from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz
"Your friend in
Karmiel"
December 20th
2024 -Volume 14 Issue 8 19th of Kislev 5785
A Clothes Call
I think it’s one of the most
eye-opening sights that my tourists experience when I take them to the Army
bases. It’s not the amazing tanks and D9s. It’s not the bullets they pick off
the floor or the shells that they sign, wishing all the best to Hamas or Hezbollah.
It’s not even the guns the soldiers let them hold, or the cool ski-masks they
wear as they drive off into the night into Gaza to do the Lord’s work after
knocking down that delicious BBQ we just made them and the fiery words of
inspiration to burn and kill everything that has a pulse that Rabbi Schwartz
just gave them. Do you know what blows their mind the most? It’s the tzitzis
hanging down from their uniforms. It’s the so many with payos, with
Yarmulkas and Kippas, and with what I would say is even a yeshivishe look to
them. That image, I think, more than any other, really gives a whole new perspective
on the army of Israel and much of the fallacy of the fake-media that goes
around.
Yes, despite what the press may say
and write, Chareidim are serving. Not only are they serving but they are
changing the face of the army. I recently read an article written by a secular
left-wing attorney who is in fact attempting to gain support to pass a law that
Chareidim should be exempt from service because in his words “they will take
over the army and our children will no longer have the freedoms to be secular”.
He brings proof to this assertion from all the tzitzis flapping around
on many, if not most, “chiloni” soldiers. Of the so many of them that
are coming into the army with bright secular futures only to find religion. To
find Hashem. To view the role that they have been forcibly drafted into, not as
one that is as much as about serving and protecting their country. Rather they amazingly
discover and reveal that they are fighting for Hashem, for Klal Yisrael, for
the honor of the Jewish people. For a legacy that they have never really
learned about and a birthright that was perhaps even stolen from them.
Much like Yaakov Avinu, these
soldiers put on the “stolen” clothing of Esau, of war, of battle, and they have
made them their own. They put tzitzis on them. They’re not Yaakov who is
fighting against the descendants of Esau and Yishmael. They are Yisrael who is
fighting a spiritual battle against those evil angels of those nations. They’re
fighting and they’re winning. But the battle started when they put on those
uniforms. When they realized that the uniforms they were wearing were
incomplete. They didn’t represent the full story. The war they were fighting had
strings attached to them. And thus they put them on their uniform and started
to incorporate the mitzvos they represent into their lives.
Fascinatingly enough that same battle and victory
happens when the same children of Yaakov but from the other end of the spectrum
also change their clothing. The ones that have been sitting in the tents of
Torah all their lives as well change their black hats and jackets to uniforms
that are green. They as well perhaps until now never saw their role as being
more than influencing the success of our battle from the safer (sefer?!)
confines of the Beit Midrash. The battlefield where they are waging of Abaya
and Rava on the pages of Talmud was going to be enough to determine our victory
and protect those out there doing the other perhaps more beautiful and violent
aspect of the job. Of the war. Of the eradication of Evil and the return of the
nation to our borders. But October 7th and the past year changed
that.
For many of them, today, as well understood
or perhaps felt that they needed to connect more. Something inside of the many
that I’ve talked who, perhaps were even learning shtark, felt that they
couldn’t sit back while their brothers fought and put their lives on the line,
and they weren’t there by their side. So they changed their uniform. They put
on the green. They took the sword of Esau as well and they’ve become modern day
Maccabees. Maccabees who were the Kohanim. The teachers of Klal Yisrael. The
Rabbis. They felt that the way that would be best to teach those lessons during
this war was to stand as one on the battlefield and turn it into their new Beit
Midrash. Their new shiur room. To make sure there are shuls that don’t only have
minyan each day, but that have the Kol Torah resounding from the tunnels in
Gaza, their battle tents and occupied buildings.
