Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile
Showing posts with label Batsheva. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Batsheva. Show all posts

Thursday, April 22, 2021

Have I Got A Job for you!- Parshat Acharey Mos- Kedoshim 2021/5781

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

April 23rd 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 28 11th Iyar 5781

Parshat Acharey Mos- Kedoshim

 Have I Got a Job for you!

I'm not thinking of changing careers. I love tour guiding, I love being a Rabbi and I love writing. Hopefully this Corona thing will be over soon and I can go back once again as I did in the past. Yeah, I know that I, as well as everyone, never dreamed it could last this long. But Hashem has His plan, and he wanted me to have a year off-a shemitta year if you will; although now we've entered into tosefeset shemitta time frame (that's the overlap that goes into the year following the sabbatical year). But I'm still not changing jobs. Once you're doing what you love for too long… it's hard to find anything else that even comes close.

No, it wasn't any earnest desire to find out what else I might be qualified for that motivated me to click on that link in my E-Mail to take a quick career quiz. It was merely boredom and curiousity. Can they really peg me in 15 or 20 questions or so? Are there other job options out there that might give me the same inspiration? So I gave it a try. I didn't like what it said. So I googled and found another quiz and tried that one. I didn't like what that one said either. Nor the next 6 that I spent the next hour taking. Hmmm…I really do have too much time on my hand, maybe I should get a job?  But these quizzes were certainly not the solution. I don't care how many quizzes tell me I should be an Environmental Health officer, Dietician, Credit adviser or get this … Driving instructor. Is there anyone out there that thinks that is me? Who writes these things anyways? One of the quizzes did say I would make a great Senator. Which I guess in Israel the equivalent would be running for Knesset. I'm not taking that as a compliment either… I'll stick with my unemployed day job thank you…

I recently did a great tour for Mishpacha on the Sanhedrin trail (check out the link below). One of the exciting discoveries along that site in the Mishnaic city of Usha that I wrote about was the solving of the riddle of what the job of one of the Tanaim, Reb Yitzchak Nafcha was. See, the last name Nafcha could either be translated as glassblower or blacksmith. Interestingly enough tools for both vocations were found. So I guess we'll have to wait for Eliyahu Ha'navi or the techiyat ha'meisim-resurrection to ask him personally.

But that tour got me thinking about the different careers our sages in the time of the Mishna took for themselves. See, back then, certainly according to the Rambam, almost all of the sages worked for a living. It was pretty rare for the average yeshiva guy to sit and learn as a career. Bills had to be paid, food had to be put on the table and in fact most of them (again according to the Rambam at least) felt it was more honorable to be supporting themselves than to rely on the community or family members to support them. No one made jokes back then like the one I heard last week. What's the difference between a Yeshiva guy and a cell phone? A cellphone comes with a plan! Ouch! Ouch! And Ouch again!!!

But that's really not the point I'm trying to make either. Today it's a different world perhaps, different opportunities and each generation has its Torah leaders to guide us as to what we are meant to be doing. Rather my point is that the fact that Chazal feel it's important to share with us what various jobs each particular Rabbi had is also Torah. As much as we can learn about our Rabbis from their personal teachings and dictums particularly of Pirkey Avot that we learn this time of year, we also can learn and appreciate who they were based on their chosen occupations. Certainly as a tour guide who takes people to graves of tzadikim I believe that part of that pilgrimage and the prayers we say to Hashem we recite at these holy sites is to connect to the personality of the specific tzadik and their inspiration. If we don't do that than we may as well just daven in shul or at the Kotel. So I always try to look for angles, anecdotes and teachings to share with my tourists and what better place to start then with their career choices.

This week we read the parshiyot of Acharey Mos and Kedoshim. The old yeshivish joke is that when someone is alive there are always people that will try to knock them. After they die though- acharey mos- they become kedoshim- holy people we forget all of the past. There is certainly an element of truth to that. As well, by the Torah introducing the laws of the Yom Kippur service with these words and the recounting of the death of Aharon's children, our Rabbis derive that the death of the righteous and the learning from their lives can serve as much of an atonement as Yom Kippur can. It's the reason why we recall the 10 martyrs who were killed in the period of the Mishna as part of our Yom Kippur davening. And it is perhaps why as well this parsha is followed with the laws of forbidden relations and all of the basic mitzvos recounted in parshat Kedoshim in the second parsha. It's the simple mitzvos, actions, and everyday observant lifestyle of our tzadikim that we are meant to learn from and become Kedoshim ourselves.

Two of the most famous and greatest of our Rabbis were Hillel and Shamai. Their disputes are legendary, the differences in their personalities are discussed in various places in the Talmud and their students were the future leaders of the Jewish people. Although they both lived at the end of the period of the second Beit HaMikdash, they set the tone and direction for the nation for the next 2000 years, placing Torah study as the central focal point of the Jewish people rather than the Temple and its service which by their era was already in serious spiritual decline. In essence that legacy of theirs is what has kept us a nation in our Exile through the persecution and dispersion we suffered to all corners of the earth. Who were these great men and what did they do for a living?

Now some of you may be familiar with Hillel's occupation from the famous story in the Talmud of how he was a woodchopper who would bring half his earnings to pay for entrance to the Beit Midrash. Remember how he didn't have money once and he climbed up on the roof and almost froze to death under the snow trying to listen in to the Torah discourse? I just want to focus on the part of that story that gets glossed over. He was a lumberjack, as we called it back in the day. Y'know, with those flannel plaid red and black shirts and overalls with an axe slung over his shoulder. Think Jewish Paul Bunyan. Lumberjacks are not small people. I hate to shatter that image of Hillel as this long white bearded short skinny frail Rabbi. He wasn't. He climbed up a roof, because he could and figured he wouldn't die. I don't do that and that's even before Corona had me sitting on a couch for a year.

Shammai, on the other hand was in a decidedly more Jewish occupation. He was in the "cunstrukshin bizness" as my friends in "Muhnsey" like to call it. He was a builder. Now I'm sure like most Jews in the field, he didn't actually do the manual labor part. He contracted and oversaw. Yet, I do believe that it's important to recognize and appreciate that Chazal tell us these occupations to let us know that they had, what my mother would call, "Day Jobs". They 'woiked' for a living.

There's an even deeper reason, though, why we are meant to know what each their occupations were. As all these quizzes on the internet and the entire industry of coaches and guidance counselors show us, our jobs fit our personality types. On an even deeper and more spiritual level, the jobs that we do should reflect and connect with the essence of each of our souls. Hashem gave each of us kochos ha'nefesh- inner strengths and natural skills. The successful person finds the job that maximizes, develops and utilizes those skills. Hillel and Shamai were certainly successful. So to understand them, let's understand the skills and differences between the lumberjack and the builder.

