Just Kid-ding- Parshat Tzav Shabbat Ha'Gadol 5783- 2023

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

March 31^st 2023 -Volume 12 Issue 24 9^th of Nissan 5783

 

Parshat Tzav- Ha’Gadol

Just Kid-ding

(Check out my latest Mishpacha column below! )

"Will you just grow up already!"

 

 "Why don't you act your age?"

"You want to be treated like an adult? Start acting like one!"

There are perhaps no words more annoying or frustrating for a kid to hear. I should know. I'm still hearing it... and it still hasn't worked. I don't understand. I see all these advertisements about recapturing your youth, all types of anti-aging pills so one can feel like a kid once again, and therapists preaching about finding your "inner child". It seems that I was ahead of the game. Why act like an adult when you’re a kid, only to become an adult looking for his lost childhood? This is a troubling question and you know what we do with troubling questions at this time of year? We save them for the Pesach Seder; the night of questions. And do you know what they answer us inevitably by the Pesach Seder? The reason is…so the children will ask…sigh…they cycle goes on.

Now the reason behind this custom is NOT because the Pesach sacrifice-a goat- is also referred to as a kid. Even though this might be confusing particularly since the last song at the Seder is about this one little kid/goat that a father bought for 2 zuzim. My kids always thought I was the father that sold them for 2 zuzim. I reassured them that I wouldn't sell them for anything less than 20 zuzim and maybe even a Dinar (or a good dinner). They seemed relieved…or maybe not. Thank God for their mother. Back to our E-Mail. Although those are not references to Seder night being "kids night". The rest of the Seder is pretty much all about the kids. In fact the Torah itself seems to revolve the commandments of this very special and important night all about children.

The code of Jewish law discusses the preparations for the Seder as revolving around utilizing all types of tricks to keep the kids up. Hand out nuts and sweets (translate pump them up on sugar and lay off the melatonin), wear a kittel- so children will ask, wash without blessing- so children will ask. The seder pretty much begins all types of strange activities that would usually get us kicked out of the dinner table, leaning while drinking wine over a white tablecloth (not for long), dipping vegetables in salt water and making all types of whiny faces, and stealing the Afikoman and running an hiding it. It continues with each kid getting up and asking their hopefully well-rehearsed four Ma Nishtana questions, which of course then leads into the description of the 4 sons and from there it's the ten plagues with all their appropriate accoutrements. Singing Dayeinu and hallel, dipping marror, fressing matzah while leaning on pillows and then all types of fun songs at the end, it is a night that kids dream of. It's all about them. So to pre-empt the Seder this year I dare to ask the question. Why?

Why is this night different? Shouldn't the most important night of the year be one where we as adults focus on the deep questions and miracles that took place? I understand that kids should know the traditions but why is it so important that it comes in the form of such strange child-like behavior so that they ask questions just to ask them? Why must we do all these strange things-almost behaving like children ourselves- to get them to ask them? Why are we going donw to their level shouldn't we bringing them up to ours.

The answer my friends, the Sefas Emes of Ger suggests, is that is precisely the point of Pesach; to see-rather- to experience the Exodus of Egypt on this night with the wonder, awe and amazement of the innocent eyes of children. Perhaps the most next most essential mitzvah of the night, after the telling/re-enacting of the story, is the eating of Matzah and the prohibition of chametz. The difference between Matzah and Chametz is essentially time; time to rise, time to get bloated, time to mature, time to achieve that perfect state of man-developed food chockfull of wholesome nutrients, preservatives and minerals and vitamins-like my cheerios box says. Matzah on the other hand is cut short in that process. It's stuck in that first state of development. Why is that the main staple? Because we are meant to get away for a few days from all our man-made world with all the answers and envelope ourselves in a world of Hashem. A world in which questions don't need answers, the wonder and amazement of those miracles and that redemption are awesome enough. We ask out of awe. We ask because we just want to be heard and we know that our Father is listening to our voice and basking in our awe. We are all His children and the Seder night is the night that we get back to that moment…through the eyes and questions of our children.

The Sefas Emes suggests that it is for this reason that this Shabbos before Pessach is referred to as Shabbas Ha'Gadol the great or big Shabbos. He suggests that until this Shabbos when we were in Egypt we observed Shabbos in some way but it was entrenched in slavery. It was a day-off from hard work. It was in an un-commanded state like the observances of a minor. This Shabbos when Hashem commanded us in Egypt to prepare for our Exodus and prepare our Pesach offering was the first time we observed Shabbos as a "Gadol" an adult. Our Bar Mitzvah Shabbos so to say. 

