Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
June 19th 2020 -Volume 10
Issue 35 27th Sivan 5780
Parshat Chukas
Prisons, Puzzles and Peace
He was called the "Father of the Prisoners". It doesn't
seem to be such an illustrious title. Nobody is running to the prison chaplain
to have their pictures taken with their Bar Mitzva boys and no one would pay
any extra money to sneak them into the back door to get a bracha from someone
who hung out all day with criminals. And that wasn't even his paid job. Neither
was his weekly visits to the hospitals or to the leper quarantined barracks in
Bethlehem and Jerusalem. In Bethlehem, by the way, the majority of those
patients were Arabs. Replace the disease leprosy with corona and you can begin
to imagine how crazy it would seem to be visiting a patient with a disease that
similarly was assumed to be extremely contagious and transmittable via air
droplets from the mouth and nose. There are some people that might feel bad
they couldn't visit those sick people, but certainly they wouldn't feel guilty
about it. After-all our own life comes first. Yet, Rabbi Aryeh Levine didn't
visit them out of guilt or even for the mitzva. He couldn't not go. They were
his brother, his sister, Hashem's children and creations and he had to be there
for them. Not visiting wasn't an option.
Most of the prisoners that he visited in the British Prisons were
of the "politically incorrect" kind in the Charedi Old Yishuv Israel
circles where he lived. They were soldiers of the Hagana, Irgun and Etzel the
illegal underground armies that attacked and terrorized the British in the
hopes of liberating the country and making life too miserable for them to
remain here. The Old Yishuv had a more "galus" mentality.
Let's be quiet and count our blessings that we are allowed to live here. It is
not our place to start up in a hopeless battle with the world empire like the
British. We shouldn't be instigating them. "Shvayg shtil"l and
daven for Mashiach and to Hashem to keep the "Cossacks far far away from
us" in the words of Tevyeh. Reb Aryeh was of that mindset as well. Yet, it
didn't matter to him what mess these young boys had gotten themselves into.
They were like his children. They meant well. They were sacrificing their lives
for the Jewish people. They needed someone to give them strength. He was their
man.
In the words of Michael Ashbel, an Irgun soldier sentenced to death
by the British describing Reb Aryeh's weekly visits.
"Today is the Shabbos; we await the visit of our Rabbi.
Although our spirit is strong as iron, we want to hear what this wise man who
regards every prisoner as his son will say. We always speak with him through
the bars of the door. His face adorned with a silvery beard is pale. Tears
always appear in his eyes and he has to wipe his spectacles many time.
He asks for us to hope for Hashem's mercy and to pray. In
addition, he begs us to ask for a pardon from the British military commander
and not refuse obstinately. He tells us of the fast he is personally observing
on our behalf and how ill he is in his concern for us…. He has brought us
tefillin and a siddur to pray with. We promise him we will use them. It is
amazing how he thinks og every detail. He brought and Ashkenazic prayer book
for me and a sefardic one for my friend so we could each daven according to our
own customs.
The rabbi leaves with the prison warden. After his visit we are
quiet. Each of us feels the suffering of this precious Jew and we share in his
grief. We didn't voice any complaints to him. He doesn’t' have to know how bad
our situation is for us here. He is already suffering enough."
It is Reb Aryeh's image that I draw to my mind when I read and
study about Aharon HaKohen whose passing is described in this week's parsha.
Our sages tell us that Aharon lived by the dictum of Ohev Shalom V'Rodef
Shalom- He loved peace and pursued peace. Ohev es ha'briyos- he
loved people, u'mikarvon la'torah and he would draw them near to Torah. I
think most of us appreciate peace. Most people don't like to fight. Which is
what I think most of us would assume peace is- not fighting. We even say it all
the time. "I just wish I could have some peace and …."? That's
right, "quiet". That's usually followed by "will you
guys just stop fighting already." But that's not peace. That's a cease
fire. Which is also pretty good for us, particularly when it is our kids or
when it's Hamas terrorists. I'm not saying there is a connection there or
anything.
