Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile
Showing posts with label tribulations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tribulations. Show all posts

Friday, December 15, 2023

Spies, Seals, Soldiers and Me- Parshat Mikeitz Chanukah II 2023 5784

 

A

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

December 15th 2023 -Volume 13 Issue 10 3rd of Tevet 5784

 

Parshat Mikeitz/ Chanukah II

 

Spies, Seals, Soldiers and me

 

Ofir is my mechanic. The first time I met him I was a bit wary. He looked sketchy. He looked like a sefardic Joe Pesci Israeli mafia guy. He talked fast. He had tattoos from his neck down and short crew haircut with a few piercings. To make matters worse, he wasn’t an official mechanic either,  He was what they call in Israel a “chapper”. One of these guys that are handy and run around picking up business on the run and working out of their backyard. Yet, he came highly recommended to me by a few friends and we really needed someone to help us find a car. Having been burnt too many times by the “official” “legit” places it was time to try someone new. What counted the most. Though was that Aliza liked him and if Mama’s happy then everyone is happy. Or at least I can’t get in trouble if it doesn’t work out.

 

Yet as we started to work with him I took a liking to him. He got us a great new car. He negotiated us a great price. He was there whenever Aliza called him to take care of every little car problem that she was able to find. And he took care of them. That was at least until October 7th. After Sukkos this year with the onset of the war, he wasn’t that reachable. Incommunicado. Not answering messages, or getting back to us. I figured he was at war. He was of age. I was nervous for him. I added him in my prayers and davened for him and his family amongst all my other prayers.

 

And then he called. He was in Gaza it seems, and he would be right over after the weekend, and happy to help us. He even apologized, which was pretty bizarre. I mean here he was putting his life on the line for me, for my family, for our country and he was apologizing to me for not getting back to me. Crazy…

 

Yet when he came over and we started to shmooze I realized that I never really knew what a hero I had the fortune to be friends with. See Ofir’s job in the army was that he was a “Mista’arev”- an undercover soldier that dresses up like an Arab. In the ongoing war he had spent three weeks amongst all of those Gazans heading from the North part of the strip down to the South. He was checking to see if there were any terrorists that were heading down hidden amongst the “innocent” civilians. He was on the lookout for any hostages that they may have been trying to smuggle down. He was gathering intelligence about where they might be hiding, what the leaders were up to, where any arsenals, traps or tunnels that our Yishmaelite Nazi cousins may have prepared to attack our troops with and from. Ofir was an army spy doing the bravest and perhaps most dangerous job and I was hocking him about the plastic door handle that was broken in my car.

 

But he wasn’t just a warrior. He was a Tzadik. Not the type that we generally picture or go to for blessings, but someone who talked with and had so much faith, so much humility, such a strong strength of mesirus nefesh and sacrifice for Eretz Yisrael and Klal Yisrael that I couldn’t help but to hug him and kiss him and ask him to bless me. I saw him in a whole new light. Like I ‘ve never seen him before. I saw him for real. And Ofir is just one of the many that I think everyone here in Eretz Yisrael is seeing again and again in all our brothers and sisters whom we had thought we had known and painted into a box but in reality never really saw the greatness that was their essence that always lay beneath the surface. It’s like each of us had these fake spy impressions until now that presented themselves to me, and now for the first time I was seeing the real light, person and soul that was never revealed to me before.

 

Which of course brings us to this week’s Parsha and Chanukah. I know I keep saying it and writing it but it just keeps astounding me how every week’s parsha is like a newspaper article of the times and messages we are experiencing. We read about how the brothers join the lines of people heading down South to Egypt for “humanitarian aid” that is being provided by Yosef and I’m just thinking of all of those images and videos we’ve been seeing of all of those Gazans heading down in the same direction. Amongst them back then just as today, there are Jewish “spies”; tzadikim like Ofir. The 12 tribes, like Ofir, also have a mission of trying to find their brother whom they had assumed was being sold into captivity. The brother who was kidnapped- albeit by them, whose father was mourning and inconsolable over, as there are so many parents mourning and hoping today as well for the return of their children. Mamash, “Ba’yamim ha’heim ba’zman ha’zeh”.

 

The story is a powerful one and a strange one. The commentaries struggle with trying to understand Yosef’s rationale for shlepping this thing out. Why didn’t he reconnect with his father right away? Why put his brothers through this entire rigmarole? Sending them back with their money, accusing them of being spies, holding Shimon captive, hiding the goblet in Binyomin’s bag. It’s obviously not revenge. Yosef the tzadik doesn’t roll that way. He continuously reiterates that all that happens is from Hashem. So why not just kiss, make-up and move on. We know he wants to, so what’s holding him back?

 

Last week we discussed the idea that many commentaries take that this story is about Yosef fulfilling the mission that his father sent him on to restore the brotherhood between them. The Ramban takes the approach that Yosef was doing all of this to fulfill the dreams that he had in which all of the brothers would bow down to him and accept him as their ruler. Some even suggest that Yosef understood that this had eternal significance, that at the end of the day the brothers would have to come together under Yosef, the brother who would prepare the land and the nation materially. His descendant would be Yehoshua, who interestingly enough was himself one of the spies that Moshe sent into the land. The spy that got it right. Fascinatingly the Baal Ha’Turim even sees in Yehudah’s response to Yosef that

 

Lo hayu meraglim- that we are not spies.

 

That Yehudah was telling Yosef that his descendant Caleiv was also not pulled into the plot of the spies to discredit Eretz Yisrael. Lo Hayu as he notes in gematria is the same numerical value as Caleiv. The entire story, the redemption and reunion of these brothers seem to revolve around spies.

