Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Friday, January 30, 2026

No Bones- Parshat Beshalach Tu Bishvat- Shabbos Shira 2026 5786

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

January 30th 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 15 12th of Shvat 5786

 

Parshat Beshalach- Shira- Tu BiShvat


(Don't Miss my latest new song release--- amazing right here... and below...

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/eretz-tu-bishvat )

 

No Bones

 

Who needs a newspaper? A blog? A fortune teller? A horoscope? Or even an AI generated predictor of the future or of what's going on in the world. We have the Torah. It's all we need. It's really Hashem's weekly shul handout for us to know what's really going on in the world and what's coming down the hatch for the world and us. Week after week, all one needs to do is open the parsha and it's all there. If you have a hard time finding it, just check out Rashi or some of the commentaries who bring down the inevitably relevant and enlightening Midrashim written thousands of years ago that mamash mamash are speaking to us today. It's cool. It's amazing and especially with my busy crazy schedule makes my life and job to write this weekly E-Mail so much easier. Thank You Hashem!

 

This week was especially easy. With the release, discovery and return of our last hostage, Ron Gevili's body and his return to Kever Yisrael after 843 days this past week. I didn't have to go more than three verses into the parsha to find the story, whereas I would guess the New York Times buried it on the fifth page.

 

Vayikach Moshe es atzmos Yosef imo- and Moshe took the bones of Yosef with him.

Because he made Bnai Yisrael promise that when Hashem takes us out from here that we would bring up his bones from there with us.

 

It's the last thing we do before the redemption. We worry about kavod ha'meis. We take those bones that had been hostage in the Egypt that he was kidnapped to when he was 17 years old and that died there in galus, and bring them back for kevuras Yisrael. He was sold down there by the betrayal of his brothers. By Sinas Chinam. By brothers that thought they were better than him. He never returned to Eretz Yisrael. They didn't either, besides a brief visit back to bury Yaakov. All of their bones however were returned. It's why Rashi notes the verse says to bring my bones with you. With your bones as well. No Jew will be left behind. It's with that mission and last mitzva that we leave Mitzrayim and head to the holy land.

 

I had a fantastic thought, tongue in cheek, although generally my cheek doesn't hold that tongue in so much and it usually just sticks out at you…😊. Why was Yosef so concerned about leaving his bones in Mitzrayim. Not only his bones, but his brothers, the twelve tribes as well? The reason was because he was scared that if he was left there in Egypt there would be some nostalgic Jews that would want to go back to Egypt every Rosh Hashana and do an Uman Uman Yo-Yo-Yos-Yosef thing over there. There would be annual Jewish pilgrimages to Ramses/ Keristeer to daven by the Shevatim, By Reb Shimaleh, Reb Levi, Reb Yehuda- the yid ha'kadosh, the heiligeh Reb Yisachar, the great philanthropist Reb Zevulun- it's a known segula to daven by his kever that would've been in Pisom. Yosef was scared that there would be Jews that didn't chap that we emptied out Mitzrayim of any kedusha. There's nothing there to see or go back forth. So he told and commanded Moshe and his brothers take my bones out with you. There's nothing to go back for. There's only one place that you need to be. Only one place to make Rosh Hashana. And it's not in Mitzrayim or Europe either…

 

Moshe Rabbeinu takes out those bones, the meforshim say perhaps because he was hoping that he would as well in that merit be able to come into Israel. Maybe if he works so hard to bring Yosef, Hashem would have mercy on him and he wouldn't be stuck to die in the midbar as well. He would have kever Yisrael. It doesn't work though. Moshe remains the last hostage still there in galus that is waiting there until the last Jew comes home. Only then is he going to come back here. Only then will he merit to have kever Yisrael.

 

Yet, it seems Hashem does have rachmanus on him, and maybe on us as well… He tells Moshe, don't worry. No one will no where your kever is ever. They won't make an Uman there. They won't turn you into Medzibush. You'll lie in your grave quietly there and won't need to turn over in your grave as undoubtably all of the gedolim and rebbe's in Europe must be doing that Jews are leaving Eretz Yisrael to come daven by them. That Jews are visiting and returning to the countries whose earth is still stained with the blood of our babies and thinking of fondly of the cucumbers and pickles we once ate in Egypt. The Torah we once learnt there. The heiligeh shtetlach of Goshen. The yeshivos hakedoshos we built there. Moshe won't have to suffer that fate. Because he took out the bones of Yosef. He brought the last ones home. Halevai all of the kevarim in Europe and great visiting places, should have Moshe Rabbeinu's that would bring them home as well.

