Karmiel

Karmiel
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Showing posts with label slavery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label slavery. Show all posts

Friday, May 5, 2023

Temba's Hope- Parshat Emor Lag Ba'Omer 2023 5783

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 5th 2023 -Volume 12 Issue 29 14th of Iyar 5783

 

Parshat Emor

Temba’s Hope

Temba’s Temba’s mother was a slave. Well, a maid/housekeeper to be more political correctly accurate. It was South Africa in the 1950’s and her mother and her mother and her grandmother all had worked for Mr. Armstrong the plantation owner and his ancestors for generations. Temba, was raised together playing with Armstrong’s kids. Armstrong wasn’t a racist and in fact was quite a generous and kind owner. He would even give his children's old clothing and toys to Temba to wear and play with. He had no problem with his boys playing with Temba. It was only as they got older and started to go to school that things got a bit sticky.

 

See, Temba was a bright kid. He loved to read and he loved knowledge and learning about the world. He wanted to make something out of himself. Yet for slave children that wasn’t really an option. School cost money and slaves didn’t really have any of that. His mother made a few dollars a month and their whole family lived in a small hut without running water on the plantation where the Armstrongs had their estate. It wasn’t anything personal. It was just the way that it was.

 

It took some time for Temba to work up the nerve to talk to Mr. Armstrong and ask him for the request of his heart. He had already gobbled up all of the school books that his friends had brought him home from school. He was thirsty. He wanted more. His dream was to go off to school and learn everything he could about the world. He wanted to create a better future for himself and his mother and siblings. So he prepared himself, practicing again and again his sales pitch to his mother’s employer/ owner. He took a deep breath. He found what he thought would be the perfect opportunity and he went over to Mr. Armstrong and asked him if he would consider helping him fulfill his dream. If he could give him a loan. If he could pull some strings. If he might find it in his heart to help Temba become the person he wanted to become; the person he knew he could be if only given the chance.

 

Mr. Armstrong though got a grimace on his face though for the first time. He was not playing ball. Temba was now a threat to him and his plantation. The last thing he wanted was that the children of his workers would seek better lives for themselves. He needed them as workers on his sugar cane farm. He had been a kind owner. Unlike his neighbors he even allowed his own children and his son Michael to become friends with Temba. Yet, the line ended here. Know your place and your future he told Temba. Go back to work. Forget about anything more.

 

Well, Temba wasn’t ready to accept that. Not long afterwards he hitchhiked for a few days making his way to the large city and got himself a job selling salt door to door. He stayed by families and he even slowly was able to pay for his own way in school. At age 21 he returned to the estate and pulled up with his 1960 English Triumph that he had just purchased for 2000 Rand. (those are those really cool “old fashioned” English sports cars). The driveway was only meant for guests of the mansion. White people. Temba didn’t care. He was free. He had made it and no one ever again would be able to tell him what he could and couldn’t do or become. There were over 50 slaves that were working there on the Plantation. Yet, Temba was the only one that broke free and made something of himself.

 

As he drove us around Johannesburg in his new beautiful VIP van, he proudly shared with us how his children were all educated and going to school. How he still had dreams that he hoped he would be able to achieve of one day seeing the world and traveling . The odds of ever realizing those dreams were and still are against him though in the corrupt country where unemployment stands at 45% for its black population and where homelessness, crime and drugs are rampant. {Incidentally that doesn’t stop the South African government from regularly condemning and boycotting Israel as an Apartheid State- talk about the calling the pot calling the kettle black- quite literally if you’ll excuse the pun}.Yet, that doesn’t stop him from dreaming for an even better tomorrow. And it only gives him even more inspiration to continue to work hard and to beat those odds and realize his dreams.

 

Temba’s story gave me a lot to think about. It wasn’t just him, it was the many that we met and talked to in Africa. As Americans or even Israelis that didn’t grow up in third world countries- and I know quite a few Americans that probably bristle as being thrown into the same group as Israelis, it’s hard to imagine that there are people still today that grow up without running water and flush toliets, or refrigerators and even roofs over their head. Most can’t even imagine not having wireless service for their smart phone for a few hours. Yet, there’s a whole continent full of them.

 

We traveled to Zambia, Botswana, South Africa and Zimbabwe (all in 10 days!) and it’s wild. How can it be that in the 21st century people are still living like this? How can it be that there is a nation and a world out that are living without hope or even prospects of a better future. What does that say to me about what I should never take for granted about my life? What do the blessings that I have and have been given demand that I do to share them with others that aren’t as privileged?

