Woke- Parshat Mikeitz Chanuka 5783 2022

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

December 23^rd 2022 -Volume 12 Issue 10 29^th of Kislev 5783

 

Parshat Mikeitz- Chanuka II

Woke

 

It’s a question that many of the commentaries ask on this week’s Torah portion and the famous biblical story of Yosef and Pharaoh’s dreams. Yet this year it hit me that it’s really the essence of everything. It’s what the parsha is all about. It’s what Chanuka, which is always around the time of year of this Parsha is all about. It’s what our return to Israel, our redemption. It’s about me and you. It’s a simple question, but as like all of my favorite ones, it’s one that your Rebbeim and teachers probably discouraged you from asking and told you it was a silly one…because they didn’t have an answer to it themselves. Because they were discouraged from asking their teachers and their teachers…back to Yosef in Mitzrayim. Yeah…those are my favorite questions, so let’s get started.

 

OK so Pharoah has a dream. Two of them in fact. The first one you have fat cows eating skinny cows by the Ya’or- the Nile river. The second dream is 7 fat juicy wheat bundles being devoured by 7 skinny ones. This is a troubling dream to Pharaoh. It upsets him for some reason. Skinny things shouldn’t eat fat things. And if they do they should become fat. It’s not fair, right…We all hate cows like that don’t we? That can eat whatever they want and not gain an ounce, while we just cut off a little sliver of the doughnut-just to taste of course and in honor of Chanukah. Purely l’sheim shamayim. And then another sliver and another sliver. Because slivers don’t have calories. Yet, we don’t for some reason remain skinny cows. So, this troubles Pharaoh. Even skinny Ephraim Schwartz appreciates this.

 

So, what does he do? He calls in all the smart men in Egypt. All the professional dream interpreter guys. The wise men, the magicians, the dieticians, and the life coaches. And guess what? None of them can figure out the dream. They come up with lots of alternative interpretations about dying daughters and conquering lands. They all miss the boat. Yosef is then brought up from the dungeon pit he was thrown into and wada boom wada bing, he gives Pharaoh the correct interpretation. 7 cows, 7 bundles of wheat whadaya know it is all about food. Skinny eating fat that means that there will be years of famine and years of plenty. And the famine years will swallow up the plenty years and there won’t be food. The days of plenty will be forgotten. Boom. What genius! What insight! What brilliance! Yosef even comes up with a plan for them, how they should store food during plenty years for hungry years. Make this man the prime minister. He’s amazing. He’s insightful. He’s tzofnas panayach- the revealer of the secrets hidden things. That’s the story. Aren’t you amazed? Or not…

 

See, I really don’t get it. And I’m sure you didn’t as well- you were just scared to ask… But don’t worry this is a safe space. Is Yosef really such a genius? Is his interpretation so brilliant?  I mean really, ask you own kids the question in modern times and lingo and see if they can figure it out. I have 7 fat juicy hamburgers and steaks in the fridge and they get eaten up by skinny ones and they still remain skinny. I have 7 huge fancy 20 dollar doughnuts with all of those creams and glazes and they are eaten by this simple cheap Israeli ones that they give out for free to Kollel families with a sprinkling of some white powder that most of it has fallen off already. What do you first think about? Food. Eating. Hunger. Is this really a difficult concept? The Nile is the fridge of Egypt. Cows and wheat are the food. Once I know that’s its food and we’re talking about being hungry then famine and years is not a far leap. And then once we have that down, then the solution anyone can give would be to stock up in the fat years for the lean years. Why is this so impressive? Why didn’t the Egyptians chap this? Why did you never ask this question yourself? You know you wanted to. You know it bothered you. Maybe its for the same reason that they didn’t interpret it as well that way… They as you were trained and conditioned not to…

 

Let me ask you another question. Yosef’s brothers come down to Egypt. They’re looking for Yosef. They obviously think that he’s still alive. Yaakov is not consoled, and they know that must mean he’s not dead yet. They hear about this Hebrew kid pulled up from a dungeon that is in charge of Egypt. He interprets dreams. He saves Egypt. He gets food. They even meet Yosef. Why don’t they put two and two together? How can they not chap? I know that when tourists who have taken me a few years ago take me again as their guide post-stomach surgery, they don’t recognize me. Gosh, I don’t even recognize myself. But you know what? They figure it out in a minute or two. My voice, my songs, my personality, they know I’m they’re guide. So really? Come on? Why is nobody chapping that its Yosef. Sure he’s a bit older, but please… they’re his brothers for gosh sakes? People recognize each other and siblings years and years later after the holocaust and other separations. Why aren’t they getting it? Again, why didn’t you ask these questions?

