who may be associated with this site is:

A)  Moshe Rabbenu

B)  Elijah the Prophet

C)  Jeremiah the Prophet

D)  John the Baptist

           

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

2 Birds 2 Goats and 2 Candles -Parshat Metzora -  This week we read the parsha of the purification of Metzora. It’s a strange process that seems mystical and that begs interpretation. We are told of two birds that are brought. The first one is slaughtered into water into an earthenware vessel filled with fresh water. A cedar and hyssop branch tied with a red string is dipped into the blood with a live bird and then sprinkled on the Metzora and the live bird is then sent free to fly away on the field. What is the symbolism of these two birds?

 

One can’t fail to note the similarity of this purification process to that of the Yom Kippur goat offerings of the Kohen. There as well we have two goats wherein a lottery is made. One goat is selected for Hashem and the other is sent off to the wilderness where it is chucked off the mountain with the sins of Israel. Again, what is the symbolism of all of this?

 

The Nesivos Sholom explains that there are two paths to coming close to Hashem; two exercises or spiritual tasks that we must do. The first is what King David refers to as Sur Me’ra- leaving one’s evil ways while the second is Asei Tov- doing good. We need to do both. But where and how does it start from. What is the fuel and energy that drives each action.

 

Leaving one’s evil ways can really start from two different points. The first is the fear of Hashem. The recognition that there is a day of judgement, the realization that the path that they are on is one that will never give them happiness or meaning. It just leads to misery The other reason one leaves his evil path is because of his tremendous love and appreciation for Hashem. He so much wants to be close to Hashem that he doesn’t want to do anything that will break that special relationship.

 

In general the path one takes is to first leave his wayward path because of his fear of Hashem. Yet there are times when one has so much love of Hashem or appreciation of the relationship that first he does good. First he comes close. The Metzora is thrown out of the camp. He realizes the consequences of his action when he wants to return he first slaughters that bird and brings it to Hashem. He does a positive action; asey tov. Once he does that then he takes the other bird that symbolizes his sins and dips it into that purifying water of love and sends his sins away. Not out of fear of punishment but out of the humility and breaking of his ego that comes naturally when he feels the love and closeness of Hashem.

 

Similarly on Yom Kippur. The first goat is slaughtered by the High Priest who symbolizes that love of Hashem and the Jewish people. Only then do we send away the second goat. Then we are purified. Then we experience the love and joy of Yom Kippur.

 

Each Shabbos as well we have two candles that we light. We have two commandments that they represent. Remember the day of Shabbos and guard it. Asey Tov and Sur Me’Rah. In the first narrative it mentions first remembering the day of Shabbos. It shouldn’t be a day when we return to Hashem because of the fear of our sins. Rather it is a day when we come close because we remember how he took us out of Egypt. The love He showed us. The Shamor- guarding Shabbos has to come from the positive energy not the negative one.

 

This Shabbos is Shabbos Ha’Gadol. We remember how the Jews first commandment was to take that idolatry, that sheep and sacrifice it. We eat that sheep and goat in the positive sense, like kings, because we are filled with love. We have transformed our sins into a mitzva. We have become great- gedolim as a result.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

King Asa the righteous- 775 BC- After the death of Aviya who had also sinned in the ways of Hashem leaving the temples of Yeravam that he had conquered; the tribe of Yehudah got its first righteous king named Asa. We are told he followed in the path of his great grandfather Dovid. He did this despite his mother the queen being the one who introduced much idolatry into the land.  What was the idol that she created? The navi calls it a miphletzet- which in modern Hebrew translates as a monster. It seems she made this grotesque creature by the Kidron valley, which runs between the Mt. of Olives and the Temple Mount in Yerushalayim, and she would worship there. It’s mindboggling to think about Jews worshipping this right outside of the Temple. Asa upon coming to power removes his mother from her position and destroys and burns it pouring its ashes into the valley.