There was a call and a cry that was
going through the camp of “Mi La’Hashem Eilai”- Who is for Hashem join
me, that they couldn’t ignore. That call that goes out and started with the
tribe of Levi- yes that same tribe that is identified by the Rambam and oft
quoted, as referring to anyone who dedicates their entire life to the study of
Torah. It was first resounded after the sin of the Golden Calf 3300 years ago.
The bochrim of the tribe of Levi, all put on uniforms with green tzitzis
that 17th of Tamuz morning. They closed their gemaras and
they picked up guns and went out to destroy the evil. It’s that same call that
is resounding in the hearts of the so many of that same tribe today, that are
now taking up those same guns, but this time use them to kill out our modern-day
enemies and avenge the nation of Hashem. And in doing so they uplift all those
that are in that army with that zealous fire that is bringing the day of Hashem
to its conclusion.
Now, as those of you readers who
know me, appreciate, I hope, that I’m not the politically correct Rabbi, and this
is not that politically correct weekly Parsha E-Mail. Sorry that guy couldn’t
come today. Download Aish.com or some other nice cute vort if that’s what your
looking for. Or at least a shorter one, which shouldn’t be too hard to find…😊. So what I’m going
to write and say next really isn’t because I’m trying to make myself PC. The
point of the above message is not that Chareidim should serve. That they
have an obligation to serve. That they should feel guilty about not serving.
That they should share the burden. Yadda yadda blah blah blah… There are Rabbis
far bigger and greater than me that have expressed their opinions about this
subject and whether I agree or disagree is really irrelevant. They’re right. I’m
wrong. I’m smart enough to know and believe that’s true, despite what I think. The
Torah tells us that when they say “right”and I think “left”. I have a mitzva to
listen to them. So I do. I’m good with that. I may not agree, but I’m fine with
accepting that my limited and tainted brain doesn’t see things the right way.
Personally, in case you were
curious, I don’t think that they should serve or be drafted if they don’t want
to. I believe that the power of Torah is real. It’s just as powerful and as essential
as the guns, tanks and bombs that are being used to fight. Truth be told, I
really am quite sick of everyone serving and if it was up to me this war
would’ve been over five minutes after it started with the push of a few
buttons. And to really be honest and not PC, I think it’s murder everyday that
we don’t push those buttons. All of the
Jewish blood that has been spilled is because we don’t have the faith, temerity,
guts and maybe even worse the sense of love and caring for the value of the
lives of our brothers, sisters and children to realize that even saving one of
our children is worth wiping out the entire Middle East. But that’s just me. And
who knows since no other Rabbis are saying it I’m probably wrong…
But anyways, my point isn’t about
Chareidim serving. I think all of that noise is just sinas chinam, and
in fact the tools of the Satan and Chamas. On both sides of the coin, by the
way. The sides that say they need to serve and the sides that say it prohibited
to and that if they do, they won’t or shouldn’t get married and they will
become non-religious. They’re all just noise. Noise that the media plays up, because
that’s what pays for the commercials and their salaries. We would all do a lot better
to just worry about ourselves and our own avoda here.
So what is this E-Mail about? The
parsha of course. Couldn’t you tell? What’s the connect? Why, the uniforms, of
course. The clothing. The dress. That’s what it’s always been about. It goes
back to the beginning of time and if you pay attention clothesly- excuse the
pun, you’ll see it’s the underpinning of everything in the parsha, our exile
and of course ultimately our redemption.
Last week we concluded the story of
Yaakov and Esau and with him the foundation of all our Patriarchs lives and work.
The dream that he had of the angels going up and down the ladder which
symbolized his avoda of galus; the purpose of his Exile, had come
full circle and reached its culmination when he returned. He had lived with Lavan,
raised up the sparks, the sheep, the tribes, he conquered Esau and even
returned to Shechem and Beit El, where Hashem rises from him at the altar he
built there. The ladder is complete. It is called El Beit El. There, Hashem
(El), is on the top and on the bottom. The elevator works. Yet when he leaves
it is time for his children, for us, to start that journey. It’s called Beit El
again. It is from here once again that our story now begins. We need to be
exiled, as he was, and do that same work and come back again. This time though it’s
a national mandate. This is the journey we are on.
