In and Out - Parshat Ki Teitzei- 2025 5785

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

September 6^th 2025 -Volume 14 Issue 44 13^th of Elul 5785

 

Parshat Ki Teitzei

 In and Out

 

It's not easy writing these E-Mails each week. I'm tired. I'm busy. I've had a packed week. I'd rather prepare my drasha, read Mishpacha, spend time with my wife, my kids, my dog, sleep… pretty much anything but. Yet, I push myself. It's something I need to do. There's a vort in the parsha each week that I know Hashem is sending to me. It seems the only way that I can reveal it, is by sitting in front of this screen and just watch the words come pouring out of the keyboard. It's an incredible process. It's inspiring. It brings me close to Hashem. It digs down deep into my soul and puts me in touch with my essence. It brings me close to you. I'm touched each week, that you haven't unsubscribed yet. Thank you… and this isn't even a leadup to a fundraising letter or a shnorr for sponsorship. Its just what came out of my keyboard. It's sincere. Thank you.

 

Now sometimes what's most challenging about writing the E-Mail fascinatingly enough is coming up with the weekly title. Hashem doesn't always give me that as easily as the "vort" He sends me. He likes it when I play around with it for a while. He likes to see me work for it.  It's not always easy however crunching the tens of pages of Dvar Torah, jokes, sarcasm, and inspiration into a few word headline. The title has to be catchy. It has to hopefully even be a bit cute, Maybe a play on words or a familiar catchphrase, movie, TV, music, book title paraphrased, "jewishized" that draws you in to the long arduous task before you of the pages to come (unless you just plan on skipping to the Jokes section). But most of all it has to encapsulate the essence of the Dvar Torah to come. The idea I want to share. The upcoming lifechanging E-Mail and insight and inspiration that you are about to read.

 

See, despite what they tell you about not judging a book by its cover, every good marketer knows that we all do that. There's a lot of books out there competing for our perusal and purchase, yet it's the one with the coolest cover that inevitably will be the one that we pick up and start browsing through. It's why I put my cute smiling mug on the face of all of the books I've authored. I saw that  it worked for Rav Galinsky, So why not? And he's not even wearing shorts and a T-Shirt. Yet, even once I got you to pick up the book, inevitably inside they all look the same. It's words on a page. So the next thing we do is look at the title, the different chapters. If the name catches us. It sounds cute, it sounds interesting, it grabs me then perhaps you might even move to the next level. You might start reading it. Once that happens, I've got you. You're mine. It's a short walk to the register. You're the proud owner of "Tour Torah" or one of the two "Rabbi Schwartz's Most Enjoyable Book You'll ever Read about Pesach". And I can pay some more bills for my Shul. Best of all of course is that you are inspired to finally make Aliyah a few months later…

 

Now the truth is when it comes to our Torah portions Hashem doesn't really do Titles. The names that we have for our parshiyot were not given to us on Sinai. They didn't have them in their scrolls, they're not even there today in our Sefer Torah. Where do they come from? Well according to the ChatGPT'er Rebbe search, (he's recently replaced Rabbi Google, although he's a lot less reliable and lies openly to me on a regular basis, but at least I can yell at him), the earliest source dates back to the Baal Halachos Gedolos in the 8^th century. The Talmud does sometimes refer to a parsha by its' first words but certainly not in the way that we do.

 

Yet, despite the fact that the title of the parsha wasn't given to us at Sinai and was not even in use in the Temple or even post Temple period or prophetic period, yet we have a rule that even if  the Children of Israel aren't prophets, we are the children of prophets. Our customs, our habits, the things that become common place amongst the Holy nation of Hashem has Divine revelation aspect to it. Like dancing on Simchas Torah, blessing our children Friday night, getting drunk on Purim, eating chulent on Shabbos and making a bonfire on Lag Ba'Omer. If you're not sure about what the law is in a certain place just go out and check what the "oilam" is doing our sages. We have an innate sense and connection to the Divine.

 

On that note, our sages throughout the generations came up with titles, kind of like I do for each of the parshiyot. A fun exercise to engage in is to examine each parsha keeping in mind it's title. Somehow it will connect to everything in the parsha. It's the title after all. It's a prophecy for that matter. And in doing so, particularly as we enter into this last stretch of 6 parshas, the titles themselves read almost like a sentence. It's a mapquest to where we're heading. It's a straight line to "V'zos Ha'Bracha" that we will read on Simcha Torah and begin the cycle all again.