 

 He then rid all of Yehudah of idols and went to battle in Maresha which is near Beit Guvrin and fought against Zerah the Kushi who came up from the Philistine territory in Gerar. It was a huge battle with a few hundred Jewish soldiers against close to million of their army. Because of his righteousness and prayers as well they were successful pushing them all the way back to Gerar and destroying and pillaging their cities.

 

With that victory under his belt, he began gathering the tribes of Ephraim, Shimon and Menashe and bringing them back into the fold. He declared a major gathering in Yerushalayim and they sacrificed hundreds of cattle and thousands of sheep. They all took an oath to keep the Torah and remove idolatry from their midst. Trumpets blared. Faith was renewed. It was the best of times and it lasted for 35 years of his reign. His one failing though was that he couldn’t remove the private altars people had to Hashem in their backyards called Bamos. Jews before the Temple had been accustomed to worshipping on them as prior to the Temple they were permitted. But they couldn’t seem to kick the habit. That failing will come back to haunt him at the end of his reign as he goes to war next week with the Baasha the King of the North.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE SLEEPLESS JOKES OF THE WEEK

What happens if you sleep on your smartphone? You download a nap.

When is the perfect time for the cattle to go to sleep? Pasture bedtime.

How will you prove that you are not a light sleeper? Go sleep in the dark.

People with insomnia are pretty cool, They’re up for anything

The doctor told me I have either amnesia or insomnia, I can't remember which one and it's making me lose sleep!

How does the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia spend his time? Staying up all night wondering if there is a dog

I have been trying to understand why my candle has such bad insomnia......guess there is no rest for the wicked.

I had to break up with my girlfriend who suffered from insomnia She just wasn’t very into-resting

My horse has insomnia and keeps every one awake. She's a nightmare

Do you know why bicycles can’t stand on their own? Because they are tired.

 

"Doctor, I tell you, the therapy you gave me for my insomnia was too hard"

"What? I just recommended warm milk, honey and a hot bath before going to sleep. What's so hard about that?!"

"Well, milk and honey was easy, but the hot bath... I was never able to drink it all... "

 

"Listen to me, Mr. Levy," said the doctor.  "If you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you will have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you."

"I know, but I can't," said Herb Levy.  "My wife refuses to sleep alone." 

 

Why does the man eat yeast and shoe polish before he goes to sleep? So that he can rise and shine.

Why did the man run around his bed? He wanted to catch up on his sleep!

 Do you know at what time tennis players go to sleep? At ten-nish.

 What do sheep count when they can’t sleep? People.

What happens when you dream that you wrote ‘The Lord Of The Rings?’ You start Tolkien in your sleep.

*******************************

Answer is D -A pretty easy question although it’s not a place I tour often, which of course should tell you the answer already, although I do talk about the place quite often as we driver down towards Ein Gedi. The site of all of the 2^nd Temple period Mikvaos is of course Kumran or Qumran as Israelis have a letter’ Q’ fetish. It’s there where the Essenes who left the fights between the Perushim (Pharisees) and Tzadokim (Saducees) in Jerusalem towards the end of Bayis Sheni to become more ascetic in the Judaean wilderness. They camped there and got very into purity and even celibacy- which is never a good way to guarantee the continuity of your faith. The Christians made up that perhaps John the Baptist who toiveled Yoshka was part of this group which is why he dipped him into the Jordan not far from here. It’s all bubbeh maysehs. Not a particularly inspiring site although it’s where the Dead Sea scrolls were found. So I don’t go there often but it does make good driving converersation. So the score is now Schwartz 17.5 and 4.5 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.

 m...

Air Force One- Parshat Tazria/ HaChodesh 2022 5782

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 1^st 2022 -Volume 11 Issue 26 29^th Adar Beis 5782

Parshat Tazriah- HaChodesh

Air Force One

 

Have you ever had one of those moments when you just had to laugh, Not because something was funny. Quite the opposite, it’s really quite ironically miserable. You thought you had something all figured out. You were good to go. And then everything explodes in your face. The whole thing blows up. So, what do you do? You really want to cry. But instead laughter comes out of your mouth. It just became very funny for some reason. You don’t know why. But that’s what happens to you. I don’t know if that’s happened to you before, so let me tell you it’s a really strange experience.

