Being Zusha- Sukkot 5782/ 2021

 

Insights and Inspiration

                                                                       from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

September 24^th 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 49 19^th Tishrey 5782

Sukkos

Being Zusha                                                                           

I am not Reb Zusha of Anipoli-in case you were wondering. In fact perhaps the only thing that we have in common is that we both traveled a lot and lived in a lot of different places. But that's alright because as the famous saying of Reb Zusha goes that when we die Hashem is not going to ask us why we weren't Moshe Rabbeinu or another big Tzadik. He already has one of those. The only thing he will ask us me is if I became the best Ephraim Schwartz that He created me to be. Or in Zusha's case, the best Zusha. Yet a few times over the past month when I've schmoozed with some people I kind of felt a bit Zusha-ish. It's really strange. Let me tell you about it.

 See over the past month or so with the Holidays and all I've had the pleasure as is my usual custom to catch up with a bunch of my old friends, relatives and acquaintances. People that I love and care about and just don't get a chance often enough to see or talk to. Even the ones that don't read my weekly E-Mail or the few that didn't contribute to my annual campaign. Perhaps even particularly those people. High Holiday season and the end of the year is the time to reconnect. To find out how're the doing and to share with them what's been going on with the Schwartzes- as they probably didn't read my family update as well. Not you guys of course.

Now strangely though and inevitably the conversation turns to my tour guiding business- or more accurately my since Corona lack thereof, and the conversation turns rather sympathetic. "It must be so hard for you" "How have you been doing it" "I can't possibly imagine having to have your life and work and passion just ripped away from you like that and for so long…" "How are you even managing…" "You should know we think of you and the times we had together so often and are davening for you that it will soon return" and on and on and on. It's weird having people daven for you. It's strange when people seem to be so concerned for you. But most of all it's bizarre hearing all of these empathetic feelings and well wishes when the truth is of the matter is I pretty much feel that I have had the most incredible year and certainly past few months than I have ever had before.

 The story of Reb Zusha that I'm referring to is of course the one about the troubled person who came to famed Magid of Merzitch and asked him how he can understand and internalize those words of our sages that one is obligated to bless Hashem on the bad in the same way- and perhaps even with the same fervor- that one blesses Hashem for the good that happens to him. The Rebbi sent him to Reb Zusha to learn and understand this concept. When he came to Reb Zusha he found him and his family living in some poor rundown hovel in abject poverty nibbling on the few morsels of bread that they possessed and shared amongst each other. Reb Zusha had suffered terrible things in his life and yet he found himself able to sing and to pray with joy always. When the chasid told Reb Zusha why he was there and the answer to the question he was seeking. Reb Zusha told him that it was a very difficult and challenging question however sadly he couldn't answer him. Everything in his life has been hunky dory, totally awesome, spectaculorious. A bowl of cherries. Chulent and Kugel! So he was sorry that he really couldn't be of help, because all that he has experienced really is only blessings on good things. Nothing really bad has ever happened to him and he wouldn't know how to react and bless if it did.

 So as I said in the opening sentence, I'm not really Reb Zusha. But the truth is this past year has really been amazing one for me- although I know for many others it really hasn't been. But Bli Ayin Hara in just the last few months, I merited to marry off my son to his incredible Bashert, I became the grandfather of twin boys. I was privileged to have my parents and many of family members and friends there to celebrate those simchas with us. I had my lifechanging surgery which has been amazing and I lost about 30 pounds in a month and I'm can eat everything I want but just in small measures and it feels remarkably satisfying- It's a dream.

 It just gets better with this past Sukkos with our Hachnasas Sefer Torah dedication that we just had last week to our shul donated by my father in honor of his 75^th birthday (pooh pooh pooh until 120!). The streets were full of people from all over Karmiel singing and dancing as we marched the Torah. It was awesome. It was holy. It was everything.

 The truth is had I been working like a regular year it probably would've been challenging to experience all of the above to the fullest. Had I been working as usual I probably wouldn't have been able to reconnect with much of my learning roots. Sure I miss my work, but hey- it's been an amazing year and I just see blessing and happiness. And with our Torah dedication and sitting in a Sukkah for the past few days-in our Sukka in the holy city of Tzfat where my father took out a Villa for the entire family who have joined us for Chag- my heart is just getting more and more full of gratitude, blessing and happiness. It truly feels like Chag Simchaseinu; the holiday where we are meant to tap into and draw enough happiness for the entire year from. It's a wellspring that is overflowing.

 But what is this simcha all about? I mean every holiday seemingly is a time for happiness and rejoicing. The truth is the entire holiday of Sukkos is a bit of a quandry to be honest. Unlike the other holidays that commemorate a significant historical occurrence that took place at the specific time such as Pesach our Exodus from Egypt, Shavuot the receiving of the Torah, Chanuka and Purim the miracles that took place on those days, Sukkos the Torah doesn't really tell us what happened. In fact the Sukkas that we sit in we did so for 40 years in the wilderness. Sure there is an agricultural aspect to the holidays and Sukkos is the time of gathering, but who are we fooling. Most of us today know that fruits and vegetables are really made in the Makolet or Supermarket, Farmers are just made-up fairy tale types of things like innkeepers, wagon drivers or happy vegetarians. And if they do exist- are we really going to feel happy about gathering wheat and grain in our silos. Give me a new i-phone and I'm happy. But salad even fruit salad…? Not necessarily on the top of my list to feel grateful and make a holiday about.

 The Alshich Hakadosh- who lived here in Tzfat where I am for Sukkos and who's tomb is just up the block from me though shares an incredible idea. He in fact tells us that the holiday of Sukkos celebrates the end of close to 1000 years of Divine misery with the world. Ever thought you were having a bad day, bad month or bad year? Well try a bad millenia and then see how you feel about it. See, Hashem created the world and it was good, by Tuesday it was really very good by the first Friday it was holy, good and perfect. Adam sinned and it was downhill from there, until eventually Hashem had to destroy it and restart it again with Noach. However for the next 10 generations or so the Mishna tells us that Hashem was getting more and more angry and depressed with his Creation. That lasted until Avraham was born and a glimmer of hope, a ray of light returned to the world. Slowly the bad mood went away and the world started to become better and better.

