Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
April 1st 2022 -Volume
11 Issue 26 29th Adar Beis 5782
Parshat Tazriah- HaChodesh
Have you ever had one of those moments when
you just had to laugh, Not because something was funny. Quite the opposite,
it’s really quite ironically miserable. You thought you had something all figured
out. You were good to go. And then everything explodes in your face. The whole
thing blows up. So, what do you do? You really want to cry. But instead
laughter comes out of your mouth. It just became very funny for some reason.
You don’t know why. But that’s what happens to you. I don’t know if that’s
happened to you before, so let me tell you it’s a really strange experience.
I’ll back up a little for you. See, I’m
on the plane now, heading off to shmutz la’aretz- y’know the Diaspora
where many of you readers I’ll still stuck living. My nephew Tzviki is becoming
Bar Mitzva this Shabbos. So it’s off to Norfolk, my old stomping grounds for a short
weekend visit. Now originally I was all excited when I saw the date of this Bar
Mitzva. It was perfect timing. The last week of Adar and the first week of
Nissan are usually the slowest tour guiding season of the year. I could go into
the States and spend some time there and visit some friends and relatives and recover
a bit from what has been a very busy three months or so of tour guiding since they’ve
reopened the country.
Yet, little did I know how crazy this
year would be. It seems like they opened up the gates to some hot kiddush in
Israel and everyone is just pouring into the country and this week and next
week got booked up as well. I couldn’t miss the BM though so I’m flying out
tonight after a full day tour on the 1:00 AM Thursday flight and leaving Norfolk
Sunday afternoon to get back here in time for my Tuesday tour. I’m not even
going home when I arrive in Israel as my tour will be from Jerusalem the next
day! And then it will be crazy busy till a week after Pesach. Hashem is
certainly giving the blessing of the year after our 2 years of tour guide Corona
shemitta.
With that return of tourism and
imaginably with the increased demand, ticket prices to Israel went up and up
and up. The original tickets I had priced at $500 had gone up to about $1100 by
the time I booked (to Norfolk). I was annoyed. But what could you do? You
snooze, you lose. What really got me annoyed though was that starting a few
days before my flight I started hearing these horror stories about hours long
wait in the airport to get out. I’m not a “line” person. I have no patience for
these things. I avoid them at all costs. I had a tour that whole day. I was
already dreading it.
To make matters worse when it came time
to check in I realized that there is this new scam going on American Airlines
where they charge you to reserve a regular seat. They had “auto-assigned” me the
worst seat on the plane. The center seat right next to the bathroom. I wondered
how many other people got auto assigned that seat. I will be tired. I have a
long weekend coming up. I will need to sleep. I can’t be stuck between two
people next to the bathroom, or airplane minyan factory. So I look up how much
it costs to reserve a regular aisle seat. Ahhh $12… not that bad… Oops sorry
all the $12 seats are gone. Ok what’s next? $72! Wow…. That’s crazy. I can’t do
that. I ask Aliza what to do. She thinks it’s a scam and when I get to the airport
I’ll be fine. That’s easy for her to say. She’s not flying…. I decide to call
them and after about 45 minutes they tell me that there are only a few aisle
seats left but now the price is $95. Aarrgghh. Now I’m really annoyed. Back on
the phone with Aliza. Getting anxious about the flight. Finally I say the heck
with it. It’s only money. I’ve been busy. I need my rest. I’ll do it. So went
back on line. Bought the stinkin seats which by that time had gone up to $127.
(Such ganovim…, I muttered under my breath…). And that’s it I felt better. A
sigh of relief. I was good to go. Or so I thought.
