Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Friday, July 12, 2024

Snake Tzoris - Parshat Chukas 2024 5784

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

July 12th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 38 6th of Sivan 5784

Parshat Chukas

Snake Tzoris 

I felt like I was having a conversation with Iyov (Job for all you bibliophiles). The first time I met Sivan was by her sister’s house. She was holding her sister’s hand and hugging her as her sister was telling us about her son who was kidnapped from the Nova festival. It was clear from the start that Sivan had taken upon herself to be the lifeline for this family. There was no one else, she told me. Her brother-in-law had left years before without giving a Get. He only reappeared to take half of the pathetically minimal amount of money the government is giving them to support themselves. Her sister wasn’t functioning, and neither was her remaining nephews. The older one was suffering from depression before this started and the younger 12-year-old, Ziv, was obviously having behavioral problems with all of this going on, while his mother pretty much hasn’t moved mentally and emotionally since October 7th. How could she? Her sister’s family thus became hers. That was the first time I met her.

 Upon our second meeting, she told me a bit more about her own life. I learned that she herself had three children, one with special needs. As well her own husband had been attacked at work almost two years ago and is pretty much suffering severe PTSD and hasn’t worked and barely leaves the house as well. The support of the family pretty much had fallen upon her and now with her sister’s family on her head as well, it was becoming almost impossible for her to keep her job. Her in-laws did have money, however they were involved in all types of not nice things and had pretty much not only have never given them money but controlled their lives in many toxic ways. It was only on the third meeting that she told me that the toxicity caused her one of her husband’s brothers to commit suicide, while of the other two brothers one identified with an “alternative lifestyle and the other had become chareidi. Her own husband, she shared at this third meeting, probably also has been suffering from his own identity and proclivity crisis in the 18 years of marriage to him which has seen him going from extreme to extreme. Dysfunctional is too light of a word.

 I didn’t think it could get worse, but it did. On the fourth meeting she shared how her own brother was killed by gangsters when she was 12. He was her light and beacon. That was the conversation we had when she was showing me how she had rats running around her kitchen because the ceiling and walls were rotting away from mold. Did I mention that her daughter had been abused, and that she used to have a good job within the past from where she was fired because of overtures and harassment of her employer, that she even in her most vulnerable state was able to escape from? Do you now understand what it means when I tell you that I felt like I was talking to Iyov? And I haven’t even shared with you all of it, if you can believe that. I told her that her name shouldn’t have been Sivan it should’ve been Av.

 She answered me though and said, that the truth is she wouldn’t be opposed to that name change. Because through this all she felt and feels that she does have an Av. That Hashem is incredibly there with her. It didn’t make sense to me, how she was still walking around and functioning, and she told me that was precisely why she felt the way she did and answered me as such. It doesn’t make sense. It’s not human. It’s not normal. It’s miraculous that she is still able to smile, to be happy, to appreciate her children, her breath, but most of all Hashem. It’s because she sees, how Hashem steps in right when it gets too much. She doesn’t know what she did in a previous life to deserve the struggles and challenges that Hashem has put her through. But she understands and feels Him enough to know that He is there. She is in His Hands. She talks to Him. Her motto is

 Shelach yehavcha el Hashem- throw out your needs, your desires, your wants to Hashem,

Vehu Yechalkeleka- and He will provide.

 The fact that I was standing there with a check for 9000 shekel for her kitchen, that I was able to put together in my one day status campaign, was another proof of that to her. Our paths shouldn’t of and never would’ve never crossed. It was a miracle. It was her Father in heaven providing. She was His tool to bring Klal Yisrael together, as it seems His game plan has been this past year. His final end game plan. The plan before we all come home to Eretz Yisrael and build Him His Home here. And get the rats out of His kitchen as well…

 How does someone, who to be truthful is not even fully observant and not having been raised in “our schools”, have so much faith? Be such a source of inspiration and Mussar to me. How are most of those that I meet not that different in that level of bitachon and feeling of Hashem, that I wish I could always have, that they are living and experiencing? Where does it come from? How do we all get there? The answer this week’s Parsha aptly called Chukas, which means inexplicable laws or decrees, tells us in various different narratives, that took place in our last year or two in the wilderness before we entered Eretz Yisrael for the first time.

 The Parsha begins with the laws of Para Aduma, the red heifer whose ashes mixed with mayim Chayim- living waters, are sprinkled on those that are impure and suffering from the tumah of coming in contact with the dead. Its placement here in our parsha, despite its laws having been given and already enacted long before, back in the book of Shemos when the Mishkan was built, or even perhaps more appropriately in Vayikra where all of the Temple ritual and purity laws are mentioned, is because if you had to knock our stay in the midbar down to two words they would be Parah Aduma. For 38 years since the story of the spies it’s pretty much all we did.

 Every year another generation of 20–60-year-old men died from that death sentence. It was tumah. It was mourning. It was death and purification from it. It was the the holiest and most pure kohen becoming tamey themselves, as they helped and sprinkled the ashes on those that had lost their loved ones. It was taking the reddest most alive looking cow, and turning it to ashes, and then having life and purity rise from there. It’s a chok. It’s unexplainable. Death is that way. Yet Ha’Makom  yenachem eschem- It is in mourning that we feel Hashem’s place is right next to us. From that level  and place of impurity the world of holiness and purity once we are turned to ash and brought back to life becomes revealed.

 The parsha continues with not just the loss of our loved ones, but of our leaders as well. When Miriam dies our spiritual water dries up. She sang for us at the sea. She saw redemption, when her brother Moshe was cast as a baby into the crocodile filled Nile. We drank from her waters for forty years. And now she was gone. We were thirsty. It was unbearable. So we turned to our eyes to Moshe and begged and complained. We threw unto him our wants, our fears and blamed Moshe for putting us here. But we were wrong. It wasn’t Moshe. It was Hashem. It was too Him that we need to throw our wants.