 

I’ll back up a little for you. See, I’m on the plane now, heading off to shmutz la’aretz- y’know the Diaspora where many of you readers I’ll still stuck living. My nephew Tzviki is becoming Bar Mitzva this Shabbos. So it’s off to Norfolk, my old stomping grounds for a short weekend visit. Now originally I was all excited when I saw the date of this Bar Mitzva. It was perfect timing. The last week of Adar and the first week of Nissan are usually the slowest tour guiding season of the year. I could go into the States and spend some time there and visit some friends and relatives and recover a bit from what has been a very busy three months or so of tour guiding since they’ve reopened the country.

 

Yet, little did I know how crazy this year would be. It seems like they opened up the gates to some hot kiddush in Israel and everyone is just pouring into the country and this week and next week got booked up as well. I couldn’t miss the BM though so I’m flying out tonight after a full day tour on the 1:00 AM Thursday flight and leaving Norfolk Sunday afternoon to get back here in time for my Tuesday tour. I’m not even going home when I arrive in Israel as my tour will be from Jerusalem the next day! And then it will be crazy busy till a week after Pesach. Hashem is certainly giving the blessing of the year after our 2 years of tour guide Corona shemitta.

 

With that return of tourism and imaginably with the increased demand, ticket prices to Israel went up and up and up. The original tickets I had priced at $500 had gone up to about $1100 by the time I booked (to Norfolk). I was annoyed. But what could you do? You snooze, you lose. What really got me annoyed though was that starting a few days before my flight I started hearing these horror stories about hours long wait in the airport to get out. I’m not a “line” person. I have no patience for these things. I avoid them at all costs. I had a tour that whole day. I was already dreading it.

 

To make matters worse when it came time to check in I realized that there is this new scam going on American Airlines where they charge you to reserve a regular seat. They had “auto-assigned” me the worst seat on the plane. The center seat right next to the bathroom. I wondered how many other people got auto assigned that seat. I will be tired. I have a long weekend coming up. I will need to sleep. I can’t be stuck between two people next to the bathroom, or airplane minyan factory. So I look up how much it costs to reserve a regular aisle seat. Ahhh $12… not that bad… Oops sorry all the $12 seats are gone. Ok what’s next? $72! Wow…. That’s crazy. I can’t do that. I ask Aliza what to do. She thinks it’s a scam and when I get to the airport I’ll be fine. That’s easy for her to say. She’s not flying…. I decide to call them and after about 45 minutes they tell me that there are only a few aisle seats left but now the price is $95. Aarrgghh. Now I’m really annoyed. Back on the phone with Aliza. Getting anxious about the flight. Finally I say the heck with it. It’s only money. I’ve been busy. I need my rest. I’ll do it. So went back on line. Bought the stinkin seats which by that time had gone up to $127. (Such ganovim…, I muttered under my breath…). And that’s it I felt better. A sigh of relief. I was good to go. Or so I thought.

 

I got to the airport four and half hours before my flight. There were long lines. But eventually I made it through and got on the plane. I make my way to my seat. My $127 paid extra aisle seat. That’s $127 over the already $1100 plane ticket. Seat 28H. Little did I know that I would have a welcoming committee when I got there. 3 year old Moishy from 27G looked very cute with his toy cars and Lego spread all over my seat. His 8 month old sister Fraidy- not so much. She had a nice healthy set of lungs and she seemed to be quite keen on showing them off. It was then that I started to laugh. All my anxiety about my flight, about being able to sleep, the hours on the phone to try to figure out a solution, the truly obscene amount of money that I eventually shelled out just so I should have a quiet, peaceful flight that will leave me well rested and recuperated from 8 weeks of non-stop touring so I could have some energy for the Bar Mitzva, for the speeches I would give, for this E-Mail I would have to write and the learning I have to catch up with. And here I was next to Fraidy and Moishie and their rather apologetic parents all looking pitifully on the Rabbi who got the worst seat on the plane. So I laughed.

