Un-marriage-ables- Parshat Ki Teitzei 2020/ 5780

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

August 28^th 2020 -Volume 10 Issue 44 8^th Elul 5780

 

Parshat Ki Teitzei

Un-Marriage-ables

"But we're in love, Rabbi" She told me. As if that was somehow supposed to impress me and change my mind. It didn't. The truth is I felt bad for Michelle. She was a great girl. Raised in a non-observant, but very "Jewishy" home, she had really been coming a long way in her Jewish journey in growth in yiddishkeit. She was a regular at my classes and Shabbos table. I had high hopes for he to go off to Israel and to study in a yeshiva there for girls. But then Derek came along. Over the past few months she had been spending more and more time with him, and it seems that "things" had been getting more serious. When we finally had our sit down to talk about their relationship I saw that she was clearly torn. She had never imagined herself with a non-Jewish partner, but yet… she was in love.

 

"I've dated a lot of Jewish guys, but I've never connected to any of them the way I do with Derek. He's deep, he's sensitive, we connect on so many levels. Sure I know it won't be easy. He's definitely not interested in being Jewish. But he has tremendous respect for my choices and connection to Judaism. Doesn't love conquer all? If we care and love each other enough, maybe we can make it work."

 

My heart went out for her. She really liked him, and he really was a nice, great guy. He just wasn't from the tribe. He wasn't her bashert. But you really can't convince a girl in love that love really isn't enough. That despite what Hollywood, novels, and society have been telling the world for centuries marriage is so much more than love, and as powerful and overwhelming a feeling that love is, it doesn't possess the ingredients to build the amazing Jewish home that she had dreamed of. The love she was feeling really didn't have the power to accomplish anything meaningful.

 

I had to be harsh. She knew I cared, so I could get away with it. So I told her about Dor Yehsorim.  See when Orthodox young men and women meet for the purpose of marriage there is a test that they take to see if the two of them are compatible. This is not an internet dating site, don’t worry. Tay Sachs, is a terrible diesase that can only occur if both parents possess a certain gene found in Ashkenazic Jews. Statistics are that if they are both carriers there is a 25% chance that their children will have this terrible debilitating disease that usually ends with the child dying at a very young age under terrible conditions. If only one parent has the gene though it is not a problem, it cannot be transmitted. So all young men and women take this test when they are in school and are given a number and when a shidduch is mentioned the numbers are exchanged and without revealing if either is a carrier they tell you whether the match should move forward.

 

Now I shared with her a story of a couple that didn't do the test initially. However, after their engagement they got tested and whadaya know? They found out that they were both positive for the gene. Now what? Should they go forward with the marriage or not? Maybe love conquers all?

 

What if the fiancé was diagnosed with a terrible disease? AIDS? What if you found out that they were bi-polar (and didn't take meds)? They couldn't have children? They had a gambling problem or a drug addiction.  Does love conquer all…? It obviously doesn't, despite how much love one has for another and how great they make you feel and how they may even be fantastic people that you would want to help and sit by their bedside. They're not what you would choose as marriage material. Because marriage is bigger than that and finding the right person for that particular role is gonna take other more important qualifications than love.

 

What's it gonna take? Well this week's Torah portion of Ki Teitzei has a lot of tips and mitzvos of who not to marry. Let's check out some of them and see if we can create a Jewish dating profile of what to look for and not to look for.

 

Well, the first story in the parsha is the mitzva of Yefas Toar. She's a non-Jewish women that in fact one is permitted to take for a wife, after a quickie one month conversion. She is captured during war, and it seems that this mitzva is a concession to soldiers who seem to have major testosterone flowing during warfare. The Torah rather than putting this soldier through what would seem to be too difficult of a challenge, permits her to the soldier if he can put up with her whining and mourning for her family that she lost in war for a month. It's pretty brutal. Certainly not politically correct. But thank God, the Divine editor, of our Torah has no fear of being "cancel cultured". He wasn't writing a column in the NY Times. He was writing lessons for us. And he speaks truth to us, as He knows us. After-all He did make us.

 

This woman, seemingly an innocent victim, the Torah seems to say is a bad idea to marry, although she is not prohibited. The following portion describes the wayward children that come out of such a marriage and the case of a husband who eventually hates his wife. Yes, she's a yefas to'ar- she's beautiful and yes, right now you feel you can't live without her. And yes, that love even allowed you to put up with her in the worst of times. You saw her crying, you saw her mourning, you saw her disheveled. All those wonderful life cycles that our smart women only show us after they have a ring on their finger and are good and married. Who knows what the shidduch crisis would look like if the average yeshiva bachur got to see that before they were married. Shhh… let's not tell them. But guess what? even having been through all of that together doesn't allow that love will conquer all. You can marry her if you like…but don't come running back later crying why it didn't work out.

