Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Friday, March 15, 2024

A Day in the Life- Parshat Pikudey 2024 5784

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

 March 15th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 22 5th of Adar II 5784

Parshat Pikudey

A Day in the Life

Back in my previous Tour Guide life before October 7th I very rarely would give my clients and the families that  hired me to tour with them an itinerary of what we would do. I even wrote a whole E-Mail for those of you that remember on the many reasons behind that policy. (You can read it here-if you didn’t receive it after you drove me crazy a million times asking me for one https://holylandinsights.blogspot.com/2022/11/i-tinerary-unplanning-parshat-lech.html ). Needless to say, in a nutshell I always felt that an itinerary was the enemy of a good day. I wanted to meet them first, get a better feel for what’s best for them. I didn’t want to be locked into anything in case, as usually would happen, the schedule changed. We were late, we got stuck in traffic. I didn’t want them to feel they missed out on something. I wanted them to enjoy every part of the day-which kids never do if they know that there’s something exciting at the end of the day. I liked to keep that surprise element about what’s coming next open. So there was no itinerary on a Rabbi Schwartz day. If you came with me on a tour you had to do so on faith. Trust me, or at least your friend that recommended you take me on a tour. And Baruch Hashem, I don’t think I’ve ever disappointed.

 Well, guess what? Now the tables have turned on me. Welcome to my new life. I’m a “war guide” now. My clients are no longer tourists or even “war”ists. My clients are- as I tell the good people from America, who call me daily for these “Chizuk missions” that I now do-the people whom we visit, we strengthen, we help, we comfort and whom we donate to. They are the focus of my daily trips. They are the ones that I care about and are there to service. The widows, the orphans, the soldiers, the farmers, the families of hostages, the wounded, the hurting and the bereft. Everyone else with me in the minibus or car are just coming along for the ride. They’re just carrying the luggage. The luggage filled with all of the heart, tears, love and money that we are delivering.  My real clients are the children of Hashem that we will be visiting.

 The problem though is that Hashem has a funny way of also not planning itineraries for me. He has His own ideas about where I’m going to be going and He doesn’t like to share them with me either. It’s payback time for all of the clients I had in the past, that I made go through that trial of faith before starting a tour with me. He’s not telling me, just as I never would tell them. Mida k’neged mida- Tit for tat. But just like a Rabbi Schwartz tour. I’ve learned in this daily process He’s been putting me through,  He will never disappoint me with a less than spectacular miraculous day.  

 Every tour, every day, it’s another adventure. You’ve read some of them already in these weekly missives that I somehow try to pass off as a Dvar Torah- so you don’t feel too guilty reading it in shul in the middle of the Rabbis speech or kabbalat Shabbat. Yet at the same time you could read it in the bathroom and not feel too guilty either… Who does that for you? 😊 But this week though being it’s Rosh Chodesh Adar and Hashem was feeling exceedingly joyous He decided to have some real fun with me as He rachets up His “surprise-here’s-where-you’re-going-next” factor.

I woke up Monday morning with a day that I had somewhat planned- which is pretty much all I even feel I could do. I had a basic outline and schedule which included picking up my clients at 9:30 AM from the Waldorf, heading over to the hospital to visit some soldiers at 10, I was going to visit a hostage family at some point in late morning and take their son to a carnival that I was hoping my clients would be inspired to help sponsor after meeting him. As well in the evening I had made up to bring pizza to soldiers for Rosh Chodesh  and sing and dance with them a bit and be home back in Jerusalem about 8 or so. Sounds like an amazing day right? I thought it did and was quite proud of myself for putting all those little pieces together to make it happen. Things had clicked. Hashem had gotten me all the right appointments I needed. The timing seemed great.  Little did I know that He was just playing with me. He was having some pre-Purim Rosh Chodesh Adar fun with His Yeled Sha’ashuim- Ephraim Schwartz- His personal little play-toy.

I wake up in the morning to go to davening to the sight of an empty parking spot where the mechanic who had taken my car a week ago and who had promised me that I would see my car in the morning, as he would leave it there for me. Well, the car wasn’t there. I called him up frantically and listened to his Israeli excuses about why my car wasn’t there. The truth is I really didn’t listen. It was irrelevant. I needed my car. I had tourists to pick up. What was I supposed to do? He did the Israeli “ahh jahst tek ah Ohto-buuuz to mai houzzz in Givat Zev”. I wasn’t taking a bus in the morning in traffic. I didn’t have time for that. And that’s how I knew that my day was already going to be different. Here we go again.

 I walked out of the BNB that I stay by to try to get a cab and lo and behold one just pulled up just as I exited. Ok… that’s nice and convenient. The cab driver asked if I had ordered him, I told him I didn’t to which he responded that he really wasn’t working then. He had just come to have coffee with his mother up the block. I begged him to give me a ride to Givat Zeev to get my car. It was strange that he wasn’t jumping at the fare, but I just wrote it off to typical “I’m -doing-you-a-favor-by-taking-you” Israeli version of customer service and gratefully got into his cab. I was wrong though. Because as we started to schmooze, he told me that he really doesn’t work that much anymore at all. He pretty much stays at home most of the time. You see his son was murdered at the festival. Not only was his 24-year-old son Amit killed, but his son’s fiancé Nurell and her sister Roya were killed there together with him. I slowly started to understand why my car wasn’t where it was supposed to be parked this morning. Hashem had other plans for me today.

 While we drove to Givat Zeev where he lived, his wife Orly who pretty much hasn’t left the house in 5 months called. She didn’t sound in good shape at all. He told me she hasn’t slept more than an hour or two straight a night in the past few months As well his 22-year-old son Omer called in. He had a dream last night that his brother came to him and he told him that everything would be b’seder. I didn’t know that I was the b’seder Hashem had sent. But now I did. I told Yossi, that I would be over later that night with my group of chizuk givers and thus my crazy day on Hashem’s plan commenced.

