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Showing posts with label pesach offering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pesach offering. Show all posts

Thursday, April 3, 2025

Galus Grapes- Parshat Vayikra 2025 5785


Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 4th 2025 -Volume 14 Issue 23 6th of Nissan 5785


Parshat Vayikra

 Galus Grapes

(Don’t miss special Pesach book offer below…)

 

I’ve never really been a fruit person. I like meat, potatoes, pizza, pasta, BBQ’s and of course chulent. But those grapes really looked good. I haven’t seen grapes here in Israel for a while. This is a country of seasonal fruit generally. There’s watermelon season, citrus season and grape season. So on that nice hot day visiting my parents in Boca last week, or what my father likes to call the “other Jerusalem”, when I saw that bowl of grapes I dived right in and had quite a few clusters- about all my little stomach could handle. They were good. They were sweet. I enjoyed. And as whenever I eat a really good, tasty, thing, my natural reaction is to want to bentch and thank Hashem for giving me this delicious gift. And that’s when it changed… When I realized that they really weren’t that good. When I made the strangest bracha I’ve ever made before after eating.

 See, the after-blessing for grapes is not the usual short Borei Nefashos three-second “thanks-for-the grub or quick-snack” blessing we usually make on all non-grain products and on all other fruits and veggies. For any of the seven species of Eretz Yisrael (can you name them?) of which of course grapes are one of them, we make the “Al Ha’eitz” after-blessing. This is an abridged version of the regular bentching that we make after eating bread that is almost the same as we make after we eat cakes, cookies and other grain based-non bread products. Except that instead of Al Ha’Michiya we say Al Ha’Eitz. As well, as it doesn’t have a fun tune to sing it to.

 Yet unlike Al Ha’michiya the bracha changes on the types of grapes that you eat. See, when the grapes are from Florida, Argentina, France or pretty much any other place in the world that is tamey, that is unholy, that isn’t directly planted and grown with the blessing of Hashem, then a generic “thank you Hashem for the fruits” is said as well as thanking Hashem of course for Eretz Yisrael. But when you merit to actually eat, taste and be satisfied from the holy grapes and seven species of Israel that Hashem Himself pretty much takes care of and waters, then the blessing changes. We say Al ha’eitz vi’al peiroseha- on the land and on its fruits. We thank Hashem for the holiest and greatest grapes on the entire planet earth. Grapes that come from a land that Hashem watches day and night. From a place that is our homestead promised thousands of years ago to our Patriarchs, to our ancestors. It’s a whole different blessing. It’s a whole different grape.

 I made the blessing, as I usually make most blessings, on cruise control, without really thinking much about it. I kind of just push a button on my belly button and it just blurts out of my mouth. I bet you never knew that was the function of the belly button. Yet that morning, in Boca, as I made the blessing, I caught myself, as I at first just said the standard blessing for Israeli fruits that I’m used to making. It then hit me, hey, these are not Israeli grapes. They’re American. The blessing is just al pri ha’eitz. It’s not peiroseha- It’s not the fruits of Hashem. They’re not holy fruits. I just ate galus grapes that my ancestors of 2000 years of exile ate while they dreamed of tasting the sweet nectar of Eretz Yisrael’s holy fruits. While they prayed and davened to one day merit to be able to say V’al peiroseha…

If I ever needed a better segue to prepare for Pesach and for a topic to write about that would connect me to this parsha and for what god-willing be the last year that Jews around the world eat sour galus grapes, I can’t think of anything better than actually getting on a plane on Rosh Chodesh Nissan and leaving America and coming home. See, parshas Vayikra, the beginning of the new book of the Torah, picks up after last week’s cliffhanger conclusion. I don’t know if you noticed it or not. But before we get to that, let’s just recap our timeline. A little prep before Pesach is a Shabbos Ha’Gadol custom.

 We were in Mitzrayim for about 210 years. The last year there we have Moshe, the plagues and redemption.  Our coming out of slavery is pretty much over. After plague number nine of darkness, Pharoah is ready to cut a deal. He’ll let out all the hostages. The entire million or so of us. We don’t even have to give him any terrorists in exchange. He’ll even let us take the animals we need for sacrifices. He just wants to hold on to the rest of the animals. He doesn’t want to give us reparations. We have to leave with only our belongings. What say you? Should we take the deal and get our hostage nation or not?

Well 4/5th of Klal Yisrael seemed to think that Moshe had lost his mind and they weren’t ready to follow him out and they died there. That stinks for them. Most of the remaining Jews- like I’m sure you faithful readers of mine, would’ve told Pharoah that he should go to Azazel, like Moshe did. We’re not cutting any deals. We’re taking everything you have and more. We don’t make deals with terrorists. Hashem already shut off their electricity. He destroyed their food supply and blew up their banks. We knew we could count on Him to finish the job. We had the power, because He has the power and He’s on our team. So the plague of first-borns came and all their top guys were beepered at midnight by Hashem Himself. Cool!