I got to the airport four and half hours
before my flight. There were long lines. But eventually I made it through and
got on the plane. I make my way to my seat. My $127 paid extra aisle seat. That’s
$127 over the already $1100 plane ticket. Seat 28H. Little did I know that I
would have a welcoming committee when I got there. 3 year old Moishy from 27G
looked very cute with his toy cars and Lego spread all over my seat. His 8 month
old sister Fraidy- not so much. She had a nice healthy set of lungs and she
seemed to be quite keen on showing them off. It was then that I started to
laugh. All my anxiety about my flight, about being able to sleep, the hours on
the phone to try to figure out a solution, the truly obscene amount of money
that I eventually shelled out just so I should have a quiet, peaceful flight
that will leave me well rested and recuperated from 8 weeks of non-stop touring
so I could have some energy for the Bar Mitzva, for the speeches I would give,
for this E-Mail I would have to write and the learning I have to catch up with.
And here I was next to Fraidy and Moishie and their rather apologetic parents
all looking pitifully on the Rabbi who got the worst seat on the plane. So I
laughed.
It’s all good, I told them. I’m fine. I
love little kids, I lied to them. They were very cute, I exaggerated a bit
more. I turned my eyes to heaven and smiled at Hashem and His divine sense of
humor. I get it, I whispered. You’re smarter than me. I’m good with it. It will
be what it will be. I sat down and removed Moishy’s little toy cars from my
seat, except for the little one that got stuck in between the back of the seat
and only revealed itself when it poked me. I buckled myself in and closed my
tired eyes and waited for the flight to takeoff.
Suddenly like a bas kol from heaven the
voice of the head stewardess came on the PA system.
“We are looking for a volunteer to trade
seats for an aisle seat that doesn’t mind sitting next to a woman. If there is
anyone that would be able to help us out so that we don’t have to delay the flight
any longer we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance for your
consideration”
I was up and standing on my chair,
waving my hand vigorously before she even finished the first sentence. I’m just
a helpful kind of guy. The stewardess came over to me and led me towards the
back of the plane to that aisle seat and then I realized and told the stewardess
that in truth I had paid extra money for my seat online and it had a bit that
extra inch or two of legroom or so they claim.
“Oh don’t worry it’s no problem. We
really appreciate you helping us out with this situation here. Why don’t you
come with me” she said as she turned around back towards the front of the plane
towards… the business section!
“Here, why don’t you sit right in
that seat over there”, she said and pointed to the big bulky welcoming
armchair. Do you think that will be fine for you? I smiled. Hashem was good.
The truth is it wasn’t an aisle seat. There was a Chasidic 18 year old kid
sitting next to me. But I didn’t care. It was business classs. I felt like
Rechnitz. I was good to go. But Hashem it seems really loves me. Because a few
minutes later the stewardess came over to that Chasidish kid and asked him if
that was his seat, which he confessed it wasn’t but “thought” since it was
opened he would be able to sit in. After all zeh neheneh v’zeh lo chasar-
It’s not like anyone is losing on this seat anyways. Well she explained, quite
nicely I thought, that people paid lots of money for those seats and Talmudic logic
doesn’t really work here. And then she turned to me, her favorite volunteer and
told me I could have the aisle seat and have the empty seat next to me to
stretch out with as well. Ahhh… Did I mention how much Hashem loves me? I’m not
sure why exactly but I suspect it has something to do with my laugh. Or maybe
just the way Hashem blessed me with looking at things.
On the subject of looking at things, we
come to this week’s Torah portion which really is all about looking at things and
seeing things in a different light. Our Parsha which is called Tazria is mostly
about the spiritual impurity called tzara’as that comes out in the form
of various leprosy looking blemishes on ones skin, clothing and even houses.
There are many fascinating aspects and even mystical details related to this
strange biblical affliction, which the Chafetz Chaim explains we no longer have
today because we don’t have a Kohen that could properly identify and discern
them nor a temple where we can bring sacrifices to become purified. So Hashem
had mercy upon us and stopped sending us messages in this way. Yet, the study
of any Torah laws always has eternal messages for us. And one thing is certain
we have not yet been cured of the sickness and sins that would bring tzora’as.