After I jumped in my car and quickly davened at Belz down the block I rushed backed to the Waldorf. I after all had to pick up my people to go to my appointment in the hospital with the soldiers. At least I thought I did. It seems I was wrong though. See, because about 15 minutes away my hospital contact called me to tell me that they were running late. I would need to push off my visit for an hour. Hashem was generous and gave me 15 minutes to pull this off, and so I quickly called my friends in Chabad of Katamon where they make about 3000 sandwiches a day for children of refugees and Reservist wives who have enough on their plate- excuse the pun and asked if they needed a hand or two for about an hour to help, which of course – another pun there, they did. Good. Baruch Hashem! Making sandwiches this morning just became part of our itinerary, I told my tourists as they got in the car. Or at least His itinerary.

 As we were wrapping up the sandwiches- these terrible puns keep coming- quite literally. They called again from the hospital to tell me that I had another hour to fill as the soldiers we were meant to meet were not yet out of therapy. Oy… Hashem is really playing with me here… I quickly made a phone call and whadaya know? My good friend at Eretz Chemda was relieved to hear my voice, as he just got 20,000 pairs of tzitzis just dropped off by the army for soldiers that needed whatever hands and time I could spare to help make. So now we’ve got tzitzis making on Hashem’s itinerary. OK… I’m flowing with this…

Finally, we finish the tzitzis and are making our way to the hospital. The visits with the soldiers and the Osim Samayach organization was incredible (donate below!). The soldier’s stories were one after another mind-blowing. (you really have to start watching my daily whatsapp statuses to appreciate all of this! Send me an email with your number or better yet message me at +972-50-597-0649 and I’ll add you). What they’ve done. Their passion. Their faith. Their sacrifice. What they’ve lost and how much they want to keep doing and seeing this through until the end. By the third soldier however I realized that my plans were going to have change again.

See one of the couples that was supposed to come with me and help sponsor the carnival I had planned to join had to cancel and didn’t come along that morning. The one woman, Ilana, who did come was my only potential sponsor left and I really wanted to take her to this hostage family. They really needed to meet her, and she really needed to meet them. They needed her special neshoma and chizuk that she could give. But she had told me in the morning that she needed to be back at her hotel at 2:00 PM, as she hadn’t really spent time with the grandchildren she had come to visit. Well now, because of all of the delays it was not going to happen. It was already 1:15 and I wasn’t going to be able to make it to their house and have a meaningful visit and get here back on time.

All of this is racing through my brain as we’re meeting our last soldier and he’s telling us about how he was injured when the building he was “clearing” in Chan Yunis had been blown up by an RPG. As he’s talking and I’m already giving up hope and planning in my mind to just take her back to the hotel and go with the other family to visit the hostage family and figure out how to pay for this carnival, the soldier says something that catches my ears. He tells us how not only was he wounded in Gaza, but in fact he was at the festival as well on October 7th and he was rescued from there by a security guard that was incredible and was good friends with his other friends there. Would you believe it? The guard that helped his friends and him was none other than Rom Breslavsky the hostage in Gaza whose mother we were on the way to meet, who really didn’t have too much information about her son from and since that morning when he was taken. I videoed his story for his mother and Ilana with tears in her eyes turned to me and told me that she is obviously going to come with me to the hostage family. Hashem had His plan and tour and she was on board!

 So we headed out to their house blown away that out of all of the soldiers in the world, Hashem found the one that he wanted us to meet to bring this video to his mother. He even rearranged our schedule a bit so that we would have the perfect timing to meet him. When we arrived, it was perfect timing as well. Sivan, Rom’s aunt had just gotten there with the younger brother Ziv. And yet much to my surprise Ziv decided that he wasn’t interested in my carnival, and he ran off to the mall with some friends. Oh well, no carnival now…

The truth is I didn’t really have a sponsor anyways at this time, but now once again I had to make new plans. While Ilana and the other family were talking to Rom’s mother who was really emotional about the video and their meeting, I was on the phone trying to figure out where I was going next. Baruch Hashem my farmer Shachar said that he would be able to meet with me as he ahd lots of lettuce and greens that he needed help harvesting. So I thought at least I was good to fill up my former carnival slot until our soldier pizza delivery. Perfect! Thank You Hashem! But I was wrong. Hashem still had fun in His bag to play with me. This was just another part of His game.

 We left the Breslavsky family after our emotional visit. Ilana and the family exchanged numbers and they promised to be in touch-which is really the most important part of our visits. These families need constant chizuk and the meetings we have are really for my good people from America to adopt the people that we meet and to be their lifelines. About 20 minutes from Beit Shemesh though on the way to the farm, Shachar my farmer called me to tell me that he had to apologize but he got called out and wasn’t going to be able to meet with us. I turned my eyes to heaven at that point and just smiled. Hashem is really in an Adar mood. v’nahapoch hu meant that he was going to turn around my whole day.

 Desperate for something to do I made a quick call to my friend from the Beef Jerky boys in Beit Shemesh and asked if we could come on over and help him out prepare and package some good cow for our chayalim, so they have some basar in the belly when they wipe out Amalek. It’s hard to really get into the spirit with tuna fish from their army rations. He was a little hesitant as he had another group there at the present, but once they left, we would be fine. So we could come over and hope for the best. I was beyond hope. I had faith. Hashem was driving our day and He’s usually on target and doesn’t waste any of my time. And I was right.

Just as we pulled up, the other group packed out (actually I had the wrong address and by the time we got to the right address the other group was literally just walking out!).We had a blast slicing and preparing the beef Jerky knowing the soldiers would be getting the necessary protein they needed that evening thanks to us and then we popped out to daven Mincha with the boys. When we came back though Chani, the mom on our group told us that she now understood why we had to come to the Beef Jerky instead of the farming. For she had been given a new job while we were davening which was to put stickers on each bag that they had just printed up. The stickers had the names of hostages that one could daven for and have in mind when they made their blessings. The stickers that we were putting on today?  None other than Rom ben Tamar’s! Hashem had sent us there so I can send Tamar a video of them so that she would know that even though Ephraim Schwartz and his friends may have left their house. But Hashem had not forgotten about them or Rom. He was still with them. She still could have faith and chizuk.