 

This week, the parsha is "Ki Teitzei"- when you will go out. Next week is "Ki Tavo"- when we come in, when we return to the land. The week after is "Nitzavim"- we're standing there. "Vayeilech"- we're walking in. "Ha'azinu"- Hear. Listen. Can you internalize that amazing sound. "V'Zos Ha'Bracha"- we have finally received the blessing. It's here. We've come to the end. It's "Bereishis"- again. It's a new beginning. We're back in the Garden. Amazing and cool isn't it? Kind of makes you want to check out these chapters. This book. See how important a title is…

 

Let's start with this week's parsha. The title is "When you Will Go Out" is referring to war, and echoes the same language of last week when it discussed the mitzvos of war. Which of course would then beg the question as to why is this the start of a new parsha? As well, the words "ki teitzei" seem extraneous. Last week it tells us about ki tatzur- when we siege or when we go to battle obviously one goes out to war. And obviously that is against our enemy. Would we be going out to war against some one who isn't our enemy? The answer to all of the above it would seem is that these words were meant to be a title of a new parsha. A new chapter. There's one theme here and it starts with this first mitzva. The mitzva of Yefat Tohar- that one is permitted to take a woman he desires and takes captive as his wife.

 

Now of all of the parshiyos. This would seem to be a hard parsha to come up with a common theme. The mitzvos are all over the map. It's in fact the Torah portion with the most mitzvos in it. 72 in all. Yet they all have to do with Ki Teitzei. They all have to do with "going out". They all are the perquisite to "Ki Tavo"- Our coming in. It's what we need to hear read and understand before we come to Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. It's the way we get to the Bracha and finish the Book.

 

Do you know what war does to us? I'm sitting here on a plane heading now as I write this, heading out to my brother who is making a Bar Mitzva this weekend in Norfolk, for my nephew Chaim'l. Generally I don't like flying out of Israel. I like it here. I relish in the notion that every second I walk around this country, I'm getting a mitzva. It's like Sukkos all year round here and we're living in a Sukkah. When we eat, we sleep, we go to the bathroom, we read, we swim, we hike or we just chill out in the backyard and certainly when we're doing business and building and developing the land, of all of the above we're getting reward. We're spiritual billionaires by merely breathing the air in this country. That rocks! Why would I want to leave?

 

As well of course I'm living in the land where my ancestors dreamed of coming to for millennia. The place where they davened three times a day to be able to come live in, and that some Jews today pretend to daven for as well, It's literally the palace of the King. The only place in the World, that Hashem tells us He watches all day and all night from the beginning of the year until the end. I mean it's a bit scary everywhere else, where you're always living with that nervousness that Hashem might just turn away for a second or two, for a commercial break, or because He's annoyed that His children are too comfortable over there and then Boom! 6 million Jews later, He comes back again. And we've got some new Kinnos to add to our already long Tisha B'Av service and a few more Holocaust museums and monuments to show for it.

 

Yeah… I don't like leaving Israel. I don't like flying much for that matter either. But now? Today? To be honest, I kind of want to get away. It's been a rough war. It's been a rough 700 days. It's been rough on my family, my wife, my kids, my country, our boys. People are angry. People are suffering. There are not enough Mental health professionals in the world, I believe to deal with the trauma, and stress and illness going around here. Do you know what I want to do. I just want to leave. Want to escape. I just would like to "go out". And whatdaya know?  Hello Parshat Ki Teitzei. Welcome to the parsha of learning the Torah of understanding how to "go out".

 

War is a time of such intensity, of such stress, anf unfortunately as well of such tragedy, that there becomes an almost uncontrollable desire to escape from it all. For the soldier to just want to run away with that pretty girl he saw on the battlefield and throw it all away. It's too hard to keep going. It's too painful. I just want to "go out'. I don't want the job anymore. I want it to be over. I want to go to America.

 

It's not only war though. It's challenge after challenge in our incredible parsha. It's the guy who's having problems with his wife. He loves her sometimes; he hates her others. She has children. Some he loves, some not so much. His house is in chaos. He has children going off the deep end. There's crime on the street. You look around the streets. It seems like everyone is going crazy. People are losing it. They're losing their oxen, their parnassa, they're collapsing under the weight of their burdens. Mother birds are circling and crying while their children are being taken away. You feel like you're in a crazy house, a horror movie. Men in women's clothes and vice versa, your surrounded by licentiousness, by people bringing sacrifices and prayers that are an abomination. People are biting each other interest rates are through the roof. You feel as if Hashem is not there and that even if He is you just want to get away from Him and this pain and world. And it is then and there where the Torah tells us and where Hashem prepares us for with the task of finding Him and coming back home.

