Karmiel

Karmiel
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Friday, August 13, 2021

Judges, Surgeons and Dreamers- Parshat Shoftim 5781 2021

 

Insights and Inspiration

                                                                       from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

August 13th 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 44 5th Elul

Parshat Shoftim

Judges, Surgeons and Dreamers

I had a dream last night. There were seven bowls of red, meaty chulent full of beans and potatoes with those juicy marrow bones swimming around what looked like islands of Kishka. The simmering sound was like music of what could only be described as Shabbos zemiros that emanated from the highest spiritual spheres. It was a wonder. And then it happened seven skinny doctors holding knives in one hand came in and swallowed them all up leaving in their place seven little plastic tubs of Leben (Israel's sour cream yogurt mix that tastes really horrible and should be banned). I woke up in a sweat. It was terrifying. I rolled over and went back to sleep. And then I had the second dream.

 This time it was no less terrifying. I was by a Kiddush. My son-in-law Yaakov was there and he always takes care of me. There were seven heaping plates in front of me. There was herring anc crackers, rugelach, Yerushalmi Kugel with a pickle on the side and of course smack in the middle was my personal favorite a nice juicy piece of Yapchik- which is basically what they call in Hebrew "Ovehrrrnayyt" potato kugel with a slab of beef in the middle. As I was about to dig in though once again the incomprehensible happened. All of a sudden 7 small little spoons of chicken broth came into the room and swallowed up the whole thing. What was amazing was that the spoons didn't get any fatter. They just stayed the same frail pathetic brothy color. I woke up and didn't need Yosef to interpret my dream. It was my new reality. Hello Rabbi- Post-Gastric-Bypass- surgery Schwartz welcome to your new life…

 The truth is jokes and dreams aside it really has been a pretty fascinating experience this whole surgery thing. I'll admit I was a little nervous when the guy started shaving my belly. It kind of meant this was going to be for real. Lying there on the table and being rolled into the room, I envisioned a cow being taking to the slaughter, strapped down, helpless, bright lights shining in my eyes. They gave me that oxygen mask and I offered my final words of prayer and the next thing I knew I was groggy back in my hospital room. It was over. I was born again. Thank god I really didn't have any pain or even sores. The weird thing was that I didn't feel hungry at all. By Thursday when they released me it had been like three days since I last ate and frankly I really didn't feel like I needed to eat at all. As I write this on FridayI 've had about a few spoons of that Leben stuff, a Jello cup and two cups of chicken broth and I really do feel that I have to force myself to eat. It's very bizarre. I'm kind of like Moshe up in heaven I don't think it will go forty days and nights though.

Now I'll admit I've always been the one to say that not being hungry is never an excuse not to eat. What does hungry have to do with eating anyways? Which is probably the reason why I am where I am today. And the truth is I certainly was eyeing that packet of wafers on the kitchen table yesterday and I really did dream of food. But I don't know how to explain it. It's as if this surgery put some type of switch on my brain that is telling me. As good as it looks and might seem. You really don't want it. You're just fine without it. It's trayf and at least for the meantime it's working. It's kind of like what our sages tell us that during the second temple the Rabbis got together and removed the Yetzer Hara for Idolatry. That's all it took one little snooze under the lapscropic knife of Dr. Asaliya and it was all gone.

I really wasn't sure if I would write something this week or not, but so many of you E-Mailed, Whatsapped, and even donated money and sponsorships for my refuah shlaima that really touched me. As well I opened up the first verse of this week's Parsha and whadaya know Hashem didn't force me to go too far to find a tie in and an incredibly inspiring idea for myself and all of us as we enter this month of Elul.

The Parsha begins with the seemingly grammatically incorrect commandment of the establishment of Judges and enforcement officers.

 Shoftim V'Shotrim Titein Lecha B'Chol She'arecha- You shall place judges and officers in all of your gates

Asher Hashem Elokecha Nosein Lecha- That Hashem your God has given you.

V'shaftu es Ha'am Mishpat Tzedek- and they will judge the nation a righteous judgement.

 In English the grammatical "error" is not noticeable because in English "you" can mean both singular and plural. In Hebrew though, "you" singular is lecha while "you" plural is lachem. Seemingly the commandment here is one that is a national one. No individual can appoint judges or officers. The end of the verse even tells us that this so they will judge the nation. So technically speaking the verse should really read

 Shoftim V'Shotrim titnu lachem b'chol she'areichem asher Hashem Elokeichem Nosein Lachem.

 From here Reb Chaim Vital, The Shela Hakodesh and most classic Chasidic sefarim derive that the Torah in this verse in in fact referring to each Jew individually. We each have our own personal gates into our body and our souls and we each need to place judges and officers that will protect ourselves and ensure that we are living just and spiritually healthy lives.