 Fast forward to our Exodus from Egypt and ultimately our coming to Mt. Sinai and once again the world was perfect again for about 40 days until the sin of the Golden Calf and the broken tablets. Oops. Sorry back to square one again. Talk about ups and downs. We really don't give a God a break at all. Finally on Yom Kippur though Hashem has totally forgiven us. He will return to live within our midst once again. The order goes out to collect money for the new digs of Hashem on Rechov Tabernacle and for three solid days we bring everything we have to build that palace that He has waited for since Creation. On the fourth day the call went out that we had more than enough and on Sukkos those clouds of glory that we had been thrust out of enveloped us once again. Happiness had returned to the heavens and it flowed abundantly down to earth once again.

 Zugt the Alshich Ha'Kadosh, and so it is every year when Sukkos comes around. The joy that Hashem experiences when once again when we are forgiven on Yom Kippur each year recalls that original happiness. It brings it down once again to the world as we are enveloped in those clouds of glory that are our Sukkos. We appreciate on Sukkos that even the sins that we did never disconnected us from the love Hashem has for us. We have returned to the perfect world of Adam Harishon back in the garden of Eden. In fact the sefer Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh explains that when the Torah tells us that we should take the 4 species on the "First day" and our sages explain that despite it being the 15^th day of Tishrei the Torah is telling us that it is the first day of the accounting of our sins. Meaning that as we enter our Sukkah and take our lulav and esrog we are entirely sin-free.

 He points out that this sin-free status that we achieved on Yom Kippur isn't only for our personal sins that we may have sinned throughout the year. It's that we have totally rectified every sin- and get this part really well- even the sin of Adam Harishon. That sin is also gone. In the words of the Ramchal we have in our Neila prayer achieved the level of Adam without sin at all. For if we still bore that sin, if we still had that baggage or any baggage, he deduces then Sukkos wouldn't be called the first towards our sins. We would still have the sin of Adam, the sin of the Golden calf, the sin of anything that ever took place on our records. We are as clean and pure as they day we were born. That is the joy of Sukkos. We realize and appreciate that all is good. The things that we may have assumed were bad are all from Hashem for our good. The bad things that we may have even done also came from Hashem. It is He that gave us the choice and it is He that was with us when we sinned. And yes, it is He that cleansed us and purified us and is now rejoicing at our return to Him.

Do you know why we aren't happy all the time? It's because we are not in the clouds of glory. We don't feel that loving envelopment of our Father hugging us. We're weighted down with baggage, worries, tragedies, guilt and uncertainty. We're still living in the pre-Yom Kippur world. We don't realize what we have achieved. How clean we have become. How much has been forgiven and been transformed into merits. What an amazing year we have ahead of us. How happy and proud our Father is of us. How long He has waited for this holiday to come. We think we are in a little outdoor broken down hovel with branches above it nibbling on morsels when in fact we are Zusha in the clouds of glory and Adam feasting on the great Leviathan feast for an entrée and the Shor Habor- that great steak from the heavenly table in the Garden of Eden. It doesn't get better than that. There is no greater happiness and really no other happiness that can compare to that feeling. It is Zman Simchaseinu- the time of year that is the source of all of the happiness for the entire year because there is no longer anything that is holding back from it expressing itself. The surgery was a success. It's all good.

 This Shabbos we read the book of Koheles which some suggest is there to temper our joy and happiness with Solomon's profound wisdom of the vanities and uselessness of everything in the world. Yet in fact quite the opposite is true. Happiness and true joy comes when we realize how blessed we are that we have returned to our core point in Creation when we no longer need anything else to fill voids in our lives. We have it all. We have Hashem. We have Eden. We are finally home again.

  Have a joyous Sukkos

 Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" A lustiger dales gait iber alles.."- Happy poverty overcomes everything.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

45) The Rehob inscription (Ktovet Rehov) deals with the:

A) Establishment of an ancient synagogue in the area of today’s Ein Hanatziv

B) Confines of the Land of Israel

C) Secret of the ancient town at Hamat Gader

D) Special structure of the street in Susita

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/ushpizin    - Your Sukkos Experience is not complete until you sing my Ushpizin compostion- the only real hartzig song ever composed special for your Sukkah!

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lmaan-yeydu-vsamachta  – on the other hand if your looking for something to kick back your feet and dance to this L'aan Yeidu I composed will keep you hopping and as well will give you a biblical mitzva of singing the reason why we are in the Sukkah!

 

https://youtu.be/JKSpp85DF7w     – ME and Yonah live singing my geshmak Melech Rachaman Yom Tov song on guitar

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFiIdXaZRlU   – A sukkehleh a kleineh Yiddish Classic- with cool sand art

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S HAPPY JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Why was the mortgage so upset? Because it was a loan

Why was the horse so happy? Because he lived in a stable environment

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them!

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Berkowitz was in the best hospital in Long Island and was moaning the whole time, finally he was transferred to a crummy hospital in Brooklyn, happy as anything, they ask him what the problem was before, he said before I had nothing to complain about ... HERE I CAN COMPLAIN!!!!

Shlomo and Hetty, an elderly widow and widower, had been dating for about three years when Shlomo finally decided to ask Hetty to marry him. She immediately said "yes". 
The next morning when he awoke, Shlomo couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so. Wait, no, she looked at me funny..." 
After about an hour of trying to remember, but to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave Hetty a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to his proposal. 
"Oh", Hetty said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."

At his 103rd birthday party, Zadie Herman Rosenbaum was asked by his great grandson Shmueli if he planned to be around for his 104th.