 

Ok, sorry if I offended some of you. But I couldn't resist. It just popped out of my keyboard as I started writing this. The truth I wanted to write about something even more powerful and inspirational about this mitzva. It's a story and testimony I read this week, about our modern day Moshe Rabbeinus that spent two years hunting for these bodies. That dedicated their lives over the past two years to recover and bring these great kedoshim who were kidnapped and killed in this final war before Mashiach and our redemption. The unit is called Yasar Darom- the unit for the search rescue unit of the army that was established in 2004 when two armored personnel carriers were blown up by Gaza and thirteen soldiers were killed by the Philidelphi Route. The unit spent days combing through the sand to recover any body parts for burial in Israel. From then the unit was established and they have been at the forefront of recovering hundreds of bodies soldiers and civilians sometimes under fire, sometimes weeks and months later, sometimes piece by piece to be buried with a name and with dignity in Eretz Yisrael, to be returned to their families, to the land they had died and were killed for loving and living in.

 

Since October 7th his unit has been working non stop for 843 days. They spent a month in the basement of a hospital in Gaza that Hamas had turned into a military terrorist base, combing through construction bags filled with rubble being brought to them to comb through bit by bit to find any remains of any holy yid and to bring them to kevuras Yisrael. To give some nechoma to their families. To bring the last one home. One missed detail means a family will never know, a grave will remain empty, a name will never be spoke at a funeral. They searched the same piles again and again. Piles that had been gone through once were gone through once again. Because "already searched" is not the same as "fully searched" and these men understood the difference. Their reward was after a few weeks watching on an 11 inch tablet as a family recited kaddish beside a grave finally being able to begin the impossible process of mourning.

 

Last Thursday they began their last mission. Surrounded by hundreds of soldiers to protect them just two miles from the border, close enough to see home, they began to dig in a cemetery with thousands of graves to find the body of that last hostage. They were accompanied by a team of 20 dentists and forensic experts, as well as Yahalom engineering unit for fear of booby trapped coffins that the sub-human murders may have placed in their own parents graves in order to kill Jews. And they dug and they opened and they tested against dental records. Again and again with no guarantee that their efforts would yield any results. After nearly four days, things looked bleak. The men were exhausted. The earth had given up nothing. Until, like Moshe by the Nile with the bones of Yosef. Alei Shor- the bones came up. Except it wasn't bones. Ron was dressed in his police uniform that he wore on October 7th. He was the 250th body they had exhumed in those four days. The gematria of Ron is 250. V'shavu banim li'gvulam- the children could now be returned to their borders.

 

My friend visited this unit a few weeks ago with a group from America. They came there early in the morning for one of the most heartfelt shacharit prayers he ever experienced. He described how when in the repetition of Shemona Esrei he got up to give them the blessing of the Kohanim that is given here daily during Shemona Esrei. Yet when he turned to bless them, he noted the hushed silence and the sobbing that was coming out of the talitot of most of the unit. This was he first time they were having that blessing recited for them in months if not two years. There are no Kohanim in their unit. A kohen is not allowed to come in contact with the dead. And that's when it struck him how much they had sacrificed. Something that had been part of their daily rhythm that perhaps we take for granted that it fades into routine and perhaps at a time when they felt they needed those words the most, they gave up in order to preform the ultimate kindness for someone they didn't know or never met, but that was their brother.

 

And there finally in front of them stood a Kohen with his hands outstretched under a Talis, in the bunkers glowing light saying those words.

 

Yevarachecha Hashem V'yishmerecha- Hashem should watch them, he should shine His light upon them. He should give them shalom. Help them heal. Bring peace to the world.

 

This week we celebrate the holiday of Tu Bishvat- it is the Rosh Hashana of the trees, but Reb Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev sees an incredible connection between the holiday of Tu Bishvat and Tu Bi'Av. He notes that both of them are 45 days before "Creation". Tu Bishvat is 45 days before Rosh Chodesh Nisan. Tu B'Av is 45 days before Rosh Hashana. Both days contain the beginning or conception of Creation. In Tishrei it is the creation of the world and man, in Nissan it is the Jewish people.

 

One of the celebrations for the holiday of Tu B'Av is that the soldiers of Rabbi Akiva who had fought the Romans in the army of Bar Kochva were killed and who's remains weren't permitted to be buried were finally brought to burial. They are the harugei beitar- the Beitar martyrs. A blessing was added to our bentching each time we eat bread, of hatov vi'hameitiv in their memory and that their bodies remained intact. They weren't desecrated. They didn't decompose. They were buried whole. It is with them that the 2000 year period of which we are at the conclusion of that is called yemos ha'mashiach begins. Their burial, the return of their bodies to the earth of Eretz Yisrael heralds in he era of redemption. We conclude that blessing with the prayer that Eliyahu Ha'Navi should come and bring us tidings of Mashiach. It's when the world will finally come home. It's when the Shechina can finally come back.


