A Consequential Life- Parshat Ki Teitzei 2021 /5781

Insights and Inspiration

                                                                       from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

August 20^th 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 45 12^th Elul

Parshat Ki Teitzei

A Consequential Life  

"You brought this upon yourself" she told me. She's told me that a lot over my lifetime. She's right. My mother usually is. Not that it really ever changed the way I did things…usually for the worse. But she can't help but say it. It's what mothers are there for. It's why Hashem gave us them- at least until we get married. But even after we're married He knew we still needed our mothers. He told Adam that "a man should leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife when he gets married" But He never said anything about mother's leaving their sons. He probably knew that would never happen…

 In this particular case, it was of course about me needing to have the stomach surgery I just underwent (which thank god has really been amazing- thanks to all of those of you that have checked in on me with Whatsapps and messages- lost almost 20 pounds in just this past week and half and not even hungry at all…-feels like more of a brain surgery than a stomach surgery). She was right. I did eat a lot and enjoyed eating and really had very little restraint. I just kept thinking about those poor starving children in Ethiopia that I was eating for- that she told me about. Funny how that is that some of the things she tells me I do listen to…

  But yes, she's right our actions have consequences. It's pretty much the most fundamental principle of Judaism and certainly of this month of Elul when we are meant to reflect upon our actions of the past year and really our entire lives. What we do matters. The decisions we make and actions that we take have eternal ramifications. They have the power to impact the entire world and the heavenly spheres. They can bring rain, they can bring peace, they can bring healing, they can stop and start pandemics and wars. Lives count and Jewish lives and the power that each yid has matter even more.

 This week's Parsha that is always read before Rosh Hashana this month is aptly called Ki Teitzei- when you go out. It begins with the mitzva of Ki Teitzei La'Milchama- when you will go out to war with your enemies. There it tells us that if someone in the heat of battle finds a woman that he feels the incontrollable urge that he has to take for himself, then there is a process that she and he has to undergo in order to permit her to him. It's not something the Torah seems to advise and feel it's a good thing. Quite the opposite, it is a concession, as Rashi tells us, to his yetzer hara. Yet the consequences, Rashi notes, follow in the forthcoming narratives where it tells us the laws of one who has awife he will not desire, a child that will become wayward and even the laws of capital punishment in which the executed is hung afterwards. You did this to yourself… our Father is telling us.

 But it is even more than that. For as we have noted many times in the past the title of the Parsha contains in it the essence of the entire theme of the Parsha. It's not just the convenient first word or two as we have seen many time in our studies. It's everything the Parsha is about. You just have to dig a little deeper to reveal the incredible wisdom of the millennia of Jewish custom to call the Parsha by those names. In this week's particular Parsha we find that among the multitude of the mitzvos it contains- 74 to be precise, the most of any other Parsha and 12% of all of the 613 that we are commanded - all begin with the words "ki" and many of them contain "teitzei "as well or another verb preceded by the letter "taf" meaning "you".

 Here's just a small taste but follow it through the entire parsha

 Ki- Tihiyena… shtai nashim- when you will have... two wives

Ki yihyeh ..ben sorer u'moreh- when you will have.. wayward son

Ki yihiye…cheit mishpat maves- when you will have a sin of the death penalty

Ki yikarei kan tzipor- when you will see a birds nest before you...

Ki tivneh bayis- when you will build a house

Ki yikash ish isha…when a man will take a woman…and hate her

(at least ten more mitzvos of relationships between man and woman in this parsha begin this way)

Ki teitzei machaneh al oyvecha- when you will go out and set a camp against your enemies

Ki tidor neder- when you will make a vow

Ki tavo b;Kerem rayecha- when you will come to your friend's vineyard

Ki yimatzei ish gonev nefesh- when you will find a man who has kidnapped

Ki tasheh b'rayacha- when you hold a debt against your friend

Ki tiktzor ketzircha- when you reap your harvest

Ki tachbot zeitecha- when you will beat your olive trees

Ki yihiyeh riv- when there will be a fight between men

 And on and on and on. You get the point. Have fun with your family and see if you can name all the mitzvos above.

 The point though is that this parsha is telling you that when you do something than this is what will happen. Fascinatingly enough the word "ki" doesn't only mean when it also means because. As well "teitzei" doesn't only refer to physically going out. Rather it is also euphemistically means this is what the result of what you did. Or like Yeshiva guys like to say this is what "comes out" of your actions. Thus "teitzei" can mean "because of you"- this results. Actions of have results. Things don't just happen to us here in this world. We make decisions, we do things and those things cause other things to happen. There are 74 mitzvos in this Parsha which is the same gematria as the word in Hebrew as DA- know. This is what you should know…. You did this to yourself.

