Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
April 3rd 2020 -Volume 10
Issue 24 9th Nissan 5780
Parshat Tzav / HaGadol
Home Alone
So how's your week been? Have you ever had a stranger week in your
life? Has there ever been a stranger week for the entire world simultaneously?
This past Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur when we said our prayers of V'sein pachdecha
al kol ma'asecha v'aimascha al kol ma she'barasa- that Hashem should place
his fear on all He has made and His dread on all He has created, did we have
any idea that this is what it would look like? Did we really think that
Hashem was listening to our prayers then and finally after two millennia
decided to give us a taste of what we were asking for? Yet, another thing to
blame us religious Jews who said those prayers on Rosh Hashana for…
No one's life is the same. Some people are going crazy with their
kids in the house with them all day. Others are sitting at home alone, unable
to socialize, shop, go to classes, shul or work. Many have lost their jobs for
the unforeseeable future and have no idea how they will provide for their
families. While many have seen their life savings, their retirement, their
401K's and nest eggs wiped out. This is not to even say anything about the ones
who lost someone close to them, who has someone suffering from this plague and
they can't even get close to reassure them, to hug them and tell them it will
all be alright; even if they're not sure if it will. The videos of the weddings
that are made without most of the bride and grooms friends or families to be
there and celebrate with them on their most special days and the 5 minute
funerals of parents, grandparents and religious leaders, many being buried
without even the traditional tahara/ purification preparations and with
just the select immediate family members that could get there on time, are
heart wrenching. Mindboggling. Almost unfathomable. But yet they are the
reality of a world that we prayed for this past Rosh Hashana, that is waking up
to the notion that nothing is in our hands anymore. And that nothing probably
ever was until now as well.
For me, my strange week was in Jerusalem all alone. I wasn't in
isolation, thank God. I was just away from my family. See, Hashem was good to
me. When this all started a few weeks ago I had a few friends on my Frum Anglo
Tour Guide Whatsapp group that were freaking out. What's gonna happen? How will
we pay our bills? Everyone is canceling! I told them that all they have to do
is check into their local Beit midrash, find a chavrusa/ study partner and
start learning Torah. The Satan will never be able to take that and will
quickly get them some type of work just to prevent them from learning. That's
his job after-all and he's pretty good at it.
So I can home that evening and told my wife that perhaps I would
start giving Torah classes once again. A few people had been asking me for them
and I had been so busy with tours I haven't given any besides of course my
Shabbos sermons, for years already. Well with my newly opened schedule, this
was my chance. I went to sleep and sure enough the next morning I got Satan's
call. I had tourists and dear friends that I've taken quite a few times over
the years that were in Israel. They had actually been here from before Purim
and decided to stay until Pesach at least, with everything that was going on.
Would I be able/ interested to come into Jerusalem where they would put me up
to learn with their children every day for a few hours.? They need to keep up
with school work and it seems that I might be the right person for the job.
"Ummm…. Sure!"-
I responded, thinking to myself how "Man… that Satan works fast… he
must really be intimidated the impact my classes would have on the
universe."
I also very quickly realized that it would mean that I would have
to forego the pleasure of being able to spend quality time cooped up in my own
home with my wonderful, quiet and peaceful never fighting, arguing or screaming
children whom I love and miss. And that my dear wife- their mother would be
able to have all of this enjoyment for herself. Being a generous husband and
not wishing to deprive her of the special opportunity this presented her with,
I grudgingly accepted this position. Truth
is she's pretty used to me not being home a lot and we just wanted to keep the
routine for the kids not seeing their father too many days in a row.
So off I went to Yerushalayim. The first day or two coming back to
my room it was kind of nice. I of course called every day to tell my family I
loved them. It seems there was a lot of yelling and screaming in the
background. It must have been a bad connection I guess. But once I hung up it
was quiet in my room. I was able to work on my computer. To learn and to just
chill. But then it started to get lonely. I made some phone calls. Called
friends, relatives. And it was just getting lonelier. Quieter. The news kept
coming in. And I just didn't want to look at it or read it anymore. I'm a
people person. It's my job. It's my personality. And now there were no people.