And thus this week begins with
Yaakov wishing to sit b’shalva- in tranquility, yet the children’s exile
begin and starts with Yosef’s coat. Yaakov gives him the colored extra garment
and that causes jealousy and its downhill to Egypt from there. I think we kind
of gloss over this detail and the jealousy of the brothers as it pertains to this
coat. We do this because its hard to imagine a coat from their father causing
so much hatred. As well it’s hard to wrap our heads around Yaakov’s reasoning
to give this coat to Yosef. Doesn’t he chap that this is something that
will cause strife? Or maybe he as well can’t imagine that a silly little coat
would be something to kill or die for. There must be something deeper going on
here. What’s up with the coat?
Now the truth is our entire parsha and
in fact the entire Torah story of our exile has an underpinning message about
clothing and coats. It starts with Adam and Eve in garden of Eden who after
sinning realize that they’re naked. Which is cool to think about. Without sin.
When we’re alone with Hashem. There’s no need for clothing. The birthday suit
Hashem created us in perfect by itself. When we sin though Hashem gives them
the first clothing in the history of mankind. They need these clothes because they
are going into exile. You can’t go there it seems without clothes.
Fascinatingly enough, following this story we have the story of Noach coming
out of the Ark and as well he seems to get drunk and unclothed and there his
son Shem and Yefet clothe him. Incidentally- or not, the granddaughter of Shem
finds her way in this week’s parsha too! Our sages and Rashi tells us that she
is none other than Tamar, the daughter-in-law/ mysterious clothed and disguised
woman on the side of the road that Yehuda picks up and ultimately will be the
grandmother of Mashiach. But we’ll get to that soon.
The clothing trail continues with
Avraham sending Eliezer with clothing to gift to Rivkah and bring her back home
to be the spouse of Yitzchak. Why does he send clothing? Because as we shall
see, Rivkah will be the one that will start this whole process of Exile through
clothing. When she first sees Yitzchak she falls off her camel and there too,
the Torah tells us her takes a Tzi’if and covers up. That word and
cover-up of Rivkah fascinatingly as well, the Midrash points out is all over
the place with Tamar in our parsha. She takes her widow garments off and puts
on a tz’if to hide herself and pretends to be a woman that Yehuda doesn’t
recognize in order to trick him. Just like Rivka, by the way as well who will
fool Yitzchak with clothing giving Esau’s clothing to Yaakov for the blessing.
The Midrash notes that Rivka has twins that are Esau and Yaakov and as well
Tamar has twins Peretz and Zarach. The two are connected with clothing, with
trickery and with twins. Yet whereas Rivkah’s act of the clothing switch begins
the exile of Yaakov. Tamar’s clothing switch begins the seeds of redemption
with the birth of the grandfather of Mashiach.
Yaakov’s clothing switch that he
tricked his father ends with Yaakov’s return from Galus last week and the
building of the altar to Hashem. Yet it also concludes and reaches its fruition
with a small little story. A story of trickery as well. A story of illicit
relationship and anger and revenge of the abuse of Dina. Yet in one minor aftermath
of that story the Torah tells us that Yaakov’s response before building that
altar to Hashem and experiencing the redemption is that not only to do the children
of Yaakov need to get rid of all the idols that they had taken from Shechem,
but they need to change their clothing! If we want to be redeemed. If we want
to return to Eretz Yisrael, we need to remove the clothing of our exile. The
clothing of sin. Of trickery.
I’ll admit that many of these signs
seem subtle, yet in parshas Vayeishev, this week, the subtlety is all gone. It
starts off with the clothing that Yaakov makes for Yosef in that cloak.