One of the most unique laws and proofs
even mentioned that this is a spiritual ailment is that one is not considered a
metzora and impure until the Kohen sees the blemish and declares it such. In
fact when it comes to one’s house we remove all of ones unpurifiable vessels
from the home before the Kohen arrives and declares it tamey- impure. If
it would be a regular physical malady obviously it wouldn’t make a difference
if the Kohen saw it or not, just like a tumor is still a tumor whether the
oncologist sees and a cavity is still a cavity whether then dentist sees it or
not- although I have always had a suspicion that Dentists actually cause
cavities by cleaning out all of that plaque in my teeth that are keeping those holes
nice and filled. But Tzora’as being a spiritual malady needs that keen of the
Kohen for it to become impure. Until his declaration the man is as pure as the Kohen
Gadol.
Another strange aspect about this tzora’as
thing is that it seems like a feeble message from Hashem. I mean what is it
already? A little blemish? A blister like discoloration with a few white hairs growing
out of it? According to our sages the
punishment of Tzora’as comes for the most severe sins and character trait deficiencies.
Lashon Hara, arrogance, stinginess are sins that are compared to the
worst sins. Why is a little blister or pimple the appropriate punishment?
The answer perhaps is that it really isn’t
meant to be a punishment. Quite the opposite it’s a rehabilitative process. It’s
meant to teach him and all of us who suffer from these character traits that we
need to look at things differently. We need to look at things through the eyes
of the Kohen. We need to look at situations and appreciate that perhaps we’ve
been focusing on too many blemishes and hiccups in life and that other people
might possess and we don’t realize that they are all really the purest of the
pure. Even more pure than we can imagine. Only the Kohen a descendant of Aharon
who possesses that genetically passed down quality of loving each Jew, of
blessing them with that love every day. Only he can objectively declare
something as being tainted and having a quality that is impure. He has that
power because he also has the power to heal that person with those eyes of
love. The eyes of faith that see Hashem in everyone and every situation.
When someone speaks Lashon Hara
about someone else, they are focusing on their blemishes. When one is stingy or
as our sages put it a tzar ayin- a narrow eyed person. It’s because he is being
pessimistic about life. He feels that he needs to hold on and control
everything. He’s gotta pay $127 for the ticket on the plane. When one is
arrogant as well he’s missing that Hashem is really in control. That we are
powerless without him. We are in fact spiritually blemished when we don’t see
Him above in skies. On top of our airplanes. On top of our spaceships. Above
our science and technology and medical advances. Running the whole Universe
since the beginning of time and doing a remarkably divine job of it for that
matter. Far better than what we think might’ve been doing with it.
So Hashem sends us a small little
blemish. Something for us to start looking at daily. Something that will teach
us that perhaps we’ve been focusing too much on those little blips and making
big stories out of them. When we see them on ourselves, on our own clothes, on
our own homes we recognize that those marks and our own failures and warts or
stains are not really ever how we identify ourselves. We’re more than just
those little ugly discolorations. We’re really pure with just a few stains that
have to be cleaned, that can be purified. That just needs a little bit of
teshuva and the eyes of the loving Kohen to remind us of how pure we are. How
our eternal spark will always remain holy. How Hashem is there for us even when
we think we might be doing it better. And then we can laugh. Then we can
rejoice. Then we can rejoin and take and fulfill our essential part in the
mosaic of the Jewish nation in revealing Hashem’s glory in the tapestry that is
our people. We are one and His name that shines forth from us will share that
knowledge with the world.
This Shabbos we enter the month of
Nissan. It is Rosh Chodesh. We will read from three Torah scrolls. Tazria which
is the purity of the Jewish people, Rosh Chodesh which is the revelation of
Hashem in the sphere of time by our nation and Parshat Hachodesh the parsha
that celebrates the mitzvos of Pesach when Hashem is revealed in the world. May
this month of Nissan herald in the final redemption and may the Torah readings that
we read bring us to the day when the prophets tell us az yimaleh schok pinu-
then our mouths will be filled with laughter. The whole world will rejoice in
the understanding that we really are all in first class seats the whole time.
