The Unlikely King- Shavuot Edition / Parshat Naso- 5786 2026

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 21^st 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 30 5^th of Sivan 5786

 

Parshat Naso - Shavuot

 The Unlikely King

 

(Amazing newest and latest Edition for you guys… After years of making me crazy… I'm delighted to share with you each week a PRINTABLE LINK! For the Dvar Torah or whatever you wanna call this portion of the Weekly E-Mail for your Shabbos table…

Thank you Amit Landau for putting this together for me…

CLICK HERE BELOW FOR PRINT EDITION

( weekly newsletter parshat naso Shavuot edition  )

 

They called him a "mamzer". That's not a nice name. Others called him a "goy". A "sheigetz". I don't know if there were any Yerushalmi kids there at the time, but they might have even called him a "Nazi". It was really a shame, they said. His father was such a holy special person. Some say that he never did an aveira his entire life. He was the gadol ha'dor. It's a really Shanda, that he has a kid like that. It's no wonder, that he really doesn't want to talk about him to much, and he just lets him wander around on those hilltops with his guitar all day, like those "lost boys". Those na'arei ha'gevaot that are just violent psychopaths in the making with their slingshots and stuff. At least they're taking out their aggression issues away from the rest of us normal people. He's a red-head, and you know what they say about "gingies". He's got that Esau blood running through him.  

 

He's so wild, did you hear? The army didn't even want him. All that crazy radical talk about wiping out all those uncircumcised goyim. Liberating the land, as if we aren't already living the geula for the past few hundred years. We have our Mishkan in Shilo. Our Beis Medrash and Torah in Bnai Brak and Ponivizh. Sure, we have to deal with those Philistines coming up from Gaza every couple of years and terrorizing us. But that's life in Israel. No one ever said it was going to be easy.  Anyways, we have a man in office that's dealing with that. We have an army. The most moral army in the world…

 

Somebody's got tell this kid to stop with his posts and whatsapp statuses. He's irresponsible. He's endangering all of us with his rhetoric. With his violence. With constant nagging for the Beis Ha'Mikdash. With those Mashiach patches and those Har Ha'Bayis signs he's putting up all over the place. Can't he see, that there's a reason why Hashem never revealed to us the place to build him that home, yet. We're not meant to go there. There's probably some grain yard, or some golden pimple there. When the time comes, Hashem will bring us all there. For the meantime, just hang out with your sheep. Because you're not accepted into any of our yeshivos. You don't fit into our system. You're a loser. A blight on our elitist Torah system and world. Even the Gadol Ha'Dor your own father knows that, and every day you're alive you’re a shame and Shanda on him and your entire family.

 

Little did anyone ever dream that this kid would become the King of Israel and the grandaddy of Mashiach. That he was the only one that really had it right the whole time. That his father, that gadol ha'dor was so wrong about him. He was wrong about himself, about his wife, about his bubby, about his own roots and insecurities that he projected onto him. That this youngest son of his, that everyone wrote off and were sure would never amount to anything, turned out to be greatest leader of the Jewish people.

 

He really was the only one, and the first in a few hundred years, that actually got right what we were supposed to be doing here in Israel- and no it wasn't just about setting up Torah, shuls, batei midrash or even planting and growing stuff. It wasn't to create an Israeli Defense Force either. We weren't brought here to live in self-created minimalist borders, and try not to upset our neighbors, or step on their feet, or graze on their land. Certainly not to destroy their places of forcing worship. Sure, Hashem gave us this mandate, but to be honest, despite what He told our ancestors, He's pretty happy with the Torah we're learning. When He's ready He'll come take care of it Himself. It's not really our job. We're just meant to sing 'Ani Ma'amin' until then. Vehi She'amda is nice too. Maybe the kid could write some songs. That could be a nice way of using his energy for good. It's such a shame what his father has to go through. Maybe we could be mekarev him…

 

I imagine, you guys have figured out that I'm talking about Dovid Ha'Melech. I imagine as well, that you know this is exactly the way they talked about him. The same way, that we talk about them today… 3000 years and absolutely nothings changed. The story with his father Yishai- whose tomb in chevron I visited yesterday, along with his great-bubby who he thought was shiktza; Rus, is a perhaps less famous one. It's worthwhile to know it, especially since that's one of the reasons we will be reading it tomorrow. The sefer, which really doesn't have much to do with Shavuos explicitly, is read on the yartzeit of Dovid Ha'Melech. Not just his Yartzeit, but his birthday too.

 

We read the book, because there was a question about Dovid's yichus. His grandmother was Moabite convert. The Torah says you can't marry or convert someone from Moav. They're bad people. They're selfish. They're promiscuous. They have bad middos. We don't want that bad blood mixing with our pure holy nation. Now there was a debate whether that was just the men from Moav or even the women as well. But, why take chances? Tachlis, a goy is a goy, and maybe they're good shidduchim for some ba'al teshuva or something or another convert. But certainly not for a nice haymisheh family like ours.