 

Later on in the parsha the Torah goes even a step further and discusses a Jewish woman that one "couldn't resist"- as obscene as that sounds, and he either seduces or takes advantage of her without the sanctity of marriage. The halacha is that she is now his forever (as long as she wants). It has nothing to do with whether he loves her or not. In fact, the few cases Tanach mentioned after such incidents took place the "boyfriend" or seducer generally is disgusted by her afterwards. Building a home with her, the torah tells us is not predicated on his love for her or how much he may desire her anymore or not. It's about responsibility that one has for the woman he has committed a marital act with.  In a regular marriage a man has a choice if he wishes to stay married or not. Each day he's there it's because he chooses to be there. But in these cases, since he took away her choice about being in the situation she is in, he no longer has that choice anymore. Only she does. So it's not a marriage built upon love necessarily. Yet the Torah tells us that one can still build and make a marriage out of that. It may not be what he's looking for. But tough luck. It's what he chose, it's what he's obligated to do. As my mother taught me. "You make your bed- You lie in it"

 

These laws all seem to address that marriage is not and should not be about the desire for the other person. Good looks or attraction does not a good Torah marriage make. Our sages tell us that it is forbidden for someone to marry somebody without seeing their spouse first. I'm pretty sure that Zoom dating isn't good enough. The reason given is not so that he can be sure he is attracted to her. Rather fascinatingly enough, in the words of the Talmud it's "so that he shouldn't be disgusted by the way she looks". Reb Matisyahu Solomon, the mashgiach in Lakewood asked a boy once in yeshiva how his date was. The young bachur responded ambivalently that she "nisht shlecht" (not bad). He told him "Az vos ken zein shlect mit a nit shlecheter- What can be bad about something not bad!" Baruch Hashem all Bnos Yisrael have a natural beauty and chein. It's not something to worry about or even to put on one's "must-have" list. It's not what will make a good Torah marriage, and if desire and love are all you have on your "list"". It's too short.

 

The Parsha then takes it a step further as it details men and women that are not permitted to marry into the Jewish people. All of them are forbidden to marry someone and become part of "Kahal Yisrael- the community of Israel. The Torah starts this list with a man that has been injured in a dramatic way that he can no longer have children. I'll leave out the gory details. Interestingly enough though this only applies if this is not a natural born condition. Someone born with a fertility problem even of a physical nature can get married with a regular Jewish girl.

 

Reb Mosh Feinstien explains that the reason for this prohibition is because when getting married is not just two people living alone together on an island happily ever after. Marriage is about becoming part of the community. It's about building eternity. It's about raising a family. Someone who was born unfertile has their bashert that was born with them. Someone that underwent something that left him that way, may get married to woman that is forbidden to join the community, as we'll see. He can even be righteous person and marry a righteous person, such as a convert. But joining Kahal Hashem, means that there was nothing that was done to you to prevent you from making that family. Our sacred bris is the only sign and mark we make on our body to remind us of the importance of procreation in our place as the community of Hashem. Because a Jewish marriage is not just about love.

 

That idea follows to the next law, which again seems to be go against modern political correct thought, is the prohibition to marry a mamzer (male) or a mamzeres (female)- this is someone who was born of a forbidden relationship whether an extramarital one or one with a forbidden family member. A mamzer/es can never marry anyone that doesn't come from a similar background. Not only the mamzer but all of their future descendants are prohibited to marry anyone that is not as well invalid to marry into the disti

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 " Der shainker hot lib dem shikker, ober di tochter vet er im nit geben." The saloon-keeper loves the drunkard, but he wouldn’t give him his daughter in marriage.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

The “Sigd” holiday belongs to the following community:

A. Yemenite

B.  Ethiopian

C.  Karaite

D.  Samaritan

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lulay-heamanti-kavey - In honor of Elul enjoy my most beautiful & inspiring Rabbi Schwartz composition Lulay He'amanti arranged and sung by Dovid Lowy

 https://youtu.be/maaumNbBGDE -Hillel Kapnick inspiring beautiful song U'Teshuva from his new Elul Disc

 https://youtu.be/kqzMDBdeQC0   – Yaakov Shwekey's latest song L'Dovid in honor of Elul

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biP3Cirl9DY –Shlomo Katz awesome Everlasting love farbrengen

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 Parshat Ki Teitzey – Shiluach Hakein-Sending away the mother bird- Pigeons are annoying birds. They chirp outside my window early in the morning, they leave droppings all over the floor outside my house and last month I found a strange smell in my office, and it turns out that one of them made a nest outside of my window and I've got spoiled bird eggs sitting there. Yet, these fine feathered  'boids' as they say in Brooklyn actually get a mitzva of their own and it's one that the Torah tells us merits long life, and in these scary times that can't be such a bad thing.

 In the short verses about this strange mitzva the Torah tells us

 Devarim (22;6-7) If, along the road, you chance upon a bird’s nest, in any tree or on the ground, with fledglings or eggs and the mother sitting over the fledglings or on the eggs, do not take the mother together with her young. Shalayach Tishalach –Send away the mother, and take only the young, in order that you may fare well and have a long life.

 So in a nutshell- or eggshell to be more accurate, if one finds a kosher birds nest; kosher birds being robins, doves, pigeons, mallard ducks or even Canadian geese what my father calls "katchkas", then there is a mitzva to send away the mother bird and to take the eggs or chicks. It's not necessary to keep the eggs or chickens, just pick them up and put them down again after sending away the mother bird. You do this, the Torah tells us that you'll be granted long life, according to one opinion in the talmud this means in the eternal world. Not bad, for what our sages describe as a pretty easy mitzva.

 Now we don't have reasons for mitzvos. We have taam'ey hamitzvot- tastes of the mitzva, which are ideas that we can take out of the mitzva that has meaning for us. There is certainly a component of mercy as not to take the babies in front of the mother. Yet our sages say we can't certainly say that is the reason as it is arguable, after all why take the babies at all? Others suggest that there is an idea of not destroying an entire species, much as the mitzva of not slaughtering a mother cow and their calf in the same day. Yet, the Ramban tells us that there are all types of deep kabbalistic mystical reasons behind this mitzva that are not for the layman. The Zohar though does say that the cry of the mother bird does elicit Hashem's compassion for his children, and he showers us with mercy when it we fulfill this mitzva.

