Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Fathers, Kids, Kings and Servants- Parshat Nitzavim- Rosh Hashana 2018/ 5778

Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
September 7th 2018 -Volume 8 Issue 46 27th  Elul 5778

Parshat Nitzavim/ Rosh Hashana

Father, Kids, Kings and Servants

My daughter, son-in law and grandson have been living with us for the past month or so. The “so” being maybe more than that. God-willing they’re moving to Karmiel and they came to check it out for the summer, while my son-in law found some work and an apprenticeship here as well. Now I’m no Archie Bunker, I would never call my son-in law Meathead. He’s got a job and even sidelines in a dairy restaraunt and it would be basar v’chalav to call him that. I love him and really respect and appreciate the fact that he married my daughter and gave us the most incredible grandchild ever. He’s an incredible baal middos and yarey shamayim and harder worker than I’ll ever be and a far better father as well from what I can tell. But part of the original marry-off-my-daughter plan was that they would move out of my house. I think they missed that point.

 It was a one way trip down that chupa. I said baruch shpatrani at the time. See by boys we make that blessing absolving us of any responsibility for our children by their Bar Mitzva; when we send them away to faraway out of town yeshivos and they came home only every few months and you tell them you love them on the phone. Daughters get a little more time living at home. But after my son-in-law broke that glass under the chupah the game is supposed to be over. She’s his responsibility. Rivkah moved her bed and put up her posters in Shani’s room already.

 I love having them for Shabbos and am actually excited about them living a few blocks away from us-when their house will be ready…But we’re downsizing the Schwartz house. I did my crying-baby-in-the-night thing already. I outgrew having to watch out where I step so as not too trample any crawling beings. I thought I was finished with the smell of dirty diapers and I liked finding food that I placed in the fridge still there the next morning. Our house is always open to my children. they know that. Their mother holds the door open for them. She would have them live here forever. She would make an addition onto our house. Me? I’d cash out and buy a little cabin and have a spare bedroom for the grandchildren to visit every once in a while.

Now the other thing about kids is that they seem to be eating me out of house and home. We’re buying like 10 gallons of milk every few days. Cereal goes like water, we’re out of nosh, and we’ve eaten herds of animals and poultry over this summer. Now during the summer I wasn’t home for most of it. I was eating out with my tourists. But the past two weeks is my vacation time and there’s no food in the Schwartz fridge anymore. I keep buying and it keeps going. Kids do that to you. And of course they don’t chip in for any of the expenses. I wouldn’t even take it if they offered. They know that so they don’t… I guess. Yep they pretty much get a free ride on life. It’s good to be a kid.  

Now I know my mother and father are reading this right now and are kvelling. This is the nachas they have been waiting years for. They are remembering how I used to come visit them regularly as well. Well visit their meat packed freezer downstairs, that is. I cared about them and didn’t want those steaks they had to spoil in there. I cared about their blood pressure and made sure they didn’t have too many pot roasts sitting around tempting them. I wasn’t sure why they would buy 5 turkeys but I assumed they just wanted me to have one or two as well. And of course all the accoutrements, including paper plates, ketchup and anything else that would fit in my suitcase. What goes around comes around they are saying. Ahh well I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Unlike the steaks I bought that are disspearing from my freezer. Yeah its good to be a kid. In fact it seems that if one had a choice maybe we would stay that way for ever.

Which brings me to Rosh Hashana, of course. See perhaps one of the most repeated and sung refrains on Rosh Hashana is the concept of us being children of Hashem. After we blow the Shofar we sing

Hayom Haras Olam- Today is the birthday of the world
Hayom Yaamod Bamishpat kol yetzurey olamim- Today will stand in judgement all of Creation
If we are like children- have mercy on us like a father has mercy on his children
And if we are like servants- our eyes are turned to You until You are gracious to us and bring out like a light our verdict Awesome and Holy one.

Admit it you are humming those words right now. Eeemmmm kabaannim eeeemm k’avadimmmm. The question is what are you thinking when you recite those words. How do we want Hashem to view us? Like children or like servants? I think I’m not the only one out there that would choose children. As I said it’s good to be a kid. We all know the parables about the judge or the king who has a servant that angered him, but the kid is not nervous because he knows it’s his father that is the one who will ultimately pass the judgement and verdict. It can’t be that bad. So why do we even entertain the thought up there that we are not children? That perhaps Hashem should look at us like servants? Particularly if we all know we’ve been pretty lousy servants. We were really never into the blue collar slavery thing. Now if you need a good accountant or dentist, tour guide or actuary then we’re the nation to call. (By the way see how I did that there? I just threw in tour guide between Dentist and actuary.. as if it it’s a real job…I’m sneaky that way)

The truth is that it is not only in that prayer that we come to Hashem with this double approach. Another central prayer that we recite is none other than Avinu Malkeynu. Now start humming that one. Avinu Malkey ey ey nuuuu… Avinu Malkey ey ey nuuuuu…Asey imaahnuuu Tzedaka vacheh- ehsed …. See how many E-mails do you get that make you hum? But anyways this song as well talks about Hashem as our Father and our King and therefore Hashem should give us things and forgive us and write us in all the right books. Now why isn’t it enough to say that Hashem is our Father. I know the song wouldn’t sound as nice if it went Avinu Avee ee ee nu… but what’s the benefit of standing in front of a King, or being a servant if we can just be children of Hashem. Children, that the Torah and Talmud tells us that we rule halachically we are considered even if we do the worst sins in the world. So why bring it up at all?