Have an amazing Shabbos and a redemptive Rosh Chodesh Nisan,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
************************
HEY GUYS!
PURIM IS OVER AND PESACH IS RIGHT AROUND THE
CORNER? ARE YOU READY YET?
WELL
IF YOU HAVEN”T ORDER RABBI SCHWARTZES
MOST
ENJOYABLE BOOKS YOU”LL EVER READ ABOUT PESACH VOLUME I AND II
THAN
I DON”T THINK SO….
Five years ago Rabbi Schwartz published his original work
aptly titled
"The Most Enjoyable Book You'll
Ever Read About Pesach"
http://holylandinsights.blogspot.com/2016/04/rabbi-schwartzs-new-bookmost-enjoyable.html
that totally sold out and has been since reprinted
Last year during CORONA he came out with his second volume
“Your
Most Enjoyable You’ll Ever Read About Pesach
Book 2.0.
https://holylandinsights.blogspot.com/2022/03/rabbi-schwartzs-next-most-enjoyable.html
From the slave pits in Egypt to the jungles of Africa, the
streets of Jerusalem to the locked-down houses in Karmiel, Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz with his enthusiasm, inspiration and laughter, guides you through the
holiday of Pesach as you've never experienced it before.
Whether you've joined him on tours, read his
Mishpacha magazine columns, been inspired by his teachings, or whether
you just like his picture on the cover of this book, you are sure to be
enlightened, inspired and entertained. Forget about the lockdowns, forget about
the masks, step into the light of freedom and appreciate Pesach in the most
enjoyable way
GREAT CHAPTERS INCLUDE
IMAGINARY WORLDS
SCAR-PLACE
JUNGLE TIME
CORO-NACHAS
THE FIRST SEDER
ZAYDIE MAYSEHS
PLAGUE-DEMIC
HITTING THE JACKPOT
GALUS AMERICA
THE MORNING AFTER
and much much more
It's the perfect Pesach Prep book, an amazing Seder
accompaniment and the perfect way to enjoy your holiday as never before
From the back cover
Quotes- That Were 'Never'
Said
Our father is a very wise man and we love
listening quietly at the Shabbos table to his Torah E-mails -My children
This book will cure Corona; if you read it you
will not need a vaccine, you will not need to be locked down, and your children
will go to school forever. Trust us we know what we are doing- The Ministry of Health.
This book contains no pictures of women and
barely mentions any female names— besides the ones who make chulent- Most
Jewish magazines
The best part of the lockdown is the quality
family time we've enjoyed while developing new healthy eating habits. Please
pass the Brussels sprouts -
the Author.
THE BOOK IS ALREADY IN AMERICA
(taking up place in
my brother in laws house who is on standby to ship them all out…)
SO…please respond to this E-Mail to Rabbi Schwartz
The book is one for $20
(65 NIS) donation to the Young Israel of Karmiel and Rabbi Schwartz'es weekly
insights or both for $36
(plus $5 shipping in
States where necessary)
Please be in touch and support our local Shul and give your
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If you missed the VOLUME I original Book
"The Most Enjoyable Book You'll Ever Read About
Pesach"
you can order both for the special price
$36 (120 NIS) !!
With the same instructions as above!
***********************
IT’S THAT TIME OF MONTH!!
RABBI SCHWARTZES LATEST MISHPACHA MAGAZINE TOUR
Check out this month’s fantastic amazing enlightening tour of
the incredibly historic city of Torah
TIVERYA
https://mishpacha.com/bread-upon-the-waters/
Great stories and history that you never knew about this city!
A tour like you’ve never seen before.
Like the column?
