Karmiel

Karmiel
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Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 4, 2023

The Goat in the Middle of the Room- Pesach 2023 5783

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 4th 2023 -Volume 12 Issue 25 14th of Nissan 5783

 

Pesach

The Goat in the Middle of the Room

It’s the elephant in the middle of the room. Or to be more precise it’s the goat. It’s that thing that’s sitting there and everyone is just continuing along as if there’s nothing strange. Just going about their daily activities and pretending like it doesn’t exist. It didn’t happen. Everything is normal. As I reviewed my Hagdda before preparing for this big holiday coming up, that was the thought that struck me,. How come nobody is talking about it?

 

See, it’s not like Pesach is a time when we don’t talk about things. In fact there’s probably no time of year when we talk more and engage in conversation. It’s a mitzva to talk this evening. Some suggest that the even the name Pesach is a conjunction of two Hebrew words Peh- Sach- the mouth talks. We start off our Magid by the Seder with the story of the great Rabbis in Bnai Brak that spend all night talking and we say it’s praiseworthy to talk and talk and talk… It’s a Rabbi’s dream night. We love to talk. Yet, perhaps the most obvious subject that one would assume we would be talking about is not even mentioned at all. It’s as if we pretend it never happened. It’s bizarre, after-all it’s the whole reason why we were there in the first place.

 

See, ask any child why it is we were in Mitzrayim? How did we get there? What was the reason we were sent out of Eretz Yisrael where our forefathers lived for centuries and went into this first exile of ours? They all know. We learned it in first grade. We read the parshiyot in the Torah. They were unforgettable.

 

It was because the brothers sold Yosef down there. Remember that story? There’s quite a few parshiyot that talked about this at great length. It’s the exciting parshas that make up the entire 2nd half of Sefer Bereishis. Pharaoh, Yosef, Potifar, The butler, the baker, pits with snakes, accusations of being spies, of treason and of stealing goblets. There are those dreams that were fulfilled; Yaakov’s mourning, set-ups and frame-ups… How come we’re not talking about any of this? It’s as if someone censored this most important part of the story of our coming down to Egypt out!

 

The truth is it’s really an almost “un-Jewish” approach. We always try to get to the root issues of why Hashem brings tragedies upon us. The first Temple was destroyed because of the three cardinal sins; Idolatry, Adultery and Murder. The second because of Sinas Chinam- baseless hatred. Everything else that ever happened to us in the past 2000 years of Exile, all the persecutions, the pogroms, the Crusades, the Expulsions and Inquisitions are because of the internet, social media, long shaitels and smartphones… Obviously… So how come on Pesach nobody seems to be talking about the reason that seems very clear for why this all happened? We sold our brother down to Egypt. We didn’t respect one another. We don’t get along. We have serious family issues.

 

Now don’t make the mistake of thinking that there’s way too much to talk about in the Egypt slavery and Exodus story alone and that we don’t want to make this night any longer and too confusing for anyone. Because in fact we do seemingly trace back our history. Not only our history. We go back to Terach Avraham’s father, we mention Yaakov and Uncle Lavan, we even throw in Esau for good measure- although how he got into the picture I still don’t know. But then seemingly at what seems to be the most essential part of understanding the story of how we got down to Egypt in the first place, Poof! we jump over to being slaves. Or perhaps I should say we “skip” over it… Maybe that’s why it’s called Pesach. Or maybe not… It’s a “woke” censored, politically corrected Haggada and Pesach story. It takes talent and deliberation to leave this out and not mention the Yosef story. What’s going on?

 

Thinking about it now for a second, frankly the name for the holiday Pesach is really quite a strange one. The names that best describes the holiday should be more than about the one small fact that Hashem skipped over our houses that night and didn’t kill us. First of all why should we have been killed in the first place? Second of all, to put in it modern day perspective, let’s  say that the Nazi’s are coming to kill us and then Hashem wipes them out, and He doesn’t hit our house and that becomes the name of the holiday? Really...? How about Redemption Day! Miracle night! Retribution Evening… Skip? Sounds like we could use some good marketing and branding on this Title. Would you ever title the film about Yetzias Mitzrayim, “Skippy”?

