Vote For...- Parshat Vayeira 2022 5783

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

November 11^th 2022 -Volume 12 Issue 4 17^th of Cheshvan 5783

 

Parshat Vayeira

Vote for…

 

I hate politics. I like politics. I hate liking politics. I like hating liking politics...For those of you living in a cave you may have not noticed Election season is at its peak. In Israel I can tell you that even in caves that I have visited there will be political graffiti on the wall. “The nation is with Bibi” “Kahana Chai!” “There is a future with Atid” “Gimmel, the party of the Rabbis”.

 

I first got interested in politics when my parents used to force us to watch the evening news at dinner each evening and I realized that the more I engaged them in a conversation about politics and world events the less chance they would remember to ask me about the test I took in class or the homework I never completed. Later on, my interest grew and developed as I started working on college campus and realized that I had a choice to make- it was either going to be connecting with my college students, who assumed I was this closeted Orthodox Rabbi, over college football conversation or politics. Frankly, the thought of having to talk about 7-foot-tall angry madmen killing themselves over a ball as they ran around a field jumping all over one another made me want to lay down flat on that field. So instead once again I pursued and engaged in many deep and earthshattering political discussions. So I guess you can see like every good politician I got into politics for my own self-interests. No homework. No football. If only our politicians would be so honest.

 

The truth is I hate politics. I am cynical by nature, especially when it comes to politics and I get annoyed hearing the lies, the bad-mouthing, and the innocent and naïve passion that many people talk about a particular party or candidate with. As if voting for this person or party will dramatically alter the universe bringing either world peace, love and harmony and social security benefits, while the other will bring World War III, the collapse of the financial world as we know it and extend the ban on fountain soda soft drinks to the entire planet. I found it ironic that after one candidate after another never turned out what they promised they would be or do and election after election proves that, people are still buying and drinking the Kool-Aid that we have anyone to rely upon and that’s worth spending a bit of energy on besides Avinu She’bashamayim- our Father in heaven.

 

At the same time I enjoy the fact that people are actually engaged in conversation that has to do with the well being of the world. Election time is when we try to figure out how we can improve tomorrow. It’s a time when we can examine where we are and what we have succeeded and failed in accomplishing. Years of Yeshiva and Talmudic training has taught me the significance of the “conversation” and brainstorming that comes when two opposing views are forced to match up against one another. Politics has the ability to do that, and I enjoy the discussions that challenge my pre-conceived notions and perhaps give me an appreciation of a new way of thinking.

 

Sadly though politics, promises and ideas rarely lead up to the utopia that they promise. The great politicians change (or reveal their true colors) once they get into office and the same old realities of a world that is moving on its own pace, in its own direction, in my opinion down...down...down still lack the leadership that can bring it all together. So I hate liking it because of that disappointment. Yet, at the end of the day it turns me once again to that source of true direction-up above in my prayers- each day.

 

“Return our judges (leaders) as it once was and those that guide us as it was in the beginning and remove from us the grief and misery. And rule over us You alone with kindness, mercy and justice”.

 

And once again I appreciate that Hashem gives us this election day once again so that we may like hating liking it and long for His true leadership.

 

Yet, it is election time and in honor of that I will share with you two fascinating insights from this week’s Torah portion, that address an incredible question I heard this year about two people who have a political agenda. One fails. One succeeds. Who would you vote for?

 

The Torah tells us this week about Hashem’s most major global decision since the Tower of Babel and the flood. He decides to declare his war on evil, particularly the anti-chesed, licentious city if Sodom and it’s 4 boroughs Amora, Adma, Tzvoim and Tzoar (not that there’s anything wrong with living in a city with 5 boroughsL). Avraham, being the religious spiritual leader of the not-so-free world is brought in on the discussion to overturn these cities and he begins his political wrangling with Hashem. Maybe there are 50 righteous people? 45? It won’t play good in the press if you kill innocent and wicked together. Collateral damage is political deicide. Maybe 30? How’s about 20? 10? Avraham, realizes that this conversation was pretty much not going anywhere and Hashem had pretty much set his mind up and if there were no righteous it really was a lost cause so he goes on home. The divine plan is then set in motion.

 

But then salvation comes from a seemingly unlikely figure; none other than our good friend Lot. Yes, Lot, who left Avraham to seek out his fortune in this wicked of all cities. Lot, who was willing to let the mob take and defile his daughters rather than lose his reputation. (Lot, who is incidentally revered in Christian and Muslim tradition- you can understand why there might be theological problems with these faiths.). Yes, Lot upon fleeing the city turns to Hashem and asks him to save the city of Tzoar

 

“I’m sacred to run to the mountain- this city is close, it’s smaller, save it so I may live”

 

A very heartfelt plea, don’t you think? But what do we know? Sure enough, Hashem responds

 

“I have found favour for this thing as well for you. I will not turn over the city as you said.”

 

Pretty amazing! Avraham, the beloved of Hashem, father of many nations for whom it says Hashem created the entire world in his merit as he ended 2000 years of spiritual darkness can’t save the city. But Lot almost on an aside conversation as he barely gets away by the skin of his own teeth and as the Torah tells us only in the merit of Avraham is able to pull the salvation of this city out of his hat. As we say in Yeshiva... What’s Pshat?

 

The answer, Rabbi Noach Weinberg says, can be understood in two ways. One, Avraham was looking for Tzadikim. Lot on the other hand didn’t even bother trying to find Tzadikim he said it’s Mitz’ar- meaning smaller or younger- meaning its sins aren’t as bad; they’re not as wicked. That is the merit that worked. Reb Noach takes from that message that perhaps sometimes it behooves us to not always look at the world as who is righteous or not. Hashem judges at times and will give merit to the -"at least they’re not as bad as the other guys" group as well.

 

It’s a view to keep in mind when we approach our political debates in not over-exaggerating the rhetoric about the terrible opposing candidates maybe. No one is a Nazi or a murdering terrorist. Defining the level of evil and perhaps even finding some untapped potential for righteousness in that might be significant as well. On a more religious level as well the message is that no one should ever feel that someone is beyond saving or reaching out to. If Tzoar could be saved without any righteous people than there is certainly no Jew out there that we should feel is beyond us trying to connect with and sharing our special heritage with.

 

The other lesson that he suggests is that we may approach the difference between Avraham and Lot in that for Avraham it was a matter of global concern. As the Father of the nations and the person responsible for bringing the knowledge of Hashem and his ways to the world, the city of Tzoar had to make sense to fit into that plan. Frankly they fell very short. And as much as he personally might have wanted to save them, perhaps he foresaw that without the righteous people in the city to help them and guide them they would just get themselves in more trouble. Lot on the other hand was the ultimate politician. He wanted to save Tzo’ar for one reason. He needed to a place to live and he was scared for his life; Your typical self-interest one issue voter.