 

Bring her into your house, Hashem says. Watch her mourn her father and mother. Understand that you will not be complete by running away. You can't "go out". You need instead to "come in". You need to Ki tavo. There is no running away. The parsha uses those two words repeatedly "lo tuchal" you're "not able" . You can't run away with this girl. You can't ignore your children, your wife, your daughter. You can't hide your eyes from your brother, from his plight, from his lost object, from his monetary troubles. You can't ignore crime in your street, abuse that cries out in field. We're not Moabites or Amonnites that ignore the plight of our nation. We can't ignore the world problems. The world won't let us. They'll blame us for it. It will be all over the media. There's no place to go. There's no where to run.

 

Even when we go to the bathroom the parsha tells us. Ki teitze al machenecha- the one place where we thought we could run away to and disappear for a little bit of peace and quiet and escapism. Even there Hashem tells us vi'haya machenecha kadosh. He's there as well. He is mithalech b'kerev machanecha- walking amongst us, even there. There's nowhere to go. There is no escape. Hashem is with us. The world and the promised land that we are going to enter next week in Ki Tavo is first preceded by an understanding and a sense and strong urge of Ki teitzei to understand that our job is to win that war against that yetzer hara, our enemy. Each of our individual's inclination and desire to escape in some capacity. We have to know, Hashem tells us, that we can't run and we can't hide. We need to face it. We need to see Him there. Because the more we run, the more it will catch up and get worse and worse. On the other hand, the parsha tells us that the more that we embrace and see Hashem. When we see that He is the Mother bird that is circling that nest of her children. That there is no karcha ba'derech- the world is not just happening by itself. There's a Divine Conductor in this orchestra of life that we are part of. He's a good conductor. He knows what He's doing. He's going to bring it all home in the end. He's going to "Bring them all Home" very soon. Ki Tavo follows that Ki Teitzei. It comes as soon as we stop trying to run away and we choose and decide to come home.

 

Our parsha ends with the command to wipe out Amalek. Amalek, our sages tell us name and title defines him. "Am – Malak"- a disconnected nation. The battle of Amalek is when it is karcha ba'derech- when we don't see Hashem traveling the road with us. When we are escaping and distanced from Him. When we are fighting and don't see Hashem and don't want to see Him in anyone or in anything that is going on. Not in our streets, our fields, our families, our neighbors, certainly not the ones that aren't like me. Not in Yerushalayim. We're not a nation. We're disconnected. We're escaping one another. Escaping to war, in war. Escaping to the Beit Midrash. To America. We're escaping. Amalek, has disconnected us. They've divided us. From Hashem, from one another, from our land. From coming home. The end of Ki Teitzei- what an amazingly titled parsha-is to wipe out the nation that is the cause and drive of disconnection.  To totally eradicate any remnant of that disconnection. To fully understand and see our nation as one, Hashem as One. To see all of us together. It is then when we can Ki Tavo. It's then we can come home and inherit the land.

 

This is the first step in that avoda of Elul and it continues in the coming parshiyot titles. After we enter together in Ki Tavo. We will stand and walk hand in hand with Nitzavim and Vayelech. The parshiyot we read before Yom Kippur. We have Kinged Hashem and we are one. We stand before Him. The reading of Yom Kippur is all about being in the presence of Hashem. Not wanting to escape. Shivti B'veis Hashem kol yemei chayai- to always be in His House. To be the Kohen Gadol in the Holy of Holies. We read on Yom Kippur about Yonah, who thought He could run away, but learnt that he couldn't. That a Father is always there. That there's no place better than Home. It's the only destination. It's the only place where we will find peace. It's there where the bracha is. It's there where the dance of Simcha with the Torah will take place.

 

So we should be landing soon. I'm flying United. It's an "in and out" flight. Ki Teitizei and Ki Tavo. There's a symbolism in that. I thought I was escaping, but the truth is I'm already feeling homesick. I'm ready to turn around. My neighbor asked me as I was leaving my house where I was going. I told them to America, to bring all my brothers and sisters home. I figure Mashiach hasn't come yet, so somebody's gotta do the job. Yet, the truth is it's really not just you that need to be brought home. It's me as well. We all have our own work in connecting. In finding Hashem. In stopping to try to escape our struggles and challenges. To not be enticed by the pretty things on the battlefield of life, that are just fleeting. That won't bring us joy. That won't bring us home. Amalek is almost destroyed I keep reading in the papers. The war is almost over. If we each focus on bringing ourselves home, then Im Yirtzeh Hashem, we will all be able to come home mamash next week.

 

Have a homey connected Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Arein iz di tir brait, un arois iz zi shmol."-, The door to evil-doing is wide, but the return gate is narrow..

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

33. The primary agricultural crop along the Syrian-African Rift in Israel is: ______

Which of the following currently holds ownership of the Dead Sea Works

(ICL Group)?