 

Am Yisrael is a nation of kindness and generosity. The Jewish State of Israel is perhaps one of the leading countries in the world in seeing itself as being the first responders when tragedies or natural catastrophes take place around the world. Earthquakes, Tsunamis, collapsed building in Haiti, in India in Africa around the world find the blue and white flag proudly waving over the medivacs of our Magen Dovid rescue responders and Hatzala and Zaaka teams. We are solving water crisises around the world and our alternative energy and technological solutions are bringing light to the darkest recesses and major problems and crisis that beset third world countries that don’t have the plenty that we do. "We’re there and we care" is the message that we are sending to the world. But to be honest on a personal level, I ask myself, is it really true?

 

Do I really care? Would I really do anything or even contribute anything? Would I shed tears or am I ever shook up when I read about volcanoes, hurricanes calamities and even wars and terror that hits countries that aren’t mine. Would I give money to starving children in Africa. Do I care enough to help provide a better future for them? To donate to their education. To go out there and teach them. To do what, the quite a few goyim that I met there in Africa on my trips, were doing. Taking a year or so off in order to teach, to be doctors, to be dentists, to help their construction and their planning.

 

I know the answer to all of the above is no. Leave that to the goyim. Leave that to the Reform Jews. To the Zionist secular government. Tzorchei amcha Yisrael are merubim. We have enough of our own problems and needs to take care of. Let them take care of their own. Why should I think or care about the Tembas of the world?

 

This week’s parsha of Emor begins with the laws of the Kohanim. Like much of the book of Vayikra which is in fact called the book of the Kohanim and deals with laws of sacrifices, at least the first part of the parsha is one that really doesn’t feel that relevant to most of us. It tells us about the holiness of a Kohen and the prohibition for him to become tamey-impure by having contact with a dead body or other things that make him tamey. It tells us about the blemishes that prohibit him from serving in the temple and finally it tells us about the pure state that he must be in to eat the teruma tithes and other holy sacrifices that are brought to the temple. Yeah, it’s all about things that are seemingly irrelevant to me.

 

I’m not a Kohen. As well I’m not one of these people that like to take pictures of food, or look at Instagram photos of what you ate for breakfast. At least food that I can’t or will never eat. Although I do post on my daily status different delicious Israeli hotel breakfasts and great restaraunts that I happen to be partaking of. But that’s because I’m eating it- albeit only a few bites, and because I want you to see it and take me as your tour guide so you can also partake. So frankly, though, if I’m not ever eating teruma or those special gifts of the Kohen- it doesn’t really interest me.

 

Yet interestingly enough there are two things that jumped out at me when reviewing this parsha. The first is that this whole series of commandments that seem to be specifically relevant to the Kohen, the Torah tells us that Moshe Rabbeinu specifically tells the Jewish people in it’s entirety these laws. This is despite the fact that when Hashem commands Moshe he only tells him to tell it over to Aharon. The parsha starts off

 

And Hashem said to Moshe to say to the Kohanim the children of Aharon and say to them…

It continues

And Hashem spoke to Moshe saying. Speak to Aharon saying…

And yet it concludes

And Moshe said to Aharon and to his children and to all of the children of Israel…

There’s a message there for us… for me… that’s more than just an Instagram picture of food I can’t eat. There’s something that I should be getting out of this lesson as well.

 

There’s another fascinating halacha that the Torah tells us as well about this holy food that seemingly I won’t ever be able to taste. That Halacha is that it’s not only me that can’t eat teruma and the gifts of the Kohen, Reb Chayim Kanievsky as well can’t eat it either. Neither could Rebbi Akiva or Rebbi Shimon Bar Yochai or even Moshe Rabbeinu. We’re all considered zarim- strangers. We’re not holy enough to eat this kodesh-holy food of the Kohen. There is one stranger that can though. Do you know who? It’s Temba. Well, not exactly Temba, but it’s his mother and even him- if Armstrong would’ve been a Jewish Kohen. See the law is that any non-Jewish slave of a Kohen can eat this holy food. They’re holy enough. They’re holier than me. They’re more connected to Hashem. For them it is “lachmo- their bread”.

 

Even more amazing is that there can even be a situation where they can eat it and their master Kohen can’t eat it. For example if the Kohen is impure. Let’s say he bumped into a dead body or had relations with his wife and didn’t go to the Mikva. Well, Temba could sit down and have a delicious teruma and gifts of Kehuna breakfast, while The Kohen is munching on yesterdays leftover non-holy chulent. What is going on?