 

OK, so the truth of the matter is I’ll tell you a little secret here. This might sound revolutionary, but you don’t come here and read this long E-Mail for the usual “same-old- same-old” you read everywhere else. So here goes. You can handle the truth. The holiday of Pesach is not only named after the fact that Hashem skipped over our house that night. As I said it doesn’t make sense that is should be. In fact, if you don’t believe me, check out the Torah. Hashem commands us to take the Pesach sacrifice and it calls it that even before He tells us He skips over our house. It’s called a Pesach for Hashem. A skip for Hashem?

 

Why else is it called Pesach? Rather it’s because of the sacrifice. It’s because of the goat that we slaughter and dip it’s blood in a pail called a “saf” and then shmear it on our two doorposts and on the lintel. It’s because that night of Pesach we are all locked in our house. We are all sitting there with our families. We are all around the table, while havoc is wreaking outside. And we look at that doorpost on the front of our house and we watch the blood drip…drip…drip… on the sparkling clean freshly waxed floor. Drip…Drip…Drip…

 

I heard an incredible idea from Reb Motti Alon recently that gave me this perspective of that Seder and all Pesach Seders that I have never had before. That truly changes everything. See, we are told that when we left Mitzrayim only 20% of our nation merited to leave. 80 percent of Klal Yisrael weren’t worthy of going out. They liked it better there… They didn’t have what it took. And so they died. They died in the Plague of darkness; we are told so that the Egyptians shouldn’t scorn us.

 

Do you know what 80% means? It means that there wasn’t a family, basically, when we left that wasn’t in mourning. That hadn’t lost someone or maybe even a few family members in that pandemic. We were all in Shloshim that night. And we were all locked up in that room, in that house and we were looking around at the same seats at our Pesach feast and watching that blood drip down. The whole family was meant to be together…but we weren’t. We were missing a few that died. We weren’t complete. Our brother wasn’t there with us. Why did this happen? What is this night all about? How can we be redeemed? Drip…Drip…Drip…

 

Do you know what that blood reminds us of? Do you remember the last time we slaughtered a goat and dipped something in its blood? Do you remember when we sold our brother Yosef down to Egypt? Rabbeinu Manoach suggests that we start off our Pesach Seder with the act of Karpas even before we get to the Matza because Karpas- a strange word- comes from the word Pasim- like the Ketonet Pasim-the colored coat of Yosef that we removed from him and dipped in blood. The blood we dip on the doorpost the Torah tells us repeatedly that we scoop out of a “saf” a pail. Also not a common word. But it kind of sounds like “Yo-sef”… right? You know what we did after we sold Yosef? We sat down to “eat bread” The Unkelos translates the words “we sat down” as we “reclined”. Sound familiar to anything we are doing this night? That we just did before Karpas as we drank our first cup of wine and are about to break out the matza….

 

We stole Yosef from his father and right after Karpas…isn’t there a little stealing action going on? Another strange custom, as we steal that afikoman… that broken matza… the one that reminds us of slavery… the brother that’s not with us… that was kidnapped… that is the Pesach offering replacement symbol  called the Afikoman. We’ll see that matza fragment at the end of the Seder again by Tzafun. Do you know someone who was called Tzafnat Panei’ach – the revealer of the hidden? The title that was given to Yosef in Mitzrayim. It is the last thing we need to eat and rectify and return to our father before we are finally redeemed. To our Father. Are you getting it yet? Drip…Drip... Drip…

 

The Seder is all about putting us there again. But rather than our father Yaakov in mourning and the pain and suffering we caused him. We are mourning. We’ve lost our siblings. We even have an egg of mourning that many have the custom to eat at the Seder. It’s even the same day of the week that Tisha B’av falls out on. There’s no reason to talk about the causes of being sent down to Mitzrayim. It’s dripping from our doorpost. It’s the goat in the middle of the room for the past few days. Its us sitting in middle of Shloshim for our dearly departed who aren’t here to celebrate with us.

 

The word and title for this holiday… that Hashem tells us it’s called is PeSaCH- Pesach can be read as Pas- again as the Ketonet Pasim that is on the Ches shape of our door post. Two sides mezuzos and the lintel on the top is the shape of a ches. The Ketonet Pasim- that goat-bloody cloak is on our doorpost as we sit in mourning all night long looking at it and remembering why we’re here. Why some of us aren’t. Why we’re in mourning and what we need to do to be redeemed. And that is when the process of the Seder starts with questions. Why…? How…? Questions that we’re not even meant to give answers to. Questions just so the children will ask. Just so that they know we are listening to them. We hear them. We’re together with them. We’re a family.