 One of the important things about this mitzva is making sure you've got the mother bird. As both of them sit on the nest this is not easy to tell. Most laymen can't tell the difference but here's a tip. The ladies usually sit on the nest by night and the men by day. Whether there is a lesson here as to which parent should be in charge of putting the children to sleep is up to you to decide. It's also not a mitzva that you should wait around to do. After the chicks are born it's usually only about two weeks or so before they start to fly and then the mitzva can no longer be fulfilled.

 Now the Torah is quite specific that this mitzva is for one that encounters a bird on the road. This means that the bird, nest, eggs or chicks have to be ownerless, on public property. A nest found on private property, including your own, like the one on my home office window, would belong to the owner of the property and therefore wouldn't be obligated in the mitzva. Yet more often than not we find people fulfilling this mitzva on birds they find be their house. The way this can be done, some authorities offer, is by being mafkir them, declaring it ownerless in front of three people. In doing so one can then send the mother away in fulfillment of the mitzva.

 If you are a bit queasy, it's not neccesary to acutally hold the mother bird in ones hand. You can chase the mother bird away by making noise or tapping the nest with a stick. It is neccesary to pick up the birds or eggs though. A blessing is not recited though on this mitzva according to most authorities.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

  Dovid rise to Glory - 878 BC- Dovid's return to Shaul after the slaying of Golyas and the trouncing of the Plishtim was with great fanfare. Shaul's palace was most likely in Tel Al Ful near Givat Zeev. It can be seen supposedly from Givat Shaul in Jerusalem which is one of the reasons it was called Givat Shaul although it's quite far away. But it was also called Givat Shaul after the Rishon Litziyon in the times of the Ottoman Empire Reb Yaaakov Shul Elishur. The women would come out to the streets and cheer how Shaul had killed thousands but Dovid had killed 10's of thousands. This obviously was upsetting to Shaul, who already had been informed that his kingdom would be shortened as a result of his failure to wipe out Amalek. Yet Shaul's resentment of Dovid it seemed went a step further than plain old jealousy. There seems to have been some depression that infected Shaul, perhaps as a result of having lost the divine spirit that rested upon him. Ironically it was only Dovid that could calm him as he played the harp for him. Yet it was twice during those moments of Dovid playing for him that Shaul attempted to "by mistake- On purpose" try to kill him with his spear. But it didn't work. Hashem was watching out for Dovid and Shaul was realizing the game was over.

 The next plan for Shaul was to perhaps have Dovid killed in some crazy military mission. Now earlier on the Navi told us that the soldiers ha told Dovid that whoever kills Golyas will have his daughter's hand in marriage. It's not clear if that was a guarantee given by Shaul or if it was just 'the word on the street'. Regardless Shaul was not that forthcoming. Technically Shaul's oldest daughter, Meirav, after whom the yishuv by Mt. Gilboa where  many of Shaul's family is remembered is named, should've been wed to Dovid, but Shaul had her married to someone else. So the next in line was Michal, who anyways was pretty in love with Dovid. But Shaul wasn't going to make it easy for Dovid. He had word sent to him, that rather than the typical dowry that one should give for a daughter's hand in marriage, Shaul wanted revenge against the Plishtim. How about 100 foreskins of the some Plishtim terrorists. Mazel Tov!

 Now Shaul had expected that Dovid would never make it out of this seeming suicide mission, but never bet against Dovid. He came back with 200 orlos. Take that. This obviously exacerbated the situation even more between the two and things were going to start getting nastier and nastier. So if there's one lesson you should learn from here… never ever complain about your father-in-law again Dovid had worse…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S MARRIAGE JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 Mr & Mrs Goldberg had just got married. On their way to their  home, Mr Goldberg said to his new wife “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?” 

Abe steps out of his building to hail a taxi and immediately finds one. As he gets in, the cabbie says, “Perfect timing, just like Saul.”

“Who's Saul?” asks the passenger.

“Saul Gold, of course,” says the cabbie. “Now there was someone who got what he wanted — like a taxi just when he needed it. Not like me; I always have to wait ages when I need something.”

“Nobody’s perfect," says the passenger.

“Except Saul,” says the cabbie. “Saul was a great athlete and could have played in the NFL. Not like me – I'm just a couch potato. Saul danced like Astaire. Not like me. I've got two left feet.”

“Sounds like Saul was really someone special.”

“You can say that again,” says the cabbie. “He even remembered everyone’s birthday. Not like me. I always forget important birthdays and anniversaries. And Saul could fix anything in the house. Not like me. If I change a fuse, the whole neighborhood has a power failure. And Saul knew how to treat his wife. He could always make her feel good and never answered her back even if she was in the wrong. He always complimented her on dinner. Not like me. I'm always getting into arguments with my wife.”

“What an amazing person. How did you meet him?” asks the passenger.

“Well, I never actually met Saul,” replies the cabbie.

“Then how do you know so much about him?” asks the passenger.

“I married his widow,” replies the cabbie. 

 A family of Schmohawk Indians were sitting around the fire one night. There was papa Geronowitz, mama Pocayenta and the daughter, Minihorowitz. 

"So, nu," says Minihorowitz, "You'll never believe." 

"What?" says Pocayenta. 

"Today, at high noon, someone proposed to me." 

"So what did you say?" says Pocayenta." 