 In fact the Reb Shlomo Sobel one of the old Yerushalmi Darshanim in his work Shloma Chadasha points out that if you take the letter "pei" out of the word shoftim-judges and the letter "reish" out of the word Shotrim-officers then you are left with the words shotim and shotim- fools and fools. The Pei and the Reish spell Par which means cow. He suggests that this is a hint to Torah. For the Talmud tells us that one that dreams about an Ox will be blessed with children that will be goring one another in Torah like an oxe. ( I wonder if that applies to one who dreams about steaks… Hmmmm). He brings other places as well where we see that cow is a euphemism used by our Rabbis for Torah. Thus if one appoints judges and officers with Torah then it's good it not then they will be fools and fools.

 Similarly when it comes to appointing the judges and officers over our own personal gates. The Nesivos Shalom explains these gates in various ways. The Zohar tells us that there are 7 gates in our face to our bodies and souls. The 2 eyes, ears and nostrils and the mouth. Upon each of these we have to appoint both judges and officers. The function of a judge is to determine intellectually what is the ruling. Is this good for me, is this bad? Should I be looking at this, should I be eating this? Is this something I should be listening to or even smelling? Yet as we all now judges can rule from today until tomorrow what we need to do or shouldn't be doing, but without a justice system that will enforce those rulings there is little chance of the laws being carried out. You can beg, plead, and have all types of information and educational campaigns about wearing masks or getting vaccines, but at the end of the day nobody is wearing them until you start handing out tickets. For better or for worse.

Thus we need officers for our bodies and our gates. We need to draw red lines that we cannot cross. They can be filters, they can be making sure not to go to certain places, to associate with certain people. They can time spend studying and learning the areas that we know that we are weak in. They don't have to be as dramatic as going under the knife and knocking your stomach down to the size of an egg. They shouldn't be as dramatic as that in fact. But we need to do it.  Our eyes, our mouths, our ears all are at risk of seeing, talking and hearing things we know they shouldn't. We need to appoint judges to discern those things and then the enforcers that will make sure we are protected.

 There is another interpretation of the idea of the personal gates that we have that the Nesivos Sholom points out. The idea of a gateway is that it is a point that we pass through to get from point A to Point B. In time we have gateway moments as well. Erev Shabbos is the gateway to Shabbos. Shabbos is the gateway to all of the blessing for the entire week. As well annually. Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are the gateways to the new Year and all of its decrees and things that will happen to us. Elul the month we have entered this week and the week where we always read this parsha of Shoftim is the gateway to Rosh Hashana. For it is on this gateway of Elul that we are each commanded to appoint our own personal judges and officers. It's a month not only of introspection when we review our actions, our weaknesses and our failings, but one where we also begin already appointing officers and putting measures into place to make sure that they won't occur anymore. That we will be better. That we will become the people we want to be. The people that sees in ourselves "Asher Hashem Elokecha nasan lach- That Hashem has given us everything. He is our God. The gifts we have are all his blessing. He is with us to make us better. That is the message of this month. It's what we need to do to ensure the perfect judgement.

 As I said last week, I have a long way to go to remove all of those extra unhealthy pounds physically and spiritually that I have to remove. But one thing is certain is that this Elul will certainly be one for me that is more mindful than I have ever been before. I have judges and officers all over what I'm putting in my mouth and what is coming in my belly. It is my hope that I have the inner personal strength to establish the personal boundaries and lines that are necessary to continue becoming the best Hashem has made me to be. If I do and we all do then maybe the dreams that we all will have of a better redeemed world will finally happen.

 Have a dreamy Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 WE'RE BACK IN MISHPACHA MAGAZINE AGAIN!!!

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TANACH TOUR OF THE JEZRE"EL VALLEY

Read and see the great stories of the books of the prophets come alive in this amazing tour

https://mishpacha.com/the-hills-are-alive-2/

 

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" A dokter tor men nit vintshn a gut yor.– Never wish a doctor a good year.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

41) One of the regions where the “Jesus Yoshka Trail” passes:

A) Mount of olives

B) Bethlehem

C) Mount Arbel

D) Kursi

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lulay-heamanti-kavey -In honor of the Month of Elul please listen and enjoy MY beautiful hartzig compostion Lulay He'amanti that we recite each morning in this month sung and arranged by Dovid Lowy.

https://youtu.be/4U101C4rLqU     Yaakov Shwekey another new release this time it’s a great new song "Fighter"

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUL1RCG_BDQ Udi Davidi has a beautiful moving new song Ata Imadi with lyrics by Chayala Neuhaus

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHErQrvvftQAnd of course you can't get into Elul without Yishai Ribbos classic Elul song..

