Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
August 14th 2020 -Volume 10
Issue 42 24th Av 5780
Parshat Re'eh
Large Gifts
Eli had always wanted to marry an American girl. Israeli girls were
just not his speed. They were a little closed minded, in the circles he was
dating at least and he just felt more comfortable with Americans. When he was
in yeshiva he would find that he was drawn to the American guys there. He would
learn with them. Hang out with them and hock around bein hazmanim
vacation time with them. His English wasn't perfect. His friends would tease
him about his gaffes here and there. But he worked on it over the years. He
definitely still had the "eezraylee ehksent" but for a kid
that was born in Israel to two Israeli parents his progress was certainly
respectable. It probably helped that he lived in Beit Shemesh which is kind of
a little America as well.
When he went out with Miriam Goldberg it was love at first sight.
She was looking for an Israeli guy that she could relate to and that would
insure that she would get married and live in Israel for the rest of her life.
She was raised in Brooklyn, and unlike most NY'ers that can't seem to see
themselves living anywhere else, despite paying lip service to "loving
Eretz Yisrael" and "I wish I could live there", she meant it for
real. Her year in seminary was life changing. She fell in love with the land,
the people, the simple lifestyles of all of those families that she would spend
her shabbosos with. Everything had more meaning here. Was more real. It
was where she was meant to be. And when she met Eli she knew she had found her
bashert.
Miriam's parents weren't as excited by her decision. Don't get me
wrong, they loved Eli. But Israel was so far. They weren't youngsters anymore
and they knew they would miss their little girl. Their future grandchildren
wouldn't see them more than once a year if they were lucky. They were jealous
of their machatunim, Eli's parents, that hosted their children all the
time and lived around the corner from them. They would move themselves to
Israel, but they had good jobs, the younger siblings were "the wrong
ages" (not that I ever bought into that concept). So they compensated.
These were the days before Zoom or even Facetime video chats. But they called
regularly and they sent lots and lots of care packages and presents.
The Goldberg's were always a generous people. Eli was overwhelmed
by the gifts they gave him when he got married. He knew it wasn't easy for them
and he always expressed his gratitude. Their anniversary gift for their 3rd
anniversary though forced him to hit the dictionary again after one of the most
embarrassing moments of his marriage. One that almost jeopardized everything.
See the had sent them this really beautiful album of all of the
highlights of their wedding. The family pictures, the moving chuppa shots and
the amazing memories of all of the dancing with all their friends were the best
anniversary gift ever. Eli didn't want to wait to tell his in-laws how much it
meant to him. So he quickly called them. The conversation though didn't exactly
go the way he had hoped it would.
As I told you, Eli's English still wasn't the best. He wanted to
tell his mother-in-law how much he appreciated how generous she has been, but
the word ""generous" slipped his mind. Now in Hebrew when
someone is generous the slang word to describe them is "largeet" kind
of like the English largesse. But it didn't really come out the way he wanted it
to.
"Ma, hi it's Eli calling."
Hi Eli, how are you? To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?
I just wanted to tell you
that you are so large." He enthusiastically
exclaimed.
Silence…."Oh" and then after an awkward silence she
repeated it again "Oh"
"Really", Eli said "I'm just looking at this photo
album you sent us right now and it's amazing- you are so very large!"
Eli was a bit puzzled at his mother-in-laws silence, though it
wasn't until he gave the phone to Miriam and heard her "What!!"
exclamations did he understand that there might have been some type of
mistranslation that happened. Needless to say, he's still working on his
English.
There is always wisdom in Jewish slang. And in fact the word 'large'
in Hebrew, which as well can be used as a term for generous, is in this week's
parsha with a fascinating mitzva that contains, as usual, some fascinating and
timely lessons for us. The word I'm talking about is "anak"
and the mitzva is ha'anaka giving "gifts" to one's Jewish 'slave'
upon the completion of his servitude. And yes, I did say this was a timely
lesson.
Now I know that we don't have slaves anymore. Although it seems
that there are some that claim to be descended from them that still feel they
are due reparations and thus taking those said payments from your local Mall,
supermarket, starbucks and anyplace else that is obviously guilty of this
egregious sin. Or not… Maybe if their zayides would've gotten ha'anaka
they wouldn't be so bitter. Or not.