I saw two beautiful insights that are worth thinking about as we say these words. The first is about us, the second is about Hashem. When we come to Hashem and we ask him for all of the things that we want and need for the coming year, we sometimes-perhaps most times, forget about the most important thing to ask for as well. That we want all of these things to serve Hashem. Yes we are children of Yours, Hashem, but unlike children who want to take and take and take from you. We are coming to You not to clean out Your fridge of goodies that You have stored away. Rather we are coming to ask You for Your sake To better serve You. If we are children than have mercy on us like children, but we prefer to come to you as servants. That you should see how essential we are in establishing Your Kingdom in this world. How we can be the ones that could and want to shine that “light” from your verdict; your ohr mishpateinu to the entire world. That is how we turn to you and that is really what we are here about.

Now is this really true? Do we really want money to serve Hashem better? Is that why we want His blessings? Is that why we want life? Peace? Forgiveness? Or is it so that we could continue meandering through the ho hum daily routine of our lives; working 6 days a week to pay the bills, tuition and then one day make enough money to put away for a vacation, an addition on the house and a nicer car. It’s a question we are meant to grapple with. It’s one that if we answer correctly might allow us to focus on the things that have eternal significance, rather than the temporal ones that will only last at best the mere few decades that we inhabit this planet. It might inspire us to make some changes. To reprioritize. To do teshuva. We recite these two phrases repeatedly and even sing them each time we hear that shofar because it brings us back to the beginning. To the time when Hashem first blew his spirit inside of us. When He made us His children, but we knew it was so we could make Him our King. That’s our work for Rosh Hashana. And it is the mindset of servants that we are meant to come to Hashem with our requests.

The second idea that follows this one is Hashem’s role. See a father can be a lot more merciful than a king. The father will overlook things. The father will find the good. The father will go to bat for his children and even let them clean out his fridge. But guess what? The Father has limited funds. He’s a tour guide for gosh sakes! How many times can he go to Rami Levy and restock? There are bills to pay and as much as he would love to give you everything he had if he could, he can’t. So we turn to Hashem and ask Him to look at us like a Father. But as well we want more than that. We want things that a father can’t afford. We want a whole world to be at peace. We want a billion dollar Temple sitting in Yerushalayim. We want every sick person healed. Every unmarried single to find their bashert. Every Jewish couple to merit to have a houseful of yiddishe babies. We want those that have forgotten You to find You again. And we have done things that are so unforgiveable that even a Father does not have the authority to grant a pardon. Only the King does. We are your servants. You are the King that has the whole world at your palm. You have more than a father. You have it all. Share that light that only the revelation of Your Kingship can, with the world. Anu avadecha V’atah adoneinu- we are your servants and you are  our Master.  You are our Father but you are also our King.

As we enter the last Shabbos of 5778 Taf Shin Ayin Chet the year that stood for Tehei Shnat Alimat Chet- the year when we Hashem will hide our sins. May this year 5779 Taf Shin Ayin Tet be the year of Aliya Tova- amazing aliya both physically and spiritually or in Yiddish-  a year of Alleh Toivos-all the good things. A year of Ayin Tova- good eye and a year that is in every way Al HaTeva- Supernatural.  May we all be inscribed in the Book of life and may this be the year that our Father reveals Himself from his earthly palace awaiting Him to the entire world as we hear the shofar blast not only of Rosh Hashana but of the final redemption.

Have a Majestic Shabbos and a Shana Tova U’Metuka- a sweet and happy new year,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“When it comes to one’s own children, everybody is blind..”– Oif aigeneh kinder iz yederer a blinder.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
Q.  The Crusaders entered Jerusalem in 1099:
A. At the Tancred tower
B. Near the Flower Gate
C. Through Lions Gate
D. Through Zion Gate

RABBI SCHWARTZ COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/srbqz96Dzao- Shlomo Simcha singing this beautiful moving video Avinu Malkeiu Tatenyu

https://youtu.be/anPJFBzVC2c- I’m not a chazanus person but this Avniu Malkeinu with the now famous Shulem Lemmer and choir is absolutely heavenly

https://youtu.be/ffymBCIznto- Ohad, Yishai Lapidot, Itzik Dadia and Kinderlach all singing one song in a video a beautiful original Avinu Malkeinu

https://youtu.be/IKMFDzRP9Rg  - The High Holidays need a good Vse’urev with SY Rechnitz MBD and Motty Shteimetz

 https://youtu.be/nz7Xvk5D8Rs - Rachmana, from Selichos with Shmuli Ungar

https://youtu.be/lHmd-2FxF3I - Great Carlebach Achas Shoalti that I haven’t heard in decades sung by Mordechai Gottlieb and Kumzitz

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S HAFTORA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Parshat Nitzavim – It’s the last haftora of the seven of consolation. It’s the last haftorah of the year and the one that precedes Rosh Hashana, the day that Hashem not only judges the entire world, but the anniversary of the Creation of Man. Those two sentences should get you excited and if you aren’t yet then just read the haftorah and listen to the excitement and enthusiasm the prophet Yeshaya has when he sees the era of the coming of Mashiach and the restoration of Yerushalayim

Isaiah (61:10)  I will rejoice with the Lord; my soul shall exult with my God, for He has attired me with garments of salvation, with a robe of righteousness He has enwrapped me; like a bridegroom, who, priestlike, dons garments of glory, and like a bride, who adorns herself with her jewelry.