 

Pesach, our Exodus is a story of our redemption and becoming a nation. The perquisite to that happening though is that first we have to become a family. We have to undergo what they call in modern Hebrew “Tipul Mishpachti”. We have to resolve our family issues. A nation is only as strong as the families that it joins together. Every house is a Mikdash Me’eat- a small temple. The doorpost is our Mizbayac- our altar - this night where we sprinkle our blood-in case you didn’t get that. If the purpose that we were meant to leave Egypt was to build Hashem a Temple and home here on this world, we first have to get our own house where His shechina shines from together. Seder night is when we do that.

 

Our Avoda on Pesach is to hear one another. To talk to one another like never before. To listen to our shared goals, our concerns, our fears, our traumas, our hopes and aspirations and values. To hear each other’s questions and to talk about and validate and even connect to each other’s dreams. It’s what we didn’t do when Yosef came to us. He came to us with his sheep. With his goats. With his dreams. He was searching for his brothers. It’s what his father sent him to do. It’s what our Father wants us to do. And we failed.

 

We didn’t see king in those Ketonet Pasim, and we didn’t see the “King” that is inside of him and inside of every yid; in all of our brothers and sisters. The spark of the Melech Malchei Ha’Melachim in each of us.

On this night we are all kings and we need to see that in one another. We treat each other like kings. We pour water, wine for our fellow kings at the table. We recline with them and we dip with them.

 

At the same time we are as well poor with them. We are slaves with them. And we bleed and mourn with them. We’re smelted in that iron furnace, the concentration camps, and the never-ending terror attacks and persecutions of the Egypts of our Exile. This is what we need to undergo to bring us together. It’s how we can fix our families and our homes so that Hashem could skip on top of them and come down to this world. So that He Himself can redeem us and shine out from our homes. From His home. There’s no work left to be done in each house for Him to come into because He is already shining out from within every family. We open the bloody doorpost that evening and get up from our mourning to greet Eliyahu Ha’Navi.  His job, our sages tell us is not to purify the impure, to permit the forbidden, to say one is good and one is bad. All four sons are together as a family in this Seder. We fixed that. His job is only to return the children to their Father. Return the Father to the children. To finally bring us home.

 

The redemption is around the corner this year. The plagues and pandemics are all over. There’s only one thing left to fix. One sacrifice and one tikkun we still have to make. The Satan is working overtime trying to divide our family. The marches, the demonstrations, the rhetoric, the hatred. We are not communicating. We are not listening to each other’s questions. We think we know all the answers. We don’t see each other’s dreams. We don’t see brothers and sisters. We see threats. We see wicked sons. We’re throwing each other into pits. We’re not looking on the blood on the doorpost. We’re missing the goat that is sitting in the middle of the room.

 

But the Satan will not win. One of the amazing things about Pesach that is miraculously built into our Jewish DNA, is that we all have a seder. We all come together as our family needs to. Each home. Each family. We are all eating matza. We are all Kings. We are all desperately hungry for that day to finally come when Eliyahu will join us. When Hashem will be with us. We can do it. We will do it.

 

Yossi my jeep driver told me this week that the one question that nobody asked in the times of the Bais Ha’Mikdash was “where are you making the seder this year”. Everyone was in Yerushalayim. We were all together. May that be the question that we don’t need to ask this year as well.

 

Have a redemptively united Pesach,

 

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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GUESS WHO’S BACK IN MISHPACHA MAGAZINE JUST IN TIME FOR PESACH

It’s your favorite Rabbi Tour Guide!!

Check out my latest article on the

HILLS OF EPHRAIM

SHILO!!

https://mishpacha.com/dance-of-unity/

 

And then post share, and send letters to Mishpacha telling them how much you enjoy them!

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Ver shemt zikh fun zeineh mishpocheh, oif dem iz kain brocheh.” - Whoever is ashamed of his family will have no blessings.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

18) Which red flower blooms after the anemone?

Where can you find the plants: Moringa peregrina, Salvadora persica and Calotropis procera

(milkweeds)?