 

It’s all good, I told them. I’m fine. I love little kids, I lied to them. They were very cute, I exaggerated a bit more. I turned my eyes to heaven and smiled at Hashem and His divine sense of humor. I get it, I whispered. You’re smarter than me. I’m good with it. It will be what it will be. I sat down and removed Moishy’s little toy cars from my seat, except for the little one that got stuck in between the back of the seat and only revealed itself when it poked me. I buckled myself in and closed my tired eyes and waited for the flight to takeoff.

 

Suddenly like a bas kol from heaven the voice of the head stewardess came on the PA system.

 

“We are looking for a volunteer to trade seats for an aisle seat that doesn’t mind sitting next to a woman. If there is anyone that would be able to help us out so that we don’t have to delay the flight any longer we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance for your consideration”

 

I was up and standing on my chair, waving my hand vigorously before she even finished the first sentence. I’m just a helpful kind of guy. The stewardess came over to me and led me towards the back of the plane to that aisle seat and then I realized and told the stewardess that in truth I had paid extra money for my seat online and it had a bit that extra inch or two of legroom or so they claim.

“Oh don’t worry it’s no problem. We really appreciate you helping us out with this situation here. Why don’t you come with me” she said as she turned around back towards the front of the plane towards… the business section!

 

“Here, why don’t you sit right in that seat over there”, she said and pointed to the big bulky welcoming armchair. Do you think that will be fine for you? I smiled. Hashem was good. The truth is it wasn’t an aisle seat. There was a Chasidic 18 year old kid sitting next to me. But I didn’t care. It was business classs. I felt like Rechnitz. I was good to go. But Hashem it seems really loves me. Because a few minutes later the stewardess came over to that Chasidish kid and asked him if that was his seat, which he confessed it wasn’t but “thought” since it was opened he would be able to sit in. After all zeh neheneh v’zeh lo chasar- It’s not like anyone is losing on this seat anyways. Well she explained, quite nicely I thought, that people paid lots of money for those seats and Talmudic logic doesn’t really work here. And then she turned to me, her favorite volunteer and told me I could have the aisle seat and have the empty seat next to me to stretch out with as well. Ahhh… Did I mention how much Hashem loves me? I’m not sure why exactly but I suspect it has something to do with my laugh. Or maybe just the way Hashem blessed me with looking at things.

 

On the subject of looking at things, we come to this week’s Torah portion which really is all about looking at things and seeing things in a different light. Our Parsha which is called Tazria is mostly about the spiritual impurity called tzara’as that comes out in the form of various leprosy looking blemishes on ones skin, clothing and even houses. There are many fascinating aspects and even mystical details related to this strange biblical affliction, which the Chafetz Chaim explains we no longer have today because we don’t have a Kohen that could properly identify and discern them nor a temple where we can bring sacrifices to become purified. So Hashem had mercy upon us and stopped sending us messages in this way. Yet, the study of any Torah laws always has eternal messages for us. And one thing is certain we have not yet been cured of the sickness and sins that would bring tzora’as.

 

One of the most unique laws and proofs even mentioned that this is a spiritual ailment is that one is not considered a metzora and impure until the Kohen sees the blemish and declares it such. In fact when it comes to one’s house we remove all of ones unpurifiable vessels from the home before the Kohen arrives and declares it tamey- impure. If it would be a regular physical malady obviously it wouldn’t make a difference if the Kohen saw it or not, just like a tumor is still a tumor whether the oncologist sees and a cavity is still a cavity whether then dentist sees it or not- although I have always had a suspicion that Dentists actually cause cavities by cleaning out all of that plaque in my teeth that are keeping those holes nice and filled. But Tzora’as being a spiritual malady needs that keen of the Kohen for it to become impure. Until his declaration the man is as pure as the Kohen Gadol.