But that's not the timely reference I'm referring to. See Judaism
even when we had Jewish 'slaves' it was really a bigger pain in the neck than
anything else. The Jewish slave mentioned in this week's Torah portion was a
criminal that had stolen and didn't have the ability to pay back his debt. The
Torah reaching to the depths of the persona of a criminal understands that this
man's criminal behavior is more likely than not a result of his circumstance
and upbringing. Throwing him in the slammer is not gonna do the trick for him.
He needs rehabilitation. He needs to learn responsibility, to learn family, he
has to be given respect. He has to be given love. So he is 'sold' into slavery.
But he's not out picking in the cotton fields in hot sun. It is forbidden to
give him hard labor. He needs to be provided for and eat from the same home and
have the same quality of life as his "owner" does. The Talmud tells
us that having a slave is kind of like having an owner as if there's only one
pillow guess who gets it? The slave.
So in truth this is in no way slavery. In fact, what it really is
this criminal being adopted by a family and working to pay of his debt. If he
has a family, the owner has to provide for his family as well. So he is now for
the first time earning an honest living and with that he is receiving the
satisfaction that comes with a hard day's honest work. It is truly an amazing
system and one that has the most potential to giving him the tools to making it
on his own when his debt is paid off, or the maximum six-year sentence that he
needs to serve if it isn't paid off by then. The truth is someone that takes
this guy into his house under these terms has to be a tzadik. They have
to have the most incredible Jewish heart; as those people I know that take in
foster children into their home do. It's an incredible chesed and
although many of us admire people that can do that, I don't know if I could do
it myself.
But then comes the kicker. The mitzva of ha'anaka. After extending
one's home and one's family to this person; helping him, assisting him, giving
him gainful employment and caring for his every need, the time is finally. His
6 years are over and it's time for him to make it on his own. One would think
that the eved should express his gratitude, maybe buy his hosts a
good-bye gift, promise to write and to keep them posted. But the Torah tells us
that is not the case. You haven't finished your job or your responsibility to
him yet. You still have to give him a gift. In the words of the Torah it is
sheep, from your grain, from your vineyard. The word for this obligation that
the Torah uses though is not the typical matana- which would mean gift.
Rather it is ha'anaka. That means something more. You have to make him "anak"-
great.
The Torah in this mitzva is teaching us such a powerful lesson.
When a person works for us and gets paid for his job, you've helped a fellow
Jew and given him parnassa. But we are meant to do more than that. We are
obligated to let the person know that he did a fantastic job. That his service
meant more to you than just the job he did. You want to show him extra
appreciation. In doing so, he feels anak- he feels large. He feels he can do
great things. That feeling, that simcha, will propel him to be even better. It
will build his necessary self-esteem and motivate him to become better and
better. That is what our obligation is to our fellow Jew. That's how we build a
"large" nation.
I can tell you on a personal level, it's one of the things I miss
the most about tour guiding this summer. Not just the tips that I would get,
although those are certainly appreciated and missed. But the appreciation and
feedback that I always got from so many of my tourists. The follow-up E-Mails,
the whatsapp messages and many times even the E-Mail sponsorships. I generally
don't have a problem feeling 'large'-my pants and shirt buttons are good at
reminding me. But it's just an incredible feeling that propels me and gives me
more energy to be better and better. The feedback that I get from my sermons,
from my E-mails, from my family, from Mishpacha readers. It's awesome. It's
humbling. And it's energizing. And it's such an easy mitzva that we can all do.
The year of Corona has been a year for a lot of reflection. On the
one hand all of us are more isolated from one another then we probably have
ever been. On the other hand, we all have more time on our hand to think about
how we can make ourselves better and greater. There is a world out there that
is so angry. Everyone is putting the other down. Perhaps it's time to build a
world that is larger. A world where rather than knocking down those that think
differently than us; that have 'poorer' upbringings than us- materially,
politically and most importantly spiritually, we instead focus on building them
up. On finding the good in them. On revealing the greatness that they may not
see in themselves, but that we could bring out in them. Maybe it's time we
fulfilled the mitzva of ha'anaka.
The parsha we read this week where this mitzva is found is called,
Re'eh- to see. Hashem is telling us to see in each of us the power we have to
find and bring bracha and god forbid the opposite. It is a parsha that is read
in the 7 week's of consolation for the destruction of the Temple. The temple
destroyed by baseless hatred will be restored in the merit of ahavat chinam-
baseless love. Do you know what baseless love is? Ha'anaka. Gifts that
make people great. They're not required. It's above and beyond. They were just
doing their job. But it's that little extra way in which we express our
appreciation. The "large-ness' that we share with others and the greatness
we bring out in them. That's free-love. That is what will bring the Temple.