I especially related to this Haftorah this week with the engagement of my sister Rivky and the excitement by all those who have had her in their prayers all of these years to finally find her Bashert! It’s incredible the day finally has arrived. The bride is putting on that wedding gown that she has been waiting all her life to wear. She is sparkling and smiling and the entire world is as well from that glow. That is how Yeshaya sees the day of redemption.

Ibid (62:4) No longer shall "forsaken" be said of you, and "desolate" shall no longer be said of your land, for you shall be called "My desire is in her," and your land, "inhabited," for the Lord desires you, and your land shall be inhabited.
The joy described above could be said about any bride. But one that has been single for so long. One that struggled with the challenge of faith whether there is in fact someone out there for them. Would they ever find their bashert? Will they remain forsaken and desolate? Or will there be a day when someone will come and swoop her off her feet and say that he desires her. That is the joy of Yerushalayim that Yeshaya is enthused about. That is the words that we sing by each wedding

Ibid (62:4) U’mSos chasan al kallah yasis Hashem alayich- and the rejoicing of a bridegroom over a bride shall your God rejoice over you.
 The Navi as well tells us and charges us that we will never be silent for Jerusalem. He has appointed guardians of the city to pray for it, to mourn for it and to remind the world and Hashem that it and we awaits Him, the groom to return to us.
Ibid (62:1) L’maan tziyon lo echeshe-u’lmaan Yerushalayim lo eshkot- For the sake of Zion, I will not be silent, and for the sake of Jerusalem I will not rest, until her righteousness comes out like brilliance, and her salvation burns like a torch.
Ibid (62:6-7) Al Chomosayich Yerushalayim hifkaditi shomrim- On your walls, O Jerusalem, I have appointed watchmen; all day and all night, they shall never be silent; those who remind the Lord, be not silent. And give Him no rest, until He establishes and until He makes Jerusalem a praise in the land.
 It is with this haftorah that we conclude the year. The idea is that it is Yerushalayim that should be in forefront of our prayers. The Tikunei Zohar notes the sadness of Hashem that each year we come to Him on Rosh Hashana and all we ask for is for life, for parnassa, for health, for children and for forgiveness and we forget about the shechina that is painfully in exile. Until this year Rivky Schwartz was on the forefront of everyone’s prayers. This year lets dedicate it to the one bride Klal Yisrael that is long awaiting it’s Groom Hashem to return and take us back again.
 Yeshaya Hanavi Era of Prophecy (780-700 BC)- Yeshayahu was the author of his own book. It has 66 chapters and it his prophecies that make up the majority of the haftoras 15 in total. He was considered the greatest prophet since Moshe and he died (or more accurately was killed by King Menashe) at age 120 just as Moshe did.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

The Maapilim- Israel’s first illegal immigrant attempt- 1311 BC – Right after the story of the spies the Torah tells us about a group of Jews who refused to deal with the fact that they had been told they could not enter the land. They went up against the command of Moshe and without the Ark and of course as predicted they were all massacred by the Amalekites and Canaanites that lived in the land. Seemingly they did the wrong thing and were punished. Is this a message that one should not enter the land until Hashem tells us to? Until we hear the sound of the Shofar of Mashiach. There are certainly those that have that opinion that the Jews are bound by an oath that we will not return to the land en masse and with force until Mashiach comes. There are others that disagree, the nations violated their oath not to persecute us, the world recognizes the State of Israel we are no longer here against the will of the world.

This interesting Torah portion and story is certainly one that one can discuss with tourists here and that I do regularly when we drive through the hot-bed anti-Zionist neighbourhoods of Meah Shearim in Jerusalem. As well it is something that I present when we talk about the “illegal” immigration to Israel under the British mandate, when in response to the British issuances of the various “White Papers” that prohibited the Jews from emigrating here in larger numbers, we started to come anyways. When one is Netanya you can walk along the houses by Chof Hatechelet where the Kibbutz Mitzpeh Yamim (which eventually moved south and became Yad Mordechai) and talk about how this kibbutz were a major part of smuggling in Jews as they would watch for boat lights flashing and smuggle them in. As well the Detainee camp of Atlit has an incredible museum and film there that I visit often that shows you what life was like for the refugees both on the multi-media boat move they recreated and in the barracks where they were kept when the  British captured them. Finally of course in Chaifa you have the  Clandestine Immigration and Navy Museum where you can watch testimonials of those that struggled to get in and hear the story of the sacrifice to come to Israel. As well there are two boats that you can go in. One called “Af al Pi Ken”- “Even So” and you can really get a feel for the mesirut nefesh and the illegal immigration that did work!