 Meantime we brought our Pesach offering there in Egypt and celebrated being redeemed. This is even though fascinatingly enough, we really weren’t. We were still there. Pharaoh still had a big army of Chamas guys and Iranian nuclear weapons he could use on us. And a whole world of antisemites that would take his side and condemn us and probably join him in a fight against us. As Amalek did shortly afterwards. The next day we left. We took everything. We had some more miracles by the Sea. And the gameplan now was that within 101 days we were meant to be in Israel at the Bais Hamikdash. When they sang L’shana ha’ba’ah bi’yerushalayim at the end of that Pesach Seder in Egypt, we really were probably closer than we ever were to that actually happening. We had 49 days until Har Sinai. We got the Torah. Moshe was supposed to go up for another 40 days and bring it down to us and from there it was an 11day journey to the Holy Land. The month of Av would’ve celebrated our coming home and being finally redeemed. And by the next Pesach we would’ve been eating roasted lamb on the Temple Mount.

But it didn’t happen. We messed up with the Golden Calf and things got delayed. Our schedule and arrival time was pushed off for a few months. But hey, at least Hashem forgave us. On Sukkos He even returned the Clouds of Glory to us. We had to build a Mishkan and thus the next Rosh Chodesh Nissan when it was dedicated, found us in the wilderness still. Again, only 11 days away from Israel, but we had to once again bring that Pesach offering in galus still. This time though when we sang L’shana ha’ba’ah at the end of the Seder we were sure that it was going to happen. I mean how couldn’t it?

 It is on that note that the book of Shemos ends off. The Mishkan is built. The clouds of glory descend. Yet there’s one catch that leaves us at a cliffhanger. Moshe can’t enter. The doors are closed. The book which ends off from there talking about all our future travels sounds almost like ominous background music in a bad horror movie as if we wouldn’t be entering. As if we would be stuck wandering, traveling with pillars of fire and clouds… Chazak Chazak Vi’Nischazek End book of Shemos. Book of Redemption…Or not? I guess we’ll have to wait for the Part III of the trilogy to find out…

 And it’s at that point that I was sitting myself in Boca. In Galus. In Lakewood. In Passaic and Cleveland. And wondering the same thing. I saw lots of clouds of glory in those cities. Shuls. Batei Midrash. I saw the glory of Hashem and the Torah that was being studied there. But I knew that I could never bring a Korban Pesach there. I couldn’t even make the right blessing on the grapes that I ate. The one that my soul longed to make.

 But I flew back and it’s Parshat Va’Yikra. Hashem called to Moshe. Come in. Come home. Bring Me sacrifices. You can enter. I’ll bring you in. The Redemption is really really going to happen. Let the final 11-day journey home begin and learn and teach all of these sacrifice laws really quick because you really are almost there. The truth is if we would’ve left right away on that Rosh Chodesh Nissan right after the Mishkan being built we could’ve even technically been in Eretz Yisrael by Pesach time that second year. So why, takeh, didn’t Hashem bring us in then? Why did He want us to celebrate that first Pesach in the Midbar? (And to be yeshivish, you can’t say it was because He didn’t want to rush us in there to make it and there wouldn’t be enough time, because in the end we actually came in on the 10th of Nissan 39 years later and had to put the whole thing together in 5 days, and we managed just fine…).  But regardless certainly we felt that by Shavuos we would for sure be home. Except once again it didn’t happen…

 Tisha B’av the spies came back, and the game was over. It wasn’t just the game though. It was everyone that was there would never see the day. Would never experience the redemption. Would never make an al peiroseha on the fruits they scorned and cried about. They would never bring a korban Pesach in Jerusalem. This was worse than the Golden Calf. According to the Maharal of Prague, this is why we still aren’t redeemed until today.

 It’s interesting if you think about it. For 39 years in the wilderness the Jewish people didn’t bring a Korban Pesach. The Talmud notes that they didn’t bring it because they weren’t circumcised as it was too dangerous, and they never knew when and where they would have to pick up and leave. Rashi though fascinatingly enough explains that the reason why they didn’t bring it is because the mitzva of korban Pesach is dependent upon them coming to the land.

 Shemos (12:25) And it will be when you will come to the land that Hashem has given you, as He has spoken, and you shall observe this service.

 Rashi notes that the korban Pesach is dependent upon them coming to the land and that’s why they didn’t bring it all those years.  It’s strange if you think about this. What does Pesach have to do with coming to Israel. Isn’t it just about leaving Egypt? Taking us out of slavery. Frogs, and sea splits and matzah, marror and macaroons? We sit in a Sukka outside of Israel, we light Chanukah candles, we shake a lulav. And the first two Pesach offerings we brought weren’t in Israel either. Yet, Rashi teaches us that Korban Pesach is different. For the true Pesach to be realized we need to have been brought to Israel.