 

Particularly this Rus, girl, is a problem. Her father was Eglon. He was like Sinwar, like Arafat. He was the guy that lived in Jordan that made deals with Amalek and for 18 years persecuted and attacked Israel. Her grandfather was Balak that hired Bila'am and ultimately 24,000 Jews were killed in a plague after he sent his daughters out to seduce them. 24,000, non-incidentally, is the same number of the students of Rabbi Akiva that died during the period of Omer. The students that died for not giving kavod- honor to one another. They died for 32 days, according to some, which is the gematria of kavod. They died during the 49 days of Omer which the gematria of Moav. It ends on Shavuos, with this granddaughter of Moav's story. It ends on Shavuos with the story of the birthday of the boy, who's their descendant who didn't seem to get too much respect himself; Dovid Melech Yisrael chai v'kayam.

 

Yishai, Dovid's father, although he never knew or even acknowledged that until the end of his life, had even separated from Dovid's mother in order to try to "purify" his questionable lineage. To get rid of this persistent skeleton in his closet, of this great-bubby of his that a few hundred years later people were still talking about. We have a way of doing that. He separated and married a maid servant, with plans of freeing her and thus she would become a regular convert and the line would be purified. Yet Dovid's mother wasn't a big fan of the concept. She wasn't such a lamdan, like her gadol ha'dor husband. So much like great-bubby Rus she took matters into her own hands. She snuck in the middle of the night, and poof Dovid came out of that conception, that Yishai didn't even know was from him. He assumed, Dovid's mother was with someone else during that separation period. Dovid was a mamzer. A goy perhaps. Nisht fun unzereh…So he chucked him out.

 

It wasn't until Shmuel comes to anoint one of his children to be the King of Israel, that he surprisingly finds out that none of his yeshivish brisker kids were worthy, and neither were the ones that were faithfully serving in the army of Shaul, that seemed so much more politically correct and leadership worthy. It was the kid with the sheep and guitar on the hilltop that was the anointed of Hashem. It was the kid they threw out of all of the yeshivas. It was the one fighting with animals. It was the kid we wrote off…and said wasn't real ours. That has bad blood. That was the chosen of Hashem. It's from him that not only does Mashiach descend from, but for whom, Rashi tells us in this week's parsha the Bais Ha'Mikdash is even named after. He's the red-headed leader, that doesn't have just a new "Trump" wing or hotel of the White House named after him, but the entire house of Hashem, then and what we daven for is called The Bais Dovid. David's house.

 

The Alshich, the Shela, the Ramachal and many other Jewish sages throughout the generations all note the bizarreness of the origin story of Dovid and Mashiach. The truth is it's even worse than what I've even written. For Moav's early roots come from the daughter of Lot's incestuous relationship with their father. Boaz is a descendant of Yehuda and Tamar and their illicit harlot's tryst unknowingly with his own daughter-in-law. It's not nice stuff. It's skeletons in our closet. It's people that we talk about perhaps at best, treating with kavod, and respect and being mekarev, but l'maaseh never really dream that they can be Mashiach, they can be greater than all of us. That they should marry into our family, let alone lead it.

 

Yet, that's not only the real secret of Mashiach, that seems incomprehensible to us, they suggest. Rather it's the only way that he can ever be born and ultimately reveal himself. What they write is that there is a real power of the Satan, to prevent and prosecute the coming of Mashiach and the revelation of Hashem. That's the job Hashem created him for. To create a counter-force in the world that will grant us free-choice and always balance out holiness and revelation with a significant force and challenge that will try to hide and destroy that. It's why every Yom Kippur we have to give a goat to Azazel as a gift to distract him. To pretend as if we're worshipping idolatry so he'll be quiet and let our atonement fly. It's why on the day of giving of the Torah, Hashem distracted the Satan to the point that the Midrash tell us that when the Satan came home he didn't even know it was given and therefore immediately upped the ante with the sin of the golden calf temptation, by floating the coffin of Moshe. He does that after the Akeida, with the death of Sarah. And particularly when we get closer and closer to Eretz Yisrael and fulfilling our divine mandate, he's there with Amalek, with Balak and Bilaam, with the spies. He doesn't stop.

 

The Satan's job didn't end even when we came into Israel. He made us satisfied with settling parts of the land and getting too lazy to take the whole thing. He made us happy with Shilo and we forgot about the house of Hashem. He does this after the building of the Temple with the division of our kingdom. With the Jews not wanting to return during the 2^nd Temple with Ezra. With the sins of the 2^nd Temple. The Greek influence. Assimilation. Political correctness. Sinas Chinam. He's done it through out our Galus. He's still doing it today. He's smart. He's savvy and there's only one way to overcome him and bring in the light. It's through the back door. It's with people that he doesn't see as a threat. It's from the darkest shmutziest stories, that he knows we will never believe in or find light in. That's the only way Mashiach could be born. Happy Birthday Dovid.

