The Unlikely King- Shavuot Edition / Parshat Naso- 5786 2026

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 21^st 2026 -Volume 16 Issue 30 5^th of Sivan 5786

 

Parshat Naso - Shavuot

 The Unlikely King

 

(Amazing newest and latest Edition for you guys… After years of making me crazy… I'm delighted to share with you each week a PRINTABLE LINK! For the Dvar Torah or whatever you wanna call this portion of the Weekly E-Mail for your Shabbos table…

Thank you Amit Landau for putting this together for me…

CLICK HERE BELOW FOR PRINT EDITION

( weekly newsletter parshat naso Shavuot edition  )

 

They called him a "mamzer". That's not a nice name. Others called him a "goy". A "sheigetz". I don't know if there were any Yerushalmi kids there at the time, but they might have even called him a "Nazi". It was really a shame, they said. His father was such a holy special person. Some say that he never did an aveira his entire life. He was the gadol ha'dor. It's a really Shanda, that he has a kid like that. It's no wonder, that he really doesn't want to talk about him to much, and he just lets him wander around on those hilltops with his guitar all day, like those "lost boys". Those na'arei ha'gevaot that are just violent psychopaths in the making with their slingshots and stuff. At least they're taking out their aggression issues away from the rest of us normal people. He's a red-head, and you know what they say about "gingies". He's got that Esau blood running through him.  

 

He's so wild, did you hear? The army didn't even want him. All that crazy radical talk about wiping out all those uncircumcised goyim. Liberating the land, as if we aren't already living the geula for the past few hundred years. We have our Mishkan in Shilo. Our Beis Medrash and Torah in Bnai Brak and Ponivizh. Sure, we have to deal with those Philistines coming up from Gaza every couple of years and terrorizing us. But that's life in Israel. No one ever said it was going to be easy.  Anyways, we have a man in office that's dealing with that. We have an army. The most moral army in the world…

 

Somebody's got tell this kid to stop with his posts and whatsapp statuses. He's irresponsible. He's endangering all of us with his rhetoric. With his violence. With constant nagging for the Beis Ha'Mikdash. With those Mashiach patches and those Har Ha'Bayis signs he's putting up all over the place. Can't he see, that there's a reason why Hashem never revealed to us the place to build him that home, yet. We're not meant to go there. There's probably some grain yard, or some golden pimple there. When the time comes, Hashem will bring us all there. For the meantime, just hang out with your sheep. Because you're not accepted into any of our yeshivos. You don't fit into our system. You're a loser. A blight on our elitist Torah system and world. Even the Gadol Ha'Dor your own father knows that, and every day you're alive you’re a shame and Shanda on him and your entire family.

 

Little did anyone ever dream that this kid would become the King of Israel and the grandaddy of Mashiach. That he was the only one that really had it right the whole time. That his father, that gadol ha'dor was so wrong about him. He was wrong about himself, about his wife, about his bubby, about his own roots and insecurities that he projected onto him. That this youngest son of his, that everyone wrote off and were sure would never amount to anything, turned out to be greatest leader of the Jewish people.

 

He really was the only one, and the first in a few hundred years, that actually got right what we were supposed to be doing here in Israel- and no it wasn't just about setting up Torah, shuls, batei midrash or even planting and growing stuff. It wasn't to create an Israeli Defense Force either. We weren't brought here to live in self-created minimalist borders, and try not to upset our neighbors, or step on their feet, or graze on their land. Certainly not to destroy their places of forcing worship. Sure, Hashem gave us this mandate, but to be honest, despite what He told our ancestors, He's pretty happy with the Torah we're learning. When He's ready He'll come take care of it Himself. It's not really our job. We're just meant to sing 'Ani Ma'amin' until then. Vehi She'amda is nice too. Maybe the kid could write some songs. That could be a nice way of using his energy for good. It's such a shame what his father has to go through. Maybe we could be mekarev him…

 

I imagine, you guys have figured out that I'm talking about Dovid Ha'Melech. I imagine as well, that you know this is exactly the way they talked about him. The same way, that we talk about them today… 3000 years and absolutely nothings changed. The story with his father Yishai- whose tomb in chevron I visited yesterday, along with his great-bubby who he thought was shiktza; Rus, is a perhaps less famous one. It's worthwhile to know it, especially since that's one of the reasons we will be reading it tomorrow. The sefer, which really doesn't have much to do with Shavuos explicitly, is read on the yartzeit of Dovid Ha'Melech. Not just his Yartzeit, but his birthday too.

 

We read the book, because there was a question about Dovid's yichus. His grandmother was Moabite convert. The Torah says you can't marry or convert someone from Moav. They're bad people. They're selfish. They're promiscuous. They have bad middos. We don't want that bad blood mixing with our pure holy nation. Now there was a debate whether that was just the men from Moav or even the women as well. But, why take chances? Tachlis, a goy is a goy, and maybe they're good shidduchim for some ba'al teshuva or something or another convert. But certainly not for a nice haymisheh family like ours.