Tu Bi'Av to Rosh Hashana is the pathway to the world being born anew. Tu Bi'shvat to Nissan the next 45 days is the pathway that we have to reach the final geula. That process as well starts with the parsha of the return of the bones of Yosef. It's 3000 years later as well with the return of the remains of Ron. It's the Jewish understanding that we return to Eretz Yisrael, because despite the fact that we have been so long away from our home, we know that our bones will only return to earth from the place they were formed. Each Jew no matter where and how far has in his DNA earth that comes from not only Eretz Yisrael, but from the place of the Mikdash. Adam Ha'Rishon the Kabbalists tells us was formed from earth from all over the world. Each nation finds it's place and that are his descendants are ultimately connected to the place on earth where their DNA from him came from. Klal Yisrael's came from the place of the Temple. It's the only place deep in each Jew were we need to come to. Where we can be planted and we can sprout forth once again. And that mikdash can only come when all of us are here together.

 

The conclusion of our parsha and our redemption after the splitting of the sea and the falling of the Manna, and the sweetening of the water, is the war against Amalek. It's the next stage. The hands of Moshe that took out those bones of Yosef stood in faith to Klal Yisrael as we waged war against this eternal enemy that always tries to prevent us from coming back to that mountain from where we came. We looked up at those hands, at those bones, at Hashem and remembered what we were fighting for. Where we were meant to be heading to. We look towards those hands of Hashem and our soldiers as well today. There is still one more hostage, one more captive that is waiting for us to bring Him Home. It is the Shechina. It is with us in the darkness. It is with us in the tunnels. It's waiting not 843 days, but 2000 years. 843 days I noted, is the gematria of the words 'b'emes yishecha'- that we long and wait for "the true redemption". May we merit to see that and the trees and blessing of Tu B'Shvat be the final sprouting of the flower of our geula.

                                                      

Have a fruitful Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

" Vi tsu derleb ikh im shoyn tsu bagrobn- - I should outlive him long enough to bury him..

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/eretz-tu-bishvat - Hot off the Press! My Latest New Fun Release!! Eretz Yisrael… you gotta listen till the end to the fun surprise English part…


https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/shiras-hayam-the-song-of-the-sea-vayosha - What would Shabbos Shira be like without my favorite Shiras Hayam song!! Rabbi Schwartz' reminds you of the actual tune we sang Az Yashir to!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeekYBGB7nc&list=OLAK5uy_l3xs1mo_jEk0YrPz_pcIS5YLNBdV0S0Mw&index=7  – Shwekey's latest Shabbos Drop -Melave Malka- Love love love it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qV8al2vo-oM – Behind the scenes HASC this year!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpINfDD_Zlc – Viznitz Rebbe singing Yeish Boreh Oilam… inspiring…


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtRAwe6PiQM&list=RDXtRAwe6PiQM&start_radio=1 – Lost niggun of Piazczner… Cool!

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

18. The capital city in the territory of the Land of Israel in the 8th-10th centuries AD was the

city of                           ? ______

 

What is the probable origin of the word "Bedouin"?

A. The word "fabric", the material from which a tent is made

B. The word "badiya", one of the Arabic words for desert

C. The Arabic word "bidun" which means "without", meaning lack of

property

D. Badwia, the name of the place the Bedouins came from, in the Arabian

Peninsula


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK


Cyrus/ Koresh-The Dog King? - 370 BC- So with the death of Darius the 1st after only one year of ruling, his son-in-law Koresh or Cyrus who humbly calls himself takes over. This will be the famous Koresh that allows the Jews to go back and build the Bais Ha'Mikdash. It's the end of the 70 years of exile and our time has arrived. But who was this King of Medeia? So our sages in the Seder Ha'doros tell us the interesting origin story of Koresh.


It seems that his grandfather was the last King of Medeia named Asyages or chazal's name is Astrayages. This king only had a daughter who it seems got into some trouble with some young palace servant and ended up pregnant. The King had the servant killed and when his daughter had a baby had him sent away to some hilltop to die. Yet Hashem miraculously had big plans for this baby and had a dog come and nurse him. He was raised up there in the hills and eventually locals gathered around him and he built an army. His zaydie wasn't to happy about this and sent the army to kill him. Yet, Koresh had his own fiercer army and killed his grandfather and took over Medeia. Darius, who himself had no sons, took Cyrus as his son-in-law and thus the two kingdoms of Persia/Iran and Medeia merged and took out Nevuchadnezzar, then Belshatzar together.