"I certainly do Shmueli," Zadie Herman replied. "As a matter of fact, statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

*********************************

Answer is B- This is actually a fascinating archeological find that was found in the 1973 in the Jordan Valley Kibbutz of Rechov from the period of the Talmud between the 6^th and 7^th century. The inscription the largest in Hebrew found from this era. It delineates the borders of Israel as it pertains to the laws of tithes and Shemitta as it pertains to various crops grown in the area of nearby Beit Shean. Things that were not grown within borders of the first temple or second temple had leniencies attached to it. The inscription in its entirety is in the Israel museum. This is really a tour guide question as most people don't know about it or tour here. But since it was Halachic and interesting I like to share it with my tourists as we drive through the area.  So the score is 37 for Rabbi Schwartz and 9 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.

 

Train-ing Day- Parshat Vayelech Shabbos Shuva 5782- 2021

 

Insights and Inspiration

                                                                       from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

September 10^th 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 48 4^th Tishrey 5782!!

(CHECK OUT THE LIST BELOW OF ALL THOSE WHO HAVE PARTNERED WITH US AND PLEASE CONSIDER JOINING THEM AS WE WIND UP OUR ANNUAL APPEAL AND GRAB SOME EXTRA MERITS BEFORE YOM KIPPUR!!)

Parshat Vayelech- Shabbos Shuva

Train-ing Day 

Even Rabbis that write great weekly E-Mails have to do teshuva. And so I turn to you during the 10 days of Repentance before Yom Kippur and ask you to help me make my penance. Unlike Alcoholics Anonymous though that have to go through 12 steps, Teshuva-Repentance is only a mere three step process. It's really not that complicated at all. We can all do it by the time you finish this E-Mail. Even before you get to the jokes. Although they might need another Teshuva from me.

 The first step is regret. I feel bad about what I did. I hurt you. I sinned. I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I should've been better. I wish would've done the right thing. That's it. Simple.

 

The next step is even easier. It's confession. Regret in the heart is all fine and good, but unless you really verbalize and clarify what it is you did wrong, it really isn't going to impact you. It's like when your kid (or we to our spouses) just say sorry when we are caught messing up. It doesn't really do the trick. As my mother would always tell me "Sorry for what???" She knew what and I knew what, but she wanted me to say it. My wife does too. So does yours- by the way… so get that smile off your face. Well, guess what? Hashem does as well. It's not to torture us and put us through the wringer- and I mean my mother, my wife and Hashem here. It's because they know that it's the only way that it really will impact us. That will make our regret real, sincere and meaningful rather than a "shucks I messed up-shrug your shoulders-and move on ritual.

 Finally-and this is where it can get a bit challenging- the last step is the resolution not to do it again. What makes this challenging is not the resolution. After-all once we regret and we confess we certainly should feel that we don't want to mess up again and we all want to resolve that we won't. The problem though is that most of us know that inevitably we will mess up again. So it's kind of hard to make a sincere resolution when we know we keep making them and breaking them.

 Yet the truth is and here's a little secret and a little tip to make it easier. For teshuva to work we really don't have to guarantee that we won't sin again. We don't even have to guarantee we won't do that sin ever again. We're not prophets. We're not angels. Hashem doesn't expect us to suddenly to turn into an angel over night or over ten days. What we have to do though is change something about the way that we did these things so that we don't fall into that same trap again. Rabbeinu Yonah of Girondi writes that we just have to become different people. The person before this resolution didn't have a game plan how not to sin. The "new me" though is at least someone who has resolved to take actions that would prevent him or her from falling and failing once again. We're determined to head in a different direction this year, as I'll explain.

 The sin that I need to repent the most for to you my dear readers is that my E-Mails are too long. Way too long. Heck even this E-Mail should've been over a paragraph or two ago. You deserve to read an inspirational, funny and insightful Torah E-Mail and not have to sit there for an hour and half. I regret it each week. Especially on those few weeks that I actually have the time to sit and actually edit it before I hit send. Wow that takes time!

 So there's my Part 1) and Part 2) of my teshuva. I regret and confess and ask your forgiveness. Part 3) I haven't really worked out yet. Maybe you can give me some tips before next season- which starts in a few weeks as we begin our 12^th cycle of parshas. What should I cut? What could I do better? What parts of my E-Mail should live and which should be written in the book of death and deletion?

 But at least this week- especially since it's a short week. I'll keep it short and sweet. Here's a quick incredible story and idea I shared with my shul and with numerous others this week. The Alter of Novardok tells the story of Berel who was once sitting on a train. As the train was traveling he saw his good friend Shmerel whom he hadn't seen in some time a few rows up from him. He runs over to him and they start catching up. Berel then asks him where he's heading? Shmerel tells him that of course he's going to Warsaw. Berel looks at him a bit confused and sadly informs him that he's heading the wrong way. Warsaw is in the other direction. He's on the train that is heading the opposite way to Prague!

Shmerel though didn't seem too concerned. He merely got up and said that it's not a problem. He took his things and turned around and sat on the chair opposite himself facing the back of the train towards Warsaw. All was good... Right…? "Wrong!" yelled Berel "You're still heading the wrong way. You need to get off the train and get on the other train going the other way. Changing your seat doesn't help."

 Last year we wanted a prayed for a better year. A corona-less year. A less anti-semitic year. No wars. No hate. More Torah. Return to "normalcy". Tourists. More simcha. Less death. But that wasn't the plan. We're still sitting on the wrong train, we were just asking Hashem for a different better and more pleasant view. We just wanted to switch our seats around; perhaps even 180 degrees but we didn't understand that the only way we can get to the destination is to get off the entire train that we've been riding on in the past and get on a new train. The new train is heading to Yerushalayim. It has nothing to do with Corona being cured, it has nothing to do with less fighting, less talking in shul, less lashon hara even. It's not about more tzedaka, more chesed or more achdus. It's about the Bais Hamikdash. It's about Yerushalayim. It's about one King on the entire world and the whole world knowing Him and recognizing that there is really nothing else in existence besides His greatness and His service. It's about everything pretty much that we said in the Machzor this past Rosh Hashana and we will say Yom Kippur once again. That's called switching trains.