 

The Eim Ha'Banim Samaycha, Rav Teichtel, writes during is time during the Holocaust, about the secular and perhaps even anti-religious underpinnings of the Zionist State. Although initially having been an anti-zionist before the Holocaust who decried this movement, his thinking shifted and he quotes source after source throughout Chazal that the opposite is quite true. It is only through these non-frum, through the sins just like Dovid's and Mashiach's illicit promiscuous origins that the redemption can come. That we can get past the Satan's spiritual camera, that he has on his phone that's always on the lookout for of happening. Mashiach can only be revealed, through a hiddenness that looks prust, and filthy to us, that you don't even want to tell your children what's going on. It's coming from people that we may call eruv rav, but the truth is they're our ticket home. There's a spark in them, just like Dovid that is willing to sacrifice it all for the house of Hashem, that Rashi tell us

"because he sacrificed himself for the house of Hashem, it is called on his name"

Just as the Mishkan is called after the name of Moshe.

 

I spend a lot of times on the hilltops with my tourists. I love this 15 year old kids and simple families that are fighting and doing it all with their sheep, to conquer the land. To chase out our enemies. To fight against our own Israeli army and beauracacy because they long for our return home. What's fascinating though is that these same kids with payos, tzitzis and sandals who I see as modern day Dovid Ha'Melechs and are perhaps some of the most vilified in Israel and in the world, were here a hundred years ago as well. They were secular back then. They were chalutzim, pioneers without kippas and many even ate on Yom Kippur and denied Hashem. Yet they sat the ground for what these holy ones are doing today. They got us past the Satan. And now we're slowly sancitifying their work.

 

Interestingly enough, the same is true in our army. The original army of Israel was all about kochi v'otzem yadi, Our own power, our own greatness. Yisrael Bitach Ba'Tzahal. The Satan had no problem with them. He was even willing and allowed miracles to take place. Even ask the Satmar Rebbi and Neturei Karta… They were the harlot at the crossroad of Yehuda, they were daughters of Moabite sinners, they were Lot's daughters who thought they with their own sins can save the world and create a new one. Yet, they held and were hiding the light of Mashiach. The light of Dovid. Toady look at the army of Israel. They're mostly wearing Tzitzis, yarmulkas, they sing songs about Hashem. They all daven. They learn. They believe. They're on fire and have Mashiach patches on their uniforms. We got through the door of the Satan. We've avoided his camera. We now need to finish the job.

 

Parshat Naso, that we read this Shabbos here in Israel, is all about that idea. It's the counting of Levi and then it’s the ones thrown out of the camp and bringing them back, the tamey, the zav, the metzora, the sota and even the holier-than thou- nazir. Only after we return them, only after we see the blessing of the Kohen for them, can the nesi'im then each bring their sacrifices. Because they are our key to bringing mashiach. They've got the visa that can get us into the country. They possess the holy spark that we need to find the chen the Kohen blesses us with in order to bring Shalom, to the world. To build an eternal house of Shalom.  

 

The holiday of Shavuos, is really not so much about the Torah. The Torah is our kesuva- our marriage document, with Hashem. Can you imagine someone by their wedding dancing and running around and showing them their kesuva all night. Check it out, what an amazing document. What s brilliant idea. What beautiful writing! Meanwhile the kallah is sitting in the corner wondering when her chasan will remember that she's there waiting. She wants to go into the yichud room. She wants him to bring her home. Shavuos is about being one with Hashem. It's about a house of Dovid.

Dovid is the same letters as dod- my beloved. That's what we need to remember. That's the ball we need to keep our eye on. If we do that, then we would be more focused on the ones that we need to be there with us, the ones that can perhaps be our key to getting there. The one's we're overlooking because we're so focused on the kesuva and not the house. Dovid, never forgot the house. On Shavuos, we read his story to remind us and tap into his energy so we can redirect our thoughts and perhaps undergo that one last paradigm shift that we need, so that we may once again merit to see our King and bring Him back down to His palace.      

 

 Have a revelatory and celebratory Chag Shavuos Samayach and an uplifting Shabbos

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

 

This week's Insights and Inspiration is sponsored by my dear friend Shel Donner in honor of their upcoming trip to Israel in honor of his granddaughters Ruthies 10^th Birthday!

Mazel Tov.. It's so great to have you back here, and there's no better way to celebrate a birthday like a trip to Israel. May Ruthie continue to grow into a beautiful bas Yisrael and be a source of much yiddishe nachaas to her entire family and her grandparents that love her very much!

  

************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

"Fun krume shidukhim kumen arois glaikheh kinder."– From crooked matches also come straight children..

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

33. In honor of which ruler’s visit was the road from Jaffa to Jerusalem paved? ________

 What is the earliest text in which the city of Jerusalem is mentioned?

A. The Torah

B. The New Testament

C. The Execration texts 

D. The Dead Sea Scrolls

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

In Honor of Shavuous it's Rabbi Schwartz compositions playlist!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/dovid-melech-r-ephrayim  - In honor of Dovid Ha'Melech's Yartzeit my Dovid Melech song that we should be zochen to sing soon to greet Mashiach!