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

King Me – Parshat Shoftim- One of the exciting mitzvos in this week's Parsha is the mitzva to establish a King. Interestingly enough the Torah tells us this mitzva with the same introduction as it does for a the mitzva of Bikkurim. It begins.

 

" Ki Tavo- When you come to the land  which Hashem your God gives to you to inherit it and to settle in it and you will say I will place on me a king like all of the nations that are around me.

 The parsha of bringing the first fruit is the beginning of Parshat Ki Tavo starts the same way but there though there is the addition of one word V'haya Ki tavo and it will be when you will come… We noted last week that the terminology of "it will be" is a language of simcha and joy. The difference between the two laws therefore would be what your intention of coming to Israel is for. If one comes to bring their first fruits to Hashem, to recognize that all we have is from His hand, His blessing then it is a moment of simcha when we come to Israel.

 On the other hand, if we are coming to Israel because we want to have a country and leaders like everyone else in the world. Sadly, in that scenario there won't be so much simcha or joy.

 But the truth is that even if that is our intent it won't make a difference, the Torah tells us. For the mitzva is

 To place a king upon you that Hashem your God will choose from amongst your brethren you shall place upon you as king.

 Our King inevitably will not be one that is inspired by the goyim around us, rather it will be one that Hashem selects for us. And even if we don't want it won't help because.

 Lo tuchal laseis alecha ish nochri asher lo achicha hu- you will not be able to place upon you a stranger who is not from your brothers.

 Eretz Yisrael is a land that is meant for us to come to reveal Hashem's glory. It needs a king down here and leader that will correspond and direct the nation to the King up in heaven. The power of Eretz Yisrael though is that even if you don't get that before you come here and you come with purely secular intentions. Ultimately after arriving Hashem tells us that we will see the light. His light. And we will understand that we will be unable to settle for anything less than the Melech Malchei Hamelachim here on this world.

 This month that King is in the field with us. By the time Rosh Hashana comes around in a few weeks may we merit to inaugurating Mashiach ben Dovid on his palace in Yerushalayim.

                                                                                                                       

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Sheva ben Bichri and Amassah- 840 BC Dovid is back home in Yerushalayim he has united the tribe of Yehudah behind him and the tribes of Israel as well had joined Dovid. Yet being that Yehudah only came after the other tribes, the tribe of Binyamin felt that they were being usurped once again by Yehudah who had only come late to the game. In this seemingly petty fight and argument enters one Sheva ben Bichri who renews the call that Dovid is an illegitimate King. Perhaps even his name Sheva is meant to connote the sin of Batsheva that he is reminding them of. The prophet had said Dovid would be usurped. Avshalom failed, so he obviously wasn't the who the Navi was reffering to. It was time for them all to join again and rebel and get rid of Dovid. And as quickly as Dovid returned to office, he was once again beset with putting down a new challenge to his kingship.

 Dovid who was seemingly still broygez at Yoav over his killing of Avshalom had appointed Avshalom's former general Yoav's cousin Ammasa as his general and he told him to take three days to marshal all of the Jews together to fight against Sheva's army which consisted of all of the tribes of Israel besides Yehuda. Ammasa however delayed. According to the Midrash he didn't want to disturb the Jews who were learning in Beit Midrash to come fight right away. After three days Dovid then calls Avishai, Yoav's younger brother and sends him out with Yoav to fight.

 They arrive at the large stone in Givon. Biblical Givon is located just north of Nebi Samuel where I like to tell this story as the the Palestinian village under Area B on the other side of separation fence. In the 1950’s there were wine vessels that actually dated back to the time of Yehoshua that said Givon on it. As well the arab name Al- Jib is reminiscent of the city name. And in fact the ancient pool is still there. Today there is jewish yishuv called Givon Hachadasha next to the Kfar. Yet it's very possible that the large stone which was like a bama- a high place of worship was not in Givon but overlooking Givon which this is a high place that does see that that even has a large carved rock there.

 By this rock Yoav spots Ammasa and he drops his sword and pretends to be coming to him unarmed. Ammasa sees him and Yoav then gives him a big hug grabbing his beard and then sticks his sword into his 5th rib and pretty much rips out his kishkas. Kind of like a gastric bypass surgery with a lot more blood and guts being disembowelled. When the other soldiers see this they are aghast at Yoav's action and the site of their former general all bloody. So they cover him up and then continue the pursuit of Sheva to the top of the north of Israel to Avel Beth Ma'acha laying siege on the city.