 

Particularly this Rus, girl, is a problem. Her father was Eglon. He was like Sinwar, like Arafat. He was the guy that lived in Jordan that made deals with Amalek and for 18 years persecuted and attacked Israel. Her grandfather was Balak that hired Bila'am and ultimately 24,000 Jews were killed in a plague after he sent his daughters out to seduce them. 24,000, non-incidentally, is the same number of the students of Rabbi Akiva that died during the period of Omer. The students that died for not giving kavod- honor to one another. They died for 32 days, according to some, which is the gematria of kavod. They died during the 49 days of Omer which the gematria of Moav. It ends on Shavuos, with this granddaughter of Moav's story. It ends on Shavuos with the story of the birthday of the boy, who's their descendant who didn't seem to get too much respect himself; Dovid Melech Yisrael chai v'kayam.

 

Yishai, Dovid's father, although he never knew or even acknowledged that until the end of his life, had even separated from Dovid's mother in order to try to "purify" his questionable lineage. To get rid of this persistent skeleton in his closet, of this great-bubby of his that a few hundred years later people were still talking about. We have a way of doing that. He separated and married a maid servant, with plans of freeing her and thus she would become a regular convert and the line would be purified. Yet Dovid's mother wasn't a big fan of the concept. She wasn't such a lamdan, like her gadol ha'dor husband. So much like great-bubby Rus she took matters into her own hands. She snuck in the middle of the night, and poof Dovid came out of that conception, that Yishai didn't even know was from him. He assumed, Dovid's mother was with someone else during that separation period. Dovid was a mamzer. A goy perhaps. Nisht fun unzereh…So he chucked him out.

 

It wasn't until Shmuel comes to anoint one of his children to be the King of Israel, that he surprisingly finds out that none of his yeshivish brisker kids were worthy, and neither were the ones that were faithfully serving in the army of Shaul, that seemed so much more politically correct and leadership worthy. It was the kid with the sheep and guitar on the hilltop that was the anointed of Hashem. It was the kid they threw out of all of the yeshivas. It was the one fighting with animals. It was the kid we wrote off…and said wasn't real ours. That has bad blood. That was the chosen of Hashem. It's from him that not only does Mashiach descend from, but for whom, Rashi tells us in this week's parsha the Bais Ha'Mikdash is even named after. He's the red-headed leader, that doesn't have just a new "Trump" wing or hotel of the White House named after him, but the entire house of Hashem, then and what we daven for is called The Bais Dovid. David's house.

 

The Alshich, the Shela, the Ramachal and many other Jewish sages throughout the generations all note the bizarreness of the origin story of Dovid and Mashiach. The truth is it's even worse than what I've even written. For Moav's early roots come from the daughter of Lot's incestuous relationship with their father. Boaz is a descendant of Yehuda and Tamar and their illicit harlot's tryst unknowingly with his own daughter-in-law. It's not nice stuff. It's skeletons in our closet. It's people that we talk about perhaps at best, treating with kavod, and respect and being mekarev, but l'maaseh never really dream that they can be Mashiach, they can be greater than all of us. That they should marry into our family, let alone lead it.

 

Yet, that's not only the real secret of Mashiach, that seems incomprehensible to us, they suggest. Rather it's the only way that he can ever be born and ultimately reveal himself. What they write is that there is a real power of the Satan, to prevent and prosecute the coming of Mashiach and the revelation of Hashem. That's the job Hashem created him for. To create a counter-force in the world that will grant us free-choice and always balance out holiness and revelation with a significant force and challenge that will try to hide and destroy that. It's why every Yom Kippur we have to give a goat to Azazel as a gift to distract him. To pretend as if we're worshipping idolatry so he'll be quiet and let our atonement fly. It's why on the day of giving of the Torah, Hashem distracted the Satan to the point that the Midrash tell us that when the Satan came home he didn't even know it was given and therefore immediately upped the ante with the sin of the golden calf temptation, by floating the coffin of Moshe. He does that after the Akeida, with the death of Sarah. And particularly when we get closer and closer to Eretz Yisrael and fulfilling our divine mandate, he's there with Amalek, with Balak and Bilaam, with the spies. He doesn't stop.

 

The Satan's job didn't end even when we came into Israel. He made us satisfied with settling parts of the land and getting too lazy to take the whole thing. He made us happy with Shilo and we forgot about the house of Hashem. He does this after the building of the Temple with the division of our kingdom. With the Jews not wanting to return during the 2^nd Temple with Ezra. With the sins of the 2^nd Temple. The Greek influence. Assimilation. Political correctness. Sinas Chinam. He's done it through out our Galus. He's still doing it today. He's smart. He's savvy and there's only one way to overcome him and bring in the light. It's through the back door. It's with people that he doesn't see as a threat. It's from the darkest shmutziest stories, that he knows we will never believe in or find light in. That's the only way Mashiach could be born. Happy Birthday Dovid.

 

The Eim Ha'Banim Samaycha, Rav Teichtel, writes during is time during the Holocaust, about the secular and perhaps even anti-religious underpinnings of the Zionist State. Although initially having been an anti-zionist before the Holocaust who decried this movement, his thinking shifted and he quotes source after source throughout Chazal that the opposite is quite true. It is only through these non-frum, through the sins just like Dovid's and Mashiach's illicit promiscuous origins that the redemption can come. That we can get past the Satan's spiritual camera, that he has on his phone that's always on the lookout for of happening. Mashiach can only be revealed, through a hiddenness that looks prust, and filthy to us, that you don't even want to tell your children what's going on. It's coming from people that we may call eruv rav, but the truth is they're our ticket home. There's a spark in them, just like Dovid that is willing to sacrifice it all for the house of Hashem, that Rashi tell us

"because he sacrificed himself for the house of Hashem, it is called on his name"

Just as the Mishkan is called after the name of Moshe.