From there it was off to pick up the pizza for soldiers and bring them some Adar cheer. It was fun, amazing as it always is. You can’t imagine what a few slices of pizza and the knowledge that appreciative Americans flew across the ocean to bring them can do to build our army’s morale. Finally our incredible day on Hashem’s itinerary concluded going over to Yossi my taxi driver from the mornings house where we hugged, cried, comforted and sang with him with Orly and their son Omer over the loss of Amit. Yossi told me as I was leaving that after that cab ride in the morning (which felt like a year ago) he spoke to Amit’s fiancée’s grieving father, Menashe, who had lost his two daughters and they both decided that this was a sign from heaven that they needed to do something more for the neshomos of their children. They had already put out a Tehillim, a birkat Ha’Mazaon and even a Tikun klali, yet today they decided they were going to do the ultimate memorial. They were going to try to raise money for a Sefer Torah for their children. We were the first to contribute to this new campaign, that Hashem had decided was an important part of His plan. And thus our day came to an end. The story and book is over. Welcome to my life.

 On that note this week’s parsha is also the conclusion of a Book; the book of galus and geula- exile and redemption, as the Ramban calls it, the book of Shemot. Our book started off with us going down to Egypt. With names. Each Jew, each family. We are each special. We are stars that Hashem counts. The book concludes however with the final verse that tells us that Hashem is with us in all of our travels. He is there l’einei kol beis Yisrael b’kol ma’aseihem- the cloud and the fire of Hashem is there day and night wherever we go. It’s a strange verse and ending. Parshat Ma’asei with our travels doesn’t come until the end of Bamidbar. At this point in time historically we were a few days away from Israel. What travels? Where were we going? Why is this the end of the book of redemption? We’re still in Galus. We haven’t come home yet.

The answer is because the function of redemption, the purpose of the Creation, is when we realize and experience that Hashem is with us in all our travels. Hashem doesn’t need a home down here. It’s quite nice up in heaven. He created this world so that He could be with us. So that He could live with us. So that He could hold our hands on every trip, on every journey, in the darkness of night and in fire and in the morning in the light. The Mishkan isn’t and never was about a building campaign. It was about the shechina residing in each and everyone of us always.

 Each and everyone of us, we find out in this week’s final ‘closing credits parsha’, has every screw, every bolt, every pillar, every gold, silver and copper accounted for. There’s nothing left over. Each person’s donation is there. That’s what this week’s boring parsha is about. Nobody stays for the ending credits of a movie. Well, almost nobody stays. The mother whose child is the screenwriter, the 10 year old boy who’s father was the extra in that street scene. They’re waiting to see their names in lights. We each play in an important essential part of the parsha, in the Mishkan. We each have a contribution that is mentioned and accounted for.

 The parsha tells us Hashem is walking with us every day. He’s journeying with each of us all the time. He’s got your sandwich for gan in the morning with Rabbi Schwartzes crew from America to make it, even though you might think Hashem abandoned you when He threw you out of your home or your father is fighting in Gaza. He has your tzitzis taken care of and made this morning even though you may have never worn a pair before, despite the fact that they don’t sell any in Chan Yunis where you’re serving. He’s going to visit you in the hospital and the shechina is resting on top of your bed. He’ll even let you send a message to the family of the security guard who saved you and give them strength. It’s not a big deal for the Creator of the World. He’s right there with you. He’s actually Planned the entire day around you. That is redemption. That’s the book that we concluded. We are the credits that are scrolling down the screen. We are the names and Shemot that went down to exile and we are each the precious stones on the breastplate of the Kohen and the bolts and brackets of the home of Hashem. The movie is almost over. The last names are gone, the final sacrifices Hashem took from us that are sitting next to His holy throne of glory are waiting to accompany that shechina down here to its final eternal resting place. Chazak Chazak Vi’nitchazek!

Have a joyous Shabbos and an exuberantly happy Adar again!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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CHIZUK/TZEDAKA OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK

Just when you thought this E-Mail couldn’t get any longer… well here it goes. It's been 158 days of War and this essential column is dedicated to giving you readers an opportunity to have a meaningful part of helping out our country and nation by donating to a weekly link of a different organization, a cause, soldiers, refugees, supplies, Hostage families, widows, farmers etc…


There are so many needs and I know that you want to participate and help them not just read about them. So each week I will feature in our E-Mail in this column another cause and link that you can contribute and make a meaningful difference to. (this of course should not come at the expense of your sponsorship of my weekly E-Mail or our upcoming Purim appeal iup above! 😊) But this is a way that you can bring light and money to the so many that need it. Give what you can. But give regularly and if you can I’d really appreciate if if you send me a screenshot or message of your donation as I can then forward it to whoever receives it so they know that it came from our helpful readers. So here we go…

 

Osim Sameach- Dovid Tzarfati is one of the most amazing young men I have ever met. About five years ago as a young yeshiva student then and currently learning in the Chevron Yeshiva he had a car accident in the Golan Heights with some friends of his where sadly some of them died. He himself was hospitalized for many months and during his stay he came to appreciate how miserable hospitals are and how an important part of the healing process is having visitors, guests and good food brought to you. Thus upon his full recovery he studied to become a paramedic and then utilizing and developing many contacts in the medical world as well as in the hospitals he began a volunteer organization where thousands of volunteers from seminaries and schools as well as guest come and visit and bring gifts and food to patients and most of all Simcha. Coffee, popcorn, carnivals for children, musicians, clowns, and special events as well as being a loving caring heart and support fro every family in hospitals all over Israel.

During Corona Dovid’s teams visited people in their homes and brought them cheer and food and now with the war they have become the address for the many that want to volunteer and visit soldiers and bring them the cheer that is so necessary to the hundreds that are in Tel Hashomer- Sheba, Shaarei Chesed and hospitals all around Israel. Their efforts cost a lot fo money and you may not be here in Israel to visit those soldiers. But won’t you please donate and help Dovid and his incredible organization?

 PLEASE DO AND SEND ME SCREENSHOTS OF YOUR DONATIONS SO I CAN FORWARD TO DOVID and let him know that our Readers love him and appreciate his hard work for our soldiers.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MTU0pOlpLY   

 And here’s the link to donate

 https://www.charityextra.com/charity/osimsameach/admin

 

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" A mayse uhn a moshl iz vi a moltsayt un a tsimes.”- A story without a moral is like a meal without a sweet dish.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

31.The peacocks tail is an expression of communication between animals and it is called_______.

Which of the following birds is considered an invasive species?