  That mindset is what we are meant to internalize. It's a whole new big-picture world-view. If we have that view out of our train window and that destination clear ahead of us, then we can make all the other pieces fall into place. Hashem has been flashing that destination all year round on those neon lights at the front of every train car. He's been 'Berel'-ing us with His conductor's shofar call all year telling us that we need to switch trains. That's real teshuva. That's perhaps a change that cuts to the root of all of our sins. It's what we really need to confess the most.  Perhaps if we all resolve to put that thought somehow at our forefront, then we can merit the words of the Talmud that when the Jews will do Teshuva we will immediately be redeemed. We will have arrived at our final destination.

 On train rides that have very short destinations, you don't take along a lot of reading material. I'm hoping that by the time Yom Kippur arrives we are all on that right train. In that vein I leave you this holy week with a shorter than usual E-Mail. Our Parsha this week and every Shabbos Shuva  as well the shortest Parsha. Because Teshuva is really a short and easy trainride.It needn't be more than one stop, if we are all aboard. The Engineer of our Parsha is Vayelech Moshe- and Moshe went. The Baal Haturim says that Moshe went to the Patriarchs and Matriarchs and told them that their children had arrived. It's a short journey. May we as well arrive at that quick destination. I hear the engineer's shofar horn now. Last stop Yerushalayim all aboard. Do you hear it too?

 Have a holy Shabbos Shuva

 Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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HIGH HOLIDAY APPEAL 5782

 (THANK YOU TO THE SO MANY OF YOU THAT HAVE ALREADY RESPONDED AND PARTNERED WITH US FOR THE COMING YEAR!)

 To all the rest of you that haven't as of yet responded…

 HI! It's your "friend from Karmiel" here once again turning to you as we beign this NEW year of 5782 in the midst of this High Holiday season to ask if you might consider helping us out this year. I know that all of you don't read our weekly missives each week. They're long and who really has that much time on their hand- besides unemployed tour guides. But you do get a chance every so often to read and hopefully enjoy some of my musings, Torah, tour guide questions, Eretz Yisrael insights and at least some of the jokes. As well I hope you've been enjoying my Mishpacha magazine links and this past year my weekly Whatsapp and Youtube Parsha short videos. If you're not yet on that list, by the way, then send me an E-Mail and I'll be happy to add you.

 This year has been more challenging than most for our Shul and community financially. Many of our local donors have lost their jobs, some have stopped coming to Shul, and many of our regular minyanim have taken a hit. But Baruch Hashem there have been good things that have happened this year as well. We have seen many Simchas, not just personally but throughout our community. There have been miracles and refuos and we have been blessed with many new Olim to our community. We're certainly living in amazing times.

 I turn to you dear friends to ask if you might consider supporting our Shul, our weekly insights that go out each week to thousands and are read around the world. Our annual Shul donation and sponsorship income has dropped tremendously. We were not able to make our annual Purim appeal and even our annual pre- High Holiday weekly appeal is a fraction of what it was in previous years. In the past I personally have helped carry the deficit in our annual budget- I do not take a salary. Our expenses include rent, utilities, upkeep of shul, programs and of course Kiddush. Our Shul brings together Olim and Israelis from the entire spectrum of observance from Chareidi to those growing in their yiddishkeit. We're not a big shul. We don't have huge expenses, but as well we don't have large donors. Your friendship and support for our shul and my weekly  insights is meaningful and appreciated.

If you can find it within your heart to include us in you charitable giving this year. Every bit helps and will help us tremendously in continuing to do the great work in sharing the love of and passion for yiddishkeit, for am Yisrael and Eretz Yisrael. As our partners you will share in that merit and make this Rabbi smile as well.

Wishing you and your family a G'Mar Chasima Tova and a year filled with only blessings, simcha, good health and much yiddishe Nachas.

 You can contribute to our annual campaign either with. As of now sadly your donations are neither US or Israel tax deductible. Although we hope that will change in the near future as we are well into the process of working through the necessary bureaucracies.

By using our paypal link on our Holyland Insights Blog  http://holylandinsights.blogspot.co.il/  and contribute via paypal on our website.

 ALL CONTRIBUTIONS CAN BE MADE AS A DEDICATION IN HONOR, OR IN MEMORY, IN APPRECIATION, OR FOR THE MERIT OF________ AND WILL BE SO NOTED

 Once again I wish to thank you in advance for your support and for all those who have expressed their appreciation and gratitude throughout the year with your E-Mails, sponsorships and dedications.

May Hashem bless all of us with a blessed and sweet New Year.

Warmly,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Di vegen fun teshuveh zeinen nit vainiker farborgen vi di vegen fun zind."- The ways of repentance are as much hidden as the ways of sin.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

45) ANZAC soldiers fought in Israel at the:

A) End of the 17th century

B) End of the 18th century

C) End of the 19th century

D) Beginning of 20th century

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/VfXfZND0myo   - Shuli Rand Elul in concert… Amazing the crowd he's inspiring

https://youtu.be/olSXGtKysNU – You loved Thank You Hashem- well here's the next song from the same folks that you will never get out of your head and your children will not stop singing. "It's all from you Hashem!"

 https://youtu.be/1bS5MjK6qF0    – Beri Weber HaMelech- this is Yom Kippur!

 https://youtu.be/scNW_k2HYZE  – Shlomo Yehudah's Ulai Yachos Am Ani V'evyon in a new video!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE TRAIN JOKES OF THE WEEK

 What do you call a locomotive that keeps sneezing? Achoo choo train

All the ladies in town seemed to have a crush on the new train conductor. They say he’s quite at-track-tive.

Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity

Three Jews and three gentiles are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three gentiles each buy tickets and watch as the three Jews buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the gentiles.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Jew. They all board the train. The gentiles take their respective seats but all three Jews cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The gentiles saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.

