Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile
Showing posts with label reuvein. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reuvein. Show all posts

Friday, July 10, 2026

Retirement Home- Parshat Matos Maasei 5786 2026

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

June 11th 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 37 25th of Tamuz 5786

 

Parshat Matos/Ma'asei

 The Retirement Home

 

Click here below for print edition

(Weekly Newsletter - Parshat Matos Maasei  )

 

Our journey is coming to an end. We're at the Banks of the Jordan. We're about to enter the land. Mashiach is right about here. He's not Donald Trump. We're pretty sure about that. Tisha B'Av will hopefully be a holiday this year. My Bein Ha'Zmanim tours will be of the new Bais Ha'Mikdash. Sukkos will be amazing. The Shechina is coming down. Miracles like we never saw before are about to happen. It's almost all over and it's almost about to begin. The 5786 years since Hashem created the word are about to come to the glorious culmination and commencement of the End of Days. Can't you feel it? I can. How about you?

 

If you can't, then perhaps it's time to get new glasses. Ge'ula glasses. My brother is an optometrist if you're looking for a referral, by the way. Yet, being that he lives in Chutz La'aretz, despite the fact that he longs to be here, the glasses he can make for you, don't really show you the whole thing. Chutz La'aretz glasses can only see so much and so far.

 

There's a oft Rabbinically sermoned story about the soldier that was standing by the western wall when it was returned to us, or liberated in 1967 and who was crying. When asked by the Rabbi standing next to him, why he was crying, he answered it was because he didn't know what he should be crying for. To a large degree, I believe that many of us relate and fall into the category of that soldier. Sure, we all want the Bais Ha',Mikdash, we want redemption, we sing l'shana ha'baah bi'yerushalayim. Yet, at the end of the day, how much of that "longing" is really just lip service. How much is it is just engrained into us, like chulent, Shabbos, lashon hara, Shema Yisrael and herring and gefilte fish. See, all of those are pretty much the same. It's just stuff thrown into us that we kind of define our yiddishkeit and thus ourselves by. If we didn't have chulent, or we didn't say Shema, or if we didn't have herring or we didn't have Shabbos or spoke lashon hara. We'd probably be annoyed. But we wouldn't really feel like our lives just fell apart. That we lost an eye or a leg. It wouldn't be tishkach yemini- that our right arm just got blown off.

 

That's kind of the way we feel about Eretz Yisrael and the Bais Ha'Mikdash. It would be nice and great and fun, and even holy and prophetic. But I'm not walking around without an arm. Thank God, I've got both of them. It's more like I don't have that fancy Tesla and I'm stuck in my shleppy yeshivish Toyota. I'm still getting around. It's just not a fancy self-driving car. But at least, I'm not walking. I'm not limping. I know people and soldiers that lost their arms in this war. They don't have the smile, you or I have on our face most of the time. They don't forget ever what they're missing. When they cry, they know what they're crying about.

 

Now we know that we should feel that way. We know that we need to feel that way. We were taught and believe that whoever mourns over the Temple will merit to see it be rebuilt. The problem perhaps is though we don't really see it. We don't feel the loss. We don't and were perhaps never taught what it is truly meant to be and mean to us. And thus, we can't mourn something that we don't even know what it should look like. Someone that is born blind, or deaf, can't mourn the fact that they don't have sight or hearing. They don't know what it is. They only know a dark soundless world. So how could they even dream about what they are lacking.

 

Yet, as I said, the time is here. Hashem is ready to bring the geula. We are at Yarden Yericho and we're about to cross into the Holy Land. It is perhaps at this juncture of time, during the three weeks before Tisha B'Av that we read every year the conclusion of the Book of Bamidbar which is meant to give us the perspective that Moshe gave our nation of what it is meant to look like when we come into the Land and perhaps even more than that, what we are meant to do, what is our job here, what is the vision that we are aspiring to achieve. Because as the famous quote of the Chesire Cat in Alice in Wonderland goes If you don't know where you're going- then any road will get you there. Or perhaps the opposite is true. If you don't know where you're going then you'll never get to where you need to be.

 

How different is the view of Moshe and Hashem versus that of the Jewish nation that he is speaking to back then, and to us today? You tell me. Moshe tells us in Parshat Matos that there are two tribes that kind of don't feel the need to cross the Yarden into Israel and conquer it. They've got great grazing land over there. It even is almost like being in Israel over there. It even actually has Kedushas Ha'aretz and is obligated in most of the mitzvos. It's like the shuls and Beit Midrash's in Lakewood, that my tourists once told me are a Mikdash Me'at- a little Temple that has the holiness of Israel and will eventually fly over here. So why does he have to make Aliyah? I told him that's kind of like saying why do I need to come to Israel for a Rabbi Schwartz tour, I can just read his great articles in Mishpacha instead. Yeah…not the same thing.

 

So Moshe does some splain'in to them. See, Eretz Yisrael isn't just about having a good comfortable, safe Jewish place to live, where goyim won't bother you. I didn't bring you here, and Hashem didn't take you out of Egypt or choose you, just cause He loves you and wants to give you a nice new house. Rather, He brought you here because He needs you to do a job.

