from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz
"Your friend
in Karmiel"
June 30th
2023 -Volume 12 Issue
38 11th of Tamuz 5783
Parshat Chukas/ Balak
Named It!
I had a sandwich named after me in one of my favorite Delis when I
lived in New York. Ok… I’ll admit they didn’t really put it on the menu officially-although
I always told them that they should. But Essex on Coney knew that when I or any
of my friends came in there and ordered the “Schwartzy special” of Pastrami on
the bottom, Chopped liver in the middle with mustard on top of it, layered with
Roast beef above that on club-of course, and their greatest sour pickles on the
bottom that they were going to be eating the sandwich of the king. It was my
claim to fame. I was proud of it. Even when I moved to Israel and would go back
to the States I would ask for it. Nobody made it better than them. And it was
going to be my legacy for eternity.
Yeah… things have changed since then. I still like that sandwich
but can only eat about three bites since my stomach surgery. So it really doesn’t
even pay for me to get it anymore. Although those three bites are certainly
worth it. But since my surgery, food has become less of an important part of my
legacy Baruch Hashem. Not that I like it any less. In fact, I enjoy it even
more as I no longer inhale everything on the table, rather I just savor the few
bites I’m able to eat slowly and more discerningly. But skinny guys like me can’t
leave food legacies. No one will take it seriously unless you’re a big chubby
rosy pastrami-red sandwich eater. Skinny guys have to come up with other things
to be remembered by. So now my legacy has become more about my tour guiding, my
shul, my inspiration and of course my amazing books and songs, which one day
will make it out there to all of Klal Yisrael rather than you guys, my favorite
2741 weekly subscribers. One day…
But leaving a legacy and having things named after you is
certainly a very big thing in our lives. We want to feel we will be remembered.
That we have a legacy. That our lives here made an eternal impact. This is not
just a Jewish thing. This goes back to the beginning of time. Noach’s oldest
son who we’re descended from was called Shem- name. The tower of Bavel was all
about making a name for themselves. Through out the Torah people are building
and naming cities after themselves and their children. Many countries are named
after people and certainly important capital cities of most of them such as Washington
are named after the leaders and founders of those countries. The feeling is you’re
not a real leader unless you have a city named after you.
Now in Israel today for me this is a real helpful thing. See, as a
tour guide I always need things to talk about along the road as we travel and
as we pass different cities and yishuvim, if you know the names of them
and who they are named after, you’ve got plenty of material for discussion. In
Israel today there are 1267 cities and settlements and 245 of them at least,
are named after people. Many others are named after biblical stories and sites.
The whole land is holy, and everything here has meaning. And there are a lot of
important Jews that wanted their names to be remembered here as well. So thank
God the country is growing and growing and there’s plenty of open slots.
Now the names all run the gamut. Many yishuvim are named after
fallen Israeli heroes in the various wars. Kochav Yair is after Yair Stern of
the Lechi, there’s Yad Channa after Hanna Senesh, Lehavot Haviva after Haviva
Reich, Tel Yosef after Trumpledor. There are cities named after the number of people
killed in various attacks and places like. Kiryat Shemona, Givat Hashelosha and
their battles. There are early Zionist leaders,
like Herzteliya and Kiryat Bialik. And even quite a few named after the
Rothschild family, Like Zichron Yaakov, Binyamina, Pardes Channa just to name a
few. There are regions that are all divided by the 12 tribes which is cool. I
live in Naftali, Jerusalem is obviously Yehuda, South of me is Zevulun and the coastline
is Asher. And of course most of the ancient important biblical cities are all
located near where the modern cities are today as well. We have returned to the
land and have rebuilt our ruins and its inspiring, as a drive through Israel is
really just stepping right into the prophecies that Yeshaya and the other prophets
saw.
There are many great Rabbis as well that have cities and settlements
named after them. There’s of course Ohr Akiva near Caesarea where Rabbi Akiva
was killed. There’s Hoshaya named after The Tanna Rabbi Hoshaya who lived in
Tzippori right behind there and Beit Gamiliel named after the leader of the
Sanhedrin in the Second Temple. There’s the great Rishonim Kfar Ha’Rif, and Yad
Rambam near Gezer. And even later generations like the Maharal, the Netziv, Rav
Kook (obviously) and Rav Herzog. Ramat Shlomo is even named after Reb Shlomo
Zalman Aurbach. A drive through Israel is like driving through a library and
sefarim shank and it’s amazing.
Now on the other hand there are others that are not so incredible.