Do you know how I know that's not peace, certainly not the peace
that I think we want? I have a son in shidduchim now. Can you imagine if
a shadchan called me up with a girl recommendation, and told me how she
is someone that he will not yell at or that will not fight with him. They will
live quietly together for the rest of their lives. Neither one ever getting on
each other's nerves. They will be at peace with one another. Each one living
their own separate lives. This is guaranteed shalom bayis, right? Wrong.
Shalom Bayis means that two people, a husband and wife work
together to become shalem, to become complete. Each one understands they
are lacking something that only the other one can make whole. Shalom Bayis
is that they each have certain parts of the building materials to build that
house. They need to each contribute and bond together those individual traits,
strengths and wisdom and overcome each other's weakness to build that
incredible bayis ne'eman- house of faith. If they stay out of each
other's hair for the next 25 or 50 years, they really haven't done anything.
There is no greater tragedy than that.
Being an Ohev Shalom, someone who loves peace, is the idea
of being someone who loves this concept. They love the idea of bonding and
connecting and seeing a greater whole when two different and perhaps even
opposing forces come together. We understand and see that by marriage, but in
truth it is something that is true for every aspect of creation. The purpose of
all existence is to unite the entire planet in "one-ness". A forest is not a bunch of individual trees.
It is something much greater. A flower garden is not just a bunch of flowers it's
so much more beautiful than that. A nation isn't just a group of individuals; a
beach isn't just grains of sand. A
chulent isn't just little beans, potatoes, meat and barley. The whole always
reveals much more beauty because it reflects more and more the unity of it's
Creator. When one sees how those varying differing puzzle pieces of creation
fits together, we unveil the incredible wondrous majesty of it's Maker.
Loving peace, though, is just the start. Pursuing peace is where the
really difference is. It's the sign of whether we just like something
conceptually or if we really love it. I like forests, I like gardens, I might
even drive to spend time in some. But frankly I'm not going to go through the
work to plant one. Loving something deeply and feeling passionate about it
means that you work to achieve it. But it's not even work at that point. It's a
labor of love. Pursuing peace means that it is your passion to bring oneness
between creations. A cease fire or an elimination of strife, abuse, racism is
not peace. In fact, it’s a failure of that goal. It's pretty much guaranteeing
that everything remains alone and independent.
Pursuing peace means bringing everyone to appreciate how incredible and
right it is for us all to be connected and dependent upon one another. How only
through that happening can we finally reveal Hashem in all of us. The more
different and the harder that piece is to fit into that puzzle, the more he who
pursues peace will try to figure out how that piece can be incorporated into
the rest of the picture. Hashem put that piece in the box. There are no extra
pieces. If there were than it would be a flaw in creation. And our Creator
doesn't have flaws. The Peace Pursuer is one that sees that big picture and
doesn't stop trying to bring it all together.
How does he do that? By loving the created. Loving each piece, each
person, and seeing in them the hand of Hashem. Loving them to the degree that
one understands that I will never be fully complete unless he or she are
connected to me and I to them. Hashem will not be complete until all of us are
together. And if they are so far, so out of whack, such sinners, such misfits
that it seems incomprehensible that they are part of Creation, the flaw is not
from them. It is from me. I haven't opened myself up enough to incorporate
them. I haven't brought them close enough to the Torah which is the glue that
we all share that will bind and meld us seamlessly together. It's not their
problem. It's mine. I need them to make His puzzle complete. I need them to
make His chulent complete. It needs beans. If your store doesn't have any then
you go to another store. You borrow from a neighbor. You pursue it. If you hear
there is some in the prison or leper hospital you go there to get them because
you understand they are essential. That is what the Mishna means when it tells
us what the traits of Aharon HaKohein were. That is the reason why in this
week's Torah portion when Aharon dies the entire Jewish people mourned.
Everyone felt they had lost their glue. Everyone understood that they all had a
deep seated desire to bond and unite, but it was only Aharon Hakohen that could
reveal that to each of us.