 

Let me throw you one more question. But this one you really may not like too much. You know Jewish history. You’ve been born and bred upon it. For some reason a major part of Jewish education is learning about all of the various important things that happened to our nation which is as the old joke goes. They tried to kill us, we won, let’s make a holiday and eat. It starts in Egypt and it’s pretty much been non-stop since then. Amalek, Philistines, Moabites, Babylonians, Greeks, Romans, Muslims, Crusaders, Europeans, Spain, Russia. It happens every century or so, particularly in Galus. We all know this. We all learned this. Hashem even tells us this will happen, and it is our fate as long as the shechina is exiled and we are not in our homeland with the Bais Ha’Mikdash. So can I ask you- politely- a simple question. Why are you still not coming to Eretz Yisrael?

 

Why are you building and investing in a bigger house addition in a country that you will probably very soon be killed in and thrown out of. You know it always happens. You know, that thinking America, Europe, Canada is not going to be different than anywhere else. You’re smart enough to realize that they thought Hungary and Poland, and Spain were different, and they weren’t. So why don’t you get it? We always think we are in a medina shel chesed- until boker tov it’s not anymore. And generally speaking, there’s really not a lot of time until the years of plenty get quickly swallowed up and you don’t even remember them in the years of hunger, persecution, expulsion, genocide and concentration camps. So why are you still there?

 

The answer I believe is that I think everyone is in some very deep sleep and are living in dreamland. You can’t really imagine it otherwise. It so doesn’t make sense. It’s incomprehensible and laughable-although nervously laughable-to even think that it can happen “again”. It’s different now. It’s democratic. There are laws. We’re civilized. The world is in a different place. It just doesn’t make sense. It’s just a bad dream that they don’t want to interpret-although the answer and future is staring them in the face. But it can’t really be the reality. How could fat years and fat cows become impoverished. How can it all disappear? Pharaoh doesn’t get it. His wise men don’t and Yosef’s brothers don’t either.

 

They don’t get that Yosef the dreamer who played with his hair and wore colored shirts and didn’t wear a black hat could actually be the man who brings the redemption. (Ouch..!) It didn’t make sense. He was a busy all day with dreams, we sold him down a pit. We’re looking for him in the brothels and houses of ill repute because that’s the type of guy he is. We wrote him off. That he would be the gadol ha’dor? Rav Chaim Kanievsky? That he would be Mashiach? That his dreams were right? That the great talmid chochom Yissachar and the wealthy baal haboss Zevulun who was just honored at the Aguda Convention would bow down to him. Would need to come onto this frei looking sheigitz for my food and even more so for my spiritual protection that the yesod of the Tzadik Yosef provides for us in Mitzrayim? That can’t be. We threw him out of our yeshiva. And despite all the overwhelming evidence contrary, that guy in the palace is no way our brother. He’s got nothing to do with us. They only saw darkness in him. They didn’t see the light of his flame, that should’ve woken them up.

 

Chanuka is that story again, but on the highest and deepest level. A little history lesson. Alexander the Great comes to Israel on his world conquest in about the year 300 BC. He conquers the entire world but due to a fantastic meeting with Shimon Ha’Tzadik- and non-coincidentally a dream that he keeps having that his victory comes as a result of this great Rabbi- he spares Yerushalayim which becomes the only place in the entire Greek Empire that is allowed remain independent. To show their gratitude they name every Jewish baby boy that year Sender after him. (It drove the kindergarten teachers crazy but prepared them for all of the future Yoilies, Nachmans and future Yosef Chaim Shemaryahus.) What a medina shel chesed the Greeks are! We became loyal and faithful patriots of this new empire. No more of those Obambabidenlonyians (you like that word) we have our man in the White House. We’ll call all of the Jewish kids Donald (appreciate please that incredible wild significance of calling Jewish kids Sender). We have Ramat Trump and we have official government recognition and World recognition. It doesn’t get better. It can’t get bad. We went to sleep. And then the bad dream came. And no one could understand how it could’ve happened.

 

Alexander dies. Generals take over. Israel is fought over by the Egyptian Greeks and Syrians. Antiochus the Syrian Greeks take over. But Jews are still sleeping and not getting the dream is over. They drank the Greek Kool Aid. The same one Pharaohs wise men did, the same one that the brothers of Yosef did. They didn’t chap the simple interpretation in front of their eyes because it was so dark and the bed was so comfortable for so long. They didn’t see the light of Yosef. They didn’t think that Eretz Yisrael could be frum again. That the Bais Ha’Mikdash and the Temple Mount could finally be holy. Sure they davened three times a day for that, but it wasn’t in their hands to make it happen. It was just crazy radical dreamers that actually believed that. The guys we threw in the pits. Who in their right mind is crazy enough to think that a small group of Yeshiva guys could pick up guns, knives and swords and “fife un” the UN, the world empire. That they could actually fight and throw out everyone of the holy land. That can rid the country of its secular assimilated Greek politically correct ideology that had ruled here for so long. To throw out democracy and finally establish the on Theocracy that the entire world has been waiting for us to finally shine out to the world.