 I’m gonna throw one more question in here, as it’s Pesach time and I know you’re looking for good ones. Here’s one I bet you never thought of. Then I’ll get back to that Maharal that I name-dropped a minute ago. Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about it.  Here’s the question.  We know that we drink four cups of wine by our Pesach Seder that correspond to the 4 terminologies of redemption that Hashem told us; the four lashonos of geula. Yet as we as well know, it wasn’t just “v’hotzeisi”, “vi’hitzalti”, “v’go’alti”, “vi’lakachti”- that Hashem will take us out, save us, redeem us and take us as His nation, but there is a fifth term as well. Vi’Heiveisi- And He will bring us to our land. That cup we don’t have. We don’t drink.

  It’s strange. One can argue perhaps that the reason is maybe because we’re still in galus. We’re not in the land and don’t have the Bais Ha’Mikdash yet. Yet if that’s the case then to be honest we haven’t been redeemed today either. That perhaps in times when we are getting killed, like the Holocaust and are not being “saved” by Hashem maybe we shouldn’t drink the other cups as well. But we do. So why not that one as well. On the flip side we can also ask what about the nation that came after 39 years into Israel. That Hashem brought them in. Did they drink five cups? During the entire first Temple were there five cups by the Seder? How about the second Temple? How about us today that merit to live in Eretz Yisrael? And if there wasn’t then and now, and I don’t believe there was or seems to be any source for it, then why not? Good question…no?

 So here’s where the Maharal comes into play. The Ma’Haral explains that our being brought out of Mitzrayim was meant to be one act directly connected to the being brought into coming to the land of Israel. We were meant to experience an exodus from Egypt and then directly an entrance to the land of Israel. It was supposed to be five cups. One act. It’s what we sang at the splitting of the sea that ends with the coming to Eretz Yisrael and building of the Bais Ha’Mikdash. If that’s what would’ve happened then our coming to Eretz Yisrael would have been an eternal coming that we never would’ve lost or been exiled from. Just as our exodus from Egypt was and is. Each Seder, we leave Egypt. Each generation every Jew can leave his own Egypt. Can break free of all restraints. In a similar vein, our coming to Eretz Yisrael would’ve been just as eternal. It would’ve been unbreakable. It was meant to be one act.

 Yet we messed up. We cried. We broke the chain. Tisha B’av always falls out on the same day of the week as the Seder night. It’s why some have a custom to eat an egg of mourning after Magid, before we eat our meal. Because the two are intricately connected. If not for that first Tisha B’Av we would’ve been in Israel forever. In the words of the Maharal (Netzach Yisrael chapter 8)

 “The generation that Hashem took out of Egypt would’ve been the same that He brought to Israel and it would’ve been an eternal experience without any breaks”.

My Rebbe explained this with an understanding from the laws of Shabbos; the first one mentioned in the Talmud in that tractate. The rule is that for one to complete one action of “carrying”, there needs to be an akira and a hanacha- one has to pick something up from one reshus/domain and place it down in another. If there is one without the other, it’s not a complete act. Mitzrayim is a reshus ha’yachid. It’s a domain where Hashem is not present. It’s meitzarim. It’s constrained. Eretz Yisrael is reshus ha’rabim-. It’s a land without boundaries. Its light shines out to the world. We were meant to be the generation that left those constraints and were brought to a world that would be eternal. It was meant to be one act. It was supposed to be eternal.

 But the Golden Calf delayed it and thus we needed to have a second Pesach offering in the wilderness so we can again have an experience of leaving and them being brought in immediately. It’s why we didn’t go into Eretz Yisrael right after the Mishkan was built on Rosh Chodesh, but rather waited until after the Pesach Sheni was brought, so every Jew could have that akira from galus experience before being brought into the land.

 But then the spies happened, and it was over. We cried. We didn’t have faith. We lacked the strength of conviction that Hashem who took us out will bring us in. And thus we failed. We only have four cups that are eternal. The fifth cup v’heiveisi- of coming to the land, even when realized was not the same generation that left. It will never be five cups, even when we ultimately came. It was four for the first generation that are eternal and one, the fifth cup, for a generation that never had the first four. Therefore the fifth was not eternal. Our nation that left Egypt had an “akira” without a “hanacha”. We eternally have the ability to always pick ourselves up and leave our constraints. Hashem will never abandon us in every generation. We can experience and we do relive that and can always find Hashem and see His redemptive arm in the darkest of times and tunnels. But we have never been able to come home eternally. We have never had that hanacha.