A. Tristram's starling

B. Common Myna

C. Eurasian coot

D. The Great Tit

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yiddelach   In Honor of PURim MY latest new release… Its; the only song I’m posting this week. You just have to listen to it five times… If You want the Rap at the end… IT’s amazing… Tell me how much you love it…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOE9N6yIlEM   -  Shoshanas Yaakov new tune from the one and only Yehudah Green!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHWuF50uVH4Incredible song by Shlomi Shabbat composed by Yossi Hershkovitz who was killed in Gaza and a father, teacher and inspiration to all. Hauntingly called Gam Ki Eilech B’Gai Tzalmaves as I walk in the shadow of death.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5K6peWWEDIFound this really amazing song Malachim ba’madim- angels in uniform! Go soldiers!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wfOrbgIKpw   – Benny Friedman and Moshe Tishler on a Am Yisrael Chai Mashup!

 

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

100 Sockets- The parsha is called counting. Pikudei. I’m not a numbers person. It’s already boring. Yet each number, each bit of gold and copper that was given had to be accounted for. The Torah gives us the exact number of everything. But to be honest, I really don’t care much. That is of course until I understood that there is an eternal lesson in each number. Perhaps the most essential one though of all is the one hundred sockets or “adanim” that were donated. The Baal Ha’Turim and other commentaries note that the verse contains in it a secret plague-stopping secret. The Navi tells us that in the times of Dovid Ha’Melech he sinned and brought an evil eye amongst the people by counting them. We’re not supposed to count people. We use tzedaka or verses to count them. Yet when Dovid did that a plague broke out and from that time our sages tell us that the cure for that plague or the vaccine perhaps even more accurately so the plague doesn’t fall upon is to recite 100 blessings each day. For the money of the half shekel went to those silver sockets. They didn’t come from the regular donations but rather from the mandatory half shekel count.

 What’s the connection between sockets, blessings, counting and plagues, I’m sure you’re wondering? The answer the Chidushei Ha’rim is that the word socket oden- is like the word Master. It is understanding that Hashem is at the nuts and bolts of everything. A plague happens when we don’t see Hashem. When He’s covered up. The word mageifa-plague in fact is in Aramaic the same word to cover up and seal a barrel magufa. When things don’t function normally it means that Hashem’s light is somehow being blocked. There’s a screw that’s loose. The bolt is not firmly in the socket. Or as they say in Hebrew the teka isn’t in the sheka. So we have to say blessings. One hundred times a day to keep everything functioning smoothly. To tighten our connection. To remain plugged in.

 When we count each person, then they just become another number. 51, 52, 53… They’re part of one whole and frankly are irrelevant in of itself. It’s what the Nazi’s tried to do to us when they tattooed a number as they came into Aushwitz on their arms. Hashem tells us that when we do that we are blocking the light of His presence. It brings a plague. A mageifa. Thus in order to restore that we have to recite a blessing. We have to bring out that light again. We daven three times a day. That turns on the power for all day, afternoon, and evening for all of the blessing to flow. But it doesn’t end there. Each day we have to as well make sure we are counting the blessings that we receive throughout the day. To see Hashem and let His light shine out. In that way we always will stay connected.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

722 BC-Exile- So the time of the eventual exile of the ten tribes commenced. This week we read the parsha of Pikudei which Rashi states utilizes the word Mishkan twice as it is a collateral for the two temples that would be destroyed. The beginning of the end of our life in Israel in the first commonwealth is with the exile of Sancheirev or Tiglet Pilessar or Shalmenessar who according to some were all different names of the same person. The exile of the ten tribes took place in three phases. The first was in the 20th year of Pekach when Assyria attacked him and Aram and the Northern and Eastern portions of Israel were exiled. Hoshea then became king.

 The next phase was 8 years of peace as a vassal state under Assyria and then Pul came down and basically exiled 7/8 of the remaining tribes and we lost the Jews of Reuvein and Gad on the eastern banks of Jordan and the ones that had been up in Damascus. As well the temples of Yeravam and the golden calves were destroyed and thus Hoshea opened up the gates to Jerusalem as we mentioned last week. We had the opportunity to become a united nation from the tragedy, but we didn’t.

 The final blow came when Hoshea stopped paying tribute and decided to go for his independence by holing up with Egypt in the South. That was the straw that broke the camels back. Sancheirev wouldn’t put up with this. This was the 7th year of his reign. And Sancheirev came and sieged Israel for three years until he destroyed them and exiled the tribes to the other side of the Euphrates, some suggest in Turkey or Iraq somewhere near Ninveh. Yet to make matters worse it wasn’t just that Sancheirev exiled the nation as well, he moved new inhabitants in. We will learn about the Shomronim next week and what they did to us. And maybe even see a Purim connection as well.   

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE BEEF JERKY JOKES OF THE WEEK

 Sometime in the 1970s, on an absolutely freezing day, a shipment of meat arrives in a town in the Soviet Union. The townspeople, bundled to their eyeballs, line up outside the town store to wait to be given their rations. After about an hour, a man comes out of the store and announces,

 "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so the Jews have to leave." The Jews in the line leave grumbling.

 About an hour later, the man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so anyone who is not a member of the Communist party will have to leave." More grumbling as the non-Party members depart.

 Another hour goes by and the man comes out of the store again and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone in the line, so anyone who wasn't a member of the Party before 1956 has to leave." More grumbling as all the younger Party members leave. A few old people remain in the line.

 Another hour goes by. It's now getting dark and it's cold. The same man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't any meat. Go home."

 One old lady in the line turns to her neighbor and says, "See? It's like I told you. The Jews always get the best treatment ..."

 A woman's poem

He didn't like my salt beef

And he didn't like my cake.

My kichel were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't make the borsht right

He left the cholent stew.

I didn't wash his gatkes…

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and gave him a potch...

Like his mother used to do.

 

Do not use "beef_stew" as a password! It's not stroganoff.

 I said to the woman at the deli, “I’d like to buy a corned beef and pastrami, with pickles.”

She replied, “Sorry... We only take cash or card.”

 

Difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef

 I saw Han Solo crying while eating his beef. Later I asked why. He said it was chewy.

  I’ve started investing in stocks; beef, chicken and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

 Christians, Muslims, and Jews are always fighting, but Hindus never have any beef......

 When vegans get into an argument is it still called beef?