 

But Matisyahu and his sons weren’t just dreaming. They, like Yosef realized that the solution and interpretation to their dream was in their hands as well. What Hashem wanted them to do He showed to Pharoah, and He showed to them as well. And they won. It wasn’t a dream. It was a miracle that revealed that everything in this world is a miracle. We woke up. The dream was reality. Isn’t it amazing that this week’s parsha is called Mikeitz- which not only means the end of, but also when we wake up. And just as Pharaoh woke up and it was a dream, so did we Chanuka time. It is this dream that is the light of Chanukah. It is the keitz- the end of the darkness. The end of the slumber. It's really really showing the world what “Woke” is really supposed to look like.

 

Today in Eretz Yisrael we are as well in the process of realizing a dream. 100 years ago this land was desolate, barren, almost Jew-less. Nothing grew. There were no cities. No farms. Forget about yeshivas and Torah like we have today. People were starving, child mortality was 80%. We were being attacked, persecuted and subject to humiliation from our cousins that were desecrating our holiest places. No sane person would move here. The dream land was America. It was the heiligeh communities in Europe. Everything was there in those medinas of chesed. It’s where the famine wasn’t. It’s where you could make a respectable living, have a nice house. You could vote, talk politics and shteig away in real mekomos ha’torah and not have to work the ground, plant, farm, build or fight. You know all of those goyishe type of things.

 

But there were dreamers that weren’t sleeping. Some of them may probably never even saw or learned the Chasam Sofer who writes that panting and working in Eretz Yisrael is as choshuv and Heilig as learning Torah. But yet they saw the light of Chanukah. They may have had colored coats and sandals instead of black hats and shtreimels but they were the children of Yaakov too. They were Yosef that may have been kidnapped from their religious upbringing as children, but their spark and flame was still strong. Their spark would extinguish Esau and Yishmael. They realized that miracles could and would happen if we weren’t asleep. We could return. We could make the ground flourish. It’s Hashem’s land He promised us. It’s the only place where His light could shine out from. They realized that that the keitz li’yemei harah- the end or the awakening from the days of bad were finally over. The geula is around the corner, we just need to stare into those candles and see it. If we do then we will once again see those miracles ba’yamim ha’heim ba’zman ha’zeh.

 

 

Have a miraculous Shabbos Chanuka and a glorious renewed month of Teves

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

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GUESS WHO’S BACK IN MISHPACHA MAGAZINE JUST IN TIME FOR CHANUKA!

It’s your favorite Rabbi Tour Guide!!

Check out my latest article and see me in a toga as we travel through the battles in those times in these days!

Dovid-Golyas, Bar Kochva, Philistines, Greeks and even Romans.

It’s all here

https://mishpacha.com/in-those-days-in-our-times/

 

And then post share, and send letters to Mishpacha telling them how much you enjoy them!

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Men ken machen dem cholem grosser vi di nacht..”.- You can make a dream bigger than the night.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/maoz-tzur  – In honor of Chanuka my latest song composition Maoz Tzur! Aren’t you ready for a new tune.. this one is great with Dovid Lowy doing my amazing arrangements and vocals!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/haneiros-halalu   – And once your at it already why not use my fantazstically uplifting Haneiros Halalu tune for lighting your candles as well

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/al-hanissim  – And here’s my Al Ha’Nissim another amazing Lowy arrangement and vocals

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/chasof-zeroah -  Finally my first Chanuka hit Chasof Zeroa arranged and sung by Yitz Berry!!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPlQBpq1dvQ – Hillarious Bardak Chanuka video- come on you’ve all done this…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IN8dTY1E4I8 – If you have time Shlomo Calrebach the light of Chanuka inspiring Reb Shloimeh…

 

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

NEW EXAM THIS WEEK- JUNE 2022!!

3) The "Green Line" was set in the year:

Which of the following cities is located east of the "Green Line"?

a) Rosh Haayin

b) Umm al-Fahm

c) Ariel

d) Baqa al-Gharbiyye

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Elisha’s Spring- 706 BC – Elisha returns after the departure of Eliyahu to heaven in the fiery chariot to the city of Yericho, where he is greeted by the prophet students that had previously foretold him that Eliyahu would be taken. Yet it seems that although they intuited that Elisha was granted a new level of prophecy, they couldn’t seem to wrap their brains around the fact that the great Eliyahu Ha’Navi was truly gone. So after nudging and nudging Elisha about Eliyahu’s whereabouts, they send out search parties for three days to try to find him, in the valleys and caves in the Jordan Valley.

