The Lion, the Itch and the War Job- Ki Teitzei 2017 / 5777

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land
from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

September 1^st 2017 -Volume 7 Issue 43 10^th of Elul 5777

Parshat Ki Teitzei

The Lion, the Itch and the War Job

Mazel Tov! He was finally getting married. It was about time already. The jungle had been waiting a long time for this special moment. It was gonna be the wedding of the century. All the animals were invited. The elephants were all dieting to prepare for the great feast and to fit into their outfits, the monkeys had all their shtick planned, the beavers and foxes got their best shtreimels fixed up and those yeshivishe black and white zebras even decided to take a shower for the occasion. Even the little mice were invited. It was the King of the Jungle’s big day and no one wanted to miss the simcha of the year. Akuna MazalTov.

When the special day came everyone came over to Ahreleh the lion seated on his big throne and gave him their special blessings. As Mendele’h the little mouse walked over he gave the groom a big hug, well as big of a hug as mouse can give a lion that is and handed him an envelope with a nice check in it saying.

“Mazel Tov, my dear brother, here’s a small gift from your loving buddy, Mendy.”

The Lion’s face turned red or orange as lions do and he gave out a roar.

“Listen mouse” he said, “I don’t know who you think you are. I invited you to the wedding because I invited the entire jungle. But what makes you think that you are my brother, my buddy?!”

Mendeleh looked up at him with a knowing smile and sighed and said

“Ahhh… boychikl… Before I got married I was also a lion….”

Sigh….. It’s a joke that every married man laughs at wryfully…While most jewish women do gleefully. I always tell people if they ask me what my status in the house is that I am the Baal HaBoss- I’m the husband of the Boss. I just follow orders and find that I get into less trouble that way. It’s a good piece of advice and makes life so much smoother once we learn our roles properly. I don’t think this is true, by the way for only Jewish marriages. I think that in many cultures the women is really the one that is wearing the pants in the family. Except maybe Italians, they’re ‘Real Men”. Their wives know that the linguini better be on the table when Papa gets home or boom. As they say in a Italy

 “A prima donna matrimonio, la seconda compagnia, la terza un 'eresia.-  A first wife makes for a good marriage, a second wife is just a companion and the third is good for nothing.” 

 Arrivederci!

Marriage is certainly one of the oldest institutions in the world. It goes back to the Beginning in Eden when Hashem took a look at Adam wandering around the garden trying to find where he left his car keys and He realized that he had no one to blame it on but himself. So Hashem made the declaration

“Lo tov l’adam lihiyot livad- it is not good for man to alone, I will make him a helper opposite him.”

And man went to sleep for the last time without someone poking him in middle of the night and Eve was born. He very quickly blamed her for feeding him the wrong dinner and he has been paying the price since.

Jokes aside though there certainly is a common denominator between all marriages in all cultures and religions around the world. People are programmed to seek out their “soul-mate” There is something inside of us that understands that we are incomplete without someone else to share our lives with in the most intimate and the most pragmatic of ways.

Not everyone is good at marriage though. The world it seems has certainly changed in the “till death do us part”- commitment aspect of marriage that was once the glue that held families together in good times, in bad times, I’ll be on your side forever more… Sorry just spacing out a bit here…J. In fact the divorce rate has risen all over the world in the past thirty years where in America the rate is terrifyingly close to 50%. Even in Israel it has risen from 2% in 1973 to 14% in 2014. Sure there are people that will argue that in the past there were just as many unhappy marriages that just stayed together because of the stigma of divorce and thank god we have ‘progressed” to the point where that is no longer the case and people can “move on” without any fear of social backlash. The Talmud though definitely has a definite other take on this though.

“Tav l’meisav tan do, mlmeisav armalasa- it is better for two people to sit as a couple then as a widow.

The Talmud uses this logic to explain that it is better to stay in a marriage as a couple even with an undesirable person than to be alone. This of course does not include cases of abuse and other things of course. But in general marriage is always the preferred status. In fact we are told that when a couple gets divorced it is as if the altar itself sheds tears. Why particularly the Altar many of the commentaries ask?