 I saw a great story this week about Reb Yitzchak Elchonon Spector the Rav of Kovna the early 19^th century Halachic genius of his time who served as the leader of Klal Yisrael. The city of Kovna was known to be a holy city where as a result of the inspiration of its Rav were known to all be people of high Torah caliber that learned, studied and were renowned for their piety. Yet there was one Jew- there's always one Jew- that was different. Avraymeleh left the fold and was taken in by the wonder and teachings of the enlightenment movement that was rampant at the time. He took on the non-Jewish dress and adopted the "refined" and secular teachings and lifestyle of what was perceived to be the educated and cultured goyim of the intelligentzia of his time. He was now Anatoly and he was ostracized by the rest of community and frankly it didn't bother him too much.

 Yet one day there was a knock on his door. He was being called to Reb Yitzchak Elchonon. It seems that the local government had passed a vicious decree against the Jews as they were wont to do throughout our history in Galus. Something a lot worse than having to wear masks when they pray; sorry I just couldn't resist J. The community needed someone that was familiar with the formalities and that could present their case with the necessary social graces and sophistication that would impress them. Being that Avremeleh had been educated and revolved in those circles, he was the candidate that Reb Yitzchak Elchonon felt was best to charge with this mission. Anatoly, despite his distance from religious observance still had a yiddisheh neshoma and accepted the job wholeheartedly headed right off to speak to the right people and have the decree nullified. And he was in fact successful.

 Upon returning to the city that was filled with rejoicing, Anatoly turned to Reb Yitzchak Elchonon and said to him.

 "So you see dear Rabbi, it is good that I became the person I became. For years I had been scorned by the community, but when push comes to shove it is to me that they and you turned to utilize the skills I learned and acquired to save our city. We need Jewish lawyers and doctors and the great American Jewish lobby and influence. Are a bunch of Kollel Rabbis kvetching the bank (bench) all day really going to be able to do anything for everyone" (OK, maybe he didn't exactly say that- but you get the point)

 Reb Yitzchak Elchonon turned to Avremeleh- as he called them and he told him this story to explain why he had it all wrong. Good Rabbis always have one of those in our back pockets.

 He told him about the young man who had decided to become a wagon driver- a baal agalah- as they called Uber drivers a few centuries ago back in the shtetl. Before embarking on this new occupation he spoke to many seasoned professionals to get their tips and insights as to the challenges and secrets of how to be successful in his new career. One old timer that he spoke to though gave him very strange advice. He told him that if he was ever out there in the bitters snowy cold in the winter and he felt that his ears were freezing up, then what he should do is pick up some snow from the ground and rub it on his ears. That would ease and thaw his ears up. Whatever he does however he should certainly not put any hot or warm water on his ears as that would be very very dangerous and could cause permanent damage to himself. It seemed so strange and counterintuitive that our young wagon driver didn't really pay much attention to this advice, yet because of its bizarre nature he never forgot it as well.

 Vayavo Ha'yom- the day came after a few years when indeed that advice came in handy. Our driver was out on a snowy winter day and sure enough he felt his ears ringing and turning cold and blue. Sure enough he recalled the old timer's advice and picked up some snow and began rubbing it over his ears. Lo and behold it worked! His ears defrosted with the melting snow and he came home that night all jubilant, telling his wife about the great miracles that happened for him. His wife though wasn't too impressed. What's the great miracle? He got the advice? He was stuck in the snow and he knew what he was supposed to do? He was always a prudent person that checked out things beforehand. What was so miraculous. Her husband turned to her and said.

"The miracle was that this happened in the middle of the winter. Can you imagine if this had happened to him in July or in August? Where would he have found snow to put on his ears?!!"

 Reb Yitzchak Elchonon thus turned to Avremehleh and told him. Your convoluted logic is the same as the Baal Agala's. The only reason why Hashem decreed that this decree should befall upon our community is because you are the only one here that is not doing what they're supposed to do. For the rest of us we have the merit of our Torah study and our Mitzva observance that would stand in our good stead and protect us from any harm. It is you that brought this upon ourselves. It is the consequence of those wintery, cold snowy winds that you have brought here to the community. And thus it is that snow and the reason I chose you to utilize it to take the burn off your freezing ears!