What changed on this Shabbos? We were still in Egypt. The redemption had not yet come? But we were able to see it. For the first time we moved beyond the 210 year realities of our day-to day life of slaves and experienced the Exodus and Shabbos before it had even arrived as a Bar Mitzvah boy on his first Shabbos. We became that youthful, starry eyed young man and we jumped into the commandment to forget about time and place and move above it with the faith and dedication to Hashem and our new exciting reality. It is no coincidence that our first mitzvah Ha'Chodesh Ha'Zeh Lachem- to count the Jewish months is the introduction to all of the mitzvahs of Pesach. Like a child we don't have to think or worry about time. Time revolves around us. Not us around it.

I think about the life through the eyes of a child. The incredible places their tour guide father takes them. There is nothing more precious than the wonder in their eyes as they look out at the world. Sure they ask questions, how did this form this way? Why is it that shaped like that? What type of tree, rock, castle is that?  What's the name of that mountain, that lake, that star? They really don't care about the answer. They just want me to know that they're here with me. That I'm sharing the experience with them.

All the other nights of the year we are perhaps slaves to time. Slaves to our responsibilities, slaves to our questions. But on this night of Pesach we are free to return to ourselves and to that wonder. It's a hard thing to do in one night. But that's what kids are for. To help us and guide us into that world of what we once were. Into that beloved child we are to Hashem. It's not about the kids tonight. It's about us. The kids in us. The kids we may have forgotten about. As we say in the Haggada even if we are all wise, knowledgeable like the greatest sages that were sitting in Bnai Brak. Tonight we go back to that simple childlike wonder and simply re-live and tell that story again like the first time. If we could do that seder right and we make it until the end. Who knows maybe Eliyahu might be at the door to sing L'shana Ha'Baah Bi'Yerushalayim with us. Sounds crazy? Sounds like a child –like fantasy that he might be there? Then stop growing up. Don't act your age for a night and you might be surprised. Greater miracles have happened…and will once again..  

Have a massively big and great Shabbos,

 

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

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It’s your favorite Rabbi Tour Guide!!

Check out my latest article on the

HILLS OF EPHRAIM

SHILO!!

https://mishpacha.com/dance-of-unity/

 

And then post share, and send letters to Mishpacha telling them how much you enjoy them!

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

““Kleyn Shlufn Lozn Nit Shlofn, Groyse Kinder Lozn Nit Ru’in.” - Small children don’t let you sleep, Big children don’t let you relax.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

17) A type of Roman amusement facility discovered in Beit Guvrin;

Where can you find a columbarium?

A) Masada

B) the Keshet cave

C) Sepphoris (Zippori)

D) the Leopard Temple

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2gzOvWrS28  - It’s Pesach acapella season… Six13 Prince of Egypt 25^th anniversary

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfaIDcNiq0I  -Mordechai Shapiro’s latest Ani Yehudi a song to sing when you’re a proud Jew!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9JLJ16tXTE    – Hillarious latest Bardak- An impossible

feast!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dnZbHWIFTg     – Micha Gammerman latest our strength is from Hashem “Rakata”

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sExHAL_XQjw – Abie Rottenbergs Baruch Hashem it’s Shabbos with Shloimy Gertner awesome!

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

The Yarden Purification- 680 BC- So Naaman upon the advice of the King of Aram- modern day Damascus, Syria comes down to Elisha in the Shomron. He wants to impress Elisha so he brings with him his horses and chariots and all entourage. Yet, Elisha knows that the only cure for leprosy is humility. So he puts Naaman in his place. He doesn’t even come to the doorway himself. He sends his servant and gives him a message that he should go down to the Yarden river and dip himself 7 times. If he does that he will be purified.

 

The place in the Yarden this takes place today is of course the same place where we entered into the land of Israel and where the water split. As well it is where Eliyahu went up to Shamayim from. It is no wonder that the Christians seeking a holy place to make up their baloney stories about their false Messianic founder Yoshka was baptized there as well. Today one can got to Kasr-El Yahud and visit the site. It’s a cool place to see and make the blessings about where Hashem preformed miracles for our forefathers here.