When we left Egypt Hashem promised us that we would leave with
great wealth. It was his gift to us. It wasn't just the monetary
wealth-although that helped- it was the Torah, it was the wisdom, it was our
chosen-nesss. The final redemption we are told will be even greater than that
first exodus from slavery. It's time for our ma'aanak (grant) . Bibi
gave us his-which was quite pithy, Trump's was a little bit more. But we're
waiting for that big Divine payoff. May this month of Elul be the large one we
have been waiting for.
Have a large Shabbos and
blessed month of Elul,
Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz
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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
" A
guteh vort iz karanter vi a nedoveh.!"-
A kind word is better than charity.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
40)
Flamingos can be watched and observed at:
A. Ein
Tamir
B. Solomon’s
pools
C. Rosh
Hanikra
D. Salt ponds North to Eilat
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoVNvG6cTfc - Yaakov
Shwekey "We Love America" sung for Donald Trump-Lyrics by the one and
only Sruli Besser.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aS-4U5GgdjM – Avraham Fried latest song Otototo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kp9VGPpAh8Y – Yishai Lapidot and Shuki
Salomon Shir Shel Simcha get on your dancing shoes…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cadNezinSzk –The Kosher Song?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAnjOZ24QjY--Shlock Rock Kosher Cake…
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK
Parshat Re'eh – Kosher- Last week we covered the mitzva of
bentching. Now that we know what to say after we eat this week we learn what we
could and should eat. This week the Torah covers a whole slew of mitzvos that
relate to eating. Fascinatingly enough it always seems to connect it to using
the food for a higher purpose as well. Fruits and vegetables we have the mitzva
of the tithes. Meat we have the mitzva of eating sacrifices, of slaughtering
animals, of not eating blood. We even cover some kosher bugs if you like. There
are at least 20-25 mitzvos that have to do with eating. It's definitely a
foodies parsha. Let's try to cover the basics and let's try to categorize our
menu.
Fruits and
vegetables are all kosher. They're straight from Hashem. One has to wash them
for bugs of course. Now in Israel our fruits and vegetables are holy. Here
we're not merely eating and making blessings. Here we are meant to raise a
country with a higher spiritual purpose. We need to give our tithes to the
Kohanim and Levi'im who don't have a portion in the land because they are
dedicated to serving and inspiring our spiritual obligations. We need to give
to the poor. We have the laws of the sabbatical year/ shemitta year to remind
us that in Eretz Yisrael, our land is
holy. Hashem is in charge and we can and should step back for a year and
recognize and integrate that and we will only see blessing as a result.
Moving onto the
next course we have fish. Gefilte fish in Israel has scales and fins inside of
it to remind you of what species are kosher. Just joking… But for someone
raised on American Gefilteh Fish there definitely is a difference. We are told
that the closer a species is to Hashem the less one needs to make one kosher.
So a fish pretty much just needs those two signs. The truth is that all fish
that have scales certainly have fins as well. Why then does the Torah tell us
both? It could just say scales and we would know fins. The Lubavitcher Rebbi
suggests in a beautiful sicha that it is precisely to teach us that lesson. See
scales represent the armor. The integrity of a person that protect him from
giving into his baser desires. The fins represent the ambition; the wind that
drives him. We can have ambition but without integrity one would be considered
non-kosher. Yet, if someone has integrity and is making sure that he's doing
the right thing then they will automatically as well have the ambition to
become better and better and are always Kosher. Obviously shell fish, and
bottom feeders are not kosher. So don't boil any lobsters anytime soon.
Next we have
birds. We kosher eaters pretty much only eat chicken, turkey and on special
occasions duck or goose. But in ancient times, doves and pigeons seemed to the
kosher bird of choice. Think about the next time you're in the park. How do we
know which ones are kosher and not? The Torah gives us 24 different names of
birds or better yet "flying animals with wings"- that includes the
non-kosher bats which are technically no birds. Now we don't exactly know
specifically which birds are which for a lot of them and the Torah's list is
not necessarily meant to be comprehensive. Rather they are viewed as classes of
birds Kosher and non- and we derive general rules from them.