Just me and Hashem. All alone, all week long for the past 2 and a half weeks. Besides
for of course Shabbos, that I came home for; can't miss out on the Rebbetzins
chulent… oh and my kids of courseJ.
I've spent a lot of time with Hashem lately. I think a lot of us
have. I'm pretty sure it's what we are meant to be doing. So much of who we are
and what we do is influenced by all of those around us. By our schools, our
peers, our communities and even our families. What is it like when we are all
alone? When we take all that away. I've thought about the first Jew ever
Avraham, which really is the beginning of our nation. His story as well begins
with that first command to be alone. Leave your land, your father, your
community to the place I will show you. We've all just stepped on that train
right now. Leaving everything behind to the place Hashem seems to be taking us.
Being alone forces me to introspect. Not about anyone else, but
about myself. Hashem has put me alone in a room without family. There are so
many lonely out there without spouses, without families that do this all the
time. Have I cared enough about them? Have I really tried to help them? Or have
I just stuck their names on my tehillim list at best. I am out of a job
in the foreseeable future. How many people do I know that have been like that
for a long time and what have I really done to help them? I'm not sick or dying
Baruch Hashem and I don't want to be either, but have I in the past known so
many people that are and haven't visited them, called them, cared more than three
seconds and making a "tsk tsk they should have a refuah shlayma".
Have I really ever empathized as I should? Loved my friend like myself as I
should. Cared about the world as I should. Their tzaros. Their problems,
their distance and unhappiness.
Have I ever cared about…. Hashem… His pain… His loneliness… His
longing for me to finally get it and become me…as I should. Reb Chaim Sanzer
says that we start off our Rosh Hashana davening with the prayer for the fear
and dread upon the world because we have a rule that 'he who prays for his
friend will be answered first'. Thus if we daven that the world fear Hashem
and are in awe of Him than Hashem will make it that we get that fear and awe of
Him before them. I think I'm finally starting to feel it.
This Shabbos, the one before Pesach is traditionally called Shabbos
Hagadol- the big or great Shabbos. There are many reasons given for this title
which include the Rabbi's "big" long sermon with all the laws and
inspiration for Pesach which I don't know too many people that will be feeling
bad that they are missing out on this year. We've all had plenty of time to
prepare and learn about the holiday over the past couple of weeks. The parents
with kids are learning it all every day as they home school. Welcome back to fourth
grade. The ones without kids are just surfing the internet and reading or
learning all the messages that they are constantly being forwarded.
This year in my lonely introspection I had another idea why it may
be called the big or great Shabbos. The midrash tells us that Shabbos was also
lonely. See, every day of the week had a partner. Sunday had Monday Tuesday had
Wednesday and Thursday had Friday. Shabbos was alone. It was single. It
complained to Hashem. Hashem told poor Shabbos don't worry. You'll get your
partner. It will be the nation of Israel. So Shabbos waited and waited and
waited…for 2448 Until Shabbos HaGadol, the 10th of Nisan. On that
Shabbos the Jews took their lambs and tied it to their bed and declared that
they were ready to become the nation of Hashem. We were ready to finally leave
that single life of hanging out in that meat market of Egypt and meet our
Bashert Shabbos.
What does it mean that every day had its pair? On each day of
Creation there is a connection between a spiritual element and a more physical
element that is meant to reveal that spark. To bring Hashem's light from above
down below over here. Some of the days Hashem created more physical creations; land,
animals, fish water and mankind. On others the more spiritual ones like light,
sky, stars and celestial beings. Each day has its partner. It's counterpart
that will reveal the spiritual in this world. Shabbos is the day of rest. It's
the day when the world will be infused with the ultimate spirituality. The day
when the whole world will know it has a Creator. But it needed a partner down
here on this world to bring it out. Hashem said don't worry, Shabbos. There is
no shidduch crisis. You just have to wait a bit. And Shabbos waited. It
waited for the day it would be great. It would find its partner. When it could
finally come out of quarantine.