"I said yes" 

"That's wonderful," says Pocayenta. "She said yes! Did you hear that Geronowitz? Our little Minihorowitz is getting married." 

"I heard," says Geronowitz, "I'm kvelling. So who's the lucky boy?" 

"Sittin' Bialy." 

"Sittin' Bialy?" says Pocayenta," of the SoSiouxMe tribe?" 

"That's the one," says Minihorowitz. 

"Oy, Geronowitz! The SoSiouxMe's! There are so many of them. How can we feed them? How can we get them all in our teepee for the wedding?" 

"We'll think of something," says Geronowitz. 

"Geronowitz, get me a buffalo for the wedding. I can make buffalo tzimmes from the meat and we can make an extra teepee from the hide. Get me a buffalo." 

So Geronowitz goes out to hunt a buffalo. A day and night goes by and Geronowitz has not come back. Another day and half the night and Geronowitz comes home exhausted, staggering and empty-handed. 

"Geronowitz I've been worried sick. Where have you been? Where's my buffalo?" 

"It's like this," he says. "On my first day out, I hunted high and I hunted low and I finally found a buffalo. But this buffalo was scrawny with no meat on his bones for buffalo tzimmes and barely enough hide for a rain hat. So I settled in for the night to try again the next day. 

The second day, I looked high and I looked low, from this way and that way and I finally found a buffalo. He was big with lots of meat and lots of hide, but I tell you, Pocayenta, this was the ugliest buffalo I ever saw in my life. This, I thought to myself, is not the buffalo for my daughter's wedding. So I carried on looking. I went up hills and I went down hills and I found a big buffalo. It was, as buffaloes go, a beautiful buffalo. If I say so myself, it was  the perfect buffalo. This, I said to myself, is the buffalo Pocayenta wants for Minihorowitz's wedding. 

So I reach into my backpack quietly for my tomahawk as I tip-toe over to the buffalo. I raise my tomahawk slowly over the buffalo's neck when suddenly, like a bolt of lightning from the sky, I see it." 

"See what?" says Pocayenta. 

"I've brought the dairy tomahawk!" 

 Sadie sits down next to an attractive man on the train and says, "You look just like my fourth husband". The man replies, "Your fourth husband? So how many times have you been married, lady?" 

"Three," replies Sadie. 

 A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. 

He then says, "Okay, Mom. Guess which one I'm going to marry." 

She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." 

"That's amazing, Mom. You're right. How did you know?" 
"I don't like her."

 Christine and Daniel fall in love and decide to get married - but only on condition that Christine becomes Jewish. So she goes to see Rabbi Levy for some advice. 

Rabbi Levy tells her, "You will have to learn how to keep a kosher home, light shabbes candles, keep two sets of crockery and a few other simple things." 
"That sounds easy to me, rabbi," says Christine, "I can easily do that." 
Then Rabbi Levy says, "The last thing is, you must go to a mikva." 
"A mikva?" says Christine, "what's that?" 
"It's a pool of water," answers Rabbi Levy, "and you must immerse yourself completely for a few seconds." 
"I'm sorry, rabbi, but I have a phobia about putting my head underwater. I'll go into the water up to my chin but I won’t put my head under the water. Will that be OK?" 
"I suppose it will do," replies Rabbi Levy, "you’ll be mostly Jewish but you will still have a 'Goyisha kop'."

 Sharon had lived a good life, having been married four times. Now she stood before the Pearly Gates. The angel at the gates said to her, “I see that you first of all married a banker, then an actor, next a rabbi and lastly an undertaker. Why? This does not seem appropriate for a Jewish woman.” 

“Oh yes it is”, Sharon replied. “It’s one for the money, two for the show, three to make ready and four to go.”

Moishe had just had a medical check up. "I hate to be the one to break it to you," said the doctor, "but you've only got about 6 months to live." 

"Oh my God" gasped Moishe, turning white. 
A few minutes later, after the news had sunk in, Moishe said, "Doctor, you've known me a long time. Do you have any suggestions as to how I could make the most of my remaining months?" 
"Have you ever married?" asked the doctor. 
Moishe replied that he had been a bachelor his whole life. 
"You might think about taking a wife," said the doctor, "after all, you'll need someone to look after you during the final illness." 
"That's a good point," said Moishe, "and with only 6 months to live I better make the most of my remaining time." 
"May I make one more suggestion?" asked the doctor, "marry a Jewish girl." 
"A Jewish girl? Why?" asked Moishe. 
"It'll seem longer."

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Answer is B –  Another fairly easy one for anyone living in Israel, although I doubt if any Americans knew this. Sigd is a Ethiopian holiday that is 50 days after Yom Kippur, according to the new calendar they established about 150 years ago. It is a day of prayer, fasting and celebration. It's not sure what or why it was established but it seems that it had to do with the removal of Christian persecution and the reunification of their Beta Israel community and their reconnection with Torah like in the book of Nechemia that inspired them.  Another one right again and the score is Schwartz 31 and 11 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam my grade is looking up..!

Seeing is Believing- Parshat Chukat- Balak 2020/ 5780

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

July 3^rd 2020 -Volume 10 Issue 3 11^th Tamuz 5780

Parshat Balak (and Chukas for you guys over there!)

Seeing is Believing

They usually came to Israel for the summer. This past year they were planning on coming for the summer and perhaps even Sukkos to spend more time in their favorite country. They rented an apartment for the whole year and hoped to visit a few times. But man plans and God laughs, the saying goes. Moishy's father got sick and he was needed by his side for most of the year and the apartment remained empty.