 Hashem is not just Moshe, Miriam and Aharon’s Father. He’s not just Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov’s God. We are His children too. He’s not there for us because of nepotism, our yichus, or holy protektzia. As well, it’s not even because we are righteous or our  good deeds, Torah or chesed. He’s our Av. And we just need to turn to Him and say please Daddy, and He will provide. Moshe didn’t bring us there, Hashem did. It doesn’t make sense. Our suffering is a chok. But once we understand that we are in His hands, that we are purified by burnt ashes, then we uncover the living water that can flow in our own merits. That the kitchen works because the Master plumber is the one holding the faucet.

Moshe was meant to show us that by talking to the rock and putting down the staff. Yet he didn’t and  thus Hashem’s name wasn’t sanctified. Aharon was as well guilty. His guilt really goes back to his part in the golden calf, the “child” of the Red Heifer that started this mess that needs to be cleaned up. The mess has always been and continues to be “why did you take us out of Egypt?”How will or can we survive?”. “Who will provide for us?”. We need a calf, we need water, we need quail, we need Biden, we need Bibi, we need missiles and weapons, we need Trump. The Red Heifer is the cleanup crew of that mess. It’s ashes. It’s inexplicable. It’s purity from the impure. It’s life from death. It’s understanding that Hashem is the One who took us out. That He is the one that is bringing us Home. That 40 years in the wilderness comes from Him. That Amalek and Sichon and Og come from Him. That Hamas Hezbollah, October 7th, poverty, destruction, burnt houses, hostages, bad husbands and horrible childhoods are all from Him. And that there is a plan. A Plan. His Plan. It’s good and we won’t understand. We’re not meant to. We just have to know that there isn’t anyone beside Him and He’s there with us. Any One.

 It’s hard to see that plan. To a large degree we are all hostages. We have been captured and imprisoned by the false conception that we have some control. That we need Moshe, Aharon and Miriam to be there for us. That we are lost without them. In fact, right after Aharon dies, Amalek attacks and we are told that they take a hostage. Rashi tells us it is one poor maidservant, the Targum and other commentaries talk about many, many, hostages and captives, which seemingly is more reasonable. Whoever heard of having only one hostage, captive or Prisoner of War?

 I saw an incredible insight that understands this biblical hostage story as being more homiletic. There was one “poor maidservant” in each of our hearts and minds that was held hostage by Amalek. It was the “maidservant” perhaps that saw Hashem’s hand at the splitting of the Sea, and who’s faith we had lost and forgotten that vision. The hostage was our conception that we can’t make it. That sense of hopelessness. That feeling that we are trapped in a tunnel underground, and no one cares, and no one will come to save us. It’s one hostage concept that took over everyone.

 Amalek had stolen and captured our faith and knowledge that Hashem is within us. That we have a Father that has orchestrated all of this for us. They attacked us, just as they did after the splitting of the Sea, once again, the Torah tells us, not only when Aharon dies, but when they saw that we were going the way of “atarim- the sites”. They saw that we were back to the spies’ path again when we thought we were in, or had at least some, control. These were the same Amalekites that wiped out the Ma’apilim- the ones that tried to go up without on Hashem, on their own the day after the decree of the spies. It was in the same place. Before entering Israel, we had to destroy that ideology. We wiped them out ad chorma- until their final destruction. We turned them to ashes, redeemed the hostage, and were ready to march further. It’s fascinating that it’s called Chorma- destruction both when the ma’apilim are killed and when Amalek is killed 38 years later. Because in both stories the conception that we can’t do it without Hashem was destroyed and His name was sanctified.

 Yet, it still wasn’t over. There was a temporary relief and celebration when those hostages came back, but the the war wasn’t over yet. Hashem turned us back. We started heading back to Egypt. We marched from right outside Israel by Arad, all the way back down to Eilat. This is the wrong way. Oh no… not again. There are no living waters left. How much manna can we eat? Hashem, make this thing over already! It’s insanity. It doesn’t stop. It’s the tzorus of Iyov. How long can we deal with this middas ha’din- this strict Divine judgement of Elokim, we cry out. Fascinatingly enough Hashem responds perplexingly with His merciful name, (yud- hei- vav- hei) and sends snakes to destroy us.

 Do you know what a snake is? It’s the creature that has no flavor in life. It has no connection to Hashem. It eats earth and there’s plenty of it all over. It is his curse, because in the original sin, he seduced Chava/Eve by telling her that “we could be like gods”. We can have control. That a bite from that sweet looking tree of knowledge, of science, of technology, military strategy, of self-worth will give us the steering wheel to be the deciders of our own destiny. That our ego is what will raise up from the ashes. But it doesn’t. It just throws down to crawl on the ground. The merciful Hashem sent those snakes to us to attack us and purify us. The venom that they spewed into us and that we in turn spewed forth, would be healed when Moshe put the snake on a stake and we looked up and beyond that. We realized that the snake is not healing or killing. It’s not Hamas. It’s not my boss. It’s not the media. It’s not Bibi. We’re mistaklin klapey ma’aalah- the Baal Ha’Tanya explains, that we look beyond the snake and rather to its Source. Where it comes from. Who sent it. And then we are mishtabdin es libam- then we finally turn our hearts and dedicate them to Hashem. To our Father in heaven. L’Avihem She’bashamayim.

 Our holy mystical works tell us that the gematria for the word nachash- snake in Hebrew is the same as Mashiach; 358. The era of Mashiach will be the one that turns around that snake. That fixes that original sin. It is a time when Amalek will be destroyed. When each Jew at every level and orientation who has had their faith taken hostage in some capacity-and in truth we are all tinokos she’nishbu in some way or another- will have that faith returned and restored. That we become purified with the acceptance of that chukas ha’torah. That we understand that our job here isn’t to understand, rather it’s to understand that we don’t need to understand. We are here rather just to know. Just to feel. To reveal. And once we do that, Hu Yichalkeleka- He will provide us with all that we need. 

 Have an inexplicably relaxing and rejuvenating Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 ************************

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Tzoris mit yoych iz gringer vi tzoris on yoych.”.- Troubles with soup is easier than troubles without soup.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

13. The Burma Road, which was built during the War of Independence, was

designed to bypass ________.

Where was Abd al-Qadir al-Husseini killed?