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vatem   – Dreaming of the Geula? Here's my wings of Eagle composition with the promise Hashem gave us on Shavuot! Dovid Lowy on the arrangements and vocals!

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/kad-yasvun  - This beautiful heartfelt composition of mine Kad Yasvun… When we are joyous in our study of the Torah Hashem tells the malachim to look at his beautiful children who forget their own tzaros to only take joy in Hashem… Dovid Lowy again on vocals and arrangements…

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon  - From our holiday davening our longing and prayer for Hashem to rebuild the Bais Ha'Mikdash- You even get to hear me sing the first 20 seconds or so… Baruch Hashem Dovid takes over from there…

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/torah-hakedosha  – Our Tefilla to the Torah to turn to Hahem and not forget that Shavuos Morning when we first wed Him and said "I do" and to answer our prayers…

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/eitz-chayim  – And finally my song for Shavuous Eitz Chayim Hi- It's our tree of life. It's ways are pleasantness… And the song is great!

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Prophecy Ending- 350 BC-   The return to Eretz Yisrael was happening. As per the nevuah of Chaggai the Jews started rebuilding the temple. The process that had started 19 year before hand with Koresh/Cyrus that had been halted now commenced once again with the return of Zerubavel and the permission of Darius. Yet, not everyone came, as we noted. Most stayed. The Navi Zecharia steps into the limelight here and rebukes them. He tells them that era of prophecy in coming to an end. There's really no point in it anymore he tells them. For a few reasons.

 

The first is that nobody really is paying attention and coming. So why talk and reveal and try to cajole if the words aren't being heeded to return. The second reason though he gives, is even more powerful. He tells them that they are experiencing more prophecy now than before. Because the words of the prophets of the past are actually taking place before their eyes. Why can't they see it? Why don't they not how miraculous it is that we are returning. That we are building. Why are they still there? Finally, he tells them that the reason prophecy is ending is because Hashem is angry. He's hiding His face from us. We've refused to come home to see Him and to bring Him home. He will not hang out and communicate with us as well as He did in the past. He is our shadow. He's taking His cues from us.

 

For 19 years we had been in Jerusalem and even starting to sacrifice offerings on the altar we constructed there, despite there not being a Temple. Now that the process had begun of rebuilding it, the Jews started getting a bit frummer and asking about purity and impurity laws. Who can come and who can't. Zecharia again tells them an unbelievable and tragic and prophecy. He tells them that tumah and tahara isn't as important as the actual building and return to the service. The 2^nd Temple will not be the final one. The Jews have rejected it by not coming. It will last, we will worship there. Yet, the shechina and miracles can't come until the next Temple that will follow. Then we can fix our sins. Then we can come back for good. That's the era we're in now.

 

Take that thought in your minds as you daven this Shavous, wherever you are but especially in chutz la'aretz. We want the real deal. We want to come home and build the Bais Ha'Mikdash. Totty is waiting for us…

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE KING JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

There once was a king who was 12 inches tall.He was a terrible king but a great ruler…

 

A king has 3 cups in front of him. The first 2 cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name? King Philip III

 

What happens when the King leaves the toilet? A Royal Flush.

 

Once upon a time, a King wanted to have some fun. He went on a podium and said loudly: "I will give half of my fortune to anyone who manages to tell me a lie that I, myself, admit that it's a lie."

An old man walked to the King and said: "I can draw rainbows wherever I want."

The King replied: "That's true, I saw you making one yesterday and it was really pretty."

A soldier then walked to the King while everyone stared at him, and said: "Your majesty, I have a gun that shoots atomic bombs."

The King quickly said: "That's great, and by the way, good job on Hiroshima."

After hearing all that, the kingdom was discouraged to ask any further questions because it would simply end the same; the King can always find a way to dodge that lie.

Almost desperate, a young Jewish boy named Bereleh, approached the King holding a barrel and loudly said: "I lent you a barrel of gold last week".

The King said: "That's a lie."

The boy replied: "Give me half of your fortune then!"

The King quickly said: "Wait, I remember, you did lend you me barrel of gold last week."

Smirking, Bereleh shouted: "Give it back to me then."

 

What's it called when a King and Queen have no children? A receding heir-line.

 

Which of King Arthur's knights was chosen to make the round table? Sir Cumference

 

Why did none of the women King Midas dated want to marry him? They got gold feet.

 

A king had 10 wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.

A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all, so he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

The minister said,

"I served you loyally 10 years and you do this..?

The king was unrelenting. The Minister pleaded

"Please give me 10 days before you throw me to the dogs"

The king agreed. In those 10 days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days. The guard was baffled, but he agreed. So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them. So when the 10 days were up, the king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced. When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister and licking his feet. The king was baffled at what he saw.

"what happened to the dogs? !!!” He growled.