 

It’s not just this story but even years later as well we find that our coming into the land is precipitated on the sending of spies by Moshe and ultimately again 40 years later by Yehoshua. We need good spies to get the land. We need people that can dress up like the enemy, perhaps put on the clothing of Esau, Yishmael, and maybe even Hamas and ultimately not forget the Yaakov, the Yisrael, the Bnai Avinu Echad- that we are all the children of one father and have that shared spark and destiny to be able to achieve our birthright. In order for us to win and conquer our land. We need holy Ofirs.

 

There’s an interesting Talmud that would seem unrelated to all of this, yet it is one that Reb Tzadok HaKohein derives a profound lesson from. The Talmud in Chulin tells us that every animal that can be found on the land has a counterpart that can be found in the sea. The Mishna in Keilim tells us that the animals on land are impure, whereas the ones in the sea are pure. The one exception to that rule though, Rabbi Akiva rules, is the seal. For the seal lives on both the land and the sea. Yet it is considered a land animal because in times of storm when it is in danger it flees to the land. The Tifferes Yisrael explains that where a person runs to when they are in danger reveals their true essence. What they are really about. Where their home really is.

 

{An interesting aside to this Talmud is a ruling that I heard that was given during one of the previous wars in Israel when some Yeshiva students and Kollel families that had been living here went back to America because of “the situation” as they like to call it. Although some of those Kollel families had been living here for years and been observing only one-day Yom Tov of the holidays as is the custom of Eretz Yisrael, they were told that upon returning to America-despite the fact that they felt this was only a temporary refuge, they would have to go back to keeping two days. They’re not really toshavei Eretz Yisrael. The place where you run to when in danger reveals what your essence is. And it seems that they were more Red white and Blue than Blue and White. Their Aliya hadn’t yet reached their core. }

 

Reb Tzadok Ha’Kohein though takes this idea and sees in this a tremendous insight, light and praise of our nation and what our essence is. We say in Psalms and in our daily morning prayers that Hashem is our refuge in times of tzara. When a Jew is in peril, when we are facing mortal danger, when the bullets are flying, when the terrorists are outside our door, in our scariest and darkest  moments then no matter how far, how disconnected, how much of an atheist or non-believer he may have assumed himself to be, there are six words that will inevitably scream out from the depths of his soul.

 

Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad- Hashem is One.

 

The spark has been ignited. Yisrael is one nation and we have one God. We reveal our essence. We show what we really are. Everything else that we’ve been doing has just been “spy clothing”. It’s been dressing up like someone we aren’t. In times of trouble though the truth comes out. The real me is revealed. We’ve found our Yaakov again. We’ve revealed it to the world.

 

The story of Yosef and his brothers starts off with Yosef interestingly enough being the guilty party. He’s bringing lashon harah about his brothers to his father. He’s not giving them the benefit of the doubt. He sees them as sinners. He’s not looking deep inside at who they really are. He doesn’t see the greatness and holiness that is their essence. He’s fooled by the clothing and mannerisms that are different and suspect to him. He’s dressed up in his fancy coat, his colorful rebbishe bekketcheh and he’s speaking bad and down about them.. He believes he’s doing it for the right reasons, he has dreams of uniting them, of a future together, but he needs to fix them first. He doesn’t realize that maybe he needs fixing as well. He’s himself is a spy that’s working under bad intelligence. That he’s got some contzeptziot  of his own that need to be changed; that need to be broken

 

The brothers at the same time see Yosef as an interloper, as someone that is power-hungry, as the jilted first-born that was trying to turn their father against them and destroy the brotherhood and the nation. After-all there’s always been a bad brother until now in the Torah. Kayin, Cham, Yishmael, Esau. It’s tradition already. But they too are not seeing the real deal. They as well are seeing Yosef’s “spy” clothing and they want to strip him of it. They’re not reflecting on perhaps what they need to change about themselves. That perhaps they’re being motivated more by jealousy, by a sense of inferiority, by a fear of losing their own perceived positions to their younger brother, than by the righteous spiritual indignation that they claim to be working with. Everyone is so caught up in the costume they’re wearing and they don’t realize that it’s just a camouflage covering up their essence. Their love and brotherhood. That underneath it all, there’s a holy spark that needs to shine and be revealed. That has to come together.

 

Yosef’s tikun comes first. He is thrown in a pit. He is taught through the hardest lessons how false accusations, misconstrued circumstances and lashon hara can destroy someone. The worst libels in the world are laid against him. He is framed and he is persecuted. Through that process he understands that to win over evil, he needs to humble himself before Hashem. He has to find the light. There is nothing more that he wants than to be seen for the real person who he is. In the time of the worst trouble Yosef finds his essence. His internal menorah has been lit.

 

With that he understands that for his brothers to be healed they as well need to go through the same process. They need to undergo the lesson of seeing beyond the disguise and getting to their own essence. The essence that they shared. They need to see what really matters is what they have in common, not what divides us.  He does that by calling them spies. They’re not really who they’re pretending to be. The self-righteous clothing they were wearing was as well just spy clothing. There was a shared brotherhood and love that weas buried so deep and they needed to find that. So he calls them out.

 

He calls them spies and they deny it. He calls them thieves and they deny it. He tells them they are lying. To themselves most of all. That they’re not recognizing the brother next to them. That they don’t recognize the brother in themselves to him. That they are all the children of one father. And slowly bit by bit it starts to work. They start to find themselves and go back to the beginning  and reexamine things.