 This month of Elul is a month of us recognizing Ki Teitzei-all of our actions, deeds and all that occurred to us this past year had consequences. Yet, at the same time that same idea empowers us in these days to rectify ourselves. To take the snow out of our ears. To do teshuva. To become better. To lift ourselves up and turn to our Father and say we're sorry and we want to come home. We want a better year. We want a year without pandemic. With tourists. With Simchas. With good health. With Mashiach. Our words and our heartfelt prayers and repentance is the only actions we need to do to achieve those totzaot chiyuviyot- those positive results that we have been waiting to realize. It's the knowledge- the hoDa'ah that Hashem tells us in the parsha of the 74 mitzvos of this week. We can bring a new era of u'malah Ha'aretz dei'ah- when the whole world is full of that knowledge. May we all be successful and have the strength in our endeavors.  

 Have a super successful Shabbos,

 Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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KINGS AND KISHKA

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 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Vayl dos lebl broyt iz kaylekhdik, geyen derfar di katshkes borves.".– Because a loaf of bread is round, therefore the ducks go barefoot.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

42) The feast of the prophet Elijah (“el-Khader”) belongs to the following community:

A) Druze

B) Ethiopian

C) Karaite

D) Samaritan

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lulay-heamanti-kavey - OK YOU REALLY ARE NOT IN THE ELUL SPIRIT UNLESS YOU"VE listened to y MY beautiful hartzig compostion Lulay He'amanti that we recite each morning in this month sung and arranged by Dovid Lowy.

https://youtu.be/h5FQvcJeWxQ – Beautiful Elul song by Yehudah Shama

 https://youtu.be/Eq8pAOAEIqA  – Aharon Razel with this catchy tune "Bnai Brak" who would've thought the city would be song worthy?

 https://youtu.be/ms7VV4VSoxQ  – Never heard this kid before but he's got lungs and the moves of someone who will be hearing from… Chaim Zippel sings Never Enough

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Prescription Country – Parshat Ki Teitzei- The first "Mitzva" in this week's relates to the woman who is captured in battle who is permissible to the soldier and a concession to his Yetzer Hara who under the extreme circumstances would have a difficult time overcoming this desire if it would be forbidden. Thus the Torah permitted her, but only with all types of qualifications that would hopefully discourage him from engaging in this relationship. In fact the Midrash tells us that the following narratives of the Torah that discuss having a wife that he will ultimately despise, wayward children and even death by hanging. If that's the case then why wouldn't the Torah forbid this relationship and be done with it?

The Telsher Rav (my father-in-laws grandfather) Reb Eliyahu Meir Bloch derives from this Mitzva a principle that sheds light on all of the Mitzvos and of course on Eretz Yisrael. He notes that each Mitzva has certain properties to it. A cause and effect that happens in the physical world as a result of the observance or the violation of the commandments. He compares the Torah working in this capacity as Doctor's prescription for what we should and shouldn't do. What's healthy for us and what isn't. What will bring us blessing and what can lead us to curse. That category though of Mitzvos though only applies in Eretz Yisrael. Mitzvos and sins in Chutz La'Aretz don’t' have any effect on the physical world or blessing and curses that happen.

 t is for this reason he notes that our Avos and Imahos kept the Torah in Eretz Yisrael only before it was given because they were able to spiritually intuit the Mitzvos and the physical ramification and consequences in observing them. Since in Chutz La'aretz there were none of these ramifications they didn't feel the need to observe them.

 There is another aspect of Mitzvos though which is that we fulfill them and observe the Torah because it is the command and will of Hashem our King Who has commanded us to keep it. This applies in Chutz la'Aretz. The Avos not being commanded obviously did not have to fulfill this, and it was thus inapplicable to them.

 The Mitzva of Yefat Torah is one which is the opposite side of the coin of the Mitzvos of Chutz La'Aretz. In the case of a captured woman Hashem never commanded us not to take her. She is technically permitted. Hashem made that concession to the Yetzer recognizing that the temptation might be too much. Yet the negative ramifications of the Mitzva are being made clear to us. It's like the surgeon General's warning on a legally bought pack of ciggerettes. It's legal, but clearly will have negative health connotations- god forbid.

 What an incredible insight the Torah shares with us this Mitzva in the beginning of the Parsha. Mitzvos and the Torah are given to us so that we can utilize it to uplift and physically change the world. So that we can reveal the blessing in the physical world when keep the Torah in Eretz Yisrael. Sure you can live in Chutz La'aretz and keep the commands of our King, and yes you can take a yefat toar- a pretty non-Jewish woman that you captured in the war. But ultimately is that what Hashem really wants from us? Is that what we became the chosen nation to do?