The minister then said;”

I served the dogs for only 10 days and they didn’t forget my service…

Yet I served you for 10 years and you forgot all at the first mistake!”…

The king realised his mistake and replaced the dogs with crocodiles !!

 

My friend is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king.

**Henry**

**George**

**Charles**

**Burger.**

 

There's a depressed king back in the 14th century. And nothing could cheer him up. Eventually the royal advisor hired a new fool to entertain the king. The clown was very funny, and most of the court laughed, but the king merely sighed, and then turned towards his advisor.

"I don't think this worked Henry, but I appreciate the jester."

 

King Henry VIII had six wives. He beheaded two of them. Those were his axe wives.

 

*******************************

The answer to this week's question is C– OK I always marvel how this sometimes connect to the time of year that this falls out. It's a divine kiss to those that make it this far into my column 😊. Now the first part I got right officially, the second part only spiritually. Franz Josef I knew. His visit to Israel was famous, and its why we have the Tifferet Yisrael shul currently being rebuilt's dome in honor of his hat and visit. Part II I got wrong according to them. I of course went with the Torah. The answer they were looking for was the excrecation scrolls which were found in Egypt from about 1000 years supposedly before the Jews were even in Egypt. They mention Jerusalem. So technically the pre-date the Torah. But as we know it all starts with the Torah, which was my guess…

So I got this one only half right. and the new score is Rabbi Schwartz having 22.5 points and the MOT having 10.5 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.

Love and War- Parshat Ki Teitzei 2022/ 5782

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

September 9^th 2022 -Volume 11 Issue 4 13^th of Elul 5782

 

Parshat Ki Tetzei

Love and War

 

Vacation, finally! And yet although the tour guide Rabbi Schwartz might get a few days off to recuperate and re-“Jew”-venate, your friend in Karmiel still needs to get out his weekly E-Mail. Your children wouldn’t know what to do if their Shabbos meal ended an hour early without the weekly missive. Your boss might wonder why you don’t have that smile you usually do Friday mornings while you pretend that you’re working on your computer at work, but really reading the jokes on the bottom. The Rabbi in your shul might wonder why you’re paying attention to his drasha instead of reading that printed up E-Mail each week. But perhaps most significantly, my mother would be disappointed if she didn’t have something to either read and compliment me on and tell me how much she loves me- or alternatively to scold me and give me Mussar and tell me to stop writing about my surgery and my personal life and business.   Then she would of course tell me that she loves me as well… and I forget everything else she said. If I even heard it in the first place.

 

Regardless I gotta write this. So here we are sitting out in the front yard of my vacation tzimmer overlooking the Mediterranean and the hills of the Western Galilee and writing to you. It’s beautiful, by the way. It’s serene. I’m here without my family. It’s just me. Me and Hashem. Hashem and His mountains in His magnificent country that He has privileged me with sharing with so many over the past few months once again. I sit here and can’t even express how loved I feel by Him and how much blessing He has given me. Have you ever felt like that? Just so amazingly loved, so grateful, so close to Hashem, perhaps even a bit unworthy.

 

Why me? What have I done to deserve such love? I certainly can think of plenty of reasons and things for Him to be pretty annoyed at me. And ‘annoyed’ is a polite don’t-feel-so-bad, kind of word. There’s lots that I’ve done or haven’t done that He should be downright fuming at me about. And my wife, my mother, my kids, my rebbeim and even my tourists and congregants could give Him an even more elaborate list just in case He was looking for things. Yet… yet… yet… He doesn’t stop loving me and showering me with blessing. It’s crazy. It’s overwhelming. It’s really everything.

 

As I sit and ponder and bask in this glow of appreciation, I hear music come on. It’s the neighbors tzimmer next door to mine. Like every good Israeli they like 70’s and 80’s American music. Thankfully it’s not Pink Floyd or Madonna. Rather perhaps the couple next door seem to be feeling as loving as I am. They are listening to love songs. Songs that I’m familiar with. Songs that aren’t Jewish, that I listened to in my younger goyish music stage of life. Songs that are actually beautiful and emotional. But as I sit here in Elul trying to write this E-Mail, I try to make those songs that I can’t get out of my head a little holier. Like the Chasidic Rebbes of old who also perhaps snatched one or two goyish songs, and as they say, found and released the sparks of holiness inside of them. Perhaps I can have my goyish music and my kedusha too… Or not. Regardless, it’s playing, my soul is stirring, and it’s too beautiful to go inside and close the windows. I’m here and now you are too.

 

The truth is it really isn’t that hard to find that holiness. Maybe even it’s a bit too easy. I just never thought about it before, but now the words come rushing out to me from their very loud surround sound speaker with entirely new meaning. The love songs that they are singing about really aren’t about the love between a husband and wife, a boyfriend and a girlfriend or perhaps even something more illicit or forbidden. They’re about Hashem and me.

 

“I can’t live my life without You”.

 “I’m alive when You’re with me”.

“You give me meaning.”

“You’re my world.”

“My inspiration”

“You’re my everything.”

“I’d walk the world for You.”