Perhaps we can best understand and see the difference as it played out in the three famous stories the Talmud in Shabbos shares with us about the prospective converts that came to them. Let's call them Joe, Jack and Bob. Joe, the first one to come, wanted to convert on the condition that he only be taught the written Torah. He didn't believe in the authenticity of the divine nature of the 2000-year-old tradition of its interpretation that had been passed down along with it. Shamai threw him out in anger. Hillel on the other hand took him in. On day one he taught Joe the first four letters of the aleph beis. On day two though he switched around the order and told him the opposite. Joe objected. This wasn't what you said yesterday. Hillel showed him from this that even to learn the written law one needs to come onto some form of Oral tradition. So once Joe already had to buy into the concept of a tradition, he may as well go the full nine yards.

Jack was next. He came to Shamai and demanded he convert him on the condition that he be taught the entire Torah while standing on one foot. Shamai, once again naturally refused. This time though the Talmud tells us that Shamai yanked out his measuring meter stick, that all these guys in the construction industry carry with them in their pocket, and pushed him away with it. This seems to be an extraneous detail. But let's see if we can put it together. Hillel on the other hand took him in and seemingly paraphrasing the golden rule of Rabbi Akiva that is in this week's Parsha of 'Love your fellow man like yourself' Hillel told him '

"That which is hateful upon you don't do to others- this is the entire Torah, the rest is commentary upon this go and learn it."

I'm sure Jack was quite relieved that he didn't pull out his axe, right? But perhaps in a way he did. For rather than quoting him the Torah's verse that is the positive sense to love your friend. Hillel chopped it down to the negative sense. Don't do bad. Or as the first rule of Doctoring is 'not to do any harm'.

Finally, we have the last story where Bob pops on over to Shamai's place. Perhaps this story and all of them took place by his construction site, where he had his measuring stick handy. Bob wanted to be converted on the condition that he be able to become Kohen Gadol He had heard that they wear really cool threads and wanted to get in on the scene. Once again Shamai yanked out that measuring stick and pushed him away, while Hillel embraced him and took him in. In Bob's case Hillel started learning with him the laws of the High Priest. When they arrived at the verse that prohibits even King David from wearing the Kohen Gadol's clothing, the man understood that if a regular Jew who is like the child of Hashem can't wear the garments than certainly a convert, who just joined the party, wouldn't be entitled to wearing them. Bob then headed back to Shamai and pretty much shared with him that all Shamai needed to have told him was that he couldn't be a Kohen Gadol. It seems he would've been fine with that. The epilogue of the story is that it seems that Joe, Jack and Bob all met up one day and recounted their stories and they came to the conclusion that

'the strict nature of Shamai sought to deter them from the world, while the humility of Hillel brought them under the wings of the Shechina".

Three stories, three almost opposing responses and we are introduced to the process or MO of the woodchopper Hillel and the builder Shammai. What is difference between those two jobs? A builder or construction guy's job is primarily to make sure that everything fits nicely into its place. There are no discolored tiles or bricks, the beams and roof all fit nicely into one another. Everything must measure up. If part of your house or building's foundation is made with faulty or defective material, the entire thing will collapse. The character trait that is most essential is to be a details person; to see in their mind the big picture that is being built and how everything falls into place.

A woodchopper or lumberjack on the other hand has almost the opposite job description. His job is to cut those trees down to the right size. As long as the trees are strong and have the necessary ingredients, then with a little bit of trimming here and a few chop chops there it can be made to fit nicely in the building. The woodchopper does not really care about how the tree looks now. It may be tall, short, thin, fat, lots of leaves or fruits hanging from it. That doesn't bother him. His only concern is if it has the necessary qualifications to fit into the building needs or not. His job is merely to estimate the potential.

When Joe, our first convert comes in and doesn't want to accept the oral tradition, Shamai doesn't even need to pull out his measuring stick to that this guy can't fit. The written Torah without the Oral tradition is like using styrofoam to build a brick house. Of course the contractor is just going to be angry at his supplier and send it right back to the shop, along with a few choice words in Yiddish. Hillel on the other hand is not looking at the house. He's looking at the material. The material wants to be in the house. Joe, believes in Hashem. He believes in the Torah. Hillel doesn't see a world being built as Shamai does. He sees wings of the Shechina that one is being brought under. Sure, we will have to find the right place for this person. We need to show and explain to him that this is not a styrofoam building. It's an eternal nation that he will be part of. But he can also have a place in it if he wants. The lumberjack will get him to where he needs to be.

The next two converts really come down to the same idea. Whereas Shamai understands that they are willing to accept the Torah and become part of the world we are building. But they want it to be one stripe, one dictum that all are bound by, one set of clothing for everyone. Shamai yanks out his measuring meter, the Chasam Sofer explains, to show them houses aren't build that way. There are Kollel guys, there are builders, there are falafel makers, there are tour guides, there are kings and Kohanim. Each has its own size. Each has to have a place. You can't use the same tile you use for the bathroom in the kitchen. He pushes them away. Ideas like Jacks's or Bob's will ruin the house/world he has been contracted to build. They don't measure up

Hillel on the other hand doesn't see a house. That's not his job set. He sees potential. The potential is premised on the most basic of human emotions; self-love and self-worth. Why is V'Ahavta L'rayacha Kamocha the greatest rule in the Torah? Why is the love that I am obligated to have for others premised on the love one has for oneself? The answer, suggested by almost all the commentaries, is that one can only truly love someone when we have an appreciation of how loved and special we are ourselves. Sure, we can do things for one another out of a sense of compassion, guilt, or obligation. But that's not love. Love comes from a place that I appreciate that I am child of Hashem that was placed on this earth by my loving Father because I have an essential role in creation. Hashem put me here because I have a job to do that no one else can do. He planted that seed specifically because he wanted me to grow and be part of his building. That is the way the woodchopper looks at every tree in that forest.

He explains that Jack by telling him that if there are things in life that bother you, it is because you have a sense of love for yourself. You may not even appreciate that yet, but that's alright. Just utilize that self-understanding on its lowest level and then learn more and more about who you are. What are the things that make you feel good in life. Take a career quiz, a life quiz. Discover what inspires you. What role you have to play and the tree that you need to be to where your loving Father can rests its loving wings.