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL

 OF THE WEEK

Sheva ben Bichri and Amassah- 840 BC – A trip to the Northern most point of Israel our Lebanese border by the Good Fence is not complete with a nice lookout at Tatzpit Dado- named after Dado Eliezer the great 6 Day war and Yom Kippur War General of Israel. The view which overlooks the entire Hula Valley and the mountains of the Galile Panhandle/ Etzba Ha'Galil as well as the Golan Heights is a great overlook over Tel Avel Beit Ma'acha. The remains of the ancient city where Sheva ben Bichri who rebelled against Dovid met his end.

 It is here that Yoav chased him and where Sheva took refuge. Yoav laid a siege on the city and the rampart was poured in which they could climb up and charge the city walls. According to the way that Yoav saw it the whole city was culpable for providing refuge to Sheva be Bichri in his treason and rebellion against Dovid. Would the city be destroyed?

 Enter one wise woman to save the day. According to some Midrashim she was Serach the daughter of Asher who would've been a few hundred years old according to other she would've been Yocheved the mother of Moshe who would've been as well up in the multi-century age range. She scolds Yoav for not first reaching out to the city for peace before laying this siege and deciding impetuously to destroy it. She coins the phrase that has been used much since then

"Ir V'eim b'yisrael- a city and mother in Israel. This is the only place in Tanach where we find that phrase. Yoav backs down and demands that Sheva be handed over and then he will spare the city.

 This Halachic question of when an enemy camps against a city and demands that unless the person they seek be handed over for death the entire city will be destroyed is one that Jews have faced by our non-Jewish enemies throughout our generations. The story of Yoav and Sheva here serve as a prerequisite in the discussions that surround this question. All however agree that in this case where Sheva was indeed a criminal worthy of the death penalty for treason it is permitted to hand him over. The woman thus convinced the city and they killed Sheva and chucked his head over the wall to Yoav who took it and went home. Yoav thus returned the hero and was restored to his position as the general of Dovid. He will get his just desserts for his acts of killing Avshalom and Amassa but only after Dovid's death.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE TAXI JOKES OF THE WEEK

Moishe the truck driver was traveling down the freeway. A sign came up that read, "Low bridge ahead." Before he knew it, the bridge was directly ahead of him and then he got stuck under it. Cars were backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car arrived. The cop got out of his car and walked around to Moishe the truck driver, put his hands on his hips, and said, "Got stuck, huh?"

Moishe replied, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Saul Epstein was taking an oral exam in his English as a Second Language class.
He was asked to spell "cultivate," and he spelled it correctly. He was then
Asked to use the word in a sentence, and, with a big smile, responded:
"Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a Taxi, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home."

A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for his Taxi driver's license and is told he has to take an eye test. 
The examiner shows him a card with the letters: 
C Z J W I X N O S T A C Z 
"Can you read this?" the examiner asks. 
"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I know the guy!!"

My friend quit his job as a taxi driver. He got fed up with people telling him where to go.

I don't think I would like being a taxi driver. I was convinced people were talking behind my back.

3 drunk guys entered Berel's taxi. Berel, knowing that they were drunk figured he'd take advantage of them. So he started the engine and then turned it off again and said "We reached your destination" The first guy gave him money, the second guy said "thank you" then gave him money too, while the third guy slapped the Berel's across the head. Shocked and thinking the third guy had caught him in his trick and his game was up., Berel asked "What was that for?" the third guy replied "Control your speed next time, you've nearly killed us!"

I was in a taxi the other day and the driver turned to me and said, "I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do.".  Then I told him to turn right.

A man gets into a taxi at Ben Gurion airport and asks the driver to head to his hotel in Tel Aviv. The driver takes off at top speed, flying around cars. He approached a light just turning yellow and never lets off the gas.
The passenger asks the driver, "Wow, you didn't even blink at that yellow."
"Yeah, I have a regular passenger named Avi who's also a taxi driver and he told me that the chance of getting into an accident at a yellow light is pretty much zero."
A few minutes later, he gets to an intersection where the light is yellow, and just turning red as they blast through it.
"Whoa, that was a bit close," says the passenger.
"Yeah, turns out that it doesn't matter how long the light is yellow, according to Avi."
Two intersections later, and the light is just turning red as they reach the intersection. He blasts through it again.
"Wow -- that one was totally red..."
"Yeah, Avi says that the first second of a red light is basically the same as the yellow -- nobody has had time to start moving, so you're fine."
Two intersections later, and they get there just as the red light is turning green. The driver stomps on the break throwing the passenger into the glass separator.
"Why'd you do that? It was green!"
"In case Avi is going the other way."