 

When you have your life on the line and turn to Hashem with the most heartfelt prayer ever- “Help me- save this city I have nowhere else to turn” than even when the scales of justice are entirely turned against you. Even when the decree has been finalized. The power of that one heartfelt prayer to our Father in heaven can change it all. Lot felt his life was invested and connected to the fate of Tzo’ar and his prayer was able to accomplish where Avraham’s was not.

 

Was it a good thing to save Tzo’ar this wicked city? Was Lot right? Discuss. It’s your Shabbos table homework. Would you vote for Avraham or Lot? Well, if you live in a place like those five boroughs that might make a difference. But most importantly how deeply do we feel about the issues that we are talking and debating about in regard to our candidates. Are we wasting our time? If we truly feel that issues such as Israel, the economy, Torah, health care, justice, peace, security and most of all Hashem’s presence on this world are important enough beyond sticking a ballot in a box, are we prepared to do something to make this world a better place? The lesson from Lot is that we can change the world if we feel that are lives are dependent on it. We have so much to offer and so much needs to be done. Instead of “passing the buck” to another unworthy politician, to paraphrase Ronald Reagan- “The buck stops here”; by each and every one of us. I vote for you.

 

Have a spectactular Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Vos a ventke far fish iz Chanifeh far melochim..”- What a fishing rod is to fish, flattery is to kings.       

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcm-QBDgnWM   - Nissim Blacks latest song “Away from Here!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMBsv3K3QFY – At Shlomo Carlebachs grave yesterday for his yartzeit…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RuAcsThqT4 – A hidden Carlebach song that I’ve never heard Ka’asher Dibarta…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UP8HTelNVY   -  The great Shlomo Yamin U’smol in honor of Shabbos.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t0TGxZABZE – The latest Bardak video.. Love It!!

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

16)  The leader that established the significance of Jerusalem as central was _________

His burial place is

A)  The Military prison is in Kiryat Anavim

B)  The great leaders of the Nation section of Mt. Herzl cemetery

C)  In the area of Sdei Boker

D)   On the property of Machon Weizman

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Yehoshafat - 715 BC –  As opposed to the sinful and idolatrous kingdom of the North of Israel, the Southern Kingdom of Yehuda and Binyamin had undergone a teshuva movement under the faithful king Asa and it continued on with his sone Yehoshafat. Yehoshafat ruled over the expanded kingdom of Yehuda and Binyamin which went all the  way down to Beer Sheva and even up to the North in the region of the tribe of Ephraim by Shilo and Beit El that had been conquered by his father.  He removed all of the idols and eliminated all of the houses of ill repute that ha plagued the land. The one thing that he was not successful in ridding the country of was that bamos- the private personal altars that people constructed to serve Hashem. I guess the modern-day equivalent would be the post-corona back yard minyanim. As long as the Mishkan was around it was fine to worship Hashem with private altars. But once the Bais Hamikdash was destroyed this was forbidden. We find remains of these bamos today, in Shilo, Tel Dan, in Arad and Tel Beer Sheva as well as many other archaeological sites from this era.

 

With the return of the nation to Hashem an era of prosperity took over. The local arabs and even the Philistines paid tribute to the King and the Jews. Nations from around visited and respected the land of Israel and our sovereignty. When we do what we’re supposed to be doing Hashem brings us blessing. Yet there are always those goyim that want to attack us and against them- when we are doing what we are supposed to do, Hashem brings us salvation as well.

 

In Divrey Hayamim- the Torah’s Book of Chronicles it tells us the story of how the Ammonites and Moabites come up from across Jordan to attack us by Hatzetzon Tamar which is Ein Gedi, by the Dead Sea area. AS well at the same time the Edomites from Mt. Seir had the same plan and came up from their area which is South of the Dead Sea and the mountains above the Arava valley from Eilat and the Gulf of Aqaba up to attack us as well.  Yehoshafat declared a fast for all of Israel and davened until a prophecy came out that there was nothing to fear  this would be the battle of Hashem. We could sit back and watch the show.

 

Sure enough by the midbar of Tekoa down to Maalei Hatzitz the armies of our enemies arrived and converged and believe it or not they all started fighting and killing each other. That ascent would be the mountains above Ein Gedi that lead to the Gush. For those status followers of mine it wouldn’t be too far from the Arugot Farm today.  By the end of the day all our enemies had wiped each other out. The Jews came there and it took them three days to take all the booty that was left behind. They named the valley Emek Bracha which is south of Jerusalem today. By the Tzomet Hagush there is a great lookout by roof of the mall there on this glorious valley. The rest of Yehoshafat’s rule was peaceful and blessed and we are told he was buried in the city of David where all the Kings of Israel were laid to rest.

 

This concludes the history of the first book of Kings. Next week we begin Melachim Beis! Mazel Tov!!

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S REALLY BAD ISRAELI ELECTION JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

After the results of the Israeli Elections Joe Biden called Bennet to wish him congratulations…

 

In honor of Liebermans party not making it into the Knesset there will be a big Kiddush in Shul with sugar drinks and disposable plates and cups

 

Whoever used to yell at Bibi “Lech!” got instead “Lech Lecha!” and next week they will get Chayei “Sara” (Netanyhau)

 

If you’re sitting on the beach and see Achmed Tibi trying to drown himself over Bibi’s win and you have a choice to save him or eat a sandwich. What type of sandwich would you eat Tuna or pastrami?

 

It’ll be interesting to see which government positions Ben Gvir will give Bibi when the negotiations are over.

 

If you told a Jew a few hundred years ago that a Jew would be able to vote for their own candidate in an election to establish a government in our country, they would find it very hard to believe. If however you told them that we had those elections every few months because the candidates couldn’t’ get along with one another and would constantly topple the government they would then find it much easier to swallow it.

 

We really have to do something about the relationship between the government and it’s criminals and prisoners. It just doesn’t seem fair that there are only 120 seats in the Knesset for them to receive an office and position.

 

When I vote tomorrow do you think I need to bring my Teudat Zehut or will the remember it from last time?

 

It’s funny after Bibi won half the country said that they are now planning on leaving the country. You see, in one day he solved the housing crisis.

 

We ask you please don’t reveal the results of the election to the Meretz party. Their families have not yet been informed…

 

So an Ashkenazi man dies and comes up to heaven and as he enters Gan Eden he sees that the entire garden is filled with smells of Matbucha and kibbeh and he realizes that he is entirely surrounded by Sefardim. When he asks the angel why there are only Sefardim here, the angel explained that they were all Shas voters and Maran had promised them Olam Habah if they vote for his party.

