My Seat- Parshat Bamidbar 2022 5782

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 27^th 2022 -Volume 11 Issue 34 26^th Iyar 5782

Parshat Bamidbar

My Seat

 

So Israeli weddings are a bit different than Americans. There are some things that are a bit confusing, others that are a bit heartening and others that are…ummm… just Israeli. The first thing is that in Israel there really isn’t the concept of the whole fancy wedding thing. No 25-piece bands with celebrity singers and accompanying customary Chasidic Choir. You won’t find buffet tables overflowing with a million different meats, pasta, crepes, sushi, carving stations, and hors d'oeuvres circulating with polite waiters. You’re lucky if you get some kugel and a potato bourekas. The band is more often than not one guy on a keyboard, another banging on a drum and some Mordechai Shapiro wannabe yeshiva guy singing, Flowers usually come from a Gemach, they weren’t imported this morning from Belgium. And unlike America where the Chuppah is more like a choreographed show with everything planned out with silence reigning in the crowd as they respectfully are moved by the nuptials and Yaakov Shwekey or Leiner singing Im Eshkocheich and romantic chuppa songs. Here its kind of like a shtiebel kiddush with people mulling in and out and about and talking about the latest hock in the back. They don’t have a white carpet down the middle of the aisle for the Chasan and Kallah to walk down because it would probably be trampled on by anyone who just needs to get down to the front quicker. Decorum, pomp and presentation aren’t Israeli strong points.

 

Now of course the benefit of having the simpler Israeli wedding is that you don’t have to sell any of your children- or at least the ones you don’t want to sell-to pay for that one special night that it seems Americans feel is worth blowing 10’s if not hundreds of thousands of dollars on. In fact, many of the Chariedim do their weddings in these subsidized ‘takanah’ wedding halls in which you can make an entire wedding for less than $5000!

 

Now before you get excited here and make Aliyah tomorrow or give a hard look again at that collector knocking at your door who claims to be raising money to “marry off” his daughter, realize that in many cases one of the reasons that they do the weddings so cheap is because at the time of the wedding they are already providing money or assurances for the purchase of an apartment for the young couple. Yeah… that costs gelt. In many cases families have to come up with a hundred to a few hundred thousand dollars before they even get “names” for shidduchim.  I guess nobody ever gets away easy.

 

Yet, in the Israeli mindset- and I guess for any rational person as well- it makes more sense certainly to be investing and putting your money into a permanent place and investment for your children than blowing it all on one “magical” night of entertainment and ‘over the top’ fancy food and accouterments. Not that I have the money for that either, but hey… the good Lord provides and preforms miracles.

 

 I remember when the shadchan first called me up for my daughter and asked what type of guy she was looking for, I responded that I wasn’t exactly sure but my feeling was that she was looking for a boy that would support his father-in-law in Kollel for a few years. When the shadchan, who obviously didn’t appreciate my irony told me that in Israel it was different and that ‘here’ the custom was for the parents to support the young couple in Kollel for a few years and even buy them an apartment and what did I think I could do on that front? I responded that I was a very good tour guide and was happy to give them free tours whenever they wanted and that I would even give discounts to their immediate family members in off-seasons. It was at that point that my wife quickly grabbed the phone away and prohibited me to talk to shadchanim anymore. Which, I guess, was kind of the point.

 

Now besides the price tag and the ambience and even the wrong direction dancing that differentiates the weddings, or the smoking all over the place, there is another major difference that many find disconcerting when they come to a wedding over here. That is that over here there is no such thing as seating cards or set place seating. Here in Israel we’re all family and you know how it works with mishpacha- or at least in my family- the first one to the table gets food and its every man or woman for themselves. You sit where you want to sit. You eat with who you want to eat with. In fact many times you eat at multiple tables. As the conversation at one table dies you move over to the next one where you see your friend or uncle and join them for the next course.

 

Yes, there is a downside, because you do have to be quick on your feet before all the yeshiva guys chap the tables and good seats. But, generally speaking the yeshiva guys are hanging out by the chulent and kugel table they just brought out for them at the buffet. They prefer that over schnitzel or roulade meat which is turkey and some leftover chopped hamburger stuffed in the middle. Smart guys.

 

Americans are very disconcerted by this I’ve found. They wander. They look. They feel uncomfortable. Where should I sit? Can I sit here? Is this anyone’s seat? Israelis though see the entire room as belonging to them. It’s why you can even place your hat and jacket on a table and a plate full of food in front of your seat and then go to wash your hands and you still won’t be guaranteed your seat will still be empty when you come back. Somebody might be eating your piece of schnitzel and thank you for preparing a plate for them and ask you if you want your jacket and hat back. Wash before you get your food and sit down- quick Rabbi Schwartz Israeli wedding tip.