There are goyim that we have memorialized here in Israel as well. Some good,
others that cards are still out about. So we have Kfar Truman and Ramat Trump
the latest addition. But even Tiberius is named after the murdering Roman Caesar
and Caesarea as well. Beit Yonasan is even named after Yishuv named after Jan
Smuts a South African Prime Minister… Really..? C’mon… We have a small country
here, Do we really have to share our names with them as well?
Now naming cities is one thing. This week when I opened up my
Chumash and looked at the title of the Parsha and it really bothered me. The
Parsha is called Balak. Huh…? Can you imagine a place in Israel called Hitler? Stalin?
Called Titus? Esau? Obama… - sorry I couldn’t resist…Balak is a bad dude. A really
bad one. He wanted to wipe us off the face of the earth and we didn’t even
start up with him. In fact we weren’t even a threat to him- as we were prohibited
from starting a fight with the nation who were descendants of Lot. So why are
we naming a parsha in the Torah after him?
Now to be fair, not all the names of the people the Torah has parshiyos
named after are the greatest of our nation. We have Chayei Sarah as perhaps the
greatest one. But as well we have Noach-who was certainly a tzadik as the Torah
tells us and as we all know from his keppleh until his feeseleh (sing that
please now). But we also have Yisro, who was certainly righteous but wouldn’t
have made it to my top ten list. But then there’s Korach just a few weeks ago,
who was at least Jewish. But naming a parsha Balak is really getting out of
hand here. Ok next week we’ve got Pinchas which makes up for it I guess… but
why should we have a mitzva to read a parsha called Balak each year. When we
talk about Hitler or all the wicked people we say yemach shemo- their
names should be wiped out. King Shlomo in Mishlei tells us that Shem Reshaim
Yirkav- the names of the wicked should rot. Ravina tells us in the Talmud
in Yoma that we shouldn’t name our children after wicked people and their
memories should be blotted. So what’s with the Parsha name?
What’s even more amazing is that this parsha that Balak got is
actually pretty good real estate. In fact despite the fact that there are no
mitzvos in this parsha. Yet we are told in the Talmud that the Rabbis wanted to
include in with the other three chapters we recite in Shema each day! As well in
our haftorah we read how Yiftach tells Moav that we are meant to remember-Zachor!
what Balak planned to do to us. We don’t use the Zachor term too often.
It’s used for Shabbos, for the giving of the Torah and for Amalek…This ranks up
there with that! Not bad at all.
Even more than that each time we start our morning prayers and
come into the synagogue we remember and sign the words of the prophecy of
Bilaam in this parsha that was turned to a blessing of Ma Tovu- how
wonderous are the tents and dwelling places of Israel. This Balak is
getting incredible Facetime. But perhaps the most amazing gem that is hidden in
this parsha is that it is the source of our faith in the Mashiach. Dorach
Kochav Mi Yaakov- a star arises from Israel, which the Rambam puts up there
as one of the 13 principles of our faith and he even quotes the verse here to
prove it. Mashiach our redemption is in a parsha named Hitler… Wow… is there a
message in that?
And the answer is of course that there is. See Balak is the evil
of the evil. He is in no danger from Klal Yisrael whatsoever. Yet he sees us,
and we stand mi-muli- which interestingly enough Rashi doesn’t translate
as other commentaries do that we stand ‘opposite him’, but rather from
the language of mila- circumcision. We stand ready to cut him off. The
face-off between us and Balak is the faceoff of Mashiach. Will we bring him or
won’t we?
The Talmud tells us that Balak is even more connected to Mashiach
than we might think. Are you ready for this? Balak is in fact the grandfather
of Mashiach. His son Eglon is the grandaddy of Ruth. Ruth of course is grandmother
of King David and the Messianic line. Just as when the parsha of Korach begins
with Korach “seeing” and Rashi explains that it is not a physical seeing, but
rather that Korach saw the generations that would come from him; the great
Shmuel who would ultimate coronate King David as the King. The Shela Ha’Kodesh
says that Balak also “saw” that Ruth and the Messianic line were in his loins,
and we were there to take out those sparks and light up the world, as we entered
the land of Israel.
Rav Wolfson points out in his work Emunas Itecha, that when Moav
exclaims that they feared Bnai Yisrael -Ki Rav hu- they are great. Ra’V’
is an acronym for Rus and Boaz. Balak tells Bilam that he needs to curse us in
order that he can chase us out of the land. What land? We weren’t in his land.
