from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
February 24th 2023 -Volume 12 Issue 19 3rd of Adar 5783
Parshat Teruma
Houses of Gold
Not normal. Those are the two words I have
repeated the past few hours and I have really only just arrived. What I wouldn’t
do for you readers mine, I tell you. It’s pretty insane. How many Rabbi/Tour
guides would travel across the desert just to bring you some weekly inspiration
and insights? Would travel to the most decadent and opulent place on the
planet, just so you could have a better appreciation of Hashem, Klal Yisrael
and of course Parshat Teruma, Shekalim and Purim? Who’s your Rabbi, Huh? What I
wouldn’t do for you readers… So how about a little sponsorship love back this
way at us…? After-all I have to pay for this trip to Dubai one way or another.
Yup, here I am in this absolutely insane city.
It’s been a long winter. I don’t think I’ve slept at home for more than three or
four nights in a row in the past four months or so, as most of my touring in
the winter has been around the Jerusalem area, where I stay at my BNB most of
the week to be able to take my tourists from. My wife and kids haven’t seen
much of me, not that they’re complaining. After almost two years of Corona of
me sitting on the couch they were ready to pay someone to take me on a tour.
Yet, as the season comes to an end with Purim and
the spring/summer season getting ready to kick in, there is this small window,
where I felt that I could get away for a week with just the wife. That I NEEDED
to get away with the wife. See, I felt that it’s important that she spends a
week straight with me. That way she’ll remember why she doesn’t miss me that
much and why it doesn’t bother her that I’m never around. Even the Rebbetzin
deserves a good Rabbi Schwartz tour and quality time as well. After-all she pretty
much single-handedly has been raising my children and doing my laundry… and
cooking… and cleaning… and Shabbos… and pretty much everything important in my
life… besides having moved all over the world with her husband who couldn’t
hold a job for too long without getting into trouble. So yes, she deserves a
vacation too. So, it’s not just about you guys.
So where do tour guides go when we want to get
away? I’m not sure. I don’t think they really do. We love our job too much. We
feel it’s a zechus to share Eretz Yisrael with all of those coming here.
We’re on Bein Ha’zmanim every day. So, I can’t tell you where tour
guides go. But I know what I like to do. I want to see something and someplace
new and different. I have no interest in Europe. They’re all Nazis there or
collaborators, that killed people in my family. I’m not interested in Greek, Roman
or European architecture, history, or even the natural beauty in some of their
countries. I have all of that here and better and its mine. It’s ours. (OK
maybe the one exception is the Swiss Alps, which is on a bucket list of
mine-one day).
Dubai though is something else. Granted, Arabs haven’t
always been good to our people- to say the least, and since the Holocaust they’ve
pretty much become our biggest enemy- although Esau and Amalek seem to be
frighteningly waking up again in your countries. But our sages don’t tell us
that there is a rule that Yishmael hates Yaakov- they only say that about goyim
that come from Esau, like your next-door neighbors with their white picket
fences. Jews historically have fared a lot better historically under the hands
of our Muslim cousins than under Christians. And really living in the North of
Eretz Yisrael where we really don’t have many- if any nationalistic incidents,
and where the Jews and Arabs live pretty well together, got me over that innate
terror that frum Americans indoctrinate their children with so that they don’t
chas veshalom think about leaving comfortable and safe Boro Park, Lakewood or
Monsey and move to Eretz Yisrael.
So why Dubai? Because it sounded cool- oh and
tickets were cheap. And I could use my credit card points for free hotels
there. Yeah, that was important too. In fact, a week here is probably definitely
cheaper than three four days in Eilat would’ve cost me. But its really not
normal, as I started out by what I’ve seen here. It’s gashmiyus, opulence
and decadence taken to levels not even dreamed of.
We really just started sight-seeing today, and
so I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to tell you next week or whenever else I can
squeeze this stuff into my parsha e-mail someway or another. But, it’s been
mind -blowing. We took a ferry ride through the Dubai Canal and it’s crazy.