A) Bible Hill

B) Ein Gedi

C) The Lotz cisterns

D) The Ramon Crater (Makhtesh Ramon)

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon   - In honor of Pesach- one of my most beautiful compositions that you really need to sing at every meal on Pesach after you get all vehi she’amda-d out or have had enough of Rechnitze’s V’Hareinu… my Melech Rachaman

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrCK7zLj2U0&t=61s   -Pesach is of course incomplete without Rabbi Schwartzes Schwartz family Shiras HaYam- in Pajamas b’emtza halayla! Vayosha…

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/hachaya-yehalilu   – And of course my Ha’chaya Africa animal song is always a good one to accompany your plagues…

feast!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8c-iuwpkD0   – This song is one of the most beautiful ones that we’ve added to our Pesach Seder- Chasal Siddur Pesach by Shira Chadasha… just beautiful…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prTs2rH8Ihg  – Mordechai Shapiro’s Vehi She’amada … why not…

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

 

Geichazi- 680 BC- With the miraculous cure of the leprosy of Naaman after dipping in the Yarden as per Elisha’s instruction, he becomes a Baal Teshuva. He renounces idolatry and he swears that he will return to his land and never worship anyone but Hashem. He even asks and is granted permission to take back the holy earth of Eretz Yisrael to his land to always remember the miracle and daven on it. As any good goy though, he doesn’t want anything for free. He wants to give Elisha a gift- a “blessing” for his miracle. Elisha though refuses to take anything. He doesn’t want anything to detract from Hashem’s miracle. It wasn’t him. It was Hashem. Just like Avraham our forefather who refuses to take anything from the King of Sodom after the miraculous battle he fouight on his behalf. This is all about Hashem.

 

Elisha’s greedy servant though, Geichazi is not of the same mindset. You don’t leave a potential donor behind. So he goes running after Naaman and hits him up for some silver and some clothing for the prophets. Even worse than that is that he does this in Elisha’s name and even swears to that effect. Naaman, of course dishes up the goods and Geichazi happily returns to Elisha. Yet, he doesn’t remain that way for long.

 

Elisha sees him when he comes in and gets what happened. He knows his student. He gives Geichazi a chance to fess up, and yet when he doesn’t, he gives it to him. He curses Geichazi and tells him that his ill-gotten goods are going to be the source of his grief because the leprosy of Naaman will now fall upon him. The money was given now as an atonement and now he is the proud owner of that atonement in the form of leprosy. It is a terrible lesson. It is an eternal one as well. Tzora’as befalls on one who swears falsely, on one who is greedy, who is stingy and who doesn’t have respect for sages. Geichazi is guilty of all of this and this will follow him for the rest of his life. 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ TERRIBLE FAMILY JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Chaim asks his father, “What’s a man?”

His father says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”

Chaim replies, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mommy!”

 

Mom logic: If you fall out of that tree and break your legs, don’t come running to me!

 

What three words solves all of Dad’s problems? “Ask your mother.”

 

My dad always taught me to share my toys with my siblings. It wasn’t that he wanted me to develop social skills, it’s because he was a cheapskate that wanted to spend 50% less money on toys.

 

 Boy: “Dad, can you explain a solar eclipse to me?”

Dad: “No sun.”

 

Berel turned to his son and asked him “Sruli tatteleh, do you think I am a bad father?”

His son responded “ My name is Yitzy…”.

 

Daughter: Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?

Mom: I don’t know. You’ll have to ask grandma.

 

Moishe told his father “ For $20, I’ll be good.”

Totty said –“ Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.”

 

Who makes the most money from Father’s Day? Therapists.

 

Parental Truth - To Mom: “I don’t feel good” “Where’s my sock?” “Will you make me a sandwich?” To Dad: “Where’s Mom?”

 

Why is a computer so smart? It listens to its motherboard.

 

 Sweater: Something you wear when your mom gets cold.

 

Gunther the cannibal was pretty late to his cannibal family reunion... ...they gave him the cold shoulder...

 

It never occurred to me how much my parents favored my twin brother until they asked me to pick up the cake for his surprise birthday party.

 

What do you say to your sister when she starts crying? “Are you having a crisis?”

 

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. -George Burns

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. -Cary Grant

I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it. -Mary Karr

Bleeding ulcers run in my family: We give them to each other. -Lois McMaster Bujold

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. -George Carlin

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them. -Emo Phillips

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. -Jerry Seinfeld

Few mistakes can be made by a mother-in-law who is willing to baby-sit. -Anonymous

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. -Sam Levenson

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern… like bad wallpaper. -Friedrich Nietzsche

 

After nearly 50 years, my grandmother has finally gotten my grandpa to stop biting his nails. She hid his teeth.