A. A foreign company from China

B. Full government ownership

C. Kibbutz Ein Gedi

D. Private and government co-ownership

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lulay-heamanti-kavey   –My most beautiful Elul L'Dovid Composition. This song is the whole month. LULAY with the amazing Dovid Lowy on vocals and arrangements!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW5eR8nevO8&list=RDpW5eR8nevO8&start_radio=1     – Shuli Rand HA'Melech Ba'Sadeh brand new!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1uDyrpvZcs&list=RDh1uDyrpvZcs&start_radio=1    – Naftali Kempeh – K'Hodata

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjVP85ttKp8&list=RDAjVP85ttKp8&start_radio=1  – Baruch Levine's latest really awesome album for Elul expanded… Th Elul song!

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

It's over. The return to Egypt and the End - 568 BC  - It didn't take long for us to run away. After the death of Gedalia, the Jews led by Yochanan ben Karayach feared for the vengeance of Nevuchadnezzar for having killed his representative and appointed regent. Now despite the fact that the one that killed him Yishmael ben Netanya was killed and punished by us being held accountable for his actions. Yet, we Jews no that the goyim don't differentiate and thus they feared to remain in Israel. They turned to Yirmiyahu Hanavi and asked him to find out what Hashem wanted them to do.

This is as well a fascinating story in Navi. For here we have a classic Jewish example of us asking for "daas Torah" for what Hashem wants us to do. But the truth is we already knew what we wanted to do. We just wanted Hashem's shtempeleh on our decision. That doesn't work though Hashem tells Yirmiyahu after he fasted 10 days and davened that we should stay in Israel. Hashem would protect us. We were good to go! We had nothing to fear… The opposite in fact. If we go to down Egypt, then there will die. There Nevuchadnezzar will come. He will kill us. There will be famine, there will be plague. Don't go to Egypt. Stay here in Eretz Yisrael. Hashem wants us around still. But we don't listen. Perhaps we never even wanted to listen in the first place. It's hard to live and move in Eretz Yisrael. Egypt is too enticing. We went through too much trauma. Too much tragedy. Too much hiddenness of Hashem. We wanted to escape. We wanted to get out. We wanted some where new. Somewhere that wasn't Eretz Yisrael.

And so we left. We took Yimiyahu with us and his student Baruch and less 20 years later all of those tragic prophecies took place. Nevuchadnezzar came to Egypt and killed them, many died in plagues and famine. The community of Egypt was ultimately destroyed. Even Yirmiyahu himself tradition has it was buried and possibly even killed and stoned by his brothers in Cairo. There are those that visit his grave there until today.

Thus ends the story of the Jews in Exile. We begin next week with the return of the Jews and the next era of our nations history. The Persian period. The nation of Iran.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S REALLY TERRIBLE TITLE  JOKES OF THE WEEK

I bought a book titled “How to Solve Half Your Problems.” I read it twice, now I’m problem free.

I got a book titled ‘A Guide to Surgical Procedures’+. I opened it up and the appendix was missing.

Shaindel answers the door and a door to door salesman is standing there and asks her

"Hello. Would you like to buy a book titled '500 Excuses to Tell Your Wife After Staying Out Late'?

Shaindel  - "Why on earth would I buy a book like that?"

Salesman – "Because I sold a copy to your husband earlier today..."

Book titles and authors: Don’t fall off the cliff . By Ilene Dover

The strangest thing happened to me on the train today. Found a book titled “How to increase your Memory Power” left behind on a seat. Now, that’s irony!

Chani gets up in the morning wakes up her husband and says:

" Chaim, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?"

Chaim answers: "- You'll find out on your birthday."

Chani's birthday arrives and Chaim enters the house with a package in his hand. Excited, she takes it from his hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."

I got a great deal and paid only $6 for a book titled “100 Truly Disgusting Jokes.” If you break it down per joke, I only paid for the author’s 6 cents of humor.

 

I just bought a book titled "What They Don't Teach You About Computer Science", Its literally just about anger management

I bought the book titled "How to beat procrastination" to fix my procrastinating habit. It's been 5 months already and I haven't opened that book yet.

***************************************

The answer to this week”s question is D-  Ok! The exam is over. I finished and even got the last one right… It was pretty easy. I mean everyone that has driven down the Jordan Valley knows that it’s the place where date Palms grow. The city of Yericho is of course the city of Tamarim. As is the entire Rift. The second part as well I got correct. As although the Dead Se works which is arguably one of the most corrupt entities in Israel for years, was finally ordered to jointly work and share ownership with the government. It seems that they wanted a piece of that action as well. So D is the correct answer and thus my final score for this exam is Rabbi Schwartz 20.5 Ministry of Tourism 12.5 on this exam so far.