 

"Will your brothers go to war and you just sit here".

 

Hashem brought you here for a mission, Moshe tells them. It's to go to war. It's to join the army. It's to kill every single man, woman and baby in the land. Listen, if some of them want to make peace with you and are willing to be your servants, throw out all other alternate form of worship, and serve Hashem as non-citizens of this country on an Israeli Visa then that's fine too. But everyone else has to either leave or be dead. So what in the wild world, he turns to them and says, are you guys thinking. What are you spies or something, that are trying to weaken the people and sell them short on an idea of what our job here is all about?

 

That my friends is the vision. If you follow that theme throughout Matos, throughout Moshe's discussion with them. Throughout his repeated command to our nation, this is the message he keeps sending us. Come to the land, destroy all alternative forms of worship. Inherit it. Throw them out. Kill them. Destroy them. If not you have no real right to come here. You will lose it. They will be thorns in your sides and beams in your eyes. They will constantly attack you, kill you, persecute you, pogrom you, intifada you and October 7th you. And the worst part, Hashem says… I will do to you what I thought to do to them. The Orach Chayim Ha'Kadosh explains why this is. Why Hashem would tell us as the Rashbam says, that just as I meant for them to be all killed and no "lo sechayeh kol neshoma"- so I will do that to you.

 

What he says is so powerful and so unbelievable but yet so logical. What Hashem is basically telling us, is that I had a plan when I brought you here. You have a job to do. Do you know what that job is? It's not to build yeshivos in Israel. It's not to even settle the land and make nice new communities and hill tops. It's not to study Torah. It's not to have chesed organizations. It's not to have a million minyanim and shuls on one block. It's not for Teshuva organizations or kiruv organizations. Don't get me wrong, those are all great and even holy things. But it's not why He brought us here. Because if you see it that way, then guess what? You can stay in America and do most of that too. You can stay me'eiver la'yarden and do that also in the Golan Heights. And you would be right not to long so much for the Bais Ha'Mikdash. After-all you got the same thing there.

 

Rather, the reason He brought us here is because He wants a goy free country. He wants a lighthouse built that will shine up to the rest of the world and so that His Shechina will shine from there and the world will come close to Hashem and have a house to pray and worship and become close to Him from. That's the purpose of the world. That's why He created the entire world. That's what He chose and hired us to do. As long as that's not happening, that we're not doing what He asked of us, then everything else is pretty much meaningless. Then He doesn't need us. Then we're not really much better than the Arabs that were here before we got here. They didn't build Him his house and neither are we. So what does He need us for?

 

Perhaps a parable can make this even clearer to you. It can give you the glasses you need to see what I'm trying to show you. What Moshe was trying to show them. What Hashem wants us to do, what He needs us to get so that we can finally cross that Yarden. So, as Rashi and Chazal tell us, He doesn't have to drown us in the waves.

 

See, there's the King once his name is Donald Schwartzowitz. He has a dream his whole life to one day have a beautiful nice retirement home on a nice farm in the Upper Galile. He really doesn't need anything too fancy. He wants a nice view, a beautiful garden that his wife can plant her vegetables in that he personally is not really interested in eating as he had a stomach surgery and tries only to eat dead warm blooded animals in a bun or on a grill or some good danishes and non-healthy but tasty food. But it keeps her busy and happy and that makes him happy. He wants a nice study. Maybe a Jacuzzi to lookout to the yam and see the sunset as he drinks a beer. And of course a nice big study with a comfortable chair and room for all his sefarim, where he can learn, write his books and E-Mails and even compose music. That's the dream.

 

Now Schwartzowitz hasn't been idle. He's been saving for years. He's been putting away money. He's scrimped and saved. He's been looking for the right time and place and he finally found it. There's only one problem. The dream lot that he found and actually even bought for this retirement palace of his, was currently being occupied by a group of homeless drug addicted squatters that don't want to leave. So what do you do? Schwarztowitz is a smart guy, he hires the best and most qualified team of professionals for the job. The team is made up of good security people that will clean the place out of all the riffraff. Will take the lot and build it up. That get his specific design. That knows what type of view he wants. That understand what he needs for his wife. What the kitchen should look like. The bedroom and of course most importantly his study and jacuzzi. He gives them all the details and the plans and tells them that they've got a year or two to finish the project. He has to marry off his beautiful daughter Elka first, he's got another kid Tully that needs to get set up. So they have a year or two, and then it should be ready. The dream can come true.

 

Two years later, he got a call from the foreman that they were almost ready. They were at the finishing stages and if the King wanted to move in early, he was welcome to come check it out. As all it really needed was His last details and presence. For Casa Di'Schwartzowitz was about open for business. Very excited the King jumped on His helicopter and flew right over and much to his shock and consternation nothing changed. The place still has homeless people. Drugs. There's even a large noisy market place in what was meant to be his wife's garden and a dance club across the street blocking his view. When in shock he turns to the guy in charge of the job and asked what's going on. The guy looked at him like a good Israeli does and told him that he doesn't understand, it's just what the King wanted.