 

Another strange aspect about this tzora’as thing is that it seems like a feeble message from Hashem. I mean what is it already? A little blemish? A blister like discoloration with a few white hairs growing out of it?  According to our sages the punishment of Tzora’as comes for the most severe sins and character trait deficiencies. Lashon Hara, arrogance, stinginess are sins that are compared to the worst sins. Why is a little blister or pimple the appropriate punishment?

 

The answer perhaps is that it really isn’t meant to be a punishment. Quite the opposite it’s a rehabilitative process. It’s meant to teach him and all of us who suffer from these character traits that we need to look at things differently. We need to look at things through the eyes of the Kohen. We need to look at situations and appreciate that perhaps we’ve been focusing on too many blemishes and hiccups in life and that other people might possess and we don’t realize that they are all really the purest of the pure. Even more pure than we can imagine. Only the Kohen a descendant of Aharon who possesses that genetically passed down quality of loving each Jew, of blessing them with that love every day. Only he can objectively declare something as being tainted and having a quality that is impure. He has that power because he also has the power to heal that person with those eyes of love. The eyes of faith that see Hashem in everyone and every situation.

 

When someone speaks Lashon Hara about someone else, they are focusing on their blemishes. When one is stingy or as our sages put it a tzar ayin- a narrow eyed person. It’s because he is being pessimistic about life. He feels that he needs to hold on and control everything. He’s gotta pay $127 for the ticket on the plane. When one is arrogant as well he’s missing that Hashem is really in control. That we are powerless without him. We are in fact spiritually blemished when we don’t see Him above in skies. On top of our airplanes. On top of our spaceships. Above our science and technology and medical advances. Running the whole Universe since the beginning of time and doing a remarkably divine job of it for that matter. Far better than what we think might’ve been doing with it.

 

So Hashem sends us a small little blemish. Something for us to start looking at daily. Something that will teach us that perhaps we’ve been focusing too much on those little blips and making big stories out of them. When we see them on ourselves, on our own clothes, on our own homes we recognize that those marks and our own failures and warts or stains are not really ever how we identify ourselves. We’re more than just those little ugly discolorations. We’re really pure with just a few stains that have to be cleaned, that can be purified. That just needs a little bit of teshuva and the eyes of the loving Kohen to remind us of how pure we are. How our eternal spark will always remain holy. How Hashem is there for us even when we think we might be doing it better. And then we can laugh. Then we can rejoice. Then we can rejoin and take and fulfill our essential part in the mosaic of the Jewish nation in revealing Hashem’s glory in the tapestry that is our people. We are one and His name that shines forth from us will share that knowledge with the world.

 

This Shabbos we enter the month of Nissan. It is Rosh Chodesh. We will read from three Torah scrolls. Tazria which is the purity of the Jewish people, Rosh Chodesh which is the revelation of Hashem in the sphere of time by our nation and Parshat Hachodesh the parsha that celebrates the mitzvos of Pesach when Hashem is revealed in the world. May this month of Nissan herald in the final redemption and may the Torah readings that we read bring us to the day when the prophets tell us az yimaleh schok pinu- then our mouths will be filled with laughter. The whole world will rejoice in the understanding that we really are all in first class seats the whole time.

 

Have an amazing Shabbos and a redemptive Rosh Chodesh Nisan,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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HEY GUYS!

 PURIM IS OVER AND PESACH IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER? ARE YOU READY YET?

WELL IF YOU HAVEN”T ORDER RABBI SCHWARTZES

MOST ENJOYABLE BOOKS YOU”LL EVER READ ABOUT PESACH VOLUME I AND II

THAN I DON”T THINK SO….