 

The answer it would seem is that our assumption is correct. Temba is holier and purer and more fitting to eat this teruma than we are. There’s a famous Rambam that every yeshiva student is taught, yet that being said there’s one important line in it that I never noticed before but that is seemingly ignored. The Rambam at the end of the laws of Shemitta and Yovel tells us that

 

“Not only the tribe of Levi, but any one of the inhabitants of the world whose spirit generously motivates him and he understands with his wisdom to set himself aside and stand before Hashem to serve Him and minister to Him and to know God, proceeding justly as God made him, removing from his neck the yoke of the many reckonings which people seek, he is sanctified as holy of holies…”

 

Generally this is understood and taught that any Jew can (and perhaps should) not work and just sit in Kollel and Hashem will take care of you. Fascinatingly enough though,  the Rambam’s wording does not limit this role and opportunity to Jews.

 

“Any one of he inhabitants of the world” includes Goyim. They are people too. They can become “holy of holies” like the Levi and Kohen. The Talmud even tells us that a gentile that studies Torah (at least the laws that are relevant to him of the 7 commandments and faith) is like a Kohen Gadol. What makes him so great and gives him the power to achieve things that even the average Jew can’t do? It’s not only a level of holiness by the way and it doesn’t even seem to be in the merit of the Kohen who has to support him. For a Jewish servant interestingly enough is not able to eat Teruma. Only a non-Jewish one. Only Temba.

 

The answer is an amazing idea. Do you know what this goy has over us? He was mevatel himself entirely to the Kohen. He has totally become a servant. His existence is that of being nullified and existing only for his master. A Jewish servant still has his only level of freedom. He will go out and be independent in a few years. Not so the non-Jewish slave. He is totally in. He is one with the Kohen. Now the Kohen himself as well is not independent. The Kohen himself eats from the table of Hashem. For the Kohen is Hashem’s portion. The slave of the Kohen then as well is at that table. He becomes one with Hashem. Even if the Kohen is not able to eat, the slave can eat. For the slave is plugged in and one with Hashem; the Master of his Master. He’s got his own invitation to the meal.

 

Ok. Powerful fascinating idea, Rabbi Schwartz, but again, how is this relevant to us. To me. For my dinner? The answer the Chasidic sefarim tell us is that the truth is that every meal that we eat, every bite that we take the Talmud tells us is also from the table of Hashem. The Talmud in Brachos tells us that it is forbidden for man to eat without a blessing for all of the food belongs to Hashem. He created and owns the heaven and earth and to eat from His holy table is forbidden as one is prohibited to eat from kodshim- holy food of the Temple.

 

 Brachos (35:A) “He who enjoys something without a blessing is as if he desecrated and had prohibited enjoyment from the sanctified food of the heavens.”

 

Yet after we make a blessing it is permitted to eat from it as Hashem has given it to us. The commentaries ask why does a blessing permit us to eat from the Holy Temple and sanctified food of Hashem? We’re not Kohanim. Only they can eat kodshim. They answer that the reason is because each time we make a blessing do you know what we say? Well I know that you know what we say. But did you ever think about what we say? We say

 

Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu MELECH HA”OLAM… We have blessed Hashem and stated that He is the King of the world. We have made him our King. We have made ourselves as His slaves. His servants. And if we are the servants of Hashem then we can eat the food because we are the servants of the King. We are His Tembas. We have a seat at the table. We are Kinyan Kaspo -His heavenly chattel.

 

But do you know how that works? It works if we recognize that Hashem is not just the King of me, rather that He is the King of Temba too. He is the King of the world. He is the King of Africa, of Haiti, of Timbuktu as much as He is the King of Lakewood, Boro Park and Bnai Brak. He is Melech Ha’Olam. And I His servant am dedicated to shining His light and kingdom to the entire world. To the darkest recesses and jungles of Africa. Because the whole world is His. And I, the nation of Israel were selected to be His nation and kingship of “Kohanim” to the entire world. Not just the tribe of Levi, but all of us have the opportunity to shine the light and truth of Hashem with the world. His Kingship won’t be complete and I won’t be doing my job as His faithful servant unless that is at least minimally in my consciousness. Unless that’s where I want His light to shine until.

 

Temba told me that his name in Afrikaans means hope. Hatikva. If there is one thing that perhaps was a result of ruach ha’kodsesh it was when the early non- religious Zionists that composed this song chose it as our antherm. I told Temba that is his name is the national anthem of the State of Israel. We are a nation of hope. Hope means that we haven’t realized our goal yet. Hope means that I have a dream that I wish to see realized. Hope means that as no matter how dark it gets there is a light that can still shine out and fill me with the vision of a better tomorrow.