Chazal tell us that they had both agreed and recognized that Babylon would fall because they wronged the Jews and didn't let them return. Thus they promised they would do that. When Darius dies he charges his son-in-law with the task and thus the return to Israel would happen. So Koresh in Persian means dog. Isn't that nice. What I found cool, is the E-Mail I wrote last week about dogs and the last message before redemption is about he dog not barking at us. And here we have the return to Israel from the dog-king who is no longer barking at us. Cool! Right?


RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE BURIAL JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

The lawyer called his client overseas "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep and I can't reach any other relatives. Shall we order embalming or cremation or simple burial?"

Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order all three."

 

An old Jewish woman, on her 80th birthday, decides to prepare her last will and testament. She goes to the rabbi to show it to him and to ask him for advice on a few points, chief amongst them is her request that she not be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

"But why Mrs. Epstein?" the rabbi asks. "You don't want to be buried with the rest of our people?"

"No," Mrs. Epstein said resolutely. "I want to be buried at Bloomingdales."

"Bloomingdales?!" the rabbi said in disbelief.

"Yes. Then I'll be sure that my daughters will visit me at least twice a week!"

 

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians. Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

 

Last Chanuka, at his shivgger's birthday party Moishie opened presents from his mother in law and she asks, "where's my Chanuka present?"

He says, "I didn't get you anything this year."

Visibly upset, she asks why.

He says, "you never used what I got you last year."

She yells, " it was a burial plot!"

 

How do you enter an ancient Egyptian burial chamber? You just give a Tut-an-khamen.

 

I saw an ad for burial plots on Har HaMenuchos, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

 

Yankel and his wife Suri were always fighting each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. Suri would shout - 'When I die, I will dig my way up, out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life.'

Neighbours feared her and she liked the fact that she was feared. To everyone's relief, she died of a heart attack when she was 58. Her husband had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, he went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. His neighbours, concerned for his safety, asked - 'Aren't you afraid that she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life??' Yankel put down his drink and said - 'Let her dig. I had her buried upside down.

 

Recently people are preferring cremation over burial. Guess they are thinking "Outside the box"!

 

A University poses the following question to the best student in each subject:

A train crashes on the border between France and Germany. Where do you bury the survivors?

The Physics student replied saying that, since a border is a 2 dimensional object and humans are 3D, they would have to be buried in both France and Germany simultaneously.

The Law student stated that the families would have to decide the burial locations, therefore the question is unanswerable.

 

The Mathematics student put forward that they would have to calculate the shortest distance from the crash site to the closest cemetery, therefore the answer is the country with the nearest burial site.

Finally Dovid the Jewish Talmudic student sitting in the back of the class gets up and states that the answer is nowhere. Because why would you bury the survivors?

 

Becky's husband dies. It was not until sometime after that Becky was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.

"Sidney thought of everything," she told some friends. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside and handed me 3 envelopes."

"Becky," he told me, "I have put all my last wishes in these 3 envelopes. After I am gone, open them in sequence and do exactly as I have written. Only then can I rest in peace."

"What was in the 1st envelope?" her friends asked.

"It contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy me a nice coffin'. So I bought a beautiful mahogany coffin for him."

"The 2nd envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for a nice funeral'. I made Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favourite foods for the shiva, including some fine malt whisky."

"And the 3rd envelope?" asked her friends.

"The 3rd envelope contained $25,000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone'. So I did."

Becky then held up her hand and pointed to her 5 carat diamond ring.

"So," said Becky, "You like my stone?

 

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The answer to this week's question is B–OK, so I was close on this one and even arguable, but the truth is I was wrong. So I'll take the hit. See the 8th -10th century here was the Arab dynasties and I knew during that period they had he capitals in Lod and Ramla. I wasn't sure which was correct, so I went with Lod. The correct answer though was Ramla. Alhough arguably it was also in Lod first, so I thought it would be correct. However the question specifically said from 8th -10th and Lod was only until the year 715 AD and then it shifted to Ramla the rest of the time. So Ramla is the correct answer, but I was close at least.


Part 2 though I got correct. Although I had different pshat. See, I tell my tourists and its what I remember that the word Bedouin comes from between (or maybe the other way around). And since they live between the desert or midbar, its why theyre call that. So I went with the correct answer B, because it's the only one that addresses their desert living lifestyle. It's the correct answer, although they write that a desert is the word Bedouin. I think after looking at reb google that it's really both. So it's a 50/50 on that one and the new score is Rabbi Schwartz having a 12.5 points and the MOT having 5.5 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.