Five years ago Rabbi Schwartz published his original work

aptly titled

 

"The Most Enjoyable Book You'll Ever Read About Pesach"

http://holylandinsights.blogspot.com/2016/04/rabbi-schwartzs-new-bookmost-enjoyable.html

 

that totally sold out and has been since reprinted

Last year during CORONA he came out with his second volume

“Your Most Enjoyable  You’ll Ever Read About Pesach Book 2.0.

https://holylandinsights.blogspot.com/2022/03/rabbi-schwartzs-next-most-enjoyable.html

From the slave pits in Egypt to the jungles of Africa, the streets of Jerusalem to the locked-down houses in Karmiel, Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz with his enthusiasm, inspiration and laughter, guides you through the holiday of Pesach as you've never experienced it before.

Whether you've joined him on tours, read his Mishpacha magazine columns, been inspired by his teachings, or whether you just like his picture on the cover of this book, you are sure to be enlightened, inspired and entertained. Forget about the lockdowns, forget about the masks, step into the light of freedom and appreciate Pesach in the most enjoyable way

GREAT CHAPTERS INCLUDE

IMAGINARY WORLDS

SCAR-PLACE

JUNGLE TIME

CORO-NACHAS

THE FIRST SEDER

ZAYDIE MAYSEHS

PLAGUE-DEMIC

HITTING THE JACKPOT

GALUS AMERICA

THE MORNING AFTER

and much much more

It's the perfect Pesach Prep book, an amazing Seder accompaniment and the perfect way to enjoy your holiday as never before

From the back cover

Quotes- That Were 'Never' Said

Our father is a very wise man and we love listening quietly at the Shabbos table to his Torah E-mails -My children

This book will cure Corona; if you read it you will not need a vaccine, you will not need to be locked down, and your children will go to school forever. Trust us we know what we are doing- The Ministry of Health.

This book contains no pictures of women and barely mentions any female names— besides the ones who make chulent- Most Jewish magazines

The best part of the lockdown is the quality family time we've enjoyed while developing new healthy eating habits. Please pass the Brussels sprouts - the Author.

THE BOOK IS ALREADY IN AMERICA

 (taking up place in my brother in laws house who is on standby to ship them all out…)

SO…please respond to this E-Mail to Rabbi Schwartz

The book is one  for $20 (65 NIS) donation to the Young Israel of Karmiel and Rabbi Schwartz'es weekly insights or both for $36

 (plus $5 shipping in States where necessary)

Please be in touch and support our local Shul and give your family some Pesach reading that they will all be fighting over!

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3) or by cash upon delivery

If you missed the VOLUME I original Book

"The Most Enjoyable Book You'll Ever Read About Pesach"

you can order both for the special price

$36 (120 NIS) !!

With the same instructions as above!

***********************

IT’S THAT TIME OF MONTH!!

RABBI SCHWARTZES LATEST MISHPACHA MAGAZINE TOUR

Check out this month’s fantastic amazing enlightening tour of the incredibly historic city of Torah

TIVERYA

https://mishpacha.com/bread-upon-the-waters/

Great stories and history that you never knew about this city!

A tour like you’ve never seen before.

Like the column?

Tell them, share, like, comment and make sure to come soon and visit

************************************************

 

**************

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My weekly 10 minute or less video short last week's Parsha

Here's last week's Video

 

THE PARAH-FICATION OF THE DEATH OF A TZADIK

https://youtu.be/GWcOpKKbtso  

 

  You can get the weekly Rabbi Schwartz video by subscribing to my Youtube page on the above link. Or alternatively by Facebook friending me

And I will add you to the Whatsapp group

***************************

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

Got shikt di kelt noch di klaider- God send the weather according to your clothing

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DPoHlvPvEc    – If you have not yet seen this yet. You don’t want to miss it… Rabbi Schwartz at the Artscroll Siyum Yerushalmi video touring Tiverya

 

https://youtu.be/qbkntJ9QqVU  – Kulam Eilecha Yashiru- Micha Gammermans new fun song and video..

https://youtu.be/JelDLSeE1o8 – Avraham Fried and Tomer Addadi great Shlomi Shabbat song Ein Od Milvado

 

https://youtu.be/-gSYMGFCEMs  – Shlomo Carlebach Chodesh Nissan

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwknLuIMbIk – Carlebach Yehi HaChodesh Hazeh!