Our sages tell
us that signs of a kosher bird are first of all that it is not a bird of prey.
Some of the signs of birds of prey are ones that have claws that they attack
with. Thus webbed feet birds are a good sign. Three other signs that they
mention are that they have an extra toe that sticks out longer. They have a
crop that holds the food before it goes into the digestive tract. And a pupik
or gizzard- great in soup, which is a muscle that can be peeled inside of the
stomach that grinds the food up. It's a debate whether all of these 3 signs are
required or not. But the truth is that this debate is more hypothetical then
practical as we generally only eat birds that have a tradition behind them.
Although turkey is a "New World" American bird without an ancient tradition
neccesarily from America, as America is really not that ancient, there are some
that suggest it comes from India and there was an old tradition from there.
Others permit the turkey based on the fact that it has all the signs and as
well it can be interbred with Kosher birds.
Kosher mammals
the main course of our meals have the obvious signs of split hooves and that
chew their cud. Once again the Rebbi sees in this a spiritual message. The
hooves are separated. There is left and right. There is right and wrong and the
distinction is clear. The path a person takes has to always be clear. One has
to always be cognizant of this. That's a sign of someone that is kosher.
Chewing the cud similarly is that everything that one ingests should never be
taken for granted. One needs to constantly reexamine it. Check if its right if
it's something they should be bringing and incorporating in themselves or not. If it has these two signs, one can eat them.
They're kosher.
Yet both birds
and mammals can't just be eaten. They need to be shected properly. The
Torah tells us that the slaughtering should be done "as I've commanded
you, but if one looks in the entire Torah, you won't find any laws of shechita.
This is obviously a testimony that there was an oral tradition that accompanied
the written law that taught us exactly what should be done. Shechita is
the most humane way of killing an animal. The knife has to be sharp without any
ridges, it has to be done in shot the cutting of both pipes. One can't even
press down on the neck. It's a fast, clean swipe. Afterwards the animal is
checked for anything that might have made the animal non-healthy that would
cause it to die. A hole in the lung, a broken leg and its internal organs are
all checked. This law pretty much our kosher animals were treated humanely as
in humane treatment would lead to sickness and disease that would then make
them "trayf".
But we're still
not done yet. See there is a prohibition on cattle to eat various fats and they
have to all be removed. As well the gid hanasheh/ the sciatic nerve has
to be removed. We Jews have thing about sciatica that goes back to Ya'akov's
battle with the angel of Esau. In America where it is easy to resell parts of
the animal the tradition is to sell off the whole hindquarters of the animal
where the majority of the fats are. In Israel, where we thank god don't have
enough gentiles to sell it to, they remove them and we thus get filet mignon
here that you can't get from the American slaughterhouses. Now venison, deer
meat, does not require the fats being removed, either do birds, but they have
another mitzva of covering up the blood that comes out when they slaughter them
called kisuy ha'dam.
Finally, the
last piece of koshering meat is eliminating the blood. We do this by a two pronged
process. First we remove the major arteries and veins and then we salt and soak
the meat to remove any other blood. This has to be done within the first 72
hours of the slaughter and it is the way that most commercially sold meat is
prepared. Alternatively, if you want to shecht and eat your met without this
process one can roast the meat that automatically takes out all of the blood.
There are other
laws of Kosher that are rabbinic in nature as well. Wine of a non-Jew or that
has been handled by one. Milk and cheese that was not prepared with a
supervision that ensures it is done "kosherly". Milk and meat can't
be mixed, obviously. Foods that are "fitting for the table of
king"-not nosh has to be cooked by a Jew. And that probably sums up the
basic rules. Food is essential to us Jew. The first sin in the Garden of Eden
was when they ate the fruit they shouldn't of. Every time we fulfill the
mitzvos of eating we are rectifying that sin. So we make sure we have lots of
opportunities to do.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN
ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Dovid and Goliath Part I- 878 BC- Everyone
has a turning point in their career. For Dovid it came in the form of perhaps
one of the most famous battles of all time. The faceoff between him and the
giant Goliath of the Philistines. It's one of my
favourite stories to share with my tourists because the spot is so easily
identifiable and one can really feel that they are living the story once again.
It's a tour guides dream, when the land and terrain do half the work for you.