 

Now the truth is this is not only an Israeli wedding phenomenon. It’s pretty much just an Israeli attitude globally. We will feel at home everywhere. Americans on the other hand pretty much don’t feel at home anywhere- except maybe Lakewood. Perhaps even rightfully so. I mean for Israelis feeling at home everywhere and Americans not feeling at home. Lakewood, don’t really have an explanation for-not a good Torahdik one at least. See Israelis have that attitude because we really have been living at home. We’re not guests in another country. We are in the place Hashem gave us to live in. We don’t really know what it feeling like we don’t belong where we are is. Just like assume most people feel like when they’re in own house. We can’t imagine not feeling at home.

 

The truth is, that was part of our historical problem and our fatal Achilles heel. See, during the first and second Temple we didn’t ever imagine that we would be thrown out. This is despite the fact that this week’s Parsha in the diaspora Bechukosai pretty much explicitly warns us that will be the case if we don’t keep the mitzvos. (See how I connected your weekly parsha there chutznikkim- stop complaining that we’re a week ahead.) It was that false confidence and inability for Israelis to think we would ever feel not at home and welcomed that gave us that false sense of security and made us think we could get away with everything.

 

Diaspora Jews on the other hand though despite how comfortable and easy life might be during various eras of our 2000-year-old Exile, deep in their neshomas know that they’re not really at home. They will probably get thrown out eventually. Hopefully they won’t get killed and they can take their stuff with them. But they always deeply understand that beneath the surface that  ‘Esau-hate- Yaakov-“ antisemitism can rear its ugly head at any time and the party will be over. So as a result, they’re much more polite. They’re more politically correct. They’re scared what the goyim will say. They don’t ever take anyone else’s seat. They just walk around the room a lot and suffice themselves with those petit fours that are sitting daintily on the Venetian dessert table. Without a seating card their instinct is that they really are not invited to the party. So they need that little fancy monogrammed card to tell them that they belong. They have a place. At least for the night.

 

Parshas Bamidbar, the fourth book, that we begin here in Israel is really the story and book of how we leave our galus our long exile in Egypt and begin to find our way home. The first step to that redemption is to introduce that galus yid to the idea that he is going to be living a life where he has a place. Each Jew is counted by name. Each Jew has a seating card with a number of a table around the Mishkan. Some are in the North, some are in the South and some like the Levi’im and Kohanim get to sit at the head table. We are no longer disconnected. Our soul that found it’s place in the Torah and that has a letter corresponding to it in our holiest book which we are told contains the DNA of all creation, now has a place in this physical world where it is meant to express itself from. Where it can realize the purpose of why it was sent down to this world. It has a place where it can fulfill the Divine mission with which it has been tasked.

 

It’s an amazing thing about living in Eretz Yisrael. Every Jew that comes here tells me that they have that feeling. It’s like a little red light in their soul that starts to blip and shine as it gets closer to the place it belongs. I’m where I’m meant to be. I really feel that connection to the actual earth I’m walking on. The mountains I’m looking at. The fields I’m running through. The Midrash tells us that when Hashem created Adam he took earth from each part of the world and every nation has it’s place where it’s original earth DNA comes from and where they are meant to achieve their purpose from. The Jewish nations DNA is from here. We have the seating cards to prove it. Over 2000 years we have perhaps forgotten where that seat was, but one thing we were aware of on some subconsious level though is that nowhere else ever really connected us deeply as we knew that we were supposed to be connected. No place else was ever home.

 

We read this parsha always before the holiday of Shavuos. There are two fascinating and at first glance unrelated aspects of the holiday. The first is that it is the day that the Torah was given. Fascinatingly enough that occasion is compared to a wedding day. It is the day when we said “I do”. Na’aseh v’nishma and Hashem took us as his nation. It is also the day of the yartzeit of Dovid Ha’Melech. Dovid, was known as the Noam Zemiros of Klal Yisrael- the sweet poetic musician and composer of our nation. The author of Tehillim, the songs of our nation. What is a wedding without good music, after-all? And for our wedding day Hashem made sure to get us the best that there is; Dovid Ha’Melech.

 

Those that have toured with me and my congregants and friends know that music is very important to me. It is the deepest expression of the neshoma. The soul sings when it is connected to what it experiences. When it wants to put into words and elevate the moment and put it in its right place.

 

There’s another element to music as well. For music has the ability to recall those special moments and places where we connected to those songs. When we hear that song that was playing in the background when we met our bashert. The music that I heard when I was jeeping through midbar Yehuda for the first time with the wind blowing through my hair and the incredible views on all sides. Whenever I hear that song I’m transported back there again. When I listen to the song that my daughter walked down the chuppah to, the tune that my grandmother used to sing to me, or the song I heard by the Chasidic Rebbi’s tish. I’m once again back there in my mind. I remember. I’ve been transported and I realize that there’s something more here than what I perceive before me. The songs of Dovid are the songs of the Torah. They bring us back to that wedding day. They are the last piece of knowing that when we are at that wedding of Shavuos that we are not just invited guests but we are the bride and the groom to Hashem. It’s our song. We are ready to come to our home together. To build it as one. Mazel Tov!

 

Have a perfect Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

************************

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

Noch di chupeh iz shpet di charoteh.- After the wedding it’s too late to have regrets..