 At the other end of that as well, we have generations like today that have experienced a “hanacha”. They’ve returned and settled in the land. But that hanacha never had an akira. They didn’t experience the miracles. They don’t see the hand of Hashem that took us out. It’s not one act. And therefore, they’ll cut deals. They worry about what the world will say. About the Pharaohs. It’s a generation that thinks we need other nations help and support. A nation that came into Israel and couldn’t finish the job of wiping out the 7 nations that Hashem told us we needed to. Because that generation didn’t witness the miracles first-hand of yetzias Mitzrayim. They were in Israel, but they were still eating the sour grapes of galus. They had built their Mishkans in the wilderness and saw the clouds of glory, but they didn’t hear the Vayikra- the call of Hashem to Moshe to come in and bring sacrifices in Yerushalayim.

 We have a week until Pesach. Could you imagine what would happen in heaven if every Jew in the world decided that they wanted spend this Pesach in Israel. If there was a “Kol Koreh” that came out from the Moetzet Gedolei Ha’Torah and great Rabbis from around the world, that it’s enough with voting or not voting for Zionist or anti-Zionist organizations from the Diaspora to try to influence funds here in Israel, while still eating galus grapes. That’s silly galus stuff. Rather it’s time to vote with our feet and on planes by actually coming here. That there was no more “Adopt- a- Kollel- in-Israel” organization, but rather that all Kollels picked up and moved to Israel. That understood that the power of the Torah learning for the sake of our country is a thousand-fold if that Torah is studied in the land that Hashem wants us to live in and where His light can be revealed from.

 Remember that Shabbat-across-the-world program that got everyone to keep one Shabbos? Religious, non-religious, old, young, Jews across the entire world all keeping a Shabbos. Shouldn’t the next big thing be a Pesach in Israel from around the world program? That all of Klal Yisrael decides that this Yom Tov we’re all going to be together in our country. In Yerushalayim. Can you imagine it? Would you join it? Or are you still in the book of Shemos with the Mishkan built and the four cups of Pesach, but can’t go in, because you didn’t hear the Vayikra yet? The call of Hashem screaming for His Korban Pesach of v’heiveisi.

 It’s not hard to get on a plane and come here. I did it last week. There’s no place like home. My first stop was to the makolet to buy grapes. My luck, it’s not yet grape season and they were imported from South Africa of all places. I guess I’ve still got to eat galus grapes as well. The season begins after Pesach- the eis bikurei ha’anavim is when the spies went out. They didn’t appreciate the grapes of Eretz Yisrael then, hopefully 3000 years of galus has finally brought us to the day when all of us can correct that sin, that mistake, that hesitation and break in our redemption. And then the song we will sing will be ba’shana ha’zeh anu kvar bi’yerushalayim!

Have an amazingly redemptive Shabbos!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 


 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

" Fun fartrikenteh baimer kumen kain paires nit arois..”- Fruit doesn’t grow from withered trees


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

14. The mountain-back road in Judea and Samaria is also called ______


What is the name of the route separating the Carmel from Ramot Menashe?

A. Stella Maris

B. Wadi Milek Route

C. Wadi Ara Route

D. Northern Highway


RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAmTMT0c4v0    – Six 13- the first Pesach Acapella of the season… PSVR… I don’t get it…


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-u6CBPzvBGI  - Moshe Tishler’s latest song Nes…


https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vehi-shemada  -  I had this beautiful amazing composition arranged last year by Dovid Lowy… learn it for your Pesach Seder, it’s truly glorious… My Vehi She’amda

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_MUGHZ-w7I   – V’vheiveisi by Yitz Waldner.. this can be a Pesach hit maybe… or not..

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XD4X0LSH6II – My choice of the week is this great video of the classic Adir Hu! Avi Ganz rocks this one…

  

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK


Tzidkiyah- who?- 598 BC – With the exile of Yehoyachin, we have finally arrived at the final king of Israel before the destruction of the Bais HaMikdash; Tzidkiyahu Ha’Melech. Now although we know him as Tzidkiyahu, it seems that name was given to him by none other than Nevuchadnezzar who appointed him to be king after taking Yehoyachin into exile and locking him up in jail for his rebellion.

 

Who was Tzidkiyahu in fact? Well it’s not clear from the verses and there might even be contradictions. The simple pshat accepted by Rashi and most is that he certainly was the uncle of Yehoyachin’s and brother of his father Yehoyachaz’s son of  Yoshiyahu. Which brother though seems not be clear. The Gemara brings opinion that he was an older brother named as Shalum. Other suggest based on the verse that Shalum was younger brother. To make it even more confusing there are others that suggest that Shalum was really Yehoyachaz- the father of Yehoyachin, and Tzedkayahu was another brother named as Matanya. Maybe that’s why they called him Tzidkiya-who??? (sorry couldn’t resist…) Are you confused yet? I am… But welcome to the times before the end of the first Temple. They were confusing…

 

Now what makes this time even more confusing is that Yehoyachin was still alive and in Bavel and Tzikiyahu who was appointed king by Nevuchadnezzar was really never appointed by the people, many of who supported Yehoyachin. Tzidkiyahu was only 21 upon becoming King and thus there were those that felt that he was merely being a puppet king of Bavel. Can you imagine the accusations that went of Bavel-Gate and undo influences of foreign governments in the leadership of Israel. The truth is those accusations were correct, though. Nevuchadnezzar made Tzidkiyahu swear on a sefer Torah by Hashem that he would never rebel against him. Nevuchadnezzar recognized that any other oath would be meaningless.