“But then why are there some Ashkenazim, sitting there in the corner” he asked. “Oh those” the angel said “They were part of the heskem odafim (the extra votes agreement”) that Shas had with Gimmel.

 

I think the last two years I spent more time in the public school auditorium where the voting booths were than in my daughters’ school…

 

The way things work after the elections. The new mayor of the city decided that it was time to fulfill his election promise to build a new bridge for the city. He went to the local Arab contractor, Achmed, and asked for a quote and was told it would cost 120 million shekel. When asked what the breakdown Achmed  explained-“40 million for material, 40 million for workers and 40 million profit”

He then went to the Boris the Russian contractor and asked him how much it would cost and he was told it would be 240 million shekel. When asked to explain Boris said that it was “80 million for material, 80 million for workers and 80 million profit”

Finally, to make it fair he went over to the Jewish contractor and was quite shocked when they guy told him that it would be 400 million shekel. By far this was the most expensive quote. When asked to explain Dudu said “It’s very simple. 140 million for you, 140 million for me and 120 million to the Achmed the Arab that will do the work for us.” Needless to say he got the contract…

 

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Answer is C  This one was is really a no brainer. Perhaps one of the greatest achievements and yes, even zechusim that David Ben Gurion has was that against much opposition and even practical and strategic thinking he demanded and fought for Yerushalayim to be the capital of Israel and he sent tremendous forces to fight for it in the War of Independence. He could’ve easily given up on it, he would’ve much easier been able to negotiate a Jewish state with the world if he established the capital in Tel Aviv and allowed the Arabs to keep Yerushalayim which they had a much stronger and larger presence then we did. But he understood that without Yerushalayim, we have no heart and no soul. Ben Gurion was a complicated man certainly religiously. But there is no question that he had his heart and soul dedicated to his perception of the future of the Jewish people. After his retirement from his Prime Ministership, he returned to his kibbutz Sdei boker in the Negev where he worked the fields like a simple kibbutznik and corresponded with Jewish children responding to letters that were sent to him. And thus the score now is until now as of last week Schwartz 14 and 3  for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.

"I"-tinerary Unplanning- Parshat Lech Lecha 2022 /5783

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

November 4^th 2022 -Volume 12 Issue 3 10^th of Cheshvan 5783

 

Parshat Lech Lecha

 

“I” tinerary

 

It’s probably one of the most frustrating things for tourists of mine. They want to know what we will be doing. What are we going to see? What will we do? Where will we explore. What will our day be like? I understand them. It’s in fact only normal to expect a planned worked out itinerary for the day or days they will be paying a lot of money to me to guide them for. For most of them, this is not a trip they do all the time. It may even be a trip of a lifetime. They have all different ages in their family that are coming along. Different needs and expectations and even different interests and places and activities that some may want to do and others may not. So, let’s go over some ideas, they say to me. Send us some sample itineraries and we can hash it out and send it around our group and decide. When’s a good time for us to have a group call and discuss all our options. Unfortunately for them though, Rabbi Schwartz doesn’t really work that way. Yup, you guys got stuck with the one tour guide in Israel that really avoids making itineraries for his clients. You’ll just have to bite your lip and trust me, I tell them. But one thing, I guarantee- if you do, you will absolutely have the best day of your lives.

 

Let me explain a bit where I’m coming from and why I feel this way. Why my tour guiding planning Modus Operandi has shifted and changed. Why over the years I feel that itineraries are really the big enemy to a great tour. And if you stick around until the end of this first part of the E-Mail, then you’ll even see that Hashem pretty much feels the same way, why this is really the secret of an incredibly rich and successful life, and even how this all ties into the Bar Mitzva of my son Tully this Shabbos and my bracha and wishes to him.

 

But first before we get to all of that, and the way that I convince my tourists to just go with me on this- besides the fact that for the large part they are either return customers that already had an amazing time, is that they’ve come to me from previously satisfied and even ecstatic customers that have told them that they really need to have the Rabbi Schwartz tour when they come to Israel if they want to do it right. So, I have a bit of credibility before I start generally speaking. Yet at the same time I assure them that one of the secrets of a Rabbi Schwartz tour-and it really doesn’t matter who I tour, because I really take all types of families, large, small, religious, non-religious, in towners out of towners; everybody- is that every day will have the basic four ingredients within them. Each day will have some history in it, it could be Tanach, Mishna, Talmud, Romans Crusaders, Modern Israeli history. Each day has some type of nature in it to take in the beauty of the land of Israel. Perhaps a hike, or trail, or farm or overlook or water. Each day will have some fun activity, which could be jeeping, Atv, rapelling, speedboating, rafting, camel rides, donkey rides, chocolate factory, workshops and hands on activities. And finally, every day will have good food. Very important. Some tour guides can find you the hardest hikes in Israel. I’m the one that knows where all the best mehadrin restaurants are. The optional fifth is of course holy sites and graves of tzadikim, but that I generally only do for prayers, Shacharis, Mincha, Mariv or after daylight hours. I’m not going to make any of my tourists go on the tour my parents made me go on when I was 10, when I thought that the entire Israel was just dead people and Tehillim all day.

 

So depending on my tourists, we have a bit more chocolate, more salt, more pepper, more honey, but at the end of the day I guarantee everyone will get something out of the day and most people will get everything. See, once they know that, then most of my tourists are comfortable. They don’t need more details or a specific plan.  Because in truth that’s all that everybody really wants out of a great touring day in Israel. Usually at that point they are ready to sign up and trust me. Which of course is the best decision they’ve ever made.

 

Now what is my problem and issue with making itineraries and specifically telling people what we will be doing? Am I just lazy, or too busy or can’t be bothered with hashing out all the nitty gritty details and specifics? The answer to that is probably yes. I am busy, thank God. Finally, after a year and half of sitting on the couch during Corona waiting for you guys to come back. I’m swamped, in fact. I am a bit lazy and don’t have patience really to plan these things out as well. But it’s more than that as well. Itineraries are the enemy, I’ve learned. Life is much much better when you have no idea what’s going to come next. If you don’t believe me. Look at this week’s Parsha. Think about the first commandment we find Hashem giving to our forefather Avraham on his first tour to Israel. Lech Lecha… Go for yourself from you father’s land, your birthplace el ha’makom asher areh’ka- to the place I will show you. What’s the itinerary? You’ll find out when you get there, Avraham. Meantime get on the minibus, we’ve got a trip and journey to make.

