Karmiel

Karmiel
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Showing posts with label gastric bypass. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gastric bypass. Show all posts

Friday, August 26, 2022

Pro-Choice- Parshat Re'eh 2022 5782

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

August 26th 2022 -Volume 11 Issue 46 29th of Av 5782

 

Parshat Re’eh

Pro-Choice

 

It’s been a year. I’m almost half the man I used to be. But I feel like twice the man. Last year at this time I was pushing 275 pounds. Actually I wasn’t pushing anything I was pretty much relaxing on my couch and the gravity was pushing me down. Way down. Today a year later I’m about 150. My gastric bypass surgery worked. My clothing still don’t fit. But now rather than being too tight and needing a crowbar to get on my pants and warning people to avoid the buttons popping off my shirt when I sit down at the Shabbos table, I find myself perpetually walking around holding my pants up so that my tourists don’t get a view that they didn’t pay for.

 

People tell me I have to go shopping for clothing, but who has time? And anyways I’m still losing weight, remarkably enough. My wife and kids are scared I’m going to disappear. Funny, after a year and 10 months of being home all day I figured they’d be happy with that prospect. But I reassured them that they shouldn’t worry. Even if they can’t see me, my voice will be in their heads forever. No amount of therapy will ever get that out.

 

Now there are some out there that might say that doing the surgery is cheating. Why can’t you just go on a diet like a regular person? Why do you need to cut yourself open? Why can’t you just lose weight naturally? Well the answer is because diets don’t work. See, what happens on a diet is that you have to lose let’s say 80 or 100 pounds or so, or whatever. Well the first 40 or 50 come off no problem. In a few months of watching what you eat and exercising you’re excited to see the pounds drop and the scale becomes a happy place for you to go to… five times a day. Then what happens is that nothing comes off. Nothing. Nada. And you go on and on and still the scale stays at the same weight. You obviously think the scale is broken, so you buy a new one. And that doesn’t work either. And after a few months of nothing coming off and you’re still eating the farkakteh carrot and celery sticks, passing up on desert and eating bran muffins you finally say the heck with this. It’s stupid. And then you start eating again normally and everything comes back with ribbis- interest. That’s diets. They don’t work. Trust me I’ve done it millions of times.

 

But is it cheating? Is making my stomach the size of egg so I get full after two falafel balls or three bites of chicken, or a third of slice of pizza really a legitimate expression of me exercising my free will to lose weight? Does the fact that I can now eat really whatever I want without any guilt or care- albeit just a little bit- really diminish my manliness and ability to express self-control? Maybe. Or maybe not. Who cares. I’m skinny. I wear a size small. I always you to look at the letter S on shirts and pants and think it stood for Skinny. Not anymore. Now the “S” is for Schwartz. Skinny, small Schwartz.

 

But the question about free-will is still out there. It’s one of the most important questions and according to the Rambam it is the essence of what makes us human. And it has it’s start one would think in this week’s parsha- rather late in the Torah- if you ask me. But bizzarely enough it really doesn’t end until three parshas from now right before Rosh Hashana in parshat Nitzavim. Let me explain.

 

Our Parsha begins with the words

Re’eh- See I am giving before you today the blessing and the curse. The blessing which you will listen to the mitzvos of Hashem your God which I command you today. And the curse if you will not listen to the mitzvos of Hashem…

Hashem tells us that when we cross the Yarden we will go to Mt. Gerizim and Eival and we will hear them there and we should observe the mitzvos.

 

The problem with this text though is that it doesn’t tell us what will happen there. Who will stand where, what the ceremony will consist of and most importantly what we should do.

 

The Torah then interrupts this narrative-it’s almost like a promo with three and a half Torah portions and 185 mitzvos in parshat Shoftim, ki teitzei and ki tavo, the most jam packed with mitzvos in the Torah. We wait 16 ½ chapters till perek 27 when it picks up again with the same story and almost identical verse.

 

Devarim (39:15) Re’eh- see I have given to you life and blessing and death and curse. Ubacharta ba’chaim- and you should choose life.

 

There it continues and tell us about this whole ceremony. There it tells us about half the tribes on one mountain the others on the other one. The blessings the Kohein says, the curses the nation saying Amen. So what’s going on here? Why the introduction? Why the break with all of the mitzvos? There’s something here essential. In fact one of my great teachers, Reb Mordechai Alon suggests it’s the essence of all of Elul that begins this Shabbos and we read these parshiyos.

 

He notes that when the Rambam brings down this mitzva he brings both pesukim. Ours in Re’eh and the second one in Nitzavim.