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Answer is A- The Druze religion is a pretty secretive religion. Most of the Druze themselves  don't even know about their religion, as they actually have a choice if they want to be religious. But if they choose not to they are not allowed to learn about the secrets of their religion which they believe is very mystical" . Yet I did remember that they have a thing for Eliyahu Hanavi whom they call el khader. So I got this one right again and back on the streak again.  So the score is 33 for Rabbi Schwartz and 9 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.

Judges, Surgeons and Dreamers- Parshat Shoftim 5781 2021

 

Insights and Inspiration

                                                                       from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

August 13^th 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 44 5^th Elul

Parshat Shoftim

Judges, Surgeons and Dreamers

I had a dream last night. There were seven bowls of red, meaty chulent full of beans and potatoes with those juicy marrow bones swimming around what looked like islands of Kishka. The simmering sound was like music of what could only be described as Shabbos zemiros that emanated from the highest spiritual spheres. It was a wonder. And then it happened seven skinny doctors holding knives in one hand came in and swallowed them all up leaving in their place seven little plastic tubs of Leben (Israel's sour cream yogurt mix that tastes really horrible and should be banned). I woke up in a sweat. It was terrifying. I rolled over and went back to sleep. And then I had the second dream.

 This time it was no less terrifying. I was by a Kiddush. My son-in-law Yaakov was there and he always takes care of me. There were seven heaping plates in front of me. There was herring anc crackers, rugelach, Yerushalmi Kugel with a pickle on the side and of course smack in the middle was my personal favorite a nice juicy piece of Yapchik- which is basically what they call in Hebrew "Ovehrrrnayyt" potato kugel with a slab of beef in the middle. As I was about to dig in though once again the incomprehensible happened. All of a sudden 7 small little spoons of chicken broth came into the room and swallowed up the whole thing. What was amazing was that the spoons didn't get any fatter. They just stayed the same frail pathetic brothy color. I woke up and didn't need Yosef to interpret my dream. It was my new reality. Hello Rabbi- Post-Gastric-Bypass- surgery Schwartz welcome to your new life…

 The truth is jokes and dreams aside it really has been a pretty fascinating experience this whole surgery thing. I'll admit I was a little nervous when the guy started shaving my belly. It kind of meant this was going to be for real. Lying there on the table and being rolled into the room, I envisioned a cow being taking to the slaughter, strapped down, helpless, bright lights shining in my eyes. They gave me that oxygen mask and I offered my final words of prayer and the next thing I knew I was groggy back in my hospital room. It was over. I was born again. Thank god I really didn't have any pain or even sores. The weird thing was that I didn't feel hungry at all. By Thursday when they released me it had been like three days since I last ate and frankly I really didn't feel like I needed to eat at all. As I write this on FridayI 've had about a few spoons of that Leben stuff, a Jello cup and two cups of chicken broth and I really do feel that I have to force myself to eat. It's very bizarre. I'm kind of like Moshe up in heaven I don't think it will go forty days and nights though.

Now I'll admit I've always been the one to say that not being hungry is never an excuse not to eat. What does hungry have to do with eating anyways? Which is probably the reason why I am where I am today. And the truth is I certainly was eyeing that packet of wafers on the kitchen table yesterday and I really did dream of food. But I don't know how to explain it. It's as if this surgery put some type of switch on my brain that is telling me. As good as it looks and might seem. You really don't want it. You're just fine without it. It's trayf and at least for the meantime it's working. It's kind of like what our sages tell us that during the second temple the Rabbis got together and removed the Yetzer Hara for Idolatry. That's all it took one little snooze under the lapscropic knife of Dr. Asaliya and it was all gone.

I really wasn't sure if I would write something this week or not, but so many of you E-Mailed, Whatsapped, and even donated money and sponsorships for my refuah shlaima that really touched me. As well I opened up the first verse of this week's Parsha and whadaya know Hashem didn't force me to go too far to find a tie in and an incredibly inspiring idea for myself and all of us as we enter this month of Elul.

The Parsha begins with the seemingly grammatically incorrect commandment of the establishment of Judges and enforcement officers.

 Shoftim V'Shotrim Titein Lecha B'Chol She'arecha- You shall place judges and officers in all of your gates

Asher Hashem Elokecha Nosein Lecha- That Hashem your God has given you.