 

The Gemara tells us that unlike Yehoyachin, Tzidkiyahu as his name insinuates was a righteous king; a tzadik. Yet his generation had fallen too far. This is the counter opposite of Yehoyachin’s generation before the exile of all of the sages and Torah scholars together with him, where the generation was righteous still but the king was wicked. Our sages derive from this that the power fo the Torah scholars can prevent the destruction despite their sinful leaders- and Yehoyachin as we discussed was really really bad. While at the same time, the righteousness of the leaders, like Tzidkiyahu does not have the power to protect it’s generation. This is one of the sources that is certainly utilized and become engrained in our nation’s psyche of the power of Torah to protect.

 

Yet despite Tzidkiyahu’s initial righteousness, as we will see his failure to heed the prophecies and warnings of Yirmiyahu and Yechezkel and listen to their political and spiritual guidance ultimately brought about his downfall…

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE FRUIT JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Tell me a fruit joke... Mangoes in to a bar

 

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"

 "I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

 When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

 "I don't know, sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."

 "Are you sure?" Al asked.

 "I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

 While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

 When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, we have no Chinese Jews but we have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever heard of Chinese Jews!"

 

In the grapevine school, a teacher asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

One grape said, “A raisin

Another shouted, “Juice!”

The shy grape in the back whispered, “I just want to be a little less ‘cluster-phobic.'”

 

Why did the grape stop going out? It was tired of being “picked” on!

Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of “juice”!

What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little “wine.”

Why did the grape refuse to fight? Because it didn’t want to get in a “jam.”

How does a grape enter a party? It “raisins” the roof!

 

So I’m standing here waiting for fruit juice when my buddy asks where we are.

I told him we’re in the punchline.

 

What kind of cancer does fruit get? Melon-oma

 

Have you read the nutritional information on a box of Fruit Loops? You're better off eating the toucan.

 

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit

and vegetables are grocer.

 

I firmly disagree with putting fruit in cake. There's just no good raisin for it

 

Why does fruit dislike being preserved? The process is jarring.

 

 Ana is no longer allowed to the fruit market. Banana.

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The answer to this week”s question is B- Got this one right as well! Highway 60 which runs all the way from Beer Sheva up the middle of the country through Chevron Jerusalem, Shilo up to Shechem ending by Nazareth in the Galil is known as the Derech Avot! Its right on the top of the middle mountain range of Eret Yisrael and it’s the path that our Patriarchs would travel going North and South. As well, living up in theNorth and traveling along Highway 70 which runs along Carmel up to the 85 near Karmiel I remember that it was called Wadi Milek- which I remember has nothing to do with the Milky way, but rather has to do with Melach as in Salt in Hebrew, as they would transport salt from the coastline along this road… So I got this one right and the new score is Rabbi Schwartz 9.5 Ministry of Tourism 4.5 on this exam so far. Oy….

 

Thursday, March 15, 2018

My Einekel!- Parshat Vayikra /Hachodesh / Rosh Chodesh


Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
March 16th 2018 -Volume 8 Issue 22 29th  Adar 5778

Parshat Vayikra /HaChodesh
My Einekel!