 

Rambam Teshuva (5:3) And this is a great principle, the pillar of Torah and mitzvos as it says… (he then quotes both verses) as if to say the permission is in our hands to do whatever action that is in the hands of man to do-good or bad… Hashem does not force or decree on anyone to do anything good or bad. It’s all given to us.

 

He then says that we shouldn’t make the mistake of the nations of the world or the foolish golems make that everyone is predestined and determined to be good or bad. Rather anyone can be righteous like Moshe or evil like Yeravam, the can be kind or cruel, generous or stingy. And here’s the key. He says that no one can push or make you do anything or any time of person that you don’t want to be. It’s all up to us.

 

Now this is very non-conventional thought even today. When people think that they’re pre-programmed to be everything depressed, happy, outgoing, straight, crooked, smart and stupid, friendly or anti-social. The Rambam feels that’s heresy. There’s no such thing. We can do it all. We have the choice to be whatever we want to be.

 

I don’t think there’s anything more confusing in our world today than this concept. Today the world speaks about freedom of choice and being who you want to be. Even what gender and color as stupid as that is. But it’s all baloney. Because what the world is programming us to believe is that we should become who they want us to be. We need to be politically correct. We need to be accepting. We need to do whatever our heart desires. If we are restricted by something. If we can’t experience something. If we can’t choose what we want to do with our own bodies then we don’t really have freedom. That the Torah tells us is not freedom. Rather quite the opposite. It’s slavery. We are slaves to society. We are slaves to ourselves. Our worst selves.

 

Our parsha interestingly enough doesn’t tell us about choice. But that’s not really true. The word bechira and bachar appears 15 times in the parsha, yet it’s all about Hashem choosing. Eretz Yisrael is the land he chose. We are the nation He chose. We must go the chosen place. Choice, choice choice. In fact, choice- real true choice- is what makes us God like. It’s Hashem choosing and we have that power of choice when we connect to Him. Back in the Garden of Eden after we Adam sinned, the Rambam understands that Man becomes like God in that now we can be like Him and choose to do good or do evil. How do we choose? When we connect to Hashem. When we remove all of the other things detracting from that heavenly expression of choice. When we don’t listen to our body, to the media, to the advertisement campaign to what everything that’s not Hashem is telling and trying to get us to do.

 

The Parsha of Re’eh is where it all starts. Hashem tells us there are two choices. And then he tells us all about the mitzvos. All of them. If we do them, then we are connected to Him. We will find the godliness inside of ourselves. We will have the tools we need to express true free-choice. We will have removed the fat that is weighing us down and we can be the Godly people that will have life. That is the Torah reading of this month. That is essence of what we are put here to achieve. Removing impediments aren’t cutting off ones choice- just the opposite. It opens us up to becoming the people we always needed to become.

 

Most of you out there reading this don’t need surgery. Your clothes fit fine. But Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur is coming around the corner with the shofar blasts that will start to waken and shake us up this Sunday morning. It’s the noise that reaches our soul and reminds us of how were long ago on Sinai. The dreams we had, the potential we could become the choices we could’ve made and that we could still make. May this month of Elul give all of us a clean slate. And may we not only choose life and blessing, but may we be blessed with them as well.

Have an choice Shabbos and a fantastic Rosh Chodesh Elul

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

  

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WE’RE BACK IN MISHPACHA!

After a few months of busy tour guiding hiatus was finally able to get out the long awaited

MISHPACHA MAGAZINE

Tour guiding column

Check out this week’s edition and column as I explore the Golan and Gilead region along Syrian borders of Israel. It’s this week’s parsha as well- how incredibly timely.

Click here to read article

https://mishpacha.com/lookout-for-peace/

share, comment, let me know what you think, tell them how much you missed me and enjoy a taste of Eretz Yisrael with your favorite weekly tour guide Rabbi

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Hob nit kain moirch ven du host nit kain ander braireh.” -Don’t be scared when you have no other choice.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lulay-heamanti-kavey  -  In honor of Chodesh Elul please enjoy my Elul Song that we will be reciting and you can sing all month long lulay hemanti

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S6-7RxVw0Y – Eitan Katz Elul Niggun

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YG0lbfGUpwU – Yakov Shwekey’s two realeases two weeks in  a row. This one is Baruch Hashem it’s Shabbos

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfXfZND0myo – Shuli Rands bein kodehs l’chol should get you in the mood with Elul..

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHErQrvvftQ   – And of course Ishai Ribo’s Elul brings it all together for you..