The answer perhaps is that the function of the altar is to bring sacrifices. It is for a person to feel that there is something that has come between Hashem and himself that unless recognized, unless one takes account of that moment, that event than the gap will become even greater. I don’t only speak about sins and mistakes that we make in our lives for which a sacrifice is warranted, but for happy occasions as well, there are thanksgiving offerings, there are peace offerings, there are holiday, Shabbat, first borns, one’s entire years life cycles are made real when we come to the altar and bring the Kohen are offering and connect with the moment by giving something special of ourselves and including Hashem in that occasion. Without someone to share that with then really what is it all worth. That is the essence of marriage as well. One who tragically doesn’t have that special someone with which to grow in developing that trait of completing ones life’s growth, challenges and simchas is missing that special tool Hashem programmed us all with to be our “helper-opposite ‘Him- the partner to help us realize that we are always Shivisi Hashem Lnegdi Tamid- that we place Hashem opposite us always. It is for that reason that the altar is the vessel that sheds tears. For the mizabayach is the place where we become most connected with Hashem.

Why am I writing about this subject this week, you wish to know? Well first of all my wife is out of town and I can’t find my car keys…J. No but really, This week the Torah portion which is titled Ki Teitzei La’Milchama Al Oyvecha- which begins talking about the going out to battle and a man finding an inappropriate woman that he has an ‘itch’ for which he feels just must ‘scratch’.  Ultimately the Torah tells us this will lead to dire consequences bad children and other not fun stuff. But the entire portion in fact is chock full of mitzvos that relate to marriage. It talks about all types of violent and inappropriate physically driven seductions and worse, it talks about terrible husbands that spread bad rumors about their wives, cheating spouses, a man with two wives, women of ill repute, and even when it talks about the mitzva of marriage the source for the concept of betrothal before marriage

Devarim (22:13) Ki Yikach Ish Isha- When a man will take a woman

It is mentioned in the context of failed marriage and the mitzva to divorce. The one thing that is missing perhaps from this entire list of mitzvos, of which the Torah seems to pack into this week’s Torah portion is the mitzva to love one’s wife, to cherish, to hold dear. We are told to love the convert, our fellow neighbor, Hashem, what about our spouses?

Maimonides in the beginning of his laws of marriage does something unique. He describes the history of it all

“Before the Torah was given a man would meet a woman in the market (see where the term comes fromJ) if he wanted and she wanted to get married he would bring into her home and she would be his wife.

Once the Torah was given Israel was commanded that if a man wanted to marry a woman he would bring her before witnesses and betroth her and then after he would marry her… And this betrothal is called Kiddushin and it is a positive commandment from the Torah”

This is a puzzling Rambam and very not like his style. The Rambam doesn’t start off other laws with a history lesson. He doesn’t’ say anywhere that ‘before the Torah people could eat un-slaughtered animal and now we have to pay double and get them shechted and this is a mitzva’, or ‘before the Torah we could wear four cornered garments without Tzitzit’. So why by marriage does he feel it is necessary to introduce these laws with a trip down memory lane to the ‘good ole’ days’? I believe that what Maimonides is doing is explaining the essence of what a Jewish marriage is about. The Torah does not tell us that one should love honor and respect one’s wife because that’s natural. Everyone knows that. Even gentiles, even before the Torah was given had a concept of marriage. Judaism is about something more. It’s about Kiddushin. It’s about not just jumping into the ‘house’ from the market place and spending the rest of your life with someone you care about. It’s about bringing her to witnesses appreciating the sanctity of the moment. Making a declaration before Hashem K’daas Moshe V’Yisrael- Like the laws of Moses and Israel. The process of betrothal does two things it prohibits and dedicates the two of you together and forbids any external relation. You are not yet one. That will happen with marriage, but you have made a commitment that this will be home that will include Hashem and lift up the world together.