 

See, they decided instead to give the King a much better deal, then he even wanted. Instead of in Israel they decided it makes more sense to find him a place in Pakistan. It's a lot nicer there. Also its far better for the King do have neighbors that will be there to help you out. So we actually built you a place in a multi-family dwelling. That way if you ever need butter you can borrow it from a neighbor. It's also good to have diversity there so we made it into a building that has people of all ages and backgrounds there. Puerto Ricans, Italians, Blacks, Chareidim,noisy teenagers and wild kids. It will be nice to have everyone there together.

 

 As well, they figured the study thing would be too hard on his eyes, so they decided that an arcade with mahh jong tables would be much better. As well the garden for the wife thing would probably be too much after a while, so instead, they built her a sewing room and she could order her fruits on Amazon Prime instead. Jacuzzis also aren't that great, so instead they built him a sauna. It's much better for your skin. Isn't the King happy. We did just what you wanted.

 

Do you see the problem here? Hashem doesn't want Batei Midrash in Lakewood. He doesn't want Adirei Torah in Pakistan. He doesn't want a million shuls in Meah Shearim. He's clear about what His vision is. He wants ONE shul. It's called the Bais Ha'Mikdash. He want's no goyim or noisy neighbors. He wants a view of the heavens unobstructed. He wants a light that will shine out there to the world. To be the sun of the world. He want's peace and harmony from the one nation that He hired and repeatedly told to have that vision and carry it out. To inherit it for Him. To see it with Him. To live together with Him. That's the vision. That's our right arm. That's what we're missing. That's what we need to see.

 

The Book of Bamidbar ends with this vision. It concludes with the unlikely daughters of Tlzafchad that seemed to get this, that want to make this happen and will give up everything for it. It ends with Moshe knowing that Reuvein and Gad don't get this. They have their own vision. Moshe thus charges them with the job of fighting for the land. Being the first. Because when you fight for something, you realize how important it is to. What the goal is. What your life is really about. As well he places with them, not just half of the tribe of Menashe, that descendant of Yosef, that longed for Israel and that understood what the King really wants, but as well cities of the tribe of Levi. The ones that fight for Hashem, that bring us close to Him. That will remind us where we need to go and what we're all about.

 

The book concludes with cities of refuge. Every place in Israel we need to have these cities where those that have perhaps taken lives negligently, can run to. It seems like such a strange small detailed ending but in fact it is everything. Because the reason the Temple isn't built is because we all take our lives negligently. We don't value what we and each Jew is meant to be doing. We don't appreciate what we were hired for. So we kill by mistake. Ourselves and others. So we need to have a place to remind us of what we're here for. A city who is more than any other looking towards the Bais Ha'Mikdash everyday and asking about the Kohen Gadol, who is worrying about them. Because he understands that his life is dependent on theirs and theirs on his. The redemption will come when we get that. That is what a country redeemed will look like. It's when Eretz Yisrael will be a place that the whole world will turn to. That can and should happen this week. We just need to clean those Geula glasses and know what we were hired and crying for. What the King is waiting for us to do. Because the time has come for Him to finally settle down.

 

 Have a Shabbos Chazak and a Chodesh Av that not only consoles us but uplifts us

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

 


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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

" Az men vil nisht alt vern, zol men zich yungerheyt oyfhengen "- If you don't want to grow old, hang yourself when you're young.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

7. The name of the events, that occurred following a dispute over Jewish prayer at the Western Wall, during the British mandate was______ 

For what purpose did the Great Mosque building in Ramla serve before becoming a mosque?

A. Crusader church

B. Synagogue

C. Caravanserai

D. Government building


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/achainu – Rabbi Schwartz Acapella composition season, I composed this Acheinu two years ago during the war when I got sick of the same old one again and again. Dovid Lowy Arrrangements and Vocals of course… Let me know what you think


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCKr6CfG9OI&list=RDfCKr6CfG9OI&start_radio=1 - Ani Maamin Nice Acapella


 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgtURjWGh0k&list=RDQgtURjWGh0k&start_radio=1 -  Mendy Worch TYH Never Alone Acapella


https://www.youtube.com/shorts/f9bL9z5MN5k     – Meeting the worst Jew in the world- Shlomo Carlebach


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpkhVtPCWFo&list=RDhpkhVtPCWFo&start_radio=1 – And here's a great Acapella Holy Playlist


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK


Teshuva Movement -345 BC- I think that one of the things that we really need to change our mindset about in this season is what Geula might look like. There's this image of everyone doing teshuva and coming back on wings of eagles and shofars and donkeys. It's a biblical dreamlike view that makes it hard to imagine and therefore in many ways justifies our continued comfortable existence in Galus. If Hashem wants us back He'll call us and make miracles. Until then we'll stay here and daven and sit on the floor Tisha Ba'Av and mourn our Temple. That's not what happened though in the past or will in future, as most of the meforshim explain.