 This act of Yoav is one more that shows his disregard for Dovid's command and that will come back to haunt him. The lesson of Yoav is an important one that the Navi keeps repeating to us. Sometimes the talmidim or the chasidim make the fight of their Rebbi or master a personal one. They take it to places that the Rebbi never wanted it to go. That Hashem didn't want it to go. It is religious piety gone haywire and it is dangerous. Yoav will pay the price for these acts. Stay tuned next week for the battle against Sheva that will be one in an incredible way.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE SURGERY JOKES OF THE WEEK

Why do all the patients love the surgeon who is also a stand-up comic? He leaves them in stitches.

 Where did the British surgeon safeguard the organs from his donors? He kept them in Liverpool.

Why does everyone look up to surgeons who successfully help people lose weight? What they do takes guts.

 Why does everyone love cardiac surgeons? They touch so many people's hearts.

How do most surgeons get so wealthy? They take a cut after every successful surgery!

How did a junior surgeon get entry into a prestigious medical conference? He made the cut.

Where do plastic surgeons source all of the new noses from? They buy them from the olfactory.

What did the nurse tell the surgeon when he asked her how the girl who swallowed some coins was doing? We haven't seen any change yet.

Why was one patient so relieved after his brain surgery? He had said that he wasn't sure about getting brain surgery, but then the doctor helped him change his mind.

 Why was the surgeon screaming "Typhoid, Measles, Tetanus!" in the hospital hallway? He liked to call the shots.

What would a surgeon say if a patient demanded that he close his own wound? Fine, suture self

Doctor Greenberg was checking his schedule two hours before his shift was over to see how many operations he had left. "Five done, tumor to go", muttered the doctor when he saw the sheet on site!

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted his cardiologist – Dr. Simon Goldstein in his shop. Dr. Goldstein was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

Goldstein, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new."

"So how come I make such a small salary – and you get the really big bucks? You and I are doing basically the same work!"

Dr. Goldstein paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic, ''Try doing it with the engine running."

 

It's 10pm when the phone rings in Dr. Minkofsky's house. "It's Dr. Gold," says his wife, passing him the phone, "I do hope it's not another emergency."

Dr. Minkofsky takes the phone and says, "Hi, what's up?"

"Don't worry, everything's OK," replies Dr. Gold. "It's just that I'm at home with Dr. Lewis and Dr. Kosiner. We're having a little game of poker and we're short of one hand so we thought you might like to come over and join us?"

"Sure .... yes, of course," replies Dr. Minkofsky, putting on a serious voice, "I'm leaving right now." And he puts down the phone.

"What's happened?" his wife asks, with a worried look.

"It's very serious," Dr. Minkofsky replies. "They've already called three doctors."

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Answer is C- I got this wrong. I don't know if I should take that a badge of honor or not. The truth is I really was debating about the right answer. See, I knew that the trail was in the Galile. It was one of the beautiful things about the Sanhedrin trail that was established in the same area. Why do we as a Jewish country need to sell goyish bubbeh maysehs despite the Christian pilgrimage dollars that it brings in when we are here to inspire them about the reality of holiness and the teachings of our sages. So knowing that I knocked out Bethlehem and Mt. Of Olives which are obviously not in this area. I was going to go with Mt. Arbel because that is in this area, but since I didn't know any yoshka stories there- and there really aren't- So I went with Kursi which is on the other side of the Kinneret and there was some miracle with wild pigs that they made up took place there. Turns out I was wrong and the correct answer was Arbel. Oh well… There goes my streak. But If I had to break my streak at least it was on a Christian question and not on anything really important.   So the score is 32 for Rabbi Schwartz and 9 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.

 ...

Friday, August 6, 2021

The Last Chulent- Parshat Re'eh 5781 /2021

 

Insights and Inspiration

                                                                       from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

August 6th 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 43 28th Av

Parshat Re'eh

The Last Chulent

(Check out the link to my latest Mishpacha tour article below!)

                                                                              

There a few life-changing Shabossos that one has in their lives. In my life there are a few that will always stand out. The first of course was my Bar Mitzva Shabbos. It doesn't really get more life-changing than that. In one weekend I was transformed from a boy to someone who was supposed to start behaving like a man. I don't know if that ever really happened, so perhaps it's more accurate to say that I became responsible for my actions, my sins, my mitzvos, my obligations at least as far as heaven was concerned. Life-changing. I was no longer the same person as I was before that.

 Fast forward from that Shabbos about 10 years or so and I stood up there at the Bima again and they pelted me with candies as they did 10 years prior. This was my Shabbos Aufruf or Shabbat Chatan as they call it here. The coming week I would be a married man. Life would no longer just be about me. I would now have somebody else in my life to worry about me… I mean to worry about them J… It was heavy. It was intense. My bachelor party days were over. And despite being a fairly frum yeshiva guy I had an awfully good time.  I learned in Lakewood … remember. Would I ever have fun again? Would I frum out? Am I really capable of being there emotionally, materially, spiritually for another person? For her? It was scary and certainly life-changing. Schwartzy the yeshiva guy's life was certainly over.