 

We hear them throughout the parsha repeat it again and again to Yosef.

“We are the children of one father.”

 “Our brother is gone”.

 “Our father is bereft”.

“It was a tragedy”.

“It was our fault”.

 

Bit by bit, layer by layer, as the trouble intensifies more and more the Hashem Echad is coming out. In the time of trouble, in the darkness, in the horror and threat like seals they’re fleeing the sea and coming to the land. They’ve reached the point where they are ready to give their lives once again for another. They will wage war against the entire country, against the entire world, to save their brother. They’ve found themselves. They know who they are, what we are about, what we need to fight for and it’s at that point that we can shine and do what we need to do. We’ve become Yaakov and now we can don the garments of Esau and do his job too. We can even bring him and the entire world to Hashem. Galus could be over, because we have learned that galus/ exile is all about revelation; to reveal the essence of who and what we are.

 

It's the last day of Chanuka. Every day of the holiday, I noticed this morning we’ve been reading the Torah portion that describes the sacrifices of each of the leaders of 12 tribes upon the dedication of the Mishkan. Today on the last day we read the last 4 tribes to make it that we read all 12. The point of the reading it struck me is for us to hear again and again that each of us, each tribe, each brother has a place in the Mishkan. That each of our sacrifices ultimately are the same. They may each come from a different plave, from a borther that is different than us, but before Hashem the dedication only comes when all 12 have brought their sacrifice. When all of us have come before Hashem. V’Zos Chanukas Ha’Mizbayach- that is how the dedication of the altar can happen. Only then can we read the final portion the Kohen Gadol lighting the MEnora and all its lamps shine to the center. Only then can Hashem’s house be established.

 

 It’s been a Chanuka like no other that I can recall. We are at battle, we are at war, we are chasing away darkness, we are eradicating evil. There are Menoras being lit this year in bunkers, in bomb shelters, in dark places where there has been no light for years. Where there has only been evil. In Gaza. As well there are Menoras being lit by many of our brothers and sisters that have never lit before. Not only in Israel, not only in war zones, but around the world. “Shema Yisrael” is being shouted by Jews who barely know what the words mean. It’s being shouted by gentiles who see that light and want to be part of it. It’s like the story of Purim when the Megilla tells us that many of the non-Jews were “misyahadim”- became attached to the Jewish people

 

Ki nafal pachad ha’yehudim aleihem- the fear of the Jews fell upon them.

 

Reb Shlomo Alkabetz homiletically explains that verse by saying that the real “fear” and “awe” of the Jews is Hashem. When the non- Jews saw that the fear of Hashem had fallen upon us, when they see where our refuge and where we run to when we are frightened, when the storm hits us, they see the revealed light that is shining from underneath. When they heard our Shema Yisrael, our Am Yisrael Chai, our tefillin, our brotherhood, our Menoras, our light, Hashem’s light, then they as well joined back then in the Purim story. They also wanted a piece of that. They saw who we really are and understood what they as well could also become.

 

Eretz Yisrael will become ours, the shechina will come down once again, we will be home and Hashem will be home when the light that comes from the storms of galus sends us running to the land, to our deepest inner selves, to our brotherhood. We will not be spies that are trying to uncover the “nakedness of the land” but rather holy spies that will reveal the light that can shine through the 2000 years of camouflage and bigdei galus that we’ve been wearing for so long and that made us forget who we really are. The day we are awaiting for will be even greater than the one that we had when we left Mitzrayim. Because then it was Hashem taking us out from the 49th level of tumah, whereas this year we will god-willing be celebrating with the light that we are bringing up to Him. The light He has waited 5784 years for us to reveal. The eternal light of the Bais Hamikdash rebuilt.

 

Have a lightfilled Shabbos and may all our prayers be answered,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 


************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Ven ain soldat volt gevust vos der anderer tracht, volt kain krig nisht geven.”.- If one soldier knew what the other thinks, there would be no war.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

18.The name of the archeological museum which was established during the British Mandate

is_________.

Which archeological site suffered massive destruction due to usage of outdated digging methods?

A. Tel Lachish

B. Yodfat

C. Tel Gezer

D. Gamla

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/maoz-tzur - It’s not Chanuka without my Rabbi Schwartz Compositions here’

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iky-KPl1-Og – Ari Goldwag’s latest Live to Give

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAmdS9AnUts   – Maccabeats We’re still here Am Yisrael Chai

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSj9pOUJ6tI   -  Y-Studs You can Light with me Chanuka Acapella

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXI0CLgK-Ds  - 613 Era-Luiton?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9PRlr2M4x4   – Dovid Lowy’s amazing new rendition of a Golden Oldie “Don’t hide from Me”

 

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

 

Yackov’s Painful Prayer – This column has been one of the more challenging ones for me to write. I like challenges. It’s why I decided to start writing it. Tefilla is called avoda- service, labor, work. It’s something we do daily and thus it takes the most effort to keep it new and fresh. It’s kind of like marriage in that way. And in a way it really is a form of marriage. It’s the relationship between  us and Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And as everyone know the key to a good and healthy marriage is communication. It’s the crux of it all. And Tefilla/ prayer is our communication with Hashem.

 

Yet, finding tefilla in every parsha is no easy task. Especially in parshas that are full of great narratives. But I guess it’s true for conversation in life as well. So it’s work and Baruch Hashem it’s been fulfilling. I hope it is for you as it is for me.