We read these parshas of Acharey Mos- Kedoshim always during the days of sefirat ha'Omer. More than any time of year this is the period that we are meant to be focused on our daily personal growth. On the one hand we have the vision of Yom Kippur and its service and the highest spiritual aspirations. Yet, at the same time we have parshat Kedoshim, of the day to day laws that truly make us holy through the multitude of mitzvos we fulfill and sins that we avoid.

We read this during the spring as trees are growing around us and that feeling of love and potential is in the air. We remember those students of Rabbi Akiva that didn't keep that golden rule of his. They didn't find the innate kavod and honor that each person possesses. They didn't see that potential. They saw themselves as builders, as our sages tell us Torah scholars are meant to be (al tikri banayich ela bonayich).  This is the time of year when we should all be finding our inner potential. In a little over three weeks we will remember how Hashem spoke to each of us on Har Sinai. He didn't just speak to all of us. He spoke to each of us. We were all important. We all have a letter and place in the Torah. And we all have a place in building that Home where the Shechina will rest its wings once again in Yerushalayim.

Have a stupendous Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

**********************************

Hello Rabbi Schwartz Fans!

Its finally here!

After a few month hiatus I'm excited to tell you that I return to

 MISHPACHA MAGAZINE

With what might just be my most

Exciting tour

yet

SHVIL HASANHEDRIN

The Sanhedrin Trail

Together with Doctor Chagi Amitzur

Check it out and share and like at

https://mishpacha.com/sanhedrin-stopovers/

Feel free to E-mail them and tell them how much you have enjoyed

And how much you've missed me…

And stay tuned for the accompanying video for this tour in the coming week

***************************************************

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HOLY HOUSES

https://youtu.be/WRUGau6QMu8  

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 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Ver es hot di hak, git dem knak " – He who has the ax gives the whacks         

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

25) A settlement that was destroyed in the War of Independence:

A) Nataf

B) Mishmar Hayarden

C) Efrat

D) Bnei Yehuda

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 

https://youtu.be/yjD6vJEPhkE    – Hear what 500 yeshiva students can do at an incredible Cantorial Acapella song event Shochen Ad!

https://youtu.be/-o5eY17vG90 – Ah Yiddishe Mama…Chasidish Acapella

 

https://youtu.be/hEaVZ_DaT40   - How to get your brother out of bed Acapella!

 

https://youtu.be/J6UcozPpJvs  – Maccabeats-Megilat Ha'Atzmaut song?

 

https://youtu.be/iAhgI7TYZmg  -Singing this song all weeklong. Benny Friedman a Yid never cries acapella version

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

A Sensitive Land – Parshat Acharey Mos- Kedoshim – The end of Parshat Acharey Mos tells us something special and unique about Eretz Yisrael that is not like any other country in the world. It seems our holy land has a very sensitive stomach. After telling us about all of the prohibited incestuous and forbidden relationships and abominations that we need to refrain from that the previous Canaanite nations engaged in, Hashem tells us that if we partake in any of them the land will vomit us out. Whereas the other nations engaged in everything bad and they were being vomited up, if we only partake in even a portion of these acts we are at serious risk of being chucked up and out.

 There is a story told about Reb Leib Chasman the Mashgiach in the Chevron Yeshiva in the early days of the State who was found by one of his students pacing nervously and fretting in his offie one day. His student asked him what he was so nervous about. Reb Leib told him that he had just heard about some of the terrible sins that were taking place in some of the new secular Kibbutzim that had opened up. When the student asked his Rebbi why this was so concerning to him. Reb Leib answered

 " Don't you know that the Torah tells us that if we are metamey and contaminate the land as the Cannanites did, that it will spit us up and we will be forced to go into exile once again?! If it was just me that would be tragic, but I will have no choice and I will go. But my Rebbetzin has a broken leg and is not well. How will she make it? How could she go?"

 It was real to him and it should be real and frightening to us. The Dubna Magid explains that there is a benefit to this weak stomach of Israel as well. As is his style he does so with a parable. He tells the story of an only daughter of a wealthy man who was looking for the best top bachur for his daughter. He had thought he had found one, but after a few years his daughter realized he wasn't all he was cracked up to be. While she thought he was sitting and studying all day in reality he was hanging out in the coffee room schmoozing. While she thought he was going to davening in the morning early he was just hanging out at the bagel shop and fressing. When he was supposedly learning late at night it turns out he was hanging out in casinos and gambling. Needless to say she divorced him. 

Not long after she got remarried. Her second husband wasn't the top guy in yeshiva, in fact he was pretty average. But he was nice, he learned he just wasn't extraordinary. But for a second husband he was just right. The only problem is because of her past trauma, she would get very nervous if her husband hung out too late, or of he didn't go directly to davening or if he wasn't so meticulous about his mitzvos. When the young man complained once to her father about this annoying trait of hers. His Father-in-law told him that he had to give her a break. It was only because of what she underwent with her first husband that she was so sensitive about his behavior. She didn't want it to happen again.

But when the boy persisted and asked why he would have to suffer for the first guy's sins. His father explained, that it was only because she had already been married that he even got through the door in the first place. Otherwise she would never have looked twice at him. So he should accept it gracefully

 Similarly, the Magid says is Eretz Yisrael. Yes, it is a sensitive land. But that's only because of all of the trauma it underwent. But yet at the same time, it's relationship with us despite it's weak stomach and critical sensitive nature is one where it will always appreciate the things that we do even more so. It's first husband were abusive. They removed all its spirituality and the greatness it aspired for. When Am Yisrael comes to the land even the most average of Jews is miles ahead of what it went through. And thus yes, it may push us to be better and greater. But at the same time. It's only because it appreciates us so much more. Isn't it nice when your land actually is your bashert!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Dovid and Batsheva; The Cover-Up- 866 BC – You know how they say that what gets people in trouble more than the crime is the cover-up. That rule seems to go all the way back to the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve said "Huh, what tree? What fruit?" Well in Dovid's case that was certainly true. Our sages tell us that just as the sin of the golden calf could only have happened with some supernatural involvement and power the satan was granted in order to teach the Jewish people the concept of Teshuva. Dovid's sin with Batsheva as well was an irresistible force in order to teach each Jew that they can repent. So although Dovid's sin with Batsheva may be able to be explained and lightened as we described last week by the fact that her husband Uriah had technically given her a Get as all soldiers that went to war did. But Dovid's elaborate cover-up in the aftermath of their illicit relationship and her pregnancy certainly got him into much more trouble.