 

This week we celebrate the holiday of Lag B’omer. We celebrate this holiday and commemorate the yartzeit of Rebbi Shimon Bar Yochai who was shone that hidden light in the Torah to the entire world in the darkest of periods. We remember the students of Rabbi Akiva who stopped dying on this day. Rabbi Akiva is most famout perhaps for his statement and song that we sing of V'Ahavata Le'Rayach Kamocha- this is the great principle in the Torah. Yet little known is the saying and response of Ben Azzai Rabbi Akiva's colleague to that statement. Zeh Sefer Toldos H'Adam hu klal gadol mizeh- these are the generatiopns of mankind is an even greater principle thatn that. It's not just about our friends. It's not just about oru fellow Jews our community. Our insititutions or even our countriy, Ben Azzai says. It's about mankind. It's about the descendants of Adam. It's the whole world.

 

Lag Ba'Omer is a day when a new light was born again. It was when the hope- the Temba, the Tikva of our nation rose from the abyss and began to build a new world. The period of the death of Rabbi Akiva’s student was the beginning of what our sages tell us is the era of Mashiach. The final 2000 years of the 6000 years of the world before the Shabbos of the 7th millenia comes in. This year of 5783 is the twilight of that year. The time is now. The servants are ready. It is time for the King to bring us all to His table.

 

 

Have a hearty Shabbos and light filled Lag Ba’Omer,

 

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Gebroteneh teibelech flien nit in moil arein..” - Roasted teibelech  (?? I think it means crackers- I know what teiglech are anyone know what teibelech are? ) don't just fly in your mouth

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

20) The holiest structure in Sunni Islam is called:

Which of the following commands is one of the Five Pillars of Islam?

A) Jihad

B) alms

C) honoring one's parents

D) a pilgrimage to Jerusalem

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=or59BFHAqfw   - Ari Goldwag’s Ashira Lashem Acapella

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40_Af6CNF-g    -If there was ever a song about hope this Hebrew song by Berri Weber of a Holocaust survivor looking back is it. Eifo Kulam.. where are they all…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvBvUIT_LtQ  – Ever hear Shlom Carlebach Acapelling it? Here you go…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0OCYKvazHk   – Check out the game plan for Lag Ba’Omer in Meron this year…

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

(sorry last week’s got cut off in the copy here’s the full column)

Floating Metal- 680 BC- With Geichazi the Metzora (this week’s parsha) being sent away, it seems that Elisha’s yeshiva went up in popularity. Lots of prophet students gathered to Elisha to study by him. It seems the Yeshiva was bursting at it’s seams to the point where the students approached  Elisha and asked to begin an expansion campaign to build a wider facility near the Jordan River. Elisha acquiesced and the campaign began.

 

Now back then an expansion campaign wasn’t about fund-raising or Charidy campaigns. It meant that the students actually did the work of chopping down trees and building the new structure. Not having much money, the even borrowed the tools to chop down the wood. And  wouldn’t you know it? Lo and Behold one of the students- who it seems was a bit of a shlemazel knocked off the bladed of his Axe and it went down down down the Jordan River.

 

 Now, I take tourists all summer long rafting down the Jordan- and yes, where I do it is the Upper Jordan River. I can tell you that it was more than a few times that they’ve lost glasses, water bottles, goggles, slippers or Crocs down the river. When that happens, you pretty much give up hope- although I’ve had some that have found them. But only by diving in immediately. The Jordan River today is about 2 % of the size that it was back then. You can imagine that there was no way you were getting that back. I’m standing today, by the Zambizei River in Zambia (I’ll tell you about that in a future upcoming E-Mail- don’t worry). There is no way- your finding an Axe blade that sinks in it.

Yet, if you’re a student of Elisha, you don’t have anything to worry about.

 

Elisha tells his servant to throw in a piece of wood and what do you know? WhadaboomWadda bing. The axe blade floated up and reattached itself. Now this miracle which was Elisha’s 12 (can you name the other ones we learned?) corresponds to Moshe throwing something in the water to make it better. As well it’s similar to Moshe raising up the bones of Yosef from the bottom of the Nile. There is nothing lost from Hashem. There’s an important lesson in this miracle for us. Sometimes we feel that something is beyind us. We’ve lost the skill and tools we need to accomplish what we need to do. Don’t worry. Throw what you have into the river and miracles can happen. Hashem will send you what you need. He only took it from you so that you will turn to him. That’s the lesson. That’s the miracle.

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE SLAVE JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 

What did the slaves owners use to purchase their slaves? A MasterCard.

Why did the slave go to college? To pick up his master's degree.

What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored? He racism.

 

God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"

And God agreed.