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

29)  A tourist site in the Jerusalem mountains where you can get acquainted with traditional agriculture in ancient times: ______

The following crop belongs to rainfed agriculture (haklaut ba’al):

A)  Lemon

B)  Persimmon

C)  Date palm

D)  Olive        

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/dovid-melech-r-ephrayim -In honor of Shavuos get your dancing shoes on for my latest Dovid Melech Yisrael composition with the one and only Dovid Lowy!

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/torah-hakedosha  -Composed in honor of our Hachnasas Sefer Torah listen to this holy Torah Hakedosha composition I and my son Yonah composed with Dovid Lowy’s arrangements and vocals.. Especially listen all the way to the end for encore

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LGNYEP4qhk  -Yaakov Shwekey’s latest Elevate great Mizrachi songs with David Bitan

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pT1vQ2eoPs  -Simcha Leiner drops his latest hit L’maalah… he’s back and better than ever

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

A Desert Oasis- Parshat Bamidbar -  We were born in the Midbar- the wilderness. The Torah was given in the midbar. And the fourth book of the Torah that we begin this week here in Eretz Yisrael read before Shavuot is about those birth pangs. The forty years that made us into the eternal nation that we are today. The truth is this really the last and final book and story of our people as Devarim is a repetition of the mitzvos of the Torah called Mishneh Torah and it is primarily the last speech of Moshe to our nation. So this book really contains the secrets of our peoplehood and it’s title is the The Midbar- the desert.

 

What is it about a desert that is so essential for our development and what is the eternal message that we can glean from it? Our sages tell us a few things about a desert and its relationship to Torah and us. The first is that a Desert is place where all is hefker- it’s ownerless. Anyone can come and it’s open for all. There is something for everyone and we all can feel at home with it. As well Torah is open to all. Nobody can lay claim to it for themselves. We all have a place and can find a purpose in it. But it’s even deeper than that. For in a midbar one is overcome with the beauty of an untouched Creation. We feel we are transported back to the beginning of the world. The difference is that we know what a world can and should look like as well. It can be planted it can be built up. It can be populated. And we are the partners of Hashem in that Creation. We were selected by Hashem to bring the world to its fulfillment. We are charged with building Him a home down here in this world.

 

Shabbos is as well that Midbar. It is a day when we return and remember what Creation was about. We pause all work, all building, all activity and we return to the pristine state of an untouched world. We appreciate the beauty of our lives and how it’s not all about getting the project done and paying our bills at the end of the month. Rather we are partners in a glorious project of Creation. We can sit back and appreciate how beautiful the world is and what it is becoming. We can bask with Hashem in the wonder of what we have accomplished. That is what Shabbos is all about. It is our oasis in the desert of our busy lives where we spend the day looking at the view with our Partner and gather strength an recharge for the next six days when we do that again.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Achav, Chiel and Eliyahu -873 BC- We have no reached a new phase in the stories of Tanach with the introduction of the weicked Omri’s son Achav. It’s a new phase because rather than the wars and civil infighting we know begin the real era of the prophets Eliayhu Ha’navi and his student Elisha who were the nemesis of the wicked kings to come. Achav reigned for 22 years over Israel, yet his era took the Jewish people to the bottom that they have ever fallen to. His wife was Izevel or Jezebel. She wasn’t Jewish and from Tzidon, Lebanon. She brought with her all of the idolatry her country, namely the Baal and Ashera. I always tell people to stay away from a woman who’s name means ‘island of garbage’. It’s usually a sign that she will be trashy.

 

Until that point The Jews all worshipped Hashem. True Yeravam had broken off and established his own Temple, and yes their worship on private altars called Bamos was forbidden. But at least they were davening to Hashem. Achav and his wife though introduced foreign worship to false gods and the Jewish people went along with them. He took over the city of Shomron were Omri had made his capital and he built temples to the Baal there.

 

We get introduced to Achav when he is paying a shiva call to Chiel of Yericho who had violated the vow of Yehoshua to never rebuild the city of Yericho. Hashem made a miracle there and the walls came tumbling down when we entered the land and Yehoshua wanted them to remain as a testimony to that miracle. Chiel though was the first to rebuild them and despite the curse of Yehoshua that the one who did this will see his sons die he continued until he buried his last son. Achav and Eliayhu met there and their conversation led to Eliyahu getting infuriated at Achav’s recalcitrance and insistence that Hashem would never punish him that he decrees a famine on the land. He takes the keys that open up the rain gates in heaven and a famine will hit Eretz Yisrael for three years. The faceoff has begun.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE DESERT JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide.

On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles.

"We're lost!" One of the men complained. "I thought you said you were the best guide in the United States."

"I am," the guide answered, "but I think we may have wandered into Canada

 

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, Avrumel a skinny little yid showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door.

The head lumberjack took one look at little Avrumel and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said Avrumel.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

Avrumel headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door.

"I cut the tree down," said Avrumel. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied little Avrumel.

"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.

Avrumel laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"

 

Benny from Haifa passed away and was sent ‘below’. He was amazed, however, to discover lush vegetation, running streams, waterfalls and beautiful lakes everywhere. Everyone seemed happy. 

