Fly United- Parshat Ki Tavo 5785 2025

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

September 12^th 2025 -Volume 14 Issue 45 20^th of Elul 5785

 Parshat Ki Tavo

 Fly United

 

It was a short trip last weekend to the States. As the title of last week's amazing E-Mail noted it was "In and Out". I think I spent more time in airports then I did on the actual ground with about 10 different flight delays and two flight cancelations as well as a few hours sitting on various tarmacs waiting to come home. It kind of felt like the geula/ redemption process that our nation is going through now. We're all packed and ready to go. We're ready for that heavenly flight to take-off and bring us home, yet we're stalled on the tarmac. The flight keeps getting delayed.

 

Our luggage, as they announced for one of the flights, was imbalanced and had to be reorganized. Really?!!! Is that really a thing? I'm flying over the ocean in a 300,000-pound (I chatgpt'ed it) metal box with wings and my 50-pound suitcase (ok 51.5 lb I snuck in a few extra stuff that Shani ordered) is it really gonna make a difference here on which side of the plane it's leaning on? Yet that's kind of what it feels like, at least for me, as I and most Jews have been waiting for Mashiach and that real shofar blast. When are we taking off already? When are these flights going to stop getting canceled? Can you just stop these delays and take-off already? I'm ready to come home.

 

Now to be honest and in reflection, it wasn't only my trips home that seemed to be delayed. My Wednesday evening flight to America was also delayed for a few hours sitting in the Ben Gurion airport waiting to leave and was eventually canceled as well. I ended up having to go back and sleep in Yerushalayim and fly out on Thursday night instead. It's as if Hashem was as well trying to delay my exile from Eretz Yisrael as He did to our nation before the destruction of the Temple. He shlepped out our stay there. He didn't want to let us go, despite how nuts and sinful we were.

 

Even after the destruction of the Temple, readers of the "Era's and Places" column below know, Hashem wanted to still keep us and our community there. He even arranged that we should have Gedalya be Achikam appointed as our Prime Minister and to still have us around. We were the ones that messed that up. We were the ones that ultimately picked up and left on our own. If Hashem wasn't providing flights, we found an exit route to Egypt, maybe even paid a Jordanian taxi driver a lot of money to "escape" us. The last remnant of the Jewish nation left to Egypt on our own self-inflicted exile. Hashem, on the other hand was trying to keep us on the tarmac as long as possible.

 

To be honest as I left the airport after my flight was canceled it felt like that tear-filled hug I always get from my mother before I went to camp as a kid, and bizarrely yet heartwarmingly even today as a 50 something year old man. It feels like she doesn't want to let go. That has within it some fear that perhaps she won't see me again. That maybe didn't trust me in camp, or even today as well, to manage and survive on my own and come back to her. That was the last experience at the end of the second Temple. It's what it felt like when I was trying to leave to Israel just to go to my nephew's Bar Mitzva last weekend. That delayed and canceled flight was Hashem's hug not wanting me to get on that flight.

 

Now, on the other hand my delays and cancelations for the return trip felt of a different nature. Almost the opposite one. It was like, hey, I'm ready, camp is over, I want to come home. But the flight was just not taking off. Nobody was coming to pick me up. Admittedly, I woke up late that morning of my return flight. I ran out of the house and jumped into my brother Gedalia's car in about 5 minutes flat and raced to the airport to make it on time for the flight that never left. It felt like when the Jews left Mitzrayim and I didn't even have time to shower and pack my sandwiches for the road, that I had planned to do the night before hand. We made it to the gate at 5:23 AM, 2 minutes before check in. It was miraculous. I had only woken up at 4:49 and made it to the airport and gate in ummmm… I dunno you do the math. I'm still suffering from jet-lag. Yet, upon arriving in Newark for the connecting flight back I hit the delays. I was stuck at that last stop before I could finally come home. I prayed it wouldn't be for 2000 more years in Exile this time. My wife and kids were waiting for me.

 

Yet Hashem in His ultimate kindness, even when He delays me in Exile looks out for me. He wanted to make it comfortable. He had sent me an E-Mail that I noticed that I have a free lounge pass that I could use. I didn't have to sit in the gate and scramble to find an outlet for my computer or charger for my phone. I didn't have to pay a million dollars for a coffee, a drink, or some nosh. It's all free in the lounge. They even had a shower there, for the one that I didn't get to take in my rushed exodus from Virginia at 5:00 AM. There are couches there I could lie down on and even Kosher food as well. Although it wasn't as good as all that trayf stuff they were dishing out. It was a nice lounge. I got very comfortable there. I almost forgot about my flight and return to Israel.

 

So I sat there on the couch and learned my Daf. I learned my Oraysa. I studied Torah, I listened to a shiur. I was comfortable in Galus. I forgot I was in an airport. I forgot about my wife and kids. My flight. The Bais Hamikdash. Maybe if I stayed here in the lounge a bit longer, they would even bring me out a kosher meat board. They were friendly to me there… the goyim. But then the news on the big screen came on about anti-Israel protests, Hamas mayors of the city. My flight got announced and I remembered where I was and what I had to do. And so I tucked in my tzitizis, made sure my baseball hat covered my yarmulka grabbed my very heavy hand luggage (all of Shani's stuff that she ordered on Amazon that didn't fit into my already overweight suitcase) and made my way to the gate.