Man-made islands. Do you know what it takes to make a man-made island? Just 2.3
Billion dollars and 3.3 billion cubic feet of sand; enough to fill the entire
Empire State Building 2.5 times. There are islands shaped like the world where
these Sheiks could buy their own “country”.
There is of course the tallest building in the world
here; the Burj el Khalif -with a kosher restaurant in it-by the way that I
should be eating in next week. Keep your eyes on my statuses… It’s twice the
size of the Empire State building with 160 floors and standing at almost 3000
feet high. There’s the Burj El Arab hotel where you can pay $27,000 for the
fanciest suite at the worlds only 7 Star hotel with amenities like gold plated iPhone
and Ispads for their guests, private butlers, helipads, indoor waterfalls and
gold plated toilets- where you can make an asher yatzar afterwards la’mehadrin
min ha’mehadrin. And of course you have the Atlantis underwater hotel with rooms
underwater where you can sleep with fish and 14 karat gold shower gel. As I
said insane…
The city has the tallest Ferris wheel in the world,
the incredible malls with recreated huge artificial ski resorts indoors, as
well as rainforests in middle of this Desert country. Aquariums, swimming with Sharks
and the police drive around in million-dollar Ferarris. Who thinks of this
stuff? They do… and you know who else does? Hashem, us and this week’s Parsha.
See, last week we read Parshat Shekalim- so money
has been on my mind. We are told that from the first of Adar they would be mashmieem
al ha’shekalim- they would announce that one should donate their shekalim
to the Temple for the annual campaign for the daily offerings. And so, to fulfill
that ancient purpose there is no better place to “hear” that sound of shekalim-
or Durams than here in Dubai.
As well, I open up this week’s portion and it is
full of extravagance, splendor, glory and gold. Lots and lots of gold and
precious stones. Yet, unlike our cousins here in the United Emirates who are
building edifices to their own glory and opulence, we are commanded to do the
same and even more for what was only meant to be a temporary few weeks structure
called the Mishkan that would be obsolete one we arrived after a few weeks
journey through the midbar to the Holy Land. Wrap your brains around
that concept Achmed!
See, the Mishkan, that this week’s parsha tells us
Hashem commanded us to build and to fundraise for, was just for our flight here
to Eretz Yisrael. We didn’t know, and it wasn’t supposed to be a 40-year home
for Hashem, or even the few centuries one that it turned out to last for after
we came to Eretz Yisrael. We were meant to build a Bais HaMikdash. The Mishkan
was just a temporary caravan until we arrived and built the permanent home for
Hashem in Yerushalayim. Yet, there has been no structure in the history of
mankind that had so much gold, money, and investment shtupped into it
for what was meant to be just a few week traveling synagogue. And that my
friends is something that I have been wrapping my brain around since I got here,
because the question I think begs itself. Why?
Let me start by saying, that Hashem doesn’t need
gold plated toilets. He doesn’t need fancy rooms, suites, or luxury yachts. He
doesn’t need sacrifices and gourmet goats, sheep, and filet mignon that we
bring to Him in the Beis HaMikdash. Yet He created us with an appreciation of
all of the above so that we can take it all and bring it home to Him. So that
we can say that everything beautiful and incredible and glorious and expensive,
I want to share and bring to You. It’s all hevel havalim- its nothing if
all it is a monument to the money I fooled myself into believing I made “on my
own”, when I struck some black oil or gold that comes up from the ground and
sold it to the world. And it’s the holiest of the holiest thing in the world
when I take everything that I found after 210 years slaving in Egypt and that
Hashem gave me after miraculously taking me out of Mitzrayim and handing me all
that Egyptian wealth in a 22 Karat gold Pita with Hummus on the banks of the Yam
Suf, and I then turn to Hashem and say it’s all for you.
It wasn’t my reparations. It wasn’t money that I
deserve. It really doesn’t even do anything too meaningful for me. The best
thing I can do with all of this, is build You something special. To tell the world
how a few weeks with You in Your palace, that I was able to have a part in
building is worth more than anything else. Ha’Gaiva V’Hagedula, HaHod V’Hahadar,
Ha’Oisher V’Hakavod- all the glory, wealth, honor and magnificence is all l’chai
Olamim- to our Eternal Living God and King.