 

Well in this week’s parsha there is a prayer as well. It’s one I never noticed before, and I guess that’s why I like this challenge or most challenges because it forces me to discover new insights and ideas that hopefully can make my tefilla more meaningful.

 

So what’s the prayer. It’s really just a few words. It’s right before Yaakov sends his children back down to Yosef. He turns to them and tells them

 

V’Kel Sha-dai Yitein lachem Rachamim- and Hashem should give you mercy

Lifnei Ha’ish- before the man

And he should send with you your other brother and Binyamin and as I have been bereaved I will be bereaved.

 

Rashi notes that Yaakov’s terminology here is that he is telling the brothers that I gave you all my advice, I gave you presents, I gave you the strategy. But now all that remains is prayer. I will daven for you as well. Ultimately that’s what it comes down to.

 

When he davens for his children he utilizes the name of Hashem of Kel Sha-dai which Rashi explains is a reference to Hashem as the one who told the world Dai-Enough! The world was expanding more and more and Hashem stopped and fixed the world in a set position. That same God, Yaakov invokes, should as well say enough to all of my troubles. He recalls since the day he was born he was in constant turmoil. From esau, to Lavan, to Dina to the death of Rachel. It’s been endless. Hashem should say enough already.

 

What is the connection to troubles and Hashem as the One who said the world should stop expanding? Wouldn’t the name to be invoked more appropriately be Hashem as the merciful one, as our Father, as the God of peace. What does the Creation of the world have to do with anything? Why is this the prayer that Yaakov chose.

 

There is a fascinating Midrash that it says when Rabbi Akiva was taken out to be killed the angels saw this and asked is this the reward for all he the Torah he has learned and Hashem told them to be quiet. This was His original intent when He created the world and if they continued to protest Hashem would have to return it to it’s original state and start all over. It’s a strange Midrash for it leaves us with the question of the angels. Be quiet and accept Hashem seems to say. But I believe there is an even deeper concept here.

 

In Hebrew the word for world is Olam- which also means hiddenness. Being that Hashem is infinite to created a limited physical universe it’s essence is going to be Hashem hiding Himself, minimizing Himself. It’s the only way that physicality can exist. When Hashem told the world to stop expanding in essence what He was saying is that there is enough hiddenness. It’s too much. They won’t be able to find Me and reveal Me anymore. That’s the whole point of Creation. That in the times of trouble when we don’t see Hashem- we dig deep and reveal His light. We find His presence. Rabbi Akiva was able to do that and he died as so many martyrs did with those words on his lips. Hashem tells the angels that this was the point. This is how I can most connect in the deepest way with man. It’s the way that My relationship will be eternal. Don’t make me go back and start again.

 

This is the prayer that Yaakov tells his children. That in times of trouble they will be able to find Hashem. They will see his Hand. If there’s a trouble if there’s a difficulty, if there’s pain, if there’s October 7th, know that it comes from Hashem who told the world to stop hiding Him at the perfect point. Hashem can still be found, otherwise He would’ve told the world to continue expanding. He wants to be found. And thus if that is the case He will tell our troubles to be enough as well. He will return your brother. He will return us. We will all come home and be redeemed.

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

The Decline of the Kingdom of Israel and the aftermath of Chanuka- Chanukah is coming to an end and once again there seems to be a connection with our study and the aftermath of the Chanukah story as we move from Yehudah’s kingdom in Jerusalem and the death of Uziya/ Azarya back to the story of the 10 tribes in the North. We are at the 4th and last descendant of Yehu to be king and it has been a downward spiral. Things had looked so bright under Yehu’s kingdom. He killed out Achav’s remaining family. He instituted a religious reform and destroyed the worship of the Baal. He was anointed by Elisha himself to lead the people but because he didn’t complete the job and he allowed the altars of Yeravam to remain he went downhill. Hashem had told him that he would have four generations to get their act together but one after another they failed.

 

The 3 kings that ruled from the line of Yehu were Yehoyachaz, Yoash and Yeravam the 2nd. This week we have the final king Zecharia who takes over and he is no better than his predecessors. He sins and is assassinated by Shulam Ben Yavesh publicly. Shulam reigns for a month until he is taken out by Menachem Ben Gadi, the next king to rule. Menachem as well is an evil king and yet he manages to reign for 10 years. Under his rule he decided to invade the neighboring Aramean city of Tiphtza. He assumed they would recognize and support his kingship being that he was their neighbor. They finally had someone from their own hood that was ruling Israel. Yet when they didn’t he brutally or even savagely to be more accurate massacred their city. The Navi describes his brutality as one where he literally slices open pregnant woman. We’re talking October 7th sickness. This was as low as we could get and the retribution of Hashem is quick and coming with the rise of Assyria to the international world plate. And we’re their first major victims.

 

Ashur sets heavy taxes upon Israel and Menachem begins the process of Israeli pacifism paying hundreds of thousands of shekels to our enemy to keep us safe. Ultimately this is the beginning of our subjugation which will ultimately lead to the exile of the ten tribes by this wicked empire. We actually have some corroborating evidence of these taxes in transcripts found in Assyria as well as in Shomron. With Menachem’s death after his 10 year rule his son. Pekachiya takes over and things get even messier.