 

I spend a lot of times on the hilltops with my tourists. I love this 15 year old kids and simple families that are fighting and doing it all with their sheep, to conquer the land. To chase out our enemies. To fight against our own Israeli army and beauracacy because they long for our return home. What's fascinating though is that these same kids with payos, tzitzis and sandals who I see as modern day Dovid Ha'Melechs and are perhaps some of the most vilified in Israel and in the world, were here a hundred years ago as well. They were secular back then. They were chalutzim, pioneers without kippas and many even ate on Yom Kippur and denied Hashem. Yet they sat the ground for what these holy ones are doing today. They got us past the Satan. And now we're slowly sancitifying their work.

 

Interestingly enough, the same is true in our army. The original army of Israel was all about kochi v'otzem yadi, Our own power, our own greatness. Yisrael Bitach Ba'Tzahal. The Satan had no problem with them. He was even willing and allowed miracles to take place. Even ask the Satmar Rebbi and Neturei Karta… They were the harlot at the crossroad of Yehuda, they were daughters of Moabite sinners, they were Lot's daughters who thought they with their own sins can save the world and create a new one. Yet, they held and were hiding the light of Mashiach. The light of Dovid. Toady look at the army of Israel. They're mostly wearing Tzitzis, yarmulkas, they sing songs about Hashem. They all daven. They learn. They believe. They're on fire and have Mashiach patches on their uniforms. We got through the door of the Satan. We've avoided his camera. We now need to finish the job.

 

Parshat Naso, that we read this Shabbos here in Israel, is all about that idea. It's the counting of Levi and then it’s the ones thrown out of the camp and bringing them back, the tamey, the zav, the metzora, the sota and even the holier-than thou- nazir. Only after we return them, only after we see the blessing of the Kohen for them, can the nesi'im then each bring their sacrifices. Because they are our key to bringing mashiach. They've got the visa that can get us into the country. They possess the holy spark that we need to find the chen the Kohen blesses us with in order to bring Shalom, to the world. To build an eternal house of Shalom.  

 

The holiday of Shavuos, is really not so much about the Torah. The Torah is our kesuva- our marriage document, with Hashem. Can you imagine someone by their wedding dancing and running around and showing them their kesuva all night. Check it out, what an amazing document. What s brilliant idea. What beautiful writing! Meanwhile the kallah is sitting in the corner wondering when her chasan will remember that she's there waiting. She wants to go into the yichud room. She wants him to bring her home. Shavuos is about being one with Hashem. It's about a house of Dovid.

Dovid is the same letters as dod- my beloved. That's what we need to remember. That's the ball we need to keep our eye on. If we do that, then we would be more focused on the ones that we need to be there with us, the ones that can perhaps be our key to getting there. The one's we're overlooking because we're so focused on the kesuva and not the house. Dovid, never forgot the house. On Shavuos, we read his story to remind us and tap into his energy so we can redirect our thoughts and perhaps undergo that one last paradigm shift that we need, so that we may once again merit to see our King and bring Him back down to His palace.      

 

 Have a revelatory and celebratory Chag Shavuos Samayach and an uplifting Shabbos

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz 

 

This week's Insights and Inspiration is sponsored by my dear friend Shel Donner in honor of their upcoming trip to Israel in honor of his granddaughters Ruthies 10^th Birthday!

Mazel Tov.. It's so great to have you back here, and there's no better way to celebrate a birthday like a trip to Israel. May Ruthie continue to grow into a beautiful bas Yisrael and be a source of much yiddishe nachaas to her entire family and her grandparents that love her very much!

  

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

"Fun krume shidukhim kumen arois glaikheh kinder."– From crooked matches also come straight children..

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

33. In honor of which ruler’s visit was the road from Jaffa to Jerusalem paved? ________

 What is the earliest text in which the city of Jerusalem is mentioned?

A. The Torah

B. The New Testament

C. The Execration texts 

D. The Dead Sea Scrolls

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

In Honor of Shavuous it's Rabbi Schwartz compositions playlist!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/dovid-melech-r-ephrayim  - In honor of Dovid Ha'Melech's Yartzeit my Dovid Melech song that we should be zochen to sing soon to greet Mashiach!

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vatem   – Dreaming of the Geula? Here's my wings of Eagle composition with the promise Hashem gave us on Shavuot! Dovid Lowy on the arrangements and vocals!

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/kad-yasvun  - This beautiful heartfelt composition of mine Kad Yasvun… When we are joyous in our study of the Torah Hashem tells the malachim to look at his beautiful children who forget their own tzaros to only take joy in Hashem… Dovid Lowy again on vocals and arrangements…

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon  - From our holiday davening our longing and prayer for Hashem to rebuild the Bais Ha'Mikdash- You even get to hear me sing the first 20 seconds or so… Baruch Hashem Dovid takes over from there…

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/torah-hakedosha  – Our Tefilla to the Torah to turn to Hahem and not forget that Shavuos Morning when we first wed Him and said "I do" and to answer our prayers…

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/eitz-chayim  – And finally my song for Shavuous Eitz Chayim Hi- It's our tree of life. It's ways are pleasantness… And the song is great!