 

OK so here’s my problem with itineraries. The truth I believe is that it’s Hashem’s problem as well. And if you understand this, I believe it can really be a life-changing experience in every area in life. The first is that I’ve found is that whenever we begin to discuss itineraries, my tourists want to know the entire tour before we even get there. So, let’s say I tell them that we will go to Rosh Hanikra. They then want to know what they’ll see there. What will we do there? What I’m going to talk about. They want the whole tour before we even get there. The problem with that is that first of all, telling you what it will be and what we will do is never going to be as amazing and seeing it for yourself. There are some places that are just so magnificent and spectacular that words don’t really do it justice. You’ve just got to see it to appreciate it. The second thing is that the experience of seeing and discovering it for the first time without knowing what it will be is an amazing experience in of itself. You don’t want to know what’s going to happen at the end of the story in a book or movie. Part of the “chavaya” is the “Wow!” when you see it all open and unfold in front of you. And I don’t want to take that from you, so I’m just not telling you.

 

The next reason why I don’t tell my tourists what we are going to do particularly if it’s a larger group, is that everyone else has a different idea of what they think we should do, what they heard from a friend will be great, what a trip for Israel would be incomplete unless they did it. Inevitably what that means, since we can’t do everything, is that someone will be disappointed. Ahh… we should’ve done that instead. We missed out on this. Why didn’t we go here or there?  Along the same lines as well is that the day never works out according to plan anyways. We get a later start, the weather isn’t what we thought it would be, we spent more or less time in one place or another, or we hit traffic. If they had a plan and a schedule then what happens is that we will inevitably not end up doing something that was on the plan and they will feel, that we missed out. Shucks, we should’ve done that. I told you guys to come down earlier or not to dilly dally at those shops or take so many pictures. Someone is going to be disappointed. If on the other hand we never had a plan. So we never miss out on anything. We just used after minute doing and seeing and enjoying and experiencing the best day of your life in Eretz Yisrael.

 

Moving along on reasons not to have an itinerary, is that what happens when you have a plan and when you have some type of fun activity (which as I said we always do) that’s the only thing that the kids are thinking about all day. Are we going to make it in time for the chocolate factory? When are we going Jeeping? Should we change yet for our rafting down the Jordan? When is the camel rides? They don’t appreciate or enjoy or allow themselves to be totally inspired by the rich history and story of Masada, or the shuls of Tzfat, or places of our Patriarchs and Matriarchs or the sages of the Mishna because all they can think about is the farkakteh speedboating ride that was on the other itinerary or the Atv’ing through the desert. They’re too nervous we’re not going to get there in time, and they’re too concerned that they will miss out on the activity. If they never know what’s on the schedule though, the opposite happens. They enjoy everything that we’re doing during the moment and the thrill, excitement, and surprise when they finally find out towards the end of the day that we’re going jeeping, horseback riding or sliding down waterfalls is even more fun. Why would I take that experience away from anyone?

 

But perhaps the most meaningful and even holiest reason not to have an itinerary pre-planned and to just trust your tour guide is because there is an incredible satisfaction and relief to be able to know that you truly don’t have to worry about anything. You’re in good hands. I have your back. And your front. And your kids. Your food, your fun, your inspiration. I’ve got you covered. Your kids will be asking you the entire day, what’s next? Where are we going? What are we going to see? What’s the plan? And for many of you, for the first time in your lives, not have to tell them anything. I don’t know. Ask the tour guide. He’s in charge. You will feel that burden of the need to always have an answer, a plan, a response and a discussion whether we should do this or that, whether we should go here or there lifted from your shoulders. You can just sit back and enjoy the ride. You can look out the window and take it all in. And the truth is, isn’t that what life really should be like anyways?

 

It’s a funny word “itinerary”. According to google it comes from the latin word itinerareum which means journey of roads. To me it’s all about Lech Lecha- or as Rashi says journeying to the the “I” to yourself. To revealing something special inside of yourself- l’hana’ascha u’ltovascha- for your enjoyment or benefit and for your good. Rav Charlap explains that when someone looks at things wit their human physical eyes then we are limited by our perception. We think that we “see it like it is”. There’s good and bad in front of us. Hopefully its mostly good that we see. Yet at the same time our natural sense is to see the things that are not that great. That didn’t work out. We find that little black dot, the parts of the trip that weren’t so geshmak. When one however is not limited by the physical eyes, rather they are seeing things through the “eyes’ of heaven. If they understand that the heavenly tour guide had planned and worked out everything just perfect for them, then there is nothing that went or goes wrong on the trip. There’s only good. Even the things that might seem at first glance to have not worked out according to “our plan”, that’s only because we never really knew what the perfect “I” tinerary for our trip was. We’re silly tourists in life that heard from friends of ours what we should see and do, but didn’t know that those things weren’t the right things for us to experience in our tour. Only the Divine tour guide knows how to create that specialized personal “I” tinerary for us and for our family and for our life. We just have to trust him and see the places asher ar’ehka- which He will show us. If we have that faith, then it will not only be l’tovascha- a good trip, but even l’hanasacha- it will be the trip of a lifetime that we will enjoy every minute of it.  

 

It’s not only Avraham’s first tour to Eretz Yisrael that Hashem takes the reigns of Avraham and tells him to trust Him and see the land that He will show him. In next week’s parsha as well when he takes Yitzchak up to Har Ha’Moriah where he will bring him for a sacrifice, once again it’s to “the place I will show you”. A thousand years later when Avraham’s descendants will come to the land of Israel as well the location of the Bais Ha’Mikdash is l’shichno tidroshu u’vasah shama- I’m not telling you where it is. It’s going to be the place I will show you. For forty years in the wilderness we went to “not-planning-itinerary school to learn this. We left when the clouds and pillar fire our “tour guides” signal for us to move, told us to. And the day was over when they rested. The person that understood that the most in life, though was Moshe Rabbeinu. His one request in life was to be able to see the land. He wanted to see the good Hashem had for us in the land. He wanted to be on Hashem’s itinerary. But it wasn’t meant to be for him. That wasn’t part of his tour.

 

The truth is though as opposed to itineraries as I am, I still understand that my tourists need some type of plan and outline for what our day would like. I mean of course they already know that it’s going to be good. But they need to know how to dress, what to bring, how to prepare best to experience everything that we will be doing. Are we doing water activities? Do they need bathing suits, sunscreen, water?  Should they bring lunch? Nosh- that’s always a yes by the way. They need instructions.  Hashem does that for us as well. Those instructions for our journey in life-or our tour we call the “Torah” or “Tour-ahhh..” See the “ahhhh” sigh of geshmak is when we follow it.. It’s the plan that Hashem has mapped out for us how to get the most out of the incredible trip the neshoma he has given us can get the most of our sojourn here in this world. It’s the plan for how we will get to Eretz Yisrael and fulfill His mitzvos in the ultimate way. It’s our triptiks (remember those?) to the Bais Ha’Mikdash. That journey begins when we get on that minibus of Klal Yisrael at our Bar Mitzva. It’s our visa to become part of this incredible tour. It’s when the fun all starts.