According to the Yerushalmi (at the end of the blessings of Yaakov to Yosef in
Vayechi) that cloak was in fact the very garment that Hashem gave Adam. It’s
the cloak of galus. It’s the protection from the elements. The amazing
sefer Otzar Nefla’os Ha’Torah suggests that if that is the case, then it would
explain why Yaakov never bought the story of a wild animal eating up Yosef. For
one of the properties that this coat had was that animals were drawn and scared
of it. It was that cloak that Noach wore and how the animals all were drawn to
him. It was the one that Shem had, that Nimrod had, and that were Esau’s treasured
garments that Rivkah dressed Yaakov up in. It’s the cloak of exile and redemption.
That’s something to be jealous of… Yaakov understood spiritually that his
children would need to be exiled as he was. Yosef’s role was to lead us out
from there. He needed protection from his brothers and thus Yaakov gave him
that cloak.
The story continues with clothing
being taken off and put on. Again and again and again… The brothers remove
Yosef’s coat. Ever think about that? He’s mamash naked in that pit. He
gets dressed up by the Yishmaelites. He becomes a servant in the house of
Potiphar and guess what? He gets into trouble wearing those replacement
Egyptian clothing that he removes and leaves in the hand of Potiphar’s wife.
Without his clothing on he looks in
the mirror and he sees his father’s face. He remembers the clothing and cloak
of galus that was stripped of him that was meant to protect him. That perhaps
he flaunted too much. He had liked that galus coat. That beketcheh
that his zaydies wore. The new Egyptian clothing become the witness against
him. He thus stripped them off and left them behind. Next week the story will
continue with Yosef being given new clothes to be brought before Pharaoh. He
will become elevated more and more, in nicer and fancier Galus clothing. He
will become unrecognizable. The clothing have hidden him. The exile had
swallowed him.
Back in Israel as well, the
clothing saga doesn’t end. Reuvein rips his clothing. Yaakov rips his clothing.
Yehuda hands over his clothing to Tamar. His royal ones. His petil,- same
word for tzitzis, as well as his signet ring and staff. When Yosef’s brothers get
tricked by the garments of Yosef as he’s dressed up like a viceroy and
threatens to take Binyamin from them, they all rip their garments. Everybody is
pretty much naked and clothing-less all over the place here. Naked- arum,
like the lying tricky snake in the garden of Eden. Unclothed and vulnerable
like Adam and Chava before they fell, before Hashem clothed them in those kosnos
ohr- those garments of skin, or as Rebbi Meir suggest the garments of
light.
When Yosef finally reveals himself
to his brothers and sends them back to their father to bring him back to Egypt,
do you know what he sends them with? Chalifos smalot- new clothing. To
Binyamin he even gives more. From Binyamin will come the first King of Israel.
That King, Shaul, will have to hand the scepter over to Yehudah. To King David.
Dovid will be given armor and soldier uniforms by Shaul to fight against
Golyas. But Dovid doesn’t need them. He takes them off. He is a descendant of
Tamar, of Yehuda, of Rus (who as well has her own clothing and tricking saga).
Dovid is the next chain before
Mashiach. The name Adam, our sages tells us, is Adam, Dovid
and Mashiach. Like Yehuda, Dovid admits his sins. He falls and
rises. And at the end of his life, his clothing doesn’t keep him warm. His
kingship will fall. He will have a daughter Tamar. She will have a ketonet passim
as well. The only other person in the entire Tanach by the way. Yet unlike her
namesake, she will be abused and never redeemed. Amnon her brother will take
advantage of her. It’s a sad story. It spirals downward. We will need to wait
until Mashiach comes until we will once again be redeemed. Yet that redemption
will come when we finally remove the “begadim ha’tzoim- the stained
garments from upon us.