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Prophecy Ending- 350 BC-   The return to Eretz Yisrael was happening. As per the nevuah of Chaggai the Jews started rebuilding the temple. The process that had started 19 year before hand with Koresh/Cyrus that had been halted now commenced once again with the return of Zerubavel and the permission of Darius. Yet, not everyone came, as we noted. Most stayed. The Navi Zecharia steps into the limelight here and rebukes them. He tells them that era of prophecy in coming to an end. There's really no point in it anymore he tells them. For a few reasons.

 

The first is that nobody really is paying attention and coming. So why talk and reveal and try to cajole if the words aren't being heeded to return. The second reason though he gives, is even more powerful. He tells them that they are experiencing more prophecy now than before. Because the words of the prophets of the past are actually taking place before their eyes. Why can't they see it? Why don't they not how miraculous it is that we are returning. That we are building. Why are they still there? Finally, he tells them that the reason prophecy is ending is because Hashem is angry. He's hiding His face from us. We've refused to come home to see Him and to bring Him home. He will not hang out and communicate with us as well as He did in the past. He is our shadow. He's taking His cues from us.

 

For 19 years we had been in Jerusalem and even starting to sacrifice offerings on the altar we constructed there, despite there not being a Temple. Now that the process had begun of rebuilding it, the Jews started getting a bit frummer and asking about purity and impurity laws. Who can come and who can't. Zecharia again tells them an unbelievable and tragic and prophecy. He tells them that tumah and tahara isn't as important as the actual building and return to the service. The 2^nd Temple will not be the final one. The Jews have rejected it by not coming. It will last, we will worship there. Yet, the shechina and miracles can't come until the next Temple that will follow. Then we can fix our sins. Then we can come back for good. That's the era we're in now.

 

Take that thought in your minds as you daven this Shavous, wherever you are but especially in chutz la'aretz. We want the real deal. We want to come home and build the Bais Ha'Mikdash. Totty is waiting for us…

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE KING JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

There once was a king who was 12 inches tall.He was a terrible king but a great ruler…

 

A king has 3 cups in front of him. The first 2 cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name? King Philip III

 

What happens when the King leaves the toilet? A Royal Flush.

 

Once upon a time, a King wanted to have some fun. He went on a podium and said loudly: "I will give half of my fortune to anyone who manages to tell me a lie that I, myself, admit that it's a lie."

An old man walked to the King and said: "I can draw rainbows wherever I want."

The King replied: "That's true, I saw you making one yesterday and it was really pretty."

A soldier then walked to the King while everyone stared at him, and said: "Your majesty, I have a gun that shoots atomic bombs."

The King quickly said: "That's great, and by the way, good job on Hiroshima."

After hearing all that, the kingdom was discouraged to ask any further questions because it would simply end the same; the King can always find a way to dodge that lie.

Almost desperate, a young Jewish boy named Bereleh, approached the King holding a barrel and loudly said: "I lent you a barrel of gold last week".

The King said: "That's a lie."

The boy replied: "Give me half of your fortune then!"

The King quickly said: "Wait, I remember, you did lend you me barrel of gold last week."

Smirking, Bereleh shouted: "Give it back to me then."

 

What's it called when a King and Queen have no children? A receding heir-line.

 

Which of King Arthur's knights was chosen to make the round table? Sir Cumference

 

Why did none of the women King Midas dated want to marry him? They got gold feet.

 

A king had 10 wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.

A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all, so he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

The minister said,

"I served you loyally 10 years and you do this..?

The king was unrelenting. The Minister pleaded

"Please give me 10 days before you throw me to the dogs"

The king agreed. In those 10 days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days. The guard was baffled, but he agreed. So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them. So when the 10 days were up, the king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced. When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister and licking his feet. The king was baffled at what he saw.

"what happened to the dogs? !!!” He growled.

The minister then said;”

I served the dogs for only 10 days and they didn’t forget my service…

Yet I served you for 10 years and you forgot all at the first mistake!”…

The king realised his mistake and replaced the dogs with crocodiles !!

 

My friend is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king.

**Henry**

**George**

**Charles**

**Burger.**

 

There's a depressed king back in the 14th century. And nothing could cheer him up. Eventually the royal advisor hired a new fool to entertain the king. The clown was very funny, and most of the court laughed, but the king merely sighed, and then turned towards his advisor.

"I don't think this worked Henry, but I appreciate the jester."

 

King Henry VIII had six wives. He beheaded two of them. Those were his axe wives.

 

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The answer to this week's question is C– OK I always marvel how this sometimes connect to the time of year that this falls out. It's a divine kiss to those that make it this far into my column 😊. Now the first part I got right officially, the second part only spiritually. Franz Josef I knew. His visit to Israel was famous, and its why we have the Tifferet Yisrael shul currently being rebuilt's dome in honor of his hat and visit. Part II I got wrong according to them. I of course went with the Torah. The answer they were looking for was the excrecation scrolls which were found in Egypt from about 1000 years supposedly before the Jews were even in Egypt. They mention Jerusalem. So technically the pre-date the Torah. But as we know it all starts with the Torah, which was my guess…

So I got this one only half right. and the new score is Rabbi Schwartz having 22.5 points and the MOT having 10.5 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.

