Time to Leave? - Parshat Vayeitzei 2025 5786

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

November 28^th 2025 -Volume 16 Issue 6 8^th of Kislev 5786

 

Parshat Vayeitzei

 

Time to Leave?

 

So when is it time to leave? When is it time to just pack your bags and say enough is enough? The writing is on the wall. It's time just get out. And I'm not talking about moving from Brooklyn to Miami either, or from Hungary to Poland, or from Spain to Portugal or from London to Paris. That, history has shown us is just pushing off the generally very short term inevitable. My question is when is it finally time to come home?

 

The truth is, this isn't my question. I'm already here. The Geula and Mashiach aren't here yet, We've got a long way to go till we get here. Not long in time hopefully, just that lots still has to happen. But I'm already here in the place that it's meant to and going to happen. It's just a matter of waiting it out and riding those exciting and sometimes frightening waves until it's all over, or perhaps more accurately until it all begins. The question is really one that I hear many, many, many of my clients, my friends, my former students and neighbors and my brothers and sisters are asking. Although, my own immediate family don't for some reason seem to be asking it yet…Maybe they're counting on me to pull some strings and sneak 'em in here at the last moment. Kind of like the angels grabbing Lot and his wife and kids and pulling them out before the fire and brimstone show begins.  But everyone else fantastically and even prophetically and miraculously seem to be starting to have more serious discussions about the topic. Maybe it's time. Maybe we should do it. Maybe it's not as crazy and far out as we thought it would be. Can we make it work? Is it time to give it a shot? Is this what Hashem wants us to do? Is the game almost over?

 

Now there are no angels that are coming down to us today and telling us what to do. There are no prophets. There haven't been for a long time. Each one of us need to have a Rabbi, a mentor, a spiritual guide who's advice we cherish. Someone who know each of us and are families and at the same time appreciate what's going on in our lives, in our communities and in Eretz Yisrael today to give us the direction and guidance of what we should be doing. If you don't have a person like that in your life, which sadly too many do not, then in general you're in trouble. But no worries. I'm here for you. I'm taking on new clients. I'm open for business. One tour with me, and I'm your Rabbi for life. The truth is, you don't even have to take a tour, just sponsor this E-Mail one week, and I'll help you as well.

 

But for those that don't have that Rabbi and aren't coming on a tour, another fantastic way I've found to get guidance in life is to check out the weekly Parsha. The Baal Ha'Tanya would say it is like one's daily newspaper. It's speaking to us today and now and it always has. It can even be your own personal horoscope. Each yid has a letter in the Torah and that letter isn't one of the 22 aleph beis letters. It's a handwritten letter from Hashem that is meant to guide us. Our job is to just rip open the envelop and start reading it as such.

 

Well when it comes to the leaving galus question though there is no better parsha than this week's of Vayeitzei. Yaakov Avinu is that first Jew that is in galus for an extended time as our sages tell us ma'asei avos siman la'banim- his story is ours. His exile embodies all of our future exiles and his return contains all of the elements of when and how we should return and perhaps the struggles that we have with that very question. It's a parsha that is called Va'yeitzei and he went out. It's a parsha about going and the question of when to come.  

 

Now before we get to the coming back though, we need to understand the going out from Israel first. If you don't know why you left, then it's hard to know when, why, and how we should come back. Yaakov leaves because his parents tell him that he's in danger for his life. That's usually a good reason to leave. A clear and present danger and your parents who happen to be prophets tell you it's time to go. Ther reason for the danger, not so incidentally is because Yaakov steals the blessings. Rather than standing up, as Rivkah kind of originally suggests him to do and to just go on in and Yitzchak with some food and tell him that he wants them. He deserves them. They belong to him. He's the rightful heir.

 

Yaakov is too nervous and resorts to Plan B, which is getting them through subterfuge. He dresses up like Esau. He pretends he's someone he's not. That he's politically correct. That he's a democracy. That he's a hunter. He may've been successful in pulling the wool he put on his arms over Yitzchak's nearly blinded eyes. But that voice of Yaakov almost always betrays us. It reveals who we really are. And it forces us to go into galus and become the proud Jew that can take that role straight up. That can be Yisrael, who leads and conquers the angel of Esau. That can lift up the world and reveal Hashem, without any qualms or fear of repercussions or of our message being accepted.

 

So now we know why he's in galus, the question then becomes though when to leave. Yaakov works for his 14 years and he finally has son number 11. Yosef is born. Yosef, Rashi tells us is the ultimate flame to Esau's straw man. He has the power to set the whole Edomite kingdom on fire. He will tell Pharaoh unabashedly that Hashem is the only one that can reveal dreams. That it's all about Hashem. He can do nothing without Him. And let the chips fall where they may. Yaakov feels empowered with that birth and he makes the hard decision to move home. To make Aliya. To bring this 14 years galus to an end and bring the children of Israel to the Holy Land promised to our family for the first time. But then something bizarrely changes. He meets with Lavan and he decides to hang out for another 6 years and make some money first. What is going on? Is it time or not? Is Yaakov selling out for a few bucks. Is parnassa a legitimate excuse to stay in galus. To ride it out for longer. A few more sheep? Some camels? Some more slaves? Another nursing home? An extension on your house? A summer home in the country? Better meat boards and real steak, not that entrecote thing they try to sell you back in Jerusalem.

 

The truth of the matter is the story seems even more perplexing as we go through it. If Yaakov is in fact sticking around for the money, then what's pshat with this pretty crazy and ridiculous deal he cuts with Lavan. One doesn't have to be Donald Trump or even have read "The Art of the Deal" to understand that Yaakov is in a good negotiating position. Lavan seems to have admitted to Yaakov that Hashem blessed him because of him. That the key to his successful cattle empire is all due to Yaakov. He even tells Yaakov to write his own check. "How much do you want and I'll give it to you" the verse tells us. So why doesn't Yaakov just ask for a 50/50 cut. For a new car, for easier hours, for profit sharing shares. What's this whole mishigas with spotted/striped seemingly leftover blemished lambchops?