So after the conference, the gentiles decide to copy the Jews on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Jews don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed gentile.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Jew. When they board the train the three gentiles cram into a restroom and the three Jews cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Jews leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the gentiles are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

 Moshe is waiting on the platform at the station. He notices a Jewish man standing nearby and asks him for the time. But the man ignores him. Moshe then asks him again, and the man responds in the same way. Frustrated, Moshe asks "Excuse me, but I've asked you for the time twice, why are you ignoring me"

Suddenly, the man looks up and says, "We're both waiting for the train, if I answer you, then when we get on the train you will come and sit next to me, we will probably start 
talking, and I may invite you to my house for Shabbat, there you will meet my daughter, you will probably like her, you may eventually want to marry her, and to be honest with you, WHY WOULD I WANT A SON IN LAW WHO CAN'T AFFORD A WATCH?"

On his way to work one morning, Nathan arrives at Penn station a bit early. While he's waiting for his train, he notices a new machine on the platform. Tthe sign on it says it's a state-of-the-art talking weighing machine. So Nathan stands on it, puts in a $1 bill and the machine says, "You weigh 160 pounds and you are Jewish." 
Nathan can't believe what he's just heard. So he gets on it again and inserts another $1 bill. "You weigh 160 pounds, you are Jewish and you're waiting for the 7:35am train to take you to your job at the Bank." 
He is totally shocked, but he's determined to beat the machine. He goes into the mens room, ruffles up his hair, puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, removes his tie, takes off his jacket and drapes it over his arm, and puts a first aid plaster on his chin. He then goes back outside, steps on the machine and puts in another $1. 
The machine instantly says, "You're still Jewish and weigh 160 pounds. You're also a shlimazel, you just missed your train."

What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher says, “Spit out your gum,” but a train says, “Chew chew!”

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!

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Answer is D- This one was really easy for me. I remember vividly visiting the ANZAC memorial in the Negev for the Australian and New Zealand army corps that fought in World War I. It was just a hot miserable day. But the truth is it's easy to guess this one as it just makes sense that acronymed names are a 20^th century phenomena anyways I think. Well anyways I got this one right as they fought here in WWI against the Turks  So the score is 36 for Rabbi Schwartz and 9 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.

The Healthy Choice- Parshat Nitzavim 6781/2021 Rosh Hashana 5782 Edition

 

Insights and Inspiration

                                                                       from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

September 3rd  2021 -Volume 11 Issue 47 26^th Elul

(Dear Friends and Readers please don't skip over our annual Appeal after this E-Mail below. It's been a challenging year and we could use your support!)

Parshat Nitzavim- Rosh Hashana

The Healthy Choice

 Yes, it's me. Don't let the title to this E-Mail fool you. I know you'd never thought that you'd see me writing an E-Mail called "The Healthy Choice". It's kind of like reading an E-Mail written by Donald Trump called "A Humble Life" or one by Biden titled "Intelligent Leadership" or by Dr. Fauci called "I know what I'm doing". Sure, I had my stomach surgery and can't eat as much or much at all to be precise. But don't worry. I still love my chulent, kugel and herring and even has about an 1/8^th of a bagel lox and cream cheese by my twin grandchildren's bris this past Sunday. I'm not switching to spelt, organic goat cheese or tofu anytime soon. I'm not reading any of those triangle food pyramid charts with a bunch of vegetables on it. I've made fun of too many vegetarians and health food junkies that are married to me or my son for too long to ever go down that road.

But the truth is, that it's really been the first time in my life that I have been forced to make food choices in my eating selection. I have limited stomach space- also for the first time I think- and I have to decide what food dishes that I am going to be eating from and what I'll be passing up on. I can't have the whole smorgasbord or four or more courses anymore. There just isn't any room.

  Now I'm not talking about the silly self-inflicted Jewish choices that some create for themselves, like flaysh-a-phobia that some people have about eating steak or meat for fear that they might find some ice cream. Obviously you go with the animal that was slaughtered for your eating pleasure rather than the possibility of some anti-semitic Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey. Nor am I talking about the bentch-o-phobics, who have an aversion or allergy to having to recite a four minute thank you to Hashem and will refuse to partake in the delicious Baguette or hamburger or hot dog bun and even worse the Pita with salatim. Really?!! You should be looking for excuses to bentch in order to just to be able to thank Hashem for all the goodness He has done. I have never understood this seemingly satan-driven affliction.

 What I'm talking about is do I have three spoons of soup on Friday Night at the expense that I might not have room for a few nibbles of potato kugel. Is it worth it to pass on a few tastes of gefilte fish and have a little more room for some brisket. Should I just forget about dessert? What about drinking? My Dietician (and someone else told me that the Rambam as well) says that one shouldn't drink while they eat. She actually wanted me to wait 15 minutes after I drink before eating and wait a half hour after the meal until I drink again. Well that hasn't happened. I need to drink when I eat. But the truth is that takes up room as well in the belly and I know it comes at the expense of not being able to have something tasty in its place…. Sighh... All these new healthy choices I'm finding myself having to make. One would think that it would makes you lose your appetite after a while…But actually surprisingly I'm finding that it does quite the opposite. I'm now practicing what I have decided to call conscious eating. And frankly I recommend it highly.

 See, whereas in the past I would more often than not just inhale my food quickly restocking my plate with the next delicacy to come to the table, that's no longer the case. Now, once I have made my decision about what I want to eat, when I then take a bite out of it I actually pay attention to it. I feel it. I roll it around in my mouth a bit. It's like I used to do with a good scotch (which I still have to wait a few months or so before I'm allowed to imbibe). I appreciate it. I feel it. I enjoy it. I make it last more. And best of all- at least spiritually- because I have so much time on my hands or my mouth before I can take another bite, I think about Hashem. I think about the bracha I just made. I think about how perfect His world is. How tasty it is. What an amazing cook of a wife He blessed me with. I'm getting the full deal. It's new, it's weird and it really is very satisfying. As well I believe it's the perfect and easiest avoda to do as we approach Rosh Hashana. Don't believe me? Let me show you in this week's Parsha what I'm talking about.