Friday, January 23, 2026

Dogs in Beketches- Parshat Bo 2026 5786

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

January 23rd 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 14 5th of Shvat 5786

 

Parshat Bo

 Dogs in Beketches

 

Chase is my wife's dog. My cousins were sick of her. I wasn't home a lot. We have an empty nest now. All the kids are out. There was a war going on.  Maybe it's still going on. She barks less than I do, so it's kind of like having me at home. So we took her. When I was a kid my father used to have a dog. It lasted until my mother was pregnant with Rivky. He was then given an ultimatum Brandy or the baby. My mother was a New Yorker. They don't do dogs. And thus Brandy was history. I was dogless. I was fine with that. We had kids. Who needs a dog? Until now. Now we have Chase. And to be honest, I kind of like her.

 

See, when I come home these days from my touring weeks in Yerushalayim, Chase is there. She's excited. She barks. She jumps on me. She's excited. I don't think I've gotten a kabalas panim reception like that since my wedding day when I walked into the hall. My kids just sat on the couch and didn't even look up from whatever they were doing. My wife asked me to take out the garbage. But Chase? I was like Mashiach ben Dovid walking through the door. I feel the love.

 

Now I know that's too yeshivish. In fact it might even be considered anti-or the opposite of yeshivish to have a dog. Although I have heard that the Netziv had a poodle, I don't know if that's true or not. Chat GPT says it isn't, if you were about to check… But that was a sign of aristocracy or something and Slobodka, gadlus ha'adam, who knows? It sounds good…

 

But certainly we find in Chazal that Kayin was given a dog, the first pet ever, by Hashem as his sign and to protect him from anyone that would try to get him. Not that Chase who's a big scaredy… ummm…dog… and who hides when there's thunder and freaks out when there were missile sirens would do much to protect him or me. Although she does hate cats and barks at them to get them off our porch. As well we find the midrash tells us that Yaakov Avinu had a lot of dogs, maybe hundreds to help him watch all of the sheep and goats he got from Lavan. Imaginably Dovid did and probably Moshe did as well. It's shepherd thing. And I always felt like a shepherd of sorts. But the truth is Moshe, Dovid and Yaakov probably wouldn't have been accepted into most yeshivish yeshivas today anyways.

 

There's a great joke I heard the other week, about this kid from a frum home who went "off the derech". He comes home and his mother sees him and asks him where his yarmulka is. He tells her that he doesn't do that anymore. She then sees him eating a sandwich from a non-kosher restaurant. What is this, she ask him. Once again, he tells her, that he doesn't keep kosher anymore. It's not for him. On Shabbos he's on the phone texting and his mother is in shock.

"What's with you Yankeleh? It's Shabbos today! Why are you on the phone?"

 He finally gives his mother one last sigh and tells her that he doesn't believe in that stuff any more and she should really give up. But she's not ready she turns to him and asks him one last question.

"Let me ask you Yankeleh… when you see a dog do you still say 'u'lchol bnai Yisrael lo yechratz kelev l'shono!!'"

OK… so you haven't totally lost it yet…

Yeah… That's pretty much the matziv today…

 

No for those of you non-yeshivish readers of mine. That above quoted verse is in this week's Torah portion. It is the verse that tells us that on the night when the Egyptian's first-born die by the last plague, no dog will be bark or wag it's tongue to any of the Children of Israel. This of course became a segula for anyone that sees a dog or has dog-a-phobia, meaning the average frum person, to silence any dogs and protect them from them eternally. I don't know if it works, but it became one of those frum things you just do, like shukkling while davening, eating gefilte fish, spitting three times to ward off ayin hara or knocking on wood, or wearing a red string. It's just stuff we do.

 

Yet, as I reviewed the parsha this week and came upon this verse it bothered me for the first time. What's with the dog barking thing when we leave Egypt. Who cares? I know that the commentaries all discuss that dogs bark at the sign or angel of death and this was a sign there would be no death by the Jews. But really? That's the issue. What's even more fascinating is that this seems to be a miraculous thing. They should've barked. In fact the Torah tells us specifically that this is the last sign we will be redeemed

 

"in order to differentiate between the Children of Israel and the Egyptians"

 

I don't understand. Was drinking water while the Egyptians had blood out of the same glass not enough of a clue that we were different? No frogs in our bathtubs and ovens, no lice, no wild animals in their houses, none of their cattle die. Why do we need the no-dog-barking-thing? And if we still weren't sure that we're different than the Egyptians, then what makes Hashem think that the silent dog thing would help and convince us? Good question, right? How come you never asked it before?