 

 What do you call an angry French aunt? A crossaunt.

 

Shaindy a pregnant woman falls into a coma and doesn’t wake up until after her babies are born. She immediately asks the doctor about them.

“Your twins are doing great! You had a boy and a girl. Your brother named them for you.”

Like any sister would be, she was quite displeased. “Oh, no. My brother is an idiot. What’d he name them?” “

Your daughter’s name is Denise,” the doctor began. Shaindy was pleased. That wasn’t so bad.

“And the boy?”

“Denephew.”

 

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The answer to this week”s question is B –Yeah… No clue about this one… and frankly not even interested. It’s erev Pesach so I really should’ve never even wasted time looking up this answer to this one. Botany is not my thing… Certainly not the names of flowers. I’m the “check out those pretty purple flowers” type of guide and that’s pretty much all you’ll get from me. I do happen to know that Kalanit is the anememones or whatever because theyre so beautiful and all over the place. But no clue as to what grows after them. The answer is nurit or  butter cups ot raunculus according to Wiki if you care. As far as the Part II of the question I have no clue. I guessed Bible Hill but the truth is I would’ve definitely skipped this question. The answer is Ein Gedi though. And one of those things is the Sodom Apple. So I got this one wrong…. Back to cleaning for Pesach. So that makes the score as of now  14.5 for Schwartz and 3.5 for Ministry of tourism on this exam so far…

Tuesday, February 21, 2023

Home- Work - Parshat Mishpatim 2023 5783

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

February 10th 2023 -Volume 12 Issue 17 19th of Shevat 5783

 

Parshat Mishpatim

Home-Work

 

 Children need two parents. One to do their homework with them, the other to cook, clean, do laundry, clothing-shop, food-shop, make a living to pay for all the shopping, go to parent/teacher conferences and of course to spend quality time and love with them. In Israel one has the added pleasure and responsibility to deal with all the government bureaucracy offices that seem to dominate our lives as well. Maybe children need 10 parents. But I can tell you with confidence and experience that homework is a full-time parenting job.

 

I thought I was done with trigonometry, biology, history, even chumash and Navi-at least the assignments, when I passed my regents and received my diploma.

 

"No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks".

 

Yet, the only thing I seem to have moved beyond is the pencils which really weren't too bad. So here I sit cracking my head on Pythagorean theorems and Isosceles triangles as my younger daughter awaits help with her "Teva/Science" homework and her questions on the story of Gideon in Navi. My children are in bad shape...Daddy/Abba, deleted this information from his brain a very long time ago. But if they want, I can teach them how to write a sometimes-humorous Parsha Email, a great inspiring fun tour of Israel or compose an amazing song. But they might just need another parent if they have plans of graduating.

 

The truth is being a parent is not an easy job, or so the more experienced one, my wife tells me. It is a constant balancing job of chores, errands, and love. How do people with 10 or 12 kids manage? I have no clue. Yet at the same time people with one or two kids ask me the same question "how do we manage with five?" (Bli Ayin Hora). I tell them to marry well. The one thing that keeps it all together is perhaps the ingrained sense of responsibility and the natural sense to nurture, that our Creator blessed us with. For most of us if someone would offer us a job cleaning floors, picking up laundry, cooking, washing dishes and doing homework, I don't think it would make it on our top ten of what I wanted to be when I grow up positions. Yet, that's what we do, and we bless Hashem daily for the privilege to be granted such a precious gift.

 

This week's Torah portion shares with us a multitude of laws that govern relationships between man and his fellow man. It starts with one's responsibility to one’s servants, his neighbors, his obligation in regard to their possessions, his obligation in regard to watching over his own possessions so they do not do damage. The Torah also delineates one’s obligations towards the unfortunate members of society; widows, orphans, converts, charity cases and those needing a loan, or a hand. The Torah even mentions consideration one must have for accidental murderers, thieves, and those that have made mistakes and wish to make things right once again. Basically, the majority of civil law can be found in the first few Aliyot of this Parsha. What is blatantly missing though is some guidance on raising one’s family. In fact, there are not too many verses in the Torah that gives us parenting tips or how to raise a Jewish family. If the Torah is the book of Jewish living shouldn't there be at least one Parsha dedicated to the eternity and well-being of our family?