V'shaftu es Ha'am Mishpat Tzedek- and they will judge the nation a righteous judgement.

 In English the grammatical "error" is not noticeable because in English "you" can mean both singular and plural. In Hebrew though, "you" singular is lecha while "you" plural is lachem. Seemingly the commandment here is one that is a national one. No individual can appoint judges or officers. The end of the verse even tells us that this so they will judge the nation. So technically speaking the verse should really read

 Shoftim V'Shotrim titnu lachem b'chol she'areichem asher Hashem Elokeichem Nosein Lachem.

 From here Reb Chaim Vital, The Shela Hakodesh and most classic Chasidic sefarim derive that the Torah in this verse in in fact referring to each Jew individually. We each have our own personal gates into our body and our souls and we each need to place judges and officers that will protect ourselves and ensure that we are living just and spiritually healthy lives.

 In fact the Reb Shlomo Sobel one of the old Yerushalmi Darshanim in his work Shloma Chadasha points out that if you take the letter "pei" out of the word shoftim-judges and the letter "reish" out of the word Shotrim-officers then you are left with the words shotim and shotim- fools and fools. The Pei and the Reish spell Par which means cow. He suggests that this is a hint to Torah. For the Talmud tells us that one that dreams about an Ox will be blessed with children that will be goring one another in Torah like an oxe. ( I wonder if that applies to one who dreams about steaks… Hmmmm). He brings other places as well where we see that cow is a euphemism used by our Rabbis for Torah. Thus if one appoints judges and officers with Torah then it's good it not then they will be fools and fools.

 Similarly when it comes to appointing the judges and officers over our own personal gates. The Nesivos Shalom explains these gates in various ways. The Zohar tells us that there are 7 gates in our face to our bodies and souls. The 2 eyes, ears and nostrils and the mouth. Upon each of these we have to appoint both judges and officers. The function of a judge is to determine intellectually what is the ruling. Is this good for me, is this bad? Should I be looking at this, should I be eating this? Is this something I should be listening to or even smelling? Yet as we all now judges can rule from today until tomorrow what we need to do or shouldn't be doing, but without a justice system that will enforce those rulings there is little chance of the laws being carried out. You can beg, plead, and have all types of information and educational campaigns about wearing masks or getting vaccines, but at the end of the day nobody is wearing them until you start handing out tickets. For better or for worse.

Thus we need officers for our bodies and our gates. We need to draw red lines that we cannot cross. They can be filters, they can be making sure not to go to certain places, to associate with certain people. They can time spend studying and learning the areas that we know that we are weak in. They don't have to be as dramatic as going under the knife and knocking your stomach down to the size of an egg. They shouldn't be as dramatic as that in fact. But we need to do it.  Our eyes, our mouths, our ears all are at risk of seeing, talking and hearing things we know they shouldn't. We need to appoint judges to discern those things and then the enforcers that will make sure we are protected.

 There is another interpretation of the idea of the personal gates that we have that the Nesivos Sholom points out. The idea of a gateway is that it is a point that we pass through to get from point A to Point B. In time we have gateway moments as well. Erev Shabbos is the gateway to Shabbos. Shabbos is the gateway to all of the blessing for the entire week. As well annually. Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are the gateways to the new Year and all of its decrees and things that will happen to us. Elul the month we have entered this week and the week where we always read this parsha of Shoftim is the gateway to Rosh Hashana. For it is on this gateway of Elul that we are each commanded to appoint our own personal judges and officers. It's a month not only of introspection when we review our actions, our weaknesses and our failings, but one where we also begin already appointing officers and putting measures into place to make sure that they won't occur anymore. That we will be better. That we will become the people we want to be. The people that sees in ourselves "Asher Hashem Elokecha nasan lach- That Hashem has given us everything. He is our God. The gifts we have are all his blessing. He is with us to make us better. That is the message of this month. It's what we need to do to ensure the perfect judgement.

 As I said last week, I have a long way to go to remove all of those extra unhealthy pounds physically and spiritually that I have to remove. But one thing is certain is that this Elul will certainly be one for me that is more mindful than I have ever been before. I have judges and officers all over what I'm putting in my mouth and what is coming in my belly. It is my hope that I have the inner personal strength to establish the personal boundaries and lines that are necessary to continue becoming the best Hashem has made me to be. If I do and we all do then maybe the dreams that we all will have of a better redeemed world will finally happen.

 Have a dreamy Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 WE'RE BACK IN MISHPACHA MAGAZINE AGAIN!!!