That wasn't the only thing going on with the Levy family. Suri, Moishy's wife, had a rough year personally, a close friend of hers seemed to have a vendetta against her and had caused her much anguish and financial harm. Yet following the advice of his Rebbe she had done one of the hardest things she ever did, approaching the person and coming to terms with her, even assuming responsibility despite the fact that she had done no wrong. It was for the sake of peace, and their Rebbi had told her that she who pursues peace is bound to see an abundance of brachos from Hashem. But it was a rough year.

 After his fathers' passing this past winter, they decided they would at least come for Pesach a holiday they had never even considered celebrating before in Israel and at least get a little use out of that apartment on Rechov Elisha that they had rented.  Yet when Moishy spoke to his Rebbe about their plans he said that he looked forward to seeing them on Purim.

Purim? Who comes to Israel for Purim. The kids have schools, they would only be there for a few days as they would have to come right back. Besides it was a busy work season and it wouldn't be easy to get off. And they had already made plans for Pesach to come. So it would mean coming in, leaving and coming back a few weeks later. He told the Rebbi that Purim really didn't seem like the right time to come. But the Rebbi once again repeated his blessing that he looked forward to having them at his Purim Seuda. Despite the craziness of the idea Moishy was a man of faith. His Rebbi had asked for him to come. He would make it work.

So it was two days before Purim when the Levy family got a flight out of Atlanta, Georgia and came to Israel. As they packed Moishy had doubts. Yes, no, should they shouldn't they. The tickets are paid for. But I'm going to be so jet-lagged the entire time. We'll be spending more time in the air almost than on the ground. They got into the Uber and headed over to the airport. In the airport itself, they said maybe we should just head home. We'll just bite the loss on the tickets. The thoughts of being crunched up in economy, airplane food, landing half asleep only to have to head back a few days later just seemed insane. But then they got called to the front desk. It seems there were seats in First Class open and they were giving them upgrades. You don't pass up first class seat to Israel. It seems that this bracha was beginning to pay off. What a great restful flight they said to one another as they landed. The best yet.

The next day the gates closed. No flights in and out. Welcome to Israel in the year of Corona 2020. At first their plan was to remain here until Pesach and then head home. After-all life was waiting for them back there. The kids had school. How would they manage? But then they remembered this great tour guide that had taken them for a few years on their annual trips. Whadaya know the once busy tour guide was suddenly available to learn with their children every day. You can't get much better than that J. But the States awaited them, their kids had friends, Moishy's business was back there and their oldest son Reuvein had a Bar Mitzva coming up in June they knew that they had to get back.

But Pesach came and went. The US sounded like a scarier and scarier place to go back to. The pandemic, the politics, the anti-semitism and the economy. It was a different world on so many levels. It wasn't the country they had left and frankly it wasn't the country they wanted to go back to. As well surprisingly the pandemic had opened up new opportunities for Moishy as his other business didn't require him as much to be present. Maybe we should stay. Maybe the time has come for our lifelong dream of finally moving here.

But the kids don't speak Hebrew. How will they manage. We can't even get them tutors as we don't know anyone that can teach them ulpan style. Don't worry, it seems Hashem was telling them, when they met their downstairs neighbor Shaindy. This warm friendly American- Israeli that had already bonded with their children was a speech therapist. She specialized with American kids and was happy to learn one-on one with them Hebrew. Oh and by the way, her father-in-law was the principal of an American Israeli school. Their connection with him opened the door for all the schools for them and their children were accepted.

What about transportation. They needed a mini-van to get around in. As their Visa was expired the dealership told them they wouldn't be able to buy the car they wanted. It had to go through bank managers and tax authorities that needed to approve the bringing in of money to purchase a car on an expired visa. It can't be done they were told by the nice chiloni dealership guy, there's too much red-tape and the people that he needs to connect are so over swamped with the Corona limited workhours it's not gonna happen. But see, the car guy isn't the man running the Levy family's VIP visit/ stay and now move to Israel.

The next morning, he called them back and asked them what special merits they have? They were puzzled. What was he talking about? Well it seems that the head of the tax authority "happened" to come into his dealership. She wasn't a former client. She was just in the neighborhood- far from her home saw his place and decided it was time for a new car. He told her their plight. A week later they were driving around in their new minivan. If there were any doubts if this was where they were supposed to be. They had all "hit the road". And I haven't even told you the cherry on the top of the cake yet.

This week's parsha is called Balak. It begins with the words Va'Yar Balak- and Balak saw. The commentaries all struggle with the name given to the parsha. Balak, the king of Moav, is like Hitler. He hires Bila'am a man with a proven tracker of successfully cursing people and causing their destruction. A man who knew how to tap into the few seconds a day that Hashem allows his wrath to reign and His harsh judgement and even got Hashem to act upon his curses. His diabolical plan is to wipe us off the map, get Hashem to abandon us and there will never be a Jewish people that will get into Israel. Imagine a parsha named "Hitler", "Stalin" or "Haman". Why not use a better name for the parsha, as it does in most cases, the first word of the parsha Va'yar- and he saw? Why jump to the second word, the name of this Rasha, and name a parsha after him?

The answer perhaps it because we couldn't call the parsha va'yar. Because the entire parsha is about those people that really don't see. Our sages who named the parsha wanted us to understand this in the most dramatic of ways. They wanted this question to jump out at us as soon as we started reading it. This is the parsha not-called "And he saw". It's named after the Rasha and is all about those who don't see.