What he means is that he needs to make sure that we don’t exist on the earth.
We don’t get to The Land with a capital L. Eretz Yisrael. The land where we
will reveal Mashiach. We are the nation that left Egypt and covering up the ein
ha’aretz- the eyes of the land. We are here to block out that fake eye that
the world has of evil and Balak needs to make sure that doesn’t happen. Our
Rabbis tell us that Balak is the greatest of all our enemies, with more hatred
than any others for us. Because he knows that within him is our redemption. He
holds the antidote of the world’s problems, and we need to get it from him.
Fascinatingly enough the Kabbalists tell us that Mashiach is found
in not only the narrative and prophecies of the parsha of Balak and not only in
his descendants. But its in his roots. For Moav as we know are the descendants
of Lot. He is the product of the incestuous relationship of the daughter of
Lot. Interestingly enough that story as well comes right after Avraham’s bris
mila. We have three angels that visit Avraham and it’s where our story
begins with that first covenant. He is foretold that Yitzchak will be born.
Yitzchak will be the Jewish line- not Lot. Sodom will be destroyed though but
Lot will be saved because he possesses that spark of Mashiach as well. It is no
coincidence that Balak is scared of the Jewish people that stand Mi’muli-
because of that circumcision. It starts with that Bris. And Balak is terrified
of its fulfillment.
But it gets even better… so hold on to your hats. See Balak goes
to Bilaam from Midian. According to Rashi Balak is not only a Moabite but he is
also a Midianite. In fact the Zohar and Yonasan Ben Uziel tell us…are you ready
for this? That Balak is a grandson of Yisro, the High Priest of Midyan. Yisro, had
a son named Tzipor and Balak was his son. It seems that Yisro liked birds because
if you remember he also had a daughter named Tzippora. If you do the math-this
story really gets fun. Because that would then make Moshe… Balak’s uncle. It
also make Bilaam’s plot at the end of the parsha much more powerful. For Balak
sends his granddaughter Kozbi the son of his son Tzur to seduce Moshe in the
hands of Zimri. Zimri taunts Moshe and asks him that if this woman is
prohibited than how could you have married Tzippora. It’s the same family. She’s
her great-aunt! Ouch!!
What are Balak and Bilam trying to accomplish after the failure of
the curse the Jews plan? They’re hitting them below the belt… Mamash… Literally.
If they can’t get our souls than let them hit our Bris Mila’s our ability to
stay holy and divine and keep our covenant to Hashem. Let’s go back to the beginning.
Let’s seduce them. Let’s encourage the illicit behavior of Lot and Sodom. Let’s
break their Kedusha. Interestingly enough and again non-coincidentally,
the other Bris narrative in the Torah is also connected to Midian and Balak
and Yisro and Moshe. It is Tzippora’s circumcising her son Gershom. She takes a
tzur- a flint rock-for that job. Hmmm. Sound familiar? Tzur? It’s also
the name of Kozbi’s father; Balak’s son. Her son is Gershom, Moshe named him
thus because he was a stranger in a strange land. He wasn’t in Eretz Yisrael. It’s
the word Gerash- to be chased or driven out of the land…exactly what Balak
wanted to do to us. It’s full circle.
Yet, the circle is even fuller. Because the only way we were sent down
to the land of Egypt was in fact because of the Midyanim. They brought Yosef
there. There he was tempted by Potifars wife. There he proved how holy we can
be. That we have Kedusha. That we can withstand temptation. That we can
be faithful to our Bris. And there he eventually circumcised all of Mitzryaim.
Now you see why Balak was nervous that we stand opposite from him to “circumcise”
them. To cut off their connection and opposition to us revealing the light to
the world. He tells Bilam that the Jews will lick us like an oxe licks up the
land. Now if you ask me Ox licks don’t sound like the most terrifying word to
use. Why not say like a lion or a wolf or even a hippopotamus which I learned
in Africa are quite fierce. What’s with the ox? The answer is that the Ox with
a capital is Yosef. It’s the blessing that Yaakov gives him that he is compared
to one. Balak tells Bilam that the Jews are going to pull a Yosef move on him.
He is going to be cut off.
Do you know why the parsha is called Balak? The reason is because
when you call a parsha Hitler it’s for only one reason. It’s to wake us up and
make us look deeper. Look into the darkness. When we do that we are in fact
actually wiping it off the face of the earth. We are rotting it. When something
rots it returns to the ground as its purpose has been fulfilled and then the
new life sprouts out from it. When we read Balak we are reading about process
of the coming of Mashiach. We are digging deep into the hidden darkness and
finding those sparks and watching them rise out of that darkness. We are
bringing them out of that darkness into the light. We are preforming Bris
Mila taking of the foreskin that is blocking it from shining.