I have no idea. But if it gets physical, all vegans know the art of foot karate. They call it tofu.

 I went to the store for some beef broth. But they were all out of stock

 If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?'American'.

 When vegans have an argument, is it still beef? No. It’s leaf.

 Yankel goes into a fancy Israeli restaurant and orders the main dish special of the day. After a few bites he calls his waiter over and says Waiter! Is this a Prime Rib or Filet Mignon?

“ Can't you tell by the taste of it?” Dudu asks him back

“No!”

“Then why do you care?”

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 The answer to this week”s question is B– This is one of those questions that there is no question I would’ve skipped. I had no idea. Nor do care about the answers. But hey I got it half right. But that’s mostly luck. Mostly luck because I eliminated the tristramite which is all over Ein Gedi and they’re pretty friendly birds. I went with Myna which is the correct answer because it has an annoying whiny sounding name. The first part of the question about peacocks though I had no clue and frankly coulnd’t care less about what I discovered is called the ahndicapped evolutionary principle. Which is basically that if you take a handicap and pretend it’s a a strong point then you can win. It’s like a migoo in gemara talk. Basically the colorful tail is a handicap because it makes you more vulnerable to predators. So the fact that the peacock struts its tail is showing that it’s not scared of enemies and means it must be strong. So the more it struts its tail the cooler the females thin it is. There’s a message in that, but I’m too tired to think about it. Well anyways I’m still on my 50/50 streak so the score is Rabbi Schwartz at 22 points and the MOT having 8 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.

 

 Insights & Information is sent to e-mail addresses that of have been submitted to the Rabbi Schwartz. To unsubscribe at any time, I send an e-mail to rabbschwartz@yahoo.com   with the words "unsubscribe insights" in the Subject line and/or the first line of text. If you know of anyone that may be interested in receiving this newsletter feel free to pass this on to them...

Friday, March 8, 2024

War Worries- Parshat Vayakhel -Shekalim 2024 5784

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

 

March 8th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 21 28th of Adar I 5784

Parshat Vayakhel- Shekalim

War Worries


I’m getting scared. Terrified is perhaps even a more accurate word. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this way before. I feel like I’m walking on nails. That there’s this huge black cloud coming my way and it doesn’t seem like anyone else I talk to really sees it. I mean everyone to a large degree understands that what I’m feeling is accurate, yet like me we’ve been ignoring it. Trying to push it to the back of our minds and shoo it away. Focus on happy/laughy stuff. Yet it’s getting closer and closer. The war is about to really begin. And from everything that I see and hear and am watching, it’s gonna be bad.

 It hit me yesterday when I was talking to my BBQ guy for soldiers about some upcoming groups that wanted to sponsor some “chizuk dinners” for some soldiers. Like I tell them, they are our Kohanim Gedolim today, these chayalim doing Hashem’s holy work and this is our Matnat Kehuna- our priestly gifts of cow chow. He told me that he’s having a harder and harder time finding bases to do Grills as most of the soldiers have already moved up to the Northern front. Golani has already moved to the North, as has most of the Shiryon Armored Brigade. Many other units as well are moving up there. I was by an Airforce base and someone told me that they have even seen planes taking tanks up there. The war in the North is coming.

 What makes this frightening is that it’s really not a “war in the North”. It’s a war that according to everyone I talk to is one that will be on the entire country. The way the military experts and officers I have spoken to tell me- (which are not the guys in the coffee room in Lakewood or in the back of the Shteeble you go to.)- Hezbolla is not Hamas. They’re not teenagers with rockets, or Kalishnikovs. Hezbolla is a trained army by Iran that has between 50-100 Elite forces. They have missiles- not rockets that are targeted and can take down buildings and skyscrapers in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem that Iron Dome can’t do anything about. I’m sorry did I say “can” take down. The way that they described it to me was that they “will” take down. The estimated figure of civilian casualties I mean fatalities is over 35,000 in the first three days, when- not if – the war breaks out. My friends that work in the hospitals and Kupat Cholim here and around Israel have told me that they are having regular exercises to prepare for 500 casualties a day minimally. This is what’s coming our way. This is where we’re headed.

 Now it seems almost incontrovertible to me that this war is happening, as it pretty much is to everyone in this country. There are close to a hundred thousand residents of the villages and cities in the Upper Northern Galil all along the entire border that have been evacuated for months already. They’re not only not living in their homes and farms because of the incessant missile attacks. But rather as quite a few have them have told me, they know that there are tunnels that have been built under their homes and fields from Lebanon. They’ve heard them drilling for years and the Army has never done anything about them. Soldiers that are there in the North have even confirmed this to me, as they are serving there right now.

After October 7th these families learned that ignoring tunnels and an enemy of subhuman and sub-animal monsters on your border is just not a healthy thing for your family if you want them to stay alive and not chopped up into little pieces and burnt to death. It’s just bad homestead planning. So they’re not going back until they’re cleared out. They’re not getting cleared out unless or until we invade and go into a foreign almost nuclear Iran proxied country called Lebanon. When that happens, the fun begins. Welcome to Gog and Magog.

 According to a report I saw on Arutz 7 yesterday, Bibi has given them until next Friday to come to a “diplomatic solution” otherwise Israel we begin it’s full stage war. Happy Adar everyone. Purim Samayach!

 Now the truth is once you understand this you can understand as well, why we’re talking about cease fire right now- we want to give soldiers a break with their families before the war starts. It’s as well why they army and government has been very conservative – or cheap, or broke in terms of providing many of the basic necessities for soldiers. Why we’re not flattening buildings and cities like used to and are sending our holy boys in to fight building by building and losing so many of them. It’s because we’re saving whatever money and resources for the war in the North. The final battle of Mechiyat Amalek. The war that will finally bring Mashiach. Maybe that’s why I’m laughing so much when people call me up about their tiyulim and trip plans for the Summer and even Pesach and “maybe we can go to Masada?” or “do I think that Tzefat will be open by then?” type questions just make me roll my eyes. The only tours I’m thinking about for Pesach are the Bais Ha”mikdash ones. I just don’t see it any other way.