I had a dream. Listen, it happens to guys whose last name is Shvartz in Hebrew; although not a King, it was a dream about junior. It was quite a vivid dream. It was about Elka and I running around on Erev Shabbos, and we were shopping like mad. It seemed that we had a Shalom Zachor that night for my first grandson, whom we had just been told was born. Now like many people I don’t like to talk about my dreams. For some reason we are all superstitious about that. Maybe it goes back to our Sunday School classes and the stories of Yosef who told his dreams and then ended up in the bottom of a pit, and being sold down to a foreign country. Regardless, I knew I had to tell over my dream. See, Aliza- the grandmother I am now married to, had been driving my daughter, Shani, crazy for months trying to get her to reveal what the gender of the baby was. My clever son-in-law gave her a hint and told her that it starts with the letter Beit in Hebrew (Ben or Bat). But now Hashem had revealed it to me in a dream, and much like the prophets in earlier times, I had no choice but to share this secret of Divine knowledge with my better half. Much like the Jews however in the days past, she didn’t believe me. Neither did my kids or my sister for that matter. I was living amongst non-believers, Now I knew what Jeremiah felt like.
Anyways, last Wednesday my wife calls me at 5:00 AM, while I was sleeping in Tel Aviv, on a tour. She first wanted to know if she woke me up. Very considerate of her, I must say. Then she told me that my daughter is in labor and she needed to rent a car and head out to her and she was quite panicky if she would make it there on time. I told her not to worry. It was only Thursday Morning, the prophecy was that the baby would not be born until Friday. We had time. She hung up and continued driving. That Friday morning I woke up nice and early, I took my Elka and we went out to buy food for the Shalom Zachor. “But Daddy, we don’t know if it will be a boy or a girl”, my little skeptical child asked me. I just nodded with my “Oh-yee –of-little-faith” smile and composed a song in honor of the upcoming birth (feel free to pause in middle of this E-Mail and click on it below in our Video of the week section). Sure enough Friday morning at 11:48 AM, after suffering through 38 hours of grueling labor just to fulfill and realize the dream of her father. Shani Berger gave birth to an adorable baby boy. I am a grandpa now. This child is the realization of my dream. The Shalom Zachor was great, the song was awesome, and most importantly the Schwartz family learned never to disregard the tidings of the elder Patriarch of the Schwartz dynasty…at least for today.
If there ever was a great week to herald in a new Jewish baby boy, it would be this week. The Torah portion we read this week begins a new book; the book of Vayikra. Yes, it is the third book of the Torah, like the newest Schwartz descendant is the third generation of Schwartzes-although is last name is Berger, but he looks like a Schwartz, wanna see a picture? Go to my facebook page. But we are told that this is the first book that would be learned with Jewish children in days of old when they started to study Torah. As well, this week is also Parshat HaChodesh, the last of the supplemental Torah readings. The Parsha not only talks about the first mitzva of the Jewish people of counting Rosh Chodesh, the Jewish New Months, from the month of the Exodus, but as well it mentions the mitzva of the Pesach Lamb offering the prerequisite of course being to be circumcised. A mitzva my grandson,-it sounds so cool to say that by the way, will be undergoing IYH tomorrow. To make it even better, this Shabbos is in itself Rosh Chodesh, so we will be singing the Hallel and the special Musaf prayer that is recited on Shabbos Rosh Chodesh that describes Hashem forming the world, an appreciation that is enhanced every New month when we recite the additional Barchi Nafshi (psalm 104) that describes the wondrous creation, but that is even more enhanced when that new month falls out on Shabbos. Yeah, it’s a good week. My einekel, like his mother is trying to help out his Zaydy (pronounced Zaiiidie- like E-fryyyyy-im- not Zaydie like lady) with his weekly E-mail.