 

One of the cute things that I like about some of my tourist family trips is that some of them all get these matching T- Shirts and caps with some family slogan or title on it. The “Greenberg Israel winter 2022 Israel Trip”, “Tully’s Bar Mitzva”, “The Rocking Rokach family”, “The Cohen’s love Israel”. Hashem as well has given us our own unique uniforms. They are the tefillin, that we wear, the tznius that we dress with and more importantly act with, the Bris Mila that Avraham is given in this week’s parsha, our tzitzis. They tell the world that we are on a trip of a lifetime- or perhaps a lifetime that is really merely a trip. Avraham’s trip is absolutely nothing like he would ever have planned. He goes to Israel and then has to leave to Egypt, he has wars, he has guests, he meets angels, he has sees miracles, he becomes wealthy, he grows, he becomes. His journey, our sages tell us is the journey of all of us. Maa’seh avos siman la’banim. All of our lives will never be what expected but it is the itinerary that is made specifically and personally for us. Hashem tells His angels next week that the reason He chose Avraham is because

 

Ki yada’ativ l’maan asher yitzaveh es banuv v’es baieso acharuv v’shomru derech Hashem- Because I know that he will command his children and his house after him and they will follow the path of Hashem.

 

Avraham taught his children that life is following the itinerary and instructions of Hashem. We are on His path. We are on His tour. And Tully, I’m passing on and sharing that message with you as well.

 

Mommy and I are so proud of you. We’ve spent 13 years preparing you for this trip and tour. This morning you put on your tour tefillin, your uniform, your tzitzis and you came on the bus. May life’s journey always be l’hana’scha and l’tovascha- that you always have ha’na’ah enjoyment and fulfillment. That you always see the good. That your journey brings all of Klal Yisrael and the shechina back to its final destination. To the Bais Ha’Mikdash gloriously rebuilt. Mazel Tov!

 

Mazel Tov!

Have a Nachasdikeh Simchadikeh Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

*********

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Az me gait gleich, fait men nit.”- If you walk straight, you will not stumble.         

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/kum   - My incredible song from this week’s Bar Mitzva Parsha of the commandment of Avraham to start his journey of Eretz Yisrael. Get your hiking shoes on for this one KUM!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vzakeynu-lirot-banim   – My Nachas song praying to and  praising Hashem for blessing me with children that follow Hashem’s ways.

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/eitz-chayim   – Finally my song about the Torah- that tree of life that only brings pleasentness the lekach tov Hashem has gifted us with.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHN7q_qePXU  -  And for good measure great new Lech Lecha song by Eli Levine and of course arranged by my dear friend Yitz Berry!

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

16)  The first agricultural settlements of the third Aliya were established in the    _________  region

The conditions that allowed this were

A)  Good agricultural lands that had modern farming equipment

B)  Accessibility to the purchase of land and the establishment of contiguous settlements

C)  Security and the proximity to central roads that connected the different populations

D)   The historical Jewish connection to the area with the abundance of archeological remains from the period of the Mishna and the Talmud

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

The Final Battle - 718 BC –  The tragic life of Achav comes to an end this week with his final battle against Ben Hadad of Aram. I say tragic life of Achav, because on the one hand he had mourned and done teshuva for the murder in which he was complicit of Navos, whom his wife Jezebel had killed on his behalf in order that he could take his vineyard. Achav heeded the rebuke of Eliyahu and was given extra years. On the other hand his greed and confidence led him astray to wage war against Ben Hadad whom he had spared earlier against the wishes of Hashem and his prophet Micha ben Imla. They became the thorn in his side and when he decided to attack them together with the righteous King of Yehudah, Yehoshafat, once again the prophet Micha warned him that he would die and that the war would fail. Achav though was fooled by the spirit of Navos that came back down to the other prophets Tzidkiyahu ben Canana that convinced him to go to battle anyways. Tzidkiyahu even slaps Micha and Achav has him locked up and fed animal food until he would come back from battle. Micha ruefully tells Achav that he ain’t gonna be coming back.

 

Meantime as the ready for battle Achav recognizes that he probably has a big target on his back, as Ben Hadad is out to get him. It is reminiscent of the various battles of the modern state of Israel as we mentioned where our mercy on our enemies just lead to their renewed determination to wipe us out and they come back with a fury. So Achav tells Yehoshafat that he will be disguising himself as a regular soldier so that they don’t find him instead of going out in the typical royal gear and chariots. Yehoshafat though goes out to be bait almost in his regular royal garment. The ploy doesn’t work though in the big picture.

 

The battle takes place by Ramot Gilead which is in modern day Jordan on the other side of the Yarden. The soldiers of Ben Hadad spot Yehoshafat in his royal attire and began to attack him assuming that he was Achav. Yet Yehoshafat t cried out to Hashem and Hashem miraculously saved him. The troops of Achav heard Yehoshafat davening and realized that this wasn’t Achav, as Achav wasn’t a big davener it seems. They had orders from Ben Hadad to focus their attack only on Achav and thus upon realizing that they had the wrong man redirected their attack towards Achav’s men. One of the archers of Ben Hadad shot an arrow and it hit Achav between his armor. Again this was certainly a divine shot directed by Hashem. As they say every bullet has its destination. Achav is mortally wounded and evacuated from the battlefield and brought back home to Shomron where he dies and his blood drips down out of the chariot “in the pools of the prostitutes and where the dogs licked his blood”. This was a fulfilment of the prophecy of Micha of what Achav’s end would be like. The people of Israel though according to the Midrash fled the battlefield however Ben Hadad’s army did as well and so besides for the death of Achav the battle was won.

 

The story and all of the stories of Achav are usually best told by Tel Jezre’el in the Jezre’el valley, where Achav’s palace once stood, overlooking those vineyards that still grow there today. There’s a great pool there for kids to dip in, however I generally leave out the part about Achav’s bloody chariot being washed there until after they’ve dipped. Next week we conclude the book of Melachim I with the story of what happens to Yehoshafat before we move to the next generation of the Kings of the North and Southern Kingdoms of Israel.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S REALLY TERRIBLE TRAVEL JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Knock-knock. Who’s there? Cargo. Cargo who? Cargo beep-beep!