Understandably, Dovid as the King of Israel would be concerned for the scandal that would come out. So therefore his first step was to try to remove any suspicion of wrong doing on his part or Batsheva's part by getting Uriah to come home and return to his wife ASAP. If he could pull that off then once Batsheva's pregnancy would become known it would be assumed the father of the baby would be Uriah. Things however did not go as planned. Dovid sent a message to Yoav to send Uriah home as he needed to talk to him. When he visited Dovid, Dovid asked him about the war and then told him to go home to his wife even sending with him a nice romantic "King's feast" special to bring him with him. Uriah though, a true soldier however didn't go home that night. Perhaps Hashem didn't want the story to end this way. This however wasn't just a mistake on Uriah's part, his not heeding the King's directive technically and halachichally was an act of "rebellion" punishable by death.

 When pressed the next morning by Dovid as to why he didn't go home. Uriah made mistake number two. He told Dovid that

"The Ark of Hashem, the soldiers of Israel and Yehudah as are my master Yoav, and my master Dovid's servants and I should go home and eat and sleep and be with my wife. By your life I cannot do such a thing."

 Yoav's statement seems noble. How can he go home and sleep comfortably with his wife when his brothers in arms are out in the battlefield. The problem is that despite his feelings, if the king tells you to do something you need to do it. As well it seems he was disrespectful to Dovid by describing Yoav as his master before Dovid and swearing that by Dovid's life he won't fulfil the command. Sometimes your righteous indignation, even well-placed, can get you into trouble. Dovid however tried one more tactic. He invited Uriah for a dinner with him and got him a bit inebriated with the hope that he would go home to his wife. It didn't work. Uriah did get a bit shikkered up, but he slept at the Kings palace. And thus with nothing left to do and with the Uriah's technical sedition Dovid continued the spiral and ordered the death of Uriah.

 To make matters even worse, Dovid sent Uriah with a letter for Yoav to have Uriah placed on the front lines of the battle with Ammon and then have the men retreat leaving him to be killed by the enemy. And thus Yoav carried out the command they approached the gate of the Ammonima and Uriah was killed. Yoav sent the message back to Dovid inconspicuously with the "tragic details" of the battle and Dovid ordered them back to battle with renewed force. And thus Uriah was done. When Batsheva's days of mourning were up she returned to the house of Dovid, and seemingly the cover-up had worked. Until the prophet and Hashem got involved. And thus the story of Dovid's lifelong teshuva begins.  

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S  TERRIBLE LUMBERJACK JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 A lumberjack says to another "You know I can cut a log just by looking at it."

The other lumberjack says “that’s not possible”.
The lumberjack says “It may seem impossible but I saw it with my own two eyes.

 A lumberjack chooses a tree to chop down. Before he has a chance to swing his axe, the tree exclaims, "WAIT! Don't do this! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack responds, "Good. Then you will dialogue."

 A Lumberjack Named Chuck is Working at a Mill.His job is to throw lumber down the chute to the saw that cuts them in half. One day, he's in a horrible accident, and loses both of his arms. Obviously he can't work, and fights tooth and nail with his union to get him the pay he would've received if he could work the rest of the year. They send a representative to the office of his bosses to inquire as to how much he would've made. The man arrives, and asks:

"How much wood would Chuck chuck if Chuck could chuck wood"

2 foreigners want to immigrate to Canada. They go to the immigration office. First guy goes in and the immigration officer asks “alright you want to come into Canada, what do you do for work?”

The foreigner says “oh I a pilot, I a pilot “
Immigration officer goes “alright a pilot sounds good welcome to Canada”
Second guy walks in and is greeted with the same question about his occupation.
He replies “oh I a chop a da wood, I chop a da wood”
Immigration officer replies “oh no sorry we already have enough lumber jacks in Canada”
Clearly sad, the foreigner asks “That's not fair, how come you let my buddy in ?

The Immigration officer says “Well he told us that he was a pilot!”
The foreigner replies “oh no! I chop a da wood, he a pile-it!”

 What do you call a car crash with a lumberjack? An *Axe*-ident

A lumberjack chopped off my teeth. But later he apologized and said it was axedental.

 A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, the next, ten hits, the next one, a hundred hits, and the next one after that, a thousand. He kept swinging until the tree he was swinging at was chopped down. Amazed, the young man walks over to the old man and asks, "Sir, what is your secret, how do you chop them down so quickly?"
The old man turns and says, "It's all about the rhythm."
Puzzled by the old man's answer, the young man returned home pondering what he said.
The next morning, he was motivated to keep trying to be a lumberjack. "If an old scrawny man can do it, so can I!" he thought.
So he went back to the forest, and tried to use his advice.
Trying to time each swing, he realizes this simply doesn't work. Later in the day, he sees the old man again, comes up to him, and asks, "I tried to time my swings, but it does no more than just chopping normally. How do you do it?"
"You can't just make up any old rhythm and follow it, you have to find a very specific one,"
he says,"you have to find the Logger-rhythm." (OYY IM huritn by now even writing these…)

As a lumberjack starts his chainsaw he hears the tree begin to cry. “Please don’t cut me down!” The tree pleads, “I’ll do anything!”

The lumberjack says, “Fine! If you can solve this impossible riddle that has fooled some of the greatest minds from doctors, writers to philosophers, I’ll spare you.”                                                                The tree was stumped.

Did you hear about the lumberjack who got a promotion? Now he's a branch manager

 In my 20’s I worked in the woods as a lumberjack. just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax

 ********************************

Answer is B- This one was fairly easy as well. The answer was obviously not Efrat which was only founded in the 80's by Rav Riskin and Benei Yehudah which is in the Golan didn't even have any Jews in it until after the 6 Day War (although there were some early attempts to settle it in the early 1900's that failed. I wasn't sure about Nataf, but I pass Mishmar Hayarden (or I did when I toured) all the time and the memorial for those that died in the fierce battles there in 1948 and even before that are legendary. It also has the yichus of being the only settlement that the original settlers didn't return to rebuild but rather and new group settled it. So I was right and the score is now 18 for Rabbi Schwartz and 7 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.

Friday, September 25, 2020

Lockdown!- Parshat Haazinu- Yom Kippur Edition 5781/2020

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

September 25th 2020 -Volume 10 Issue 48 7th Tishrei 5781

 

Parshat Ha'azinu/ Yom Kippur

Lockdown!

Not again…It's a lockdown in the holy land and just when I was getting used to being back in Shul again. It's still wasn't the same though. Our chulent kiddushes are still off, we don't have dancing Friday night and the sefer Torah doesn't make its rounds around the room before and after Torah reading. The masks that I speak to when I give my weekly sermons make it more challenging to see if the crowd is smiling at my jokes or snoring. Although the guys in the back that pull them over their eyes are definitely giving it away….  But still it has been amazing to return to our shul since Shavuos. But now we are closing up shop again. Someone wrote me that we should call the period between Shavuos and Sukkos "bein hasegorim"-between the lockdowns. Why do we have to go back to our rooms again?