The story begins with Goliath the general from the Philistine city of Gat,
coming up to the Elah valley with a huge army to do battle with the army of
Shaul. The city of Gat today is located at a place called Tel Tzafi not far
from Kfar Menachem. It's a huge
Tel but not too much to see there besides the incredible views to all sides.
The Ela valley is right on Highway 38 and the Plishtim camped on one mountain
and the Jews on the other mountain. The two mountains being Socho and Azeka and
both of those are still there today and are actually fascinating to visit. As
they have this story written there.
The valley is
called Efes Damim, or no blood, and the reason is because Goliath stood in that
valley and challenged Shaul and his army to have a one on one fight out that
would settle the whole thing. If Goliath wins the Jews would be their slaves,
if the Jewish representative one then the Philistines would be their slaves.
This fight-out between the two people would settle the whole thing without any
un-necessary blood being spilled. What an idea.
The problem was
that Goliath was terrifying he was 6 ammos/ cubits tall which would put him
between 9-12 feet he wore at least 200lbs of armour. His spear alone weighed
about 400 lbs. This is not someone anyone wanted to mess with. So for 40 days
he came out twice a day blasphemed Hashem, Shaul and the Jewish army and no one
said boo. Enter Dovid the future Melech.
Yishai, Dovid's
father had sent him to check up on his three eldest brothers that had been
consigned in the army and to bring them some supplies. Dovid arrives and saw
the scene and asked what the scoop was. He was told that Shaul had promised
that anyone that would slay Goliath would be granted great wealth. Shaul as well
would give his daughter in marriage to him and his father's house would be
exempt from all obligations to the king. Dovid was not impressed. He thought
that this was an obligation to remove this disgrace and it was a mitzva to do
so. His brother heard this conversation and tried to tell Dovid to be quiet. He
wasn't a soldier by any means. But Dovid continued to talk and ask until he was
ultimately brought to Shaul.
Shaul asked
Dovid what made him think he was capable of this fight. Dovid told Shaul two stories
of how when he was shepherding he was attacked by a bear and a lion who took a
sheep from him. He literally saved the sheep from them by grabbing their beards
and killing them. Dovid was not scared of Plishti. He would be just like them.
But Shaul was not impressed.
It was only
when Dovid continued and said that Hashem who saved him from the hands of lion
and bear will help him kill the Plishti was Shaul convinced. This was not going
to be a battle that was won by brute force or strategy. The moment called for a
miracle and Shaul needed to know that his warrior would be someone who
recognized and was worthy of that. Stay tuned next week for the showdown!
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S GENEROUS JOKES OF THE WEEK
Sadie Cohen
lived in an integrated neighborhood on Long Island. A neighbor, a very friendly
and generous black woman, stopped by one Saturday and offered,
"Mrs Cohen, I have to go to NYC this
afternoon to meet my daughter. Can I get you anything?" Mrs. Cohen
thanked her and counter-offered, "Listen, I have a commuter's ticket
for the train. Why don't you use my ticket, and you'll bring it back tonight.
After all, it's paid for. Why should you pay extra?"
The neighbor
thanked her and with the ticket in hand, made her way to the train station.
When the train arrived, she boarded, and as the conductor walked through, he
happened to glance at the ticket, noticing the name "Sadie
Cohen.".
The conductor
asked, "Excuse me, madam, are you Sadie Cohen , the person whose name
appears on this ticket?"
The woman
smiled sweetly and nodded her head in the affirmative. More than a
little suspicious, the conductor asked, "Would you let me compare
signatures? Would you mind signing your name?"
The black lady turned indignantly to the conductor and snapped, "Man,
are you crazy? You want me to write on Shabbos?
A college pizza
delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to
his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual
tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the
other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong
they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school
fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
A company,
feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined
to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room
is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business. The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a
week?" Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make
$600.00 a week, sir. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $6,000 in cash and screams, "Here's ten week's
pay, now GET OUT and don't come back! No room in this company for people just
leaning against walls. Out of there!”
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and
asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery
guy from Domino's. He was waiting for his tip."
A shnorrer / panhandler
stops a man and asks for some money to buy something to eat...
The man
replied, "I'll tell you what I can do, seeing as I'm on my way to the pub,
how about I buy you a drink?"
The homeless man proclaims, "but I do not drink, I'm just looking for
money to get something to eat."
"Well how about a couple of good cigars I've received from my latest
business trip?"