 

Naaman, though is not too impressed. He’s in fact furious. He thought Elisha would daven for him. He would go to the Bais Hamikdash and perhaps bring sacrifices on his behalf. Just a dip in the Yarden? That’s all. He feels he could’ve done the same thing in Aram. Yet, he doesn’t realize that the real essence of the Yarden is that it is Yoreid. Get off your high horse. Humble yourself. Do teshuva and Hashem will purify you.

 

His servants in fact convince him to give it a shot and lo and behold 7 dips later and he is healed. He’s all better. He comes out and does teshuva and swears he will never worship idols again. He becomes a Baal Teshuva. He remains a righteous gentile. Yet, the story is not over yet, because as we will see, as opposed to this moment being the turning point for Naaman, Elisha’s servant Geichazi goes down the tubes here.  

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ TERRIBLE "SEDER IN A BAR" JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

 A Seder plate walks into a bar

Bartender says: What can I get you?

Sederplate says: Nothing right now, I got a lot on my plate

 

A matzah ball walks into a bar

Bartender says: Is this Round on you?

 

Matzah walks into a bar

Bartender says: Looks like you had a Crumby day?

 

 Moses walks into a bar

Bartender says: Drinks for just you or your staff?

 

 The Jewish Nation walks into a bar.

Bartender says: You thought splitting the sea was hard, try splitting this check

 

 Chad Gad Ya walks into a bar

Bartender says: After that last bar fight with the dog and cat and fire, it's gonna cost alot more than 2 zuzim to get a drink here

 

 Elijah walks into a bar

Bartender says: What can I get for you Elijah?

Elijah says: Wait, you can see me??

 

 

A Kiddush Cup walks into a bar

Bartender says: We don't serve whiners here

 

Matzah walks into a bar

Bartender says: Havent seen you in a while, where you been?

Matzah says: I've had some bad breaks

 

Charoses and Marror walk into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here..”

 

Kiddush Cup walks into  Bartender says: Sorry, we don’t serve whiners here

 

 Wise son and wicked son walk into a bar

Bartender says: What can I get you boys?

Wise son asks for all the details of how the drinks are made

Wicked son laughs: It's on his tab, not mine. Had we been in Egypt I wouldnt have paid either.

 

Pharoah walks into a bar

Bartender says: So it's a Bloody Mary or well, a Bloody Mary right?

 

 Pharoah walks into a bar, doesnt speak

Bartender: Speak up? What do you have a frog in your throat?

Pharoah: frogs here, frogs there

 

The Son 'who doesnt know how to ask' walks into a bar

Bartender: Arent you going to order? Helllo?

 

A Seder walks into a bar

Bartender: Let me guess this is going to be different than all other nights?

 

Afikoment walks into a bar

Bartender: I'll get you a drink, but dont you get lost because I will find you.

 

 A seder kittel walks into a bar

Bartender says: What did someone die?

 

A haggadah walks into a bar

Bartender says: The way this guy rambles on, I'm gonna need my own 4 cups

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The answer to this week”s question is A –Another pretty easy and basic question. Beit Guvrin in the Shefela was a major Roman City and like many of them they had the basic form of entertainment which was gladiator fights and blood sport. It’s a good thing to keep your psychopathic populace engaged and too distracted to rebel against you. In Israel there are three places where we have the remains of those stadiums or Ampitheaters (which is not to be confused with a half ampi which is called a theater and was only for plays and shows). Beit Guvrin, Beit Shean and Caesarea. As far as the Columbarium or the structure where they would keep pigeons and birds in that would be there cell-phone towers as the birds were messenger ones, besides being a good nosh and their poop serving as good fuel for fire and stoves, we have them in many places in Israel. Yet of the list above Masada is the only one where we have quite a few of them in fact. So of course I got it right as they knocked it into our heads. So that makes the score as of now  14.5 for Schwartz and 2.5 for Ministry of tourism on this exam so far…

Mazel Tov!- Parshat Noach 5783 2022

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

October 28^th 2022 -Volume 12 Issue 2 3^rd of Tishrei 5783

 

Parshat Noach

 Mazel Tov!

 

And there she sat. She was beautiful in that magnificent white chair adorned with flowers. Her gown glistened. Her pure eyes sparkled. My eyes began to tear up as I gazed upon her heavenly countenance. She looked like an angel. My angel. Oh and next to her was the bride my daughter Rivkah, of course. I was talking about my wife Aliza, who made this entire wedding. Why who did you think I was talking about?