“You look surprised,” said a resident. 

“Yes, I am,” replied Benny, “I expected this place to be very dry and exceedingly hot. Like a desert. But all I can see are trees full of all kinds of fruit, beautiful flowers, lots of vegetables, lush grass and water everywhere. This is not hell” 

“Well,” said the resident, “it used to be like you thought, but then the Israelis started to arrive and they irrigated the daylights out of the place!”

 

A disappointed Coca Cola salesman returns from his assignment to Israel. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Israelis?" The salesman explained, "When I got posted, I was very confident that I would make it. But, I had a problem. I didn't know Hebrew. So, I planned to convey the message via three posters.

The first poster was a man lying in the hot desert sand, totally exhausted.

The second poster was the man drinking the Coca Cola.

The third poster was the man now totally refreshed.

"These posters were pasted all over the place."

"That should have worked!!" said the friend.

"Of course it should have!!" said the salesman. "ButI didn't realize that Israelis read from right to left!!!"

 Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert. After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, John woke up his friend.

"Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asked John.

Jack thought for a minute and said.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

After a moment of silence, John spoke.

"It tells two things to me. First is that...you are an idiot."

Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said.

"Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent," replied John.

 

Recently, while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair and a beard, wearing a white robe and holding a staff. President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"

The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.

In a loud voice the President said, "Moses!" The man just stared ahead, not acknowledging the President.

Bush pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing to the robed man, asked him, "Am I crazy or does that man not look like Moses to you?" The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.

"Well," said the President, "every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch!"

Again the President yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.

The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"

The man leaned over and whispered back, "Shhhh! Yes, I am Moses. But the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East with no oil."

 

AA Palestinian terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties.

The Arab asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first."

"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom."

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, near collapse. "Your brother won't let me in without a tie."

 

A baby camel was asking his mother a bunch of questions.

“Ma, why do we have huge, three toed feet?” asked the baby camel.

“They help us trek across the desert,” answered the mother camel. “The large toes stay on top of the soft sand.”

“Why do we have such long eyelashes?

“To keep the sand out our eyes on our long treks in the desert.”

“Why do we have these giant humps on our backs?”

“They help us store great quantities of water, so we can make long treks through the desert.”

 

Summing things up the baby camel said, “So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking in the sand, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes and these humps to store water?”

“That’s right dear.” said the proud mother.

The baby camel thinks for a moment and says, “So why are we living here in the San Diego zoo?

********************************

Answer is D -To be honest I really haven’t toured Sataf in Jerusalem hills since my course. But I remember it well as it’s a beautiful place where you can learn about ancient agriculture in Jerusalem area. There you can see fields and orchards that are all irrigated by pools and irrigation ditches called Shlachin. As well there are lots of olive trees which are all naturally irrigated from the rainfalls. Yet when I took this exam the name slipped me for some reason and I didn’t know the answer. So iprobably would have skipped it. Certainly the first part. I did know that lemons dates and persimmons are all irrigated so I might have guessed olives as the correct answer. Agriculture is not my stron subject to be fair. So I’ll take this as a wrong answer. Thus making the score now Schwartz 23 and 6 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.

My Apo' lag'y- Parshat Bechukosai Lag Ba'omer

 Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 20^th 2022 -Volume 11 Issue 33 19^th Iyar 5782

 

Parshat Bechukosai- Lag Ba'omer

My Apo’Lag’y

(Don't miss my great new songs below!)

 

OK, this doesn’t happen often with a Rabbi Schwartz E-Mail. I don’t recant. I’m really bad at apologizing. It’s hard to do when you’re always right. I mean 28 years of marriage has certainly trained me enough to know that obviously it will pay to pretend to apologize even if you’re not wrong. I’ve even gotten quite good at it. But as much as I love all of you readers that take the time to open this each week, even if its just for the jokes on the bottom, I’m not married to you. You don’t determine if I will get supper at night. You don’t make my chulent. So I’m not going to apologize or recant here. But I will admit I’ve been a bit hard on you. I probably laid it on a bit thick the past few weeks. All my galus bashing, my over-passionate Yom Atzamaut, Israel and disdain for those that haven’t made the leap over here yet, was perhaps a bit too harsh. This week I’ll try to make up for it.

 

Maybe it’s the light of Rebbi Shimon that entered me this past Lag Ba’Omer. He also burned people up before he came out of the cave the second time. Yet that light that he got in that last year that he spent there changed his life and the worlds. He was able to look at Jews who may have not been on his holy madreiga and see the glory of their simple avoda, their humble service of Hashem that wasn’t in the same way that his was but that was just as holy. They were fulfilling what they were meant to accomplish. They were raising up the sparks of holiness as they were put in this world to do. Every Jew is a ben Melech- he said; a son of the king. And until today it is that light that emanates from him that draws all to celebrate his holy yartzeit and holiday.