 

In the times of Ezra upon his returns we are told that most Jews were still intermarried, sinning, weren't observant. Ezra perhaps was shocked. He thought the Temple would be built and everything would be fine and it wasn't. A few months later he realized that even the new Olim he brought back from Bavel with him, not only weren't lifting up the rest of the nation, but were in fact going off the derech themselves. Intermarrying and sinning just like those non-religious Jews that had remained in Israel had become. See, making Aliyah, can make you not frum too… back then as well.

 

So what did he do about it? Did he pack up his bags and head back to Bavel Park? To the Lake? Nope. Did he make demonstrations? Did he make asifas? No… at least not right away… You know what he did? Probably the only thing that works… He sat and cried. He cried and fasted for the sins of our people. He was broken hearted. He wasn't angry. He was just so forlorn. So pained. He couldn't stop crying. He was crying over the shame of Hashem, of the Holy Land, of the opportunity that was being squandered. And his heartfelt tears reached the people.

 

Shechanya ben Yechiel comes over to him and tells him that he wants to repent. He wants to come home. He sees the love that Ezra has for him and the Jewish people. He wants to divorce his non-Jewish wife and wants to do teshuva. With him others join. The nation is called together. They all want to return. It will take time. It's not a one-day event. It's a job. It's cleansing. It's divorcing. It's figuring out who's Jewish and who's not. It's a national project. It becomes The National project. That's geula. That's the return. That's what we need today. A love for one another, a true concern for klal Yisrael. Not anger, not demonstrations and certainly not waiting on the sidelines or going back. If we see that today… Mashiach would coming knocking. The key is in our hands. We just need to open up our hearts.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE RETIREMENT JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Retirement is the only job where doing nothing is the goal.

Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay.

Promoted from Senior Manager to Senior Napper.

I hope you like Saturdays, because every day just became Saturday!"

 

Q: What do you call someone who is happy on Mondays?

A: Retired

 

Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” Answers the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” Arthur asks.

“I don’t remember.”

 

Q: How many days are in a retiree's week?

A: Six Saturdays and one Sunday.

 

Retirement is the world’s longest coffee break.

Goodbye tension, hello pension

My wife and I have started aggressively planning for our retirement, and by that I mean we’re playing the lottery 3-5 times per week.

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” – Andy Rooney

The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the work I was best suited for was retirement.

two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim replies, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really! Like a newborn baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

 

I love doing stand up comedy at the retirement homes. And I know I'm really good because they laugh at the same jokes every week

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me – they were cramming for their finals.

You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.

When is a retiree’s bedtime? Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

How many retirees to change a light bulb? Only one, but it might take all day.

The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.

An elderly man decided it was time to move on. He packed his stuff and moved into a retirement home.On his first day there, as he was unpacking his stuff into his room, he could help but notice that the woman in the room across the hall was staring at him. He thought it was odd but decided not to let it bother him. Later that night, he went to the cafeteria to get dinner. He sat down at his table and, lo and behold, the woman from the hallway was sitting at the table next to him! There was no food on her table. She just sat there staring at him with fixed eyes. The man grew increasingly annoyed but didn't say anything.

After a scrumptious meal, he went to the lunge to play nightly bingo. He was enjoying the game until he noticed the woman again, staring at him. He had had enough.

He went up to her and said, "Ma'am, I couldn't help noticing that you have been staring at me ever since I arrived. Could you please stop, it is a bit bothersome."

 

She replied, "I am sorry, it is just that you look so much like my third husband!"

 

The man felt bad. "I'm sorry. If you don't mind me asking, how many husbands have you had?"

 

"Two." Was the woman's reply.

*******************************

The answer to this week's question is A– So I got this one almost fully right. I just messed up the first part a bit. I wasn't sure about the Davening thing. I remembered a story about smuggling in the Shofar to the Kotel. I called it the shofar riots. I just made that up. The correct answer though was it was the 1929 pogroms. I thought that was because of the call that the Arabs made as a result of them claiming we were trying to take the temple mount. Which it was. However the truth it that it really started a year beforehand with the Jews putting up a mechitza for Yom Kippur services by the Wall. That escalated into decrees against that type of service by the Kotel. And eventually in August of 29' led to the mass riots. What I find fascinating is how much the beginning of our history and these riots started with a push from these liberal left wing Zionists to redeem the wall and by putting up a mechitza on Yom Kippur there. And today the October 7th starts when they take down the Mechitza in Tel Aviv on Yom Kippur. There's a lot to digest there. The second part I got correct though which is that it was a Crusader Church. I don't tour Ramle much but I remember the Gothic archways there in the Mosque and it being a church.  So I go this one half right and the test continues with Rabbi Schwartz having 5 points and the MOT having 2 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.