 

It's a sad story. It’s a tragic story. It’s one that we see repeats itself in the aftermath of Chanuka as well. We have this tremendous light of Chanuka with the Maccabees and Chasmonaim, yet it doesn’t last. The children and grandchildren of Yehuda Maccabee are Greek once again. They’re Hellenists. They defile the Temple and ultimately it leads to the entrance of Rome and the destruction of our Temple not two centuries later. We have a problem taking the light of Chanuka and making it a long term one. And when we don’t it just gets worse than it was even before we started. Hopefully we’ve learned this lesson by now and IYh the special light we are seeing in the world now should last forever with the building of the Temple and the return of the children to our borders.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S FUNNY CHANUKA GAZA MEMES/ JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

The hostages are not able to celebrate Chanuka so many people are lighting an extra Menora for them. I on the other hand have taken on to eat a doughnut for each them. 37 down 100 to go.

 

Not sure whether to have that extra doughnut or not?  They call it Sugani-yah for a reason. Yah! Eat it…

Which coffee should you drink on Chanukah? In English it's called 'Miracle of the 25th', but it's better known by its Hebrew translation: nes cof hei (sometimes spelled Nescafe)

 

Imagine how upset Hitler would be if he knew that Jews were being compared to him…

 

The IDF is pumping water into Hamas Terror Tunnels. You wanted from the River to the Sea now you got it…

 

Did you see all those pictures of the surrendering Hamas Terrorists? They call it Gaza Strip for a reason…

 

Even Albert Einstein can’t explain how a doughnut that weighs 150 grams makes me 2 Kilos fatter.

 

Did you see all those videos and pictures of Santa putting on Tefillin. It’s become a new chasidus called Santa Kalusenberg

 

Line of the week- Queers for Palestine are the Gay Neturei Karta.

 

 

The answer to this week”s question is C – This is the third week in a row that I’m only getting my answers half right. This is not good. I knew that the museum they were talking about is the Rockfeller museum. That was easy, they have lots fo stuff from British mandate there and its’ located in Jerusalem. The second part though I wasn’t sure. I was leaning towards Gezer to be honest, but last minute switched my answer to Lachish. And what do you know? I should’ve gone with my initial instinct. The correct answer was Gezer. Ahh well I’m still ahed of the game here. And the latest score is Rabbi Schwartz at 12.5 point and the MOT having 4.5 point on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.

Friday, August 6, 2021

The Last Chulent- Parshat Re'eh 5781 /2021

 

Insights and Inspiration

                                                                       from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

August 6th 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 43 28th Av

Parshat Re'eh

The Last Chulent

(Check out the link to my latest Mishpacha tour article below!)

                                                                              

There a few life-changing Shabossos that one has in their lives. In my life there are a few that will always stand out. The first of course was my Bar Mitzva Shabbos. It doesn't really get more life-changing than that. In one weekend I was transformed from a boy to someone who was supposed to start behaving like a man. I don't know if that ever really happened, so perhaps it's more accurate to say that I became responsible for my actions, my sins, my mitzvos, my obligations at least as far as heaven was concerned. Life-changing. I was no longer the same person as I was before that.

 Fast forward from that Shabbos about 10 years or so and I stood up there at the Bima again and they pelted me with candies as they did 10 years prior. This was my Shabbos Aufruf or Shabbat Chatan as they call it here. The coming week I would be a married man. Life would no longer just be about me. I would now have somebody else in my life to worry about me… I mean to worry about them J… It was heavy. It was intense. My bachelor party days were over. And despite being a fairly frum yeshiva guy I had an awfully good time.  I learned in Lakewood … remember. Would I ever have fun again? Would I frum out? Am I really capable of being there emotionally, materially, spiritually for another person? For her? It was scary and certainly life-changing. Schwartzy the yeshiva guy's life was certainly over.

 The next two Shabbosos really go together. The first was the Shabbos that my wife told me that she was pregnant a year or so after we were married. That was scary. This marriage thing was for real now. We officially have baggage now if it doesn't work out. Not that there were any problems, questions, doubts or surprises for me that first year. There never is any Shana Rishona which is always idyllic…. Uh huh. Remember that Yonah and Batya. But this was terrifying. There's going to be someone in my life that I'm supposed to be a role model for. That is supposed to look up to me. That I will probably have to pay a lot of money for therapy for if I mess up. When I met Shani for the first time it was even scarier. Because she was so cute and so precious. What did she do wrong in a previous life to get stuck with a Dad like me?

 When Yonah came along- and he was actually born on Shabbos it was even more scary. His Bris was on Shabbos and I'll never forget thinking what a precious gift Hashem has entrusted me with. Does He really know what he's doing leaving this precious little neshoma in my hand? My mother asked the same question by the way when she saw him… But the truth is Thank God for my wife who was and is really good at this parenting thing. And therapy really isn't as expensive as I had thought anyways. So it all turned out good.

 Yet of all of the life-changing Shabboses in my life this Shabbos is perhaps the most dramatic and terrifying for me. See, all the other ones were really emotional or status changing life transitions that came with new and different expectations, hopes and dreams. This Shabbos though is the first in my life where my life will be changing physically in a real significant way. It is the Shabbos that I have aptly named the Shabbos of the Last Chulent.

 Now I know that sounds very melodramatic. And it is. But that 's the way that I deal with things. You see, this coming Tuesday I will be going under the knife – laparoscopically of course, just continuing to be melodramatic- and having the gastric bypass stomach surgery, something I made fun of for years and that I swore I could never see myself doing. Well you know how they say that someday you're going to have to eat those words. Well it seems, that words are pretty much the only thing I'm going to be eating for a while.  Now I know that I will eventually be able to eat chulent and even most other things eventually once again in a lot of months or year, but it won't be the same. What the surgery does is pretty much leave you with a stomach the size of about an egg. From what I have heard from most of the people I have spoken to that have done it, after a half a piece of gefilte fish, a few spoons of soup, a half a drumstick or a wing or two and a sliver of kugel and a spoon or two of farfel they feel stuffed. One guy told me that after a quarter of a small bowl of chulent he feels like he ate two shwarmas. I told him that I can easily knock off three, Fuggedabout, the three of four platefuls of chulent I can easily put down on a Shabbos… And that's after the salatim soaked up with half a loaf of Challa, kugels, liver and what's for dessert thank-you-very-much. Yes, this is going to be life-changing.