There was another day when there were people sitting alone. It was
also Pesach. It was in the same place eerily enough that once again today was
in quarantine. We talk about it every year by our Pesach Seder. That city was
Bnai Brak. And there were a group of Rabbis that gathered and self-isolated
themselves all night long. These Rabbis felt very alone. Their Temple had just
been destroyed. Last year they were all in Jerusalem for the seder night eating
their Korban Pesach. They were together with Hashem. Now it had all been
destroyed. They spoke about the leaving of Mitzrayim all night long and they
came to a conclusion that night. The conclusion was that we recite the story of
leaving Egypt each night while we are in exile. We never did that before. In the
evening service we only had the first two paragraphs of the Shema that don't
mention Egypt. The reason, according to the sages, was because the verse that
told us that we must remember Egypt an additional time, was referring to when
Mashiach comes. But that night they came to a revolutionary conclusion. They
decided that when Mashiach comes we won't recite the story of Egypt anymore.
Therefore, the additional time to recite that third paragraph of Shema was in
the evenings of galut; our exile.
But why? It's particularly strange since that night they were all
talking about the Exodus all night long. What were they talking about? The
answer one of my Rabbis suggested was that they were discussing the work that
lay before them as we entered into this final exile 2000 years ago. They
realized that Hashem didn't want the Beit Hamikdash to sanctify Him anymore. He
wanted us to go back to the beginning and start anew and raise him up from this
world all by ourselves. Our Exodus from Egypt was Hashem swooping down from
heaven. Himself, without any messengers, without any angels and even without
any merits of our own. It was Him creating and taking us out. It was all from
above.
Our work in Exile this time around is not to wait for Him to swoop
down, but rather for us to build, build and build up to Him. We read the story
of Egypt at night in the dark while we are in this galus to remind us that is
our work. Once we have completed that work though, we will not need to remember
it anymore. We will have restored the world to Creation, to perfection. That
was the lesson and message of the isolation in Bnai Brak. It was the lesson of
how to create a home. It was the lesson we learned when we felt we were alone.
The word for alone or for quarantine that we keep hearing in Israel
in Hebrew is bidud or bodahd. In the Torah do you know who is bodahd?
The leper or the impure person. They are sent out from the camp. They are
removed from society to contemplate their sins. This is their recovery. They do
this in isolation.
But do you know who else is always badahd? An infant. But
not in the isolation/quarantine type of way. The word dahd also is the
term for the part of the mother's body that a baby nurses from. It's where he
gets his sustenance from. It's where he is the closest and most peaceful to his
creator. It's the only place he wants to be.
Hashem has put us this month of Nissan and this holiday of Pesach in
isolation. We are alone, but at the same time we are as close to him as we can
get. We recite Shir Hashirim- the song of songs by our seder night and
we keep referring to Hashem as our Dodi- our beloved, the place where we
nurse from, the place where we connect most intimately with our Creator.
This
Shabbos is Shabbos Ha'Gadol. This Shabbos we will all be with our Creator.
Shabbos Ha'Gadol this year falls out exactly on the 10th of Nissan
as it did 3332 years ago when we first made it great. May this Wednesday as
well be the day of our redemption as place the last bricks our Father is
waiting for to finally bring Him out of isolation from us and may we see the
fulfillment as well of the conclusion of that prayer on Rosh Hashan the tzmichat
keren (korona?) of David avdecha b'meheira v'yameinu.
Have an incredible miraculous GREAT Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz
This
week's Insights and Inspiration is sponsored by me dear friends and
tourists Charlie and Robin Myerson of Scottsdale Arizona in appreciation of all
of the refreshing and inspirational weekly insights with the fondest memories
of our trip with Rabbi Schwartz and as a merit for a refuah shlaima for all
those that are sick.
Thank You!
*****************************
Special Amazing Pesach Offer Just for you!!!