 

Moving further on into this story it gets even more bizarre and perplexing. Yaakov takes on his new sheep mating habits job with a vengeance, like only a good smart Jew can do. He comes up with new hi-tech solutions. He develops new artificial genetic modification methods. He's revolutionizing the industry. He's reinvesting his dividends. He's expanding his portfolio. He's exploding in new found wealth like the best Lakewood guy during Corona. Slaves, camels, Teslas, and private planes. He's rocking this new world. The man of the tent has come out of the Bais Medrash and has made it big. Listen I'm sure he was sending his kids to Brisk and he avoided lace shaitels and even had a kosher phone and he was supporting Torah like he never did before. But at the end of the day, he probably could've hung out there for a lot longer until something changed. Actually two things changed. The first it doesn't chap right away. The second though, makes it kind of hard to avoid.

 

The Torah tells us that in three pesukim what changes. The first pasuk of chapter 31 tells us

 

"And Yaakov heard the words of the children of Lavan saying Yaakov took all that our father has, and it is from what our father has that he has made all of this honor."

 

There are two things that are fascinating and telling about this verse. The first is that Yaakov didn't chap this on his own. It's only when he read these anti-Semitic canards in the morning newspapers and on the daily blogs and whatsapp groups that he received that he began to see the anti-Semitism that was always out there. "The Jew is getting rich off our system and taking all of our benefits" sentiment he was breeding with his new found wealth just never occurred to him, until "he heard what they were saying".

 

The second thing is that even when he did hear that, it didn't really affect him so much, and convince him that he should be making plans to leave. He probably just wrote it off to a few fringe elements on the right and the left. At the end of the day. Lavan was his father-in-law. He had Jewish grandchildren… (sound familiar?). Yaakov voted for him. He contributed to his campaign. He made him rich. He made him powerful when nobody else backed him up. That changes when the next verse tells us about the next thing that changes.

 

"And Yaakov saw the face of Lavan and it wasn't like it was a day or two ago".

 

Uh oh. Hamdani is in the Bayit Ha'Lavan. So is that terrorist from Syria. We're talking two State solution. Maybe Hamas doesn't need to get destroyed. Tucker's not such a bad guy. This is not the same person's face we saw a few days ago. Maybe this is the point Yaakov should pick up and leave. But guess what? He doesn't. He's got too many business interests. It may not be right for his kids. Who knows if they will acclimate to the holy land? Maybe things will change with Lavan. Maybe Israel is still too dangerous to move to. And thus we get to the next step.

 

"And Hashem tells Yaakov 'Return to the land of his fathers and his birthplace and I will be with you".

 

Aram is not your home. It's not where you were born. Thanksgiving isn't your holiday and neither is July 4^th and the star-spangled banner isn't your flag. Do you want Me truly be with you? Then get out of there. Because despite all of your Torah, your learning, your tzedaka and chinuch and chesed over there, as Rashi says

 

"as long as you're connected to impurity-to tumah- it's impossible for Me to rest My Shechina upon you."

 

There are not too many things that Hashem say is "impossible" for Him to do. But this is where it ends. This is the one thing that He can't do. The Shechina can't reside in chutz la'aretz. The world and the Jew can't achieve what he was put here and what it was created for to happen as long as you are still there.

 

Yet fascinatingly enough that doesn't seem to be enough to get Yaakov to book his tickets on El Al and contact his Nefesh B'Nefesh representative yet. There's one more thing that has to happen first. He has to have a dream; he tells his wives. It's the dream and the epiphany that come from there that changes everything. It's what makes him truly decide that it's time to get out and they need to do that fast and furiously.

 

Yaakov retells them about the whole sheep and goat spotted speckled thing. He tells them about his incredible deals he made, the inventions he came up with, the way he outsmarted and out swindled Lavan. How he stayed ahead of the game. How he flourished and prospered. And then he realized one morning that the whole thing was really a lie. He had drunk his own Kool-aid. He realized that he really hadn't done anything.

 

"And he lifted up his eyes and he saw in a dream and behold the goats that mounted the flock were ringed speckled and striped."

 

Pay attention to the pasuk. It changes everything. Do you know what Rashi tells us that Yaakov realized? He realized that the reason why the sheep and goats were coming out spotted speckled and striped had absolutely nothing to do with his stick tricks. It wasn't his smarts. It wasn't his deals. It wasn't his technology. That stuff didn't do anything. It doesn't even work. Try it at home. Rather he saw an angel bringing over the spotted speckled sheep from Lavan's barn every night, that he had separated and mating them with Yaakov's sheep. That's how it all happened. And then an angel appears to Yaakov and tells him precisely that.

 

"And the angel said to me in that dream "Lift up your eyes and see the goats that are mating with the striped speckled spotted sheep and. Because I have seen what Lavan has done to you."

 

Do you know what Lavan has done to you Yaakov? He made you think that you made it here on your own. He made you stop raising your eyes up to Hashem and realizes how this whole thing really happens. He made you forget the real reason why you even decided to stick around a bit longer even though you knew Yosef was born and you had what it took to go back and get Esau and reveal the shechina? You forgot the only reason you're here in galus in the first place.

 

If you look back at the conversation that Yaakov has with Lavan when he tells him that he wants to leave, you'll find something fascinating. Lavan tells Yaakov that Hashem blessed Lavan because of Yaakov and therefore Yaakov is like his good luck charm and he wants him to stick around and is even willing to pay him to do so. It's at that point that Yaakov decides that he needs to stay. Yaakov doesn't feel that he can leave as long as Lavan doesn't understand that Yaakov isn't a good luck charm, but rather that all that Yaakov has is from Hashem. Lavan can't give him or pay him anything. For Lavan doesn't even have anything. Everything is from Hashem.

He doesn't have it b'glalo as the Lavan tells him- as a result of him. But rather Yaakov corrects him and tells him that it's all l'ragli- it's because Hashem wants me to be His foot. It's so that I can reveal the Shechina in the world. So I can be like Yosef, my son who was just born and say everything comes from Hashem and reveal Him to the world.

 

It is for that reason that Yaakov comes up with his deal. He tells Lavan-

 

Lo titein li me'uma- you can not give me anything.

 

 Nothing comes from you. I'll take the worst of the worst and Hashem will miraculously provide for me from there. That's why Yaakov stuck around. And after six years though of that miracle happening day in and day out, Yaakov it seems forgot about what he was doing there. He saw it as his own success. He wasn't "lifting up his eyes' and seeing those angels. It was then that Yaakov finally understood it was time for him to get the heck out fast and furiously. It was time to come back and build the altar that he had promised to build. To bring that ladder down to the world and up again.