The homeless man replies, "sir, thank you but I do not smoke, I only want
something to eat."
"How about we head to the track and I'll place a bet on some horses, I
received a tip and you and I can split the winnings?"
The homeless man again protests, "I really appreciate your generosity but
I do not gamble, I'm just looking for some food to eat."
"Okay I'll tell you what we are going to do, come back home with me
tonight and my wife will make us some dinner. I would really like her to meet
you."
The homeless man starts to feel a tad suspicious and says, "do you think
she would mind a man of my low stature sitting at your table for dinner?"
"Doesn't matter. She needs to know what happens to someone who doesn't
drink, smoke, or gamble."
A Christian
Farmer is overjoyed to see his cow is pregnant. Not being in need; he plans
raise the cow and sell the proceeds for pure profit. Time passes and the cow
ultimately gives birth to two calves. The Farmer is even happier! Rejoicing and
Thanking the Lord, he tells his wife,
"God has
been so gracious to us, when I sell these two calves at market, half the
proceeds will be given unto him"
The Farmer's Wife commends his for his generosity.
One day several weeks later, the Farmer returns home saddened and reserved.
His wife asks him what happened
"The Lord's Calf died"
A rich man was
driving in his Cadillac when he sees a poor man eating grass on a hill
“What are you
doing” - Says the rich man.
“I have 3 days without food for me and my family, so the grass on this hill is
our last resource”
“Say no more, get in” -says the rich man, exited.
“Ohhh, thank you very much. Do you mind if I tell to my wife and 2 kids
about your generosity??” -Says the poor man.
“No, tell them. I will be waiting in the car”
The family gets in, and when the wife saw all the empty places, ask the rich
man:
“Both my parents have more that one day without eating something, can I tell
them about your generosity?”
“Is fine, tell them, don’t worry”
The wife’s parents get in in the Cadillac, saw the remaining places and ask the
rich man:
“One of my daughters start eating grass yesterday, because of the absence of
food, can I invite her to the car?”
“Yes, I don’t have a problem, tell her!”
The daughter get in, and dare to ask the rich man:
“My boyfriend is so poor, he can’t afford food...”
“He was eating grass too?” -Interrupted the rich man.
“Yes, his only choice right now...”
“Ok, hurry up, tell him to get in” -Finished the rich man.
So a couple of hours in the car, with everyone in, the poor father with a wife
and 2 kids break the silence:
“I thank Hashem that there are men as good as you, for your great generosity to
attend so many people and feed them in times of poverty.”
The rich man look the poor man, and all the passengers in his Cadillac, then he
says:
“Don't worry, poor man, it has been almost eleven months since I cut the garden
at my house.”
A group of men
is at the gym club when a cellphone rings. One of the men answers:
"Yes?" he answers
"Hun, is that you? I can hardly hear you."
"Hello!"
"Are you at the gym?"
"Yes!"
"I'm in front of the fur shop and they have this beautiful mink coat. Can
I buy it?"
"How much is it?"
"About five thousand dollars."
"Okay, but buy a matching purse that goes with it too my love."
"Well, it also turns out that I stopped by the car dealership today saw
they have a brand new BMW on sale, it's the last one."
"How much is the sale?"
"Only sixty thousand dollars!"
"Fine, buy it, but you have to get it with all of the accessories, and if
it costs a little more, I won't get mad."
The woman, realizing all of her requests were being approved, decided to take a
risk.
"Honey, remember that I told you that my mother wants to come live with
us? Is it okay if I invite her over for a month, just to try it out, and after
a month we can talk about it again."
"Okay, fine, but don't ask me for anything else okay?"
"Yes, yes, I love you so much."
"Love you too, bye."
As soon as he hangs up the man turns to look at the group and asks:
"Does anyone know whose cellphone this is?"
It doesn't
matter how much kindness and generosity you teach your children..
Kids that speak yiddish are always going to be
Kinder
A pastor
explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money,
so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever
gave the most would be able to pick three hymns. After the offering plates were
passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had
graciously offered a $100 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared
his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person
who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the
back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the
front, so she slowly she made her way towards him. The pastor told her how
wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out
three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She
pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, "I'll take
him and him and him."