 

That would make my grade final about 63% which means I pass still!!! Whoo hoo… As a 60 is all you require. Now the truth is I really got more than that. Because you only have to answer 30 questions. And If I deduct them from the ones I got wrong I would get a 69% a little better but still my worst score ever. Yet even that score is tempered down because the exam also consists of longer essay and itinerary planning Part B. But this was defintily a close exam. Lets start next week with the newest one! At least I'm still in the game 13 years later…

Love and War- Parshat Ki Teitzei 2022/ 5782

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

September 9^th 2022 -Volume 11 Issue 4 13^th of Elul 5782

 

Parshat Ki Tetzei

Love and War

 

Vacation, finally! And yet although the tour guide Rabbi Schwartz might get a few days off to recuperate and re-“Jew”-venate, your friend in Karmiel still needs to get out his weekly E-Mail. Your children wouldn’t know what to do if their Shabbos meal ended an hour early without the weekly missive. Your boss might wonder why you don’t have that smile you usually do Friday mornings while you pretend that you’re working on your computer at work, but really reading the jokes on the bottom. The Rabbi in your shul might wonder why you’re paying attention to his drasha instead of reading that printed up E-Mail each week. But perhaps most significantly, my mother would be disappointed if she didn’t have something to either read and compliment me on and tell me how much she loves me- or alternatively to scold me and give me Mussar and tell me to stop writing about my surgery and my personal life and business.   Then she would of course tell me that she loves me as well… and I forget everything else she said. If I even heard it in the first place.

 

Regardless I gotta write this. So here we are sitting out in the front yard of my vacation tzimmer overlooking the Mediterranean and the hills of the Western Galilee and writing to you. It’s beautiful, by the way. It’s serene. I’m here without my family. It’s just me. Me and Hashem. Hashem and His mountains in His magnificent country that He has privileged me with sharing with so many over the past few months once again. I sit here and can’t even express how loved I feel by Him and how much blessing He has given me. Have you ever felt like that? Just so amazingly loved, so grateful, so close to Hashem, perhaps even a bit unworthy.

 

Why me? What have I done to deserve such love? I certainly can think of plenty of reasons and things for Him to be pretty annoyed at me. And ‘annoyed’ is a polite don’t-feel-so-bad, kind of word. There’s lots that I’ve done or haven’t done that He should be downright fuming at me about. And my wife, my mother, my kids, my rebbeim and even my tourists and congregants could give Him an even more elaborate list just in case He was looking for things. Yet… yet… yet… He doesn’t stop loving me and showering me with blessing. It’s crazy. It’s overwhelming. It’s really everything.

 

As I sit and ponder and bask in this glow of appreciation, I hear music come on. It’s the neighbors tzimmer next door to mine. Like every good Israeli they like 70’s and 80’s American music. Thankfully it’s not Pink Floyd or Madonna. Rather perhaps the couple next door seem to be feeling as loving as I am. They are listening to love songs. Songs that I’m familiar with. Songs that aren’t Jewish, that I listened to in my younger goyish music stage of life. Songs that are actually beautiful and emotional. But as I sit here in Elul trying to write this E-Mail, I try to make those songs that I can’t get out of my head a little holier. Like the Chasidic Rebbes of old who also perhaps snatched one or two goyish songs, and as they say, found and released the sparks of holiness inside of them. Perhaps I can have my goyish music and my kedusha too… Or not. Regardless, it’s playing, my soul is stirring, and it’s too beautiful to go inside and close the windows. I’m here and now you are too.

 

The truth is it really isn’t that hard to find that holiness. Maybe even it’s a bit too easy. I just never thought about it before, but now the words come rushing out to me from their very loud surround sound speaker with entirely new meaning. The love songs that they are singing about really aren’t about the love between a husband and wife, a boyfriend and a girlfriend or perhaps even something more illicit or forbidden. They’re about Hashem and me.

 

“I can’t live my life without You”.

 “I’m alive when You’re with me”.

“You give me meaning.”

“You’re my world.”

“My inspiration”

“You’re my everything.”

“I’d walk the world for You.”

“Our love is eternal”.

“You bring out the best in Me”.

 “I’m alone without You”.

 

Lyric after lyric, chorus after chorus. It’s all Hakadosh Baruch Hu. It’s a jukebox or playlist from heaven. (or not). But its tugging all of my heartstrings. I feel as if I’m being serenaded by Hashem. The Melech is in the field with me. (or not).

 

After this musical introduction I open up our parsha. It is a parsha that is packed with mitzvos. Interestingly enough they are mitzvos that are primarily concerned with two topics: love and war. Sure, there are plenty of other mitzvos here as well, but the themes of love and war keep coming up again and again. We are introduced to the conjunction of both of those in the first mitzva of the parsha. The strange mitzva that during war one is permitted to take a non-Jewish captive woman as a wife.