There is however another not so easy common denominator between all of these new beginnings though. Perhaps one that is not so pleasant to talk about. That is that they all come out of a lot of pain and suffering. The book of Vayikra is a book about the slaughter of sacrifices, certainly not a pretty sight. There was lots of blood, shrieking and ghastly queasy sights in the temple. Kind of like a birthing room. As well, the mitzva of the of the New month of Nissan comes with it perhaps the conclusion of one of the bloodiest eras in Jewish history, our slavery in Egypt and according to our sages the decimation of over 80% of our people in the plague of darkness. In fact the first introduction and mitzva that every Jewish male undergoes is this mitzva of Brit Mila- the covenant of circumcision. Seemingly, Jewish girls, have their mothers undergo the painful process for them, in their not-so-fun childbirth experience. They in turn undergo that for their daughters later on in life, when they make their own beautiful little girls. And thus we become a nation that is forged in pain; the first mitzva, the first book that we are taught is Vayikra, and each year we count the first month of the year from our beginning as a nation when we came out of the fiery cauldron and holocaust of Egypt and became the Chosen Nation of Hashem. Aren’t you excited to be part of this?  I know we are into our matzas but that shouldn’t make us into matzachists…right? Oy…Zaydie jokes are supposed to be corny.
There is another aspect that connects these three parshiyot this week. They are all fascinatingly enough festive and contain food and celebration. The sacrifices we and the Kohanim partake in. There is music playing choirs and orchestras throughout the Temple. Our Pesach offering is eaten like a big BBQ with all your families and friends. We sing Pesach songs, we even sing that we were slaves in Egypt. As well at our Seder and on each New Month we sing Hallel-songs of praise to Hashem, yet if one examines much of the phrases they seem bizarre.
Psalm (116:2)) Afafuni Chevlei Mavet,UMtzarei Sheol Mitzauni-The pains of death encircled me, the confines of the grave have found me; trouble and sorrow I would find. Then I would invoke the name of Hashem.
(116:11) He’amanti Ki adaber ani Anisi Meod- I have kept faith although I say I have suffered exceedingly
Psalm (118) Min Hamietzar Karati Kah Anaani BaMerchav Kah- From the straits I call upon Hashem; Hashem answered me expansively
Yasor yisrani Kah Vlamavet Lo nsanani- You have chastened me exceedingly, but he did not let me die.
And then the pinnacle arrives at
Please Hashem save me!
Please Hashem save me!
 Please Hashem Bring success!
Please Hashem bring success!
There is no other nation that sings songs of Hashem when we are in such tumultuous, painful and traumatic times. For that matter not too many other people I know would even consider a circumcision as a time or occasion to throw a party. Yet that is our nation. Being part of the Jewish people is recognizing our unique divine role in this world. We are here for a purpose. We came here in pain and suffering. There is no such thing as an easy childbirth. There will be pain. It will hurt. It will entail blood, sweat and tears. To be a nation of Hashem as well, is not a prize we got at the end of some beautiful reality bachelorettes show with God as the groom. It entailed 400 years of slavery, perseverance and at the end undying determination to have faith at all costs.
We had to slaughter that sheep, that docile, follow-what-the-Egyptian-herd is doing, and put his blood on our doorposts. We were going to be different from the get-go. We were born that night in Egypt. We were born when we were able to see the hand of Hashem taking us out and propelling us forward into our destiny. That was the train we got on. The train of our destiny that would bring us home.
Parshat Vayikra is the first book we learn with little children. Our sages tell us that this because the pure should come and study the laws of purity. Purity is not just innocence, or even simplicity as I think most people identify it. Purity is seeing the hand of Hashem in everything. Kids are great about that. They are always connected. They appreciate the significance of the concept of a home for Hashem, of offerings to the almighty, that bring me closer, that allow me to tap into that knowledge and transcend this world. That is the purity of children. It is that voice that we need to have when we read the book of Vayikra. Those eyes of awe at the concept of Hashem residing His presence on this world. The idea that even if I sin, even in pain, blood and tears Hashem can be found. Perhaps it is even where He is most found. It returns us to our roots. To our birth. We then can begin again. We can renew like the month, like a child.
I sit tonight next to the purest soul I know. He just came down to the world a few days ago. He kind of looks like me and he seems very intelligent. Inspirational. He smiles when I sing my song to him, so he appreciates good music as well. We have a custom that the night before the Bris we recite Shema together with him. All the children, who happen to be his uncles and aunts recited those special words together.
 Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad- Hear Israel Hashem is our God Hashem is one.
Those are the words of our people. The words we recite in times of martyrdo and pain, the words we recite by a brit, in times of joy each morning dawn and nightfall. Every night when we lie our heads to sleep and awake with a new day.
HaMalach HaGoel Osi Mikol Ra- the Angel that redeems me from all evil
Yivareich es Hanearim- he should bless the children
Viyikareh Bahem Shemi- He shall call them in my name
Bishem Avosai- the name of our forefathers
Avraham and Yitzchak
And they should grow into a multitude in the midst of the land.
May he grow and be that blessing to us all.
Have fantastic mazeldike Shabbos!
Still ecstatically yours,
Rabbi- “just Call me Zaidy” J- Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
Klaineh kinder lozen nit shlofen; groisseh kinder lozen nit ruen.”- Small children don’t let you sleep; big children don’t let you rest

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email

Q   A commemorative site for female combat troops is found in:
A. “The joined control position”
B. Palmahim
C. Akhziv
D. Nitzanim

RABBI SCHWARTZ COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vzakeynu-lirot-banim  - My latest composition in honor of my first grandson/einekel . Vzakeinu Liros- get ready to jump out of your seat and dance!

https://youtu.be/gtlGjPuItG4    – A beautiful song about the new baby neshoma in hebrew

https://youtu.be/V4VkubdVM7I  – Bill Cosby Granparenting

https://youtu.be/9CeJloG5Ouw   - My Zaidy! By Moshe Yess the classic song and video


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S HAFTORA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

This week we have a triple whammy we have the Parsha of Vayikra, we have the extra Parsha an maftir of the 4th and supplementary reading of HaChodesh and it is the New Month; the beginning of Nissan. So the rule is that the special supplementary Haftorah wins however many congregations add in the first verse of the traditional special Haftorah reading from Yeshaya of the Heaven being the throne of Hashem and this world His footstool.and the final verse how each Shabbos and each Rosh Chodesh each man shall come to prostrate before Hashem.
Now interestingly enough though the Haftorah of HaChodesh from the prophecy of Yechezkel really can incorporate all three themes itself as it describes the future Bais Hamikdash and the service that will take place once Mashiach has come and the Jews have returned to Eretz Israel. The Haftorah describes the offering that the Prince (the King or the High Priest) will bring on Rosh Chodesh – the New Moon.
This selection from Yechezkel is especially appropriate for the Shabbos that precedes or coincides with the beginning of the month of Nissan. The month of Nissan is known as the month of redemption. Our exodus from Egypt took place in the month of Nissan. The Mishkan was first assembled on Rosh Chodesh Nissan. The Mizbeach was inaugurated into service during the first 12 days of Nissan.Which therefore connects it to the reading of Vayikra as well. We hope that this year, in the month of Nissan, we will again merit to be redeemed from exile, rebuild the Bais Hamikdash, and again inaugurate the Mizbeach by bringing the Rosh Chodesh offering in the service of G-d.