 The next two Shabbosos really go together. The first was the Shabbos that my wife told me that she was pregnant a year or so after we were married. That was scary. This marriage thing was for real now. We officially have baggage now if it doesn't work out. Not that there were any problems, questions, doubts or surprises for me that first year. There never is any Shana Rishona which is always idyllic…. Uh huh. Remember that Yonah and Batya. But this was terrifying. There's going to be someone in my life that I'm supposed to be a role model for. That is supposed to look up to me. That I will probably have to pay a lot of money for therapy for if I mess up. When I met Shani for the first time it was even scarier. Because she was so cute and so precious. What did she do wrong in a previous life to get stuck with a Dad like me?

 When Yonah came along- and he was actually born on Shabbos it was even more scary. His Bris was on Shabbos and I'll never forget thinking what a precious gift Hashem has entrusted me with. Does He really know what he's doing leaving this precious little neshoma in my hand? My mother asked the same question by the way when she saw him… But the truth is Thank God for my wife who was and is really good at this parenting thing. And therapy really isn't as expensive as I had thought anyways. So it all turned out good.

 Yet of all of the life-changing Shabboses in my life this Shabbos is perhaps the most dramatic and terrifying for me. See, all the other ones were really emotional or status changing life transitions that came with new and different expectations, hopes and dreams. This Shabbos though is the first in my life where my life will be changing physically in a real significant way. It is the Shabbos that I have aptly named the Shabbos of the Last Chulent.

 Now I know that sounds very melodramatic. And it is. But that 's the way that I deal with things. You see, this coming Tuesday I will be going under the knife – laparoscopically of course, just continuing to be melodramatic- and having the gastric bypass stomach surgery, something I made fun of for years and that I swore I could never see myself doing. Well you know how they say that someday you're going to have to eat those words. Well it seems, that words are pretty much the only thing I'm going to be eating for a while.  Now I know that I will eventually be able to eat chulent and even most other things eventually once again in a lot of months or year, but it won't be the same. What the surgery does is pretty much leave you with a stomach the size of about an egg. From what I have heard from most of the people I have spoken to that have done it, after a half a piece of gefilte fish, a few spoons of soup, a half a drumstick or a wing or two and a sliver of kugel and a spoon or two of farfel they feel stuffed. One guy told me that after a quarter of a small bowl of chulent he feels like he ate two shwarmas. I told him that I can easily knock off three, Fuggedabout, the three of four platefuls of chulent I can easily put down on a Shabbos… And that's after the salatim soaked up with half a loaf of Challa, kugels, liver and what's for dessert thank-you-very-much. Yes, this is going to be life-changing.

 Before Corona I never really felt the need for this surgery. The truth is I never really felt that my overweight-ness or obesity hampered me at all. I was touring and running around the country every day. I was active climbing, hiking and running all over the place. Sure I knew that it was a health risk and that certainly I have plenty of lousy genes in my family that increased my risk of things I don't even want to think about and pretty much ignored. Yet, I felt fine and I was young right? At least at heart and in spirit. And the truth is I still feel that way, except that now it's only in spirit. The body has become a drag and it's not fun. And after a few friends of mine underwent scary health stuff- and they're in twice the better shape than I am- I realized the time had finally come. My eating life was over. I had nice long 50 year run and probably ate more chulent than most people have in three lifetimes.

 I know what you're thinking. Why don't you just go a diet. Uh huh… Been there- done that. I probably lost more weight in my life then my whole family weighs put together and Shani is due any day now IYH… Losing weight is easy I've done it a million times. The problem is that after you hit that plateau and nothing is coming off anymore and you still have plenty to go and you're still crunching on those carrots and passing up on the Pizza it just feels like a "waist" of time- pun intended. It's time for something dramatic. And so this Shabbos will be my last "real" Shabbos meal for a long time; at least as I have defined it until now. With my urging my wife of course has been cooking all week.

 Now as I always do at this point in the week, I open up the Torah portion and check out Hashem's always timely message that he has for me. It's why we have Parshat Ha'Shavua, to look in the Torah and read what Hashem feels we need to hear this week. And what do you know. This week's Torah portion providentially enough is probably the one with the biggest menu in the Torah. The Parsha which begins with Moshe urging us to take life seriously by looking at the blessing and curse that Hashem has laid out for us when we either follow or alternatively god forbid disobey the Torah quickly moves to the dramatic change that occurs to our our nation when we come to the land of Israel.

 However, in every desire of your soul, you may slaughter and eat meat in all your cities, according to the blessing of the Lord, your God, which He gave you; the unclean and the clean may eat thereof, as of the deer, and as of the gazelle.