A. Nabi Samuel

B. Qastel

C. Deir Yassin

D. San Simon

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/good-shabbos  It’s been a while since I posted my Good Shabbos song… Missed it… I just love it…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_cE-N7xbTQ Gorgeous Yanky Hill Ten Lichyot

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz9pnb2pvwM  –  Oh Rebbe… for the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s yartzeit…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZgUNvpy100    - Matisyahu, Alex Clare, And TYH new song spread light!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZF4I87Bxts -  Mamish at the End can’t stop singing this song!!!


RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

 Powerful Prayers- There are some prayers that are more powerful than others. Obviously the more heartfelt that ones prayers are the more they have the power to achieve. There are as well certain times that are more appropriate and Hashem is more accepting of our prayers. Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashana, under the Chuppa times when the gates of heaven are open wider than usual. There are even people that have more powerful prayers and the ear of Hashem. The torah tells us about the cries of widows, orphans, of the most righteous people. Yet there is one fantastic powerful prayer that we find in this week’s parsha that really can be revolutionary. It is a prayer that Rashi tells us one who doesn’t offer it is just plain old cruel.

 Our parsha tells us about how the Jewish people once again complain against Moshe and bad mouth him. It’s par for the course. Hashem brings a plague of snakes and the Jews come running like we always do back to Moshe and beg him for forgiveness and asks him to daven for them.

The Torah tells us that Moshe then prays for the nation and Hashem tells him how to stop the plague. Rashi, quoting our sages tells us on that verse that we learn out from Moshe that one should never be cruel and not forgive. It’s a strange Rashi because seemingly we find other places where it doesn’t seem like Moshe bore a grudge against the Jewish people and even davened on their behalf. He loves us. As well there are other people such as Avraham that we find daven on behalf of those that wronged him like Avimelech. What makes this source so special?

 As well and perhaps finally, why are you considered cruel if you don’t forgive. And who says Moshe forgave over here. Maybe he just still held a grudge but even so he prayed for them. The answer though is perhaps that question. Meaning that Moshe here prayed with power of forgiveness. He turned to Hashem and said I’m willing to overlook and forgive them for my slight, can’t You do the same. That prayer of Moshe for the people is what was answered over here. He came to Hashem with his forgiveness and turned that itself into a prayer. It is one thing to forgive someone and even do something to save them, but it is another to be able to turn to Hashem and turn all of that hurt that you suffered from someone into the tool that will save them. That’s true forgiveness. Why is it cruel not to forgive? Why does that make me a cruel person, just because I still feel hurt.

 The answer is because the person asked forgiveness. He apologized. He regretted and there’s nothing more he can do to take away the pain. To a large degree he’s helpless. Because he still stands guilty and awaiting a terrible faith and there’s nothing he can do about it. But there is something you can do. Yu can forgive him. You can save him. You’re obligated to save him. In fact you are the only person in the world that has that power because it is only your prayer that has forgiveness for him that can remove the heavenly decree. And to not give that to him is cruel.

 Do you know what the most powerful prayer is? It’s the prayer that you can offer on behalf of someone who has done something wrong to you and that is suffering perhaps because of a judgement in heaven as a result of that. If you can daven for them.  If you can have in mind those that are perhaps making decrees against you, that are decrying and blasting you in the press, on the media, that are trying to do you wrong. And you daven for them, then you are not just a righteous person, but it is cruelty not to do so. This is not a simple task. It takes a lot of thought and inner reflection. Powerful tools generally do require that. But if you can do that then we have the nuclear prayer that can hopefully bring Mashiach.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

701 BC- Sickness, Scrolls and Snakes– Around the time of the great miracle of the wiping out by an angel of the army of Sancherev, Chizkiya fell deathly ill. I say around the time, because as usual there’s a debate if it was before or after amongst our sages. Next week we’ll talk about why this happened to Chizkiya, but because of the timeliness of the parsha of the week, I want to first preempt that with what Chizkiya could’ve and should’ve and didn’t do to get healed. There are important lessons for us as usual.

 Now the first thing is to find out why this is happening to you. Now we today have no clue why things happen or don’t, and always be sacred of Rabbis that tell you that they know… But back then there were prophets. Their job was to do exactly that. Warn the people, rebuke us and tell us how to avoid impending doom, and how Hashem’s temperature with us was holding. Chizkiya had the benefit of one of the greatest prophets of the time who had been a prophet for the past few kings already. None other than his cousin Yeshaya. Yet it seems there was some type of power struggle between the two, that our sages point out. I wouldn’t actually call it a power struggle, as we’re talking about two of the holiest and most humble people in our history and certainly of that era. It was really a matter of protocol. Who should come to who? The Mountain to Muhammed or vice vers. L’havdil elef havdalos of course.

  Yeshaya felt that Chizkiya should come to him as we found that King Yehoram came to Elisha. On the other hand, Chizkiya claimed that we’ve found that Eliyahu came to Achav. This wasn’t an honor thing. They both had roles that halachically they were not allowed to forgive the honor of. As Yeshaya was appointed by Hashem and Chizkiya. by the nation. So Hashem settled it and made Chizkiya. sick and then Yeshaya had a mitzva of bikur Cholim to him. All good…

 The next solution that Chizkiya had would’ve been to utilize some one or two of the incredible tricks that Klal Yisrael had in our back pocket until his kingship. The first was medicine. See, Shlomo Ha’Melech, the wisest of all men had written a book on how to cure any sickness. The book was in the hands of doctors until that generation and people would go to them to healed. Chizkiya though saw that as a lack of faith in Hashem, and too much in the doctors. After-all the book was a cure-all for everything. And when Doctors get it right all the time, people stop turning to Hashem. So Chizkiya hid the book, and the Talmud tells us our sages said this was a good thing.

 Now although the above pshat I just mentioned in what this wonderous book was seems to be the mainstream opinion of Rashi and the Ramban and others. The Rambam in the Moreh Nevuchim literally goes to town on those that say this pshat (calling them idiots, fools, something that could only be said with someone without any modicum of intelligence and words that are full of lies and frivolities- yeah… now tell me what you really think…). He takes such umbrage because he feels that if there’s a cure that makes sense it would be tantamount to murder to hold it back from someone, like starving them to death, because you’re scared they may not thank Hashem for it afterwards. Thus his approach is that this book was either amulets and kameya mystically based and its usage was really written as a book of wisdom by Shlomo to understand how the universe works in these ways. Alternatively, he suggests that it was written to understand the way that idolators worshipped utilizing all types of herbs and spices, and probably Chinese medicines as well, that were poisonous and how to be cured from it. And Chizkiya. saw that people were using these things practically and thus he banned and hid it. So that was out for him.