Our sages note that all the words
for clothing have one common denominator, lies, coverup, rebellion. Let’s take
a few. Beged clothing is the same word as begida to rebel. Me’il-
a coat, is the same word as me’ila, which means to knowingly misuse. Kesus
is cover up. Chalifa- exchange or switch. Levush- is for shame. In
the Torah the idea of clothing is that its purpose is to remind us of our human
frailty, of our sin, of our distance from that point when we walked around in
our birthday suits with Hashem in the garden of Eden before we sinned and had nothing
to be embarrassed about. We were created by Hashem - and our bodies reflected only
that light of Hashem. There was no personal desire that wasn’t holiness and
connection with Him. Yet when we sinned, when we ate from the tree of knowledge
of good and evil, we became independent. It was “our body” not His. And that consciousness
and physical personal drive distanced me from that garden. For me to get back,
I need to cover it up. I needed to be reminded of where I need to return to.
When we leave Mitzrayim, we are
told that it’s in the merit that we never changed our clothes, despite the fact
that we fell to the lowest point of the spiritual ladder; the 49th
level of tumah. Yet those clothing of galus, that Yosef charged us with
and passed down to us remained. They remained until the last minute until,
bizzarely Hashem tells us that we can’t leave until we take the Egyptian
clothes from them. They need to hand us them willfully. It’s like Hashem
finally clothing us again, but this time it’s through the clothing that we
redeemed from them. It is in those clothing, that we see the Sea split. It is
only when we are at Mount Sinai when we wash them clean. When they become renewed.
It’s then when they become clothing of “light”. When we receive the Torah and see Hashem face
to face once again. Those clothing never get ruined, ripped or even need to be
cleaned, miraculously for forty years that we wander in the wilderness until we
come to the land of Israel redeemed with them.
Coming home means getting out of the
old clothes that we’ve put on in Galus and putting on new ones. Shabbos
clothing. Clothing of the High Priest. L’kavod U’litifferes- for honor
and for splendor. There is no more shame- the opposite of kavod. There
is no more distortion and confusion- it is only a cloak of many colors all splendidly
united into one garment of light that reflects Hashem.
Black hats, beketches, kapotehs,
shtreimels, small kippa, sheitel, falls, tichel, short pants, army uniform,
sandals, cloaks, turbans, Na Nach white knitted yarmulkas and King Mashiach
Yechi Ha’Melech black ones, Charles Tyrill, Lulu Lemon. White shirts, blue
shirts, hemlines and sleeve sizes, with socks, without socks…What are you
wearing? Is that who you are? Is that all you are? Is that how you express your
identity? Perhaps more significantly is that how you look at judge and define
the yid sitting next to you. Is that how you teitch them up? How
you put them in the box. How you say that they are different than you. That they
are some way less than you? Less important to Hashem. Are we not seeing the “trick”
and “shame” and “betrayal” of the clothing that they were meant to remind us of?
Have they fooled us and become our reality and made us forget how they are all
one. We are all One? That underneath those clothing we’re all really the same.
The same body of earth with a soul from up High inside that gives it life.
Leaving Galus means getting out of our
familiar clothing. For some it may mean putting on army uniforms. That’s what
it meant for the tribe of Levi Chanuka time when they became Maccabees. For
others it may mean putting tzitizis on uniforms and clothing that they
never wore before. For others it’s putting on black hats, for others its
shtreimels and Na Nachs Kippas or Mashiach yarmulkas. But it’s time to change.
To look beyond those clothing. There are other clothing that Esau puts on us.
The clothing that they make us wear when we don’t appreciate the essence of and
falseness and danger of our own clothing. The clothing they give us to wear is
a yellow star. It’s black and white Aushwitz prison uniforms. It’s the blood
stained dancing Nova festival dresses and the burnt kibbutz pajamas of October
7th. Those are the clothes of Egypt, that we need to redeem and
cleanse. That remind us of the birthright we have that we can never hide or
disguise ourselves from. That we don’t need trickery to achieve. That Hashem is
waiting for so long for us all to finally wear in the Bais Ha’Mikdash.