Tell them, share, like, comment and make sure to come soon and
visit
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THE PARAH-FICATION OF THE DEATH OF A
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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH
PROVERB OF THE WEEK
Got shikt di kelt noch di klaider- God send the weather according to your
clothing
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE
WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DPoHlvPvEc
– If you have not yet seen this yet. You don’t want
to miss it… Rabbi Schwartz at the Artscroll Siyum Yerushalmi video touring
Tiverya
https://youtu.be/qbkntJ9QqVU
– Kulam Eilecha Yashiru- Micha Gammermans new fun song
and video..
https://youtu.be/JelDLSeE1o8
– Avraham Fried and
Tomer Addadi great Shlomi Shabbat song Ein Od Milvado
https://youtu.be/-gSYMGFCEMs
– Shlomo Carlebach Chodesh Nissan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwknLuIMbIk
– Carlebach Yehi HaChodesh Hazeh!
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
21)
An inscription reminiscent of the priestly divisions (mishmarot
ha’kehuna) was found in the synagogue at: _________
The settlement of the priestly
divisions in the North of the Land of Israel is related to:
A)
The decrees of Antiochus
B)
The destruction of the First Temple
C)
The destruction of the Second Temple
D)
The Jewish rebellion against Gallus
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS
CONNECTION OF THE WEEK
The 8th Day of the Week -Parshat Tazria- Who knows
7? I know 7! 7 are the days of the week…
Do you know that song from your Pesach Seder night? Well if you don’t start
practicing it. This week’s Torah portion though has more than just 7 days of
the week. We find that 7 is the number that seems to pop up all over the place.
A woman has a boy she is impure for 7 days. A boy has a Bris on the 8th
day but that is really only significant because he has gone through 7 days
first. A female that is born makes her mother impure for 14 days or 2 times 7.
We have 7 days or 2 times 7 days popping up by the Metzora which are the time
periods of his repeated lock ups or quarantines. Similarly by the quarantines
of the house. There’s just lots of 7s floating around.
The Talmud tells us that 7 is Hashem’s favorite number. ‘Hashem
loves 7’s”. All of the holidays are 7 days. It is the number of the days of
Creation. Except that it really isn’t. See the world was really created in 6
days. On the 7th day Hashem infused it with holiness and His spirit.
On the 7th day the world got it’s neshoma of Shabbos. And from that
neshoma it draws it’s spiritual energy and it’s source for all life. For anything
to really experience existence it has to go through a Shabbos first.
There are however, as we mentioned last week, two aspects
to Shabbos. Positive and negative. Removing forces that impede our ability to
connect to Hashem, and the infusion of His holiness. There are times when one can
just tap into the holiness and experience Shabbos and that special soul after
one Shabbos. It’s why all the holidays require one Shabbos to pass through them
so we can get to the soul of that particular week. On the other hand when one
is impure, a metzora who has a spiritual blockage, then it depends how deep that
blockage goes. Sometimes he can kick it after just one Shabbos. He has a
shortage of the holiness of Shabbos and one Shabbos with that taste of the
above is enough to kickstart him back. Other times it is too deep. He needs to
first have a Shabbos to remove the tuma and take away and counter the negative.
Then only then can he have the second Shabbos that will infuse him once again with
the spirituality to rejoin the camp.
As well that is the idea and difference between male and female.
For the male was created first in the world. He was born into a world that was
perfect. One Shabbos is enough to return to that source of holiness and he can
reenter the covenant with Hashem. A woman though being the one that lead man to
sin in the garden. Her birth requires a second Shabbos of purity. The first to
remove the stain of sin from the world that she introduced. The second, like Adam
to rejoin and taste that spirit of Shabbos. To rejuvenate the soul.
Yes, Hashem loves sevens. For seven is that power to come
back to the beginning. To start once again. To return to the most loving moment
of Creation. What can be better than that?
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN
ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Will pick up again next week…
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE AIRPLANE JOKES OF THE WEEK
On a Northwest Airways flight from
Atlanta, GA., a middle-aged, well-to-do woman found herself sitting next to a
man wearing a kippa. She called the attendant over to complain about her
seating. 'What seems to be the problem Madam?' asked the attendant. You've
sat me next to a Jew!! I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting person.