Now can one compare our ma’apilim with those of old. Rebbi Tzadok HaKohen suggests that the ones in the time of Moshe had the right idea. They were right to demand to go and even if Hashem told them not to. The rule is that one has to listen to everything the Baal HaByis- the host tells you except to leave. The problem was it was too early. However he says explicitly the time will come before Mashiach when we will come up to Israel even before the time and perhaps even against the will of the Almighty- as it may not yet be the time and we will succeed. So there’s at least one Chasidic Rebbe out there that felt we are doing the right thing. So when you coming?
  
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S JEWISH CHILDREN JOKES  OF THE WEEK

There was a rabbi known for his constant preaching about the need to nurture children with warmth and love.
One time he noticed some children who were playing in the freshly laid concrete outside his newly renovated home, their little feet leaving lasting impressions. He became irritated and started chastising the children.
A congregant asked, "How can you, a person who devoted his entire life to teaching warmth to children, speak this way?"
To which the rabbi replied: "You must understand. I love children in the abstract, not the concrete."

In the 1970's, a Russian school inspector is questioning the children. He points to one of the boys and says, "Who is your father?"
The boy replies, "The Soviet Union."
He then asks, "Who is your mother?"
"The communist party," came the reply.
"And what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I want to be a Stankhanovite worker for the glory of the state and the party."
The inspector then points to one of the girls and asks, "Who is your father?"
The girl answers, "The Soviet Union."
"Who is your mother?"
"The communist party."
"And what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A heroine of the Soviet Union raising lots of children for the state and party."
The inspector looks round and sees a Jewish boy tucked away at the back trying to look inconspicuous. He points and says, "What's your name?"
The boy replies, "Mendel Abramovitch."
"Who is your father?"
"The Soviet Union."
"Who is your mother?"
"The communist party."
"And what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Mendel replies, "An orphan."

Mordechai, his wife and their three children have just finished their shopping and decide to get a taxi back home. So he hails a cab and says to the driver, "If you turn off the meter, how much will you charge to drive us to Brooklyn?" "For you and your wife, I'll charge just $12," says the taxi driver, "and I'll take the 3 children for free. Is that OK?" Mordechai turns to his children and says, "Jump into the taxi, children, this nice man will take you home. Your mother and I will take the bus."

Mendel was passing by his Chaim's bedroom  and was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Daddy."
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands
and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better.
She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad, I'm 16 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your boychik Chaim’l
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Yanky's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card That's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
           Call me when it's safe to come home.

Four Jewish ladies are playing a game of cards in Miami Beach.
The first lady sighs and says, "Oy..."
The second lady nods, sighs and says, "Oy vey!"
The third lady says, "Oy veys meer!"
The fourth lady chimes in: "Enough talk about the children already. Let's get back to the game."

Even though they were brought up strictly orthodox, Shlomo, 8 and Isaac, 10 were very naughty brothers. When anything went wrong in Golders Green, they were nearly always involved.
One day, a friend visited their parents and mentioned a Rabbi who was having great success with delinquent children. As they were finding it difficult to control their boys, they went to this Rabbi and asked whether he could help.
He said he could and asked to see the younger boy first – but he must be alone. So Shlomo went to see the Rabbi while Isaac was kept at home.
The Rabbi sat Shlomo down across a huge, solid mahogany desk and he sat down on the other side. For 5 minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the Rabbi pointed his finger at Shlomo and asked, "Where is God?" Shlomo said nothing. Again, in a louder tone, the Rabbi pointed at Shlomo and asked, "Where is God?" Again Shlomo said nothing. Then the Rabbi leaned across the desk, put his finger on Shlomo's nose and shouted, "For the third time, Shlomo, where is God?"
Shlomo panicked at this, got up and ran all the way home. He went straight up to Isaac’s room and said, "We are in big trouble, Isaac."
"What do you mean, big trouble, little brother?" said Isaac.
Shlomo replied, "God is missing... and I’m sure they think we did it."

************
Answer is B–  This was not an easy question and to be honest, I had no clue and probably would have skipped it on the exam. The Crusaders were not my favorite people and in 1099 they came to Israel to wipe out the Egyptian Muslims that were in the city. They wiped out the Jews along the way in Europe (about 30% of the Jewish population) and ultimately when they breached the walls of Jerusalem on Shabbos, the 17th of Tamuz 1099 (the same day the first temple walls 1500 years prior were breached and he beginning of the three weeks of mourning of the destruction of the Temple) they killed 40,000 Muslim and Jewish men women and children in the old city of Jerusalem until they were described as wading knee-deep in blood. Although I didn’t know the answer I was curious as to where the breach was. Although in Jewish tradition and historically we know that the prophets tell us that “from the North troubles will come” and that’s traditionally where Yerushalayim was breached from, so I should have realized it was the Shaar HaPerachim- Flowers gate, but I did know that they sieged from Zion gate as well and entered there. Tancreds tower which is right across from Notre Dame on the West side by Tzahal street also threw me off, as Tancred was one of the Crusader generals. But it seems that he was not successful in breaching over there. Incidentally Arab tradition called that tower Goliaths tower because they believed that Dovid buried Goliaths head over there. Fun Fact. The answer though is Flowers gate and certainly not Lion’s gate where Motta Gur entered in 1967 and finally after 2000 years returned the holy city to its people.