 

This is not the only time that there will be search parties in this area. From 1968-1970 after the 6 Day War, Palestinians (or former Jordanians to be more precise), that had fled the West Bank of the Jordan River- which today is Yehudah and Shomron-and lived in refugee camps there, would come over the River and launch terror attacks on Israel. This area then became known as the Eretz Ha’Mirdafim- the land of the pursuits. Soldiers would have to go cave to cave to try to find the terrorists and keep the area secure. Many soldiers gave their lives in this pursuit. Who knows? Maybe they were searching in the same caves where they were searching for Eliyahu.

 

Yet, after three days when they come back they tell finally tell Elisha that their mission failed. Eliyahu is really gone. He hated-to-tell-you-I-told-you-so’d them a bit and then he moved on to the next business at hand, establishing himself not only as a prophet, but as a miracle worker and one who is out to help the people. The people of Yericho tell Elisha that there is a local spring that has terrible water that comes out that everyone is getting sick from, that women that drink from it become childless, that brings disease. The commentaries discuss whether this was a recent thing that happened with the departure of Eliyahu or rather this dates back to the time when the city of Yericho, was cursed by Yehoshua when the Chiel and his family rebuilt the city after Yehoshua conquered it when we first came into the land and prohibited it from ever being rebuilt so it should stand as testimony to the miracle when Hashem knocked down the walls in our first entrance into the land. Chiels sons were all killed, yet the city ultimately was repopulated.

 

Elisha tells them to bring him a new empty glass which he then added salt to and then poured it in and the water became sweet. He promised them that it would remain that way forever which it is until today. This miracle is very similar to Moshe’s miracle of the sweetening of the bitter waters of Meriva when we first left Egypt. The difference though is whereas Moshe acted upon the command of Hashem, Elisha, like his master Eliyahu does the miracle on his own and Hashem acts according to the prophets command.

 

The spring of Elisha still remains in the outskirts of the city of Yericho, near the ancient Tel. We have testimonies going back to the times of Josephus and earlier of its location and its amazing healing properties. Unfortunately today we can’t visit the area as it under Palestinian Area A control which according to the big red signs outside the city is illegal for Israelis to enter and “MAY BE DANGEROUS TO YOUR LIVES”. Ouch! Yet Arabs go to this wonderous spring still and there is a beautiful fountain built upon them that they bathe in as well as using the water for agriculture of their fields there.    

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE DREAM JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

A plumber went to the doctor. He said "Doctor, every time I try to sleep I close my eyes and see visions of PVC, copper, steel and corncob. Am I going mad?!"

 

The doctor replied "Relax. You're just having pipe dreams."

Just woke up from a dream about Roman numerals 5, 4, 1, and 500. It was VIVID.

Last night I had a dream where I experienced a completely new color. It was a pigment of my imagination

 

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the other door and jumps onto the other horse.

Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was all that about?"

He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."

 

Moshe was talking to his psychiatrist. "I had a weird dream recently," he says. "I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn't get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it until 7am. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee and came straight here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?"

The psychiatrist kept silent for some time, then said, "One slice of toast and coffee? Do you call that a breakfast?"

 

Tim listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge, bright, number -5-. It was made of gold and shined like the sun. Tim's eyebrows went up with curiosity. I continued to tell him that the first thing I did that day was to look up the local horse racing track contenders.

Tim raised an eyebrow. I told him that the number 5 contender in the 5th race was named "The Fifth Element." Tim started grinning. Then I told him of what I did to make sure I get my luck working in my favor. I ate 5 bowls of cereal for breakfast and drank 5 cups of orange juice. I went for a 5 mile jog to feel good. I spent 5 minutes in the shower washing off.  I dressed in the 5th shirt I found. I sat in my car for 5 minutes before beginning to drive, then I drove to the racetrack and parked in the 5th stall in the 5th row. I entered through the 5th admissions gate and bought 5 programs. I went to the 5th betting window and bet $555 on the 5th horse in the 5th race. I went and sat in the 5th row of the bleachers making sure there were 5 people sitting on both sides of me.I settled in and waited for the race to start.

"Well," said Tim. "Did your horse win??!?"

I frowned at Tim and said, "Stupid horse came in 5th."

 

It has always been my dream to be a multi millionaire like my father...My father has been dreaming of becoming a multi millionaire too..

 

I’ve always dreamed of swimming in a body of water filled with soda. Sadly it’s just a Fanta-sea.