 

So when should one come home? What is the lesson of this parsha? What does this letter say to us and what story of Yaakov is the story of his children? There are so many different factors and letters and signs that call out to Yaakov to come home and to his descendants. There's money, there's opportunity, there's antisemitism, there's the changing face of the government, and there's even the command from Hashem Himself to us leave and come home. Yet ultimately the message that perhaps is the one that encompasses all is for us to lift up our eyes. To really see beyond everything that we perceive. To ask ourselves the hard questions and to discuss it with our wives in the field, if what we feel we're accomplishing and achieving in galus is really the mission that we're there for, or is it just an excuse. Are we fooling and lying to ourselves and perpetuating a spiritual existence and raising up the sparks, the kelipos and sheep of Hashem in what we are doing here? Or is that job over again for us and our family and now we're just sitting back and enjoying ourselves, while the altar we had promised to build is languishing with the Shechina waiting for us to return.

 

I don't have the answer to that question for you. It's not my letter. It's yours. I read mine already. More and more Jews are having that dream and angel appearing to them. More and more are hearing the voices of the sons of Lavan and reading their blogs. Some are even hearing the voice of Hashem and fulfilling what they believe is His command to them. To return to their birthplace and the land promised to our fathers. While there are others that are still out there shepherding, grazing, carving sticks, mating sheep, cutting deals and eating lambchops and who perhaps feel they have a spiritual mission to accomplish. And they may in fact even be correct. They may not yet have birthed that inner Yosef that is ready to come home and fight against Esau. But two things are for certain for all of us. That day is coming closer and closer. We all need to be listening closer and closer. We all need to dream a bit more about angels. We need to have those conversations with our wives in the field. And it certainly may in fact be time to start pulling out those suitcases from the attic. The party is almost over. And the second thing is that the answer to that question is not about My-o'(r)-Me. (excuse the brilliant pun 😊) It's about Him. And Him is only here.   

 

Have a spectacular Shabbos

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 " Ver es poret zich mit staleh, shmirt zich ein di hent.- If you deal with tar, expect your hands to get dirty.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 9. The UNSCOP committee arrived in Palestine in the year of ______

Between which two points was it possible to travel on the "Jezreel Valley railway"?

A. Haifa – Zemach

B. Acre - Beit She'an

C. Jaffa - Afula

D. Beit She'an - Jericho

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S VIDEO OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vzakeynu-lirot-banim   – In honor of the birth of all of the tribes in the parsha this is my V'zakeinu song I composed for my first grandson. YItz Berry arrangements amazing the perfect Shalom Zachor song…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_aWQeRXQLc  - Calebach on his songs Bashaynu… what a story… only Reb shlomo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FoDIJbAIuc  – Ma Norah Ha'Makom the one and only Chaim Dovid!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-atYl3qRJk – Love this song about Yaakov's dream from Sruly Lipshutz Vayachaloim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYM0rI0xGZ4&list=RDDYM0rI0xGZ4&start_radio=1   – This new TYH Chaim Ghoori song Blessed just has me meditating and floating…

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Prophecies of Exile, Redemption and end of Days- 375 BC (see last week for new secular dating and missing years count)- With the death of Avel Merodach we have the new and last Babylonian King Belshatzar. Belshatzar was the son of Avel according to Daniel and as opposed to his father who ruled for 23 years and Nevuchadnezzar for 45 years Belshatzar's reign was for only 2 years. The end of our galus was in sight. It is at this point that Sefer Daniel gives us the visions he has for all of our future exiles. He has two dreams that have animals of all types rising up from the Sea. Each animal, the lion, the bear, the leopard and others all have specific details about their feet, their shapes, their fearsomeness and their wings. Each detail has another secret about each exile. There's Persia, there's Greece, there's the Arab Yishmael world and empire and of course there's the largest and most fierce and deadly which is Rome and the final exile that we are in.

 

In the prophecy of Rome there are ten different levels that it is divided into. The angel tells him that this last exile will have many different elements to it. It will appear in different forms. The last one will seem the most civilized. Jews will be assimilated and eaten up by it. But ultimately as well it fall. We will be redeemed. Mashiach will come. Throughout the generations different commentaries have enumerated them. Whether it's Spain, Africa, The Cruaders, the Nazis, as well most of our Rabbis seem to agree that America is the last stand. It's here where it all comes together from. Daniel is standing at the gates of redemption and he sees our time. He will only merit to experience that first redemption back to Jerusalem, but even then he realizes it will only be temporary. The world has been waiting for our generation today. There's perhaps no chapters or prophecies that contain that end of Days story more than these chapters of Daniel. This column is too short and to surface to be able to delve into it. Yet, it seems it would be a good place for all those looking to discover the end of days hints to begin their search here.  

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE DEAL JOKES OF THE WEEK

I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday. All Fridays matter.

 

Amazing BLACK FRIDAY deal: Buy NOTHING and save up to 100% in EVERY STORE!

 

Why was "Art of the Deal" so long? It had six Chapter 11s.

 

As Adam is walking about the Garden of Eden he is approached by God, "Adam you look quite lonely."

"Well..."

"Listen, my son, how about I make you a companion? A beautiful women, who is smart and funny. She will be your true match and the two of you will be forever happy together."

"Well that does sound pretty great," replies Adam.

"Wonderful, I'll only need your arm to make it so."

"...my arm? Can I think about it?"

God allows Adam to mull over the deal and says he will ask again tomorrow. The next day, God again comes up to Adam, "Have you decided, my son?"

"I've thought it over a great deal, God. She sounds amazing but I very much like both my arms. What can I get for a rib?"

 

What do you call a gangster who’s always on the hunt for a good deal? Al Coupon

Our company has been working on this big deal for a year and I just blew it. Oh well, I guess it’s no big deal.

One day Yankel walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.  “Eight hundred dollars,” the dentist says.

“That’s a ridiculous amount,” Yankel says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”  

“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anesthetic, I can knock it down to $700.”

“That’s still too expensive,” Yankel says.

“Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging $200.”

“Nope,” moans Yankel, “it’s still too much.”

“Hmm,” says the dentist, scratching his head. “If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $100.”

"Marvelous,” says Yankel, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”

 

Berel and Shmerel both really love baseball and they made a deal that whoever died first would have to come down from above and tell the other guy if there was baseball in heaven.

When Berel died, he came down to tell Shmerel.