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Food for Thought- Parshat Ki Tavo 2018 /5778

Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
September 1st 2018 -Volume 8 Issue 45 21st Elul 5778

Parshat Ki Tavo

Food for Thought

It was embarrassing. Every single Shabbos, every house I went to it was the same thing again and again.
“What! You don’t eat chopped liver? How can you not eat chopped liver?! You’re such a chopped liver type of guy! I can’t believe that you don’t eat it? I went out special to buy chopped liver, because I thought that for sure Ephraim Schwartz is a chopped liver person. I’m in shock. Are you sure you won’t try some?”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I even started eating Shabbos lunch in yeshiva rather than go out for meals when I was  studying in Israel in my yeshiva days. Don’t worry, that didn’t last too long. Although I wasn’t a chopped liver person, chulent was essential and yeshiva chulent didn’t even have meat in it. They put in some chicken, but really, who are we fooling? Unless there’s a dead four legged mammal in the crockpot it ain’t chulent.

So I finally caved. I closed my eyes and started eating liver. If everyone says that I’m a chopped liver person, there must be something to it. At first I mixed in some of the egg salad that was usually conveniently placed right next to the liver in those little ice cream scoopy balls with a pretty shaped red pepper and a cherry tomato on top. I worked my way up to putting it on crackers with mustard on top. I advanced to burying it was buried in my pastrami and corn beef sandwich with pickles on club; which incidentally became the “Ephraim Schwartz” Essex on Coney special. I finally arrived at the point where I truly even enjoy the non-chopped liver with onions in a delicious wine sauce. Mmmmmmm, You’re getting hungry now. I know. Yes I will now eat my liver here and eat my liver there. I will eat it everywhere. In a box, with a fox, on a train in the rain, with a goat on a boat. A chopped liver guy is what I am, if you’re serving any just call me- I’m Ephrai-am. Oy…

It’s an interesting thing about human beings, how different people have different tastes. There are some people that are picky eaters. I have a nephew that only eats hot dogs and schnitzel. There are others that are more adventurous. There are people that actually eat cauliflower and broccoli and even having cravings for it. I’m not one of those. No one ever confused me as one either. There are some people that like olives. I don’t and can’t understand how people do. Trust me I’ve tried and that one is not happening. I’ve had people that didn’t like chulent. I questioned their Jewish lineage. But as my mother taught me the old Hebrew saying goes.

“Al taam v’reyach ein mitvakeayach- on taste and flavor one can’t argue.”

Yet it’s a strange thing. Why is it that some people like some things and others another. Why is it that some foods some people crave and the same food might make another cringe? Why would Hashem program us like that? I know there must be some spiritual lesson in it for us. I especially think before we come into Rosh Hashana when we taste all types of new weird fruits and eat those fish heads, leeks and black eyed peas that Artscroll tells us we must, we should understand why it is that some of us will be excited about different tastings while others will be sitting and contemplating how badly they really want to be a head and not a tail. I mean a tail is cool also right? And do I get extra points for they eyeballs?

Well what do you know, this week’s Torah portion gives a clue and the Baal Shem Tov really lays it out for us in what I believe can be a truly life-changing idea that can transform how we look and appreciate our food. Almost as much as eating chopped liver can. See the Parsha begins with the mitzva of Bikkurim, bringing the first fruits to the Beit Hamikdash. After the long procession with the rest of the people from his village and arriving with fanfare to Yerushalayim one goes up to the Temple Mount and then gives the Kohen his adorned basket and is obligated to say b’kol ram- in a loud uplifted voice, words that we recite at our Pesach Seder

Devarim (26:5-10) And he shall answer and say before Hashem your God,” My father was a fugitive Aramean.

{although some Rishonim read this as referring to Yaakov, being a fugitive for his life from Lavan the Arami, others read this as referring to Yaakov being an Arami- they never told you that by your Pesach Seder I bet…}

He went down to Egypt with meager numbers and sojourned there; but there he became a great and very populous nation.
The Egyptians dealt harshly with us and oppressed us; they imposed heavy labor upon us.
We cried to the Hashem, the God of our fathers, and Hashem heard our plea and saw our plight, our misery, and our oppression.
Then Hashem freed us from Egypt by a mighty hand, by an outstretched arm and awesome power, and by signs and portents.
He brought us to this place and gave us this land, a land flowing with milk and honey.
Wherefore I now bring the first fruits of the soil which Hashem, has given me.” 

It’s a nice speech. It’s historical, it’s praise of Hashem and after years of Pesach Seders we all know the words. But truth be told what does this really have to do with the basket of mangos and avocados that I just schlepped here. Also why does this have to be done in a raised voice? We don’t find that any other declarations need to be done loudly. Finally, why does it start off “and he answers”? Who is he answering to or for? He wasn’t asked any questions.