But there is something even more precious and
expensive than the gold that lines this building. Shlomo Ha’Melech describes
the Temple as tocho ratzuf ahava- its’ interior is plated with love. Gold,
Silver, Diamonds they’re all pretty beautiful and expensive things- but what
Hashem sees and for Him what this is all about is that love with which we
brought it to Him. Me’eis kol Is asher yidveinu libo- He wants us to bring our
hearts to Him. These Arabs are building palaces to themselves, they’re full of
ego. They’re full of arrogance. They’re desperate gasps of breath to try to
create some meaningful legacy to themselves. They forgot or don’t realize how
temporal their existence is. I’m a tour guide. I could tell them. I travel all
over Israel and see stones, ruins, little pieces of plaster with colored fresco
or broken marble columns and a few gold engraved coins with the pictures of the
tens of thousands of Kings, Despots, Knights, Crusaders, Sultans and rulers
that have lived and died and tried to create those same lasting testimonies
that they were once here and existed. And that’s all that’s left of them, as
will be left of all of this Dubai in a few hundred years.
There’s only one thing that’s Chai Olamim. It
may seem short term and it may be for a building just a few months in the wilderness,
but it’s a connection to Hashem. It’s the only worthwhile investment. It’s the
paradigm shift we underwent when we first made all our money as a nation at the
banks of the Red Sea. It set us on the right track to understanding the
function and only real purpose that the money and wealth will ever give us. It’s
what we can give to Him.
All of this is of course the prelude to Purim. The
Purim story takes place not long after the destruction of that temple. We lost
it all. Yet perhaps even more frightening is that we almost lost us all as
well. We were assimilating. We were happy and settling in to our new country of
Persia. We had big houses and the story starts off with one huge decadent Dubai
level display of Money, Gold, feasting, decadence and opulence. And we get
sucked into that. We eat on the vessels that were from the Temple. Our Rabbi’s
that are telling us that are not only telling us history and our crimes but
perhaps even homiletically what our sin was. The gold vessels were meant for
the Temple. For the Mishkan. For Hashem. We’re not Achashveiroshes. We’re not
Persians. We’re not Emiratees. We’re not decadent and opulent. We see, gold
vessels, jewels and $300 steaks and $1000 wine cask and we say l’kavod
Shabbos Kodesh. This is all for Hashem. That’s where it’s at. That’s what
its all about. It needs to come back home. We need to come back home.
Purim, we learned that lesson only when they
came to kill us. There’s generally nothing that will wake someone up to the
meaninglessness of the pursuit of money and wealth than standing on death’s door.
That it’s all hevel havalim. Purim
became the happiest moment of our Jewish year and it still is today, because of
that epiphany. We dress up. We prance around in fancy costumes like
Achashveirosh and Zeresh and Haman and we say it’s all a bluff. B’rosam
yachad techeles Mordechai- when we saw that blue string of Mordechai and
realized that all the wealth is Techelet-is meant to direct our eyes and
pockets to Hashem- then Teshuosom hayisa la’netzach. Then our salvation
was eternal. It was not Dubai. It was forever. Eternal.
I sit here in my fancy leather recliner at this ornate desk in my luxurious (free thanks to my IHG points) hotel room while my wife sleeps on this huge really comfortable lavish beds writing this and I’m filled with awe of this city. Hashem created us with such incredible abilities and shei’fos to build mind-blowing glorious edifices. Towers, palaces, islands, worlds and the only thing that I want to do with all of that is build something for Him. To give the world a holy Dubai filled with the glory of Hashem shining out from His Temple Mountain in the glorious country He promised to bring us to. Look what they have made, Totty. They think they are Kings and Sheiks, but we your children are the true princes. The world doesn’t need another Dubai. It’s waiting for your glory-not theirs to shine out. Help us finally build that. It’s not Dubai- but Di’vei Malka- the palace and dwelling of the one King we really have been waiting to visit and build. That will be the tourist site the whole world needs and is waiting to see and to build.