Berel: I have good news and bad news.

Shmerel: The good news?

Berel: There is baseball in heaven!

Shmerel: And the bad news?

Berel: You’re pitching next week!

 

My local gym costs $120 for an entire year. That’s $60 per visit, not a great deal.

 

A Salesman is working late one night to close a deal with some clients. They start to get hungry, so he calls down to the office cafeteria to see if they can fix anything. The kitchen is already closed for the night, so the best the chef can do is whip up some sandwiches. As the chef is plating them up, he accidentally knocks the pickle jar off the counter and shatters it on the floor. The Salesman ultimately fails to get the clients to sign on. Apparently, the sandwiches were a dill breaker.

What’s the difference between Americans and the engines of the El Al plane on which they travel here on? After they land, the engines of the jets quit whining.

There once was a clan of hunter-gatherers dedicated to being self-sufficient. They would ONLY ever hunt and gather. Absolutely no trading or sales of any kind was allowed in this clan. Being self-sufficient was religion to them, and they hated the idea of money. Then one-time, little old Joe from this clan had had enough, he wanted to try some of the other clans’ produce for once.

So he secretly made a deal and met with one of the other clan’s members in the dead of the night. Just as they were exchanging goods and were about to close the deal, 3 spies from Joe’s clan popped up from behind the bushes to catch him dead in the act. They all shouted in unison,

“TRADER!”

 

A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain. He goes to the clerk and says

"Hello, I'd like to purchase a new brain".

The clerk replies with "Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale"

"Here's the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars."

"Here's our second deal for today. The brain of a C Liberal Free Palestine Supporter, 10,000 dollars".

The man, completely confused, asks "Why is the brain of a Liberal Free Palestine Supporter Liberal Free Palestine Supporter more expensive than of a physicist?"

"Because it's never been used" The clerk replies.

 

A man grabs a case of beer off the store shelf. His wife stops him and asks "What do you think you're doing?"

The man responds "It's a 24 pack on sale for $10. That's a great deal."

His wife tells him they can't afford it and to put it back. A little while later the wife grabs a $20 jar of skin cream off the shelf. The man stops her and asks "What do you think you're doing? That's $20! We can't afford that!"

She quickly answers back "This is different. This makes me look beautiful for you."

The man says "So does the beer and that's half the price!"

 

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The answer to this week's question is A – At least I didn't get this one entirely wrong. So I wasn't thinking and I confused the UNSCOP with the PEEL commission so I wrote 1936 rather than 1947. Both of them were pretty much just how to do this dumb two state solution thing. The second part though was easy. The rakevet ha'emek I speak about often as we do an overlook from the Mt, Carmel and it of course ran from Chaifa to Tzemach right under Tiverya. So I got this one half right and thee new score is Rabbi Schwartz having a 5.5 point and the MOT having 3.5 point on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.

 

Large Gifts- Parshat Re'eh 2020/ 5780

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

August 14^th 2020 -Volume 10 Issue 42 24^th Av 5780

 

Parshat Re'eh

Large Gifts

Eli had always wanted to marry an American girl. Israeli girls were just not his speed. They were a little closed minded, in the circles he was dating at least and he just felt more comfortable with Americans. When he was in yeshiva he would find that he was drawn to the American guys there. He would learn with them. Hang out with them and hock around bein hazmanim vacation time with them. His English wasn't perfect. His friends would tease him about his gaffes here and there. But he worked on it over the years. He definitely still had the "eezraylee ehksent" but for a kid that was born in Israel to two Israeli parents his progress was certainly respectable. It probably helped that he lived in Beit Shemesh which is kind of a little America as well.

When he went out with Miriam Goldberg it was love at first sight. She was looking for an Israeli guy that she could relate to and that would insure that she would get married and live in Israel for the rest of her life. She was raised in Brooklyn, and unlike most NY'ers that can't seem to see themselves living anywhere else, despite paying lip service to "loving Eretz Yisrael" and "I wish I could live there", she meant it for real. Her year in seminary was life changing. She fell in love with the land, the people, the simple lifestyles of all of those families that she would spend her shabbosos with. Everything had more meaning here. Was more real. It was where she was meant to be. And when she met Eli she knew she had found her bashert.

Miriam's parents weren't as excited by her decision. Don't get me wrong, they loved Eli. But Israel was so far. They weren't youngsters anymore and they knew they would miss their little girl. Their future grandchildren wouldn't see them more than once a year if they were lucky. They were jealous of their machatunim, Eli's parents, that hosted their children all the time and lived around the corner from them. They would move themselves to Israel, but they had good jobs, the younger siblings were "the wrong ages" (not that I ever bought into that concept). So they compensated. These were the days before Zoom or even Facetime video chats. But they called regularly and they sent lots and lots of care packages and presents.

The Goldberg's were always a generous people. Eli was overwhelmed by the gifts they gave him when he got married. He knew it wasn't easy for them and he always expressed his gratitude. Their anniversary gift for their 3^rd anniversary though forced him to hit the dictionary again after one of the most embarrassing moments of his marriage. One that almost jeopardized everything.

See the had sent them this really beautiful album of all of the highlights of their wedding. The family pictures, the moving chuppa shots and the amazing memories of all of the dancing with all their friends were the best anniversary gift ever. Eli didn't want to wait to tell his in-laws how much it meant to him. So he quickly called them. The conversation though didn't exactly go the way he had hoped it would.

As I told you, Eli's English still wasn't the best. He wanted to tell his mother-in-law how much he appreciated how generous she has been, but the word ""generous" slipped his mind. Now in Hebrew when someone is generous the slang word to describe them is "largeet" kind of like the English largesse. But it didn't really come out the way he wanted it to.

"Ma, hi it's Eli calling."

Hi Eli, how are you? To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?

 I just wanted to tell you that you are so large." He enthusiastically exclaimed.

Silence…."Oh" and then after an awkward silence she repeated it again "Oh"

"Really", Eli said "I'm just looking at this photo album you sent us right now and it's amazing- you are so very large!"

Eli was a bit puzzled at his mother-in-laws silence, though it wasn't until he gave the phone to Miriam and heard her "What!!" exclamations did he understand that there might have been some type of mistranslation that happened. Needless to say, he's still working on his English.