 

So as I look at the last burning embers of the bonfires here in Israel and Reb Shimon’s light enters my soul I think about the embers of the Bais Hamikdash burning. Rebbi Shimon was born after it’s destruction. He was the generation after the Shoah of Jerusalem. Millions of Jews had been exiled and murdered by the Romans. The land of Israel which we had returned to for over 400 years was now occupied and controlled by our enemies. The great Rabbis and Sages, the glorious home of Hashem where we once offered daily sacrifices and that was the center of our faith and lives were all gone. The prophecies the Torah tells us about in this week’s Torah portion in Israel of us being strewn across the world to the lands of the gentiles and how our land will be desolate and barren were beginning to be fulfilled. This is the world that Rebbi Shimon was born into. It’s the world in which he became Rebbi Shimon.

 

The truth is the devastation of the destruction of the 2^nd Bais Hamikdash wasn’t just about losing the opportunity we had to build a better world and realizing the purpose of our Creation. The majority of the Jews as we mentioned too many times never returned to Eretz Yisrael for the 2^nd commonwealth. They stayed in Bavel. The Jews that had returned with that ideological fire that Ezra had inspired them with had failed. They had sinned. They had created a Jewish Greek and Roman state. Even the great Chasmonai dynasty that had fought against all that assimilation and rededicated the Temple was only a short 50 or so year hiccup in what was 4 centuries of mostly a nation living in the land that didn’t keep the Torah. That didn’t reveal the light that was meant to shine out the world from the holy city. Perhaps it was the smugness, I think to myself, that we could’ve done it without those from Bavel. That those of us that merited and were privileged to return would realize it all by ourselves and that we didn’t need the rest of you. That somehow living and returning here by ourselves without you would be all the gas we need in the engine to make it all happen. But we were wrong. The engine doesn’t work without all its parts and the holy land won’t either realize it’s destiny either, it won’t make it to the final destination unless we are all here. It’s why, by the way, that the laws of Shemitta and Yovel aren’t biblical in nature according to most halachic authorities, until the land of Israel has all or at least most of the children of Israel back here. It’s like a broken car that even with a lot of its parts still won’t run and produce the spiritual energy it needs to take us home.

 

It is in this world when the sages are already out of Jerusalem that the Rabbis of Yavneh arrive to their new home and they fear and cry realizing that not only have we lost our Temple and our holy city, but the Torah itself, that life force that has held us through all times, those precious words of Hashem is also going to disappear from our nation.

 

“When the Rabbis entered Kerem B’Yavneh they said the Torah will eventually be forgotten from Israel as it says ‘Behold days are coming, the word of Hashem Elokim,, and He will send a famine in the land. It will not be a famine for bread and not a thirst for water, rather it will be to hear the word of Hashem. And it says Men will wander from sea to sea and from North to East to seek the word of Hashem and they will not find it”

 

One can hear that conversation in our post holocaust world. All the Torah that was in Europe was lost, the great yeshivos decimated and the holy kehillos wiped out. What will be with the Torah? Can it be rebuilt. Is this the prophecy and our fate as well?

 

It is then that Rebbi Shimon got up and made the famous statement and interpertaion that has become his calling card and is in fact emblazoned upon the entrance to his tomb.

 

“Chas V’Shalom- heaven forbid that Torah will be forgotten from Israel. As it says “Ki lo tishakach mi’pi zaro- it will not be forgotten from his descendants. Yet what does the verse that foretells of us wandering and seeking the words of Torah and not finding it refer to? That we will not find clarity of our law and our teachings in one place”

 

Those words and that verse that he quoted the last letters spell out the name Yochai. Kiy Lo Tishakach mi’pi zaro. This teaching is the essence of his name. He is Shimon the son Yochai. The son who taught us that not only that the Torah will always be with us as most who read this verse and sing his songs understand. But he as well revealed to us that the purpose of our exile from the land was not just a punishment for our sins but rather it was in order for us to spread out and bring the Torah from all the places in the world back home again. It’s not found in one place. Our exile is to bring it all together from all over the world.

 

In this week’s Torah portion in Israel of Bechukosai when we conclude the book of Vayikra we read the tochacha- the warnings Hashem give us if we do not keep the mitzvos of the land. The blessings we achieve are when the land is fulfilling all its commandments and the opposite happens when we just take it for granted that we are here and sit back with a smugness thinking we have arrived. We have returned. Hava Nagila. Well, the land will remind us that we are wrong. It won’t work. It won’t produce. It’s missing engine parts. And slowly we will understand that as we get thrown out of the land. According to the Gaon of Vilna this prophecy refers to the first Temple period when we were all living here, yet we didn’t fulfill the laws. We didn’t keep the Shemitta. We worshipped idolatry and all the other terrible sins. And so we were exiled all over the world. This wasn’t just a punishment it was because Rebbi Shimon teaches us that we had to gather in the sparks now out there and bring them home.