 

Last night I dreamed I was driving a Ferrari in the Formula 1 championship race...I was fast, asleep.

 

I had the strangest dream last night, I fell asleep inside a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

 

I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram....I was like, 0mg.

 

Sam Levinson, the famous Jewish comedian told this story: When his parents were immigrants, escaping the prejudice of war-torn Europe, they fell under the spell of the American dream that the streets were paved with gold.

“When pop got here, he found three things: First, the streets weren't paved with gold… Second, the streets were not even paved. And third, he was supposed to do the paving.”

 

I told my son to believe in his dreams, and my wife got mad. She is probably just cranky though since we both just got woken up by our son who had a nightmare.

 

Grandma's dream finally came true and she went to medical school. As a cadaver… Oy…!

 

Iranian president Ahmadinejad calls Trump and tells him, "Donald, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Donald asks.

Mahmud replies, "UNITED STATES OF IRAN."

Trump says, "You know, Mahmud, I am really happy you called, because believe it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Mahmud asks.

Trump replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."

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Answer is C -Shame on me for getting this one only half right. Maybe it’s because I ‘m too tired after a long day of touring, but I shoild’ve gotten this completely right. The Green line was not the 1947 Partition plan line that I had written as the correct answer. Rather it was 1949 Post War Armistice line that was never meant to be borders, just a cease fire agreement lines that evolved into the what today some leftniks and UN niks consider what should be the border of Israel. I got part II right though which was easy. The correct answer of course is Ariel. Rosh Ayin is in Israel and the two arab cities mentioned were all negotiated to be within Israel’s borders in those agreements and which Kvish 6 passes right next to on your way up. So with mhy first half wrong on this exam the score this week is Schwartz 2.5 and 0.5 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.

 

Distinctly Jewish Pleasures- Vayeitzei 2018/ 5779

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land
from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

November 16^th 2018 -Volume 9 Issue 7 8^th Kislev 5779

Parshat Vayeitzei

Distinctly Jewish Pleasures

There are certain pleasures in the world that only a frum person can experience. That is the topic I wanted to write about this week. It started when I came into shul, it was a Monday. It’s a long tachanun on a Monday. I finished repeating shmona esrey and was about to start vi’hu rachum, when a chasan walked in. Kaddish! No tachanun. If it would’ve been a Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday there would have been some joy. Tachanun on those days is only about 3 or 4 minutes. But on a Monday or Thursday when you just knocked off a good 7-9 minutes from our morning services the elation was palatable. There wasn’t a face that wasn’t smiling. Someone commented to me afterwards. This is one of those pleasures in life that a non-religious person or a gentile will never experience. They may have cheese burgers, Santa Claus and the Super Bowl, but the joy of unexpectedly getting out of a few extra paragraphs of davening… that’s something only a frum yid can appreciate. Ashreinu ma tov chelkeinu- Fortunate are we and how good is our lot.

So that got me thinking what other uniquely frum pleasures are there out there that no one else gets to appreciate. Of course there is chulent-chili, stew, goulash and something called mélange, but it isn’t even close to a real chulent. You’ve got herring, kishka, chopped liver and kokosh cake. But that’s me I jump to food right away. But that’s really not fair because every cultures got their own ethnic cuisine. I was looking for distinctly religious pleasures. Not to say that chulent, particularly my wife’s, isn’t a religious experience but you know what I mean.

So what do you do when you don’t know something. I googled Uniquely Jewish pleasures that goyim don’t experience, and nothing came up relevant. All it gave me was links about Shabbos goys. That meant that this was a still undiscovered thesis waiting to be written. Google had left me room to expand on this narrowly researched area. So I went to work researching. But where? How?  Thank God for Facebook.

So I put up a post and all my friends chimed in within 3 hours I had close to 200 responses. There were some that were better than others. I’ll give you the ones I like best and maybe throw in a few more by the jokes below.

These four words being sung after the Torah reading “Chadeish Yameinu Kikedem-Yisgade’eel”- no speech this week.

Gebrochts on the last day of Pesach- for Chasidim

Being in an unfamiliar town and finding a kosher restaurant, or flayshigs in supermarket, or kosher crackers in a vending machine

Having someone bring you some milk chocolate as a present and realizing you’re the only one not flayshigs for the next 5 hours.

Lying down in bed and remembering as you’re falling asleep that you really did daven mariv already.

When your host cries out its time to bentch and he didn’t say a vort (or read Rabbi Schwartzes E-mail) at the table.

Really short selichos on Erev Yom Kippur

A cloudy Motzai Yom Kippur so you don’t have to say Kiddush Levana and can run home and eat right away.