Friday, December 27, 2024

The Last "I"nitiative- Parshat Mikeitz Chanuka 2024

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

December 27th 2024 -Volume 14 Issue 9 26th of Kislev 5785

 

Parshat Mikeitz/ Chanuka

 

The Last “I”nitiative

 

I told him that I thought it was a bad idea. It was a stupid idea. And perhaps most of all I thought it was an evil idea. I think he was a bit taken aback. But, what did my well-meaning friend really expect when he called me to join him on what he thought was going to be a world-changing project? I was never really a yes-man, or Rabbi. Particularly when it comes to ideas that to me seemed to be taking off in the frum world. I’m a traditionalist, I guess. And I particularly get nervous when people come up with things that they believe others have to do for the miracles to come.

 

So to back up a bit, my friend and colleague called me a few weeks into the war with what he thought was going to be THE project that will save all of the hostages and win us the war. See, there was this story or video clip that was going viral all over the frum media of this woman that lived in Kfar Azza that I’m sure all of you have seen or at least heard of. It was a story of how the terrorists were coming to her house on October 7th and she was hiding and cowering with her two children in fear. Something came over her at that moment and she turned to Hashem and prayed. She promised that if Hashem would save her and her children, that she would begin to observe Shabbos. Sure enough. As soon as she finished her short prayer from the depths of her heart, the terrorists turned around and left the direction of her house and she was spared. That’s the story. And I have no doubt that it’s true. She’s for real. It’s an amazing story.

 

As many know there certainly was an inordinate amount of shomer shabbat kibbutzim, settlements, cities, synagogues and yeshivos that were spared that Simchas Torah morning. There were some non-religious ones as well, but certainly most of the devastation took place in the non-religious areas. The ones that weren’t observing Shabbos. The ones that were perhaps even violating it by music festivals… Shabbos saves. Our rabbis tells us this. I believe that.

 

To be fair, as well, I also believe fundamentally, and it’s quite obvious, that our Rabbis have said that anyone that doesn’t have the benefit of a HEALTHY Jewish education and that was raised secular, has the same halachic status as a child that was kidnapped that at a very young age. Think that cute red-head baby Bibers. If God forbid we don’t bring him home…God forbid… He wouldn’t be responsible for not fulfilling mitzos. He doesn’t know. He didn’t learn. Neither did anyone that didn’t have a healthy Jewish education. It’s not their fault they don’t keep Shabbos or go to parties. They won’t even be punished for it. They’re an oneis. They had their heritage stolen from them. Yet, at the same time they don’t have the protection and beauty of Shabbos.

 

So this friend of mine called me up after he saw this video and he wanted to start this project. There were at the time assumed to be 251 hostages that were taken to Gaza. So what he wanted to do was start a project or movement, by which everyone would try to find 251 people that had never observed Shabbos before and they would undertake to keep Shabbos as a merit for one of the hostages to return. He thought that this would be an amazing idea. It would bring people closer together, make them more religious, it would connect us through Shabbos and of course it would bring back all of the hostages. He wanted my support. I wasn’t as excited as he was to put it mildly. But maybe that’s because I read this week’s parsha a little different than he did.

 

Parshat Mikeitz, which is always read Chanuka time, is a parsha that is very much about returning hostages. It’s about silly, stupid and bad, failed attempts. And it’s about understanding what really can bring them back. What we need to do to BRING THEM HOME. It’s 2024. Ba’yamim ha’heim ba’zman hazeh- in those days, but for our times. That’s what Chanuka is all about us realizing. About us revealing. It’s not ancient history. It’s us today.

 

The parsha picks up from last weeek with Yosef being held in some tunnel in Egypt. With no hope left. It’s Mikeitz. It’s the end. He thought the Butler would help him. He thought maybe he would get a pardon. But everyone else did except for him. Maybe he thought if Trump would get into office everything would be better. But he was wrong. 2 years passed and nothing changed. Keitz sam la’choshech- an end came to the darkness, our parsha begins Rashi tells us. The darkness was his faith that someone else could change his situation. After two years of waiting for it to be over, he realized there was no one else but Hashem that was gonna pull him out. Not Pharaoh. Not the Butler. Not Biden’s “Don’ts” Not Trump. Not Bibi. Just miracles. Just Chanuka. Yosef’s efforts are pointless and misguided. Stop looking to other people to solve your problems. There’s only One address one needs to turn to. We needs to turn within to ourselves. One needs to turn their eyes to Hashem.

 

Although Yosef was in prison for ten years. The parsha begins with the end of the two additional years that he sat there, waiting for his efforts and his hope and faith by turning to others besides Hashem to save him, to finally come to an end. Mikeitz, doesn’t only mean end or conclusion. It means li’hakitz- to wake up. Yosef needed to become “woke”. He needed to get out of the dreamland that deals, and exchanges, and diplomacy and anything besides Hashem will bring him home. When that ends. Yosef is redeemed. His new mantra is mi’baladei Hashem- there is nothing besides Hashem. No one else that can help Pharaoh, that can interpret dreams, that will save Egypt from the famine, that can return him to his brothers. It’s only Hashem.