 The final shot Chizkiya had, as I said, was to utilize what is mentioned in this week’s Torah portion the mystical copper snake of Moshe Rabbeinu that stopped the plague in our parsha. It seems that this was kept within our nation for centuries in the Beis Ha’Mikdash and all those that would gaze at it would be healed. This as well was something that our sages approved of Chizkiya. destroying at the beginning of his kingship, because he saw that the nation had turned it into an idol calling it “Nechushtan”. Now the truth is this is really an amazing thing. Can you imagine destroying something that Moshe Rabbeinu had made and that was in our Temple for generations because of its misuse. That takes a lot of guts! It was something that all of the previous righteous kings including King David and Shlomo didn’t do, nor did any before or after them. Now some commentaries suggest that it wasn’t until Chizkiya.’s time that this turned into idolatry. Others say perhaps it was only after he had destroyed Shlomo’s book and thus they were looking for some other type of mystical outlet. Yet the majority of the commentaries and the Talmud seems to suggest that each generation has its leaders who are given the job to determine what’s right for their generation. And what was holy and good in one generation may not be for the next. This is a powerful lesson that has many eternal ramifications. Think about it, ponder discuss… and we come back next week to find out why this befell Chizkiya.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S MISFORTUNATE JOKES OF THE WEEK

 Motivational Story

One Day A Fisherman got up very early in the Morning.

There was not enough Sunlight to get into the Sea.

He saw a Pack of Stones...

To Pass Time he started throwing the Stone into the Sea.

While having the last stone in the Hand,

The Sun came up then he saw that the Stone was a Diamond.

He felt for his Misfortune of Throwing all of them into the Sea.

Moral of The Story:

Don't Get Up Early In The Morning....:

 

What do you call a divorced cookie? Misfortune cookie.

 2 hunters, Bill and Tom, were out in the Blue Mountains one wintery day – looking for some feral game.After nearly an entire day without a sighting they spotted a herd of feral goats and started stalking. So excited & intent were they on their targets that one of them, Bill, didn't watch his footing and had the misfortune to trip and fall off a 12m cliff. Tom found him at the bottom in great pain. His hip was clearly broken and he was going nowhere.

This was bad news as it was a very cold, overcast day, the sun was getting low and temperatures were plummeting. Wondering how they could attract attention Bill said, between gritted teeth, "The international sign of 'man-in-distress' is three shots fired rapidly into the air".

Tom said he'd give it a try. An hour later he tried again. By this time the sun was beginning to set and a light sleet had started. Temperatures were nearing freezing and both hunters were in a bad way. Tom tried once more. An hour later sleet had turned to snow, the wind had picked up and things were grim. Tom turned to Bill and said, "I'll try one more, but if this doesn't work, we're both screwed because these are my last three arrows".

 

Back in Soviet Russia Rabinovich was called into the KGB headquarters for interrogation and asked

Comrade Rabinovich tell me, what is a fortune?

Yankel answered very quickly “fortune is to live in our Socialist motherland.

 “And what's a misfortune?”

 “A misfortune is to have such a fortune.”

 

There was a woman with a hundred children. She lacked the creativity to name all of them, so she just named them 1 through 100.  Eventually, through a series of misfortunes, 99 of the children died. Only the one named 90 survived. 90 grew up healthy, thankfully. She found a man and fell in love with him. They got married, and happily started a family, with 90 eventually overcoming the trauma of her dead siblings and having kids of her own. The kids grew up. One day, they found a stray dog; they wanted to keep the stray but they were worried about how their parents would react so they did it in secret. They named the dog “This”; an innocuous name that would let them say things like “let’s take ‘this’ out” or “‘this’ is so funny”. One day, when they were walking this, he got run over by a car and died. Only 90’s kids will remember this.

 

A great tragedy befalls Russia. At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right. The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy.

"As you can see by the foaming and throat scratching it is clear that some poisonous mushrooms accidentally made it into the soup" says one official.

One brave reporter points out that two of the generals seem to have gunshot wounds to the head.

"What happened here?" he asked.

"Well these two wouldn't eat their soup"

 

During one of his campaign trips, Donald Trump visits an elementary school and enters one of the classrooms. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word “Tragedy.” So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers: “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” says Mr. Trump, “that would be an accident.”          

A little girl raises her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explains the exalted businessman. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Mr. Trump searches the room.

“Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally at the back of the room, a boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: “If a private jet carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.”

“Fantastic!” exclaims Mr. Trump, “That’s absolutely right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”

 **********************************

 The answer to this week”s question is B– Although I knew this answer and even arguably got it correct, I”ll mark myself wrong for not giving them the answer they were looking for. I wrote Highway 1 which is the correct answer, I speak about this place all the time as I travel along the highway from Jerusalem. Yet the were looking for a more specific answer. Bab Al Wad or Shaar Hagai or Latrun which is the specific point on Highway 1 that it detoured, and I guess they’re correct about that. So I’ll take the hit. The second part though I got right with the answer being Castel. Although I thought it was Latrun, but hey that wasn’t one of the choices, so I’ll take the win as I guessed the right answer. I’ve still got a passing grade on this exam so far, although it’s certainly nothing to be proud of.  And so my score is now Rabbi Schwartz 8 and Ministry of Tourism 5 on this exam so far.