It is with this appreciation that we can understand the incredible
response of the Jewish people in the immediate aftermath of the death of
Aharon. The Torah is so beautiful when it is read with this light. As soon as
Aharon dies the Torah tell us in three short pesukim one of the most
inspiring stories of the entire Torah. Most people miss it so pay attention.
Bamidbar (21:1-3) The Canaanite king of Arad, who lived in the
south, heard that Israel had come by the route of the spies, and he waged war
against Israel and took from them a captive.
Israel made a vow to Hashem and said, "If You deliver this
people into my hand, I shall consecrate their cities. Hashem heard Israel's
voice and delivered the Canaanite. He destroyed them and [consecrated] their
cities, and he called the place Hormah.
There are a few things that stand out about this story. The first
is why this battle happened. The Torah tells us that the Canaani King heard
that we came the way of the spies. So what? Rashi who usually comes to explain
the simple explanation here notes an even more perplexing midrashic story, that
in fact this was the Amalekites disguised as Canaanim that came to fight. Where
does he get this from and why does Rashi veer from the simple understanding?
Maybe we can find the answer is in what the results of Amalekites
attack accomplished. One captive was taken. According to our sages it was a
maid servant, perhaps not even Jewish. Who wages a war to take one captive? As
well it is interesting to note that the Jewish nation's response to this attack
is to make a vow to consecrate their cities. We were going to war big-time for
this maid servant. This wasn't a rescue mission. This was a full out destroy
them and their cities to the ground and all of the booty would be consecrated.
Talk about a disproportionate response. What's going on?
The answer is in the title given to our nation in this entire
story. The Cannani heard that Yisrael had come. Not the Bnai Yisrael, not a
nation, not a people, but an individual Yisrael. As well Yisrael, is the
one that makes the vow. Hashem heard Yisrael's voice. Singular. We were
one. We were one body. The maid servant was part of our body. We understood
that she was just as important as anyone else. She was part of Hashem's puzzle.
Hashem would not be complete without her.
The nation that always is there to prevent us from achieving this
oneness of Hashem is Amalek. They are not interested in destroying Klal
Yisrael. They know they don't have to. They just have to get the weak ones. They
just have to take one piece of us and the whole picture is ruined. Hashem will
not be revealed. If Bnai Yisrael doesn't respond and pursue that piece, they
have already destroyed us. We are already not one. There will never be the
ultimate shalom. The throne of Hashem will not be shaleim. They came
when they heard we came the way of the spies, those same spies who didn't want
to lose their jobs and titles to come into the land that would unite us all. They
came after Aharon died because they realized that we had lost our clouds of
glory. The clouds that came in the merit of Aharon because he united us all. They
thought that this was chance to remove that shalom that Aharon had achieved.
After-all who would go to wage a war for one measly little maid servant.
But Yisrael did. We prayed as one. We vowed as one, because we knew
that this wasn't about the enemy as much as it was about revealing Hashem in its
entirety from our nation. The cities we destroyed would also become part of
that puzzle. They would be called Chorma because they would be consecrated to
Hashem. They would be the crown of the puzzle that testifies that His presence
can be found in all of the world. The students of Aharon live on. We can bring
the ultimate Shalom.
Reb Aryeh's influence and love inspired his students as well to
love him as well. The story is told of the time he arrived one Shabbos for
davening in the Jerusalem prison where he would come each Shabbos. As he was in
the middle of the Torah reading, one of the Arab guards approached and asked
him to come outside, as there were people waiting for him. Rav Aryeh, however,
had no wish to interrupt the reading and motioned to the guard to be so kind as
to wait until he was finished.
A few minutes passed by and once again the guard and the guard was
quite persistent he was needed outside immediately. Rav Aryeh asked one of the
inmates to continue the reading, and he left the cell with the captain of the
guard.