It is for this reason as well when the laws of marriage are mentioned in this week’s Torah portion all of the pitfalls of marriage are delineated. It’s not just about love and romance. Those things everyone has. It’s about appreciating that the two of you are on the most important ‘battlefield’ of the world. It’s the two of you that will be fighting against all the distractions, temptations and challenges to build that most important Jewish home. To create a place of Kedusha.

There is another reason why this topic comes to mind this week. My sister-in-law Yehudis will IYH be marrying her bashert Yoily (I love that name-by the way). We have all waited, davened, and anticipated this great moment. It’s finally here. May Hashem bless the two of you that you merit to build an incredible home, one that is full of the love and joy that every other marriage in the world builds its foundation upon. But as well may it be a home of kedusha and tahara, one that sees you through all the challenges that both of you have surmounted until now and become stronger as a result of. A house that completes the two of you and that brings the shechina into it and is a light unto Klal Yisrael. And Yoily, my brother, if it ever gets too rough, remember… I was once a lion too…J Mazel Tov!

Have a lovingly amazing Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 **********************

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Der “harey-at” iz a kurtser prolog tsu a lange drame”. The wedding vow is a short prologue to a long drama

RABBI SCHWARTZ COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/JB-RNaSz7KQ    – Chasidish Despacito?

https://youtu.be/ZtQhJ_Ui5Kw   – Maccabeats Despacito?

https://youtu.be/5zO6M_g0Ddo   – Israeli Violinist Despacito?

https://youtu.be/n6Y5zZlq1JQ - Breslav Despacito?

https://youtu.be/BabXYevQwmE - Laurel and Hardy Despacito? Had enough yet?

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

Q.  A hanging (suspended) tree sculpture designed by the sculptor Ran Morin is located in:
a. Sejera
b. Haifa
c. Nazareth
d. Jaffa

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ILLUMINATING RASHI OF THE WEEK

Ki Teitzei- One of the enlightening things to me in this column is not only the original ways we learn and study Rashi, but the little bios that follow this column of the individual who gave this insight as well. Oh, that’s what it says in the italicized paragraphs that follow this column, you’re thinking…It’s alright if you don’t read it, there’s way too much information in this E-Mail anyways and you gotta skip something, right? And it’s definitely not going to be the jokes. But anyways I just find it amazing that the greatest minds and Jewish leaders for almost 1000 years since Rashi wrote his commentary, have been pondering, learning, innovating and finding meaning and insight into his concise and seemingly easy commentary. It is even more inspiring to me when one of the greatest leaders of today’s generation does so as well.

In this week’s portion of Ki Teitzei the parsha begins with the mitzva of yifat Toar a captured one who caught the eye of one of the soldiers and the process of converting her and marrying her. The Torah concludes this portion with the commandment that if he does not desire her than he should divorce her and she is sent home to her parents home.

Rashi on that mitzva notes

Devarim (21:14) And it shall be if he does not desire her and she shall send her to herself- The verse is foretelling you that he will ultimately hate her.

Reb Eliyahu Mizrachi asks where do our sages, whom Rashi is quoting, know and see from the verse that he will end up hating her and divorcing her. The Torah merely says that if he doesn’t desire her what the protocol is. Reb Chayim Kanievsky notes that the Torah uses the word v’haya- And it shall be. There are two words that mean and it shall be; vayehi and vihaya. Vahyehi is used when it is a bad thing that will happen and vhaya is when it is a good thing. Suggests Reb Chayim, that seemingly the usage of the word v’haya over here is telling me that there is something good about this failed marriage. It is that they will not bear children. For as Rashi tells us, the outcome of this marriage will ultimately be a Ben Sorer Umoreh a wayward child that will ultimately be sentenced to death in the following passage. Similarly we find this same terminology, he notes, in the next portion that talks about a man who takes two wives and he there is one he hates and one he lioves. v’haya ha’ben habechor lasenuah- And it shall be the first-born son is born to the hated wife- Again the Torah usuesd to teach us that the hated mother is happy because she has the first-born. It is ofr this reason Rashi points out that the verse is telling you- with the usage of the good-news term v’haya- that he will ultimately hate her and divorce her.