 In the wilderness we could only eat sacrificial meat. In the holy land we can slaughter and redeem sacrifices that have been blemished and eat them. It then continues and tells us that really any Kosher meat can be eaten.

 When Hashem, your God, expands your boundary, as He has spoken to you, and you say, "I will eat meat," because your soul desires to eat meat, you may eat meat, according to every desire of your soul. If the place the Lord, your God, chooses to put His Name there, will be distant from you, you may slaughter of your cattle and of your sheep, which the Lord has given you, as I have commanded you, and you may eat in your cities, according to every desire of your soul.

 There's a lot of desire there it seems for the Torah and the Torah in fact sanctions and blesses it. This is in fact the verse in the Torah that is the source for the commandment to slaughter animals.  But it's not just steaks, burgers and shwarmas that the parsha concerns itself this week. It gets into the kosher birds we can eat and even the delicious fish with fins and scales that we can have with chrain and mayonnaise before we eat our chicken soup with juicy chicken pipiklach in them and of course those turkey cold cuts. Yeah… This week is the Parsha of the last Schwartz supper and Hashem has prepared a menu for me to remember.

 Yet as I read this menu, I think to myself how incredible our Torah and Judaism is. Our religion, the blessing and our lives are built around food. The first sin of Adam was eating the wrong thing and as our job in this earth is to rectify that sin by eating only that which is permitted to us. While we are in the wilderness before coming to the land of Israel we could only do that through partaking in sacrifices that had been consecrated; at least if you wanted to eat flayshigs- and who are we fooling that's the only real type of meal that counts. Upon coming into Israel we have become so elevated that our bellies themselves are like temples and altars. Our desire for food and meat is like that of the Mizbayach, it is as the desire of Hashem is for sacrifices.

 I'm reminded of the story of one of the Chasidic Rebbis (maybe it was the Tolner?) that before 1948 would regularly got to Kever Rachel and pour out his heart to Hashem in the merit of Mama Rachel. Yet after we lost access to it in the war of independence he was no longer able to come. When in 1967 it was once again liberated and Israeli control, the Rebbi returned with all of his chasidim for the first time in 19 years. Before entering though the Rebbi told his students to set up a large table laden with all the best delicacies for the Tish that he would hold before entering. He explained to his perplexed Chasidim that he did this because every Jewish child know that there is nothing that gives a Jewish Mother ore nachas then feeding her children and knowing that they are well-fed. My mother always particularly pleased with me it seems. Similarly, Hashem desires that we eat well. And if we do so and appreciate our body as one that is giving pleasure to Hashem in our eating then we have truly joined heaven and earth in the holiest way.

 At the same time though this Parsha of food gives us one major warning that it repeats as well.

 However, be strong not to eat the blood, for the blood is the soul; and you shall not eat the soul with the flesh.

 Frankly I do like my meat a little on the rare side. It's best when it's a juicy steak. Yet blood is something I really do not have a desire for. Interestingly enough Rashi brings two opinions about this blood prohibition that the Torah seems to feel the need to accentuate to us with the extra heeding of "Be strong". The opinion of Rebbi Yehudah is that the Jews have a natural propensity for foreign cuisine. We have kosher Italian, French, Indian, Japanese, Chinese and even Vietnamese restaraunts and that's on one block alone in Flatbush, Monsey and Lakewood Ir Hakodesh. In Israel they even have Ethiopian restaraunts although I don't know why. I thought there were just starving people there that would die if I didn't finish what was on my plate. So in the same way the gentiles back then ate blood food and Hashem was warning us not to get sucked into or start sucking on that to be precise.

 Rebbi Shimon Ben Azzai though tells us that most people don't like blood, the Torah is using this as an extreme example to teach us that if for the not eating of blood which we have no natural desire for we have to be careful, how much more so do we have to be careful about observing commandments that we have a natural predilection to violate.

The Gaon of Vilna though and his student Reb Chaim Volozhin though see in the end of the verse the essence of the Torah's exhortation. We should be careful not to eat our "souls" with our "flesh". Food can become an obsession. Food is meant to bring and raise our souls up however if we become to engrossed in the desire-desire-desire that the Torah repeats in permitting and even blessing us with its consummation than we can easily slide down that gastrointestinal tract to swallowing our souls up with the steaks. It becomes just about the food. It becomes just about my pleasure. We've forgotten that it's an offering to Hashem we are sanctifying. We're fressing like the Goyim according to Rebbi Yehuda, and according to Rebbi Shimon this can happen with all of the Mitzvos that we do that we enjoy as well. It's about us. It's about our belly and enjoyment and the fun and the deliciousness of it all. It's become feel-good Judaism and rather than the Feel- God Judaism it's meant to be.