God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

 

I believe slaves should have gotten reparations 150 years ago. I don’t believe their descendants should get them. That ship has sailed.

 

What do you call the underground slave trade? The black market.

 

Did you hear about the Mexican slave trade? Wasn't a big deal at all, 'Til they offered buy Juan, get Juan free.

 

I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery. None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.

 

How did the Egyptians trick their slaves into working so hard? With a pyramid scheme.

 

A black slave escaped with a wheel of cheese. The owner was being interviewed by southern law enforcement where he asked: "will you be able to find him?"

Which the officer replied: Can't say but one things for sure, he Nacho Negro.

 

An Egyptian task master fell down a wishing well, The Jewish slave was amazed, “ Cool!

I never knew they worked.”

 

********************************

The answer to this week”s question is B –I believe I got this one right enough. The first part of the question, I knew was the mosque in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. When I say got it right enough, it’s because that should be sufficient of an answer despite the fact that I didn’t know the name of the Mosque which I googled and found out is called Masjid El Haram or the Kaaba. I never know Muslim names of things. It’s all El Jazeera or Allah Aqbar to me. As far as the second part of the question, that I did know was alms- or tzedaka. Along with faith, prayer, fasting and Haj to Mecca their once in a lifetime pilgrimage, those are the 5 pillars of their faith. Jihad and Kibud Av didn’t make it to the final cut. SO got that for sure right. And so the score as of now  16 for Schwartz and 4 for Ministry of tourism on this exam so far…


Thursday, April 14, 2022

All Aboard- Pesach 5782 2022

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 15th  2022 -Volume 11 Issue 28 14th Nissan 5782

 

Pesach


All Aboard

 

Moshke was a simple Jew. He worked hard everyday as a water carrier for his little village. He had no time to learn, to read or to mess around and play games on his i-phone and post statuses. They didn’t even have i-phones or statuses back then, because nobody really had time for that back then. They got up early, they said some Tehillim, they davened and then it was out to the fields, to the chickens, the cows, and to the market to open up their shops. They came home late at night. They were tired. They prayed and ate. Wash, rinse, dry and start again. But Moshke always dreamed of one day going out to see the big world. He had heard about the big city, of their big palaces, their busy streets, monuments and all of these new fangled inventions and technologies that were there. One day, he told himself. One day I will get there. I will see and experience the incredible wonders I hear about.

 

Recently he had heard from one of his customers about this amazing new invention that people were talking about. It was something called a locomotive. A large wagon that hundreds of people could sit on and that traveled all over, without any horses attached to it. It moved almost miraculously by itself along a track. This sounded too amazing to be true. He asked someone how one can travel on something like this and he was told that he had to purchase a ticket and you merely go to the station, pay the man at the gate and you got a chance to ride upon it. Thoughts of a train ride like this filled Moshke’s dreams. He wanted to experience this more than anything else. He decided that he would do what it takes. He would scrounge, save, work extra hours and he would put away money each month for a year in order to fulfill this dream. His 40th birthday was coming up and this was going to be his present to himself.

 

Finally the big day had arrived. Moshke takes his purse with all of his hard earned money and he makes the two day journey to the larger village where the train line would pass through. He walked through the night. He slept on the synagogue benches, but the truth is he didn’t even sleep that much he just had these images and dreams of the big city and this fantastic horseless carriage he would travel on. The next morning he was there and he went to the ticket counter and asked to purchase a ticket. The man behind the counter asked him where he wanted to travel to. Moshke had no idea. He just wanted to go on the train. How much money do you have, asked the puzzled ticket guy. Moshke poured out his purse and his all of  the rubles that he had worked so hard to scrimp and save scattered all over the counter. The man counted them and handed him a first class ticket to Warsaw. That’s the furthest you can ride, he told him. It’s a six hour journey and you can board the train right outside there.

 

Moshke came outside and stood by the tracks. He saw different lines of people. Where the man had pointed him to stand though seemed like a mistake. It was all the fancy people sitting there. Doctors proffessors, ladies in the fanciest French attire and aristrocrats. Moshke looked further down and he saw some middle class people waiting to board as well, but that wasn’t his chevra either. Only all the way towards the end of the tracks did he see more of his haymish blue collar peasants so he went back there and joined them. The train arrived and it was truly magical. The quarters were a bit cramped. It was standing room only. It was sweaty and hot and after a while it started to smell. But Moshke didn’t pay too much attention. He was busy looking out the window in wonder at the passing trees, fields and cities. It was marvelous. Exactly as he had imagined,

 

All of a sudden a burly man in uniform walked into their car and gave a loud call “TICKETS PLEASE!”. Moshke didn’t really understand exactly what that meant but all around him the train car started to empty out. People started to scatter. Two jumped under a seat, another three made their way to the bathrooms to hide, while three more started to exit quickly into the next car. Moshke fearing something dangerous was happening or perhaps this was what one was supposed to do in this situation as well started to crouch below the nearest bench on the train. Hiding there and cowering in fear Moshke hoped he was doing the right thing. .Yet the next thing he knew he saw the angry face of the ticket master glaring at him under the bench as he shlepped Moshke out by his collar.