The Chasam Sofer notes that this parsha is the proof that the
entire Torah is a holy book and Moshe wrote it from Hashem. Because there was
no one around besides Bilam and Balak for the entire story besides the two of
them. There was no one there on Bilam’s donkey journey besides him. And he wasn’t
talking about it afterwards. Non one could’ve testified to it and Moshe only
would’ve been able to know about it and write it down if it was revealed to him
by Hashem. It was all hidden and yet Hashem revealed it all. Because Balak is
the parsha when the hidden sparks in the most evil of places comes to light. It’s
the return to Israel rising out of the Holocaust, but even more so.
This week is the fast of the 17th of Tamuz which begins
the traditional three-week mourning period leading up to Tisha B’Av when our
Temple was destroyed and we went into exile. The 17th of Tamuz is a
fast day that first has its roots as being the day of the sin of the golden
calf, when Moshe broke the tablets. The Chasam Sofer does some incredible math
and reveals an incredible thing about this soon to be turned into holiday. He
notes that Rus began picking in fields of Boaz on the 16th of Nissan
the day after Pesach when the season begins. The Talmud tells us that it lasts
for 3 months which puts us on the 16th of Tamuz. It is that day that
she goes into Boaz that evening and when they get married. It is that day when
the sages reveal that the prohibition to marry a Moabite is only on the men and
Rus can marry him. It is that evening on the 17th of Tamuz when the
line of Dovid is conceived and the spark of Mashiach comes into the world.
Aharon Ha’Kohen tries to
push the Jews off from worshipping the golden calf and tells them
Chag Hashem Machar- the holiday of Hashem is
tomorrow.
Tomorrow, on the 17th of Tamuz is when Mashiach will be
born. It’s when the darkness of the absence of Moshe will be revealed in the
light. Wait… believe… Have faith… It’s dark... It’s scary.. but redemption is
around the corner. Just hold on.
Moav is still not in our hands. There are no cities there with
Jewish names on them. When I go visit the Abuhav Shul in Tzfat there is a
picture on the domed ceiling with the 12 tribes of Israel on them. I point out
to my tourists that by the portion and picture of the tribe of Gad they can see
a picture of an Israeli flag waving above it. The irony is that the tribe of
Gad which is the land of Balak and Moav is the one place where there is still
no flag waving above it. Well… that should change soon. That should change this
year. It’s time. Hashem has already returned us me’eretz oyev- from the
land of our enemies. From all of those nations that threw us out and killed us.
It’s time to see the fulfillment of the final prophecy Hashem told Rachel as
she cries for her children of V’Shavu Banim L’gvulam. We return to the
land of Balak, that was conquered by Gad and by Pinchas who is Eliyahu Ha’Navi
we are told in the parsha that follows Balak’s Parsha of Mashiach. And then if
that happens this year, we can all enjoy a Schwartzy special sandwich in the
Bais Ha’Mikdash rebuilt.
Have a glorious Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
************************
YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
“Eyner
ret rusish vi a yid, der anderer ret yidish vi a goy”- One person speaks Russian like a Jew, another speaks
Yiddish like a Goy.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
28) The ship
SS Ruslan marks the beginning of which Aliyah?
"The Big
Arab Revolt" took place during:
A) 1920-1921
B) 1929-1933
C) 1936-1939
D) 1914-1918
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/good-shabbos
- This
song is really the one that you need to start off your every week with… Here it
is again my Good Shabbis Good Shabbis Good Shabbis song…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81gcr4dq1iE
–Noach was a big Tzadik- Almost
good enough to be a Rabbi Schwartz song… and one of the few I play…
https://youtu.be/q7vgk43WZDE
– Check out the answer to Tour guide question on the journey of the
Israel’s Mayflower SS Ruslan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50mHDtydAc0
– In memory of Michael Shnitzler a beautiful
story and Yiddish composition by Mendel Roth… Yosseleh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kau1dpulVbM –And of course this
weeks parsha Carlebach’s Ma Tovu!
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR
PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
King Recap - 670 BC- Ok so a brief confession here in this column is that the timeline
is all over the map. I’ve checked about four or five different sources and the English
Hebrew year translations of years range with about a 50 -75 year from one another.