 

Thursday, July 4, 2024

A Scent-imental God- Parshat Korach 5784 -2024

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

July 6th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 37 30th of Sivan 5784

 

Parshat Korach

 A Scent-imental God

 

They were just those little kids play cards strewn on the floor amongst the rubble, broken glass, and burnt walls of what one could see was a beautiful home in Be’eri. They were word cards with picture on them. Perhaps from some Israeli picture word game to teach kids how to read. Right next to it was a broken train set, some dolls with burnt hair and smashed by some fallen bricks and shrapnel. My eyes welled up. Tears started flowing. I looked at the pictures on the wall of the family that once lived here, that were butchered, at the love and the smiles and the life that they permeated and I looked at those cards once again and I picked it up and kissed it and put it in my backpack to put into shaimos. Until October 7th it may have been just a card game. Today, I felt, this little picture with a choo choo train on it that said rakevet, was like a torn burnt piece of a sefer torah that I needed to bury. That was too holy to leave there in the rubble.

 

I’m a sentimental person, I admit. I keep a lot of chazerai, that my wife would like to throw out. I think most of us are. We attribute feelings and emotions and memories with items from our past. With little souvenirs and chatchkes we’ve picked up from the various places we’ve visited and wandered. There’s a whole industry built on the concept. I’ve got a closet full of shot glasses from every place we’ve visited. Yet there are those that are not so sentimental. They call this stuff garbage and clutter that build up. Who needs chatchkies? We have memories, we have pictures, we’ve had fun. Why hang on to this old stuff? Why would do you treat it with such sanctity? What is it about this item that when you stroke it or fondly take it out, tears and memories well up? Is my wife right? Should I just get rid of it all?

 

Now the truth is there is no right or wrong necessarily to this seemingly ridiculous question. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure. And it if it makes me feel good then who cares? The question only has significance when I try to look at it from a Torah perspective. What’s Hashem’s viewpoint about hanging on to seemingly mundane stuff. Does Hashem like chatchkies? Shot glasses? Those little glass snow globes? Or is it all shtusim-silliness; a waste of money and time?

 

Now Yeshivishe people are generally not sentimental. We’re trained pretty much from a young age that it’s all about Torah, Torah and Torah. Chasidim on the other hand are very sentimental. From a very young age they’re trained to fight over some chickpeas from the Rebbe or fruits from his Friday nigh tish. When it comes to memorabilia it’s even more apparent the significance they attribute to simple items. This is the chair that this Rebbe sat in. This is the Tehillim he used. The towel he wiped himself off with when he came out of the Mikva. There’s a whole industry that auctions off all these important holy items to rich chasidim and guys that made money really quick in Lakewood and don’t have anything else to do with it. But stam chatchkies- that haven’t been “rebbe-handled” of our own personal lives and memorabilia from our own past, I don’t even think Chasidim are into. What about Hashem? Is He Chasidish? Litvish? Or sentimental at all?

 

Now of course anytime we try to place human emotions on Hashem, its pretty dumb. Hashem is above all human emotions. He doesn’t have hands, feet. He doesn’t get angry or sad. He’s not even a He or She or gender neutral. He doesn’t have set pronouns. He’s fluid. He’s infinite. He’s God. It’s one of the benefits of being above time, place and this world and all it’s frailties. It’s one of the perks of being the Creator of all of this. Yet, the Torah repeatedly utilizes all of the above emotions and human features in order that we can relate to Hashem. So that we can understand what He wants from us. So that we can experience the goodness He desires and created us to realize. We can’t do that if He’s beyond us. Thus we are meant to understand His ways with the souls and emotions He programmed us and with and utilizing the Torah’s words and teachings to navigate the confusion and mixed emotions and desires we have.

 

So let’s take a look at our parsha, and perhaps a few others while we’re at it. It’s a long Shabbos right? Plenty of time. Well, this week we have the parsha of Korach where we learn about the rebellion of Korach and 250 of the greatest leaders of the nation including according to the Talmud all the princes of each tribe, against Moshe. These great men team up with the two most notorious troublemakers who have been with us since Egypt, Dasan and Aviram, forming a coalition that is only worthy and possible in the Israeli Knesset. They claim that Moshe is guilty of nepotism giving the best jobs to his family members. They claim that the whole nation in holy and don’t need leadership or anything or anyone to connect them to Hashem. They don’t like the fact that he didn’t bring them to Israel and they’re dying here in the wilderness. They’re Jews. They don’t necessarily agree about what they don’t agree about, but one thing is certain. Ata Ha’Rosh Ata Asheim- You’re the head and it’s your fault.

 

Moshe and Aharon fall on their faces. They beg them to relent. They try to show them how misguided they are. How they can’t all gain from this. How they’re threatening everything. But they didn’t want to hear anything. We generally don’t. So Moshe decides to make a test. He could’ve done a lot of things, but fascinatingly enough he decides to utilize a ketores-incense cookoff or smoke-off to be more precise. Everyone brings a pan of ketores, and whoever Hashem doesn’t like He’ll swallow em up in the ground. It’s a strange story, because to be honest, why does he need the ketores at all for this? This is not like Eliyahu and the prophets of the Baal where Hashem sends down a fire and accepts one offering and not the other. Moshe could’ve just as easily left the ketores at home and just asked Hashem to kill whoever He doesn’t want. The point thus must have been to scare them off a bit. To give them pause. To let them back out before it was too late. The best way to do that was with this ketores. For it should’ve awakened memories of the last guys that messed around with it; Nadav and Avihu.

 

It was only 38 years before, according to the Ramban’s chronology of when this story took place, on the day the Mishkan was inaugurated that Nadav and Avihu the sons of Aharon brought a foreign fire with their pans into the Holy and a fire came out and burnt them up. The similarities between the two texts are all over the place. In both stories they bring a “fire before Hashem”. In both stories Moshe and Aharon “fall on their faces”. In both stories “a fire comes out from Hashem and eats them”. They both are trying to be “makriv – come close before Hashem”. Over here Moshe prays to Hashem that he shouldn’t have wrath-‘yiktzof’ on the whole eida- congregation” and the aftermath there is that Aharon is commanded not to mourn during the service lest “al kol ha’eida yiktzof- Hashem has wrath against the entire congregation”.