 

See Pesach time was kind of cool being locked up. We imagined the plagues and the Egyptians outside and us safely with our Pesach offerings inside awaiting Eliyahu Hanavi. But Yom Kippur in lockdown? (Although they are permitting small minyanim the recommendations are to stay out of shul and rather pray in outdoor minyanim.). That's a hard pill to swallow. Yom Kippur is all about Shul. It's sitting inside and davening all dressed in white. Looking at the clock, counting the pages. It's being surrounded with our brothers and sisters all dressed in white. It's the guy sitting next to me- not socially distanced, sobbing through the viduy confessions. It's singing anu tzonecha- we are your flock together in harmony and it is about trembling as we read nesaneh tokef and think about who will live and who will die, as we reflect over the so many that are not with us this year and the so many who we all know who have died by plague, by water, by fire not in their proper time. Too young… too early… too much left to accomplish. Yom Kippur shouldn't be a day that we are outside in the street at best or on our porch and couch trying to have some kavana with the children jumping around in the background.

 

Sukkos as well, which in Israel this year the synagogues will be closed for. How can this be? What about our Hoshana marches as we wave our Lulav and Etrog proudly like victory swords as we march around the Bima joyously asking Hashem to save us each day of Sukkos. Our Hallel's with our Ma Ashiv sung together, our naa'anuims- lulav waving each guy with their own minhag and the guys that are just making up their own minhag of which direction to wave it or that dumb kid that always hits you in the nose. There will be no Kaaaaa'eyyyy'-eyyy'-eiyyy-lehs by Torah reading on Chol Hamoed. No Simchas Torah. No dancing, no sweaty up and down jumping. No throwing the kids up and down Moshe Emes, No candies, no chocolates, no Kiddush club. No 1950's songs tzavey tzavey or baruch hu elokeinu that only get sung on Simchas Torah. No mi pi kel, I can't even think about it. It's insane. This was supposed to be over a long time ago… So was our Galus…So was our exile from our Beis Hamikdash…Maybe now we can experience a bit what Hashem has been feeling like, locked out His home for so long as well…

 

The truth is this is not the first Yom Kippur we have been in somewhat of a lockdown. In fact, the first Yom Kippur ever of our Beis Hamikdash also had somewhat of a lockdown. It's how it all began, and fascinating enough we remember it every year in the Psalm we read Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur repeatedly. It's lesson, perhaps more poignant this year than any other year.

 

Let's go back in time about 2900 years ago. The King of the Jewish people is Dovid and there is a massive plague that is killing everyone. The final tally was 70,000 people! Fascinatingly enough this plague we are told comes because Dovid counts the people and not by means of the half shekel which is meant to serve as a kofer- an atonement so that the plague will not break out… Kofer is the same word a Kippur the day of atonement we are approaching. I believe that the first time this corona plague, China plague or Hashem plague began Parshat Shekalim this year right before Purim, when we read about the mitzva to give our half shekel to the communal shul/temple and get an atonement and not suffer a plague. Hmmmm…. You did get my fundraising E-Mail this week right?- I'm just saying…it's never too late…J Links are below…) Maybe we should call it the kaparah virus.

 

How does the plague stop? Dovid goes to the granary of Arnava and buys the Temple Mount where the Beis Hamikdash will be. There he builds a mizbayach, in the same place that Yaakov built his altar and saw angels going up and down from there. The same place where Yitzchak was bound to be offered up as a sacrifice and where the ram was killed in his place. The same place, the Rambam tells us where Noach and Adam HaRishon build their altars. It is there that  King David, comes to that same mountain and builds his altar and the lo and behold the plague ends. The atonement, the kaparah, it seems, is achieved.

 

A few years later Dovid's son Shlomo begins the most important project in the history of mankind of building a Home for Hashem on this Earth on that same hallowed ground. It is for this reason that all of mankind was created. The world has waited almost 3000 years for this moment. After 7 years the project is finally completed in the month of Cheshvan. However, Shlomo decides to wait a good 11 months until the Month of Tishrei to have the open house ceremony. Perhaps that is the precedent in Israel that your real estate will never be ready on the date they tell you or even that it is completed by. Getting it a year after the construction is completed is ahead of the game.

 

Shlomo waits until the month of Tishrei. Our month. This time of year. The birth month of Avraham Avinu. Shlomo makes a 7-day feast that continues for an additional 7 days. This is a very big deal. Every day is feasting, sacrifices and celebrations. Yom Kippur is obviously one of those 14 days and of course Shlomo rules that just as in the times of Moshe when the Mishkan was dedicated peace offerings were brought on Shabbos, which would normally be prohibited, as we don't burn personal optional sacrifices on Shabbos. Similarly, one would be permitted to eat and drink on Yom Kippur in honor of the special occasion of the dedication of the Beis Hamikdash. How cool must that have been?

 

And then the highlight of the entire event finally came. It was time to finally bring the Aron to the Holy of Holies. The nation led by Shlomo marched up from the city of David down below. They walk up those steps to the Temple mount. Everyone is watching and then it happens. Lockdown. Seger. The gates are shut and no one can open them up. Uh Oh…

 

 I don't know if you ever had that awkward feeling when it's time for Torah reading in shul and the Aron is locked and being the rabbi of the shul you're the only one with the combination because the Gabbai who usually opens it is home sick with possible corona. All eyes are on you as you fumble through the ridiculously complex combination. 3 times counterclockwise, twice past zero the other way to 42 and then back again… and of course it doesn't open. So you try again and again and again… and there is grumbling… This is not a good thing. Yeah, I don't know if you've ever had that…but they tell me that it's not fun at all…Can you imagine what Shlomo must have felt like? So what does a Jew do in a situation like this? We say tehillim. Being that they were composed by his father Dovid, Shlomo knew them pretty well… But it didn't work and the grumbling got louder.

 

"I knew we shouldn't have eaten on Yom Kippur" Berel said. "What type of mishegas is this? Yom Kippur we fast!"

 

"Yeah" Yankel said, "Who does this Shlomo think he is? Smartest of all men or something. He was born from a sinful relationship of Dovid and Batsheva…not that I want to say anything nisht b'shabbos g'redt"

 

There were some people that blamed it on the people who talked in shul, others said it was lashon hara, others said lashon hara on the people that spoke lashon hara. You had your usual people that said it was the internet, long shaitels and smartphones fault. Some people blamed it on the ones that wore masks or the ones that didn't wear them. But most people just blamed it on the government. It was Bibi, Biden or Trump… It was chareidim, it was chilonim, it was Russia, it was Palestinians. It was Schwartz

 

Finally, Shlomo came to Psalm 24.