What doesn't Balak see? The first verse tells us that he saw all that Yisrael did to the Emorite. That's the first mistake. See, we didn't do anything to the Emori. The only thing we did was ask them for safe passage through their land. We wouldn't even drink any of their water. If they said no, we were happy to reroute and go around them. We weren't looking for a fight. Yet they came out with their full gear brand new Russian tanks and Iranian missiles and attacked us. Hashem wiped them out for us. Just as he killed their soldiers as they hid in the caves as we came through the valley smashing them in with the hills from Israel opposite them. And yet Balak, like all the enemies throughout our generations only "see" the Israeli oppressors occupying the land of the poor innocent Emorites. Balak is passing UN sanctions against us. "What Israel did to the Emorites" is the name of the resolution. It's not a parsha of seeing. Hafuch! Just the opposite. It's a parsha of Balak. A parsha of anti-semitsm. Of refusing to see.

The parsha continues with the person the Torah tells us he is Shesum Ha'ayin- he is blind in one eye none other than Bila'am. The Baal Shem Tov suggests that the reason he was blind in one eye was so that at least that eye never became impure and could still properly spiritually see. Yet he is the eternal symbol of the person who really doesn't see what's going on. Hashem tells him he can't go, he shouldn't go, he won't be able to curse. Read the signs buddy… What are you blind? As opposed to the Levy family, who got a first class ticket to the destination their Rabbi told them they should go to, (as does Hashem pretty much tell every Jew to go to Israel…shhh…), Bilaam's entire journey seems jinxed. He smashes into a wall, he smashes into vineyards, goes off into vineyards and finally the car/ donkey breaks down. There's nowhere to go. Hello-oh… anyone home? Yet, he persists in beating his donkey. And even the talking donkey doesn't get him to open his eyes. Even an angel with a sword threatening. Bila'am still thinks that he will be successful. Don't be distracted by the facts.

What both of them don't see though is most clearly at the end of the parsha. They try again and again to find fault, to find a crack in Hashem's love for Klal Yisrael. They think they can mention sins that we did, the golden calf, the sins of our forefathers, the places where we complained and rebelled, the snakes, the sins in the future that will cause our temples to be destroyed. He pulls out everything in the book. But you know what? Hashem doesn't see that either. Lo hibit oven bi'yaakov, v'lo ra'ah amal b'yisrael- Hashem doesn't perceive any iniquity in Yaakov and doesn't see any perversity in Yisrael. Hashem only sees love for us. He sees that all the sins and mistakes we make are only external. We are His children that is all He sees.  To see otherwise is Balak. It's not seeing all of the real signs.

Two weeks ago we celebrated Reuvein's bar mitzva in the old city of Jerusalem. He had spent a few months before coming to Israel working on Parshat Shelach, as that was the Torah reading he was supposed to read in America. Here in Israel we were a week ahead.  I spoke and told the family how Shelach was a parsha for those in Chutz la'aretz that didn't appreciate coming to Israel. Korach though was always meant to be his Bar Mitzva parsha and I proved it to them.

First of all Korach is the only parsha that has the name re'uvein in the first pasuk of the parsha. That's pretty cool. Second guess what the Parsha is all about? You got it! The tribe of Levi, and Levy wasn't only their last name, they were in fact Levi'im. If that wasn't enough though, the parsha also mentions the mitzva of redeeming the first born and of course Reu'vein was the first born of his family. Yup, this was meant to be his parsha and then we got the final sign. The cherry on top.

Motzai Shabbos Moishy threw a huge Bbq melave Malka for the occasion and as we were chomping down steaks and burgers all of sudden 10's and 10's and 10's of Jewish students from Mexico come in. They don't seem too religious but they all seem to be having a great time. I look at Moishy and tears start to stream down his eyes. Always one for a good story I asked him what was going on. And this is what he told me.

See Moishy's father that had passed away was born in Israel and raised not religious. He moved to Mexico, after being subject to religious abuse in the "secular" Israeli Army back in the 50's when he put on tefillin despite not being religious himself. There he connected to a Rabbi who drew him close to yiddishkeit. Perhaps the straw that broke his secular upbringing camel's back was when he saw the terrible intermarriage and inter-dating that was going on amongst the Jewish youth of Mexico. His yiddisheh neshoma was pained by this and for the next 50 years of his life he dedicated his resources to Jewish social and outreach programs for the Jewish youth of Mexico. Who knows how many Jewish children found their Jewish spouses and are raising Jewish families because of his merit.

Two days before the Bar Mitzva, Moishy while walking down the streets of Jerusalem met a Rabbi who had once come to his house to raise money for Jewish programming for College students from Mexico. The Rabbi was shocked to see Moishy and Moishy as well wanted to know what the Rabbi was doing here. There were no flights to Israel. There hasn't been for the past three months, what's going on? The Rabbi, explained how he had come here with a group of students three months ago for a 10-day trip before Purim. But with the outbreak of Corona they were stranded in the country, and as their colleges were closed anyways, the students decided to stay and he was running Torah programs for them simultaneous to their now distant learning college program. Yet, the students really needed a fun-get together. Did Moishy have any ideas about how he can entertain them, maybe even this Saturday night?

Moishy got choked andcontinued. 

"As we celebrated this Shabbos, I thought about how my father is not here with us at this simcha. How much nachas he would get that we have returned from the land he fled and are now here celebrating the putting on of teffilin and the rebuilding of our life here in Eretz Yisrael. These boys dancing here tonight are my father's message and kiss of nachas. His whole life was dedicated to outreach to the Jews of Mexico, and here he has sent us them to be here with us. To dance for him with us. I see my father here."