In honor of the holiday
of Pesach and all those that are stuck at home and are looking for the perfect
inspiration. You can't go to any bookstores and even when they were open you
just couldn't find the perfect book. Well now Rabbi Schwartz has taken care of
you! This Pesach you can have the "Most Enjoyable
book you've ever Read about Pesach" delivered right
to your E-mail box in a perfect PDF file. How do I know that is the most
enjoyable book? First of all, that is the title of the book. Second of all the
author is me. Third of all I'm a tour guide and tour guides are not allowed to
lie or exaggerate. It's against the rules. Fourth of my mother says so and she
certainly never lies. Neither do all of those that purchased the book when it
first came out in print and entirely sold out pretty quick.
Some of the great chapters include
Kid-ding Around
The Worst Jew
Ani V'Ata
Of Mouth and Men
Animal House
The Holy Prophet
Family Business
and
Jewish Trip Planning
And here's our blurb from the back of the book
With his world-renowned wit and wisdom and
his love for every Jew, Israel, and inspiration (and chulent), Rabbi Schwartz
brings to life the timeless and yet original messages and ideas that the
holiday of Pesach can and should mean to every Jew.
From the beginner to the greatest scholar,
from the Kabbalist to the Chasid to the Yeshiva student, young and old, this
book will definitely be the most enjoyable book you've ever read about Pesach.
QUOTES ABOUT THIS LITERARY MASTERPIECE
(That
Were Never Really Said)
"This is a
really great book, I'm so glad that my son become a rabbi, tour guide, and
author rather than a Doctor or a Lawyer."-My Mother
"This
book has changed my life in so many ways; I attribute all my success in life to
Rabbi Schwartz's insights and weekly Inspiration."-- Shlomo Yehuda
Rechnitz
"I knew
that when I threw him out of my Yeshiva it would inspire him to become the next
leader of the Jewish people."--Quite a few of my Rabbis and Principals
"I love being on a diet; it makes me
feel so healthy."- The author
SO HOW DO I GET IT? HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?
The answer is
the Book is absolutely Free- with a donation of your choice to the Young Israel
of Karmiel at the following link.
That's right.
How we can set a price on an inspirational Pesach Seder for all of our
incredible readers. The donation is merely your way of showing your
appreciation for all the weekly inspiration you get from our E-Mail, your
expression of your unity with us here in Karmiel and our great work of settling
the land and building a shul and community that welcomes all Jews. It's your
way of helping your favorite Rabbi continuing to be able to pay the bills for
our shul and community while we are locked down for the next foreseeable future-but
still have bills to pay. So whatever you can help out with is great. You can donate
a dollar or $1000. $10, $18, $36, $50, $100, $180 or $672 if that is the
gematria of your name.
It's all good…
So don't delay
make your donation and start reading the most enjoyable Book Ever on Pesach!
Your donation
can be made by clicking on the following link
(ignore the
High Holiday Campaign Paypal message I haven't figured out how to change that)
********************************
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
" Falen
falt men alain, ober oiftsuhaiben zikh darf men a hant fun a freind "-. To
fall down you manage alone but it takes friendly hands to get up..
RABBI
SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
21) A German
Crusader compound in Jerusalem can be found in:
A.
Damascus Gate
- Viri Galilaei Church
- The Jewish Quarter
- The Armenian Quarter
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/shiras-hayam-the-song-of-the-sea-vayosha
- In honor of Pesach my latest composition! Vayosha Hashem- the
song of salvation at the Sea. Thank You Dovid Lowy for the amazing vocals and
arrangements…love that jungle bongo beatJ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gfo8AQJCJys
- Perhaps one of the most beautiful and moving songs of this
virus Abie Rottenberg and Baruch Levine "Place where I belong" Torah
Scroll corona 2020 reboot. Must watch…
https://youtu.be/wL9VW_Srqr4
– 25 artists singing "Someday We will all
be Together"-while in isolation- what a great Zoomy idea…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p8ryM0ClJKM – Awesome Twas the night before Pesach from
the Rosengolds hilariously genius!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVKoNZloRvQ – Yishai Ribo Keser Melucha
hauntingly beautiful Corona composition…
RABBI
SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK
Todah– Thanksgiving One of the sacrifices that are
mentioned in this week's Torah portion is the mitzva of the thanksgiving offering.