 

The parsha continues with the brothers going down to get back Yosef. Shimon is taken hostage, by Yosef. There are demands and the conclusion of the parsha is about the possibility of Binyamin being taken hostage too. Yosef’s brothers implore Yakov to send Binyamin with them to get back their brother. To get food. To finally bring a cease fire. But Yaakov is wary. He doesn’t trust deals. He’s a bit older than his kids. He’s been betrayed again and again in his life. Esau backs out of his deal. Lavan as well. He knows that you can’t trust these people as far as you can throw them. He doesn’t want to lose Binyamin too.

 

There are two hostage negotiating teams that come to Yaakov. Two attempts to BRING THEM HOME. The first, Reuvein, fails. According to Rashi, Yaakov calls him a Bechor Shoteh-. It’s a stupid idea. What’s Reuvein’s approach. I’ll trade. If I don’t bring back Binyamin, I’ll give up my two sons instead. Yaakov is aghast. Really…? Reuvein, you just don’t get it. This story is not about trades. It’s not about your sons/my sons. The address you should be turning to is not looking at how you can manipulate or convince me by showing signs of faith, by making offerings of what other people or your even own children would or should give up. You’re missing the boat. You’re not looking within. You’re not taking personal responsibility. I’m not impressed.

 

Approach two is Yehudah. He doesn’t offer any trades. He merely says. I guarantee it. I’m responsible. I will do whatever it takes.

V’chatasi Lecha kol Ha’yamim- I have sinned to you all of my days.

 

No deals. No trade-offs. No putting it on someone else. It’s my sin. It’s all on me. That works. Yaakov bites. The redemption can come.

 

Yehuda, who perhaps had learned his lesson with the death of his own two children. Yehuda, who perhaps had learned what it means when he put the blame on Yosef, and as a result his own brothers put the blame on him. Who had almost obviated his own responsibility to his daughter-in-law Tamar, who fascinatingly enough as well was a hostage. An aguna, a trapped caged woman, unable to marry because of his own actions and sins. He had gone through his own process and understood that for the redemption and return of the hostages, he couldn’t put it anyone else’s shoulders besides his own.

 

Yosef, learns this lesson, Yehudah learns this lesson and finally as well, our parsha continues with the rest of the tribes learning this lesson as well. When they leave Yosef’s house, the Torah tells us that they stop off at an inn for the night and “The One”- who Rashi tells us is Levi (the one previously mentioned with Shimon) opened up his sack and finds the money they paid Yosef and that he had planted back there inside of it. He shows the rest of the brothers, whom, the Torah goes out of the way to tell us, don’t check their bags until much later after they get home. They have an interesting response to Levi

 

Va’yeitzei libam, va’yecherdu ish el echov ma zos asah Hashem lonu- And their hearts went out and they trembled- a man to his brother, what has Hashem wrought upon us.

 

Their hearts go out, and they tremble. But the Pardes Yosef notes, that they are not scared for themselves. They tremble for their brother. They’re nervous for Levi. The Yonasan Ben Uziel, adds even more poignantly that they ask what Hashem has wrought upon us, for they don’t feel that it’s their responsibility our sin. It’s Levi’s fault. It’s his sin. The way that they were processing this was placing the blame and responsibility, which is clearly coming from Hashem on someone else. It’s what they always did. What we always do…

 

 Yosef, was wrong. He was a snitch. A rodef- trying to be King. Yehuda’s at fault, they remove him from his position. Shimon is taken hostage. Well, that makes sense. He was the one that threw Yosef in the pit. It’s Hashem punishing him. Now Levi has the money in his bag. They tremble for their brother. But at the end of the day, it was him and Shimon that were in on this. The rest of us… We’re still good. We’re just following orders.  It’s not me that caused the hostages to be taken. It’s the guys not keeping Shabbos yet…

 

It was only after they come back home and empty their own bags that for the first time they don’t just tremble for their brother, but the Torah tells us Va’yirau- they feared. Or perhaps they saw. They understood. They’ve got stolen money in their own pekeleh as well. They have something that they have do teshuva on. Something that they have to return. It’s fascinating when they come back to Yosef, they change the story, they describe how they came to the inn and they all opened up their bags.

 

V’hinei kesef ish b’fi amtachto- and the money of a man was in his sack.

Kaspeinu b’mishkelo- our money in its weight.

 

It’s confusing. Is it one man who finds the money? Is it each man? Is it our money in its weight? Why change the story, when it seems that in reality they didn’t really find their own money until they came home, not there in the inn. Many of the commentaries wonder why and how they could lie like this. It seems a strange thing to make up.

 

But perhaps what they are saying is really the truth. This is their confession. We came to the inn. We all checked our bags. None of us found money except for Levi. We thought it was his fault. That we are guiltless. It’s his sin. But then we discovered that we were wrong. Kaspeinu b’mishkelo- our own money was also taken. We had our own sins. Our own mishkal- scales of guilt. Our own burden. We also made money off the sale of Yosef.

 

Va;neshev oto b’yadeinu- and we returned it to our own hands. Our own plates. Our own guilt.