 When I had my initial consultation with the surgeon he asked me if I felt that I could keep the eating regimen that the post-operation lifestyle would entail; basically eating really tiny portions of nothing for the rest of my life. I told him that of course I didn't. If I felt that I had the self-control on my own to keep that type of diet long term than I wouldn't do the surgery in the first place. The reason why I was doing the surgery was because from what I understood that once you did it you really were unable to "pack it in" like I do now. But the truth is, I told the doctor. I always intellectually and perhaps even spiritually wanted to be the person that could slowly eat and taste their food, chewing on each bite slowly and savoring the tastes and flavors of each smile bite and enjoying it and being satisfied with that, rather than just inhaling my plate as I do today. It's my hope that this process will enable me to become that type person. A person who is not swallowing his soul, but is living and appreciating Hashem and His goodness in every bite that He blesses us with. To truly experience V'Achalta, V'Savata u'veirachta- to eat even a mere kzayis and feel satisfied with it enough to thank Hashem for.

We enter the month of Elul this Shabbos. It's a month when we begin to engage in the process of teshuva. The Torah describes that work as one of being U'maltem es orlas livavchem- to circumcise the foreskin of our hearts. Our hearts are pure. We've got lots of build-up on them; a lot of extra weight that we need to remove. Our spiritual arteries are getting clogged up. I have a long way to go until I get to the spiritual heart operation, yet perhaps by starting with what's on my plate every day and elevating each bite, just as my physical heart's chances for a healthy life will be much better, my spiritual hearts will as well. As this is my first surgery ever in my life if you can keep my name Ephraim Ben Esther Baila in your prayers this coming Tuesday it would mean a lot to me. Also don't get nervous if you don't hear from me next week… I might take a brief recovery hiatus.

 Have a deliciously healthy Shabbos and spiritually healthy Rosh Chodesh Elul

 Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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TANACH TOUR OF THE JEZRE"EL VALLEY

Read and see the great stories of the books of the prophets come alive in this amazing tour

https://mishpacha.com/the-hills-are-alive-2/

 

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 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Faran dareh gvirim un fetch oremeleit.." – There are plenty of riche people that are skinny and poor ones that are fat.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

40) The beginning of Torah reading every year is in:

A) Rosh Hashana

B) Yom Kippur

C) Simchat Torah

D) Celebration of giving of the Torah – Shavuot

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/pMEWEC9UfQk   – Check out this fantastic Sampler video of my dear friend and arranger Dovid Lowy (who sang by Yonah's wedding) for his latest Acoustic album. Awesome!! I've been listening to the album all week…

https://youtu.be/Cb5_V11Uauk    Yaakov Shwekey's got a new exciting video out this week as well. Yavo Ha'Yom- He really is the king of cool videos that tell a story and brings the song to life.

 

https://youtu.be/DPF7oV8vCBo - Ari Goldwag though is certainly the king of the funnest Jewish music videos with so many having over a million hits. Get in early on this latest one Yesh Li Ha'Kol…

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/mi-adir    -  And for those of you that missed last week. Here's my Son Yonah's composition that was played for his Chuppa…beautiful Mi Adir aung and arranged by Dovid Lowy!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

The Blessing of the Curse – Parshat Re'eh- There is a famous rule our Rabbis tell us that Eretz Yisrael is only acquired with tribulations- yissurim. There's no such thing as an easy Aliyah. There will always be challenges. In fact, it's not only Eretz Yisrael, but our sages tell us that there were three things that were given to us as a present however they were only given with yissurim and that list includes Torah and Olam Ha'bah- the world to come. The question of course begs itself of why is this necessary. What type of gift is it if Hashem tells us that he's going to give us all types of pains and troubles to receive it.

 The truth is that very question as well applies to the first verse in this week's parsha which as well as last week repeatedly talks about the specialness of our holy Land and the gift, inheritance and final resting place it will serve for our nation. The Parsha begins with Moshe telling us

 "Re'eh hinei anochi nosein lifneyche hayom bracha v'klala- See that I give before you today blessing and curse.

 The bracha is if we listen to the mitzvos and commandments and if we don't listen it will be a curse. The question is though once again the terminology of "giving you" seems like it would be a present and what type of present is a curse.

 The answer though is that the curse and the tribulations are as well all blessing and they are the means of us being able to receive the gifts Hashem has for us. A gift's value is always predicated on the receiver's appreciation of it. For example if someone gives a vegetarian a nice delicious juicy steak or a good big bowl of meaty chulent it won't really do anything for them. If one gives an adult a new set of lego, if one gives a child a set of Shas or a large set of books as well, they want to know if they can have the receipt to return it. Yet if one gave me the steak, or the sefarim I would be delighted. It would be amazing!