Interesting enough we read about this korban more often than not on the week
before Pesach which is not only the day when we thank Hashem for our salvation,
but it also the week that has the one day a year that we do not recite mizmor
l'toda- the psalm of thanksgiving that corresponds to this offering. The reason for
this is because this offering consisted of forty loaves of bread, of which thirty-six were eaten as part
of a festive meal after the offering of the Korban. Since ten of these loaves
were chametz, and chametz is prohibited from the middle of
the day before Pesach, the Korban Todah was generally not brought on that
day. As a result, Ashkenazim do not recite Mizmor l’sodah on the morning
before and during Pesach and on erev Yom Kippur.
Now as we
mentioned last week that we can't bring sacrifices today however the recital of
the sacrifices can achieve the same objective and even perhaps the biblical
mitzva of the sacrifice. Thanksgiving though is perhaps a bit even more so. The
Rambam notes that the essence of our biblical commandment to tell over the
story of Pesach Seder night is to sing and thank Hashem for rescuing us. The
Chasam Sofer in a revolutionary statement suggests that same idea might apply
to both Purim and Chanukah that there is a biblical commandment to praise
Hashem for the miracles and salvations. Perhaps, he suggests that is the reason
when we make our blessings on the lighting of candles and reading the Megilla
we say that Hashem has sanctified us with His mitzvos. This is despite the fact
that the candle lighting and Megilla reading are rabbinical commandments. They
both obviously celebrate holidays after the giving and writing of the Torah.
Yet since there is a biblical obligation to thank Hashem upon having a miracle
those expressions of it fulfil that biblical commandment.
Now the
sacrifice of the Todah was brought upon four by individuals These are
people who recovered from illness; were freed from jail; crossed the sea; or
crossed the desert. Today we do not have the sacrifices however there is a
bracha called HaGomel that is recited for these individuals. The Rosh suggests
that it is in place of that offering. The words of the bracha are "Blessed
are You, Hashem our G‑d, King of the universe, Who bestows kindness upon the
culpable, for He has bestowed goodness to me.". As the sacrifice was
only brought by daytime it should be made during the day. Preferably as well it
should be done in front of a minyan of men and even in shul when one gets
called up to the Torah. The blessing should be made within 3 days of one of the
above circumstances but up to a maximum of 30 days.
Women as well
may make this blessing. Many certainly have a custom to make it after
childbirth by coming to shul and reciting it. As well their husbands can make
it for them. Ashkenazim generally recite this blessing when traveling overseas,
but not on local flights. Sefardim though will say it anytime they travel out
of their city. In Israel it is very common to hear Sefardim make it regularly
when they get called up to the Torah for that reason. So you shouldn't
necessarily think they went to jail or were sick.
There is
another custom as well that we find that many great rabbis upon being saved in
miraculous ways from death established an annual seduat hoda'ah- a
thanksgiving meal. They invite friends and family each year and they recite the
story and praise Hashem. In fact we find that there were communities that
established their own "Purims" on days that they were saved from a
plot or pogrom to destroy them. According to the SeMaK all of these are
biblical fulfillments of the commandment to give thanks to Hashem. God willing
when this Corona virus is finally over we will all gather in Yerushalayim with
Mashiach (hopefully by this Pesach) in a large public Gomel ceremony where we
can bring the thanksgiving offering for our salvation.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN
ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Reconciliation? Civil
War Part III 939 BC – So most of the tribe of Benjamin
had been wiped out by the tribes after the civil war that all started by the
incident of the Pilegesh/ concubine that had been desecrated by the men of
their city of Givah and that they refused to hand them over to the tribes for
punishment. Now when the tribes originally decided in Mitzpa to go to war the
Sanhedrin Court demanded that all cities come to Beit El to decide on their
fate and join the ensuing battle if it came to that on pain of death. Once
Binyamin refused to play ball they made a second oath that they would not allow
any of their daughters to be given in marriage to any Benjaminites. That's
where the situation stood until the Jews had regret. A whole tribe can't be
destroyed what could they do?