My King- Shavuot 2022 / 5782

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

June 3^rd 2022 -Volume 11 Issue 34 4^th Sivan 5782

Shavuot

My King

 

It’s one of those rare meals that we’re not in any rush to finish. On most Friday nights or holidays we had a long week. We’re tired. We’re ready to hit the sack. Don’t get me wrong we enjoy our Shabbos and holiday Yom Tov meals. There’s good food. We have wonderful family bonding time. There are zemiros, Shabbos and Yom Tov songs that we all sing together, especially if you guys learned some new Rabbi Schwartz compositions that you want to make sure your whole family learns so that you can truly reach the most elevated and exalted levels of spirituality. But at the end of that meal there is a bed waiting for you. A welcoming warm pillow and blanket that you know will feel just perfect after having such an incredibly satisfying spiritual and gastrointestinal experience. So I understand that you don’t have time to read my whole Megilla each week. I certainly spread it out over all three Shabbos meals. Because that bed is waiting there for me after 6 long tiring days on the road. And I don’t want to disappoint it.

 

But Shavuos night is different “at- all” as my Savta would say. I’m in no rush. The bed isn’t going to be happening until the early hours of the morning. The only thing waiting for me is the Bais Medrash where I will be fighting to keep my eyes open, drinking lots of coffee and pretending that I am absorbing some serious Torah learning in my muddled exhausted brain. If it were up to me, I’d get a good nights rest and wake up early in the morning fresh and rested and then first sit down and learn for a good few hours.

 

But the downside of being the Rabbi of a shul is that you really can’t always get away with what makes sense. Tradition trumps all. Certainly, a tradition that’s been over 500 years old that started with the ARI’Zl whom I speak about a lot on my tours in Tzfat. It seems there were 8 students of his that stayed up and an angel revealed the secrets of the Torah to them. The two that fell asleep missed out and since that time the AR”I pretty much made sure we would never miss it again. I have never seen any Shavuos night angels, although the guy that refilled my coffee mug looked that way at one point. But, I’m certainly not going to go to sleep and miss out, because that angel probably is waiting for that year to be the one that he shows up and then everyone will laugh at me for missing it. But I’m certainly in no hurry to finish the meal and get to the Bais Midrash. And admit it neither are you.

 

So, in order to help you out-Rabbi Schwartz is always there for you, y’know… I’ve got a few things for you. First of all, this week’s E-Mail will probably be longer than usual and you can read the whole thing twice if you really want to stall for time. Don’t worry nobody will notice. They’re not listening to anything but the jokes anyways. In addition, I have four new Shavuos songs that you need to listen to and sing repeatedly and teach them to your family. They are easy to learn, so that shouldn’t take much time, but they get better and better and are addictive and you will find yourself humming them all night long. Finally, I figured that tonight we will start with a game. Make it fun. I know it’s not Pesach. So we won’t be throwing plagues and frogs at people or animal noises by Chad Gadya, hiding and stealing afikomans or having lengthy negotiations. But Shavuos the day of the giving of the Torah also needs a game for a long meal delayer. So let’s play.

 

I want you to go around the table and ask everyone if they had one biblical or Jewish historical figure that they could meet with, that they could chap a half hour schmooze with, who would it be and why. Sounds like fun? It’s a great opener for a good discussion. It will teach you about your family, your children, and it will buy time (which since my small stomach surgery- I need between courses to make room) to shlep out the meal and you probably don’t have to get to the Bais Midrash until one or two AM if you play and enjoy it right.

 

Now, I’m not sure who or what your answers will be. But I can guess there will be some Avraham Avinus, Sara Immeinus. Moshe Rabbeinus; or perhaps more friendly his brother Aharon. Maybe your brainy kid will say King Solomon. Queen Esther I’m sure has a fascinating story to tell. Yeah, I know your yeshivish kid would say Rava or Abaya, the Breslaver wannabee maybe the AR”I, Rebbi Nachman or the Baal Shem Tov. Maybe you can even add to the game and guess other peoples “choice person” before they reveal it. But for me there’s only one person that I think would be the most incredible experience to meet. I don’t even have to think twice. I’ll give you a hint. It’s his birthday on Shavuos and non- coincidentally it’s his Yartzeit as well. Can anyone guess? Yup you got it. The person I would most like to meet is the King of all Israel. Dovid Melech Yisrael- Chai V’Kayam; the singer and eternal King Dovid.

 

The truth is Shavuos is the day that we are all really meant to tap into that spark and appreciation of Dovid Ha’Melech. In fact, it is mentioned in the commentaries that the entire book of Rus that we read on Shavuos was really written only to testify to the purity of the lineage of Dovid, whose grandmother Rus was a pure holy convert and whose grandfather Boaz was the judge and leader from the tribe of Yehuda. It’s why the book concludes with that lineage down to Dovid. Not that it necessarily helped much, because as our sages tell us there were plenty of bloggers at that time that managed to cast aspersions on the halachic legitimacy of Moabite converts and there were some that even suggested that Dovid ‘bichalal” came from an illegitimate relationship after his father separated from his mother. It’s why he was scorned by his brothers, and he had to hang out with the sheep all day and play his guitar. Nobody wanted to accept him. Fake news and ripping down authority and leadership figures is not a new phenomenon in Klal Yisrael. I’m sure the fact that he was a redhead didn’t help him out much either. You know what they say about “gingies”. He’s got that Esau hot-blood in him. He’s destined to be a killer.