Have a moiridikeh happy Shabbos Mevorchim Adar!
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
************************
YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
““Es shtumeh di tsinger ven du host in kesheneh klinger”- The tongue is silenced when in the pockets there is a
jingle.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
12) The
"Matan Torah" holiday (revelation of the Torah) is also called:
The
"Simchat Tora" holiday marks:
A) Simchat
Beit HaShoeiva
B) finalizing
the Torah by Ezra the Scribe
C) the
conclusion and beginning of the annual cycle of Torah readings
D) the
discovery of the Torah scroll by King Josiah
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyxAQ8RpzPI
–It’s the song in my head all week- L’chai Olamim Shapiro,
Dubb and Benny…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaeeLgVCaJQ
-Yaakov Shewekeys latest Rabbi Zlotowitz
tribute V’ahaier eneinu- beautiful song for an incredible person
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekvLMs9Jtbk
– The
latest Bardak- Tenuva ad… can never get enough of this guy..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWkAWzXIzCE
– Top Ten Dubai Sites
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/JuAOFg3-QrQ – Sorotzkin
Hevel Havalim… viral video
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/techelet-mordechai - And course my Techelet Mordechai
song!
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR
PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Geichazi 690 BC- With the Shunamite woman
coming to Elisha at Mt. Carmel, to ask for his miracle to
resurrect her child we are introduced to the figure of the student of Elisha,
Geichazi, who had been the one to first tell Elisha that she
needed a child. Elisha sends Geichazi with his staff to place on
top of the boy and revive him, yet he cautions him not to greet or respond to
greetings along the way. Do the job. Get it done and don’t mess around. Elisha
is trying to train his student as did his Rebbi, yet Geichazi is no Elisha.
Or perhaps even more significantly Elisha may not even be an Eliyahu.
The reason why he cautioned him not to talk to someone is because
he wanted him to realize that this has nothing to do with him. He’s merely a
staff and pawn in the hands of Hashem. Don’t make a show about it. It’s not
about you. Geichazi though still has a bit of a ego. So according to
Chazal as he went, he waved the staff of Elisha and when people asked
him what he was doing he responded and told them. Technically he didn’t break Elisha’s
rule of greeting anyone, yet his work around loophole messed it up. The staff
didn’t work.
There’s an incredible story of the ARI’Zl the 15th
century Tzfat mystic who once came to the Bris of one of the children of
his students who hadn’t had kids for many years, and then upon receiving the
blessing of the ARI, was blessed with a child after the year. The ARI
came late to the Bris and told them that this happened because he was stopped
by a loud barking dog on the way. Conveniently being able to speak the language
of animals (kabbalistically) the ARI revealed that the dog was in fact
the spark of the soul of a dog that was resurrected by Elisha. It seems
the Midrash tells us that on the way to resurrect the child, Geichazi
decided to give the staff of Elisha a try himself and he used it on a
dead dog. That’s the reason why the staff didn’t work a second time for the
child. The dog thus felt bad and came back to the world to rectify that sin,
that he had been the cause of the child not being resurrected by Geichazi.
The ARI told the dog that he had to sacrifice his life for
the Jewish people and all of a sudden it came running into the house and jumped
into the fire and pot where fish was cooking. It turns out, the fish had been
poisoned by a jealous neighbor. The dog saved their lives and thus received his
tikkun. There’s nothing like a good ARI”Zl story to tell you the rest of the
scoop.
We will learn more about Geichazi in coming weeks, yet
already at this point we see that Elisha is not successful in guiding
him properly.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE HOMEWORK
JOKES OF THE WEEK
Four men
are standing on a street corner one is from Russia, one from North Korea, one
from Dubai, and one from New York.
A reporter
comes upon them standing there and says, "Excuse me, what do you think
about the meat shortage?"
The man
from Russia says, "What's meat?"