I know that Purim is the holiday
when I and all of us focus more on a discussion of clothing, masks and costumes.
It’s that holiday that we read the parsha of Tetzave that’s full of the
clothing of the Kohanim. Yet Chanuka is the time when we first all have to get
into uniform. When we realize that we are soldiers. When we light the candles
we are the kohanim. But we are the Kohanim without their clothes. We are
Kohanim in spirit. In our hearts. In the battles we are fighting. It’s us
finding that hidden spark within us. If we light that spark and that flame.
Then by the time Purim rolls around, we will all don the clothing and garments
that Mordechai Hatzadik wore of kingship. The clothing that Yosef gave
Binyamin. The battle of Persia and Iran will be won. The borders will be
returned. Pesach will come and the long awaited miracles and redemption will
finally be here. We just need to start getting dressed for the occasion.
Have a light-filled Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
************************
YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
“Der
emes ken arumgain a naketer; dem lign darf men baklaidn..” - The truth can walk around
naked; the lie has to be clothed.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
32. The Red Line of the light rail in Gush Dan starts
in Bat Yam, travels through
Tel Aviv, and ends in ________.
Where do most of the merchandise of the State of
Israel leave and enter from?
A. Land crossings
B. Eilat Port
C. Ben-Gurion Airport
D. Mediterranean Sea ports
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuO2Acg6jwY
– A cool musical yiddish recap of Sefer Bereishis
with Motty Steimetz , Zanvil Weinberg, Malchus Choir and more…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLNTe9sgAtI
– Razel Family new song An Avda. Just so cool to see the entire
family from the spectrum..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjTu0GrMuSU
– For Chag Ha’Geula Harel Tal… I don’t know I just like this guy…Ohr
Chadash
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn_mJ3Wrn40
–
And the Chanuka Acapella songs begin this week with Maccabeats Defying Gravity..
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR
PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
The Cleansing- 621BC – With the prophecy and message of the Torah scroll and Chulda’s
warning to Yoshiya of the destruction and exile of the Jewish people for
their sons on the horizon, heard and accepted by the King who rips his clothing…
Yup… See E-Mail above… a movement for teshuva and the cleaning and rededication
and purification of the Beit Hamikdash and Israel begins in earnest. It’s
Chanuka time in the first temple and Yoshiya heeds the call. He
gathers all of the Jewish people to the Beit Ha’Mikdash and renews the
bris that was made so long before. The words of the Torah, the covenant we had
entered into. It’s real. We’re about to lose it all. Let’s make Israel great
again. And they all sign on the dotted line. Let the mission begin.
The first place he
starts is of course the Beit Hamikdash. They take out all of the idols,
all of the vessels, and burns them all in the valley of Kidron. Today
that valley known as Gei Ben Hinnom or Gehenom, or Hell in English, is
right outside of Mt. Of Olives. It’s there where the Molech was served
in human sacrifice. It was the idolatrous equivalent of Sin City, the red
district of idolatry dating back to Shlomo Ha’Melechs’ wives.
Incidentally as well today, it’s a place where there are way too many churches,
as lots of Yoshka stuff happened there. The idolatry there is still waiting to
be cleansed out. It’s waiting for us to do the Lordas work and why Hashem
brought us there. It’s waiting for us do what Yoshiya did over there, as
he covered it in the ashes of all that is evil. He removes the Baal’s,
the Ashera trees, the temples, the monasteries, He then brings all those
ashes there and expands his cleansing to the entire land.