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

8)  Remains of a 2nd Temple Era Synagogue was found by the Kinneret at  _________

The purpose for the building of the synagogue was

A)  the difficulty to go to Jerusalem to the Temple

B)  An alternate place of worship on the pilgrimage holidays

C)  A place of gathering and for Torah and Tefilla

D)  For reading the Torah and the Mishna

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

Tish and Nosh- Parshat Re’eh- For most chasidim the highlight of their Shabbos is the tish by the Rebbi. Taste a little shrayim of the Rebbi’s leftover kugel, fruits and what nots. For my kids and many kids it’s the Shabbos party or nosh we they get only on Shabbos. For guys it’s the hot kiddush in shul and herring. The common denominator? It’s all about the food. Shabbos is a day of feasting and in  our ma yedidus song we sing about the delicacies of Shabbos. Shabbos= food and that’s a good and holy thing.

 

This week the Torah tells us that there is a mitzva of Maaser Sheini where we bring our tithes to Jerusalem and we eat them there. The reason for this mitzva we are told is l’maan tilmod l’yirah osi kol ha’yamim so we should learn to fear Hashem all of our days. What does food have to do with the fear of God the commentaries all wonder. It’s not a Mussar book or even Torah study. How does eating something so physical like food make you holy? Even more interesting is that the Gemara in yevamos (93A) tells us that today this is the food of Shabbos and Yom Tov that has that same power.

 

The ARI”Zl reveals to us something incredible about food. He says that it is what produces the blood and life force of man. Thus if one eats food in a holy way then the blood that is produced is holy. It comes with the vitamin Y- for yirah- the fear and awe of Hashem in it. If on the other hand it is eaten with just physical desire then it’s like Splenda, it’s non-organic, white bread… all the good healthy stuff my wife likes in it are taken out of it. On Shabbos and Yom Tov everything we eat is a mitzva. It’s why the biggest mitzva day to eat is on Erev Yom Kippur the ARI says. Because it’s literally eating before Hashem. Before the day of Judgement. It’s like eating a sacrifice in the Holy of Holies. And every Shabbos we eat treats as well because every bite only has healthy spiritual goodness in it. There is nothing physical about Shabbos with anything bad in it. It’s like eating the Manna. So go out and treat yourself. Shabbos is here and have some holy food.  

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Ben Hadad the 2nd - 724 BC – Having set up Eliyahu and Elisha the Navi returns to the story of the Jewish people and King Achav. We are told about the Aramean king from Aram Dameshek which is pretty much Syria today that unites 32 kings together to wage war against Israel. They come to the city of Shomron which is where the palace of Achav is and they lay siege upon it. Shomron is the name giving to the whole region today of the West Bank, yet back then it was a city. The location according to most archaeologists is a place called Sebastia in the West Bank. It got that name from the city that Herod built there during the 2nd Temple period. There they uncovered the remains of the largest palace in the Middle East from this period of time. Don’t ask me to take you there though, because even though it is under Israeli control one can only visit with Military coordination in advance. And you know I don’t like to plan things in advance.

 

Well Ben Hadad, was a pretty arrogant guy and he sent the message to Achav that he was pretty much gonna wipe out the whole city unless he handed over everything that he had including women, children, gold and silver. Now Achav assumed this was all about money and paying taxes for their value and he agreed. What’s a few bucks more to the tax guy to avoid bloodshed, right? Yet Ben Hadad sent back that he wanted the people and everything themselves. Interestingly enough according to the Midrash what he really was demanding was the Torah to be handed over to him. That was too much for Achav, fascinatingly enough. He is a strange person this Achav. On the one hand he’s married to Jezebel and kills the prophets of Hashem. On the other hand, he keeps stepping up to the plate and making things good again. A very curious figure that Chazal tell us could’ve even been Mashiach ben Yosef.

 

So Achav tells Ben Hadad to come at him with all he’s got. Ben Hadad gets ready for war and then the Navi Micha steps into the story. Next week we find out what he said and what happened by this exciting battle.

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE CHOICE JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Berel enters his multiple choice (Mivchan Amerakai as they call it here) Bagrut (regent’s) Exam. .

While all of the other kids are furiously working on their papers Berel flips a coin for each question and picks the choices accordingly. An hour into the exam – when all the students have given in their papers and he’s the only one left in the room, the proctorsees that he’s still flipping coins; and tells him there isn’t much time left and asks him whether he is about to finish. Berel answers: “I’ve finished half an hour ago, just going through my answers!”

 

Yankel came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.

"Well, Totty," said the Yankel, "I challenged Moishie to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big brother!"

 

Waiter: How would you like your steak sir?

Me: like winning an argument with my wife

Waiter: good choice, rare it is.

 

An angel suddenly appears in the Beis Midrash offices  during the Rebbeim’s meeting and tells the Rosh Yeshiva that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the Rosh Yeshiva selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

 

Now, all heads turn toward the Rosh Yeshiva, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."