 

L'dovid Mizmor- A song for Dovid.  Hashem's is the earth and its fullness, the inhabited land and those who dwell in it.

 

We are all Hashem's. Everything is His. We are His people. This building is the purpose of His dwelling place on this earth.

 

Mi ya'aleh b'har Hashem, u'mi yakum b'makom kodsho- who may ascend the mountain of Hashem and who may stand at His place of holiness?

 

Can you imagine all of the Jewish people, silent ,eyes closed at that moment locked out of their gates and hearing Shlomo ask that very question?

 

Naki kapayim u'var leivav asher lo nosa l'sahv nafshi v'lo nishba la'mirma- One with clean hands and pure heart and who has not sworn in vain by my Soul, and has not sworn deceitfully.

 

Can you hear them bursting out in tears? Are any of us truly clean or pure of heart. Can any of us merit to enter the holy house of Hashem…

 

Zeh dor Dorshuv- mivakshey panecha  Yaakov sela- This is the generation of those that seek him those who strive to see Your face, Yaakov Selah….

 

This is who we are Hashem they called out. We want you. We need you. Open up the gates…

 

Se'u Shearim Rosheichem- Shlomo begs for the gates to open up before the King who is coming.

However, the midrash tells us that the gates upon hearing this request thought that Shlomo was referring to himself. And they began to fall and collapse around him.

 

Terror took over the nation. What a shanda. We can't go in and the walls are collapsing of our shul; of our temple.

Shlomo clarified and said

 

"Hashem the mighty and strong, is our king of war". The walls stop shaking but they still don't open.

Again Shlomo calls out "Se'u She'arim roshaychem" Open up gates and allow the King to enter.

 

The ibn Ezra explains this is talking about in the future times when the same thing will happen again. We will be locked out. The doors will need to open. Mashiach, the redeemer is approaching to redeem us. Dovid's psalm is talking about us.

 

And yet the gates still did not open. The Talmud tells us that they only opened when he asked that they be opened in the merit of his father Dovid. Poof- Open Sesame. The gates opened and the people and the ark went in. When this happened, the Talmud tells us, the entire nation understood that Dovid's sin has been forgiven. Their sins of eating on Yom Kippur had been forgiven. All the sins of the Jewish people were forgiven. We can only come into Shul when we appreciate that we can get that forgiveness. The men and women went home celebrated, they had children, and the new generation was born with that lesson in mind. We will always be forgiven, those are the keys to opening up the doors of Heaven. The doors of the Hashem's house here on earth.

 

In fact, the Talmud tells us that the "original" sin that we are forgiven for on Yom Kippur of the Golden Calf was a sin that didn't make any logical sense. Hashem had just taken us out of Egypt. We saw all the plagues, all of the miracles. We walked through the sea. We were eating His manna, we were celebrating His Shabbos as the God who took us out of Egypt and Created the whole world. We heard His voice and His ten commandments. How can it be that 40 days later we are dancing around a golden calf and singing "This is the God that took us out of Egypt". It doesn’t make any sense. The answer, our sages tells us, is that Hashem caused us to sin in order to teach all generations that no matter how bad and how far we fall and how grievous our transgression may be- I mean in the words of the midrash this is like a bride who sins on her wedding night- But no matter what- the congregation can always get atonement and forgiveness. We can always enter into those gates and Hashem will forgive us.

 

Similarly, as well, the Rabbis teach us that it makes no sense whatsoever that King David should have sinned with Batsheva. Dovid was the kindest, most sensitive and passionate person ever born. 3000 years after his passing his words and psalms give inspiration, hope, prayer and to people around the world from all faiths. He had everything as King and yet was dedicated to the people in all ways. How could he have fallen so low as to take a woman that was another man's wife in the way that he did, by sending her husband off to war to be killed. It makes no sense. The betrayal is against every fiber in his being. Yet again our sages tell us this was Hashem  that caused him to sin in order to teach all generations for all times that even an individual that does the most grievous sin, the most horrific abomination and act, can still get forgiveness. Can still have Yom Kippur. Hashem forgave Dovid when he did Teshuva, but He waited until the Yom Kippur when the Temple was dedicated to teach that lesson to the entire world.

 

Why did it have to be so dramatic? Why couldn't Hashem just say Dovid is forgiven. Klal Yisrael is forgiven. Turn the red string, white and move on and party… Why the lockout? Why the lockdowns? The answer perhaps is to remind us that there is no half way with our teshuva. We are either in or we are out. The doors are opened or they are closed. We daven for teshuva shlaima- a complete Teshuva. Not just erase partially. Not just some of our sins. Not just make us a little bit whiter, not as black, so what if there's some stains on our collars… It's all gotta be clean. From the worst sins we have done to the smallest least sins and mistakes. Teshuva shlayma.

 

Similarly, we say refuah shlayma- a complete healing. Not just a partial healing or a little less sick. We want to be completely healed. Not just a vaccine, not just anti-bodies. Not just remission. We want it entirely eradicated. refuah shlaima.

 

Finally, as well we want geula shlaima. We want the doors to open and the Bais Hamikdash to be there. Va'yavo melehch Ha'kavod. We don't want to go back partially to our shuls. We don't want to have our big beautiful buildings songs, and dancing in our Synagogues, in Lakewood, Monsey, Boro Park, LA, or London. We don't even want them in Karmiel, Bnai Brak or Beit Shemesh. We want geula shlaima- a complete redemption. We want the Beis Hamikdash. We want Mashiach. The lockdown is there to remind us of that first time that we experienced this. May this year of 5781 be the year that the gates finally open up and all of us walk through them together, healed, forgiven and redeemed.

May we all be blessed with a G'mar 'chasima tova- may we be sealed for the sweetest year ever.

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 " Di vegen fun teshuveh zeinen nit vainiker farborgen vi di vegen fun zind..."- The ways of repentance are no less hidden than the ways of sin.