The man
from North Korea says, "What's think?"
The man
from Dubai says, "What's shortage?"
The man
from New York says, "What's excuse me?".
What is
the difference between people in Dubai and Abu Dhabi? People in Dubai don't
like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do!
No joke,
Dubai spent billions on a bunch of man-made islands and they are now sinking. I
guess all the money in the world can't help erect-isle dysfunction. (yeah… I know… but couldn’t resist…)
The son of
a wealthy oil sheik sends an email to his father in Dubai
Subject:
arrived.
Hi dad,
Oxford is fantastic, everyone is very friendly and it is very nice here, but
... I don't feel so easy when I come to my university in my pure golden
Ferrari, while my fellow students and even my professors come by train. Salaam,
Nasser.
The next day, Nasser receives an answer from
his father: “Sorry, son, I didn't know that. I just transferred 20 million
dollars to your account. That way you can also buy a train yourself. Greetings,
Daddy.
During a
flight in a private jet, three millionaires are talking: A Frenchman, an Arab
Sheik and a New Yorker. At a certain point in the travel, they wanted to know where
in the world they are. But the
French guy
has an idea and says:
"I
think we are in France. Let me confirm"
So he
opens his window and put his arm out. "I was right. Just touched the
torch of
the Eiffel
Tower!"
They close
the window and continue traveling. Some hours later, the same question appears
again, and the Arab says: "I think we're in Dubai. Lemme check."
He opens
the window and put his arm out.
"Yes,
Dubai it is! I've touched the pinnacle of the Burj Khalifa!"
Later on,
the same question. The Ne Yorker finally said: "My turn. I'm sure we're
in New York
now." He opens the window and put his
arm out.
"Yes,
as I said. We're in Manhattan my friends!"
"Did
you touch the Statue of Libery, didn't you?"
"Absolutely
not. My hand doesn't reach anything"
"So
how do you know we're in New York?"
"That
was easy. When I pulled my arm back my Rolex was gone!
"
I told my
mate I was going to open a shop in Saudi Arabia.
“Dubai” he asked?
“Yes” I replied, “And sell”
When do
Arabs return their library books? the day they're Dubai.
What size
lumber is used to build homes in Dubai? Dubai fours
I was on a
trip to Dubai, and in my stay, I met a rich man Over time, we actually became
friends, and he told me about this shoes company he owns. He said:
Each pair
of shoes we manufacture costs us about 2$, and we manage to sell them for 250$
What?!
this is insane, why is it so expensive, ? I asked
Well I actually
tried to make them cheaper for 25$ each
Then what
happend?
People
stopped buying them
What did
they call the arab dairy farmer who became the chief? A milk sheikh
Who is the
strongest Arab in the world? The Protein Sheikh
A golfer
is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up
at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber's
head, knocking him unconscious.
"You
probably saved my life,"
says the grateful Arab. "I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family and I
have the power and money to give you anything you desire as a reward."
The golfer
glances at his golf bag.
"Some
new golf clubs would be nice," he says.
Two weeks
later, the Sheikh's secretary calls him up.
"We've
got your golf clubs," she says,
"but the Sheikh would like to apologise to you in advance: only three
of them have swimming pools."
********************************
The answer to this week”s question is C – Questions like this one make me wonder about the Jewish education
system. Really?! Every Kindergarten kid should know this. Yet, you have to
realize that many of the guides in this country are not even Jewish. The
majority of tourists here are not Jewish. They are Christians, Koreans,
Africans and European goyim. In fact just yesterday I got a call from an agent
about taking a bunch of Indian Budhists… So these questions are really to
challenge the non- Jewish guides so that they know basic Jewish stuff and
holidays as well. Which I guess is not a bad thing. But for frum guides like
myself this is an easy throw away question. Of course everyone knows that
Shavuos is our Matan Torah day and the Simchas Torah is when we complete and
start the reading of the Torah cycle. Which I guess is confusing concept for
most goyim. So the score is now 9.5 for Schwartz and 2.5 for Ministry of
tourism on this exam so far…