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TANACH TOUR OF THE JEZRE"EL VALLEY

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https://mishpacha.com/the-hills-are-alive-2/

 

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" A dokter tor men nit vintshn a gut yor.– Never wish a doctor a good year.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

41) One of the regions where the “Jesus Yoshka Trail” passes:

A) Mount of olives

B) Bethlehem

C) Mount Arbel

D) Kursi

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lulay-heamanti-kavey -In honor of the Month of Elul please listen and enjoy MY beautiful hartzig compostion Lulay He'amanti that we recite each morning in this month sung and arranged by Dovid Lowy.

https://youtu.be/4U101C4rLqU     – Yaakov Shwekey another new release this time it’s a great new song "Fighter"

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUL1RCG_BDQ – Udi Davidi has a beautiful moving new song Ata Imadi with lyrics by Chayala Neuhaus

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHErQrvvftQ – And of course you can't get into Elul without Yishai Ribbos classic Elul song..

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

King Me – Parshat Shoftim- One of the exciting mitzvos in this week's Parsha is the mitzva to establish a King. Interestingly enough the Torah tells us this mitzva with the same introduction as it does for a the mitzva of Bikkurim. It begins.

 

" Ki Tavo- When you come to the land  which Hashem your God gives to you to inherit it and to settle in it and you will say I will place on me a king like all of the nations that are around me.

 The parsha of bringing the first fruit is the beginning of Parshat Ki Tavo starts the same way but there though there is the addition of one word V'haya Ki tavo and it will be when you will come… We noted last week that the terminology of "it will be" is a language of simcha and joy. The difference between the two laws therefore would be what your intention of coming to Israel is for. If one comes to bring their first fruits to Hashem, to recognize that all we have is from His hand, His blessing then it is a moment of simcha when we come to Israel.

 On the other hand, if we are coming to Israel because we want to have a country and leaders like everyone else in the world. Sadly, in that scenario there won't be so much simcha or joy.

 But the truth is that even if that is our intent it won't make a difference, the Torah tells us. For the mitzva is

 To place a king upon you that Hashem your God will choose from amongst your brethren you shall place upon you as king.

 Our King inevitably will not be one that is inspired by the goyim around us, rather it will be one that Hashem selects for us. And even if we don't want it won't help because.

 Lo tuchal laseis alecha ish nochri asher lo achicha hu- you will not be able to place upon you a stranger who is not from your brothers.

 Eretz Yisrael is a land that is meant for us to come to reveal Hashem's glory. It needs a king down here and leader that will correspond and direct the nation to the King up in heaven. The power of Eretz Yisrael though is that even if you don't get that before you come here and you come with purely secular intentions. Ultimately after arriving Hashem tells us that we will see the light. His light. And we will understand that we will be unable to settle for anything less than the Melech Malchei Hamelachim here on this world.

 This month that King is in the field with us. By the time Rosh Hashana comes around in a few weeks may we merit to inaugurating Mashiach ben Dovid on his palace in Yerushalayim.

                                                                                                                       

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Sheva ben Bichri and Amassah- 840 BC – Dovid is back home in Yerushalayim he has united the tribe of Yehudah behind him and the tribes of Israel as well had joined Dovid. Yet being that Yehudah only came after the other tribes, the tribe of Binyamin felt that they were being usurped once again by Yehudah who had only come late to the game. In this seemingly petty fight and argument enters one Sheva ben Bichri who renews the call that Dovid is an illegitimate King. Perhaps even his name Sheva is meant to connote the sin of Batsheva that he is reminding them of. The prophet had said Dovid would be usurped. Avshalom failed, so he obviously wasn't the who the Navi was reffering to. It was time for them all to join again and rebel and get rid of Dovid. And as quickly as Dovid returned to office, he was once again beset with putting down a new challenge to his kingship.

 Dovid who was seemingly still broygez at Yoav over his killing of Avshalom had appointed Avshalom's former general Yoav's cousin Ammasa as his general and he told him to take three days to marshal all of the Jews together to fight against Sheva's army which consisted of all of the tribes of Israel besides Yehuda. Ammasa however delayed. According to the Midrash he didn't want to disturb the Jews who were learning in Beit Midrash to come fight right away. After three days Dovid then calls Avishai, Yoav's younger brother and sends him out with Yoav to fight.