So don’t pay much attention to the years noted on this column. It’s much easier
as we in our history and tour guiding course like to do and give centuries. So Dovid
and Shlomo are in the 10th and 9th century or so BC and the
kings that we are now in middle of discussing and events are in the 8th
and 7th century.
What is a bit more precise is the amount of time
each king reigned and the chain of kings that ruled. But even those numbers are
different between the accounts in the books of Kings (Melachim) and the book of
Chronicles- Divrey Hayamim. But at the end of the day, the main thing is to get
the basic chain of these two kingdoms and the kings that ruled them. So here we
go.
We’ve got a United Kingdom of Klal
Yisrael for Shaul Ha’Melech for 2 years the Kingdom then divides between
Dovid and Shaul’s son Ish Boshes who rules for 7 years of the
40 years that Dovid reigned on Israel. Under Shlomo the United
Kingdom lasts for 40 years. If you think about this, it’s really amazing.
The entire first Temple period when we all worshiped in the Bais Hamikdash
was less than 30 years! As it only began to be built in the 4th year
of his reign and it took 7 years to build. If you understand that then its much
easier to swallow the idea that Klal Yisrael then were ready to abandon it that
quickly and go to the temples of Yeravam in the North which to a large
degree was where the service was based for close to 400 years in Shilo and
other sites of the Mishkan.
The Kingdom then divides Yeravam is in
the North and rules for 22 years, while Rechavam the son of Shlomo rules
for 17 of those years, his son Aviam rules for three and Asa, the
righteous king begins his rule while Yeravam is still ruling and rules
for 41 years. During Asa’s reign in Yehuda for those 41 years the
Kings of Israel there are 6 kings of Yisrael that rule. You have Nadav
for 2 years, Basha for 24 years, Ala and for one week Zimri the general who killed
Ala and was killed by the evil king Omri and who ruled for 12 years.
Achav, his son takes over at the end of the reign of Asa.
Asa’s righteous son Yehoshafat reigns for 25 years of which 20
of them he rules at the same time of Achav in Yisrael. Achav’s
son Achazya follows him for 2 years which brings us to Yehoram where
we are at and who rules at the end of Yehoshafat’s reign. And Yehoshafat
is replaced by his not so righteous children Yehoram for 8 years and
Achazaya for one year. Wheww…. There we go.
So to
recap. Kings of Yehuda so far have been after Shlomo
Rechavam 17 yrs, Aviam years, Asa 41 years, Yehoshafat
25, Yehoram 8 years and Achazaya 1 year- total years equals=92
years and 6 kings
While the Kings of Israel are Yeravam-22
years, Nadav 2 years, Basha 24, Ala,2 (Zimri a
week) Omri 12, Achav 22 years, Achazya 12, Yehoram 12
years. So total is 9 kings and 104 years.
The difference between the timelines is that
some of the Kings of Yehuda ruled at the same times. Yehoshafat and his son
Yehoram shared the Kingship. So that’s our timeline. We’re about only a
little over 100 years to the glory years of Shlomo and look how far we’ve fallen.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE AMERICAN
JOKES OF THE WEEK
Top Twenty Goyishe named cities (I did not make this up… It’s for
real!)
35) Zig-Zag, Oregon (I was actually there and bought hand made
shmura matzos in store there)
34) Why,Arizona
33) Whynot, North Carolina
32) Okay, Oaklahoma
31) Sandwich, Massachusetts
30) Need More, Texas
29) No Name, Colorado
28) Normal, Illinois
27) Odd, West Virginia
26) Peculiar, Missouri
25) Lick Fork, Virginia
24) Hygiene, Colorado
23) Left-Hand, Virginia
22) Looneyville, Texas
21) My Large Intestine, Texas
20) Hell, Michigan
19) Hazard, Kentucky
18) Gripe, Arizona
17) Greasy, Oaklahoma
16) Goose Pimple Junction, Virginia
15) Bacon, Indiana
14) Bee Lick, Kentucky
13) Beer Bottle Crossing, Idaho
12) Big Rock Candy Crossing,
Vermont
11) Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania
10) Boring, Oregon
9) Bowlegs, Oklahoma
8) Carefree, Arizona
7) Cheesequake, New Jersey
6) Chicken, Alaska
5) Eek, Alaska
4) Dinkytown, Minnesota
3) Dog Walk, Kentucky
2) Embarrass, Minnesota
1) Fart, Virginia
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob
What do you call a man who has a spade for a head? Doug
What do you call a man who doesn't have a spade for a head? Douglas.