 

Knock-knock. Who’s there? Europe. Europe who? No, I’m not! You are!

 

Knock-knock. Who’s there? Hawaii. Hawaii who? I’m good! Hawaii you?

 

Knock-knock. Who’s there?. Norma Lee Norma Lee who? Norma Lee, we go swimming on Sundays, but today we’re doing a mountain hike!

 

Knock-knock Who’s there? Sherwood. Sherwood who? I Sherwood like to leave the hotel and start our tour right now!

 

How do you know elephants love to travel? Because they always pack their trunk!

 

How do rabbits travel? By Hareplane!

 

Why did the librarian get thrown off the plane? Because the flight was overbooked!

 

What happens when you wear a watch on a plane? Time flies!

 

I don’t want to take my dog on road trips! He can be such a bark seat driver.

 

The food on the small aircraft wasn’t good…It was a little plane.

 

I took four hours to check out of my hotel in Japan. The receptionist told me,  “You really Tokyo time.”

 

 I love travelling to France. There’s nothing Toulouse.

 

Why are the winters so cold in America? I think Alaska local.

 

 I haven’t slept in days because I am about to climb the highest mountain in the world. I wonder whether I will Everest.

 

Mountains are not just funny, they are really hilly areas.

 

The airline lost my luggage, so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.

 

Don’t love the water? Hiking is great for an altitude adjustment!

 

When going to the bathroom in the woods, you have to use the facilitrees.

 

Want to know our plan for today’s hike? I’ll summit up nicely.

Me: “I’d love to travel more”. The bank account: “Like, to the park?”

 

My favourite childhood memory is my parents paying for my holidays.

 

********************************

Answer is B  This one had me stumped and I think I got it wrong. But I’ll let you know next week for sure. I was pretty sure that the answer was the Jezre’el valley. I thought it was because of the central roads which I understood to be the train line of Rakevet Ha’Emek- the valley train that connected it all made transportation easier to move things and connect all of the settlements. On the other hand they did have modern equipment then, it did have good farming land and as well there were many lands that were purchased. So I’ll hold off on the score until next week to let you know how I did on this one (or you did) after I poll my tour guiding group and ask them what they think  And thus the score now is until now as of last week Schwartz 12 and 3  for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.

Mazel Tov!- Parshat Noach 5783 2022

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

October 28^th 2022 -Volume 12 Issue 2 3^rd of Tishrei 5783

 

Parshat Noach

 Mazel Tov!

 

And there she sat. She was beautiful in that magnificent white chair adorned with flowers. Her gown glistened. Her pure eyes sparkled. My eyes began to tear up as I gazed upon her heavenly countenance. She looked like an angel. My angel. Oh and next to her was the bride my daughter Rivkah, of course. I was talking about my wife Aliza, who made this entire wedding. Why who did you think I was talking about?

 

Ok, just joking. I just needed to get some brownie points there. I’ll admit was really talking about Rivkah, my little girl. My princess. My precious daughter who had grown up so quick and was getting ready to “leave her parents and cleave to her husband” as the Torah tells us marriage is. I wasn’t ready to give her up yet. I wasn’t ready to let her go. I wanted to hold her a bit more. To hug her a bit more. To let Aliza raise her a bit more, while I popped in occasionally into her life to kiss her and bless her. I really didn’t feel ready.

 

Is she really getting married? Wasn’t it just yesterday when we brought this precious little child home from the Virginia Hospital where she was born on the 17^th of Tamuz, when all Klal Yisrael mourns the beginning of the destruction of the Temple and hopes and davens for light and joy?  She was the light and joy that came into our lives. She was different than Shani and Yonah. Shani was me-just in a girls body. Y’know, quiet, unassuming, polite, helpful and never causing any trouble or mischief. Yeah right… Shani was the fulfillment of my mothers “blessing” that I should have a child just like me.

 

Yonah, different than Shani was rambunctious. He was like a monkey climbing up and down anything. Fearless and all over the place and doing all the stupid things that his older sister would send him off to do for her. “Yonah- why don’t you climb on those three chairs on top of the fridge to get some candy that Mommy and Daddy hid”. “Yonah, let’s see what happens when we cook those family pictures in the aluminum pan in the microwave”. I can’t even count the almost heart attacks he gave my wife.

 

Rivkah, though was “deefrent et ahll” as my Savta would say. (I think that’s the Hungarian English translation of the Hebrew ‘bichlal shoneh”.) She was a princess. She cleaned her room. She played quietly by herself. She was soft spoken. She didn’t really cry. She was, like, “hi mommy, I haven’t nursed for a while and wouldn’t mind if you could feed me if you have some spare time. She was the type of baby that if she could’ve she would’ve changed her own diapers.”  Not that hers smelled at all. (As if I would know… my wife is looking at me and making a funny sarcastic face). Ok I’m exaggerating but you get the point.

 

We moved to Israel when she was 7, after our 6-year stint in Seattle, where she left behind all of the

“tanta’s” and “uncles’ she had gained there that doted on her. She was the baby of the West Seattle TLC Mishpacha and everyone took care of her as their own daughter. Moving to Israel at that age, making friends and going to school when you don’t even have the basic language, could be daunting. Yet, Rivkah pulled through like all our other children Baruch Hashem. In her soft and subtle way she became beloved to her friends and her teachers. Loyal, faithful, respectful, caring and even fun!. She is a Schwartz after-all. She went to seminary. She shteiged. She grew. She became a mentor. A woman. And now she was going to be someone’s wife. Yehuda’s wife…. She was going to be Mrs. Goodstein. Maybe even Rebbetzin Goodstein one day.

 

I don’t like losing Schwartz names from my family line. It’s a good name. My father is an only child and there’s not that many of us to carry it on. Granted Hashem sent the refuah before the Makka- with the birth of the first Schwartz granddaughter a week ago with the advent of Yonah’s daughter Malka Tzirel (Mitzi?) to the world. But I just don’t like losing daughters. Especially not my “special Rikvah”. By the way, that was the first Email I address I gave to her. Specialrivkah@gmail.com. Her password was of course. “IloveDaddy”. Now she’s going to be Rivkahgoodstein@sometypeofkosherfilteredemailserver.com and her password will probably be IloveYehuda. Yes, this was not easy for me.