Hashem sends all of us signs every day. Signs of His love for us. Signs for where he wants us to live. Signs for how he wants us to live. Our Father always sees us. Those signs are for us to always see Him. May we soon as well see His return with all  of His children as we sing and dance at His simcha.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 This week's Insights and Inspiration is sponsored by Ruth Cohen of Norfolk, Virginia in honor of the Bar Mitzva of her grandson Alter Shmuel Bridge, son of Sid and Amy Bridge. You are such an incredible young man and you have such amazing parents that are so proud of you. May you continue to be a source of so  much yiddisheh nachas and may you only see bracha and hatzlacha as you continue to grow in Torah and Maazim Tovim.

Mazel Tov!

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" A sach mentshen zehen, nor vainik fun zai farshtai’en.."- Many people see things but few understand them.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

34) For which of the following sites is a security clearance and coordination required?

A.  Alexandrion fortress (Sartaba)

B.  The Temple Mount

C.  Shiloh

      D.  Ein Keshatot (Umm el-Qanatir)

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jlt9P0nDDTY– Amazing Story of Fire and Torah this week

https://youtu.be/Jm92ZAPNIT8 - Ma Tovu -  a beautiful song Eitan Katz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_KuOGC_1wo - "Karva" great new sog Eitan Katz and Zusha collaboration

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyzvohk5L3k  – Avrham Fried and Eli Marcus U'vais Hahi- a new Yossi Green hit

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0F20tS_pH88 – This wasn't easy for me to find but got it! The original Ma Tovu from my youth that I grew up. Listen at 3:28 to the original Negina Recording

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Parshat Chukas- - Forbidden Relations with Gentiles–The end of our Parsha tells us the final solution of Bil'aam which was to get the Moabite women to seduce the Jewish men into their tents. In Bila'am's words he understood that Hashem hates licentious relations and we would incur His wrath and that would be the end of us. To a large degree his plan was successful. 24,000 Jews died in a plague that was only brought to a halt when Pinchas shishkabobbed the leader of the tribe of Zimri who was brazenly consorting with the princess of Midian, Kozbi in front of Moshe and Aharon. The Midrash describes Zimri's chutzpa in that Moshe was sitting and judging the people who had been making visits to those tents to death and he got up to defend his tribe.

I saw an incredible insight that shed light on Zimri's rationale. He suggested that the problem was really that the Jews were serving idolatry in the tents of the Moabite women. That was they price that was demanded of them to enter. Perhaps it would be better to bring the women here to the camp, where there was no fear of idolatry. Being that the sin of being together with a non-jewish woman in the Torah seems only to be a prohibition to marry them, then in fact there was no biblical prohibition, certainly not a cardinal one, letting it take place under the auspices and in the holy tents without any fear of idolatry…God forbid. And if you, Moshe, feel it's a problem. Why you yourself even married a Midianite woman, which seemingly is worse. This was his claim which might even seem justified to some. Better let them do a lesser sin, if any in our house than losing them entirely in the Moabite tents to avoda zara.

He was wrong and Pinchas proved that and the plague resolved the whole issue eternally. However was he right halachically? So in truth the Rambam seems to be quite clear that the biblical prohibition with the punishment of misa b'yidei shamayim-death by heaven" is only when one marries a gentile (at least for a Yisrael-a Kohen is always biblically prohibited. Marriage though does not mean with a Rabbi in a shul, rather even if someone lives together as a couple that would also be considered like marriage. As well someone who publically consorts as Zimri did with a gentile woman is also subject to the death by any zealot, like Pinchas who is in the vicinity that wishes to stand up for the honor of Hashem and the Jewish people. One who is not marrying or living together though would be subject to Rabbinic lashes for this sin though. As the Rabbis were smart enough to recognize that generally one thing will lead to another in these cases.

The Rambam though cautions us that one should not take this sin lightly for all other sins the ramifications end with his action. Here however any children that may be born by a non-jewish mother as a result of their relationship is not considered Jewish. And take it from someone who has been in outreach for a long time, placing that status on your children is one of the most painful things you can put them through.

This prohibition as well, and even its status of consortin publicly, the consensus seems to be that public knowledge of their relationship suffices to bring it to the level of biblical status. Meaning the only time it would fall under the rabbinic prohibition is if this was something that was not known. As well in order not to get into any sticky situations already from the time of Hillel and Shammai during the second Temple a decree was passed on even being secluded with a non-jewish woman for even a short period of time. And you know those two Rabbi's couldn't agree on most things… But this was one they both did. Following that decree all of the prohibitions between an unwed Jewish man and Jewish women such as physical contact of a more loving nature or listening to them sing or seeing them not modestly dressed are as well prohibited.

We are a holy nation, we are Hashem's nation and our job is to build nice yiddisher families. Stay away from those that will take us away from that. It's as simple as that.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Shaul's first War -879 BC – As we mentioned last week, there were a group of people that didn't accept Shaul as their King, despite his overwhelming vote from the majority of the nation and being selected by the Urim V'Tumim and anointed by Shmuel. There are always those that say "Not my President, or Prime Minister". Until of course they need them to cash their stimulus checks… or to fight their battles for them. So Shaul went home and not long after Hashem sent Nachash, the King of Ammon- currently of course in the easily identifiable place by name alone, Amman, Jordan, to attack the people living in Yavesh Gilead, also on the other side of the Jordan River seemingly in a place called Tel Abu Cherez near a place also easily and biblically identified called Wadi Yabes. These were the same people that didn't accept Shaul. Well… who needs a King and an army now?