Once outside, he saw his son-in-law waiting for him at the prison
entrance. In his heart he knew at once that some accident had occurred. They
set off by foot to the Shaarei Chesed neighborhood, where his married daughter
lived. As they reached his daughter’s home, Rav Aryeh saw members of the family
and medical doctors gathered there, where he was told that his daughter had
been stricken by paralysis. The doctors told him that her total incapacitation
if they were lucky would perhaps only lead to partial paralysis over the course
of time, and perhaps in a number of years she would recover completely. After
an emotional meeting with his daughter, he reminded members of the family that
“the rescuing help of the Lord can come in the twinkling of an eye.”
The next Shabbos the prisoners flocked around him and asked how his
daughter was. They had paid money to the Arab guard to go to Reb Aryeh's home
to find out what had happened. “As well as can be expected,” he said
emotionally.
During the Torah reading, an unusual thing occurred during
the mi-sheberach prayer recited after each of the seven aliyos,
in which one asks Hashem to bless and protect the man just called to the Torah.
It is customary that the man called to the Torah pledges a sum to charity.
As Rav Aryeh duly recited the mi-sheberach for the
first prisoner called to the Torah, he was taken by surprise to hear the man
announce that he was pledging a day of his life for the recovery of the good rabbi’s
daughter. When the time came for the mi-sheberach of the
second called, he announced that he forfeited a week of his life for the sake
of the sick woman. The third man called pledged a month of his lifespan; and so
it went. At last it was the turn of the seventh man, Dov Tamari, who later
became a professor at the Technion in Haifa.
“What is our life in prison worth,” he cried, “compared
to our rabbi’s anguish? I pledge all the remaining days of my life to the
complete recovery of our rabbi’s daughter!”
Rav Aryeh looked at the young man and burst into tears. He was
moved beyond words to see how devoted these men were to him and how much
affection they bore him. Unable to continue with the prayer service, he shook
hands warmly with every single one of the inmates and went straight home. That
evening, after Shabbos, members of his family came to tell him that his
daughter was beginning to show signs of recovery: she had started to move some
limbs. A few days went by, and her health returned completely. She was shalem.
The power of unity was revealed from the prison. The Healer of all flesh had
made her whole as He became whole through them.
Hashem has united the world like never before. We are all suffering
from this epidemic. We are all connected with social media, with face masks,
with prayers and with hope for a better tomorrow. At the same time there are
forces of Amalek that seek to divide to find hate, to create divisions. To hit
those that are weak. The answer is to love peace. To pursue peace. To love all
Hashem's creations. Left, Right, Jewish, Arab, White, Black, Sinners and
Saints. Be mikarev them to Hashem. Bring a world of peace.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz
************************************************************************
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
" Az
men darf dem ganef, nemt men em arop fun der t’liye."- When you need the thief, you take him down from the gallows.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
33) Shtula
and Zar’it were established as:
A. Tower and
Stockade (homa u’migdal) settlements
B. “Mitzpeh”
settlements in the North
C. “Moshavim” in
Galilee
D. IDF military
outposts
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6bWnoGfdD8 – Most beautiful song ever by
Ari Goldwag then and now Meheira!
https://youtu.be/GiZVkKPTgE4
-"Just love them"- Joey Newcomb's newest sng in honor of
the one and only Sruli Besser's newest book about Rabbi Trenk
https://youtu.be/CoTBfb1HG6M – Rabbi Majeski- a Corona conversation
with myself inspiring!
https://youtu.be/V-pj3SXPWP8 - The Rebbe on Rocket Science in honor of Gimmel
Tamuz
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK
Parshat Chukas-Pidyon Shvuyim- redeeming a captured
prisoner–There are not
too many mitzvos I'm aware of where we tell someone that has raised money for a
shul campaign and already has purchased all the building material that the
halacha is he must sell everything they bought and use the money instead to
fulfil the mitzva. It seems pretty crazy. But yet, that is the case when it
comes to the mitzva of rescuing and redeeming someone who has been captured or
imprisoned. In fact we find in this week's Torah portion that in our first
battle as a nation in the wilderness before entering Israel with Amalek the
entire Jewish nation went to war to rescue one captured imprisoned maid
servant. Go Jews! We learned this lesson from Avraham Avinu who raced across
Israel to fight against four Kings to rescue his nephew Lot. So if we are willing
to sacrifice life and limb to save a fellow Jew certainly a shul building
doesn't stand a chance.