 

Getting into my seat on the plane, I joined the murmurs and conversations of my fellow passengers. "Stinkin' United!" "This always happens with them". "They cancel flights, they make excuses, they're unreliable" I knew I should've flown El Al. Sure they charge a million dollars for a ticket. Yes there's no one ever to talk to over there. So, their flight attendants aren't the friendliest, to say the least. They all still feel like Army officers that bark orders to you and expect you to forget about how much you paid for a ticket, because they want you to know that they are doing you a favor by flying you. I always thought that at the end of the flight the pilot would get on the mike and announce. "Thank US for flying you on El Al, We hope you understand that we had plenty of other options of passengers to take on this flight instead of you. You should thus feel lucky and grateful and hope that we take you again next time in the future" But y'know what? At the end of the day, they fly. They take off. They bring you home. Even your luggage usually makes it as well, most times. But United… Forget about it. They're just horrible. They do this all the time. I'm done with them… I'll pay the money.

 

And it was with these thoughts and voices that I opened up my Chumash and began to read the parsha of Ki Tavo el Ha'Aretz, of Hashem's description of how we are meant to return to the land. The mitzvos we need to do. The messages that will bring us home. The lessons and essential-although bizarre, rituals that we need to do as we come into the land. And you know what He tells us? He wants us to fly "United". In fact that's the only airlines that will actually bring us home.

 

But before we get to our parsha, I would like to take you on a flight back in time for a little layover to our first exile from the land of Israel. We're going to make a short stop in Beit El. As we fly over, we can look out of our window and we can see Yaakov Avinu. He's tired. He's on the road. His red-headed psychopath brother is out to murder him. He's violating those UN agreed upon accords on that deal we made and signed with him about the birthright. He wants to be the leader of the free world. He wants to make Esau great again. He wants Yaakov to follow his directives. He wants the holy land to be open for all religions, all faiths, all deviant behavior, while Yaakov and his descendants' step in line and do what he orders them to.

 

It's been rough for Yaakov running away. Along the way, he loses everything. Elifaz hijacks him and takes it all. Penniless, tired and chased out of his home, like most of his descendants will be, he just wants to take a nap and sleep it all away. And there he takes 12 stones and uses them as a pillow. Rashi tells us that the stones started fighting amongst one another, which is always annoying when your pillow does that while you're trying to fall asleep. Each one yelled "The tzadik should rest on my head." I'm the most righteous of stones. I'm the only one worthy of being the pillow where that ladder from heaven will ascend. Those other rocks over there, aren't as frum as I am. They don't even wear black hats. They serve in the army. They eat chalav stam. They have smart phones. Hashem doesn't love them. He hates them. He doesn't need them. They're not my brothers. I'm the only rock that deserves the Shechina to reside on me. And that's how galus begins.

 

When Yaakov awakes. When that shofar ringtone rang on his cellphone, he is amazed. The rocks all became one. "This is Beit El" he exclaims. This is the gateway to heaven. To return to come home. It's when all the 12 rocks become one. When we realize as a nation that we are all brothers. When we understand that the shechina doesn't, can't and won't reside on any of us if it can't reside on all of us. The only ticket home is on "United". Hashem tells Yaakov take those 12 stones that became one and make it an altar for me when you come back here. Don't become back until your own 12 tribes and stones can become one as well.  

 

That same story that takes place with Yaakov repeats itself with his children. The 12 tribes go down to Egypt divided. Yosef is sold out by his brothers, because he's not frum enough. He thinks he will be the king and everyone has to bow down to him. He's the only one that's right. Yehuda, gets dumped by everyone because he's got his own personal scandals and he didn't do enough to prevent the kidnapping of his brother. Certainly not enough to bring him home. Maybe it was just to cover up for his own personal scandals with the champagne and cigars or with the signet ring and staff or whatever. When does the process of return begin? When they get together again.  When they take responsibility for one another. When they hug, embrace, forgive and become one. When they know what airlines they need to fly back on.

 

Which brings us now to Ki Tavo our journey to that airport that we are flying home from. Last week's parsha Ki Teitzei concludes with the mitzva to destroy Amalek. It's not just to destroy them. It's to remember to hate them. In the words of the Rambam its to awaken the hatred and loathing for this nation. Hashem wants and demands we hate them until today. Here's the Rambam.

 

Rambam Sefer Hamitzvos 189; "We were commanded to remember what Amalek did to us — that he was first to do evil against us — and to hate him at all times; and we should arouse souls by words to fight him, and we should urge the people to hate him, until the command is not forgotten, and the hatred is not weakened, and there is not lacking from souls as time passes.   

 

Hashem wants us to hate. To really want to kill all of them. All the time. Want to know what that looks like? Take a look at Hamas, at Hezbollah, at the Nazis. See that constant hatred that doesn't die out in their eyes, in their dreams? That's how Hashem wants us to feel about Amalek.