So
the Sanhedrin gave a call and realized that there was one city that had not
come to the call in Beit El, not for the war and not for the oaths. It was the
city of Yavesh Gilead which is on the eastern side of the Jordan
River in Jordan. Some suggest it is tel Al AChariz there
which is near a river called Wadi Yabez- which kind of sounds like
Yavesh and they found artifacts from this period there. As well it is only
about 14 KM from Beit Shea'an which would make sense based on other
biblical stories we will get to with this city. But anyways this city didn't come which meant
two things. One, the city had to be destroyed for not heeding the call and the
oath by the Sanhedrin that everyone should join. Second, that since they never
took the second oath their daughters were able to marry Binyamin's tribe. So
12,000 men went to the city and based on the instructions of the Sanhedrin they
killed all the men and married women and spared the 400 single girls that were
there. What we wouldn't do to solve the shidduch crisis. Now that's thinking
out of the box…
The
400 girls were than brought to the men of the Binyamin that were hiding in Sela
Rimon and given to them as wives. They called out to them in peace. They
accepted the peace. Thank God the tribes were back together again. There was
one problem left though. See there was still a bit of a shidduch crisis because
there were 600 men that were hiding there in Sela Rimon. 200 still
needed wives. We'll talk next week, before Pesach god willing, as we conclude
this story and the entire book of Judges, about how they solved this problem.
But this story should again make us realize how as much as we discuss and speak
about Jews fighting and the tragedy of machlokes and lack of unity among our
people, we are way better than what was going on back then. We've come a long
way…And if there fights, sins, wars and hatred could ultimately be resolved and
we merited to the book of Samuel and king David and the Beit Hamkikdash then we
can certainly merit that again today.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S AND EVEN MORE TERRIBLE CORONA JOKES OF
THE WEEK
FUNNIEST MEME's of the WEEK
Homeschooling
update- My child just said that he hopes he doesn't have the same teacher next
year.
Homeschooling
Day 5- for Science we studied the effects of Nyquill on students
I'm starting to
feel like Noah- cooped up in an Ark with a bunch of animals that constantly
need feeding
This year by
the edict of the Rabbis we will not recite the story of Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi
Yehoshua, Rabbi Eliezer Ben Azarya and Rabbi Akiva that were sitting together
in Bnai Brak as it is against Ministry of Health guidelines
Somebody asked
me what I am doing in these challenging lockdown period that we are living. I
told them I am in Import-Export. I import messages and memes from one group to
another.
Dr. Suesses
version of social distancing in Seder 2020-
I do not want
you in our house
I do not want
you or your spouse
I do not wish
to eat with you
At Seder one or
Seder two
Don't get me
wrong I think you're nice
But the
Ministry of health gave out that advice
You must avoid
one plague more
And shoo
Eliyahu from your door
At next year's
seder we will all tell
How we were all
saved by Purell
I have the most
loving wife. Last night I woke up and she was holding a pillow tightly over my
face to protect me from the Covid19 virus
I need to get
out of this bed… I'm late for the couch
Be like Darth
Vader- Wears a mask, socially and emotionally distant, doesn't visit his son
and daughter, follow orders.
Every country got the corona virus but China got it
right off the bat
FYI just typing
"Chametz" into google does not qualify as searching for Chametz
Looking for a
zoom group to yell Ka'eiiiileh on Chol Hamoed Pesach with.
Stepped on my
scale this morning and it said please use social distancing- only one person at
a time.
Anybody know
how many days we have to daven at home before we can file for place of worship
tax exemption
Newest airport
codes
LVG- living
room
DNR- dining
room
BKY- backyard
BTH- Bathroom
KTH-Kitchen
MBR-Main
Bedroom
PAT-patio
OFC- office
WNC- wine
cellar
I took the
Mezuza off my front door and put it on my fridge as it seems that is the only
door I have been opening and closing
The Coronavirus Haggadah,PART I
Who knows zero?