 

The Torah tells us that it’s a love story that really isn’t,. On the one hand this guy is perhaps moved by the flaring testosterone of warfare and killing and murdering people- enemies of course. His spiritual guard is understandably a bit down. On the other hand, this woman is really not a good match for him. No less than Dovid Ha’Melech fell into this trap, and found out much later, with the rebellion of his son Avshalom who came from such a union, that bad things come from fake love songs.

 

As well the Torah continues its journey with marriages and love gone awry. We have the person who has two wives one which he doesn’t love. He hates her. We have divorce. We have widows who have to marry their brothers-in-law. We have all types of people who engage in forbidden pre-marital or extra- marital, or forbidden relationships-some consensual some not. It’s a mess. It’s a goyisheh love song. At the same time, interestingly enough, we learn the laws of making your wife happy during the first year (and always!) and the laws of marriage. We have women jumping into their men’s fights and standing up for their men. Inside of all this murky bad stuff we have holiness. We have a love song of Hashem joining this union.

 

Similarly, the laws of war have all types of brutal depictions. In last week’s parsha we are told to wipe out the 7 nations men women and children. Genocide. Ouch. At the same time, it told us to be careful not to knock down any fruit trees. Man is like a tree. Hmmm… It told us about the holiness of the soldiers in battle. Who was exempt. How not to fear. The Kohen recited Shema and gave them blessings. It’s intense. This week with the holy army- according to Rashi it only contained those that didn’t fear they had any sins in their hands, right away though it starts to tell us about taking these captive women. The Chozeh of Lublin notes that the Torah permitted this because if not the yetzer hara would be too great and the men would take her even if she was forbidden. Wryly, he says, that the only Jews that would be susceptible to this yetzer harah are the ones that think they don’t have any sins. The ones that think they’re big tzadikim- those are the guys you have to watch out for. Those are the ones that the yetzer harah could snare with one pretty shiktza. With one goyisheh love song.

 

The Torah then tells us that our camp must be holy. It must be sanitary. Hashem is amongst our camp. This is not a goyisheh army. As well the parsha concludes with the obligation to wipe out Amalek. Again, men women, children and even animals. We are meant to do this with brutal hatred. They are the enemy. They are preventing the shechina from shining amongst us. We need to take them out.

 

War and love. This is the season we are in as well in Elul when we read this parsha. On the one hand this month we are told that we are together with our beloved. Ani l’dodi v’dodi li- is the famous acronym for this month. At the same time, it is a time of fear and trepidation. We have a court case coming up this year. In a few weeks’ time Hashem will pull out the books and decide if we will live or we will die. The Satan will be there with plenty of ammunition. Like most Israeli wars- we don’t have too much to fight and shoot with. But anachnu b’sheim hashem elokeinu nazkir- we come in the name of Hashem.  How do we navigate these extreme emotions and situations we face?

 

Rav Shlomo Aviner notes that the obligations of war really obviate many of the commandments. Not just simple ones either. We violate Shabbos, not only to go to war but even to rescue people and even bodies. We even violate the “theme” at least of the three big sins. As we noted it is permitted to take a non- Jewish woman, we are obviously killing and even some of the Kosher laws are permitted to being violated during war according to the Rambam non-Jewish wine is permitted to being drunk. The reason he suggests is because when we go to war there are no personal considerations that mitzvos are obligated in. It’s about negating oneself entirely for the nation and for Hashem’s glory. I am not an individual in war. I am Israel. I am Hashem’s army. As one we have the power, and we move beyond the usual individual mitzvos which are about our personal growth. We are entirely connected to Hashem and the mission he placed upon us.

 

In marriage it is a very similar concept. It’s not about what I want. What I’m feeling. What I can get out of the relationship. What I desire. It’s about building a home for Hashem. It’s about creating a family. It’s about becoming one. It’s about understanding that the love and bond shared between you and your spouse has the ability to be eternal, if Hashem is part of that love song as well. If He’s not, then you’re in trouble. Then your children are in trouble. Then it will be war.

 

Rebbi Nachman of Breslav said that every wisdom in the world has a song attached to it. Even non-Jewish ones. It is where it gets its chiyus from- its spiritual essence to exist. Religious songs, love songs, celebratory songs, they are all pieces of one great song of Creation. Amazing grace, if you will. In Shir Ha’Shirim – the Song of Songs it says

Tavo’I v’tashuri mei’rosh amana- which literally means you should come straight down from the peak of Amana.