There is always wisdom in Jewish slang. And in fact the word 'large' in Hebrew, which as well can be used as a term for generous, is in this week's parsha with a fascinating mitzva that contains, as usual, some fascinating and timely lessons for us. The word I'm talking about is "anak" and the mitzva is ha'anaka giving "gifts" to one's Jewish 'slave' upon the completion of his servitude. And yes, I did say this was a timely lesson.

Now I know that we don't have slaves anymore. Although it seems that there are some that claim to be descended from them that still feel they are due reparations and thus taking those said payments from your local Mall, supermarket, starbucks and anyplace else that is obviously guilty of this egregious sin. Or not… Maybe if their zayides would've gotten ha'anaka they wouldn't be so bitter. Or not.

But that's not the timely reference I'm referring to. See Judaism even when we had Jewish 'slaves' it was really a bigger pain in the neck than anything else. The Jewish slave mentioned in this week's Torah portion was a criminal that had stolen and didn't have the ability to pay back his debt. The Torah reaching to the depths of the persona of a criminal understands that this man's criminal behavior is more likely than not a result of his circumstance and upbringing. Throwing him in the slammer is not gonna do the trick for him. He needs rehabilitation. He needs to learn responsibility, to learn family, he has to be given respect. He has to be given love. So he is 'sold' into slavery. But he's not out picking in the cotton fields in hot sun. It is forbidden to give him hard labor. He needs to be provided for and eat from the same home and have the same quality of life as his "owner" does. The Talmud tells us that having a slave is kind of like having an owner as if there's only one pillow guess who gets it? The slave.

So in truth this is in no way slavery. In fact, what it really is this criminal being adopted by a family and working to pay of his debt. If he has a family, the owner has to provide for his family as well. So he is now for the first time earning an honest living and with that he is receiving the satisfaction that comes with a hard day's honest work. It is truly an amazing system and one that has the most potential to giving him the tools to making it on his own when his debt is paid off, or the maximum six-year sentence that he needs to serve if it isn't paid off by then. The truth is someone that takes this guy into his house under these terms has to be a tzadik. They have to have the most incredible Jewish heart; as those people I know that take in foster children into their home do. It's an incredible chesed and although many of us admire people that can do that, I don't know if I could do it myself.

But then comes the kicker. The mitzva of ha'anaka. After extending one's home and one's family to this person; helping him, assisting him, giving him gainful employment and caring for his every need, the time is finally. His 6 years are over and it's time for him to make it on his own. One would think that the eved should express his gratitude, maybe buy his hosts a good-bye gift, promise to write and to keep them posted. But the Torah tells us that is not the case. You haven't finished your job or your responsibility to him yet. You still have to give him a gift. In the words of the Torah it is sheep, from your grain, from your vineyard. The word for this obligation that the Torah uses though is not the typical matana- which would mean gift. Rather it is ha'anaka. That means something more. You have to make him "anak"- great.

The Torah in this mitzva is teaching us such a powerful lesson. When a person works for us and gets paid for his job, you've helped a fellow Jew and given him parnassa. But we are meant to do more than that. We are obligated to let the person know that he did a fantastic job. That his service meant more to you than just the job he did. You want to show him extra appreciation. In doing so, he feels anak- he feels large. He feels he can do great things. That feeling, that simcha, will propel him to be even better. It will build his necessary self-esteem and motivate him to become better and better. That is what our obligation is to our fellow Jew. That's how we build a "large" nation.

I can tell you on a personal level, it's one of the things I miss the most about tour guiding this summer. Not just the tips that I would get, although those are certainly appreciated and missed. But the appreciation and feedback that I always got from so many of my tourists. The follow-up E-Mails, the whatsapp messages and many times even the E-Mail sponsorships. I generally don't have a problem feeling 'large'-my pants and shirt buttons are good at reminding me. But it's just an incredible feeling that propels me and gives me more energy to be better and better. The feedback that I get from my sermons, from my E-mails, from my family, from Mishpacha readers. It's awesome. It's humbling. And it's energizing. And it's such an easy mitzva that we can all do.

The year of Corona has been a year for a lot of reflection. On the one hand all of us are more isolated from one another then we probably have ever been. On the other hand, we all have more time on our hand to think about how we can make ourselves better and greater. There is a world out there that is so angry. Everyone is putting the other down. Perhaps it's time to build a world that is larger. A world where rather than knocking down those that think differently than us; that have 'poorer' upbringings than us- materially, politically and most importantly spiritually, we instead focus on building them up. On finding the good in them. On revealing the greatness that they may not see in themselves, but that we could bring out in them. Maybe it's time we fulfilled the mitzva of ha'anaka.

The parsha we read this week where this mitzva is found is called, Re'eh- to see. Hashem is telling us to see in each of us the power we have to find and bring bracha and god forbid the opposite. It is a parsha that is read in the 7 week's of consolation for the destruction of the Temple. The temple destroyed by baseless hatred will be restored in the merit of ahavat chinam- baseless love. Do you know what baseless love is? Ha'anaka. Gifts that make people great. They're not required. It's above and beyond. They were just doing their job. But it's that little extra way in which we express our appreciation. The "large-ness' that we share with others and the greatness we bring out in them. That's free-love. That is what will bring the Temple.

When we left Egypt Hashem promised us that we would leave with great wealth. It was his gift to us. It wasn't just the monetary wealth-although that helped- it was the Torah, it was the wisdom, it was our chosen-nesss. The final redemption we are told will be even greater than that first exodus from slavery. It's time for our ma'aanak (grant) . Bibi gave us his-which was quite pithy, Trump's was a little bit more. But we're waiting for that big Divine payoff. May this month of Elul be the large one we have been waiting for.

Have a large Shabbos and blessed month of Elul,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 " A guteh vort iz karanter vi a nedoveh.!"- A kind word is better than charity.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

40) Flamingos can be watched and observed at:

A. Ein Tamir

B. Solomon’s pools

C. Rosh Hanikra

D. Salt ponds North to Eilat

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoVNvG6cTfc   - Yaakov Shwekey "We Love America" sung for Donald Trump-Lyrics by the one and only Sruli Besser.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aS-4U5GgdjM  – Avraham Fried latest song Otototo

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kp9VGPpAh8Y – Yishai Lapidot and Shuki Salomon Shir Shel Simcha get on your dancing shoes…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cadNezinSzk –The Kosher Song?