 

There was a speaker that once came to my daughters Beis Yaakov school and spoke about the war. He took questions after the lecture and a girl raised her hands and asked why everyone was so busy helping out and getting things for the soldiers. Barbeques, doughnuts, Pizzas, raising money for them. In her holy spiritual Bais Yaakov world and innocence, the way she saw it was that the soldiers are really not doing anything here. They are just the external force of our battle. The real power is in our Torah. It’s the Kollel Rabbis and Yeshiva Bochrim learning. It’s the prayers. It’s the kabbalos and resolutions. That’s the real fighting force and artillery of the Jewish people. Why are we busy with soldiers so much?

 

My daughter, being my daughter,r was a bit upset by this line of questioning and asked me how I would respond. I told her that I would’ve told the girl that she is a hundred percent correct. The entire war is spiritual. Every bullet that hits its target, every tunnel we blow up, every Hamas guy we kill it’s all only because of the merit of Torah and our prayers and mitzvos. The soldiers, tanks and airforce are really not doing anything.

 

At the same time though, I asked her, why she is angry at Chamas? Chamas didn’t kill anyone. They didn’t burn, they didn’t pillage, they didn’t terrorize, they didn’t kidnap. That’s just Chitzoniyos. That’s just external. The real guilty party here is the Kollel guys. It’s the bitul torah. It’s the sinat chinam. It’s the machlokes and fighting in Satmer, in Gerrer, in Bobov, in Belz, in Ponivizh. It’s all the Jews in America that don’t move to Israel. It’s the talking during davening. Those are the real murderers. Those are the real terrorists. The blood is on their hands. On our hands. It’s my fault.The stolen money is in my bag… Chamas is just the external. Why are you angry at them? You can’t just take the credit and not the responsibility. Our Gedolim never did- as the Chafetz Chaim would repeatedly say that if there’s an earthquake in China it’s because someone is wasting time during seder in Radin… Or something like that… Certainly it’s even more true when something is happening in Israel…It’s not them. It’s not even the not-frum. They’re an oneis. They’re tinokos she’nishbu. They don’t know better. It’s us. It’s the Rabbis It’s the Chareidim- the ones who “fear Hashem”. It’s me…

 

But you are angry at Chamas it seems, little girl.  So, you do worry about the chitzoniyos. If that’s the case then you can buy a soldier a pizza, you can say thank you to them, you can at least say the prayer for their well-being.

 

Do you know why the project to get people to keep Shabbos to save a hostage is a bad idea? It’s because it’s putting the blame on someone else. It’s their chilul Shabbos that is preventing the return of the hostages. That’s the way they would hear it. How would you like it if I started a project and put up signs that 251 people from each chasidus should make peace with their dissenting break-off to save a hostage? Or that the two sides on the various yeshiva fights, the Bnai Brak and Jerusalem factions, the two Ponivizhes should make peace for a hostage. How long would that sign stay up on the bulletin board there in the hallway?

 

What if I said that 251 people should make Aliya to save a hostage. There was a great miracle story that someone promised to make aliya and he was saved. So how long would a sign like that stay on the wall in Lakewood? In Monsey. In the five towns. Maybe even in Teaneck? It wouldn’t last long. Because it’s not my sin… It’s Yehuda. It’s Yosef. It’s Shimon. It’s Levi…, I don’t have anything really bad in my pekeleh…

 

The parsha that we read on Chanuka is Mikeitz. It’s the holiday of the end. It’s the holiday of waking up. Of putting a wick in our menora. Ner Ish u’beiso. It’s in front of my own house. By my Mezuza that I have to light the candle. It’s the holiday of the miracle of finding me searching to find my own oil that I have to redeem. That I can uplift. That I can ignite.

 

We sing Maoz Tzur. We sing about the keitz bavel- the end of Iran. The keitz shivim- the end of the seventy years of exile when we realized that Bavel and Iran isn’t our home. That Zerubavel, that what we had thought that we could flourish outside of Eretz Yisrael was wrong and it was time to come home for the redemption. That the keitz is here.

 

Do you know what’s fascinating about this song? It’s first person. It’s me.

Maoz Tzur Yeshuosi- It’s my Rock of salvation

Tikon beis tefilasi- It’s my house of prayer

Az egmor b’shir mizmor- I will conclude with song.

 

Ra’os sava nafshi- my soul has been satiated with bad

B’yagon kochi kila- my strength is expired

 

Dvir kodsho haviani- I was brought to the Beis Hamikdash

V’higlani ki zarim avaditi- I was exiled, I served strangers.

 

It’s me me me me. Unlike most other songs and holidays that are “we” and plural Chanuka it’s about me. It’s my song. It’s my miracle. It’s my candle. It’s my hostage. It’s my redemption. But for that to happen we need to take the “I”-nitiative. It starts with I. With my own miracle. Karov keitz ha’yeshua- the awakening and end of the salvation is close. The beginning of the salvation has started. Iran and Bavel are falling. May by the end of Chanuka, perhaps even this Shabbos we merit for the return of the longest hostage. The Shechina, Hashem, back to His Home. Keitz sam la’choshech- there should be an end to the darkness. The bright new morning should begin.