Finding a big piece of flanken on bottom of chulent pot at a Kiddush that no one else realized

was there

Two words- Hoicha Kedusha (for my readers that are frummly illiterate- that’s when rather than repeating the entire Mincha amida you just say a quick kedusha and your done)

Being at a simcha and being able to eat whatever you want because your spouse is on other side of mechitza

And on and on and on… Send me yours. It’s a great topic. But perhaps the greatest pleasure in my mind that is Torah. I’m not getting frum on you here. I’m not trying to pitch you or sell you anything. And truth is that it’s not a pleasure that most of us get enough of the time. It’s probably one that I can tell you that I personally don’t get most times I crack a book, open up a Talmud or prepare a class or sermon. But it’s a joy that you get like no other. When you work hard at a good vort and poof it clicks. When the Talmud opens up after working on it a bit and all the pieces you were struggling over all fit together into a glorious tapestry. When something that you never saw before in the Torah or the parsha all of a sudden reveals itself to you. When you hear a great class or shiur that touches parts of your soul you knew existed but never thought could be inspired. Could be blown away. It’s more than just a Eureka! lightbulb moment.  It’s like you’ve just connected to something older, higher, more incredible than you ever thought you could. You found your place in the Torah. You appreciate that you have just gotten a taste of olam haba- the world to come, in this world. You want to, and sometimes do, jump up and dance.  A goy will never have that. That’s ours and ours alone.

That feeling, the moment, perhaps gets its first appearance in this week’s Torah portion. Our forefather Yaakov is fleeing for his life. He was at the top of his game until then. After his years in yeshiva and Kollel in the tents of Shem, he got his father’s blessings, unexpectedly. The dew of the heaven, the fats of the land. He won the jackpot. He goes to learn for another 14 years in Kollel and then he is off to find his wife. He’s got money, he’s got Torah, he’s got blessings, and then it all goes to pot. His brother wants him dead and he must leave in Israel. His father never left, but he is exiled. His nephew Elifaz sent by his brother Esau comes to kill him and leaves him penniless. He’s lying out in middle of Beit El with nothing but a dismal future leaving the holiest place on earth. And then he sleeps. He dreams. Angels go up and down a ladder

Bereshit (28:13) V’hinei Hashem nitzav oluv- Hashem is standing over him

Hashem blesses him that the land he is lying upon will be his and his descendants. Hashem will watch over him, and return him home and will never leave him until that happens.

Yaakov awakes in awe. He had just experienced the most incredible pleasure that only a yid can feel.

Ibid (23:16) Achein yesh Hashem bamakon hazeh v’anochi lo yodati- Surely Hashem is in this place and I did not know

Yaakov knew that Hashem is always watching him before this. But what about when it seems that things are so bleak. What about when I am thrown out? When everything is gone. When I am going to step out of the Beit Midrash for the next 20 years and barely able to crack a book. When I am being chased, persecuted, killed. When the only company I have is the crooks that I will be working with, when my life revolves around the sheep all day and night. When I have bills to pay and am so so far away from my father, my land, from the place where the Divine presence is meant to shine from? Will I be able to find You there?

Hashem assures him that He is standing over him. He is and will be standing over his descendants until they come home. There is a gate to heaven with angels that will follow you down wherever you go, and there will be angels that will bring you and your prayers back up through that gate always. The ladder will start from you. From wherever you rest your head to sleep at night.

Yaakov is blown away by the revelation. He takes those 12 rocks that joined together to become one and takes an oath that he will return. He will make those rocks into a house of Hashem. His children will be those building blocks that will bring Hashem to this world. We will be able to find Hashem and rejoice in Him no matter where you are as we know that there is a ladder that is planted on top of our heads that we can always climb up. That will always raise us higher.   

There are lots of pleasures that we have that goyim don’t but perhaps the greatest gift is when we are able to see the hand of Hashem when things look the bleakest. When missiles are being shot at our borders and a band of soldiers are saved because they got off the bus 5 minutes before their bus was blown up. When our buildings are being blown up and the only one to get killed is a Palestinian illegal. When we finally retake our Temple and throw off years of persecution and we don’t have enough oil to last for more than a day and it lasts for 8. Those are the real moments of yiddisheh exhilaration. As we approach Chanukah, we’ll have latkas, we’ll play dreidel and get gimmels and win that pot of chocolate gelt- goyim will never get that either. But let’s enjoy that greatest pleasure. Let’s gaze into those small little flames and remember the miracles that take place and the gates of heaven that are always open and that rock of Yaakov and Hashem’s promise that we will return. We will build Him that home again. This time it will be forever.

Have pleasure filled  Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Az du gaist oifen laiter, tsail di treplech -When you climb a ladder, count the rungs.