 Parshat Nitzavim is a pretty short parsha. The last Aliya though capsulizes the way Hashem presents life to us. I'll quote a bit

 Devarim (30:15-19) Behold, I have set before you today life and good, and death and evil,

 And there we have our choice. Curtain number 1) and Curtain number 2). In case you don't exactly get it, Hashem clarifies…

 inasmuch as I command you this day to love Hashem, your God, to walk in His ways, and to observe His commandments, His statutes, and His ordinances, so that you will live and increase, and Hashem, your God, will bless you in the land to which you are coming to take possession of it.

 OK that's Curtain 1).  Clear to you now? Now Curtain 2) on the other hand…

 But if your heart deviates and you do not listen, and you will be drawn astray, and you will prostrate yourself to other deities and serve them, I declare to you this day, that you will surely perish, and that you will not live long days on the land, to which you are crossing the Jordan, to come and take possession thereof.

 So we have a choice. Which one is the healthy choice? Life or death? Blessing or curse? Israel or Boro Park? Or Germany? Or Spain? Or Africa?

But then Hashem cheats a bit on this choice He has given us

 You shall choose life, so that you and your offspring will live.

 Hey! What happened to our free will? Isn't that cheating if He tells us what to do? Rashi seems to see it this way. As he elaborates.

 Hashem says: “Even though you have free choice, nevertheless,] I instruct you to choose the portion of life.” It is like a man who says to his son, “Choose for yourself a fine portion of my estate,” and then directs him to the best portion, saying to him, “This [is the portion which] you should choose for yourself!”

 Now my parents were not the type to give me the answers to my homework, although my mother did sit down with me and make me do it and my father would sit with me as well when she made him. I certainly don't think I've ever done the homework for my kids. Baruch Hashem they never saw this Rashi though. For they might have been able to use it against me as a source that there's nothing wrong with a good parent – like Hashem in giving their children the right answer to our choices. But really there's a bigger problem.

In truth really what type of choice is it? I mean c'mon man…This seems to be a no-brainer. Who wants death and curse? Who doesn't want life and blessing? If Hashem is going to give us the answers to questions already, I could use Him for my geometry work, or about some deeper philosophical questions or even some of my tour guide questions of the week. Why does He feel the need to tell us to choose life? What's here that we can't figure out on our own from the vivid descriptions he has given us about the two curtains and paths that are before us.

 The answer the Slonimer Rebbi suggests is that there are two paths and reasons to serve Hashem. The first is because its process of elimination. Curtain 2) sounds really scary. I don't want to go to Gehennom. I don't want to lose our land. I don't want all of those terrible curses we read in the Tochacha last week to befall me or anyone I know. I don't want Co-Vid. I don't want to be unemployed. I don't want to die in a flood, a fire, an earthquake or in a concentration camp. So therefore as a result of that I choose Curtain 1).

 But that, the Slonimer Rebbi says, is not choosing life. It's just not choosing death. Choosing life, though, which is what Hashem tells us to do, is about conscious eating. It's about seeing and appreciating how important life is. What a blessing it is. What incredible things we are meant to experience, to taste, to live for, to accomplish. It's about rolling those blessings and prayers for life around in your mouth a bit before you swallow them. It's about thinking about the world that is full of rejoicing, about Yerushalayim rebuilt, about the righteous dancing and singing in the Temple. It's also about a world where evil is totally eradicated. Where the entire world is full of the knowledge of Hashem. With a united humanity that is basking in His glory. A world of total good. The garden of Eden.

 I know that all of this sounds foreign to most of us. It feels weird and fake even writing it. But that's because we're not consciously living. We're not tasting the food of the goodness of life that He's given us with every breath, with every blessing, with every new day. We're not choosing life. We're just trying to avoid death and bad stuff all the time.  We're just trying "To make it through another day".

Hashem tells us Erev Rosh Hashana that's not what he advises us to do. It's the advice of a beloved Father to his children. Choose life. Make the healthy choice. Don't come to Me on Rosh Hashana and just ask Me not kill you, not to curse you. Ask Me for the gift of the best life that I want you to have. But first you have to make that decision that that's what you really want on your plate.

Perhaps this explains the custom we have each Rosh Hashana, that we don't find any other time of the year, to eat all types of foods as a good Siman.- fortuitous sign.  Hashem doesn't just want us to ask for a good year. He wants us to really taste it. To consciously choose it. To pick up that apple and dip it honey and say mmmmm… I want this for this year. To pick up that brilliant red juicy pomegranate and see all those little sweet seeds and say that's how I want my mitzvos to taste this year. To look into those googly little dead fish head eyes and say… hmmm being a head is gotta be better than being a tail… right… OK maybe I'm pushing it. But you get the point.

 There's only another few days left to Rosh Hashana. This Shabbos is the last Shabbos of the year. It's the last chulent of 5781. Taste it appreciate it. Choose it. Small bite by small bite. Turn to your family and see how wonderful they are. Think about how much more wonderful you wish they could be. You wish you could be. Hashem wants us to choose that life. We will be asking Him for it repeatedly over the next week and half or so. Let's start making the healthy choice He suggested we make.

  Have a fantastic final Shabbos of 5781 and may everyone be blessed with Shana Tova and U'Mesuka. A sweet, happy and healthy New Year.

 Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 This week's Insights and Inspiration has been sponsored by my dear longtime friend Ari Davis in appreciation of all of the weekly inspiration and our friendship. May the new year bring all of the readers of this weekly inspiration and all of Klal Yisrael only simcha, brachas, nachas and Mashiach!

 Wishing all a Ksiva V'Chasima Tova.

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 HIGH HOLIDAY APPEAL 5782

(THANK YOU TO THE SO MANY OF YOU THAT HAVE ALREADY RESPONDED AND PARTNERED WITH US FOR THE COMING YEAR!)