 

He looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money.

 

 

I’m saying good bye to my i-phone for a little while. My wife says I'm on my iphone every 20 seconds checking it and she can't stand it anymore! I had to make a choice. So I'm going to be offline for a couple of minutes while I pack her bags.

 

My doctor really likes my choice of sensible footwear...

I overheard him telling his colleague that I had "Serious healthy shoes".

 

Ever travel on El Al. I did last week. The stewardess came over very nicely and asked me

“Would you like dinner?”

“What are my choices?”

“Yes or no.”

 

When you want to change your hairstyle, there are two choices: 'Do or dye.

 

If you had the choice between World Peace or all of Bill Gates money.... .....what color Ferrari would you buy?

 

I can't believe my parents support my choice of profession! I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian. They laughed at me.

 

So David Ben Gurion dies and he comes up to heaven and they don’t know what to do with him. On the one hand he established the homeland for the Jews to return and brought thousands to the Holy Land. He gave grants and exemptions for Torah scholars and those that study in Kollel. At the same time he wasn’t observant and was even anti-religious, taking children away from their religious homes and trying to make them secular. So they gave him a choice. Do you want to go up or down? He asked to check out the choices and he gets in the heavenly elevator upstairs and the doors open and he sees a beautiful beach. There’s music, a free bar and everyone is lounging around the pool and taking it all in.

“Not bad” he says. “let’s see option B”.

He gets back in the elevator and it goes down and the gates open up and he sees surprisingly a similar scene. Beach, drinks, pool and he sees some of his friends playing backgammon that wave to him. So they bring him back upstairs and ask him where he’d like to go.

“Well they both seem nice, “He says “but the chevra seems to be downstairs, so I think I’ll go there”. So they put him back in and he heads downstairs. However this time when the gates open up he sees angels of destruction with torches, people are burning screaming and look terrified.

“Woahh, what’s this? This isn’t what you showed me before?!”

Ohhh.., that? That was your pilot trip. Welkam to Eezrael…”

 

So the American people's choices for the next President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Joe Biden. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

 

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Answer is C -  This one was pretty easy as well, especially since the built a whole area around it. The answer is Migdal. And this was a city from the time of the second Beis Hamikdash. The made it into a big Christian site because its mentioned in the fake New Testament as a the place where Mary Magdalene one of yoshkas girlfiends are from. Not that you really care about this. I don’t either and it’s why I really never go there. The second part of the question as well should be easy for those that read my most recent Mishpacha article. Which of course means my family won’t know the answer… Ahem…. Shuls back then were not just places of prayer. The Bais Hamikdash was where they would daven and ask Hashem for everything- as it should be and will be soon IYH. Shuls were gathering places as they are aptly called Beit Knesset- houses of gathering and they would gather there for tefilla, davening, communal meetings, social functions. They were pretty much places of gatherin JCC’s if you will. Maybe that’s why we’re so comfortable schmoozing in them today. So another one right and the so the score now is Schwartz 7.5 and 1.5  for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.

Friday, August 6, 2021

The Last Chulent- Parshat Re'eh 5781 /2021

 

Insights and Inspiration

                                                                       from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

August 6th 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 43 28th Av

Parshat Re'eh

The Last Chulent

(Check out the link to my latest Mishpacha tour article below!)

                                                                              

There a few life-changing Shabossos that one has in their lives. In my life there are a few that will always stand out. The first of course was my Bar Mitzva Shabbos. It doesn't really get more life-changing than that. In one weekend I was transformed from a boy to someone who was supposed to start behaving like a man. I don't know if that ever really happened, so perhaps it's more accurate to say that I became responsible for my actions, my sins, my mitzvos, my obligations at least as far as heaven was concerned. Life-changing. I was no longer the same person as I was before that.

 Fast forward from that Shabbos about 10 years or so and I stood up there at the Bima again and they pelted me with candies as they did 10 years prior. This was my Shabbos Aufruf or Shabbat Chatan as they call it here. The coming week I would be a married man. Life would no longer just be about me. I would now have somebody else in my life to worry about me… I mean to worry about them J… It was heavy. It was intense. My bachelor party days were over. And despite being a fairly frum yeshiva guy I had an awfully good time.  I learned in Lakewood … remember. Would I ever have fun again? Would I frum out? Am I really capable of being there emotionally, materially, spiritually for another person? For her? It was scary and certainly life-changing. Schwartzy the yeshiva guy's life was certainly over.