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAnjOZ24QjY--Shlock Rock Kosher Cake…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 Parshat Re'eh – Kosher- Last week we covered the mitzva of bentching. Now that we know what to say after we eat this week we learn what we could and should eat. This week the Torah covers a whole slew of mitzvos that relate to eating. Fascinatingly enough it always seems to connect it to using the food for a higher purpose as well. Fruits and vegetables we have the mitzva of the tithes. Meat we have the mitzva of eating sacrifices, of slaughtering animals, of not eating blood. We even cover some kosher bugs if you like. There are at least 20-25 mitzvos that have to do with eating. It's definitely a foodies parsha. Let's try to cover the basics and let's try to categorize our menu.

 Fruits and vegetables are all kosher. They're straight from Hashem. One has to wash them for bugs of course. Now in Israel our fruits and vegetables are holy. Here we're not merely eating and making blessings. Here we are meant to raise a country with a higher spiritual purpose. We need to give our tithes to the Kohanim and Levi'im who don't have a portion in the land because they are dedicated to serving and inspiring our spiritual obligations. We need to give to the poor. We have the laws of the sabbatical year/ shemitta year to remind us that in Eretz Yisrael,  our land is holy. Hashem is in charge and we can and should step back for a year and recognize and integrate that and we will only see blessing as a result.

 Moving onto the next course we have fish. Gefilte fish in Israel has scales and fins inside of it to remind you of what species are kosher. Just joking… But for someone raised on American Gefilteh Fish there definitely is a difference. We are told that the closer a species is to Hashem the less one needs to make one kosher. So a fish pretty much just needs those two signs. The truth is that all fish that have scales certainly have fins as well. Why then does the Torah tell us both? It could just say scales and we would know fins. The Lubavitcher Rebbi suggests in a beautiful sicha that it is precisely to teach us that lesson. See scales represent the armor. The integrity of a person that protect him from giving into his baser desires. The fins represent the ambition; the wind that drives him. We can have ambition but without integrity one would be considered non-kosher. Yet, if someone has integrity and is making sure that he's doing the right thing then they will automatically as well have the ambition to become better and better and are always Kosher. Obviously shell fish, and bottom feeders are not kosher. So don't boil any lobsters anytime soon.

 Next we have birds. We kosher eaters pretty much only eat chicken, turkey and on special occasions duck or goose. But in ancient times, doves and pigeons seemed to the kosher bird of choice. Think about the next time you're in the park. How do we know which ones are kosher and not? The Torah gives us 24 different names of birds or better yet "flying animals with wings"- that includes the non-kosher bats which are technically no birds. Now we don't exactly know specifically which birds are which for a lot of them and the Torah's list is not necessarily meant to be comprehensive. Rather they are viewed as classes of birds Kosher and non- and we derive general rules from them.

 Our sages tell us that signs of a kosher bird are first of all that it is not a bird of prey. Some of the signs of birds of prey are ones that have claws that they attack with. Thus webbed feet birds are a good sign. Three other signs that they mention are that they have an extra toe that sticks out longer. They have a crop that holds the food before it goes into the digestive tract. And a pupik or gizzard- great in soup, which is a muscle that can be peeled inside of the stomach that grinds the food up. It's a debate whether all of these 3 signs are required or not. But the truth is that this debate is more hypothetical then practical as we generally only eat birds that have a tradition behind them. Although turkey is a "New World" American bird without an ancient tradition neccesarily from America, as America is really not that ancient, there are some that suggest it comes from India and there was an old tradition from there. Others permit the turkey based on the fact that it has all the signs and as well it can be interbred with Kosher birds.

 Kosher mammals the main course of our meals have the obvious signs of split hooves and that chew their cud. Once again the Rebbi sees in this a spiritual message. The hooves are separated. There is left and right. There is right and wrong and the distinction is clear. The path a person takes has to always be clear. One has to always be cognizant of this. That's a sign of someone that is kosher. Chewing the cud similarly is that everything that one ingests should never be taken for granted. One needs to constantly reexamine it. Check if its right if it's something they should be bringing and incorporating in themselves or not.  If it has these two signs, one can eat them. They're kosher.

 Yet both birds and mammals can't just be eaten. They need to be shected properly. The Torah tells us that the slaughtering should be done "as I've commanded you, but if one looks in the entire Torah, you won't find any laws of shechita. This is obviously a testimony that there was an oral tradition that accompanied the written law that taught us exactly what should be done. Shechita is the most humane way of killing an animal. The knife has to be sharp without any ridges, it has to be done in shot the cutting of both pipes. One can't even press down on the neck. It's a fast, clean swipe. Afterwards the animal is checked for anything that might have made the animal non-healthy that would cause it to die. A hole in the lung, a broken leg and its internal organs are all checked. This law pretty much our kosher animals were treated humanely as in humane treatment would lead to sickness and disease that would then make them "trayf".

 But we're still not done yet. See there is a prohibition on cattle to eat various fats and they have to all be removed. As well the gid hanasheh/ the sciatic nerve has to be removed. We Jews have thing about sciatica that goes back to Ya'akov's battle with the angel of Esau. In America where it is easy to resell parts of the animal the tradition is to sell off the whole hindquarters of the animal where the majority of the fats are. In Israel, where we thank god don't have enough gentiles to sell it to, they remove them and we thus get filet mignon here that you can't get from the American slaughterhouses. Now venison, deer meat, does not require the fats being removed, either do birds, but they have another mitzva of covering up the blood that comes out when they slaughter them called kisuy ha'dam.

 Finally, the last piece of koshering meat is eliminating the blood. We do this by a two pronged process. First we remove the major arteries and veins and then we salt and soak the meat to remove any other blood. This has to be done within the first 72 hours of the slaughter and it is the way that most commercially sold meat is prepared. Alternatively, if you want to shecht and eat your met without this process one can roast the meat that automatically takes out all of the blood.

 There are other laws of Kosher that are rabbinic in nature as well. Wine of a non-Jew or that has been handled by one. Milk and cheese that was not prepared with a supervision that ensures it is done "kosherly". Milk and meat can't be mixed, obviously. Foods that are "fitting for the table of king"-not nosh has to be cooked by a Jew. And that probably sums up the basic rules. Food is essential to us Jew. The first sin in the Garden of Eden was when they ate the fruit they shouldn't of. Every time we fulfill the mitzvos of eating we are rectifying that sin. So we make sure we have lots of opportunities to do.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

  Dovid and Goliath Part I- 878 BC- Everyone has a turning point in their career. For Dovid it came in the form of perhaps one of the most famous battles of all time. The faceoff between him and the giant Goliath of the Philistines. It's one of my favourite stories to share with my tourists because the spot is so easily identifiable and one can really feel that they are living the story once again. It's a tour guides dream, when the land and terrain do half the work for you.