 

Have a light-filled Shabbos and a happy Chanuka

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Shuldik iz der stolyer: ven er volt nit gemacht di bet, volt ich nit gekumen tsu keyn chet - It's the carpenter's fault: if he hadn't built the bed, I wouldn't have sinned.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

NEW EXAM STARTS THIS WEEK!

 

1) At the start of the 21st century, Israel discovered reservoirs of _______________

near its shores.

 

What is reclaimed water?

A. Wastewater treated to enable reuse in agriculture and industry

B. Desalinated seawater to be used as drinking water

C. Water restored to natural areas which have dried up, such as the Hula Lake

D. Water artificially infused into salinated wells, mainly in the Arava region

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/maoz-tzur   – In honor of Chanuka my latest song composition Maoz Tzur! Aren’t you ready for a new tune.. this one is great with Dovid Lowy doing my amazing arrangements and vocals!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/haneiros-halalu  – And once you’re at it already why not use my fantazstically uplifting Haneiros Halalu tune for lighting your candles as well

 

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/al-hanissim  – And here’s my Al Ha’Nissim another amazing Lowy arrangement and vocals

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/chasof-zeroah  -  Finally my first Chanuka hit Chasof Zeroa arranged and sung by Yitz Berry!!

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Old Bones- 621BC – Prophecies get fulfilled. Hashem just doesn’t work on our timelines. It’s Chanuka time. It’s time to go back to those days of the Beit Hamikdash and think about when it all went South. The First Temple built by Shlomo was only in use by all of the Jewish people for about 20 years or so. When he died Yeravam ben Nevat, Shlomo’s Rebbe breaks off and builds his own Temple. Two of them actually. One in Beit El and One in Tel Dan. Yup… Jews didn’t want to daven together. Back then Hashem sent a prophet to Yeravam to Beit El and told him that a day would come when not only would his kingdom be destroyed, but the very altar he was worshipping on would be used to burn the bones of all of the false priests and prophets by a future king named Yoshiyahu a descendant of Dovid. Guess what? It took 350 years, but we finally got here…

 

Now the prophet that came to Beit El with this prophecy and preformed signs from Hashem by freezing the hands of Yeravam and splitting the Altar and its ashes, was sworn by Hashem that he couldn’t eat anything in Beit El and needed to return home a different way then he came. Yet a false prophet met him along the way and wanted to discredit him so he convinced him that Hashem gave him a new prophecy that permitted it. The good prophet then joined him for his “last supper” and set off where he was killed by a lion. Ouch… Hope it was a good meal. The false prophet had regret and took the prophet’s body and buried him and admitted his guilt to his children and ordered that he be buried together with him. He figured that would save his bones from being burnt by Yoshiyahu later on. And sure enough that’s what happened.

 

Our chapter tells us how Yoshiyahu comes to do his job and sees this one grave that has trees growing all over it, different than all the other ones. He inquires after this and hears the story and spares these bones. Teshuva works. It helped this prophet. This is the final act of Yoshiyahu before the great rededication ceremony. The Pesach like no other one in our history. Stay tuned next week…

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S FUNNY INITIATIVE & CHANUKA JOKES OF THE WEEK

There is an initiative by the US government and the American Dairy Counsel that cheese needs to be sold only in block form. By doing this we could make America Grate Again.

 

My friends say I never take the initiative. I wish they'd just stop being my friends

 

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

 

I was in a job interview.

"Can you give me a time where you've wrongly taken the initiative?"

"Hey, I'm the one that asks the questions here," came the reply.

 

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Hanukkah.After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his says, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”

“She did,” he replies. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?

 

Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with? The Icebergs

 

I asked my dad if I could borrow 50 dollars to buy stuff for Hanukkah... He said "40 dollars? What do you need $30 dollars for?".

 

An old Jewish couple, Harry and Sadie, were married for 35 years but never got along...

...One day around this time of year, he says to her, "So? I suppose you'll be wanting a Hanukkah present?"

She says to him, "Harry, I want a divorce."

Harry says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much.

 What did the older Hanukkah candle say to the younger one? You’re too young to smoke.

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 The answer to this week”s question is A – Baruch Hashem new exam this week and off to a great start! This first question is easy, despite the lousy English translation of the second part. Obviously the answer to part A is Natural Gas! The Leviathan as its called. But being it’s Chanuka and this exam miraculously many times coincides with the times and parsha and Email you should have known that… Part B as well is pretty easy, although the better translation of mayim tehorim is purified or recycled water which is of course the waste water in this country that is recycled- by parasites that eat up all the poop in about two weeks and then it becomes clean drinking quality level water, although its only used for most of the agriculture in this country- thus we don’t really have water crisis anymore, unlike decades ago… So starting off this first exam with Rabbi Schwartz 1 and Ministry of Tourism 0. Not bad lets see if I can continue this streak!