 The next two Shabbosos really go together. The first was the Shabbos that my wife told me that she was pregnant a year or so after we were married. That was scary. This marriage thing was for real now. We officially have baggage now if it doesn't work out. Not that there were any problems, questions, doubts or surprises for me that first year. There never is any Shana Rishona which is always idyllic…. Uh huh. Remember that Yonah and Batya. But this was terrifying. There's going to be someone in my life that I'm supposed to be a role model for. That is supposed to look up to me. That I will probably have to pay a lot of money for therapy for if I mess up. When I met Shani for the first time it was even scarier. Because she was so cute and so precious. What did she do wrong in a previous life to get stuck with a Dad like me?

 When Yonah came along- and he was actually born on Shabbos it was even more scary. His Bris was on Shabbos and I'll never forget thinking what a precious gift Hashem has entrusted me with. Does He really know what he's doing leaving this precious little neshoma in my hand? My mother asked the same question by the way when she saw him… But the truth is Thank God for my wife who was and is really good at this parenting thing. And therapy really isn't as expensive as I had thought anyways. So it all turned out good.

 Yet of all of the life-changing Shabboses in my life this Shabbos is perhaps the most dramatic and terrifying for me. See, all the other ones were really emotional or status changing life transitions that came with new and different expectations, hopes and dreams. This Shabbos though is the first in my life where my life will be changing physically in a real significant way. It is the Shabbos that I have aptly named the Shabbos of the Last Chulent.

 Now I know that sounds very melodramatic. And it is. But that 's the way that I deal with things. You see, this coming Tuesday I will be going under the knife – laparoscopically of course, just continuing to be melodramatic- and having the gastric bypass stomach surgery, something I made fun of for years and that I swore I could never see myself doing. Well you know how they say that someday you're going to have to eat those words. Well it seems, that words are pretty much the only thing I'm going to be eating for a while.  Now I know that I will eventually be able to eat chulent and even most other things eventually once again in a lot of months or year, but it won't be the same. What the surgery does is pretty much leave you with a stomach the size of about an egg. From what I have heard from most of the people I have spoken to that have done it, after a half a piece of gefilte fish, a few spoons of soup, a half a drumstick or a wing or two and a sliver of kugel and a spoon or two of farfel they feel stuffed. One guy told me that after a quarter of a small bowl of chulent he feels like he ate two shwarmas. I told him that I can easily knock off three, Fuggedabout, the three of four platefuls of chulent I can easily put down on a Shabbos… And that's after the salatim soaked up with half a loaf of Challa, kugels, liver and what's for dessert thank-you-very-much. Yes, this is going to be life-changing.

 Before Corona I never really felt the need for this surgery. The truth is I never really felt that my overweight-ness or obesity hampered me at all. I was touring and running around the country every day. I was active climbing, hiking and running all over the place. Sure I knew that it was a health risk and that certainly I have plenty of lousy genes in my family that increased my risk of things I don't even want to think about and pretty much ignored. Yet, I felt fine and I was young right? At least at heart and in spirit. And the truth is I still feel that way, except that now it's only in spirit. The body has become a drag and it's not fun. And after a few friends of mine underwent scary health stuff- and they're in twice the better shape than I am- I realized the time had finally come. My eating life was over. I had nice long 50 year run and probably ate more chulent than most people have in three lifetimes.

 I know what you're thinking. Why don't you just go a diet. Uh huh… Been there- done that. I probably lost more weight in my life then my whole family weighs put together and Shani is due any day now IYH… Losing weight is easy I've done it a million times. The problem is that after you hit that plateau and nothing is coming off anymore and you still have plenty to go and you're still crunching on those carrots and passing up on the Pizza it just feels like a "waist" of time- pun intended. It's time for something dramatic. And so this Shabbos will be my last "real" Shabbos meal for a long time; at least as I have defined it until now. With my urging my wife of course has been cooking all week.

 Now as I always do at this point in the week, I open up the Torah portion and check out Hashem's always timely message that he has for me. It's why we have Parshat Ha'Shavua, to look in the Torah and read what Hashem feels we need to hear this week. And what do you know. This week's Torah portion providentially enough is probably the one with the biggest menu in the Torah. The Parsha which begins with Moshe urging us to take life seriously by looking at the blessing and curse that Hashem has laid out for us when we either follow or alternatively god forbid disobey the Torah quickly moves to the dramatic change that occurs to our our nation when we come to the land of Israel.

 However, in every desire of your soul, you may slaughter and eat meat in all your cities, according to the blessing of the Lord, your God, which He gave you; the unclean and the clean may eat thereof, as of the deer, and as of the gazelle.

 In the wilderness we could only eat sacrificial meat. In the holy land we can slaughter and redeem sacrifices that have been blemished and eat them. It then continues and tells us that really any Kosher meat can be eaten.