 

Yet Dovid perseveres. He flourishes. That quiet time with the sheep, the struggles, the abuse, the unacceptance by all sitting out in the vast wilderness all day turned his heart and soul to Hashem. He bonded like no other. He composed song after song that expressed the deepest emotions a soul can stir. There was nobody there to laugh at him. No one to judge him. No one to join him. It was him and His Creator and those songs are the core of every prayer, every Jewish gathering, every Jewish ritual and kumzitz. Because they don’t get more real. They don’t get more holy. I want to meet him and hear about that. I want to tap into it.

 

Dovid’s first real public experience though is of course in his famous faceoff with Goliath. I mean come on. Does it get more awesome than that? You have a whole Jewish army threatened by these Philistines and this giant of a animal (think like Hulk Hogan or these WWW wrestling animals but ten times the size) threatening them and blaspheming Hashem and his nation and Dovid picks up a small little slingshot and knocks the living daylights- quite literally- out of him. It’s not the first major battle of Dovid. He tells Shaul when he is interviewed for the job- after everyone laughs at him- that he fought of bears and lions in the past that threatened his sheep. He killed them with his bare hands back then. But that doesn’t impress Shaul -rightfully so. It’s only when Dovid says

Hashem hitzilani m’yad ha-ari v’hadov- Hashem that saved me from the lion and the bear will also give Goliath in my hands, that Shaul agrees he’s the right and perhaps only man for the fight. Dovid understood that he didn’t have anything without Hashem. He was just His simple pawn and if that was the case, all he needed to win any enemy was a few pebbles taking out of that shepherds’ sack that was full of faith and love for His Creator. It’s the only weapon we ever need.

 

Dovid’s life doesn’t get any easier after that. His entire life is one challenge after another. His father-in-law wants to kill him. I mean not just like most of our father-in-laws- he really really wanted to kill him and he tries time and time again. Dovid is on the run and his greatest weakness- or strength it turns out, is that he can’t or won’t fight back. He has opportunity after opportunity to kill this man who has made his life miserable and who has separated from his wife or wives and family and he won’t touch a hair on his head. Shaul is the anointed of Hashem and Dovid’s feeling is to let Hashem take care of the problem. I’m not here to do God’s dirty work. If Hashem wants to avenge me that’s his business- aval yadi al tihi bo- my hand will not be against him. For mei’reshaim yeitzei resha- only bad people to bad violent things. They act zealously in the name of Hashem to “right” what they view as divine wrongs against them. But they’re wrong. They’re fooling themselves. It’s not about Hashem, it’s personal. And Dovid didn’t have any personal. He was only about Hashem.

 

When he finally becomes king, his life doesn’t get any easier. It also doesn’t get any prettier. It’s a good thing Artscroll (love ya Gedalia Z. Don’t take this personally) wasn’t charged with writing his biography. Dovid sins and he does so big time. He takes a “married” woman, gets rid of her husband and marries her. Ouch! Yes, our sages tell us her husband was a dead man walking as he rebelled against Dovid. And yes she was technically divorced at the time. But who are we fooling? This was not a good thing.

 

Except that it was. Because we learn out from this story how we are all human. We all can fail. We all can mess up- as Dovid did- royally. Because we are all Kings and only kings can royally mess up.. But that’s not what it’s about. It’s the fact that our story doesn’t end with that. In fact our story just can get better after that. For there is teshuva. There is repentance. We can become bigger, greater, more humble and closer to Hashem then we were before that sin. It is from that sin, that we bring Mashiach. Dovid fathers Shlomo from that union. The Temple for Hashem is built. The first era of redemption enters the world. Sin is not bad. It’s a steppingstone to greatness. I need to hear that from him. I need to internalize that. It’s him more than anyone else that we all need to hear that story from.

 

For the rest of Dovid’s life he is beset with tribulations. He sees his children die, abuse one another, rebel against him. Trust me, one meeting with Dovid Ha’Melech and you will never complain about tzaar gidul banim again. It’s a joke what we have. Trust me after hearing Dovid’s horror stories about his children you will give your boychik a hug. The fact that he slept in late, or that he did things that you don’t approve of or that might embarrass you in your community or hurt your other children’s shidduchim is literally “kinder shpiel” in the precise meaning of the term compared to what he went through. But he never stopped loving them. He never stopped davening for them. He never gave up on them. He saw their goodness. Their potential. Even when nobody else did.

 

Dovid’s last years he finally had some respite. He learned each night and each Shabbos he never slept. It was his day of rest and he knew that he was meant to die on Shabbos and the angel of death has no power over him if he is connected to Hashem through Torah. Yet, God is trickier. His brought a storm with some leaves blowing to disturb him and he looked up and stopped learning and died in the last hours of Shabbos. Shabbos that was Shavuos. It was the day the Torah was given. The day that we as a nation became the mamleches kohanim of Hashem- the Kingdom of priests of Hashem and it was the day that our King was taken from us. It was his birthday and his death day. And our sages tell us that when someone dies on the day they were born it is a sign that they have achieved perfection. When they die their soul is born again, just as Moshe’s was, in all of us.