 

Do you know why? Because the only person that can feel that type of hatred and loathing and desire to kill every last one of them, is if the enemy killed their brother, they burnt their sister, they tortured their father, they're holding them in a dark tunnel in a cage and starving them to death. Somebody that has that being done to their brother or son and daughter and doesn't feel that hatred and desire to kill that enemy, is themselves a broken person. They don't feel connected to their own child, their own sibling, their own parent. Amalek did that to an even greater degree. He disconnected us from Hashem. He divided us and picked off a few chilonim that were sitting at the border. The weak ones. He divided us and thus Hashem's throne can't be complete. Thus, he accomplished his goal of turning us into cold uncaring rocks. Each of us worried only about ourselves. Each one thinking that the "tzadik" Hashem b'kol d'rachov, Our Father in heaven only needs to rest His "Head" on Jews that dress like me and follow my Rebbe.

 

The way to change that is to be filled with passion. To be filled with hatred. To feel that pain of our brother. To stop being a lone cold dead stone. To feel connected to the generation that left Mitzryaim and feel that anger at what Amalek is doing to us. What it did to them. What he's doing to our Father in heaven, who just wants to rest His pillow on all 12 of His stones united. Amalek made us cold, they removed that passion and love from one another. The only way to get that back is to be filled with rage and fire against them for the honor of our people and our God.

 

40 years later in the wilderness, our next "United" layover we're looking down at the banks of the Jordan. We're at our Parsha of Ki Tavo. They're calling us to the gate. We need to check in our luggage. Hashem announces that we are not allowed to take any sharp instruments with us to cut any rocks. Instead we need to take 12 big rocks with us. We need to take them together. Each tribe with their own rock. We need to put them together and make a mizbayach and sacrifice and rejoice together. Their own pekeleh. We need to cross the Yarden with them. We need to shlep them up to Har Eival with them. There we stand as one nation UNITED and take full responsibility for one another. We won't infringe on anyone else's portion because every yid had their place. We won't try to harm another person secretly, we won't take bribes, we won't change laws for orphans and widows or converts. We'll help those that are blind; physically, or spiritually. We bring our Bikkurim and remember that story of Yaakov back in that first exile and how it all started. We recognize that we are all one first born nation and we're done fighting. And then we hear that last terrifying Mussar schmooze, about all the turbulence that we've gone through and will go through on this flight if we sit in the lounge too long and forget about why we were chosen and where we're supposed to come to.

 

Rav Hirsch explains that the reason why the rocks couldn't be cut with a knife is because we are meant to realize that each yid is complete. They don't need to be cut down. If we are united and those stones become one and we see each yid as an uncut perfect stone upon whom the entire Torah is written then we will achieve the blessing and the Promise. We will not have any war. The redemption will come. We will finally be happy before Hashem. Happy as one. Happy with One. The Ksav V'Kabalah takes a different approach then most of the Rishonim who understand that the entire Torah is written on those rocks. He suggests that rather it was just one chapter that encompasses the entire Torah. It was Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad. The entire Israel recognizes and sees and reveals the Oneness amongst us and the Oneness of Hashem that shines from us. The Unity. United- Echad.

 

This Saturday night we Ashkenazim begin saying selichos. We enter into the last week of the year 5785 one of the most devastating years in modern history for our nation. We read the tochacha- rebuke and curses out loud so that it will be an omen that the year and its curses should finally conclude. Our flight is ready to takeoff. 5786 is our flight number. They're boarding now. Let's go greet Hashem in His land United.

 

Have a heavenly Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Der gleichster veg iz ful mit shtainer."-, The straightest path is full of stones.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

NEW EXAM THIS WEEK!!! JANUARY 2025!!

Let's see how I do, come and take it with me….

1. In Haifa, there is a public debate about the means of removing wild mammals that

penetrate the urban space. The animal in question is ___________

I see thousands of storks flying north. Which season is it?

A. Summer

B. Winter

C. Spring

D. Autumn

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/haneshama-lach    –I'm very excited!! In honor of Rosh Chodesh Elul and Selichos I share with you my latest composition (the first one in over a year!!) the beautiful Ha'Neshoma Lach arranged and sung by Dovid Lowy- this song is the perfect song to get into the Elul mode

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nie8pyKhjQQ&list=RDNie8pyKhjQQ&start_radio=1      – I haven't been able to get this song out of my head all week since I've heard it from Baruch Levine amazing composition from Reb Chaim Gershon Davis- Shehu Noteh Shamayim Emes Malkeinu

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RXIZMzwl1c – Charlie Kirk May Hashem avenge his blood a true lover and supporter of Israel on Shabbos!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNzuwQz1V5E&list=RDnNzuwQz1V5E&start_radio=1   – Yosseleh the Holy miser redone in Hebrew with great story and song by Shulem Lemmer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMOa2ASgYTQ&list=RDwMOa2ASgYTQ&start_radio=1 – beautiful High holidays medley by Hesder Yeshiva Yerucham

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Nevuchadnezzar's Dream of our Exile - 583 BC  - With the Jews exiled to Bavel and Egypt we turn this column to the period of our exile, which really doesn't take place in Eretz Yisrael, but we'll see if we can make some connections. Our story turns to Nevuchadnezzar who was sitting in his palace 3 years after the destruction of the Temple an he has a dream. Being the most powerful King of the world with all nations bowing to him, Hashem revealed to him what the future for him and the rest of our history would be. Just as Pharoah so long ago with our first exile, it all starts with a dream. A dream that is interpreted by a smart humble and blessed Jew, here as well Daniel will be called to reveal to the King the meaning of his dream and what was to come.