“Our love is eternal”.

“You bring out the best in Me”.

 “I’m alone without You”.

 

Lyric after lyric, chorus after chorus. It’s all Hakadosh Baruch Hu. It’s a jukebox or playlist from heaven. (or not). But its tugging all of my heartstrings. I feel as if I’m being serenaded by Hashem. The Melech is in the field with me. (or not).

 

After this musical introduction I open up our parsha. It is a parsha that is packed with mitzvos. Interestingly enough they are mitzvos that are primarily concerned with two topics: love and war. Sure, there are plenty of other mitzvos here as well, but the themes of love and war keep coming up again and again. We are introduced to the conjunction of both of those in the first mitzva of the parsha. The strange mitzva that during war one is permitted to take a non-Jewish captive woman as a wife.

 

The Torah tells us that it’s a love story that really isn’t,. On the one hand this guy is perhaps moved by the flaring testosterone of warfare and killing and murdering people- enemies of course. His spiritual guard is understandably a bit down. On the other hand, this woman is really not a good match for him. No less than Dovid Ha’Melech fell into this trap, and found out much later, with the rebellion of his son Avshalom who came from such a union, that bad things come from fake love songs.

 

As well the Torah continues its journey with marriages and love gone awry. We have the person who has two wives one which he doesn’t love. He hates her. We have divorce. We have widows who have to marry their brothers-in-law. We have all types of people who engage in forbidden pre-marital or extra- marital, or forbidden relationships-some consensual some not. It’s a mess. It’s a goyisheh love song. At the same time, interestingly enough, we learn the laws of making your wife happy during the first year (and always!) and the laws of marriage. We have women jumping into their men’s fights and standing up for their men. Inside of all this murky bad stuff we have holiness. We have a love song of Hashem joining this union.

 

Similarly, the laws of war have all types of brutal depictions. In last week’s parsha we are told to wipe out the 7 nations men women and children. Genocide. Ouch. At the same time, it told us to be careful not to knock down any fruit trees. Man is like a tree. Hmmm… It told us about the holiness of the soldiers in battle. Who was exempt. How not to fear. The Kohen recited Shema and gave them blessings. It’s intense. This week with the holy army- according to Rashi it only contained those that didn’t fear they had any sins in their hands, right away though it starts to tell us about taking these captive women. The Chozeh of Lublin notes that the Torah permitted this because if not the yetzer hara would be too great and the men would take her even if she was forbidden. Wryly, he says, that the only Jews that would be susceptible to this yetzer harah are the ones that think they don’t have any sins. The ones that think they’re big tzadikim- those are the guys you have to watch out for. Those are the ones that the yetzer harah could snare with one pretty shiktza. With one goyisheh love song.

 

The Torah then tells us that our camp must be holy. It must be sanitary. Hashem is amongst our camp. This is not a goyisheh army. As well the parsha concludes with the obligation to wipe out Amalek. Again, men women, children and even animals. We are meant to do this with brutal hatred. They are the enemy. They are preventing the shechina from shining amongst us. We need to take them out.

 

War and love. This is the season we are in as well in Elul when we read this parsha. On the one hand this month we are told that we are together with our beloved. Ani l’dodi v’dodi li- is the famous acronym for this month. At the same time, it is a time of fear and trepidation. We have a court case coming up this year. In a few weeks’ time Hashem will pull out the books and decide if we will live or we will die. The Satan will be there with plenty of ammunition. Like most Israeli wars- we don’t have too much to fight and shoot with. But anachnu b’sheim hashem elokeinu nazkir- we come in the name of Hashem.  How do we navigate these extreme emotions and situations we face?

 

Rav Shlomo Aviner notes that the obligations of war really obviate many of the commandments. Not just simple ones either. We violate Shabbos, not only to go to war but even to rescue people and even bodies. We even violate the “theme” at least of the three big sins. As we noted it is permitted to take a non- Jewish woman, we are obviously killing and even some of the Kosher laws are permitted to being violated during war according to the Rambam non-Jewish wine is permitted to being drunk. The reason he suggests is because when we go to war there are no personal considerations that mitzvos are obligated in. It’s about negating oneself entirely for the nation and for Hashem’s glory. I am not an individual in war. I am Israel. I am Hashem’s army. As one we have the power, and we move beyond the usual individual mitzvos which are about our personal growth. We are entirely connected to Hashem and the mission he placed upon us.

 

In marriage it is a very similar concept. It’s not about what I want. What I’m feeling. What I can get out of the relationship. What I desire. It’s about building a home for Hashem. It’s about creating a family. It’s about becoming one. It’s about understanding that the love and bond shared between you and your spouse has the ability to be eternal, if Hashem is part of that love song as well. If He’s not, then you’re in trouble. Then your children are in trouble. Then it will be war.