 

The answer suggests Reb Yisrael Salanter the great Mussar giant (as well as many of his students), that all of the clues of how-to parent are incorporated in the laws of how one deals with society. If one understands the degree of honor, respect, and consideration one must treat one's servants with, one's neighbors with, and even those who have done wrong, then our spouse and our children are of course to be treated with the same level of dedication.

 

If Hashem provides a special place for one who kills someone to run to as a place of refuge, shouldn't our child who crashes our computer or consistently doesn't pick up their clothing be offered that same refuge? If we are obligated to take in the lost object of a neighbor care for it and seek him out to return it, are your kids lost shoes or coat (generally 5 minutes-before carpool) any less? And if we can be mandated to assist our enemy unloading his donkey from his heavy burden, is the homework burden of our children (who sometimes resemble donkeys shlepping a load with all those schoolbooks) any less of a mandate?

 

There's a great story of one of the great Mussar ethicists whose student asked him what the best way to excel in the attribute of kindness- doing chesed. His Rebbe told him that when he comes home, and his wife tells him that the children need a bath he should run to do it with simcha-joy. In that way he fulfills chesed with his wife, his children and perhaps greatest of all with himself. He points out that when the Torah describes the mitzvah of unburdening your enemy's animal it says

If you see your enemy’s animal crouching from under his burden, would you hesitate to assist him in unloading? Unload with him!

 

The Rebbe said the reason one might hesitate is because he feels that he is losing or assisting his enemy. However, the Torah tells us in truth what is happening is that he is himself burdened by his feelings of hate or anger and by working together he too will be unburdened. Unload!-Azov Ta'azov IMO- Which can also be translated as leave "you shall leave with him". Put one’s personal feelings behind and you will find that you yourself are being helped.

 

There is no place this truer, the Rebbe said, than when it comes to one's family and children. Too often our own personal stress, needs and projected expectations weigh us down and pre-occupy us from helping out those that are most important to us. The greatest chesed is when we can put those down for a bit (and many times more than a bit) and help unburden the load of those that we care the most about. In doing so we will find that we ourselves will become unburdened. The chesed that we do with our loved ones can be the greatest chesed. It's not always easy but that what our real homework is really all about.

 

Have a moiridikeh happy Shabbos Mevorchim Adar!

 

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 


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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Eyn mame dergreykht mer vi a hundert lehrers.” One mother achieves more than a hundred teachers.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

11) The highest summit in the Galilee is on Mount:

Which of the following is the highest above sea level?

A) Karmiel

B) Nazareth

C) Beit Shemesh

D) Mitzpe Ramon

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/layehudim  –

Getting into Adar Mode with my La’yehudim song

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/eitz-chayim    -In honor of the second Parshas  Matan Torah- My amazing inspiring beautiful composition Eitz Chayim

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzF2pvTT1Yc – An awesome Lecha Dodi in Tzfat with Malchus, Kempeh, Aharon Razel, Zanvel Weinberger, Levi Falkowitz and more… Pretty amazing.. you don’t want to skip this..

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-erxz2eRmI  – nothing Like Chanan BenAri songs being sung by a chasidish guy Yanky Hill..

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CeMYTczzII – In the wake of the recent attacks a beautiful composition by Mendel Roth- Eretz Al Tichasi Damim

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yizkeraim   - And on that musical note my Yizkereim memorial song

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Elisha’s Cave?- 690 BC- Mazel Tov! The Shunamite woman had a son that was granted to her from the prophet Elisha. At first she declined any special recognition for all the service and special hospitality she had provided for him in her Shunamite house, which we said was in the modern day Arab village of Sulam, at the foot of Mt. Tabor in the lower Galile. She was after all very old and this would be a tremendous miracle. Yet, Elisha promised her that all would be alright and the child was born. Yet not long afterwards as he grew older he was out in the field and he suffered from sunstroke. It’s a dangerous time of year around Sukkos time. It’s not too hot so one doesn’t feel the heat, yet the sun is bright and can dehydrate you. They bring the boy home to his mother and lo and behold, he dies in her lap. This is not a good thing.

 

Yet, this remarkable woman has faith that Elisha had promised her all would be well. So she calmly takes the child and places him upstairs in the attic where Elisha’s room was. She then tells her husband that she’s taking a donkey to go pay a visit to the prophet. He’s a bit taken by that. The Navi tells us that he asks her why she is going? It’s not Shabbos, it’s not a holiday. Why would she go visit the prophet. Our sages learn out from this discussion that one should visit their Rebbi on Shabbos and Yom Tov, by the way. She pushes her husband off and heads off to Mt. Carmel where Elisha is.