The dream was that of an idol that had a golden head, a chest and arms made out of silver, a belly and thighs of copper and ankles of iron. The soles of the feet though strangely enough had one of iron and one of earthenware. The idol stood on a large pillar until a stone popped off and knocked down the entire statue from the bottom and it all distingrated into thin air. Pretty freaky,

Nevuchadnezzar woke up and forgot his dream, although it terrified him. He called in all of his wise men and interpreters and it seems they couldn't put the Humpty idol back together again as they couldn't tell what the dream was. They explained their problem by of course blaming the Jews. It was only while the Temple was around that the Jewish people had the holy spirit and Ruach Hakodesh to interpret dreams. Since it's been destroyed there's no more transmission down here. Nevuchadnezzar thus got very upset. It always seems to happen when one kills the Jews that they realize how much they needed us. He therefore got very angry and decreed that all the wise men that allowed him and advised him to destroy the Temple to death. Along with them were the four Jewish advisers Daniel and his buddies Chanania Mishael and Azarya. Aryoch the executioner locked em all up and got ready to sentence them to death until Daniel stepped up to the plate and declared that he believed he could save them all, if given the chance. Aryoch grants his request and next week we begin the prophecy of our exiles and exodus with Daniel's first and eternal prophecy.

Is there any connection to this story here in Israel. Well, the small Gush Etzion village is named Neve Daniel after, a convoy that was killed that had the same name in the war of 1948. And that convoy was named after the prophet Daniel. As well there is plenty of museums in Israel that have replicas of idols from that period, although certainly not that one. Finally there is though in Salt Lake City Utah, what is known as the Gilgal sculpture park that actually has a sculpture of that idol as described in Tanach. I know Salt Lake isn't Israel but it's called Gilgal and the Mormons think it is so that's close right…?

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S REALLY TERRIBLE AIRLINES JOKES OF THE WEEK

An Israeli News reporter is at the airport, writing a piece on the rude service reputation of El Al airline pilots. She approaches Dudu the Israeli Pilot captain and asks, "for my article, can you please tell me the last time you were rude to a passenger?

“It was 1959“, says the pilot.

"Oh wow, that long ago?" she responds, "I thought you airline pilots held a reputation as very arrogant rude men"

Dud looks at his watch and says "Well, considering it's only 2025 now..."

Mendel was travelling for Yom Tov to Israel for the first time on a El Al.

“Would you like dinner?” the cabin crew asked.

“What are my choices?”

“Yes or no.”

Which airline has the smelliest planes? Incontinental Airlines

A blonde rings up an airline and asks: "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone replies: "Just a minute".

The blonde thanks her and hangs up the phone.

United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is.

I am looking for a name for my airline exclusively for bald people. How about "Receding Airlines"?

How do recognize an Israeli airline pilot in the room? ohh, he will tell you.

"I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time." Said the Malaysian shark.

Say "Unreliable Airline" three times fast.

Delta

Delta

Delta

As a crowded El Al airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose.

Have you ever noticed that all airline Captains have the same last name? Every public address they make beings with: “Welcome, this is your Captain Speaking...”

Rushing up to the EL Al Airlines ticket counter. Yankel gasped, “Ma’am, please help me. I have to get to Israel in the worst way!” The clerk calmly pointed to her right and said, “Sir, that would be Delta

Ed Christie, CEO of Spirit Airlines, walks into a bar. He says to the bartender “Can I have a draft beer?"

The bartender says "Sure thing. That'll be .50¢"

He replies "50 cents? That's really cheap!"

The bartender looks up and finishes with ."....and it'll be $3 for the glass, $4 if you just stand, $8 if you want to sit down, and $3 each time to use the restroom

.

My wife called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

“Sure,” they said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.”

They further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. My wife was taken aback: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

 

Guy was your typical arrogant Israeli suave looking passenger and he sat down next to a pretty woman next to him for their long flight to America. He turned to her and said "Hey did the arilines charge you extra to sit next to such a handsome man?"

She took one look at him and said "yeah… but I didn't want to pay…"

***************************************

The answer to this week”s question is C-  OK, it's a new year coming up and a new exam and I'm off to a good start. The part A was easy for anyone that follows the News and as you know I'm a bit of a junkie. The wild boar plague the city of Haifa, coming out of Mt. Carmel where many of them roam and terrorizing the city. This was particularly true during Corona where they were all over the place. Part II was also pretty easy, in fact I was just by the Hula Valley last week, which is the second largest Bird Migration in the World. In the Fall, over a half a billion birds can be seen migrating from Asia and Europe down to Africa for the Winter. And in the Spring they head back up North after the winter back home again. So got the first one right making the score Rabbi Schwartz 1 and Ministry of Tourism 0. Let's see how long I can keep up this streak.