 

Each Shavuos we remember Dovid Ha’Melech on this special day. Some have a custom to read and learn the entire book of Tehillim he wrote. If you ask me that can be more meaningful on this special tiring night than a blatt gemara. In our davening on all our holidays we again and again ask Hashem to return us to the house of Dovid. The house he longed to build for Hashem that he didn’t merit to build. Yet our sages tell us that Dovid will ultimately be the one to build the third and eternal Temple of Hashem. Each morning we begin our songs of praise with the psalms of Dovid Ha’melech and the first one we sing is Mizmor Shir Chanukas ha’bayis l’Dovid- a song for the inauguration of the Temple of Dovid. Dovid didn’t build the first or second Temple. It is the third temple that we are singing about. It’s the temple he wanted to build and will ultimately build. It’s not too late for it to happen this year already. More Jews than I have ever seen before are here in the Holy Land hoping and waiting for it to happen. Maybe I’ll get that meeting, maybe we all will, with the help of Hashem already this year.

 

Have a Royal Shabbos and song-filled Shavuos.

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

  

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

A melocheh iz a melucheh, ober men hot nit kain minut menucheh..- Having a job is a having a kingdom, but it doesn’t leave you with a minute of rest.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

30)  The curtain covering the ark in synagogues is called in Hebrew: ___________

Using this element in a synagogue, expresses the concept that a synagogue is:

A)  A special place for the study of Torah

B)  A sanctuary (mikdash me’at)

C)  A place of prayer only

D)  The center for religious Jewish life

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/dovid-melech-r-ephrayim -In honor of Shavuos get your dancing shoes on for my latest Dovid Melech Yisrael composition with the one and only Dovid Lowy!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/eitz-chayim  -Here’s my Eitz Chayim Hi, A fun nice march that some claim is inspired by a TV show theme song… Free bowl of chulent if you can figure it out.

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/kad-yasvun -If you listen closely to this song I composed you can actually hear Hashem singing and shepping nachas from His children that forget all worries and troubles and learning Torah. This is my Kad Yasvun a truly perfect composition sung and arranged beautifully by Dovid Lowy. You really need to learn and sing this by your Shavuos Table.

 

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/torah-hakedosha  -Composed in honor of our Hachnasas Sefer Torah listen to this holy Torah Hakedosha composition I and my son Yonah composed with Dovid Lowy’s arrangements and vocals.. Especially listen all the way to the end for encore

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon  -I know in the intro to this song I mention Pesach however its really good for all of the three holidays when we say the words in our Musaf prayer of the Melech Rachaman to return us to the Bais Ha’Mikdash- this is my response to Shlomo Yehudah’s beautiful V’Hsareinu- I think mine is nicer… what do you think?

 

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

Torah Day- Shavuos – Did you know that the Torah was given on Shabbos? It wasn’t supposed to. In fact, Hashem actually planned on it being given on Friday. Yet Moshe Rabbeinu pushed it off for one day so that we would get the Torah on the holiest day of the week. Why would he do that? Is there something special and unique about Shabbos that Moshe felt we should achieve that was different than Hashem’s plan? And if so what special gift and lesson can we learn from that each Shabbos?

 

The Koznitzer Maggid asks this question and he tells us rather cryptically that the fact that it was given on Shabbos insured that it was something that we would never be able to lose. It would be eternal. We received a portion of Torah that can only be achieved on Shabbos. And that secret ingredient was given to us by Moshe, when Hashem and even the angels in heaven wanted to keep to themselves, because they felt we weren’t worthy of it. The ingredient is called Chochmas Ha’Sod- the secrets of the Torah; the deep mystical understanding of Kabbala that are hidden in its written word.

 

See, the Torah we are told is divided into four different ways of being studied and learned. It’s called Pa’R’De”S- or orchard, which is an acronym for Pshat- simple understanding, Remez- the hints and allegories of the Torah, Derash- the inferences and stories we can derive from the text and finally Sod-the secrets by which Hashem created and runs the world with that are hidden in its holy words. The first three are all Hashem wanted to give us. The secrets though, that was too much. One has to be entirely pure and holy to learn them. There is a fear and perhaps some divine PTSD that lasted from Adam, the first man who bit into that knowledge before Shabbos from that tree that possessed it, that we would destroy and misuse it. It would send us off the deep end. So Hashem taught it to Moshe, but he didn’t mean to share it with us. Yet, Moshe felt that without the Sod. Without those secret holy teachings, the Torah could god forbid become just another fun intellectual book of values, history and teachings. It wouldn’t be Divine. It wouldn’t contain the power of all of the universe. So he felt that we needed that too.

 

Yet Moshe understood that we can only be on the level to achieve and accept that hidden Torah if we were on the holy Shabbos level of our exalted souls. When we had our neshoma yeseira. Unlike Adam who didn’t wait for Shabbos, Moshe pushed off the Torah’s being given on that day so we could get that fourth aspect of the Torah as well. And so the giving of the Torah was postponed and not it is forever part of us and eternal.

 

Each Shabbos we celebrate and sanctify the day with wine again and again. Yayin-wine, has the same gematria as the word Sod- secret. Shabbos, the ARI’Zl tells us is the one day that is most opportune to achiveve the wisdom of kabbalah. It’s when his deepest classes took place. It’s the night that Chasidim gather by the Rebbi to hear the deep secrets that they who follow in the ARI”zls ways reveal to us. Particularly on Shavuos it is the time when we can as well tap into that holy light. So drink a glass of wine. Open up your sefer and feel and experience the secrets and light of Torah in this day as never before. It’s why it was given on this day.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Eliyahu Hanavi -873 BC- There are a lot churches unfortunately in Eretz Yisrael. Hopefully soon Mashiach will come and they will all be destroyed. I know one person that is waiting the most for that to happen and that is none other than Eliyahu Ha’navi who ironically enough has probably as many churches and places of false worship dedicated and surrounding his life stories as does Yoshka. I say ironically because most of Eliyahu’s life was combatting this false worship to fake gods. Maybe Hashem arranged it that way today so that Eliyahu would even be more inspired to bring Mashiach already and get rid of them all.