But it's not
just a historical incident engrained in our DNA from Avraham. The Rambam counts
no less than 8 mitzvos involved in the mitzva of pidyon shvuyim.
1) Devarim 15:7 Lo saametz es Levavcha
– Do not tighten your heart
2) Devarim 15:7
veLo sikpotz es yadcha – Nor shall you tighten your hand
3) VaYikra
19:16 Lo saamod al dam rayacha – Do not stand idly by your brother’s
blood
4) Vayikra
25:53 Lo yirdeno beferech leainecha – Do not let him go down in
excessive labor in front of your eyes
5) Dvarim 15:8 Pasoach
tiftach es yadcha lo You shall surely open your hand for him
6) Vayikra
25:36 Vechai achicha imach – And your brother shall live with you
7) Vayikra
19:18 Veahavta lerayacha kamocha –love your friend as yourself
8) Mishlei
24:11 Hatzel lakuchim lemavais – Save those taken toward their death
That's quite a
laundry list. The Rambam writes that there is no greater mitzva and it even
surpasses all other charitable donations. Yet the Rambam qualifies this by
suggesting that this is because the prisoner is in danger and is like someone
who is starving, impoverished, and naked. As well the Aruch Hashulchan, by Reb
Yechiel Michel Epstien (1829-19080 that this was "in ancient times or in
faraway places like Africa where these things take place. Seemingly it would
seem that our modern day prisons where there is no danger of death or
conditions of starvation and torture would seemingly not qualify for this
mitzvas precedence over other mitzvos.
On the other
hand unfortunately the Aruch Hashulchan's "ancient times" would be
found today tragically in the Middle East when Israeli soldiers and even
civilians are kidnapped by terrorists. As well even in the 70's there were
incidents of hijackings and the like where ransom demands were sent. It would
seem in these cases the mitzva of pidyon shvuyim would apply. However there is
a major halachic caveat to this mitzva. One that leaves us in a bit of a quandary.
The Talmud
tells us that one may not redeem someone for an exorbitant amount of money
"more than his value". There is a debate as to why this is. One
reason is because we cannot put such a burden on a community. They need only
redeem him for his value. The other reason is that because in doing this one
may encourage the kidnappers to continue to do this to others. Don't negotiate
with terrorists. The difference between the two reasons would be if someone is
rich and permitted to pay the ransom. If it's so as not to burden the community
one would be permitted to personally us their own money. On the other hand, if
this act of redemption will encourage the terrorists and put others at risk one
would be prohibited to do so.
The great
Maraham Of Rottenberg in the 13th century was kidnapped and
prohibited the communities that raised money to liberate him from paying the
exorbitant sum that was being demanded. His wishes were respected and he in
fact remained and died in prison. As well when Reb Hutner Z"L was on a
hijacked plane and money was raised to free him, Reb Yakov Kaminetzky
prohibited paying it for similar reasons. (ultimately he was released not
longer after). Seemingly this halacha would apply to not only if there were a
demand of money but if there was a demand for other terrorist prisoners to be
released which would endanger other Jews it would seem to be prohibited. Until
1983 the policy of the state of Israel was in fact not to engage in
negotiations and certainly not exchanges with terrorists. But that has changed
and arguably has led to more deaths as a large percentage of the released
terrorists come back to kill Jews.
One last aspect
of this mitzva that is interesting is a story of Reb Moshe Feinstien who when a
man came into Yeshiva asking him to write a letter of support for his son who
was being sentenced to prison for selling drugs and other crimes. Reb Moshe
ruled that it is better for him to be in jail than to be on the streets and
endanger people. As well one who is imprisoned for his own crimes it would seem
that the mitzva of Pidyom Shvuyim in its ultimate form may not apply. Although
there is still certainly an aspect of chesed to try to help prisoners
particularly those that have repented and certainly those that have been injustly
punished. We must love our friends as we would ourselves. It's the Jewish
golden rule. Before we judge others we must ask how we would wish to be judged.