They tried to cut a deal with Nachash where they would all agree to be his slaves, but his response was that they would each need to chop out their right eye as a sign of shame to close that deal. Yeah, he wasn't exactly that reasonable. Our sages take it a step further and said that the right eye besides being meant literally was also a reference to the Torah that he demanded be destroyed- the Torah of course being our eyes. His objection was that the Torah states that we are not allowed to marry someone from Ammon and Moav and he felt that was very racist. Ammon Lives Matter, apparently Jewish lives…not so much.

The people of Yavesh Gilead came running to Shaul and rather than saying, what most of us might, "ahhh so now you want me…" He stood up indiginant for the honor of the Jewish people. He understood that although they may not have thought him as their King, they were his people. He demanded that every single Jewish male join the fight against Ammon. To make this demand a little more graphic. He chopped up the ox that he was grazing- as after not assuming the kingship he went back to his farm- and he sent a piece to every tribe threatening that this will happen to all of their cattle unless they join the fight. And they all came; 330,000 of them.

The next morning the men of Yavesh Gilead sent a message to the camp of Nachash that they would meet him in the morning, leaving it ambiguous enough that he would assume he would have some fun with their eyeballs. That night Shaul divided his camp into three and attacked for four hours decimating Nachash's army entirely. Boom. All gone. The people euphoric with their victory and their incredible new king, then turned to those men that had opposed Shaul's kingship and sentenced them to death for rebelling against Shaul. Interesting how this didn't bother them that much before this great victory… Shaul however made the bold statement that no one shall die on this day, pardoning them. Let's all go to Gilgal and get this Kingship going. And thus the Jews joined once again unanimously to coronate Shaul this time with everyone as their King.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S HEAVENLY SIGN JOKES  OF THE WEEK

FUNNY CHURCH SHUL SIGNS

The fact that there is a Highway to hell and a stairway to heaven gives you an idea of the anticipated traffic numbers

 Acting perfect in Shul is like dressing up for an X-Ray

Tweet others you want to be Tweeted

When you throw mud at someone you lose ground

Adam and Chava- the first people not read Apple's terms and conditions (it wasn't an apple)

Avoid Truth decay-brush up on you Torah

Hashem does not believe in Atheists therefore they do not exist.

Come to shul, because there are some searches that just can't be found by Google.

Little Moishie Epstein was walking home from school holding his Tanach (Hebrew Bible) when he thought about his day’s lesson, and exclaimed loudly “Baruch Hashem” (praise God).Along came a university student who had recently completed a religious studies course. He asked the boy what he was so excited about.

“Today in class my teacher taught me that that God opened up the waves of the Sea of Reeds and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle."

The university student laughed lightly, sat down next to Little Moishie and began to try to open his eyes to the "realities" of the miracles of the Bible. "That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. So you see, it would have been no problem for the Israelites to wade across."

Little Moishie was stumped. The university student, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. Scarcely had he taken two steps when Little Moishie said, “Baruch Hashem!” Confused, the university student asked for an explanation.

"Wow!" exclaimed Little Moishie happily, "God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Sea of Reeds, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10 inches of water!"

The story is told of the atheist who accosted a rabbi.

"Do you believe in life after death?"

The rabbi has no time to reply.

"Well it’s a load of rubbish!" shouted the Atheist. "I believe in science, evolution, survival of the fittest, and when we die, that's it! No eternal life, no judgment, and no God!" The Atheist continues his assault against the rabbi tirelessly."Eternal life! Eternal life! Ha! Its all pie in the sky when you die. When I die that's it, the end, no eternal life, no nothing." He continues, until he reaches his climax, "I will be buried six feet under when I die and that's it! Nothing! Caput! When I die I am utterly convinced that that will be the end of me!"

"Well thank God for that" replies the rabbi.

What do you get if you cross a dyslexic, an atheist and an insomniac? 
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

Hannah comes home from her afternoon out with Arnold looking very unhappy.
"What’s the matter, Hannah?" asks her mother.
"Arnold has asked me to marry him," she replies.
"Mazeltov! But why are you looking so sad?" her mother asks.
"Because he also told me that he was an atheist. He doesn't even believe in Gehenom."
Her mother then says, "That’s all right Hannah, it really isn’t a problem. I suggest you marry him and then I will show him how wrong he is."  

Atheist: What's this fly doing in my soup? Waiter: Praying. Atheist: Very funny. I can't eat this. Take it back. Waiter: You see? The fly's prayers were answered.

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Answer is A–  There goes my streak, It was so nice while it lasted. I was in doubt about this one between Sartaba and Temple Mount. I knew that there was some security restrictions on the Temple Mount. But I was pretty sure that they had set times when people could come and I didn't think that any special coordination was needed or background checks. But at the same time Sartaba my other choice where I only went once for a climb up this miserable mountain outside of Yericho, I didn't remember any special security coordination, although I knew that it was in west bank. I knew that Shiloh didn't or did Umm el Kanitir in the Golan Heights. So I went with Temple Mount and I was wrong. The correct answer is Sartaba as it is near an army base that uses the area as a firing zone. So another one wrong for me making the score Schwartz 24 and 10 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam. I'm still safely passing but let's see if I can get a score that would make my mother proud.