 

The place where perhaps the greatest collection of churches for Eliyahu are in the Judean wilderness near the Jordan River. It was here that Eliyahu fled to after swiping the keys to rain from Hashem and locking up the gates of heaven for three years so that no rain would fall on the land. The Navi tells us that he fled from Achav to Nachal Karit by the Jordan River where he hid in a cave. There the ravens would bring him bread and meat from the royal table of Achav himself.

 

 Incidentally our sages note that there was a divine lesson in the fact that the ravens were chosen to bring the food. For in the times of the flood when Noach wanted to send out the raven, the raven protested. He told Noach to send out one of the Kosher birds instead as there were seven of them. If he died, though, that would be the end of his species. Noach though told the raven that he wasn’t good anyways for any sacrifices, so he wasn’t that important anyways. Hashem rebuked Noach and told him that the raven would serve an important function in the future. He would provide food to Eliyahu. Eliyahu who had been tough like Noach had been on the raven, though with the Jewish people needed to hear that lesson. Every Jew has a purpose. They shouldn’t be starved or killed. They may look black on the outside but they can fly where no else can bring home the kosher food that we may all need.

 

The area of Nachal Karit is most likely in the area today called Wadi Kelt or Nachal Parat not fear from Yericho by the Jordan river from Judean wilderness. There are magnificent hikes there with all types of caves and its amazing to think that it was here that Eliyahu once hid. The Christians have quite a few churches here dating back to the Byzantine times when monks and hermits would come out for solitude and meditation and the “Eliyahu Ha’Navi” experience. It is one of the most peaceful places in Eretz Yisrael, particularly when there are no arabs or flocked with tourists and hikers which is rare. But I certainly recommend heading down there for an experience of a lifetime. And check out the black birds that flock around there. They’re not ravens. Most of them are called Tristramites here in Israel. But we can pretend. We can imagine. This is where Eliyahu got his inspiration perhaps we can get some as well.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE TORAH FIGURES JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

What did David call himself after his ID was stolen? Dav…

 

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noach -- he was floating his stock while everyone else  was liquidating.

 

Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? Pharaoh's daughter -- she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little “prophet".

 

Yitzhak had just moved into a new apartment and was out celebrating with his friend Benny. At 2am, he invited Benny back to his apartment where they continued to celebrate. Then Benny said, "Before I go, why not show me around?"

So Yitzhak proudly showed Benny his apartment and all the high tech it contained. Then he took Benny into his bedroom where his friend couldn't help but notice a very large shofar on the chest of drawers.

"Why do you have a shofar in your bedroom?" asked Benny.

"That's my clock," Yitzhak replied.

"A clock? Are you serious?" said Benny.

"Of course," replied Yitzhak.

"So how does it work?" said Benny.

"Watch this," replied Yitzhak, as he picked up the shofar and blew it at the top of his lungs. They stood looking at each other for a moment when suddenly, someone in the apartment next door screamed, "Stop that, you inconsiderate oaf. It's quarter to three in the morning."

What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? Ruth-less.

 What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?  "Your mother ate us out of house and home"

The ark was built in three stories. The top one had a window to let in light. How did the bottom two stories get light?  They used floodlights.

Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot? The thought had

Who was the first person to download something from a cloud to two tablets?  Moses

Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Which Bible character had no parents?  Joshua, son of Nun

How do we know the people on the ark with Noah did not play card games? Because Noah sat on the deck

A Surgeon, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. "Well," argued the Surgeon, "G‑d created Eve from Adam by form of surgery, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession."

 "No," said the engineer, "before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create some semblance of order from this chaos. So engineering is older."

But," chirped the triumphant politician, "who do you think created the chaos?"

 

Yankel came to a bar on a nightly basis, ordering two glasses of Crown Royal. When the bartender asked him why he never changed his order, the man explained that he had a friend with whom he drank a nightly glass of Crown Royal for many years.

"My Berel was drafted and died in Korea," the man sighed, "and I decided to immortalize him by drinking two glasses of Crown Royal every night. One glass I drink for him; the other for myself."

 One night, after thirty years, the man entered the bar and ordered a single glass of Crown Royal.

"What happened?" asked the bartender.

"Oh," Yankel responded, "I quit drinking."

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Answer is B -I just love it when it works out that the questions from the tour guide exam which I post here in order of the exam relate as well to the time of year when I post them. It’s like the hand of heaven is making this happen adding divine ruach hakodesh to what at first glance seems like random questions. Well this one is of course easy. The Parochet is the cover of Ark and it is of course meant to symbolize the covering in front of the Ark of the covenant- aron ha’bris in the Mishkan and Temple No although this is a pretty easy question for us religious Jews I imagine the Arab or Christian wannabee guides will get this wrong- as I would when it comes to the nonsense names of parts of their false places of worship. Information I pretty much deleted after I finished my exam. Sooo in honor of Shavuos the day when we go the Torah covered by the Paroches I got this one right and the score is now Schwartz 24 and 6 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.