 

 “Thief!” he yelled “Do you think you can sneak on a train without a ticket. Now you will pay the price and be thrown into jail”

 

Moshke didn’t know what this man was talking about.

“A whole year I worked, I saved, I put away money to ride on this train! Why are you calling me a thief?”.

The man looked at him skeptically. “You claim you bought a ticket? Then show it to me. Where’s the ticket the lady gave you at the counter.” Moshke obediently pulled out the crumpled receipt from his pocket and showed it to the man. The man checked the ticket and then turned to Moshke in surprise.”I don’t understand,” he said. “This is a first class ticket. What are you doing back here?  You should be sitting in the front. There are leather comfortable seats. We bring you drinks, there’s even Air conditioning and Wifi. Why would you sweat back here with all of the peasants and shleppers”

 

 Moshke turned to the man sorrowfully and said “But nobody told me. How was I supposed to know?”

 

“What do you mean you don’t know?! Can’t you tell by how much you paid for you ticket. Your holding he most expensive ticket there is in your hands. How is it possible that you don’t even know where that ticket places you…”?

 

And thus concluded the great Maggid of Dubna is what the story of Pesach is all about. See, the holiday that we are celebrating is a strange one. We slaved, we suffered, we lost everything we had. We were murdered, our children were thrown into the river and our families were torn apart. Hashem took us out. He saved us. He preformed miracles. We’re grateful. But the truth is wouldn’t it have been better not to go through all of that. Save the miracles. Save the Matzos, We’re moichel the four cups of wine and even the afikoman present. Why are we doing all of this?

 

The answer really dates back to our forefather Avraham. Hashem had promised him the land of Israel as our inheritance. It’s a first class country. It’s the most special place on earth. It’s His chosen land where ultimately we are meant to bring his Divine presence into the world. And you know that the King of all Kings doesn’t sit in economy class. Not in farshtunkeneh Egypt, Not in Lakewood, Not in Boro Park, Momsey or the Five Towns. That’s for the shleppers.

 

Avraham is in shock when he hears this tremendous thing from Hashem. Does He know that the Jewish people are really not that fancy. Not that holy even. We like Pizza, Shwarma, Teslas and nice big backyards and watching the world from a window on a train, or subway. You know like the second class citizens. Like the gentiles and other nations of the world. How will my children know? How will I know, Avraham asks, that we will inherit it?

 

So Hashem responds to Avraham that all we will have to do is look at the price. Look at this only nation that will suffer 400 years of exile outside of our homeland. That will suffer persecution wherever we go. That will be hated, despised, hunted, and almost annihilated again and again and again. A ticket with that price tag on it, is not a second class ticket. It’s too expensive. There’s something different about it. About us. About where we are meant to be sitting in the world. It’s not anywhere near the petty Atlantic or Pacific Oceans either. It’s not in smelly stuffy Europe. Even in Eretz Yisrael which is certainly the First Class Section of the train, it’s not about sitting in the station and watching the view outside the window from our car. It’s actually sitting right next to the Engineer (or is he called a conducter?) who has joined us and is showing us how the whole train is really only moving because we brought Him there. He’s at our side.

 

V’acharey Ken yetzu b’rechush gadol- Afterwards we will leave with great bounty, Hashem promises Avraham. Do you know what that bounty is? It’s knowing that we are holding first class tickets. It’s knowing that Hashem has chosen us from all nations to be His priests, his Kohanim to the world. That seder night when Hashem skipped over our houses. We were moved to the priority boarding section of the airport. We headed straight into the lounge where we could recline with a cup of wine. We were kings and for the first time we finally knew and understood the value of the ticket we were holding. We were ready to takeoff. To leave the station.

 

Pesach night we are going on a journey. We start that train ride heading to the station out of our poverty. Avadim hayinu- we were slaves. We were in the back. We were on the bottom. We were idolators. We didn’t know who we were. We hid under the seats. Sometimes they were in bunkers, in basements and in the woods. Other times we hid in fancy houses, in shiny cars, in luxury, wealth and prosperity or so we thought, but we still were sitting in the back; in the goyishe section. We didn’t know that we held tickets that were beyond this world. That were meant to bring us to Eretz Yisrael and to the Bais Habechira. But then the conducter Himself came and picked us up. He didn’t send any burly ticket men. He came Himself. He picked us up and told us how precious we are. How much He loves us. How he wanted and always wanted to sit next to us. With us. To sing. To drink 4 cups. To celebrate.