Happy Landing- Parshat Ki Tavo 5783 2023

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

September 1^st, 2023 -Volume 12 Issue 47 15^th of Elul 5783

 

Parshat Ki Tavo

Happy Landing

I’ll be honest. Brutally so… It’s really the only way I know how to write and perhaps why you keep come coming back here. It was never my life-long dream to move Israel. I wasn’t raised on that passion, love and understanding that life and living in Eretz Yisrael has any central place in my practice of being a good Orthodox, Frum, Torah Jew. Sure, I davened for the Messianic Era to come. Sure I went through the motions and even may times the “e”motions of mourning the temple, davening hard for the redemption three times a day and for the bais ha’mikdash and its service to be returned each holiday and Shabbos, and for our long bitter exile to be over. But all of that being said, I never really felt that my Judaism and Torah life couldn’t be meaningfully fulfilled and right in the diaspora until that happens.  

 Hey, for 2000 years we’ve managed fine and produced so many great gedolim, sages, and Torah works from the Talmud Bavli, to Rashi, to all of the great Geonim in Spain, in Africa and the great glorious Torah yeshivos and holy communities in Europe. They were great and holy and even eternal in the Exile, outside of Israel. It worked for them it could work for me. Eretz Yisrael is and was certainly for me the final inning in the large baseball game of our religious existence and I was fine enjoying the game and playing hard until it was time. Tell me the truth… we’re friends here. Do you feel the same way?

 When I moved to Israel 13 years ago last week, it was more for pragmatic reasons then Zionistic or even spiritual reasons. My 6- year gig in the Seattle Kollel where we had an outreach shul was coming to an end. We had Baruch Hashem been able to see much success in our work and we enjoyed the life of spreading the word and passion of Judaism with so many who had never been raised or exposed to it. We had a shul, a school we started, a Torah and an amazing community that we had watched grow and flourish. Yet, my job was becoming more and more of a full-time fundraiser and it was becoming more and more apparent that I was reaching the point in life to do what my mother always said I should do.

 “Get a real job, already”.

Or more accurately “

“What type of a job is a Rabbi, for a nice young Jewish boy… leave that for the Goyim and make an honest living.”

 So I made a cheshbon. I told my wife that in America the way it works is that you either “make it” or you don’t. If you make it, then you’re a winner. If you don’t- you’re a loser. And at age 40 just starting your “real world” employment career- it certainly ain’t easy to make it, with tuitions, health insurance, mortgage payments etc…

 In Israel though, nobody really makes it. There’s plenty of people to commiserate with. And yet over here, your mere existence and life has meaning and purpose. Every time you go to the bathroom in this country you fulfill a mitzva d’oraysa of settling the land. So at that point and with that epiphany we turned our eyes eastward and began to make plans to move.

 Being that was our mindset though, I don’t think I was prepared for what I can undoubtably say was perhaps the most moving moment of my life. And Baruch Hashem I’ve had many. My Bar Mitzva, my wedding, the birth of my children, the birth of Elka 😊.. The weddings, the grandchildren, the twin grandchildren. Simcha after Simcha, blessing after blessing. So many moments, so much to be grateful for. Yet, all of those, as powerful and amazing as they were, they still were not as incredible and memorable as the moment when I stepped off that plane with my family. The moment that still brings tears to my eyes when I think back to it.

 If you want a taste, click on this link. I don’t generally put Youtube links in my E-Mail body. You have to wait and scroll down to that column later. But if you want to really get it. Click here and then continue. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfFKYKKhyZU

 Are there tears in your eyes? Did you get choked up? If there aren’t and you’re not, then we need to check your yichus. There’s something seriously missing in your neshoma. Your too “fahr-galused”. They’ve gotten to you. It’s gotten to you…

 The hype began before we even stepped off that chartered NBN plane that had a few hundred people and families all making aliya. The NBN staff circulated around the plane and helped fill out all of our aliya paperwork. As the plane approached for the landing the excitement began to build as the song 'v’shavu banim l’gevulam'- the prophecy of the children returning to our home came on from the sound system and everyone began to sing and cheer. I felt that I was literally in the vision that the prophets all saw and told us about. This is the wings of eagles, that they saw, that all my ancestors dreamed about. I was living it. I was experiencing it. They saw me and my family. I was here.

 When the doors opened, my breath was taken away. The only other thing close to that was when the doors at my wedding opened and I saw the chupa where I would be wed to my beloved standing in front of me and awaiting me to walk down that aisle. The Red carpet was out in front of us at the bottom of the staircase on the tarmac and there was a crowd of hundreds waiting there below with flags, with music. There were chayalim and chayalot, my brothers and sisters whom I had never met before just waiting there for us. Welcoming us… greeting us… hugging and embracing. I fell to my knees and cried and kissed the holy ground. I didn’t expect to feel like this. I didn’t know what I was experiencing. My neshoma exploded. I was home. My life had just changed. It had become. I had become.