 

Yet perhaps the most remarkable connection between the two is, fantastically and perplexedly, Nadav and Avihu are called martyrs. They are kedoshim-holy, despite having been killed for sinning, and they are treated as such by being removed respectfully to be buried. As well here the incense pans are considered not just holy, but they are meant to be used as the covering plates of the altar itself. {The Meshech Chochma even notes that this is in fact the source where we learn the entire law of ma’alin ba’kodesh from- that sanctified items can only be elevated to a higher from of sanctity} Talk about sentimental… Don’t just throw them out or bury them somewhere, despite the fact that seemingly they were utilized as vessels of sin in one of the worst incidents of rebellion. Hashem wants them there on his altar to remind us of this story.To remind us that we shouldn’t be like Korach and his congregation that forgot the message of the incense. They were inscence-itive. If we want to fix this problem, then guess what? We need to get a bit scent-imental.

 

The Sefer Nifla’os Mi’Torasecha, by Rav Mordechai Aran, opened up a whole new world for me in an incredible discovery that he made. He notes that there are two places in Tanach where the letters of the name A’ma’le’k in the Torah appear as acronyms of sentences. The first is here in our parsha when Moshe tells the congregation of Korach to take those pans.

 

zos Asu Kach Lachem Machtos- this is what you should do take for yourselves pans.

 

The second place is in the book of Shmuel fascinatingly enough (and I’ll explain why soon- this is getting really cool). It’s right in the beginning when Hashem sends Shmuel to tell Eli the Kohen that basically he’s going to lose the Kohen priesthood because of his children’s bad behavior and abuse of the kehuna for personal gain. He tells them that the priesthood was a special service to be treasured because they were chosen for the special job to do the service of

 

amizbichi l’haktir ketores- from upon my altar to take the ketores.

 

Why is this so cool? Well first of all, our sages tell us, Shmuel is a descendant of Korach. In fact, that’s one of the reasons why Korach was so determined to fight against Moshe. He saw that his descendant would be Shmuel, who is equal to Moshe and Aharon- as we say every Friday night in Kabalat Shabbos. But perhaps even deeper, we see that Shmuel’s first prophecy was really to tell Eli that he was going to lose the kehuna, because of the corruption of his children. They’re not worthy of the ketores. They forgot, it seems. Perhaps Korach saw in his genes that this was what his family’s mission was supposed to do. To take the kehuna and the ketores, away from the descendants of Aharon who will one day be corrupted.

 

But even more cool, is that Shmuel himself is the one that wipes out Amalek, when Shaul fails to kill the King Agag, the progenitor of Haman, Shmuel steps in and slices and dices him in half. It’s what we’re supposed to do to Amalekites by the way… Interestingly enough right before becoming an Israeli salad Agag calls Shmuel the Angel of death. Isn’t it amazing that the power of the ketores, our sages tell us is the secret how to ward off the Angel of Death? In fact the Midrash tells us that when Moshe received the Torah, each angel gave him a gift and the Angel of Death-which our sages tell us is the same as the angel of Amalek, tells Moshe this secret that ketores is the counter force to him. It’s his Kryptonite. It’s with this knowledge that Aharon in this week’s parsha in the aftermath of the Korach debacle wards off the plague that strikes the nation. Aharon, the Kohen and the power of the ketores are the secret to how we can win Amalek. When Aharon dies, non-coincidentally, the Torah tells us Amalek immediately comes to attack us. They know we lost our secret weapon. As well the name Mordechai who battles Haman and Amalek, the Talmud tells us has a hint to in the Torah from none other of a place then the ketoresmor dror, the spices of the incense.

 

And of course, to put all of the pieces together in one big aromatic pan, our obligation to destroy Amalek is to destroy their memory. It’s not enough to just destroy them, it’s their memory. It’s to forget them. The purpose of Ketores is thus exactly the opposite. It’s to remember us before Hashem. We take those pans and we get scent-imental about them and put them to be the cover on the altar of Hashem. Hashem smells the ketores and He remembers us. Plagues happen, death happens, fires burn people alive, October 7th and Beeri all happen when Amalek is still around. When the ketores which is supposed to be “ketores rokachma’asei roke’ach- blended incense- the work of a master blender, is brought improperly. The word rokach and roke’ach- in case you were wondering… are the same letters of our good friend Korach.

 

What is the ketores? What is it’s secret? Rav Kook notes, as do many others, that the ketores is not just the combination of all the spices and flavors. It’s that precise blend that takes even the foul smelling spices and not only blends it together into the most pleasant aroma by overpowering its bad smell, but it transforms the foulness and makes it smell good. Even more precisely, in his words, the power of the ketores reveals that even the things that may look or smell bad only appear that way to us because of their external hiddenness of the Hashem’s light and holiness. Joined together properly, though, even the most foul smelling chelbana spice precisely united with all of the other spices, become one sweet smelling fragrance before Hashem.

 

The key though is that they need to be joined together in the perfect exact measure. The law of the ketores is that if even one of the spices or measurements is off then you are chayav misa- it brings death. The symbolism and idea being that in order for the true presence and light of Hashem to shine, one has to see everything as having that light and coming from Hashem. The 11 spices correspond to the 10 statements with which Hashem created the world with the 11th Hashem above them all. The only one that could do that job is the Kohen that doesn’t have any self-interest. The children of Aharon that are filled with divine love for every Jew and see their service and full-time job as elevating the universe and all its aspects, by bringing sacrifices that come from all of the different elements and forms of life and elevating them to Hashem.

 

Nadav and Avihu had this holy desire. It was the day that Hashem’s presence was going to finally rest in this world. Yet, they overstepped Moshe and Aharon. Their fire was foreign. The drive was holy, their act even was holy, yet for the ketores to work, to come out of this experience alive, it needs to be through the power of the love and humility of Moshe and Aharon. Through that selfless dedication and precise command that those master blenders possessed. Korach and the 250 leaders as well, made the same mistake. They claimed to see all of creation as holy. They felt that perhaps they could even uplift Dasan and Aviram. Perhaps, one can even suggest, that they felt that joining together with those two they were uniting the nation and revealing Hashem and blending the aromatic ketores together with “spicy” guys that only were wicked only on the outside. And maybe, Rav Tzadok HaKohein suggests they were even correct in that assumption. It’s why their pans were considered holy, just as Nadav and Avihu are considered holy. Yet, they over skipped Moshe and Aharon. They were missing the most essential ingredient. Their religious zeal for unity that comes from a true desire to reveal Hashem, left out the “chareidim”. And thus it wasn’t complete.