 

 Rebbi Nachman though reads it homiletically, that we will come with the ultimate redemption and sing from the peaks of faith- emuna. As well others note that that the word tashuri is like the word Tishrei- me’rosh is rosh Hashana. On Rosh Hashana when we sing, we connect to that first song. We reveal the core and the love of all Creation that Hashem had when He made man. Since that first sin on that great day of love we have been at war. War with the yetzer hara, the Satan, the nations, with ourselves. But the King is back in the field in this month. It’s time to reveal that love song to the world. To put down our swords and turn them into plowshares. We’ll then live forever…knowing together… that we did it all for the glory of love.Have a song-filled Shabbos

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Tsu itlechen neiem lid ken men tsupassen an alten nigen..” - To every new song one can find an old tune

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HxjWn_7FdI   -  Nissim Black and Dustin Paul Human Greatness! Latest release…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt0mR1i9lOk   – A classic and powerful video from the Haftorah B’Shetzef Ketzef from Avromy Flam

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5dNzfzJVoE   – Ahavas Olam from Akiva.. beautiful

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Nx_tkCB0a8   – Eitan And Shlomo Katz Everlasting Love also from this weeks hafotrah

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YjgCN3k3Uc   – And of course Parsha ki Teitzei is never complete without Yigal Calek’s Ki Yikarey kan Tizppor

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

11)  The Muchraka monastery was founded by the    _________ church order

Its location is where

A)  The prophets of the Baal were slaughtered, and their idolatry was invalidated

B)  Eliyahu went up to heaven and where he appointed Elisha

C)  A heavenly fire came down and the faith in one God was restored

D)  The resurrection of the child of the widow was preformed and Eliyahu went into isolation

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

Remember- Parshat Ki Teitzei- Our Parsha concludes with the mitzva to remember what Amalek did to us and to erase them from the face of the earth. We read this right before Purim each year. Yet it’s a strange mitzva. On the one hand if we remember them then we will never forget and then they exist. On the other hand we are obligated to destroy them so that there shouldn’t be any memory of them.

 

Amalek as we know is not the only remembrance mitzva. We are also obligated to remember Shabbos each week. It’s in the Ten commandments. The Ramban explains that the mitzva has two aspects to it. On the one hand it’s a daily commandment each day of each week to do things to remember Shabbos. Each day we count towards Shabbos. Each day we make little preparations for Shabbos. As well the mitzva of remembering is on Shabbos as well. On Shabbos we need to do something to make the day a memorable one. We need to sanctify it and make Kiddush on wine to celebrate it each week.

 

Shabbos reveals Hashem’s presence in this world. Each day we remember Shabbos we are erasing Amalek. We are testifying that Hashem created and controls the world. The remembrance of Shabbos erases Amalek. As well on Purim when we drink wine and celebrate the day we erase the memory of Amalek. They are totally gone. They are destroyed and we are redeemed. At least for the moment. Each Shabbos when we make Kiddush and remember Hashem on this special day as well we have erased Amalek. We have remembered. Lchayim!

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Hit Me - 724 BC – After the incredible 2^nd miraculous victory of Achav against Ben  Hadad of Aram that was foretold by the prophet Micha. Their army of 100,000 was wiped out and they fled to the city of Afek where Hashem made a miracle and the walls of the city collapsed upon them. Yet, as we mentioned last week our enemies know how to play upon our mercy and our un-comfortability with being victors. Ben Hadad and his men realizing that the end was near dressed in sackcloth and put nooses around their next and appeared before Achav and asked for mercy. That’s our weak point. We don’t like to see people in sackcloth and being pathetically submissive to us. As well when someone-especially a goy apologizes to us that’s pretty much all we really need. So Achav not only pardons them but even restores them to their land giving them their “terror” state in Damascus. Of course we signed treaties- that of course they had no intention of keeping and thus they left.

 

Hashem wasn’t happy with this. Fortunately, he had the prophet Micha to do some splainin to Achav. In a fascinating story Micha approaches another prophet and tells him to beat him up. The prophet of course refuses, and Micha curses him that since he didn’t listen to the word of Hashem as he spoke then he will die. Sure enough a lion pops out and eats him. Boom one down. Next he goes over to another person and gives him the same command and prophecy. This guy learned his lesson and sure enough he beats up Micha. Micha then waits for King Achav to pass by. He disguises his face as a beaten-up soldier coming from war and he turns to him and asks him a seemingly hypothetical question. Here he was told by a soldier to watch over a prisoner. If he did so properly, he would be rewarded, if however the prisoner wasn’t there when he got back then he would punished with his life in place of the prisoners. Sure enough, he told Achav I got distracted and the prisoner escaped. What should happen to me now.

 

Achav without blinking an eye told the “soldier/prophet” in disguise that he pronounced his own fate already. He should die in place of the prisoner. Boom! He fell into the trap. Micha then takes off his disguise and tells Achav that he had just pronounced his own fate Hashem had given Ben Hadad into his own hands to get rid of him. How dare Achav let him free and even build him up once again? Because of this Achav and the Jewish people will be held accountable with their lives. The truth is it will only be Achav that will be accountable. The Jews will be set free as the midrash tells us that Micha prayed that the suffering that he had when he got beaten up should atone for them.