There is a fascinating Baal Shem Tov that explains the concept of food, taste and the reason why Hashem created us with diverse palates that can help us understand what this Bikkurim is all about. The answer can perhaps be found in a psalm by Dovid Hamelech that describes our redemption.

Psalm (107) Hodu LaHashem Ki Tov Ki L’Olam Chasdo- O give thanks to Hashem, for He is good; for his loving kindness endures forever! Let the redeemed of Hashem say so, whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy….They wandered in the wilderness in a desert way; they found no city to dwell in! Hungry as well as thirsty, their soul enwraps itself in them! Then they cried to Hashem in their trouble, and He saved them from their distresses! He led them forward the right way,so they might go to a city of habitation! Oh that men would praise Hashem  for His loving kindness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men! For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness!

What does it mean that the hungry and thirsty have souls enwrapped in them. And what is all this hungry and redemption connection that Dovid is making? Yes we are hungry at the Pesach Seder to get to the meal, but what does that have to do with this Psalm?

The Baal Shem Tov thus explains mystically what he describes is a sod gadol- a deep secret.

Why did Hashem create flavorful food and drink that man should desire to eat and drink? The reason is that they are the sparks of Adam HaRishon the first Man, that were dispersed after he sinned from eating from the forbidden tree. They needed to be gathered, elevated and restored to the holiness from where they came. They are spread out in the earth, it’s fruits and the animals that we eat. The part that each individual desires and wishes to eat is because it is connected to his or her personal soul, that only they can uplift, only they can restore to its holiness. This is the secret of the “children that are in captivity”…

Sounds deep doesn’t it? Gives new meaning to the snap crackle and pop that you thought your Rice Krispies were making to you. What the Baal Shem is saying in simple chulent-eating-layman’s terms is that every food has a spark of holiness that has been waiting for us to make a blessing on it and bring it back up to Hashem. Each person has special and unique tastes because his soul is “enwrapped” in that food. Dovid in his psalm is talking about those sparks, those souls that are “wandering in the wilderness” with no heavenly “city to dwell in”. In praising Hashem for that loving kindness that he gave us that food, we are in fact the representatives, the shliach tzibur of those sparks.  

There is a great story about the rebbetzin of the Sar Shalom of Belz how when she saw a chasid once quickly mumbling a bracha and downing with relish some good kugel that she had prepared for the chasidim that came to visit the Rebbe. She told him ruefully

“Do you know how much this piece of Kugel wen through to get to your plate? As a little seed buried in the ground he davened that Hashem should bring down rain upon him that he should grow. Once he popped out of the ground he prayed that no bugs or worms should infest him. When he was finally cut and ground into flour, oh how he prayed that his should merit to be baked by a Jewish man, and be brought to a table where someone will bless upon him and finally release the captive sparks whose desire is to return to their heavenly abode. This particular wheat must have prayed very good to make it here to thee holy Rebbe’s table, a table of god-fearing people, holy people. It has been waiting excitedly for the final culmination of all its prayers…. And then you came and grabbed it…”

Wow! Talk about food for thought. With this understanding Reb Pinchas Friedman suggests we can understand the mitzva of Bikkurim. When we bring our first fruits to the Kohen we are bringing all the sparks found in them to the holiest place and we are their representatives. They have finally made it. We speak for them, we answer for those sparks that can’t speak in a loud voice and talk about how we-and them, were sent down to the lowest place, we were buried in the ground. We were beaten, we were chopped up, we were ground down. And Hashem took us- and them out, and he brought us here. To the Land flowing with milk and honey, to the place that they have been waiting so long to be redeemed to. They and we have finally come home.

In another week and a half we will sit down in front of a plate of assorted fruits and vegetables, some fish,  maybe a head of a fish or even a lamb if you’re brave. Some of them strange looking, others calling to us. It is a strange custom. Really, on the holiest and important day of the year, after we come home from Shul and are literally praying for our lives, our health, our parnassa, our children, the first thing we do is have a strange smorgasbord of culinary oddities? The answer is yes. Our job on this world and the lives and gifts that we are so desperately praying for are so that we may lift up the sparks in this world and make the world a better place, a holier place and to finally restore that heavenly kingdom that it may shine once more. Every bite we take we ask Hashem that “Yehi ratzon milfanecha -May it be your will that….” Each bite is another spark. Each mouthful another prayer another spark uplifted. With each chew we are one  delicious swallow closer to achieving our final redemption. So don’t grimace, imagine how long that fruit has been waiting for you, that fish has been swimming around for, that chopped liver has been praying to become your pâté. You can do it. Its been waiting for you specifically because only you have the keys to release its soul. Who knows you may be a fish head type of guy after all.

Have a scrumptiously delicious Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Besser ain freint mit gekechts aider hundert mit a krechts.”– Better one friend with food then a hundred with a sigh.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
Q. The remains of a sugar production plant from the Crusader period can be seen in:
A. Acre (Akko)
B. Kochav haYarden (Belvoir)
C. Khirbet Manot
D. Ma’iliya

RABBI SCHWARTZ COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/ZcpbqMK2iWw - OK I don’t know what to with this a Yiddish Chasiddish Sound of Silence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z1VIswTifY- Not sure about this one either but I love the song Hishbaati Eschem sung by hundreds of Japanese tourists in Israel

https://youtu.be/REKB078tpZ4- In honor of Selichos this Motzai Shabbos Avraham Fried and Choir oldie singing Machnisey Rachamim, awesome!