 The story begins with Goliath the general from the Philistine city of Gat, coming up to the Elah valley with a huge army to do battle with the army of Shaul. The city of Gat today is located at a place called Tel Tzafi not far from Kfar Menachem. It's a huge Tel but not too much to see there besides the incredible views to all sides. The Ela valley is right on Highway 38 and the Plishtim camped on one mountain and the Jews on the other mountain. The two mountains being Socho and Azeka and both of those are still there today and are actually fascinating to visit. As they have this story written there.

 The valley is called Efes Damim, or no blood, and the reason is because Goliath stood in that valley and challenged Shaul and his army to have a one on one fight out that would settle the whole thing. If Goliath wins the Jews would be their slaves, if the Jewish representative one then the Philistines would be their slaves. This fight-out between the two people would settle the whole thing without any un-necessary blood being spilled. What an idea.

 The problem was that Goliath was terrifying he was 6 ammos/ cubits tall which would put him between 9-12 feet he wore at least 200lbs of armour. His spear alone weighed about 400 lbs. This is not someone anyone wanted to mess with. So for 40 days he came out twice a day blasphemed Hashem, Shaul and the Jewish army and no one said boo. Enter Dovid the future Melech.

 Yishai, Dovid's father had sent him to check up on his three eldest brothers that had been consigned in the army and to bring them some supplies. Dovid arrives and saw the scene and asked what the scoop was. He was told that Shaul had promised that anyone that would slay Goliath would be granted great wealth. Shaul as well would give his daughter in marriage to him and his father's house would be exempt from all obligations to the king. Dovid was not impressed. He thought that this was an obligation to remove this disgrace and it was a mitzva to do so. His brother heard this conversation and tried to tell Dovid to be quiet. He wasn't a soldier by any means. But Dovid continued to talk and ask until he was ultimately brought to Shaul.

 Shaul asked Dovid what made him think he was capable of this fight. Dovid told Shaul two stories of how when he was shepherding he was attacked by a bear and a lion who took a sheep from him. He literally saved the sheep from them by grabbing their beards and killing them. Dovid was not scared of Plishti. He would be just like them. But Shaul was not impressed.

 It was only when Dovid continued and said that Hashem who saved him from the hands of lion and bear will help him kill the Plishti was Shaul convinced. This was not going to be a battle that was won by brute force or strategy. The moment called for a miracle and Shaul needed to know that his warrior would be someone who recognized and was worthy of that. Stay tuned next week for the showdown!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S GENEROUS JOKES  OF THE WEEK

Sadie Cohen lived in an integrated neighborhood on Long Island. A neighbor, a very friendly and generous black woman, stopped by one Saturday and offered,

 "Mrs Cohen, I have to go to NYC this afternoon to meet my daughter. Can I get you anything?" Mrs. Cohen thanked her and counter-offered, "Listen, I have a commuter's ticket for the train. Why don't you use my ticket, and you'll bring it back tonight. After all, it's paid for. Why should you pay extra?"

The neighbor thanked her and with the ticket in hand, made her way to the train station. When the train arrived, she boarded, and as the conductor walked through, he happened to glance at the ticket, noticing the name "Sadie Cohen.".

The conductor asked, "Excuse me, madam, are you Sadie Cohen , the person whose name appears on this ticket?"

The woman smiled sweetly and nodded her head in the affirmative. More than a little suspicious, the conductor asked, "Would you let me compare signatures? Would you mind signing your name?" 

The black lady turned indignantly to the conductor and snapped, "Man, are you crazy? You want me to write on Shabbos?

 A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?" 

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." 
"Is that so?" snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." 
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." 
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry. 
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

 A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business. The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $600.00 a week, sir. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $6,000 in cash and screams, "Here's ten week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back! No room in this company for people just leaning against walls. Out of there!”
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's. He was waiting for his tip."

 A shnorrer / panhandler stops a man and asks for some money to buy something to eat...

The man replied, "I'll tell you what I can do, seeing as I'm on my way to the pub, how about I buy you a drink?"
The homeless man proclaims, "but I do not drink, I'm just looking for money to get something to eat."
"Well how about a couple of good cigars I've received from my latest business trip?"
The homeless man replies, "sir, thank you but I do not smoke, I only want something to eat."
"How about we head to the track and I'll place a bet on some horses, I received a tip and you and I can split the winnings?"
The homeless man again protests, "I really appreciate your generosity but I do not gamble, I'm just looking for some food to eat."
"Okay I'll tell you what we are going to do, come back home with me tonight and my wife will make us some dinner. I would really like her to meet you."
The homeless man starts to feel a tad suspicious and says, "do you think she would mind a man of my low stature sitting at your table for dinner?"
"Doesn't matter. She needs to know what happens to someone who doesn't drink, smoke, or gamble."

 A Christian Farmer is overjoyed to see his cow is pregnant. Not being in need; he plans raise the cow and sell the proceeds for pure profit. Time passes and the cow ultimately gives birth to two calves. The Farmer is even happier! Rejoicing and Thanking the Lord, he tells his wife,

"God has been so gracious to us, when I sell these two calves at market, half the proceeds will be given unto him"
The Farmer's Wife commends his for his generosity.
One day several weeks later, the Farmer returns home saddened and reserved.
His wife asks him what happened
"The Lord's Calf died"

 A rich man was driving in his Cadillac when he sees a poor man eating grass on a hill

“What are you doing” - Says the rich man.
“I have 3 days without food for me and my family, so the grass on this hill is our last resource”
“Say no more, get in” -says the rich man, exited.
“Ohhh, thank you very much. Do you mind if I tell to my wife and 2 kids about your generosity??” -Says the poor man.
“No, tell them. I will be waiting in the car”
The family gets in, and when the wife saw all the empty places, ask the rich man:
“Both my parents have more that one day without eating something, can I tell them about your generosity?”
“Is fine, tell them, don’t worry”
The wife’s parents get in in the Cadillac, saw the remaining places and ask the rich man:
“One of my daughters start eating grass yesterday, because of the absence of food, can I invite her to the car?”
“Yes, I don’t have a problem, tell her!”
The daughter get in, and dare to ask the rich man:
“My boyfriend is so poor, he can’t afford food...”
“He was eating grass too?” -Interrupted the rich man.
“Yes, his only choice right now...”
“Ok, hurry up, tell him to get in” -Finished the rich man.
So a couple of hours in the car, with everyone in, the poor father with a wife and 2 kids break the silence:
“I thank Hashem that there are men as good as you, for your great generosity to attend so many people and feed them in times of poverty.”
The rich man look the poor man, and all the passengers in his Cadillac, then he says:
“Don't worry, poor man, it has been almost eleven months since I cut the garden at my house.”