What do you call a woman who has one leg longer than the other one?
Eilene
What do you call a woman who has legs of equal length? Nolene
What do you call an asian woman who has one leg longer than the
other one? Irene.
What do you call a man who is always at your front door? Matt.
What do you call a man who has a car above his head? Jack.
What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff? Rob.
What do you call a guy who keeps vomiting? Chuck.
What do you call a guy who is building a wall in the middle of a
river? Adam.
What do you call a guy with a radio? Roger.
What do you call a man sitting in hot water? Stew.
What do you call a man who is sitting in barely warm water? Luke.
What do you call a man who is hanging on a wall? Art.
What do you call a man who fixes potholes for a living? Phil.
What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet? Lou.
What do you call a woman who sits on the toilet twice? Lulu
What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face? Claude.
What do you call a woman who catches fish using her body? Annette.
What do you call a guy who loves exercising? Jim.
What do you call a man who works in deceased estates? Will.
What do you call a man who is unable to stand up? Neal.
What do you call a man who has no 5 cent coins? Nicholas.
What do you call 2 guys in a window? Curt and Rod.
One day Abe was sitting on a park bench, when he sees his friend
Jack coming towards him with another gentleman.
Jack says to Abe "let me introduce you to my friend from
the old country, this is Shaun Ferguson".
Shaun Ferguson Abe wonders, “How did you get a name like that”?
So Shaun replied that his name in the old country was Mottle
Rosenschwieg.
"My uncle, who was in America 10 years before me, told me
to tell immigration that my name was Morris Rose. I practiced saying my new
name for the entire trip on the boat. I asked the American sailors to say it
for me and learned to pronounce it.
I was standing in line at the immigration for two hours, worrying
about everything, when the officer finally asked me my name, I said, "Shoyn
fergessen",. (Yiddish for forgot it)So that's what the immigration man
wrote."
Walking through London’s Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with
all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and
sees a building with the sign, "Moishe Cohen's Chinese Laundry."
"Moishe Cohen?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in
here?"
So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind
the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Moishe
Cohen 's Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me, is right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Moishe Cohen?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to
this country, was stand in line at Documentation Centre. Man in front is Jewish
gentleman from Poland.
Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?'
He say, 'Moishe Cohen.'
Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'
I say, 'Sem Ting.'"
Sara and her daughter were on the way to the mall for an outing.
Suddenly Sara stopped short at a red light causing the car to jolt.
As soon as Sara jerked her 3 year old daughter in the back seat
hollered, "Moishyyyy".
Not sure why she had called her husband's name, Sara asked her,
"why did you say that?".
"Isn't that what you say when someone stops like that",
she innocently replied
Morris started his very own business, which almost immediately
began to prosper. He was soon a very rich man. One day, his bank manager called
him and said, " Morris, I have a query on one of your recent checks.
Could you confirm it is one of yours? For years, you've been signing all checks
with two X's but this one is signed with three X's. Is it yours?"
Morris replied, "Yes, it is. Since I've become so wealthy,
my wife thought I ought to have a middle name."
A Gabbai approaches a guest in the shul and says,"I want to
give you an Aliyah. What is your name?"
The man answers, "Esther ben Moshe."
The Gabbai says, "No, I need your name."
"It's Esther ben Moshe," the man says.
"How can that be your name?"
The man answers,"I've been having financial problems,so
everything is in my wife's name."
David is telling a new joke to Yossi.
"Yitzhak and Hymie were talking one day..."
Right away, Yossi interrupts him. "Always with the Jewish
jokes! Give it a rest! Why do your jokes always have to be about Jews? Just
change the names to another ethnic group for once will you David!"
So David starts again, "Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking
one day at their nephew's Bar Mitzvah...."
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The answer to this week”s question is C - Broke my streak on this one. I got it half right. The SS Ruslan was the start of the 3rd Aliyah of mostly secular Zionists from Ukraine Odessa after the pogroms over there in response to the Balfour Mandates declaration of the recognition of a Jewish national homeland. There were over 600 people on this difficult journey. It’s considered Israel’s Mayflower despite the fact that there were Aliyots before that. But this is the one where the real Zionists come to town. Check out the Youtube video above on this amazing journey. I got this one right, but I messed up part 2 where I answered that the 1929 riots were the great Arab Revolt when it fact it was the later ones in 1936. So half right one for me and the score now stands at 21 for Schwartz and 7 for Ministry of tourism on this exam so far.