 Before Corona I never really felt the need for this surgery. The truth is I never really felt that my overweight-ness or obesity hampered me at all. I was touring and running around the country every day. I was active climbing, hiking and running all over the place. Sure I knew that it was a health risk and that certainly I have plenty of lousy genes in my family that increased my risk of things I don't even want to think about and pretty much ignored. Yet, I felt fine and I was young right? At least at heart and in spirit. And the truth is I still feel that way, except that now it's only in spirit. The body has become a drag and it's not fun. And after a few friends of mine underwent scary health stuff- and they're in twice the better shape than I am- I realized the time had finally come. My eating life was over. I had nice long 50 year run and probably ate more chulent than most people have in three lifetimes.

 I know what you're thinking. Why don't you just go a diet. Uh huh… Been there- done that. I probably lost more weight in my life then my whole family weighs put together and Shani is due any day now IYH… Losing weight is easy I've done it a million times. The problem is that after you hit that plateau and nothing is coming off anymore and you still have plenty to go and you're still crunching on those carrots and passing up on the Pizza it just feels like a "waist" of time- pun intended. It's time for something dramatic. And so this Shabbos will be my last "real" Shabbos meal for a long time; at least as I have defined it until now. With my urging my wife of course has been cooking all week.

 Now as I always do at this point in the week, I open up the Torah portion and check out Hashem's always timely message that he has for me. It's why we have Parshat Ha'Shavua, to look in the Torah and read what Hashem feels we need to hear this week. And what do you know. This week's Torah portion providentially enough is probably the one with the biggest menu in the Torah. The Parsha which begins with Moshe urging us to take life seriously by looking at the blessing and curse that Hashem has laid out for us when we either follow or alternatively god forbid disobey the Torah quickly moves to the dramatic change that occurs to our our nation when we come to the land of Israel.

 However, in every desire of your soul, you may slaughter and eat meat in all your cities, according to the blessing of the Lord, your God, which He gave you; the unclean and the clean may eat thereof, as of the deer, and as of the gazelle.

 In the wilderness we could only eat sacrificial meat. In the holy land we can slaughter and redeem sacrifices that have been blemished and eat them. It then continues and tells us that really any Kosher meat can be eaten.

 When Hashem, your God, expands your boundary, as He has spoken to you, and you say, "I will eat meat," because your soul desires to eat meat, you may eat meat, according to every desire of your soul. If the place the Lord, your God, chooses to put His Name there, will be distant from you, you may slaughter of your cattle and of your sheep, which the Lord has given you, as I have commanded you, and you may eat in your cities, according to every desire of your soul.

 There's a lot of desire there it seems for the Torah and the Torah in fact sanctions and blesses it. This is in fact the verse in the Torah that is the source for the commandment to slaughter animals.  But it's not just steaks, burgers and shwarmas that the parsha concerns itself this week. It gets into the kosher birds we can eat and even the delicious fish with fins and scales that we can have with chrain and mayonnaise before we eat our chicken soup with juicy chicken pipiklach in them and of course those turkey cold cuts. Yeah… This week is the Parsha of the last Schwartz supper and Hashem has prepared a menu for me to remember.

 Yet as I read this menu, I think to myself how incredible our Torah and Judaism is. Our religion, the blessing and our lives are built around food. The first sin of Adam was eating the wrong thing and as our job in this earth is to rectify that sin by eating only that which is permitted to us. While we are in the wilderness before coming to the land of Israel we could only do that through partaking in sacrifices that had been consecrated; at least if you wanted to eat flayshigs- and who are we fooling that's the only real type of meal that counts. Upon coming into Israel we have become so elevated that our bellies themselves are like temples and altars. Our desire for food and meat is like that of the Mizbayach, it is as the desire of Hashem is for sacrifices.

 I'm reminded of the story of one of the Chasidic Rebbis (maybe it was the Tolner?) that before 1948 would regularly got to Kever Rachel and pour out his heart to Hashem in the merit of Mama Rachel. Yet after we lost access to it in the war of independence he was no longer able to come. When in 1967 it was once again liberated and Israeli control, the Rebbi returned with all of his chasidim for the first time in 19 years. Before entering though the Rebbi told his students to set up a large table laden with all the best delicacies for the Tish that he would hold before entering. He explained to his perplexed Chasidim that he did this because every Jewish child know that there is nothing that gives a Jewish Mother ore nachas then feeding her children and knowing that they are well-fed. My mother always particularly pleased with me it seems. Similarly, Hashem desires that we eat well. And if we do so and appreciate our body as one that is giving pleasure to Hashem in our eating then we have truly joined heaven and earth in the holiest way.

 At the same time though this Parsha of food gives us one major warning that it repeats as well.

 However, be strong not to eat the blood, for the blood is the soul; and you shall not eat the soul with the flesh.