This is a Tanach story yet it is an important one that many don’t know and realize. It’s as timely as it gets and it is the mistake that Israel makes again and again. We keep having mercy on the cruel who Hashem gives in our hand and we don’t appreciate that our obligation is to rid the country of those that wish to destroy us and who ultimately don’t accept our sovereignty over the land. There are no peace agreements. They can live and remain on one condition only they accept us. They are subservient to Hashem and us His nation. Perhaps the governments need to start reading this column

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE FASHION JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Yankel: I stood under my Kallah's window and sang a love song to her. She threw me a flower.

Berel: then why is there a wound on your head?

Yankel: she forgot to take the flowers out of the pot

 

A shabby-looking man walks into an upscale bar full of businessmen and orders a Scotch. The bartender looks him over and says, "Sir, I don't believe you can afford the drinks at this establishment. May I ask that you go somewhere else?"

The man shrugs his shoulders and says, "You're right. I don't have any money on me. But I'll tell you what. I can show you a miracle. If I do, can I have one on the house?" The bartender sighs and nods, and sees the man take a hamster out of the pocket of his overcoat. Before the bartender can tell the man that animals aren't allowed, the man leans down to the hamster and says, "Play."

The hamster darts out of the man's hand, runs up to the grand piano in the bar's corner, and runs across the keys, playing Gershwin songs as he does so. It's incredible. Concert pianists don't play this well! At the end of the hamster's set, everyone applauds, and the bartender pours the man who came in a glass of their best Scotch.

The man savors the Scotch, and says, "That was incredible! If I show you another miracle, can I have another drink?" The bartender nods excitedly, and sees the man pull out a frog from his coat this time. He leans in and says, "Sing." The frog opens his mouth and begins singing a deep and rich love song. Everyone stops talking in the bar to listen to this frog. They have tears in their eyes, thinking about the ones they love, the loves that they let slip away. Not a dry eye in the bar. When the frog stops singing, the whole bar bursts into applause, and the weeping bartender gives the man the whole bottle of fine Scotch.

One of the businessmen comes up to the man and says, "Hey buddy, you look hard up. I'll give you five thousand dollars for the frog, what do you say?" The man thinks it over, says yes, and accepts five thousand dollars that the businessman offers. The businessman takes the frog and runs out. The bartender, shocked, looks at the man and shouts, "Are you nuts? That frog was beautiful! And it was a FROG! How could you let something worth a fortune go away like that?"

The guy takes a swig from the bottle and says, "What are you talking about? My hamster is also a

ventriloquist."

 

Dad, whose music did you listen to when growing up?”

Dad: Led Zeppelin.

Son: Who?

Dad: Yes. They were good too.

 

My drunk friend was kicked out of Karaoke for singing “Danger Zone” 7 times in a row.

He had exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.

 

Knock knock!

Whos There?

Kenya!

Kenya who?

Kenya feel the love tonight!

 

“Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”-Jerry Seinfeld

 

“I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is.”-Steven Wright

 

“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the ‘William Tell Overture’ without thinking of The Lone Ranger.” -Billy Connolly

 

“I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.”-George Burns

 

“When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.”-Bob Hope

 

“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.” -Steve Martin

 

“I know only two tunes: one of them is ‘Yankee Doodle’, and the other isn’t.” -Ulysses S Grant, former US President

 

Q: “What kind of music are balloons afraid of?”

A: “Pop music”.

 

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet.” We’re a cover band.

 

What part of a turkey is musical? The drumstick.

Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music? Because she broke the record.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs.

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Answer is B – This is a bit of a trick question, even for all of my tourists that I have brought here. Muchraka of course is the Carmelite Monestary on the tip of Mt. Carmel. Even those of you that haven’t been there with me, but if you’ve been watching my statuses you’ve certainly seen me there plenty with its incredible lookout point of much of the North of Israel. It’s there where the story of Eliyahu and the prophets of the Baal take place. The question though is which part of the story? Well for those of you that remember the story it could be one of two answers. Either the fire came down or he had the prophets of the Baal slaughtered there. But the name Muchraka should give it away. See, Muchraka means burnt place (it’s similar to the word in Hebrew as well charach is charred). The top of the mountain is where the fire came down and ate up Eliyahu’s offering. He then ordered them to take the prophets of the Baal to the bottom by Nachal Kishon and kill them there. So the right answer is B, which of course I got right.  So the score now is Schwartz 8.5 and 2.5  for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.