Isn’t it inspiring to know that Reb Chayim Kanievsky is learning the same Rashi we are?

Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky (1928-till Mashiach comes J) – I believe it is non-debatable that Reb Chaim is the unchallenged Gadol HaDor- leader of the Jewish people today. This is certainly true of the Yeshiva world, but even in Chasidic and modern orthodox world the name Reb Chaim requires no last name to identify him. It is hard to argue about a man who is literally a walking Torah scroll, who completes the entire Torah (Mishna, Talmud, Midrash and all other accompanying early works of the Oral tradition). Yet at the same time sits hours each day and greets and blesses and guides those that seek his leadership and guidance from all over the world in his tiny little apartment in Bnai Brak.

Born of an illustrious Torah home Reb Chaim Kanievsky was born in Pinskto Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky as the Steipler Gaon and Rebbitzen Miriam Karelitz, sister of Rabbi Avraham Yeshayahu Karelitz or the Chazon Ish. He married Batsheva Elyashiv, daughter of Rabbi Yosef Sholom Eliashiv (grandson of Rav Shlomo Elyashiv, also known as the Leshem) and granddaughter of Rav Aryeh Levin the "Tzaddik of Jerusalem. It doesn’t get more prestigious than that.

A fun fact that you may not have been aware of though was that during the 1948 Israeli War of Independence, Rav Kanievsky, then a student at the Lomza Yeshiva, was conscripted for temporary army service in the general mobilization. He was assigned to stand guard on a large hill near Jaffa.So one could say he was a soldier as well.

Perhaps one of the most incredible things that Rav Chaim has been pushing over the last few years, interestingly enough, I have heard from many that have visited him, is that Jews should move to Eretz Yisrael. He feels strongly that Mashiach is literally around the corner and has said as much, and feels it would be good for all of us to be here already for the time is now. May his words be readily fulfilled.

.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TYPES OF JEWS IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Shofar Blowers –My kids tell me I’m getting desperate, It’s the end of the year and I’m scrambling for new types of Jews you meet in Israel. I don’t think so. Anyways this might be a stretch but you do see these guys all around. It seems to be a thing in this country, to randomly blow shofars at different places. Certainly in the old city of Jerusalem or Tzfat during  Bar Mitzva ceremonies or weddings.When walks around the Shuk in Jerusalem as well there inevitably might be someone blowing his shofar as well. But I’ve seen shofar blowers on Masada, in train stations, on the streets of Tel Aviv or other busy cities. Most Jewish rallies are also incomplete without your Shofar blower as well, be they political rallies and certainly by religious ones. Shofar blowers can be random guys with beards, Nachman’s and Chabad guys are certainly the most prevalent. Sfardim as well have a big thing for Shofar blowing by simchas. But then you have your random Chinese guys or Christian tourists that feel very biblical when they walk around with their big shofars and blow them as well. This month of Elul until Rosh Hashana when there is a Jewish custom to blow each morning to awaken everyone to repent. One certainly hears the Shofar blast more often than not. Each time I hear the Shofar, personally, my heart jumps. Is it Mashiach? Is he finally here? I’m still hoping. I imagine the Shofar blowers are as well.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S JEWISH JOKES OF THE WEEK

A Jewish father was very troubled by the way his son turned out and went to see his rabbi about it.

“Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week, he’s decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”

The rabbi strokes his beard and says, “Funny you should come to me. I too, brought up my son as a boy of faith, sent him to university and it cost me a fortune and then one day he comes to me and tells me he wants to be a Christian.”

“What did you do?” asked the man of the rabbi.

“I turned to God for the answer,” replied the rabbi.

“What did he say?” asked the man.

He said, “Funny you should come to me...”

