from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz
"Your friend
in Karmiel"
September 22nd
2023 -Volume 12 Issue
50 7th of Tishrey 5784!
Parshat Ha’azinu/ Shuva- Yom Kippur
Toirah! You have to say that
with “oi” in it for to have meaning and context. That’s what everything
is all about. Toirah, Toirah, Toirah… that’s what I was taught in
yeshivah. It’s what I think most of us raised in the black-hat world are
taught. It’s a bit like ‘l’havdil’ (or not? - you decide) in the Reform
or Conservative “day school system the words “Tikkun Ohlahm” is what they
say Judaism is all about. In their worlds
though you need to emphasize the ‘ohhh…’ and ‘lahhhmm...’. It’s
their version of the chareidi “oy”.
Now to explain what I was talking about earlier about this being the day of the giving of the Torah. As you all know the Torah was given on Shavuot a few months ago back in the month of Sivan. That was the ten commandments and the entire revelation of everything. The Written law, the oral tradition. Altz Ding- as they say in the yeshivish world. Moshe then went up to receive the Ten Commandments for forty days and nights and he comes down with the tablets. We Jews were kind of new at this “Jewish-time” still, and we started freaking out when he was a bit late. The next thing you know we were making Golden Calves, dancing and partying. Moshe comes down, breaks the tablets, Hashem wants to wipe us off the face of the earth. The game is almost over. Yet Moshe is successful in convincing Hashem not to kill or replace us after another 40-day stint upstairs from the 17th of Tamuz until the Month of Elul. Yet Hashem tells Moshe that after all that took place, He'd pretty much rather hang out up there in heaven, that way in case we mess up again it would give Him a safe distance from us. At least we won’t be messing up His palace with Him in it.
The first tablets, the first Torah, was noisy. It was an explosion. It was a revelation to the entire world that Hashem exists, that we are His nation, that there are laws and instructions and a plan to how we can fulfill our mandate in this world. Yom Kippur though was the sound of Hashem that reveals a different Torah. It’s the Torah that is in each of us. It’s the song that is in our heart. It is the eternality of our souls that no sin could ever defile. That will never be tainted. It’s the piece of Hashem and the letter of the Torah it represents that are us.
But what type of yeshiva
in there here on Yom Kippur?
It’s a song where we all have a place, a letter, a spark. It’s Shabbos Shuva when we return that spark to Hashem and when He returns it to us. The whole year there’s so much noise, so much talking, so much action, so many mitzvos, so many sins, so much pain, so much sorrow, so many regrets, so many prayers, so many hopes, so much distance from us and inner selves. From that Torah. It’s missing from us. On Yom Kippur it returns to us.
Do you know what the centerpiece of Yom Kippur is? Most people miss it. I always did. It’s after the High Priest goes into the Holy of Holies. It’s after the goats lottery, It’s after the Azazel. It’s when the Kohen Gadol comes out and is still wearing his pure white garments. There is no gold on his garments. There are no sins left. It is then that the Kohen takes out a Sefer Torah and reads to the people. He reads not in the Holy of Holies, but in the heichal. In front of all of us. It’s Moshe Rabbeinu. It’s the second Torah. It’s the forgiveness. And we are silent and we are connected. It is Toirah. It’s us. It’s all of us. We’ve all been purified. We have all returned.
As we approach these holy days, I’d like to ask each of you forgiveness if in any way I challenged you inappropriately, if I’ve offended you, if I’ve written or said something that hurt you. I hope you realize that it certainly was never my intent. That you are all special to me. That your readership, your friendship, your support, your feedback is humbling and meaningful to me. May Hashem bless all of us with a Gmar Chatima Tova. May all of our deepest desires and prayers be answered for good. And May Hashem bless all of us to be united here in Eretz Yisrael and for a sweet, healthy blessed year of redemption.
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
************************
YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
“Ven
frait zikh an oreman? Ven er farlirt un gefint..” - When does a poor man rejoice? When he has lost something
and found it again..
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
7. The name of
the known Mufti who ruled the Arabs during the British Mandate is ___________.