A man is
driving late at night when his car breaks down in the woods near Tzfat by a
little shack.He knocks on
the door and an old saintly looking kabbalist opens it and he's see there's a
group of them studying the kabbalah.. He tells the kabbalists about his
situation, and how he can't call for a mechanic at those hours of the night, so
he asks them if he can stay the night in their home. They happily agree, and
give him a room with a bed to sleep on.
In the middle of the night, the man wakes up hearing a strange noise. He
follows the noise and sees that its source is a strange door made of wood, but
it's locked. The following morning, the kabbalists give the man breakfast and fix
his car. He thanks them and asks them:
"Honorable Rabbis, I cannot thank you enough for your generosity, but I
must ask you a question. Last night I heard a strange noise coming from behind
a locked wooden door, and I'm dying to know what the source of the noise
is."
The leader of the kabbalists responds:
"We cannot tell you, because you are not a mekubal
The man thanks them again and leaves disappointed. A year goes by, and the man
coincidentally breaks down in front of the same shack. He knocks on the door
again and they greet him as an old friend, giving him once again a bed to sleep
on. In the middle of the night, the man hears the same strange noise, and
follows it again to see it's coming from the same wooden door, which is still
locked. In the morning, the kabbalists once again gave him breakfast and fixed
his car, and as he was about to leave the man once again implored the Rabbis to
know what was behind the wooden door:
"Thank you once again, great Rabbis. It has been one whole year and I
still wonder what the source of the strange noise is, as I've heard it again
last night."
The Rabbis all look at each other and smile. The leader once again steps
forward and tells the man:
"We cannot tell you, because you are not a monk."
The man leaves frustrated once again, and doesn't stop thinking about the
strange noise for months. Two years later, the man coincidentally breaks down
in those same woods by their house once
again, and once again they give him shelter. The man hears the strange noise in
the night again, and in the morning asks them:
"Please, kind Kabbalists. I must know the source of the noise, I beg
you."
They explain to the man once again:
.
"We cannot tell you, because you are not a Kabbalist."
The man asks them what he has to do to become a mekubal. They tell him he study all of the Torah and it's wisdom.
Afterwards he must travel the world and count all the leaves in the world's
trees, all the blades in the world's grass, all the grains of the world's sand,
and all the drops of water in the world's oceans. He must return with the exact
number, and only then will he become a mekubal and be able to learn the source
of the sound.
The man sets out on his quest to become a mekuabl, and 65 years later returns
to the Mekubalim as an old man.
"I have studied all of the Torah and it's teachings and I have traveled
the world," he said. "I have counted every leaf in the trees, every
blade of grass, every grain of sand, and every drop in the ocean. There are
1572794709088 leaves in the world's trees, 3651870612479 blades of grass in the
world, 6810379165872 grains of sand in the world, and 10752899766394 drops of
water in the world's oceans."
"Congratulations," the head mekubal said. "You are now a mekubal.
Please, come with us."
They took the man to an initiation ceremony. He went to the Mikva, a natural
spring that was quite cold and dipped numerous times. He fasted for three days
and recited all of the psalms. He was ready. The man requested to be taken to
the wooden door to learn the source of the strange sound, so he was finally
taken to the door and they gave him the key. The man opened the wooden door,
just to find a door made of stone behind it. He asked for the key to the stone
door, and they gave it to him as well. He opened the stone door to find a door
of coal behind it.
One by one, the man kept unlocking and opening doors. After the door of coal he
found a door of glass, then a door of iron, then a door of steel, then a door
of bronze, then a door of silver, then a door of ruby, then a door of sapphire,
then a door of emerald, then a door of gold, then a door of platinum, then a
door of diamond, and finally a door of obsidian.
"This is the final door," said the head mekubal. "Behind it you
will find the source of the strange sound."
The kabbalist handed the man the key to the door of obsidian and, as he opened
it, the man finally found the source of the strange sound...
But I cannot tell you, because you are not a kabbalist…. (That's the second
time you fell for one of these!- I did to…)
*********************************
Answer is D– This one was easy and a pretty
dead giveaway for anyone that took the tour guiding course. We spent four days
in Eilat on that trip. There's not a lot to see and talk about in Eilat,
although there are lots of amazing hikes there. The flamingo like those salt
pools because they are full of these crabs called "sea monkeys" or
Eilat Artemia that live there. These crabs have lots of Beta-carotene which it
seems give them their pink color. So I got this one right and the score is Schwartz
29 and 11 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam my grade is looking
up..!
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