 

Ok, just joking. I just needed to get some brownie points there. I’ll admit was really talking about Rivkah, my little girl. My princess. My precious daughter who had grown up so quick and was getting ready to “leave her parents and cleave to her husband” as the Torah tells us marriage is. I wasn’t ready to give her up yet. I wasn’t ready to let her go. I wanted to hold her a bit more. To hug her a bit more. To let Aliza raise her a bit more, while I popped in occasionally into her life to kiss her and bless her. I really didn’t feel ready.

 

Is she really getting married? Wasn’t it just yesterday when we brought this precious little child home from the Virginia Hospital where she was born on the 17^th of Tamuz, when all Klal Yisrael mourns the beginning of the destruction of the Temple and hopes and davens for light and joy?  She was the light and joy that came into our lives. She was different than Shani and Yonah. Shani was me-just in a girls body. Y’know, quiet, unassuming, polite, helpful and never causing any trouble or mischief. Yeah right… Shani was the fulfillment of my mothers “blessing” that I should have a child just like me.

 

Yonah, different than Shani was rambunctious. He was like a monkey climbing up and down anything. Fearless and all over the place and doing all the stupid things that his older sister would send him off to do for her. “Yonah- why don’t you climb on those three chairs on top of the fridge to get some candy that Mommy and Daddy hid”. “Yonah, let’s see what happens when we cook those family pictures in the aluminum pan in the microwave”. I can’t even count the almost heart attacks he gave my wife.

 

Rivkah, though was “deefrent et ahll” as my Savta would say. (I think that’s the Hungarian English translation of the Hebrew ‘bichlal shoneh”.) She was a princess. She cleaned her room. She played quietly by herself. She was soft spoken. She didn’t really cry. She was, like, “hi mommy, I haven’t nursed for a while and wouldn’t mind if you could feed me if you have some spare time. She was the type of baby that if she could’ve she would’ve changed her own diapers.”  Not that hers smelled at all. (As if I would know… my wife is looking at me and making a funny sarcastic face). Ok I’m exaggerating but you get the point.

 

We moved to Israel when she was 7, after our 6-year stint in Seattle, where she left behind all of the

“tanta’s” and “uncles’ she had gained there that doted on her. She was the baby of the West Seattle TLC Mishpacha and everyone took care of her as their own daughter. Moving to Israel at that age, making friends and going to school when you don’t even have the basic language, could be daunting. Yet, Rivkah pulled through like all our other children Baruch Hashem. In her soft and subtle way she became beloved to her friends and her teachers. Loyal, faithful, respectful, caring and even fun!. She is a Schwartz after-all. She went to seminary. She shteiged. She grew. She became a mentor. A woman. And now she was going to be someone’s wife. Yehuda’s wife…. She was going to be Mrs. Goodstein. Maybe even Rebbetzin Goodstein one day.

 

I don’t like losing Schwartz names from my family line. It’s a good name. My father is an only child and there’s not that many of us to carry it on. Granted Hashem sent the refuah before the Makka- with the birth of the first Schwartz granddaughter a week ago with the advent of Yonah’s daughter Malka Tzirel (Mitzi?) to the world. But I just don’t like losing daughters. Especially not my “special Rikvah”. By the way, that was the first Email I address I gave to her. Specialrivkah@gmail.com. Her password was of course. “IloveDaddy”. Now she’s going to be Rivkahgoodstein@sometypeofkosherfilteredemailserver.com and her password will probably be IloveYehuda. Yes, this was not easy for me.

 

We approached this little girl of mine as I escorted the chasan with his father to her for her badeken where he would take the first step of the evening of making her his forever. I let go of my son-in-law-to-be (in a few minutes) and handed the candle I was holding to someone and stepped up to that chair and closed my eyes and gave her my blessing. I offered my prayer to Hashem, Who had so thankfully brought me to this day. I looked down at her pretty veiled head and face and I lowered my head into what I felt was the halo that encircled her. “I love you”, I chokingly whispered. “I’m so proud of you” I sobbed. I’ll miss you… I said to myself. Yisimeich Hashem k’sarah Rivkah Rochel V’Leah- May you be like our Matriarchs. May Hashem watch you protect you, may He shine His light through you and may He only bless you with peace… And then she was his. I stepped back. I had done my part. Her life would be starting in a few minutes. I looked at my next daughter Elka as I walked away and I decided right then that I was locking her up in her room for at least another 5 years. I needed to recover from this, before I let the next one go…