As what type
of neighborhoods were Rehavia, Talpiot and Beit Hakerem planned, when
established?
a. Affluent
neighborhoods
b. Committee
neighborhoods
c. Extension
neighborhoods
d. Garden
Neighborhoods
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMaGGFpsDY4 – VAyomer
Salachti
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcZ7oUziAJI
– Yom Kippur in Auschwitz powerful
story until the end
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECy3CMxShIQ
- Yishar Ribo-Seder Avoda classic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPqnfOo1G4Y
- Yishai Ribo and MBD can you get a more
interesting mashup? Check out this new collaboration Zechor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZPMAL8bzi0
–Yom Kippur War miracle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUcBEYuy3Zg
– Shabbos Shuva--- soldiers
returning home after the Yom Kippur war new released footage
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR
PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
The Yom Kippur Murder - 670 BC (3083 from
Creation)- Last week (last year a
week ago…), we learned about the high of the kingdom of the child king Yoash.
This new year begins the low and ultimate fall of his once righteous kingdom.
After rededicating the Bait Ha’mikdash and uniting the people together and
returning them to their service, his Rebbi died. The great prophet Yehoyada
who had guided him for so long and hid him in the Holy of Holies passed away.
With his death and with Yoash no longer having a Rebbi in his life
things went downhill. The first thing that happened was that the Jews and
leaders that came to console Yoash started to deify him. They told him
how great he was and how he didn’t need a Rebbi. After-all look at what he had
done, he was raised in the Temple. He was holy enough. Yet, we know there’s no
such thing…
After that they started to return to their idolatrous
ways and Yoash as a result of all of the flattery turned a blind eye to
it. Yet, Hashem doesn’t do that. He doesn’t let us fall and He promised that He
would always return us to Him. The tool He generally uses is ant-semitism. He
lets the goyim remind us that we’re different than them and we have a higher
purpose. Thus Hashem sends the King of Aram, Hazael who until that point
only was attacking the Northern Kingdom, now set his eyes on
Yerushalayim. So Hazael comes with a large army from Aram- which
is in northern Syria, and lays siege and attacks Yerushalayim. At
that point of time, we should’ve woken up, but we don’t. Yoash figures
that he can still walk away from this with some good old-fashioned bribery. So
he plunders the Temple and the treasury and hands over all of its wealth to Hazael,
who happily takes it all and leaves.
This should’ve been a wake-up call, yet it doesn’t
work. So the next thing in the line-up of Hashem is to send a prophet to pretty
much tell us what’s really going on and to get us on the right page. The
prophet chosen is none other than the son of Yehoyada himself, Zecharya.
If his name sounds familiar to you that in should. We remember this most tragic
story each year on Tisha B’Av. It’s the story of the his attempt to rebuke us
and his murder in the temple on the holiest day of the year Yom Kippur. See, I
told you last week, Hashem makes this column work out timely.
So the prophet Zecharaya comes into the
Temple on this holiest day and tries to get the people to see the light. To try
to move them on Yom Kippur to that place of teshuva. But we are too stubborn.
We don’t want to hear. We wanted him to be quiet already. They viewed him as a troublemaker,
as a rebel and someone that was a danger to the kingdom and thus right there in
the Temple they killed him. Talk about a Teshuva drasha that went wrong.
The blood of Zecharaya and this
desecration was the final straw. The midrash tells us that his blood remained
on the floor boiling and bubbling for over a hundred years and we never repented.
When ultimately Nevuzadran will come to destroy the temple and attack Jerusalem
he will slaughter thousands of Jews, old, young, babies, grooms and brides to
still the bubbling of that blood until it finally ceases. This is the beginning
of the end for Yoash. It’s the final piece as we had down the path to
the destruction of the Temple.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE MISSING JOKES OF THE WEEK
A city in the north of the United Kingdom has gone missing! The
police are looking for Leeds.
Do you know the Football player whose missing 75% of his spine? He's
the Quarterback.