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

21)  An inscription reminiscent of the priestly divisions (mishmarot ha’kehuna) was found in the synagogue at: _________

The settlement of the priestly divisions in the North of the Land of Israel is related to:

A)  The decrees of Antiochus

B)  The destruction of the First Temple

C)  The destruction of the Second Temple

D)  The Jewish rebellion against Gallus 

           

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

The 8^th Day of the Week -Parshat Tazria-  Who knows 7?  I know 7! 7 are the days of the week… Do you know that song from your Pesach Seder night? Well if you don’t start practicing it. This week’s Torah portion though has more than just 7 days of the week. We find that 7 is the number that seems to pop up all over the place. A woman has a boy she is impure for 7 days. A boy has a Bris on the 8^th day but that is really only significant because he has gone through 7 days first. A female that is born makes her mother impure for 14 days or 2 times 7. We have 7 days or 2 times 7 days popping up by the Metzora which are the time periods of his repeated lock ups or quarantines. Similarly by the quarantines of the house. There’s just lots of 7s floating around.

 

The Talmud tells us that 7 is Hashem’s favorite number. ‘Hashem loves 7’s”. All of the holidays are 7 days. It is the number of the days of Creation. Except that it really isn’t. See the world was really created in 6 days. On the 7^th day Hashem infused it with holiness and His spirit. On the 7^th day the world got it’s neshoma of Shabbos. And from that neshoma it draws it’s spiritual energy and it’s source for all life. For anything to really experience existence it has to go through a Shabbos first.

 

There are however, as we mentioned last week, two aspects to Shabbos. Positive and negative. Removing forces that impede our ability to connect to Hashem, and the infusion of His holiness. There are times when one can just tap into the holiness and experience Shabbos and that special soul after one Shabbos. It’s why all the holidays require one Shabbos to pass through them so we can get to the soul of that particular week. On the other hand when one is impure, a metzora who has a spiritual blockage, then it depends how deep that blockage goes. Sometimes he can kick it after just one Shabbos. He has a shortage of the holiness of Shabbos and one Shabbos with that taste of the above is enough to kickstart him back. Other times it is too deep. He needs to first have a Shabbos to remove the tuma and take away and counter the negative. Then only then can he have the second Shabbos that will infuse him once again with the spirituality to rejoin the camp.

 

As well that is the idea and difference between male and female. For the male was created first in the world. He was born into a world that was perfect. One Shabbos is enough to return to that source of holiness and he can reenter the covenant with Hashem. A woman though being the one that lead man to sin in the garden. Her birth requires a second Shabbos of purity. The first to remove the stain of sin from the world that she introduced. The second, like Adam to rejoin and taste that spirit of Shabbos. To rejuvenate the soul.

 

Yes, Hashem loves sevens. For seven is that power to come back to the beginning. To start once again. To return to the most loving moment of Creation. What can be better than that?

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Will pick up again next week…

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE AIRPLANE JOKES OF THE WEEK

On a Northwest Airways flight from Atlanta, GA., a middle-aged, well-to-do woman found herself sitting next to a man wearing a kippa. She called the attendant over to complain about her seating. 'What seems to be the problem Madam?' asked the attendant. You've sat me next to a Jew!! I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting person. Find me another seat!' 'Please calm down Madam.' the attendant replied. 'The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class.' The woman shoots a snooty look at the snubbed Jewish man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers).

A few minutes later the attendant returned. The woman could not help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin.

The flight attendant then says...'Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class.'

Before the lady has a chance to respond, the attendant continues...'It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next to such a person.'

The flight attendant turned to the Jewish man sitting next to her, and said: 'So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have your seat in first class ready for you...'

The lady says indignantly 'I think that The Captain must have made some kind of mistake.'

To which the attendant replied,' No M'am. Captain Cohen never makes any mistakes.'