 

As I pondered that question, I began to look at the verses that preceded it and that led to this sign. Hashem tells Moshe to please ask the Jewish people to do Him a favor. He wants us to go to the Egyptians and "borrow" from them their fancy vessels, their nice clothes, their gold, their silver, their Teslas, their bugaboos, their Rolexes and trinkets baubles and cool gadgets. Take it all. Clean 'em out. Why? Because Hashem had promised Avraham that we would leave rich. We'd leave with great bounty. We'd be flying First Class not Economy. So He knows that we want to just leave and get out already, we've been there about 210 years long enough already. But if we don't mind just doing this for Him, so He could keep His word to Avraham, He would really appreciate it.

 

We, of course, oblige Hashem. What we wouldn't do for our God, I tell you… We go door to door and pile it all up. It's happy days in Egypt. Merry Pesach Ho Ho Ho…. It's a Jewish Lives Matter Parade without the broken windows or need to riot. It's Socialism. It's Bernie Sanders dream. What's yours is mine, thank you. What is this all about? What is the need to do this? If Hashem just wanted us to leave rich, why couldn't he just have us win the lotto. Just poof us some new Bitcoin out of the air. The truth is, our sages tell us all of the booty that we walked out of Egypt wasn't even really the prize. We got ten times more at least by the splitting of the Sea. And we didn't even have to shlep it there with us. Hashem arranged that the Egyptians should shlep it there for us. So what's with this last minute pre-boarding on the Exodus flight Captain's request? And why is this connected to the immediately followed by miracle/sign that we are different than the Egyptians dog barking-less sign?

 

See, now the problem with this question asking thing is that it gets deeper and deeper. Hafoch bah v'ahfoch bah. I noticed something fascinating as well about what they actually "borrowed" or asked from the Egyptians. See, if one looks at the verse (12:35) at the end of the parsha it tells us they asked for gold and silver vessels and their clothing. However back in the command right over here (11:2) before the dog thing, Hashem only tells Moshe to tell them ask for the gold and silver. He doesn't mention the clothing. It seems He doesn't need their beketches…😊 Yet, even more fascinating, at the beginning of this entire story back in Shemos, (3:22) by the burning bush, Hashem tells Moshe that the Jewish people will ask and get their gold and silver vessels and their clothing! So does He want their beketches? Doesn't He? If He does why doesn't He command it? It's strange, isn't it?

 As well, what makes this even more perplexing is that the famous Chazal tell us that we left mitzryaim because we didn't adopt their language, their names and their clothing! So why are we taking it now, even though we weren't even officially seemingly commanded to take them?

 

The answer I believe really goes back to what all of this whole story is all about. It's the most basic of questions. It's the question then and of course it's the question now of how we get to the redemption. The question is what is this whole story about? If Hashem wanted us to be taken out, he could've just taken us out. If he wanted to punish the Egyptians, He could've just done that very easily. Stick em in a tunnel for a year or two and starve them. Is it about showing the world that He runs it and controls it? Then just get up and reveal Yourself to them. What's this whole year process all about?

 

The answer is though is that this process is about creating a Jewish nation that are the First-born of Hashem. That we are leaders. Not followers. That we're the masters. Not the dog, not Chase, just looking back and seeing where the world thinks we should go and do. It's about silencing that "inner dog". Shutting up it's tongue that constantly wags in our heads and scares us from taking the mantel and leading the world to it's ultimate glory and bringing down the Shechina to the world.

 

The way that happens is by slowly extricating, like that rotting molar I had removed last night, from our mouth and our ears and our hearts that voice and bark that says we can't do it. That we're slaves of Pharaoh still. That we have to do what he says. That we can only leave when he tells us to leave. That we can't upset the natives or the United Nations. They're in charge. Not Hashem. We're not really his representatives. Sure He helps us and saves us and we have good yichus and protetkzia, but we're not really the First Borns of the King. We're like Moshe, just an adopted Hebrew that somehow made his way into the palace of Pharaoh. Cause we married his daughter Ivanka. Because Batya adopted us, I mean. But at the end of the day. We're slaves.

 

So Hashem sent us to school. To a Chareidi yeshiva without dogs. He bit by bit shows how we're better than the Egyptians. How bad stuff happens to them, but not to us. How we own the land and they don't. They're bit by bit, and lice bite and lions tiger bear bite and frog bite, bit by bit realizing that the country really isn't theirs. It's ours. We're the baal ha'bos. Because Hashem owns the entire world and He's given them over to our hands. This is perhaps one of the most essential things that Klal Yisrael needs. Because once we realize that, then we can understand that we have the power to go to Eretz Yisrael and do our job. Egypt has nothing left to offer us. We emptied it out. It's Gaza. We're the new Board of Peace controlling it. Controlling the world. Revealing the light of Hashem unabashedly and calling out His name with out fear or concern what they say. Rather we understand that we're wearing their clothes. Their beketches and signs of nobility belong to us. Thank You Donald for your big red tie, I'll take that, thank you…This is not something that Hashem could command us to do. It's something that we needed to discover and reveal ourselves.