I filed a police report about my missing bag yesterday and a few
hours later, the cops called to say that they found it. It was a brief case.
A man’s wife is missing…
Man: Officer, my wife is missing. She went out yesterday and she
hasn’t come home.
Officer: Okay, what’s her height?
Man: Not sure…. Maybe around 5’6?
Officer: Okay, weight?
Man: I dunno… not slim not big.
Officer: Okay… colour of her eyes?
Man: Sort of blue, I think? I never really noticed.
Officer: What’s the colour of her hair?
Man: Well, that changes all the time depending on the hair
dresser she goes to.
Officer: what clothes was she wearing the last time you saw her?
Man: Could’ve been a red dress? Maybe a blue one? I don’t know
exactly.
Officer: when she left to go somewhere, did she go by car?
Man: Yeah, she did.
Officer: What was the make of that car?
Man: it’s a high performance 560 horse power Audi in a very
specific grey silver metallic paint. It has 8 speed paddle shift automatic
transition and a 6.35 litre v12 engine generating at least 560 horse power. It
has a z51 super performance package, larger than normal alloy wheels, gt bucket
seats, satellite navigation. And unfortunately… a little thin scratch on the
front left door handle.
Officer: Don’t worry, sir. We’ll find your car.
Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along
with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The
policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, "He
is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic
build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.
"
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot
8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.
"
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back? "
I used to date a girl who was missing a shin. Her name was Eileen.
She had a brother who was missing both shins. His name was Neil.
I broke up with a girl who was missing a few toes. Because I am
lack-toes-intolerant.
Why aren't cosmetic students afraid of missing their exams? They
love make up tests!
I've got a friend who has got a butler whose left arm is missing. Serves
him right
I tried to sue an airport because of my missing luggage. I lost my
case.
Bob the American and Dudu an Israeli who moved to the states are
partners in a ranch in Texas and one day they head into their ranch and find
their bull is missing. They plan to buy another one, but only have $500. Bob tells
the Dudu, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under
that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
So he goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one
dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one
dollar per word. he is stumped on how to tell the Dudu to bring the truck and
trailer.
Finally, he tells the telegraph operator to send the word
"comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will he know to come
with the trailer from just that word?"
Bob replies, "He’s an Israeli so he reads slow: 'Come for
ta bull.'
A man calls the police and reports that his wife has gone missing. A
male and a female police officer turn up at his house and begin to interview
him. The female officer asks the man if he has any theories on where she might
be. The man responds with “This is going to sound weird but I think she
disappeared into the magic coffee table”
The officers look confused and ask him to elaborate. “It’s
really strange but whenever I leave things on this coffee table they disappear
and reappear somewhere else. When I leave take away containers on it they
disappear and reappear in the trash. When I leave dirty plates and mugs on it,
they disappear and reappear in the cupboards washed, dried and stacked neatly
and even when I leave my dirty clothes on it they disappear! and reappear
cleaned and neatly folded on my bed”
The female police officer looks at the man and says “Oh my god,
you’re an idiot. No wonder your wife has left you.”
And the male officer says “I don’t think she’s left him. I think
he’s right. I’ve got the same coffee table at my house”
.********************************
The answer to this week”s question is D – The Mufti of Jerusalem was the anti-semite Amin Al Husseini. It was he who incited the riots and pogrom of 1929 that led to the Chevron massacre and he was appointed by the British to that office. As well he was good buddies with the Nazis ymach shemam and made alliances with them in the plot to take over Israel and kill all of us. But Baruch Hashem they never made it here as Hashem watches our country and was preparing it as the final refuge for our nation. The neigborhood of Rechavia outside of the old city of Jerusalem was developed as a garden community where each home would have its own private garden, there were quite a few of them and it was necessary to sell it that way as most people were nervous to move out of the old city walls still. Today it remains a pretty upper class neighborhood with lots of Americans, the parks and gardens and many of the original houses still remain amazingly enough. So I got this one right as well making the score now Rabbi Schwartz having a 5.5 point and the MOT having 1.5 point as we start this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.