 When Hashem, your God, expands your boundary, as He has spoken to you, and you say, "I will eat meat," because your soul desires to eat meat, you may eat meat, according to every desire of your soul. If the place the Lord, your God, chooses to put His Name there, will be distant from you, you may slaughter of your cattle and of your sheep, which the Lord has given you, as I have commanded you, and you may eat in your cities, according to every desire of your soul.

 There's a lot of desire there it seems for the Torah and the Torah in fact sanctions and blesses it. This is in fact the verse in the Torah that is the source for the commandment to slaughter animals.  But it's not just steaks, burgers and shwarmas that the parsha concerns itself this week. It gets into the kosher birds we can eat and even the delicious fish with fins and scales that we can have with chrain and mayonnaise before we eat our chicken soup with juicy chicken pipiklach in them and of course those turkey cold cuts. Yeah… This week is the Parsha of the last Schwartz supper and Hashem has prepared a menu for me to remember.

 Yet as I read this menu, I think to myself how incredible our Torah and Judaism is. Our religion, the blessing and our lives are built around food. The first sin of Adam was eating the wrong thing and as our job in this earth is to rectify that sin by eating only that which is permitted to us. While we are in the wilderness before coming to the land of Israel we could only do that through partaking in sacrifices that had been consecrated; at least if you wanted to eat flayshigs- and who are we fooling that's the only real type of meal that counts. Upon coming into Israel we have become so elevated that our bellies themselves are like temples and altars. Our desire for food and meat is like that of the Mizbayach, it is as the desire of Hashem is for sacrifices.

 I'm reminded of the story of one of the Chasidic Rebbis (maybe it was the Tolner?) that before 1948 would regularly got to Kever Rachel and pour out his heart to Hashem in the merit of Mama Rachel. Yet after we lost access to it in the war of independence he was no longer able to come. When in 1967 it was once again liberated and Israeli control, the Rebbi returned with all of his chasidim for the first time in 19 years. Before entering though the Rebbi told his students to set up a large table laden with all the best delicacies for the Tish that he would hold before entering. He explained to his perplexed Chasidim that he did this because every Jewish child know that there is nothing that gives a Jewish Mother ore nachas then feeding her children and knowing that they are well-fed. My mother always particularly pleased with me it seems. Similarly, Hashem desires that we eat well. And if we do so and appreciate our body as one that is giving pleasure to Hashem in our eating then we have truly joined heaven and earth in the holiest way.

 At the same time though this Parsha of food gives us one major warning that it repeats as well.

 However, be strong not to eat the blood, for the blood is the soul; and you shall not eat the soul with the flesh.

 Frankly I do like my meat a little on the rare side. It's best when it's a juicy steak. Yet blood is something I really do not have a desire for. Interestingly enough Rashi brings two opinions about this blood prohibition that the Torah seems to feel the need to accentuate to us with the extra heeding of "Be strong". The opinion of Rebbi Yehudah is that the Jews have a natural propensity for foreign cuisine. We have kosher Italian, French, Indian, Japanese, Chinese and even Vietnamese restaraunts and that's on one block alone in Flatbush, Monsey and Lakewood Ir Hakodesh. In Israel they even have Ethiopian restaraunts although I don't know why. I thought there were just starving people there that would die if I didn't finish what was on my plate. So in the same way the gentiles back then ate blood food and Hashem was warning us not to get sucked into or start sucking on that to be precise.

 Rebbi Shimon Ben Azzai though tells us that most people don't like blood, the Torah is using this as an extreme example to teach us that if for the not eating of blood which we have no natural desire for we have to be careful, how much more so do we have to be careful about observing commandments that we have a natural predilection to violate.

The Gaon of Vilna though and his student Reb Chaim Volozhin though see in the end of the verse the essence of the Torah's exhortation. We should be careful not to eat our "souls" with our "flesh". Food can become an obsession. Food is meant to bring and raise our souls up however if we become to engrossed in the desire-desire-desire that the Torah repeats in permitting and even blessing us with its consummation than we can easily slide down that gastrointestinal tract to swallowing our souls up with the steaks. It becomes just about the food. It becomes just about my pleasure. We've forgotten that it's an offering to Hashem we are sanctifying. We're fressing like the Goyim according to Rebbi Yehuda, and according to Rebbi Shimon this can happen with all of the Mitzvos that we do that we enjoy as well. It's about us. It's about our belly and enjoyment and the fun and the deliciousness of it all. It's become feel-good Judaism and rather than the Feel- God Judaism it's meant to be.