 

An Israeli test pilot is working on new jet design and he’s getting frustrated. He gets up to Mach 2 and the wings shear at the fuselage. Nothing the engineers recommend seems to fix the problem. He remembers that in Brooklyn, there is a great rabbi who is also an engineer so he calls the rabbi for advice.

“Take a drill and where the wings meet the fuselage, drill holes all around the junction of the wings. It sounds illogical, but I promise it will work!” the rabbi promises.

The Pilot takes his jet up and boosts the speed: Mach 1, OK. Mach 2, OK. Mach3, Ok. Mach 4, Ok. Mach 5, OK. Amazing! The pilot lands the jet and immediately calls the rabbi.

“Rabbi, how did you know?” he asks. “It defies all reason!”

The rabbi responds, “I'm 85. I've conducted Pesach seders for 65 years. Not ONCE in all those years did I ever see a piece of matzoh break along the holes!”

 I asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of a crying baby next to me. It turns out you can’t do that if the baby is yours.

 A plane lands, and shortly after, the flight attendant comes over the speaker. “Hi, folks! Sorry about that rough landing. It wasn’t the captain’s fault. It definitely wasn’t my fault… It was the asphalt.”

 Chaim Yankel from Chelm couldn’t contain his excitement – this was the first time in his life that he was going to ride an airplane.

The plane took off and everything seemed to be going OK until Chaim Yankel heard a loud noise come from outside the plane. The captain came on the intercom and said, "Attention passengers, we just lost one of our engines; but don't worry, the other three engines will keep us up. Also, we will arrive at our destination about an hour behind schedule."

Half an hour later, another loud noise sounded from outside the plane. The captain once again came on the intercom, "Attention passengers, do not be alarmed. We lost another engine, but the other two will still keep us flying. We will arrive at our destination about three hours late."

After the captain said this, Chaim Yankel leaned over to the passenger next to him and said, "Oy, if those other two engines go out, we'll be up here forever."

 Who invented the first airplane that wouldn’t fly? The Wrong Brothers.

 A man walks up to the counter at the airport. “Can I help you?” asks the agent. “I want a roundtrip ticket,” says the man. “Where to?” asks the agent. “Right back to here,” he replies.

 I tried to carry my board game onto the airplane, but security said I couldn’t do it. The risk was too big.

I threw my phone from the roof, and it broke. I guess airplane mode wasn’t working.

How often do airplanes crash? Just once.

 It was mealtime during a flight on El Al.

“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front.

“What are my choices?” Moishe asked.

“Yes or no,” she replied.

 On a recent flight from New York to Los Angeles, Estelle, mother of Sara, stands up and shouts, "Is there a doctor on the plane?"

A young man rushes to her isle and says, "I’m Dr. Silverman, what’s the problem?"
Estelle replies, "I want you to meet my daughter Sara."

 What do you call an airplane that flies backward? A receding airline.

 A vulture walks into an airplane with a rotting corpse. The flight attendant screams, “You cannot bring that on this plane.” The vulture says, “It’s just my carrion.”

 What do you call it when you’re sick of being in the airport? Terminal illness.

 *******************************

Answer is C -So sometimes I get questions wrong and I feel silly that I messed up because I think I knew the right reason and I should’ve thought about it a bit more. Here, that happened to me, but then the 2^nd answer that I thought was the right answer was also wrong and I learn something new which is one of the reasons why I do this weekly. So I answered that the place where they found it was Sdei Terumos. I remembered there was an important inscription with borders of Israel for teruma and Maaser and Sheviis there. But I was doubly wrong. Number one it wasn’t in Sdei Terumos it was next door in the settlement of Rechov. The second thing is that this wasn’t the Mishmeres Kehuna that was there. It was actually found in Caaesarea which maybe I knew at one point in time, but don’t even think I put into my Mishpacha magazine article. There was also one found in Ashkelon, so how’s that? The second part of the answer though I got right, as until the destruction of the 2^nd Temple they were pretty much in Jerusalem. After the destruction they moved up North. So the score is now Schwartz 16.5 and 4.5 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.