Now this E-Mail is not here to frighten you. It’s really more about me just putting my feelings, stories, jokes and of course most importantly new songs down on paper and sharing them with you. It’s getting it off my chest and expressing in the wonder and awe how the inspiration of our Torah reading is always there to give me direction. Give me focus. Bring us light. Well this week as we bless the new month of the  Adar Number 2 and Erev Rosh Chodesh is also parshat Shekalim and the Parsha of Vayakhel. There’s a lot going on in the Parsha, the reading and Shul this week. Hey, it’s the end of days, we have a lot to accomplish.  Let’s take it apart half piece by half piece. Let’s become whole.

The parsh aptly named is Vayakhel and Moshe gathered the people. He made us one. Rashi tells us this takes place the day after Yom Kippur. After we were forgiven for the Golden Calf. We’re back before Simchas Torah again. We’re rewinding to before October 7th. We’re uniting the people to build a Beit Hamikdash. It’s like it didn’t happen. It’s perhaps what should’ve happened if we didn’t have that sin. We pick up the story of the building of the House for Hashem where He will reside with us where we left off in Parshat Teruma and Tetzave before we read the story of the sin. We gather together as one, not as if it hasn’t happened, but as a nation rectified after we suffered the ramifications of our failure to make it happen.

The way we unite, Rashi tells us is “al pi diburo” It’s through the word of Moshe, the word of Hashem. It’s with the mitzva of Shabbos, when we have faith and understand that all of our pursuits, drives and needs not only material and physical but even spiritually to build a house for Hashem and a Mishkan are only by the word of Hashem. We stop for Shabbos. We don’t have to do more. He’s there with us and taking care of it all. We just have to get out of that stress and push it all away and appreciate, that He is the one taking care of everything. We just need to relax and take faith. We don’t need to build the Mishkan on Shabbos. He’s building it and taking care of it. It’s not our home it’s His.

 The rest of the Parsha is a repeat almost of the building of each vessel and the structure of the Mishkan. It’s amazing. It’s each person the Torah tells us is donating their heart. Their skills. Their talent. Their holy light. Everyone has something unique. Everyone has something they can build or design. This one has some gold, this one can sew curtains, this one can carve the Menora, the Ark, the cherubs. Each person was given “chacham lev” and “tevuna”- and understanding and wisdom of their heart that no one else has. Generally when we think of wisdom we think of the brain, yet the Torah tells us that this project isn’t about the brain. It’s the wisdom of the heart. It’s understanding the emotion of the contribution that only you or I can bring.

  Betzalel who was the head of the project, the Talmud tells us was given the wisdom to combine all of the holy letters of the Torah- tziruf osiyos. The sages explain what that means is that each letter represents a different Jew. The entire creation is written from the Torah. Putting the letters together means understanding on a mystical level how each Jew can contribute. What our piece is. How everything comes together and the world shines out Hashem from when all those pieces of the puzzle of the Torah and Am Yisrael come together. He is called Betzalel because he is Be’tzeil El- He is the shadow of Hashem. He reflects the light of Hashem down here in this world.

Fascinatingly enough the additional parshat that we begin to read this week as well which is the first of the four supplementary parshiyos that are added, Parshat Shekalim is the opposite message at first glance. The Talmud tells us that when the month of Adar begins we begin to be “Mashmia al Ha’Shekalim- the Jewish court would begin to put out word and collect money for the annual daily sacrifices. Each person would give a half Shekel. No more and no less. We’re all the same. There is no more individuality. There’s no nicer or worse half shekel. We’re all equal. We’re all only a half. What is the difference between the sacrifice and the contribution to the Mishkan where we are each charged to bring as much of ourselves as we can? Why shouldn’t Rechnitz, Reichman or Trump give more than Schwartz?

 The answer is as we said in the name of the Parsha. It’s Vayakehl-Al Pi Diburo. It’s understanding that it’s all from the word of Hashem. It’s taking a step back and the rich man saying that all that I have and afford is only what Hashem has Given Me. He’s my partner in everything and He determines and wants His name to shine out not mine. That the community should shine as one equal unit. I can’t stand out in that way. It’s about the poor person who may not feel he has the half shekel to donate. It might be his monthly salary. It might be his kids lunch money. It’s about him saying and realizing that he as well has a very rich partner called Hashem in his life. His partner says that he could afford. That he wants him to stretch himself. That he shouldn’t be worried. That he can have faith. That in each donation that comes to the daily sacrifices that faith and word of Hashem is present. That’s the half shekel. That’s what we start off Chodesh Adar the month before the redemption of Nissan will take place.

 The Talmud tells us that we read the parsha of shekalim before Purim because we need this reading to remind us of how we overcame our enemy Haman who thought to destroy us. Haman gave 10,000 shekels to Achashveirosh and claimed to him that we should be destroyed because we are a “nation that is spread out and divided between the nations”. We read our Shekalim Parsha first- and this year because it’s a leap year (and of course the year that Mashiach is coming) we read as well Parshat Vayakhel to bring the merit of our nation uniting before his Shekels. Our half shekels came first, our personal donations and heart came first. That’s how we not only avert his genocidal plot for us. It’s how we destroy Amalek. It’s how we destroy Hezbolla and Hamas. It’s how we build a house for Hashem.

 The Gaon of Vilna points out that when Mordechai got the reprieve from Achashveirosh the Megilla tells us in a strange language that we were ordered

Hikhalu v’amod al nafsham”- to gather and stand up for our lives.

The word “hikhalu” is plural, yet “amod-to stand” is singular. The redemption comes when we come together as one. Rav Teichtel notes that it is why Purim is like a second giving of the Torah. Because again we were as one man with one heart. It’s why Esther tells Mordechai leich knos es kol ha’yehudim- to go and gather all the Jews. It’s the only way our salvation can happen. It’s the only way Hashem can be revealed. It’s what the Talmud tells us that in the future the Jews will all do teshuva for Hashem will bring someone like Haman who will bring terrible decrees against our nation and we will all repent and immediately be redeemed. Isn’t it interesting how  the difference between Hamas and Haman is the changing of the Nun to the letter Samach- the next letter and level up. OK I know that’s just the English writing of the word Hamas. But in Hebrew do you know what the difference of Gematria is between the 2? It’s thirteen. Echad. One. That’s how we win. That’s how we all do teshuva. That’s why I shouldn’t be scared.