Avraham's rescue of Lot who was certainly no tzadik, was in fact the forebearer
of Mashiach. You never know….
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN
ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Signs of a King-879 BC – The Kings of the
Jewish people are not elected. Hashem knows we can't agree on anyone, as well
we usually don't have the best track record of finding the proper people to
lead us. Our Kings have to be divinely selected. They require a prophet, a
Sanhedrin of 70 and than ultimately coronated in front of the nation that need
to accept him. We have the final say, but by that point in time seemingly it should
be a done deal. After-all it's been proven that this is the man Hashem wants
and all the sages and leaders agree, one would think that should be enough.
Well it wasn't. There are always trouble makers. Always people that will say
"Not my President". This is the way it has been since the get-go.
Let's learn about Shaul Hamelech and his coronation.
So
we left off last week, with Shaul looking for his donkeys and meeting up with
Shmuel-"the Ro'eh" or Seer as the verse refers to him. Now Hashem had
told Shmuel the previous day that he would be introducing him to the future
king. Sure enough when Shaul innocently shows up at the sacrifice ceremony that
Shmuel was bringing. Shmuel upon seeing Shaul immediately discerns that this is
his man. Before Shaul can even ask him anything Shmuel tells him not to worry
about the lost donkeys, he assures him that they already have been found and
are back home. Ahh… but what
about the Jewish people, he asks him? They have requested a leader and frankly
they can't have a "donkey" lead them. You will be their Nagid-
leader. He invites him in has the cook bring him a special portion of the
choicest meat and introduces him to the chevra over there.
That night
Shmuel studies with him all night and then he sends him off. He gives Shaul
three signs to show that he is the man. The first is that on his way home from Rama
Shmuel's home he would stop of at Kever Rachel and meet two men by Tzaltzlach.
The literal translation of the city would be "White Shade"- a strange
name but one that in fact our sages suggest is Yerushalayim where the Jewish
people see the shade Hashem's presence which is like white There the two men
will tell him that the donkeys had been found. Now Kever Rachel does not seem
to be on the way to where he was going from Rama- Nebi Samuel to Giv'ah where
Shaul lived. But it seems Shmuel was hinting to him that he should stop there
to assure him that despite he was from the tribe of Binyamin and as everyone
knows the Kings are meant to come from the tribe of Yehudah, the first King
would come in the merit of Rachel, from her child Binyamin, in the merit of her
giving the signs to her sister Leah.
The next sign
would be at a place called Alon Tavor. Alon Tavor may be the same place as Tomer
Devora which would place it at Tel Al Ful near Pisgat Zeev
and Shuafat, or alternatively it would be a just a plain where there are
Oak-alon- trees as the Targum translates it. There he would meet three
men heading up to Beit El with three goats, three loaves of bread and a flask
of wine. They will give you a big Shalom Aleychem and give you two loaves of
bread. The symbolism of this sign is that the three goats or "kids"
will be the three children that Shaul will lose in this battle against the
Plishtim who will be "brought up to Hashem". The wine flask
symbolizes the wine jug that his daughter Michal will place on Dovid's pillow
to warn him that Shaul was coming for him. The two loaves they would give him
represent the two tablets or luchos her rescued when the Ark was captured.
The final sign
was that when he arrived in Kiryat Yearim where the Ark was being kept
he would upon arriving see a group of prophets that hung out there coming to
him singing with cymbals, drums, lyres and harps and he would stand amongst
them and receive prophecy himself. Sure enough all the signs came true and when
Shaul started prophecising the other prophets asked rhetorically "Hagam
Shaul Ba'nevi'im-Is Shaul also from the prophets?" This it seems
became a slang for someone achieving and thinking he's something that he's not.
Ah… you think you're also a doctor… a lawyer… and engineer… a tour guide… That
kind of thing.