 Similarly Eretz Yisrael, Torah and the World to Come are such lofty spiritual gifts that unless we are on the proper spiritual maturity level they would be meaningless to us. So what Hashem does is that he builds us up. He gives us yissurim- he makes it difficult. We have to work for us. We have to receive the curse and see Hashem in that and still persevere, still say we want it, still sing Ani Maamin. Recite the words that King David writes that we will begin reciting every day this month.

 Achas Sho'alti Me'eis Hashem- I have one request from You Hashem.

Shivti B'veis Hashem Kol Yemei Chayai- All I want is to dwell within Your home my entire life.

 Each time we say this. Each time we overcome the challenges before us we grow higher and higher spiritually and our appreciation of that great present of Eretz Yisrael, Torah, and the Wrold to come becomes greater and greater.

 Thus Moshe tell us that we should look at the tremendous gifts Hashem has given us through the blessing and the curse. The blessing is of course the land and the curse that he gives us raises us up to appreciate it and receive it on the highest levels. So when you move here and if you are already here keep this idea in mind. All of the blessing and curses you experience here are from Him. It's just making our present greater and greater.                                                                                                             

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Dovid Reconciles- 840 BC A good leader is one who is willing to put his personal agenda's aside and one who recognizes that his job is to unite and bring together the people and nation he represents. The failures of most political leaders is when they are furthering their own self-interests instead. Dovid exemplifies putting the people first and particularly as he brings together the nation.

 His first move is to send word to his own tribe that with Avshalom's downfall it was time for them to welcome him back and take their fellow landsman back as their King. Sure enough they came around. As well he took Ammasah who had been Yoav's general and replaced Yoav with him making him the new general and in effect pardoning him for his part in the rebellion. This would of course raise consternation in Yoav and eventually would lead to both of their downfalls.

 Next on the list was Shimi'I ben Geira who came with Ziva and Mepiboshes, Shaul's servant and his son and 1000 Benjaminites. They as well implored Dovid to forgive them. Shimi'i. explained away his dissent by stating that it was his impression that Dovid had lost the kingdom because of his sin and it was his obligation to back up Avshalom. Mepiboshes told Dovid that he wanted to come but he was tricked by Ziva who told him that he shouldn't come and being a cripple he had no way of getting there. Dovid assured both of them that he would not avenge himself on them. Although in Mepiboshes's case he does give half his possessions to Ziva, because he was still skeptical of his intentions. For this, the midrash tells us, Dovid's kingdom itself will eventually be divided after Shlomo's rule. Don't listen to Lashon Hara is the lesson here.

 Dovid as well rewards the son of Barzilai Ha'Giladi and brings him back to Jerusalem with him. With Dovid's return the Jewish people rally around him. However like most good things in Dovid's life it doesn't last for long. Next week we discuss the next rebellion of Sheva ben Bichri. 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAT AND SKINNY JOKES OF THE WEEK

Berel the portly chasid walks out of a big Shul Kiddush and turns to his skinny friend Yanky who just arrived and says: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"
Without blinking an eye Yanky responds  "when they look at you, they know why"

What did the skinny cow shed farmer say to his wife? I need to whey more

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans. I find it very difficult to pull it off.

My wife turned to me the other day and said, "You are so skinny.". Then she grabbed me by the love handles and said, "Just look at all this skin.

I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man...I am trans-fat.

I also  have a morbidly obese friend, but he identifies as skinny. He’s trans slender

What do you call a skinny Palestinian cow? A moo-slim

Everyone in my family has extremely skinny legs, so we all have to have our pants custom made. It's terribly expensive. It's those lousy skinny genes.

My son was depressed because of his obesity. "Trust me," I told him, "skinny people get down too."

"Not when you're on a see-saw with them," he said

Rachel told Leah that she decided to go on a diet. That evening when she called, Leah could hear that her mouth was full, so she asked what her sister was eating.

"A cupcake," Rachel mumbled.

“I thought you just started your diet,” said Leah.

"I did. But I got on the scale, and it read 149 1/2 pounds. I decided that was no place to start a diet, so I’m rounding it off to 150."

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live a long life. What should I do?"

"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?"

"Oh.. Half a pack a day."

"Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees.

The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"

"Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while."

 "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions."

The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"

 "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."

 "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."

 The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?"

"Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet."

The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?"

The doctor replies "I have no idea, but however long you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!

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Answer is C- This one is a freebie for any frum tour guide and the truth is even secular Israelis generally should know the answer to this question, although I wouldn't be surprised if some got this wrong. Now what this has to tour guiding, I have no idea… but I'll take the freebie. So Simchas Torah is of course the correct answer. If you didn't know that, it's time to go back to school…or yeshiva.  So the score is 32 for Rabbi Schwartz and 8 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.