In the coming weeks I plan on expressing my appreciation by name to each of you and your dedications that you have made in honor or a merit of someone)

To all the rest of you that haven't as of yet responded…

 HI! It's your "friend from Karmiel" here once again turning to you as we close out this year of 5781 before the High Holidays to ask if you might consider helping us out this year. I know that all of you don't read our weekly missives each week. They're long and who really has that much time on their hand- besides unemployed tour guides. But you do get a chance every so often to read and hopefully enjoy some of my musings, Torah, tour guide questions, Eretz Yisrael insights and at least some of the jokes. As well I hope you've been enjoying my Mishpacha magazine links and this past year my weekly Whatsapp and Youtube Parsha short videos. If you're not yet on that list, by the way, then send me an E-Mail and I'll be happy to add you.

 This year has been more challenging than most for our Shul and community financially. Many of our local donors have lost their jobs, some have stopped coming to Shul, and many of our regular minyanim have taken a hit. But Baruch Hashem there have been good things that have happened this year as well. We have seen many Simchas, not just personally but throughout our community. There have been miracles and refuos and we have been blessed with many new Olim to our community. We're certainly living in amazing times.

I turn to you dear friends to ask if you might consider supporting our Shul, our weekly insights that go out each week to thousands and are read around the world. Our annual Shul donation and sponsorship income has dropped tremendously. We were not able to make our annual Purim appeal and even our annual pre- High Holiday weekly appeal is a fraction of what it was in previous years. In the past I personally have helped carry the deficit in our annual budget- I do not take a salary. Our expenses include rent, utilities, upkeep of shul, programs and of course Kiddush. Our Shul brings together Olim and Israelis from the entire spectrum of observance from Chareidi to those growing in their yiddishkeit. We're not a big shul. We don't have huge expenses, but as well we don't have large donors. Your friendship and support for our shul and my weekly  insights is meaningful and appreciated.

If you can find it within your heart to include us in you charitable giving this year. Every bit helps and will help us tremendously in continuing to do the great work in sharing the love of and passion for yiddishkeit, for am Yisrael and Eretz Yisrael. As our partners you will share in that merit and make this Rabbi smile as well.

Wishing you and your family a Ksiva V'chasima Tova and a year filled with only blessings, simcha, good health and much yiddishe Nachas.

 You can contribute to our annual campaign either with. As of now sadly your donations are neither US or Israel tax deductible. Although we hope that will change in the near future as we are well into the process of working through the necessary bureaucracies.

1) Zelle or Paypal to rabbschwartz@yahoo.com

 2) Or by using our paypal link on our Holyland Insights Blog  http://holylandinsights.blogspot.co.il/  and contribute via paypal on our website.

 ALL CONTRIBUTIONS CAN BE MADE AS A DEDICATION IN HONOR, OR IN MEMORY, IN APPRECIATION, OR FOR THE MERIT OF________ AND WILL BE SO NOTED

 Once again I wish to thank you in advance for your support and for all those who have expressed their appreciation and gratitude throughout the year with your E-Mails, sponsorships and dedications.

May Hashem bless all of us with a blessed and sweet New Year.

Warmly,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Vos veyniker men ret, alts gezinter iz"- The less you speak, the healthier you are

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

44) The personality for whom the wall was breached near the Jaffa Gate:

A) Emperor Frederick II

B) Emperor Franz Joseph

C) Emperor Wilhelm II

D) General Edmund Allenby

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/hashem-melech-r-ephraim-fina  - In honor of the day anoint Hashem as our King- give a listen to my Hashem Melech composition and then sing it the whole Rosh Hashana long… A Rabbi Schwartz favorite sung and arranged by Dovid Lowy

https://youtu.be/pCX2pVEIM0k   – Great Rabbi K video and song- Do you want to understand Monsey. Check out this video about Sheiners the most geshamake shul!

 https://youtu.be/FBtUTYFYaG4   – What an awesome between Israeli singers (including Shwekey) for this song sponsored by organization V'Sein Chelkeinu

 https://youtu.be/rX5NZzHudu0    – Mutty Shteimetz in this musical video story called a shmitteleh Gevayn about the struggles of a Shmitta farmer (Yiddish with English subs).

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Waiting for Us– Parshat Ki Nitzavim- This last Parsha that we read before Rosh Hashana contains the covenant between all of the Jewish people throughout all generations. Within that bris Hashem tells us that the land of Israel will be the guarantor of the agreement.

 Devarim (29:2-22) And a later generation, your descendants, who will rise after you, along with the foreigner who comes from a distant land, will say, upon seeing the plagues of that land and the diseases with which the Lord struck it: Sulfur and salt have burned up its entire land! It cannot be sown, nor can it grow [anything], not [even] any grass will sprout upon it. It is like the overturning of Sodom, Gemorrah, Admah and Zeboiim, which the Lord overturned in His fury and in His rage.

 After the destruction of our Temple, Eretz Yisrael was occupied by foreign nations and the majority of our people lived in foreign lands of Exile. That happens. It makes sense. We were occupied by our enemies. The miraculous thing though is that the land that was once blessed and fertile all of a sudden became barren. Nothing grew. It was cursed. In the words of Mark Twain who visited here in the 1800's

 "We traversed some miles of desolate country whose soil is rich enough but is given wholly to weeds – a silent mournful expanse... We never saw a human being on the whole route... hardly a tree or shrub anywhere. Even the olive and the cactus, those fast friends of a worthless soil, had almost deserted the country."

 The Ramban sees in this curse a blessing. The land will not be one that the nations will ever find rest in. They won't succeed in opening it up making it produce and work for them. Rabbeinu Bachaya takes this idea even a step further he says that from the day it was destroyed and we were exiled it will not produce until we return. It waited for us. The land knows that it only has one purpose in creation; to be the place where our nation could return to and flourish in and shine the light of Hashem out to the rest of the world from.