Yechezkel /Ezekiel (590 BC) – His name "means Hashem will strengthen." Ezekiel wrote his own book. He was a Kohen. He was a major prophet that recorded the warnings to the Jewish captives of Babylon. He experienced his prophecies just before the destruction of Jerusalem on Tishah Be'av (The 9th of Av). He was a villager. His wife died suddenly. He was exiled in 597 B.C.E. His prophetic ministry lasted 20 years. Some of his visions were experienced while he was in exile. Ezekiel was the only prophet to experience a prophecy while outside the Land of Israel. He died in Bavel. He was among 8000 exiles taken to Babylon by Nevuchadnezzar, King of Babylon soldiers

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Graves of Tribes of Israel- Dan (1275 BC)- Many of the graves have different traditions where they are buried. So hopefuly fi you visit both of the sites then you are covered. I don’t always get a chance to be by both but the tribe of Dan, the “least of Yaakov’s Sons” I did manage to get to both sites. I have a special connection with the tribe of Dan because Tel Dan is my favorite place to visit in Israel. As well Reb Tzadok Hakohein suggests that the tribe of Dan corresponds to our generation before Mashiach comes. The first and more visited site of Dan is in the portion of the tribe of Dan near the grave of Shimshon who was the tribes judge, Although they call it Dan’s grave it is more likely than not Shimshonss grave as Dan’s is in Eshtoel or next to that one.
The other site is in Kfar Dan in the foothills of Har Tabor in the lower Galile. The village of Dana Al Hakim- was named after the wise man and judge that the arabs haad a tradition was buried there- which could be Dan who we are told represtns the judges of Israel.
  On both sites there is a grave sign interestingly enough and testimonies of visitors and pilgrims go back hundreds of years. Now there is also a tradition that is mentioned that he is buried near the Banias, but that is more likely than not a grave of a Sheikh.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S GRANDPARENT JOKES OF THE WEEK

A dying grandfather tells his grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandpa, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With his last breath, Grandpa whispered, "Facebook..."

Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Hymie, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Hymie says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really! Like a newborn baby?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants"

A reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old great grandfather: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 103?" the reporter asked. He simply replied, "No peer pressure."

Zaidy Yankel who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the elderly man replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at the Kosher restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth." 

For months, Leah had been nagging her husband to go with her to the séance parlor of Madame Sadie.
"Cyril, Madame Sadie is a real gypsy and she brings the voices of the dead from the other world. We all talk to them. Last week, I talked with my mother, may she rest in peace. Cyril, for only $30 you can talk to your zaida who you miss so much."
Cyril could not resist and at the next seance, there was Cyril sitting under the colored light at the green table, holding hands with the person on each side of him. All were humming.
Madame Sadie, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a crystal ball. "My medium Vashtri, who is that with you? Mr Himmelfarb? Cyril's zaida?"
Cyril swallowed the lump in his throat and called, "Grandpa? zaida?"
"Ah, Cyril?" a thin voice quavered.
"Yes, yes," cried Cyril, "this is your Cyril, zaida, are you happy in the other world?"
"Cyril, I am in bliss. I'm with your bubba. We laugh, we sing, we gaze upon the shining face of the Lord."
Cyril asks his zaida many questions and his zaida answers each, until -
"So now, Cyril, I have to go. The angels are calling. Just one more question I can answer. Ask. Ask."
"Zaida," sighed Cyril, "when did you learn to speak English?"   

And of course the classic

An elderly woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren.
Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her.
"Tell me, Mrs. Rosenwasser, how old are your grandsons?"
Mrs. Rosenwasser gave her a grateful smile and replied, "The doctor is four and the lawyer is six...."

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Answer is D – I would have skipped this one. There are so many monuments in this country, I rarely stop at any of them. Not that I have anything against monuments, they’re just not the Jewish way to commemorate someone. I prefer to go to places and talk about our fallen soldiers and heroes at sites that they were active. The answer to this question is Nitzanim in the South of Isarel not far from Ashkelon. Achziv I knew wasn’t the answer as there was a monument there that I  have visited for the “night of the bridges”. I figured it wasn’t in the West Bank Territories. But it could’ve been Palmachim. Anyways, I would ‘ve skipped this like I said,`