 

We approached this little girl of mine as I escorted the chasan with his father to her for her badeken where he would take the first step of the evening of making her his forever. I let go of my son-in-law-to-be (in a few minutes) and handed the candle I was holding to someone and stepped up to that chair and closed my eyes and gave her my blessing. I offered my prayer to Hashem, Who had so thankfully brought me to this day. I looked down at her pretty veiled head and face and I lowered my head into what I felt was the halo that encircled her. “I love you”, I chokingly whispered. “I’m so proud of you” I sobbed. I’ll miss you… I said to myself. Yisimeich Hashem k’sarah Rivkah Rochel V’Leah- May you be like our Matriarchs. May Hashem watch you protect you, may He shine His light through you and may He only bless you with peace… And then she was his. I stepped back. I had done my part. Her life would be starting in a few minutes. I looked at my next daughter Elka as I walked away and I decided right then that I was locking her up in her room for at least another 5 years. I needed to recover from this, before I let the next one go…

 

OK. It’s time to write this E-Mail. I open up the parsha. The first words are about the generations and descendants of Noach. His three sons. His entire world. Unlike me his children didn’t always give him nachas. Well at least not his third youngest son, Cham. In fact the Ramban mentions that the only reason his children were saved was because of the merit of Noach. They were riding on their fathers’ coattails. Or perhaps sailing would be a better metaphor. Interestingly, at the end of the Parsha we have Avraham our Patriarch who is leaving to Eretz Yisrael. There, his father Terach accompanies him leaving to go to Charan together. Fascinatingly enough though the Ramban tells us that Terach eventually did teshuva and has a portion in the World to Come in the merit of Avraham. He derives that from the promise Hashem made Avraham that he would be buried at an old age and be “returned to his father in peace”. Sometimes it’s the children that bring back the parents and sometimes it’s the parents that bring along the children.

 

Yet there’s a deeper connection between fathers and children, between husband and wives and even of marriage and yiddeshe Nachas. It’s time to take a peek into one of my favorite commentaries none other than the Klei Yakar,written by the great 16rh century sage whose first name I share, Reb Ephraim Lunshitz. He notes that there are a lot of numbers and dimensions given in our Parsha, whenever you see that in the Torah pay attention. The Torah doesn’t give random details, and Hashem doesn’t just “stam” order things to be a precise size. There are hidden secrets and lessons in those numbers and if you dig really deep, you’ll discover whole new worlds. Sometimes you have to dig 15,000 amos deep to really really get it..

 

He notes that a repeating number in our Parsha is the number 15. The water of the flood was 15 amos high. It lasted for 150 days. The length and width of the Ark was 300 amos x 50 amos making it 15000 square amos total. If you multiply that by each of the three floors that were ten amos a piece high then you’re looking at 150,000 amos for each floor of space and on and on and on…

 

The number 15 he notes  in Hebrew represents half of the name of Hashem. Yud and Hei- Like the last two letters of Halelu-yah. We are told that Hashem created the world with these last two words of his name. Ki b’y-ah Hashem tzur olamim- with the letters yud and hei of His name, He formed the world. The Yud- the small letter that’s high up in the sky-that’s the world to come. The Hei is this world. It’s closed on top, open down below with a little window to climb in through on the top. Interesting. When Hashem wants to create the world, He uses the number 15. And thus when He wants to destroy the world with the flood, He uses the number 15 again and again.

 

It’s not just for building and destroying worlds though that the number 15 and the yud and the hei play a role. We are told that a marriage between a man and woman also only works with the yud and hei inserted in it. A man, of course in Hebrew is Ish- spelled aleph, yud, shin. A woman is Ishah spelled aleph, shin, and hei. If you take the yud out of the man and the hei out of the woman we are left with eish- which means fire. The only way the two fires and passions of marriage can survive or be whole and complete is with the yud and the hei. With Hashem’s name between them. When Hashem’s name is there though, then the three “partners” together can create a new world. They can create life; a child.

 

The generation of the Flood’s sin was the breakdown of the marriage structure. They were illicit, intermingling, interbreeding the name of Hashem-the ‘15’ of yud and hei that hold the world together was disappearing. Hashem decides Emcheh es ha’adam- I will wipe out man from the world. The word emcheh is the opposite of mechayeh- to give life. The difference is that the ‘yud’ has been removed. Without that spark of Hashem, it’s destruction. There’s no life.

 

The Ark would be life built anew. It was a place where not only humans, but even animals for the only time are referred to not only as male and female but even as Ish and Ishah- man and woman. These were animals that didn’t intermingle and that understood that the sanctity of their role in the world was to bring Hashem into creation. The dimensions of the Teiva are all about 15. It’s all about bringing Hashem back into this world. Its creation born anew. Mazel Tov!

 

There is another fascinating time that he mentions where we see this number play a role. It is when Dovid Ha’Melech is digging the foundations of the Beis Ha’Mikdash. It says that he struck the waters of the depths that had been held back since the flood. They threatened to rise and once again flood the world. According to the Talmud he threw in an earthenware shard with Hashem’s name on it and then composed the 15 psalms of ascents to set everything in place once again. He derived this method of erasing Hashem’s name from the mitzva of Sotah. It is permitted to erase the name of Hashem to bring peace between Ish and Isha. It is placing Hashem’s name back into the picture that may have gotten erased from the formula when there may have been some infidelity. Dovid as well was concerned that perhaps his sin with Batsheva would drown the world and not permit the foundation of Hashem’s temple and Home to be built. So he composed Shir Ha’Maalos. The song of raising Hashem’s name up; Revealing Him from the depths.

 

The Klei Yakar notes that the concluding verses of the 15 Shir Ha’Maalos is about a wife and mother. Eshticha k’gefen poriya- your wife is like a fruitful vine. The word eshticha is written with the three dot “segol” ‘eh’ sounding vowelization. The three dots, he writes represent the three partners in a child that comes from the woman; the father, the mother and Hashem. The Mishnas Yosef takes this even a step further. There is Isha which is woman with a one dot, eee-sounding chirik vowel under it. There is an Eishes Ish- a wife of a man which has the ‘eyy’ sounding tzeirei sound under it with two dots. And finally when she has a child it is eshticha- as it says in Shir Ha’maalos. The three partners together. And thus a world is born.

 

As I walked away from the Badeken of my Rivkah, I wasn’t walking alone. I felt accompanying me as I walked her down the chupah to her Bashert, the neshomas of all those souls that brought us here today. That brought me here today. That brought my wife here. They were all walking her down with me. My saba, my savta, my Babbie, my Zayidie, their parents, their grandparents, all of those generations that had built foundations for us to build upon. To bring the shechina a little bit closer to this earth. I look over at my parents, at my in-laws, at Aliza’s grandmother B’h who was sitting in the front row shepping nachas. I look at my other children and grandchildren surrounding the chupa looking on at their sister becoming an Isha. At their new uncle. The shechina was resting there and my song praising and thanking Hashem for bringing us to this day was playing in the background. Like Noach after the return of the dove with the olive branch waiting another 7 days to exit, my Rivkah circled her chasan 7 times building those spheres of holiness around her husband. Another home has built in klal Yisrael.