 

Rebbi Nachman of Breslav said that every wisdom in the world has a song attached to it. Even non-Jewish ones. It is where it gets its chiyus from- its spiritual essence to exist. Religious songs, love songs, celebratory songs, they are all pieces of one great song of Creation. Amazing grace, if you will. In Shir Ha’Shirim – the Song of Songs it says

Tavo’I v’tashuri mei’rosh amana- which literally means you should come straight down from the peak of Amana.

 

 Rebbi Nachman though reads it homiletically, that we will come with the ultimate redemption and sing from the peaks of faith- emuna. As well others note that that the word tashuri is like the word Tishrei- me’rosh is rosh Hashana. On Rosh Hashana when we sing, we connect to that first song. We reveal the core and the love of all Creation that Hashem had when He made man. Since that first sin on that great day of love we have been at war. War with the yetzer hara, the Satan, the nations, with ourselves. But the King is back in the field in this month. It’s time to reveal that love song to the world. To put down our swords and turn them into plowshares. We’ll then live forever…knowing together… that we did it all for the glory of love.Have a song-filled Shabbos

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Tsu itlechen neiem lid ken men tsupassen an alten nigen..” - To every new song one can find an old tune

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HxjWn_7FdI   -  Nissim Black and Dustin Paul Human Greatness! Latest release…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt0mR1i9lOk   – A classic and powerful video from the Haftorah B’Shetzef Ketzef from Avromy Flam

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5dNzfzJVoE   – Ahavas Olam from Akiva.. beautiful

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Nx_tkCB0a8   – Eitan And Shlomo Katz Everlasting Love also from this weeks hafotrah

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YjgCN3k3Uc   – And of course Parsha ki Teitzei is never complete without Yigal Calek’s Ki Yikarey kan Tizppor

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

11)  The Muchraka monastery was founded by the    _________ church order

Its location is where

A)  The prophets of the Baal were slaughtered, and their idolatry was invalidated

B)  Eliyahu went up to heaven and where he appointed Elisha

C)  A heavenly fire came down and the faith in one God was restored

D)  The resurrection of the child of the widow was preformed and Eliyahu went into isolation

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

Remember- Parshat Ki Teitzei- Our Parsha concludes with the mitzva to remember what Amalek did to us and to erase them from the face of the earth. We read this right before Purim each year. Yet it’s a strange mitzva. On the one hand if we remember them then we will never forget and then they exist. On the other hand we are obligated to destroy them so that there shouldn’t be any memory of them.

 

Amalek as we know is not the only remembrance mitzva. We are also obligated to remember Shabbos each week. It’s in the Ten commandments. The Ramban explains that the mitzva has two aspects to it. On the one hand it’s a daily commandment each day of each week to do things to remember Shabbos. Each day we count towards Shabbos. Each day we make little preparations for Shabbos. As well the mitzva of remembering is on Shabbos as well. On Shabbos we need to do something to make the day a memorable one. We need to sanctify it and make Kiddush on wine to celebrate it each week.

 

Shabbos reveals Hashem’s presence in this world. Each day we remember Shabbos we are erasing Amalek. We are testifying that Hashem created and controls the world. The remembrance of Shabbos erases Amalek. As well on Purim when we drink wine and celebrate the day we erase the memory of Amalek. They are totally gone. They are destroyed and we are redeemed. At least for the moment. Each Shabbos when we make Kiddush and remember Hashem on this special day as well we have erased Amalek. We have remembered. Lchayim!

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Hit Me - 724 BC – After the incredible 2^nd miraculous victory of Achav against Ben  Hadad of Aram that was foretold by the prophet Micha. Their army of 100,000 was wiped out and they fled to the city of Afek where Hashem made a miracle and the walls of the city collapsed upon them. Yet, as we mentioned last week our enemies know how to play upon our mercy and our un-comfortability with being victors. Ben Hadad and his men realizing that the end was near dressed in sackcloth and put nooses around their next and appeared before Achav and asked for mercy. That’s our weak point. We don’t like to see people in sackcloth and being pathetically submissive to us. As well when someone-especially a goy apologizes to us that’s pretty much all we really need. So Achav not only pardons them but even restores them to their land giving them their “terror” state in Damascus. Of course we signed treaties- that of course they had no intention of keeping and thus they left.

 

Hashem wasn’t happy with this. Fortunately, he had the prophet Micha to do some splainin to Achav. In a fascinating story Micha approaches another prophet and tells him to beat him up. The prophet of course refuses, and Micha curses him that since he didn’t listen to the word of Hashem as he spoke then he will die. Sure enough a lion pops out and eats him. Boom one down. Next he goes over to another person and gives him the same command and prophecy. This guy learned his lesson and sure enough he beats up Micha. Micha then waits for King Achav to pass by. He disguises his face as a beaten-up soldier coming from war and he turns to him and asks him a seemingly hypothetical question. Here he was told by a soldier to watch over a prisoner. If he did so properly, he would be rewarded, if however the prisoner wasn’t there when he got back then he would punished with his life in place of the prisoners. Sure enough, he told Achav I got distracted and the prisoner escaped. What should happen to me now.