 The messages from this upcoming month of Adar are in front of us. The war is coming. But so is the redemption. The month of joy is in front of us. We need to continue to unite. To love. To be there with all of our heart and to reveal Hashem. And as he preformed miracles for our ancestors back then so will He preform for us today and final herald in the Mashiach.

 Have a joyous Shabbos and an exuberantly happy Adar again!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz



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CHIZUK/TZEDAKA OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK

 

Just when you thought this E-Mail couldn’t get any longer… well here it goes. This essential column which is dedicated to giving you readers an opportunity to have a meaningful part of helping out our country and nation by donating to a weekly link of a different organization, a cause, soldiers, refugees, supplies, Hostage families, widows, farmers etc… There are so many needs and I know that you want to participate and help them not just read about them. So each week I will feature in our E-Mail in this column another cause and link that you can contribute and make a meaningful difference to. (this of course should not come at the expense of your sponsorship of my weekly E-Mail or our upcoming Purim appeal in another month 😊) But this is a way that you can bring light and money to the so many that need it. Give what you can. But give regularly and if you can I’d really appreciate if if you send me a screenshot or message of your donation as I can then forward it to whoever receives it so they know that it came from our helpful readers. So here we go…

 Merkaz HaChesed of Sderot- Founded 24 years ago the by my friend Avichai Amusi who had moved to the city of Sderot by the Gaza Border with the aim of caring for the people of Sderot as well as the residents of the towns and villages in the region The Chesed Center is a not-for-profit organization that is based on the work of volunteers who bring their enthusiasm to these projects. With so many familied moving back now the demand is more than ever…

 The Chesed Center incorporates the following areas of assistance:

 1. Distribution of food baskets – Some 670 families in Sderot as well as those in the towns and villages in the Gaza Strip area receive food baskets every week. The baskets contain in-season fruit and vegetables as well as basic food commodities. About half the food baskets are handed out at a special distribution center while the rest is delivered to the homes of those needy individuals who are unable to come in person to the center. In addition to the weekly allocations, special efforts are made at holiday times (Rosh Hashanah – New Year – and the festivals celebrated in the fall, Purim, and Passover) to make a substantial distribution of food on a much wider scale and thereby they will have all they need to celebrate the festivals and experience the true holiday spirit.

  2. Soup Kitchen - The Sderot Hessed Center runs a restaurant to provide a nutritional response as required on a daily basis. The kitchen serves a hot and nutritious meal for about 80 diners, most of whom are senior citizens, especially those who have been left all alone in the world; Holocaust survivors; and the handicapped. The soup kitchen is designed to look like a regular restaurant. The atmosphere in this restaurant is welcoming and shows respect to its patrons just like family, and those same people who lack the means to eat warm and nutritious food during the week can now enjoy every day an hour or so of relaxation and contentment.

3. Clothing store – This is a second-hand clothing store, d offers for sale clothes, shoes, and other accessories. The clothes are donated by well-known companies or collected by the local residents, sorted and sold at a nominal price, a policy which shows respect for the customers who come there to buy their clothes.

4. A charity furniture store - This store offers second-hand furniture, which was donated to the Hessed Center, collected by the Center's volunteers and distributed to the needy and families on low incomes. In special cases, the Center succeeds in obtaining new furniture and these are allocated to needy families.

5. A charity store for tables and chairs – These chairs and tables are made available for festivities and celebrations as well as for mourners, heaven forbid.

 6. Yad Sarah

NOW THEY NEED YOUR HELP MORE THAN EVER WITH FAMILIES MOVING BACK TO SDEROT!!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCk04TvWeaY  

 

And here’s the link to donate

 https://thechesedfund.com/ameiricainfriendsofiyim/emergency-food-and-assitance-to-homeless-and-beraved-families-in-sderot  

 

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Ven tsu a krank iz duh a refueh, iz dos a halbeh krenk...”- When there’s a remedy for an ailment, it’s only half an ailment.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

30.The Zin River flows into the ___________.

In which route was the Ancient "Derech Hamelech" (Path of the kings) paved?

A. The route between the Gulf of Eilat and the Coastal cities of Lebanon

B. The route on the Transjordan ridge

C. The route on top of the mountains

D. The route between Alexandria and Gaza

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK


https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yiddelach   In Honor of PURim MY latest new release… Its; the only song I’m posting this week. You just have to listen to it five times… If You want the Rap at the end… IT’s amazing… Tell me how much you love it…

 https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yiddelach      -  Come on you can’t get enough…

 https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yiddelach      Isn’t it catchy…

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yiddelach     You want to hear it one more time…

 https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yiddelach     – Now Call you r kids over and make them listen to i..t 😊

 

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

 Half the Job- This week we begin to read the first of the four parshiyot before Pesach the first being of the mitzva of the half shekel coin that we bring for the daily sacrifices. There’s a fascinating Midrash that tells us of a debate between Rebbi Yehudah and Rebbi Yehoshua ben Levi about the power of prayer and teshuva. Rabbi Yehuda learns that Teshuva can accomplish half of the job of everything that we need, while prayer can accomplish everything. Rebbi Yehoshua ben Levi however disagrees and says that prayer only can accomplish half the job. He brings a proof that Moshe prayed for forgiveness for Aharon after the sin of the golden calf and thus only two of his sons, Nadav and Avihu were taken, rather than all four.

 The commentaries discuss why it works this way. Why can’t prayer accomplish everything? The Trisker Magid explains that Tefilla/ prayer has two components to it. There is Hashem who hears our prayer and answers and then there is us that receives it. With prayer we can only accomplish that we ask Hashem for the needs that we have. He wishes to answer and give everything to us, but we have to have enough space within ourselves to receive all of that benevolence. If we haven’t repented then there’s not enough room for all He wants to shower upon us. It is for that reason that the Derash Moshe notes that we say every prayer a confession of selach lanu and we ask Hashem for Teshuva. That teshuva opens us up to be able to receive the complete package that we then continue to ask Hashem for.

 

Perhaps that is as well the idea of the half shekel donation as well for our daily sacrifices that we contribute. Hashem is telling us that the money we donate which is meant to serve as an atonement, as teshuva for our sins is only half the job. We can’t just pay and be done. We have to Pay and Pray. It’s two pieces of a whole.