 

See, by Makkas Chosech we're still sneaking around in the dark and checking out their cool stuff. We're shopping on Amazon or the Nile more accurately. We're watching them from our safe enclaves in our bathroom on Instagram or Youtube. We don't yet have the guts or appreciation of who we are and what we are capable of. But then we have light. They can't move and we're the only ones that can. They're in tunnels and we own the city. It's then Hashem tells Moshe that we're ready to graduate. We can now walk freely and tell them to give us everything that we want. And they're happy to do it. They now appreciate who we really are. And so we can take their clothing. Their symbols.

 

For 210 years if we would've taken their clothing, then we would just be trying to be like them. To try to fit in with them. To be classier and out Egypt them. Not anymore. There's no dogs barking in our heads that say that we need to be followers. We can put on their red ties, their beketches, and say we have emptied them all out of any Egyptian-keit. They're Hashem's clothing now. We'll use it to wrap our matzos in. We'll put them on our kids. Because they're ours. They're our dogs. And it's time to walk them and the whole world to Mashiach and redemption.

 

We're at an exciting point in the story of our redemption. Next week's parsha we leave Egypt. It's Parshat Beshalach. The parsha of how Pharaoh "Chase"d us out of Egypt. Yeah, like my dog. We don't call it Parshat Beshalach though. We call it Shabbos Shira. We don't name parshas after the biblical stories contained in it. Yisro isn't called Shabbos Torah and Teruma isn't called Shabbos Mishkan and Vayeira isn't called Shabbos Akeida. But Beshalach, Chase, gets a name change by klal Yisrael. Because we don't want to call the parsha "Chase". If the only reason we left Egypt is because Pharaoh chased us out, then we missed the boat. We're still answering to him. We only left with his permission. The song we would've sung would've been the "Star Spangled Egyptian Banner" and "God Bless Mitzrayim; the bBeautiful". We call the parsha and Shabbos Shira. We're singing to Hashem. May we this week, merit to finally sing that song with the whole world redeemed.

                                                           

Have a glorius Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

" A hunt hot moyre far a shtekn un a ruech far tsitses - A dog is afraid of a stick, and a devil is afraid of tzitzit.

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTThsH-DKYs&list=OLAK5uy_kGMqcsNI4f6fxRB5_i4oob-PD6ntXMhvI – Shwekey's latest Shabbos Drop -Shalosh Seudos- almost at the end of this cool release!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ze4R4qmUBNo - A Bani Brak tasting tour? This is pretty cool and funny. I was glued to this… Check it out!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkrxAzGRdMo&list=RDHkrxAzGRdMo&start_radio=1    – Flying carpet- Baba Sali song from Thank You Hashem.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyGMe4Hf9X4&list=RDyyGMe4Hf9X4&start_radio=1 – Yonatan Razel Live in Jerusalem singing Hatov Ki lo Chalu- gorgeous singing can't get out of my head…


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oikMJk8Pivg&list=RDoikMJk8Pivg&start_radio=1 – Yeedle and Nemuel singing this beautiful Chupa song Bzeh Ha'Bayit

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

17. A public drinking facility built for Islamic charitable purposes is called

________

In which of the following options do the Islamic dynasties appear in the correct

chronological order?

A. Abbasid, Umayyad, Fatimid, Ayyubid.

B. Umayyad, Ayyubid, Abbasid, Fatimid.

C. Umayyad, Abbasid, Fatimid, Ayyubid.

D. Abbasid, Fatimid, Ayyubid, Umayyad.


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK


The Final Redemption- Not- 370 BC- OK this week's column is probably one of the most mysterious and complicated. It's the prophecy Daniel got after the Lion's den miracle. He thought this was the big moment. 70 years of exile are up. It's time to come home. The final redemption will be here. Yet, he has a prophecy that it ain't happening. He miscalculated. We always do. We can never really figure the whole thing out.


See, Daniel assumed that just like the nation's sins are up in 70 years, the Jews is as well. And angel though tells him that he's mistaken. When a Jew sins it's a lot worse. We're like the engine and transmission of the car. They're alot more to fix then the other minor parts that the others nations play in the master plan of the world. We need at least 490 years to atone. 70 times 70 and even then, if we don't truly repent then it won't be over for 2300 years. That's a long time. The question is when that starts and ends. And this is where the fun all starts. It's this chapter of Daniel that all the rabbis and commentaries suggest that we shouldn't attempt to figure out. Although they all do offer suggestions, fascinatingly enough very close to their own eras. The Ramban, Abarbanel and Ralbag as well later commentaries are all busy giving explanations of when this should happen.