Rebbi Baruch Of Medzhibuz explains this idea as does the Ohr Hachayim ha’kadosh and others that when Hashem created the world, the Zohar tells us that he used the Torah as it’s blueprints. On a deeper level that means that the light of the Torah is the essence of Creation and each place on the planet has its own unique Torah force and energy that gives it light and its existence. Our job is to reveal that light and through it’s study and the fulfillment of the mitzvos in each place. Yet, in the perfect world we don’t need to leave Israel to do this. For with the Jewish people living in Israel as a whole and with the car running Eretz Yisrael will be the magnet that will draw all those sparks back home. The Bais Hamikdash when all of the Jewish people would come here would bring the entirety of the Torah from the whole world here. And that Torah light would then shine out to the rest of the world. If however we aren’t all here. If we are not keeping the Torah then its broken.

 

 But hope is not lost, Rebbi Shimon taught us. We can still gather in the sparks. We will go into exile. We will reveal the light there. Unlike the sages that thought that without the Bais Hamikdash and Jerusalem all was lost and we couldn’t fulfill the purpose of Creation. Rebbi Shimon saw that there was a power we had even in Exile to lift up those sparks and bring them home. We may not have the Torah in it’s clarity in one place anymore. But galus- exile comes from the word gal- to reveal. When we go from place to place we can be megaleh- the sparks that have been entrenched there waiting for us to bring them home.

 

The Shivilei Pinchas points out that the gematria of the first words of the Torah ‘Bereishis Bara Elokim’ is the same as Ki lo tishakach mi’pi zaro- that it will never be forgotten. The light and purpose of creation will one way or another make its way home and be realized. That secret and light of this first teaching of Rebbi Shimon, he continues, can even be found in that first word of the Torah, Be’re’i’shi’s which can be read as an acronym for Ohr Toras Rebbi Shimon Bar Yochai- the light of the Torah of Rebbi Shimon Bar Yochai. The light of this revelation is the real Torah of Lag Ba’Omer. Lag of course being the word gal backwards. The day when we look at those burning embers and we see those sparks flying from our bonfires all over the world.

 

This idea of galus-exile from the very beginning has been the prerequisite for revelation of Torah. We were exiled to Egypt before we could receive the Torah on Sinai. Moshe was exiled for 80 years and had to run away from Egypt before he could become who he needed to become to reveal the Torah to the world. The Babylonian Talmud revealed all of the light that Bavel had, all of our early sages lived in Africa, Spain, Europe and around the world and raised up all of the sparks in those countries and certainly the Jews in America have built so many Torah institutions, had so many siyumim, classes, Torah works that those sparks are as well being lifted up if not completely. The truth is it really started with Adam and the garden of Eden when he was the exiled. The Tree of life was in the garden, but the Torah out there was still accessible. He would just have to wander to bring that light back home.

 

Rebbi Shimon taught us we can do that. We will do that. It will never be forgotten. Perhaps he understood that himself from his own personal exile with his son hiding in that cave, like an underground bunker, away from everyone else his family, his yeshivos, his friends and students. This exile to the cave had him as well reveal the greatest light and secrets. And it is those teachings that allowed him to see the world in this newest light. And it is that light that we are meant to tap into on this special day as we get closer and closer to Sinai. To coming home and seeing that revelation once again back here.

 

It was a different Lag Ba’omer for me this year. I didn’t go to Meron. My general rule is that I stay away from places I think might get dangerous and I was nervous what it would be like this year. So I had my small bonfire in Karmiel, not far from the holy mountain of course, but far enough that I felt that I wasn’t there. Far enough that I could see and feel the light from that mountain and understand that it can be shined everywhere. That maybe there was a fire that I could light from a distance and that would also bring the holy sparks home. Yes, I was in Eretz Yisrael and yes it has tremendous kedusha and it is growing and flourishing more than it has ever done because more and more of our engine pieces are coming together here. Those spark plugs we have been sending here for 2000 years are lighting it all up and more and more are coming home. But we’re not there yet. Yet, we’re all lighting flames wherever we are. We are all lighting bonfires of Rebbi Shimon.

The final teaching of the book of Vayikra is the laws of the valuation of Jews, sacrifices and vows to sanctify Hashem and bring to the Temple when we can’t bring the real thing. The Torah teaches us that even in galus we still have value. Even after we are told that we may lose Eretz Yisrael we need to know we can still contribute. We still have light. We can still be redeemed. “These are the mitzvos Hashem commanded Moshe to the Children of Israel on Mt. Sinai.” The book concludes. And this is the light of Rebbi Shimon who is that soul of Moshe that he revealed to us on Mt. Meron. May we merit that this is the last year when our bonfires will be anywhere else besides the holy Mountain where Hashem is waiting as well for his light and fire to once again be relit.