RABBI SCHWARTZES COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/omE3J8GXkZs  – inspiring new song by SY Rechnitz and an even more inspiring video sung by Baruch Levine and Simcha Leiner in the wake of the Pittsburgh attack

https://youtu.be/Eqwz6lMxmj8- Goyim eating Chasidish food

https://youtu.be/s5WI8nDU2VQ- Yoni Z video Ma Naaseh made me think of Yaakov’s dream

https://youtu.be/JQGLN1alhAs?list=PLJCT7aJVkqcE_XRwUavvtIPHmTbxVLjGS   The morning song of the early chalutzim pioneers in Israel pretty amazing!

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

Q The year in which Tel Aviv was established:

A. 1906

B. 1907

C. 1908

D. 1909

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S “LOMDUS” CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Parshat Toldos– A lamdan looks at a pasuk, a verse or a story in the Torah, and unlike the pashtan who seeks the simple understanding, or the darshan who looks for the midrashic explanation or sub-story, he looks to understand the halachic nuances and their application. It’s that appreciation that sheds light in general not only on the narrative in the text, but can open up gates in understanding more global fundementals and principles.

A great example of this approach is in this week’s Torah portion when Yaakov awakens from his dream where he saw the angels going up and down the heavenly ladder. When he awakes he makes the statement

Bereshit (28:17) ‘Surely Hashem in this place and I didn’t know!’ And he was frightened and said ‘How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of Hashemand this is the gate of heaven’

According to the Midrashim and Talmud the place where Yaakov slept was connected to the Temple Mount, either through the land crunching underneath him, or via the slope of the ladder that was directed towards it. Yaakov’s fear and awe was that it is forbidden to sleep in such a holy place, there is a law of morah mikdash- one is obligated to have awe of the Temple. The Rav of Brisk even notes that Yaakov would have even been willing to forego all of the incredible blessings and revelation that he received in that dream rather than violate that Torah commandment. Which is pretty amazing in of itself!

The question that he asks though is that there seems to be a slight problem. See the Temple wasn’t built yet. Seemingly a critical part of the obligation to have awe of the temple is that the temple had to have been built. Moriah was just an empty mountaintop. Why would Yaakov have regretted that he slept there and been willing to give up that incredible guarantee of the land of Israel, that Hashem will protect him always and that he will return him back home, if there seemingly was nothing significant about the place.

He answers with a deep understanding of the entire concept of the awe of the mikdash based on a precise reading of the Talmud. The Gemara tells us

Yevamot (6.) The Talmud teaches us (Vayikra 19:30) You shall observe my Shabbos and you shall have awe of my Temple- It says Shabbat observance and awe of the mikdash to teach you that just as the observance of Shabbos, it is not Shabbos that you are in awe of rather it is He who commanded it, also the awe of the Mikdash it is not the temple that you are meant to have awe from, only He who commanded it.

The Gemara continues and discusses all of the laws of mora mikdash; not to wear shoes, spit etc… The Rav however denotes that the fear of the Temple and its subsequent laws in truth are not connected to the physical structure of the temple. It is the Divine presence- the hashra’at HaShechina that emanates from there that is the driving point of the law. That being the case, he notes, Yaakov who precieved and actually had the shechina rest upon him in that place, would be obligated in all of the laws of morah mikdash- having awe of the Temple.

As we mentioned last week, a brisker can’t resist a good corroborating Rambam

Rambam Beit Habechira (7:1) It is a positive commandment to have awe of the Temple as it says u’mikdashai tira’u- you should have awe of the temple. And not from the temple itself should one have fear rather from He who commanded to have awe of Him.

And thus we understand perhaps why despite that while the place itself where he rested may not have been Har Hamoria (as it was in Beit El) and there was no Mikdash, yet since this was a place where the shechina rested, it would have the same halachic guidelines as if it was the temple itself.

And there you have it; A story explained, a new understanding in the laws of the Temple, an insight in a Talmud and a corroborating Rambam. A real lomdushe shiur!

  

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Gad and Reuvein and the Eastern Jordan- 1272 BC- Perhaps one of the most associated words with the early settlements of Israel is chalutzim- Pioneers. Now generally in America when we think of pioneers we think of Davy Crocket and his ‘coon skin cap or shtreimel J. In Israel the original chalutzim were known for their kova-tembel- their cloth “dunce caps” literally translated, which were those floppy cloth caps that kept the sun out of their eyes when they worked the field. They were called that, because they were generally considered simpletons. I mean you gotta be simple-minded to move to this barren “cursed” land where nothing grew for millennia and hoped to make it flourish. But guess what it did! The tembels got it right.