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S HAFTORA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Parshat Ki Tavo – What an amazing haftorah this week has! Read it, it’s worth it. It’s in fact essential to appreciating the fact that we are truly living the fulfillment of the prophecies of Yeshaya that he saw 2500 years ago. The haftorah begins with words that we have paraphrased each Friday night in our Kabbalat Shabbos.
Isaiah (60:1) Kumi ori ki va orech u’kvod Hashem alayich zarach- Arise shine for your light has come and the glory of Hashem has shone upon you.
We sing these words Friday night and do we ever realize that they are not as much a prayer as a realization that we have almost entirely arrived and realized this.
The prophet talks about the darkness that takes over the world. Everyone is running around in the dark. Yeah… to the light of their smartphones as they talk about the pathetic world leadership that we have
(ibid (60:2) For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and a gross darkness the kingdoms, 
And guess what they all come to Israel for our light
(60:3-4) And nations shall go by your light and kings by the brilliance of your shine. lift up your eyes all around and see, they all have gathered, they have come to you
He  tells us about the miraculous return that we experience
your sons shall come from afar, and your daughters shall be raised on [their] side.
Does he even see the miraculous flights of Nefesh BNefesh
Who are these that fly like a cloud and like doves to their cotes?
Does he see the incredible foreign tourism and even unprecedented United States support that fills our coffers?
 for the abundance of the west shall be turned over to you, the wealth of the nations that will come to you.

And foreigners shall build your walls, and their kings shall serve you,

And they shall open your gates always; day and night they shall not be closed, to bring to you the wealth of the nations and their kings in procession.

And the children of your oppressors shall go to you bent over, and those who despised you shall prostrate themselves at the soles of your feet, and they shall call you 'the city of the Hashem, Zion of the Holy One of Israel.'

And you shall suck the milk of nations and the breast of kings you shall suck

The one prophecy that we still await is the one that he makes about our current enemy, incredibly calling them by name.
Lo Yishma od Chamas B’artzech- and violence (Hamas) will no longer be heard in your land, robbery and desolation in your borders.
But as all the other prophecies have been fulfilled I have no doubt that this one will be realized as well soon. May we merit to see the conclusion of the prophecy of Bei’ta Achishena- that Hashem hastens its time readily in our days.

Yeshaya Hanavi Era of Prophecy (780-700 BC)- Yeshayahu was the author of his own book. It has 66 chapters and it his prophecies that make up the majority of the haftoras 15 in total. He was considered the greatest prophet since Moshe and he died (or more accurately was killed by King Menashe) at age 120 just as Moshe did.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Moshe’s Spies- 1311 BC- I say Moshe’s spies as opposed to Yehoshuah’ which take place 40 years later. These spies which became the symbol of the tourism ministry of Israel, ironically enough, because they just came back kvetching about their trip and would seemingly be the last people you should use as your logo for tourism. It would be like PETA using Ronald McDonald for theirs. Yet they become an important message to give my tourists about the their visit to Israel. Don’t kvetch, don’t complain, the last ones that did, didn’t turn out so well.

Now there are plenty of places where I try to give the message, lessons and stories of the spies over. The first place is in Chevron were one can see the huuugge Canaanite period walls that remain there by Tel Rumeida. As well we can talk about how Calev, who received this city as his portion came here to pray by the cave of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs, Mearat Hamachpela, that he not fall into the conspiracy of the other spies and really becomes the source of praying by graves that is an appropriate message to give by any Jewish grave that we pray by.

As well one can trace the route of the Meraglim from the Sinai Desert there is a place called Ein Kadis in Arabic which some have associated with Kadesh Barnea, this is not far from Nitzana a Nabatean city there, where they left from. This would of course be called Midbar Paran which the Talmud suggests was the earlier name of it was Midbar Tzin and Midbar Kadesh, all which are in Sinai and the Negev, that they went up from. The stream that they picked the large grapes from called Nachal Eshkol, seemingly is Nachal Chevron, as it is named after Avraham’s neighbour Eshkol who lived there. That stream flows down South to Nachal Beer Sheva and out to the Mediterranean. It says as well they travelled in the North until Lavo Chamat, this is certainly not the Chamat that is near Tiverya as well not the hot springs of Hamat Gader, as both of these are far away from the northern border of Israel. It would seem according to most historians and archaeologists based on different insights from the Talmud that we are clearly talking about a place that is currently way up in Syria or Northern Lebanon of Tzadad or Labweh. The prophet Yechezkel gives us borders that go much further than we have today and that would be occupied territory by the Syrians that are currently in our biblical portions.