 

OK. It’s time to write this E-Mail. I open up the parsha. The first words are about the generations and descendants of Noach. His three sons. His entire world. Unlike me his children didn’t always give him nachas. Well at least not his third youngest son, Cham. In fact the Ramban mentions that the only reason his children were saved was because of the merit of Noach. They were riding on their fathers’ coattails. Or perhaps sailing would be a better metaphor. Interestingly, at the end of the Parsha we have Avraham our Patriarch who is leaving to Eretz Yisrael. There, his father Terach accompanies him leaving to go to Charan together. Fascinatingly enough though the Ramban tells us that Terach eventually did teshuva and has a portion in the World to Come in the merit of Avraham. He derives that from the promise Hashem made Avraham that he would be buried at an old age and be “returned to his father in peace”. Sometimes it’s the children that bring back the parents and sometimes it’s the parents that bring along the children.

 

Yet there’s a deeper connection between fathers and children, between husband and wives and even of marriage and yiddeshe Nachas. It’s time to take a peek into one of my favorite commentaries none other than the Klei Yakar,written by the great 16rh century sage whose first name I share, Reb Ephraim Lunshitz. He notes that there are a lot of numbers and dimensions given in our Parsha, whenever you see that in the Torah pay attention. The Torah doesn’t give random details, and Hashem doesn’t just “stam” order things to be a precise size. There are hidden secrets and lessons in those numbers and if you dig really deep, you’ll discover whole new worlds. Sometimes you have to dig 15,000 amos deep to really really get it..

 

He notes that a repeating number in our Parsha is the number 15. The water of the flood was 15 amos high. It lasted for 150 days. The length and width of the Ark was 300 amos x 50 amos making it 15000 square amos total. If you multiply that by each of the three floors that were ten amos a piece high then you’re looking at 150,000 amos for each floor of space and on and on and on…

 

The number 15 he notes  in Hebrew represents half of the name of Hashem. Yud and Hei- Like the last two letters of Halelu-yah. We are told that Hashem created the world with these last two words of his name. Ki b’y-ah Hashem tzur olamim- with the letters yud and hei of His name, He formed the world. The Yud- the small letter that’s high up in the sky-that’s the world to come. The Hei is this world. It’s closed on top, open down below with a little window to climb in through on the top. Interesting. When Hashem wants to create the world, He uses the number 15. And thus when He wants to destroy the world with the flood, He uses the number 15 again and again.

 

It’s not just for building and destroying worlds though that the number 15 and the yud and the hei play a role. We are told that a marriage between a man and woman also only works with the yud and hei inserted in it. A man, of course in Hebrew is Ish- spelled aleph, yud, shin. A woman is Ishah spelled aleph, shin, and hei. If you take the yud out of the man and the hei out of the woman we are left with eish- which means fire. The only way the two fires and passions of marriage can survive or be whole and complete is with the yud and the hei. With Hashem’s name between them. When Hashem’s name is there though, then the three “partners” together can create a new world. They can create life; a child.

 

The generation of the Flood’s sin was the breakdown of the marriage structure. They were illicit, intermingling, interbreeding the name of Hashem-the ‘15’ of yud and hei that hold the world together was disappearing. Hashem decides Emcheh es ha’adam- I will wipe out man from the world. The word emcheh is the opposite of mechayeh- to give life. The difference is that the ‘yud’ has been removed. Without that spark of Hashem, it’s destruction. There’s no life.

 

The Ark would be life built anew. It was a place where not only humans, but even animals for the only time are referred to not only as male and female but even as Ish and Ishah- man and woman. These were animals that didn’t intermingle and that understood that the sanctity of their role in the world was to bring Hashem into creation. The dimensions of the Teiva are all about 15. It’s all about bringing Hashem back into this world. Its creation born anew. Mazel Tov!