 

There were 250 pans that were brought and not one. Not the One, that will reveal Hashem. As Rashi tells us in the beginning of this saga.

 

Among the nations, there are many forms of worship and many priests, and they do not all gather in one temple. We, however, have only one God, one ark, one Torah, one altar, and one kohen gadol, but you two hundred and fifty men are all seeking the kehunah gedolah! I too would prefer that. Here, take for yourselves the service most dear-it is the incense, more cherished than any other sacrifice, but it contains deadly poison, by which Nadav and Avihu were burnt. Therefore, he warned them, “and it will be the one whom the Lord chooses-he is the holy one“ [meaning,] that he is already in his [state of] holiness. Is it not obvious that [the one] who is chosen is the holy one? Rather, Moses told them, “I am telling you this so that you should not be found guilty. For the one He chooses will survive, and the rest of you will perish.

 

We’re not like the goyim. Judaism isn’t a melting pot of all types and religions. It’s a revelation of the oneness that is in all of us. That can only come through one person, not 250. Only through “the one chosen by the One”.

 

They forgot this and thus Hashem was not complete. His throne is not complete. And that is when Amalek, which is the power to remove that unity from being revealed, attacks, brings plague and brings death and fire. They hit the weak. They hit the ones behind. They hit fake unity that is missing the some of the spices. Unity that bashes Moshe and Aharon, that is only there to usurp and not to reveal. They thrive and are like flies to the rot of  that flesh. The Baal Haturim even notes that the words to remember Amalek in the Torah

 

“zikaron va’sefer ve’sim ba’aznei- a remembrance in the book and place in their ears”

is an acronym for zevuv- a fly. Flies are drawn to flesh without life. To corpses. To death. Amalek is the Angel of Death and is this antithesis to the ketores, because it hovers around and says that there is no life in this one. There is no spark of Hashem in them. There’s nothing to be revealed. And thus the ketores can’t be complete. It’s missing and holy fire wreaks havoc and comes out from the holy to destroy and forge us all together. To give us something to remember and could never forget.

 

Amalek and our enemies try to make us forget the miracles Hashem preformed from us. To cool us off. To remove the fire from those pans that want to forge and unite us into one. To make us un-scent-sitive. Incense-less. And so Hashem tells us to take those pans of incense and remember them. Remember that we need to unite. Remember that “uniting” means all of us, through Moshe and Aharon and through the Torah. Through finding and seeing the light in each of us and understanding that without even one spice the ketores is death. That for the redemption and for Hashem to be revealed we need to get scentimental. We need to see the holy spark in everything in Creation. In the burnt pans, the burnt cars, the burnt little choo choo train cards that are attached to the altars where Hashem took his sacrifices from us on the day that Amalek came to destroy our nation from Gaza.

 

We enter the month of Tamuz this Shabbos. Until this year this was a month that always brought in the fast day of the 17th of Tamuz. Yet the prophet tells us that in the Messianic era that fast day that mourns the siege of Jerusalem and the beginning of the destruction will become a holiday that celebrates our redemption. May this year be that year that was prophesized and that we have waited for so long. We’ve been sieged too long. We’re all mourning and longing. We’re together. Our Mizbayachs are covered in ketores pans of the so many kedoshim that we have lost. Its time for the Angel of Death to finally be destroyed and slaughtered and for Hashem’s throne to finally rest and be complete.

 

 Have an aromatic Shabbos and Chodesh Tamuz tov,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Fun shikker and fun shenker shtinkt mil bronfen..”.- The drunkard and the bartender both smell of whisky.


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email


12.The wave of immigration (Aliyah) to the Land of Israel, that began following

the rise of the Nazis to power, is called

What is the estimated number of Jews and Arabs, who lived in the Land of

Israel, when the War of Independence began?

A. Around 600,000 Jews and 200,000 Arabs.

B. Around 400,000 Jews and one million Arabs.

C. Around 600,000 Jews and 1.3 million Arabs.

D. Around 400,000 Jews and 400,000 Arabs.


RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dW_sZXoABqI  – Rak B’Yachad- an amazing song by the one and only Shai Graucher’s chesed/chizuk organization sung by Ari Hill and the orphans of this war. Uniting us all together.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLIitRRHt0w  - Avraham Fried’s great Hebrew hits with Dadya, Daskal and Benny Friedman!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tA0wh9pj9Y  – Really amazing video of Chabad and Chevron with Avraham Fried

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBh8QgzMGI0   - What a special meaningful and heartwrenching song by Aharon Razel in memory of his friend Tzvika Lavi a special holy soldier that was killed in Gaza- Kazeh Ha’yitah


RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK


Impossible Prayers- There are things that it almost seems impossible to daven for. It’s easy to daven for parnassa, for health, for redemption, for wisdom and for teshuva. All of the basic things that we daven for each day in our Shemona Esrei. It’s one of the most essential aspects of being Jewish and observant is that we begin and end our day and even pause in the middle to recognize that everything comes from Hashem and we need to ask Him for His help. Yet there are some things that seem almost impossible to ask Hashem for. Things that seem to be miraculous. For example, I meet with many of the families of the hostages, and although many of them seem to think its unlikely that they may see their child again, that even if they do get them returned that they can be in one piece both mentally and physically, yet they still daven for that. But it’s a hard prayer. They know they are asking Hashem for a miracle. And miracles don’t seem to be easy to ask for.


As well there are others as well that are in that position, people with severe medical conditions that doctors determined are terminal and statistically unlikely that a recovery will take place. Others that perhaps have been diagnosed that they will never be able to have children, some that feel that it is unlikely that they can find happiness, can get married that can win in court. The cards are against you in the natural statistical world. Yet, Torah Jews believe that prayer always has the power to change things. In this week’s Torah portion we find this in two different places, both in the unlikely negative, which of course teaches us the positive.