Finally of course anytime I take tourists to any farm to pick fruit I point out the incredible miracles of the growth in Israel that stunned our first meraglim here. I take them to the lush Jezreel or Hula valley and point out that with the miraculous return of the Jews to Eretz Yisrael we are the number one producer of agriculture in per dunam in the world according the international organization of agricultural research producing 3 times as much produce per dunam as anywhere else. This despite the fact that we have next to Japan the least amount of arable land for usage and the not that much rain. I’ll take them to cow shed in the Golan Heights and note to them that we have the highest milk per cow production in the world beating out Holland and the US of A here in the land of milk and honey. In the vineyards of Chevron hills, in the Golan or the Shefela or the Galile, both upper and lower I tell them how we are serious players in the world with our wines and grape production with nary a winery in the country that doesn’t have a medal in some international wine competition. Our dates grown in the Jordan valley are the sweetest in the world and this is a pretty big planet in case you didn’t notice. See all this, my dear tourists and then realize this is the country those spies saw, these are the fruits and blessing they saw and it scared them. It was miraculous and they weren’t ready to live in that miraculous world? Are we…?

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S REALLY FOOD JOKES  OF THE WEEK

Little Yossi and his family were having dinner at his bubbe's house.  
When everyone was seated, the food was served. As soon as little Yossi got his plate, he started eating from it right away.
"Yossi, please wait until we say our prayer," said his father.
"I don't have to," Yossi replied.
"Of course you have to," said his mother. "Don't we always say a prayer before eating at our house?"
"Yes, but that's our house," Yossi explained. "This is bubbe's house and she knows how to cook." 

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old Jewish man in the front row, raised his hand and said, "Vedding Cake?

An Italian, a Frenchman and a Jew arrive in Heaven and each is judged. The angel escorts the Frenchman to his heavenly reward. They enter a beautifully arranged banquet hall with all the foods that a French connoisseur could dream of. All the delicacies of a lifetime.
The Frenchman turns to the angel and says "this can't be mine. I was immoral most of my life and was hardly G‑d fearing." 
The angel replies "There is a hitch. Every day at 5:00pm they will bring in a large pot of soup boiling hot. You will be immersed in it. If you can take the pain you can partake of the banquet."
"Sorry" said the Frenchman "I just could not tolerate the pain." 

The Italian too is taken to his reward a similar banquet with pasta al dente and all types of caponatas and all the best Italian foods. Again a similar dialogue takes place, the Italian admitting to a life of financial fraud and debauchery. He too is advised that at 5:00pm each day he will be immersed in a boiling hot pot of minestrone and again states that the pain would be too much to bear.
Finally the Jew gets taken to his eternal rewards. A Kiddush like he never saw with all the galeretta, herring, kichel, danishes chopped livr, kugelse and of course chulent imaginable. He too cannot believe his luck.
"I never went to Shul, hardly kept shabboss and ate trayf my whole life How can this be mine?"
Again the same response; "5:00pm each day, boiling hot chicken soup. If you can take the pain the banquet is yours." 
"Fine said the Yidel, I'll take it".
 "Excuse me" says the angel, “but the Frenchman and Italian both declined, what makes you different?"
"I know Jewish functions" he replies "5:00pm is not 5:00pm and the soup is never that hot."

Harry was walking down Regent Street and stepped into a posh gourmet food shop.
An impressive salesperson in a smart morning coat with tails approached him and politely asked, "Can I help you, Sir?"
"Yes," replied Harry, "I would like to buy a pound of lox."
"No. No,"
responded the dignified salesperson, "You mean smoked salmon."
"OK, a pound of smoked salmon, then."
"Anything else?"
"Yes, a dozen blintzes."
"No. No. You mean crepes."
"Okay, a dozen crepes."
"Anything else?"
"Yes. A pound of chopped liver."
"No. No. You mean pate."
"Okay,
" said Harry, "A pound of pate then and I'd like you to deliver all of this to my house on Saturday."
"Look,"
retorted the indignant salesperson, "we don't schlep on Shabbos!"

A wealthy man threw a party in honor of his son's graduation from university. A poor man happened to be in the vicinity, and joined the party. Amidst all the commotion he was let in and seated at the far end of the table.
"Son," the wealthy man said, "share with us some of the great knowledge that you have acquired in the university."
"Well,"
began the son, "Copernicus proved that the earth turns on its axis."
"That is false!" came the objection from the poor man at the other end of the table.
"How do you know? Prove it!" shouted the student.
"It is very simple," replied the beggar. "If the earth turned on its axis, then the food that was placed at the head of the table would have by now come to this side of the room."

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Answer is C–  Sometimes you learn things from your tourists. I had a family that asked me for a tour of a sugar plant in Akko. I never heard of one and as far as I know there isn’t any. Now in the Crusader halls down below the city there is a room called the Sugar bowl where they found earthenware pots that were used to store sugar and finish off the crystallization process but I wouldn’t exactly called it a sugar production plant. But not knowing anything about Chirbat Manot, and pretty sure there was nothing there in Beloviour the only Crusader fortress on the eastern half off the country by the Jordan valley, although I have only been there with tourists one. And certainly I still don’t know anything about Ma’iliya I went with Akko based on my tourists suggestion. I was wrong. The answer is Chirbat Manot, which is right near Nahariya. There they found the factory for sugar that was a huuuuge source of income back then for the Crusaders as they sold Israeli sugar all over Europe and it was quite expensive back then. Moral of the story. Tourists didn’t go to tour guiding school.