Find me another seat!' 'Please calm down Madam.' the attendant replied. 'The
flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go and check to
see if we have any seats available in club or first class.' The woman
shoots a snooty look at the snubbed Jewish man beside her (not to mention many
of the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later the attendant
returned. The woman could not help but look at the people around her with a
smug and self-satisfied grin.
The flight attendant then says...'Madam,
unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin
services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first
class.'
Before the lady has a chance to respond,
the attendant continues...'It is most extraordinary to make this kind of
upgrade, however, and I had to get special permission from the captain. But,
given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone
should be forced to sit next to such a person.'
The flight attendant turned to the
Jewish man sitting next to her, and said: 'So if you'd like to get your
things, sir, I have your seat in first class ready for you...'
The lady says indignantly 'I think
that The Captain must have made some kind of mistake.'
To which the attendant replied,' No
M'am. Captain Cohen never makes any mistakes.'
An Israeli test pilot is working on new jet design and
he’s getting frustrated. He gets up to Mach 2 and the wings shear at the
fuselage. Nothing the engineers recommend seems to fix the problem. He
remembers that in Brooklyn, there is a great rabbi who is also an engineer so
he calls the rabbi for advice.
“Take a drill and where the wings meet the fuselage,
drill holes all around the junction of the wings. It sounds illogical, but I
promise it will work!” the rabbi promises.
The Pilot takes his jet up and boosts the speed: Mach 1,
OK. Mach 2, OK. Mach3, Ok. Mach 4, Ok. Mach 5, OK. Amazing! The pilot lands the
jet and immediately calls the rabbi.
“Rabbi, how did you know?” he asks. “It defies all reason!”
The rabbi responds, “I'm 85. I've conducted Pesach
seders for 65 years. Not ONCE in all those years did I ever see a piece of
matzoh break along the holes!”
The plane took off and everything seemed to be going OK
until Chaim Yankel heard a loud noise come from outside the plane. The captain
came on the intercom and said, "Attention passengers, we just lost one
of our engines; but don't worry, the other three engines will keep us up. Also,
we will arrive at our destination about an hour behind schedule."
Half an hour later, another loud noise sounded from
outside the plane. The captain once again came on the intercom, "Attention
passengers, do not be alarmed. We lost another engine, but the other two will
still keep us flying. We will arrive at our destination about three hours
late."
After the captain said this, Chaim Yankel leaned over to
the passenger next to him and said, "Oy, if those other two engines go
out, we'll be up here forever."
I threw my phone from the roof, and it
broke. I guess airplane mode wasn’t working.
How often do airplanes crash? Just once.
“Would you like dinner?” the
flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front.
“What are my choices?” Moishe
asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.
A young man rushes to her isle and says, "I’m Dr. Silverman, what’s
the problem?"
Estelle replies, "I want you to meet my daughter Sara."
Answer is C -So sometimes I get questions wrong and I feel silly that I messed up because I think I knew the right reason and I should’ve thought about it a bit more. Here, that happened to me, but then the 2nd answer that I thought was the right answer was also wrong and I learn something new which is one of the reasons why I do this weekly. So I answered that the place where they found it was Sdei Terumos. I remembered there was an important inscription with borders of Israel for teruma and Maaser and Sheviis there. But I was doubly wrong. Number one it wasn’t in Sdei Terumos it was next door in the settlement of Rechov. The second thing is that this wasn’t the Mishmeres Kehuna that was there. It was actually found in Caaesarea which maybe I knew at one point in time, but don’t even think I put into my Mishpacha magazine article. There was also one found in Ashkelon, so how’s that? The second part of the answer though I got right, as until the destruction of the 2nd Temple they were pretty much in Jerusalem. After the destruction they moved up North. So the score is now Schwartz 16.5 and 4.5 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.