Shaul hangs out
there for a week until Shmuel calles everyone to Mitzpeh and then presents
Shaul to the people. He does a public lottery upon consultation of the Urim
V'Tumim and the tribe of Binyamin is chosen from the t12 tribes. Then The
family of Shaul' is chosen and finally Shaul's name comes out of the proverbial
hat. Shaul meantime it seems was hiding in the coat room as he was pretty sure
he wasn't worthy of being chosen. The people schlepped him out. Shmuel
announced that he would be the King and the nation for the most part cheered
Yechi Ha'melech. But there were those- as there always are… that refused to
accept Shaul: Bnai Bliya'al. Bad guys that just can't take someone on top of
them. They refused to recognize Shaul or bring him the gifts that were
traditional to bestow upon them. How do you deal with people like this? Stay
tuned next week.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S REALLY TERRIBLE PRISON JOKES OF
THE WEEK
Why did the
picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why was the parrot in prison? Because it was a
jail-bird.
Why did the
belt get arrested? Because he held up a pair of pants.
What do
prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What's an inmates
favorite food? Cellery
Why did the
credit card go to jail? It was guilty as charged.
What's an
inmates favorite place to hangout? At the bars
What do you
call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie.
What do you
call a famous inmate? A cellebrity \
Did you hear?
The Energizer Bunny was arrested. He was charged with battery.
Did you see the
recent story in the Jewish Chronicle about the theft of egg-enriched dough from
a north London warehouse? Unfortunately, the theft happened just before shabbes and
it forced many local bakeries to bake their challas with
plain, white flour. A leading rabbi was quoted as saying, "I’m appalled
by the rise in white challa crimes."
An anti-semitic Pennsylvania state trooper policeman
spots two youngsters riding a motorcycle. They are unmistakably hassidic: yarmulke, payoth, tsittsits, the
works. He is unmistakably a bigot, so he follows them intending to catch
them doing some kind of wrong.
After a long ride during which they exited the highway and then onto many side roads, he could find nothing wrong with their driving. Frustrated, he stops them anyway.
"I have been following you two for a long time now, watching every move you made and hoping to catch you breaking the law, but you two seem to be perfect. How do you do it?"
They replied "HaShem is with us."
"That's it!" exclaimed the policeman, "Three people on a motorcycle!"
After a long ride during which they exited the highway and then onto many side roads, he could find nothing wrong with their driving. Frustrated, he stops them anyway.
"I have been following you two for a long time now, watching every move you made and hoping to catch you breaking the law, but you two seem to be perfect. How do you do it?"
They replied "HaShem is with us."
"That's it!" exclaimed the policeman, "Three people on a motorcycle!"
An Italian a Frenchmen and a Jew were sentenced to death for crimes committed. They were entitled to a last meal of choice before death.The Italian requested his last meal be Pasta Primervera. The executioners take him outside after his last meal and they shoot him. The Frenchmen requested a Filet Mignon. The executioners take him outside after his last meal and shoot him. The Jew requests Strawberries as his last meal and the executioner said, "are you crazy, they're out of season!"
The Jew says, "I'll Wait!!"
Two Jewish
women were speaking about their sons, each of whom unfortunately incarcerated
in the state prison. The first says, "Oy, my son has it so hard. He is
locked away in maximum security. He never even speaks to anyone or sees the
light of day. He has no exercise and he lives a horrible life."
The second
says, "Well, my son is in minimum security. He exercises every day, he
spends time in the prison library, takes some classes, and writes home each
week.
"Oy," says the first woman, "You must get such naches from
your son."
Why can't you
keep a Jew in jail? Apparently they eat all the Lox.
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Answer is C– Ok no Ayin Hara's here, but
Baruch Hashem my game has picked up her on this exam. I know Shetula and Zarit
they are up in the Upper Galile not far from. I wasn't sure of the right hanswer
though although I was pretty sure they weren't choma umigdal or military
outposts. I went with the simple moshav in Galil and I was again correct So another right one for Schwartz making
the score 24 and 9 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam. My grade is
moving up on this exam, lets see if I can actually get a good score still…