The first is that we find that Moshe Rabbeinu turns to Hashem and asks Him not to turn to the prayer and incense of Korach and his clan. Moshe seems to be very concerned that this is a very real possibility bizzarely enough. He tells Hashem that he never sinned, that he never took anything from the people, that he’s only acting for Hashem’s honor. You only play all of those cards when you’re nervous that there’s a real threat that Korach’s prayer would win. Why would he be scared of this? After-all isn’t it obvious that he’s correct and that Korach is truly an evil corrupt person that is challenging the foundations of all of Judaism and the Torah being passed down correctly through Moshe?


The second place where we find this idea is in Moshe’s prayer to Hashem that He create something new that has never been before created. That Hashem have the ground open it’s mouth up and swallow them alive. That seems pretty bold. Moshe could’ve just easily had asked that Hashem kill them or prove them wrong. Yet, here Moshe pushes the limits. He asks for the impossible. He asks for a miracle to happen that is above nature. How  and why could and would he do that?


Rebe Simcha Bunim of Peshisch learns an important lesson from here. He suggests that it is precisely from Moshe that Eliyahu Ha’Navi learns that he has the power through prayer to bring the revival of the dead child of the tzorfati woman, whom he resurrects. For if Moshe Rabbeinu can ask Hashem for an extraordinary death and to change the ways of nature and the world, then we have a rule that the mida tova is meruba mi’mida perunos- that Hashem always behaves in a far greater way with his good attributes than those of retribution. If Hashem could kill extraordinarily and listens to prayers and changes nature to take away life, then He certainly will answer prayers to restore and resurrect life.


It is for that reason as well, why Moshe is so concerned with Hashem accepting Korach’s prayers. For even though Korach is a hundred percent wrong, and even though if Hashem listens to his prayers it might even destroy the entire foundation of Judaism, cause a tremendous chilul Hashem and  upset the entire balance of the universe. Yet, a heartfelt prayer by Korach could accomplish that. Hashem can’t say no. He may listen and answer those prayers, despite the severe consequences and fall out. Moshe understood how powerful prayer is and thus he was concerned. He therefore went the other way and asked for an extraordinary end to Korach so that we will know and understand how powerful tefilla is. Nothing is impossible before Hashem. There’s nothing that tefilla can’t accomplish. We should never give hope. We need to just up our ante and offer the tefillos that pierce the heavens and IYH all of our tefillos will be answered.


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK


701 BC-The Miraculous Night– 185,000 soldiers stood outside of the gates of Yerushalayim that Seder Night. The army of Sancherev had destroyed and exiled the ten tribes and most of Israel. We were a divided nation. Shevna even led a group to capitulate and offer “peace at any price”. Yet the prophet Yeshaya had promised Chizkiya that there would be a miracle. There’s a fascinating Midrash that tells us that four kings asked for Hashem to help them and were answered. Dovid told Hashem that he has no strength to fight the enemies and Hashem Helped him win. Asa said he didn’t even have strength to fight he could merely pursue them and Hashem should kill them and he was answered as well. Yehoshafat told Hashem that he couldn’t even pursue them. All he could do was sing praises for Hashem if he wins. And sure enough Hashem Wiped out Amon Moav and Edom on his behalf. Chizkiya though said that he doesn’t even have strength to sing. All he could do was go to sleep. And sure enough that’s exactly what happened.

 

In fact it wasn’t only Chizkiyah it was all of Jerusalem that night. They went to their seder they sang Vehi She’amda- that Hashem stood up against our enemies of all generations should Stand up again for us. They opened the door for Eliyahu Ha’Navi. They drank four cups, they ate matza, they remembered the miracles and then they went to sleep. The next morning it was all over. An angel came and smote them all. According to some Midrash, they were burnt up and souls left them while their bodies remained complete. Others say that they heard the angels singing that night in heaven and their souls left their bodies. Others say that the plagues of Egypt were all rained down upon them. It wasn’t only the devastating loss, but just like in Egypt the Jews got to keep all of the booty left behind. Sancherev fled with his head hanging low and ran back to his palace in Ninveh. There he was scorned by everyone and was ultimately killed by his own two sons, who he had thought about offering to his idolatry (according to one Midrash a plank from the ark of Noach) as a sacrifice.

 

This was a miracle that we recall by our Seder each year in the piyyut of Vayehi Bachatzi Halayla. Our sages tell us that the miracle and redemption was so great that Chizkiya could’ve even been Mashiach. It could’ve all been over. Yet, they sinned and didn’t merit because they didn’t sing Shira. They didn’t sing songs of praise to Hashem. They saw it as a great victory, a great miracle even perhaps, but they didn’t realize that it was history changing. That the victory had the potential to bring in and herald in a New world era. And thus we lost the moment.

 

 To a large degree it reminds me of the 6-Day-War. We were so close. Har Ha’Bayis was in our hands. And we lost it. We’re almost at that point again. We certainly are like Chizkiya who can’t even fight, cant chase or puruse and perhaps we can’t even sing or even sleep in our beds. We need the redemption now. Hashem please. Help us sleep, help us sing, help us win. Bring that day.

  

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S SMELL JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does".

 

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell. They come with an Elon Musk.

 

My wife said she could smell an Indian flatbread from a mile away. I said that was naan scents.

 

What tastes better than it smells? Your tongue.

 

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!! Man, I hate babies.

 

What would happen if skunks lost their smell? They'd become ex-stinked.

 

My toenails turned green, shrank, and started smelling like mint. My doctor says I have a rare condition called Tic Tac Toes.

 

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something. I am so nervous.

 

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said...

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

 

So I replaced all of the incense in the Friar's chamber with Marijuana. He's a High priest now

 

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 The answer to this week”s question is C– This is getting annoying already, this half right half wrong thing I’m in. This one I got the first one wrong when I went with the 3rd Aliyah, and I was off by two. The Nazi ascension aliya or the Yekki Aliyah was the 5th of Aliya. The third it seems was the Polish one after WW I but before the Nazis YM”Sh. At least I got the second part correct with the right answer being C the 600,000 Jews- the same number as when we left Mitzrayim and 1.3 million arabs we were outnumbered 2 to one in Israel besides the other arab armies from around that joined the fight to destroy us. Miracles of Miracles! May we see more of them. And so my score is now Rabbi Schwartz 7.5 and Ministry of Tourism 4.5 on this exam so far.