 Now, I’m pretty sure that if I was reading this before I moved here, I would be thinking to myself…stop with the crazy mushy gushy Zionist propaganda. Yeah, sure, Israel is important. It’s nice. It’s holy. But really… opening up a new part of your neshoma? Becoming real…? What are you talking about? Galus isn’t that bad… You can be frum and holy here also… We have Torah… We have yeshivos… We have spirituality. We have Shabbos… We have pesach… We have Yom Kippur and Sukkos… What is he saying…? He must have really not been shtayging or learning Torah in the States… Yeah… he was in kiruv and we all know that’s not really Torah or being frum… Not like us here in Lakewood or Monsey… He was in Seattle and Iowa so that’s why he doesn’t get it… Why he felt so special coming to Israel. But we’re just as holy and spiritual here… Sure we want Mashiach, but until then…

 Yeah…I would’ve said that too…But I would’ve been wrong. Wrong as you are… tragically so…

 To understand and appreciate what I’m talking about, I want you to read this week’s parsha different than you’ve ever read it or listened to it before. Different than you’ve ever read any parsha before. It’s the parsha of V’haya Ki Tavo- and it will be when you come to the land that Hashem Your God has given you as an inheritance and you shall settle it.

 But the ‘you’ in the verse is you. Yes… Yankel or Suri, Rabbi Schwartz E-Mail reader… You. The Parsha is written singular and as Rashi tells us a few times this week- it’s meant to be read “as if today you came to the land” Today your flight arrived and you’re coming off the plane. It’s your aliya day.

 The first mitzva the Torah tells us about upon your arrival though fascinatingly enough isn’t really applicable when we or the Jewish people arrived to the land. It isn’t on your arrival day either, by the way. The first mitzva is that of Bikkurim- bring the first fruits of the seven species that grow to the Bais Ha’Mikdash to the Kohen. This mitzva wasn’t kept until the land was conquered which took over a decade. It won’t be noheig for you either until you settle the land, you plant, you grow, you wait the few years for your orla and neta revai years are over and you can finally eat from your fruits. But yet, the Torah tells us this mitzva as the first thing when we need to be aware of when coming to the land. It’s on our welcome instructions. It’s what it’s all about, and it gives you a bit of an understanding of what you’re feeling when you land.

 Do you know what you need to do? What this is all about? You come to the Bais Ha’Mikdash. You have that first fruit in your hand. In your basket. And you bring it to the Kohen and as you stand in that glorious overwhelming awesome house of Hashem you make a recitation like no other mitzva. One that doesn’t even make sense, that doesn’t seem true… but that now for the first time it’s real and you’re feeling it. You tell the story of your life to the Kohen. To Hashem. And your story, you just understood for the first time, really started back with our forefather Yaakov; back in that first Jews galus. It’s not Yaakov’s story. It’s not our nations story. It’s not a history lesson. It’s your story.

 Arami Oveid Avi- It’s your father.

 It’s you that the Egyptians persecuted, that were evil to, that tried to kill you. You feel those blows you suffered on your back. You remember those cries and pleas that you had to Hashem. You have just plugged into an out of body experience and transcended time and space. You realize that your soul was there and has come back again and again for 2000 years to this world and gone to gehenom and back and has been waiting for this day since our Temple was destroyed.

 You don’t just recite these exact verses- like you do by the Pesach Seder when as well we are meant to feel as if we left Egypt.

 Lo es Avoseinu- Not just our forefathers or history lesson. But us.

Pesach we try to get there. But today when your plane landed you really feel it. It all came together for you. You were there. You were at Sinai. You wandered. All the souls of all of your ancestors just landed there with you. You’ve come home and you're so so grateful. So humbled. So awed. You bow. You sing.

 V’samachta b’chol ha’tov asher nosan lecha Hashem elokecha- and you’re so so happy with all the good that Hashem your God has given you. Happiness… Simcha like you’ve never had before.

 That moment of Simcha that you feel is the experience of a complete tikkun of the very first time when we went into galus. It goes back to Kayin who didn’t bring the first and best of his crops in that very first sacrifice to Hashem, and was sent into exile.

 Hashem exiled Adam and Eve from the Garden and part of their curse was atzvus- sadness, a sense of something missing. Of being distanced from our Source. Of realizing and living with the knowledge that no matter what we do as long as we’re not together with Hashem in our land no matter what we do and pursue we’ll always still be incomplete. Hashem tells this to Kayin before exiling him. When Kayin realizes this, he is sad, and Hashem tells him not to feel that way. He can return. He will return. The simcha will come back. And it has for us today and we bring that first fruit that he didn’t.

 When we return, the parsha continues and tells us how special we are united together with Hashem. How we are His am segula. We are His treasure. We’re bonded. We’re reunited. We’re eternal. We remember the covenant when we- not not the historical “we”, but me personally, you personally, your soul, our souls first entered the land and stood by the two mountains around Shechem and heard the blessing and curse. It recalls the blessing of the 6 days of Creation when Hashem created the world and the curse- the arur, we heard when we were thrown out of it and we understand that we’ve finally come back again, but this time forever.

 We take the 12 stones that we crossed the Jordan River and we put them together and write the Torah on them for the whole world. It reminds us of the 12 stones that Yaakov, that first exiled Jew slept on when he left Israel to Aram and they joined together and he built that first mizabayach on. He made a vow that he would return. That we would return. That we would rejoice and bring sacrifices upon them at the gateway to heaven. And he did return. The 12 tribes came back with him. We came back with him. The tzon kedoshim- those holy sheep that we were gathered together and took 12 stones and renewed our vows and we were happy.