 

Our last stop is Nirtza. We have arrived. L’Shana Ha’ba’ah B’Yerushalayim. We are finally home. The horn is blowing. All aboard. The time has finally arrived. I can’t wait to see you. He can’t as well.

 

Have an incredible miraculous Pesach,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

Me meynt nit di hagode, nor di kneydlekh..- You don’t mean the hagadah, only the Matza Balls

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon   – Listen to my latest Pesach composition  Melech Rachaman- It’s truly my nicest song.

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/eliyahu-hanavi - You have not done your Pesach Seder properly unless you sing this Rabbi Schwartz fan- favorite Eliyahoo Yahoo song. He’s waiting for you to sing it for him. It’s his favorite one

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon   – Ok one more time just to make sure you remember it 😊

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1k6HmUY6Zk – And my favorite new Acapella Pesach release- 613 Acapella  A Billy Joel Pesach

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

23)  The Irgun (ETZEL) ship that sank off the coast of Tel Aviv was called: _________

The ship arrived at the coasts of Israel:

A)  Following Operation Agatha (“Black Sabbath”) (ha’shabat ha’shechora)

B)  Around the Partition Resolution

C)  On the evening of the declaration of the establishment of the State of Israel

D)  After the establishment of the State of Israel  

           

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

Me and You -Pesach -  It’s not often that the Pesach Seder falls out on Shabbos evening and when it does it is an extra special dosage of love. See, in the Mitzva of counting the Omer which we will begin on Motzai Shabbos this year we will fulfill the commandment that the Torah tells us to count mimacharas ha’shabbos- the day after Shabbos. Our sages and Jewish tradition always understood that Pesach was also referred to as Shabbos. However the Saducees and literalists wold count after the Shabbos of Pesach. This year though we all would count Omer on the same day. Isn’t that cool in of itself?

 

However why is Pesach referred to as a day of Shabbos. There is in fact a special connection between the two days. See by Shabbos we are told that it is a covenant “Beini U’Bein Bnai Yisrael.- between Me, Hashem says, and the Children of Israel. The Maharit notes that the Torah doesn’t tell us Shabbos is a covnenant between us. Rather it says between Me and you. There is no one else involved. It is a private moment. It’s when the we unite and become one with our Creator. That really all got it’s start on Pesach night.

 

Pesach night the Torah and Hashem puts much emphasis that He is the one that took us out. There were no angels. There were no other forces. It was just us and Hashem. We became one on Seder Night. It is to a large degree when we became wed as a nation with Hashem. We circumcised before we ate our Pesach land. It was a treaty that bound us in blood and flesh with Him. It brought Shabbos that had been waiting since the Creation of the World down to our nation. Every Shabbos we remember Pesach- Zecher l’yitzias Mitzrayim- for Hashem on Seder Night who until that point was Master of the World from Above, finally had the nation where He could rest His presence on this world. This seder we experience that twofold love together. How amazing is that?!

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

This column will return after Pesach.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE TRAIN JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…

 

 What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the trains…

 

I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.

 

what do you call a train with buble gum? a chew chew train

 

Jim had always wanted to run a train. It was his dream since he was a child. His mind was set and no other career moved him the way a train had. He did well in school, and when he was accepted to the local Railway school, he was stoked.4 years later, he had his first job of running the train, and he could not contain his excitement. He went all along the tracks, left and right, forward and back, until he hit something on the rail and the train flew off the tracks, causing a disaster.

 

Jim was sentenced to death, executed by an electric chair. When asked for a last meal, Jim simply replied: "I will have one banana." After finishing his banana, he was sent to the chair. However, it didn't work. The electric chair had no effect. Jim was set free by the police force, and got a job at another train station. He sped along the tracks, he simply could not contain his excitement! However, he was careless and crashed into another train.

 

Jim, imprisoned again, was sentenced to death, by the electric chair. "What would you like for your final meal?" the chief of police asked. Jim simply replied "I would like two bananas." He finished his bananas and was again strapped to the electric chair, only to have it fail again. Jim was set free again.

Another train station had a job opening and Jim applied again. He went all over the tracks, left and right, until he ran over a man. Sent to death again, Jim had one request for his final meal. "I will have three bananas." After consuming his bananas, he was sent to the electric chair. He survived the biggest shock of his life.