 

There is another fascinating time that he mentions where we see this number play a role. It is when Dovid Ha’Melech is digging the foundations of the Beis Ha’Mikdash. It says that he struck the waters of the depths that had been held back since the flood. They threatened to rise and once again flood the world. According to the Talmud he threw in an earthenware shard with Hashem’s name on it and then composed the 15 psalms of ascents to set everything in place once again. He derived this method of erasing Hashem’s name from the mitzva of Sotah. It is permitted to erase the name of Hashem to bring peace between Ish and Isha. It is placing Hashem’s name back into the picture that may have gotten erased from the formula when there may have been some infidelity. Dovid as well was concerned that perhaps his sin with Batsheva would drown the world and not permit the foundation of Hashem’s temple and Home to be built. So he composed Shir Ha’Maalos. The song of raising Hashem’s name up; Revealing Him from the depths.

 

The Klei Yakar notes that the concluding verses of the 15 Shir Ha’Maalos is about a wife and mother. Eshticha k’gefen poriya- your wife is like a fruitful vine. The word eshticha is written with the three dot “segol” ‘eh’ sounding vowelization. The three dots, he writes represent the three partners in a child that comes from the woman; the father, the mother and Hashem. The Mishnas Yosef takes this even a step further. There is Isha which is woman with a one dot, eee-sounding chirik vowel under it. There is an Eishes Ish- a wife of a man which has the ‘eyy’ sounding tzeirei sound under it with two dots. And finally when she has a child it is eshticha- as it says in Shir Ha’maalos. The three partners together. And thus a world is born.

 

As I walked away from the Badeken of my Rivkah, I wasn’t walking alone. I felt accompanying me as I walked her down the chupah to her Bashert, the neshomas of all those souls that brought us here today. That brought me here today. That brought my wife here. They were all walking her down with me. My saba, my savta, my Babbie, my Zayidie, their parents, their grandparents, all of those generations that had built foundations for us to build upon. To bring the shechina a little bit closer to this earth. I look over at my parents, at my in-laws, at Aliza’s grandmother B’h who was sitting in the front row shepping nachas. I look at my other children and grandchildren surrounding the chupa looking on at their sister becoming an Isha. At their new uncle. The shechina was resting there and my song praising and thanking Hashem for bringing us to this day was playing in the background. Like Noach after the return of the dove with the olive branch waiting another 7 days to exit, my Rivkah circled her chasan 7 times building those spheres of holiness around her husband. Another home has built in klal Yisrael.

 

A glass has been broken. The crowd remembers Yerushalayim. We may have built another home and brought Hashem into this world in this new couple, but His real home is still waiting to be rebuilt. On the head of our simcha we remember our third Partner who is still awaiting his bayis ne’eman. We cry for Him. We channel our emotions towards Him. And then we shout Mazel Tov!

 

They’re off and we sit back and shep nachas. Nachas- true yiddisheh nachas, is also in our parsha the last letter of the word ToldoS Noach is the letters Nachas. Nachas is our generations that follow in the footsteps of all of those that came before us. It’s when the children take the role of their parents and begin a new home. Noach’s “toldos” were not just his children, they were his good deeds that his children built their homes upon. It was the world of Hashem they would begin the process of creating. May Hashem finally have that nachas He’s waited so long to shep from us. And may once again the sounds of the bride and the groom rejoice in the rebuilt halls of the Temple in Yerushalayim.

 

Mazel Tov!

Have a incredible celebratory Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Der “harey-at” iz a kurtser prolog tsu a lange drameh. “The wedding vow is a short prologue to a long drama.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/tefilas-kallah - The most beautiful Chupah song you ever heard for my daughters wedding this coming week. Yitz Berry did the arrangements and the great Dovid Lowy on the vocals… Listen again and again!!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/samayach  – And the second song I composed Samayach for the dancing which is of course the happiest wedding song you will ever hear and will have you dancing with me!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/mi-adir  – one we’re on the subject this was my son Yonah’s composition for his Chupa

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/mi-van-siach -  And my composition for Shani’s wedding Chupah

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/asher-bara  – And the leibidik Dance Song Asher Barah I composed for Shani’s wedding!

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

15) For most of our history Jewish settlement in the Golan was centered in the   _________  region

This was because

A) The Terra Rosa earth is uniquely good.