Yet it seems all of those predictions have sadly not come to pass. Hashem wants us to long for it. To want it. To discuss it. It's that longing alone that leads to the return of Ezra coming up. The period of Darius one year reign, ends with this prophecy. Next week we begin the return of Ezra with Cyrus's Koresh's proclamation. May it herald in our geula as well.


RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE DOG JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

The Rosenberg family dog had been deaf and blind for years. When she started to suffer painful tumors, it was time to put her down. Mrs. Rosenberg gently tried to explain this to her seven-year-old son Moishie, who was taking this all pretty hard. Moishie asked if “Jazzy” would go to heaven.

Well I’m not 100 percent sure that dogs go to heaven,” said Mrs. Rosenberg, “But if they do, then I’m sure she would be healthy again and able to do her favorite thing: chase cats.”

Moishie thought about that for a minute, then said, "So dog heaven must be the same as cat hell."

 

A dog named Moishe is so smart that his master, Chaim Yankel, decides to send him to college. Home for vacation, Chaim Yankel asks him how college is going.

"Well," says Moishe the dog, "I'm not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages."

"Really!" says Chaim Yankel. "Say something in a foreign language."

Moishe the dog says, "Meow!"?

 

Abe and Irv were neighbors in a Florida retirement community, and both proud pet owners.

My dog is so smart,” Abe bragged, “that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He brings the kid his tip and then brings me the paper, along with my morning medicine.”

“I know,” said Irv.

How could you know?” asked Abe.

Because my dog told me.”

 

Bella wants to take her dog to Israel, so she goes to the travel agent to find out how. He says, "It's easy. You go to the airline, they give you a kennel, you put your dog in it, when you get off at Tel Aviv go to the luggage rack, and there's your dog.

So she does, gets off at Tel Aviv, goes to the luggage rack, no dog. She goes to the lost and found, says, "Where's my dog?" They look all over the airport for it, and find the dog in another terminal. Only the dog is dead.

"Oh, my gosh, they say, we killed this woman's dog. What are we going to do?"

Then one says, "Wait a minute, it's a cocker spaniel. They're common dogs. There's a pet shop across the street from the airport. We'll get the same size, shape, color, sex. She'll never know the difference."

They bring the woman the other dog but she says, "That's not my dog."

Laughingly and making light of it they say, "What do you mean that's not your dog?"

To which she responds, "My dog's dead. I was taking it to Israel to bury it."

 

A guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. He tells the bartender, “I got a Jewish dog named Moishe. He’s so smart he actually talks. Can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?''

''Dogs can't talk, pal,” replied the bartender, “but if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, well, let’s just say you don’t wanna find out.''

''Okay,'' says the guy. He turns to his dog. ''Okay, Moishe. Tell me – what is on top of a house?''

''Roof!'' The man turns and smiles at the bartender.

''THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!''

''Okay, Moishe. Tell me – how does sandpaper feel?''

''Ruff!"

''What the heck you tryin' to pull, mister?'' said the bartender.

''Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question. Okay, Moishe, tell me – who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?''

"Ruth."

The bartender had enough and picked up the guy and his dog and threw them onto the sidewalk outside of the bar.

Moishe stands up and looks at his owner. "Wow. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

 

Little Moishie Epstein’s dog Benji was sick and the boy was afraid that his dad would come back from the bet with bad news.

As his dad stepped through the door with Benji in his carrier, Moishie rushed to find out what the vet had said.

"I'm afraid it's not good news, son," said his father. "The vet thinks Benji's only got another three weeks or so to live."

Hearing this, Moishie burst into tears.

"But Benji wouldn't want you to be sad," said the father, putting a comforting arm around Moishie's shoulder. "He'd want you to remember all the good times you had together."

Moishie rubbed his eyes. "Can we give Benji a funeral?"

"Sure we can," said his father.

"Can I invite all my friends?"

"Of course you can."

"And can we have cake and ice-cream?"

"Sure, you can have whatever you want."

"Dad," said Moishie, "can we kill Benji today?"

 

Yankel the Jewish dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of beef please'.

The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!'

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The answer to this week's question is C–When I took the course I reviewed all the Arabic Muslim stuff. But it's been about 15 years or so now, I deleted a lot of this information. I had no room for Sabil left in my mind. Although when I saw the correct answer I did remember it. The second part I also really don't remember well, but I did remember that Ayubbim were he last ones. So that knocked it down to two. And hen I remembered the Ummayads were before the Abbasid which were later. So I actually got that one right! So it's a 50/50 on that one and now I can delete it from my memory again, cause no one really cares. And the new score is Rabbi Schwartz having a 12 points and the MOT having 5 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.