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 46) The Emperor Franz Joseph visited our region on occasion of:

A)  The inauguration of the Suez Canal

B)  Breaching of the New Gate

C)  Inauguration of the Hejaz railway

D)  Breaching of the Jaffa Gate

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CULo2S4GNBo  - Amazing Yomim Noraim medley Freilach Band, Shira Choir, Shloime Daskal, Ahrele Samet, Pinky Weber, Shulem Brodt- Get in the mood…

https://youtu.be/RK35FibUb00  – Itzik Dadiya Beautiful Nosei Tefilla

 https://youtu.be/iWVfImtVImE  – Simcha Leiner singing Ishai Ribo's magnificent Seder Avoda

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or3hlR093Qk   –Dovid Lowy healing the world Osey Shalom…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 Yom Kippur– Teshuva- Repentance- Happy New year! God willing we were written in the book of Tzadikim and life this past Rosh Hashana, which is great news. However Hashem has given us an opportunity and mitzva this coming week to follow up that appointment and our roles as Hashem's ambassadors on this world by cleaning up our past criminal records. It's not good for business to have children of the King with murky pasts that are full of sins and transgressions. Ask anyone running for president these days. So we have Yom Kippur it is known as the day of atonement. Actually that is the translation of the words Yom HaKippurim. It is the day that Hashem forgives all of our sins. The opinion of Rebbi in the Talmud is that Itzumo shel yom- the greatness of the day itself is an atonement for every Jew even if he doesn't do teshuva. The Rabbanan however say that it only works if one repents however, but seemingly both opinions would hold that there is certainly a mitzva to do teshuva on this day.

 The question is teshuva really a mitzva? Interestingly enough The Rambam seems to mention the mitzva of teshuva as part of the mitzva that one has to confess their sins before Hashem

 Bamidbar (5:5-7) Hashem spoke to Moshe, saying: Speak to Bnai Yisrael: When a man or woman commits any wrong toward a fellow man, thus breaking faith with Hashem, and that person realizes his guilt, he shall confess the wrong that he has done.

 However seemingly confession is only on piece of teshuva. The Ramban understands that the mitzva is from the verse

 Devaraim (30:2) V'Shavta el Hashem Elokecha V'Shama'ata b'kolo- you should return to Hashem your God and listen to His voice.

 Now many of the commentaries explain that the Rambam despite not listing teshuva as an independent mitzva however understands the mitzva to be part and parcel of every mitzva. One is always obligated to always follow the commandments of Hashem and to leave his mistakes of the past and return to listening to Hashem. Just because a man has sinned doesn't free him from mitzvos. In the words of the gemara I just learned, just because you ate garlic and have bad breath doesn't mean you should eat more…

 Yom Kippur though according to the Rambam the ante is raised. It is the day when Hashem is there to cleanse us and there is a specific obligation to get purified on this day. In the words of the great Tanna Rabbi Akiva. This is the day that Hashem wants to dip us into His "mikva" of purity and forgiveness. We just have to show up and tell Him that we wish to be cleansed. This is certainly an appointment one does want to miss. In fact there are those that see the specific mitzva of teshuva on YK as being part and parcel of the mitzva to fast and afflict oneself, as the reason why we do that is to achieve atonement and forgiveness. It is to humble us and to separate us from this world and prime us for teshuva. So therefore teshuva on YK is part of all of the other mitzvos of the day.

 Now there are those that seem to be intimidated by teshuva, however it is a very simple and easy process. One has to regret their actions and sins. This seems simple enough. Nobody wants to sin against Hashem. We all want to serve Hashem. We probably regret our sins right after we do them. We feel silly we have given up a world of eternity for fleeting pleasures that are meaningless. That we have idled so much time, that we have done things we shouldn't have to each other, to our own souls and to our relationship with Hashem. Yes, regret shouldn't be that hard.

 The next part is a little bit more difficult, which is confessing everything we have done. But for anyone that has a machzor we have a pretty good basic list. Alphabetically listed. We repeat it quite a few times, our ashamnu's our al cheits. We say them in our silent amida and we together as a community. There's plenty of time to think of the specific sins and tell Hashem how sorry you are for each of them.

 Perhaps the most challenging part of the mitzva of teshuva though is kabala al ha'asid. To accept that you will not do the sin again. In the words of the Rambam, this has to be done to the degree that even Hashem who knows the inner most thoughts of every man can testify that it is indeed our intent. This seems to be the stumbling block for most of us. Because we know ourselves too well. Or at least we think we do…. See every year we say these words but we know that we end up right back again where we are. How many times can we keep saying that we won't do it again and tell ourselves that we really mean it? That we're not just saying it because we have to say it… but that deep in our hearts we know that if we were in the same situation we probably wouldn't withstand the temptation again? How many times? When does it become just a farce?

 The answer is that it is an infinite amount of times, and it is never a farce. Hashem is always forgiving. He's not flesh and blood. His mercy is endless and the truth is it really never is a farce. We really don't want to sin. We really do we want to withstand the challenge the next time, and if we would have the same challenge right now on Yom Kippur as we are now before the King of all Kings none of us would fall into that sin. Yes, we might fail again, we probably will fail again. But that’s because we have a powerful adversary that is always looking to take us down; our Yetzer Harah. Yet if it were up to us, and if Hashem gives us the strength to persevere that we need than it is truly our determination to not sin again.

 Can you say that? Can you tell Hashem, I really don't want to do it anymore. I want a better tomorrow. Please partner with me and then together I will be different. If you can say that boom. Clean slate. All sins are forgiven. And you have fulfilled the mitzva of teshuva and returning Hashem.

 But it gets better. Because do you know all of those sins we just got rid of? Don't lose track of them yet. They will come in handy. In fact, they may be our greatest asset. Our sages tell us that one who does teshuva out of love of Hashem his sins can be turned into merits. Meaning that there are two approaches to doing teshuva. One is called Teshuva m'yira'ah- teshuva out of fear or awe of Hashem. This could be either because a person is afraid of the punishments or out of awe from being in the presence of the greatness of Hashem. If one repents for the above reasons, then they are forgiven and cleansed. However, if one does teshuva because they have so much love for Hashem, they appreciate how precious His place in our lives is. How painful the sins we have done are to us for separating us and creating barriers from that love and unity that we are meant to have, then our sins actually become the merits that bring us closer and closer to Hashem. The greater the sin in fact the greater the closeness we can achieve as we are raising Hashem up from the depths that we have sunken. That is really the attitude that one can have to maximize their Yom Kippur Teshuva experience.