"I don't get it," the chief of police said. "This electric chair is our best piece of machinery, yet you've survived three times. How do you do it? Is it the bananas you keep eating?"

"Oh, it's nothing," said Jim.

"I'm just a bad conductor."

 

Moshe is waiting on the platform at the station. He notices a Jewish man standing nearby and asks him for the time. But the man ignores him. Moshe then asks him again, and the man responds in the same way. Frustrated, Moshe asks "Excuse me, but I've asked you for the time twice, why are you ignoring me"

Suddenly, the man looks up and says, "We're both waiting for the train, if I answer you, then when we get on the train you will come and sit next to me, we will probably start talking, and I may invite you to my house for Shabbat, there you will meet my daughter, you will probably like her, you may eventually want to marry her, and to be honest with you, WHY WOULD I WANT A SON IN LAW WHO CAN'T AFFORD A WATCH?"

 

Sadie Cohen lived in an integrated neighborhood on Long Island. A neighbor, a very friendly and generous black woman, stopped by one Saturday and offered, "Mrs Cohen, I have to go to NYC this afternoon to meet my daughter. Can I get you anything?"

Mrs. Cohen thanked her and counter-offered, "Listen, I have a commuter's ticket for the train. Why don't you use my ticket, and you'll bring it back tonight. After all, it's paid for. Why should you pay extra?"

The neighbor thanked her and with the ticket in hand, made her way to the train station. When the train arrived, she boarded, and as the conductor walked through, he happened to glance at the ticket, noticing the name "Sadie Cohen.".

The conductor asked, "Excuse me, madam, are you Sadie Cohen , the person whose name appears on this ticket?"

The woman smiled sweetly and nodded her head in the affirmative.

More than a little suspicious, the conductor asked, "Would you let me compare signatures? Would you mind signing your name?"

The black lady turned indignantly to the conductor and snapped, "Man, are you crazy? You want me to write on Shabbos?

 

Sadie sits down next to an attractive man on the train and says, "You look just like my fourth husband".

The man replies, "Your fourth husband? So how many times have you been married, lady?"

"Three," replies Sadie.

 In an all-Jewish school, a Russian man decided to disrupt a math class. He stormed in and cried, "You Jews think you're so smart, try and answer this! There are seven trains going all around the country with sixteen cars on each train. There are thirty-three people on each car. How old am I?"

No one responds. A boy in the back stands up and says, "48."

Amazed, the Russian says "Yes! How did you know?"

The boy replied, "There's a man in our village that's twenty-four and is only half meshugah."

 After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist from Odessa was finally granted permission to visit Moscow . He boarded the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop, a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and he thought:

This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, so if he is no peasant he probably comes from this district. If he comes from this district, then he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish district.

But on the other hand, since he is a Jew, where could he be going? I'm the only Jew in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow . Ahh, wait! Just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and Jews don't need special permission to go to Samvet. But why would he travel to Samvet? He is surely going to visit one of the Jewish families there. But how many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Aha, only two - the Bernsteins and the Steinbergs. But since the Bernsteins are a terrible family, such a nice looking fellow like him, he must be visiting the Steinbergs.

But why is he going to the Steinbergs in Samvet? The Steinbergs have only daughters, two of them, so maybe he's their son-in-law. But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? They say that Sarah Steinberg married a nice lawyer from Budapest , and Esther married a businessman from Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah's husband. Which means that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I'm not mistaken.

But if he came from Budapest , with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name. What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? It is Kovacs. But since they allowed him to change his name, he must have special status to change it. What could it be? Must be a doctorate from the University. Nothing less would do.

At this point, therefore, the scholar of Talmud turns to the young man and says, "Excuse me. Do you mind if I open the window, Dr. Kovacs?"

"Not at all," answered the startled co-passenger. "But how is it that you know my name?"

"Ahhh," replied the Talmudist, "It was obvious."

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Answer is D -This one was also pretty easy. The sinking of the Altalena an arms ship that was being smuggled into Israel by Menachem Begin who was leading the Irgun by Yitzchak Rabin which ended up killing 16 Irgun soldier was one of the most tragic stories in the founding of the State. Being didn’t trust Ben Gurion who wanted to absorb his army into one IDF and so Ben Gurion who understood that there could only be one Jewish army stopped them and demanded they disembark. Begin thought they were bluffing. They weren’t. Until the end of his life Begin never really forgave them. It’s a tragic story that’s final irony perhaps is that Rabin who killed Jewish soldiers was himself killed by a Jew. So the score is now Schwartz 18.5 and 4.5 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.