 When I had my initial consultation with the surgeon he asked me if I felt that I could keep the eating regimen that the post-operation lifestyle would entail; basically eating really tiny portions of nothing for the rest of my life. I told him that of course I didn't. If I felt that I had the self-control on my own to keep that type of diet long term than I wouldn't do the surgery in the first place. The reason why I was doing the surgery was because from what I understood that once you did it you really were unable to "pack it in" like I do now. But the truth is, I told the doctor. I always intellectually and perhaps even spiritually wanted to be the person that could slowly eat and taste their food, chewing on each bite slowly and savoring the tastes and flavors of each smile bite and enjoying it and being satisfied with that, rather than just inhaling my plate as I do today. It's my hope that this process will enable me to become that type person. A person who is not swallowing his soul, but is living and appreciating Hashem and His goodness in every bite that He blesses us with. To truly experience V'Achalta, V'Savata u'veirachta- to eat even a mere kzayis and feel satisfied with it enough to thank Hashem for.

We enter the month of Elul this Shabbos. It's a month when we begin to engage in the process of teshuva. The Torah describes that work as one of being U'maltem es orlas livavchem- to circumcise the foreskin of our hearts. Our hearts are pure. We've got lots of build-up on them; a lot of extra weight that we need to remove. Our spiritual arteries are getting clogged up. I have a long way to go until I get to the spiritual heart operation, yet perhaps by starting with what's on my plate every day and elevating each bite, just as my physical heart's chances for a healthy life will be much better, my spiritual hearts will as well. As this is my first surgery ever in my life if you can keep my name Ephraim Ben Esther Baila in your prayers this coming Tuesday it would mean a lot to me. Also don't get nervous if you don't hear from me next week… I might take a brief recovery hiatus.

 Have a deliciously healthy Shabbos and spiritually healthy Rosh Chodesh Elul

 Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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TANACH TOUR OF THE JEZRE"EL VALLEY

Read and see the great stories of the books of the prophets come alive in this amazing tour

https://mishpacha.com/the-hills-are-alive-2/

 

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 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Faran dareh gvirim un fetch oremeleit.." – There are plenty of riche people that are skinny and poor ones that are fat.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

40) The beginning of Torah reading every year is in:

A) Rosh Hashana

B) Yom Kippur

C) Simchat Torah

D) Celebration of giving of the Torah – Shavuot

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/pMEWEC9UfQk   – Check out this fantastic Sampler video of my dear friend and arranger Dovid Lowy (who sang by Yonah's wedding) for his latest Acoustic album. Awesome!! I've been listening to the album all week…

https://youtu.be/Cb5_V11Uauk    – Yaakov Shwekey's got a new exciting video out this week as well. Yavo Ha'Yom- He really is the king of cool videos that tell a story and brings the song to life.

 

https://youtu.be/DPF7oV8vCBo - Ari Goldwag though is certainly the king of the funnest Jewish music videos with so many having over a million hits. Get in early on this latest one Yesh Li Ha'Kol…

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/mi-adir    -  And for those of you that missed last week. Here's my Son Yonah's composition that was played for his Chuppa…beautiful Mi Adir aung and arranged by Dovid Lowy!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

The Blessing of the Curse – Parshat Re'eh- There is a famous rule our Rabbis tell us that Eretz Yisrael is only acquired with tribulations- yissurim. There's no such thing as an easy Aliyah. There will always be challenges. In fact, it's not only Eretz Yisrael, but our sages tell us that there were three things that were given to us as a present however they were only given with yissurim and that list includes Torah and Olam Ha'bah- the world to come. The question of course begs itself of why is this necessary. What type of gift is it if Hashem tells us that he's going to give us all types of pains and troubles to receive it.

 The truth is that very question as well applies to the first verse in this week's parsha which as well as last week repeatedly talks about the specialness of our holy Land and the gift, inheritance and final resting place it will serve for our nation. The Parsha begins with Moshe telling us

 "Re'eh hinei anochi nosein lifneyche hayom bracha v'klala- See that I give before you today blessing and curse.

 The bracha is if we listen to the mitzvos and commandments and if we don't listen it will be a curse. The question is though once again the terminology of "giving you" seems like it would be a present and what type of present is a curse.

 The answer though is that the curse and the tribulations are as well all blessing and they are the means of us being able to receive the gifts Hashem has for us. A gift's value is always predicated on the receiver's appreciation of it. For example if someone gives a vegetarian a nice delicious juicy steak or a good big bowl of meaty chulent it won't really do anything for them. If one gives an adult a new set of lego, if one gives a child a set of Shas or a large set of books as well, they want to know if they can have the receipt to return it. Yet if one gave me the steak, or the sefarim I would be delighted. It would be amazing!