Whereas until Yoshiyahu,
the Northern Kingdom of Israel and Southern Kingdom of Yehuda
didn’t influence much of another and were separated by the Temple of Yeravam
in Beit El. Yoshiya changes all of that. As most of the ten
tribes were gone already and exiled, he now expands the kingdom of Yehuda
north. He destroys the temple of Yeravam and brings all of the Jerusalem
ashes there to Beit El and buries them there. It’s where the exile all
started with Yaakov’s ladder centuries before and now they were once
again becoming fixed. Becoming united. His reign and cleansing mission went all
the way down to Beer Sheva. As I said. It was a Chanuka fire that
was filling Israel. It was something that hadn’t been achieved in all of the centuries
before, even under Chikziya and all of this by this 26-year-old King! 26
by the way is of course the numerical value of Hashem’s name. Yoshiyahu
had revived it. The future was looking brighter.
Yet this wasn’t just a
renovation and purification process. There would be blood that would need to be
spilled as well. Blood, bones and bodies… What happened next? Stay tuned next
week…
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S FUNNY TERRIBLE CLOTHING JOKES OF THE WEEK
My fitness instructor
advised me to wear loose clothing while exercising. I would not have joined the
gym if I had any loose clothing.
Camouflage clothing is
so ugly... It's no wonder you don't see anyone wearing it.
The feud between the
two clothing stores down the street finally came to an end. It ended in a tie.
The Missouri state
legislature is considering a ban on female legislators' clothing that leaves
their arms exposed. I never thought I'd see a Republican state trying to
overturn the right to bare arms
You know the clothing
company Puma? They make Puma shirts, Puma hats, Puma socks, Puma coats...
I wonder why they
don't make pants.
My really frum aunt
thinks that statues of Yoshka on the crucifix in only a loincloth is too
revealing, so she has started covering them in appropriate clothing. ...aparently,
she's a cross-dresser now.
Apparently scarves are
the most dangerous form of winter clothing.The least dangerous are sweater
vests. They’re completely armless.
I just walked by a boy
dressed in some poor shabby clothing
I said: "Awe, are
you an orphan"?
He said: "Yes,
what gave me away?"
To which I replied:
"Your parents."
What is a magicians
favorite clothing item? A card-again
What's an American's
favourite clothing? A lawsuit
What do you say to an
overworked clothing maker? You seamstressed.
At the clothing store where I work, I make it
a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion.
One day, when a man emerged from the fitting
room, I took one look at him and shook my head.
"No, no," I said. "Those jeans
look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair."
As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I
was trying on the shirt."
What would you call a
Hollywood film director who is isolating from Covid? Quentin Quarantino.
***************************************
The answer to
this week”s question is C – Well a bad end
to a lousy exam… I think out of all of the years I’ve been doing this, this was
the worst score that I ever got. Let’s see if I passed even… Well this last
question I got entirely wrong. The first part, is really my fault for not
paying attention to the question. If I would’ve thought about it for a second I
would’ve got the right-ish answer. For some reason, I thought they were asking
who Herod’s wife was. And It hought it was a trick question. And So I answered
that she was Chasmonaim, the daughter of Yochan Hyrkanus, the last of the
Chashmonaim. See I guess I’m in Chanuka mode. The truth is his mother wasn’t Jewish
and he was a forced convert-ish. His mother was Idumean. Or Arab ethnicity the
wife of his father Antipater or Antipatrus in Chazal. He was a questionable convert.
The second part I guessed Iturean, just cause I didn’t think it was any of the
other ones. Yet, If I would’ve gotten the first one right, I would’ve known
that the answer to the second one was the Edomites or Idumeans. Because that
was technically Herods rule and background. But anyways this last one is
entirely wrong.
The final score for this exam stands and ends at. Rabbi Schwartz having 20.5 points and the MOT having 12.5 points which technically would give me a failing grade of 62%. Yet I’m allowed to deduct three questions and only answer 30 instead of 33. So that would give me a pssing grade of 68% . Now the truth is this only off the multiple part section of the exam. That only counts for I believe 1/3 of your grade. The other parts are making itinerary for groups and giving a tour. But yes this is what happens as time goes on… NEXT WEEK We start a new exam stay tuned!