 The Bnai Yissachar writes that perhaps the key to achieving the teshuva that we desire is to experience the simcha of Yom Kippur, which the Talmud tells us was the happiest day on the calendar. One needs to feel an immense joy in their heart with the knowledge that we have the opportunity to have a fresh start, that we are together with our loving father and King that desires nothing more than to purify us. That should fill us with the greatest joy and love. If one acan experience this, than the rest of the work will be a breeze. And we will return to Hashem as He returns to us.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Nov the city of  Kohanim - 878 BC- We had mentioned two weeks ago that Dovid after hearing that Shaul was out to get him fled to the city of Nov. The city of Nov as we mentioned hasn't been archeologically identified yet, but it is assumed to be somewhere in Shuafat area. There he had passed himself off as being on a secret mission for Shaul to Achimelech the Kohen Gadol. He stocked up on some supplies and took the sword that he had taken from Goliath when he killed him. However, he was spotted by Shaul's man Doeg Ha'Adomi and he fled the city. Well know the chickens have come home to roost.

 See, after Dovid had endangered his life to rescue the city of Keli'ah from the Philistines, Shaul knew he was out and about and began to form an army to attack him, asking anyone if they knew Dovid's whereabouts. Doeg, who was at one point one of the greatest rabbinic leaders of his time, becomes the symbol of the quintessential Baal Lashon Hara in this story. He was considered a Zaken Mamreh as well as he disagreed with the ruling that Dovid was permitted to ask the urim V'Tumim via the Kohen Gadol whether he was right in the path he had chosen. The court had ruled that anyone that was important to the Kingdom was permitted to do so, but Doeg disagreed. Thus he slandered Dovid and the entire city of the Nov, playing on Shauls paranoia, he tells Shaul that they hid and supplied Dovid and even gave him Goliath's sword.

 Shaul demands Achimelech be brought before him and accuses him of treason. When Achimelech denies any knowledge that Dovid was even an enemy of Shaul, Shaul doesn't buy it and he orders his two soldiers Avner and Amassah to kill him and all of the 85 Kohanim of the city. They refused. That did not make Shaul any happier, so he turned to Doeg and ordered him to kill them all and in order to send a message to kill everyone men, women, children, infants and all the animals in the city as well. The Chida writes that this story is one that makes one's hair stand up on their end, and the less that is said about it, the better it is. It is truly horrific. An entire city of Kohanim, children, women babies all killed by a Jewish army on the order of a Jewish king. And you think we have tzoris today?!

 But what makes this even more incomprehensible is that Shaul Hamelech is the same king that spared Agag the king of Amalek. He was kinder to our worst enemy, to the terrorist than he was to our own fellow Jews. Does that attitude sound familiar to you…? Our sages teach us from here that someone that has mercy on the cruel will ultimately be cruel to the merciful. Shaul was merciful to Agag that misplaced and misguided Jewish rachmanus for murderers and terrorists ultimately shows a callousness for Jewish lives and our own people, and will eventually lead to the most barbaric acts of cruelty to our own nation. This is perhaps the most important and relevant lesson that it seems after 3000 years we have not yet fully learned.

 After the city is wiped out the world gets back to Dovid via Eviasar, the surviving son of Achimelech who fled the city. Dovid mourns the death of these Kohanim and their needless blood being spilled and he feels guilty about this. Psalm 52 is composed by this incident where Dovid decries the baal lashon hara

L'menatzayach- for the leader. A maskil of David,

when Doeg the Edomite came and informed Saul, telling him, “David came to Ahimelech’s house.”

Why do you boast of your evil, brave fellow? God’s faithfulness never ceases.

Your tongue devises mischief, like a sharpened razor that works treacherously.

You prefer evil to good, the lie, to speaking truthfully…Selah.

You love all pernicious words, treacherous speech…

 The last interesting and fascinating aspect of this story is that our sages tell us that this city was anyways doomed before this incident. The Kohanim of Nov it seems were the descendants of Eli, the Kohen who was cursed that his children and house will ultimately be cut off because of the sins and desecration of Hashem of his sons Chofni and Pinchas. It is perhaps that justification suggests some of the commentaries that Shaul is never held accountable for their deaths. He was carrying out the verdict and prophecy from many years before hand upon them. Regardless this is certainly up there with one of the most tragic stories in tanach and atrocities committed by our own people against one another. We have always been it seems our worst enemies….

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE LOCKDOWN JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 

Honey, My parents are on the phone. Are we not going to them this Yom Tov or are they not coming to us…?

5780 Rosh Hashana Resolution-Kabalah- stay away from people that are negative

5781- Rosh Hashana Resolution Kabalah- Stay away from people that test positive

People say that the new lockdown rules are complicated. But for those used to Jewish law they are quite easy.

The Corona virus is contagious only from 2:00 today until after Simchat Torah. Except from 6:07 in Jerusalem or 6:03 in Karmiel and 6:05 in Bnai Brak Yom Kippur until after the fast where it is not contagious for the first 20 people in synagogue, or 10 people in courtyard. After that it is very dangerous.  But that is only for those 20 people that live within a KM that have that magical protection if you are outside of the 1 KM "eruv" you are at risk. If you are protesting it is not dangerous at all… masks should be the size of tefach depending on the shiur that you follow. Like a half a machine matzah should work.

 We are entering the 10 days of repentance when it is customary to aask forgiveness from everyone for all the pain we caused them. When 2020 is ready to ask I'm all ears.

 The problem with masks is that Rosh Hashana I was adjusting my mask and ended up buying Shlishi for far more than I had wanted to. I'm starting a chesed fund campaign soon…

Rosh Hashana was on the only two days of the week that we already have off from work and Sukkos has the longest Chol Hamoed when we are all going to be locked up anyways… Classic 2020 move!

Every year we begin our Kol Nidrei service in shul granting permission for us to daven with all of the sinners. This year all of the sinners have not given us permission to daven in shul….

 Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, told Joe Biden, "This morning, three Brazilian people died from Covid-19.”

Biden’s face went egg-shell white with shock. The blood drained from his face and to everyone’s amazement, he collapsed on the floor. Minutes passed and to everyone’s relief, Biden got up shakily and then sat back on his chair.

His staff was nothing less than stunned at this display of emotion from Joe Biden, nervously watching as he sat, head in hands.

Finally, Joe looked up and with a shaky quivering voice asked Dr.

Fauci, "How many people is a brazillion?

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Answer is A –  I many times get these two visits mixed up. Franz Joseph in 1868 and Kaiser Wilhelm in 1889. But I knew that they did blast open the Jaffa Gate to welcome one of them, as the legend goes so that his pointy hat will fit in the gate. But that certainly wasn't the reason why they came. The reason Josef came was for the Suez Canal's opening. And in fact it wasn't he that they broke open the Jaffa Gate for it was for Wilhelm. Now when Josef came they did pave the road from Jaffa to Jerusaelm that's not the Hejazi railroad that went all the way to Mecca but it was still a big deal. So the correct answer is Suez Canal. Another one right and the score But as of now we stand at  Schwartz 35 and 11 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.