 Similarly Eretz Yisrael, Torah and the World to Come are such lofty spiritual gifts that unless we are on the proper spiritual maturity level they would be meaningless to us. So what Hashem does is that he builds us up. He gives us yissurim- he makes it difficult. We have to work for us. We have to receive the curse and see Hashem in that and still persevere, still say we want it, still sing Ani Maamin. Recite the words that King David writes that we will begin reciting every day this month.

 Achas Sho'alti Me'eis Hashem- I have one request from You Hashem.

Shivti B'veis Hashem Kol Yemei Chayai- All I want is to dwell within Your home my entire life.

 Each time we say this. Each time we overcome the challenges before us we grow higher and higher spiritually and our appreciation of that great present of Eretz Yisrael, Torah, and the Wrold to come becomes greater and greater.

 Thus Moshe tell us that we should look at the tremendous gifts Hashem has given us through the blessing and the curse. The blessing is of course the land and the curse that he gives us raises us up to appreciate it and receive it on the highest levels. So when you move here and if you are already here keep this idea in mind. All of the blessing and curses you experience here are from Him. It's just making our present greater and greater.                                                                                                             

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Dovid Reconciles- 840 BC – A good leader is one who is willing to put his personal agenda's aside and one who recognizes that his job is to unite and bring together the people and nation he represents. The failures of most political leaders is when they are furthering their own self-interests instead. Dovid exemplifies putting the people first and particularly as he brings together the nation.

 His first move is to send word to his own tribe that with Avshalom's downfall it was time for them to welcome him back and take their fellow landsman back as their King. Sure enough they came around. As well he took Ammasah who had been Yoav's general and replaced Yoav with him making him the new general and in effect pardoning him for his part in the rebellion. This would of course raise consternation in Yoav and eventually would lead to both of their downfalls.

 Next on the list was Shimi'I ben Geira who came with Ziva and Mepiboshes, Shaul's servant and his son and 1000 Benjaminites. They as well implored Dovid to forgive them. Shimi'i. explained away his dissent by stating that it was his impression that Dovid had lost the kingdom because of his sin and it was his obligation to back up Avshalom. Mepiboshes told Dovid that he wanted to come but he was tricked by Ziva who told him that he shouldn't come and being a cripple he had no way of getting there. Dovid assured both of them that he would not avenge himself on them. Although in Mepiboshes's case he does give half his possessions to Ziva, because he was still skeptical of his intentions. For this, the midrash tells us, Dovid's kingdom itself will eventually be divided after Shlomo's rule. Don't listen to Lashon Hara is the lesson here.

 Dovid as well rewards the son of Barzilai Ha'Giladi and brings him back to Jerusalem with him. With Dovid's return the Jewish people rally around him. However like most good things in Dovid's life it doesn't last for long. Next week we discuss the next rebellion of Sheva ben Bichri. 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAT AND SKINNY JOKES OF THE WEEK

Berel the portly chasid walks out of a big Shul Kiddush and turns to his skinny friend Yanky who just arrived and says: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"
Without blinking an eye Yanky responds  "when they look at you, they know why"

What did the skinny cow shed farmer say to his wife? I need to whey more

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans. I find it very difficult to pull it off.

My wife turned to me the other day and said, "You are so skinny.". Then she grabbed me by the love handles and said, "Just look at all this skin.

I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man...I am trans-fat.

I also  have a morbidly obese friend, but he identifies as skinny. He’s trans slender

What do you call a skinny Palestinian cow? A moo-slim

Everyone in my family has extremely skinny legs, so we all have to have our pants custom made. It's terribly expensive. It's those lousy skinny genes.

My son was depressed because of his obesity. "Trust me," I told him, "skinny people get down too."

"Not when you're on a see-saw with them," he said

Rachel told Leah that she decided to go on a diet. That evening when she called, Leah could hear that her mouth was full, so she asked what her sister was eating.

"A cupcake," Rachel mumbled.

“I thought you just started your diet,” said Leah.

"I did. But I got on the scale, and it read 149 1/2 pounds. I decided that was no place to start a diet, so I’m rounding it off to 150."

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live a long life. What should I do?"

"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?"

"Oh.. Half a pack a day."

"Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees.

The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"

"Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while."

 "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions."

The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"

 "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."

 "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."

 The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?"

"Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet."

The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?"

The doctor replies "I have no idea, but however long you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!

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Answer is C- This one is a freebie for any frum tour guide and the truth is even secular Israelis generally should know the answer to this question, although I wouldn't be surprised if some got this wrong. Now what this has to tour guiding, I have no idea… but I'll take the freebie. So Simchas Torah is of course the correct answer. If you didn't know that, it's time to go back to school…or yeshiva.  So the score is 32 for Rabbi Schwartz and 8 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.