 The feeling of happiness that the Torah tells us we experience right now when your plane landed is what we have been missing for so long. Sure we’ve had happy occasions, but it’s never been complete. It’s never transcended time. It’s never connected me to my soul in all it’s previous incarnations. To Yaakov… to Sinai…to Egypt… to Kayin…to the Garden… Hashem tells us in the Tochcha that Moshe tells us in the end of this amazing arrival parsha and in this little booklet that we are receiving upon our arrival, that everything we’ve suffered all of these millennia, all the misery, all the tzoris, all the stress, the killing, the persecution, the depression is all because

 Lo avadata es Hashem elokecha b’simcha u’vtov lev- we never served Hashem with the simcha that only being Eretz Yisrael together with Him could’ve given us.

 Do you know what is so happy about simcha? It is that it breaks through all barriers. Its an experience that is beyond the humdrum day-to-day expectations. It’s a feeling of joy that you’ve experienced something that is beyond this world and that is real and brought your soul to a place it didn’t think it could get to. Galus- exile happens when we also go to a place that we didn’t think we should be in, but it’s the wrong place. It’s a place that will never have simcha-as much as we try to pursue it there, because it’s the wrong place. It’s not the right address. It’s not back with Hashem where it all started.

 The Torah is not telling you that the “lo avadata b’simcha” is the reason for our punishment of exile. We were exiled because of all the sins we did. The previous verse tells us it’s because

 Lo Shamata b’kol Hashem elokecha lishmor mitzvosuv v’chukosuv asher tzivcha- we didn’t listen and keep the commandments He gave us.

 Rather the verse is telling us that there will be a sign and wonder for us and our descendants eternally that we will never really be happy in galus until we return. It is telling us the metzius, the essence and effect of our galus is that we will never really be happy until we are home. Our souls will know this. They will feel incomplete. They will understand and realize that no matter how much we do anywhere else…it will still feel cursed. It will still haunt and chase us…until today… until your flight just landed. Until we're home. Until we have truly become.

 This past year over 1300 immigrants have experienced this. In just the last week or so over 215 have returned. The era of Kibbutz Galuyos, of us returning home is coming faster and faster. In the past 13 years since I’ve been privileged to come home tens of thousands and perhaps even 10-20% of frum families that lived in the Diaspora have hopped on those wings of eagles and become part of the prophecy and vision of Yeshaya which I recommend reading again and again in this week’s Torah reading. It’s also part of your arrival package of Ki Tavo. It foretells of the return, the ingathering, the peace, the world recognition, the crops, the glory and the simcha of our generation on our return.

 Ani Hashem- I am Hashem,

he concludes

B’Ita Achishena- in our time He will hasten it.

 Our flight…your flight has arrived. Welcome home.

 Have a  superb Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Another’s cloak does not keep you warm “- Another’s cloak does not keep you warm

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

 

4. The "House of David inscription" was discovered in the archeological site of ___________.

To what period does the monument called "Absalom's monument" (Yad Avshalom) in Jerusalem

date?

A. First Temple period

B. Second Temple period

C. The Persian period

D. The Byzantine period

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lulay-heamanti-kavey  - It’s Elul and this is the song that you need to sing every single day from the extra psalm we add l’dovid… enjoy my Lulay He’amanti..

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQPuOp2Lxb8   –One of my favorite all time oldies comedy piece Arik Einshtien and Uri Zohar on the Aliyahs pre-State… soo…sooo.. true.. and funny

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiBI37frwVs  – Eitan Katz beautiful Kol Dodi Chupa

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23bHBmxkz5U   – My dear friend arranger and singer Dovid Lowy’s An L’dodi… stay tuned next week for my latest Elul song that we just finished…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1mn2-q2rJA   – And of course SY Recchnitz’s now classic An L’dodi…

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

The Wicked Queen- You know the saying…The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  Well sometimes the apple is closer or farther from the tree. Sometimes the kids are worse than the parents and sometimes the children grow even higher than the tree, their parents ever were. Well, this week we start to learn about the continuing fall of the house of Dovid Ha’Melech’s once glorious kingdom that’s been in a downward decline since Shlomo’s son Rechavam took over and the kingdom divided.

 

It reached its zenith when Yehoshafat became King at the same time that Achav was King of Israel and married his son Yehoram off to Athalia the daughter of Achav and Izevel. But first a quick recap of the generations. After Shlomo Ha’melech the kingdom divides. Rechavam is the first king of Yehuda in the divided kingdom. His son is Aviya, followed by his son Asa and then Yehoshafat. On the Yisrael Northern Kingdom side we have a little more action. The first king is Yeravam who is followed by his son Nadav who is then quickly killed by Baasha. Baasha’s son Alah takes over for him and is killed by Zimri, the rebel who then killed by Omri and thus starts the next long line of Israel kings with his son Achav. Achav’s two sons Achazya and Yoram take over for him at the same time that Yehoshafat and his son Yehoram are kings. And with the marriage of Achav’s daughter who is Achazya and Yoram’s sister to Yehoram the son of Yehoshafat the kingdoms come together for a short time until Yehu wipes them all out. Got it?