 

Interestingly enough there is a cave on Mt. Carmel that is known as Eliyahu’s cave. It would seem that this is really more of a Christian made up site than an actual Jewish site, as it seems clear from the Navi that the cave that Eliyahu hid from Achav was in Midbar Yehudah- far from Mt. Carmel. Yet throughout generations Jewish pilgrims have prayed there from the period of the Geonim making it one of the oldest Jewish pilgrimage sites in Israel. In fact the Mabit who lived in Tzfat in the period of the ARI in the 16th century mentions and annual Hilula there and the Ohr Hachaim Ha’Kadosh in the 17th century even spent Yom Kippur there. Yet, the site itself dates back to the Byzantine period long after Eliyahu and it was certainly used as a shared Christian and Jewish site.

 

Now although, the story of Eliyahu running away from Achav didn’t happen here. Yet, from this story of Elisha on Mt. Carmel, and the previous story of Eliyahu and the prophets of Baal that took place by the Muchraka monastery at the tip of the Mountain, it seems that this Mt. was certainly a place where Eliyahu hung out as well as his students. So perhaps this could be the cave of Elisha as well as Eliyahu, maybe using his Rebbi’s cave. The building, by the way, which used to be a cold damp cave was recently renovated and is really nice and worth the visit.

 

What takes place next, when she arrives there? Stay tuned...

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE HOMEWORK JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

 

If school isn't a place to sleep then home isn't a place to study

.

Teacher says to little Mary, "I want you draw a picture of a house" Little Mary says "That must be my HOMEwork"

 

Yankel came to cheder all puzzled and said to his teacher "Rebbi will I get into trouble for something I haven’t done?"

He said "No, why?"

Yankel said " Because I haven’t done my homework.”

 

My daughter was doing her homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo. I, proudly and confidently, told her that he was just a poor boy from a poor family. (If you don’t get this… you need to rhapsodize a bit…)

 

Hey, Berel! You think your teacher knows that I help you with homework?

 I think she does, mom!

She said it was impossible to get so many wrong answers on my own.

 

Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.

Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.

 

I always put my glasses on when doing Math homework. It improves division

 

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure son"

"What are 5 mammals that live in the ocean?"

"3 whales and two dolphins"

"Thanks dad"

"Anytime"

 

Me: Do you want help with your homework?

Son: No you make it worse Me: I do not!

Son: ok what's a “naysayer”

Me: Easy. That is a horse

 

Little Ahmed is doing his anatomy homework.

He comes upon a question: "What separates the head from the body?"

Ahmed answers: "The axe"

 

Russia's Three Steps to Homework

Step 1. Putin it off

Step 2. Stalin

Step 3. Russian to finish

 

FROM a Real Letter to God Homework assignmnet

 

Dear God, Did you mean the giraffe to look like that or was it a mistake?

Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now?

Dear God, Who drew the lines around the countries?

Dear God, Thanks for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.

Dear God, It rained during our whole holiday and my father was so mad he said some things about you that he shouldn’t have. Please don’t hurt him.

Dear God, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

Dear God, If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Levy, because I hate her.

Dear God, I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.

Dear God, I think about you sometimes, even when I'm not praying.

Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.

Dear God, Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best.

Dear God, I read Thomas Edison made light. But in Hebrew school, I learned that you did it. I bet he stole your idea.

Dear God, I don't think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already.

Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother

 

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The answer to this week”s question is D – I like easy questions, especially ones tha mention my home town of Karmiel. But really everyone should know that Mt. Meron is the highest mountain in Galile- even if you never went on  a tour with me. As well Part 2 is pretty easy as well as As Beit Shemesh is in Shefela- lowlands, Nazareth is in Lower Galil- as is Karmiel which borders the upper and lower Galil on Highway 85- the emphasis is of course on the word Low in both of those. Mitzpeh Ramon though in the Negev is about 900 meters high above sea level. It’s in the South so some might think that makes it not high, but of course North and South geographicaly have nothing to do with elevation. So that’s of course the right answer. Making the score now 8.5 for Schwartz and 2.5 for Ministry of tourism on this exam so far…