 

Have a lichtegeh Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

Ain sheitel holts macht nit varem dem oiven.- A single log doesn’t warm the fireplace.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

28) A development town (ayarat pituach) in the Negev: __________

Among the main reasons for the establishment of development towns in Israel were:

A) Protecting the borders

B) Land acquisition

C) Population distribution

D) All the answers are correct

           RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/rebbi-shimon-bar-yochai – My incredible Rebbi Shimon Composition- It’s like my Tanya- really proud of it you can hear Rebbi Shimon asking the question about Torah… don’t miss it…

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/kad-yasvun – Gettiung Ready for Shavuos with my brand new hot off the press composition- Kad Yasvun- mystical words about the holiness and joy of studying Torah and the nachas Hashem has. Once again the Great Dovid Lowy has amazing arrangements and vocals.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G44e4WmgSuo – Brand New Nissim Black “Lifted” with Levi Robin amazing!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOB9_6G1ABo  – Hot off the press Mordechai Shapiro Ashira latest fun video

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

Shabbos of Rebbi Shimon -Lag Ba’Omer -  We all know that Rebbi Shimon Bar Yochai is connected to the day of Lag Ba’omer, but did you know that he was also a Shabbos yid? That in fact the Zohar tells us that Rebbi Shimon was in fact one and the same as Shabbos. The Zohar tells us that Rebbi Shimon had 6 ‘Chevrayah”- 6 colleagues whom he would reveal secrets of the Torah to. Rebbi Yehuda commented upon noting that they were like the 6 branches of the menora with Rebbi Shimon the center branch lighting up the rest of them. “Just as the Shabbos is for Hashem- holy to Hashem so to Rebbi Shimon is Shabbos holy.

That is not the only connection to Shabbos and Rebbi Shimon. We know the famous story of Rebbi Shimon hiding in the cave for 12 years and when he comes out from the cave he sees a man busy plowing his field and he gets so upset that someone could ‘waste’ their time in this world with such mundane things that he burns him up with heavenly fire. Hashem sends him back to his cave and then on Erev Shabbos a year later Eliyahu Ha’Navi calls him out and as he exits he once again sees a man running with two branches of myrtle- haddasim in his hands. When he asks them what they are for he is told that one is in honor of the mitzva to remember the day of Shabbos and the 2^nd is for observe and guard it. Rebbi Shimon is assuaged and he exclaims how precious are the mitzvos the children of Israel do.

The Chozeh of Lublin explains this connection to Rebbi Shimon brilliantly that the verse tells us of the prohibition to light a fire on Shabbos- lo siva’aru eish. That is a reference to Rebbi Shimon. That he should not burn up with a fire, b’chol moshvoseichem b’yom ha’shabbos- for those who observe Shabbos in their homes.

 The Belzer Rebbi takes this a step further and he explains that Rebbi Shimon before he went into the cave saw a world of entire spirituality. He ruled that one should totally devote himself to Torah study and spiritual pursuits and his work will be done, he promised by the nations of the world who come to bask in that holiness. Yet, after he exited from the cave Rebbi Shimon changed that ruling to a more pragmatic one. One could fulfill their daily obligation of Torah study with the recitation of Shema in the morning and evening. The reason for this change of heart was the Shabbos epiphany Eliyahu gave him that Erev Shabbos. For by seeing those two myrtle branches preparing for Shabbos Rebbi Shimon understood that one could take the holiness of Shabbos and bring it into the week. The whole week could be permeated with a Shabbos experience. The whole world can be uplifted if we take that power of Shabbos into it. Plowing the field, working in hi tech, touring your tourists, doing the laundry they all can be sacred acts for Shabbos reminds us that we are here because of the service of Hashem. And everything we do can be a service of him.

In the times of Mashiach when the gentiles will appreciate Hashem we will be living in a Shabbos world when work will no longer be necessary. We will be Rebbi Shimon in that holy cave. But until then Rebbi Shimon’s Shabbos taught us that our entire week and work can also taste and be as sacred as that 7^th day that he lit up for us.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Three Kingdoms? Zimri, Tibni Omri and Asa -709 BC- With Zimri the general of the army of Baasha leaving the battlefield in Gibeton in order to kill Elah, his own king he brought upon himself the wrath of the people in Israel in the North. He thought he was doing a good thing by killing Elah who was after all the son of Baasha who had wiped out the family of Yeravam. Each one thought they were fulfilling the will of Hashem by killing their evil predecessors but in the end of the day, they were just as bad. The Jews however were upset not just because he killed their king but because here they were fighting against the Philistines in Gibeton and Zimri just packs off from battle to go back and kill their king. That’s not nice.

So what happens Zimri has one of the shortest kingdoms in Israel. It lasts for a week in Tirtza and the people then anointed Omro the general who had stayed in battle to be their king instead. He went back to Tirtza to take out Zimri, his competition and Zimri realizing he wasn’t going to win burnt down the whole palace with himself inside of it! What a way to go. This is as you can see utter chaos. But it still doesn’t get any better. For now a new player rises by the name of Tibni ben Ginat. He challenges Omri and for the next four years we have three kings in the land of Israel. Asa in the Yehudah and Binyamin, Omri in Tirtza and Tibni also in the North. Finally Omri makes a shidduch with Asa of Yehuda giving him giving him his wicked daughter Athalia to Asa’s grandson Yehoram as a wife. We’ll learn about her in the coming weeks. With that royal shidduch sealed an alliance was formed and the people leave Tibni after 4 years and the Omri becomes the king of the entire North.