 One last great thought from the Ropshitzer. He writes that whenever he davened he would ask for double of what he needed. That way since prayer only accomplishes half, he then would get half of the double which is exactly what he needed. With this idea he explains homiletically the verse in our parsha when it talks about the money collected for the Mishkan. The Torah tells us that the people were bringing too much and they were told to stop. The pasuk says

 V’hamelacha haya dayum v’hoseir- the work was enough and there was more.

He notes this is a contradiction for if it was enough then how was there more? He answers with this idea. The “work” he says is of course prayer. The work of prayer brought them exactly what they needed. How? V’hoseir- because they prayed for more than they needed.

Great Vort! Great idea! So daven double and Hashem will answer us all…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

730 BC-The Last King of the North- The Jewish Nation of Israel is in tatters. We have civil war between the Northern Kingdom led by Pekach which engaged Aram to help them, and which captured and killed hundreds of thousands and even joined with the Philistines from Gaza to ravage the Jewish cities of the Shefela. As well we have the response of the kingdom of Yehudah led by the wicked king Achaz who turned the Temple into a house of idolatry and cut a deal with Shalmaneser of Assyria to attack and exile most of the Northern Kingdom. According to one account already 7/8 of the ten tribes in the North had already been exiled by the time the last and final king took over. The king Hoshea Ben Elah was the one that brought us to our bitter end.

 The Navi tells us that when Assyria attacked and exiled much of the North, Pekach’s captain Hoshea aligned himself with Tiglat Pileshar and assassinated Pekach. He then paid of Tiglat and was appointed the King of the North or Ephraim. As king he agreed to be a vassal of Assyria and pay an annual tax. He was trying to do his best to hold things together.

 The Navi tells us in an interesting description that although he was also an idolatrous king, yet he wasn’t as bad as the ones prior to him. He did one thing good which in fact ironically turned out to be bad and the final blow to the Northern Kingdom. He removed the security fence and guards that had prevented the Jews in the North from going to Yerushalayim to worship in the Beit HaMikdash. These had been in force since Yeravam ben Nevat-the king who followed Shlomo, the first generation after the Temple had been built. Since then nobody had gone to the Bait HaMikdash from the North.  And now they were finally permitted to go. The day was actually established to be a quasi holiday celebrated until today on the 15th of Av. This would seem to have been a good thing. But it wasn’t.

 See, the problem was that the Jews didn’t go. They stayed in the North. They stayed in Lakewood. In Boro Park. Perhaps they were comfortable enough in their own shuls and places of worship. Maybe they said-perhaps even rightfully so, that Yerushalayim wasn’t frum enough. Achaz after all had defiled the Beis HaMikdash with idolatry. It was not “holy” enough for them. It felt too goyish… But Hashem and our sages didn’t see it that way. The fact that no one went made this a terrible accusation against us if not the final straw to break our back. And thus it was decreed that the game would be over.

 As in all our lessons in this column there is so much that we have to learn, to rectify, to understand in order that we don’t make the same mistakes. They same righteous justifications. It is not for naught the Torah tells us that we have to learn our history and know the years of generation and generation. History is repeating itself. We just need to look at our past to understand our present.  

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE ANNIVERSARY JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.' And that's how the fight started....

  My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, “Do you know her?”

Yes, ” I sighed, “She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says my wife, “Who would think that a person could go on celebrating that long?”

And that’s when the fight started.

 

A wife wants a fancy Porsche for her fiftieth birthday. She drops hints to her husband:

"You know we've had a really good year, heck, good decade, fiscally. For my birthday, I'm really hoping for something sleek, maybe baby blue. Something you can really step on and it'll go from 0 to 200 in like .2 seconds..."

The husband nods knowingly. So for her birthday, he buys her a scale.

And that's when the fight started...

 

My wife told me she wants to give her clothes away to starving children, I told her that if they fit them they aren't starving. That is when the fight began

 

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face cream. And that’s when the fight started.

 

 A woman is standing in her room looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”

The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s near perfect.” And that’s when the fight started.

 

 For his birthday, I gave my son an iPhone. My daughter received an iPod for hers. For my birthday, I was pleased to receive an iPad. My mother was given an iMac for her birthday. Thinking along the same lines, I got my wife an iRon. And that's when the fight started…

 

 Esther was throwing darts at her husband's picture on a dart board and not even a single one hitting the target. When he entered, saw and asked, “Honey! What are you doing?”

Esther said " Missing you…".

And that's when the fight started…

 

 A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks. The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay? "

The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days."

The bartender asks," Well isn't that a good thing."

The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."

 

My Dentist friend just divorced his wife who is a manicurist. All they did was fight tooth and nail

 

A married couple are having a fight. Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house. She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things. On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable."

So he turns and says, " What, so now you want me to stay?"

 

 "Got in a fight with my wife last night" says one guy to his friend.

"Again", said the friend, "How did it end this time?"

"Well, she ended up on her knees, practically begging"

"Really, what did she say?"

"Get out from under the bed you coward"

 

 A married couple were fighting when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?"

The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."

 

 Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife says: I clean the toilet..

.Husband says: How does that help?

Wife says: I use your Toothbrush.....

 

 The entire 15 years of marriage my wife and  I have only had one fight. And it's still not over…

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The answer to this week”s question is B– I’m in this sick rut. I’m just getting them half right or half wrong depending on which way you look at the glass. Actually I thought I would get it the other way right and wrong, but the truth is I wasn’t sure of either answer. Nachal Tzin I guessed Yam Ha’melach but I wasn’t sure because it’s really a bit south of there, and really the correct answer would’ve been to the Arava which is the direction of the Dead Sea, but it seems that either answer was correct, as in ancient times or even more recent times before the shrinking of the Dead Sea the water from the Nachal got there as well. So that part was right. The second part though confused me and I got it wrong. For some reason although I knew that the coastal road was called Derech Ha’Yam and the mountain road called Derech Hahar, I thought that one of those was also derech Ha’Melech so I went with the Gaza Alexandria answer. But the truth is thee correct answer was the Transjordan route. I probably should’ve known this. It is a biblical question and the route Bnai Yisrael wanted to take. But I got it wrong. So still in the Rut but I’m still passing this exam with the latest score is Rabbi Schwartz at 21.5 point and the MOT having 7.5 point on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.