 Frankly I do like my meat a little on the rare side. It's best when it's a juicy steak. Yet blood is something I really do not have a desire for. Interestingly enough Rashi brings two opinions about this blood prohibition that the Torah seems to feel the need to accentuate to us with the extra heeding of "Be strong". The opinion of Rebbi Yehudah is that the Jews have a natural propensity for foreign cuisine. We have kosher Italian, French, Indian, Japanese, Chinese and even Vietnamese restaraunts and that's on one block alone in Flatbush, Monsey and Lakewood Ir Hakodesh. In Israel they even have Ethiopian restaraunts although I don't know why. I thought there were just starving people there that would die if I didn't finish what was on my plate. So in the same way the gentiles back then ate blood food and Hashem was warning us not to get sucked into or start sucking on that to be precise.

 Rebbi Shimon Ben Azzai though tells us that most people don't like blood, the Torah is using this as an extreme example to teach us that if for the not eating of blood which we have no natural desire for we have to be careful, how much more so do we have to be careful about observing commandments that we have a natural predilection to violate.

The Gaon of Vilna though and his student Reb Chaim Volozhin though see in the end of the verse the essence of the Torah's exhortation. We should be careful not to eat our "souls" with our "flesh". Food can become an obsession. Food is meant to bring and raise our souls up however if we become to engrossed in the desire-desire-desire that the Torah repeats in permitting and even blessing us with its consummation than we can easily slide down that gastrointestinal tract to swallowing our souls up with the steaks. It becomes just about the food. It becomes just about my pleasure. We've forgotten that it's an offering to Hashem we are sanctifying. We're fressing like the Goyim according to Rebbi Yehuda, and according to Rebbi Shimon this can happen with all of the Mitzvos that we do that we enjoy as well. It's about us. It's about our belly and enjoyment and the fun and the deliciousness of it all. It's become feel-good Judaism and rather than the Feel- God Judaism it's meant to be.

 When I had my initial consultation with the surgeon he asked me if I felt that I could keep the eating regimen that the post-operation lifestyle would entail; basically eating really tiny portions of nothing for the rest of my life. I told him that of course I didn't. If I felt that I had the self-control on my own to keep that type of diet long term than I wouldn't do the surgery in the first place. The reason why I was doing the surgery was because from what I understood that once you did it you really were unable to "pack it in" like I do now. But the truth is, I told the doctor. I always intellectually and perhaps even spiritually wanted to be the person that could slowly eat and taste their food, chewing on each bite slowly and savoring the tastes and flavors of each smile bite and enjoying it and being satisfied with that, rather than just inhaling my plate as I do today. It's my hope that this process will enable me to become that type person. A person who is not swallowing his soul, but is living and appreciating Hashem and His goodness in every bite that He blesses us with. To truly experience V'Achalta, V'Savata u'veirachta- to eat even a mere kzayis and feel satisfied with it enough to thank Hashem for.

We enter the month of Elul this Shabbos. It's a month when we begin to engage in the process of teshuva. The Torah describes that work as one of being U'maltem es orlas livavchem- to circumcise the foreskin of our hearts. Our hearts are pure. We've got lots of build-up on them; a lot of extra weight that we need to remove. Our spiritual arteries are getting clogged up. I have a long way to go until I get to the spiritual heart operation, yet perhaps by starting with what's on my plate every day and elevating each bite, just as my physical heart's chances for a healthy life will be much better, my spiritual hearts will as well. As this is my first surgery ever in my life if you can keep my name Ephraim Ben Esther Baila in your prayers this coming Tuesday it would mean a lot to me. Also don't get nervous if you don't hear from me next week… I might take a brief recovery hiatus.

 Have a deliciously healthy Shabbos and spiritually healthy Rosh Chodesh Elul

 Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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TANACH TOUR OF THE JEZRE"EL VALLEY

Read and see the great stories of the books of the prophets come alive in this amazing tour

https://mishpacha.com/the-hills-are-alive-2/

 

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 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Faran dareh gvirim un fetch oremeleit.." – There are plenty of riche people that are skinny and poor ones that are fat.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

40) The beginning of Torah reading every year is in:

A) Rosh Hashana

B) Yom Kippur

C) Simchat Torah

D) Celebration of giving of the Torah – Shavuot

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/pMEWEC9UfQk   – Check out this fantastic Sampler video of my dear friend and arranger Dovid Lowy (who sang by Yonah's wedding) for his latest Acoustic album. Awesome!! I've been listening to the album all week…

https://youtu.be/Cb5_V11Uauk    – Yaakov Shwekey's got a new exciting video out this week as well. Yavo Ha'Yom- He really is the king of cool videos that tell a story and brings the song to life.

 

https://youtu.be/DPF7oV8vCBo - Ari Goldwag though is certainly the king of the funnest Jewish music videos with so many having over a million hits. Get in early on this latest one Yesh Li Ha'Kol…

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/mi-adir    -  And for those of you that missed last week. Here's my Son Yonah's composition that was played for his Chuppa…beautiful Mi Adir aung and arranged by Dovid Lowy!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

The Blessing of the Curse – Parshat Re'eh- There is a famous rule our Rabbis tell us that Eretz Yisrael is only acquired with tribulations- yissurim. There's no such thing as an easy Aliyah. There will always be challenges. In fact, it's not only Eretz Yisrael, but our sages tell us that there were three things that were given to us as a present however they were only given with yissurim and that list includes Torah and Olam Ha'bah- the world to come. The question of course begs itself of why is this necessary. What type of gift is it if Hashem tells us that he's going to give us all types of pains and troubles to receive it.

 The truth is that very question as well applies to the first verse in this week's parsha which as well as last week repeatedly talks about the specialness of our holy Land and the gift, inheritance and final resting place it will serve for our nation. The Parsha begins with Moshe telling us

 "Re'eh hinei anochi nosein lifneyche hayom bracha v'klala- See that I give before you today blessing and curse.