A young Jewish guy develops a crush on a girl, but when he tells his Father about her, the old boy just wants to know her family name. When the young guy tells him that the girl's name is Ford, the old boy tells him that Ford is not a good Jewish name, and he must forget her, and go and find a nice Jewish girl. So time passes, and the young guy finds another girl, but her name is Austin, so his Father tells him the same thing, to find a nice Jewish girl with a nice Jewish name. So more time passes, and the young guy finds another girl, but this time he is sure that he has solved the problem because the girl's name is Goldberg. "Goldberg !" exclaims his Father, "This makes me very happy because it is a real good Jewish name, and from a good established family" Then he asks what her first name is. "Is it one of my favourite names, like Rachael, or Rebecca ?" "No Father" replied the young guy. "It's Whoopi"

Q - What do Jewish wives make for supper?
A - Reservations.

Lionel from London is taking his University gap year in America and he’s visiting as many places there as he can. But whilst spending some time in Oklahoma, he meets and falls deeply in love with a Cherokee girl. Not long after, they decide to get married and Lionel rings his mother to tell her the good news.
"Mum, I’ve found my future wife and we’re getting married over here. I’m going to send you the air tickets to join us."
"Mazeltov Lionel," his mother says. "I’m so pleased, but is she ……. Jewish?"
"No mum," Lionel replies, "she’s not. But she promises to act as a Jewish wife."
"Oy," his mother wails, "I’ve always wanted you to marry a lovely Jewish girl."
"You can’t have everything mum," Lionel says. "And another thing I must tell you. She lives on a reservation and that’s where we’ll be living after we marry."
"I can’t take any more of this," cries his mother, "I don’t want the tickets and I don’t want to speak to you again." And with that she slams down the phone.
Almost a year later, Lionel rings his mother and tells her that they are expecting a baby.  His mother doesn’t slam down the phone but says, very politely and unemotionally, "That’s nice, son, I’m happy for you both."
Eight months later, Lionel again rings his mother and says, "Mum, I just want to say that last night my wife gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. I also want you to know that we’ve agreed to give our son a Jewish name."
Upon hearing this unexpected news, his mother shouts out with happiness. "Oh Lionel, bubbeleh, this is wonderful news," she cries, "I've been waiting for this moment all my life. You’ve both made me more happy than you could ever know."
"That's fantastic, mum," replies Lionel. "I’m so glad that you and I are back together as mother and son."
"And what," asks his proud and happy mother, "is my lovely grandson’s name going to be?"
Lionel replies, proudly, "Smoked Whitefish."

Rabbi Levy, one of the wisest of rabbis, is dying. And because he is so loved by his colleagues, many rabbis have gathered around his hospital bedside trying to make his last moments as rewarding as possible.
Whilst the visiting rabbis are praying, one of the nurses comes into the room and offers rabbi Levy a glass of warm milk to drink. But with what little strength he has left, rabbi Levy refuses it.
Seeing this, rabbi Jacobs has an idea. He remembers that he has a bottle of whiskey in his car which he was planning to use for his next kiddush. So whilst his colleagues are watching rabbi Levy’s laboured breaths, he quickly picks up the glass of milk and creeps out to his car. Rabbi Jacobs then opens the bottle of whiskey and pours a generous portion of it into the warm milk. He then goes back to rabbi Levy’s bedside and holds the glass to rabbi Levy’s lips.
"Go on rabbi Levy," says rabbi Jacobs, "please drink some of this milk. It will make you feel a bit better. Really it will."
So rabbi Levy takes a small sip, stares at the glass, drinks a bit more, then smiles and finishes every drop of the milk-and-whiskey mixture.
The other rabbis are humbled when they see rabbi Levy apparently making some kind of recovery. "Rabbi Levy," they say, "please share some of your wisdom with us before you die!"
At this, rabbi Levy raises himself up in his bed and with a pious look on his face points out the window and says, "Don't sell that cow!"

**************

Answer is D– I  have no clue about this one. Not really that interested in Israeli tree sculptures. Barely even interested in trees, fuggedabout sculptures of trees. But actually after googling this it kind of rang a bell, in the old city of Jaffa on our tour there in the tour guiding course I remember seeing this down one of the alleyways there. It’s a tree hanging in the air from a pot. Can’t imagine too many people knew this answer though. It is definitely one I would have skipped on the exam as we had to answer 45 out of 50.