Perhaps the most important accomplishment of Omri was his purchase of the Shomron. It seems he purchased it for an exorbitant amount of money two Kurs of silver and he established this mountain as his new capitol city. Fascinatingly enough we find conflicting takes on this. On the one hand our Rabbis tell us that because he added a city in Israel he was rewarded that he and his descendants would have the longest reigning dynasty as Kings of Israel. Not that there was a lot of competition with pretty much everyone else getting wiped out after one generation. This was despite the fact that he was really a horrible, wicked murdering King. It’s something that should give us pause, I believe. Hashem looks at things differently than we do. We see black and white and the most important things are Torah and Mitzvos, yet Hashem sees the building up and settling the land of Israel our holy country as something of such huge significance that it outweighs the most irreligious and sinful murdering of ways. Hmmm… what does that say about our times?

On the other hand the pasuk tells us that Omri was worse and more evil than any king that preceded him right after it tells us that he bough this city. What is the connection between buying the city and the evil that he had committed? So our commentaries tells us that the sin of Omri - appropriately enough this week’s Torah portion, is that he purchased the land permanently. I know that doesn’t sound so bad too most of us, yet in Israel there is no such thing and has never been such a thing until Omri came along. For the law is that every 50 years the land returns to its original owners. There is not such thing as buying land for posterity. Each Jew has his family tribal portion. Each Jew has to know that the land of Israel belongs to them and they have a place here, for ultimately it is Hashem’s land and he gave it to each of us. By Omri buying the land and building a capitol there he changed the rules. He laid claim to it forever. That was an evil like no other before him. Fascinatingly enough that sin will only heighten itself when his son Achav who we will learn about will also desire land that doesn’t belong to him.

With Omri a new era of wickedness enters the tribes of Israel. Next week we continue this downward spiral with his treaties, his marriage and his son Achav.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE APOLOGY JOKES OF THE WEEK

Rivkah gets into work late one Monday morning and goes to see her boss to apologize.

"I'm sorry I'm late, but I had to move some furniture this morning before I came into work. In fact my back is killing me after my efforts."

"So why didn't you wait until your husband gets home tonight?" asks her boss.

"I could have," says Rivkah, "but the couch is easier to move if he's not on it."

A man buys a parrot and brings him home.But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him, and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."

The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."

The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"

My wife apologized for the first time ever today .She said she’s sorry she ever married me.

Rabbi Levy was running behind with his daily schedule because he had attended a number of unforeseen events. His next port of call was Mrs. Gold. As soon as he arrived at the nursing home, the matron said, "Rabbi, Mrs. Gold has been waiting to see you all day. She was afraid you had forgotten all about her."

The Rabbi apologized, and went straight to Mrs. Gold’s room. He sat down in the chair next to her bed and after he had said a few words of encouragement to her, she began to talk about her day. Whilst he was listening, he noticed a small bowl of peanuts next to her, so he interrupted and asked her if she would mind if he took a few of the peanuts.

"No, of course not," she replied and continued talking at length about her day.

A few minutes later, Rabbi Levy interrupted her again and said, "Mrs. Gold, I'm sorry but I've eaten almost all of your peanuts."

Mrs. Gold smiled at him and said, "Don't worry about it Rabbi, I can't eat peanuts - I just like to nibble the chocolate off them."

Moe Bloom had just picked up his first passenger of the evening. After about 5 minutes of driving, the passenger suddenly tapped Maurice on his shoulder to ask him a question.

Maurice screamed, lost control of his taxi, nearly hit a bus, went up onto the pavement and stopped only inches from a shop window.

For a second, everything went very quiet in the taxi, then Maurice said, "Look man, don't ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me."

His passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap could scare you so much."

Maurice replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is only my second day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the past 25 years."

 

I apologize to all the people I told they were only average persons. I didn't mean it. (read it again- it took me a few times also…)

I went to a potluck the other night and brought some salami to share. My friends looked at me confused and said "We told you to bring sashimi, not salami".

I apologized and explained that my herring was bad.

 A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”

 The rancher said, “okay, but don’t go into that field over there…”, as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, “look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!” Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. “See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want… On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!”

The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull…… With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs……

“YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!”

 

What's it called when you apologize using dots and dashes? Remorse code

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.

Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again:

“Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.”

Rabbi Schwartz was giving a speech and as Rabbis sometimes do, kept going on and on, and after going way over time he stopped and realized and he apologized saying "I'm sorry, I left my watch at home". One disrespectful guy in the crowd yelled, "But Rabbi, you have a calendar right in front of you!"

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Answer is C -So there are quite a few towns in the Negev that are development towns. Yerucham is the first that comes to mind and the one I probably would’ve answered but Arad, Mitzpeh Ramon and Dimona are as well. The idea really started in the 50’s with the influx of tens if not hundreds of thousands of Olim and the overcrowding of the main cities. The idea was to settle the land by moving the population to these “out of town” communities. So the answer I would go with is population redistribution. There was an aspect of border protection in some places like Kiryat Shmona and the Gaza area but the truth is the first ones like Beit Shemesh and others are really not border places and there wasn’t land acquisition going on at all back then as it was pretty much all land we had gotten in the war of independence. So I believe the correct answer is C. the making the score now Schwartz 23 and 5 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.