 The bracha is if we listen to the mitzvos and commandments and if we don't listen it will be a curse. The question is though once again the terminology of "giving you" seems like it would be a present and what type of present is a curse.

 The answer though is that the curse and the tribulations are as well all blessing and they are the means of us being able to receive the gifts Hashem has for us. A gift's value is always predicated on the receiver's appreciation of it. For example if someone gives a vegetarian a nice delicious juicy steak or a good big bowl of meaty chulent it won't really do anything for them. If one gives an adult a new set of lego, if one gives a child a set of Shas or a large set of books as well, they want to know if they can have the receipt to return it. Yet if one gave me the steak, or the sefarim I would be delighted. It would be amazing!

 Similarly Eretz Yisrael, Torah and the World to Come are such lofty spiritual gifts that unless we are on the proper spiritual maturity level they would be meaningless to us. So what Hashem does is that he builds us up. He gives us yissurim- he makes it difficult. We have to work for us. We have to receive the curse and see Hashem in that and still persevere, still say we want it, still sing Ani Maamin. Recite the words that King David writes that we will begin reciting every day this month.

 Achas Sho'alti Me'eis Hashem- I have one request from You Hashem.

Shivti B'veis Hashem Kol Yemei Chayai- All I want is to dwell within Your home my entire life.

 Each time we say this. Each time we overcome the challenges before us we grow higher and higher spiritually and our appreciation of that great present of Eretz Yisrael, Torah, and the Wrold to come becomes greater and greater.

 Thus Moshe tell us that we should look at the tremendous gifts Hashem has given us through the blessing and the curse. The blessing is of course the land and the curse that he gives us raises us up to appreciate it and receive it on the highest levels. So when you move here and if you are already here keep this idea in mind. All of the blessing and curses you experience here are from Him. It's just making our present greater and greater.                                                                                                             

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Dovid Reconciles- 840 BC – A good leader is one who is willing to put his personal agenda's aside and one who recognizes that his job is to unite and bring together the people and nation he represents. The failures of most political leaders is when they are furthering their own self-interests instead. Dovid exemplifies putting the people first and particularly as he brings together the nation.

 His first move is to send word to his own tribe that with Avshalom's downfall it was time for them to welcome him back and take their fellow landsman back as their King. Sure enough they came around. As well he took Ammasah who had been Yoav's general and replaced Yoav with him making him the new general and in effect pardoning him for his part in the rebellion. This would of course raise consternation in Yoav and eventually would lead to both of their downfalls.

 Next on the list was Shimi'I ben Geira who came with Ziva and Mepiboshes, Shaul's servant and his son and 1000 Benjaminites. They as well implored Dovid to forgive them. Shimi'i. explained away his dissent by stating that it was his impression that Dovid had lost the kingdom because of his sin and it was his obligation to back up Avshalom. Mepiboshes told Dovid that he wanted to come but he was tricked by Ziva who told him that he shouldn't come and being a cripple he had no way of getting there. Dovid assured both of them that he would not avenge himself on them. Although in Mepiboshes's case he does give half his possessions to Ziva, because he was still skeptical of his intentions. For this, the midrash tells us, Dovid's kingdom itself will eventually be divided after Shlomo's rule. Don't listen to Lashon Hara is the lesson here.

 Dovid as well rewards the son of Barzilai Ha'Giladi and brings him back to Jerusalem with him. With Dovid's return the Jewish people rally around him. However like most good things in Dovid's life it doesn't last for long. Next week we discuss the next rebellion of Sheva ben Bichri. 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAT AND SKINNY JOKES OF THE WEEK

Berel the portly chasid walks out of a big Shul Kiddush and turns to his skinny friend Yanky who just arrived and says: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"
Without blinking an eye Yanky responds  "when they look at you, they know why"

What did the skinny cow shed farmer say to his wife? I need to whey more

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans. I find it very difficult to pull it off.

My wife turned to me the other day and said, "You are so skinny.". Then she grabbed me by the love handles and said, "Just look at all this skin.

I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man...I am trans-fat.

I also  have a morbidly obese friend, but he identifies as skinny. He’s trans slender

What do you call a skinny Palestinian cow? A moo-slim

Everyone in my family has extremely skinny legs, so we all have to have our pants custom made. It's terribly expensive. It's those lousy skinny genes.

My son was depressed because of his obesity. "Trust me," I told him, "skinny people get down too."

"Not when you're on a see-saw with them," he said

Rachel told Leah that she decided to go on a diet. That evening when she called, Leah could hear that her mouth was full, so she asked what her sister was eating.

"A cupcake," Rachel mumbled.

“I thought you just started your diet,” said Leah.

"I did. But I got on the scale, and it read 149 1/2 pounds. I decided that was no place to start a diet, so I’m rounding it off to 150."

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live a long life. What should I do?"

"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?"

"Oh.. Half a pack a day."

"Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees.

The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"

"Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while."

 "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions."

The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"

 "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."

 "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."

 The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?"

"Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet."

The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?"

The doctor replies "I have no idea, but however long you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!

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Answer is C- This one is a freebie for any frum tour guide and the truth is even secular Israelis generally should know the answer to this question, although I wouldn't be surprised if some got this wrong. Now what this has to tour guiding, I have no idea… but I'll take the freebie. So Simchas Torah is of course the correct answer. If you didn't know that, it's time to go back to school…or yeshiva.  So the score is 32 for Rabbi Schwartz and 8 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.