B) The relative security that was in the periphery far away from the center of the country

C) Deep covered Basalt earth in a flat region

D)  An abundance of Dolomite rock that is good for agriculture

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

The Final Battle - 718 BC – With the completion of the reading of the Torah and the new cycle of Torah reading, in this column as well we come to the end of the Book of Melachim Aleph/ Kings I. The last chapter picks up three years after Achav’s teshuva and true remorse after the story and murder of Navos and the taking of his vineyard inspired by the rebuke and dire punishment that was foretold for him by Eliyahu Ha’Navi. For three years he did righteous in the eyes of Hashem, but ultimately his pride and desire overtook him.

 

It was a meeting with his brother in law the King of Yehuda, Yehoshafat the son of Asa (who was the grandson of the first king of the Divided Kingdom Rechavam). Yehoshafat was righteous king despite his not so righteous wife Athalia the sister of Achav and daughter of the wicked Omri. It was a political marriage and united the kingdoms somewhat-which is a good thing. At the meeting between these two brother-in-laws Achav bemoaned the fact the land of Ramot Gilead on the other side of the Jordan River had been left in the hands of Ben Hadad and Aram that had conquered it under his fathers rulership. Today Ramat Gilead is located according to most in the city of Al- Salat in Jordan- the fifth largest city in that country that is currently illegally occupying the biblical portion of the tribe of Gad and about 30 KM from Amman. When driving up the Jordan Valley one can see the city.

 

Yehoshafat was wary of going to war and breaking the peace treaty that Achav had made with Ben Hadad over the city. He knew that the Arameans hated Israel and the Israelites victory was only a miraculous one. Hashem wasn’t happy with Achav’s sparing of Ben Hadad in the first place. Best not to get involved with them and poke the hornets nest. Achav was insistent though and they asked the prophets of Hashem to tell them what they should do. The nevi’im all said that he was good to go. But that made Yehoshafat even more suspicious. You know the old rule- if it sounds too good to be true… than it is. He asked to be brought to speak to the prophet Micha. Remember him? He’s the one that on the one hand foretold about the original victory against Aram. Yet, on the other hand he rebuked Achav for sparing Ben Hadad.

 

Achav, needlessly to say- is wary of Micha and Micha as well is unimpressed with Achav. He at first tells Achav that he should be blessed with success, avoiding giving a prophecy. But ultimately when pressed he tells Achav. It’s a mistake. He will get killed. They shouldn’t go forward. Yet Achav and Yehoshafat listen to the false prophets who were tricked by the spirit of Navos our sages tell us and they convince him to move forward with battle. It’s the beginning of the end for Achav. Next week, we’ll conclude with battle and the death of Achav

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE MARRIAGE JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

“Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” .

 

Just remember, Yehudah never laugh at a choice my daughter makes. You were one of them, after all!

A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it does an equally good job of stopping circulation.

After a quarrel, Hindy said to her husband Moishe, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” Moishe replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice

 

Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.

 

Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.

Did you hear about the bald man who married his comb? He promised, “I’ll never part with it!

Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific.

I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.

It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either.

Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other periodically

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”

Even though there was a blizzard raging outside Yankel made it the half-mile to the bakery, where heasked the owner for six rolls.

“Your wife must like rugelach,” he said.

“How do you know these are for my wife?” I asked.

“Because your mother wouldn’t send you out in weather like this.”

Berel noticed that his 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so he mentioned it to his mother. “Things haven’t changed that much,” she said. “Only difference is, before, he didn’t listen. Now, he can’t.”

 

First, a man is not complete until he is married. Then, he’s FINISHED!

Second, a man does not know true happiness until he is married. And then, it’s too late!

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.”

 

A wise man spoke at his son’s Sheva Berachos. He said, “Son, now that you’re married, it’s time to learn the fine art of compromise. Let me give you an example. Let’s say that it’s time to paint the kitchen. Your wife wants to paint it pink, but you prefer white. So you compromise – you paint it pink!”

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Answer is B  There was a lot of debate about this question. I mean certainly the second part of the question. That life was in central western part of Golan or what is called the Southern Golan today everyone seemed to agree. In fact 30 percent of synagogues from Mishna Talmud period in Israel where found in that region, Gamla, Natur, and others. The question was why there? I’m not a big agriculture guy and I went with the far from center for safety thing, which I still believe is the right answer and confirmed by my Mihspacha magazine interviewee archeologist guy Mickey Orbach. Yet, some og the guides found something on line about the Terra Rosa land thing, which I still don’t think is correct. So I’m giving myself the right answer here.  And thus the score now is Schwartz 12 and 3 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.