 

A glass has been broken. The crowd remembers Yerushalayim. We may have built another home and brought Hashem into this world in this new couple, but His real home is still waiting to be rebuilt. On the head of our simcha we remember our third Partner who is still awaiting his bayis ne’eman. We cry for Him. We channel our emotions towards Him. And then we shout Mazel Tov!

 

They’re off and we sit back and shep nachas. Nachas- true yiddisheh nachas, is also in our parsha the last letter of the word ToldoS Noach is the letters Nachas. Nachas is our generations that follow in the footsteps of all of those that came before us. It’s when the children take the role of their parents and begin a new home. Noach’s “toldos” were not just his children, they were his good deeds that his children built their homes upon. It was the world of Hashem they would begin the process of creating. May Hashem finally have that nachas He’s waited so long to shep from us. And may once again the sounds of the bride and the groom rejoice in the rebuilt halls of the Temple in Yerushalayim.

 

Mazel Tov!

Have a incredible celebratory Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Der “harey-at” iz a kurtser prolog tsu a lange drameh. “The wedding vow is a short prologue to a long drama.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/tefilas-kallah - The most beautiful Chupah song you ever heard for my daughters wedding this coming week. Yitz Berry did the arrangements and the great Dovid Lowy on the vocals… Listen again and again!!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/samayach  – And the second song I composed Samayach for the dancing which is of course the happiest wedding song you will ever hear and will have you dancing with me!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/mi-adir  – one we’re on the subject this was my son Yonah’s composition for his Chupa

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/mi-van-siach -  And my composition for Shani’s wedding Chupah

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/asher-bara  – And the leibidik Dance Song Asher Barah I composed for Shani’s wedding!

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

15) For most of our history Jewish settlement in the Golan was centered in the   _________  region

This was because

A) The Terra Rosa earth is uniquely good.

B) The relative security that was in the periphery far away from the center of the country

C) Deep covered Basalt earth in a flat region

D)  An abundance of Dolomite rock that is good for agriculture

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

The Final Battle - 718 BC – With the completion of the reading of the Torah and the new cycle of Torah reading, in this column as well we come to the end of the Book of Melachim Aleph/ Kings I. The last chapter picks up three years after Achav’s teshuva and true remorse after the story and murder of Navos and the taking of his vineyard inspired by the rebuke and dire punishment that was foretold for him by Eliyahu Ha’Navi. For three years he did righteous in the eyes of Hashem, but ultimately his pride and desire overtook him.

 

It was a meeting with his brother in law the King of Yehuda, Yehoshafat the son of Asa (who was the grandson of the first king of the Divided Kingdom Rechavam). Yehoshafat was righteous king despite his not so righteous wife Athalia the sister of Achav and daughter of the wicked Omri. It was a political marriage and united the kingdoms somewhat-which is a good thing. At the meeting between these two brother-in-laws Achav bemoaned the fact the land of Ramot Gilead on the other side of the Jordan River had been left in the hands of Ben Hadad and Aram that had conquered it under his fathers rulership. Today Ramat Gilead is located according to most in the city of Al- Salat in Jordan- the fifth largest city in that country that is currently illegally occupying the biblical portion of the tribe of Gad and about 30 KM from Amman. When driving up the Jordan Valley one can see the city.

 

Yehoshafat was wary of going to war and breaking the peace treaty that Achav had made with Ben Hadad over the city. He knew that the Arameans hated Israel and the Israelites victory was only a miraculous one. Hashem wasn’t happy with Achav’s sparing of Ben Hadad in the first place. Best not to get involved with them and poke the hornets nest. Achav was insistent though and they asked the prophets of Hashem to tell them what they should do. The nevi’im all said that he was good to go. But that made Yehoshafat even more suspicious. You know the old rule- if it sounds too good to be true… than it is. He asked to be brought to speak to the prophet Micha. Remember him? He’s the one that on the one hand foretold about the original victory against Aram. Yet, on the other hand he rebuked Achav for sparing Ben Hadad.

 

Achav, needlessly to say- is wary of Micha and Micha as well is unimpressed with Achav. He at first tells Achav that he should be blessed with success, avoiding giving a prophecy. But ultimately when pressed he tells Achav. It’s a mistake. He will get killed. They shouldn’t go forward. Yet Achav and Yehoshafat listen to the false prophets who were tricked by the spirit of Navos our sages tell us and they convince him to move forward with battle. It’s the beginning of the end for Achav. Next week, we’ll conclude with battle and the death of Achav

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE MARRIAGE JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

“Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” .

 

Just remember, Yehudah never laugh at a choice my daughter makes. You were one of them, after all!

A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it does an equally good job of stopping circulation.

After a quarrel, Hindy said to her husband Moishe, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” Moishe replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice

 

Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.

 

Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.

Did you hear about the bald man who married his comb? He promised, “I’ll never part with it!

Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific.

I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.

It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either.

Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other periodically

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”

Even though there was a blizzard raging outside Yankel made it the half-mile to the bakery, where heasked the owner for six rolls.

“Your wife must like rugelach,” he said.

“How do you know these are for my wife?” I asked.

“Because your mother wouldn’t send you out in weather like this.”

Berel noticed that his 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so he mentioned it to his mother. “Things haven’t changed that much,” she said. “Only difference is, before, he didn’t listen. Now, he can’t.”

 

First, a man is not complete until he is married. Then, he’s FINISHED!

Second, a man does not know true happiness until he is married. And then, it’s too late!

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.”

 

A wise man spoke at his son’s Sheva Berachos. He said, “Son, now that you’re married, it’s time to learn the fine art of compromise. Let me give you an example. Let’s say that it’s time to paint the kitchen. Your wife wants to paint it pink, but you prefer white. So you compromise – you paint it pink!”

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Answer is B  There was a lot of debate about this question. I mean certainly the second part of the question. That life was in central western part of Golan or what is called the Southern Golan today everyone seemed to agree. In fact 30 percent of synagogues from Mishna Talmud period in Israel where found in that region, Gamla, Natur, and others. The question was why there? I’m not a big agriculture guy and I went with the far from center for safety thing, which I still believe is the right answer and confirmed by my Mihspacha magazine interviewee archeologist guy Mickey Orbach. Yet, some og the guides found something on line about the Terra Rosa land thing, which I still don’t think is correct. So I’m giving myself the right answer here.  And thus the score now is Schwartz 12 and 3 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.