Now the original chalutzim and term as it is used in the Torah probably wore heavy metal armour and helmets. They were soldiers. The first time the Torah uses that term is when the two tribes of Gad and Reuvein approach Moshe and ask to receive their portion of Israel on the eastern side of the Jordan River. In the lands of the Emori and the Bashan that they conquered. They had lots of cattle and they needed grazing land for them. Moshe thought they were wimping out of the big battles that lay ahead of conquering the land of Canaan and wiping out the 7 nations that were there. They told Moshe that they would go “chalutzim” before the nation into battle. Moshe told them that “before the people” is not enough they must be chalutzim before Hashem. And they take the oath and all is good.

Rashi and many of the commentaries translate the word chalutzim as armed. The Baal Haturim notes the similarity to the word Chalitza which is the process of removing one’s shoe when one doesn’t want to fulfil his obligations for levirate marriage with his brother’s widow. He suggests that since every soldier wrote a get before they went to battle in case they didn’t make it back, it was like chalitza, their wives could remarry and not marry be bound to marrying their brother-in-law.  I mention this when we pass by Nachal Darga by the Dead Sea- I avoid the 6 hour intense hike there J- where they found gittin- divorce documents from the soldiers of Bar Kochvas army.

But the term chalitza, certainly means remove, and as we know all Hebrew terms are connected in Lashon Hakodesh- the holy tongue. So many suggest that chalutzim when it refers to soldiers or even pioneers is a reference to single-mindedness, a removal of all personal distractions and inclinations. A chalutz is driven. That is his essence. They prepared their divorce documents so they would not feel torn of their thoughts of their wives back home. This is the idea of the pioneers then and of now.

There are all types of places to talk about Israel’s early pioneers. Particularly around the Kinneret where you have the farm for women farmers in chavat Kinneret. You have the Chalutz movement, founded by Yosef Trumpledor that we talk about up in Tel Chai and or by the cemetery of the shomrim there. In the Hula valley the Dobrovin farm is a fascinating place to talk about the non- jewish chalutzim that were there. In the Negev by Sdei Boker, where Ben Gurion became so attached to these “heroes” that he ultimately joined them in his retirement and decided to be buried there.

You of course have as well the modern day “settlers and pioneers. They are all drawn by this single minded and holy desire to settle Hashem’s land. Whether it’s in the Golan, where the tribe of Menashe settled or in the Gush Katif museums that I take people to in Jerusalem or in Avney Eitan in the Golan, or in the many settlements in the “West Bank” or in Chevron. Jews as our ancestors are willing to give up everything and in many case endanger their lives and their families in order to settle Hashem’s land.  Chalutziyot is still here, now we just got to get back the area that was where the original chalutzim lived- The eastern Jordan river bank, currently in Jordan.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S JEWISH ONLY JOKES  OF THE WEEK

A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says,“This is a very fine jacket. How much is it?”

The salesman says, “It’s $500.”

The Gentile says,“OK, I’ll take it.”

Two Gentiles meet on the street. The first one says,“You own your own business, don’t you?
How’s it going?”

The other gentile says,“Just great! Thanks for asking!”

Two Gentile mothers meet on the street and start talking about children. Gentile mother 1 (said with pride):“My son is a construction worker!”

Gentile mother 2 (said with more pride):“My son is a truck driver!”

A man calls his mother and says, “Mother, I ! know you’re expecting me for dinner this evening, but something important has come up and I can’t make it.”

His mother says, “OK.”

A Gentile couple goes to a nice restaurant. The man says:

“I’ll have the steak and a baked potato, and my wife will have the julienne salad with house dressing. We’ll both have coffee.”

The waiter asks,“How would you like your steak and salad prepared?”

The man says, “I’d like the steak medium… the salad is fine as is.”

The waiter says, “Thank you.”

A Gentile man calls his elderly mother. He asks,

“Mom, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

She says, “I’m feeling fine, and I don’t need anything. Thanks for calling.”

A little old Jewish lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young gentile would leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel. And this went on for more then 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day, as the young man passed the old lady’s stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.

“Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has gone up to 35 cents.”

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Answer is D–  This is another one I really wasn’t sure of. Precise dates are just not my thing. I’m more of an early 1900’s type of guy. Does anyone really care if it is was 1906, 1907, 1908 or 1909? Gimme a break, what is this trivial pursuit? Truth is if you would’ve asked me I would have said 1911. Why? I dunno, that’s what I thought I remembered. But thankfully that wasn’t one of the choices, or I would have certainly gotten it wrong. 1909 was the closest date to that so I went with it. And whadaya know I was right! So I still maintain by a hair my perfect score on this exam

And the score continues Schwartz is 6 for 6 on this exam so far.