 

So after Yehu killed out Achazya and Yehoram the one left standing was the daughter of Achav; Athalia. And if you thought her mother Izevel was bad, listen to what this kid did… She kills out her grandchildren Achazya’s children in order to take the kingdom for herself. A real bubby from hell… She almost succeeded in achieving her goal and who knows where it would’ve gone, yet Hashem has a plan. She has one grandson that gets hidden away by his aunt, Yehoram’s daughter Yehosheva and places him in the holy of holies. There Yoash the one good king that was truly righteous hides out under the protection of the Kohen Gadol, Yehoyada.

 

This child Yehoash will herald in a new era in the kingdom of Yehuda. If you thought that Shlomo was young becoming King at age 12. Stay tuned next week to learn about the 7-year-old king Yehoash and his rise to leadership.

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE HOMECOMING JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 

Dave and Samantha Levy were on their first trip to Israel. They rented a car, had all of their guidebooks ready and had a full itinerary for their 10 day stay. One day, Dave and Samantha stopped for lunch at a falafel joint. Dave asked the guy working there.

"What's the quickest way to the Dead Sea?"

The falafel owner scratched his head.

"Are you walking or driving?" he asked.

"I'm driving,” replied Dave.

"That's the quickest way!"

 

What’s the difference between an Israelite and an Israeli? About thirty calories.

 

Why did the orange take a prune to homecoming dance?… Because he couldn’t find a date!

 

Why didn't the skeleton go to homecoming? because he had no body to go with.

 

I was at my homecoming dance when I noticed a kid in the corner looking miserable. Feeling bad, I went over there and asked him what was wrong? He responded that no one would ever want to dance with him because of his wooden eye.

Upon hearing this, I made it my mission to find the boy a dancing partner. After a couple minutes of looking, I found a girl crying out in the hallway. When I asked her what was wrong she said hat no would dance with her because of her peg leg.

I then went back to the boy with the wooden eye. In a couple of minutes I was able to get him to work up the courage to ask the girl to dance. As he approached her I felt pretty good about myself; that is until I heard what happened next.

The boy asked the obviously excited girl to dance. She was so thrilled she responded, "Would I, Would I!"

The boy responded "Peg leg! peg leg" and stormed away.

 

 

How do they determine the homecoming queen and valedictorian in Palestinian high schools?

The homecoming queen is the girl with the most teeth, and the valedictorian is the person who could count them all.

The Israeli Ambassador at the U.N. began, "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I want to relay an old Passover story."When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt toward the Promised Land, he had to go through the nearly endless Sinai desert. When they reached the Promised Land, the people had become very thirsty and needed water. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his staff and a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. The people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. Moses put down his staff and went to a solitary corner of the pond to drink, and meditate in prayer. But once Moses returned, he found that his staff had been stolen.

“I have reason to believe ladies and gentlemen that the Palestinians stole the staff of our great Prophet Moses.'"

The Palestinian delegate to the UN, hearing this accusation, jumps from his seat and screams out, "This is a travesty. It is widely known that there were no such thing as 'Palestinians' at that time!"

"And with that in mind," said the Israeli Ambassador, "let me now begin my speech."

Dave Rosenberg recently made Aliyah to Israel and was still getting used to the new bureaucracy. One day, he received a very strongly worded "second notice" from the Israeli Tax Authority saying that his taxes were overdue. Dave ran down to the tax office, paid his bill and said apologetically that he must have accidentally overlooked the first notice.

"Oh," confided the tax collector with a smile, "the Israeli Tax Authority doesn’t send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

 

Berel was a new oleh who just enlisted in the army and after a few weeks was feeling kind of homesick and asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.

The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked,

"How did you do it?"

"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, 'Do you want to get a 3 day pass?' So we exchanged tanks!"

 

An Arab, an Israeli and a Mexican are on a plane.

The pilot says that the plane is losing altitude and that the men need to throw something out of the plane to reduce the weight. The Mexican throws his collection of sombreros and the Israeli asked him why he threw the sombreros, the Mexican said

"ah, we have plenty of those in my country".

The Arab then threw his falafels and the Mexican asked him why he threw the falafels and the Arab said

" ah, we have plenty of those in my country".

 And then the Israeli threw the Arab out of the plane

 

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The answer to this week”s question is B  -. I got 50/50 on this one as well. The Bais Dovid inscription I knew well as I guide in Tel Dan where it’s located for a long time already and speak about it a lot, as it’s an incredible find that debunked much of the minimalist heretical hypothesis that Dovid and Shlomo were not great kingdoms as Tanach described and perhaps were just small tribal chieftains. They came to this view because they never found archeological finds from their period, just from before and after. But upon finding an inscription that said the house of David far up to the North it proved that they were wrong. The second part of the question though I got wrong. I thought Yad Avshalom was first Temple period when it in fact was second temple. There was an old Jewish custom that parents would bring their children there and stone the monument with stones as they believed that it was the statue that Avshalom put up to memorialize himself as he didn’t have any children. There are different traditions who really is buried there. Some said Agrippas the king, othere say it went back to first temple period- which was my confusion claiming it was Chizkiya’s grave or Yehoshafat who we’ve spoken about in our Tanach column. Christians also have a tradition about this grave as well. But who cares? Regardless it was certainly 2^nd Temple architecture, so I was wrong.   So I got it half right on this question and score is now Rabbi Schwartz having a 2.5 point and the MOT having 1.5 point as we start this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.