 

Achav without blinking an eye told the “soldier/prophet” in disguise that he pronounced his own fate already. He should die in place of the prisoner. Boom! He fell into the trap. Micha then takes off his disguise and tells Achav that he had just pronounced his own fate Hashem had given Ben Hadad into his own hands to get rid of him. How dare Achav let him free and even build him up once again? Because of this Achav and the Jewish people will be held accountable with their lives. The truth is it will only be Achav that will be accountable. The Jews will be set free as the midrash tells us that Micha prayed that the suffering that he had when he got beaten up should atone for them.

This is a Tanach story yet it is an important one that many don’t know and realize. It’s as timely as it gets and it is the mistake that Israel makes again and again. We keep having mercy on the cruel who Hashem gives in our hand and we don’t appreciate that our obligation is to rid the country of those that wish to destroy us and who ultimately don’t accept our sovereignty over the land. There are no peace agreements. They can live and remain on one condition only they accept us. They are subservient to Hashem and us His nation. Perhaps the governments need to start reading this column

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE FASHION JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Yankel: I stood under my Kallah's window and sang a love song to her. She threw me a flower.

Berel: then why is there a wound on your head?

Yankel: she forgot to take the flowers out of the pot

 

A shabby-looking man walks into an upscale bar full of businessmen and orders a Scotch. The bartender looks him over and says, "Sir, I don't believe you can afford the drinks at this establishment. May I ask that you go somewhere else?"

The man shrugs his shoulders and says, "You're right. I don't have any money on me. But I'll tell you what. I can show you a miracle. If I do, can I have one on the house?" The bartender sighs and nods, and sees the man take a hamster out of the pocket of his overcoat. Before the bartender can tell the man that animals aren't allowed, the man leans down to the hamster and says, "Play."

The hamster darts out of the man's hand, runs up to the grand piano in the bar's corner, and runs across the keys, playing Gershwin songs as he does so. It's incredible. Concert pianists don't play this well! At the end of the hamster's set, everyone applauds, and the bartender pours the man who came in a glass of their best Scotch.

The man savors the Scotch, and says, "That was incredible! If I show you another miracle, can I have another drink?" The bartender nods excitedly, and sees the man pull out a frog from his coat this time. He leans in and says, "Sing." The frog opens his mouth and begins singing a deep and rich love song. Everyone stops talking in the bar to listen to this frog. They have tears in their eyes, thinking about the ones they love, the loves that they let slip away. Not a dry eye in the bar. When the frog stops singing, the whole bar bursts into applause, and the weeping bartender gives the man the whole bottle of fine Scotch.

One of the businessmen comes up to the man and says, "Hey buddy, you look hard up. I'll give you five thousand dollars for the frog, what do you say?" The man thinks it over, says yes, and accepts five thousand dollars that the businessman offers. The businessman takes the frog and runs out. The bartender, shocked, looks at the man and shouts, "Are you nuts? That frog was beautiful! And it was a FROG! How could you let something worth a fortune go away like that?"

The guy takes a swig from the bottle and says, "What are you talking about? My hamster is also a

ventriloquist."

 

Dad, whose music did you listen to when growing up?”

Dad: Led Zeppelin.

Son: Who?

Dad: Yes. They were good too.

 

My drunk friend was kicked out of Karaoke for singing “Danger Zone” 7 times in a row.

He had exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.

 

Knock knock!

Whos There?

Kenya!

Kenya who?

Kenya feel the love tonight!

 

“Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”-Jerry Seinfeld

 

“I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is.”-Steven Wright

 

“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the ‘William Tell Overture’ without thinking of The Lone Ranger.” -Billy Connolly

 

“I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.”-George Burns

 

“When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.”-Bob Hope

 

“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.” -Steve Martin

 

“I know only two tunes: one of them is ‘Yankee Doodle’, and the other isn’t.” -Ulysses S Grant, former US President

 

Q: “What kind of music are balloons afraid of?”

A: “Pop music”.

 

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet.” We’re a cover band.

 

What part of a turkey is musical? The drumstick.

Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music? Because she broke the record.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs.

********************************

Answer is B – This is a bit of a trick question, even for all of my tourists that I have brought here. Muchraka of course is the Carmelite Monestary on the tip of Mt. Carmel. Even those of you that haven’t been there with me, but if you’ve been watching my statuses you’ve certainly seen me there plenty with its incredible lookout point of much of the North of Israel. It’s there where the story of Eliyahu and the prophets of the Baal take place. The question though is which part of the story? Well for those of you that remember the story it could be one of two answers. Either the fire came down or he had the prophets of the Baal slaughtered there. But the name Muchraka should give it away. See, Muchraka means burnt place (it’s similar to the word in Hebrew as well charach is charred). The top of the mountain is where the fire came down and ate up Eliyahu’s offering. He then ordered them to take the prophets of the Baal to the bottom by Nachal Kishon and kill them there. So the right answer is B, which of course I got right.  So the score now is Schwartz 8.5 and 2.5  for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.