 They arrive at the large stone in Givon. Biblical Givon is located just north of Nebi Samuel where I like to tell this story as the the Palestinian village under Area B on the other side of separation fence. In the 1950’s there were wine vessels that actually dated back to the time of Yehoshua that said Givon on it. As well the arab name Al- Jib is reminiscent of the city name. And in fact the ancient pool is still there. Today there is jewish yishuv called Givon Hachadasha next to the Kfar. Yet it's very possible that the large stone which was like a bama- a high place of worship was not in Givon but overlooking Givon which this is a high place that does see that that even has a large carved rock there.

 By this rock Yoav spots Ammasa and he drops his sword and pretends to be coming to him unarmed. Ammasa sees him and Yoav then gives him a big hug grabbing his beard and then sticks his sword into his 5^th rib and pretty much rips out his kishkas. Kind of like a gastric bypass surgery with a lot more blood and guts being disembowelled. When the other soldiers see this they are aghast at Yoav's action and the site of their former general all bloody. So they cover him up and then continue the pursuit of Sheva to the top of the north of Israel to Avel Beth Ma'acha laying siege on the city.

 This act of Yoav is one more that shows his disregard for Dovid's command and that will come back to haunt him. The lesson of Yoav is an important one that the Navi keeps repeating to us. Sometimes the talmidim or the chasidim make the fight of their Rebbi or master a personal one. They take it to places that the Rebbi never wanted it to go. That Hashem didn't want it to go. It is religious piety gone haywire and it is dangerous. Yoav will pay the price for these acts. Stay tuned next week for the battle against Sheva that will be one in an incredible way.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE SURGERY JOKES OF THE WEEK

Why do all the patients love the surgeon who is also a stand-up comic? He leaves them in stitches.

 Where did the British surgeon safeguard the organs from his donors? He kept them in Liverpool.

Why does everyone look up to surgeons who successfully help people lose weight? What they do takes guts.

 Why does everyone love cardiac surgeons? They touch so many people's hearts.

How do most surgeons get so wealthy? They take a cut after every successful surgery!

How did a junior surgeon get entry into a prestigious medical conference? He made the cut.

Where do plastic surgeons source all of the new noses from? They buy them from the olfactory.

What did the nurse tell the surgeon when he asked her how the girl who swallowed some coins was doing? We haven't seen any change yet.

Why was one patient so relieved after his brain surgery? He had said that he wasn't sure about getting brain surgery, but then the doctor helped him change his mind.

 Why was the surgeon screaming "Typhoid, Measles, Tetanus!" in the hospital hallway? He liked to call the shots.

What would a surgeon say if a patient demanded that he close his own wound? Fine, suture self

Doctor Greenberg was checking his schedule two hours before his shift was over to see how many operations he had left. "Five done, tumor to go", muttered the doctor when he saw the sheet on site!

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted his cardiologist – Dr. Simon Goldstein in his shop. Dr. Goldstein was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

Goldstein, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new."

"So how come I make such a small salary – and you get the really big bucks? You and I are doing basically the same work!"

Dr. Goldstein paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic, ''Try doing it with the engine running."

 

It's 10pm when the phone rings in Dr. Minkofsky's house. "It's Dr. Gold," says his wife, passing him the phone, "I do hope it's not another emergency."

Dr. Minkofsky takes the phone and says, "Hi, what's up?"

"Don't worry, everything's OK," replies Dr. Gold. "It's just that I'm at home with Dr. Lewis and Dr. Kosiner. We're having a little game of poker and we're short of one hand so we thought you might like to come over and join us?"

"Sure .... yes, of course," replies Dr. Minkofsky, putting on a serious voice, "I'm leaving right now." And he puts down the phone.

"What's happened?" his wife asks, with a worried look.

"It's very serious," Dr. Minkofsky replies. "They've already called three doctors."

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Answer is C- I got this wrong. I don't know if I should take that a badge of honor or not. The truth is I really was debating about the right answer. See, I knew that the trail was in the Galile. It was one of the beautiful things about the Sanhedrin trail that was established in the same area. Why do we as a Jewish country need to sell goyish bubbeh maysehs despite the Christian pilgrimage dollars that it brings in when we are here to inspire them about the reality of holiness and the teachings of our sages. So knowing that I knocked out Bethlehem and Mt. Of Olives which are obviously not in this area. I was going to go with Mt. Arbel because that is in this area, but since I didn't know any yoshka stories there- and there really aren't- So I went with Kursi which is on the other side of the Kinneret and there was some miracle with wild pigs that they made up took place there. Turns out I was wrong and the correct answer was Arbel. Oh well… There goes my streak. But If I had to break my streak at least it was on a Christian question and not on anything really important.   So the score is 32 for Rabbi Schwartz and 9 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.

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