 A group of men is at the gym club when a cellphone rings. One of the men answers:

"Yes?" he answers
"Hun, is that you? I can hardly hear you."
"Hello!"
"Are you at the gym?"
"Yes!"
"I'm in front of the fur shop and they have this beautiful mink coat. Can I buy it?"
"How much is it?"
"About five thousand dollars."
"Okay, but buy a matching purse that goes with it too my love."
"Well, it also turns out that I stopped by the car dealership today saw they have a brand new BMW on sale, it's the last one."
"How much is the sale?"
"Only sixty thousand dollars!"
"Fine, buy it, but you have to get it with all of the accessories, and if it costs a little more, I won't get mad."
The woman, realizing all of her requests were being approved, decided to take a risk.
"Honey, remember that I told you that my mother wants to come live with us? Is it okay if I invite her over for a month, just to try it out, and after a month we can talk about it again."
"Okay, fine, but don't ask me for anything else okay?"
"Yes, yes, I love you so much."
"Love you too, bye."
As soon as he hangs up the man turns to look at the group and asks:
"Does anyone know whose cellphone this is?"

 It doesn't matter how much kindness and generosity you teach your children..

 Kids that speak yiddish are always going to be Kinder

 A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns. After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $100 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him. The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

 A man is driving late at night when his car breaks down in the woods near Tzfat by a little shack.He knocks on the door and an old saintly looking kabbalist opens it and he's see there's a group of them studying the kabbalah.. He tells the kabbalists about his situation, and how he can't call for a mechanic at those hours of the night, so he asks them if he can stay the night in their home. They happily agree, and give him a room with a bed to sleep on.

In the middle of the night, the man wakes up hearing a strange noise. He follows the noise and sees that its source is a strange door made of wood, but it's locked. The following morning, the kabbalists give the man breakfast and fix his car. He thanks them and asks them:

"Honorable Rabbis, I cannot thank you enough for your generosity, but I must ask you a question. Last night I heard a strange noise coming from behind a locked wooden door, and I'm dying to know what the source of the noise is."

The leader of the kabbalists responds:

"We cannot tell you, because you are not a mekubal

The man thanks them again and leaves disappointed. A year goes by, and the man coincidentally breaks down in front of the same shack. He knocks on the door again and they greet him as an old friend, giving him once again a bed to sleep on. In the middle of the night, the man hears the same strange noise, and follows it again to see it's coming from the same wooden door, which is still locked. In the morning, the kabbalists once again gave him breakfast and fixed his car, and as he was about to leave the man once again implored the Rabbis to know what was behind the wooden door:

"Thank you once again, great Rabbis. It has been one whole year and I still wonder what the source of the strange noise is, as I've heard it again last night."

The Rabbis all look at each other and smile. The leader once again steps forward and tells the man:

"We cannot tell you, because you are not a monk."

The man leaves frustrated once again, and doesn't stop thinking about the strange noise for months. Two years later, the man coincidentally breaks down in those same woods  by their house once again, and once again they give him shelter. The man hears the strange noise in the night again, and in the morning asks them:

"Please, kind Kabbalists. I must know the source of the noise, I beg you."

They explain to the man once again:
.
"We cannot tell you, because you are not a Kabbalist."

The man asks them what he has to do to become a mekubal. They tell him he  study all of the Torah and it's wisdom. Afterwards he must travel the world and count all the leaves in the world's trees, all the blades in the world's grass, all the grains of the world's sand, and all the drops of water in the world's oceans. He must return with the exact number, and only then will he become a mekubal and be able to learn the source of the sound.

The man sets out on his quest to become a mekuabl, and 65 years later returns to the Mekubalim as an old man.

"I have studied all of the Torah and it's teachings and I have traveled the world," he said. "I have counted every leaf in the trees, every blade of grass, every grain of sand, and every drop in the ocean. There are 1572794709088 leaves in the world's trees, 3651870612479 blades of grass in the world, 6810379165872 grains of sand in the world, and 10752899766394 drops of water in the world's oceans."

"Congratulations," the head mekubal said. "You are now a mekubal. Please, come with us."

They took the man to an initiation ceremony. He went to the Mikva, a natural spring that was quite cold and dipped numerous times. He fasted for three days and recited all of the psalms. He was ready. The man requested to be taken to the wooden door to learn the source of the strange sound, so he was finally taken to the door and they gave him the key. The man opened the wooden door, just to find a door made of stone behind it. He asked for the key to the stone door, and they gave it to him as well. He opened the stone door to find a door of coal behind it.

One by one, the man kept unlocking and opening doors. After the door of coal he found a door of glass, then a door of iron, then a door of steel, then a door of bronze, then a door of silver, then a door of ruby, then a door of sapphire, then a door of emerald, then a door of gold, then a door of platinum, then a door of diamond, and finally a door of obsidian.

"This is the final door," said the head mekubal. "Behind it you will find the source of the strange sound."

The kabbalist handed the man the key to the door of obsidian and, as he opened it, the man finally found the source of the strange sound...
But I cannot tell you, because you are not a kabbalist…. (That's the second time you fell for one of these!- I did to…)

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Answer is D–  This one was easy and a pretty dead giveaway for anyone that took the tour guiding course. We spent four days in Eilat on that trip. There's not a lot to see and talk about in Eilat, although there are lots of amazing hikes there. The flamingo like those salt pools because they are full of these crabs called "sea monkeys" or Eilat Artemia that live there. These crabs have lots of Beta-carotene which it seems give them their pink color. So I got this one right and the score is Schwartz 29 and 11 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam my grade is looking up..!

 

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