I know zero.
Zero is how many toilet paper squares there are left to spare.
Who knows one?
I know one. One
is the number of houses you're stuck in with your family. Zero is how many
squares there
are left to spare.
Who knows two?
I know two. Two are the number of latex gloves that we wear. One is
the number of
houses you're stuck in with your family. Zero is how many squares there are
left
to spare.
Who knows
three? I know three. Three are the meters everyone must keep for social
distancing. Two are the number of gloves. One is the number of
houses with
your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare.
Who knows four?
I know four. Four are the times you wash your hands after touching an elevator
button. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses
with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare.
Who knows five?
I know five. Five are the times you went to the supermarket to find eggs. Four are
the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is
the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left
to spare.
Who knows six?
I know six. Six is the minimum distance of feet for Americans who don't know
what a meter is that you should maintain from your fellow human being. Five are
supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters.
Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how
many squares there are left to spare.
Who knows
seven? I know seven. Seven are the days of the week I have spent with my
children in the house. Six is feet we
keep away. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your
hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses
with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare
Who knows
eight? I know eight. Eight is the new amount of cups of wine you can have at
the
seder this
year. Seven are the are the days of the week with my kids. Six is feet we keep away. Five are supermarket
egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are
the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many
squares there are left to spare
Who knows nine?
I know nine. Nine is the number of months from now when all the Corona babies
will be born. Eight are cups of wine. Seven are the are the days of the week with
my kids. Six is feet we keep away. Five
are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the
meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero
is how many squares there are left to spare
Who knows ten?
I know ten. Ten is the minimum number of seconds you have to count down
from any time
your schooling-from-home children nag you during your working-from-home day.
Nine are the
Corona babies months to be born. Eight are cups of wine. Seven are the are the days
of the week with my kids. Six is feet we
keep away. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your
hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses
with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare
Who knows
eleven? I know eleven. Eleven are the stars, which you know because stargazing
is
one of several
new habits, now that you're stuck at home. Did you know there are 88
constellations?
Cool. Ten are the seconds you have to count down. Nine are the Corona babies
months to be born. Eight are cups of wine. Seven are the are the days of the
week with my kids. Six is feet we keep
away. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands.
Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your
family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare
Who knows
twelve? I know twelve. Twelve are the new grey hairs on your head. Eleven are
the
stars, Ten are
the seconds you have to count down. Nine are the Corona babies months to be
born. Eight are cups of wine. Seven are the are the days of the week with my kids.
Six is feet we keep away. Five are supermarket
egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are
the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many
squares there are left to spare
Who knows
thirteen? I know thirteen. Thirteen are the total hairs left you haven't pulled
from your head. Twelve are the new grey hairs on your head. Eleven are the
stars, Ten are
the seconds you have to count down. Nine are the Corona babies months to be
born. Eight are cups of wine. Seven are the are the days of the week with my kids.
Six is feet we keep away. Five are supermarket
egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are
the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many
squares there are left to spare
**********************************
Answer is C– Things are looking really bad for
me now boys and girls. This is another one I got wrong. I don't even have a
passing grade anymore. And this was one that I should have gotten right! I pass
by it all the time and even mention it on some of my tours (at least when my
tourists notice it and ask me about it). The correct answer is of course in
Jewish quarter by the steps going down to the Kotel on the left there one can
see the remains of this Crusader compound which included a hotel and lodging
fro Christian pilgrims by the hospatilier knights that lived there in the 12th
century. For some reason my mind went blank and I went with Armenian quarter
where I knewthe David Citadel tower was also a Crusader compound and was
located there. For some reason this was not the right answer. Maybe it wasn't
the German ones that built.. I dunno…Regardless I should've gotten this
one. So my stinky score now stands at Schwartz
12 and 9 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam. Things are not looking
good for me now…Better up my game.