 There is no other country like this that can wait 2000 years for a certain nation to return until it produces. It's wired to us and that is one of the most important signs in history that Hashem as well is waiting for us. That He has wired creation to be programmed just for us and our return. For our repentance. For His home to finally return.

 The fact that He has allowed us to return and the land is once again flourishing is the greatest sign that we are in the end game of redemption. One more prayer, one more Rosh Hashana. One more Oleh with faith that gives up life in Chutz la'Aretz to live that dream is all we need. This is the lesson of the end of the year that we are meant to have at the forefront of our minds as we enter the High Holidays and recite repeatedly that Hashem once again return happiness to His land, rejoicing to His city. May 5782 be the year that we finally realize that dream.                                                                                                       

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

The Count & The Plague- 837 BC – The end of the book of Shmuel concludes with the various wars Dovid and his army had against the remaining giant Plishti brothers of Golyas. There were miraculous victories that came through the incredible generals Dovid had; Shama, Avishai and Benayahu. If that wasn't enough action though it seems Hashem still wanted to give Dovid and the Jewish people one last lick before his death to atone for his sin and for their sins of the support of Avshalom and their rebellions against Dovid. He did this by planting the idea in Dovid's mind that a census should be taken of the Jewish people. This was a big no-no.

 In Parsht Ki Tisa after the sin of the Golden Calf Hashem told Moshe to count the nation, however He qualified that in that each person needs to give a half shekel in order that there should not be any plague. Yet, Dovid forgot that halacha. This was retribution for him calling Hashem an instigator when he was trying to talk down Shaul. Yoav Dovid's general who was appointed to the task of leading the count was not excited about the job. But Dovid didn't really leave him much choice. And thus Dovid's final folly began.

 Yoav started his count on the other side of the Jordan River by the portion of Gad. Today that is associated with Hurbat Aroer in Jordan. From there he went around the Golan Heights to the portion of Dan to the city of Ya'an just north of there. From there it was over to the coast line to Tzidon which is in Lebanon and then all the way down the country to the Negev to the city of Bee'r Sheva. As you can imagine this was not an easy journey. In fact Yoav as well took his time with it hoping that Dovid would reconsider. He didn't. Yoav returned and gave Dovid the count which numbered close to a million. (there are differences between the count here and in the book of Ezra). And then it sunk in to Dovid that he had sinned. Uh Oh.

 Dovid davened all night long but in the morning the Navi Gad came to Dovid and told him that Hashem has given him a choice of punishments. He would have to select which one he wanted. Curtain Number 1) was 7 years of famine. Curtain 2) Three months of war in which Dovid would flee from his enemies or 3) three days of plague. Which one would you choose. Which would you choose after experiencing a year and a half of Corona plague?

Dovid decided to take Curtain number 3) for the plague. The reason for this choice is because he preferred to be given over to the hands of Hashem rather than in the hands of people. A famine would make him dependent on other nations for mercy and food. As well the hands of the enemy would obviously leave him in the gentile's hands. Other commentaries suggest that Dovid didn't want the people thinking or accusing him of trying to avoid the punishment. As obviously as King he would have enough food to ride out the famine. As well his people wouldn't let him be taken in war. Plague on the other hand, as we have learned this year can hit anyone; rich, poor, healthy, not healthy, old and young and even Vaxxed or not.

 And thus the plague hit the Jewish people and 70,000 died. That's an incredible amount of people in a mere 36 hours. 10 times as many that have died in the past year and half as a result of Covid. How does that plague end and what is the aftermath. Stay tuned next year- 5782, next week as we conclude the Book of Shmuel.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE HEALTH FOOD JOKES OF THE WEEK

What's orange, healthy for you, and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

Why are trees so healthy? They always have light meals.

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.

They always told me to put 5 colors on my plate to stay healthy. So how did I get diabetes on my M&M only diet?

What did the health conscious german say, when he entered Whole Foods? Gluten Morgen

Chicken soup is healthy for you. As long as you’re not the chicken.

Fitness experts recommend walking 10,000 steps per day to remain healthy.That is an awful lot of trips to the fridge.

Healthy eagles come from America. Ill eagles come from Mexico.

Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.

I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!

Why is eating honey so healthy? It contains a lot of vitamin Bee

You know, experts say that it’s healthy to cut carbs and they’re probably right. I just don’t know whether I should cut them with a knife or a fork.

Yankel and Breindy were an 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash... They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, the heavenly angel took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As Breindy 'oohed' and 'aahed' at their new possessions, Yankel asked the malach how much all of this was going to cost. "It's all free," the malach replied. "We are in heaven, after all."

Next they surveyed the lush championship golf course behind their home, where they were entitled to play every day.

Of course, all Yankel wanted to know, was: "How much are the green fees?"

"It's free!" came the reply.

Next, they went to the club house, and saw the lavish buffet on offer, with all of the world's different cuisines on offer, every meal cooked to perfection.

"How much do we have to pay for two?" asked Yankel.

"Don't you understand, yet?!" the angel replied, exasperated. "It's all free, you're in heaven!"

"Well, where are the low fat and cholesterol tables then? The food won't have too many calories, will it?" the old man asked, looking quite worried.

"That's the best part of heaven,"  the malach said, excitedly. "You can eat as much of whatever you want, and you won't gain a single gram!"

With that, Yankel went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it wildly. His wife and the Malach tried to calm him down, asking what was wrong.

Yankel looked at Breindy and screamed "This is all your fault! If it weren't for you and your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

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Answer is C- The truth is I always get Kaiser Wilhelm and Franz Jospeh confused as they both visited Israel in the 1800's. But then I remember that what they say is that the Kaiser had a pointed helmet and was too tall on his car that brought him to Jaffa Gate and they didn't want him to have to bend down. So they knocked down the centuries old gate so that he could enter. So I got it right!  So the score is 35 for Rabbi Schwartz and 9 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.